Just to emphasize this cause I didn’t make it as clear in the video itself as I would have liked: Project HOPE is currently sending help to Ukraine, and they also send help to other places like Haiti and Indonesia. Hopefully that doesn’t impact your donation too much, but I thought it important to make it clear where your money would be going. If you want to give money to a fundraiser that works solely with Ukraine, there are many online, but I couldn’t find any of those on the TH-cam charities list and I think Project HOPE is an even better place to donate because of its inclusivity ❤️
Hey Ana. What to do when the person who has limerance gets into a relationship with the person they were obsessed with, but after the honeymoon phase they lose their interest?
I’ve always used limerence as a form of escapism since I was a kid in an abusive home that was often neglected. I would often be in my head in relationships with people I didn’t know, getting the attention I was not receiving. Unfortunately I think that carried over into real relationships where I sought out people who were largely unavailable, and lived out most of the relationship in my head. It hasn’t been until recent years that I’ve held myself accountable for doing it, checked in with friends to make sure I wasn’t and tried to stay firmly in the present/reality within relationships. I had never heard the term limerence until this year, but it immediately fit. Always love your videos and hearing your take on things, you explain things incredibly well!
Ah.. That does not really make sense. Its like saying: "I'we always used alcoholism to cope with my problem" .. You don't use alcoholism - you tend to use alcohol when you're alcoholic but not use alcoholism. What you describe is what someone that's limerent tends to do .. but doing that does not mean that you're necessarily limerent.. If you cannot help but to do that -- yeah - you might be limerent - have limerence, be experiencing limerence - but you're not "using limerence".
Can you tell in oher wrds what you're doing when you're doing what you refer to with "used limerence"?.. Fantasizing about your "crush" ("limerent object") - perhaps?
Thank you for this! I have tried to describe this obsession to more than one therapist and was universally dismissed. I have basically been begging for help. Now I have the vocabulary to take to a new therapist and describe exactly what I'm feeling.
Not surprising, rOCD was actually discovered and identified by the rOCD community only after that did psychologists start paying attention to it as a subtype. Honestly, for my OCD I never found any psychologists to be helpful, only those who had experienced OCD or other anxiety disorders and had recovered. Only their advice was helpful
I had no idea rOCD was a thing. I've struggled deeply with limerence since I was 5 or 6 but only just recently learned what that is. Now I'm seeing my struggle may be something more ingrained. The situation in the Ukraine for sure impacts all people. As soon as I'm financially able I will be making a donation to help the aid for Ukrainians.
@@kwetsephetla3597 I discovered for me it is a coping mechanism for stress - I discovered that by taking note of when I was doing it most, and that was always when I felt stress and wanted to dissociate from that stimulation. I hope you are able to get to the root of your why as well ❤️ it can be very helpful for tackling it, but know you can manage and conquer it even if you never figure that piece of the puzzle out ❤️❤️❤️
Ana - you are describing exactly what I am going through. I always had a sense that this was unhealthy, but it's become so so apparent in recent weeks and seeing your video just makes it so clear now. I AM a dopamine fiend. I have BPD and profound fears of abandonment. When I was really young my mother would lock me outside the house and leave me alone for hours and hours when she didn't want me in the way. And I have the exact same feeling in this "relationship" now. I never heard about ROCD but it makes so much sense and it is so real. I'm so scared I know it's not sustainable but I'm terrified to let go I really just need something to address my own emptiness I feel within. I cannot sleep I'm loosing my mind. Thank you for the video I feel a little validated and it brought a degree of comfort. My thoughts are with Ukraine I wish no one would have to suffer like that.
I'm glad you took the time to speak about what's happening. I've been staying off of social media (for my mental health) but have read articles. It's horrifying but not at all shocking. Sending prayers out for Ukrainians.
I love limerance. It is the highest of my highs. When I get a crush, I try to keep them at arms length and not get to know them so well so that my crush will last longer.
Exactly!! Nothing can give me the same magical high feeling than limerence…I don’t want to romantize it since it’s pretty destructive too. But, in limerence, I’m always in control in my head of every feeling and thought of the other person, that way I can never get disappointed. I’ve NEVER shared any words with any of my crushes…that’s why I’m always single😅
@@brian6140 I think a few words out there shifted meaning over time since I originally learned the word, and this might be one. It once meant an irrational crush.
Ana.. I am deeply Russian, a Kurgan... thank you for presenting this as you have and your way, you really understand this horror, and this life.. we all thought we were past it. You do good work sister, you do the world a favor with your studies... thank you hundredfold. I know you harbor the pain I do, "we" do.. I honor and appreciate every single thing you do... please know the gifts you give to us by being Ana and expressing Ana are.. the Light of Heaven to some.. me for one. Alleluia, my friend. Enjoy life, you deserve it. I stand with you and beside you, always. Westerners will never understand no matter how wonderfully you speak sister. You are hyper intelligent and still, growing as I observe over time. Go Ana, go. Thank you for being Ana.
Thank you for sharing this. Idk why but this last week I got obsessed with someone from YEARS ago that I had thought about in at least 4 years. Brains are strange. Wishing love, healing, and peace to all.
I’m in the last stages of Limerance, coming out of the fog. It’s very powerful and I was not prepared for it. Thank god it only lasted 3 months, and I figured out what was going on. What made it worse is that my LO was incredibly physically gorgeous (for a while I could not find any one else attractive) she tacitly reciprocated, and was very manipulative. I think she might be a narcissist.
