@@marlenesouliere6971 I can not help ,but blame the parents. When you raise a child the Right way Love, caring, Kindness and put them 1st your child will do well. I will always believe that.
I'm not too sure about her honesty as there's an important discrepancy in her testimony. She claims she's been sober for 25 years but Cruz is 23. Yet she claims they were doing drugs together with his mother while she was pregnant to Nicholas.
@@audramuth4147 they try to find answers why he did this. You could also say they try to find an excuse for his behavior.. well there’s no excuse for what he did
This woman is the best kind of woman there is. Seen both sides of good and bad of life and now on the good side and here to talk about it. Bet she don't judge no one, faithful, caring, loving,dedicated its the ones who are given the hardest battles who have the best souls. Pray this woman has a wonderful rest of her life. She deserves it!
yes you can see the tremendous type of help she can offer to people from all walks of life who are struggling or have been there and are fighting to get better.
This lady’s testimony needs to go down in NA and AA history books for the next generations of substance abusers’ life of how to overcome all the crap that she went through and still become sober. She is phenomenally brilliant in memory ! And, she looks fantastic, after all the horrors she endured.
I did not expect this, I cut off the daughters testimony. ...it became a lot. I am very surprised to see this. Where there is addiction there is so much pain.. my aunt wasnt done, we lost her end of last year. Thank god she isnt suffering like she was.
A woman smoking dope and drinking heavily WHILE pregnant... That does a lot of damage to the unborn child. While it doesn't excuse what this boy ended up doing 20+ years later, it does explain a lot.
Agreed. However, the majority refuses to accept this fact as a probable explanation for his actions. In reality, his behavior escalated to becoming more disturbed. He never had a chance from utero. Brain damage is exactly what it sounds like.
@@darleneww3670 Very valid point and clinical studies show the damage. Now if we see it from another perspective there should be regulations for procreation. Where is the compassion in society to allow a drug addict the right to procreate and then get rid of the 'unwanted human being' as damaged goods and later on run the risk that this human being with some type of genetic /brain damage harm other members of society. I think future generations will have to face this. As individuals one has the right to self-destruct. FREE WILL but why bring children into the equation.
It’s weird watching someone who looks like my grandma but speaks like a hardened battle axe badass girl who survived the streets and turned her life around.
HIs mom drinking and doing drugs while pregnant had to affect his brain in some way. Still not a reason to do what he did but I bet it played some kind of role in it. Fetal alcohol syndrome is bad enough and he was likely born addicted to drugs. I know a woman who adopted a baby that had fetal alcohol syndrome and it affected him his entire life in a mental capacity.
@@Timetravel755 - a diagnosis for what? His mother was, by testimony, an alcoholic and drug addict. The defendant has, I believe, been diagnosed with FAS.
@@Timetravel755 - from the Orlando Sentinal, date unknown. "Nikolas wasn’t an easy child. He had been diagnosed with a string of disorders and conditions: depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, emotional behavioral disability and autism, records from the state Department of Children and Families show. His mom told deputies he also had obsessive-compulsive disorder and anger issues. He had counselors in school and at home, according to DCF records, and he took medications."
I'm sitting here in South Africa thinking the same thing. She seems such a lovely person and so pretty even in her later years, I hope people can see that drink and drugs can lead to making drastic decisions, but also that you can bear those demons. My heart goes out to her, I hope she has a happy life now
God Bless her. It must have been really hard to put her life out there. She looks like she is doing so much better, and hopefully has her life together now drug free and clean.
She has really cleaned her self up and I respect her very much for it. I would never think she lived such a life as she seems like someone's sweet mother/grandmother. She's a silver lining in this whole debacle.
This woman is an amazing woman. She chose to change her life & did. Her accountability & ownership of her past is impressive. Her testimony sure does paint a heartbreaking picture of where this boy came from.
This is a true testament that people can change for the better. It takes a lot of courage to get up there and pretty much be an open book. May God Bless her.
I'm a recovering drug addict I've been clean from methamphetamine's since June 2007. I relapsed on pain meds that were prescribed to me in 2015 and I got clean on 10 months later on February 29th 2016. I go ot put on methadone and go to group meetings at Genesis methadone clinic here in Modesto California. Back in 2007 when I stopped using drugs I was almost murdered by being stabbed in my face, both sides of my chest and having my left arm pit area stabbed and slashed all the way open. I nearly bled to death. It happened while I was in the he front seat of my car and the guy was in the back seat of my car I seen him stab me through the rear view mirror in coming down with 2 knives at the same time 3 times. I wanted to change my life for the better. Since 2016 I attend group meeting at the clinic go to counseling twice a month or more I go to outside meeting like AA & NA and work a 12 step recovery program honestly. I've cut off all people that used with me or still use drug or alcohol. My to home is a clean and sober house since we have friends who are also in recovery we do not allow our 29 year old son to drink here forget drunk at a friend's and come home under the influence. He is a great kid and he doesn't drink or use anything that would mess him up to but if he wanted to drink he could have me drop him off at his father's and that would be fine. I be do online in my meetings that are Marathon 24 hours a day meetings and I also attend my international AA meetings with my fiancee of almost 12 years. He is also in recovery for 13 years. We surround ourselves with my people who want to change our lives for the better.. my life is full of health conditions and surgeries and scares like cancer I had in October 2014 and is happening now I will get results on Wednesday if it's bad or benign. I pray it's not the c word. But I have a good life drug free a fairly happy life. I have a daughter who doesn't want a relationship with me since I left her and her brother with their father and grand parents while I was addicted to drugs. I have a lot of regret and hurt. I wish I could take it all back. I love my daughter I was a worthless POS for leaving them. But I'm I wr in the her often and tell her how sorry I am and I Love her and will continue to work on myself a living amends to my children.
