CORRECTION: In this video I have a disclaimer that I use the q-word in a 'reclaimed sense'. This is WRONG. I am NOT part of the LGBTQ+ community and therefore cannot reclaim the word or say the word. I say the word in the video to refer to the LGBTQ+ community and that's wrong. I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry. I've stopped using the q-word to refer to the LGBTQ+ community for a while now thanks to being helpfully called out by friends, but unfortunately it's still in this video and I’m sorry. TIMESTAMPS: 1:20 Part 1 The Normalization of Bullying 4:12 Part 2 The Nerd Revenge Fantasy 7:34 Part 3 The Vilification of Bully Victims 17:50 Part 4 The Impacts
I like how you acknowledged this. I am not part of the community either but have friends who are. I usually use the term "non-cishet" or "LGBTQIA+". I would love for people within the community to let me know if either or both of those words are appropriate.
Same, as stated here. I am part of the queer community and I encourage allies to use the term 'queer' as well. Some might disagree with me doing this, but honestly how long do we need to be acronyms? I know it can be confusing what people prefer to be referred to, however, and neither can we universalise the terms across the world (I do agree however that 'queer' is a good candidate for a universal term). Thanks for covering the topic so honestly, though. You never had to apologise in my opinion.
As a bisexual trans woman, I no longer find the term as offensive as I did in grade school and high school boy's PE, but I accept your apology as valid., Thank you for being so thoughtful!
Hey, you’re using the term to advocate for our rights and culture. As long as you put in a good faith effort to do your due diligence with the word, I’m more than happy to have an ally use the term ‘queer’ to explain concepts related to LGBTQ+ issues far above my own head. I find that, when compared to “lgtbq+,” the word makes it feel more like a conversation between peers who are respectful and empathetic to queer struggles. This may not be everyone else’s perspective, and for that, I appreciate you time stamping the times you used the word.
If there's one trope that I hate more than anything it's "if a person of the opposite sex bullies you, it means they like you." This trope is toxic on so many levels because it's practically encouraging abusive behavior in romantic relationships. Not to mention that trope is usually directed at boys, so it also implies that girls can't bully boys. They did that in Hey Arnold, Ed Edd n Eddy, and The Loud House. I honestly never understood that trope because what sane person would pursue a relationship with someone who physically/emotionally harasses them?
I completely agree. In middle school there were these two boys who were friends and they would pick on me for every little thing I did and when I went to tell the superintendent, she just giggled and said “they probably like you. You know boys do that when they like a girl” SERIOUSLY?!? The things they said weren’t cute nor flirty and plus two boys liking one girl and that’s their behavior? That doesn’t sound like a happy ending to me.
@@anib8863 NO. Being an abuse victim is not an "understandable" reason for being a bully. That's the kind of logic that leads to telling a battered spouse that it's "understandable" that their partner hits them because they're under a lot of pressure at work. (I was emotionally abused by my parents AND bullied at school; nobody gives a shit about that, which makes that kind of rhetoric really triggering to me)
I can't be the only one who actually just wanted Arnold to straight up punch Helga in the face for all of her shit (in real elementary schools, no one cares if you're a girl, *especially* when you started it).
If she had used a little more context her question would have been more clear. "Can you try to get along with the guy that threatened to stab you and kill you with a knife?" It really doesn't sound like she's trying to listen and solve the problem, she is just trying justify ignoring it further
Yeah she clearly just wants to put the issue aside not deal with it. Essentially telling the kid “just stop talking about it because I want to stop thinking about this.”
It's obvious they're just putting out fires and don't give a shit about what's starting them. They want the issue instantly resolved and moved on, there's no attempt made to actually listen and dig into the cause and effect. Seems like, in her eyes, if the kids apologise and shake hands, that's problem solved. It's lazy as fuck and extremely damaging.
@@Spamhard More accurately - she has plausible deniability for the future. If anything else happens, she can claim to have addressed it and the kids ostensibly made up. It’s all superficial
My GOD that teacher calling a bullying victim the same as a bully because he doesn’t want to shake the hand of the kid who THREATEN HIS LIFE? My goodness, I really hope she got some serious repercussions after that documentary came out because that’s horrific. As a disabled person, I was fortunate to not be bullied by other students but was often bullied by my aide, a full grown woman. To this day, I wonder why no one ever spoke up when she would berate me in front of teachers. It’s incredibly damaging to be bullied by your peers, but even more damaging to be bullied by an adult and have no one help. I hope that child eventually got some help.
That happened to me too, a girl always bullied me and I told the school therapist that I don't want to be around the bully and the therapist started blaming me and saying I was the bad person for not wanting to be with the bully girl
@@nessyness5447 my sister (14) is being bullied and sexually harassed by a teacher (a 30s male) and the school is protecting him. F*cking school systems.
I’m disabled myself, and while the bullies knew they couldn’t hit me, they did verbally harass me, imitate my speech and movements, and try to trip me as I came by on crutches. Yet the teacher saw me as the problem, even going so far as to tell the other kid it was okay to slap me. Thank goodness I was eventually taken out of that class.
@@majlordag1889 my mom told me a similar story that happened to her when she was in highschool. This girl would bully my mom and her friend. But then the bully would go cry to the teacher, who knew her history, and complain that my mom would not be friends with her When asked why, my mom being the bad ass that she is said 'because she's a bitch'.
also, I didn't NEED to be "stronger" at the age of 6-15 what I needed was the adults to protect me and help me out when people bullied me, I've always hated that phrase.
The people who push this narrative must think that everyone is like *John* *Cena* .....who was bullied as a kid for being too small, started bodybuilding shortly after that, and became so big that they're scared to pick on him....because he's a massive and popular wrestler. Not every kid is like that. Bullying doesn't always make someone stronger. In fact, it could push them toward the edge....to the point where they don't even feel loved & accepted by anyone. One of my friends committed suicide at 18 because his family abused him. Are people going to tell me that it "made him stronger" and he's tougher as a result? No. He's gone. Nobody can bring him back. I even saw his Facebook a couple of days after he died, and so many people talked about the good times they had with him and how much he's missed...but it's too late.
Oh the bullshit of that. I also love the "It was years ago. It's only affecting you because you want it to." Yes, I do love feeling this way. It's great.
Remember this kids: My bullies weren’t abused at home. But I sure was! We need to stop associating abusive homes with bullies and maybe a little more with the victims. There’s often a reason we don’t stick up for ourselves, and that’s cause we’ve been told not to our entire lives.
Also like, often victims have mental and or physical disabilities, but we always talk about the bullies being mentally ill and shit. Literally the girl who bullied me in hs for being DISABLED literally had everyone excuse her actions bc she was "depressed" its so fucked thst they just get away with it in the system
I wasn’t abused, but I had a shit ton of trauma from my childhood, which definitely contributed to doing little to nothing about the bullying that was happening. I let people push me around because I sometimes thought I deserved it; i already hated myself, so I assumed other people hating me was justified.
My mom was bullied and now that she's a middle school teacher she calls out any bullying behaviour the instant she sees it and punishes the bully. We love to see it
That false equivalence and zero tolerance is what caused me to just completely overreact to any kind of physically hostile actions by beating the shit out my bullies. There wasn't any point in doing any deescalation, and it only incentived the machiavellian calculation of hurting them so badly that they would never hurt you again. It only worked because I was lucky enough to be physically strong, and it didn't work very well because it just made people look at me as a challenge. Zero tolerance is designed to keep the school safe from legal action, and nothing else. It protects nobody other than the faculty.
Let’s also talk about the bully to lover trope. Especially when it’s a homosexual relationship. “I tormented and traumatized you cause I was attracted to you and felt ashamed of it!” Listen, whether you forgive them or think that’s a good excuse or whether they redeem themselves and get better, that doesn’t make the new relationship with their old victim healthy.
Yeah, I hate this trope SO MUCH. It's in the "Sex Education" too: Eric and Adam who was his bully for years are now supposed to be a romantic couple. I almost vomitted when I saw their first "romantic" interaction. Why couldn't they make them a couple without the bulling issue? Or just let Eric be with the guy who never harassed him? No, he had to "fall in love" with his bully! Otherwise the show is great but I don't know if I will be able to watch next season if they will still insist that Eric and Adam are a thing.
the scenes from the bully project are stunningly awful. i don't get why an adult would ask the victim to rationalise their pain and fear and force them to forgive their bully??!! un-fucking-believable.
@@darlalathan6143 perhaps. i've heard some shitty stories about fundamentalist christians. i think it happens a bunch of times in the video that people are going, forgive and forget and ... it's just not reasonable??!! someone receiving death threats etc is not a minor thing. and asking them to move on is cruel. i think what i really missed from the few scenes from the bully project is someone taking care of the victim and asking them how they were coping and how they would feel safer and all that stuff. the function of in loco parentis is to protect that child as if it was yours and none of the adults seem to be able to do that or even acknowledge that as their task? it's highly dysfunctional to me, whatever the motivation behind it is.
@@darlalathan6143 I actually remember hearing a story about a thirteen-year-old girl who was made a martyr after she was brutally stabbed to death by an adult man who she refused to have sex with, and then he came to her parents after the funeral with flowers and they forgave him. I was like, eleven at the time, and it confused me viscerally. HOW DO YOU FORGIVE THE ATTEMPTED RAPE AND THEN MURDER OF YOUR DAUGHTER!? FUCK THOSE PEOPLE!
