Stay motivated on the personal growth everyone! For both you and your chances to re-attract your ex! You may hear from them when you least expect! Had that happen just this week! How ready will u be?
Thank you Coach Craig and Coach Margaret.🍎You gave a lot of insight and encouragements to understand the psychodynamics of separation. Thank you so much.🍎🌵🍎🌵🍎🌵🌵🍎You are the best!!💙💮💙💮💙💮💙💮💮.
I agree though I'm considering burning the bridges. (Not in an aggressive way but...somehow) Seeing her with her rebound looking super happy together, they even look compatible and started to post pics in 2 months on IG.
Hey Craig I dated my partner for a year and he was on the monitor our love felt real we went to church together got engaged and I even met his family I helped him with everything and as soon as he got of the monitor and got his freedom he was gone he said he needed time did he ever not love me or is it the fact that he is free and has a really god job and money influence him leaving me . will he think about me or did he just use me . It's only been a week since we have had no contact and I feel like maybe he won't come back he was a really stubborn guy person I was the one that did the break up and I told him I didn't want to break up but I wanted his attention and he had to value me he said no we can go back we can just be friends he told me didn't have time no more . As soon as he got the monitor of he stopped calling me and all he would do was spend time with his sister . He had a hard life but I thought he cared maybe he didn't he was in prision for 8 years before I met him.
Eventually you will realize that you need yourself, the healthiest version, not your ex. Trust me, I got my toxic ex back, only to wind back at the same spot. You don't "need" someone else to complete you, you need to work on your own inner demons, anything else is secondary.
Yea me too me and my ex broke up in March was apart for about 3 months I did no contact and she would text me every month to check up on me , then I finally tried it again w her and when I fell in love she broke up with me again and I was in the same spot as I was in in March , I do trust no contact but it only works when you get over them or they see you doing better w someone
Part of the reason why I’m happy I’m the one who got dumped is because I don’t think I would have done the work I did had I been the dumper OR had we stayed together. Today is 3 months exactly since the break up so I’m still feeling some sadness but I feel like as the dumpee, you eventually may get the upper hand. It’s also heartwarming to know that I was actually a good partner. I wasn’t perfect but I was pretty amazing. I’d feel a lot worse if I was a bad boyfriend. Whoever dates me next is going to be hella lucky 🍀
She simply said hi. It was about 9:00 last night. I drive on the road, and I’m on east coast right now. That was 8 her time. She sent it on messenger. Which was odd. We’ve never used messenger. I did not open it yet. Was planning on opening later today. Make her wait. I did see a post on her page. Does this post mean she’s having a hard time also? sometimes I feel tired and sad and I want to forget even my man but my god tells me don't ever give up because you're my best war. Or she’s going to continue struggling? Also I noticed that post was done at about 11 her time. She’s in bed and asleep by 9:30
I know you both sort of rolled your eyes at the girl who would think breaking up with her boyfriend would change him but when my girlfriend broke up with me it really lit a fire under my ass to be a better person. I addressed my depression, moved out of my parent's house, got a new job making more money, have been going to the gym 3-5 times a week, got a new hair cut, and a new wardrobe. All of these things seemed impossible before the breakup. Looking back now at all my dumb excuse I cringe because it literally only took me 3 weeks to solve all these problems once I put my mind to them and wasn't worried about her. I really hope I can show her that I have changed.
Once someone has hurt you badly it is hard to take them back because you are too wary of getting involved again. In my experience it is best to move forward and not go back.
Don't frequent the videos much lately, but thought I'd stop by to share. It took almost a year and a half, but a few days ago something just.. clicked. And I was completely, and wholeheartedly at peace with everything. I no longer felt I needed them, and am not even sure I want them today, for that matter. I've just 'levelled up' in so many ways since then. I know for certain right now, that if we ever got together, it would because she has her own internal growth, and approaches me in a sincere and respectful way. And it would be my decision. The feeling after you've let go, and you finally feel it, is incredibly empowering. Possibly the most freeing "shift" internally I've ever consciously experienced. This is absolutely a success story. And everybody else will see this day eventually too. You guys have a lot to look forward to. Regaining your dignity, self respect, and coming out of that fog that traps you for some time after rejection by someone you truly loved, is one of the greatest things you'll experience. And you're gonna GLOW when you do. Here's hoping you guys have that rebirth sooner than later. Life is so (so) much bigger than one person, and you're way more valuable than you give yourself credit for. And you don't need any one's validation for that to be true! Know that. Practice self love and affirmations every day until the truth sets in that you are lovable and unique and worth the best life has to offer.
Wow wot an inspiring message I really wish I get to where you got I know I’m sort of close not yet been 20months and counting ... I know tho that with time it’s gotten better I know I felt better than I did a year ago and even better a year before that! So I know it takes different amounts of time for different people depending on the length of relationship you were in and circumstances of break up: I feel the same way you do tho. I think he feels I need him for my happiness I think he left because he feels if he stays I’ll be an emotional drain on him - I never asked him to be so giving and when someone like your spouse gives you don’t expect that they are doing so score keeping - you think they are giving genuinely to you because they love u as their wife and want to do so not because it’s some ‘job / chore’ they see it as and then they want to resent and blame you for losing themselves. I’m not saying I didn’t have a role to play too. I’ve always owned my stuff but I have always never seen him own his but just make excuses for why he did (equally or worse stuff to hurt him and me and us). And he feels I’ll never change that I’ll always need him and that’s too much of a burden. I get his concerns but he made all this assumptions of me - not bothering to see how far and committed I was to help us and help fix things. I’m close to saying that unless he shows growth and remorse and a willingness to truly also own his wrongs and figure out what to be sorry for and how exactly he hurt me there’s no point in crying for a man that didn’t even want to get to know me again even tho I truly loved him honestly and for he was. Until he’s willing to truly figure out all of this sincerely and with the motivation we dumpees have to truly help ourselves out of the anxiety, rejection, abandonment. We finally rise up and realize we don’t need their validation. Once we just love ourselves we will truly be able to feel empowered and just happy on our own wout the need for them. Good luck to everyone stay strong 🤗
Thankyou David Gem - 20 months here too- just want it to pass - yes same as you it’s lessening over time . Being watching this Channel and Craig has being a big part of the recovery - by educating what is happening. Thankyou David - my turn next I hope - I working on my self and yes I am very much a different person than when he suddenly left .
I think one of the most important things in no contact is getting to the stage where you can stick up for yourself and say the things that need to be said . When you’ve been dumped you’ll do anything to get Them back and and it’s embarrassing when you look back on it .
Great point , I met with my ex and just agreed with everything she said she even told me how much cheaper her Bill's were , even though she was pretty much a alcoholic and expected me to pay for it lol now I wish I could have had that conversation again but at the time I would have agreed with anything to have her back
It's just crazy how your mind basically gets highjacked after a breakup! You are really not yourself at all when we succumb to those embarassing and desperate things. It's a chemical imbalance that lasts for months, just like getting over an addiction withdrawal.
The worst part is the chemical withdrawal after the breakup, which studies have shown with brain scans that it is just like a cocaine addiction withdrawal. This gets you into that awful mental place of "needing" them. I am grateful that with time this chemical imbalance has finally lifted and I am not feeling that desperation anymore. (It's just frustrating that it took months for this to ease up!)
My ex contacted me after 4 months nc. I followed your advice, worked on myself and am feeling and looking my best. He got fat, depressed, has bee n relapsing (was onve an alcoholic before we met), getting in fights. We aren't even in the same ball game anymore. The only thing I feel is, sorry for him. It just goes to show the two choices we have after a break up and the different paths those choices lead. Glad I found you early on in the break up Craig. Has made all the difference.
that is exactly what has happened to my ex. First 2 months she was "I'm free and alive" type of hashtags and posts...now heading to the third month shes like "depressive, anxiety, breakup recovery, love, hurt" type of posts...
I can relate to this situation a lot..my girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me and started dating someone 6 years later she finally comes back to me after spending 5 years with him but the difference between her and I is..well while she was buisy laying up with him I was making myself better I was single for 5 years when your alone for so long nothing really matters anymore I never answered her texts when she tried to reach out I had to learn to slow adjustments while she pretty much stayed the same
Love love love this video! Your videos have literally gotten me thru one of the worst breakups. He dumped me 3 wks ago, while on vacation! We had even been looking at engagement rings the weekend before. I watch your videos daily, sometimes even right when I wake up, just to get me thru the day. I have been devastated. But I have also been working on myself, and understanding my own attachment issues. I literally had a breakthrough a few days ago. I remembered the bad times and how I felt, I remembered wondering if he was the right partner for me and that I had even considered breaking up w/him. I no longer feel helpless. I almost feel as though I am now dumping him in return. Totally liberating. And I was happy to see that after watching this video, the exact things you mentioned, I had figured out on my own. Thank you so much for your videos. You have no idea how much you are helping us out here in the real world. 🙏🏼
This whole time we are working on ourselves out ex's are not! Saw my ex the other day and she's gained quite a bit of weight and me on the other hand I have lost quite a bit of weight! We have been broken up just over a month! That alone brings me satisfaction and she dumped me 😁
So true! Two month after BU and still missing her every day, but also: 8 workbooks done, Skypes with both Margaret and Craig, sessions with local therapists, many books on attachments and safe dialogue and now also signed up for a 12 days imago relationship therapist certification. Dear ex, thank you for breaking up with me. I still love you and as you can se, I’m in a very good shape both fysical, emotional and mentally (and I wasn’t even that bad before). I wish for you and me that you’re gonna revisit the thought of getting back together soon. I’m so ready... ❤️
Steve Thx for asking. She never came back but I’m still very gratefull towards her. I’m with another woman now and I’m also another man. When my ex found out that I was with another woman she did send me an indirect-direct approach that really surpriced me. I though she was gone. But at that time my feelings for her was long gone. I consider this a huge succes. I worked on myself, I grew as a man and in December through Februar I was together with some amazing women until I ended up with this one that is a pretty good fit for me (much much better than my ex). I’m in love but in a new Way because I’ve healed my traumas. I never responded to my ex’s message. I really Wish for you to heal to. Please let me hear your story too... ❤️😊😎
This video was great! I love that you’re both actual therapists (most of the relationship experts out there don’t seem to have any mental health credentialing). You talk about attachment theories and seeking counseling, personal growth, and getting to the point where we choose to have someone in our life vs. needing them in it. I’ve been struggling a lot with my mental health before and after a recent breakup and searched online, found you per someone’s suggestion on Reddit, and right after reading Dr. Levine’s book. Along with weekly therapy and all these additional resources I have found, I feel like I can get to the point of being healed from past relationship trauma and finally become the best version of myself. Thanks so much for this video and all that you do!
Do you mean Dr. Amir Levine, author of "Attached"? Cause I've recently stumbled upon summaries of their work talking about how Avoidants subconsciously treat their partners like "the enemy", and it really explain SO MUCH about my last relationship.
@@ipapiga i feel you. Its been 5.5 months for me since my ex began the slow fade after a fight. She just told me a month ago though that she "isnt dating anyone". Im starting to care less every day
@@666sk8erguy well i talked to mine yesterday, she said that recently (like 2 weeks ago) she realised she couldn't totally click with me cause she still loves her ex from 3 years before, well u can't force anyone to love you, you just become misserable in the girls eyes
I appreciate your videos. I'm almost 2 months of No Contact since my breakup and i already feel i don't need my ex. Been with each other 4 and half years hoping that would count for something. If she comes around great, but if not i can still have a fulfilling life working on myself and growing. Again i really appreciate all your videos.
My Ex about to dump me by end of the month per what she told me. Then I came up with a better idea, before the end of the month, I dumped her first instead of waiting for her to do so at her will. That's my own upperhand.
I might just watch this one every week. Been 4 months, halfway thru Vol 6 of workbooks. Still motivated. Still need to hear things like this. Thanks Craig/Margaret!!!
