Sadly even though my parents are married and were when I was born, my father was born in the 50s had to drop out of school in the 4 the grade to help his family( he's one of 16 kids) he did spend time in prison before he got his life in track (he did what he needed to do to support his family) and he's not proud of the person he was but he learned from his mistakes so that's no excuse for her having 3 children by 3 different men. Me and my 2 sisters were all married before we had children and are with those same men today. These women need to own their own bullshit mistakes and stop blaming everyone else
Beautiful back story for your life. Just doesn’t prove her’s. Apparently she didn’t have guidance to understand life. Don’t think she knows people to encourage her to find it. Even though it’s not 100% her fault just like it’s not it’s not 100% her parents. Unaddressed childhood trauma from yesteryear is adult trauma today. You can see it each generation especially nowadays. The fact that no one address this is why people just keep having the same old issues and doing the same solution.
Just because a dad is there doesn't mean he was DOING what a dad is suppose to do concerning their sons and daughters. Also the dad may have unresolved issues himself.
I was used as the punching bag by her mom, and now daughter wants to do the same.... I'm like "Look at your mom. Do you want that life? Now look at who still trying to make it better for you..... Nope?! Okay you will learn today.
@@constancereynolds3110 and what is it that Dad is suppose to be doing? Being subjected to evil ways by the baby's momma. To the point that even the good things are not even recognized by what you would think someone with common sense could see? Yes sometimes Dad's can have issues, but the majority of the time what you believe is what the press and other bitter women say. Not the truth.
Many children grow up to find out that their dad was never a deadbeat and didn't abandon them. They find out their mom was bitter and played the shell game with them.
@@Demonsouls1993 sometimes that is true. But a lot of times, the mom made it hard for the dad to be there so it was better on the dad's mental health, to make sure he wanted to be alive long enough to be a father still.
@@DrtyTreeHuggr living that as we SPEAK.. and my daughter at 18 has SEEN for herself what her mother has done to her sisters father.. we been reconnecting and I’m blessed that we got to start over and the possibilities of the future ..
@@bradmadeira6807 bless u bro. The struggle continues, for so many of us. We shouldn't have to look forward to that 18th bday, jus to get to kno our kids.. But it is, what it is.
It never ceases to amaze me how women can scream “I’m strong! I’m empowered! I’m educated” when the going is good, and then immediately it’s time to take some accountability they reduce themselves to “tee hee, I’m just a wittle girl. Those big bad men are the reason for ALL my problems”. Women see these patterns play out OVER AND OVER again but still fumble the football. The worst part is they reinforce each other’s horrible choices and wonder why they keep getting the same negative outcomes they do.
@@bigNo13 I have seen males but none just spent time with me. Did not grow up with my mother just g ma and she had issues but the point is I knew what I want and did not want or what I wanted to be. I had goals. I taught myself a lot of things. Me lol
From a quote that resonated with me from Bojack Horseman: "You are everything that is wrong with you. It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or all the shitty things that happened in your childhood. It's you, okay? It's you."
@Dillinger Zanmato I mean if you’re working retail in NY or LA sure you probably can’t afford to live there because of their grossly inflated cost of living. But you can survive working a regular old 9 to 5 in about 95% of the country and still have room to save if you’re not bothering with dating. As for the having kids thing it’s all about impulse control. If you can learn to restrain yourself there are very few things you can’t accomplish with time and effort.
Your circumstances don't make your character, your decisions do. If I grew up in an abusive household, why would I not do anything in my power to prevent that for my child?
My mom made alot of mistakes in raising me and me sister. When I have a child, I will raise my child better than my mom raised me. I will make sure that my child have the life I never did as a child.
Lmao my dad was a Crackhead and my mom was a drunk that loved to throw hands. I F-ing love hearing these people talk about how tough they had it. I raised me, I raised my kid brother, and I hold myself to a higher standard than I hold anyone else. Then again maybe that's why my life doesn't suck anymore? Who knows? Subbed
I tell everyone in my life, especially younger people, “Outside of court and the law, fault is utterly useless.” It doesn’t matter who’s fault it is, it’s you’re responsibility to make sure you’re good. If someone hits your car, it might be their fault and they might have to pay, but it’s your responsibility to make sure you get everything checked out and that your lifestyle isn’t effected by the damages to your car caused by someone else. Our psyches and mentality is the same way.
Pfft these days even in court and law, it seems fault is less and less important. We’re more likely to look at everything except for whose fault it is, that it turned out this way. Today it’s more like; what’s between your legs? If you have an outtie than you’re at fault, if you have an innie, congrats: here’s your permanent “victim-status” card 👌
@@ajfergy5569 did you even read my message? Also this is from personal experience of the school blaming everything else instead of me being lazy. You know holding me accountable for my attitude and actions. So, you know, "The school looking to blame everything else except the child (me)" Wouldn't that be, like, looking within? 🤪
Gloating over the fact your mom's alive and her's is dead? Not only is that low down but those are fighting words in my eyes. I feel sorry for the kids
As an adult she should be able to make the right decision in choosing a man, not having a dad in her life is not an excuse for choosing wrongly. She should take accountability for her actions and stop the blame game.
It's amazing how a man with trust issues is "broken" then quickly dismissed. However, as a man we're supposed to "fix" or "accept" a broken woman. Maaaan women out here dodging accountability like Neo dodging bullets 🤣🤣🤣
DieHardYON 21 who lied to you about men are suppose to fix and accept a broken woman? If that were true there wouldn't be toxic, dysfunctional relationships since men are suppose to "fix and accept" a broken woman. MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!
Exactly. I say it everyday! I can't fix a broken person. I took the time to go to therapy and get the professional help I needed. I took the time to process my bad experiences into a positive outcome. I still take the time everyday to check myself. I'm the best thing that ever happened to me. Self-love is the greatest love there is. That being said I appreciate the good people in my life.
I know it's exhausting for them to always try and find someone they can throw their baggage on. To always try and dump their shyt onto the world. And to constantly be faced with the universe's complete and utter indifference to their plight. I know this because that's how it was for me.