@@darlalathan6143 legit. My super religious mom tells me to forgive the abusive men she brought into our lives. While she continues to let them be in our lives.
Aproximately 15 years ago, when I was in fourth grade, I was talking to a classmate about how awful bullies were to me, cursing them. A teacher overheard us and started to rant about how I´m going to cause them a lifelong emotional damage for calling them dumb and stupid. I explained to her that they were the ones bullying me and she said something along the lines of "well, words can hurt more than punches"... thanks for nothing, you´re a completely incompetent teacher. here I am 15 years later, as an adult, still remembering this shit.
In that case, your teachers were defending bullies, and being a complete dickhead, and wish for you to get the payback in school reunion. Teachers are only good at logical fallacy when dealing with bullying subjects.
And then people wonder why school shootings are so common? When someone is bullied to the point where their life feels worthless and they want to end it all, think of how tempting it is to take the people who made you suffer so much with you. Bullying hurts more than just the victims. There is real danger that extends beyond the surface of the conflict. When people are driven to desperation, then the blame for their actions should logically be shared with the people who pushed them to that point.
What I hate the most is that people do not take children seriously, and often believe they are being overly sensitive until something drastic happens like s*icide. The invalidation of being told I was sensitive by many people in my life led me to being in abusive relationships and dealing with it because I didn't want to be soft. And I know many bully victims are in a similar situation, not shooting up schools. Edit: thank y'all for ur responses :) I'm currently making a video on this topic and it really helps to get different perspectives on it!
@@ravenrose5712 oh yes! I have grown a lot since then and I've cut the relationships out that were unhealthy. I only hope that other people in similar situations learn the same lesson sooner rather than later. Thank you for asking!
This Reminds Me Of My Mom. My Dad Passed Away In 2018 And I Handled It Well Because I Wasn't Primarily Close To Him While My Younger Sister, Who Was Close To Him Still Hasn't Gotten Over It But My Mom Refuses To Take Her To A Therapist But Took Me To A Christian Therapist To "Un-Gay" Me. Her And Her New Boyfriend Also Got Mad At The Boyfriends Ex-Wife Making A Appointment For Their Daughters Mental Health Because "It Wasn't Important"
You're so right. I was bullied during my teenage years and my teachers did basically nothing about it despite my mom telling them. At my graduation ceremony I was talking to one of my teachers and he was saying "oh you had trouble with some boys". At that point I was being polite and said oh yeah I guess they had stuff going on in their lives. But as a grown up I can see how fucked up that comment was. They told me I was ugly and other nasty things for years and these thoughts are deeply ingrained in my mind even to this day. The way my teacher downplayed that situation baffles me.
I cannot even BELIEVE the documentary clips....they are infuriating me!How dare these people call themselves teachers and educators?Their handling of those situations was appalling.... Awesome video tho! Keep it up
Agreed Junila-as the mother of. son who is soft spoken but was ruthlessly bullied in seventh grade I wanted to reach through the screen and smack the person who insisted to the victim that by not accepting that inauthentic apology he was as bad as the bully.
@@lashonda0811 I'm very sorry that your son went through all of that...I hope that he is alright now. I don't understand the logic behind attempting to,albeit superficially, "mend" the relationship between the bully and their victim.Especially when there is solid proof of the abuse or when the victim appears so upset and hurt.Why would a child lie about something so serious?Why don't teachers understand that trying to get the bully closer to the victim only worsens the situation? For a lot of bully victims it takes a lifetime to heal from the psychological trauma that they endured, and the only place I have seen bullies owning up and their victims forgiving them is in movies. Forgiveness doesn't magically happen just because someone was pushed to say "I'm sorry" and sometimes it doesn't happen even if that apology was earnest.And that is okay,I think. Sorry if I made any mistakes,English isn't my first language.
@@junlia6081 Once he told me what was going on I called the school right away-like the child in the video the bullies backed down once he lashed out-and even the school called me because they said it wasn't his personality at all-He cursed them out in the middle of a math class. That's when he told me what was going on, and I called the school to inform them. He was small for his age, which in their eyes made him an easy target. He's almost a senior in high school, doing well now, but it's just so infuriating to think of how the adults in the schools continue the cycle with antics like these. And you are right it makes no sense to mend a relationship that clearly doesn't exist. Also, I always discourage people who are bilingual/multilingual from apologizing for being so much more amazing than us monolingual cretins-your English is just fine!
@@junlia6081 I think the reason why teachers and educators react badly to victims not accepting the apologies of their bullies is because it makes *them* butthurt. It was *their* idea to push the bully into an unauthentic apology in the first place, and by not accepting it, the victim shows them that their approach is worthless. It hits them hard in their "professional" narcissism.
I legit wanna kick that lady. This is why I can’t work with other people: they are so set in their ignorances, trying to educate them only serves as an exercise in futility and personal frustration. People like her are the reason I have anger issues.
I went to private school on a scholarship and was the poorest kid there. The people who were dicks to me don't even remember it. They're rich and smart and are doing great. I on the other hand suffered from a shitty home life and mental illness so I ended up doing worse in school. The stereotype of the stupid mean girls and the nerds who later go on to be successful isn't true. They go on to be rich and control stuff like media companies so it benefits then to make the bully caricature inaccurate and make it look like the good guys grow up to be successful like them. I'm doing fine now, but the shitty truth is the people that were awful are just doing better.
It is true, I was bullied by pretty much all my school years, it got better the last two years. But the older guys who used to bully me are now thriving, living their best life, in relationships, being rich, and basically having a good normal life, while I am here, literally alone, I drink a lot just to feel "happy", my grades were okay, but at the end, I really don't know what to do with my life, I have friends, but they never truly understand, because they have never been this bullied, I literally got choked in front of adults, and they did nothing. Thanks to all those 18 years of bullying now I have insecurities, drinking problems, no porpouse in life, and honestly... I still have trauma, It is like it always comes back to my head, I just can't get over it. I am now strong and I am pretty sure I could beat the shit out of them, but, I still feel sad and the loser in this big story, I am the one who lost the game. I just can't find peace. Sometimes I ask myself, could my life been different? And it could have been, it truly could have been better, I could have a normal relationship, I could have been a normal kid, I could have been really happy, I wouldn't be this agressive, I just have all this anger, and I get mad at things with no context.
I agree except that most bullies aren’t smart. Their parents just pay for tutors and pay their way into and through school. You could be smart but have to deal with all the extra stress of sociopaths trying to destroy you. That’s what messes up our lives.
I had exactly the same situation, I was one of the poorest kid of my school, and my bully had a super rich family, and the school officials in his pockets. He ended in a business school because of his dad's money and I ended up with a burn out at 21 because I never dealt with my trauma.
@@pagolainaki7175 This so fu**ing terrible and it makes me sad and my blood boil at the same time. You fight man, FIGHT for better life a life even better than the ones of your bullies, please fight
I really hate when people use the "I expected better from you" excuse, not only dismissing anything the bully did but also blame the victim for standing up for themselves. The victim is constantly in a lose-lose situation like that, either becoming a "martyr" and endure the bullying, or fight back: The bullying continues either way, but in one the victim is also considered as bad as (if not worst than) their bully...
I’m older and grew up in the 80s. Sad to see that it’s still considered a rite of passage. IME while a few bullies were poor and/or abused, most of them were privileged kids and quite popular, from established families in my small town. Rather than being abused they had huge egos and entitlement to treat people however they want. The bullies who came from bad homes and were troublemakers were often labeled “losers” and got bullied while they bullied others in turn. I was always more angry at the popular privileged kids who already have it all making my life miserable.
Definitely! That was my experience as well. I’m actually making an updated version of this video that will be out in a few weeks. This topic doesn’t get enough coverage tbh 😓
This is absolutely my experience while growing up in the 90s in the UK too. The worst offenders were the kids who were given everything and could do no wrong in the eyes of their parents. My grandmother was an art teacher in my high school and said the parents of the 'popular kids' would often defend their behaviour, deny it entirely or accuse others for it, but never ever accepted responsibility for their child's attitude. These kids knew they could get away with whatever they wanted because their parents were just the same. The school even let them do what they want, my nan once held a few of them in detention and their parents complained to the headteacher and she was given a warning for it. Same old story of the wealthy and privileged using power and influence to get what they want and never face consequences for their shitty behaviour.
@@Spamhard as you considering others privileged does not really entitle you to rant against them...or the groups of people you accociate them with. Shitty behaviour is shitty. If you consider yourself priviledged or not. They were just as entitled to their behaviour as you are to your's.
I think this issue is partly caused by adults believing that children’s problems are trivial and that children don’t have enough complexity to recognize or be affected by abuse from peers.
My friend's kid had his cell phone stolen. He could recognize his cell phone and the school made the other kid return it. Reaction from that kid's parent: oh, they are just children. I was livid when my friend told me. The "just children" is only acceptable when they are really small and it's a pen or smth like that. And that is the moment you sit them down and explain that it's WRONG. From then on, no more "just kids" crap. If you say nothing when it's a pen, nothing when it's a cell phone, then... WHEN are you going to say something? When it's a car? When they are shooting someone?
That "teacher" terrifies me. The idea of people like that--SO MANY people like that--mocking the suffering and terrorization of children with "the bully is hurting too" garbage is terrifying.
