We are all raised in daycare both parents work Monday-Friday 8-5 kids are dropped off to angry daycare workers who are sick of crying kids. Then picked up at 6:00 and by the time we all get home, everyone is tired and angry I don't understand how anyone does this successfully It's not possible as far as I'm concerned
He tried to come back after 23 years and boy did that scare me!! Thanks for all of your knowledge and depth . I do believe he is transitioning from covert narcissist to total Psychopath and HAS NO MEMORY EITHER! What a mess! Thanks for your humor too! Sad but True!!
Are you sure you aren't projecting and still attached? He's a man who has the courage to understand what broke him and the many others who are searching for an understanding. Sam is pretty much the brain on this topic.
Your videos have changed mine and my kids worlds. So sad but day 1, of NC with my 33 yr husband, a mix of vulnerable, anti social and possibly BPD. Not his fault but cannot help him anymore. He walked away like he never knew us. The minute I started pointing it all out. A horrifying 3 years where he intensified the lot and put us through discard after discard. Found some of his secret writing where he appeared to know the lot and had been so scared of losing me, he has basically almost tortured the life out of me. Your videos are the most informative and insightful on all things Cluster B. Def a flat attachment. Your videos are Confronting but raw and real, broken by your intelligent yet dry wit. I have lol’d on Occassion. Keep up the comic relief. Cheers Professor 🍷 (another Sam from Perth, Australia).
For a long time in my life i was avoiding thinking my childhood. Now at 62 years old its all that really matters. Thanks to you Sam Vaknin. I know that i will never competly heal but its good feeling to understand a little more and more.What a journey!
So very true. I am grateful that I found SAM. I BELIEVE I am a histrionic borderline that was very codependent in relationships with men. Thanks to these videos I do not engage in codependency any longer! Now am trying to find a healthy relationship where my partner respects himself and will respect me too! This is all so new at the age of 70. Gives me hope as the narcissist tore me apart in multiple mates that were narcissistic! I can not wait to use this new found knowledge about myself, my early pretty sick childhood recognition and understanding now for my later life. Thanks Sam!
Finally an approach to being single as a default state for some of us. The more people are self proclaiming to be edgy, quirky, strong, independent 'happy to be single' the more it screams how unhappy they really are. For us it's a standard to be single so there's no point discussing it with others as it's a status quo😀
Personally, I have found that a successful long term monogamous relationship requires you to know your sexual tendencies and social tendencies and to focus them onto your partner. You should also know the tendencies of your partner. I think of it like a triangle with social and sexual tendencies being the base points and your intimacy with your partner being the top point. Many relationships fail when a person views themselves as a point and their social and sexual tendencies dissolve away, they never meet their partner or their intimacy. I try to follow this like a spiritual tenet.
The saddest things is that while victims come out of narcissistic relationship able to heal and learn about these issues thanks to wonderful people like you, the narcissists refuse to look at themselves and learn and heal, so they just move on to others and create more victims. Even after all that I've been through with my narcissistic mother and my last romantic partner, I feel huge compassion and sadness for these narcissists that are trapped in their own misery. At least I can heal and make progress in my life but they can't. Every one deserves love and happiness. Even narcissists. If only there was a way, on a societal level, to get through to narcissists.
Yes, he was/had flat attachment 'style' through the 9 years I was with him. I wished he was (flat lined instead) and listening to you Sam-no I cut the intimacy off from that thing long ago). I had to sell the house to get away from him.
When I listen to the explanations for the behaviour it a narcissist I realised that’s what I had to live with for 10 years and now I have the answers to the inexplicable reasons for what occurred during that time. I am traumatised by the experience. I never knew of the existence of narcissists. I thought this word just meant a vain individual. It wasn’t until the relationship needed and I sought answers that I was aware of who or what I had wasted my time with. In fact this person also had psychopathic tendencies. Psychopaths and sociopaths although not fully understanding them I was aware of them but not narcissists. When you state the percentage of people that fall into this bracket it seems very low. The reason I say this is because I have siblings and children that are narcissistic so it seems more prevalent to me than the perceived percentage. My question is how can I even think to date again when I am petrified of meeting any of the afire mentioned. How can you spot any of these disorders? That is the biggest question for someone who has been utterly devastated by encountering this person who is not even real!