Always the victim... This chick is mad disrespectful regarding the death of someone's mom. She needs to be careful...because when that time comes she's going to have a whole fit if someone speaks ill of her mom. Daphne at least showed some class. You know the old saying... "When the argument is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser."
my son's father left when they were 4 and ten. My oldest son is now 31, and his is an mechanic, and my other son is 25 and is an electrician. They both grew up knowing that they didn't want to be like their father. I thank God for this every day.
You should have learned from your parents mistakes and made the conscious choice to be better and choose better. How hard is it to comprehend that the choices you make are on you not your parents all they can do is raise you the best they can.
@@sixpaths66 so true but if we don't learn from mistakes or the past we are doomed to repeat those same mistakes. Personal accountability is sorely lacking from society. Today it's everyone else's fault not theirs. How can you grow as a human being if you can never accept your own faults.
According to her theory it is the fault of one of his parents that he wasn't there for her. So it's not really his fault. If your Keep that blame game going, stay consistent.
That would require them using thier brain which is very clear after the 3rd baby daddy they dont have one. From the sounds of it at least her mom was smart after the first time .
My mom use to blame herself for my choices that I made as a teenager and a young adult. I had to explain to her that my choices were nothing to do with how she raised me . I MADE My choices. I knew better but did what I wanted.
These women dnt realize how much they put us thru, when we are THERE and willing to be there. They're so ready to be a strong single mom and do shit on their own, while still whining and demanding child support.. But have the nerve to tell us when we can and can't see our kids. And think us men are supposed to jus deal with it and do whatever they say. That shit drives a person crazy and most women would be deadbeat or kill themselves, if men did what they did.
My dad cheated on my mom four times before leaving her with four kids and running off to cheat on multiple other women, he was a deadbeat but in the end I don’t blame him for my mistakes and I had to teach myself how to be a man. You are right though that I want to make sure that doesn’t happen to my kids however a follow us home is very impactful primarily to young man but it can give girl daddy issues. However this girl is definitely not taking responsibility
Clearly her mom taught her about honor, respect and dignity, considering how often she's mocked the fact that Daphne lost hers. Clearly she's hurting too, but tries to hide the pain by being "better". By, you know, blaming everyone else around her for her own mistakes.
Never had my father in my life, he was a drug dealer, my mother is a head case no knock to her but they had me at 19, I’m 22 years old, graduated from college and getting experience to work in Policing in Canada, I’m bilingual. Life is a choice, I’ve always been around negativity and I chose to strive for positivity, that’s what being an adult is.
I guarantee they were either bums already or she was insufferable and refused to use common sense. (Birth control). If the dad was a deadbeat she shouldn't have made a baby with him. It's like no matter what women are passengers in the bad situations they put themselves in. Make it make sense.
Um. Ppl need to stop with this nonsense. Both men and women need to take accountability for their own reproduction. Stop sleeping around with everybody just because you can, and stop having babies without commitments just because you can. A lot of children grow up without fathers, because they died very early on in their lives. Thats even more traumatic than never really knowing a living father. So stop making excuses for making poor choices. Its sounds like the mothers of these young ladies had a lot to do with the way they have turned out. Its very weird that daughters who grew up with just having their fathers as their primary or only parent don't really have these same issues a lot if the time. That is very telling.
from just reading the first 2 lines ima just say this. yes both parties should be held accountable as it took both to make a child, but consent isnt always part of that. for example lets say a man gets with a girl, the man has a lot of money and the girl wants to live life without needing to work like a man does (happens a lot) the girl can tell the man she is on the pill and LIE to the mans face. should the father be held accountable for that baby still if she lied to him? if the man has done everything in his power to make sure things like that wouldnt happen and they still do. you might think "what about condoms" i have seen women take needles to the mens stash without the man knowing to do this type of stuff. things like that happen very often and a lot of those men do in fact try to still be part of the childs life and that isnt fair to the child or the man. but the women gets all the money anyway
Doesn't this prove the point that woman who at least have a father around are more well rounded individuals and why this woman is right in expressing the trauma she encountered by not having one.
I’m sure they were thinking “ boo hoo my dad didn’t send me a birthday card” while they were bending over and taking it from behind… realistically they were having the time of their life. But now they can’t live with their consequences.
Thanks for sharing this. Seeing how these two communicated with one another really crystallized the various mindsets of women. One who takes no accountability and the other who does. Seeing how one gets angry only at men for her choices and then attacks a woman who challenges her mindset with truths.👍🏾
She can make death jokes and blame men leaving her when she is clearly a horrible person. She is basically saying her mother taught her how to pick bums like her daddy. This is the only time I support a man leaving his child,this woman doesn’t deserve any man in her life and her father dodged a bullet 😂
3:02 Honestly, there are too many problems surrounding fatherhood and marriage today. I personally feel that trying to become a father myself is no longer an option. I don't want to try to succeed where my dad failed. Nor would I want to risk my children suffering as I've suffered.
Exactly your choices not to procreate are directly tied to your childhood trauma..... Just like her choices are a result of her child hood trauma..... But through society black women aren't allowed to feel so how dare she bring up the trauma she felt from her having a absentee father.
@@tBY-qy2hc ? Apologies, I hope my comment didn't come off as dismissive of anyone's personal struggles. I was merely throwing my own opinion out there opon the topic of fatherhood. I was only replying in response to ADP and his personal resolve on the topic. I wasn't attempting to invalidate anybodies decisions or past traumas.
Hell I don't think I've ever been here this early! I love these people blaming everyone else like girl if you got Trauma get help for it instead of playing the pattern then blaming everyone else. We all got some type of trauma for real. I think I don't know I'm sure there are some people who grew up well rounded
Some blame can go on parents but ultimately at a certain age we have to hold ourselves accountable and we have to especially start holding women accountable bc a lot of times society will make excuses for them but don’t have that energy with men like if a dude beat a woman no one’s gonna say “oh don’t judge him bc he was abused by his parents or he didn’t have a father,” everyone at a certain age needs to be held accountable regardless of race, gender or social status
We as women decide who we want to sleep with, you decide to have sex and got pregnant that has nothing to do with daddy or mommy issues. When you was doing the deed no one was thinking about that. At this point choose the right person you want to be involved with. If there are issues that we know we are dealing with, they need to be fixed before any relationship she can happen IMO.
