PSA: I use both "differently abled" and "disabled" because I have friends that prefer both terms. I know there is controversy over "differently abled" but I see that as no reason to exclude the term some autistic people I know prefer.
With autism there are upsides and downsides so it's a very delicate discussion. There's the social side which maybe is even the most affecting but also the one that would correspond to differently able the most, because it stems from just a different way of communicating. Then there's the plentitude of other symptoms and comorbid disorders, like hyper-/and hyposensitivities, executive dysfunction etc which really make it impossible to call autism not a disability. There's a lot that accomodation solves, the social part seems to me the most important one and growing up in an accepting environment would just solve so much, living with no friends is just devastating for anyone.
What's most disturbing to me is that he does communicate, very clearly, but no one wants to take how he communicates seriously. Him standing up in the interviews, him waving his hands in his mom's face when she was talking down to him, all very clear communications that he's not ok in those situations. Non-verbal communication is communication.
@@danger.snakes it's not easy though. it's a lot of energy as they age. aggression. frustrating. the only issue is what's going too happen when he's alone. if they can't understand what you're saying or screaming loud like this people think nutcase. was placed in an autistic unit as a tween. weird place. screaming, talking to themselves, biting, and other situations. if that makes sense.
Your right he is dismissed and ignored for the way he expressed himself as if to say the way you communicate is not acceptable. His mother needs to accept that he is not like her and will never be and that is perfectly ok.
His mother putting the words "I hold my mom hostage" in his mouth is so telling. She feels trapped and that's why she's insisting he can be more independent. It's infuriating. My heart breaks for him.
You are clearly not a mother. Mothers ARE trapped! Especially if they are single or married. Our kids are used against us every day and while there is 20 different agencies, laws and courts there to remove your kids but NON TO ACTUALLY HELP YOU WHERE YOU ACTUALLY NEED THE HELP!!! Especially if they are delayed. Did you know that if the thing is older than 8 months you cannot legally adopt it out? Cps will not help you find them a new home and the who safe abandon law only for babies! I wish I had an ab0rt¡on with all my kids. They are just curses! r€publ¡c@ns are the real monsters! Being a mother is prison!
Hot take... try being his mom for your entire adulthood, and see what kind cognitive and ethical leaps you are prepared to take, after a lifetime of exhaustion, boredom, and grief.
@PrivateAccountXSG Hot take, there's this thing called therapy. She should try it and maybe keep some of her thoughts there instead of painting her child as a burden. I function more independently than the kid in this video, but abelism doesn't discriminate. It hurts when you find out this is how the people you love feel about you. It destroys the self esteem. It fucks you up. Even if her son will never see this documentary, imagine how many disabled kids WILL see it.
Theres a documentary on Netflix of a man who ended up being sexually abused by his teacher who “taught” him assisted communication and he has long lasting damage because of it. Also a very disturbing documentary.
I am autistic and for most my life was just called “shy”. In appointments or out in public my mother would essentially cut me off the second I tried to talk and tell others what she thought I needed. She never let me verbalize my own thoughts and feelings to people in authority, like doctors or teachers. And the saddest part is that a big reason she did that was because of how badly she abused me behind the scenes. I lacked a filter and would often tell everyone everything and that terrified her. I find that the term differently abled is often used by what are called “autism moms”. It sets off a bit of anxiety. There’s nothing wrong with the term disability. I am quite literally less able to do many crucial things. I am disabled.
Thank you for sharing that. My little had a speech impediment in early life, and had to go to a specialist who really helped him become his own person. Before a certain point, my mother and my sister, who was 14 months older, spoke for him ALOT. They were like translators. When he became a teenager, he became very irritated with the whole situation, and let them know that he could speak for himself. But even now, I notice that if anyone interrupts him, he will just shut down. Sometimes he will speak up and demand to be heard….but most times, he’ll just people get it off their chest. I know they were trying to help with the best of intentions….but I could usually see in his face that he was tired of the puppet show. I am proud of my brother….he is a supervisor now, owns his own home, and has a nice woman in his life. It was good to see him grow into a whole man. Blessings to everyone here, today. This is a great topic. ✊🏾
I do wonder if you are autistic, or solely have a healthy protect response to your mothers abuse/neglect. I say this because I have become a very different person since I put a whole planet between my mother and myself.
“Humans have a terrible time with intelligence other than ours. We label things greater or lesser, a god or a beast, and can’t accept something just being different but equivalent.” -very paraphrased Spider Robinson
That's on the kyriarchy. Not all societies have been like this. Yes, I have books. Anyhow, not really trynna argue, just putting this comment in case someone is interested in the books
This makes me so upset as a disabled person and I think what’s even worse is that these are not DJ’s desires. They’re shoving him down a path they see as normal and successful and you can see he is upset, overwhelmed, and anxious over being forced into all these situations he doesn’t understand. That time could have been better spent understanding DJ, helping him maximize his way of communicating and getting others to meet him where he is, and enabling him to have the independence and life that matches his actual needs and desires. Thank you for sharing this.
"They want a different Deej than the one that actually exists" made me start crying. I don't know or understand a lot about Deej's experience. However, I am autistic and have other disabilities. And I feel this so hard. It's really tough to realize that the people who say they love you don't really want to see the real you. They want to see something else... and I'm too tired to be something else for them anymore.
Get it all out. There may be people in the world that dehumanize other people, intentionally or not, but there are at least other people to call them out. Always look for the helpers.
I feel the same. I've even told my father that I always put on a facade, but he doesn't care. He just loves this facade thinking it's the real me, and shouts when It's actually me. After I tasted how it's like to be free, It's just too exhausting to pretend just for him. It feels like chains around your heart and mind to be around such person
I am not disabled (although I am definitely neurodivergent), and this has been my life story. I diverged from the path I was "supposed" to take in life, and since then my family (my parents) completely rejected me, casting me out like the red headed stepchild. Anything I do will never be enough, because I did not take the successful route in their eyes, and anything positive I do is overshadowed by the things I DIDN'T do, that I would have needed to do to be accepted as part of the family. It's a tough pill to swallow, and it's a tough road to walk. I have lived my whole life masking my true self and emotions, and it's not easy to just drop that mask and be authentic when everyone you know seems to like you because of who you project yourself to be to others. I'm not saying I have any solutions for you, but you're definitely not alone in your experience ❤
This was my introduction to Facilitated Communication, and I'm glad I had a rational person to explain it to me. A quick online search showed me not only that FC is baloney, but also how we know it is baloney. Show an object to the subject but not the facilitator and ask what it was they were shown. Incorrect answer. Deej does at least appear to communicate in this documentary, though not through a keyboard. Him standing and trying to leave seems to communicate his desire to terminate the interview, even if he doesn't understand what the interview is.
It is outrageous that anyone is allowing this shit to still fly. Deej deserves so much better, and whatever authority is responsible for protecting vulnerable people need to get in there, rescue him, and prosecute his parents. Disgusting.
FC is horrible, and because the people doing it have a bit of a savior complex…there is almost always an accusation of child abuse leveled at someone, supposedly typed by the cognitively disabled person but really just projected by the facilitator. FC is an awful mix of weirdo true believers, and families who just so want it to be true.
I find this to be common amongst the “autism moms” which I find disgusting because I’m also an autism mom but the difference I notice between me and literally every one of these activist moms is that I am also AuDHD and so I don’t view it as some terrible thing to have kids like myself. I love them exactly as they are.
@@DaughterofDiogenes Im autistic too (but the high-function ones, I got socially calibrated during Highschool, so I don´t have to many problems to be honest). And I really hate this parents. I NEVER let my parents talk with people about me as its "autistic son" at all. I was Sebasthian, his son, and the austism didn´t had to be something "special" of me. I was special for my actions, the things I said, and the relations I made with people. My own father tried to use it just 3 times in my life to disqualify me, but nobody cared about that because they knew me well at all to just don´t care about it. Its like people who likes to think they are special for being of the LGBT+ community. Fuck that, Im not a "neurodivergence community" member, and Im not proud of being autistic. I just don´t care, and I fought my whole damn life to be socially skilled with people because I wanted it. But I was lucky as fuck in comparatibe to Dj, or other autistic people I have known. Its pretty weird because they usually don´t realize Im like them, but Im capable of communicate with them pretty well, its like having a common language or way to understand the other. Its scary sometimes to be honest, because I see this people and I think "how in the heck Im not like them?". I was lucky because I know I´ll be able to take care of myself, and anyone who stays with me in the future, but I also feel terrible for people who have to accept the fact their kids will never be able to do the same, and are scared as fuck if thinking about the day they are gone and what will be of their loved sons.
@@DaughterofDiogenesyou are not super unique or special. I have taught the most impacted special education students in my state for over a decade and I have had a tiny number of stereotypical, "neurodivergent community" autism moms and WAY more normal, tired, loving, doing their best moms and dads. But I have had a ton of parents who have their own developmental delays and they are a total mixed bag. Most of them are in deep poverty because of their disability and single motherhood and that makes it extremely hard to care for their children well. The hardest thing is the higher functioning kids who are smarter than their parents who have developmental disabilities before high school is over (or even starts). The best parents I work with tend to be neurotypical, married, and have extra adult help around the house through either the DHS/DD system and/or grandparents being around and/or adult siblings or very young aunts or uncles taking a lot of the service hours to be their personal service worker. The "worst" parents are usually the single moms with their own developmental disabilities. They often don't mean to be the worst, they just don't have the ability to be the moms they would want to be if they could and poverty is always a barrier to enrichment.
This is depressing and horrible. People taking advantage of someone who doesn't even understand what's happening, pretending he's what he isn't, acting like he can understand things he simply doesn't, etc. My brother has a similar condition to what Deej supposedly has so this is very personal for me. I hate it when people are used like this.
this is so disturbing. I'm autistic, high functioning, and I have family members who are more like Deej. I hate these autism moms who exploit their children like this. thank you for making this video. I'm subscribing.
Thanks for the compliments. This isn't my normal affair though, I more tend to focus on religion and conspiracy skepticism. I am, of course, always looking for new content and may do more videos on the subject of FC since it is a travesty for autistic people.
@@danger.snakes i'm interested in religion, and i subscribed. you're an athiest, i assume? i'm looking for more atheist youtubers to watch, are there any you recommend besides yourself?
I'm currently on my way to become a speech therapist, and this is not how assisted communication is supposed to be done. The therapist can show the patient where a symbol is and press it to demonstrate, but the patient is still supposed to press the buttons themselves. I have seen patients who were much more affected than this boy, and we still didn't press the buttons for them. His family is actually hindering his development by being this on hands with everything Ps: sorry if my English sounds weird, it's not my native language 🙈
That's pretty much how I see it. DJ's mother might mean well (who knows? - so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt) but she really needs to treat DJ's condition with REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS/REALISTIC ASSESSMENT of his condition.
I had a stroke that paralyzed my right side back in 2005 (and about 10 years later one that paralyzed my left side, it took some time and a hell of a lot of hard work but gained my movement back both times) but both times when I would try to do something on my own, people would take over and people didn't understand why I'd get upset with them. It was more that I was upset at the situation and wanted to do as much for myself as I could, they just were trying to help and just didn't understand why I would be upset by it, they were trying their best and this was new to all of us. And believe me, I love them all to death for trying to make my life easier but I've always been independent and wanted to do everything myself. When I had it on my left side I was able to still write with my right hand and was finally able to tell them what was wrong. They finally understood that by doing everything for me, I was never going to get better. Well, the second time I was only in physical rehab for a little over two weeks and the day I got back was on my dad's birthday, so I surprised him by cooking his favorite dinner and made him a cake, washing and putting all the stuff from cooking away. Just doing that felt like an accomplishment. I've had more health problems over the years, the latest was kidney failure on Christmas Eve last year and my dad told the doctors and nurses that I would want to do as much for myself as was possible and they actually listened making my hospital stay a lot easier than if they hadn't. Basically what I'm trying to say is when people are considered "disabled" most people want to help and are just not thinking that the person wants to be independent and by not letting them be independent they are hurting the person more than helping in a lot of cases.
Sorry for what you've been through and are still dealing with. What I do is offer to help people, rather than forcing my help on them, so people can make up their own minds. Some people are grateful to be helped, and some insist that they're fine and can cope.
I feel for everyone in this. My youngest is more high functioning, but when she has tantrums or is upset, you do not act like this mother. Pure abuse. I was taught by our psychiatrist to divert attention to something else she can fixate on. Raised voices and treating him like a child acting out hurts my soul. It hurts them so much more. Very hard documentary to get through, but thank you for bringing subjects like this to light. I do understand the parents frustration though, you can get looks and judgement when out in public, but your embarrassment should never dictate how you treat your child. Better to be embarrassing for you, than for you to damage your child who doesnt understand what is happening.
The big problem is obviously that they can't accept their child doesn't know what is happening. It's a poor way to treat anyone in any event, but much worse with that added context.
as someone who is autistic with an autistic brother who is very outgoing in public, judgement should be given to those who judge instead of being viewed as something embarrassing
@@4O4Himeyeah unfortunately I was raised around and for a short time by people who didn't know the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. I never threw tantrums after like, 3yo, but I did get overwhelmed and mentally shut down and forget where I was or how to communicate sometimes and ofc I got blamed for it and punished as if I can help that I'm autistic and get major panic attacks sometimes. I see that a lot from people on the outside and yelling... Definitely a bad idea in either situation imo, redirecting or giving me space works but pushing in any way and my brain just goes nuclear meltdown, and I'm considered "high functioning" whatever that means
There was a kid on the spectrum at the church I went to as a teen. His mom had a QWERTY keyboard printout in one hand and would hold his wrist with the other and have him point at the letters . The thing that I found interesting was that the printout moved but not the kids hand… yup.. it’s a bunch of nonsense. Nicely done analysis of this topic
As someone with selective mutism though otherwise not really disabled, the way non verbal people are treated needs to be talked about more. I remember being with a nurse after a procedure, trying to sign through my mom that i needed food and water, just for the nurse to say "use your big boy words" to a full grown ass man. The whole time, I felt like i was treated like a kid having a tantrum, when i was physically and mentally unable to verbalise. Even with my mom stepping in, nurses would "put words in my mouth", acting with authourity because of thier position or what ever. The whole time i was watching this i couldnt stop thinking about the human ouija board analogy, because thats what it is.