I have prayed so so much for this pain to go away and for god to help and honesty he has not ! Today is 7 mos of no contact 210 days! Why would god put me through this and defend him after the monster that he is ? I guess I’ll Never know! Let me know if Prayer works for you because it hasn’t for me
@@juliemanso4589 I was in your position 2 years ago of a breakup jewels. With Coach Craig coaching it helped quite a bit. Also it also helped that I have a masters of psychology so I kind of know how to deal with pain. My ex did come back and want us to be friends in September of 2018 after breaking up in September or September 2016. So from this day on we are friends. See the key was I left him completely alone and you must do the same. However God let me know that we weren't meant to be together. Although he has moved on with a new person he still tries to be sexual with me, which I am not interested. So God let me know that he was not the one for me because he would have been doing me the same as he's doing his other companion. Just focus on improving your life and getting better. Develop a hobby that you enjoy doing, treat yourself to a movie or massage. If you like to go shopping shop for yourself. Just make sure the main focus is on yourself then eventually you will forget about him. First and foremost God is the Alpha and Omega the beginning and the end. If you keep your mind focused on God things will work out the way they should. All while in the process you are moving forward with your life which is an attractive thing.
Moving Forward you are absolutely correct ! I know at the end god does everything for a reason and I know it’s a blessing that this monster is out of my life! I am focusing on me and doing things for me and only me! I am in therapy and I do a lot of courses to help me feel better! I am hoping that god is preparing me to be real real strong just in case he ever decides to come back I have the strength that I need to say no and continue moving forward ! Thank you for the advice ! Stay strong everyone
looks like we both got dumped at the same time. coming upto 2 months strict nc for me and I can tell you im feeling stronger with each day passing. keep it strong brother time heals all
Thanks for this video. My ex texted me 2 days ago asking how I was doing. She said she misses me and just want to make sure I’m doing ok. I was strong and just told her that I’m fine and have been working on myself. I’m not sure if I want her back but I almost sent her a message asking her out. I’m glad I controlled myself and if she wants me she’ll let me know. 💚
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Hello Craig and Margaret.. I wanted to break up with my EX several times but, he would not agree to it. Your spot on about that. And the "need" someone also is spot on Thanks guys.
I'm having a lot of anxiety, depreciation, anger and crying everyday since September 2018 when my husband of 28 years left me. I want him back, not coping at all
I know how you feel. My wife decided she was done after 17 years. We were trying to have kids together then bam she says I need space to I'm done. It hurts so bad.
I have been so very confused over the past year over my Ex, but I'm sure I can survive without him. I chose to be with him, and now, at least for the period of no contact, I choose to be without. I need to break the addiction I have to him which includes the emotional abuse abuse we have BOTH given to each other and includes ignoring him reaching out until I'm ready, if at all, to make contact with HIM. I realise there's a chance he'll move on with someone else, but it's a risk I'm willing to take for the sake of my sanity, my self esteem and independance. And if he dies move on there's more fish in the sea anyway. Cherry 🍒.
Watching your videos has been helpful on my down days and you make a lot of great points, but seeing all the comments of people who have spent months and even years waiting... It's tough. I'm not seeing anyone commenting on positive news where things worked out between them. I've been working hard and pushing myself to grow like crazy. A goal of mine is to be able to come back and say it worked for us in the end. Might not happen, which is okay, but I'm the most impatient patient person lately. Wishing you well.
Twables Selbawt hey not sure how long it’s been for you but unfortunately based on the length of your relationship and nature it just does take that long. Also you may think say now you are ‘ok’ and strong but a year from now you will realize you know even more and how you ‘weren’t so ready’. I keep on thinking hey I think I’m ready but then I have to look back and wonder how I thought I was back then but actually i just know way more now. That’s life I guess - i guess finding ourselves and truly learning to find our happiness internally is a journey and the truth is we’d all like it to happen fast. I’d like him to start on his growth who knows where he is? I can’t say coz we don’t talk about what work either of us done but I know that as Craig says for sure if they around 10% we as the dumpees are like at 90% and pushing. I still push myself all the time that sometimes I also have to just give the ‘work a rest’ and just live life. The way he is - and that’s why it sometimes take them so long to realize things also because they just living life normally while we pushing motivated to win them back and hoping we do so much so as not to ‘waste anymore precious time’. I used to think like that or even think ‘omg it’s been so long he’s just growing further in distance from me 😔’. Even that is a fear I dreaded but sometimes for them it’s better for him. Perhaps time away from me completely will make him forget about the hurt ‘i caused him’ and he can’t get over it until I truly let him go and stop chasing him or trying to connect with him. Iv come to realize also that his whole basis of his thinking and then his feelings about me when he broke up with me, was his life was ‘so miserable while we were together’ that he will not go back to that life and that is me as a person that caused it. He is too scared to even try, to even have hope and faith I could change. So I hope his heart heals and he can learn to love and open up again but I can’t depend on it being with me. He feels he’s faced so much pain of losing himself with me he needs to go find himself and be with people that won’t try to ‘change him’ (which is what he felt I did because he felt he was always trying to satisfy my needs and become better for me and it was never good enough for me). Now I can say I never told him that to his face - I never did but it was his experience of me ito how I acted to him or ‘complained to him about stuff’. Again that’s for me to learn but right now if I keep telling him that was never my intention it won’t magically make him believe that of me. Or even if he senses I have changed, it won’t take away how he felt or experienced me when we were together meaning that I can’t even rely on the fact that if I changed he may want me back. So yes like you I can hope for us to both grow and learn and that we like in a movie or book find ourselves back to one another. I used to have that hope for long and sometimes when I’m really triggered and am upset I still want to have that hope. But then on other days, I have to get with reality and tell myself not to depend on that hope else I’m setting myself up for disappointment if it never happens. Furthermore I can’t wait for him forever it’s his loss and I need to also work on perhaps letting him go so I can open myself to accept other people who chose to see me and love me for who I am, in the way he could not and did not want to love me. But again I can’t tell him you are imagining and can’t feel like that. That is how I made him feel even tho I never told him that to his face and always professed my love to him daily. I can’t force him to see my goodness it’s his journey to go may be, (as much as I hate it), to go be with other women and see how he feels they treat him? And to also maybe realize that he too has shortcomings and I put up with it too when those ladies will not. And for me it’s my journey to figure out what my actions were to make him feel like that and how I came across to make my partner doubt my love or appreciation for them so much that after being together for so long it turned him off because he resents me so much. I can keep telling him I’m not evil why don’t you appreciate the good stuff I did for you? But in his mind the bad outweighed the good. And unfortunately me figuring out how to become a best version of myself will take time. For him to even begin to realize his role will take time for him. Maybe he will come back perhaps he won’t - or perhaps I’ll realize I can’t take someone back who albeit was in so much pain handled his breaking up with me in the manner he did and I can’t ever be with such a person again? I don’t know I can’t answer that. It will all depend on how I feel as time progresses, how he feels and whether he wants to reconnect again with me ever and whether we both see changes in each other that will allow for new relationship from a clean slate to ever take place again? Stay strong and keep at it - I still listen to these videos every now and again as the new ones get listed. As you say we will always have that one trigger or a down day and then a video helps! As you watch more and more one begins to assimilate the information and concepts coach c and m want to tell you and the people they helping that even you can begin to answer the dilemmas / questions of the emails in the same manner they do. That’s when you realize you thinking along the right lines and that you have grown and learn wout you even realizing it. It will come out in the way you think and act and that takes time. Keep at it! And all the best! Id like to get the books soon. Are they electronic or in hard copy?
@@gem3530 Thanks for the text. I enjoy reading deep into the thoughts of people in similar situations as me. It's good to hear you accept your faults. My breakup happened almost 5 weeks ago. Not long, but it feels like an eternity. She's had a thing for someone else since before our breakup, and the breakup became a perfect opportunity for her to explore those feelings. I knew it was something I couldn't stop from happening, and had to accept it... In fact, I began to welcome that idea. It's sure to have advantages eventually. If not, then again that's okay. We've had some contact immediately after the breakup, and it seemed a bit awkward, but good at the same time. Almost like we started dating for the first time... But the hurt was Still there and things continued down the course of the breakup. We're still in contact every now and then, but it's usually very impersonal stuff (mail, stuff that got left from moving out). I suffer anxiety regularly, and the winter here was dull and depressing. I began to neglect her as well as myself. Out of a job, not ambitious, and minimal effort to showing my love. After the breakup, just as spring hit, I got snapped into reality and used all that post-breakup sadness as motivation to flip my life around. I'm dieting better. I was always one to work out, but now I'm working out more on top of being active most of the day. Just got a new job and certified in medical first aid. I've slowly met new people and made connections, updated my wardrobe and caught up with doing all the house chores on my own. I've got a goal and a plan, and more things i want to work on as my new schedule balances out. Of course once I get home and have less to do, my thoughts drift towards her and anxiety creeps in. C&M did a video on the whole parent inconsistency as a child and how it makes you want to fix things in the moment. I feel it's very similar to how I feel at those times. Sometimes music helps, but sometimes it's the end of the day and I just wanna lay down quietly. I know i can grow more, and I wanna hold this feeling if we get back together or not. It's a great motivation. I'd like to think tgis breakup happened for a reason. That reason being that we got to learn more about ourselves and eachother, and with work... To be closer than before. It doesn't bother me if she's been with someone else in that time. She isn't mine and I don't see her as being less of a beautiful woman because of it. I know she's still there, but the hurt in her and distance it created between us is making her seem like a different person. I've only known her romantically, never as a 'friend' or ex, so this is new. You sound like a great person, and I hope this guy you speak of will see that too. It feels like there are plenty of people who honestly try to improve themselves for the sake of them and their loved one, but the dumper usually never seems to believe someone would do that for them. Wish you the best.