Same situation. My ex wasn’t a model but she was more attractive that the average person and it makes it hard to be satisfied with another person visually. I will always be comparing. I think the worse thing you can do is try and find someone that can one-up your ex in looks. Instead, find beauty in people’s flaws and accept the there are things your future partner will have that your ex didn’t.
> she tacitly reciprocated, and was very manipulative I feel this. My LO reciprocates friendship but nothing more. I end up giving so much to it when we both know she doesn't feel comfortable giving nearly as much. If they know you're obsessed with them and they still keep the door open, it feels like manipulation but they might be oblivious to it. They might feel genuine gratitude toward you and just think you're a generous person. It's up to us to pull ourselves away and even cut ties if that's what we need to move on.
@@mienaikoe She turned out to be much worse than I imagined, and I had to go no contact. It wasn't just avoidance, she intentionally did things to hurt me and mess with me. I caught her in so many lies.. She is no longer attractive to me at all, now that I have seen what she truly is.
@@Nattleby can you give some examples of what she did? I have a hard time picturing this since this kind of tactic would usually snap me out almost immediately in the past and I wouldn't be attracted anymore. Limerence lasts longer for me when the other person keeps hinting at being platonic or I miss a sign somewhere. Can only think of one person ever who was deliberately manipulative towards me, but most of what she wanted was just attention at weird times as a way to lead me on.
I have struggled with limerence for much of my teenage years. Only recently, did i manage to escape its addictive hold and finally climb out of the depressive hole it put me in.
I think this is something I've struggled with for years. Entering college, having never been in a relationship and wanting one desperately, it's made the crushes that I've developed incredibly devastating. It worsens my depression so much, which makes it nearly impossible to function at all. Thank you so much for this video. I'm so glad I have a name to this now. Hopefully now I'll be able to communicate these feelings to a therapist once I find a new one.❤️
Hi Ana. I just want to say i am super impressed by your intellect and that you bring as much honor to knowledge of the mentality that you do. I appreciate that you post your insights. Keep safe and thank you.
Hey :) I have really liked your statement in the beginning of the video..... I am a Ukrainian studying in uni abroad but my entire family is in Ukraine. Just wanted to say how people like you make a lot of difference. And love your channel overall, ofc!
These terms seem like an individual who would need to work on their self concept + self image. Lot of negative thoughts about self play out this way. I feel like I remember being in Limerance. I had low self-esteem & lack of self love. Unworthiness, self rejecting, etc. I could make someone up in my head to daydream about & to be in love with & I would have dreams of them rejecting me. I feel like once I put myself on a pedestal that behavior faded away.
What if somebody put you on a pedestal and you were pining over somebody else? Would that go away? Is this people that want to be with somebody? I’m confused?? it seems like it’s an obsessive compulsive disorder. These people that are so obsessed with people they stalk them?? Yikes! 😱
Still live with a deep underlying trauma due to my divorce, I’m remarried, by all accounts have a happy life, but I get triggered by unwanted memories, dreams, thoughts. I’ve dealt with a lot of things in my life by all accounts were difficult but that experience really stayed with me for some reason. I know I formed a very strong attachment to the person due to knowing them for so long and by how abrupt and ugly the separation was, but man, it’s been almost 4 years and it still gets to me. Therapy has helped, hopefully one day I’ll be able to completely let go.
I don't mind the cat noises at all. In fact,it gives the vibe of you and I having a friendly conversation in your house. I partially understand what the Ukranians are going through, because as a citizen of Myanmar in Southeast Asia, my country is under attack by our own military government who is mercilessly taking the lives of innocent people that oppose the military junta. Praying for Ukraine. Please pray for Myanmar too. We need alot of international support just like Ukraine does.
omg ana u hit the nail on the head with every video !! 😭 i honestly feel so accepted and hopefull when i watch your videos because these are the problems that ive been having for years but couldnt pin point until i discovered your channel 💘💘
I've always had OCD symptoms since I was young and it was really bad. I never got diagnosed but I still refer to myself as having it because I have for sure checked all of the signs off, it put me in so much distress once, especially because my OCD theme was about death and me thinking I was gonna die if I didn't clean something properly or if I skipped a step while going up the stairs. I really wish people would see that OCD just isn't wanting to keep things in order or whatever that stereotype is.
I live in Belgium and I'm concerned the conflict will bleed out a lot further. A co-worker of mine (Ukranian) who works from a distance. He had to flee Kiev but I finally heard back from him today and was very relieved. This is a very scary situation.
Thank you so much. My grandparents were from Ukraine. I am 69-years-old and have never seen such horror in this life time. Thank you for the fund raiser!
I care! I'm half Greek myself & my grandparents fled fascism as immigrants. Also, Peta international is helping folks who are fleeing with their animal companions, too. Bless you
Thank you for your wonderful explanations. You have such a great way of getting your point across that allows me to easily comprehend and apply to my own life. I wish you endless abundance❤
Thank you so much for this video! I wish the different subtypes of ocd were talked about more. I have harm and relationship and fantastical ocd. I rarely hear people talk about the specific types of ocd that I suffer from
I feel called out lmao I also think that even if you think you're keeping these feelings to yourself, it oozes out of you once you're in front of that one person. Your treatments don't sound like they'll work for me (at least until I fully comprehend how I would implement them practically) but I'm so glad I've now put a name to the thing, since I had never heard the terms limerence or rOCD before.