If that bully wants to make up, he should change his behaviour. Then, after a 'probation period' to show the bully's serious about it, the victim may consider, if they want to, whether to accept the apology or not.
That teacher is a moron. It's like pairing a girl with her abusive boyfriend, or a wife with an abusive husband, asking her to forgive and forget. Age doesn't matter, because by the time you're in junior high, you should have a well-developed *basic* sense of right and wrong (which doesn't take a PhD in Moral Philosophy). If you're in junior high and blatantly bullying others, I don't think you'll ever really change - barring a severely bad life experience of some sort.
I had a chair thrown at me by a bully and the teacher made ME apologize an she insinuated it was my fault so now I dont bring up my problems to anyone. This is what bullying can do dont ever do this to someone please
@@sarahjordan4845 ya I'm ok thank you for asking. It's been a while (like 2 or 3 years) since that happened and honestly still a little mad about it lol
I paused midway just to say how upset it made me to see that teacher act like not accepting a clearly disingenuous apology is as bad as bullying. No apology warrants acceptance. Whether the apology is accepted is up to the person being apologized to and they don't have to accept. If you apologize expecting good reception you're not actually sorry.
"If you apologize expecting good reception you're not actually sorry". True. The bully who apologized either just did it because he was caught, or as a way to make himself look good. Both aren't genuine at all.
I was in middle school during the peak of the anti-SJW neon*zi (will probably have to censor that because TH-cam sucks) movement on the internet. I'm genuinely not sure what put the target on my back more, my undiagnosed autism or my strong antif*scist streak. Either way, for seventh and eighth grade I was bullied relentlessly by a wannabe neon*zi, with him even going so far as to jump on top of a table IN THE LIBRARY to call me by name and tell me to suck his "eggplant" twice. The librarian did nothing about it and my friends at the time took years to understand why I have trouble going into campus libraries to this day. I remember the teacher incompetence too. I had a PE teacher who tried to make me feel like I was in the wrong for reacting to the abuse and I ended up crying. Something interesting did come of that incident, and for about a week after that I had a few girls at the school call him out at any given chance, and even random girls I'd never met telling me I was sweet and didn't deserve what was happening to me (which, while nice, confuses me to this day because I don't know how they figured out what I looked like or who I was?). After that, though, it kinda faded from the school consciousness and it of course continued, even after he made several fake apologies. There was also of course his creepy moment of telling me he was "in love" with me, to which I replied that I wanted him to stay away from me. Yeah, while I don't think about what happened to me in middle school that often since much worse things have happened to me since, I think I made the right call in never forgiving him.
I'm so freaking tired of this "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger narrative" I was bullied in school, it didn't make me stronger I still deal with the anxiety and trauma from those miserable years. I can't work I have to take medication everyday I have severe panic attacks and feel worthless and depressed. It broke me I still have nightmares and the fact that few of the adults in my life could or would do anything about it made me feel so small and unworthy of being cared about or loved. I live in fear and am constantly on the defensive never sure whether or not I'm being made fun of, which often causes me to lash out at people I love, something I really don't like and work hard to change, I get like a cornered animal and it's so unfair to everyone around me. I live a miserable life and it's likely no amount of medication or therapy will ever make me a productive member of society again, my psychiatrist and therapist work on helping me manage my expectations at this point. Bulling destroyed me and I'm tired of hearing "Kids are just cruel" that may be true to an extent but it's also as you said learned from somewhere. Are 1-3 year olds racist, homophobic, do they care about looks NO they'll play with anyone they meet at the playground so when does that change? We as a society have a choice teach kids bulling is no big deal and "builds character" or teach kids bulling is serious and teach kindness and compassion toward others, that cruelty is never okay.
I know someone who claims that the bullying in high school was so bad that his memories of school are mostly repressed. Not sure how bad it has to be to get to that level. Unfortunately, he's kind of a bully himself now.
I lived the same, also lived in an abusive household which I had to return to after being bullied at school because I'm weird. I Still have nightmares about my mother and can't make friends, I'm so sorry something like this happened to you, I hope you heal, I hope you get all the love and validation you'll need ever, I hope you have good friends, that helps a lot.
I tried watching the bully project when it came out and couldn't finish it. The boy forced to shake hands is very intelligent, glad he was able to talk back to the woman. Also happy that your video is finally receiving the attention it deserves.
@@baffledbrandon3132 yes it´s very sad. Many adults can´t take any criticism or protest from someone who is younger than them. She would have had to rethink her behaviour, so she just chose to make him feel inadequate instead. That´s shameful for someone, who works with children. The least thing you have to do is listen, and just because someone ist younger ,that doesn´t mean you are superior to them in every way. Everyone has some characteristics and skills woth learning from. She was treating him like a baby. She is lacking respect in that situation and probably also in many others... sorry for the rant it just made me really mad. She shouldn´t work with children... It must have felt so unfair and daunting for him. I´m mad...
How can she force him to accept an apology? It's not her place to do so, the other child was "apologising" to HIM, NOT HER, where did she get the right to decide whether the other person will accept the apology or not?
8:19 "Then why are u around him?" This really hit too close to home. It really is more easy to just blame the victims for "sticking out" and "provoking" the abuser than confronting the situation. You are expected to keep your head down and just take it silently bc the people in charge just don't want to deal with it
@Gi Gi They really don't care about the wellbeing of the children IN THEIR CARE. For how much schools like the one in the documentary and mine like to preach kindness and "everyone getting along", they only think about saving face and keeping things quiet
This is my favorite comment. I got stalked and ended up assualted and was forced to apologise to the person who assualted me cause he broke a button on his shirt. Could he have left me alone? Yes absolutely. But he didn't and rather than having that conversation with him it was easier to blame me.
It hit home for me too. Got that comment way too often. Well, my bullies were my class mates, how could I possibly avoid them?! I very often spent recess alone in the bathroom to be safe and still got told to stay away from them when they bullied me while we were all waiting for the teacher in front of our classroom.
Being bullied and being the bully, yep experienced both sides. I was more on the side of being bullied most of the time. Life is complicated, school can be tough, being an adult is tough. What did I do to help get threw it in elementary and junior high? 1. Don't get provoked easily, don't react to provocations. 2. Became more of a pacifist, avoided mindless conflict and tried to be nicer. 3. Started lifting weights to get bigger and stronger. 4. Stood up for myself and tried to have some friends. 5. Avoided committing suicide, and hoped for better. 6. Was no longer the smallest kid but one of the bigger kids. 7. reached a mutual understanding with the bullies. 8. stood up for myself when it mattered most. 9. Had help from the principle of the school, not much help from the teachers. 10. Moved away as the bullying decreased and everyone missed me apparently.
To the teachers in the documentary, you SUCK at your job! You’re psychologically harming these children! Quit your jobs before you hurt anyone else! Sincerely a bullying victim
They were probably bullies themselves as children and have an emotional investment in normalizing the bully's behavior. In the very least, they share in the perception that something about the child being bullied is not 'normal' and identify more with the bully than the bullied.
@@moonlily1 Yep pretty privilege the victims all seem to have some awkwardness if it was the jock getting picked on they would take it more serious or the pretty dumb blonde type cause aww she's so sweet. I am awkward but happen to be friends with the pretty blonde everyone liked I was always treated badly but for some reason when she saw it and was sad all of a sudden of course people always agree with her they will step in and act like they care but if you try pointing out that you have spoke up about it they will brush it off and act like they didn't know when they were part of the bully and gaslighting before just like the women in video but they don't remember that they just want pretty girl to smile again.
I don't understand: is this an actual documentary, or a movie that is filmed like a documentary? Sorry if that was mentioned, I'm not a native speaker and I understand like 90% of content
I was bullied all my life in school since early elementary until I was forced to drop out of high school for various reasons including severe bullying from my classmates, but the "hanshake" scene reminds me especially of the year I was stalked and harassed and treathened with death by a boy only for the teachers to say "well we told him to stop so now it's up to him to stop, can't do anything else and if you keep being hysterical you'll be in big trouble" In that same school I was forcefully dragged out of school in an ambulance once every two weeks and sedated for the simple crime of crying when someone harassed me (and at that point I was the whole school's punching bag, not helping that I was openly transgender and gay), but the peak of it came when I was crying in a corner while my classmates threw papers and stationery and garbage to me and the school called the cops on ME. Because I was "Overreacting" and "dangerous" even though I never hurt anyone (no matter how much I wanted to) and never lifted a finger to anyone. I'm 24 now, finished High School online and currently I'm having a much better experience in college (not ideal, but at least Im not being bullied), but I still have nightmares both about the kids harassing me for NO reason since I was 6 years old (even before my classmates started, there were older kids already beating me up) and all the adults calling me Evil and a monstruous danger for being upset about it. Ultimately though, I still have hope that one day I'll recover and be okay, and as horrible as it is that this is an universal thing, I guess I'm glad I'm not alone in this and that one day we as a society can put all of this to an end somehow.