I second this, it was worse for a time when I was younger and I don't get that very often anymore, but I also live alone now and have the luxury of not needing to say a single word 90% of my days so selective mutism has become mostly a non issue, but I've been excluded from stuff in the past and talked down to because it happens and people are often very callous, often I fell completely obliviously, to me not being able to make phonecalls often at all because my brain tends to lock up and go into panic mode and getting hung up on even once for not responding in .5 seconds has been enough to make me legit fear phonecalls. We really need more acceptance and understanding for this stuff because it's frustrating and I don't wanna be treated like an infant, but neither do I wanna be treated like I don't need/deserve extra help at times or idk... Time? Time would be a great start, it usually only takes me a minute or twp to regain the ability to speak
it's so refreshing to see your comment as someone who has selective mutism and severe social anxiety throughout childhood and now into adulthood. Growing up no one could figure out what was wrong with me, why i wouldn't talk until about a year ago i learned about selective mutism and realized that was me. In school i was bullied several times but mostly just isolated from the world... and now i work a full time job at which I'm unable to speak. I've been treated as less than human by my coworkers and even my boss, simply because I'm different and can't communicate. Everyone acts like they are better than me which makes me start to feel bad about myself... it sucks so bad that i developed SM through trauma and continue to get traumatized by other people, i resent people so much. I'm here if you ever need or want someone to talk too!
I hate how autism in all forms tends to be treated this way. A lot of people think they're being nice or caring, but you're really treating people like an infant, no matter who they are. Be nice and patient, but maybe don't lead with this belittling treatment. Interact like a normal person, then adapt depending who it is. I'm likely a bit autistic, so being quiet and giving deadpan responses was normal for me. Too many adults and peers talked to me like a kindergarten teacher and I loathed it, though, it was funny to see their confusion when I gave a serious deadpan response.
I am also an adult with selective mutism. It's honestly infuriating. I usually avoid people at all when I have a meltdown and go mute, but sometimes it does happen in public and people just fail to see me as an adult in these moments. I usually just write down on my words instead, but I've had actual medical staff just ignore my notes?! They literally pretended like I was faking it because in their minds "if I'm able to write I'm able to talk". They also ignored all of my attempts to communicate nom verbally. Sometimes it feels that only people who speak well are seen as humans. Because even when I do speak, the second I start to stumble over my words I am treated like I'm not there at worst or like a child at best
It seems to me he's communicating quite a lot, but the neurotypicals in his life are choosing to ignore him and put words in his mouth to suit their own needs. As an autistic person myself, I find that degrading and insulting.
If you’re communicating in a way that no one around you can understand, can we really call it communication or is it more just an emotional expression?
@@Da_bear-ij9gm Emotional expression IS communication. If I were up, crying, and trying to get out of the door, the people around me would PROBABLY know that I wanna leave the room. In this situation, the people around him are just ignoring what he's expressing, because they already had pretended that he wants to do something else. I mean, obviously he can't express much more than "I'm happy" or "I want to leave", maybe even "I'm hungry AF", so he can't communicate much. But he can express some simple things, and that's way more important than fake expressions of more complex things.
@@Da_bear-ij9gm It is communication. If you are in a room full of people, none of which speak your language and you have to somehow communicate to them them understanding you does not take away the 'communicating' from your action.
@@Da_bear-ij9gm This would be akin to saying that if you are around people who can't speak English, English stops being a language. Communication is a two way street and if the other person doesn't understand or try to intuit what you are communicating, that doesn't mean the failure is all on you. Communication is when one person sends a message and the other receive it. He's trying to send a message, but the people around him refuse to receive it.
The whole documentary feels like a puppet show with a nonconsenting person as the puppet and a terrible storyteller as the puppetmaster. Imagine the contempt that must be built up inside of him.
Idk. Sometimes it's very easy to judge people in a hard situation without actually knowing anything about them, especially over the Internet. Psychological projection and denial are powerful forces that effect everyone some stronger and some weaker. I don't know if the mom is doing what she is on purpose but it's just as likely she thinks everything she's saying is true. That she's helping. Either way I don't think that you get to abuse someone because of how much they did wrong. It might feel like justice but it's not. It's just revenge.
I don't know what's going on with the Dad. I feel like after spending years watching this form of "communication" he would know inside that the mother is contriving it, and even though he seems way better than her, he's still playing along. He may not feel comfortable literally hijacking his son's communication, but he's not against it happening through other means. Disturbing was a good word to use, this shit is insane
This is so concerning on many levels. I work with autistic children and some are non-verbal. I can only imagine how it must feel to have a child that is so dependent on you and doesn’t have a way to communicate. There are AAC devices that insurance can pay for. Why is he not receiving speech therapy that helps him learn how to use a device independently? They send him to school where he is in honors classes. So, he is intelligent enough to be in those classes, but can’t communicate on his own? This took place in 2017. It’s not that long ago. People who believe in facilitated communication have an agenda. Mom wants her son to be the poster child of autism and an activist, because to admit that he is limited in his abilities means to admit her own child is not extraordinary, which is to say by extension neither is she. She’d rather create this idealized version of DJ and go to such lengths, even though it’s a farce. It’s depressing and frustrating and just infuriating. Loving someone and admitting their limitations is the only way to be. No matter what hopes and dreams we have for kids, we also must face reality. Mom got her son a college degree and yet, he can’t even communicate independently. DJ will never be able to live independently. If mom doesn’t want him living with them forever, there are group homes available. Mom needs therapy like yesterday. The part where he says she holds her hostage shows her true thoughts.
I lived next door to a kid with down syndrome and watching this video was... Certainly an experience. That kid was also mostly nonverbal but he could still communicate with single words and was expressive with gestures and maybe it was just me being on the autism spectrum and having some minor issues with selective mutism, but I thought he actually communicated pretty well with his limitations. I don't think this guy in this documentary has that much issue communicating either, I just got the vibe he was largely and sometimes completely ignored, like he shook his head no at least twice in the clips in this video alone and yet the mom was going with everything and making it seem like he agreed when... Especially later in the video he clearly WASN'T agreeing with what was going on. Gods can people just stop treating disabilities like they're either some magical superpower or some massive burden that must be lifted? He seemed completely fine in earlier scenes, even a few scenes he seemed happy, but the whole college arch he seemed uncomfortable at best and it's just sad. He's a person too, I just hope people in such situations end up in better ones very soon
I am amazed that Facilitated Communication is still practiced. It fails the simplest of tests. Frontline did a scathing report on it many, many years ago. FC is the best example of the power of confirmation bias I can think of. People are so desperate to find a way for a beloved victim of autism to communicate that they will see it happening when it isn't. If anyone wants to look up the old Frontline on the topic, they will find it well worth their time.
I hate how the mother talks to her son like a misbehaving child when hes overwhelmed. Really sheds light on the ableism towards higher support needs individuals, because he communicates how he feels, but nobody's willing to accept it
Is it that they don’t accept it, or don’t understand it? When a human who doesn’t understand cat body language interacts with one, they can easily become confused and discouraged when they don’t understand cues that are obvious to good cat owners. Does that mean they’re intentionally ignoring the cat when they fail to understand its cues?
@Da_bear-ij9gm If the cat's behavior is not understood, then there should be an effort to learn about it. There are quite a few factors to this, and one important one is intent, as well as how you proceed once educated. If you do your homework on autistic people, you will know that we(I'm autistic btw)don't follow traditional social structures, and this can be amplified in those who are higher support needs. Whether you are educated or not is not an excuse to infantilize someone with a disability, which is what I'm mainly upset about
@@Da_bear-ij9gm If they do the same stuff around the same cat again and again and get the same reaction again and again and they do not bother to try and act differently or reflect on their actions, then yes it's willful ignorance.
@@Da_bear-ij9gm Also another difference to the cat/autism analogy is that most autistic people YOU CAN FRIGGING TALK TO. You can just ASK. Maybe not IN THAT MOMENT but in another moment. You can ask OTHER AUTISTIC PEOPLE. We aren't frucking cats. WE CAN TALK.
This really upset me. I am a high masking adult autistic man and this really pissed me off. I hope when the mom goes into geriatric care she gets as much 'love' as she showed to Deej.
17:53 this is so hard to watch. He's clearly uncomfortable and tries to communicate his needs, but the caretaker prefers to cosplay the heroic narrative that benefits her.
A lot of parents project themselves onto their children to an unhealthy degree. But to see it done to a person who’s even more incapable of defending themselves is so sickening, it takes it to a whole new level of heart breaking.
So many words that aren’t his, that the mother actually wrote and that get all the attention. She gets all the attention through him yet his clear nonverbal cues are repeatedly ignored 😢
4:37 I think it’s more than fair to use the word fraud. Edit: oh my godddd every word sounds like a not autistic person describing their assumptions about autistic people. “She is also cute” andddd there we go, the spectre of sexual abuse
Bit of a stretch to call that sexual abuse. It’s normal for parents to want their child to have a partner one day, and it’s normal for them to look for signs of romantic interest in post pubescent children. We know that she is merely projecting those feelings onto him, she does not. It can be hard for a parent to realize their child is so severely and permanently disabled that they are incapable of ever forming a consensual relationship
@@Da_bear-ij9gm this is a public video and those projections involve other people, one of which was an adult while DJ was (presumably) underage. it seems abusive to me.
When I saw this video it absolutely broke my heart I'm autistic and could tell the exact signs of when he was communicating non verbally to his mother on how he wants to leave or try to calm down when he is overstimulated or unaware of the situation going on around him. And his mother blatantly trying to punish him when he is trying to show his own signs of him not liking a situation proves how messed up this dynamic is absolutely. DJ deserves so much better wherever he is now I hope he can thrive without FC.
I appreciate videos like these because it not only brings awareness to social issues in the autistic community but it also serves as a lesson in general skepticism for those of us who’re learning to be skeptical after coming out of a religious mindset and/or escaping the trump cult. Thank you London
This is horrifying, it looks like wierd ppl exploiting him to make themselves feel important and self-sacrificing to feed off the sympathy and praise of others.
I'm currently studying to become a speech therapist, and one thing that stuck with me during our lessons on assisted communication is that we're not the one to guide their hands. As therapists, yes we can show them where a symbol is and whst it stands for, but the goal is for the patients to do it themselves.
We're villianizing the mother so much, but the dad and all the other adults have the responsibility to help. Let's not put these people into "good cop, bad cop" categories. There is no doubt that these people love and want the best for this kid.
Yeah a lot of people blame the moms in scenarios like this even though the dad is there every step of the way. And I’ve never seen even one person acknowledge that this could be happening because mothers are significantly more involved in a child’s development than fathers. Rather than bc women are somehow uniquely evil
Btw, as an autistic person, please call un disabled. We're not differently abled, simply disabled. It's still very hard to get the support we need. (Not to criticize this. Youve actually done a great job with this video)
I'm autistic and I'm what would be considered high functioning, and when people act the way his mother does when im overwhelmed it genuinely just makes it so much worse. It looks like she just wants him to be "normal" so bad that she's willing to put him through any amount of harm. A lot of the noises and movements look like self regulating and self soothing, and the way she gets so upset at him for it rather than being worried and attentive at them is so telling.
just wanted to let you know disabled isnt a bad word. Differently abled is something that was started by people who are not disabled to make themselves feel better, but most disabled people would agree that its just disabled.
He probably does understand what his mom is saying, hense him getting upset about it. Tbh I dont like the term "differently abled" as someone who is disabled, it just sounds dumb. Disabled is an apt description. Now what should be classed as a disability can be argued, Not all neurodivergent people consider themselves disabled, I dont consider my autism in of itself a disability, nor my ADHD in of itself a disability, but my chronic migraines and mild hip deformity along with my elevated kneecaps are a disability all together.
As someone who has a neurological disorder that affects my speech, I'm high "functioning" but I can't speak very well. A lot of people will try to speak for me when I can communicate for myself just fine. I have amazing people in my life that help make things easier, but i will always feel like a burden to them. Deej is so incredibly amazing. The Dad is someone we need more of in this world. Facilitated communication isn't very reliable. I hope Deej is getting better out there. If he sees this, just know you have a friend out here :)
3:12 This method of helping the person type has been debunked. That it’s pretty much the abled person doing the talking. Sounds like you’re about to get into it. Edit* In the film about the abled former professor Anna Stubblefield, accused of SA’ing Derrick Johnson, they show people fail the test when they show the FC a picture of a bird, then the disabled person a basketball, and the abled person will write “basketball.”
This is sad. He seems to have a lot of function in a lot of areas. He's playing tennis, going out, riding a trike with friends. He has social bonds and that's amazing. Plus he's communicating, to me pretty effectively, just not through words. It's sad that no one's "listening." His mum seems like she's running an experiment, and Dad's just happy to buy into it. And I'm not going to jump on the she's a deliberately abvsive, malicious person bandwagon. She does come off cold, but so do I so I try not to judge based on that. I do genuinely think she wants good things for him, that's why he's going out, doing things and able to connect with other. But she doesn't get that good for him is not good for her. Good for her is him having a higher education and complete independence, but that's not going to happen and she's deluded herself into thinking it is - and in turn is pulling others into her delusion. And in the end it does become abvsive, because he's not being listened to and having the needs he's communicating met. Like I said, it's sad. The stuff that she's essentially writing in his voice is enlightening. She feels tired, frustrated, trapped, and smothered. I can't even begin to imagine how he feels. I think this documentary is scummy. And her using him for this is scummy too. I honestly would think he needs to be in an asisted living community/group home, where he can have his needs met. That seperation would probably be good for them both. But I know good ones are not easy to find.