I had social anxiety when I was younger more…still have TOCD and experience limerence. Soul mate thoughts from real evidence in interaction really overwhelm me. Although what happens may be true, but is not the most important thing in the world and does not guarantee feelings are mutual or “this means that” Also show BPD traits too. This video really demonstrates well how these things can make someone suffer
I got back with an ex after she broke up with. I then struggled with relationship anxiety it was awful I never struggled before. We broke up again (all llpeaceful and good she's a lovely woman) and the anxiety left instantly and besides the heartache it was gone and I didn't feel it with a new relationship. It was honestly the first and only time I struggled with anxiety and it really made me understand how bad anxiety can be for some people God help them.
how do we differentiate between limerence and R-OCD and an anxious/insecure attachment style? it sounds like some of these behaviors are similar to an activated anxious/insecure attachment style, and I just wanted to get clarification on how to distinguish the two
Russian here. Just wanted to thank you for your fundraiser and your opening statement drawing peoples attention to what my god forsaken government (not mine, never voted for those crazy blood-thirsty morons) has been doing in Ukraine (been over 5 months now and it’s soul-wrenching). I’ve been living abroad for over 12 years and have so many wonderful friends from Ukraine. All my Russian friends condemn the war and have been doing all we can to help those who’ve been directly and indirectly affected by this senseless war. Thank you for mentioning that not all Russians are evil. I know it’s small in comparison to what’s happening in Ukraine but I still appreciate you bringing it up. Slava Ukraine!
Thank you for supporting Ukraine, that means a lot to us as Ukrainians. Love your videos, you are outstandingly smart and well-spoken. Got some relationship-related problems during the war, and these videos help me understand where my loved ones' emotions are coming from, and how can I handle better the situations I happen to be in
This video made me feel so seen. I was actually clinically diagnosed with OCD, and this video made me realize that when I was a kid, when I used to get so afraid at night that the only way I could go to sleep was to check every room in an "O" shape (which I called the Oreo protocol) and a "C" shape (which I called the Cookie protocol); I had no idea that could be a form of OCD.
I think I am going through this and it really sucks. FYI, I have ADHD and OCD. Basically, the relationship was amazing, but I think she made an assumption and lost interest while still verbally reciprocating and spending tons of time together. She then suddenly said we might get back together in the future, but are just "best friends" for now, and continued to contact me a little bit. This was my first relationship, and it only really lasted about 3 months, but its really messing with me. Its been almost 6 months and I can't stop obsessing over it. I was given no closure, it seemed like she was super interested, and all of a sudden, nothing. I can't figure out what behaviors are 'normal', what ones are odd, if I was misinterpreting things, if I was being manipulated, if there was something actually wrong, or if it was an assumption. On top of all this, shes super indecisive, so I am also thinking about what to do if she comes back. But I don't know if its limerence or what. Like, I acknowledge that she has quirks. I acknowledge that she was most likely slowly backing off instead of being upfront and that it hurt me. But I also acknowledge that she probably was trying to not hurt me and just ended up naively hurting me more. I have been seeing my therapist to try and help out, but I wish I could just accept *any* conclusion and move on. Its slowly dying down, but its just difficult.
Cut off any contact with her. It should be your clousure that she wants to stay friends. Trust me when I say that it's not worth it to be someone's option which they may need in the future in case no one new arrives. By maintaining contact you only prolong your pain and stop yourself from healing. I let someone fool me like that for months and I ended up exactly where I started - hurt. It's better if you end it. At least you'become some sort of mistery and your ex will know that you aren't a toy to put on the shelf.
I keep falling into limerence. Last time it was easier to get out of it because the guy was already out of my life, but now I have a crush on this guy that's in my group of friends and I hate it so much. I'm obsessed and fantasise all day long. I just want to stop, I can't focus on other things I need/ want to do, like studying or doing things I love
I didn’t know about rOCD until recently I wish someone had helped me with understanding this sooner and I appreciate your message on Ukraine thank you ❤
Hey Anna I hope you see this comment! I watched your entire playlist of love/relationship videos and I loved them!! I had an idea of videos that I would love to see from you and I was wondering if you would consider filming something like that: analyzing relationships from tv, shows, talking about the red flags, how they should have communicated better etc. For example, Gilmore Girls comes to my mind. There's another channel that analyzes the relationships but I would love to hear your perspective!!
This makes me curious about how to tell the differences between an anxious attachment style and a possible ROCD compulsion to check someone's location constantly for example. I'm guessing it depends on the person
Yesterday I was an Australian on Twitter saying he doesn't care at all, because it's not affecting him, laughing at those who concern themselves "for no reason" and there were many agreeing with him. I'm stunned by how some people can be so ignorant.
I didn’t know why my stomach couldn’t handle food for two weeks until I realised it was because I had an intense crush on a coworker at my new job and every time I saw him I got a shot of adrenaline through my system 😂 thank you for speaking about this, Ana, it definitely makes me feel less alone!
I wish the same care and urgent action given to the Ukrainians was also extended to Tigrayans. Tigrayans have been starved for over a year and the international “community” is silent, we’re “interconnected” until it involves helping Africans. It’s not what-aboutism, it’s valid criticism towards countries that pick and choose who is deserving of sympathy and support, with the main criteria being the victims have to be white.
mindfulness and other meditation technique is helpful. yet the process before arriving to peace and indifference is going to be intense. my ego system literally collapse energetically like a hologram of a building collpasing inside of me. i knew then there was death, chaos, and at the end of it, of 'the me' disappearing. the me were the information i tried to absorbed from others which i thought were important. now i no longer read much or need stimulation. theres mental food and body food and i consume too little of those. yet i feel full and potent. i no longer am eratic and my concentration or presence has become intense. my mind is no longer clouded in thought processes narrating this and that. what more strange is i can somehow predict or read parcel of information from other person if i focus my attention. like being able to read the others thoughts. this situation needs me to be too slow like being high or something lol. thats when i can read and observe.