Twables Selbawt hi sorry for the delayed response - wow its still so soon for you not then a month or I guess probably going on 2.5 months now? you right when it’s fresh it does feel like forever - and all your mind is doing is ruminating and overthinking, it’s driving you mad and the pain in your heart just won’t go away. I’m sorry about her leaving especially when someone else is in the picture. I haven’t gone into too much detail but I know wot it feels like and feels similar to me. It just hurts and then they tell you that person isn’t going anywhere and will always be ‘their friend’ stings you more. You are always going to ‘just be surface level taking’. That’s wot hurts the most - they once could talk to you and now they care less. The funny thing is in their mind by not talking to you is caring coz they feel if they continue they just letting you heal as opposed to leading you on. So while I feel it shows them to be cold and changed, after watching so many videos of the dumper vs dumpee - I somehow understand this sort of logic they apply. He always told me ‘hey if I can show him I’m over him and I have no hope of us he’ll be my best friend’. I want to cringe coz I think how can he say that as if he’s so certain being friendly with me won’t allow for us to rekindle? Initially I thought I’ll act it and he won’t be able to call it but I guess at some point, you can’t fake it. They can always tell from the aura / energy / the way you come across that you are still in to them and when they still feel that they continue to just run and pull away or just have walls up with you 😒 I’m so pleased and proud of how quick you took to actually get into a plan of making goals, exercising, new friends, clothes etc ! 👏. That was so much way way better than me and I’m sure it allowed you to have a clearer mind. But I like you am very similar, whenever we have less to do or find a reminder of them our heads have to face and snap back to reality and the dreaded thought of what’s happened. And then all the ruminating and things you want to tell them start popping up in our heads. I often have long conversations of what I want to tell him my head I even talk to myself in the car. I think magically he’ll be receptive and understand what I’m saying about how I feel and what I think but ofcrs as the coaches have said numerous times - they are not. So for now I stick to having those thoughts in my head. Sometimes I jot them down and think maybe I’ll tell him via mail one day. But then it doesn’t matter - I realized that I have ‘had my say in my head’ and then push the thoughts aside as it’s easier to do so now. One day they may be ready or they may never be willing to hear you out. Right now all our thoughts of the past and the and relationship we want to tell them, they will still see us as trying to convince them to take us back even tho we not in our heads we just want their validation but they not in the place to give it coz in their heads they only thinking about themselves and their feelings and when they see or sense us trying to get from them wot they not willing to give us, they think of us as weak, as a loser with no self respect and mostly they despise us more because they feel we still can’t respect how they feel and leave them alone ☹️😞. So it’s never a win win - not until they are willing to come and talk to us about ‘our relationship’ or if they want to gain insight or want to introspect and need us to help them. Ps: Wow I’d really love if you can send me link to that parent inconsistency video the coaches did - I think that is so me and all I wanted that first year year was to fix us in that moment - i too was so impatient. I felt I never have bad blood with anyone so how can I with him? He was my husband and father of my kids and I felt I don’t get how how he can just go so cold and ignore me coz that just isn’t me! But I’ve also had to learn so much about calming my anxiety and about just realizing that just because you think one way or value in life doesn’t mean it’s wrong if someone else doesn’t? I couldn’t get this concept if someone said ‘they forgave you’ (like he claims he has) that they still wouldn’t want to have anything to do with you? I guess I always feel when I forgive I can forget and it means I can see the good you not the bad you that hurt me. But he couldn’t and doesn’t agree with that sentiment as are many people out there who do. And just because I can doesn’t mean he’s wrong for not seeing things the same way I do. So it took me a long time to accept that other people have the right to feel and act the way they want to and no amount of me rationalizing or convincing him to think the same way I do was going to work (ie well if I can forgive you and forget what you did and start from a clean slate and you saying you forgive me then why can’t you wanna work at this relationship the way I want to?) I’d be so angry thinking that ‘it’s not that he can’t it’s coz he won’t’. So it’s really tough. Being able to have to come to terms with your partner who was not willing to work and fight for the important things in life was really mind boggling to me and I just couldn’t get it. I couldn’t get him coz I felt he and I had always valued our relationship and wed be willing to fight for it. I still don’t get it sometimes but unlike the past when I get those thoughts I push them aside. Because by thinking and questioning him in my mind all then just made it more clear to me just how his values are (now albeit it’s so different from back then when we first got together) and it was too painful to accept just how different he’s become and isn’t the same, sweet, giving man he once was. I still like to have hope and faith that he’s in there somewhere deep beneath the hurt and pain 😔: but I feel he’s only acting like this because of all his wounds and sometimes I see how he acts now when we chat for kids and I realize he’s still in the same angry place he’s still in. He hasn’t tried to work on himself because doing so means he has to face his demons and facing that right now may be too painful for him: it may be easier to just sweep it under the rug or run away from me as I’m a constant reminder for his pain from failing in this marriage. I may feel he’s wasting time and stagnating not wanting to heal but I can’t force it on him. Inevitably it will catch up on him, perhaps if he ever hits another rock bottom or when he brings up this baggage in any of his existing or new relationships 😔 In essence the only way he can move on past his pain is to start forgiving himself and that is a process. I guess we as dumpees we too need to work on forgiving ourselves I know it’s taken me a loooong time and sometimes I still feel the guilt and blame of a lot of what went wrong 😔 You have a good and positive mentality and you on the right track for thinking the breakup taught you something and you grew. Because it has and it does and it’s good you see the good out of something negative or painful - it’s so hard to do that when you in the moment. It’s good you not letting your pain go in vain - I guess that’s why we as dumpees move so far from the motivation. I will find it hard knowing they were with someone else in that separation 😔 After so much time, now we just need to let them go if they still haven’t changed their minds after this long. I could say let them work on themselves and we work on ourselves. So I can forgive him because I accept he did the best he could do with what he knew at the time - but sometimes the growth you want to see in that person comes from them truly understanding what they did and just how it affected you. I hope he gets to that point so he can truly know what parts of himself he must work on, for his own benefit or for his future relationships. But I can’t wait forever - so for now, I just accept he isn’t there and perhaps he never will be. Oh thanks so much for you closing comments 🤗☺️. You sound like a mature strong person who’s shown amazing resolve in such little time! You really summarized so well your last point - dumper is too blind to see how much this person is working on themselves for them. We elevate them so much they just can’t even see their own bad stuff and that is the saddest part of it all! Best 🙏👍
Good news. Yesterday she had come clean about how she felt. She apologized for everything that happened after the breakup and how it must have made me feel. She said she really missed me, even though we've been seeing eachother lots in the last few weeks (walks, movies, coffee dates). Its almost like she snapped back into the person I knew. Her breakup mentality shook right off. It was nice because she said the other guy was a jerk and didn't compare to me. I already knew this, but hearing her say it felt great. I'm almost in disbelief how quickly it turned around. In a matter of a couple hours we went from seeing eachother as friends, to being intimate and talking about this being our second chance. Even as I'm typing this she's texting me saying I make her smile so much. The timing of this was strange, because it happened only days after I truly felt okay with the breakup and how things were going in life. Like they say... They come back when you move on. I'm still happy for this, because I know, even without feeling every day that I really need her back, that I want us to be together because we make a great couple and have awesome chemistry. So I know we're doing this for reasons that don't involve despiration. Now comes the hard part; making sure we don't relapse our last mistakes. Thanks to these videos and a lot of self-analysis, I think things are looking good. I'll definently keep up with taking time to watch these videos and care for both of our needs. I had a goal of coming back to say things would work out between us, and it looks like they just might. Things really can turn around when you least expect them to. :)
Twables Selbawt omg that’s wonderful and amazing news! I’m so happy for you and you right perhaps it took her being with this other dude to realize what she lost (which was you). You right you need to ensure you don’t fall back into same old habits that perhaps drove you guys apart so make sure the time you took to figure out your stuff and what your trigger points are to explain to her and to help her understand- also perhaps try and use that to guage wot her trigger points are too. Sometimes dumper may not know this because they haven’t taken the time to work on themselves they say we have so maybe even show her the work you did and the videos or maybe even Craig’s workbooks ? If she’s that keen and enthusiastic to work together with you she will be willing to do the self growth stuff too. All the best and it’s good you know now you aren’t being with her out of desperation or neediness but because you want to. Keep strong! Ps - plz send me the link to Craig’s video you made mention in your first response to me - I really need to watch it too, so I can figure out why I need to have to fix things immediately as well?
The advice is always so well grounded , I always appreciate the common sense and honesty you good people dispense, love you Craig, but love Auntie Margret more, nah , love you guys equally !
My husband had a spiritual awaking in July 18, he has lost weight and says he feels and looks better. In my eyes he already looked good, I love him. We have 3 kids. So there are contact times. I find you, Craig make science to me. But I feel like I am wearing Lead boot. I feel hopeless and weak.
It’s been 11 months. I never thought in million years she stay away for this long. But the good thing about it is I had a long time to think about our relationship, my needs, my ex’s needs and now I’m really ready if she comes back.
Hello dear do you need help in your relationship problems I know of a person who can help you rebound your relationship get your ex back Manifest any specific person into life make you partner addicted to you within 24hrs inbox father right* away
I broke up with them and they’ve already moved on in a short period of time. (Couple weeks) and I’m having a hard time moving on. There are other factors that are making it difficult. (I work with them and their new) I don’t regret ending it as there are problems that were not being fixed. I just am struggling.
There weren't any points where I was unhappy with him 😭 he really was a truly amazing guy. I wasn't able to see it at the time. Im so so motivated to fixing the things I did wrong. I love him so much. He still loves me and misses me but couldn't handle my behavior while going through CPTSD and dissociation issues. And I understand. I was clingy, pushing him away, being controlling and manipulative and wasn't considering his feelings and boundaries. All out of fear of losing him and fear of getting hurt. I was so caught up in my own trauma that I didn't let myself receive love or give it. I imagine this is from childhood sexual abuse and neglect and also my last relationship before him, where I was emotionally abused and sexually assaulted. I realized how worthy I was of his love right after he broke up with me. And identified these issues after the breakup. Its been 3 weeks. Im in no contact atm. I hope im on the right track by identifying what i did wrong and what the core wounds were. In the last 3 weeks, i've been doing regular counselling, daily therapy workbook exercises, working on emotional regulation and self soothing. Codependency and fear of not having control are the two things that see to be part of the main issue. I've done some practical life changes as well. Some things we had been talking about. I quit the job that was adding unnecessary stress on me, got my learner's permit, and have been fixing things around my house. I referred myself to sexual assault / trauma counseling and start the intake process week. I am looking at going back to school to become a bookkeeper of office assistant. It's a 5 month program. Not only do I want to stop letting trauma and fear run my life and decision making, I want to show my love that I can do it too. I've been working on self love and compassion. That was another thing that bothered him. I would call myself stupid or dumb or make other jabs at myself. Probably because my parents and my exes did. He would always say to me "hey, that's my baby you're talking about." When he caught me on it. He really does love me and cares about me so much. I want to show him that I can do the same for him and also take care of myself too. I don't want a parent. I want him as partner. I dont want him to fix me. I want him to watch me heal and fix those things myself. And I want to support him through his own growth too. Your videos are helping me so much ❤
My ex is a mental health counsellor and she completely screwed my head up just before and after the relationship ended. She was always looking for issues that weren't there, questioning me, had total lack of trust which once admitted and no matter what I did I couldn't build it up because when I did she would use it against me to point out my faults. The sad thing about this is I was happy to be with her, I loved her and still do, now she is out having a good time and I'm left a complete wreck, trying to hold a job down, working long hours and rebuilding my life without her in it now. It's very very difficult and I miss her a lot (not the criticising of me though)
I've loved the videos and insight they have. My problem is that the rules dont seem to apply to my situation. I think this is because, in my opinion, my wife(soon to be ex) suffers from borderline personality disorder. What can I do in a world where up is down and hot is cold and truth is non existent? She has so many great qualities but they are all overshadowed by the madness of this disorder.
As an Avoidant Attachment, my bf was never able to show his feelings for me. He claimed it has something to do with his childhood but never went into detail. He never got the help he needed. Consequently, he never told me he loves me, wants me or shows me affection. He doesn't like to kiss either. Of course, I had always felt he was using me for his sexual pleasure. In every other aspect of our relationship, he is there for me, makes me laugh and he messages me every day. He will send me songs and deep down I do think he does love me but sometimes I need to hear it. I've been with him for 4 years. I had always been the giver in this relationship. I do give him his space and do not text him or call him first, he does it first. Last week I had been feeling a little left out of his world (we are in a long distance relationship) so I told him how I felt and asked him what he feels inside for me and he became defensive and argumentive. I never intended to break up but he pushed me into a corner and I felt hurt and this is the way I lashed out. I am a pretty strong woman, confident, financially independent, have many friends and hobbies. I am also a little stubborn so I have not reached out to him and I am doing the 'no contact'. Is this the wrong approach and what do I need to say to resolve this?
im on my 4th month after the break up and after about a month this has been my 1st time watching a CCK video again. i think i'm there already, i don't feel the need to get back with my ex anymore.
My ex broke up with me and it’s been 6 months I’m doing no contact but I feel hopeless coz he has a new relationship and engaged now .its really painful
Mai Yone mine too! He’s engaged and has a baby with the new person. He jumped ship 2 weeks after we broke up! I can see now there was a an overlap of sorts. *smh* which means they are in a rebound relationship with a baby. That’s hard work and not at all fun as he’s making out on the internet. I’m focused on personal growth and bettering myself. You should too :)
My parents have been together 50 years. They do need eachother or they would not be together. People do need eachother...it's the basis of all serious relationships. It's also the basis of all work relationships. People need other people. This whole want vs need thing doesn't resonate with me. If my boyfriend doesn't need me I am just disposable. Want only lasts when it is fun. One little fight and it's over. Need lasts 50 years. Just my opinion.
Needing someone isn't healthy. Are you saying you can't be complete without someone? It's more beautiful if people choose each other, no must be together. That's desperate.
Coach Craig can you make a video about how to leave a narcissistic parent? Narcissists never respect people’s boundaries and will likely lower one’s self esteem which will cause lack of self worth. They do this to their children on purpose so their children will be codependent on them... I’m in a tough situation where I live with a narcissistic parent and we split rent...