This entire video feels kinda like Munchausen's By Proxy, except instead of making a healthy kid ill she took a child with a disability and made him a puppet.
Yeah I think people are giving Dad wayyyyyyy too much leniency. He’s tauting himself as a specialist teacher in disability studies, but can’t interpret his own son’s nonverbal cues? He’s more that just along for the ride.
She doesn't want good things FOR HIM. She wants him and his life to look good FOR HER. She is still selfish. And people still defend her as 'aw poor adult parent can't do any better'. Adults can do better and they should.
If his hands need so much guidance hitting desired keys, why not just make a 2x scaled keyboard for those with difficult motor control? He has enough motor control to hit send
My mother in mid-stage motor neurone disease (ALS), still had motor in her hands but it was poor. She had already lost the ability to speak. When we got her an assistive device it took her less than a minute to type out, shakes and poor motor control and all, "Paul [my dad], make me a coffee". She had been non verbal for 4 weeks at that point and we all cried.
@@danger.snakes that wasn't meant to be a correction for your video, just to anyone like myself who wasn't clear from the start about the actual severity of his lingual impairment.
Just wanted to point out a few things as a disabled person: The community of disabled people at large finds high and low functioning labels to be offensive. You should not use them. The autism community in general has been fighting back against it as best it can for years. The preferred terms are higher and lower support needs in different areas. Functioning labels are often more associated with how able bodied people view us then by the support we actually need. We also do not like nor use "differently abled" we are disabled. Language like this is often forced on us without our say and most disabled people do not like it and find it at the very least tone deaf if not outright offensive. No hate. I don't expect non disabled people to know this stuff. Just putting it out there. Naturally there are disabled people out there who don't take issue with this language but it's a minority tbh.
As an autistic man, I personally despise the term "disabled", it implies there's something wrong with me when there isn't, I just happen to think differently to everyone else.
as an autistic girl, I find high and low functioning to not be offensive. To me, Low and High functioning doesnt mean "low functioning as a human being" but how well one can function by a neurotypical standard. It doesn't mean low or high value. My cousin is low functioning because by a neurotypical standard she is not a typical 35 year old. She lives at home and can't do many things beyond what a typical 6 year old can, but she's a very good artist and a creative woman who loves disney. Low functioning doesn't mean bad, it just means there are some things she can't do and others she can. For me, I'm considered high functioning because I will be able to live on my own as an adult, I am in mainstream classes at a mainstream high school, and I can speak like a neurotypical person. However, high functioning doesn't mean I can do everything. I can't drive, my focus issues are too severe. I have trouble in social situations and am known as a weird socially awkward person. I'm not very good at a lot of things. I'm a creative person but being high functioning doesn't mean I'm automatically better at everything than my cousin. My cousin and I are the same in levels of humanity and deserving of respect, she's just unable to do certain things and that's okay.
I imagine some people don’t like the term “disabled” when it’s something like autism that is moreso part of who you are, but I 100% agree with you that I prefer the term for myself (I have physical disabilities and ADHD). I am not “differently abled” - there is nothing I can do that other people can’t. I’m disabled. Many things the average person can do is impossible or very difficult for me. It isn’t some superpower, it negatively affects my life and does not help me at all. I don’t find the term “differently abled” offensive, I just find it disconnected from reality and kinda stupid.
@@dhskwkebbf I love how you’re wrong and slow in every comment. I’m glad things are difficult for you, you deserve it for spewing this garbage and inflicting yourself on the rest of us.
Holy crap, his mom is a genius! Her GPA is 4.125!? AND she wrote a play about what it would be like for her to experience the world through her disabled son? And yes, I said disabled. I’m not going into the minutiae of why, but I’ll offer that I mean NO disrespect to any disabled persons who may be reading this…..but aren’t we ALL at least a little ‘differently abled’? All these words were my own and TOTALLY not the words of the person assisting me to type the letters.
@@danger.snakes yeah but through the filter of the son and she STILL got scored 4.125!? (I almost deleted this comment, btw. I’m fully aware this is an extremely dark and distressing topic and my attempt to make light of it is….yeah…tasteless. Sorry) This was the first video I saw from you and thoroughly enjoyed it (the presentation, not the subject matter TBC) The algorithm smiled on my feed today! I had just started the one about your addiction when I saw your reply pop up. (I’m 16 months clean after almost 30 years of sustained heroin and methamphetamine use and the various legal woes accumulated throughout.) It’s rare to get a response at all, let alone that quickly. Thank you! I’m off work today, so it looks like I’ll be spending some time with your videos…cheers and Godspeed! (Sorry for all the parenthetical remarks….🤗)
@@danger.snakes but a 4.125 through the filter of the disabled son?! You could get in to Harvard with that average! Imagine her scores without the….handicap. Another bad joke…..I’m sorry.
@@danger.snakes that’s fantastic! I’ve been clean since June 20th of last year. Some days are a little better, some days are a LOT better, but every day is always better. I don’t know if you can see my other comment (I wrote a bunch to you about this, but it’s no longer visible to me for whatever reason) but I’ll reiterate, briefly, I spent almost 30 years doing heroin and speed, reached the fever pitch, made an honest decision borne from a real desire to change, and I haven’t looked back. And I’ve never felt better. I sincerely hope you can find similar peace. It may sound trite or cliched, but its truth is not diminished: love and respect yourself first. Do it because you want to. Be happy. Life is short and too precious to waste. (I really enjoyed your videos btw. You’ve got real talent.) My name is Carl. Godspeed to you!
Please just say disabled, it's not a dirty word. I'm literally limited in my abilities. Really appreciate your coverage of this, this is indeed very disturbing.
This is a point I have always found very difficult to navigate, mainly because it is such a sensitive topic. Some people are totally easygoing about the terms they use. I worked with a guy for 5 years who had down syndrome and pretty much exclusively referred to himself as retarded. Then again I know it can be really harmful for some people to even bring the subject up. The latter group is why I don't just fall back on the rule I use for gender identity, which is to just ask. Anyway, not much of a point here, just sharing my perspective.
@@jacobgray3112 just curious, did he find the term inoffensive, or was he being mean to himself? me and my other autistic friends sometimes call ourselves retarded as a joke or in a self depricating manner, but wouldn't seriously refer to ourselves that way. Although this man might just prefer the term because he doesn't find it offensive, i mean, anyone can decide what they call themselves. I personally don't care what I'm called, except for neurospicy. I'd rather be called retarded than neurospicy.
@potatosmileyfries it was 100% matter of fact most of the time. I think he jokes about it every once in a while but it was just how he referred to having downs syndrome.
From a neuroscientific and neurophysiological perspective, the fact he is able to write abstract concepts for theatrical plays but is unable to grasp the social correctness of situations makes absolutely no sense, and should be the biggest giveaway of this fallacy
Many writers are autistic! Look up Damian Milton’s work on what he calls the Double Empathy Problem. It’ll help you understand better the root of social challenges in autism. I also don’t believe Deej wrote that play, but his being autistic is not why.
I disagree about this mother loving her son. She doesn't even know him... He is just an ilusion, a projection made up by her own mind. Wha she really loves, is the ideal of motherhood, her identity of being a good mother, thats what she really loves.
he can communicate, hes doing good at communicating. he's setting boundaries and his mom just keeps making him so whatever she wants and say whatever she wants him to
Just before 18:18 is FUCKED UP. He's clearly communicating and his self-proclaimed mouth is telling him to STOP and PHYSICALLY RESTRAINING HIS HANDS. He's being told it's rude and not useful, his communication.
I've watched the whole dokusoap (I will never call it a documentary) and it's disturbing but not as disturbing as: ***WINNER, 2018 PEABODY AWARD AND NOMINEE, 2018 EMMY AWARD*** Yes, it won a Peabody and became an Emmy nominee in 2018 Facilitated Communication has been pseudoscience since the mid 90s for crying out loud
This video was really awesome. Disturbing, but awesome. I’ve never heard of “Deej” until now, but I would love to know your thoughts on “Tell Them You Love Me,” another doc about FC that is more disturbing than this in my opinion. It actually introduced me to the concept of FC, so when I found out that “Deej” was also about FC my first thought was “oh shit.” And rightfully so apparently.
I've known about FC for a long time so there wasn't so much the surprise element of "Tell Them You Love Me" like there was with, say, my wife, who had no idea. I've thought about doing a video on that too, so I guess we'll see.
I'm physically disabled between my narcolepsy, ehlers danlos syndrome, and fibromyalgia. SO MANY DOCUMENTARIES claim to be for the disabled but it's ALL about (or mostly about) the caregivers and their perspective. It's so insanely frustrating. The blogging website THE MIGHTY fell to that blunder. The way "his voice" words things SCREAMS how abled people speak on social media. The bit about the cerebral palsy girl especially. "How we are breaking barriers 😊" NO DISABLED PERSON speaks like that in everyday life.
Im a late diagnosed autistic female. I "function" pretty okay, but I tend to get non verbal in stressful situations or when I don't know how to react. My entire life my mother used to speak for me in those moments so I never developed the ability to stand up for myself. I still get mute nowadays, but with people that are close to me I can still communicate non verbally in those moments. For example hand holding, nodding or head shaking. Until I knew I was autistic I got into a lot of trouble for this because people thought I was giving them the silent treatment or apathetic to the situation which is NEVER the case. In those moments my brain just fails to work in a way that allows me to speak because my emotions are overwhelming. Being able to explain it is helpful though
i clicked on this video thinking it was about the Tell Them You Love Me doc, and was surprised - in a very good way-when it wasn’t that. incredible job on the video, i’m gonna go watch the doc myself; thanks for sharing ❤
So obviously the mom is the one who graduated high school for him, I guess that's her plan for college as well?? How is that even supposed to work? What also gets me, is that the college is just going along with it. Is this a legit accredited institution? Why would they be okay with a student doing facilitated learning when the scientific (academic) community has recognized it's garbage? It's definitely not okay to have someone else take your tests for you but that's exactly what would be happening. It makes you wonder how much money the parents donated. Sad. The kids not even living his own life. Doesn't seem like he wants any of this, and the few times he's genuinely try to communicate, they don't listen to him. I'm glad that he has a supportive family, cuz it obviously could be much worse, but it's like the mom is just living vicariously through him.
There are several similar stories of people using FC to get their children into schools, sometimes prestigious ones, who don't realize the scam. I would assume some are wise to it. It's hard to say. Oberlin, however, is a pretty prestigious school.
@@danger.snakes that's just nuts. It's hard to believe that nobody at that school realizes it's bs. If you haven't read about it already, check out the case of Anna Stubblefield. In the state of New Jersey at least, FC was ruled totally unreliable to be used in court, not to mention all scientific evidence against it.
@@danger.snakes it's really hard to believe the school has no idea. If you haven't read about it already check out the case of Anna Stubblefield. At least in the state of New Jersey FC was deemed unreliable to be used in court, not to mention all the scientific evidence against it.
I can't see the schools wanting to catch the lawsuit that would come from challenging the application when the other option is just more tuition fees coming in and no lawsuit.
@@launchpending I'm sure that's their thinking, although a New Jersey court ruled that FA is not reliable or admissible for the case of Anna Stubblefield, a former professor at Rutgers. That case actually got a lot of publicity I'm and I'm surprised it hasn't seemed to have made a difference at other institutions like this one.
There are so many layers here, wow! ETA: thank you for including the scene of them walking in the neighborhood, that was some great insight into how to *not* help somebody overwhelmed calm down.
In my opinion, these 'parents' are using this poor child as a science experiment in the hopes of some sort of recognition by the scientific community. How sad.
Glad the algorithm picked this up. I currently struggle with being a highly masking autist, and it pains me to see my brethren out there just being used for propping themselves up. That we are often seen as lesser, as scary, as just...different. Oh thank you, this was great to feel sad about and reflect over too.
My friends often go non verbal, if they cant even type words they will use emojis. I use emojis when I have brain fog as it helps me communicate. FC is obviously bs. If you can move you can at least touch emojis or use communication cards.
I’ve worked as a caregiver in some situations like this. I call it “puppeteering” And refuse to continue working with families that puppet their family members.
i worked as a nurse in a stroke ward, even im they clearly show at a item, you ask them a yes or no question and if a person can blink, you use this to check if YOUR interpretation is right. just doublecheck, its the min. you can do.
"Tell Them You Love Me" is another documentary about FC and how a woman took advantage of an autistic man. It made me feel absolutely disgusted, but it's effective, and it's a story that needs to be told.
I feel so bad for Deej...he seems to be able to communicate in some form, like whne he waves his hands, etc. but no one takes it seriously, also new sub keep up the good work
To be fair, in an autistic person those cues aren’t all that clear and distinct. Hand flapping can occur as a result of almost literally any emotion being heightened including happiness, it’s not a surefire way to indicate he’s in any type of distress
i wonder if his mom saying deej’s teacher is cute might be his mother forcing typical sexuality onto her son. i feel like lots of parents of disabled kids feel like they’re “missing out” on things like their kids first partner, wedding, etc, so if she can force her son to call a conventionally attractive woman “cute” she can pretend that her sons life looks more “normal” or average than it truly is.
but i don’t know deej nor am i any sort of expert in neurodivergency and disability, he might have romantic feelings he just doesn’t have the ability/option to act on for all i know
This documentary shows the sort of fantasy these people live in where they believe they're doing the lords work and helping people live wonderful lives. Where instead its more about them than the person they're helping. I am autistic and have seen and met many people like this and they tend to hurt way more often than they help. I am not having behavioral issues, you're just taking away my independence and getting mad at my frustration with that.