If i saw you walking down the street, Id think you have a screw or two missing too many and in comparison I would be that one ,which actually makes me happy 😊 Thanks again🙏
Yes, lots of American citizens have recent roots in East Europe and are watching the news daily for updates. Social media has a very loud minority that do not speak for everyone.
Hello ana, i just discovered your channel and i al loving it as i am a psychology junkie haha. Can you please do a vid on retroactive jelousy x OCD. Thank you :)
Thank you for the video Dr. Ana. I experienced a limerence epsiod recently. I had experienced this few times in my adult life. I did not know what it was but I kind get it. As you said it is unhealthy unattachment which will not result anything good. Last time I have used SSRis for very short period of time and it worked well. I guess if it is something prone for someone who is low in sorotonin which I think is more likely in my case, just like someone who is deficient in Vitamin B or Vitamin D, would it be benefitical to take medication directly and address that issue first? I took very small dose of SSRis which already improved my situation. The SSRis does have some side-effects for me but nothing unmanageable. I feel numb and slow sometimes.
I seriously need to test for OCD. If I have it, I have probably learnt to live with it but I just want to know. Edit: A lot of these exercises I have been doing. Some not on purpose others on purpose and I feel IF I ever had OCD it was definitely much worse when I was young
This never happened to me before but since I had my first relationship I’ve been acting this way and it’s getting in the way of my life :((( I don’t think I have ocd but I have it for him sigh. I have ADHD and I never really obsess over things or am even interested but surprisingly half a year later I’m still kinda obsessed and reading into things and letting it affect my mood when he acts cold. It’s exhausting.
Aw Ana I am so sorry about the stress of this war for you and your family. I wish America was doing more and that I could do more. I don't have any money to donate to this cause, I am barely getting by atm. I was wondering if there were any petitions you know of we could sign or something. I would trust your judgement on that to find legitimate ones if you reccomended one for this cause and other causes you support on this channel.
@@AnaPsychology Really, fascinating. When did you move to the US and how, since it's notoriously difficult to get into a bachelors there and proceed to a PhD
Just to emphasize this cause I didn’t make it as clear in the video itself as I would have liked: Project HOPE is currently sending help to Ukraine, and they also send help to other places like Haiti and Indonesia. Hopefully that doesn’t impact your donation too much, but I thought it important to make it clear where your money would be going. If you want to give money to a fundraiser that works solely with Ukraine, there are many online, but I couldn’t find any of those on the TH-cam charities list and I think Project HOPE is an even better place to donate because of its inclusivity ❤️
Hey Ana. What to do when the person who has limerance gets into a relationship with the person they were obsessed with, but after the honeymoon phase they lose their interest?
I’ve always used limerence as a form of escapism since I was a kid in an abusive home that was often neglected. I would often be in my head in relationships with people I didn’t know, getting the attention I was not receiving.
Unfortunately I think that carried over into real relationships where I sought out people who were largely unavailable, and lived out most of the relationship in my head.
It hasn’t been until recent years that I’ve held myself accountable for doing it, checked in with friends to make sure I wasn’t and tried to stay firmly in the present/reality within relationships. I had never heard the term limerence until this year, but it immediately fit.
Always love your videos and hearing your take on things, you explain things incredibly well!
This made me cry as I can relate really badly.
What an honest self reflection
Ah.. That does not really make sense. Its like saying: "I'we always used alcoholism to cope with my problem" .. You don't use alcoholism - you tend to use alcohol when you're alcoholic but not use alcoholism.
What you describe is what someone that's limerent tends to do .. but doing that does not mean that you're necessarily limerent.. If you cannot help but to do that -- yeah - you might be limerent - have limerence, be experiencing limerence - but you're not "using limerence".
Can you tell in oher wrds what you're doing when you're doing what you refer to with "used limerence"?..
Fantasizing about your "crush" ("limerent object") - perhaps?
Well well well, if it isn't yet another obsessive disorder that I may or may not have.
😂😂
I feel like its like maladaptive daydreaming applied to romance.
excellent way of describing it in just two words.
It’s worse. It’s projecting onto someone the repressed love that you have denied YOURSELF.
@@JohnM... so accurate!
Thank you for this! I have tried to describe this obsession to more than one therapist and was universally dismissed. I have basically been begging for help. Now I have the vocabulary to take to a new therapist and describe exactly what I'm feeling.
Not surprising, rOCD was actually discovered and identified by the rOCD community only after that did psychologists start paying attention to it as a subtype. Honestly, for my OCD I never found any psychologists to be helpful, only those who had experienced OCD or other anxiety disorders and had recovered. Only their advice was helpful
How are you doing now?
Mine just asks me if I’m practicing mindfulness
I had no idea rOCD was a thing. I've struggled deeply with limerence since I was 5 or 6 but only just recently learned what that is. Now I'm seeing my struggle may be something more ingrained. The situation in the Ukraine for sure impacts all people. As soon as I'm financially able I will be making a donation to help the aid for Ukrainians.