@@carrieanncancino5118 I hope you succeed in that. But what I don’t understand is that they gave you addiction medication knowing your a addict you replace one for the other. If that is what I understand
I go to AA and I listen to these stories and they keep me from drinking. I’ll never forget when I heard a man tell his story how he went from alcohol to heroin. How broken he was. How he almost died.
I’m so proud of this woman and how much courage this would of took to share her life with the world. She is so so wonderful to help women that went through what she also did. I can only hope that the people she helps also goes on to help others in that situation. Bless her soul
This is a beautiful representation of what the 12 Step Programs refer to as "honesty openness and willingness " I immediately loved her, she represents the miracle of sobriety
Actually, 12 step programs do not have a high rate of success. They resist being studied and announce their success based on the few people it works for, while ignoring the much greater number who drop out.
@@nuggs9999, I made the comment because I'm familiar with the research. I taught this subject at a graduate level. I also worked, for decades as a clinician with people out of control of substances and helped them change their consumption. And, I studied efficacy of interventions using all results, not just the results of people who reached their goals. You can't ignore the people who drop out and for whom it is not successful, and only talk to the few who stay, and then claim reliable, scientific results. Not to mention that the 12 steps are based on some inaccurate, faulty and unsupported definitions and principles.
@@JessBlake2 12 steps is just a tool, No matter what tool you use, it won't be successful unless you want it hard enough, put the work in, some may need to back it up with medication or therapy. Tools arnt miracle cures.
@@nuggs9999 She's right. 12 step programs help some people. They may even be the best option for certain people. But they are not the best solution, or even a very good one, and it's ridiculous that we are still treating them as the gold standard of addiction treatment just because they market themselves that way. Just because something works sometimes doesn't mean we stop looking for solutions that work better.
This women shows what turning your life around yet Cruz was one of the lucky children that did not end up in the system. He had a loving family with all the help at his feet yet he chose to annihilate innocent lives and destroy so many others.
Doesn't change the fact that he was exposed to crack, cocaine, weed, alcohol while in utero . That can't hardly be a good thing from a development perspective for any baby regardless of how they are ultimately raised. We really don't know what his life was like once adopted.
@@celticwarrior777 That, and even if he was removed from a bad environment, he's still left with his feelings of resentment and being unwanted by his biological mother, even if his adoptive parents had shown him love. That's a very common feeling for children who have been adopted. I have to wonder if that had played any part in Cruz's actions that day.
I would agree but it appears that if you do drugs while pregnant you tend to break the baby's brain so. Probably the massacre seemed rational to a broken brain
You don't understand how important this is because you are more focused on punishment. He will be punished either way. We need to listen and learn to know what causes this horror. Then we can try and fix it.
I love this lady. She isn't ashamed of her past. As a recovering addict myself her story sounds like my own and I am grateful I made it out only hurt on the inside 🙏 God saves!
the honest unadorned truth with no pride no shame just telling it like it is is just incredible. all the people in that room that judge such people have no idea the kind of strength and character it takes to climb back out from a place like that.
Tragic. As an RN, there was never any doubt in my mind after I first saw his photo that Nicholas was a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) child. This is a brave lady. I hope she continues to have a good life in her older years.
Hope she has a chance to read these comments. Both graceful and dignified, I admire her courage and fortitude. Thanks for giving back to your community.
@@danbillington man that dude would do worse next time if that ever happened. Some of us had horrible lives but we became good people and better parents than ours were to raise a better generation.
My thoughts exactly as I watched her. It is clear she is suffering from re-living the past and you can see the stress. I don't see how she couldn't relapse. As strong and committed as I like to think I am, I don't think I would make it if I am honest with myself. I hope, no pray she has someone in her life to lean on for support.
I applaud you for your honesty and bravery on that stand. It could not have been easy for you having to relive a past life style. I wish you all the very best for your future years.
Wow, I lived in Ft Lauderdale during the time she was there and I'm very familiar with that area. It's gratifying to see how she has recovered from that life. Kudos to her for that turnaround and I wish her continued drug/drink free living. It seems that sobriety has given her the courage to face this immense challenge. Hers was very powerfully moving testimony.
This case is so sad for me not only due to the deaths, but to hear from this lady witness, that Nikolas mother did NOT care about him, and did NOT want him, its tough....personally I know how it feels not to be wanted as a daughter. 😔😥
Being unwanted can lead to dire consequences for that child. Economists found that crime in young men went down in the 1990's approx 20 years after Roe v. Wade became law. It's an awful thing but abortions prevented approx 1/3 of crime statistics under Pres. Clinton.
@@celticwarrior777 he was slothered and damaged in Brenda’s woumb. That is what all of this is about. This woman is talking about what was Brenda doing while pregnant with him, so he came i to this world a deeply damaged individual. These kinds of things cannot be repaired by a Loving home or a swimming pool. Brain damaged, mentally ill, cognitively delayed, he came out looking physically damaged as well and still does. That is also the point of his sister’s testimony.
This is not justification or excuses. This is what happened. This is the WHY. At least part of it. It is so important to know these backgrounds so that we, as a society, can try to be aware of what happens to children and try to prevent this horrible stuff from happening. You can't lump all trauma into one cookie-cutter trajectory. People are different. People cope with things differently. He will receive his punishment, but we all need to learn from this.
So sad that so many lives are wasted by drugs, prostitution, lack of parenting or education but mostly lack of goals and self-worth. Bless them and those who try to bring them up and gain self-respect so they know they are worth turning their lives around.
God bless this woman. She is explaining over and over what the life of an addict/prostitute is. Every waking moment is about finding and using. This is not a lifestyle that is a choice. Thank God this witness found a way out. So many don't.