I came to the same conclusion you did about Emily and Deej, but I would caution you against assuming Deej doesn’t understand the things people say to him. There are a lot of non-speaking people who reported always being able to understand what was being said even though they weren’t given the tools to respond. There isn’t enough information either way in this doc to conclude whether or not Deej could communicate if he were given real means yo do so.
"honors" and such classes have for many years added extra points to your grade score, to make up for the fact that, for example, a high school student who gets a C in a college-level course isn't directly comparable to a student getting a C in a regular-level class. it's called a weighted GPA, and the amount of extra GPA points is decided school to school. there's no standardization for it. an AP class can get as high as a 5.0 if the student receives an A. a 5.0 GPA isn't possible due to requirements such as PE classes and such, but that's how students end up with a 4+ GPA
While I am verbal, watching Deej in situations where he is clearly uncomfortable is extremely difficult to watch. I don't know how anyone could misinterpret his body language, behaviour, and actions as badly as his mom does, unless it's some deeply misguided denial that he's not the prodigy she wants him to be. Reminds me of when during anxiety or panic attacks I would lose a LOT of my functionality and the distress it would cause, and how much more distress people forcing things at me in that state just snowballed it... leave Deej alone and just let him be himself, man.
I was recently in a college lecture about gifted people and autism, and one of the guest speakers made me wonder the whole event how did she come to be in that position. She brought a student with cerebral palsy to be part of her speech and she straight up used him as a prop the whole time to his face. He didn't say a single thing, granted he needed a keyboard for that, but she could have shown us his achievements or his works, we could have genuinely wait for him to form a statement in real time instead of her talking for him all the time. She also gave us some absurd statistics about autism and by the time I enough and left
I wish there was something I could do for him. His parents don’t love him imo, they love the person they have projected on to him. It all makes me so sad.
Ah yes. "Differently abled" Also known as "disabled". Let's not sugar coat it. These people aren't babies. Differently abled sounds demeaning. Like we don't expect people to be able to handle the truth. When I hurt my spine as a teenager: I was disabled. When I came down with severe pneumonia whilst working a hard outdoor job: I was disabled. Never did I become "differently abled". Differently abled might be true if we're talking about a fish versus an ape... but not when it comes to people vs other people.
@@danger.snakes Yeah but even so I would avoid using differently abled all together because as said above it feels very infantilising and can a lot of the time feed into the notion especially for autistic people that autism is some sort of super power which it is most definitely not it is disabling. For context as well I myself am autistic. Other than that though really good video I don't see enough people talking about how horrific FC is, there are plenty of other ways to help a nonverbal person communicate.
@@sourgreendolly7685 You do not speak for "the vast majority" of any group, unless it is a group of one... _you._ I shouldn't need to explain this to a functional adult.
He has the motor function to illustrate he could be a competent mechanic, which many people do with pride because it is not shameful (yet he may want to pursue another vocation entirely); and do it despite their parents' desire for them to go to college to study literature and become a poet. Maybe his mother needs to admit to herself that she wants to study literature, possibly because she didn't when she was younger, or did, and wants her son to have the same experience.
Mechanics need to talk to people to diagnose problems. Searching for a way this particular man could somehow be “useful” enough to be valuable is a form of ableism imo
Maybe it is, but the comment focuses on the mother's expectations. Searching for a way to broadcast one's superior ethics is a form of virtue signalling imo
the word you were looking for is exploited, the only person getting anything out of the achievements claimed in the documentary is the mother, she gets attention and praise. I believe DJ can have a good life, easily, if his mom chills, he's lucky in that way. The 1st time i heard of FC was indeed a criminal case, where a caretaker alleged her and the disabled man she cared for were mutually consensually in love, as he had stated in communication assisted by her, and therefore sexual contact between them shouldn't be classified as a crime. Needless to say the horror of that stayed with me.
My mom has taken care of mentally handicapped folks for 20 years. A lot of people can't handle the situation, so they effectively dump their family members off on the state. She has told me a lot of people with mental handicaps simply don't have the capacity to feel bad for themselves. Their scales of happy, sad, or contentment are totally different from people who are fully functioning. Now I'm just talking mental challenges, but people with physical difficulties are their own story, although you can struggle with both. I was turned onto a show by a friend who graduated college for ASL called Switched at Birth. That show does an excellent job of conveying the day to day challenges of deaf people. Even South Park had a surprisingly compassionate episode about people with physical handicaps. This video made some really good points. We shouldn't feel bad or look down on people with challenges, but rather be impressed and supportive of what they are able to achieve.
Thank you for covering this, I like your look. I ache for this guy. It’s so clear when he’s uncomfortable or confused or just simply doesn’t want to do anything, but they ignore it. It’s so unfair. She just seems so constantly frustrated with him. I just get the impression she wants her son to be something so she as a result can be something too. This has to be for her ego, right?
I couldn't speculate on her motives very much overall. I don't have enough information to know. It does, at the least, seem like some form of wish fulfillment.
FC is bunk. If all that was needed was muscular support, then a mechanism would be designed to fulfill that function. Blindfold mommy and he's not communicating anymore. I've been a support person for kids in Special Ed with a variety of different ablements. The point is to maximize what a kid CAN do, not put on expectations or push too much. It's a fine line--how much to encourage and motivate and how much to accept. I DESPISE this whole notion that you have to CURE autism or force them to function like "normal" (horrible word!!) people do. Square pegs, round holes. Why can't we have square holes??? We're likely to find out that, like human sexuality is on a spectrum of literally X and Y axis (imagine a quad chart), and not simply binary, so can human intellect and capacity very person to person. That whole notion of humans being some sort of divine creation has GOT to go. We're part of the world around us and thus, subject to it even in our very minds. And as a community of human beings we can accommodate and find grace for difference, and even celebrate it. Great vid, London.
I love the way you put it. Stop rounding the square pegs and make some square holes instead in terms of societal norms and expectations of people. The notion of "normal" is indeed a gross one.
Stephen Hawking, towards the end, just had one sensor on his right cheek that he used to communicate with. I don't see why Deej would need so much "facilitated" help. Granted, their intelligence, as well as their emotional levels, are/were completely different, but I don't see the need for this kind of "hand pushing" for a lack of a better term. I'm probably not expressing this in the best way, I'm not much of a word smith. But I hope people can get my point.
3 minutes in and i am VERY skeeved out. I know you are about to be dead on. Her guiding his hand......wow. I was non-verbal as a kid and the memories I have of it are of a mouth full of peanut butter. This poor kid is being treated like a puppet. It makes my stomach turn. There is a WHOLE HUMAN with a complex internal world inside of there. He doesn't need his communication to be facilitated.
As someone who works with a spectrum of people with disabilities though not an expert. I have met 80 year old people who have the intellectual of a regular grandmother but just struggle to do the same things to being the same age except very very fragile and only know as much as a 5 year old. I have seen 30 year Olds that can not talk and don't know how to participate in activities, but most definitely know when I'm making jokes or banter that a kid usually wouldn't get a laugh and a smile confirms to me that they do understand what I'm saying. I seen people who can walk, eat, and possible read and write if they had that support at a younger age. But due to bad parenting, is very stunned in mental age, maybe similar to a 8 year old who just gets enough context from experience and nothing else. I also witness the eye communication screens. So in terms of communication you really have to learn the person. Every jerk of the hand, eye movement, head bobbing, arm flailing. It all has meaning. And the "tantrum" from over stimulation or boundary pushing should be taught to be learn to help avoid or help guide through the situation. I knew one person who was afraid of elevators. I tried a couple of times to teach him it's okay. But I also did not force him to. But when he did, he got my praise, and when we took the stairs, I thanked him for the exercise and he laughs. Give them the options, teach them the best they can let them calculate the risk in their own comfortability and then guide their choice the safest and legal way you can. That's what's best for any human
I was held captive by your analysis of this documentary and I tend to agree with you that somebody else was likely speaking for him. It must be hard for him when he knows they were literally putting words in his mouth. I'm not sure if he understood what they were saying on his behalf, but I would be pissed if someone was manipulating my private thoughts to mean something that I might totally resent. Anyway, great video London! Looking forward to your next one.
Giving me flashbacks to Coco the allegedly able to communicate gorilla. Oof. Me, Amy, no like liars. We've gone full Congo now, and that's just unforgivable. Edit: The amount of "being nice over being honest" in the video is killing me.
This was a Law & Order episode. S5E19 of the original series. I don't know exactly why he was in court. I think it was his doctor that was arrested for physically abusing these mentally handicapped children. David was a defendent's witness who used this form of communication with a computer and it turned out that the mother was actually answering the questions and that the doctor had not been making any progress by his practices like David's mum had attested to. The Doctor goes to jail and David's mum, in tears stops McCoy in the hallway after the trial and asks him what she's supposed to do now. Can she send him home with McCoy? Did he want to change his diaper and give him baths. He has tantrums and is getting too much for her to handle. It was a really sad episode. I haven't finished watching this video yet but after 9 minutes, it reminds me a lot of that episode that aired nearly 30 years ago (1995) Edit: I feel bad for the mum. DJ clearly can't ever live independently. Some people are in such denial that they don't see that. They don't want to have a child that's going to be reliant on them for the rest of their lives. Does DJ understand personal hygiene? Can he bathe himself without burning or freezing himself? I'm not sure this woman has the mental energy to take care of DJ for the rest of her life. I doesn't seem like it.
Yea she doesn't. And by "helping him" she is not letting him grow. she's Not letting him do these things by himself and just assisting where needed. She is starting to resent him subconsciously, because she feels trapped.
The problem with non verbal communication or “verbal communication that is not ‘standard’” is not that it is the wrong form of communication, it is the problem with other people not understanding the true meaning. It is up to us with more capacity for communication to adapt and figure out the best for people with communication difficulties so we can all be good together.
I think this may be different but it reminds me of an uncle I had. He died of ALS or “Lou Graig’s disease” like 10 years ago. When he was in the last months of his life he lost function of his limbs and I think everything else of his body except his eyes. He had an IPad thing in front of his face and he’d spell out words with moving his eyes. I’m not 100% sure how it worked but it’d track his eye movements and when the cursor got to the letter he wanted he’d blink and that’s how he’d spell out words. Wonder why something like that wouldn’t work for this kid.
PSA: I use both "differently abled" and "disabled" because I have friends that prefer both terms. I know there is controversy over "differently abled" but I see that as no reason to exclude the term some autistic people I know prefer.
i use disabled because its retarded to cater to peoples feelings,
With autism there are upsides and downsides so it's a very delicate discussion. There's the social side which maybe is even the most affecting but also the one that would correspond to differently able the most, because it stems from just a different way of communicating. Then there's the plentitude of other symptoms and comorbid disorders, like hyper-/and hyposensitivities, executive dysfunction etc which really make it impossible to call autism not a disability. There's a lot that accomodation solves, the social part seems to me the most important one and growing up in an accepting environment would just solve so much, living with no friends is just devastating for anyone.
it does absolutely nothing except comfort the non-disabled and sugarcoat the reality thats personally why i cringe at it so much
@@ceaselesswatcher💯% , education and acceptance of disability limitations, challenges and realities is much more helpful to the community.
Luv definitely aint gonna be enough wit that flag on ur wall🤣🤣🤣
What's most disturbing to me is that he does communicate, very clearly, but no one wants to take how he communicates seriously. Him standing up in the interviews, him waving his hands in his mom's face when she was talking down to him, all very clear communications that he's not ok in those situations. Non-verbal communication is communication.
Indeed, he can communicate to a basic extent his own needs. But nobody listens because they have their own narrative.
@@danger.snakes True
@@danger.snakes it's not easy though. it's a lot of energy as they age. aggression. frustrating. the only issue is what's going too happen when he's alone. if they can't understand what you're saying or screaming loud like this people think nutcase. was placed in an autistic unit as a tween. weird place. screaming, talking to themselves, biting, and other situations. if that makes sense.
Your right he is dismissed and ignored for the way he expressed himself as if to say the way you communicate is not acceptable. His mother needs to accept that he is not like her and will never be and that is perfectly ok.
The autism experience
He reminds me so much of my son. It's heartbreaking to watch his mom actively avoid acknowledging when he is actually trying to communicate.
When the narrative is more important than the person... it's brutal.
His mother putting the words "I hold my mom hostage" in his mouth is so telling. She feels trapped and that's why she's insisting he can be more independent. It's infuriating. My heart breaks for him.
A lot of the things "he" says are clearly just his mom's burdens being translated into his own.
You are clearly not a mother. Mothers ARE trapped! Especially if they are single or married. Our kids are used against us every day and while there is 20 different agencies, laws and courts there to remove your kids but NON TO ACTUALLY HELP YOU WHERE YOU ACTUALLY NEED THE HELP!!! Especially if they are delayed. Did you know that if the thing is older than 8 months you cannot legally adopt it out? Cps will not help you find them a new home and the who safe abandon law only for babies!
I wish I had an ab0rt¡on with all my kids. They are just curses!
r€publ¡c@ns are the real monsters!
Being a mother is prison!
Hot take... try being his mom for your entire adulthood, and see what kind cognitive and ethical leaps you are prepared to take, after a lifetime of exhaustion, boredom, and grief.
@PrivateAccountXSG Hot take, there's this thing called therapy. She should try it and maybe keep some of her thoughts there instead of painting her child as a burden.
I function more independently than the kid in this video, but abelism doesn't discriminate. It hurts when you find out this is how the people you love feel about you. It destroys the self esteem.
It fucks you up. Even if her son will never see this documentary, imagine how many disabled kids WILL see it.
@@PrivateAccountXSG then she shouldn't have had a kid in fucking first place lmao. what is this dumbass logic?
Theres a documentary on Netflix of a man who ended up being sexually abused by his teacher who “taught” him assisted communication and he has long lasting damage because of it. Also a very disturbing documentary.