I am soooo sorry. That is so disgusting, what they did to you. I don't care that they were just kids, in fact I'm even more appalled at how the adults in your life handled the situation. You deserve better, although it's easier said than done to feel this way after experiencing a lot of trauma. And the way so many bullying victims are gaslit...it's really upsetting. My intense bullying mainly took place in my younger elementary school years, after that it was more isolated instances that were really shitty/toxic friendships in middle/high school + college. And even though mine was a fraction of your trauma, it still really gets to me. You are a fighter for having pushed through all that and know that even though you can't see the faces of your internet friends, we are sending you love. Stay strong, comrade :))
People treated me in a similar way, when I was passive teachers didn't care but when I made a scene and would create blood curdling screams in the middle of the hallway all of a sudden there were issues. Then I was treated like the psycho as if my reactions weren't provoked by other people 🙃
They could kick these kids out which would in turn force the parents to pay attention and give their kids consequences. Duh. This is not difficult. I would say go to the police, but they don’t care either. A lot of them grew up being bullies and they couldn’t care less about women being threatened.
"Then you're just like him" God, I got genuinely angry at that scene. So gross and humilliating. That's the worse thing you can say to someone who suffers from abuse just because they don't want to pretend they weren't victims of it.
It’s weirdly refreshing to hear “you don’t have to forgive your bully’s.” In middle school, someone I considered at the time to be my best friend isolated me, gaslit me and manipulated me as well as calling me names and talking behind my back. I struggled A LOT mentally and I’ve only really come to terms with what happened fairly recently. At the time when I told a teacher, she said I had to be friends with her again when I rightfully said I didn’t want to be anymore. I’ve spent years trying to forgive her (despite her no longer being in my life and her never giving me a genuine apology). I also felt guilty a lot of the time for not being able to forgiving her, as if that was me doing something wrong. This could also have been influenced by me being raised Christian where we’re taught we have to forgive everyone. I’m only recently starting to understand that I don’t have to forgive her and that’s ok.
My home life was terrible as my parents were alcoholics and my dad verbally abused me but I didn't go around bullying people. I usually was friends with kids who were bullied. I hate this bs of villifying kids with bad home lifes.
And when the victim retaliate, they get in trouble. I got into a lot of fight in school. I stopped asking teachers for help in elementary school because they were useless. My parents were always on my side and that's what mattered to me.
That woman should be ashamed of how she handled the situation with the bully and the boy. I'm not trying to be rude, but this lady isn't fit to help these kids
Nah, be as rude as possible in this case. As a former bully victim myself, nothing would piss me off more than if a teacher ever DARED try to treat any of my children that way if they were being bullied. The boy is the victim; he doesn't owe the bully an apology, a handshake, or ANYTHING. He's not "just as bad" for not wanting to forgive someone who treated him like shit, especially when the bully can easily turn around and do it all over again. The fact the teacher confronted the victim rather than the bully for his behavior is enough to make my blood boil.
she needs to be fired immediately and never be allowed to work with children again, imagine being such an incompetent person you gaslight a child by telling them they're as bad as the person who threatens to murder them bc they don't want to accept a fake fucking apology.
i have a question. would this teacher do the same if her own children were affected? i have the feeling, that she thinks this bullied children are weaklings. the parents of these children are often to friendy and well aducated to give such teachers their opinion. it was not me. my two children were annoyed and harassed. when they then resisted, the screaming was great. my answer? nobody had looked before, you could save the screaming now. and then you should talk to the other child's parents! answer? open mouth and be silent.
What's especially egregious to me is how bullying often involves more sinister behavior than "just" name calling but there's this view of bullying as "minor abuse" even when bullies physically and sexually assault their victims. what always got me as someone who experienced that kind of bullying that went way further than what school admins often think of as bullying (which never captures how bullying is a form of abuse that involves abusive patterns of behavior, not just one-off incidents) into full blown assault was how we'd take those "good touch, bad touch" classes but that was never applied to what my bully did to me even though it was the same thing. Also, I'm even more angry at the administration and teachers than the bully himself, though I never want to see him again, because they had all the power to stop it but didn't.
yeah, lots of administrations seem to treat this assault like it's not a facet of bullying. they act as if that abuse evolves from bullying. it doesn't. that abuse *is* bullying.
When he said they were friends and then he started bullying me that hurt my heart. Same with the lesbian student. These poor kids, were not only bullied by students but also teachers. This happened to me when I was a kid, it’s sad when teachers not only do not help but gaslight you.
I too experienced this a lot at secondary school since I have aspergers. A lot of teachers it seemed disliked me only for the fact I was different, it felt like they'd rather not have me in their class than have to actually deal with a student with a disability. There were some teachers who were great and supported me of course but unfortunately a few rotten apples spoiled the bunch as the saying goes.
The school system doesn’t *actually* do anything, but then whenever they’re given virtually any pressure to do more they’ll just host an assembly saying “stop bullying” and end up being complacent. They’re too afraid to somehow end up being biased that they’ll do nothing about children with mental health then toss in a five second memorial when the kid kills themselves. It’s easier to shift the blame to the victim and act like it builds character than actually make people accountable
yep they never do anything. I remember in middle school they made us fill some forms about our school life and home, if we ever been bullied ect. I wrote yes to bullying and i dont thing they ever saw these forms. it was just bs documents to make it seem like they cared. and one year they even made us do a video about bullying, we showed ourselves as victims in that video (even actual real life bullies). schools do everything to show they care but never actually do smth about real life bullys
at the school I worked (not in the USA but the school system is not necessary better on that), a colleague came to talk about a method anti-bullying. The method seemed great, the colleague explains it works very well and very fast in most of the cases. Then, the counselor (or at least I think it is the equivalent of the counselor) begins to complains about how it sounds difficult to do it, talking about a case they had before I worked there (as the school failed to stop the harrassment, the kid had to live the school). Basically she was saying "there were so many kids involved" and "they didn't do anything that bad, just made fun of her fronthead". She didn't do her job properly back then, someone poposed a method that could work if such a case happens again, and instead of taking notes she said "that sounds difficult, I can't see how I could have stopped harrassment". Come on, this is your job! Stop dismissing kids pain, saying it is too complicated for you to handle, and do something!
This is so real. I was bullied a lot in school, but no one really noticed. I wasn't bold enough to do anything about it because the whole class disliked me. I was completely alone. But no, I did not grow up to become successful, and no, I do not have a chip on my shoulder or a desire for revenge. What I do have is confusing boundaries, an inability to know when even my friends are abusing me, and low self esteem. THAT is the reality of the consequences of bullying. Bravo. Thank you for this.
@@telepathicmagicshop it puts extra effort on the bullied to succeed because the bully already prove " their worth " in society by holding someone else back. its a gross system
Yes, people are often not simply a character in a novel or a hero in a 2h long movie. Trauma doesn't necessarily make you stronger, healing from it can do that, but it's not like everyones life will magically follow the "My family got slaughtered, my dog died and my house burnt down, but I've done 500 push-ups everyday for the last 7 years and can now finally kill the evil mastermind behind my shitty circumstances in an epic showdown" trope. More like replace the push-ups with anti-depressants, and the evil mastermind with your own inner thoughts, and like "epic showdown" with being emotionally vulnerable with someone... hmmm, I feel like my analogy made sense but perhaps not.
I'm so sorry that you went through bullying like this. Being fat and disabled and chronically ill, I definitely went through my fair share as well. It's horrifying how schools deal with bullying situations. Or rather do not deal with them. The lack of empathy from those teachers/principals in this video really hits home. These things really do follow you for life.
A group of girls in middle tried to beat me up because I said "I just hate everything" one day when I was venting about my shitty home life. They apparently took offense to that and felt I needed a lesson? Idk.
I'm surprised you didn't mention 'Carrie,' the 2013 horror movie about a bullied girl who kills all her classmates in revenge. So back in middle and high school I had undiagnosed autism and selective mutism. I didn't talk, most of the time. This made me a good target for bullying in some ways because I wouldn't fight back, but on the other hand, it also made me an unsatisfactory target because I quite simply didn't react at all. The result was that I permanently got ignored by pretty much everyone. Active bullying also happened, but not daily. I don't know whether to classify my experience as a whole as bullying. It has had the same effects of anxiety + self esteem issues that you mention in the video though. So a bunch of my classmates had seen the movie Carrie, and half jokingly came to the conclusion that I would also be like Carrie and might go on a vengeful murder spree against them someday. They discussed this during English class, with the teacher present and participating, and not even during a break when there's a whole bunch of conversations happening at one time. Just, that was the conversation. On other occasions I've been asked whether I experience emotions, and whether I'm "like... an actual person." Not in a 'haha I'm insulting you' way, but in a 'I am genuinely unsure' way. Of course I couldn't respond, because, again, mute. It was baffling. I've always been just one of the most pacifist, conflict-avoidant and hyperempathic people I know, to a fault (like literally my empathy for everyone in the world going through awful shit is causing clinical depression, I can't turn it off). When I won a bag of candy for getting all the answers on a quiz right, I shared them around in class. I lent out my pens and my notes and I helped everyone who asked, including bullies, cheat on tests by making the answers on my sheet easier to read for them. There wasn't a vengeful bone in my body and there still isn't. And yet they thought I could be an emotionless murderous monster. In the end I think it's because people are just scared of the unknown, scared of the different, the 'other.' So yeah basically I agree with you. We should quit villifying bullying victims. It's some stupid nonsensical horseshit.
