Video Timestamps: 0:00 Welcome 2:20 Topic Introduction 12:09 Limerence 22:05 Emptiness 28:24 No Sense of Commitment to the Marriage 32:24 The Solution 41:01 Questions and Comments
You are 100 percent correct.. my ex wanted counceling we went she never said a thing.. she did it so she can tell her friends we tried and it didn't work... if they're unhappy a counselor won't help or fix it.. if a marriage works or fails is only dependent on both parties wanting/making it work..
Yeah man, my wife and I went to counselling. I can't across some stuff (both Karyn's and other people's videos) saying that counselling isn't helpful - particularly to men. The only response I got was, "but you're still going to go, right?" There is no care for me in the decision to go to counseling.
Its to hear what they want to hear and if not, disregard or not go back. That was my experience. It is almost never 100% on one person or the other. But if one person thinks that way, its doom and going to go down regardless.
Holy Crap spot on. After 34 years my wife wanted to end marrige. She hasn't worked since children born and started seeing bad boy 10 years younger than her while I was recovering from cancer. We are going through devorce. This wasn't what I had planned for my family.
Excellent show Karyn. Your podcast about how husbands are not responsible for making their wives happy was a game changer and liberating for me. I woke up the happiest I’ve been in a long long time.
I really must ask.. your wife's reaction to your new found happiness in not slaving away to make her happy? Let's trade stories! I'm at the same place and it's liberating like nothing else has been in these 25 years
@@user-lt4tr4tz8b As for me personally, I'm not sharing info from these videos with my wife. I decided that was not the right approach. Instead what my wife witnessed in me and my mystifying (to her anyway) change in attitude practically overnight was enough to make her emasculation and disrespect begin to fade away and fad away very quickly. The experience for me was like flipping a switch. I just decided I didn't give a flip anymore about her happiness. It's not that I want her to be unhappy. Not at all. It is a total surrender of trying to make her happy. I'm happy even if she is unhappy. And it was when she saw that happen that her mind was blown. Her reaction was one of stupefied bewilderment. She got really concerned about me and our marriage all of the sudden.... and here's the funny part to me, even that didn't effect my attitude. Let me give an example... I was in an emal exchange with a single friend in which I made an off the cuff comment about women in general. Well, I failed to close my emails... because I don't give a flip, not because I wanted her to see it. My wife saw my messages to him and wanted to make a federal case out of that off the cuff comment, "I don't understand that comment. Explain it to me." I looked at her and said sincerely, "Okay, you don't understand. So what? Go figure it out." And when she tried to reengage about it later, I just flat told her, "I'm not here to be interrogated by you." And after that sort of thing kept happening, she became quite submissive. Its weird, but ok. Even if she didn't become submissive, I really don't give a shit anymore. As I said, I don't want her to be unhappy. I just don't care if she is and now she knows it without a shred of doubt. I can't do anything about it anyway, so i am just going to be me. I'm doing what makes me happy.
My ex would come home with the biggest smile on her face. She would be so cheerful, offer to make me food kiss me, then go into the kitchen, writhing minutes she would become frustrated to the point of a panic attack she would yell at me “can you come in here and help me!!” As if I should have already been helping her. And when I did help her she would criticize me and correct me on how to cut; slice, dice sprinkle. And if I didn’t do it her way she would berate me and shame me and make me feel stupid for not knowing “how to do it right” everything was like this, driving, sitting, cleaning, laundry, dog walking. She would ask for help, then utterly crush my soul for helping.
@@Palindas like the comedian chris rock said, she's always angry because she "feels" the had to settle for him. In reality, most of these good guys actually settle for women with poor character and mid looks, not the other way around
I don't think you're listening to Karen. It's not that. They have a bad relationship with themselves because they don't know happiness is a choice.@@patrickmcfly3264
@@patrickmcfly3264Yeah, ultimately these problems are exacerbated if not caused by giving a woman more than she deserves and has earned from you simply because you have tender feelings for her.
This honestly sounds like borderline personality disorder. It is not personal, because if she has done it to you, she will continously do it in the future, you seriously dodged a bullet.
Well I have been a good man all my life and all it has ever gotten me is heart break. I am 50....and I have given up on women. No not gay....but sick of being destroyed.
because they`re broken, just as all of us. Women seek chaos, so they can feel useful in a relationship. A relationship that doesn`t need fixing is an invitation to create chaos.
If a woman cheats on you, never take her back, she already don’t respect you and she never will if you take her back. Permanent side piece at best, I’d recommend ghosting her forever.
If you take her back after she cheats, she will never respect you. She will be lawless, because she knows she already did her worst and you're not going anywhere.
REASONS FOR WOMEN CHEATING: 1-a. An intense OBSESSION with another person or a "bad boy;" LIMERENCE. 1-b. Chasing the FANTASY of entitled passion, which can never be supplied by a good man. 2. Attempting to fill a huge internal emptiness, possibly from poor self-image or pain avoidance. 3. No real commitment to the marriage vows; "entitled," selfishness rules (no accountability).
Another wonderful video. My wife left me to "heal from sexual abuse" she experienced when she was 10. She didn't cheat but I feel your comments about women cheating in a marriage apply equally to women leaving a marriage. It was selfish. She didn't consider her vows, me, or our children. Her leaving destroyed me and our children. That meant nothing to her. Unfortunately she also never healed. She remained miserable until she passed from an untimely death. It was a worthless exercise.
As a good man who lost 3 women from treating them well, and they don’t “deserve me”. I’m no longer the good man. I’ll never be loyal to any woman ever again. I’d never tell a single man to get married. I’ll never trust a woman ever again, and I’d advise all men to never trust any woman.
I've seen that some say that when they have been getting rewarded without them actually doing something good. Enabling them to feel unsafe(Ahh, ah man that gives me everything, it can't be true, I don't deserve it because I've been such an ass😵💫 Oh god, I better cheat and not leave because I need a safety net just to figure put if it's my emotions acting up or is it him that I don't like anymore. At the end, ending up cheating anyways and then feeling bad, leading to them acting up so then can blame it on you and leave safely. This is why you call bs everytime. Woman or man.
Being a good man and continuing to be so is the highest, greatest gift for yourself. Don't stoop to the level of a cheater as much as you want to say **** it. Peace and respect with yourself and God is ALL that matters.
My ex demanded to go through my phone(open phone policy so i didn't care) and about 5 minutes later she tossed the phone at me with a look of disgust and said "you're boring as hell you're not talking to anyone else" I just laughed my ass off but also realized how truly dysfunctional most women are
She was mad that you weren’t communicating with other women and give her an excuse to yell at you. The ex-wife use to go through my things. I knew better than to hide things.
Not a single man Ive shared your videos with has disagreed with what you teach. We are just amazed at finally hearing the reasons for our frustrations. Thank you!
@@nigelharvey640 Honestly, I truly didn't realize I was thinking and acting like she speaks of until I found her. My husband and I were having marital troubles this summer...and I read Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl...it made a huge difference. But it wasn't until I found Karen's video about women never being happy that it clicked with me. My husband's one request: " I just want you to be happy." Boy, she opened my eyes. I've watched every video and they ALL hit home . Im working on being the best wife my husband could have ever asked for and deserves. He's a GOOD man. I sure wish I would have had access to this 30 years ago. I missed out on so much happiness with him.
I just found your channel, Karyn, and I'm so glad I did. I am a 39 year old man and I was married for just over 6 years. I loved my wife and treated her well. In fact, I never raised my voice once in the entire 8 years we were together (until she stepped out of the marriage, and even then it was more of a strangled cry telling her to get away from me). She found the 'bad boy' and I couldn't wrap my head around why this guy who doesn't have anything in his life together would be the better option over me. Well, I'm predictable, I'm good with finances, I had planned and saved for our future and he has a girl friend, sleeps with numerous women, and can barely afford to survive. What you said made it make sense, so thank you!!
46:07 My ex wife hooked up with a gangster they stole a car together which turned into a car chase, the police shot him, he stabled her and after my divorce she wanted me to pay for her medical bills because she told me I forced her to do it . I said that was all on you!
My recent ex girlfriend is with a meth dealer who I am pretty sure is probably an ex from before she met me. I am supportive stable and responsible in other words "boring". Hopefully nothing violent befalls her but I have no control over that.
Karyn, this is literally one of the best shows on TH-cam for men. I've watched so many but you're one of the best. A message to women and men that is like water in a desert. Real explanations and solutions to relational dynamics that are currently on the edge of no repair. You are a ray of hope in a dark world. This is ministry. A little bit of advice, find a way to teach this to women in churches. Men refuse to go to church because the emasculating women is on every pew. Great Show!!!
Worse yet, is that these women all band together. There's a lot of well meaning men in churches that will more often than not, take the woman's side so those experiences often validates her actions and feelings.