Tell Them You Love Me. Yeah, that was a truly disturbing watch
@@katyalambo yes that’s the one, thank you 🙏🏽
That’s what I thought this video was going to be about, so upsetting
That must be about Anna Stublefield and Derek Johnson.
@@evelineg.1841yes I think it is
I am autistic and for most my life was just called “shy”. In appointments or out in public my mother would essentially cut me off the second I tried to talk and tell others what she thought I needed. She never let me verbalize my own thoughts and feelings to people in authority, like doctors or teachers. And the saddest part is that a big reason she did that was because of how badly she abused me behind the scenes. I lacked a filter and would often tell everyone everything and that terrified her.
I find that the term differently abled is often used by what are called “autism moms”. It sets off a bit of anxiety. There’s nothing wrong with the term disability. I am quite literally less able to do many crucial things. I am disabled.
I use both disabled and differently abled in this video because I know people who prefer both.
Oh christ you gave me a lot to think about right now..
@@danger.snakes fair enough. I just feel you may want to consider it causes many to have a fear response.
Thank you for sharing that. My little had a speech impediment in early life, and had to go to a specialist who really helped him become his own person. Before a certain point, my mother and my sister, who was 14 months older, spoke for him ALOT. They were like translators. When he became a teenager, he became very irritated with the whole situation, and let them know that he could speak for himself. But even now, I notice that if anyone interrupts him, he will just shut down. Sometimes he will speak up and demand to be heard….but most times, he’ll just people get it off their chest. I know they were trying to help with the best of intentions….but I could usually see in his face that he was tired of the puppet show. I am proud of my brother….he is a supervisor now, owns his own home, and has a nice woman in his life. It was good to see him grow into a whole man.
Blessings to everyone here, today. This is a great topic. ✊🏾
I do wonder if you are autistic, or solely have a healthy protect response to your mothers abuse/neglect.
I say this because I have become a very different person since I put a whole planet between my mother and myself.
“Humans have a terrible time with intelligence other than ours. We label things greater or lesser, a god or a beast, and can’t accept something just being different but equivalent.”
-very paraphrased Spider Robinson
That's on the kyriarchy. Not all societies have been like this. Yes, I have books. Anyhow, not really trynna argue, just putting this comment in case someone is interested in the books
That's one smart Spider man
This makes me so upset as a disabled person and I think what’s even worse is that these are not DJ’s desires. They’re shoving him down a path they see as normal and successful and you can see he is upset, overwhelmed, and anxious over being forced into all these situations he doesn’t understand. That time could have been better spent understanding DJ, helping him maximize his way of communicating and getting others to meet him where he is, and enabling him to have the independence and life that matches his actual needs and desires. Thank you for sharing this.
My pleasure. This kind of thing needs to be brought to light, there are too many cases of this kind of thing happening.
"They want a different Deej than the one that actually exists" made me start crying. I don't know or understand a lot about Deej's experience. However, I am autistic and have other disabilities. And I feel this so hard. It's really tough to realize that the people who say they love you don't really want to see the real you. They want to see something else... and I'm too tired to be something else for them anymore.
Get it all out. There may be people in the world that dehumanize other people, intentionally or not, but there are at least other people to call them out. Always look for the helpers.
I feel the same. I've even told my father that I always put on a facade, but he doesn't care. He just loves this facade thinking it's the real me, and shouts when It's actually me. After I tasted how it's like to be free, It's just too exhausting to pretend just for him. It feels like chains around your heart and mind to be around such person
I am not disabled (although I am definitely neurodivergent), and this has been my life story. I diverged from the path I was "supposed" to take in life, and since then my family (my parents) completely rejected me, casting me out like the red headed stepchild. Anything I do will never be enough, because I did not take the successful route in their eyes, and anything positive I do is overshadowed by the things I DIDN'T do, that I would have needed to do to be accepted as part of the family.
It's a tough pill to swallow, and it's a tough road to walk. I have lived my whole life masking my true self and emotions, and it's not easy to just drop that mask and be authentic when everyone you know seems to like you because of who you project yourself to be to others.
I'm not saying I have any solutions for you, but you're definitely not alone in your experience ❤
So what exactly is your play about? Could you perhaps give us a synopsis?
"I like Spaghetti! YAY!!! ".
This is pretty close to abuse & denial. So sad .
This was my introduction to Facilitated Communication, and I'm glad I had a rational person to explain it to me. A quick online search showed me not only that FC is baloney, but also how we know it is baloney. Show an object to the subject but not the facilitator and ask what it was they were shown. Incorrect answer.
Deej does at least appear to communicate in this documentary, though not through a keyboard. Him standing and trying to leave seems to communicate his desire to terminate the interview, even if he doesn't understand what the interview is.
Yes, he is clearly communicating his desires to escape certain situations, and he's not being heard.
@@danger.snakes Glad I'm not the only one who sees it. His communication does seem clear to me. So sad.
Yea my brother is a non verbal autistic and he only communicates through gestures. And he wouldnt sit down for this bullshit...
It is outrageous that anyone is allowing this shit to still fly. Deej deserves so much better, and whatever authority is responsible for protecting vulnerable people need to get in there, rescue him, and prosecute his parents. Disgusting.
FC is horrible, and because the people doing it have a bit of a savior complex…there is almost always an accusation of child abuse leveled at someone, supposedly typed by the cognitively disabled person but really just projected by the facilitator.
FC is an awful mix of weirdo true believers, and families who just so want it to be true.
It seems to me that the mother in particular is using Deej as a prop, "Look at what a great mother I am."
Her own little cross to bear!
I find this to be common amongst the “autism moms” which I find disgusting because I’m also an autism mom but the difference I notice between me and literally every one of these activist moms is that I am also AuDHD and so I don’t view it as some terrible thing to have kids like myself. I love them exactly as they are.
@@DaughterofDiogenes Im autistic too (but the high-function ones, I got socially calibrated during Highschool, so I don´t have to many problems to be honest). And I really hate this parents.
I NEVER let my parents talk with people about me as its "autistic son" at all. I was Sebasthian, his son, and the austism didn´t had to be something "special" of me. I was special for my actions, the things I said, and the relations I made with people. My own father tried to use it just 3 times in my life to disqualify me, but nobody cared about that because they knew me well at all to just don´t care about it.
Its like people who likes to think they are special for being of the LGBT+ community. Fuck that, Im not a "neurodivergence community" member, and Im not proud of being autistic. I just don´t care, and I fought my whole damn life to be socially skilled with people because I wanted it.
But I was lucky as fuck in comparatibe to Dj, or other autistic people I have known. Its pretty weird because they usually don´t realize Im like them, but Im capable of communicate with them pretty well, its like having a common language or way to understand the other. Its scary sometimes to be honest, because I see this people and I think "how in the heck Im not like them?".
I was lucky because I know I´ll be able to take care of myself, and anyone who stays with me in the future, but I also feel terrible for people who have to accept the fact their kids will never be able to do the same, and are scared as fuck if thinking about the day they are gone and what will be of their loved sons.
Yes that's exactly the vibe I got from this video, I don't get if the parents are delusional or are doing it on purpose to not let DJ communicate
@@DaughterofDiogenesyou are not super unique or special.
I have taught the most impacted special education students in my state for over a decade and I have had a tiny number of stereotypical, "neurodivergent community" autism moms and WAY more normal, tired, loving, doing their best moms and dads.
But I have had a ton of parents who have their own developmental delays and they are a total mixed bag. Most of them are in deep poverty because of their disability and single motherhood and that makes it extremely hard to care for their children well.
The hardest thing is the higher functioning kids who are smarter than their parents who have developmental disabilities before high school is over (or even starts).
The best parents I work with tend to be neurotypical, married, and have extra adult help around the house through either the DHS/DD system and/or grandparents being around and/or adult siblings or very young aunts or uncles taking a lot of the service hours to be their personal service worker.
The "worst" parents are usually the single moms with their own developmental disabilities. They often don't mean to be the worst, they just don't have the ability to be the moms they would want to be if they could and poverty is always a barrier to enrichment.
This is depressing and horrible. People taking advantage of someone who doesn't even understand what's happening, pretending he's what he isn't, acting like he can understand things he simply doesn't, etc. My brother has a similar condition to what Deej supposedly has so this is very personal for me. I hate it when people are used like this.
When I said disturbing I wasn't kidding.
this is so disturbing. I'm autistic, high functioning, and I have family members who are more like Deej. I hate these autism moms who exploit their children like this. thank you for making this video. I'm subscribing.
Thanks for the compliments. This isn't my normal affair though, I more tend to focus on religion and conspiracy skepticism. I am, of course, always looking for new content and may do more videos on the subject of FC since it is a travesty for autistic people.
@@danger.snakes i'm interested in religion, and i subscribed. you're an athiest, i assume? i'm looking for more atheist youtubers to watch, are there any you recommend besides yourself?
Genetically Modified Sceptic and Forrest Vallki are good
I'm currently on my way to become a speech therapist, and this is not how assisted communication is supposed to be done. The therapist can show the patient where a symbol is and press it to demonstrate, but the patient is still supposed to press the buttons themselves. I have seen patients who were much more affected than this boy, and we still didn't press the buttons for them. His family is actually hindering his development by being this on hands with everything
Ps: sorry if my English sounds weird, it's not my native language 🙈
You express yourself very well.
You are so right and your English is great! I could not speak in that level in my second language
This is sad. He is a puppet and a tapestry for projection rather than being treated as who they really are.
They don't even find out what he actually likes and is capable of when they are just following what the mum wants.
That's pretty much how I see it. DJ's mother might mean well (who knows? - so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt) but she really needs to treat DJ's condition with REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS/REALISTIC ASSESSMENT of his condition.
I had a stroke that paralyzed my right side back in 2005 (and about 10 years later one that paralyzed my left side, it took some time and a hell of a lot of hard work but gained my movement back both times) but both times when I would try to do something on my own, people would take over and people didn't understand why I'd get upset with them. It was more that I was upset at the situation and wanted to do as much for myself as I could, they just were trying to help and just didn't understand why I would be upset by it, they were trying their best and this was new to all of us. And believe me, I love them all to death for trying to make my life easier but I've always been independent and wanted to do everything myself. When I had it on my left side I was able to still write with my right hand and was finally able to tell them what was wrong. They finally understood that by doing everything for me, I was never going to get better. Well, the second time I was only in physical rehab for a little over two weeks and the day I got back was on my dad's birthday, so I surprised him by cooking his favorite dinner and made him a cake, washing and putting all the stuff from cooking away. Just doing that felt like an accomplishment. I've had more health problems over the years, the latest was kidney failure on Christmas Eve last year and my dad told the doctors and nurses that I would want to do as much for myself as was possible and they actually listened making my hospital stay a lot easier than if they hadn't. Basically what I'm trying to say is when people are considered "disabled" most people want to help and are just not thinking that the person wants to be independent and by not letting them be independent they are hurting the person more than helping in a lot of cases.
Sorry for what you've been through and are still dealing with.
What I do is offer to help people, rather than forcing my help on them, so people can make up their own minds. Some people are grateful to be helped, and some insist that they're fine and can cope.
I feel for everyone in this. My youngest is more high functioning, but when she has tantrums or is upset, you do not act like this mother. Pure abuse. I was taught by our psychiatrist to divert attention to something else she can fixate on. Raised voices and treating him like a child acting out hurts my soul. It hurts them so much more. Very hard documentary to get through, but thank you for bringing subjects like this to light. I do understand the parents frustration though, you can get looks and judgement when out in public, but your embarrassment should never dictate how you treat your child. Better to be embarrassing for you, than for you to damage your child who doesnt understand what is happening.
The big problem is obviously that they can't accept their child doesn't know what is happening. It's a poor way to treat anyone in any event, but much worse with that added context.
@danger.snakes i think you are right. It is very hard to accept it. At least for me it was.
as someone who is autistic with an autistic brother who is very outgoing in public, judgement should be given to those who judge instead of being viewed as something embarrassing
Hi fellow autistic person here!! Please don't call meltdowns tantrums. They are wildly different!
@@4O4Himeyeah unfortunately I was raised around and for a short time by people who didn't know the difference between a meltdown and a tantrum. I never threw tantrums after like, 3yo, but I did get overwhelmed and mentally shut down and forget where I was or how to communicate sometimes and ofc I got blamed for it and punished as if I can help that I'm autistic and get major panic attacks sometimes. I see that a lot from people on the outside and yelling... Definitely a bad idea in either situation imo, redirecting or giving me space works but pushing in any way and my brain just goes nuclear meltdown, and I'm considered "high functioning" whatever that means
There was a kid on the spectrum at the church I went to as a teen. His mom had a QWERTY keyboard printout in one hand and would hold his wrist with the other and have him point at the letters . The thing that I found interesting was that the printout moved but not the kids hand… yup.. it’s a bunch of nonsense. Nicely done analysis of this topic
Churches once more being a breeding ground of silliness
@@danger.snakesjackass thing to say given no context other than the fact that op was exposed to an autistic person there
As someone with selective mutism though otherwise not really disabled, the way non verbal people are treated needs to be talked about more. I remember being with a nurse after a procedure, trying to sign through my mom that i needed food and water, just for the nurse to say "use your big boy words" to a full grown ass man. The whole time, I felt like i was treated like a kid having a tantrum, when i was physically and mentally unable to verbalise. Even with my mom stepping in, nurses would "put words in my mouth", acting with authourity because of thier position or what ever. The whole time i was watching this i couldnt stop thinking about the human ouija board analogy, because thats what it is.