I do not have autism or have ever had mutism, but I, too, am extremely quiet and empathetic to a fault. I get taken advantage of a lot because I would never say no to my peers whether they ask to cheat off me or for a pencil or whatever. I am allergic to nuts and someone at school asked if I wanted a Reese's Pieces and I still said yes, just bc I thought it would be mean if I said no. In class, we would play this game where the reward is candy, and the candy would be in the far right of the classroom, so people on the other side of the classroom would have to walk across to get it. Well for some reason I decided that I would just get up and give those students their candy, even tho they never asked me to. Anyway, I remember one time in class someone jokingly asked, "who is most likely to shoot up the school?" and someone said that it would be me bc I'm so quiet. Also someone asked, "who do you think is most likely to be a secret KKK member?" and I was once again chosen, even tho I'm black. That really hurt me. Then in yearbook, they were deciding who to vote most flirt and someone said it should be me and everyone laughed. It actually makes me so sad bc it's as if my personality is seen as weak and is always under attack. I don't think I'll ever fit in with this fast paced society and I'm trying to accept it.
But Carrie wasn’t meant to “vilify” the victim is was meant to show that if you keep bullying people one day their gonna snap and they aren’t gonna take your bullshit anymore. Nobody saw Carrie as a villian I sure as hell never did.
@@Las645 I don't know I haven't seen the movie. All I know is that I didn't appreciate being thought to be a murderer in becoming just because I was quiet. It sure felt like villification to me.
@@Las645 that's not the message of Carrie, I think. She is never portrayed as the villain but as a victim. And I think the message is more that bullies should watch the consequences of their act because their behaviour affect people. You should give it a try before judging. Maybe not the 2013 movie, but the book.
Not just Hollywood though, the world is already set this way because people don't like to get emotionally and morally invested in difficult stories which aren't theirs and would rather have you get over it, be the bigger person, take the high road, and "forgive" than get you due justice. Placing all those unfair expectations on someone who is hurting is very hypocritical because people don't want to take accountability.
This! The Amount Of People I've Seen Being Attacked For Just Having Emotion Or Being Sensitive, Even Being Confused Is Disgusting. I've Also Seen People Say Stuff Like "Adults Can't Cry" Which Is A Normal Human Emotion
True! I am always surprised how, everytime there is a story about bullying in the movies, most of people blame the victim for being the victim. "It would have stopped if they have fought back", "If I was her I would have done that and ends of the problem", "But she doesn't face really issues"... This is just weird.
@@nanalove3819 Upon being the victim of something open and public, you're already experiencing an unshared position of weakness which subsequently makes outliers feel "righteous enough" (quotation marks because I'm not sure the adjective was the fittest, given the situation) to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, say, and act like in order to get out the toxic state you're in. I mean, I know my example is a bit extreme, but whenever you hear of rape cases, nobody tries to talk to the rapist about what they should've done so the situations didn't happen. People always know the pep talk is for the rapees.
It reminds me of that one episode from Steven Universe where business creates a weapon that will kill the diamonds, and Steven responds with "But won't that make us like them" (or something like that). Like sure killing a genocide dictator is going to make you into one or back like one.
people seem to really underestimate how traumatic bullying can really be the clips from the bully project were pretty hard to watch because of how relatable they are (even though i live on the other side of the world!), its very worrying how badly many adults handle bullying honestly, thank you for this video, it made me realize some things about my experiences that i didnt know before
8:08 Why would any teacher say this kid is "just as bad" because he didn't shake hands. That is disgusting. I have had so many teachers do this same thing in my elementary school and church. I don't understand how grown adults don't see the flaws in this type of "situation fixing." I wouldn't shake his hand either! Why would I shake someone's hand if I know they're only doing cause the teacher's standing right there.
Yeah, the teacher didn’t give the victim the option to refuse, and held him there until he complied. And she has the nerve to scold him for not being sincere? What did she expect?
One of my bullies died a month ago. When I found out I cackled and left a comment on his memorial page calling him out for all the terrible things he did to me. He once stabbed me, slammed my head into a concrete wall, and choked me out in the girls bathroom. There were other things but those memories stick out the most. What angers me more is that no one had my back in school. The teaches made excuses for him and victim blamed me. After he died I did some digging and found that he had multiple assault charges, drug deal charges, and a rape charge under his belt. I also found that his mother who's one of his victims kept paying off his fines. He wasn't bullied at him, his mother coddled and made excuses for him.
@@pixi3d3ath47 thanks, I have good days and bad days. Once I moved, I slowly placed his memory out of my mind but last month I dreamt he was murdered. Woke up and looked up his name to find out he died a few days earlier. It was weird.
That's not gaslighting. That's the core of many great heads in psycho analysis. And I think it's true. BUT it doesn't make this terrible, terrible behavior any better. See it like this: You have this homophobic man, that has really low selfesteem and constantly struggles with the question if he is a "real man". So of course he's going to harass innocent gay people because he is afraid he might be, in some point, like them. It's disgusting and, as said, terrible, but that's also one way how you can explain and understand the "why?" behind ones behavior.
@@Hallkardia That teacher told that to the kid who was a victim of a bully, because he was upset. As if he were upset because the bully mirrored something back to him.
I was bullied from 1st to 6th grade, because I was quiet and socially anxious. The worst year was in 6th grade when I was sexually harassed everyday by being touched in my butt or other body parts without my consent. I stood up so many times to them and talked to my teachers about the abuse, but nothing would work. A lot of times would make it worse. Also if I complained to the bullies' parents or older siblings, they would say "it would be worse if they were touching boys' butts" (sexism and homophobia just in one sentence). Teachers would do nothing and if I got caught defending myself from the bully, both of us would be punished. Nowadays, I still have social anxiety but I got better with time, but I think I would be better right now if I wasn't bullied. Also whenever I meet new people I always think they will not like me and it is very hard for me to make new friends.
Your story is similar to mine!!!! I was very quiet and socially anxious as well, (still am), and when I was in eighth grade in gym class, this boy would always slap me on the butt. I was too scared to tell the teacher myself, (tbh I think that the teacher saw and just didn't wanna deal with it), but thankfully a more outgoing friend that was also in gym class helped me. So I filled out an accident report and I believe the student was suspended for a little bit. I remember feeling so scared bc I didn't want my parents to know and I was worried that he'd continue to harass me when he came back to class. Thankfully, he didn't, but looking back I feel like he just should've been taken out of class for my safety. Anyway, years later, I see him at the mall with his girlfriend and he recognizes me and makes a face. It hurt me so bad. When I got home, I completely broke down.
I have never been bullied but I saw other people suffering from it. The bullies (girls from my class) tried to frame their constant bellitling as "teaching a lesson" and "trying to change someone's behaviour for better". Loads of bullshit. They just wanted to feel superior. The bullied person didn't change her behaviour as an act of rebelion The whole drama reminds me of TH-cam comment section. Most of the commenting people want to prove that they're right more than convince those who might disagree with their claims. They don't listen to others. They only shout what they believe is correct
That kid is a hero for not taking the teacher's bullshit when she said he was "just like him" , I know at that age I just would have backed down and believed her
I remember, we had a student council with the town mayor and the board. And I proposed that they made a project to educate proffesionals dealing with children on dealing with bullying and prevention. People voted against it, saying that it was unnecessary. I’m still very mad about it. And about the kid who argued against it by saying “there is no bullying anymore, it doesn’t happen”. As someone who has experienced bullying, witnessed bullying and had heard second hand accounts of bullying. I just could respond with “if that’s what you believe... there is no point arguing”. I was hopeful that everyone else would be different. But it was rejected in my class and the council.
________ dosnt happen anymore is jsut a dogwhistle for " youre stepping on my privilege's please stop " and its digusting. becuase if you didnt tihnk i happen you have absolutely nothing to lose from it being researched
i’ve never heard someone say “i was bullied and i’m still mad about it”. when you’re bullied, you are expected to get over it, because it’s just kids, but i think it’s ok to still be mad about it.
They allow the bullying to continue, but once the victim stands up for themselves or does not accept an "apology" they are "just as bad". I hated this growing up, if I was protected before it got here, I wouldn't feel the need to protect myself.
I had chills by the end when you talked about how you were a bully at times too in order to gain power and that you don't expect them to forgive you... your videos never cease to amaze me with how powerful you word things and I love how you get right to the point. It feels well-thought out but also urgent, which is especially important for this video's topic
"By not shaking his hand, you're just like him..." What a load of crap. Not accepting an abuser's insincere apology is nowhere near the same as viciously tormenting someone just for the sake of doing it. That teacher strikes me as the kind of person who'd say a girl was "asking for it" because she wore a short skirt. Total victim blamer and complicit in the abuse. I remember so often in middle and high school where the administration would punish the victim because it was simply easier to do. When I was in the 6th grade, another boy attacked me and I fought back, punching him in the nose when he tried to choke me, which made him cry. A well meaning friend of mine got the principal in an attempt to help me and I reported the incident in the office. The principal told me that I could be in just as much trouble as my bully for getting physical, despite the fact that I didn't get physical until I was being physically attacked. One friend of mine didn't even defend herself while she was being physically attacked and still received detention simply for being involved in a physical altercation. I swear, you'd think 75% of teachers and administrators had never been to school with the way they act. They pretend to care but really don't and victim blame so much. I also don't want to hear anything about how "they're trying their best" or "they have a stressful job" as an excuse for their victim blaming. Part of the job is protecting the kids who attend your school, if you can't do that, find another profession.