Hello dear do you need help in your relationship problems I know of a person who can help you rebound your relationship get your ex back Manifest any specific person into life make you partner addicted to you within 24hrs inbox father right* away
Love you guys. Great video. Your videos have helped me through some tough moments. Had a phone/Skype coaching with Margaret months ago. Was very helpful. She gave me wise perspective.
How do cope with a ex after 36yrs with no fault of my own he suffers with anxiety and depression that won't even talk to me we got a daughter between us he just wants to be on his own I was so good to him but I feel soo hurt like I'm being punished for not my mistake was his but its like he blaming me thankyou
Will I ever hear from her again? She said she didn't want to be friends either when I told her I couldn't be friends with her. Last thing we texted was "are we good? On even ground? I don't want an enemy." And she replied with "I don't have problems with a stranger." And she seems to be fine, happy, and continuing life like it was. It seems helpless. (It wasn't a bad breakup. She left because things got unhappy towards the end.) Will I hear from her?
One thing I don't like about this or at least the video title is that it feeds into the vilification or the ex. I haven't watched it yet and Craig(and Margaret) are good people so maybe that's not the point of the video but I think we have to accept that life happens. Sometimes there is no reason. Why your ex left you. Life can be dull and unfulfiling and one way or mixing things up is to alter your relationship status. It's not ideal but it's just life. Sometimes a lasting relationship is the result of fortuitous circumstances, right timing and suddenly years go by and you're with that person. In a way that's depressing but also liberating because it frees you from feeling too down about yourself. But at same time that doesn't mean we shouldn't use a breakup to work on ourselves either. Growth is important
Hi Craig, i had a relationship of 2 years, we used to live together, he broke up with me and I think it was my fault, after a while he reach out but he was diferent he wanted to be friends with benefits but also I noticed he still angry with me because the things he said to me, the last time he sent me a message I say I didnt want yo date him because I know he doesnt care and he is doing it because he is alone and know I feel much worse and guilty, now I think I should have been more patient and not reject him
Hello dear do you need help in your relationship problems I know of a person who can help you rebound your relationship get your ex back Manifest any specific person into life make you partner addicted to you within 24hrs inbox father right* away
Today is my birthday and nothing from her I’m moving on after a month of no contact, I help her and her children for 6 years I was not a terrible person, all I did was a boy friend husband, and try to keep a head on their shoulders for a years, what I got in return, nothing she call me after a week of the breakup to tell me she cheated on me 3 years ago, my stomach dropped I did not give her any validation I told I kinda k new that it was good for her, and you are not my problem know it’s the guy she cheater on me with problems, she contacted me for a afew weeks later and she and I decided not to talk anymore it’s Ben a a little over a month I’m on vacation after the vacation i will and I say this I will try to do everything posible to move foward, people who love you will never leave you never, guys and girls you all beautiful for watching this videos our exes are not even close to better their self, you on the other hand are the winners keep the love and energy flowing there’s so many people out there who will show up in your door, if you call them.
Blessings to you Coach Craig and Margaret💜.May you have good health 💙and Long Life🌸💮🌸💮💮🌸💮💮💮🌸💮💮💮💮Hugs to both of you..💙 You saved soo many people from their heartaches. I know...because you did it for me💜💮💜💮💮💜💮💮💮💜💮💮💮💮💜💮💮💮💮💮
My ex’s dad died 3 months after are break up , and he was in a rebound . Does no contact still apply even if there a death in the family . I feel bad because I wasn’t there for him
This is sooooooo truuueee!! My ex is not improving at all and has gone the opposite direction of growth while I skyrocket in comparison. I'm not there to help him like before and I think he's finally seeing how I contributed. I imagined his life better and his current relation being strong but his friend reached out to me and told me I couldn't be more wrong. I definitely was hurt wayyyyy more but benefited /won in the end IMO (others think so to). Its sad but the grass wasnt greener, it was dead
I was in no contact from February 23rd to April 7th because I heard that my ex was pregnant so I tried texting her even tho I'm blocked and emailing her but no response so I had my friend text her and I asked if he could have her unblock me so we could talk about it. She told him she's not pregnant and won't unblock me. She is still with her new boyfriend and they are going to prom April 13th. I feel like I don't have a chance anymore.
Coach Craig and Margaret , I watch your video's every day , and I see a therapist in my city . My wife of 19 years separated from me 2 years ago , no contact from either of us . As I said I watch your video's daily , but nothing sinks in , I'm miserable .
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago....and if I believe him one week before he was planning to ask me to marry him. Do I want him back? I was devastated and he was cruel. Yet he was so kind and loving when we were together? He may come back he has broke up with me before and come back...I am now scared if he comes back because he messes with my head and our mutual attraction is very high. Oh dear.....
My boyfriend was like that too , I don’t know why he was so happy and in love the week before, and in the moment we discuss one night he decide to take over . I think that is worst cuz you don’t believe anything of the relationship, I don’t think those people find real value in us
@@azabache1059 I have given up on my ex now, he has been continuously nasty to me. He found reasons to message me just to be mean. I am working on personal growth and just getting over him. I am a nice person...I will hopefully find a new guy that plays a good game of chess :))
I broke up with my ex. After a month I wanted us to get back together but my ex refused. Only to find out that my ex had already started a new relationship. Am I still the dumper? Btw it's almost 4 months since the break up. But I did it thru messenger only.
Same shit happened to me. I dont think i even waited a whole month, maybe like 2 weeks. And she said i had ruined it by breaking up with her and she didnt want to get back together. Its like getting dumped back.
Great video! And to everyone out here complaining and whining.. STFU and do.the work! Be strong! Strong is attractive! And by the way no contact does work! A lot! Stay strong and fearless
What about the 'stubborn guy' who just dumped you and is waiting for you to be the one to reach out, because they feel like a victim, even though they aren't. They will just say screw it and go onto someone new.
@@ruchieru I did. And I'm still healing. It's been almost a year and I'm awaiting court for a domestic assault from him. :( never again. Always listen to your instinct.
@@asteriamoon1817 I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope he gets his just desserts. I hope you heal from this and get the kind of love that you deserve from yourself and from others.
Hi Kraig! I have a question... what If my ex get angry/mad at me because im making all this positive changes and personal growth now and not before when we where still together... She break up with me because I get her for guaranteed and I was not giving her enough love, time and attention... so she was feeling very hurt (I didint realize this until it was too late)
What do I do I broke no contact three times limited text in the each week (2 weeks) ... He never not reply but really short worded responses. Have I ruined my chances?
Corrina Yeo Yating all talking does is prolong the relief period. Once it feels like you’re out of her life, that’s when she misses you. Its different for each person on how long it’ll take but it will happen. Best of luck to you buddy.
I wanted to tell people my story because I’m in deep deep pain. So about 2 weeks ago my ex randomly broke up with me things weren’t going great but didn’t think it was ever that bad. We have a 2 year old baby together. However there is another guy and I don’t know what’s going on between them I just know it was going on behind my back. I’ve lost a lot of weight and can’t eat or sleep. It’s been a week or two now. We haven’t spoken in about 5 day’s we have each other’s numbers blocked and we have 0 contact with each other. I’m broken I can’t sleep eat or focus I keep going through thoughts like “why has she left me for him” “what’s he got that I haven’t” we spent 5 years together. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice I’m so broke ?
Hello dear do you need help in your relationship problems I know of a person who can help you rebound your relationship get your ex back Manifest any specific person into life make you partner addicted to you within 24hrs inbox father right* away
In my country we have the National Health Service (NHS) so it's free for therapy,,, I'm really considering it.... seem so I see her every day apart from school holidays I can go full no contact
Look for low cost counselling if you didn't get the NHS therapy in time. It can be 10-20 pounds a session which is worth it. I had the NHS therapy but it was only 6 weeks long which wasn't long enough for me so I looked elsewhere
Stay motivated on the personal growth everyone! For both you and your chances to re-attract your ex! You may hear from them when you least expect! Had that happen just this week! How ready will u be?
Thank you Coach Craig and Coach Margaret.🍎You gave a lot of insight and encouragements to understand the psychodynamics of separation. Thank you so much.🍎🌵🍎🌵🍎🌵🌵🍎You are the best!!💙💮💙💮💙💮💙💮💮.
Do you guys take insurance for your services. Just wondering
I agree though I'm considering burning the bridges. (Not in an aggressive way but...somehow) Seeing her with her rebound looking super happy together, they even look compatible and started to post pics in 2 months on IG.
I'm working on my health, I've redecorated my home, changing my career, and being a better man.
I'm so motivated.
Hey Craig I dated my partner for a year and he was on the monitor our love felt real we went to church together got engaged and I even met his family I helped him with everything and as soon as he got of the monitor and got his freedom he was gone he said he needed time did he ever not love me or is it the fact that he is free and has a really god job and money influence him leaving me . will he think about me or did he just use me . It's only been a week since we have had no contact and I feel like maybe he won't come back he was a really stubborn guy person I was the one that did the break up and I told him I didn't want to break up but I wanted his attention and he had to value me he said no we can go back we can just be friends he told me didn't have time no more . As soon as he got the monitor of he stopped calling me and all he would do was spend time with his sister . He had a hard life but I thought he cared maybe he didn't he was in prision for 8 years before I met him.
RIP Coach Margaret. I find peace in these videos.
Did Margaret pass away?
@@davidschultz6411unfortunately yes.
@@davidschultz6411sadly yes
Eventually you will realize that you need yourself, the healthiest version, not your ex. Trust me, I got my toxic ex back, only to wind back at the same spot. You don't "need" someone else to complete you, you need to work on your own inner demons, anything else is secondary.
What happened with the ex? Did they leave again or did you?
Yea me too me and my ex broke up in March was apart for about 3 months I did no contact and she would text me every month to check up on me , then I finally tried it again w her and when I fell in love she broke up with me again and I was in the same spot as I was in in March , I do trust no contact but it only works when you get over them or they see you doing better w someone
Hell Yaassss! 🌟🙏🏻
@@baccendcelly yeah, me too...same timeline as yours, too
@@baccendcelly but it’s been 2 damn years and I can’t find anyone better than him and he was toxic and abusive af!
Part of the reason why I’m happy I’m the one who got dumped is because I don’t think I would have done the work I did had I been the dumper OR had we stayed together. Today is 3 months exactly since the break up so I’m still feeling some sadness but I feel like as the dumpee, you eventually may get the upper hand. It’s also heartwarming to know that I was actually a good partner. I wasn’t perfect but I was pretty amazing. I’d feel a lot worse if I was a bad boyfriend. Whoever dates me next is going to be hella lucky 🍀
If you’re ex doesn’t work on themselves- it sounds like you’re heading for another breakup
Yes princess you are right💕💕💕
Hi, can someone help? My ex finally text me kind of freaking
She simply said hi. It was about 9:00 last night. I drive on the road, and I’m on east coast right now. That was 8 her time. She sent it on messenger. Which was odd. We’ve never used messenger. I did not open it yet. Was planning on opening later today. Make her wait. I did see a post on her page. Does this post mean she’s having a hard time also? sometimes I feel tired and sad and I want to forget even my man but my god tells me don't ever give up because you're my best war. Or she’s going to continue struggling? Also I noticed that post was done at about 11 her time. She’s in bed and asleep by 9:30
@@MrGwelenc What ended up happening?
So True! 🤣🌟👊🏻
I know you both sort of rolled your eyes at the girl who would think breaking up with her boyfriend would change him but when my girlfriend broke up with me it really lit a fire under my ass to be a better person. I addressed my depression, moved out of my parent's house, got a new job making more money, have been going to the gym 3-5 times a week, got a new hair cut, and a new wardrobe.
All of these things seemed impossible before the breakup. Looking back now at all my dumb excuse I cringe because it literally only took me 3 weeks to solve all these problems once I put my mind to them and wasn't worried about her.