I agree with you on how some men act when their dads aren't around and how they treat their kids. My son's father is an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING dad!! My son has nothing to worry about
I didn’t have my dad as a consistent parent. I decided that I didn’t want to perpetuate this trauma. In that moment I had to understand also that I needed to HEAL!!!!. Go to therapy get yourself right, you no good to a child broken.
I had to take a pause for the cause. Those jokes about Daphne's mother broke me. What an insensitive, tacky little girl the OP is. The way the tears welled up...omg. If that GIRL lives long enough, she'll experience loss. I pray others show her more kindness, respect, and graciousness than she showed Daphne.
CAP! 🤦🏿 my mother has 3 kids by 3 different men, my father has 3 kids by 3 different women both never married. Me been married 10 years and kids are all with my wife. Bad parents teach you what not to do, if your to stupid not to pay attention don't blame them for making the same bad choices.
My dad was abusive with my mom, like I was about 2yo when I first saw it and he was dookie throughout my whole childhood but I'm thankful for what he indirectly taught me how I should b as a: Man, husband and father. I am forever grateful for my mom cuz she taught me how I was to act as an adult and human
2 girls each had a kid with & married & divorced the same fool. They went to court over child support. He was tens of thousands behind & the judge said do you want him thrown in jail & they said NO cuz he couldn't make cash to pay them but HE ALREADY WASN'T so they shoulda said lock him up!
Bruh at 28 years old, if you don’t know how to pay bills, and don’t have anything in your name, that’s a complete failing by you. The heck were you doing all that time,? 28 you were damn near 30 and still relying on mama. Like that ain’t the flex you think it is, Glad you figured out you needed to step it up.
You can tell where that young lady is in her mindset just by her continually making dead jokes about her dead mom. No wonder she has 3 BD who more than likely don't want anything to do with her 🤷
They gotta deflect blame, otherwise they would have to take responsibility for their own choices and actions.. Talk about adult children, with children. Continuing the cycle of deflection and blame, instead of changing YOURSELF. Shit makes me laugh lol.
The main issue is that a lot these women feel you should act like a functioning adult regardless of trauma, but it they wanna have an episode it's supposed to be OK. 🤨
I feel like both a good mother and good father are necessary to help give the child, man or woman, the best advantage in terms of tackling the world before them. It gives both men and women who listen, a sense of accountability, built into them already.
Having a Dad is the best blessing... And I feel for those without a father ...but we have a Heavenly father who cares ... We become better men, better than our progenitors... every disadvantage can be turned around to an advantage ...
She is right. Physiologically if you are abandoned by a parents you spend your whole life searching for something that will fill up the empty space, and sometimes having many partners have to do with that, you are looking for your father in every male figure and if you don't understand psychology you are not aware of that you get together with different man and sadly as shity as the father. The brain is very strong and extremely sensitive so easy to damage and traumatized. She is right! And if men like her father would just man up and be good, responsible fathers and the same to mothers the world would be so beautiful and nice. Most trauma comes from our parents. Sadly
@J J in the perfect world yes, but true is that the brain doesn't work like that with everyone. Everyone reacts different with trauma, there are some that mature very young and understand to make things different, other have to leave and experience the mistakes themselves to understand that something is wrong and then they look for the root of the problems, they did not know better before, the good thing is that ones the awakening happens then you can begin to heal and make better decisions. But sadly the damage is done often in those situations, like in her case the poor kids would go through the same thing as her probably. It is her father's fault that he abandoned them, that is evil and wrong and him being in the wrong doesn't take away from the mother she was wrong too by not teaching her kid better, I'm sure the mom had dad problems too, and is a never ending chain into one is stronger and breaks the pattern. Maybe her ignorance and trauma were not her fault but now that she is aware she can make the changes, for her kids maybe find a good role model for them. Maybe not bringing any man home if she is not married to them, maybe have good conversations with her kids about her trauma and why she made bad choices but not she is aware and is trying to explain to the kids to prevent this from happening to the kids in the future.
My Dad wasn’t around. I cant really say with any confidence that it was him or my mom, but I said at a young age when I had kids I would never allow them to not know their father and I kept that promise.
She keeps brining in her mom to the story and turning to her for advices when her mom was there all the time... Every time she made a mistake with another baby-daddy her mother was there. What an absolute zero of a person.
it is harder for a child to grow and act right without a good father being present, specially if because of his absence the single mom has to work 2 jobs or chooses bad stepdads and some girls may tend to grow with anger issues towards men, but still I've seeing messed up kids being raised by 2 parents so at the end it all comes to how you are raised and your choices of either being the victim or getting ahead.
Hold the phuck up! For the ladies saying they are choosing men like their dad that wasn't in their life and walked out! How you chose a man like your dad if you don't know your dad. What characteristic do you have to relate to if dad wasn't there for you to see.
Do they ask for old rules/laws to come back? They harm the future of their kids! I hope for the kids who grow up in lives with reckless mother, to be able to find and make a good life for themselves. Also, FB banned me for non-issues, yet joking about mothers who passed is okay? Either way, these ladies will lose, as plenty of men (not enough in my opinion) are quitting the dating thing. Have fun alone, as eventually most men won't even give you babies anymore, and you'll be buying pets to not be alone 24/7... which is better than harming other lives, to me.
Please drop a recommended reading list on manhood. It's amazing that these ideas are alluded to, but can be rare and difficult to find any reputable man pointing/leading to the lake. A great service to all young men.
She’s absolutely correct. Homes without two parents produce broken children. Can’t give you thumbs up on this one. You said it yourself. They need guidance. The guidance of a father.