You got to unveil your likely prone familiarity with the pattern. It’s a bit like mental gymnastics but start perhaps with family systems and attachment theory. It’s a little bit like as if you cannot see the Forrest because there are too many trees kinda thing but eventually, the more you gain information and insight the more you can be versed and that is the way to find closure. Once that part is done, do not waste any more time with learning about the NPD inflicted person, but yourself. Otherwise you will never get off the hook. Develop yourself. Move forward within your own growth. Turn inward!
I've had the same questions since being discarded by someone I believe is a Psychopathic Covert Narcissist. Apart from looking at your childhood with a therapist who understands Narcissistic Abuse, I have looked at strengthening my boundaries and paying attention and heeding my gut instincts, instead of dismissing them. I realised I had met Narcissists prior to the demonic "lover", who displayed similar behaviour patterns, body language and expressions such as an unsettling, fake laugh and smirk/duper's delight. There's also a curious flat affect in their eyes and penetrating gaze.
All rrright… it’s incredibIe HOW much you’re brightening my Horizon with the lectures you post. I am very grateful even if as much brain - breaking most of the listings of your references to studies by Drs and Profs Names and years and locations might be - I even googeled some of them and they are all reliable - might be: this type of education and evaluation of all kinds of disorders I find myself in - it is truly one of a kind. Simply said I get most of the thousands of points you’re explaining, it gives me peace and makes me pause and replay to note. I am suffering from many traumas that let me now - thanks to you - put those in position and tell my not existent yet Therapist about. Good luck to that Dr I did not find yet. Any tips where to search? 😂
Relationships are what makes my life worth living …. My grandson is struggling and has alienated the rest of the family … I believe he is a narcissist but dont know how to help him
@@doggymommy6219He's got to want to get the help, then it's not overnight...But there is hope..Be careful hes not ADHD or similar which is very close too NPD..
Great information. Thank you Sam. Some of the characteristics you mention and describe so well, sounds like High functioning autism in men. Would you please make a video comparing the two?
I have had a strange experience...maybe 20 y ago. Me and my friends were at a club. I went to the dancefloor to dance a little bit and check the temperature on the dancefloor. I started to dance for myself...suddenly I see this beautiful girl enter the dancefloor and immediately checking me up. We started to dance, just one dance and then we went to the bar. We started to converse, and I asked her about her name, and she looked offended by the question, and started mumbled something, and said it wasn’t important, and then I said, ok, what do you work with, and she promptly said, no this doesn’t work....we finish this here and now. She looked very upset and just walked away from me. Of course I went after her to see if it was possible to repair, but she just said it’s too late now, still upset and just ran away. I didn’t saw her more during the night. I was very confused and still is confused about what really happened there. Maybe I was old school at the time and people just was straight forward looking for a temporary body to have sex with...I thought afterwards..maybe she was a prostitute which was very unrare at that time...I don’t know.
@PenileAugmentation Tragic....it seems to be like the more I learn about other people...the more aware I’ll be how little I really know. I always have had the feeling ’I know people..how they behave and react et cetera’ but honestly...sometimes I’m completely lost...I know now how different people live completely different lives. It’s just very hard to understand that people have so completely different plattforms.
I don't think there is much strange about this u just met her ppl in clubs are drinking it just didn't work for u both you need to let it go there are loads of girls you don't need to focus on her it was like a brief dance she didn't owe u anything. If she wanted to go and so her own thing you don't need to be offended it's her loss. We cannot hold others to our standards especially when you don't know them. I hope you find a lovely person but keep growing we all are here too 🤗🍀
Prof Sam, I have searched and looked up, how to search an individuals channel for specific content and for the life of me can’t find it. When I press the magnifier search it searches all of you tube, not specifically your channel. Could you or any other tech savvy person please help? Many thanks in advance
I am interested too . Last week I was verbally and publicly abused by a leader person of the team , who only one week early was rolling down red carpet for me to everybody . I am very careful now not to fall in any of his traps , nevertheless we have been collaborating for 10yrs , and he has always had deep esteem in my regards .