I really hope I can show her that I have changed.
Your reply made my day. Thank you!
Keep growing, keep improving yourself with or without her, do it for you. 🙂🙏💞
any updates? Congrats. This is what I need to do.
Did she reach out?
Lol the same... took me 2 months
Once someone has hurt you badly it is hard to take them back because you are too wary of getting involved again. In my experience it is best to move forward and not go back.
Don't frequent the videos much lately, but thought I'd stop by to share. It took almost a year and a half, but a few days ago something just.. clicked. And I was completely, and wholeheartedly at peace with everything. I no longer felt I needed them, and am not even sure I want them today, for that matter. I've just 'levelled up' in so many ways since then. I know for certain right now, that if we ever got together, it would because she has her own internal growth, and approaches me in a sincere and respectful way. And it would be my decision. The feeling after you've let go, and you finally feel it, is incredibly empowering. Possibly the most freeing "shift" internally I've ever consciously experienced. This is absolutely a success story. And everybody else will see this day eventually too. You guys have a lot to look forward to. Regaining your dignity, self respect, and coming out of that fog that traps you for some time after rejection by someone you truly loved, is one of the greatest things you'll experience. And you're gonna GLOW when you do. Here's hoping you guys have that rebirth sooner than later. Life is so (so) much bigger than one person, and you're way more valuable than you give yourself credit for. And you don't need any one's validation for that to be true! Know that. Practice self love and affirmations every day until the truth sets in that you are lovable and unique and worth the best life has to offer.
Thanks, this has helped me
@@JD-wy4ti I'm glad. It's all gonna work out.
Wow wot an inspiring message I really wish I get to where you got I know I’m sort of close not yet been 20months and counting ... I know tho that with time it’s gotten better I know I felt better than I did a year ago and even better a year before that! So I know it takes different amounts of time for different people depending on the length of relationship you were in and circumstances of break up: I feel the same way you do tho.
I think he feels I need him for my happiness I think he left because he feels if he stays I’ll be an emotional drain on him - I never asked him to be so giving and when someone like your spouse gives you don’t expect that they are doing so score keeping - you think they are giving genuinely to you because they love u as their wife and want to do so not because it’s some ‘job / chore’ they see it as and then they want to resent and blame you for losing themselves. I’m not saying I didn’t have a role to play too. I’ve always owned my stuff but I have always never seen him own his but just make excuses for why he did (equally or worse stuff to hurt him and me and us).
And he feels I’ll never change that I’ll always need him and that’s too much of a burden. I get his concerns but he made all this assumptions of me - not bothering to see how far and committed I was to help us and help fix things.
I’m close to saying that unless he shows growth and remorse and a willingness to truly also own his wrongs and figure out what to be sorry for and how exactly he hurt me there’s no point in crying for a man that didn’t even want to get to know me again even tho I truly loved him honestly and for he was. Until he’s willing to truly figure out all of this sincerely and with the motivation we dumpees have to truly help ourselves out of the anxiety, rejection, abandonment. We finally rise up and realize we don’t need their validation. Once we just love ourselves we will truly be able to feel empowered and just happy on our own wout the need for them.
Good luck to everyone stay strong 🤗
Thankyou David
Gem - 20 months here too- just want it to pass - yes same as you it’s lessening over time . Being watching this Channel and Craig has being a big part of the recovery - by educating what is happening.
Thankyou David - my turn next I hope - I working on my self and yes I am very much a different person than when he suddenly left .
It's hard to "make yourself the star of your own movie" again and I am glad that you are keeping your dignity
I think one of the most important things in no contact is getting to the stage where you can stick up for yourself and say the things that need to be said . When you’ve been dumped you’ll do anything to get Them back and and it’s embarrassing when you look back on it .
Great point , I met with my ex and just agreed with everything she said she even told me how much cheaper her Bill's were , even though she was pretty much a alcoholic and expected me to pay for it lol now I wish I could have had that conversation again but at the time I would have agreed with anything to have her back
It's just crazy how your mind basically gets highjacked after a breakup! You are really not yourself at all when we succumb to those embarassing and desperate things. It's a chemical imbalance that lasts for months, just like getting over an addiction withdrawal.
True we better
The worst part is the chemical withdrawal after the breakup, which studies have shown with brain scans that it is just like a cocaine addiction withdrawal. This gets you into that awful mental place of "needing" them. I am grateful that with time this chemical imbalance has finally lifted and I am not feeling that desperation anymore. (It's just frustrating that it took months for this to ease up!)
I love Margaret!!! She always says things exactly like they are and I so appreciate her wisdom!!! And yes, you too Coach Craig!!
Ya we all love Margaret. Comforting motherly person. They are a good team.
She Is 🤗💐
She's the best
My ex contacted me after 4 months nc. I followed your advice, worked on myself and am feeling and looking my best.
He got fat, depressed, has bee n relapsing (was onve an alcoholic before we met), getting in fights.
We aren't even in the same ball game anymore. The only thing I feel is, sorry for him.
It just goes to show the two choices we have after a break up and the different paths those choices lead.
Glad I found you early on in the break up Craig. Has made all the difference.
that is exactly what has happened to my ex. First 2 months she was "I'm free and alive" type of hashtags and posts...now heading to the third month shes like "depressive, anxiety, breakup recovery, love, hurt" type of posts...
Did you get nack together?
💪
I can relate to this situation a lot..my girlfriend of 1 year broke up with me and started dating someone 6 years later she finally comes back to me after spending 5 years with him but the difference between her and I is..well while she was buisy laying up with him I was making myself better I was single for 5 years when your alone for so long nothing really matters anymore I never answered her texts when she tried to reach out I had to learn to slow adjustments while she pretty much stayed the same
thinking that their feelings will change always put me at ease
Yea late is better than never.
Love love love this video! Your videos have literally gotten me thru one of the worst breakups. He dumped me 3 wks ago, while on vacation! We had even been looking at engagement rings the weekend before. I watch your videos daily, sometimes even right when I wake up, just to get me thru the day. I have been devastated. But I have also been working on myself, and understanding my own attachment issues. I literally had a breakthrough a few days ago. I remembered the bad times and how I felt, I remembered wondering if he was the right partner for me and that I had even considered breaking up w/him. I no longer feel helpless. I almost feel as though I am now dumping him in return. Totally liberating. And I was happy to see that after watching this video, the exact things you mentioned, I had figured out on my own. Thank you so much for your videos. You have no idea how much you are helping us out here in the real world. 🙏🏼
Has it gotten better after so many months?
This whole time we are working on ourselves out ex's are not! Saw my ex the other day and she's gained quite a bit of weight and me on the other hand I have lost quite a bit of weight! We have been broken up just over a month! That alone brings me satisfaction and she dumped me 😁
So true! Two month after BU and still missing her every day, but also: 8 workbooks done, Skypes with both Margaret and Craig, sessions with local therapists, many books on attachments and safe dialogue and now also signed up for a 12 days imago relationship therapist certification. Dear ex, thank you for breaking up with me. I still love you and as you can se, I’m in a very good shape both fysical, emotional and mentally (and I wasn’t even that bad before). I wish for you and me that you’re gonna revisit the thought of getting back together soon. I’m so ready... ❤️
The Real Pete Andersen any update ?
Steve Thx for asking. She never came back but I’m still very gratefull towards her. I’m with another woman now and I’m also another man. When my ex found out that I was with another woman she did send me an indirect-direct approach that really surpriced me. I though she was gone. But at that time my feelings for her was long gone. I consider this a huge succes. I worked on myself, I grew as a man and in December through Februar I was together with some amazing women until I ended up with this one that is a pretty good fit for me (much much better than my ex). I’m in love but in a new Way because I’ve healed my traumas. I never responded to my ex’s message. I really Wish for you to heal to. Please let me hear your story too... ❤️😊😎
This video was great! I love that you’re both actual therapists (most of the relationship experts out there don’t seem to have any mental health credentialing). You talk about attachment theories and seeking counseling, personal growth, and getting to the point where we choose to have someone in our life vs. needing them in it. I’ve been struggling a lot with my mental health before and after a recent breakup and searched online, found you per someone’s suggestion on Reddit, and right after reading Dr. Levine’s book. Along with weekly therapy and all these additional resources I have found, I feel like I can get to the point of being healed from past relationship trauma and finally become the best version of myself. Thanks so much for this video and all that you do!
Do you mean Dr. Amir Levine, author of "Attached"? Cause I've recently stumbled upon summaries of their work talking about how Avoidants subconsciously treat their partners like "the enemy", and it really explain SO MUCH about my last relationship.
@@ThePolaris87 yes, that's the one! That book was an eye opener!
@@alineventurin2930 ok I will add it to books I need to fully work through then 😊
Your videos help me alot, they calm me down, but when i stop watching them i feel depressed and anxious again
Because you're self remedying your anxiety with the false hope these videos provide.
@@666sk8erguy it has been 3 months, i feel good, hurt but good
@@ipapiga i feel you. Its been 5.5 months for me since my ex began the slow fade after a fight. She just told me a month ago though that she "isnt dating anyone". Im starting to care less every day
@@666sk8erguy well i talked to mine yesterday, she said that recently (like 2 weeks ago) she realised she couldn't totally click with me cause she still loves her ex from 3 years before, well u can't force anyone to love you, you just become misserable in the girls eyes
@@ipapiga yeah for sure dude the best thing really is to disengage and stop caring about what they do
Sometimes the ex is so bad it forces you to break up with them.
They do not have time to miss you if they have already latched on to some one else.
I appreciate your videos. I'm almost 2 months of No Contact since my breakup and i already feel i don't need my ex. Been with each other 4 and half years hoping that would count for something. If she comes around great, but if not i can still have a fulfilling life working on myself and growing. Again i really appreciate all your videos.
Margaret 's smile really brightens my day😍
😂😂
Same here
This is the truth ! Your doing way more work on yourself then they are.
After hearing your advice, it does remove my anxiety. Thank you a bunch. I am suddenly feeling better emotionally.
Me too
Same here, my anxiety was soooo bad.
My Ex about to dump me by end of the month per what she told me. Then I came up with a better idea, before the end of the month, I dumped her first instead of waiting for her to do so at her will. That's my own upperhand.
I might just watch this one every week. Been 4 months, halfway thru Vol 6 of workbooks. Still motivated. Still need to hear things like this. Thanks Craig/Margaret!!!
As always auntie Margret and coach drop those gems of wisdoms by saying , you don't need someone , you choose to be with someone, awesome as always !
Thst first thing i learn after going nuts in crying i dont need them but I want them
Today is supposed to be our 11 year anniversary and it's so hard.
Keep on looking great and working on yourself Rosario . You will be just fine with prayer as well!
I have prayed so so much for this pain to go away and for god to help and honesty he has not ! Today is 7 mos of no contact 210 days! Why would god put me through this and defend him after the monster that he is ? I guess I’ll
Never know! Let me know if Prayer works for you because it hasn’t for me
@@juliemanso4589 I was in your position 2 years ago of a breakup jewels. With Coach Craig coaching it helped quite a bit. Also it also helped that I have a masters of psychology so I kind of know how to deal with pain. My ex did come back and want us to be friends in September of 2018 after breaking up in September or September 2016. So from this day on we are friends. See the key was I left him completely alone and you must do the same. However God let me know that we weren't meant to be together. Although he has moved on with a new person he still tries to be sexual with me, which I am not interested. So God let me know that he was not the one for me because he would have been doing me the same as he's doing his other companion. Just focus on improving your life and getting better. Develop a hobby that you enjoy doing, treat yourself to a movie or massage. If you like to go shopping shop for yourself. Just make sure the main focus is on yourself then eventually you will forget about him. First and foremost God is the Alpha and Omega the beginning and the end. If you keep your mind focused on God things will work out the way they should. All while in the process you are moving forward with your life which is an attractive thing.