She is right in the sense that the father not being there has a negative effect on her ability to discern between who’s a good man and who’s not but nonetheless she obviously didn’t learn her lesson the first time. You should not be having kids with someone you are not married to. It doesn’t take you 3 kids later to realize that maybe you should hold off on getting ran through. Note: Women also choose ain’t shit because a lot of them are frankly just bad judges of character.
There’s no correlation between having your dad run out on you and always deciding to choose ain’t shit men. You saw what your ain’t shit dad was about so shouldn’t you know earlier then some women who had their dad in their life consistently what an ain’t shit man is?
Lol I know a female with 3 different baby she is nut and had the nerve to say I don’t know how to be a man . Inside I was laughing I was like bich you never met a man so how you know miss 3 baby daddy’s 😂😂😂
You had to become and learn how to be a man after your mother passed, therefore you need both parents to teach you. That’s why many children become messed up adults. Both parents need to be responsible and raise their children, not just the mother.
The trauma of an absentee father affects boys and girls differently and that is a fact and you can Google it and you can read research studies. It's not so much that they're choosing men like their father it's that they don't value themselves enough and they accept being treated poorly by the first man who pays them attention. None of us are responsible for the trauma that we endured. We are however responsible for healing from that trauma. Once you recognize your behaviors are causing harm in your life is up to you to reach out and get psychological help to deal with that trauma. So the women have a point to a point. But ultimately they are responsible for their own decisions.
All Facts what you stated my boii about our fathers not being there and wanting to be better men for our children. Accountability scares these women so much they be reaching for straws.
I didn't leave my kids because I was a coward. I left because the mother falsely filed DV charges on me while I was at work and I was ordered out by the courts. She nearly destroyed me. My kids are grown now and they now know the real story why I wasn't around. They hate their mother for the lies she told them
Don't judge her bro. Because it's alot of choices I've made that I blame on that. Because you need a good mentor or a great parent it's Hella hard bro. It really is. Not having a dad made me a great dad. But you have to understand this women look for a person that's like their father!!!
It has been studied through psychology that we tend to find people who are similar not identical to our parents as they are the first relationship we see and experience. We subconsciously search out people who have similar patterns to our parents as we know what to expect and can understand the situation. It's similar to why some people choose abusive/toxic people subconsciously because it's something they know, it FEELS safe to them, it FEELS comfortable not logical - emotional based. People have to seek help by professionals as long as they want help. After we leave our partners. We have to mother and father ourselves.
I swear they act like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode of Will’s father doesn’t exist.. mans didn’t say “It because of my father never being here for me that I am the way I am”, he said “Ima be a better father than him”.. people need to hold themselves accountable 😭🤦🏽♂️
"When I need help with my anger I'm wise enough to turn to my mom." That's like turning to O.J. Simpson for anger management lol. You can't make this shit up folks. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
I was lucky enough to have both of my parents growing up, I learned a lot, they are good people, I followed a path into the military cause of my pops. But with EVERYTHING they have taught me the one thing I will never forget is my dad telling me when my son was born”to be a better father then me”. That’s hard for me, cause yes my dad was old school with discipline, but he was a great dad with teaching me a lot, I still made my own mistakes. But I believe it was there upbringing that help me get the wife I have today, and family.
Sadly even though my parents are married and were when I was born, my father was born in the 50s had to drop out of school in the 4 the grade to help his family( he's one of 16 kids) he did spend time in prison before he got his life in track (he did what he needed to do to support his family) and he's not proud of the person he was but he learned from his mistakes so that's no excuse for her having 3 children by 3 different men. Me and my 2 sisters were all married before we had children and are with those same men today. These women need to own their own bullshit mistakes and stop blaming everyone else
💯💯💯
Thank you sis
Congrats for being a unicorn, sis. Mad respect
Respect to your father (and your mother).💗
Beautiful back story for your life. Just doesn’t prove her’s. Apparently she didn’t have guidance to understand life. Don’t think she knows people to encourage her to find it. Even though it’s not 100% her fault just like it’s not it’s not 100% her parents. Unaddressed childhood trauma from yesteryear is adult trauma today. You can see it each generation especially nowadays. The fact that no one address this is why people just keep having the same old issues and doing the same solution.
Nobody wants to talk about how even when their dads are in their life they still choose the same men
Then have disappointed fathers and brothers
Just because a dad is there doesn't mean he was DOING what a dad is suppose to do concerning their sons and daughters. Also the dad may have unresolved issues himself.
@@constancereynolds3110 where's mom then? Fact of the matter is a lot of these mothers out her ain't ish either.
I was used as the punching bag by her mom, and now daughter wants to do the same.... I'm like "Look at your mom. Do you want that life? Now look at who still trying to make it better for you..... Nope?! Okay you will learn today.
@@constancereynolds3110 and what is it that Dad is suppose to be doing? Being subjected to evil ways by the baby's momma. To the point that even the good things are not even recognized by what you would think someone with common sense could see? Yes sometimes Dad's can have issues, but the majority of the time what you believe is what the press and other bitter women say. Not the truth.
Many children grow up to find out that their dad was never a deadbeat and didn't abandon them. They find out their mom was bitter and played the shell game with them.
Not the case for me sadly my dad really is a dead beat
Exactly what I found out when I reconnected with my dad as an adult and was goin thru exactly what my mom put him thru
@@Demonsouls1993 sometimes that is true. But a lot of times, the mom made it hard for the dad to be there so it was better on the dad's mental health, to make sure he wanted to be alive long enough to be a father still.
@@DrtyTreeHuggr living that as we SPEAK.. and my daughter at 18 has SEEN for herself what her mother has done to her sisters father.. we been reconnecting and I’m blessed that we got to start over and the possibilities of the future ..
@@bradmadeira6807 bless u bro. The struggle continues, for so many of us. We shouldn't have to look forward to that 18th bday, jus to get to kno our kids.. But it is, what it is.