Being in recovery myself for 5 years and knowing exactly how she feels the best way to stay clean is to help other people She's doing it to help but she's also doing it also doing it to keep her side of the street clean it's the street clean it's the most important thing that we can do in recovery.
@@annarye1012 I don't know but there is a lesson in everything. It seems he made it very far in life when everything was stacked against him. He obviously needed a higher level of care.
Ms. Caroline is courageous for testifying openly about her earlier life choices. She is clearly still riddled with guilt and shame, those emotions are palpable. I hope that this will bring her closer to finding peace.
i have nothing at all against people doing what they have to, i do love when they turn their lives around. such a great message that it is never too late.
"Because a long time ago someone did that for me"... someone paid it forward with their help. ❤️ "You can't help somebody who doesn't want to be done"... don't stop trying.❤️
This is why you don't do drugs and or alcohol while pregnant 💀. This is so tragic. This is what happens when you do crack cocaine while pregnant. You create an unstable human being. His adopted parents gave him everything he wanted and psychological help ,starting at age 2 . By the time he was 10 he was on medication for ADHD. Those are the most critical years for a boy. The mother (Linda) should have never signed paperwork for him to get guns when he turned 18. He was not fully developed mentally and could not handle the responsibilities that comes with owning a fire arm . Someone dropped the ball in this family. And he was telling the world on social media that he would be famous. Terrible....
I live in UK now but I lived in the U.S for many years, it’s mind boggling to me that young, unstable people have such easy access to powerful weapons.
ugh, I forgot she signed for him to have guns. Unbelievable. She knew his history and challenges and personality, how on earth could she think he could handle having guns.
Bless her heart, god bless her for her sobriety. It is a true miracle she is still living. She has such a wonderful memory & expresses herself so well!
Sad…his birth mom painted a picture of melancholy and brokenness altogether. Cruz was also a victim of unfortunate circumstances upbringing. However, there’s no excuse to his doings..
@@Cgh432 the bond between a child nd mother and/or primary caregiver is very crucial to a child ‘S development. Oftentimes, research shows that without a secure motherly attachment, a child are more than likely to develop difficulties in building trusts, forming relationships and healthy social interactions with the world, even with loving adopted parents.
Well, I know I'm calling downtown "Broward" from now on lol. I love your strength. You must have had a grandma back home praying for ya. Your story is bitter sweet. Some people are just born bad. You had nothing to do with it. This is the kind of testimony that helps people. You are were given a second chance at life and what a beautiful life you've made it!💓
I almost feel like this lady has waited her entire life to tell he story! Hope she continues to have a stable and peaceful life and perhaps feels a little lighter after sharing her story do openly and honestly !
She said she committed many felonies and imprisoned many times. That year was most likely a last resort to behavior not changing. For not learning in rehab.
"Woodard is a habitual offender residing in Dania Beach, Florida. Woodard’s 28 arrests include a 2010 charge for beating a companion with a tire iron and also threatened to burn her friend's house down." -- Miami Herald -- Brenda Woodard is Cruz's biological mother.
There is absolutely no way to give the shooter a pass based on his past for his vicious crime. But it does make me wonder how many people whose Mother used hard drugs and alcohol while pregnant had their development altered in such a way that they have a greater proclivity to commit serious and violent crimes such as this. Like I said, not making excuses just asking questions. So many babies born to addicted Mothers, such a sad beginning.
my 1/2 brother and i had a mom like nikolas. didn't care about anything but partying, drugs, etc. he went to foster care. i went out to be adopted. she's right, that is how it was. i don't hold any ill will. i think it's better i was adopted than to be raised by her.
This wonderful, honest, brave woman is a perfect example of why we can't give up on addicts. A great inspiration to anyone who wants to make hard changes in their life. I wish her the best.
@@lawrence09151 Sounds horrible, I know. But these kids have problems. If not health problems, then its mental issues. Look what they are costing society?
You can tell she does not want to tell on his mother but knows she should. She is a brave woman in so many ways. God bless her to keep being the strong woman she is now.
Sending her and everybody involved in this huge tragedy, consisting of many smaller yet still big human tragedies lots of love. We all need love. A lot of it.
This woman is amazing for stepping up and for cleaning up. The story is but a piece of what she had to overcome. I am into my 3rd decade of being clean. And she is absolutely a beautiful soul and incredible to be where she is. All odds say she shouldnt have made it. I surely hope she sees this and knows others out here are looking up to her. And that work she is doing does make a differience. God bless her
Ms. Deakins & her pure honesty shows she can still be triggered yet fights through it & uses that energy to help others. She doesn't deny, she owns it because she has fought a long time to say I was but I am no longer & if I can overcome so can any person. She is 💪. And believe me, Leesburg, FL., while growing is still a small rural county. Drugs, prostitute, lack of jobs, lack of decent pay is rampant. It is a quaint town where many know your name. Bike weeks (motorcycles), certain festivals, etc. are welcomed because it brings the surrounding communities into Leesburg to increase tourism, economy, etc.
“ I just now found out that she was pregnant at the apartment“. She then proceeds to tell about Brenda telling her that she was pregnant and how she was telling her that it wasn’t good for the baby and she should stop🙄
It just seems like this kid didn’t have a chance. It’s sad, but the reality is that he is still responsible for his actions. I think he hated the other kids because they were something he can never be. I
This woman is a testament to working a program and staying clean & sober. She owned her mistakes and worked really hard to make a better life for herself. What an absolutely amazing woman!
I’m glad she has gotten her life turned around. Hearing what she has testified about, I am so thankful for my loving, caring and nurturing mother. Life was not easy, but her 5 children knew they were loved.
I applaud Ms. Deakins. I'm very happy she turned her life around. Women drugging and drinking while pregnant should be placed in rehab after the birth of the child for at least 2 years along with birth control. They do such damage to their babies.