I'm a single mother of two children, one 18 and one 10 year old with autism. I've just left a 3 year relationship with a narcissist and through trying to understand and and heal from that relationship have been learning about how parenting has effect me and how I might have effected my children as a mother. I have been trying to be a better mother this year and have come a long way. It has been rewarding to rebuild bonds with both kids but I worry about my 18 year old having been through so much. My question is... Is it ever too late to turn things around as a parent to lessen the psychological impact a difficult childhood has had on my daughter?
Sam, how can I reach you? I'm in a major crisis. I was a narcissistic supply for 13 years and now she's taking vicious revenge on me. My children are in danger. Help us! I am in Canada, in Winnipeg.
I have been single for the past 10 years and i may have a dysfunction, and that would be only one of the signs. But I observe couples and I am not sure they are in a loving functional way of living either. No to mention all the married guys one can encounter on dating Apps. I am sure the same amount of females. By the way, Prof. Sam, are you single or married, if you do not mind me asking?!😊
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We are all raised in daycare both parents work Monday-Friday 8-5 kids are dropped off to angry daycare workers who are sick of crying kids. Then picked up at 6:00 and by the time we all get home, everyone is tired and angry
I don't understand how anyone does this successfully
It's not possible as far as I'm concerned
relationships are never the same since following this channel. ignorance is bliss :) thank you Professor
Straight up
Yeah he gives it to us straight! haha
Agreed
He tried to come back after 23 years and boy did that scare me!! Thanks for all of your knowledge and depth . I do believe he is transitioning from covert narcissist to total Psychopath and HAS NO MEMORY EITHER! What a mess! Thanks for your humor too! Sad but True!!
Are you sure you aren't projecting and still attached? He's a man who has the courage to understand what broke him and the many others who are searching for an understanding. Sam is pretty much the brain on this topic.
Omg finally someone said what i felt for years i just don’t have this skills to be in satisfing relationship 😢😢😢
Your videos have changed mine and my kids worlds. So sad but day 1, of NC with my 33 yr husband, a mix of vulnerable, anti social and possibly BPD. Not his fault but cannot help him anymore. He walked away like he never knew us. The minute I started pointing it all out. A horrifying 3 years where he intensified the lot and put us through discard after discard. Found some of his secret writing where he appeared to know the lot and had been so scared of losing me, he has basically almost tortured the life out of me. Your videos are the most informative and insightful on all things Cluster B. Def a flat attachment. Your videos are Confronting but raw and real, broken by your intelligent yet dry wit. I have lol’d on Occassion. Keep up the comic relief. Cheers Professor 🍷 (another Sam from Perth, Australia).
For a long time in my life i was avoiding thinking my childhood. Now at 62 years old its all that really matters. Thanks to you Sam Vaknin. I know that i will never competly heal but its good feeling to understand a little more and more.What a journey!
The boy is the father of the man
Me 2 age 63
I deal with Narcs at work (IT) and often quit if all else fails. Narcissistic ppl suck.
Thank you Sam. I don't know how I would've made it through life without your guidance. Your knowledge is helping lives like nothing I've ever known.
So very true. I am grateful that I found SAM. I BELIEVE I am a histrionic borderline that was very codependent in relationships with men. Thanks to these videos I do not engage in codependency any longer! Now am trying to find a healthy relationship where my partner respects himself and will respect me too! This is all so new at the age of 70. Gives me hope as the narcissist tore me apart in multiple mates that were narcissistic! I can not wait to use this new found knowledge about myself, my early pretty sick childhood recognition and understanding now for my later life. Thanks Sam!
Yes, u are right, not everyone is in the position of being in a serious relationship. TYou for reiterating this. This is a great video!!
Finally an approach to being single as a default state for some of us. The more people are self proclaiming to be edgy, quirky, strong, independent 'happy to be single' the more it screams how unhappy they really are. For us it's a standard to be single so there's no point discussing it with others as it's a status quo😀
Personally, I have found that a successful long term monogamous relationship requires you to know your sexual tendencies and social tendencies and to focus them onto your partner. You should also know the tendencies of your partner. I think of it like a triangle with social and sexual tendencies being the base points and your intimacy with your partner being the top point. Many relationships fail when a person views themselves as a point and their social and sexual tendencies dissolve away, they never meet their partner or their intimacy. I try to follow this like a spiritual tenet.