It never ceases to amaze me how women can scream “I’m strong! I’m empowered! I’m educated” when the going is good, and then immediately it’s time to take some accountability they reduce themselves to “tee hee, I’m just a wittle girl. Those big bad men are the reason for ALL my problems”.
Women see these patterns play out OVER AND OVER again but still fumble the football. The worst part is they reinforce each other’s horrible choices and wonder why they keep getting the same negative outcomes they do.
Your a awesome writer bro. Everything you said explains most girls now days.
facts
Agreed
For Real her own damn fault
Lol! Facts.!
Never seen my dad but I made sure I was going to be better than him. True life on that
Maybe you had a very good mother? Or other other male role mother.
@@bigNo13 I have seen males but none just spent time with me. Did not grow up with my mother just g ma and she had issues but the point is I knew what I want and did not want or what I wanted to be. I had goals. I taught myself a lot of things. Me lol
@@wright1wright you are 1 in a million please be safe we need more people like you
@@cloutscout1003 it's all about individual choices. Thank you appreciate that. You to
Same here. Didn't grow up with male role models, but knew I didn't want to be dysfunctional or worse. This shit is common sense. Accountability.
From a quote that resonated with me from Bojack Horseman:
"You are everything that is wrong with you. It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or all the shitty things that happened in your childhood. It's you, okay? It's you."
@Dillinger Zanmato I mean if you’re working retail in NY or LA sure you probably can’t afford to live there because of their grossly inflated cost of living. But you can survive working a regular old 9 to 5 in about 95% of the country and still have room to save if you’re not bothering with dating. As for the having kids thing it’s all about impulse control. If you can learn to restrain yourself there are very few things you can’t accomplish with time and effort.
@Dillinger Zanmato try something out of your comfort zone. If you’ve tried everything you know of. It’s time to try something you don’t
Your circumstances don't make your character, your decisions do. If I grew up in an abusive household, why would I not do anything in my power to prevent that for my child?
Im with you
My mom made alot of mistakes in raising me and me sister. When I have a child, I will raise my child better than my mom raised me. I will make sure that my child have the life I never did as a child.
Well you know what. Paint me green and Call me a tree. Cause apparently some girls be addicted to the abuse from my understanding
Lmao my dad was a Crackhead and my mom was a drunk that loved to throw hands. I F-ing love hearing these people talk about how tough they had it. I raised me, I raised my kid brother, and I hold myself to a higher standard than I hold anyone else. Then again maybe that's why my life doesn't suck anymore? Who knows?
Subbed
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You should be proud bro. U dont have that victim mentality. Bravo
So so very proud of you, young lady.
I appreciate ur comment. U inspire me
Wait what ? By her logic a guy can blame his mom for having 3 kids with 3 baby mommas…
Ruh roh
Exactly!!
Correct
I tell everyone in my life, especially younger people, “Outside of court and the law, fault is utterly useless.”
It doesn’t matter who’s fault it is, it’s you’re responsibility to make sure you’re good.
If someone hits your car, it might be their fault and they might have to pay, but it’s your responsibility to make sure you get everything checked out and that your lifestyle isn’t effected by the damages to your car caused by someone else.
Our psyches and mentality is the same way.
The problem is that our school education system looks to blame everyone and everything else other than the child
Pfft these days even in court and law, it seems fault is less and less important. We’re more likely to look at everything except for whose fault it is, that it turned out this way.
Today it’s more like; what’s between your legs? If you have an outtie than you’re at fault, if you have an innie, congrats: here’s your permanent “victim-status” card 👌
So important and profound what you said
@@Patrickf5087 ironic that you instantly blame the schools instead of looking within 🤣
@@ajfergy5569 did you even read my message?
Also this is from personal experience of the school blaming everything else instead of me being lazy. You know holding me accountable for my attitude and actions.
So, you know, "The school looking to blame everything else except the child (me)"
Wouldn't that be, like, looking within? 🤪
Gloating over the fact your mom's alive and her's is dead? Not only is that low down but those are fighting words in my eyes. I feel sorry for the kids
Yup Im not a violent person but that could’ve provoked a reaction out of me.
At least it makes it simpler, as if that were necessary, to see who the psychopath is.
As an adult she should be able to make the right decision in choosing a man, not having a dad in her life is not an excuse for choosing wrongly.
She should take accountability for her actions and stop the blame game.
Women like her always go for the "so called badass guy" and ignore the guys who are better for them aka the "so called boring/nerdy guys"
It's amazing how a man with trust issues is "broken" then quickly dismissed. However, as a man we're supposed to "fix" or "accept" a broken woman. Maaaan women out here dodging accountability like Neo dodging bullets 🤣🤣🤣
DieHardYON 21 who lied to you about men are suppose to fix and accept a broken woman? If that were true there wouldn't be toxic, dysfunctional relationships since men are suppose to "fix and accept" a broken woman.
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE!!!
@@constancereynolds3110 women talk that crazy crap.
@@evos469 FACTS!!! "If you can't love me at my WORST then you don't deserve my BEST!!!" 🤣🤣🤣
Exactly. I say it everyday! I can't fix a broken person. I took the time to go to therapy and get the professional help I needed. I took the time to process my bad experiences into a positive outcome. I still take the time everyday to check myself. I'm the best thing that ever happened to me. Self-love is the greatest love there is. That being said I appreciate the good people in my life.
I know it's exhausting for them to always try and find someone they can throw their baggage on. To always try and dump their shyt onto the world. And to constantly be faced with the universe's complete and utter indifference to their plight. I know this because that's how it was for me.
Always the victim...
This chick is mad disrespectful regarding the death of someone's mom. She needs to be careful...because when that time comes she's going to have a whole fit if someone speaks ill of her mom. Daphne at least showed some class.
You know the old saying...
"When the argument is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser."
my son's father left when they were 4 and ten. My oldest son is now 31, and his is an mechanic, and my other son is 25 and is an electrician. They both grew up knowing that they didn't want to be like their father. I thank God for this every day.
Why did he leave???