Moving Forward you are absolutely correct ! I know at the end god does everything for a reason and I know it’s a blessing that this monster is out of my life! I am focusing on me and doing things for me and only me! I am in therapy and I do a lot of courses to help me feel better! I am hoping that god is preparing me to be real real strong just in case he ever decides to come back I have the strength that I need to say no and continue moving forward ! Thank you for the advice ! Stay strong everyone
14 years of being together and 11 years of marriage I'm trying no contact so far 24 hrs and its killing me
Keep it I can tell you it will get better.
Be strong
looks like we both got dumped at the same time. coming upto 2 months strict nc for me and I can tell you im feeling stronger with each day passing. keep it strong brother time heals all
How's it going for you?
any updates?:(
My weekend is gonna be good weekend for I’m so blessed to have you guys.
Thanks for this video. My ex texted me 2 days ago asking how I was doing. She said she misses me and just want to make sure I’m doing ok. I was strong and just told her that I’m fine and have been working on myself. I’m not sure if I want her back but I almost sent her a message asking her out. I’m glad I controlled myself and if she wants me she’ll let me know. 💚
Hello dear do you need help in your relationship problems I know of a person who can help you rebound your relationship get your ex back Manifest any specific person into life make you partner addicted to you within 24hrs inbox father right* away
What>App him for help
He is indeed a problem solver
This is probably one of the most helpful videos to put things into perspective. Thanks!
Hello Craig and Margaret.. I wanted to break up with my EX several times but, he would not agree to it. Your spot on about that. And the "need" someone also is spot on Thanks guys.
Same here. At least three times.
@@Butterfly20121967 He wanted to be the dumper i did not know any better I let my feelings for him cloud my judgement.
I'm having a lot of anxiety, depreciation, anger and crying everyday since September 2018 when my husband of 28 years left me. I want him back, not coping at all
Can you find someone to talk to Carmel? It sounds like you're experiencing some depression, understandably after such a shock.
I know how you feel. My wife decided she was done after 17 years. We were trying to have kids together then bam she says I need space to I'm done. It hurts so bad.
any update? :(
Praying 🙏
I have been so very confused over the past year over my Ex, but I'm sure I can survive without him. I chose to be with him, and now, at least for the period of no contact, I choose to be without. I need to break the addiction I have to him which includes the emotional abuse abuse we have BOTH given to each other and includes ignoring him reaching out until I'm ready, if at all, to make contact with HIM. I realise there's a chance he'll move on with someone else, but it's a risk I'm willing to take for the sake of my sanity, my self esteem and independance. And if he dies move on there's more fish in the sea anyway. Cherry 🍒.
You make me laugh all the time! I’m so glad I have found this channel and I’m going through the workbook!! Thank you!!
Watching your videos has been helpful on my down days and you make a lot of great points, but seeing all the comments of people who have spent months and even years waiting... It's tough.
I'm not seeing anyone commenting on positive news where things worked out between them.
I've been working hard and pushing myself to grow like crazy. A goal of mine is to be able to come back and say it worked for us in the end. Might not happen, which is okay, but I'm the most impatient patient person lately.
Wishing you well.
Twables Selbawt hey not sure how long it’s been for you but unfortunately based on the length of your relationship and nature it just does take that long. Also you may think say now you are ‘ok’ and strong but a year from now you will realize you know even more and how you ‘weren’t so ready’. I keep on thinking hey I think I’m ready but then I have to look back and wonder how I thought I was back then but actually i just know way more now.
That’s life I guess - i guess finding ourselves and truly learning to find our happiness internally is a journey and the truth is we’d all like it to happen fast. I’d like him to start on his growth who knows where he is? I can’t say coz we don’t talk about what work either of us done but I know that as Craig says for sure if they around 10% we as the dumpees are like at 90% and pushing. I still push myself all the time that sometimes I also have to just give the ‘work a rest’ and just live life. The way he is - and that’s why it sometimes take them so long to realize things also because they just living life normally while we pushing motivated to win them back and hoping we do so much so as not to ‘waste anymore precious time’.
I used to think like that or even think ‘omg it’s been so long he’s just growing further in distance from me 😔’. Even that is a fear I dreaded but sometimes for them it’s better for him. Perhaps time away from me completely will make him forget about the hurt ‘i caused him’ and he can’t get over it until I truly let him go and stop chasing him or trying to connect with him.
Iv come to realize also that his whole basis of his thinking and then his feelings about me when he broke up with me, was his life was ‘so miserable while we were together’ that he will not go back to that life and that is me as a person that caused it. He is too scared to even try, to even have hope and faith I could change. So I hope his heart heals and he can learn to love and open up again but I can’t depend on it being with me.
He feels he’s faced so much pain of losing himself with me he needs to go find himself and be with people that won’t try to ‘change him’ (which is what he felt I did because he felt he was always trying to satisfy my needs and become better for me and it was never good enough for me).
Now I can say I never told him that to his face - I never did but it was his experience of me ito how I acted to him or ‘complained to him about stuff’. Again that’s for me to learn but right now if I keep telling him that was never my intention it won’t magically make him believe that of me. Or even if he senses I have changed, it won’t take away how he felt or experienced me when we were together meaning that I can’t even rely on the fact that if I changed he may want me back.
So yes like you I can hope for us to both grow and learn and that we like in a movie or book find ourselves back to one another. I used to have that hope for long and sometimes when I’m really triggered and am upset I still want to have that hope. But then on other days, I have to get with reality and tell myself not to depend on that hope else I’m setting myself up for disappointment if it never happens. Furthermore I can’t wait for him forever it’s his loss and I need to also work on perhaps letting him go so I can open myself to accept other people who chose to see me and love me for who I am, in the way he could not and did not want to love me.
But again I can’t tell him you are imagining and can’t feel like that. That is how I made him feel even tho I never told him that to his face and always professed my love to him daily. I can’t force him to see my goodness it’s his journey to go may be, (as much as I hate it), to go be with other women and see how he feels they treat him? And to also maybe realize that he too has shortcomings and I put up with it too when those ladies will not.
And for me it’s my journey to figure out what my actions were to make him feel like that and how I came across to make my partner doubt my love or appreciation for them so much that after being together for so long it turned him off because he resents me so much. I can keep telling him I’m not evil why don’t you appreciate the good stuff I did for you? But in his mind the bad outweighed the good. And unfortunately me figuring out how to become a best version of myself will take time. For him to even begin to realize his role will take time for him.
Maybe he will come back perhaps he won’t - or perhaps I’ll realize I can’t take someone back who albeit was in so much pain handled his breaking up with me in the manner he did and I can’t ever be with such a person again? I don’t know I can’t answer that. It will all depend on how I feel as time progresses, how he feels and whether he wants to reconnect again with me ever and whether we both see changes in each other that will allow for new relationship from a clean slate to ever take place again?
Stay strong and keep at it - I still listen to these videos every now and again as the new ones get listed. As you say we will always have that one trigger or a down day and then a video helps! As you watch more and more one begins to assimilate the information and concepts coach c and m want to tell you and the people they helping that even you can begin to answer the dilemmas / questions of the emails in the same manner they do. That’s when you realize you thinking along the right lines and that you have grown and learn wout you even realizing it. It will come out in the way you think and act and that takes time.
Keep at it! And all the best!
Id like to get the books soon. Are they electronic or in hard copy?
@@gem3530 Thanks for the text. I enjoy reading deep into the thoughts of people in similar situations as me.
It's good to hear you accept your faults.
My breakup happened almost 5 weeks ago. Not long, but it feels like an eternity. She's had a thing for someone else since before our breakup, and the breakup became a perfect opportunity for her to explore those feelings.
I knew it was something I couldn't stop from happening, and had to accept it... In fact, I began to welcome that idea.
It's sure to have advantages eventually. If not, then again that's okay.
We've had some contact immediately after the breakup, and it seemed a bit awkward, but good at the same time. Almost like we started dating for the first time... But the hurt was Still there and things continued down the course of the breakup.
We're still in contact every now and then, but it's usually very impersonal stuff (mail, stuff that got left from moving out).
I suffer anxiety regularly, and the winter here was dull and depressing. I began to neglect her as well as myself. Out of a job, not ambitious, and minimal effort to showing my love.
After the breakup, just as spring hit, I got snapped into reality and used all that post-breakup sadness as motivation to flip my life around.
I'm dieting better. I was always one to work out, but now I'm working out more on top of being active most of the day. Just got a new job and certified in medical first aid. I've slowly met new people and made connections, updated my wardrobe and caught up with doing all the house chores on my own.
I've got a goal and a plan, and more things i want to work on as my new schedule balances out.
Of course once I get home and have less to do, my thoughts drift towards her and anxiety creeps in.
C&M did a video on the whole parent inconsistency as a child and how it makes you want to fix things in the moment. I feel it's very similar to how I feel at those times.
Sometimes music helps, but sometimes it's the end of the day and I just wanna lay down quietly.
I know i can grow more, and I wanna hold this feeling if we get back together or not. It's a great motivation.
I'd like to think tgis breakup happened for a reason.
That reason being that we got to learn more about ourselves and eachother, and with work... To be closer than before.
It doesn't bother me if she's been with someone else in that time. She isn't mine and I don't see her as being less of a beautiful woman because of it.
I know she's still there, but the hurt in her and distance it created between us is making her seem like a different person.
I've only known her romantically, never as a 'friend' or ex, so this is new.
You sound like a great person, and I hope this guy you speak of will see that too. It feels like there are plenty of people who honestly try to improve themselves for the sake of them and their loved one, but the dumper usually never seems to believe someone would do that for them.
Wish you the best.
Twables Selbawt hi sorry for the delayed response - wow its still so soon for you not then a month or I guess probably going on 2.5 months now? you right when it’s fresh it does feel like forever - and all your mind is doing is ruminating and overthinking, it’s driving you mad and the pain in your heart just won’t go away.
I’m sorry about her leaving especially when someone else is in the picture. I haven’t gone into too much detail but I know wot it feels like and feels similar to me. It just hurts and then they tell you that person isn’t going anywhere and will always be ‘their friend’ stings you more.
You are always going to ‘just be surface level taking’. That’s wot hurts the most - they once could talk to you and now they care less. The funny thing is in their mind by not talking to you is caring coz they feel if they continue they just letting you heal as opposed to leading you on. So while I feel it shows them to be cold and changed, after watching so many videos of the dumper vs dumpee - I somehow understand this sort of logic they apply.
He always told me ‘hey if I can show him I’m over him and I have no hope of us he’ll be my best friend’. I want to cringe coz I think how can he say that as if he’s so certain being friendly with me won’t allow for us to rekindle? Initially I thought I’ll act it and he won’t be able to call it but I guess at some point, you can’t fake it. They can always tell from the aura / energy / the way you come across that you are still in to them and when they still feel that they continue to just run and pull away or just have walls up with you 😒
I’m so pleased and proud of how quick you took to actually get into a plan of making goals, exercising, new friends, clothes etc ! 👏. That was so much way way better than me and I’m sure it allowed you to have a clearer mind.
But I like you am very similar, whenever we have less to do or find a reminder of them our heads have to face and snap back to reality and the dreaded thought of what’s happened. And then all the ruminating and things you want to tell them start popping up in our heads. I often have long conversations of what I want to tell him my head I even talk to myself in the car. I think magically he’ll be receptive and understand what I’m saying about how I feel and what I think but ofcrs as the coaches have said numerous times - they are not.
So for now I stick to having those thoughts in my head. Sometimes I jot them down and think maybe I’ll tell him via mail one day. But then it doesn’t matter - I realized that I have ‘had my say in my head’ and then push the thoughts aside as it’s easier to do so now.
One day they may be ready or they may never be willing to hear you out. Right now all our thoughts of the past and the and relationship we want to tell them, they will still see us as trying to convince them to take us back even tho we not in our heads we just want their validation but they not in the place to give it coz in their heads they only thinking about themselves and their feelings and when they see or sense us trying to get from them wot they not willing to give us, they think of us as weak, as a loser with no self respect and mostly they despise us more because they feel we still can’t respect how they feel and leave them alone ☹️😞.