I’ve struggled with limerence since I was 7 and I wish I could get to the route of it 🥺💔
@@kwetsephetla3597 I discovered for me it is a coping mechanism for stress - I discovered that by taking note of when I was doing it most, and that was always when I felt stress and wanted to dissociate from that stimulation. I hope you are able to get to the root of your why as well ❤️ it can be very helpful for tackling it, but know you can manage and conquer it even if you never figure that piece of the puzzle out ❤️❤️❤️
@@JennyNobody Thank you so much 🙏🏾❤️. May we find peace within ourselves ❤️❤️
Ana - you are describing exactly what I am going through. I always had a sense that this was unhealthy, but it's become so so apparent in recent weeks and seeing your video just makes it so clear now. I AM a dopamine fiend. I have BPD and profound fears of abandonment. When I was really young my mother would lock me outside the house and leave me alone for hours and hours when she didn't want me in the way. And I have the exact same feeling in this "relationship" now. I never heard about ROCD but it makes so much sense and it is so real. I'm so scared I know it's not sustainable but I'm terrified to let go I really just need something to address my own emptiness I feel within. I cannot sleep I'm loosing my mind.
Thank you for the video I feel a little validated and it brought a degree of comfort. My thoughts are with Ukraine I wish no one would have to suffer like that.
I'm glad you took the time to speak about what's happening. I've been staying off of social media (for my mental health) but have read articles. It's horrifying but not at all shocking. Sending prayers out for Ukrainians.
It's definitely a scary situation, I'm glad you're doing what you need in order to take care of yourself!
I love limerance. It is the highest of my highs. When I get a crush, I try to keep them at arms length and not get to know them so well so that my crush will last longer.
Exactly!! Nothing can give me the same magical high feeling than limerence…I don’t want to romantize it since it’s pretty destructive too. But, in limerence, I’m always in control in my head of every feeling and thought of the other person, that way I can never get disappointed. I’ve NEVER shared any words with any of my crushes…that’s why I’m always single😅
@@linnjuge1131 do you play hard to get in that case?
I think you should read a bit more about it.
@@brian6140 I think a few words out there shifted meaning over time since I originally learned the word, and this might be one. It once meant an irrational crush.
@@elinope4745 got it
Ana.. I am deeply Russian, a Kurgan... thank you for presenting this as you have and your way, you really understand this horror, and this life.. we all thought we were past it. You do good work sister, you do the world a favor with your studies... thank you hundredfold. I know you harbor the pain I do, "we" do.. I honor and appreciate every single thing you do... please know the gifts you give to us by being Ana and expressing Ana are.. the Light of Heaven to some.. me for one. Alleluia, my friend. Enjoy life, you deserve it. I stand with you and beside you, always. Westerners will never understand no matter how wonderfully you speak sister. You are hyper intelligent and still, growing as I observe over time. Go Ana, go. Thank you for being Ana.
this video, and your summarily works, have earned your Doctorate here and now
Great explanation of OCD. Never heard it explained outside of the stereotypical/televised ideation of it.
Thank you for sharing this. Idk why but this last week I got obsessed with someone from YEARS ago that I had thought about in at least 4 years. Brains are strange. Wishing love, healing, and peace to all.
I’m in the last stages of Limerance, coming out of the fog. It’s very powerful and I was not prepared for it. Thank god it only lasted 3 months, and I figured out what was going on. What made it worse is that my LO was incredibly physically gorgeous (for a while I could not find any one else attractive) she tacitly reciprocated, and was very manipulative. I think she might be a narcissist.
Same situation. My ex wasn’t a model but she was more attractive that the average person and it makes it hard to be satisfied with another person visually. I will always be comparing. I think the worse thing you can do is try and find someone that can one-up your ex in looks. Instead, find beauty in people’s flaws and accept the there are things your future partner will have that your ex didn’t.
> she tacitly reciprocated, and was very manipulative
I feel this. My LO reciprocates friendship but nothing more. I end up giving so much to it when we both know she doesn't feel comfortable giving nearly as much. If they know you're obsessed with them and they still keep the door open, it feels like manipulation but they might be oblivious to it. They might feel genuine gratitude toward you and just think you're a generous person. It's up to us to pull ourselves away and even cut ties if that's what we need to move on.
@@mienaikoe She turned out to be much worse than I imagined, and I had to go no contact. It wasn't just avoidance, she intentionally did things to hurt me and mess with me. I caught her in so many lies.. She is no longer attractive to me at all, now that I have seen what she truly is.
@@Nattleby i'm glad you realized to get out of the relationship, i'm proud of you!
@@Nattleby can you give some examples of what she did? I have a hard time picturing this since this kind of tactic would usually snap me out almost immediately in the past and I wouldn't be attracted anymore. Limerence lasts longer for me when the other person keeps hinting at being platonic or I miss a sign somewhere. Can only think of one person ever who was deliberately manipulative towards me, but most of what she wanted was just attention at weird times as a way to lead me on.
Limerence is such an interesting topic - thanks for this vid!!
I have struggled with limerence for much of my teenage years. Only recently, did i manage to escape its addictive hold and finally climb out of the depressive hole it put me in.
I think this is something I've struggled with for years. Entering college, having never been in a relationship and wanting one desperately, it's made the crushes that I've developed incredibly devastating. It worsens my depression so much, which makes it nearly impossible to function at all. Thank you so much for this video. I'm so glad I have a name to this now. Hopefully now I'll be able to communicate these feelings to a therapist once I find a new one.❤️
Yeah a long time without relationship and the crushes are extremely strong compared to normal situations.
Thank you Ana for showing us the importance of war and how it affects everyone 💗🙏 prayers to your grandma and everyone else.