I wish I had known this year's ago.thank you so much for putting your work there for free. Life saving.
Yes…I have wanted to “not be” many many times…I need to make the shift internally to want to “be” ❤ life can be beautiful
The saddest things is that while victims come out of narcissistic relationship able to heal and learn about these issues thanks to wonderful people like you, the narcissists refuse to look at themselves and learn and heal, so they just move on to others and create more victims.
Even after all that I've been through with my narcissistic mother and my last romantic partner, I feel huge compassion and sadness for these narcissists that are trapped in their own misery. At least I can heal and make progress in my life but they can't. Every one deserves love and happiness. Even narcissists.
If only there was a way, on a societal level, to get through to narcissists.
you truly are amazing, helps to stay true to your real self even when everyone wants you to be something else. Mad Respect.
How can you be more attractive now than ten years ago?
Bring that wisdom for us.
Yes, he was/had flat attachment 'style' through the 9 years I was with him. I wished he was (flat lined instead) and listening to you Sam-no I cut the intimacy off from that thing long ago). I had to sell the house to get away from him.
Thank you. Helps me understand my ex wife better.
this upload is just fantastic and baseline for all of us. thank you sam and this is the best
Thank you for sharing your amazing knowledge! You helped me tremendously and others alike 🙏
Love your vids Sam… enlightening in my quest to unravel human psychology from my amateur armchair. Ty :)
When I listen to the explanations for the behaviour it a narcissist I realised that’s what I had to live with for 10 years and now I have the answers to the inexplicable reasons for what occurred during that time. I am traumatised by the experience. I never knew of the existence of narcissists. I thought this word just meant a vain individual. It wasn’t until the relationship needed and I sought answers that I was aware of who or what I had wasted my time with. In fact this person also had psychopathic tendencies. Psychopaths and sociopaths although not fully understanding them I was aware of them but not narcissists. When you state the percentage of people that fall into this bracket it seems very low. The reason I say this is because I have siblings and children that are narcissistic so it seems more prevalent to me than the perceived percentage. My question is how can I even think to date again when I am petrified of meeting any of the afire mentioned. How can you spot any of these disorders? That is the biggest question for someone who has been utterly devastated by encountering this person who is not even real!
Search the channel.
You got to unveil your likely prone familiarity with the pattern. It’s a bit like mental gymnastics but start perhaps with family systems and attachment theory. It’s a little bit like as if you cannot see the Forrest because there are too many trees kinda thing but eventually, the more you gain information and insight the more you can be versed and that is the way to find closure. Once that part is done, do not waste any more time with learning about the NPD inflicted person, but yourself. Otherwise you will never get off the hook. Develop yourself. Move forward within your own growth. Turn inward!
I've had the same questions since being discarded by someone I believe is a Psychopathic Covert Narcissist. Apart from looking at your childhood with a therapist who understands Narcissistic Abuse, I have looked at strengthening my boundaries and paying attention and heeding my gut instincts, instead of dismissing them. I realised I had met Narcissists prior to the demonic "lover", who displayed similar behaviour patterns, body language and expressions such as an unsettling, fake laugh and smirk/duper's delight. There's also a curious flat affect in their eyes and penetrating gaze.
All rrright… it’s incredibIe HOW much you’re brightening my Horizon with the lectures you post.
I am very grateful even if as much brain - breaking most of the listings of your references to studies by Drs and Profs Names and years and locations might be - I even googeled some of them and they are all reliable - might be: this type of education and evaluation of all kinds of disorders I find myself in - it is truly one of a kind.
Simply said I get most of the thousands of points you’re explaining, it gives me peace and makes me pause and replay to note. I am suffering from many traumas that let me now - thanks to you - put those in position and tell my not existent yet Therapist about.
Good luck to that Dr I did not find yet.
Any tips where to search? 😂
Relationships are what makes my life worth living …. My grandson is struggling and has alienated the rest of the family … I believe he is a narcissist but dont know how to help him
If he is truly a narcissist you can’t help him. I just want to save you some time, as hurtful as it is…just went through this with my sibling.