@@katle4930 100% I’m tired of all these brainless people in the comments jumping into conclusions when they have zero sense of what’s happening or how the legal field works. And there is so many of them.
It's reassuring to know a person can recover and turn their life around. And now she's helping others. God bless her.
My sister died at age 35 from drugs and alcohol. I wish she’d been a little like this lady.
Amen sister!!!
How many last names did she say?
For every one that finds a way out.....hundreds do not.
@@marlenesouliere6971 I can not help ,but blame the parents. When you raise a child the Right way Love, caring, Kindness and put them 1st your child will do well. I will always believe that.
This is what it looks like to own your bad choices. This woman needs to be celebrated for her refreshing honesty.
Amen!
Absolutely
Who’s case is this ??? Brenda or Nic??
I'm not too sure about her honesty as there's an important discrepancy in her testimony. She claims she's been sober for 25 years but Cruz is 23. Yet she claims they were doing drugs together with his mother while she was pregnant to Nicholas.
@@audramuth4147 they try to find answers why he did this. You could also say they try to find an excuse for his behavior.. well there’s no excuse for what he did
This woman is the best kind of woman there is. Seen both sides of good and bad of life and now on the good side and here to talk about it. Bet she don't judge no one, faithful, caring, loving,dedicated its the ones who are given the hardest battles who have the best souls. Pray this woman has a wonderful rest of her life. She deserves it!
yes you can see the tremendous type of help she can offer to people from all walks of life who are struggling or have been there and are fighting to get better.
I wouldn't go THAT far...
But yes,she is definitely an inspiration to those of those struggling with demons that's she's encountered in her past.
Agree 100%. If there is a heaven, this is the sort of humble, good human being who will get there.
This lady is relieving her traumas on the stand. Hope the rest of her life is good.
Watching this after the hour-long testimony of Cruz's older half-sister is heartbreaking.
These ladies have been through so much.
reliving do you mean?
Absolutely right on that.......I just hope she learn't her lessons of being bad and living the criminal element life.
@@kingayy9267She was NOT his sister once he was adopted.
This lady’s testimony needs to go down in NA and AA history books for the next generations of substance abusers’ life of how to overcome all the crap that she went through and still become sober. She is phenomenally brilliant in memory ! And, she looks fantastic, after all the horrors she endured.
I did not expect this, I cut off the daughters testimony. ...it became a lot. I am very surprised to see this. Where there is addiction there is so much pain.. my aunt wasnt done, we lost her end of last year. Thank god she isnt suffering like she was.
@Cody Barry
I'm sorry for your loss.
As you said, your aunt isn't suffering anymore.
I hope you're doing well.
💜
She does look pretty good for all that she's been through
NA AND AA 5% success. Orange papers. Smart recovery, refuge recovery. Don't get 13 th stepped
I hope this woman has a better life now. She has a kind heart.
And she's very upfront..I was impressed w her testimony
As do you. Very Respectful comment ma'am
@@alexandersupertramp7353 thank you@
A woman smoking dope and drinking heavily WHILE pregnant... That does a lot of damage to the unborn child. While it doesn't excuse what this boy ended up doing 20+ years later, it does explain a lot.
Agreed. However, the majority refuses to accept this fact as a probable explanation for his actions. In reality, his behavior escalated to becoming more disturbed. He never had a chance from utero. Brain damage is exactly what it sounds like.
@@darleneww3670 Yes... It's just a sad case, no matter how you look at it.... And for sure complex!
@@darleneww3670 Very valid point and clinical studies show the damage. Now if we see it from another perspective there should be regulations for procreation. Where is the compassion in society to allow a drug addict the right to procreate and then get rid of the 'unwanted human being' as damaged goods and later on run the risk that this human being with some type of genetic /brain damage harm other members of society. I think future generations will have to face this. As individuals one has the right to self-destruct. FREE WILL but why bring children into the equation.
Fas. Are: typically show wide set eyes, he does t. May e some right lobe damage.
@@darleneww3670 they still know right from wrong. He plotted this out in se- cresy doesn t sound like brain damage.
"Childhood is what we spend the rest of our lives trying to get over"
Amen 🙏
🙄
It’s very true. Works also for animals. My cat still hasn’t over come it.
Wisdom! Such a tragedy he wasn't born with the cognitive ability to process and heal from his wounds.
Couldn’t have said it better.
It’s weird watching someone who looks like my grandma but speaks like a hardened battle axe badass girl who survived the streets and turned her life around.
HIs mom drinking and doing drugs while pregnant had to affect his brain in some way. Still not a reason to do what he did but I bet it played some kind of role in it. Fetal alcohol syndrome is bad enough and he was likely born addicted to drugs. I know a woman who adopted a baby that had fetal alcohol syndrome and it affected him his entire life in a mental capacity.
Of course it had everything to do with how he turned out!!
Is there a diagnosis for this?
@@Timetravel755 - a diagnosis for what? His mother was, by testimony, an alcoholic and drug addict. The defendant has, I believe, been diagnosed with FAS.
@@wickedcabinboy thank you that's the question was he diagnosed
@@Timetravel755 - from the Orlando Sentinal, date unknown. "Nikolas wasn’t an easy child. He had been diagnosed with a string of disorders and conditions: depression, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, emotional behavioral disability and autism, records from the state Department of Children and Families show. His mom told deputies he also had obsessive-compulsive disorder and anger issues.
He had counselors in school and at home, according to DCF records, and he took medications."
Takes guts to get up there and spew out your entire life, as indigestible as it is to others, knowing you’re seen internationally. She’s very honest.
Takes a ton of courage. It’s so impressive to me.