Hi Ana. I just want to say i am super impressed by your intellect and that you bring as much honor to knowledge of the mentality that you do. I appreciate that you post your insights. Keep safe and thank you.
Hey :) I have really liked your statement in the beginning of the video..... I am a Ukrainian studying in uni abroad but my entire family is in Ukraine. Just wanted to say how people like you make a lot of difference. And love your channel overall, ofc!
you always talk about the subjects that are hardly touched on I feel like and I really appreciate that about you. 💕
This was extremely illuminating to my current situation. I appreciate the comment section as well.
I needed this; perfect timing
I don't know how your videos are always such perfect timing... but I like it.
I wonder if anxiously attached people do this?? I thought I was anxiously attached, but I don’t think so anymore and now I know I don’t have OCD
DBT can help everybody I’m a huge proponent of this!!
These terms seem like an individual who would need to work on their self concept + self image. Lot of negative thoughts about self play out this way. I feel like I remember being in Limerance. I had low self-esteem & lack of self love. Unworthiness, self rejecting, etc. I could make someone up in my head to daydream about & to be in love with & I would have dreams of them rejecting me. I feel like once I put myself on a pedestal that behavior faded away.
What if somebody put you on a pedestal and you were pining over somebody else? Would that go away? Is this people that want to be with somebody? I’m confused?? it seems like it’s an obsessive compulsive disorder. These people that are so obsessed with people they stalk them?? Yikes! 😱
@@Portia620 I don't understand your question fully. But yes, it is obsession & you learn a lot of it has to do with childhood/teen trauma.
I'm from Ukraine and I'm really grateful to you ❤
Still live with a deep underlying trauma due to my divorce, I’m remarried, by all accounts have a happy life, but I get triggered by unwanted memories, dreams, thoughts. I’ve dealt with a lot of things in my life by all accounts were difficult but that experience really stayed with me for some reason. I know I formed a very strong attachment to the person due to knowing them for so long and by how abrupt and ugly the separation was, but man, it’s been almost 4 years and it still gets to me.
Therapy has helped, hopefully one day I’ll be able to completely let go.
I don't mind the cat noises at all. In fact,it gives the vibe of you and I having a friendly conversation in your house.
I partially understand what the Ukranians are going through, because as a citizen of Myanmar in Southeast Asia, my country is under attack by our own military government who is mercilessly taking the lives of innocent people that oppose the military junta. Praying for Ukraine. Please pray for Myanmar too. We need alot of international support just like Ukraine does.
How are you doing?
This limerance word, i only learned about a couple of weeks ago but now I'm seeing it everywhere!
omg this happened to me a lot! like i learn a word then i see it everywhere and ppl using it a lot
Same here, I wonder if the word is trending or if it's just coincidence
@@SH.17 i wonder if there's a word for that too lol
@@AudiAddict Baader-Meinhof phenomenon? Is that different? Irdk
Ana - I love your remarks. Well done on being exactly on the right side of history.
Thank you for hosting this fundraiser. I’m in a 16 week DBT course. Just began yet I’m already noticing major improvements
omg ana u hit the nail on the head with every video !! 😭
i honestly feel so accepted and hopefull when i watch your videos because these are the problems that ive been having for years but couldnt pin point until i discovered your channel 💘💘
U r so amazing to dedicate ur work to ukranians.
This is an awesome resource for people struggling with this and needing to learn more about it and where to begin, thank you :)
Faptul că aud ca ești româncă mă bucură si ma face să ți apreciez contentul cu atât mai mult!
Your timing is so perfect lol i just got diagnosed with limerence a few days ago
I've always had OCD symptoms since I was young and it was really bad. I never got diagnosed but I still refer to myself as having it because I have for sure checked all of the signs off, it put me in so much distress once, especially because my OCD theme was about death and me thinking I was gonna die if I didn't clean something properly or if I skipped a step while going up the stairs. I really wish people would see that OCD just isn't wanting to keep things in order or whatever that stereotype is.
I live in Belgium and I'm concerned the conflict will bleed out a lot further. A co-worker of mine (Ukranian) who works from a distance. He had to flee Kiev but I finally heard back from him today and was very relieved. This is a very scary situation.
🙏😢. This world is a mess and I pray this resovles soon.
Until now, I had never heard of the word, limerence. Thanks for considering others' welfare and actively informing and educating them.
Thank you so much. My grandparents were from Ukraine. I am 69-years-old and have never seen such horror in this life time. Thank you for the fund raiser!
I care! I'm half Greek myself & my grandparents fled fascism as immigrants. Also, Peta international is helping folks who are fleeing with their animal companions, too. Bless you
Wow I love that, “you have the thought not the thought has you” deff going to use that.
Thank you for helping Ukraine! You channel is very good and people from Ukraine are watching it.
As a person who experiences counting compulsion, exposure therapy has been helpful throughout the last 2 years for me
Thank you for your wonderful explanations. You have such a great way of getting your point across that allows me to easily comprehend and apply to my own life. I wish you endless abundance❤
Thank you so much for this video! I wish the different subtypes of ocd were talked about more. I have harm and relationship and fantastical ocd. I rarely hear people talk about the specific types of ocd that I suffer from
I feel called out lmao
I also think that even if you think you're keeping these feelings to yourself, it oozes out of you once you're in front of that one person. Your treatments don't sound like they'll work for me (at least until I fully comprehend how I would implement them practically) but I'm so glad I've now put a name to the thing, since I had never heard the terms limerence or rOCD before.