What those teachers are doing...It’s gaslighting, a classic manipulation technique. A key component to narcissist personality disorder. Making the victim feel like they’re in the wrong by making them question their reality and shifting blame.
All my teachers said whenever I got bullied was "Well, you'll have to deal with people like that for your entire life, so suck it up." I already knew that because I was bullied for YEARS. I was a literal child, and they were supposed to protect me.
This entire comment section is people's shitty life experiences in school. It crosses generations, gender, health status, sexualities, cities, countries, social status, and financial status. We have literally thousands of adults who all know what needs to be done, but somehow we're still powerless to stop bullying. Things are broken, man.
I know what needs to be done. Consequences for actions. You remove the bully. They get kicked out of school and their parents have to deal with it. Stop forcing the bullied to leave school.
I've never understood the push for "forgiveness", ESPECIALLY in bullying. Not that you must always have a grudge of course, but having to be forced to look at the person tormenting you and be chastised for not being "sincere" enough is a rotten thing to do to anyone, much less a child!
You need way more views in this one for sure... Bullying was such a horrible part of my life and almost anyone was there for me at all... And because of that now in adulthood I don't have any confidence or self-esteem whatsoever ... So I can't explain the IGNORANCE in those educators... That bit triggered me like crazy... But anyways, I love your videos and thanks to speak up to this matter that still today is ridiculed or minimize... You make me feel that i was right and that's not me the only one that is crazy or overly sensitive 💕
So sorry that happened to you and you're still suffering from it. I had an abusive 'friendship' at school and the girl had several complaints about her from other students but the school didn't act beyond moving us to sit apart in classes. I don't blame them too much as they can't tell kids who to be friends with and at the time I didn't really grasp exactly the dynamics of the relationship and how to escape it. When things got really bad though, they moved her to a different class and I got into new friendship groups. What was sad though, was that she started doing the same things to another girl in the new class so she obviously didn't learn. I got a few therapy sessions from a counsellor but I'm not sure if she did. This was a middle-class , Christian school in the UK so, not comparable. Thanks so much for making this video, it's a really important issue - education is so important and all kids should be protected [as well as taught who to treat others].
Hi Anna! Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your story. Sadly abusers will always find their victims. I spend a lot of time wondering why I was a target or why my bullies chose me, but in the end we have to realize that the problem isn't with us, it's with them. It's also sad that the victims of bullying are the ones told to seek counseling when in reality it's the bullies that need to look inward. Teachers, parents, and even other kids tend to victim blame victims of bullying because of how popular media portrays victims. They're shown as petty and are told to just "get over it" when the weight of that trauma could take years or even decades to really sink in. Sigh. I hope things are different now for kids, but sadly, I don't think they are.
Speaking as a bullied person (though I've done my fair share of bullying, in the past, too), the traumatising thing for me is actually not the bullying itself. It's the willingness of supposed authority figures to let it slide because they don't want the extra meetings or the paperwork. In fact, I got way more attacked and yelled at as a victim than as a bully. When I was a bully, I was sympathised with, seen as "crying for help". When I was a victim, I was yelled at, gaslit & abused repeatedly for standing up for myself. Doesn't change when you get older, either.
What kills me is that once you've decided to unassociate with the bully FOREVER , you're looked at as the bad guy. Why would you want to be friends or give another chance to a person that made your life hell? There was a meme about how people grow from their high school days and how you don't know them "now." It's a trash way to say fuck the emotional and psychological trauma I caused you , you need to know the new matured me. Like I truly can't.
I was bullied a lot in elementary school, and a little bit in middle school and high school (by that time I had developed a tough exterior so it didn’t affect me as a teenager), but the bullying from elementary school really stayed with me. On a positive note, one of the people who used to bully me found me on Facebook and apologized years later.
Half a year ago or so, I was contacted by my old bully. She wrote a long message apologizing for her behaviour. We talked a little bit. I really appreciate her courage to contact me. It was definitely something I have been waiting for for a long time. It doesn't change what happened and the struggles I had because of it, but it was nice to know that she was aware that she had caused me pain and that she had obviously thought about since.
I was a bully in school and the school handled it terribly. My victim and I had to "talk it out" and they essentially told us to be nicer to each other. Afterwards I remember walking out of the classroom to me friends who laughed and clapped me on the back. My bully had to walk passt us making mean jokes. If someone had sat me down and talked really seriously to me, if I had faced actual consequences for my actions and if other classmates would have told me to shut up, I’m pretty sure I would have stopped. I was never a victim. I was just really insecure and derived social validation from having people laugh as I bullied others. The thing that made me eventually stopp was when my victim stood up for herself. Looking back I can see now how fucking strong and cool she was. If she ever sees me again she is welcome to punch me in the face.
This comment is super old, and I'm not saying this to patronize you or anything, but realising you hurt others and deciding to grow so you stop doing that is very admirable, because more people need to do it.
This!🙌🏻 and the stereotype that bullied kids become school sho*ters & the “hurt people hurt” bs. I’ve been hurt by so many people & never took it out on anyone.
Ha, no, not in any helpful way to victims. I remember when Columbine happened, pretty soon after, bunch of kids ganged up on me until I said I wished they were dead, you know, normal kid stuff. They then went to the teacher, said they were scared and it escalated real quick. They knew what they were doing. Luckily, I had a principal who saw through what was going on and cut that off quick, but that day could have gone pretty badly for me. Most times all tragedy does is be a tragedy and become one more excuse for the powerful to screw over the powerless.
I really get tired of the whole "just ignore it" bs that a lot of people use to excuse bullying, I don't think many people understand that bullying is a form of abuse, whether that be verbal physical or whatever, I was bullied throughout my entire year of middle school, and it got so bad to the point where I tried to attempt suicide, leading me to being sent to a mental ward for the last week. I didn't get to go to the promotion ceremony, that is a chance I will never be able to get back, I will never forget or forgive the people who destroyed my mental health and destroyed my will to live, don't ever forgive your bullies y'all.
I was bullied throughout my years through K-12, made to feel less then being I had difficulty speaking English therefore I was enrolled in speech therapy which other students mocked me for and by teachers for mumbling my words. For many kids who are from immigrant families as it was for me being 1st generation, plus the racism from school staff and teachers and their hostility they would treat us made me realize years later that public school in the US is a traumatic experience.
If my kid had to APOLOGIZE to someone threatening to kill them every day, yeah we are going to have some serious issues. The way these teachers or whatever were handling these situations were APPALLING and absolutely boils my blood.
A trope that I also absolutely hate when comes to bullying, is "Every bully has a sympathetic tragic home life". No, they do not. Many are simply abusive assholes, who get a kick on making other's life hell, and know well enough how to play the system against anyone who goes against them. And also, having a "sympathetic tragic home life" is not justification for bullying.
I hate that bullying is seen as normal, a right of passage, or natural behaviour for kids. Don't encourage/dismiss the affects of bullying at a young age, and don't act like it's to be expected. That bully project clip was BEYOND upsetting...
I got bullied in middle school. At first it was only in 1 class, in which I complained to the teacher only to be told "sometime you got to get along with people you don't like". A few months later, the bully physically hit me. My friend convinced me to report it, but the principal proceeded to put equal blame on me and gave us both 1 day of Out of School suspension (it was a Friday followed by a break). I had told my family, but a few weeks later they switched sides after talking with the school staff. I forget my middle school bully's name more often than not. I have never forgiven nor forgotten the gross injustice I felt being treated like I was a part of the problem.
How zero bully policy works. It blames the victim in order to make you stop saying you are getting bullied. I knew a few where they would suspend both kids saying the bully kid 'must have asked for it from the bully'. Usually the bullied kids get attacked by the school workers getting blamed and/or punished because the school wants it to they do not have to hear about it and claim they do not have bully issues there. It works how the school wants it to because they bullied kid learns to keep abuse quiet and if the bully gets worse the school can claim no one told them about it.
I'm still living with the trauma of 16 years of bullying.. severe agoraphobia, anxiety and depression. People really love to deligitimize bullying. I hear often "I was bullied too and I am fine!" But when you look into it it was just their friends calling them stupid nicknames they were never mad about.. it's like people don't even know what real bullying is and what it does to people
I was bullied for 11 years. And in my final year, my mom found out about the cyberbullying I also was getting (that was new, they used to bully me in real life, but then the class made a Facebook group and the bullying started there also), she talked with the coordinator in my school, and with the teacher. They made all kids in class apologize, and then the teacher said loudly in front of everyone and for all of them to hear "You all know how some kids are these days, they get offended about everything and are incapable of taking any jokes, shame on them". I cried for sooo long.
I’ll never forget finally taking the group of girls that bullied me to the school admin, having a sit down together with them and a teacher, and all four of them twisting it around saying I was the one bullying them. They said that everything I said they did was actually me doing it to them!!! The teacher went off on me about how bullying is wrong and that I couldn’t just pick on the four of them because I’m “jealous”. Needless to say the bullying got even worse and I never went to my school about it again.
This goes for manipulators and abusers too.. the victims are trivialized, and the perpetrators are sympathized with. “Oh, did he abuse you in multiple ways, drive you into depression, and hurt everyone you loved? Yeah ouch but did you know he had daddy issues?” And then the narrative is flipped and it’s “why can’t that inconsiderate victim not see why poor abuser man would be abusive in the first place???? What a bad victim.”