I'm sitting here in South Africa thinking the same thing. She seems such a lovely person and so pretty even in her later years, I hope people can see that drink and drugs can lead to making drastic decisions, but also that you can bear those demons. My heart goes out to her, I hope she has a happy life now
In front of all those judgmental people, some more than others obviously.
Its not as tuff as druggin n prostituting. Soukno
The honesty, she's working the program.. The AA | NA program, that is.
RESPECT TO THIS WOMAN!!! It takes GUTS to spill YOURS, admit your mistakes, and better your life. God bless you ma'am!
God Bless her. It must have been really hard to put her life out there. She looks like she is doing so much better, and hopefully has her life together now drug free and clean.
25 years! Complete turn about.
She has really cleaned her self up and I respect her very much for it. I would never think she lived such a life as she seems like someone's sweet mother/grandmother. She's a silver lining in this whole debacle.
Most are, just trying to earn a living. And it's one of the oldest jobs in history to man. All them sick men out there. Most of them married aswell.
what a woman she is! wow so very brave to own her past like that! total honesty! her story can easily be a movie
This woman is an amazing woman. She chose to change her life & did. Her accountability & ownership of her past is impressive. Her testimony sure does paint a heartbreaking picture of where this boy came from.
She’s very brave…it’s extremely difficult to admit all that in court and knowing it’s televised.
@@Audrey_L I so agree!!
Ok bleeding heart
I have always thought that he has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome…low set ears, wide set eyes, which are part of the diagnosis.
@@leannesmith9809 me too! So sad!
This is a true testament that people can change for the better. It takes a lot of courage to get up there and pretty much be an open book. May God Bless her.
I'm a recovering drug addict I've been clean from methamphetamine's since June 2007. I relapsed on pain meds that were prescribed to me in 2015 and I got clean on 10 months later on February 29th 2016. I go ot put on methadone and go to group meetings at Genesis methadone clinic here in Modesto California. Back in 2007 when I stopped using drugs I was almost murdered by being stabbed in my face, both sides of my chest and having my left arm pit area stabbed and slashed all the way open. I nearly bled to death. It happened while I was in the he front seat of my car and the guy was in the back seat of my car I seen him stab me through the rear view mirror in coming down with 2 knives at the same time 3 times. I wanted to change my life for the better. Since 2016 I attend group meeting at the clinic go to counseling twice a month or more I go to outside meeting like AA & NA and work a 12 step recovery program honestly. I've cut off all people that used with me or still use drug or alcohol. My to home is a clean and sober house since we have friends who are also in recovery we do not allow our 29 year old son to drink here forget drunk at a friend's and come home under the influence. He is a great kid and he doesn't drink or use anything that would mess him up to but if he wanted to drink he could have me drop him off at his father's and that would be fine. I be do online in my meetings that are Marathon 24 hours a day meetings and I also attend my international AA meetings with my fiancee of almost 12 years. He is also in recovery for 13 years. We surround ourselves with my people who want to change our lives for the better.. my life is full of health conditions and surgeries and scares like cancer I had in October 2014 and is happening now I will get results on Wednesday if it's bad or benign. I pray it's not the c word. But I have a good life drug free a fairly happy life. I have a daughter who doesn't want a relationship with me since I left her and her brother with their father and grand parents while I was addicted to drugs. I have a lot of regret and hurt. I wish I could take it all back. I love my daughter I was a worthless POS for leaving them. But I'm I wr in the her often and tell her how sorry I am and I Love her and will continue to work on myself a living amends to my children.
Agree. What an impressive lady. May she be blessed for the rest of her life. Love her.
@@carrieanncancino5118 I hope you succeed in that. But what I don’t understand is that they gave you addiction medication knowing your a addict you replace one for the other. If that is what I understand
Ameen
@@sedg03 ohh I see thanks for the explanation it makes sense now
My great respect to this lady for her honesty. I thought she was a nurse! … The goodness in her heart exudes in her face.
As a nurse myself, I wish she was! She'd make a great one.
It's so nice to hear someone in recovery explain the "1st step" of addiction. So simple, yet so hard for so many!
Simple but not easy.
Such a strong, brave lady!☀ I pray she continues living her best life
I go to AA and I listen to these stories and they keep me from drinking. I’ll never forget when I heard a man tell his story how he went from alcohol to heroin. How broken he was. How he almost died.
This lady is still attractive. It's such a shame about her youth, but thanks be to God, she is clean and sober now.
Her and his sister are very beautiful people
I’m so proud of this woman and how much courage this would of took to share her life with the world. She is so so wonderful to help women that went through what she also did. I can only hope that the people she helps also goes on to help others in that situation. Bless her soul
I’m 3 years clean and sober now and I commend this beautiful lady for what she’s done with her life she’s amazing . 👏👏👏
Much respect. Good on you!
Godspeed.
Shouldn't have succumbed in first place... NO GOD in your life at that time clearly... maybe not now too.
@@halimak625 - Judgy aren't we?
@@wickedcabinboy truth though
This is a beautiful representation of what the 12 Step Programs refer to as "honesty openness and willingness " I immediately loved her, she represents the miracle of sobriety
Actually, 12 step programs do not have a high rate of success. They resist being studied and announce their success based on the few people it works for, while ignoring the much greater number who drop out.
@@JessBlake2 do more research
@@nuggs9999, I made the comment because I'm familiar with the research. I taught this subject at a graduate level. I also worked, for decades as a clinician with people out of control of substances and helped them change their consumption. And, I studied efficacy of interventions using all results, not just the results of people who reached their goals. You can't ignore the people who drop out and for whom it is not successful, and only talk to the few who stay, and then claim reliable, scientific results. Not to mention that the 12 steps are based on some inaccurate, faulty and unsupported definitions and principles.