The older I get the more I see religion more clearly. Far from being the patriarchal oppressor, religion has probably been the greatest force in history to help women. Through religion we get the idealized view that women are more inherently good than men. Religion also promotes marriage and family life. Without this most men would use and abuse women. We may be heading in that direction. Robotics and AI will show us soon enough.
I was married for 13 yrs & stayed 6 yrs after she went outside of marriage. It forever changed our dynamic. I forgave, but I couldn't forget. She said it was b/c i wasn't giving her enough attention & it was a bad boy at her new job that did it for her & he knew she was married as well. I stayed as long as i did for my boys, but that eventually became toxic for everyone in the home so the best thing to do was part ways.
I would have NEVER even thought about leaving my HS sweetheart, except I felt lost, hurt and didn't know any way out. My "revenge affair" in 2010 from June - Juy didn't fix ANYTHING. She still works with this man. I'm now finding ways to not think about her infidelity. She still works telephonic with this man in 2024. Should I accept that she's "changed", but should still keep working with him.
My parents divorced when I was 11 and I didn't find out it was because of mum betraying our family until I think my late 20's after I've moved to Australia. I respect my dad for divorcing my mum, but I would have liked to know why before I made a whole load of life changing decisions. So I'm a big advocate for telling children the truth in an age appropriate way. Especially before women control and twist the narrative.
My wife tried to fill her void with: kids, animals, cigarettes, alcohol, partying, I’ve found evidence of cheating, girls weekends, shopping, ridiculing me etc. I’ve tried to fill my void with self improvement, spending time with my kids, exercise, learning new things/skills.
I think this problem is due to people raising their daughters as princesses. They grow and don’t feel the need to learn self control, patience, etc… but on a more common level. These women are raised and don’t realize how to make themselves happy, they don’t feel fulfilled bc their childhood was so “Disney” like, and they desire a passion shown in movies because it’s what they grew up to believe. Women never have to leave this sort of mind state until they get hurt/face reality enough times which isn’t until their 20s. Where it can be too late.
Women crave a commitment from a bad boy(one their infatuated with) and unconsciously want a commitment from a beta male that has resources but don't want Ling term sex with a Beta. If you have a sexless marriage then she doesn't see you as an alpha in most cases
I disagree with you. You have to understand that for women 90% of men are invisible. It's as if these 90% of men don't even exist. When women talk about men they are only referring to the top 10% or 5% of men. We call them the Chads and the Tyrones Those are the guys they want commitment from. However they won't commit to them. Why? Because these top tier men have many choices. They have all sorts of other women also chasing after them.
From my experience the married women I know that cheated were bored and seeking validation from the other man. They all has good men but they werent exciting or refused to validate the women. The cheater with men validated the women and blew up their egos until the men got what they wanted. The men cheaters I have known all had 1 thing in common. Wives that nagged them to death and refused to meet the mans needs either emotionally or physically.
The lack of food women around me and the amount of girls I see chasing after bad boys makes me feel like I have to be totally toxic to get into a relationship.
It's only the theologically conservative Christians who are not living this way, I won't go to a church that doesn't excommunicate cheaters, even if they repent they are forced to leave for the sake of the innocent party.
One thing with regard to the bad boy and the fantasy goes largely overlooked. Ladies, while in the throngs of this fantasy, you need to realize why it’s an illusion. Why there is never a happy ending. It’s because the man that you’re dealing with is of the LOWEST moral character. A man that willingly is acting in a way that will potentially blow up a family for their own gratification. That’s not just a bad boy. That’s a flat out bad human.
Another thing that gutted me was when she said that good men are often seen as boring. It's definitely disheartening to think that the other aspects of a loving relationship could mean so little to some women that they seek infidelity & risk destroying all the other wonderful aspects of the relationship for temporary feels of passion... I'm hoping that God stays as the guiding light in both my & my fiancée's relationship as I've already experienced infidelity that lead to the ruin of my first marriage...
So many people confuse being irresponsible with being fun and having self-control with being boring you never truly get away with anything. Actions with Malice and cruel intentions are always repaid.
I think the good men are people they settle for when they are older (A provider/ security). When in reality they are in love with someone else and often the bad boy from their past. When a woman is with each person she compares them to the people she previously was with (unconsciously). The main point is she was forced to settle down with someone she doesn't really like. This person is likely to never get the 100% committed her. The her she was when she was with the bad guy. He will never get her genuine burning desires for him because she doesn't have that for him. She has it for the bad boy she could not keep. Essentially, the good guy gets her at her worst/ she settles for him. The bad guy gets her at her best/ her actually wanting to be with him. A woman wants some bad boy qualities and some good guy qualities. Most men do not have both and that's where the problem lies for women. The bad boy knows and is what women want on the outside but if they can't commit and treat them somewhat well. She cannot be with him because long term or until she has a kid...she knows she needs security. Someone told me women have two ribbons, one is security, and the other is love. Security becomes the biggest one as they age. Some women get the bad boy seed and the security from another man. It's common. A man needs to know why women are so attractive to the bad boy in the first place because they are doing something right. It's provided by the fact that when women are in their prime they go for the bad boy. The good guy is the last resort when she is getting older and looking for security. If the bad guy gave her security, she would leave the good guy instantly. They often cheat on the good guy and try to find love (bad guy) because they don't truly love the good guy. If she did have genuine burning desires for the guy, she will do everything possible to make him happy. I never heard of a bad guy getting cheated on and that's because the women are happy for a while until she needs security. The bad guy doesn't offer security most of the time. She has to walk away from someone she truly loves because security becomes more important as women age. The last resort, a good guy, becomes the security. The woman feels empty inside/ bored because she walked away from her true love.
@@zky720 or We live in a world where men and women carry around more baggage than they will ever admit, and then foolishly try to enter into relationships that require communication, knowing that they don’t know how to be authentic. Sensitive men attract overly guarded women, and vice versa, and together they push each other’s button’s because they secretly hate what each other represents. Lying men attract overly forgiving women, and they keep playing the breakup-get back-breakup-get back game because they get off on each other’s flaws. Jealous and controlling men attract women that are damaged and used to not being loved because his brand of hurtful affection makes is what she thinks she deserves.
Great content! The only thing I disagree is the source of the cheating is because women don't learn to care for themselves or prioritize themselves. Isn't self indulgence and self care what all women do? I think this is the problem. Women prioritize their own wants before anyone one else.
Women dont have the natural sex drive that Men do so once the infatuation runs out for a married woman, they eventually want that again. Her Husband, who is now in the "Friend Zone" its almost impossible to get back to Infatuation with Her. It comes alot easier with another man.
Except for the fact that people pair bond and women biologically are designed to pair bond harder. However the oxytocin receptor in the brain can be overloaded just like any other neurotransmitter, and these women are flooding it by having so many bodies that the receptor starts closing off in the same way that dopamine receptors can close off from excessive drug use.
I think you’re slightly off base on point #3. Yes, they don’t feel obligated to honor their vows, but it’s because they don’t even think there’s vows. Women don’t spend their childhood dreaming about their marriage, they spend it dreaming about their wedding. And when the bride-party ends, they realize marriage is boring, and feel entitled to bride-party emotions forever. That’s rhe contract they think they’re signing: a man will provide bride-party elations to me, and if not I’m obligated to replace him with someone who does.
My wife and I went to HS together. She was a good girl and I was a bad boy. She HATED me because of it. A few years later (after she finished college and I got out of the Army) we crossed paths and she realized that I was no longer nearly as bad as I was (I had grown up and quit playing games). I did still have some bad boy tendencies. But, once we started dating and I realized how much I cared for her, my bad boy ways evaporated. So, she got the bad boy and was single handedly responsible for turning me into a good man. 27 years and 3 kids later, we have our problems, but with love and understanding, we get through them. While working through some issues, I had her watch a couple of these videos. While not fully agreeing with everything here, she began to see things from a different perspective. I really hope she starts to follow this page!
50 yr. old guy here. Unfortunately, most women - I feel - will rarely admit they are wrong or at fault. It is never, ever, ever her fault and that is the big problem with women. Am I right or am I right.
Your wisdom here has set me free from a lot of pain that I have carried from the issues in my marriage. Met at 19 and together then married 9 years now at 28 years old. This video was profound and I feel like I heal more from each and every one of your videos. Thank you 🙏
Thank you for this video. Definitely a very important video. Regardless of man or woman, things do happen but always remember cheating is ALWAYS A CHOICE. Don't let anyone tell you differently. As such if you choose to step out, just be prepared for the consequences of that action.
Honey wake up, happywifeschool posted again🗣️ Mother figure fr fr🔥 Love the smell of validation, accountability, honesty and respect in the morning☀️ Been needing that...