I second this, it was worse for a time when I was younger and I don't get that very often anymore, but I also live alone now and have the luxury of not needing to say a single word 90% of my days so selective mutism has become mostly a non issue, but I've been excluded from stuff in the past and talked down to because it happens and people are often very callous, often I fell completely obliviously, to me not being able to make phonecalls often at all because my brain tends to lock up and go into panic mode and getting hung up on even once for not responding in .5 seconds has been enough to make me legit fear phonecalls. We really need more acceptance and understanding for this stuff because it's frustrating and I don't wanna be treated like an infant, but neither do I wanna be treated like I don't need/deserve extra help at times or idk... Time? Time would be a great start, it usually only takes me a minute or twp to regain the ability to speak
it's so refreshing to see your comment as someone who has selective mutism and severe social anxiety throughout childhood and now into adulthood. Growing up no one could figure out what was wrong with me, why i wouldn't talk until about a year ago i learned about selective mutism and realized that was me. In school i was bullied several times but mostly just isolated from the world... and now i work a full time job at which I'm unable to speak. I've been treated as less than human by my coworkers and even my boss, simply because I'm different and can't communicate. Everyone acts like they are better than me which makes me start to feel bad about myself... it sucks so bad that i developed SM through trauma and continue to get traumatized by other people, i resent people so much. I'm here if you ever need or want someone to talk too!
I hate how autism in all forms tends to be treated this way. A lot of people think they're being nice or caring, but you're really treating people like an infant, no matter who they are. Be nice and patient, but maybe don't lead with this belittling treatment. Interact like a normal person, then adapt depending who it is. I'm likely a bit autistic, so being quiet and giving deadpan responses was normal for me. Too many adults and peers talked to me like a kindergarten teacher and I loathed it, though, it was funny to see their confusion when I gave a serious deadpan response.
why don't you speak. You are mentally ill?
I am also an adult with selective mutism. It's honestly infuriating. I usually avoid people at all when I have a meltdown and go mute, but sometimes it does happen in public and people just fail to see me as an adult in these moments. I usually just write down on my words instead, but I've had actual medical staff just ignore my notes?! They literally pretended like I was faking it because in their minds "if I'm able to write I'm able to talk". They also ignored all of my attempts to communicate nom verbally.
Sometimes it feels that only people who speak well are seen as humans. Because even when I do speak, the second I start to stumble over my words I am treated like I'm not there at worst or like a child at best
It seems to me he's communicating quite a lot, but the neurotypicals in his life are choosing to ignore him and put words in his mouth to suit their own needs. As an autistic person myself, I find that degrading and insulting.
If you’re communicating in a way that no one around you can understand, can we really call it communication or is it more just an emotional expression?
@@Da_bear-ij9gm Emotional expression IS communication. If I were up, crying, and trying to get out of the door, the people around me would PROBABLY know that I wanna leave the room. In this situation, the people around him are just ignoring what he's expressing, because they already had pretended that he wants to do something else.
I mean, obviously he can't express much more than "I'm happy" or "I want to leave", maybe even "I'm hungry AF", so he can't communicate much. But he can express some simple things, and that's way more important than fake expressions of more complex things.
@@Da_bear-ij9gm It is communication. If you are in a room full of people, none of which speak your language and you have to somehow communicate to them them understanding you does not take away the 'communicating' from your action.
@@Da_bear-ij9gm This would be akin to saying that if you are around people who can't speak English, English stops being a language. Communication is a two way street and if the other person doesn't understand or try to intuit what you are communicating, that doesn't mean the failure is all on you. Communication is when one person sends a message and the other receive it. He's trying to send a message, but the people around him refuse to receive it.
The whole documentary feels like a puppet show with a nonconsenting person as the puppet and a terrible storyteller as the puppetmaster.
Imagine the contempt that must be built up inside of him.
Your interpretation of the parents is much more charitable than mine. To me they just look like petty assholes with a Messiah Complex.
Idk. Sometimes it's very easy to judge people in a hard situation without actually knowing anything about them, especially over the Internet.
Psychological projection and denial are powerful forces that effect everyone some stronger and some weaker. I don't know if the mom is doing what she is on purpose but it's just as likely she thinks everything she's saying is true. That she's helping.
Either way I don't think that you get to abuse someone because of how much they did wrong. It might feel like justice but it's not. It's just revenge.
I don't know what's going on with the Dad. I feel like after spending years watching this form of "communication" he would know inside that the mother is contriving it, and even though he seems way better than her, he's still playing along. He may not feel comfortable literally hijacking his son's communication, but he's not against it happening through other means. Disturbing was a good word to use, this shit is insane
This is so concerning on many levels. I work with autistic children and some are non-verbal. I can only imagine how it must feel to have a child that is so dependent on you and doesn’t have a way to communicate. There are AAC devices that insurance can pay for. Why is he not receiving speech therapy that helps him learn how to use a device independently? They send him to school where he is in honors classes. So, he is intelligent enough to be in those classes, but can’t communicate on his own? This took place in 2017. It’s not that long ago. People who believe in facilitated communication have an agenda. Mom wants her son to be the poster child of autism and an activist, because to admit that he is limited in his abilities means to admit her own child is not extraordinary, which is to say by extension neither is she. She’d rather create this idealized version of DJ and go to such lengths, even though it’s a farce. It’s depressing and frustrating and just infuriating. Loving someone and admitting their limitations is the only way to be. No matter what hopes and dreams we have for kids, we also must face reality. Mom got her son a college degree and yet, he can’t even communicate independently. DJ will never be able to live independently. If mom doesn’t want him living with them forever, there are group homes available. Mom needs therapy like yesterday. The part where he says she holds her hostage shows her true thoughts.
I lived next door to a kid with down syndrome and watching this video was... Certainly an experience. That kid was also mostly nonverbal but he could still communicate with single words and was expressive with gestures and maybe it was just me being on the autism spectrum and having some minor issues with selective mutism, but I thought he actually communicated pretty well with his limitations. I don't think this guy in this documentary has that much issue communicating either, I just got the vibe he was largely and sometimes completely ignored, like he shook his head no at least twice in the clips in this video alone and yet the mom was going with everything and making it seem like he agreed when... Especially later in the video he clearly WASN'T agreeing with what was going on. Gods can people just stop treating disabilities like they're either some magical superpower or some massive burden that must be lifted? He seemed completely fine in earlier scenes, even a few scenes he seemed happy, but the whole college arch he seemed uncomfortable at best and it's just sad. He's a person too, I just hope people in such situations end up in better ones very soon
As an autistic person myself, this documentary pissed me the hell off!
I feel bad for his classmates who had their schooling daily interrupted by these crazy parents.
I am amazed that Facilitated Communication is still practiced. It fails the simplest of tests. Frontline did a scathing report on it many, many years ago. FC is the best example of the power of confirmation bias I can think of. People are so desperate to find a way for a beloved victim of autism to communicate that they will see it happening when it isn't. If anyone wants to look up the old Frontline on the topic, they will find it well worth their time.
There's a lot of pro-FC propaganda out there, documentaries like this, which are often distributed for free or on the cheap.
I hate how the mother talks to her son like a misbehaving child when hes overwhelmed. Really sheds light on the ableism towards higher support needs individuals, because he communicates how he feels, but nobody's willing to accept it
Is it that they don’t accept it, or don’t understand it? When a human who doesn’t understand cat body language interacts with one, they can easily become confused and discouraged when they don’t understand cues that are obvious to good cat owners. Does that mean they’re intentionally ignoring the cat when they fail to understand its cues?
@Da_bear-ij9gm If the cat's behavior is not understood, then there should be an effort to learn about it. There are quite a few factors to this, and one important one is intent, as well as how you proceed once educated. If you do your homework on autistic people, you will know that we(I'm autistic btw)don't follow traditional social structures, and this can be amplified in those who are higher support needs. Whether you are educated or not is not an excuse to infantilize someone with a disability, which is what I'm mainly upset about
@@Da_bear-ij9gm If they do the same stuff around the same cat again and again and get the same reaction again and again and they do not bother to try and act differently or reflect on their actions, then yes it's willful ignorance.
@@Da_bear-ij9gm Also another difference to the cat/autism analogy is that most autistic people YOU CAN FRIGGING TALK TO. You can just ASK. Maybe not IN THAT MOMENT but in another moment. You can ask OTHER AUTISTIC PEOPLE. We aren't frucking cats. WE CAN TALK.
This really upset me. I am a high masking adult autistic man and this really pissed me off. I hope when the mom goes into geriatric care she gets as much 'love' as she showed to Deej.
Me, too. It was so creepy when she pretended he liked the teacher 😭
@@TheNothing7777 it was!!!
oh so you are a vengeful person
@@nowistime8070 if you are trying to shame me into any sort of self imposed high standard you are barking the wrong tree, go judge someone else.🖕🖕
@@nowistime8070people can be vengeful when they are repeatedly dismissed and repressed
17:53 this is so hard to watch. He's clearly uncomfortable and tries to communicate his needs, but the caretaker prefers to cosplay the heroic narrative that benefits her.
Maternal narcissism is devastatingly common in adoption. This situation looks like a strong candidate for that.
A lot of parents project themselves onto their children to an unhealthy degree. But to see it done to a person who’s even more incapable of defending themselves is so sickening, it takes it to a whole new level of heart breaking.
So many words that aren’t his, that the mother actually wrote and that get all the attention. She gets all the attention through him
yet his clear nonverbal cues are repeatedly ignored
😢
4:37 I think it’s more than fair to use the word fraud. Edit: oh my godddd every word sounds like a not autistic person describing their assumptions about autistic people. “She is also cute” andddd there we go, the spectre of sexual abuse
Bit of a stretch to call that sexual abuse. It’s normal for parents to want their child to have a partner one day, and it’s normal for them to look for signs of romantic interest in post pubescent children. We know that she is merely projecting those feelings onto him, she does not. It can be hard for a parent to realize their child is so severely and permanently disabled that they are incapable of ever forming a consensual relationship
@@Da_bear-ij9gm this is a public video and those projections involve other people, one of which was an adult while DJ was (presumably) underage. it seems abusive to me.
@@Da_bear-ij9gm its not normal for your parents to try to imply you have a crush on your teacher.
When I saw this video it absolutely broke my heart I'm autistic and could tell the exact signs of when he was communicating non verbally to his mother on how he wants to leave or try to calm down when he is overstimulated or unaware of the situation going on around him. And his mother blatantly trying to punish him when he is trying to show his own signs of him not liking a situation proves how messed up this dynamic is absolutely. DJ deserves so much better wherever he is now I hope he can thrive without FC.
I appreciate videos like these because it not only brings awareness to social issues in the autistic community but it also serves as a lesson in general skepticism for those of us who’re learning to be skeptical after coming out of a religious mindset and/or escaping the trump cult. Thank you London
This is horrifying, it looks like wierd ppl exploiting him to make themselves feel important and self-sacrificing to feed off the sympathy and praise of others.
I'm currently studying to become a speech therapist, and one thing that stuck with me during our lessons on assisted communication is that we're not the one to guide their hands. As therapists, yes we can show them where a symbol is and whst it stands for, but the goal is for the patients to do it themselves.
We're villianizing the mother so much, but the dad and all the other adults have the responsibility to help. Let's not put these people into "good cop, bad cop" categories. There is no doubt that these people love and want the best for this kid.
Yeah a lot of people blame the moms in scenarios like this even though the dad is there every step of the way. And I’ve never seen even one person acknowledge that this could be happening because mothers are significantly more involved in a child’s development than fathers. Rather than bc women are somehow uniquely evil
You're right. In situations like these all included adults are villains. And love is no excuse for abuse.
As an autistic guy, THANK GOD MY PARENTS WEREN'T LIKE THIS.
This just hurts my soul, poor guy deserves so much better...
Btw, as an autistic person, please call un disabled. We're not differently abled, simply disabled. It's still very hard to get the support we need. (Not to criticize this. Youve actually done a great job with this video)
I used both terms in this video because I have friends who prefer differently abled to disabled.
I'm autistic and I'm what would be considered high functioning, and when people act the way his mother does when im overwhelmed it genuinely just makes it so much worse. It looks like she just wants him to be "normal" so bad that she's willing to put him through any amount of harm. A lot of the noises and movements look like self regulating and self soothing, and the way she gets so upset at him for it rather than being worried and attentive at them is so telling.
just wanted to let you know disabled isnt a bad word. Differently abled is something that was started by people who are not disabled to make themselves feel better, but most disabled people would agree that its just disabled.
Agreed, it’s mainly used by people who are virtue signaling
He probably does understand what his mom is saying, hense him getting upset about it. Tbh I dont like the term "differently abled" as someone who is disabled, it just sounds dumb. Disabled is an apt description. Now what should be classed as a disability can be argued, Not all neurodivergent people consider themselves disabled, I dont consider my autism in of itself a disability, nor my ADHD in of itself a disability, but my chronic migraines and mild hip deformity along with my elevated kneecaps are a disability all together.
There's no indication he has any form of understanding of words beyond the very basic ones, like "no" or "stop"
FC is absolute bunk. There are numerous tests and statistics that prove that. How it is still practiced is absolutely mindboggling to me!
In fairness, there are literally flat Earthers, so...
As someone who has a neurological disorder that affects my speech, I'm high "functioning" but I can't speak very well. A lot of people will try to speak for me when I can communicate for myself just fine. I have amazing people in my life that help make things easier, but i will always feel like a burden to them.
Deej is so incredibly amazing. The Dad is someone we need more of in this world. Facilitated communication isn't very reliable. I hope Deej is getting better out there. If he sees this, just know you have a friend out here :)
3:12 This method of helping the person type has been debunked. That it’s pretty much the abled person doing the talking. Sounds like you’re about to get into it. Edit* In the film about the abled former professor Anna Stubblefield, accused of SA’ing Derrick Johnson, they show people fail the test when they show the FC a picture of a bird, then the disabled person a basketball, and the abled person will write “basketball.”
I'm thinking about doing a video on that documentary as well.