@@JessBlake2 12 steps is just a tool, No matter what tool you use, it won't be successful unless you want it hard enough, put the work in, some may need to back it up with medication or therapy. Tools arnt miracle cures.
@@nuggs9999 She's right. 12 step programs help some people. They may even be the best option for certain people. But they are not the best solution, or even a very good one, and it's ridiculous that we are still treating them as the gold standard of addiction treatment just because they market themselves that way.
Just because something works sometimes doesn't mean we stop looking for solutions that work better.
This women shows what turning your life around yet Cruz was one of the lucky children that did not end up in the system. He had a loving family with all the help at his feet yet he chose to annihilate innocent lives and destroy so many others.
Dna damaged
Doesn't change the fact that he was exposed to crack, cocaine, weed, alcohol while in utero . That can't hardly be a good thing from a development perspective for any baby regardless of how they are ultimately raised. We really don't know what his life was like once adopted.
@@celticwarrior777 That, and even if he was removed from a bad environment, he's still left with his feelings of resentment and being unwanted by his biological mother, even if his adoptive parents had shown him love. That's a very common feeling for children who have been adopted. I have to wonder if that had played any part in Cruz's actions that day.
@@dianad3080 That too, for sure.
His mothers lifestyle does not excuse his actions.
I would agree but it appears that if you do drugs while pregnant you tend to break the baby's brain so. Probably the massacre seemed rational to a broken brain
@@LuxFerre21 a broken brain can just be of chance or genetics as well. this was a true recipe for disaster
Yep. We all have a free will.
You don't understand how important this is because you are more focused on punishment. He will be punished either way.
We need to listen and learn to know what causes this horror. Then we can try and fix it.
Boom
I love this lady. She isn't ashamed of her past. As a recovering addict myself her story sounds like my own and I am grateful I made it out only hurt on the inside 🙏 God saves!
♥️
@Chelsea Marie - There is some debate about whether it's God that saves or not. But I wish you continued recovery.
the honest unadorned truth with no pride no shame just telling it like it is is just incredible. all the people in that room that judge such people have no idea the kind of strength and character it takes to climb back out from a place like that.
@@wickedcabinboy no debate those who know God know he saves . You don’t know he saves because YOU don’t know him
@@goviralgo6418 - Do tell me how one knows a being who doesn't exist except in the minds and imaginations of believers. Do you *KNOW* Santa Claus?
Tragic. As an RN, there was never any doubt in my mind after I first saw his photo that Nicholas was a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) child. This is a brave lady. I hope she continues to have a good life in her older years.
I dont know...,dont judge for pic, for big or small head,colour,etc..!?
Yes! It is was obvious to me too.
This lady is brave to the whole story of her life. On the street. I wouldnever have guessed she looks like a proper lady now
Hope she has a chance to read these comments. Both graceful and dignified, I admire her courage and fortitude. Thanks for giving back to your community.
@@danbillington man that dude would do worse next time if that ever happened. Some of us had horrible lives but we became good people and better parents than ours were to raise a better generation.
@@danbillington no he has brain damage that will not help.
I liked this lady almost immediately, so happy she was able to overcome the addictions.
She seems like she'd be a cool aunt or neighbor to have.
She probably gives good, straightforward advice, too.
I hope she will read all those nice comments!! 🙏💕👏🏼
There are reactions to every action. We as a civilization must start acting instead or reacting.
Ding ding ding
Actions have consequences. Cause & effect.
Just and you to know that you're a great person and we need more people like you with that mentality.
Gosh I hope this doesn’t drive her back to drinking. Bless her heart
She’s clearly very strong to do this - I think that strength will serve her well.
My thoughts exactly as I watched her. It is clear she is suffering from re-living the past and you can see the stress. I don't see how she couldn't relapse. As strong and committed as I like to think I am, I don't think I would make it if I am honest with myself. I hope, no pray she has someone in her life to lean on for support.
She’s been through much worse than this testimony and she’s been 25 years on the wagon. This won’t drive her back.
Sharing their past help keep them sober. .12 th step in action.
@@jeff95050 certainly won't be from any authorities
I applaud you for your honesty and bravery on that stand. It could not have been easy for you having to relive a past life style. I wish you all the very best for your future years.
Wow, I lived in Ft Lauderdale during the time she was there and I'm very familiar with that area. It's gratifying to see how she has recovered from that life. Kudos to her for that turnaround and I wish her continued drug/drink free living. It seems that sobriety has given her the courage to face this immense challenge. Hers was very powerfully moving testimony.
This case is so sad for me not only due to the deaths, but to hear from this lady witness, that Nikolas mother did NOT care about him, and did NOT want him, its tough....personally I know how it feels not to be wanted as a daughter. 😔😥
And the damage she didn’t care she was doing by using drugs during pregnancy.
Yeah but he was adopted by a couple that did want him as their son. He became an aggressive monster to his birth mother
Being unwanted can lead to dire consequences for that child. Economists found that crime in young men went down in the 1990's approx 20 years after Roe v. Wade became law. It's an awful thing but abortions prevented approx 1/3 of crime statistics under Pres. Clinton.
Elvia I feel your pain but there is no excuse of killing others at all he was wrong.
@@celticwarrior777 he was slothered and damaged in Brenda’s woumb. That is what all of this is about. This woman is talking about what was Brenda doing while pregnant with him, so he came i to this world a deeply damaged individual. These kinds of things cannot be repaired by a Loving home or a swimming pool. Brain damaged, mentally ill, cognitively delayed, he came out looking physically damaged as well and still does. That is also the point of his sister’s testimony.
Whoever is shuffling papers needs to turn their mike off.
People who have messed up severely and eventually overcome are the best kind of people.
Numerous children have horrific childhoods, worse than this, and they never think of murdering anyone ever. There is no excusing these murders.