Have gotten into dumb fights with narcissist mother all my life so I can't vent (have to completely numb out emotions of love cause I know she won't change or ever take my boundaries seriously), recovering from dating a girl with BPD for 1 year(got cheated on) (opened me up to the reality of dating, got me so bitter toward women, I don't trust anymore). Now I have commitment issues but gained self respect. My whole personality has changed since then and I hate how I have to get red pilled now when all I wanted was to love innocently, but now everything is an ick for them. It's better to be unapologetically myself and I call bs. I feel better this way, but hate that I can't be myself. Does anyone relate?
@@alansantos6142you certainly can be yourself - but you have to be the now educated/informed/aware version of you. The red-pilled you. You have to accept the sad reality that all the Disney movies us men watched as children left the imprint that "all people are good". They're not. Some are covert and will wear masks only to take them off AFTER they've got their hook set in you - while others are just nasty up front. You have to educate yourself and mentally prepare yourself for both. You'll encounter these people at school, at work, on the sidewalk, they're neighbors, family members, etc. You have to set up a few boundaries to protect yourself - you can't be a full on empath and let people walk all over you - you have to learn to say "no". You just want to go back to being the gullible, naive, you. That "you" is dead. You're smarter now, you know what to look for. You're better now. Much better. Now go out and be your better self! "Love innocently"?! that happened on the 1st grade playground. This is adulthood. Danielle Steel books are fiction. When you find the right woman - you'll know. If you have to force it to work - it won't work; you'll be forcing and putting in extra effort every day with no return of investment. When you find the right one - its still work.....but its work you don't mind doing because she is also doing the work on her part to give back to you. A reciprocal relationship is magic. Being enlightened and self-aware self is soooooo much better than being gullible/naive/taken-advantage-of. When you find the inner strength and confidence to live an "authentic life" - for you and God - that is when your life actually begins. Trust me.
A great talk Karen! A woman seeks external validation IN HOPE, not being adapted to a proper sense of the values of commitment and accountability; the tragedy is that many women refuse to be taught right and reject any notion of personal accountability, all the while EXPECTING all others to be loyal and accountable to them, on an individual basis. That emptiness indide is real, and often seeks destructive external validation! The surest way to overcome the emptiness inside is to become honest-stop hiding and pretending, do away with the walls and fears, learn contentment and learn to serve. A content serving person is happy! These attributes are on the opposite spectrum of self entiltlement / self aggrandaizing. Good men are NOT obsessed by their wives or further attracted to her by the deprivations and lack of empathy they suffer at the hands of their wives, they love from a unique ability and values that promote establishing and sustaining one's kingdom. For most good men, it is not a question of codependency: they do not need the wife to feel good or be happy. Good men literally put love on their women, and labour to bring their women into the man's idea of what that love is, means, and gives. Good men labour at and on their wives as though the wives were disciples or an art piece that is a part of themselves, which they are trying to perfect! This is why good men are nearly always blindsided by the manouvering tactics and discontent prevalent in women.
women dont experience "love" when they desire a bad boy. it is simply just lust. The concept of love is foreign to women - love equals sacrifice - you are not attracted to a bad boy because you want to sacrifice for him...
The desire to fill emptiness and to pursue fun and pleasure is natural and normal for all humans. What's at issue here, is that nearly every single socio-cultural guardrail, boundary, protective barrier that had long served to encourage development of beneficial and useful character traits and principles in women have long been destroyed, and it's been catastrophic for women.
Were we always this crazy or is this a reflection of modern conveniences and the ease of life? Women seemed way more competent strong and resilient a few hundred years ago.
I cheated on my lady 12 years ago and ended up having a child with my fling.. worse mistake of my life.. i was told to go ahead and leave because it wouldnt work out. but i already had a child by her. Went another decade trying to fix it. The problem is she held on to ny mistake. Instead of her creating a opportunity for us to get over. She denied my outside child access from coming over and also denied it when it came to his siblings. I went years sacraficing my son fir her feelings. Ended up getting a house built 2 years ago for us. Found out she was in a relationship with her married boss. I just called it off cuz i felt like we went backwards instead of forward and i wasn't spending the rest of my dying days dealing with something that couldve been fixed. I wouldnt have denied it if she left me years ago when this first happened but i felt like it was best that i end it.
Karyn Hi. I want to thank you for what you are doing. The iceage between men and women. Carnage that has resulted in so much destruction of human goodwill, relationships, trust, and a shared life. It all may be coming to an end. My own marrage came to an end in 1997 and though I have tryed again with other women a few times, nothing stuck. 'The first cut is the deepest', to quote a song. You, here, are giving the answers that men need to hear. Women could do no wrong, Angels. Goddesses. Faultless. And its right that a man could think thus. But clearly women where not coming up to this ideal. Maybe now the ice can thaw and many families can be saved. 😢
I want to acknowledge the guys who say "never, never again" or 'there are no good women ". I know you /we are very hurt. We have been treated rough. But turning into a bad man is not the answer. Just stay away from them if that's better for you. Women have said' there are no good men' , and are we now to say 'there are no good women'. Bring on the nuclear winter then I guess since there are no good humans. 😳 But Karyn here is being a good woman by putting her hand up and shouldering her share of the blame. Other women will no doubt follow. And lets be honest here. Men are not saints either. How many unscrupulous men do YOU know. And now you say you want to be one. Well thankfully it's not so easy. If you are really a good man, you will stay one. A hurt and lonely one probably. Me too. There's a lot of worse things in this world mate. ☺️
When a man cheats, it’s a fling. When a woman cheats, the relationship is already over. Men can go right back and continue to love their wife. Women can’t.
@@susanhaines7358its a choice, the bad dude so to speak was a good person but got burned bad. Hurt people hurt people. All i see in the comments are typically victims of cheating on both sides, while the cheaters are living life. Grow up and keep pushing forward, the world don't owe you any explanation.
There exist women who aren't capable of love, and they will always abandon men who CAN love in favor of men who can't. The best gift those people can give you is their absence. Just say no.
Karyn, I absolutely love you and this channel! God has used you to help me grow up and identify my toxicity. Today’s message was very true. Keep on spreading the message, you’re truly making a difference 🙏
It's true. Getting a girlfriend takes time and effort and we never know for sure if were the one. When we think you want to marry us, and do, we are DONE looking. We like one GOOD kind friendly woman. We don't want to go looking around again at all.
If she grew up respecting her father and fearing God, i would say, she wouldnt be like what she is saying. Its the lack of fathers in the home, and single moms raising thier girls that makes them this way. And the lack of God.
Happened to me. She cheated on me once and I forgave her. Accepted the child fathered by the other man as my own. 10 years later she cheated again, with a woman this time. I had to divorce her. I will have paid her well over a million dollars in support for the privilege of divorcing her cheating self.
Sad part is that if a man stays with his wife after cheating, she cant really respect him ever for tolerating that. A bad boy wouldnt tolerate it. He'd just move on. And she respects that bad boy for doing that. Not much respect for the good guy who would stay after she had another man inside of her.
A woman can complete a man, can help a man to be the best version of himself, but a woman can also destroy a man, and at the same time herself, by betraying him. Please, please don’t do it.
omg the solution is so obvious - just start giving - it feels good to give - thats why men dont have that hole inside, because we know how to give and the act of giving fills us up - just start giving back
Karyn, I am so happy I came across your channel. You are so helpful in me understanding my wife and knowing why she did and does things which perplex and at time have hurt me in our almost 40 years of marriage. I love her fiercely but how she can be at times is a challenge to me. Your videos help. Thank you.
Is she saying that my wife cannot feel any passion for me (ever?) if I'm a good man? Seriously? A woman can only show passion fir a bad boy? Is that really what all women are like? I know most are that way. . But all? If thats truly how things are, id rather just get a divorce and be single
It's moreso that once she sees you as a pushover she finds it appalling, and it's very very hard for a woman to change her perceptions of things like that. It's less about being good than it is about being weak, and many women can't tell the difference between kindness and weakness
Yeah, when I heard that part of her talk I was feeling pretty sh1tty. I'm consistent, dependable, affectionate, & a man of my word. When she said that makes a guy seem boring to some/most women I was just gutted...
@@jesse6402There's a lot about a man's natural disposition that he can't change. If he does try to change and be someone that doesn't come naturally, it's forced and unsustainable. Search out your values and your boundaries. Be honest with yourself, and uphold those values and boundaries that move you forward, and develop the ones you need but maybe aren't good at yet. Improve what you can. It takes time. But do it for you, never for "her." One thing I've learned after getting cheated on is that no woman is worth beating yourself up for. Not. A. Single. One.
I dont think this refers to all women but a certain population of women out there who are like this. My wife and my sisters cant stand players, bad boys, etc. I find that devout catholic women dont have this problem.
I really appreciate your wise words. My wife was involved with her ex in an emotional affair. I believe her affair was squashed, before they could ever meet up. Your words have helped us understand their actions and behaviours. Thank you again.