This brings back memories of my secondary school. Myself and many other girls were physically sexually harassed and yet the teachers told us to "Just ignore it." If young teenagers have had their bottoms unwantedly pinched repeatedly then they start to feel that their body simply isn't their own, that we supposedly exist just for the excitement of men. This isn't okay.
bully victims do not "owe" someone forgiveness. that's a trope from many movies that just seems like a cheap resolution. if someone hurts you, you have every right to express your feelings.
When I was being bullied in elementary school, a kid said he was going to slit my throat. In middle school he changed schools. I reached out to him, he apologized. And I actually became friends with him and forgave him. One day he just ghosted me. Now I look back and thank god he did. Because your right bully victims don't have to forgive or befriend their bullies. I feel like I did befriend him bc people were making fun of him after he left. And it was my attempt at normalizing what happend.
Also few years at school I've been bullied All My Life by horrible people and no help from teachers and when I got to college after a few years I just had enough and started walking our classes because of the anger I had built for years from school to college and as I left College I've finally learnt to calm the hell down being bullied sucks but don't let the darkness and Anger consume you for those that have been bullied because you might end up doing things you might regret and this is my personal level.
If I was ever bullied in school it didn't really register to me because it could never be as bad as the emotional abuse my parents put me through. But I do remember occasionally being the bully, and I really regret the things I said to other students now that I'm mature enough to reflect on that time in my life. It's kind of my mom's fault for being a terrible role model, but if I ever cross paths with any of those students again I'll definitely own up to my behavior and apologize.
I was punished for trying to bring attention to it. I heard that someone in the grade above me had her dad come talk to her class about bullying, so I tried to do the same. I guess I wasn’t rich enough for them to care. I was suspended the week before the last week of school and I got zeros on everything in the last week because I was behind.
9:15 *"Can you try to get along?"* This is the same rubbish my teachers used to tell me every time I told them they were bullying me. How am I supposed to get along with a person who hurts me consistently and unapologetically? These kinds of teachers infuriate me!!!
I´m never going to forgive my former elementary school class teacher for latently bullying me and doing nothing when the new girl bullied me (I was happy when she finally did get ostracised by the others and left school). If my kid ever gets bullied and the teacher doesnt do anything or is complicit in it/bullies my child, I´m not gonna do nothing, I will call them out on this bs and shame them publicly.
Nobody: Really Nobody: Random racist Children: uuuh, looks different let's beat it up Me: being suicidal at six My teachers: randomly supporting the kids and bullying me When logic dies
I'm so glad someone touched on this subject. It's disgusting how victims of bullying are shamed and the people responsible for their suffering go on without serious consequences. This only enables for more people to get hurt and even die.
CORRECTION: In this video I have a disclaimer that I use the q-word in a 'reclaimed sense'. This is WRONG. I am NOT part of the LGBTQ+ community and therefore cannot reclaim the word or say the word. I say the word in the video to refer to the LGBTQ+ community and that's wrong. I shouldn't have done that and I'm sorry. I've stopped using the q-word to refer to the LGBTQ+ community for a while now thanks to being helpfully called out by friends, but unfortunately it's still in this video and I’m sorry.
TIMESTAMPS:
1:20 Part 1 The Normalization of Bullying
4:12 Part 2 The Nerd Revenge Fantasy
7:34 Part 3 The Vilification of Bully Victims
17:50 Part 4 The Impacts
I like how you acknowledged this. I am not part of the community either but have friends who are. I usually use the term "non-cishet" or "LGBTQIA+". I would love for people within the community to let me know if either or both of those words are appropriate.
Im part of the community and I dont see a problem with you using the word queer, its just an universal word to describe non-straight or non-cis folks
Same, as stated here. I am part of the queer community and I encourage allies to use the term 'queer' as well. Some might disagree with me doing this, but honestly how long do we need to be acronyms? I know it can be confusing what people prefer to be referred to, however, and neither can we universalise the terms across the world (I do agree however that 'queer' is a good candidate for a universal term). Thanks for covering the topic so honestly, though. You never had to apologise in my opinion.
As a bisexual trans woman, I no longer find the term as offensive as I did in grade school and high school boy's PE, but I accept your apology as valid., Thank you for being so thoughtful!
Hey, you’re using the term to advocate for our rights and culture. As long as you put in a good faith effort to do your due diligence with the word, I’m more than happy to have an ally use the term ‘queer’ to explain concepts related to LGBTQ+ issues far above my own head. I find that, when compared to “lgtbq+,” the word makes it feel more like a conversation between peers who are respectful and empathetic to queer struggles. This may not be everyone else’s perspective, and for that, I appreciate you time stamping the times you used the word.
If there's one trope that I hate more than anything it's "if a person of the opposite sex bullies you, it means they like you." This trope is toxic on so many levels because it's practically encouraging abusive behavior in romantic relationships. Not to mention that trope is usually directed at boys, so it also implies that girls can't bully boys. They did that in Hey Arnold, Ed Edd n Eddy, and The Loud House. I honestly never understood that trope because what sane person would pursue a relationship with someone who physically/emotionally harasses them?
I completely agree. In middle school there were these two boys who were friends and they would pick on me for every little thing I did and when I went to tell the superintendent, she just giggled and said “they probably like you. You know boys do that when they like a girl” SERIOUSLY?!? The things they said weren’t cute nor flirty and plus two boys liking one girl and that’s their behavior? That doesn’t sound like a happy ending to me.
Personally I give Hey Arnold a slight pass since Helga had an understandable reason for acting the way she did.
Other then that, yeah I agree.
And it's only use when a girl bullies a boy. Upside down, it's bullying.
Boi-
@@anib8863 NO. Being an abuse victim is not an "understandable" reason for being a bully. That's the kind of logic that leads to telling a battered spouse that it's "understandable" that their partner hits them because they're under a lot of pressure at work.
(I was emotionally abused by my parents AND bullied at school; nobody gives a shit about that, which makes that kind of rhetoric really triggering to me)
I can't be the only one who actually just wanted Arnold to straight up punch Helga in the face for all of her shit (in real elementary schools, no one cares if you're a girl, *especially* when you started it).
i cannot with that staff member. she's really so incredibly incompetent. "CAn yoU tRy tO GEt aloNg????" can you do your job and protect your students?
If she had used a little more context her question would have been more clear.
"Can you try to get along with the guy that threatened to stab you and kill you with a knife?"
It really doesn't sound like she's trying to listen and solve the problem, she is just trying justify ignoring it further
Yeah she clearly just wants to put the issue aside not deal with it. Essentially telling the kid “just stop talking about it because I want to stop thinking about this.”
@@veermudambi5795 exactly!
It's obvious they're just putting out fires and don't give a shit about what's starting them. They want the issue instantly resolved and moved on, there's no attempt made to actually listen and dig into the cause and effect. Seems like, in her eyes, if the kids apologise and shake hands, that's problem solved. It's lazy as fuck and extremely damaging.
@@Spamhard More accurately - she has plausible deniability for the future. If anything else happens, she can claim to have addressed it and the kids ostensibly made up. It’s all superficial
My GOD that teacher calling a bullying victim the same as a bully because he doesn’t want to shake the hand of the kid who THREATEN HIS LIFE? My goodness, I really hope she got some serious repercussions after that documentary came out because that’s horrific. As a disabled person, I was fortunate to not be bullied by other students but was often bullied by my aide, a full grown woman. To this day, I wonder why no one ever spoke up when she would berate me in front of teachers. It’s incredibly damaging to be bullied by your peers, but even more damaging to be bullied by an adult and have no one help. I hope that child eventually got some help.
That happened to me too, a girl always bullied me and I told the school therapist that I don't want to be around the bully and the therapist started blaming me and saying I was the bad person for not wanting to be with the bully girl
@@nessyness5447 my sister (14) is being bullied and sexually harassed by a teacher (a 30s male) and the school is protecting him. F*cking school systems.
I’m disabled myself, and while the bullies knew they couldn’t hit me, they did verbally harass me, imitate my speech and movements, and try to trip me as I came by on crutches. Yet the teacher saw me as the problem, even going so far as to tell the other kid it was okay to slap me. Thank goodness I was eventually taken out of that class.
@@majlordag1889 my mom told me a similar story that happened to her when she was in highschool.
This girl would bully my mom and her friend. But then the bully would go cry to the teacher, who knew her history, and complain that my mom would not be friends with her
When asked why, my mom being the bad ass that she is said 'because she's a bitch'.
I got so mad at that scene.
"Being bullied made you stronger"
If by 'stronger' you mean 'bitter, resentfull and distrusting', then yeah.
also, I didn't NEED to be "stronger" at the age of 6-15 what I needed was the adults to protect me and help me out when people bullied me, I've always hated that phrase.
Im going to use this the next time someone tells me that if you don’t mind
The people who push this narrative must think that everyone is like *John* *Cena* .....who was bullied as a kid for being too small, started bodybuilding shortly after that, and became so big that they're scared to pick on him....because he's a massive and popular wrestler.
Not every kid is like that. Bullying doesn't always make someone stronger. In fact, it could push them toward the edge....to the point where they don't even feel loved & accepted by anyone.
One of my friends committed suicide at 18 because his family abused him. Are people going to tell me that it "made him stronger" and he's tougher as a result?