I had social anxiety when I was younger more…still have TOCD and experience limerence. Soul mate thoughts from real evidence in interaction really overwhelm me. Although what happens may be true, but is not the most important thing in the world and does not guarantee feelings are mutual or “this means that”
Also show BPD traits too.
This video really demonstrates well how these things can make someone suffer
I got back with an ex after she broke up with. I then struggled with relationship anxiety it was awful I never struggled before. We broke up again (all llpeaceful and good she's a lovely woman) and the anxiety left instantly and besides the heartache it was gone and I didn't feel it with a new relationship. It was honestly the first and only time I struggled with anxiety and it really made me understand how bad anxiety can be for some people God help them.
Okay relationship anxiety and ROCD seem different.
I needed this today😭. Going through an intense heartbreak 🥺💔
*hugs*
@@JennyNobody ❤️❤️
how do we differentiate between limerence and R-OCD and an anxious/insecure attachment style? it sounds like some of these behaviors are similar to an activated anxious/insecure attachment style, and I just wanted to get clarification on how to distinguish the two
Not an expert, but I would imagine the made-up scenarios are a big factor here and how far you take that aspect.
Omg i started crying when i saw the pic of the refugee with their cat 😭😭😭 it must be so hard!!
Russian here. Just wanted to thank you for your fundraiser and your opening statement drawing peoples attention to what my god forsaken government (not mine, never voted for those crazy blood-thirsty morons) has been doing in Ukraine (been over 5 months now and it’s soul-wrenching). I’ve been living abroad for over 12 years and have so many wonderful friends from Ukraine. All my Russian friends condemn the war and have been doing all we can to help those who’ve been directly and indirectly affected by this senseless war.
Thank you for mentioning that not all Russians are evil. I know it’s small in comparison to what’s happening in Ukraine but I still appreciate you bringing it up.
Slava Ukraine!
We know that the people of countries are not always happy with their government … US citizen and our govt is ignroant too! 🥂🙏. Sending love and light
You tell them girl. I stand with your righteousness.
Just discovered your channel. Highh quality material indeed. And I appreciate your help as Ukrainian
Wow this is so helpful. Thank you ❤
Thank you for supporting Ukraine, that means a lot to us as Ukrainians. Love your videos, you are outstandingly smart and well-spoken. Got some relationship-related problems during the war, and these videos help me understand where my loved ones' emotions are coming from, and how can I handle better the situations I happen to be in
This video made me feel so seen. I was actually clinically diagnosed with OCD, and this video made me realize that when I was a kid, when I used to get so afraid at night that the only way I could go to sleep was to check every room in an "O" shape (which I called the Oreo protocol) and a "C" shape (which I called the Cookie protocol); I had no idea that could be a form of OCD.
I think I am going through this and it really sucks. FYI, I have ADHD and OCD. Basically, the relationship was amazing, but I think she made an assumption and lost interest while still verbally reciprocating and spending tons of time together. She then suddenly said we might get back together in the future, but are just "best friends" for now, and continued to contact me a little bit.
This was my first relationship, and it only really lasted about 3 months, but its really messing with me. Its been almost 6 months and I can't stop obsessing over it. I was given no closure, it seemed like she was super interested, and all of a sudden, nothing. I can't figure out what behaviors are 'normal', what ones are odd, if I was misinterpreting things, if I was being manipulated, if there was something actually wrong, or if it was an assumption.
On top of all this, shes super indecisive, so I am also thinking about what to do if she comes back.
But I don't know if its limerence or what. Like, I acknowledge that she has quirks. I acknowledge that she was most likely slowly backing off instead of being upfront and that it hurt me. But I also acknowledge that she probably was trying to not hurt me and just ended up naively hurting me more.
I have been seeing my therapist to try and help out, but I wish I could just accept *any* conclusion and move on. Its slowly dying down, but its just difficult.
have you tried opening up to them about this?
@@anonymouskat6661 The Therapist or the Individual?
Cut off any contact with her. It should be your clousure that she wants to stay friends. Trust me when I say that it's not worth it to be someone's option which they may need in the future in case no one new arrives. By maintaining contact you only prolong your pain and stop yourself from healing. I let someone fool me like that for months and I ended up exactly where I started - hurt. It's better if you end it. At least you'become some sort of mistery and your ex will know that you aren't a toy to put on the shelf.
For me some days are better than others. Get hope from the good. I'm going through it to , a break up with a romantic relationship.
I'm not trying to be mean in any shape or form. But the added "es" at the end of examples at 12:32 was adorable
I keep falling into limerence. Last time it was easier to get out of it because the guy was already out of my life, but now I have a crush on this guy that's in my group of friends and I hate it so much. I'm obsessed and fantasise all day long. I just want to stop, I can't focus on other things I need/ want to do, like studying or doing things I love
My whole life has been dark limerance, fuck
I wish I could talk to you and break down some of these topics in relation to my experiences, You’re great at what you do
this video helped me start my journey to healing after a breakup. thank you. i knew I suffered from limerance but didn't know there was a term for it.
You are doing amaizing job to raize awarness in this world. Thank You!
I didn’t know about rOCD until recently I wish someone had helped me with understanding this sooner and I appreciate your message on Ukraine thank you ❤
Praying for our fellow humans 🙏
Hey Anna I hope you see this comment! I watched your entire playlist of love/relationship videos and I loved them!! I had an idea of videos that I would love to see from you and I was wondering if you would consider filming something like that: analyzing relationships from tv, shows, talking about the red flags, how they should have communicated better etc. For example, Gilmore Girls comes to my mind. There's another channel that analyzes the relationships but I would love to hear your perspective!!