@P T yep most do
@@manesonjames8499 I should of said I kicked him out because he was a drug addict and didn't want this for my boys.
@@karenayers2122 ok that make sense
@@karenayers2122 is he not in there life tho
You should have learned from your parents mistakes and made the conscious choice to be better and choose better. How hard is it to comprehend that the choices you make are on you not your parents all they can do is raise you the best they can.
I agree...however as humans often differ from each other people handle many events/circumstances differently.
@@sixpaths66 so true but if we don't learn from mistakes or the past we are doomed to repeat those same mistakes. Personal accountability is sorely lacking from society. Today it's everyone else's fault not theirs. How can you grow as a human being if you can never accept your own faults.
@@christianwiberg447 facts
According to her theory it is the fault of one of his parents that he wasn't there for her. So it's not really his fault. If your Keep that blame game going, stay consistent.
That would require them using thier brain which is very clear after the 3rd baby daddy they dont have one. From the sounds of it at least her mom was smart after the first time .
My mom use to blame herself for my choices that I made as a teenager and a young adult. I had to explain to her that my choices were nothing to do with how she raised me . I MADE My choices. I knew better but did what I wanted.
These women dnt realize how much they put us thru, when we are THERE and willing to be there. They're so ready to be a strong single mom and do shit on their own, while still whining and demanding child support.. But have the nerve to tell us when we can and can't see our kids. And think us men are supposed to jus deal with it and do whatever they say. That shit drives a person crazy and most women would be deadbeat or kill themselves, if men did what they did.
My dad cheated on my mom four times before leaving her with four kids and running off to cheat on multiple other women, he was a deadbeat but in the end I don’t blame him for my mistakes and I had to teach myself how to be a man. You are right though that I want to make sure that doesn’t happen to my kids however a follow us home is very impactful primarily to young man but it can give girl daddy issues. However this girl is definitely not taking responsibility
Clearly her mom taught her about honor, respect and dignity, considering how often she's mocked the fact that Daphne lost hers.
Clearly she's hurting too, but tries to hide the pain by being "better". By, you know, blaming everyone else around her for her own mistakes.
Never had my father in my life, he was a drug dealer, my mother is a head case no knock to her but they had me at 19, I’m 22 years old, graduated from college and getting experience to work in Policing in Canada, I’m bilingual. Life is a choice, I’ve always been around negativity and I chose to strive for positivity, that’s what being an adult is.
Daddy issues definitely exist. Still needs to be accountable. But to pretend daddy issues, & mommy issues aren't real, idk.
I thank the Most High that I was raised by my dad.
What’d her mom do for him to ghost them?
when i was young my mother was always bitching about my dad leaving.
when i got older i realised my dad left because she was always bitching.
I guarantee they were either bums already or she was insufferable and refused to use common sense. (Birth control). If the dad was a deadbeat she shouldn't have made a baby with him. It's like no matter what women are passengers in the bad situations they put themselves in. Make it make sense.
Um. Ppl need to stop with this nonsense. Both men and women need to take accountability for their own reproduction. Stop sleeping around with everybody just because you can, and stop having babies without commitments just because you can. A lot of children grow up without fathers, because they died very early on in their lives. Thats even more traumatic than never really knowing a living father. So stop making excuses for making poor choices. Its sounds like the mothers of these young ladies had a lot to do with the way they have turned out. Its very weird that daughters who grew up with just having their fathers as their primary or only parent don't really have these same issues a lot if the time. That is very telling.
from just reading the first 2 lines ima just say this. yes both parties should be held accountable as it took both to make a child, but consent isnt always part of that. for example lets say a man gets with a girl, the man has a lot of money and the girl wants to live life without needing to work like a man does (happens a lot) the girl can tell the man she is on the pill and LIE to the mans face. should the father be held accountable for that baby still if she lied to him? if the man has done everything in his power to make sure things like that wouldnt happen and they still do. you might think "what about condoms" i have seen women take needles to the mens stash without the man knowing to do this type of stuff. things like that happen very often and a lot of those men do in fact try to still be part of the childs life and that isnt fair to the child or the man. but the women gets all the money anyway
Doesn't this prove the point that woman who at least have a father around are more well rounded individuals and why this woman is right in expressing the trauma she encountered by not having one.
How about not having kids out of wedlock?
I’m sure they were thinking “ boo hoo my dad didn’t send me a birthday card” while they were bending over and taking it from behind… realistically they were having the time of their life. But now they can’t live with their consequences.
Remember the 3 little words - justification, minimization and denial. Taking that victim stance and not responsibility for her own actions
Thanks for sharing this. Seeing how these two communicated with one another really crystallized the various mindsets of women. One who takes no accountability and the other who does. Seeing how one gets angry only at men for her choices and then attacks a woman who challenges her mindset with truths.👍🏾
She can make death jokes and blame men leaving her when she is clearly a horrible person. She is basically saying her mother taught her how to pick bums like her daddy. This is the only time I support a man leaving his child,this woman doesn’t deserve any man in her life and her father dodged a bullet 😂
3:02 Honestly, there are too many problems surrounding fatherhood and marriage today. I personally feel that trying to become a father myself is no longer an option. I don't want to try to succeed where my dad failed. Nor would I want to risk my children suffering as I've suffered.
Exactly your choices not to procreate are directly tied to your childhood trauma..... Just like her choices are a result of her child hood trauma..... But through society black women aren't allowed to feel so how dare she bring up the trauma she felt from her having a absentee father.
@@tBY-qy2hc ? Apologies, I hope my comment didn't come off as dismissive of anyone's personal struggles. I was merely throwing my own opinion out there opon the topic of fatherhood. I was only replying in response to ADP and his personal resolve on the topic. I wasn't attempting to invalidate anybodies decisions or past traumas.