I wish you all the best and I hope for your sake what you believe is very true but if she is that emotionally attached to him, you definitely have alot to work through and I hope she genuinely wants to be with you otherwise you are just wasting your time.
Make sure it’s not emotional attraction. If it is. You need to step back and make it clear you are gonna do so due to this. Tell her how this is wrong. Ask her what you have been doing wrong Then decide where y’all want to go. If she doesn’t show remorse and take action for you. Then she’s got to go no matter what
Karyn! Hi! I noticed over the weekend you were under 100K and now you are at 100K!! Congratulations!!! And thank you for the content. Very helpful for me, and I hope it will be very helpful for my wife. Don’t understand why I haven’t subscribed yet, but I will right now!
I’ve dealt with fear and jealousy that a woman I’m seeing will cheat. I’ve also been the bad boy you speak of to women as a sort of reaction to betrayals and being cheated on. My son is being kept from my life by his mother and I’ve chosen women who I would never choose today. Your content has helped and I’ve been researching and studying relationships for many years now seeking solutions to patterns I find myself in. It’s taken a lot of work to try and become a good man and work toward creating a family. I had to give up being the bad boy and also stop committing to women without any boundaries or framework of what I will and will not tolerate. I’m taking care of myself and know I’m worthy of a good woman who will be loyal and respectful to me. I’ve had a deep desire since childhood to cherish and love a woman and create a happy family. I’ve been devastated many times and I sometimes can’t believe I’m still standing. Thank you so much for your heartfelt and genuine offering here. Your sincerity and passion for the subject are obvious and refreshing. I wish you and your family all the very best.
Since watching Karen I've learned that I am a good man and was so for 24 years during my first marriage. It was a sexless marriage but I stayed for the sake of the children. She moved on to greener pastures. My lesson, look on the inside of the package as well as the outside before you commit.
Karyn you are good. Very useful. Thank you...........Karen, you said that the man must "practice forgiveness", that he has nothing to do, that he cannot do anything. But doesn't that mean that he still remains a simp, a sucker, a loser???....It would be interesting to make a tutorial on this topic......🤭🤫🤔
Amazing content. Great to hear about that audio podcast on the way. This will be great, listening to your message while driving or doing some hands-on work. Also, based on the past live streams I have watched ; your message is more relevant today and will be in future; this is worth preserving on more platforms, it would be great if you WRITE A BOOK on these topics?
Bc she cares more about getting revenge and being the good person in the eyes of the public bc a bad mom gets no sympathy but a “good mom” with a bad man gets all the excuses
Having the ex-wife turn your children against you is called Parent Alienation. The ex-wife does it for revenge even if it is her that demanded the divorce. The ex-wife wants you miserable as possible. And in her eyes she never wants you to move on and get into another relationship with a woman. The ex-wife over here was successful in turning my oldest daughter against me. The daughter now is just like her mother, hateful and vindictive.
What I feel, if you get a woman that will invest in you, some problems you may not experience. I think a lot of the time, if you get with women who are not willing to invest in you, this is when the games are played. It is not necessary at all.
From a Christian perspective, Genesis chapter 3 goes over this if you use an app to dig into the original language. Genesis 3:16 talks about a woman’s desire. It’s part of the curse of the original sin from the best of what I can conclude. That emptiness she discusses within a marital relationship often comes when men and women expect their spouse to fulfill needs that can only be filled by Jesus Christ. That desire for a bad boy, that emptiness….. cheating and other issues occur when we try to fill the emptiness that only God can fill. Your spouse can be the most wonderful man or woman out there, but they will always make a terrible God.
What's amazing for me (man, 50 ) about ALL these videos on this channel: I recognize absolutly everything as lifelong realization. But before I ever heard that out of a woman's mouth it just meant that women were a monstrous invention of hell. Now hearing that out of a woman's mouth for the first time changes everything. It means women could learn and be better. I won't bet even a single fart on it. But it's amazing that it's in the realm of possibilities.
The wives that need to watch this, will not. I have read too many blogs where the husband won’t share these videos with their wife because they are afraid of her vindictiveness. At least a lot of men are learning that they are not the problem.
If a woman says that all her exes were narcissists, there's an easy way to convince her to like you - become a narcissist yourself. 😂 Don't try to fix her. Stop your natural instinct of helping out and providing. I don't know the sophisticated term meaning "obsession with bad boys" but I know one much simpler: genuine desire. If the lady doesn't feel that - you know it won't work.
I was married for 27 years until my wife passed away in 2017. We were always faithful to one another. I've had 3 girlfriends since her passing and all three cheated often with other women. Needless to say I have kicked all 3 to the curb
QUESTION - PLEASE HELP!!! Physical affair by wife 2006 - 2009. I did NOTHING WRONG! Three young kids! 2024, she STILL works with him, but says she works from home so not really "with him" since COVID protocals made her telephonic. My question: Should I accept this, or keep demanding her to LEAVE?
You don't steyy married to a women that cheated (kiss,sex) with another man or women. They will do it again always. Just cut your losses raise your children, meet someone new that wants you for you and appreciate the man that you are.
leave, your life happiness counts too. I divorced a woman I was with for 18 years by the way and have two kids, no cheating but there was nothing but years of arguing. No more rapid heart palpitations, no more anxiety about home life, totally worth it.
The "Self" is precisely the problem. The Bible calls it the "flesh", the very thing that we need to crucify. The emptiness that women (or men) experience is precisely because of living according to the desires of the flesh/self. That emptiness can only be filled by Jesus.
men are simple - what we want is a return sacrifice - mens lives are based on justice - we feel its fair that the sacrifice of our time and body on the labour market is met with an equal sacrifice of house work - quit pro quo - balance
Video Timestamps:
0:00 Welcome
2:20 Topic Introduction
12:09 Limerence
22:05 Emptiness
28:24 No Sense of Commitment to the Marriage
32:24 The Solution
41:01 Questions and Comments
If she agrees to counseling, nine times out of ten it's just so she can tell her friends "We tried counseling, and it didn't work."
You are 100 percent correct.. my ex wanted counceling we went she never said a thing.. she did it so she can tell her friends we tried and it didn't work... if they're unhappy a counselor won't help or fix it.. if a marriage works or fails is only dependent on both parties wanting/making it work..
This creatures 😅😅😅😅
They only do it to undermine you
Yeah man, my wife and I went to counselling. I can't across some stuff (both Karyn's and other people's videos) saying that counselling isn't helpful - particularly to men. The only response I got was, "but you're still going to go, right?"
There is no care for me in the decision to go to counseling.
Its to hear what they want to hear and if not, disregard or not go back. That was my experience. It is almost never 100% on one person or the other. But if one person thinks that way, its doom and going to go down regardless.
Holy Crap spot on.
After 34 years my wife wanted to end marrige. She hasn't worked since children born and started seeing bad boy 10 years younger than her while I was recovering from cancer.
We are going through devorce.
This wasn't what I had planned for my family.
My mom was doing that to my dad also
Excellent show Karyn. Your podcast about how husbands are not responsible for making their wives happy was a game changer and liberating for me. I woke up the happiest I’ve been in a long long time.
"Happiness is an inside job"
It's something I've always known, but something about hearing her SAY it made it click in a way I needed to hear.
I really must ask.. your wife's reaction to your new found happiness in not slaving away to make her happy?
Let's trade stories! I'm at the same place and it's liberating like nothing else has been in these 25 years
@@user-lt4tr4tz8b As for me personally, I'm not sharing info from these videos with my wife. I decided that was not the right approach. Instead what my wife witnessed in me and my mystifying (to her anyway) change in attitude practically overnight was enough to make her emasculation and disrespect begin to fade away and fad away very quickly. The experience for me was like flipping a switch. I just decided I didn't give a flip anymore about her happiness. It's not that I want her to be unhappy. Not at all. It is a total surrender of trying to make her happy. I'm happy even if she is unhappy. And it was when she saw that happen that her mind was blown. Her reaction was one of stupefied bewilderment. She got really concerned about me and our marriage all of the sudden.... and here's the funny part to me, even that didn't effect my attitude.
Let me give an example... I was in an emal exchange with a single friend in which I made an off the cuff comment about women in general. Well, I failed to close my emails... because I don't give a flip, not because I wanted her to see it. My wife saw my messages to him and wanted to make a federal case out of that off the cuff comment, "I don't understand that comment. Explain it to me." I looked at her and said sincerely, "Okay, you don't understand. So what? Go figure it out." And when she tried to reengage about it later, I just flat told her, "I'm not here to be interrogated by you."
And after that sort of thing kept happening, she became quite submissive. Its weird, but ok. Even if she didn't become submissive, I really don't give a shit anymore. As I said, I don't want her to be unhappy. I just don't care if she is and now she knows it without a shred of doubt. I can't do anything about it anyway, so i am just going to be me. I'm doing what makes me happy.