This is sad. He seems to have a lot of function in a lot of areas. He's playing tennis, going out, riding a trike with friends. He has social bonds and that's amazing. Plus he's communicating, to me pretty effectively, just not through words. It's sad that no one's "listening."
His mum seems like she's running an experiment, and Dad's just happy to buy into it.
And I'm not going to jump on the she's a deliberately abvsive, malicious person bandwagon. She does come off cold, but so do I so I try not to judge based on that. I do genuinely think she wants good things for him, that's why he's going out, doing things and able to connect with other. But she doesn't get that good for him is not good for her.
Good for her is him having a higher education and complete independence, but that's not going to happen and she's deluded herself into thinking it is - and in turn is pulling others into her delusion.
And in the end it does become abvsive, because he's not being listened to and having the needs he's communicating met. Like I said, it's sad.
The stuff that she's essentially writing in his voice is enlightening. She feels tired, frustrated, trapped, and smothered. I can't even begin to imagine how he feels.
I think this documentary is scummy. And her using him for this is scummy too.
I honestly would think he needs to be in an asisted living community/group home, where he can have his needs met. That seperation would probably be good for them both. But I know good ones are not easy to find.
This entire video feels kinda like Munchausen's By Proxy, except instead of making a healthy kid ill she took a child with a disability and made him a puppet.
Yeah I think people are giving Dad wayyyyyyy too much leniency. He’s tauting himself as a specialist teacher in disability studies, but can’t interpret his own son’s nonverbal cues? He’s more that just along for the ride.
She doesn't want good things FOR HIM. She wants him and his life to look good FOR HER. She is still selfish. And people still defend her as 'aw poor adult parent can't do any better'. Adults can do better and they should.
If his hands need so much guidance hitting desired keys, why not just make a 2x scaled keyboard for those with difficult motor control? He has enough motor control to hit send
My mother in mid-stage motor neurone disease (ALS), still had motor in her hands but it was poor. She had already lost the ability to speak. When we got her an assistive device it took her less than a minute to type out, shakes and poor motor control and all, "Paul [my dad], make me a coffee". She had been non verbal for 4 weeks at that point and we all cried.
Just to clarify, it appears that DJ is alingual not simply nonverbal.
I'm only describing him how they describe him.
@@danger.snakes that wasn't meant to be a correction for your video, just to anyone like myself who wasn't clear from the start about the actual severity of his lingual impairment.
I don’t think we can know for sure, especially not from this documentary. It’s entirely possible he does understand everything people say.
Just wanted to point out a few things as a disabled person:
The community of disabled people at large finds high and low functioning labels to be offensive. You should not use them. The autism community in general has been fighting back against it as best it can for years. The preferred terms are higher and lower support needs in different areas. Functioning labels are often more associated with how able bodied people view us then by the support we actually need.
We also do not like nor use "differently abled" we are disabled. Language like this is often forced on us without our say and most disabled people do not like it and find it at the very least tone deaf if not outright offensive.
No hate.
I don't expect non disabled people to know this stuff.
Just putting it out there.
Naturally there are disabled people out there who don't take issue with this language but it's a minority tbh.
As an autistic man, I personally despise the term "disabled", it implies there's something wrong with me when there isn't, I just happen to think differently to everyone else.
High and low functioning is really person to person. Most people I meet with autism don’t care.
as an autistic girl, I find high and low functioning to not be offensive. To me, Low and High functioning doesnt mean "low functioning as a human being" but how well one can function by a neurotypical standard. It doesn't mean low or high value. My cousin is low functioning because by a neurotypical standard she is not a typical 35 year old. She lives at home and can't do many things beyond what a typical 6 year old can, but she's a very good artist and a creative woman who loves disney. Low functioning doesn't mean bad, it just means there are some things she can't do and others she can. For me, I'm considered high functioning because I will be able to live on my own as an adult, I am in mainstream classes at a mainstream high school, and I can speak like a neurotypical person. However, high functioning doesn't mean I can do everything. I can't drive, my focus issues are too severe. I have trouble in social situations and am known as a weird socially awkward person. I'm not very good at a lot of things. I'm a creative person but being high functioning doesn't mean I'm automatically better at everything than my cousin. My cousin and I are the same in levels of humanity and deserving of respect, she's just unable to do certain things and that's okay.
I imagine some people don’t like the term “disabled” when it’s something like autism that is moreso part of who you are, but I 100% agree with you that I prefer the term for myself (I have physical disabilities and ADHD). I am not “differently abled” - there is nothing I can do that other people can’t. I’m disabled. Many things the average person can do is impossible or very difficult for me. It isn’t some superpower, it negatively affects my life and does not help me at all. I don’t find the term “differently abled” offensive, I just find it disconnected from reality and kinda stupid.
@@dhskwkebbf I love how you’re wrong and slow in every comment. I’m glad things are difficult for you, you deserve it for spewing this garbage and inflicting yourself on the rest of us.
Holy crap, his mom is a genius! Her GPA is 4.125!? AND she wrote a play about what it would be like for her to experience the world through her disabled son? And yes, I said disabled. I’m not going into the minutiae of why, but I’ll offer that I mean NO disrespect to any disabled persons who may be reading this…..but aren’t we ALL at least a little ‘differently abled’? All these words were my own and TOTALLY not the words of the person assisting me to type the letters.
Not sure if it takes a genius adult to get a 4.125 GPA as an adult. My mom is no genius but she had the highest scores possible at college.
@@danger.snakes yeah but through the filter of the son and she STILL got scored 4.125!? (I almost deleted this comment, btw. I’m fully aware this is an extremely dark and distressing topic and my attempt to make light of it is….yeah…tasteless. Sorry) This was the first video I saw from you and thoroughly enjoyed it (the presentation, not the subject matter TBC) The algorithm smiled on my feed today! I had just started the one about your addiction when I saw your reply pop up. (I’m 16 months clean after almost 30 years of sustained heroin and methamphetamine use and the various legal woes accumulated throughout.) It’s rare to get a response at all, let alone that quickly. Thank you! I’m off work today, so it looks like I’ll be spending some time with your videos…cheers and Godspeed! (Sorry for all the parenthetical remarks….🤗)
@@danger.snakes but a 4.125 through the filter of the disabled son?! You could get in to Harvard with that average! Imagine her scores without the….handicap. Another bad joke…..I’m sorry.
On a brighter and sunnier note, I have now been sober since August 28th. It ain't much but it's more than nothing!
@@danger.snakes that’s fantastic! I’ve been clean since June 20th of last year. Some days are a little better, some days are a LOT better, but every day is always better. I don’t know if you can see my other comment (I wrote a bunch to you about this, but it’s no longer visible to me for whatever reason) but I’ll reiterate, briefly, I spent almost 30 years doing heroin and speed, reached the fever pitch, made an honest decision borne from a real desire to change, and I haven’t looked back. And I’ve never felt better. I sincerely hope you can find similar peace. It may sound trite or cliched, but its truth is not diminished: love and respect yourself first. Do it because you want to. Be happy. Life is short and too precious to waste. (I really enjoyed your videos btw. You’ve got real talent.) My name is Carl. Godspeed to you!
Please just say disabled, it's not a dirty word. I'm literally limited in my abilities.
Really appreciate your coverage of this, this is indeed very disturbing.
I used both terms.
This is a point I have always found very difficult to navigate, mainly because it is such a sensitive topic. Some people are totally easygoing about the terms they use. I worked with a guy for 5 years who had down syndrome and pretty much exclusively referred to himself as retarded. Then again I know it can be really harmful for some people to even bring the subject up. The latter group is why I don't just fall back on the rule I use for gender identity, which is to just ask. Anyway, not much of a point here, just sharing my perspective.
@@jacobgray3112 just curious, did he find the term inoffensive, or was he being mean to himself? me and my other autistic friends sometimes call ourselves retarded as a joke or in a self depricating manner, but wouldn't seriously refer to ourselves that way. Although this man might just prefer the term because he doesn't find it offensive, i mean, anyone can decide what they call themselves. I personally don't care what I'm called, except for neurospicy. I'd rather be called retarded than neurospicy.
@potatosmileyfries it was 100% matter of fact most of the time. I think he jokes about it every once in a while but it was just how he referred to having downs syndrome.
yes but youre also not the spokingperson of everyone having the same problems.
From a neuroscientific and neurophysiological perspective, the fact he is able to write abstract concepts for theatrical plays but is unable to grasp the social correctness of situations makes absolutely no sense, and should be the biggest giveaway of this fallacy
its literally claiming yeah he shrugged his right shoulder higher than the left so he clearly means the mitichondria is the powerhouse of the cell.
Many writers are autistic! Look up Damian Milton’s work on what he calls the Double Empathy Problem. It’ll help you understand better the root of social challenges in autism. I also don’t believe Deej wrote that play, but his being autistic is not why.
What a horrible woman. The fact that she manipulated Deej to be her puppet is maddening.
I disagree about this mother loving her son.
She doesn't even know him... He is just an ilusion, a projection made up by her own mind.
Wha she really loves, is the ideal of motherhood, her identity of being a good mother, thats what she really loves.
he can communicate, hes doing good at communicating. he's setting boundaries and his mom just keeps making him so whatever she wants and say whatever she wants him to
Just before 18:18 is FUCKED UP. He's clearly communicating and his self-proclaimed mouth is telling him to STOP and PHYSICALLY RESTRAINING HIS HANDS. He's being told it's rude and not useful, his communication.
I've watched the whole dokusoap (I will never call it a documentary) and it's disturbing but not as disturbing as:
***WINNER, 2018 PEABODY AWARD AND NOMINEE, 2018 EMMY AWARD***
Yes, it won a Peabody and became an Emmy nominee in 2018
Facilitated Communication has been pseudoscience since the mid 90s for crying out loud
People love a feelgood story, even if it's nothing of the sort.
This video was really awesome. Disturbing, but awesome. I’ve never heard of “Deej” until now, but I would love to know your thoughts on “Tell Them You Love Me,” another doc about FC that is more disturbing than this in my opinion. It actually introduced me to the concept of FC, so when I found out that “Deej” was also about FC my first thought was “oh shit.” And rightfully so apparently.
I've known about FC for a long time so there wasn't so much the surprise element of "Tell Them You Love Me" like there was with, say, my wife, who had no idea. I've thought about doing a video on that too, so I guess we'll see.
The d man? Where the professor says he is in love with her
@@alisonmercer5946 yep!
@@alisonmercer5946 she was delusional
I'm physically disabled between my narcolepsy, ehlers danlos syndrome, and fibromyalgia. SO MANY DOCUMENTARIES claim to be for the disabled but it's ALL about (or mostly about) the caregivers and their perspective. It's so insanely frustrating. The blogging website THE MIGHTY fell to that blunder.
The way "his voice" words things SCREAMS how abled people speak on social media. The bit about the cerebral palsy girl especially. "How we are breaking barriers 😊" NO DISABLED PERSON speaks like that in everyday life.
Im a late diagnosed autistic female. I "function" pretty okay, but I tend to get non verbal in stressful situations or when I don't know how to react. My entire life my mother used to speak for me in those moments so I never developed the ability to stand up for myself. I still get mute nowadays, but with people that are close to me I can still communicate non verbally in those moments. For example hand holding, nodding or head shaking. Until I knew I was autistic I got into a lot of trouble for this because people thought I was giving them the silent treatment or apathetic to the situation which is NEVER the case. In those moments my brain just fails to work in a way that allows me to speak because my emotions are overwhelming. Being able to explain it is helpful though
i clicked on this video thinking it was about the Tell Them You Love Me doc, and was surprised - in a very good way-when it wasn’t that. incredible job on the video, i’m gonna go watch the doc myself; thanks for sharing ❤
Happy to be of service. I probably will do a Tell Them video at some point, though.
Inclusion. That buzzword. That awful awful buzzword being used like this I wish I could say I was surprised😢
Spot on analogy... ouiji board (however u spell it lol) was my 1st thought upon seeing their typing 'technique'.
So obviously the mom is the one who graduated high school for him, I guess that's her plan for college as well?? How is that even supposed to work? What also gets me, is that the college is just going along with it. Is this a legit accredited institution? Why would they be okay with a student doing facilitated learning when the scientific (academic) community has recognized it's garbage? It's definitely not okay to have someone else take your tests for you but that's exactly what would be happening. It makes you wonder how much money the parents donated. Sad. The kids not even living his own life. Doesn't seem like he wants any of this, and the few times he's genuinely try to communicate, they don't listen to him. I'm glad that he has a supportive family, cuz it obviously could be much worse, but it's like the mom is just living vicariously through him.
There are several similar stories of people using FC to get their children into schools, sometimes prestigious ones, who don't realize the scam. I would assume some are wise to it. It's hard to say. Oberlin, however, is a pretty prestigious school.
@@danger.snakes that's just nuts. It's hard to believe that nobody at that school realizes it's bs. If you haven't read about it already, check out the case of Anna Stubblefield. In the state of New Jersey at least, FC was ruled totally unreliable to be used in court, not to mention all scientific evidence against it.
@@danger.snakes it's really hard to believe the school has no idea. If you haven't read about it already check out the case of Anna Stubblefield. At least in the state of New Jersey FC was deemed unreliable to be used in court, not to mention all the scientific evidence against it.
I can't see the schools wanting to catch the lawsuit that would come from challenging the application when the other option is just more tuition fees coming in and no lawsuit.
@@launchpending I'm sure that's their thinking, although a New Jersey court ruled that FA is not reliable or admissible for the case of Anna Stubblefield, a former professor at Rutgers. That case actually got a lot of publicity I'm and I'm surprised it hasn't seemed to have made a difference at other institutions like this one.
That is a scary person that mother..
A lot of people dont deserve the children they have. Its really sad.
There are so many layers here, wow!