@@doggymommy6219He's got to want to get the help, then it's not overnight...But there is hope..Be careful hes not ADHD or similar which is very close too NPD..
You’re so brilliant at this topic. Thank you so much doctor. ❤❤❤
❤ Good morning from Greece professor!
Maria 😊
Great information. Thank you Sam. Some of the characteristics you mention and describe so well, sounds like High functioning autism in men. Would you please make a video comparing the two?
Thanks for sharing all this interesting content 😭😭😭
I have had a strange experience...maybe 20 y ago. Me and my friends were at a club. I went to the dancefloor to dance a little bit and check the temperature on the dancefloor. I started to dance for myself...suddenly I see this beautiful girl enter the dancefloor and immediately checking me up. We started to dance, just one dance and then we went to the bar. We started to converse, and I asked her about her name, and she looked offended by the question, and started mumbled something, and said it wasn’t important, and then I said, ok, what do you work with, and she promptly said, no this doesn’t work....we finish this here and now. She looked very upset and just walked away from me. Of course I went after her to see if it was possible to repair, but she just said it’s too late now, still upset and just ran away. I didn’t saw her more during the night. I was very confused and still is confused about what really happened there. Maybe I was old school at the time and people just was straight forward looking for a temporary body to have sex with...I thought afterwards..maybe she was a prostitute which was very unrare at that time...I don’t know.
@PenileAugmentation Tragic....it seems to be like the more I learn about other people...the more aware I’ll be how little I really know. I always have had the feeling ’I know people..how they behave and react et cetera’ but honestly...sometimes I’m completely lost...I know now how different people live completely different lives. It’s just very hard to understand that people have so completely different plattforms.
Very strange indeed. She was going to cheat with you maybe?
I don't think there is much strange about this u just met her ppl in clubs are drinking it just didn't work for u both you need to let it go there are loads of girls you don't need to focus on her it was like a brief dance she didn't owe u anything. If she wanted to go and so her own thing you don't need to be offended it's her loss. We cannot hold others to our standards especially when you don't know them. I hope you find a lovely person but keep growing we all are here too 🤗🍀
U have nailed the late femminist narrative to the point that i see it as a delusion. Hookup culture as well
Prof Sam, I have searched and looked up, how to search an individuals channel for specific content and for the life of me can’t find it. When I press the magnifier search it searches all of you tube, not specifically your channel. Could you or any other tech savvy person please help?
Many thanks in advance
Can you please speak about narcissist that are in a group of professionals even working as professionals
Can you please search the channel?
I am interested too . Last week I was verbally and publicly abused by a leader person of the team , who only one week early was rolling down red carpet for me to everybody .
I am very careful now not to fall in any of his traps , nevertheless we have been collaborating for 10yrs , and he has always had deep esteem in my regards .
Will you make a video on obsessional neurosis?
On my to do list. In the meantime, watch these: www.youtube.com/@samvaknin/search?query=intrusive
I'm a single mother of two children, one 18 and one 10 year old with autism. I've just left a 3 year relationship with a narcissist and through trying to understand and and heal from that relationship have been learning about how parenting has effect me and how I might have effected my children as a mother.
I have been trying to be a better mother this year and have come a long way. It has been rewarding to rebuild bonds with both kids but I worry about my 18 year old having been through so much.
My question is... Is it ever too late to turn things around as a parent to lessen the psychological impact a difficult childhood has had on my daughter?
Sam, how can I reach you? I'm in a major crisis. I was a narcissistic supply for 13 years and now she's taking vicious revenge on me. My children are in danger. Help us! I am in Canada, in Winnipeg.
Gold
Are you ever in Canada? I’d love to meet you.
I have been single for the past 10 years and i may have a dysfunction, and that would be only one of the signs. But I observe couples and I am not sure they are in a loving functional way of living either.
No to mention all the married guys one can encounter on dating Apps. I am sure the same amount of females.
By the way, Prof. Sam, are you single or married, if you do not mind me asking?!😊
He is married.
I like your Ryukin Goldfish.
What IS attachmemt with narsistic parents both