My ex would come home with the biggest smile on her face. She would be so cheerful, offer to make me food kiss me, then go into the kitchen, writhing minutes she would become frustrated to the point of a panic attack she would yell at me “can you come in here and help me!!” As if I should have already been helping her. And when I did help her she would criticize me and correct me on how to cut; slice, dice sprinkle. And if I didn’t do it her way she would berate me and shame me and make me feel stupid for not knowing “how to do it right” everything was like this, driving, sitting, cleaning, laundry, dog walking. She would ask for help, then utterly crush my soul for helping.
why are they doing that?
@@Palindas like the comedian chris rock said, she's always angry because she "feels" the had to settle for him.
In reality, most of these good guys actually settle for women with poor character and mid looks, not the other way around
I don't think you're listening to Karen. It's not that. They have a bad relationship with themselves because they don't know happiness is a choice.@@patrickmcfly3264
@@patrickmcfly3264Yeah, ultimately these problems are exacerbated if not caused by giving a woman more than she deserves and has earned from you simply because you have tender feelings for her.
This honestly sounds like borderline personality disorder. It is not personal, because if she has done it to you, she will continously do it in the future, you seriously dodged a bullet.
Well I have been a good man all my life and all it has ever gotten me is heart break. I am 50....and I have given up on women. No not gay....but sick of being destroyed.
because they`re broken, just as all of us. Women seek chaos, so they can feel useful in a relationship. A relationship that doesn`t need fixing is an invitation to create chaos.
If a woman cheats on you, never take her back, she already don’t respect you and she never will if you take her back. Permanent side piece at best, I’d recommend ghosting her forever.
The man already has respect, she didn't respect herself to be with you, don't get it misconstrued sir
@@KevinSmith-xt8xr
Dang, thanks. I didn’t think of it that way.
If you take her back after she cheats, she will never respect you. She will be lawless, because she knows she already did her worst and you're not going anywhere.
REASONS FOR WOMEN CHEATING:
1-a. An intense OBSESSION with another person or a "bad boy;" LIMERENCE.
1-b. Chasing the FANTASY of entitled passion, which can never be supplied by a good man.
2. Attempting to fill a huge internal emptiness, possibly from poor self-image or pain avoidance.
3. No real commitment to the marriage vows; "entitled," selfishness rules (no accountability).
Once a woman cheats, it should be over for a self respecting man, 100% of the time.
Another wonderful video. My wife left me to "heal from sexual abuse" she experienced when she was 10. She didn't cheat but I feel your comments about women cheating in a marriage apply equally to women leaving a marriage. It was selfish. She didn't consider her vows, me, or our children. Her leaving destroyed me and our children. That meant nothing to her. Unfortunately she also never healed. She remained miserable until she passed from an untimely death. It was a worthless exercise.
As a good man who lost 3 women from treating them well, and they don’t “deserve me”.
I’m no longer the good man. I’ll never be loyal to any woman ever again.
I’d never tell a single man to get married.
I’ll never trust a woman ever again, and I’d advise all men to never trust any woman.
I've seen that some say that when they have been getting rewarded without them actually doing something good. Enabling them to feel unsafe(Ahh, ah man that gives me everything, it can't be true, I don't deserve it because I've been such an ass😵💫 Oh god, I better cheat and not leave because I need a safety net just to figure put if it's my emotions acting up or is it him that I don't like anymore. At the end, ending up cheating anyways and then feeling bad, leading to them acting up so then can blame it on you and leave safely. This is why you call bs everytime. Woman or man.
figure out*
Being a good man and continuing to be so is the highest, greatest gift for yourself. Don't stoop to the level of a cheater as much as you want to say **** it. Peace and respect with yourself and God is ALL that matters.
Sounds like you have learnt the hard way. But at least you learnt.
@@kellyklingbeil5802
It’s not cheating if you never commit, and a woman’s going to do whatever she wants. So I know, it’s just my turn.
My ex demanded to go through my phone(open phone policy so i didn't care) and about 5 minutes later she tossed the phone at me with a look of disgust and said "you're boring as hell you're not talking to anyone else"
I just laughed my ass off but also realized how truly dysfunctional most women are
She was mad that you weren’t communicating with other women and give her an excuse to yell at you. The ex-wife use to go through my things. I knew better than to hide things.
Not a single man Ive shared your videos with has disagreed with what you teach. We are just amazed at finally hearing the reasons for our frustrations. Thank you!
I don't disagree with a thing she says either...Im a woman. 😢
@@map218How do you think about this as a woman?
@@nigelharvey640 Honestly, I truly didn't realize I was thinking and acting like she speaks of until I found her. My husband and I were having marital troubles this summer...and I read Created to be His Help Meet by Debi Pearl...it made a huge difference. But it wasn't until I found Karen's video about women never being happy that it clicked with me. My husband's one request: " I just want you to be happy." Boy, she opened my eyes. I've watched every video and they ALL hit home . Im working on being the best wife my husband could have ever asked for and deserves. He's a GOOD man. I sure wish I would have had access to this 30 years ago. I missed out on so much happiness with him.
My ex-wife and girl both were unfaithful. Everything you've said has been spot on. I appreciate all that you do.
I just found your channel, Karyn, and I'm so glad I did.
I am a 39 year old man and I was married for just over 6 years. I loved my wife and treated her well. In fact, I never raised my voice once in the entire 8 years we were together (until she stepped out of the marriage, and even then it was more of a strangled cry telling her to get away from me). She found the 'bad boy' and I couldn't wrap my head around why this guy who doesn't have anything in his life together would be the better option over me. Well, I'm predictable, I'm good with finances, I had planned and saved for our future and he has a girl friend, sleeps with numerous women, and can barely afford to survive. What you said made it make sense, so thank you!!
I'm so sorry man, I hope you live in a state where you don't have to give anything to the cheating party.
46:07 My ex wife hooked up with a gangster they stole a car together which turned into a car chase, the police shot him, he stabled her and after my divorce she wanted me to pay for her medical bills because she told me I forced her to do it . I said that was all on you!
My recent ex girlfriend is with a meth dealer who I am pretty sure is probably an ex from before she met me. I am supportive stable and responsible in other words "boring". Hopefully nothing violent befalls her but I have no control over that.
Karyn, this is literally one of the best shows on TH-cam for men. I've watched so many but you're one of the best. A message to women and men that is like water in a desert. Real explanations and solutions to relational dynamics that are currently on the edge of no repair. You are a ray of hope in a dark world. This is ministry.
A little bit of advice, find a way to teach this to women in churches. Men refuse to go to church because the emasculating women is on every pew.
Great Show!!!
Worse yet, is that these women all band together. There's a lot of well meaning men in churches that will more often than not, take the woman's side so those experiences often validates her actions and feelings.
The older I get the more I see religion more clearly.
Far from being the patriarchal oppressor, religion has probably been the greatest force in history to help women. Through religion we get the idealized view that women are more inherently good than men. Religion also promotes marriage and family life. Without this most men would use and abuse women.
We may be heading in that direction. Robotics and AI will show us soon enough.
In short, always put yourself first men. She’s not yours, it’s just your turn.
Chadrone and the streets are undefeated. It may take 20 years, but they are undefeated.
I was married for 13 yrs & stayed 6 yrs after she went outside of marriage. It forever changed our dynamic. I forgave, but I couldn't forget. She said it was b/c i wasn't giving her enough attention & it was a bad boy at her new job that did it for her & he knew she was married as well. I stayed as long as i did for my boys, but that eventually became toxic for everyone in the home so the best thing to do was part ways.
Would love to "share notes" with you RE similar circumstances. She cheated on me after 6 years, and STILL working at same company.
I would have NEVER even thought about leaving my HS sweetheart, except I felt lost, hurt and didn't know any way out. My "revenge affair" in 2010 from June - Juy didn't fix ANYTHING. She still works with this man. I'm now finding ways to not think about her infidelity. She still works telephonic with this man in 2024. Should I accept that she's "changed", but should still keep working with him.
If a women cheats never take her back. There’s no fixing things at that point.
Same goes if a man cheats
@@SilviaLampaWe are not the same biologically or emotionally. This is why women don’t seek virginity in men but men seek that in women.
@@SilviaLampa when women cheat, there’s an emotion connection. Emotional cheating ok. But I’d never be able to forgive sexual cheating.
@@peter2633 i seek virginity. You guys are just🐷
I learned that the hard way. Being naive enough to trust someone that betrayed is just plain dense. 😅
My parents divorced when I was 11 and I didn't find out it was because of mum betraying our family until I think my late 20's after I've moved to Australia. I respect my dad for divorcing my mum, but I would have liked to know why before I made a whole load of life changing decisions. So I'm a big advocate for telling children the truth in an age appropriate way. Especially before women control and twist the narrative.