ETA: thank you for including the scene of them walking in the neighborhood, that was some great insight into how to *not* help somebody overwhelmed calm down.
In my opinion, these 'parents' are using this poor child as a science experiment in the hopes of some sort of recognition by the scientific community. How sad.
No, they're just living out their fantasies of importance and genius through him
They are manipulating him (literally) in all he's supposed to do and to think. It's really embarrassing.
Glad the algorithm picked this up. I currently struggle with being a highly masking autist, and it pains me to see my brethren out there just being used for propping themselves up. That we are often seen as lesser, as scary, as just...different. Oh thank you, this was great to feel sad about and reflect over too.
I'm hopeful that by bringing more awareness to this subject we can help prevent this kind of thing in the future.
My friends often go non verbal, if they cant even type words they will use emojis. I use emojis when I have brain fog as it helps me communicate. FC is obviously bs. If you can move you can at least touch emojis or use communication cards.
Nice to see you back and looking well London Storm
I’ve worked as a caregiver in some situations like this. I call it “puppeteering” And refuse to continue working with families that puppet their family members.
THANK YOU
But maybe suggest that to the ‘puppet’ just so they can be a bit aware
i worked as a nurse in a stroke ward, even im they clearly show at a item, you ask them a yes or no question and if a person can blink, you use this to check if YOUR interpretation is right. just doublecheck, its the min. you can do.
"Tell Them You Love Me" is another documentary about FC and how a woman took advantage of an autistic man. It made me feel absolutely disgusted, but it's effective, and it's a story that needs to be told.
I've thought about doing another video on that documentary as well. It might be a little harder to go about but we'll see.
Just woke up a London Storm upload. It’s going to be a good day.
Or a bad one, depending on how you feel about profoundly autistic people being used as props by their parents
Now that’s bad.
I feel so bad for Deej...he seems to be able to communicate in some form, like whne he waves his hands, etc. but no one takes it seriously, also new sub keep up the good work
To be fair, in an autistic person those cues aren’t all that clear and distinct. Hand flapping can occur as a result of almost literally any emotion being heightened including happiness, it’s not a surefire way to indicate he’s in any type of distress
i wonder if his mom saying deej’s teacher is cute might be his mother forcing typical sexuality onto her son. i feel like lots of parents of disabled kids feel like they’re “missing out” on things like their kids first partner, wedding, etc, so if she can force her son to call a conventionally attractive woman “cute” she can pretend that her sons life looks more “normal” or average than it truly is.
but i don’t know deej nor am i any sort of expert in neurodivergency and disability, he might have romantic feelings he just doesn’t have the ability/option to act on for all i know
This documentary shows the sort of fantasy these people live in where they believe they're doing the lords work and helping people live wonderful lives. Where instead its more about them than the person they're helping. I am autistic and have seen and met many people like this and they tend to hurt way more often than they help. I am not having behavioral issues, you're just taking away my independence and getting mad at my frustration with that.
I came to the same conclusion you did about Emily and Deej, but I would caution you against assuming Deej doesn’t understand the things people say to him. There are a lot of non-speaking people who reported always being able to understand what was being said even though they weren’t given the tools to respond. There isn’t enough information either way in this doc to conclude whether or not Deej could communicate if he were given real means yo do so.
A 4.0 grade average wasn’t good enough for mom? She had to invent a new grading system?
"honors" and such classes have for many years added extra points to your grade score, to make up for the fact that, for example, a high school student who gets a C in a college-level course isn't directly comparable to a student getting a C in a regular-level class. it's called a weighted GPA, and the amount of extra GPA points is decided school to school. there's no standardization for it. an AP class can get as high as a 5.0 if the student receives an A. a 5.0 GPA isn't possible due to requirements such as PE classes and such, but that's how students end up with a 4+ GPA
While I am verbal, watching Deej in situations where he is clearly uncomfortable is extremely difficult to watch. I don't know how anyone could misinterpret his body language, behaviour, and actions as badly as his mom does, unless it's some deeply misguided denial that he's not the prodigy she wants him to be. Reminds me of when during anxiety or panic attacks I would lose a LOT of my functionality and the distress it would cause, and how much more distress people forcing things at me in that state just snowballed it... leave Deej alone and just let him be himself, man.
It is exactly deeply misguided denial. And it's a real shame.
I was recently in a college lecture about gifted people and autism, and one of the guest speakers made me wonder the whole event how did she come to be in that position. She brought a student with cerebral palsy to be part of her speech and she straight up used him as a prop the whole time to his face. He didn't say a single thing, granted he needed a keyboard for that, but she could have shown us his achievements or his works, we could have genuinely wait for him to form a statement in real time instead of her talking for him all the time. She also gave us some absurd statistics about autism and by the time I enough and left
I wish there was something I could do for him. His parents don’t love him imo, they love the person they have projected on to him. It all makes me so sad.
Ah yes. "Differently abled" Also known as "disabled". Let's not sugar coat it. These people aren't babies. Differently abled sounds demeaning. Like we don't expect people to be able to handle the truth.
When I hurt my spine as a teenager: I was disabled. When I came down with severe pneumonia whilst working a hard outdoor job: I was disabled. Never did I become "differently abled". Differently abled might be true if we're talking about a fish versus an ape... but not when it comes to people vs other people.
I use both terms in the video.
@@danger.snakes Yeah but even so I would avoid using differently abled all together because as said above it feels very infantilising and can a lot of the time feed into the notion especially for autistic people that autism is some sort of super power which it is most definitely not it is disabling. For context as well I myself am autistic.
Other than that though really good video I don't see enough people talking about how horrific FC is, there are plenty of other ways to help a nonverbal person communicate.
You don't speak for everyone, dude. You might like the term "disabled," but don't pretend to speak for the rest of us.
@@V0idFaceThe vast majority of us find it patronizing as all hell though.
@@sourgreendolly7685 You do not speak for "the vast majority" of any group, unless it is a group of one... _you._
I shouldn't need to explain this to a functional adult.
He has the motor function to illustrate he could be a competent mechanic, which many people do with pride because it is not shameful (yet he may want to pursue another vocation entirely); and do it despite their parents' desire for them to go to college to study literature and become a poet.
Maybe his mother needs to admit to herself that she wants to study literature, possibly because she didn't when she was younger, or did, and wants her son to have the same experience.
Mechanics need to talk to people to diagnose problems. Searching for a way this particular man could somehow be “useful” enough to be valuable is a form of ableism imo
Maybe it is, but the comment focuses on the mother's expectations. Searching for a way to broadcast one's superior ethics is a form of virtue signalling imo
the word you were looking for is exploited, the only person getting anything out of the achievements claimed in the documentary is the mother, she gets attention and praise. I believe DJ can have a good life, easily, if his mom chills, he's lucky in that way.
The 1st time i heard of FC was indeed a criminal case, where a caretaker alleged her and the disabled man she cared for were mutually consensually in love, as he had stated in communication assisted by her, and therefore sexual contact between them shouldn't be classified as a crime. Needless to say the horror of that stayed with me.
My mom has taken care of mentally handicapped folks for 20 years. A lot of people can't handle the situation, so they effectively dump their family members off on the state.
She has told me a lot of people with mental handicaps simply don't have the capacity to feel bad for themselves. Their scales of happy, sad, or contentment are totally different from people who are fully functioning.
Now I'm just talking mental challenges, but people with physical difficulties are their own story, although you can struggle with both.
I was turned onto a show by a friend who graduated college for ASL called Switched at Birth. That show does an excellent job of conveying the day to day challenges of deaf people. Even South Park had a surprisingly compassionate episode about people with physical handicaps.
This video made some really good points. We shouldn't feel bad or look down on people with challenges, but rather be impressed and supportive of what they are able to achieve.
Thank you for covering this, I like your look. I ache for this guy. It’s so clear when he’s uncomfortable or confused or just simply doesn’t want to do anything, but they ignore it. It’s so unfair. She just seems so constantly frustrated with him. I just get the impression she wants her son to be something so she as a result can be something too. This has to be for her ego, right?
I couldn't speculate on her motives very much overall. I don't have enough information to know. It does, at the least, seem like some form of wish fulfillment.
Enabling abusive parent to keep abusing a child isn't in any way good.
FC is bunk. If all that was needed was muscular support, then a mechanism would be designed to fulfill that function. Blindfold mommy and he's not communicating anymore. I've been a support person for kids in Special Ed with a variety of different ablements. The point is to maximize what a kid CAN do, not put on expectations or push too much. It's a fine line--how much to encourage and motivate and how much to accept. I DESPISE this whole notion that you have to CURE autism or force them to function like "normal" (horrible word!!) people do. Square pegs, round holes. Why can't we have square holes??? We're likely to find out that, like human sexuality is on a spectrum of literally X and Y axis (imagine a quad chart), and not simply binary, so can human intellect and capacity very person to person. That whole notion of humans being some sort of divine creation has GOT to go. We're part of the world around us and thus, subject to it even in our very minds. And as a community of human beings we can accommodate and find grace for difference, and even celebrate it.
Great vid, London.
You make a lot of good points and I'm grateful to get this kind of perspective here. Thanks for that.
I love the way you put it. Stop rounding the square pegs and make some square holes instead in terms of societal norms and expectations of people. The notion of "normal" is indeed a gross one.
Stephen Hawking, towards the end, just had one sensor on his right cheek that he used to communicate with.
I don't see why Deej would need so much "facilitated" help.
Granted, their intelligence, as well as their emotional levels, are/were completely different, but I don't see the need for this kind of "hand pushing" for a lack of a better term.
I'm probably not expressing this in the best way, I'm not much of a word smith. But I hope people can get my point.
I've seen this topic covered a couple of times and I'm glad you chose to highlight this. Great work. 🤘
29:37
Can’t say I blame him. Just watching her talk to him like that pisses me off.
3 minutes in and i am VERY skeeved out. I know you are about to be dead on. Her guiding his hand......wow. I was non-verbal as a kid and the memories I have of it are of a mouth full of peanut butter. This poor kid is being treated like a puppet. It makes my stomach turn. There is a WHOLE HUMAN with a complex internal world inside of there. He doesn't need his communication to be facilitated.
As someone who works with a spectrum of people with disabilities though not an expert. I have met 80 year old people who have the intellectual of a regular grandmother but just struggle to do the same things to being the same age except very very fragile and only know as much as a 5 year old. I have seen 30 year Olds that can not talk and don't know how to participate in activities, but most definitely know when I'm making jokes or banter that a kid usually wouldn't get a laugh and a smile confirms to me that they do understand what I'm saying. I seen people who can walk, eat, and possible read and write if they had that support at a younger age. But due to bad parenting, is very stunned in mental age, maybe similar to a 8 year old who just gets enough context from experience and nothing else. I also witness the eye communication screens.
So in terms of communication you really have to learn the person. Every jerk of the hand, eye movement, head bobbing, arm flailing. It all has meaning. And the "tantrum" from over stimulation or boundary pushing should be taught to be learn to help avoid or help guide through the situation.
I knew one person who was afraid of elevators. I tried a couple of times to teach him it's okay. But I also did not force him to. But when he did, he got my praise, and when we took the stairs, I thanked him for the exercise and he laughs. Give them the options, teach them the best they can let them calculate the risk in their own comfortability and then guide their choice the safest and legal way you can. That's what's best for any human
I was held captive by your analysis of this documentary and I tend to agree with you that somebody else was likely speaking for him. It must be hard for him when he knows they were literally putting words in his mouth. I'm not sure if he understood what they were saying on his behalf, but I would be pissed if someone was manipulating my private thoughts to mean something that I might totally resent. Anyway, great video London! Looking forward to your next one.
Sorry for holding you captive.
Giving me flashbacks to Coco the allegedly able to communicate gorilla. Oof. Me, Amy, no like liars. We've gone full Congo now, and that's just unforgivable.
Edit: The amount of "being nice over being honest" in the video is killing me.
This was a Law & Order episode. S5E19 of the original series. I don't know exactly why he was in court. I think it was his doctor that was arrested for physically abusing these mentally handicapped children. David was a defendent's witness who used this form of communication with a computer and it turned out that the mother was actually answering the questions and that the doctor had not been making any progress by his practices like David's mum had attested to. The Doctor goes to jail and David's mum, in tears stops McCoy in the hallway after the trial and asks him what she's supposed to do now. Can she send him home with McCoy? Did he want to change his diaper and give him baths. He has tantrums and is getting too much for her to handle. It was a really sad episode. I haven't finished watching this video yet but after 9 minutes, it reminds me a lot of that episode that aired nearly 30 years ago (1995)
Edit: I feel bad for the mum. DJ clearly can't ever live independently. Some people are in such denial that they don't see that. They don't want to have a child that's going to be reliant on them for the rest of their lives. Does DJ understand personal hygiene? Can he bathe himself without burning or freezing himself? I'm not sure this woman has the mental energy to take care of DJ for the rest of her life. I doesn't seem like it.
Yea she doesn't. And by "helping him" she is not letting him grow. she's Not letting him do these things by himself and just assisting where needed. She is starting to resent him subconsciously, because she feels trapped.
The problem with non verbal communication or “verbal communication that is not ‘standard’” is not that it is the wrong form of communication, it is the problem with other people not understanding the true meaning. It is up to us with more capacity for communication to adapt and figure out the best for people with communication difficulties so we can all be good together.
I think this may be different but it reminds me of an uncle I had. He died of ALS or “Lou Graig’s disease” like 10 years ago. When he was in the last months of his life he lost function of his limbs and I think everything else of his body except his eyes. He had an IPad thing in front of his face and he’d spell out words with moving his eyes. I’m not 100% sure how it worked but it’d track his eye movements and when the cursor got to the letter he wanted he’d blink and that’s how he’d spell out words. Wonder why something like that wouldn’t work for this kid.
It would if he could actually understand enough to manipulate the machine himself and type, which he cannot from what we've seen.