So it’s never a win win - not until they are willing to come and talk to us about ‘our relationship’ or if they want to gain insight or want to introspect and need us to help them.
Ps: Wow I’d really love if you can send me link to that parent inconsistency video the coaches did - I think that is so me and all I wanted that first year year was to fix us in that moment - i too was so impatient. I felt I never have bad blood with anyone so how can I with him?
He was my husband and father of my kids and I felt I don’t get how how he can just go so cold and ignore me coz that just isn’t me! But I’ve also had to learn so much about calming my anxiety and about just realizing that just because you think one way or value in life doesn’t mean it’s wrong if someone else doesn’t?
I couldn’t get this concept if someone said ‘they forgave you’ (like he claims he has) that they still wouldn’t want to have anything to do with you?
I guess I always feel when I forgive I can forget and it means I can see the good you not the bad you that hurt me. But he couldn’t and doesn’t agree with that sentiment as are many people out there who do. And just because I can doesn’t mean he’s wrong for not seeing things the same way I do.
So it took me a long time to accept that other people have the right to feel and act the way they want to and no amount of me rationalizing or convincing him to think the same way I do was going to work (ie well if I can forgive you and forget what you did and start from a clean slate and you saying you forgive me then why can’t you wanna work at this relationship the way I want to?)
I’d be so angry thinking that ‘it’s not that he can’t it’s coz he won’t’. So it’s really tough. Being able to have to come to terms with your partner who was not willing to work and fight for the important things in life was really mind boggling to me and I just couldn’t get it. I couldn’t get him coz I felt he and I had always valued our relationship and wed be willing to fight for it.
I still don’t get it sometimes but unlike the past when I get those thoughts I push them aside. Because by thinking and questioning him in my mind all then just made it more clear to me just how his values are (now albeit it’s so different from back then when we first got together) and it was too painful to accept just how different he’s become and isn’t the same, sweet, giving man he once was.
I still like to have hope and faith that he’s in there somewhere deep beneath the hurt and pain 😔: but I feel he’s only acting like this because of all his wounds and sometimes I see how he acts now when we chat for kids and I realize he’s still in the same angry place he’s still in.
He hasn’t tried to work on himself because doing so means he has to face his demons and facing that right now may be too painful for him: it may be easier to just sweep it under the rug or run away from me as I’m a constant reminder for his pain from failing in this marriage.
I may feel he’s wasting time and stagnating not wanting to heal but I can’t force it on him. Inevitably it will catch up on him, perhaps if he ever hits another rock bottom or when he brings up this baggage in any of his existing or new relationships 😔 In essence the only way he can move on past his pain is to start forgiving himself and that is a process. I guess we as dumpees we too need to work on forgiving ourselves I know it’s taken me a loooong time and sometimes I still feel the guilt and blame of a lot of what went wrong 😔
You have a good and positive mentality and you on the right track for thinking the breakup taught you something and you grew. Because it has and it does and it’s good you see the good out of something negative or painful - it’s so hard to do that when you in the moment. It’s good you not letting your pain go in vain - I guess that’s why we as dumpees move so far from the motivation. I will find it hard knowing they were with someone else in that separation 😔
After so much time, now we just need to let them go if they still haven’t changed their minds after this long. I could say let them work on themselves and we work on ourselves.
So I can forgive him because I accept he did the best he could do with what he knew at the time - but sometimes the growth you want to see in that person comes from them truly understanding what they did and just how it affected you. I hope he gets to that point so he can truly know what parts of himself he must work on, for his own benefit or for his future relationships. But I can’t wait forever - so for now, I just accept he isn’t there and perhaps he never will be.
Oh thanks so much for you closing comments 🤗☺️. You sound like a mature strong person who’s shown amazing resolve in such little time!
You really summarized so well your last point - dumper is too blind to see how much this person is working on themselves for them. We elevate them so much they just can’t even see their own bad stuff and that is the saddest part of it all!
Best 🙏👍
Good news.
Yesterday she had come clean about how she felt.
She apologized for everything that happened after the breakup and how it must have made me feel.
She said she really missed me, even though we've been seeing eachother lots in the last few weeks (walks, movies, coffee dates).
Its almost like she snapped back into the person I knew.
Her breakup mentality shook right off.
It was nice because she said the other guy was a jerk and didn't compare to me. I already knew this, but hearing her say it felt great.
I'm almost in disbelief how quickly it turned around. In a matter of a couple hours we went from seeing eachother as friends, to being intimate and talking about this being our second chance.
Even as I'm typing this she's texting me saying I make her smile so much.
The timing of this was strange, because it happened only days after I truly felt okay with the breakup and how things were going in life. Like they say... They come back when you move on.
I'm still happy for this, because I know, even without feeling every day that I really need her back, that I want us to be together because we make a great couple and have awesome chemistry.
So I know we're doing this for reasons that don't involve despiration.
Now comes the hard part; making sure we don't relapse our last mistakes.
Thanks to these videos and a lot of self-analysis, I think things are looking good.
I'll definently keep up with taking time to watch these videos and care for both of our needs.
I had a goal of coming back to say things would work out between us, and it looks like they just might.
Things really can turn around when you least expect them to.
:)
Twables Selbawt omg that’s wonderful and amazing news! I’m so happy for you and you right perhaps it took her being with this other dude to realize what she lost (which was you).
You right you need to ensure you don’t fall back into same old habits that perhaps drove you guys apart so make sure the time you took to figure out your stuff and what your trigger points are to explain to her and to help her understand- also perhaps try and use that to guage wot her trigger points are too.
Sometimes dumper may not know this because they haven’t taken the time to work on themselves they say we have so maybe even show her the work you did and the videos or maybe even Craig’s workbooks ? If she’s that keen and enthusiastic to work together with you she will be willing to do the self growth stuff too.
All the best and it’s good you know now you aren’t being with her out of desperation or neediness but because you want to.
Keep strong!
Ps - plz send me the link to Craig’s video you made mention in your first response to me - I really need to watch it too, so I can figure out why I need to have to fix things immediately as well?
The advice is always so well grounded , I always appreciate the common sense and honesty you good people dispense, love you Craig, but love Auntie Margret more, nah , love you guys equally !
Never run after a girl, bus or a train because you can catch another one in an hour
@Frangipani Yang YOU can't
Never that's not true at all.
That's what my Grandpa always said to me. He was a Busdriver. 😁
Abundance mindset
He doesn’t miss me, he moved onto a work colleague straight away. We are 18 mths later + he hasn’t changed his mind. But I feel so angry with him.
Use that anger to motivate yourself.
One of the best videos! Very good helpful ideas and how to help and improve yourself after a breakup.
This video was in some ways eye opening to me! Thank you
My husband had a spiritual awaking in July 18, he has lost weight and says he feels and looks better. In my eyes he already looked good, I love him. We have 3 kids. So there are contact times. I find you, Craig make science to me. But I feel like I am wearing Lead boot. I feel hopeless and weak.
It’s been 11 months. I never thought in million years she stay away for this long. But the good thing about it is I had a long time to think about our relationship, my needs, my ex’s needs and now I’m really ready if she comes back.
Hello dear do you need help in your relationship problems I know of a person who can help you rebound your relationship get your ex back Manifest any specific person into life make you partner addicted to you within 24hrs inbox father right* away
He is indeed a problem solver
I broke up with them and they’ve already moved on in a short period of time. (Couple weeks) and I’m having a hard time moving on. There are other factors that are making it difficult. (I work with them and their new)
I don’t regret ending it as there are problems that were not being fixed. I just am struggling.
Yup yup. I did the same. Broke up thinking he'd see what I wanted was not out of this world and want to do it. Not so much.
There weren't any points where I was unhappy with him 😭 he really was a truly amazing guy. I wasn't able to see it at the time. Im so so motivated to fixing the things I did wrong. I love him so much. He still loves me and misses me but couldn't handle my behavior while going through CPTSD and dissociation issues. And I understand. I was clingy, pushing him away, being controlling and manipulative and wasn't considering his feelings and boundaries. All out of fear of losing him and fear of getting hurt. I was so caught up in my own trauma that I didn't let myself receive love or give it. I imagine this is from childhood sexual abuse and neglect and also my last relationship before him, where I was emotionally abused and sexually assaulted.
I realized how worthy I was of his love right after he broke up with me. And identified these issues after the breakup. Its been 3 weeks. Im in no contact atm.
I hope im on the right track by identifying what i did wrong and what the core wounds were. In the last 3 weeks, i've been doing regular counselling, daily therapy workbook exercises, working on emotional regulation and self soothing. Codependency and fear of not having control are the two things that see to be part of the main issue. I've done some practical life changes as well. Some things we had been talking about. I quit the job that was adding unnecessary stress on me, got my learner's permit, and have been fixing things around my house. I referred myself to sexual assault / trauma counseling and start the intake process week. I am looking at going back to school to become a bookkeeper of office assistant. It's a 5 month program.
Not only do I want to stop letting trauma and fear run my life and decision making, I want to show my love that I can do it too. I've been working on self love and compassion. That was another thing that bothered him. I would call myself stupid or dumb or make other jabs at myself. Probably because my parents and my exes did. He would always say to me "hey, that's my baby you're talking about." When he caught me on it. He really does love me and cares about me so much. I want to show him that I can do the same for him and also take care of myself too.
I don't want a parent. I want him as partner. I dont want him to fix me. I want him to watch me heal and fix those things myself. And I want to support him through his own growth too.
Your videos are helping me so much ❤
I dated your twin )))
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He is indeed a problem solver
My ex is a mental health counsellor and she completely screwed my head up just before and after the relationship ended. She was always looking for issues that weren't there, questioning me, had total lack of trust which once admitted and no matter what I did I couldn't build it up because when I did she would use it against me to point out my faults. The sad thing about this is I was happy to be with her, I loved her and still do, now she is out having a good time and I'm left a complete wreck, trying to hold a job down, working long hours and rebuilding my life without her in it now. It's very very difficult and I miss her a lot (not the criticising of me though)
I've loved the videos and insight they have. My problem is that the rules dont seem to apply to my situation. I think this is because, in my opinion, my wife(soon to be ex) suffers from borderline personality disorder. What can I do in a world where up is down and hot is cold and truth is non existent? She has so many great qualities but they are all overshadowed by the madness of this disorder.
As an Avoidant Attachment, my bf was never able to show his feelings for me. He claimed it has something to do with his childhood but never went into detail. He never got the help he needed. Consequently, he never told me he loves me, wants me or shows me affection. He doesn't like to kiss either. Of course, I had always felt he was using me for his sexual pleasure. In every other aspect of our relationship, he is there for me, makes me laugh and he messages me every day. He will send me songs and deep down I do think he does love me but sometimes I need to hear it. I've been with him for 4 years. I had always been the giver in this relationship. I do give him his space and do not text him or call him first, he does it first. Last week I had been feeling a little left out of his world (we are in a long distance relationship) so I told him how I felt and asked him what he feels inside for me and he became defensive and argumentive. I never intended to break up but he pushed me into a corner and I felt hurt and this is the way I lashed out. I am a pretty strong woman, confident, financially independent, have many friends and hobbies. I am also a little stubborn so I have not reached out to him and I am doing the 'no contact'. Is this the wrong approach and what do I need to say to resolve this?
im on my 4th month after the break up and after about a month this has been my 1st time watching a CCK video again. i think i'm there already, i don't feel the need to get back with my ex anymore.
My ex broke up with me and it’s been 6 months I’m doing no contact but I feel hopeless coz he has a new relationship and engaged now .its really painful
That's sad, cheer up and heal yourself. It will take alot of time, eventually you will pick up yourself again
Mai Yone mine too! He’s engaged and has a baby with the new person. He jumped ship 2 weeks after we broke up! I can see now there was a an overlap of sorts. *smh* which means they are in a rebound relationship with a baby. That’s hard work and not at all fun as he’s making out on the internet. I’m focused on personal growth and bettering myself. You should too :)
@@aishan2712 define focus on personal growth pls so mai yone can get clearer understanding as her mind might be fuzzy now
Thank you for the kind words,God bless us!