This is not justification or excuses. This is what happened. This is the WHY. At least part of it.
It is so important to know these backgrounds so that we, as a society, can try to be aware of what happens to children and try to prevent this horrible stuff from happening.
You can't lump all trauma into one cookie-cutter trajectory. People are different. People cope with things differently.
He will receive his punishment, but we all need to learn from this.
Well obviously. But when they do turn bad, you can see the trajectory.
Was the shooter ever diagnosed with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome?
💯
Cruz wasn’t raised by his mother.
So sad that so many lives are wasted by drugs, prostitution, lack of parenting or education but mostly lack of goals and self-worth. Bless them and those who try to bring them up and gain self-respect so they know they are worth turning their lives around.
Courageous Woman. What a tough life she must've had!! Feel so sorry for her. God Bless.
God bless this woman. She is explaining over and over what the life of an addict/prostitute is. Every waking moment is about finding and using. This is not a lifestyle that is a choice. Thank God this witness found a way out. So many don't.
What has this to do with murdering those kids in school , making excuses for Nicholas for, he made his own choices.
Being in recovery myself for 5 years and knowing exactly how she feels the best way to stay clean is to help other people She's doing it to help but she's also doing it also doing it to keep her side of the street clean it's the street clean it's the most important thing that we can do in recovery.
I hope her testimony goes viral. Great recovery testimony.
He was most likely born drug and alcohol addicted.
Seeing the picture of Zachary as a newborn, you can tell he was born addicted, also. It's in his huge eyes.
Fetal alcohol syndrome?
Stillbirth, why did this not happen! No food 4 fetus, no vegetables, no fruit. No 3 meals a day, no water!
@@annarye1012 I don't know but there is a lesson in everything. It seems he made it very far in life when everything was stacked against him. He obviously needed a higher level of care.
I am in awe of this woman's testimony. She has overcome so much.
Ms. Caroline is courageous for testifying openly about her earlier life choices. She is clearly still riddled with guilt and shame, those emotions are palpable. I hope that this will bring her closer to finding peace.
i have nothing at all against people doing what they have to, i do love when they turn their lives around. such a great message that it is never too late.
Her failure as a mother played a VERY LARGE part in this. We're suffering from a moral rot in our country
Nope same as it ever was, in fact crime went down after abortion was legalized so were actually experiencing less moral rot as you say
@@spamgarbage6999 it's not just one singular thing. Lack of fathers, entitled mothers, God taken out of society etc.
"Because a long time ago someone did that for me"... someone paid it forward with their help. ❤️ "You can't help somebody who doesn't want to be done"... don't stop trying.❤️
This is why you don't do drugs and or alcohol while pregnant 💀. This is so tragic. This is what happens when you do crack cocaine while pregnant. You create an unstable human being.
His adopted parents gave him everything he wanted and psychological help ,starting at age 2 . By the time he was 10 he was on medication for ADHD.
Those are the most critical years for a boy. The mother (Linda) should have never signed paperwork for him to get guns when he turned 18.
He was not fully developed mentally and could not handle the responsibilities that comes with owning a fire arm . Someone dropped the ball in this family. And he was telling the world on social media that he would be famous.
Terrible....
I live in UK now but I lived in the U.S for many years, it’s mind boggling to me that young, unstable people have such easy access to powerful weapons.
ugh, I forgot she signed for him to have guns. Unbelievable. She knew his history and challenges and personality, how on earth could she think he could handle having guns.
Wait what is her name?? She said Carolyn Louise Deakins Grimes Hill Gilda Carrie Deakins?? What was all that mess?
She got married multiple times.
Marriage, she old school
😂😂😂
I’m married. I have a first, middle, and surname…..not the entire phone book. Lol.
@@pommiebears you've only been married 1x right? It seems as though she listed every last name she ever held due to multiple marriages.
Bless her heart, god bless her for her sobriety. It is a true miracle she is still living. She has such a wonderful memory & expresses herself so well!
Sad…his birth mom painted a picture of melancholy and brokenness altogether. Cruz was also a victim of unfortunate circumstances upbringing. However, there’s no excuse to his doings..
Well said
You do know he was adopted at an early age
@@Cgh432 didn't know that..thanks!
@@Cgh432 the bond between a child nd mother and/or primary caregiver is very crucial to a child
‘S development. Oftentimes, research shows that without a secure motherly attachment, a child are more than likely to develop difficulties in building trusts, forming relationships and healthy social interactions with the world, even with loving adopted parents.
He Shouldn't Get The Death Penalty For His Mental Illness
Wow she was brutally honest!!! Wish her a happy life after 25 yrs clean!!!
Her unabashed candor is refreshing!
Well, I know I'm calling downtown "Broward" from now on lol. I love your strength. You must have had a grandma back home praying for ya. Your story is bitter sweet.
Some people are just born bad. You had nothing to do with it. This is the kind of testimony that helps people. You are were given a second chance at life and what a beautiful life you've made it!💓
Well.... that explains everything....not. I still say he has earned the DP.... we'll see. Hats off to this lady for turning her life around
It is so tragic that this kid was screwed from the beginning. Even worse, the devastation that followed these horrible details.
Snowball effect. Ripples ....and they say drugs don’t hurt anyone but the one using them.
I almost feel like this lady has waited her entire life to tell he story! Hope she continues to have a stable and peaceful life and perhaps feels a little lighter after sharing her story do openly and honestly !
She's great, she exudes fortitude.
Sending her to jail for a year for coke. Insane. Evil corruption. She should have been sent to a women's rehab shelter for a year.
She said she committed many felonies and imprisoned many times. That year was most likely a last resort to behavior not changing. For not learning in rehab.