Hell I don't think I've ever been here this early! I love these people blaming everyone else like girl if you got Trauma get help for it instead of playing the pattern then blaming everyone else. We all got some type of trauma for real. I think I don't know I'm sure there are some people who grew up well rounded
Some blame can go on parents but ultimately at a certain age we have to hold ourselves accountable and we have to especially start holding women accountable bc a lot of times society will make excuses for them but don’t have that energy with men like if a dude beat a woman no one’s gonna say “oh don’t judge him bc he was abused by his parents or he didn’t have a father,” everyone at a certain age needs to be held accountable regardless of race, gender or social status
U right bro most women want to play the victim card all the time.
Personal Responsibility
Two words that are rarely within earshot of a modern woman
Be the best man my father never could've been. Keep grinding fellas
No accountability smh. Anybody care about my trauma? I went through stuff that caused me to mess up, too. 🤷♀️
We as women decide who we want to sleep with, you decide to have sex and got pregnant that has nothing to do with daddy or mommy issues. When you was doing the deed no one was thinking about that. At this point choose the right person you want to be involved with. If there are issues that we know we are dealing with, they need to be fixed before any relationship she can happen IMO.
It’s the lack of accountability
Dad was never around because he was locked up. But I have no kids and I'm not a stripper 🤷🏿♀️🤣
My mother father was in her life and she still have 3 baby daddies and 5 children.
I agree with you on how some men act when their dads aren't around and how they treat their kids. My son's father is an ABSOLUTELY AMAZING dad!! My son has nothing to worry about
I didn’t have my dad as a consistent parent. I decided that I didn’t want to perpetuate this trauma. In that moment I had to understand also that I needed to HEAL!!!!. Go to therapy get yourself right, you no good to a child broken.
" some of these grown folks need rasing" best quote I've heard in years
Your testimony is amazing. I can't imagine it. Your Mom is smiling down on you daily.
I had to take a pause for the cause. Those jokes about Daphne's mother broke me. What an insensitive, tacky little girl the OP is. The way the tears welled up...omg. If that GIRL lives long enough, she'll experience loss. I pray others show her more kindness, respect, and graciousness than she showed Daphne.
My useless father never did a thing for me, yet I have never had the urge to jump into bed with the first person to walk by.
I always thought growing up was realizing the trauma and drama of your family/childhood and deciding that it ends with you.
At 28?! I would say you were behind the power curve but you did what you had to do. Respect
CAP! 🤦🏿 my mother has 3 kids by 3 different men, my father has 3 kids by 3 different women both never married. Me been married 10 years and kids are all with my wife. Bad parents teach you what not to do, if your to stupid not to pay attention don't blame them for making the same bad choices.
My dad was abusive with my mom, like I was about 2yo when I first saw it and he was dookie throughout my whole childhood but I'm thankful for what he indirectly taught me how I should b as a:
Man, husband and father.
I am forever grateful for my mom cuz she taught me how I was to act as an adult and human
I was raised by my father. I don't have 3 kids by 3 different women. I also never blame anyone but me for my decisions.
2 girls each had a kid with & married & divorced the same fool. They went to court over child support. He was tens of thousands behind & the judge said do you want him thrown in jail & they said NO cuz he couldn't make cash to pay them but HE ALREADY WASN'T so they shoulda said lock him up!
Keep on doing your thing and keep on being great.
Bruh at 28 years old, if you don’t know how to pay bills, and don’t have anything in your name, that’s a complete failing by you. The heck were you doing all that time,? 28 you were damn near 30 and still relying on mama. Like that ain’t the flex you think it is, Glad you figured out you needed to step it up.
You can tell where that young lady is in her mindset just by her continually making dead jokes about her dead mom. No wonder she has 3 BD who more than likely don't want anything to do with her 🤷
They gotta deflect blame, otherwise they would have to take responsibility for their own choices and actions.. Talk about adult children, with children. Continuing the cycle of deflection and blame, instead of changing YOURSELF. Shit makes me laugh lol.
The main issue is that a lot these women feel you should act like a functioning adult regardless of trauma, but it they wanna have an episode it's supposed to be OK. 🤨
There is some validation in what she says as I've personally (during my darker times) taken advantage of women with daddy issues.
I came by your page on accident I like the takes and the honesty of how you got down your path…
I feel like both a good mother and good father are necessary to help give the child, man or woman, the best advantage in terms of tackling the world before them.
It gives both men and women who listen, a sense of accountability, built into them already.
Having a Dad is the best blessing... And I feel for those without a father ...but we have a Heavenly father who cares ... We become better men, better than our progenitors... every disadvantage can be turned around to an advantage ...
My dad left my life young and I had no father figures and because of that I am a amazing father to my kids
She is right. Physiologically if you are abandoned by a parents you spend your whole life searching for something that will fill up the empty space, and sometimes having many partners have to do with that, you are looking for your father in every male figure and if you don't understand psychology you are not aware of that you get together with different man and sadly as shity as the father. The brain is very strong and extremely sensitive so easy to damage and traumatized. She is right! And if men like her father would just man up and be good, responsible fathers and the same to mothers the world would be so beautiful and nice. Most trauma comes from our parents. Sadly
@J J in the perfect world yes, but true is that the brain doesn't work like that with everyone. Everyone reacts different with trauma, there are some that mature very young and understand to make things different, other have to leave and experience the mistakes themselves to understand that something is wrong and then they look for the root of the problems, they did not know better before, the good thing is that ones the awakening happens then you can begin to heal and make better decisions. But sadly the damage is done often in those situations, like in her case the poor kids would go through the same thing as her probably. It is her father's fault that he abandoned them, that is evil and wrong and him being in the wrong doesn't take away from the mother she was wrong too by not teaching her kid better, I'm sure the mom had dad problems too, and is a never ending chain into one is stronger and breaks the pattern. Maybe her ignorance and trauma were not her fault but now that she is aware she can make the changes, for her kids maybe find a good role model for them. Maybe not bringing any man home if she is not married to them, maybe have good conversations with her kids about her trauma and why she made bad choices but not she is aware and is trying to explain to the kids to prevent this from happening to the kids in the future.
My Dad wasn’t around. I cant really say with any confidence that it was him or my mom, but I said at a young age when I had kids I would never allow them to not know their father and I kept that promise.