I can relate! It's super painful! But after you heal you will realize that you would of never been happy with t
I love you guys!!! Never stop loading amazing content it helps me 🙏🏽❤️
My parents have been together 50 years. They do need eachother or they would not be together. People do need eachother...it's the basis of all serious relationships. It's also the basis of all work relationships. People need other people. This whole want vs need thing doesn't resonate with me. If my boyfriend doesn't need me I am just disposable. Want only lasts when it is fun. One little fight and it's over. Need lasts 50 years. Just my opinion.
When you need someone, it means you are not complete like a child who needs adults.
Needing someone isn't healthy. Are you saying you can't be complete without someone? It's more beautiful if people choose each other, no must be together. That's desperate.
Wow...another great video guys...so encouraging...you guys are awesome...keep em coming!
Coach Craig can you make a video about how to leave a narcissistic parent? Narcissists never respect people’s boundaries and will likely lower one’s self esteem which will cause lack of self worth. They do this to their children on purpose so their children will be codependent on them... I’m in a tough situation where I live with a narcissistic parent and we split rent...
I love the both of you. You prevented a suicide tonight.
Hello dear do you need help in your relationship problems I know of a person who can help you rebound your relationship get your ex back Manifest any specific person into life make you partner addicted to you within 24hrs inbox father right* away
What>App him for help
Love you guys. Great video. Your videos have helped me through some tough moments. Had a phone/Skype coaching with Margaret months ago. Was very helpful. She gave me wise perspective.
P
Watching this video again! This is a great video.
Margret & Craig, Thank you so so much, you are wonderful, NC was mountain task for me for the last two weeks, but when i started NC things changed.
How do cope with a ex after 36yrs with no fault of my own he suffers with anxiety and depression that won't even talk to me we got a daughter between us he just wants to be on his own I was so good to him but I feel soo hurt like I'm being punished for not my mistake was his but its like he blaming me thankyou
Will I ever hear from her again? She said she didn't want to be friends either when I told her I couldn't be friends with her. Last thing we texted was "are we good? On even ground? I don't want an enemy." And she replied with "I don't have problems with a stranger." And she seems to be fine, happy, and continuing life like it was. It seems helpless. (It wasn't a bad breakup. She left because things got unhappy towards the end.) Will I hear from her?
Did you?
@@pascal6158 nope. Not after that. But we are cool now. We don’t talk much but we don’t hate each other. We have our own lives now so.
One thing I don't like about this or at least the video title is that it feeds into the vilification or the ex. I haven't watched it yet and Craig(and Margaret) are good people so maybe that's not the point of the video but I think we have to accept that life happens. Sometimes there is no reason. Why your ex left you. Life can be dull and unfulfiling and one way or mixing things up is to alter your relationship status. It's not ideal but it's just life. Sometimes a lasting relationship is the result of fortuitous circumstances, right timing and suddenly years go by and you're with that person. In a way that's depressing but also liberating because it frees you from feeling too down about yourself. But at same time that doesn't mean we shouldn't use a breakup to work on ourselves either. Growth is important
Watching these videos on repeat….
Hi Craig, i had a relationship of 2 years, we used to live together, he broke up with me and I think it was my fault, after a while he reach out but he was diferent he wanted to be friends with benefits but also I noticed he still angry with me because the things he said to me, the last time he sent me a message I say I didnt want yo date him because I know he doesnt care and he is doing it because he is alone and know I feel much worse and guilty, now I think I should have been more patient and not reject him
My Ex Dated Right Away in A Rebound and i see It Lasting Stil One Year and 8months.why ?? And you guys said Rebound Dnt Last !!???🤔
M e s s a g e h I m n o w
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Hello dear do you need help in your relationship problems I know of a person who can help you rebound your relationship get your ex back Manifest any specific person into life make you partner addicted to you within 24hrs inbox father right* away
He is indeed a problem solver
I can recommend you to a man who help me bring my ex back he can also help you
How do you do no contact if she blocked you on everything & says they started dating a new man & wants to see where it goes?
How did it go? Did you find the answers after a year?
We never talked again
What about if you break up with them for over reacting all of the time?
Today is my birthday and nothing from her I’m moving on after a month of no contact, I help her and her children for 6 years I was not a terrible person, all I did was a boy friend husband, and try to keep a head on their shoulders for a years, what I got in return, nothing she call me after a week of the breakup to tell me she cheated on me 3 years ago, my stomach dropped I did not give her any validation I told I kinda k new that it was good for her, and you are not my problem know it’s the guy she cheater on me with problems, she contacted me for a afew weeks later and she and I decided not to talk anymore it’s Ben a a little over a month I’m on vacation after the vacation i will and I say this I will try to do everything posible to move foward, people who love you will never leave you never, guys and girls you all beautiful for watching this videos our exes are not even close to better their self, you on the other hand are the winners keep the love and energy flowing there’s so many people out there who will show up in your door, if you call them.
Sorry for you Man!!that's horrible , Work on yourself and let her go for good .
Both of you are so Positive, Genuine and Honest.
Lots and Lots of Love and Respect from INDIA!
Blessings to you Coach Craig and Margaret💜.May you have good health 💙and Long Life🌸💮🌸💮💮🌸💮💮💮🌸💮💮💮💮Hugs to both of you..💙 You saved soo many people from their heartaches. I know...because you did it for me💜💮💜💮💮💜💮💮💮💜💮💮💮💮💜💮💮💮💮💮
My ex’s dad died 3 months after are break up , and he was in a rebound . Does no contact still apply even if there a death in the family . I feel bad because I wasn’t there for him
Taylor Blair Yes. No contact! It just but you must do it!
Your vids are sooo funny and helpful. Please keep them coming! ❤️😂
This is sooooooo truuueee!! My ex is not improving at all and has gone the opposite direction of growth while I skyrocket in comparison. I'm not there to help him like before and I think he's finally seeing how I contributed. I imagined his life better and his current relation being strong but his friend reached out to me and told me I couldn't be more wrong. I definitely was hurt wayyyyy more but benefited /won in the end IMO (others think so to). Its sad but the grass wasnt greener, it was dead
Been listening to your videos all
Day these are brilliant
What if they said once they stopped, they wont love the same person again?
Perfect encouragement, love you guys ❤
I ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS VIDEO!!
I was in no contact from February 23rd to April 7th because I heard that my ex was pregnant so I tried texting her even tho I'm blocked and emailing her but no response so I had my friend text her and I asked if he could have her unblock me so we could talk about it. She told him she's not pregnant and won't unblock me. She is still with her new boyfriend and they are going to prom April 13th. I feel like I don't have a chance anymore.
Coach Craig and Margaret , I watch your video's every day , and I see a therapist in my city . My wife of 19 years separated from me 2 years ago , no contact from either of us . As I said I watch your video's daily , but nothing sinks in , I'm miserable
.
How are u now?
Still the same , it will always be like this no matter what any Coach says.
My ex broke up with me 3 weeks ago....and if I believe him one week before he was planning to ask me to marry him. Do I want him back? I was devastated and he was cruel. Yet he was so kind and loving when we were together? He may come back he has broke up with me before and come back...I am now scared if he comes back because he messes with my head and our mutual attraction is very high. Oh dear.....
My boyfriend was like that too , I don’t know why he was so happy and in love the week before, and in the moment we discuss one night he decide to take over . I think that is worst cuz you don’t believe anything of the relationship, I don’t think those people find real value in us
@@azabache1059 I have given up on my ex now, he has been continuously nasty to me. He found reasons to message me just to be mean. I am working on personal growth and just getting over him. I am a nice person...I will hopefully find a new guy that plays a good game of chess :))
I have six sessions with a very good listener and heartful person
Well, what if he FORCED you to break up with him only to then stalk you at work later?
I broke up with my ex. After a month I wanted us to get back together but my ex refused. Only to find out that my ex had already started a new relationship. Am I still the dumper?
Btw it's almost 4 months since the break up. But I did it thru messenger only.
Same shit happened to me. I dont think i even waited a whole month, maybe like 2 weeks. And she said i had ruined it by breaking up with her and she didnt want to get back together. Its like getting dumped back.
Great pointers to help get through a break up!
She didn't contacted me since 8 months.how she can forget a 7 years relationship.
She never forgets. She thinks about you all the time but she needs to move on.
Ok thanks
Same here and i think i just found out that he may be a narcissists
This information is so accurate!
Great video! And to everyone out here complaining and whining.. STFU and do.the work! Be strong! Strong is attractive! And by the way no contact does work! A lot! Stay strong and fearless
Video suggestion: commitment issues/commitment phobia!
fresh1625 That’s avoidant behavior. Search for avoidant attachment style.
Anyone comment. My feelings have not considered at all. No talking was tried. I feel we could have tried. So how long is long enough?
Is it of any worth if her FB status is still "in a relationship" and has pics of us up?
Thank you... Please does anyone knows a forum for people like me? who needs to constantly talk about their breakup pain?
What about the 'stubborn guy' who just dumped you and is waiting for you to be the one to reach out, because they feel like a victim, even though they aren't. They will just say screw it and go onto someone new.
Then that is a narcissist you should run to the hills from.
@@ruchieru I did. And I'm still healing. It's been almost a year and I'm awaiting court for a domestic assault from him. :( never again. Always listen to your instinct.
@@asteriamoon1817 I’m so sorry to hear that. I hope he gets his just desserts. I hope you heal from this and get the kind of love that you deserve from yourself and from others.
@@ruchieru me too. Thank you so much.
@@asteriamoon1817 just forget about him. Work on yourself and your career, hope you find someone much better and more caring toward you
Hi Kraig! I have a question... what If my ex get angry/mad at me because im making all this positive changes and personal growth now and not before when we where still together...
She break up with me because I get her for guaranteed and I was not giving her enough love, time and attention... so she was feeling very hurt (I didint realize this until it was too late)
She's welcome to get mad and angry. You are not responsible for her feelings. I'd be thrilled if my ex decided to change...
She got mad because she's beginning to second guess her decision to leave you.
People hate being wrong.
Keep working on yourself. You're doing great.
What do I do I broke no contact three times limited text in the each week (2 weeks) ... He never not reply but really short worded responses. Have I ruined my chances?
Corrina Yeo Yating just restart it
@@Zulphie Ty guess I will do so. So it's not too late
Corrina Yeo Yating all talking does is prolong the relief period. Once it feels like you’re out of her life, that’s when she misses you. Its different for each person on how long it’ll take but it will happen. Best of luck to you buddy.
@@Zulphie I'm a girl but Ty. I hope so
I wanted to tell people my story because I’m in deep deep pain. So about 2 weeks ago my ex randomly broke up with me things weren’t going great but didn’t think it was ever that bad. We have a 2 year old baby together. However there is another guy and I don’t know what’s going on between them I just know it was going on behind my back. I’ve lost a lot of weight and can’t eat or sleep. It’s been a week or two now. We haven’t spoken in about 5 day’s we have each other’s numbers blocked and we have 0 contact with each other. I’m broken I can’t sleep eat or focus I keep going through thoughts like “why has she left me for him” “what’s he got that I haven’t” we spent 5 years together. I’m just wondering if anyone has any advice I’m so broke ?
Hope you're doing better now!
Hello dear do you need help in your relationship problems I know of a person who can help you rebound your relationship get your ex back Manifest any specific person into life make you partner addicted to you within 24hrs inbox father right* away
He is indeed a problem solver
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In my country we have the National Health Service (NHS) so it's free for therapy,,, I'm really considering it.... seem so I see her every day apart from school holidays I can go full no contact
Sam Hines normally a huge waiting list that’s the downside
Excatly mate
Look for low cost counselling if you didn't get the NHS therapy in time. It can be 10-20 pounds a session which is worth it. I had the NHS therapy but it was only 6 weeks long which wasn't long enough for me so I looked elsewhere