100%; most of the time if the man don't get the truth out, it will buried by the lies the woman puts out.
My wife tried to fill her void with: kids, animals, cigarettes, alcohol, partying, I’ve found evidence of cheating, girls weekends, shopping, ridiculing me etc. I’ve tried to fill my void with self improvement, spending time with my kids, exercise, learning new things/skills.
Oh and watching your videos and learning her problems aren’t my fault or responsibility and I can’t fix them for her.
I think this problem is due to people raising their daughters as princesses. They grow and don’t feel the need to learn self control, patience, etc… but on a more common level. These women are raised and don’t realize how to make themselves happy, they don’t feel fulfilled bc their childhood was so “Disney” like, and they desire a passion shown in movies because it’s what they grew up to believe. Women never have to leave this sort of mind state until they get hurt/face reality enough times which isn’t until their 20s. Where it can be too late.
Not surprised to hear the words " fear of commitment". One of the greatest lies today is women want a commitment and men won't commit.
Women crave a commitment from a bad boy(one their infatuated with) and unconsciously want a commitment from a beta male that has resources but don't want Ling term sex with a Beta. If you have a sexless marriage then she doesn't see you as an alpha in most cases
Only Men can commit. Women need to be committed
I disagree with you.
You have to understand that for women 90% of men are invisible.
It's as if these 90% of men don't even exist.
When women talk about men they are only referring to the top 10% or 5% of men.
We call them the Chads and the Tyrones
Those are the guys they want commitment from.
However they won't commit to them.
Why?
Because these top tier men have many choices.
They have all sorts of other women also chasing after them.
@ralphfurley4217I've been saying it for years
From my experience the married women I know that cheated were bored and seeking validation from the other man. They all has good men but they werent exciting or refused to validate the women. The cheater with men validated the women and blew up their egos until the men got what they wanted.
The men cheaters I have known all had 1 thing in common. Wives that nagged them to death and refused to meet the mans needs either emotionally or physically.
Karen, your videos far surpass any haters that could comment on your videos. Keep doing what you're doing. You are awesome
The lack of food women around me and the amount of girls I see chasing after bad boys makes me feel like I have to be totally toxic to get into a relationship.
It's only the theologically conservative Christians who are not living this way, I won't go to a church that doesn't excommunicate cheaters, even if they repent they are forced to leave for the sake of the innocent party.
I got drained financialy, emotionally and spiritually.... So trusting women is not a thing for mr
One thing with regard to the bad boy and the fantasy goes largely overlooked.
Ladies, while in the throngs of this fantasy, you need to realize why it’s an illusion. Why there is never a happy ending.
It’s because the man that you’re dealing with is of the LOWEST moral character. A man that willingly is acting in a way that will potentially blow up a family for their own gratification.
That’s not just a bad boy. That’s a flat out bad human.
Another thing that gutted me was when she said that good men are often seen as boring.
It's definitely disheartening to think that the other aspects of a loving relationship could mean so little to some women that they seek infidelity & risk destroying all the other wonderful aspects of the relationship for temporary feels of passion...
I'm hoping that God stays as the guiding light in both my & my fiancée's relationship as I've already experienced infidelity that lead to the ruin of my first marriage...
So many people confuse being irresponsible with being fun and having self-control with being boring
you never truly get away with anything. Actions with Malice and cruel intentions are always repaid.
I think the good men are people they settle for when they are older (A provider/ security). When in reality they are in love with someone else and often the bad boy from their past. When a woman is with each person she compares them to the people she previously was with (unconsciously). The main point is she was forced to settle down with someone she doesn't really like. This person is likely to never get the 100% committed her. The her she was when she was with the bad guy. He will never get her genuine burning desires for him because she doesn't have that for him. She has it for the bad boy she could not keep. Essentially, the good guy gets her at her worst/ she settles for him. The bad guy gets her at her best/ her actually wanting to be with him. A woman wants some bad boy qualities and some good guy qualities. Most men do not have both and that's where the problem lies for women. The bad boy knows and is what women want on the outside but if they can't commit and treat them somewhat well. She cannot be with him because long term or until she has a kid...she knows she needs security. Someone told me women have two ribbons, one is security, and the other is love. Security becomes the biggest one as they age. Some women get the bad boy seed and the security from another man. It's common. A man needs to know why women are so attractive to the bad boy in the first place because they are doing something right. It's provided by the fact that when women are in their prime they go for the bad boy. The good guy is the last resort when she is getting older and looking for security. If the bad guy gave her security, she would leave the good guy instantly. They often cheat on the good guy and try to find love (bad guy) because they don't truly love the good guy. If she did have genuine burning desires for the guy, she will do everything possible to make him happy. I never heard of a bad guy getting cheated on and that's because the women are happy for a while until she needs security. The bad guy doesn't offer security most of the time. She has to walk away from someone she truly loves because security becomes more important as women age. The last resort, a good guy, becomes the security. The woman feels empty inside/ bored because she walked away from her true love.
@@zky720 or We live in a world where men and women carry around more baggage than they will ever admit, and then foolishly try to enter into relationships that require communication, knowing that they don’t know how to be authentic. Sensitive men attract overly guarded women, and vice versa, and together they push each other’s button’s because they secretly hate what each other represents. Lying men attract overly forgiving women, and they keep playing the breakup-get back-breakup-get back game because they get off on each other’s flaws. Jealous and controlling men attract women that are damaged and used to not being loved because his brand of hurtful affection makes is what she thinks she deserves.
Guys. If she cheated on you, it's over. Just get out and dont look back.
💯
Great content! The only thing I disagree is the source of the cheating is because women don't learn to care for themselves or prioritize themselves. Isn't self indulgence and self care what all women do? I think this is the problem. Women prioritize their own wants before anyone one else.
They are raised this way. We have two boys and a girl. The boys have to do things. For the girl it's have to, but with options🙄
Women dont have the natural sex drive that Men do so once the infatuation runs out for a married woman, they eventually want that again. Her Husband, who is now in the "Friend Zone" its almost impossible to get back to Infatuation with Her. It comes alot easier with another man.
That's why you must never stop dread game
Except for the fact that people pair bond and women biologically are designed to pair bond harder. However the oxytocin receptor in the brain can be overloaded just like any other neurotransmitter, and these women are flooding it by having so many bodies that the receptor starts closing off in the same way that dopamine receptors can close off from excessive drug use.
Her loss
I think you’re slightly off base on point #3. Yes, they don’t feel obligated to honor their vows, but it’s because they don’t even think there’s vows. Women don’t spend their childhood dreaming about their marriage, they spend it dreaming about their wedding. And when the bride-party ends, they realize marriage is boring, and feel entitled to bride-party emotions forever. That’s rhe contract they think they’re signing: a man will provide bride-party elations to me, and if not I’m obligated to replace him with someone who does.
My wife and I went to HS together. She was a good girl and I was a bad boy. She HATED me because of it. A few years later (after she finished college and I got out of the Army) we crossed paths and she realized that I was no longer nearly as bad as I was (I had grown up and quit playing games). I did still have some bad boy tendencies. But, once we started dating and I realized how much I cared for her, my bad boy ways evaporated. So, she got the bad boy and was single handedly responsible for turning me into a good man. 27 years and 3 kids later, we have our problems, but with love and understanding, we get through them. While working through some issues, I had her watch a couple of these videos. While not fully agreeing with everything here, she began to see things from a different perspective. I really hope she starts to follow this page!
50 yr. old guy here. Unfortunately, most women - I feel - will rarely admit they are wrong or at fault. It is never, ever, ever her fault and that is the big problem with women. Am I right or am I right.
Great show as always Karyn 👍
@Steverz32, thank you for watching and also for your amazing support in the chat each week.
Your wisdom here has set me free from a lot of pain that I have carried from the issues in my marriage. Met at 19 and together then married 9 years now at 28 years old. This video was profound and I feel like I heal more from each and every one of your videos. Thank you 🙏
Thank you for this video. Definitely a very important video.
Regardless of man or woman, things do happen but always remember cheating is ALWAYS A CHOICE. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
As such if you choose to step out, just be prepared for the consequences of that action.
Honey wake up, happywifeschool posted again🗣️ Mother figure fr fr🔥 Love the smell of validation, accountability, honesty and respect in the morning☀️ Been needing that...
Have gotten into dumb fights with narcissist mother all my life so I can't vent (have to completely numb out emotions of love cause I know she won't change or ever take my boundaries seriously), recovering from dating a girl with BPD for 1 year(got cheated on) (opened me up to the reality of dating, got me so bitter toward women, I don't trust anymore). Now I have commitment issues but gained self respect. My whole personality has changed since then and I hate how I have to get red pilled now when all I wanted was to love innocently, but now everything is an ick for them. It's better to be unapologetically myself and I call bs. I feel better this way, but hate that I can't be myself. Does anyone relate?