She keeps brining in her mom to the story and turning to her for advices when her mom was there all the time... Every time she made a mistake with another baby-daddy her mother was there.
What an absolute zero of a person.
So they know that being raised without a father affected them but still choose to raise kids without fathers.....
Ok. Cycle continues
Daphne be coming through with that 🔥🙌🏾😂
❤️❤️
it is harder for a child to grow and act right without a good father being present, specially if because of his absence the single mom has to work 2 jobs or chooses bad stepdads and some girls may tend to grow with anger issues towards men, but still I've seeing messed up kids being raised by 2 parents so at the end it all comes to how you are raised and your choices of either being the victim or getting ahead.
Again the mom chose him stop the crap
S/O to Daphne Ford Sutten for telling that woman what's real.
❤️❤️❤️
Hold the phuck up! For the ladies saying they are choosing men like their dad that wasn't in their life and walked out! How you chose a man like your dad if you don't know your dad. What characteristic do you have to relate to if dad wasn't there for you to see.
“ she can only be your mom”! BRAVO!
Do they ask for old rules/laws to come back? They harm the future of their kids!
I hope for the kids who grow up in lives with reckless mother, to be able to find and make a good life for themselves.
Also, FB banned me for non-issues, yet joking about mothers who passed is okay?
Either way, these ladies will lose, as plenty of men (not enough in my opinion) are quitting the dating thing.
Have fun alone, as eventually most men won't even give you babies anymore, and you'll be buying pets to not be alone 24/7... which is better than harming other lives, to me.
You are accountable for your actions and decisions, no if’s, no but’s.
Welcome to the real world.
Please drop a recommended reading list on manhood. It's amazing that these ideas are alluded to, but can be rare and difficult to find any reputable man pointing/leading to the lake. A great service to all young men.
He has books in the description of the video.
Begin with The Alchemist. My recommendation.
She’s absolutely correct. Homes without two parents produce broken children. Can’t give you thumbs up on this one. You said it yourself. They need guidance. The guidance of a father.
She is right in the sense that the father not being there has a negative effect on her ability to discern between who’s a good man and who’s not but nonetheless she obviously didn’t learn her lesson the first time.
You should not be having kids with someone you are not married to. It doesn’t take you 3 kids later to realize that maybe you should hold off on getting ran through.
Note: Women also choose ain’t shit because a lot of them are frankly just bad judges of character.
There’s no correlation between having your dad run out on you and always deciding to choose ain’t shit men. You saw what your ain’t shit dad was about so shouldn’t you know earlier then some women who had their dad in their life consistently what an ain’t shit man is?
This guy is great; good personality, authoritative, and has a BS detector second to none.
Lol I know a female with 3 different baby she is nut and had the nerve to say I don’t know how to be a man . Inside I was laughing I was like bich you never met a man so how you know miss 3 baby daddy’s 😂😂😂
Truest thing I've ever heard "Some of these grown folks need raising"
You had to become and learn how to be a man after your mother passed, therefore you need both parents to teach you. That’s why many children become messed up adults. Both parents need to be responsible and raise their children, not just the mother.
Accountability is a women's kriyptonite! Of course it's a man's fault! 🙄
Daphne is a legend
Absolutely no sense of accountability….smh
Thots love making excuses run away from these modern broads
The trauma of an absentee father affects boys and girls differently and that is a fact and you can Google it and you can read research studies. It's not so much that they're choosing men like their father it's that they don't value themselves enough and they accept being treated poorly by the first man who pays them attention. None of us are responsible for the trauma that we endured. We are however responsible for healing from that trauma. Once you recognize your behaviors are causing harm in your life is up to you to reach out and get psychological help to deal with that trauma. So the women have a point to a point. But ultimately they are responsible for their own decisions.
All Facts what you stated my boii about our fathers not being there and wanting to be better men for our children. Accountability scares these women so much they be reaching for straws.
I didn't leave my kids because I was a coward. I left because the mother falsely filed DV charges on me while I was at work and I was ordered out by the courts. She nearly destroyed me. My kids are grown now and they now know the real story why I wasn't around. They hate their mother for the lies she told them
Don't judge her bro. Because it's alot of choices I've made that I blame on that. Because you need a good mentor or a great parent it's Hella hard bro. It really is. Not having a dad made me a great dad. But you have to understand this women look for a person that's like their father!!!
Thank you💯💯❤️❤️
Sorry, but my father wasn't around ever when i was a kid, and all 3 of my babies have the same daddy 🙄 Another excuse to be sleazy. Smh
It has been studied through psychology that we tend to find people who are similar not identical to our parents as they are the first relationship we see and experience.
We subconsciously search out people who have similar patterns to our parents as we know what to expect and can understand the situation.
It's similar to why some people choose abusive/toxic people subconsciously because it's something they know, it FEELS safe to them, it FEELS comfortable not logical - emotional based.
People have to seek help by professionals as long as they want help.
After we leave our partners. We have to mother and father ourselves.
I swear they act like the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air episode of Will’s father doesn’t exist.. mans didn’t say “It because of my father never being here for me that I am the way I am”, he said “Ima be a better father than him”.. people need to hold themselves accountable 😭🤦🏽♂️
"When I need help with my anger I'm wise enough to turn to my mom." That's like turning to O.J. Simpson for anger management lol. You can't make this shit up folks. 😂😂😂😂😂😂
Who blames their parents for their own screw ups?. No accountability.
Imagine all her 3 kids growing up to resent her for having 3 separate stranger men as their fathers
Usually you try not make the same decisions you try to better yourself
I was lucky enough to have both of my parents growing up, I learned a lot, they are good people, I followed a path into the military cause of my pops. But with EVERYTHING they have taught me the one thing I will never forget is my dad telling me when my son was born”to be a better father then me”. That’s hard for me, cause yes my dad was old school with discipline, but he was a great dad with teaching me a lot, I still made my own mistakes. But I believe it was there upbringing that help me get the wife I have today, and family.