This makes me curious about how to tell the differences between an anxious attachment style and a possible ROCD compulsion to check someone's location constantly for example.
I'm guessing it depends on the person
Yesterday I was an Australian on Twitter saying he doesn't care at all, because it's not affecting him, laughing at those who concern themselves "for no reason" and there were many agreeing with him. I'm stunned by how some people can be so ignorant.
some people are sociopaths and some ppl are 13 yo boys...
Enjoying your videos, great help ❤️
I didn’t know why my stomach couldn’t handle food for two weeks until I realised it was because I had an intense crush on a coworker at my new job and every time I saw him I got a shot of adrenaline through my system 😂 thank you for speaking about this, Ana, it definitely makes me feel less alone!
Excellent video, thank you Ana
0:58 As I'm watching this, I'm on a Polish train and there is literally a Ukrainian lady with a child and a cat. It's so scary what's happening there.
I wish the same care and urgent action given to the Ukrainians was also extended to Tigrayans. Tigrayans have been starved for over a year and the international “community” is silent, we’re “interconnected” until it involves helping Africans. It’s not what-aboutism, it’s valid criticism towards countries that pick and choose who is deserving of sympathy and support, with the main criteria being the victims have to be white.
Why dont other africans help africans?
@@Merth667 Who said they don’t? Why don’t Europeans help Ukrainians instead of Americans?
Those eyes Ana..quite remarkable.
Impressive Lady and contents. Thank you very much
Thank you for your support for Ukraine
mindfulness and other meditation technique is helpful. yet the process before arriving to peace and indifference is going to be intense.
my ego system literally collapse energetically like a hologram of a building collpasing inside of me. i knew then there was death, chaos, and at the end of it, of 'the me' disappearing. the me were the information i tried to absorbed from others which i thought were important. now i no longer read much or need stimulation. theres mental food and body food and i consume too little of those. yet i feel full and potent.
i no longer am eratic and my concentration or presence has become intense. my mind is no longer clouded in thought processes narrating this and that. what more strange is i can somehow predict or read parcel of information from other person if i focus my attention. like being able to read the others thoughts.
this situation needs me to be too slow like being high or something lol. thats when i can read and observe.
Check out Kundalini awakening, I had one from my mediation and therapy process
I wish I had found your channel sooner:( My latest breakup would’ve been avoided.
If i saw you walking down the street, Id think you have a screw or two missing too many and in comparison I would be that one ,which actually makes me happy 😊
Thanks again🙏
You have such a good heart ♥️♥️ and you really put a lot of effort into this videos thanks for the great work
There are many Americans I know that are in support of Ukraine and taking notice. It does concern us and we know this.
Yes, lots of American citizens have recent roots in East Europe and are watching the news daily for updates. Social media has a very loud minority that do not speak for everyone.
at 4:35 it starts.😊
Hello ana, i just discovered your channel and i al loving it as i am a psychology junkie haha. Can you please do a vid on retroactive jelousy x OCD. Thank you :)
Thank you for the video Dr. Ana. I experienced a limerence epsiod recently. I had experienced this few times in my adult life. I did not know what it was but I kind get it. As you said it is unhealthy unattachment which will not result anything good. Last time I have used SSRis for very short period of time and it worked well. I guess if it is something prone for someone who is low in sorotonin which I think is more likely in my case, just like someone who is deficient in Vitamin B or Vitamin D, would it be benefitical to take medication directly and address that issue first? I took very small dose of SSRis which already improved my situation. The SSRis does have some side-effects for me but nothing unmanageable. I feel numb and slow sometimes.
I think your cat is saying they know a thing or two about obsession... 😂
Does the "love at first sight" thing factor into limerence at all? I know it's not love, but it was something pretty powerful.
I seriously need to test for OCD. If I have it, I have probably learnt to live with it but I just want to know.
Edit: A lot of these exercises I have been doing. Some not on purpose others on purpose and I feel IF I ever had OCD it was definitely much worse when I was young
Starts at 4:47
This never happened to me before but since I had my first relationship I’ve been acting this way and it’s getting in the way of my life :((( I don’t think I have ocd but I have it for him sigh. I have ADHD and I never really obsess over things or am even interested but surprisingly half a year later I’m still kinda obsessed and reading into things and letting it affect my mood when he acts cold. It’s exhausting.
Ii have this problem. And I need to admit it as the first stage to heal. May God see me through.
Aw Ana I am so sorry about the stress of this war for you and your family. I wish America was doing more and that I could do more. I don't have any money to donate to this cause, I am barely getting by atm. I was wondering if there were any petitions you know of we could sign or something. I would trust your judgement on that to find legitimate ones if you reccomended one for this cause and other causes you support on this channel.
Thank you!
you are very pretty, you kinda remind me of lindsey way. love your videos xo
This video is very handy for me now. Today I decided not to write to my limerent object, a guy I have a crush on...it is really not healthy for me.
He said he never wants to talk to me again...
Were you born in Romania or Romanian parents? Also great job on trying to raise awareness
Yes and yes!
@@AnaPsychology Really, fascinating. When did you move to the US and how, since it's notoriously difficult to get into a bachelors there and proceed to a PhD
Well that explains why all my relationships end
The whole thing with Ukraine is sad, and my heart goes out to all those suffering.
i love the kitty meows :)