"Woodard is a habitual offender residing in Dania Beach, Florida. Woodard’s 28 arrests include a 2010 charge for beating a companion with a tire iron and also threatened to burn her friend's house down." -- Miami Herald -- Brenda Woodard is Cruz's biological mother.
Oh God
His mother had ASPD as well
No one cares dork 😂
I couldn't care less.
@@rachelsill79 Is that something to be proud of?
I love how she owns her whole story good for her
Yes
There is absolutely no way to give the shooter a pass based on his past for his vicious crime. But it does make me wonder how many people whose Mother used hard drugs and alcohol while pregnant had their development altered in such a way that they have a greater proclivity to commit serious and violent crimes such as this. Like I said, not making excuses just asking questions. So many babies born to addicted Mothers, such a sad beginning.
Respect for this witness.
my 1/2 brother and i had a mom like nikolas. didn't care about anything but partying, drugs, etc. he went to foster care. i went out to be adopted. she's right, that is how it was. i don't hold any ill will. i think it's better i was adopted than to be raised by her.
This wonderful, honest, brave woman is a perfect example of why we can't give up on addicts. A great inspiration to anyone who wants to make hard changes in their life. I wish her the best.
Addicts give up on theirselves.
Hate to say this. Strong argument for aborting drug user's babies.
You’re sick you know that?
We will have many more babies like this. Roe v. Wade was overturned
How about "a strong argument for abortion" PERIOD?! His mother should have swallowed!
@@denischabriddell986 keep telling yourself this.
@@lawrence09151 Sounds horrible, I know. But these kids have problems. If not health problems, then its mental issues. Look what they are costing society?
It's so hard listening to this when it seems like a microphone has been placed right in front of someone who works as a paper shuffler.
You can tell she does not want to tell on his mother but knows she should. She is a brave woman in so many ways. God bless her to keep being the strong woman she is now.
@@danbillington - This isn't what I meant when I said you should write more fiction.
She threw me off with the whole, say and spell ur name debacal... but she ended up giving a powerful testimony. What a beautiful soul.
Takes a lot to publicly own that life. Praying for her to have a happy life🙏
Probably the first time he's hearing these stories about his mom. Crazy
Look at that mugshot. How can anyone continue to insist that there are only two genders? There are clearly at least three based on that photo.
She looks like a man
Not the time to try and be funny dude
I’m sorry to say but, if this woman has 7 felony convictions she should be in prison right now!! This is so sickening!!
Congratulations on 25 years.
Women consuming drugs during pregnancy need to be behind bars along with the monsters that they have created.
Sending her and everybody involved in this huge tragedy, consisting of many smaller yet still big human tragedies lots of love. We all need love. A lot of it.
This woman is amazing for stepping up and for cleaning up. The story is but a piece of what she had to overcome. I am into my 3rd decade of being clean. And she is absolutely a beautiful soul and incredible to be where she is. All odds say she shouldnt have made it.
I surely hope she sees this and knows others out here are looking up to her. And that work she is doing does make a differience. God bless her
What a remarkably strong person. God bless ya lady.
She has a great memory & raw honesty God bless this woman🙏🏼💗
She told the cops “you didn’t see me buy shyt!” Sad situation but I did chuckle at this
Ms. Deakins & her pure honesty shows she can still be triggered yet fights through it & uses that energy to help others. She doesn't deny, she owns it because she has fought a long time to say I was but I am no longer & if I can overcome so can any person. She is 💪.
And believe me, Leesburg, FL., while growing is still a small rural county. Drugs, prostitute, lack of jobs, lack of decent pay is rampant. It is a quaint town where many know your name. Bike weeks (motorcycles), certain festivals, etc. are welcomed because it brings the surrounding communities into Leesburg to increase tourism, economy, etc.
She’s a beautiful lady. A true survivor.
What did she survive?? Being a willful prostitute & drug addict? Wow, you admire that?
“ I just now found out that she was pregnant at the apartment“. She then proceeds to tell about Brenda telling her that she was pregnant and how she was telling her that it wasn’t good for the baby and she should stop🙄
Helping others is the twelfth step and will keep her sober. Also sharing her story helps her remember where she came from.
It just seems like this kid didn’t have a chance. It’s sad, but the reality is that he is still responsible for his actions. I think he hated the other kids because they were something he can never be. I
This. They were what he is not.
This woman is a testament to working a program and staying clean & sober. She owned her mistakes and worked really hard to make a better life for herself. What an absolutely amazing woman!
I’m glad she has gotten her life turned around. Hearing what she has testified about, I am so thankful for my loving, caring and nurturing mother. Life was not easy, but her 5 children knew they were loved.
I want to hug her. I’m in rocovery. And you cannot be in recovery until you own everything. I admire her. And I love her even though I don’t know her.
I applaud Ms. Deakins. I'm very happy she turned her life around. Women drugging and drinking while pregnant should be placed in rehab after the birth of the child for at least 2 years along with birth control. They do such damage to their babies.
I don't care about his childhood. It does not justify walking into a school with a rifle.
My dude.. literally NOBODY is making excuses for him or justifying what he did.
@@brandonayala4605 I don’t think people understand what this trial is about 😂
@@katle4930 100% I’m tired of all these brainless people in the comments jumping into conclusions when they have zero sense of what’s happening or how the legal field works. And there is so many of them.
@@brandonayala4605 Then what is the point of having them testify?
@Boston Gal bro they died before the massacre
This lady is speaking the truth. I congratulate her for sharing what is real out in the streets.
"All happy families are alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." (Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina, 1878)
Her testimony is so emotional. Bless her heart.
Is this supposed to make people feel sorry for the creep or what. Gives him no reason to kill innocent kids.
The background noise is driving me crazy. Why people want to shuffle around folders and papers during something like this is beyond me! So rude!