@@alansantos6142you certainly can be yourself - but you have to be the now educated/informed/aware version of you. The red-pilled you. You have to accept the sad reality that all the Disney movies us men watched as children left the imprint that "all people are good". They're not. Some are covert and will wear masks only to take them off AFTER they've got their hook set in you - while others are just nasty up front. You have to educate yourself and mentally prepare yourself for both. You'll encounter these people at school, at work, on the sidewalk, they're neighbors, family members, etc. You have to set up a few boundaries to protect yourself - you can't be a full on empath and let people walk all over you - you have to learn to say "no".
You just want to go back to being the gullible, naive, you. That "you" is dead. You're smarter now, you know what to look for. You're better now. Much better. Now go out and be your better self!
"Love innocently"?! that happened on the 1st grade playground. This is adulthood. Danielle Steel books are fiction. When you find the right woman - you'll know. If you have to force it to work - it won't work; you'll be forcing and putting in extra effort every day with no return of investment. When you find the right one - its still work.....but its work you don't mind doing because she is also doing the work on her part to give back to you. A reciprocal relationship is magic.
Being enlightened and self-aware self is soooooo much better than being gullible/naive/taken-advantage-of. When you find the inner strength and confidence to live an "authentic life" - for you and God - that is when your life actually begins. Trust me.
A great talk Karen!
A woman seeks external validation IN HOPE, not being adapted to a proper sense of the values of commitment and accountability; the tragedy is that many women refuse to be taught right and reject any notion of personal accountability, all the while EXPECTING all others to be loyal and accountable to them, on an individual basis. That emptiness indide is real, and often seeks destructive external validation!
The surest way to overcome the emptiness inside is to become honest-stop hiding and pretending, do away with the walls and fears, learn contentment and learn to serve. A content serving person is happy! These attributes are on the opposite spectrum of self entiltlement / self aggrandaizing.
Good men are NOT obsessed by their wives or further attracted to her by the deprivations and lack of empathy they suffer at the hands of their wives, they love from a unique ability and values that promote establishing and sustaining one's kingdom. For most good men, it is not a question of codependency: they do not need the wife to feel good or be happy.
Good men literally put love on their women, and labour to bring their women into the man's idea of what that love is, means, and gives. Good men labour at and on their wives as though the wives were disciples or an art piece that is a part of themselves, which they are trying to perfect! This is why good men are nearly always blindsided by the manouvering tactics and discontent prevalent in women.
💯🎯👏🏾🫰🏾🤌🏾🫡 On point.
women dont experience "love" when they desire a bad boy. it is simply just lust. The concept of love is foreign to women - love equals sacrifice - you are not attracted to a bad boy because you want to sacrifice for him...
its always about what he can give... never about what you can give... god, you guys are such vampires
Sacrifice their dignity and self respect.
The desire to fill emptiness and to pursue fun and pleasure is natural and normal for all humans. What's at issue here, is that nearly every single socio-cultural guardrail, boundary, protective barrier that had long served to encourage development of beneficial and useful character traits and principles in women have long been destroyed, and it's been catastrophic for women.
SO true: "Women want the good guy, once their options dry up, while the bad boys want younger women...."
Were we always this crazy or is this a reflection of modern conveniences and the ease of life? Women seemed way more competent strong and resilient a few hundred years ago.
No more marriage for me.
I cheated on my lady 12 years ago and ended up having a child with my fling.. worse mistake of my life.. i was told to go ahead and leave because it wouldnt work out. but i already had a child by her. Went another decade trying to fix it. The problem is she held on to ny mistake. Instead of her creating a opportunity for us to get over. She denied my outside child access from coming over and also denied it when it came to his siblings. I went years sacraficing my son fir her feelings. Ended up getting a house built 2 years ago for us. Found out she was in a relationship with her married boss. I just called it off cuz i felt like we went backwards instead of forward and i wasn't spending the rest of my dying days dealing with something that couldve been fixed. I wouldnt have denied it if she left me years ago when this first happened but i felt like it was best that i end it.
That's a tough life lesson to deal with but it was definitely a lesson to be learned. Thanks for sharing the story.
Karyn Hi.
I want to thank you for what you are doing.
The iceage between men and women. Carnage that has resulted in so much destruction of human goodwill, relationships, trust, and a shared life. It all may be coming to an end.
My own marrage came to an end in 1997 and though I have tryed again with other women a few times, nothing stuck. 'The first cut is the deepest', to quote a song.
You, here, are giving the answers that men need to hear. Women could do no wrong, Angels. Goddesses. Faultless. And its right that a man could think thus.
But clearly women where not coming up to this ideal.
Maybe now the ice can thaw and many families can be saved. 😢
Too late for many of us.
I want to acknowledge the guys who say "never, never again" or 'there are no good women ". I know you /we are very hurt. We have been treated rough. But turning into a bad man is not the answer. Just stay away from them if that's better for you.
Women have said' there are no good men'
, and are we now to say 'there are no good women'.
Bring on the nuclear winter then I guess since there are no good humans. 😳
But Karyn here is being a good woman by putting her hand up and shouldering her share of the blame.
Other women will no doubt follow.
And lets be honest here. Men are not saints either. How many unscrupulous men do YOU know. And now you say you want to be one.
Well thankfully it's not so easy. If you are really a good man, you will stay one. A hurt and lonely one probably. Me too.
There's a lot of worse things in this world mate. ☺️
When a man cheats, it’s a fling. When a woman cheats, the relationship is already over. Men can go right back and continue to love their wife. Women can’t.
They love the lifestyle
Not really it’s same for both
Because men use women and do not care about women only theirself
Her very definition of a bad boy described in this is what men do to women when they cheat
@@susanhaines7358its a choice, the bad dude so to speak was a good person but got burned bad. Hurt people hurt people. All i see in the comments are typically victims of cheating on both sides, while the cheaters are living life. Grow up and keep pushing forward, the world don't owe you any explanation.
There exist women who aren't capable of love, and they will always abandon men who CAN love in favor of men who can't. The best gift those people can give you is their absence. Just say no.
Karyn, I absolutely love you and this channel! God has used you to help me grow up and identify my toxicity. Today’s message was very true. Keep on spreading the message, you’re truly making a difference 🙏
Basically Chad and Tyrone are always lurking...
It's true. Getting a girlfriend takes time and effort and we never know for sure if were the one. When we think you want to marry us, and do, we are DONE looking. We like one GOOD kind friendly woman. We don't want to go looking around again at all.
Always wondered why my first mistake would leave me to raise our three children to shack up with a man who would beat and mistreat her .
listening to your videos makes me never want to date again
Dating is not for the faint of heart for sure 😅 it's a contact sport
Real
This is the best breakdown on this topic that I’ve ever seen coming from a woman.
If she grew up respecting her father and fearing God, i would say, she wouldnt be like what she is saying. Its the lack of fathers in the home, and single moms raising thier girls that makes them this way. And the lack of God.
God bless you Karyn and thank you.
There is no consequence for women cheating, especially in a marriage. They still end up with all the cash and prizes due to the court system.
So true !!!!
Happened to me. She cheated on me once and I forgave her. Accepted the child fathered by the other man as my own. 10 years later she cheated again, with a woman this time. I had to divorce her. I will have paid her well over a million dollars in support for the privilege of divorcing her cheating self.
They always open for backup options 😉
None of them are hardly 100% long term
Sad part is that if a man stays with his wife after cheating, she cant really respect him ever for tolerating that. A bad boy wouldnt tolerate it. He'd just move on. And she respects that bad boy for doing that. Not much respect for the good guy who would stay after she had another man inside of her.
A woman can complete a man, can help a man to be the best version of himself, but a woman can also destroy a man, and at the same time herself, by betraying him. Please, please don’t do it.
Very, VERY true. Well put 👏
When my husband introduces me and they ask “what do you do?”, he responds with “sandwich engineer”. Makes me laugh every time!
omg the solution is so obvious - just start giving - it feels good to give - thats why men dont have that hole inside, because we know how to give and the act of giving fills us up - just start giving back
make the guy a lasagna - and miracles will occur - Parmagiano Reggiano
@@99thMonkeyNetlove this comment, bacon mac n cheese is my version of that 😆
This comment should have more likes and/or be pinned.
Karyn, I am so happy I came across your channel. You are so helpful in me understanding my wife and knowing why she did and does things which perplex and at time have hurt me in our almost 40 years of marriage. I love her fiercely but how she can be at times is a challenge to me. Your videos help. Thank you.
I'm a good gent I'm done with love all I get are cheaters
Other than a hookup, it's sadly just too much dang work.
Is she saying that my wife cannot feel any passion for me (ever?) if I'm a good man? Seriously? A woman can only show passion fir a bad boy? Is that really what all women are like? I know most are that way. . But all?
If thats truly how things are, id rather just get a divorce and be single
It's moreso that once she sees you as a pushover she finds it appalling, and it's very very hard for a woman to change her perceptions of things like that. It's less about being good than it is about being weak, and many women can't tell the difference between kindness and weakness
Yeah, when I heard that part of her talk I was feeling pretty sh1tty. I'm consistent, dependable, affectionate, & a man of my word. When she said that makes a guy seem boring to some/most women I was just gutted...
@@jesse6402There's a lot about a man's natural disposition that he can't change. If he does try to change and be someone that doesn't come naturally, it's forced and unsustainable. Search out your values and your boundaries. Be honest with yourself, and uphold those values and boundaries that move you forward, and develop the ones you need but maybe aren't good at yet. Improve what you can. It takes time. But do it for you, never for "her." One thing I've learned after getting cheated on is that no woman is worth beating yourself up for. Not. A. Single. One.
I dont think this refers to all women but a certain population of women out there who are like this. My wife and my sisters cant stand players, bad boys, etc. I find that devout catholic women dont have this problem.
@@Sitzenleben I think you are right ... And i think the "devout" distinction is vital.
I really appreciate your wise words. My wife was involved with her ex in an emotional affair. I believe her affair was squashed, before they could ever meet up. Your words have helped us understand their actions and behaviours. Thank you again.
I wish you all the best and I hope for your sake what you believe is very true but if she is that emotionally attached to him, you definitely have alot to work through and I hope she genuinely wants to be with you otherwise you are just wasting your time.
Make sure it’s not emotional attraction. If it is. You need to step back and make it clear you are gonna do so due to this.
Tell her how this is wrong.
Ask her what you have been doing wrong
Then decide where y’all want to go.
If she doesn’t show remorse and take action for you. Then she’s got to go no matter what
@@Boosted_aj I will try that. Thanks
@@Hotwheeler7201 best of luck. And don’t let anyone disrespect you if you’ve shown nothing but respect. That’s on them not you.
Karyn! Hi! I noticed over the weekend you were under 100K and now you are at 100K!! Congratulations!!! And thank you for the content. Very helpful for me, and I hope it will be very helpful for my wife. Don’t understand why I haven’t subscribed yet, but I will right now!
I’ve dealt with fear and jealousy that a woman I’m seeing will cheat. I’ve also been the bad boy you speak of to women as a sort of reaction to betrayals and being cheated on. My son is being kept from my life by his mother and I’ve chosen women who I would never choose today.
Your content has helped and I’ve been researching and studying relationships for many years now seeking solutions to patterns I find myself in.
It’s taken a lot of work to try and become a good man and work toward creating a family. I had to give up being the bad boy and also stop committing to women without any boundaries or framework of what I will and will not tolerate.
I’m taking care of myself and know I’m worthy of a good woman who will be loyal and respectful to me. I’ve had a deep desire since childhood to cherish and love a woman and create a happy family. I’ve been devastated many times and I sometimes can’t believe I’m still standing.
Thank you so much for your heartfelt and genuine offering here. Your sincerity and passion for the subject are obvious and refreshing.
I wish you and your family all the very best.
Since watching Karen I've learned that I am a good man and was so for 24 years during my first marriage. It was a sexless marriage but I stayed for the sake of the children. She moved on to greener pastures. My lesson, look on the inside of the package as well as the outside before you commit.
My exwife took my kid and left me for a former drug dealer with two baby mommas. Now she single and struggling 😂
No way could we figure any of this out. In fact we men were taught just the opposite about women.
You are precious. God bless you and your family!
Karyn you are good. Very useful. Thank you...........Karen, you said that the man must "practice forgiveness", that he has nothing to do, that he cannot do anything. But doesn't that mean that he still remains a simp, a sucker, a loser???....It would be interesting to make a tutorial on this topic......🤭🤫🤔
57:20 Miss, you are right on. They have to want help.
Wow! What a good blog 😊 I just found this content 2 days ago.
Sexual/intimacy shortage is a huge reason too.
Amazing content. Great to hear about that audio podcast on the way. This will be great, listening to your message while driving or doing some hands-on work. Also, based on the past live streams I have watched ; your message is more relevant today and will be in future; this is worth preserving on more platforms, it would be great if you WRITE A BOOK on these topics?
Thanks for your teachings.pls can you explain why a wife would set up the children against her husband.thanks for the attention
Because some women don't care about anyone but themselves. Narcissists.
Bc she cares more about getting revenge and being the good person in the eyes of the public bc a bad mom gets no sympathy but a “good mom” with a bad man gets all the excuses
Having the ex-wife turn your children against you is called Parent Alienation. The ex-wife does it for revenge even if it is her that demanded the divorce. The ex-wife wants you miserable as possible. And in her eyes she never wants you to move on and get into another relationship with a woman. The ex-wife over here was successful in turning my oldest daughter against me. The daughter now is just like her mother, hateful and vindictive.
What I feel, if you get a woman that will invest in you, some problems you may not experience. I think a lot of the time, if you get with women who are not willing to invest in you, this is when the games are played. It is not necessary at all.
From a Christian perspective, Genesis chapter 3 goes over this if you use an app to dig into the original language. Genesis 3:16 talks about a woman’s desire. It’s part of the curse of the original sin from the best of what I can conclude. That emptiness she discusses within a marital relationship often comes when men and women expect their spouse to fulfill needs that can only be filled by Jesus Christ. That desire for a bad boy, that emptiness….. cheating and other issues occur when we try to fill the emptiness that only God can fill. Your spouse can be the most wonderful man or woman out there, but they will always make a terrible God.
I really appreciate your transparency
I love your channel and your mindset
I dont know if I should be proud or disgusted that a women is coming clean about this.
Truth hurts, but it's the start of the journey to healing, and hope and a better future your every man
Not all women would cheat, not every woman is like this... sadly, many are though.
Seeing Karyn’s videos and the blogs have made me realize that I am not alone and not going crazy dealing with emasculation while I was married.
What's amazing for me (man, 50 ) about ALL these videos on this channel: I recognize absolutly everything as lifelong realization.
But before I ever heard that out of a woman's mouth it just meant that women were a monstrous invention of hell.
Now hearing that out of a woman's mouth for the first time changes everything. It means women could learn and be better.
I won't bet even a single fart on it. But it's amazing that it's in the realm of possibilities.
The wives that need to watch this, will not. I have read too many blogs where the husband won’t share these videos with their wife because they are afraid of her vindictiveness. At least a lot of men are learning that they are not the problem.
Thanks! Very helpful.
If a woman says that all her exes were narcissists, there's an easy way to convince her to like you - become a narcissist yourself. 😂
Don't try to fix her. Stop your natural instinct of helping out and providing.
I don't know the sophisticated term meaning "obsession with bad boys" but I know one much simpler: genuine desire. If the lady doesn't feel that - you know it won't work.
Thank you, thank you. It's really true ❤
I was married for 27 years until my wife passed away in 2017. We were always faithful to one another. I've had 3 girlfriends since her passing and all three cheated often with other women. Needless to say I have kicked all 3 to the curb
QUESTION - PLEASE HELP!!!
Physical affair by wife 2006 - 2009. I did NOTHING WRONG! Three young kids!
2024, she STILL works with him, but says she works from home so not really "with him" since COVID protocals made her telephonic.
My question: Should I accept this, or keep demanding her to LEAVE?
You don't steyy married to a women that cheated (kiss,sex) with another man or women. They will do it again always. Just cut your losses raise your children, meet someone new that wants you for you and appreciate the man that you are.
leave, your life happiness counts too. I divorced a woman I was with for 18 years by the way and have two kids, no cheating but there was nothing but years of arguing. No more rapid heart palpitations, no more anxiety about home life, totally worth it.
Karyn gives great advice but almost all modern women don't want this advice. They are too entitled and basking in victimhood to ever change.
The "Self" is precisely the problem. The Bible calls it the "flesh", the very thing that we need to crucify. The emptiness that women (or men) experience is precisely because of living according to the desires of the flesh/self. That emptiness can only be filled by Jesus.
Truth 😊
Amen TroyStevens430
Exactly!
Bad boys and players are men who have learnt to hold the mirror up to women of who they are, It’s an adaptive strategy.
men are simple - what we want is a return sacrifice - mens lives are based on justice - we feel its fair that the sacrifice of our time and body on the labour market is met with an equal sacrifice of house work - quit pro quo - balance
Lol what a joke. Marriage is dumb in 2024
Most women are toxic.
Blessings to you and your family and friends you are a sweet 🧁 Sweet 🧁 Sweet sister a good woman blessings to you
You should put "I've got flawls!“ on a t shirt I would buy one.