No. He's gone. Nobody can bring him back.
I even saw his Facebook a couple of days after he died, and so many people talked about the good times they had with him and how much he's missed...but it's too late.
True I still have trouble opening up
Oh the bullshit of that. I also love the "It was years ago. It's only affecting you because you want it to." Yes, I do love feeling this way. It's great.
Remember this kids: My bullies weren’t abused at home. But I sure was! We need to stop associating abusive homes with bullies and maybe a little more with the victims. There’s often a reason we don’t stick up for ourselves, and that’s cause we’ve been told not to our entire lives.
Exactly!
Also like, often victims have mental and or physical disabilities, but we always talk about the bullies being mentally ill and shit. Literally the girl who bullied me in hs for being DISABLED literally had everyone excuse her actions bc she was "depressed" its so fucked thst they just get away with it in the system
@@cherrysoda3427 I agree.
I wasn’t abused, but I had a shit ton of trauma from my childhood, which definitely contributed to doing little to nothing about the bullying that was happening. I let people push me around because I sometimes thought I deserved it; i already hated myself, so I assumed other people hating me was justified.
100%. Also adults taught us that telling doesn’t solve anything when they do nothing to stop the bullying and instead say, “jUsT gEt AlOnG, gUyS!”
Damn, whoever bullies people in college are completely pathetic.
High school never ends. Bullies just adapt their tactics to their surroundings.
Bullying can go well into adulthood so, even more pathetic
That's cause they peaked in highschool. They refuse to grow out of their "best years".
Had roommates that were frat bros and I'm not exactly the mold of masculinity. It was Hell and my GPA slipped so far I considered dropping out
I was bullied in university and my lecturers gave the girl a prize at the end of the degree even though they knew.
My mom was bullied and now that she's a middle school teacher she calls out any bullying behaviour the instant she sees it and punishes the bully. We love to see it
Your mom sounds amazing, bless her heart.
YES
🙌🏼🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
Praise God for your mom.
Go mum!
cool mum
Kid: “He pushes me into walls and threatened to kill me with a knife.”
Teacher: “he apologised tho” 🥺😔🙏
@@lillianvalla5808 peace and love 💘
I hope she got jail time.
Once again, only peace and love 💘
That false equivalence and zero tolerance is what caused me to just completely overreact to any kind of physically hostile actions by beating the shit out my bullies.
There wasn't any point in doing any deescalation, and it only incentived the machiavellian calculation of hurting them so badly that they would never hurt you again.
It only worked because I was lucky enough to be physically strong, and it didn't work very well because it just made people look at me as a challenge.
Zero tolerance is designed to keep the school safe from legal action, and nothing else.
It protects nobody other than the faculty.
That makes me so angry
You're just as bad because you didn't want to shake his hand 🥺
Yeh
Let’s also talk about the bully to lover trope. Especially when it’s a homosexual relationship. “I tormented and traumatized you cause I was attracted to you and felt ashamed of it!” Listen, whether you forgive them or think that’s a good excuse or whether they redeem themselves and get better, that doesn’t make the new relationship with their old victim healthy.
In Amity's case it can be saved, but still, she needs to apologize to Willow and Luz.
@@murmurcub she wasn’t that bad to Luz at least, I’m mostly talking about bullies who get physical and stuff
Yeah, I hate this trope SO MUCH. It's in the "Sex Education" too: Eric and Adam who was his bully for years are now supposed to be a romantic couple. I almost vomitted when I saw their first "romantic" interaction. Why couldn't they make them a couple without the bulling issue? Or just let Eric be with the guy who never harassed him? No, he had to "fall in love" with his bully! Otherwise the show is great but I don't know if I will be able to watch next season if they will still insist that Eric and Adam are a thing.
Which is why Reylo will NEVER be a good ship.
Basically catradora
the scenes from the bully project are stunningly awful. i don't get why an adult would ask the victim to rationalise their pain and fear and force them to forgive their bully??!! un-fucking-believable.
Sounds like a fundamentalist Christian to me. Forgiving the enemy is a big Christian rule.
@@darlalathan6143 perhaps. i've heard some shitty stories about fundamentalist christians. i think it happens a bunch of times in the video that people are going, forgive and forget and ... it's just not reasonable??!! someone receiving death threats etc is not a minor thing. and asking them to move on is cruel.
i think what i really missed from the few scenes from the bully project is someone taking care of the victim and asking them how they were coping and how they would feel safer and all that stuff. the function of in loco parentis is to protect that child as if it was yours and none of the adults seem to be able to do that or even acknowledge that as their task? it's highly dysfunctional to me, whatever the motivation behind it is.
@@darlalathan6143 I actually remember hearing a story about a thirteen-year-old girl who was made a martyr after she was brutally stabbed to death by an adult man who she refused to have sex with, and then he came to her parents after the funeral with flowers and they forgave him. I was like, eleven at the time, and it confused me viscerally. HOW DO YOU FORGIVE THE ATTEMPTED RAPE AND THEN MURDER OF YOUR DAUGHTER!? FUCK THOSE PEOPLE!
My parents would be in prison for murder if that happened to any of us.
@@darlalathan6143 legit. My super religious mom tells me to forgive the abusive men she brought into our lives. While she continues to let them be in our lives.
Aproximately 15 years ago, when I was in fourth grade, I was talking to a classmate about how awful bullies were to me, cursing them.
A teacher overheard us and started to rant about how I´m going to cause them a lifelong emotional damage for calling them dumb and stupid. I explained to her that they were the ones bullying me and she said something along the lines of "well, words can hurt more than punches"... thanks for nothing, you´re a completely incompetent teacher.
here I am 15 years later, as an adult, still remembering this shit.
I'm sorry to hear that. Are you doing okay?
That teacher was probably one of the girls who bullied kids when she was your age.
I am sorry this happened to you
In that case, your teachers were defending bullies, and being a complete dickhead, and wish for you to get the payback in school reunion.
Teachers are only good at logical fallacy when dealing with bullying subjects.
And then people wonder why school shootings are so common? When someone is bullied to the point where their life feels worthless and they want to end it all, think of how tempting it is to take the people who made you suffer so much with you. Bullying hurts more than just the victims. There is real danger that extends beyond the surface of the conflict. When people are driven to desperation, then the blame for their actions should logically be shared with the people who pushed them to that point.
Note to self: don't use words. Use physical violence instead
What I hate the most is that people do not take children seriously, and often believe they are being overly sensitive until something drastic happens like s*icide. The invalidation of being told I was sensitive by many people in my life led me to being in abusive relationships and dealing with it because I didn't want to be soft. And I know many bully victims are in a similar situation, not shooting up schools.
Edit: thank y'all for ur responses :) I'm currently making a video on this topic and it really helps to get different perspectives on it!
That's terrible. Are you doing okay right now?
@@ravenrose5712 oh yes! I have grown a lot since then and I've cut the relationships out that were unhealthy. I only hope that other people in similar situations learn the same lesson sooner rather than later. Thank you for asking!
@@lovesupersaturn7204 I'm so glad to hear that! You should be proud of yourself.
This Reminds Me Of My Mom. My Dad Passed Away In 2018 And I Handled It Well Because I Wasn't Primarily Close To Him While My Younger Sister, Who Was Close To Him Still Hasn't Gotten Over It But My Mom Refuses To Take Her To A Therapist But Took Me To A Christian Therapist To "Un-Gay" Me. Her And Her New Boyfriend Also Got Mad At The Boyfriends Ex-Wife Making A Appointment For Their Daughters Mental Health Because "It Wasn't Important"
You're so right. I was bullied during my teenage years and my teachers did basically nothing about it despite my mom telling them. At my graduation ceremony I was talking to one of my teachers and he was saying "oh you had trouble with some boys". At that point I was being polite and said oh yeah I guess they had stuff going on in their lives. But as a grown up I can see how fucked up that comment was. They told me I was ugly and other nasty things for years and these thoughts are deeply ingrained in my mind even to this day. The way my teacher downplayed that situation baffles me.
I cannot even BELIEVE the documentary clips....they are infuriating me!How dare these people call themselves teachers and educators?Their handling of those situations was appalling....
Awesome video tho! Keep it up
Agreed Junila-as the mother of. son who is soft spoken but was ruthlessly bullied in seventh grade I wanted to reach through the screen and smack the person who insisted to the victim that by not accepting that inauthentic apology he was as bad as the bully.
@@lashonda0811 I'm very sorry that your son went through all of that...I hope that he is alright now.
I don't understand the logic behind attempting to,albeit superficially, "mend" the relationship between the bully and their victim.Especially when there is solid proof of the abuse or when the victim appears so upset and hurt.Why would a child lie about something so serious?Why don't teachers understand that trying to get the bully closer to the victim only worsens the situation? For a lot of bully victims it takes a lifetime to heal from the psychological trauma that they endured, and the only place I have seen bullies owning up and their victims forgiving them is in movies.
Forgiveness doesn't magically happen just because someone was pushed to say "I'm sorry" and sometimes it doesn't happen even if that apology was earnest.And that is okay,I think.
Sorry if I made any mistakes,English isn't my first language.
@@junlia6081 Once he told me what was going on I called the school right away-like the child in the video the bullies backed down once he lashed out-and even the school called me because they said it wasn't his personality at all-He cursed them out in the middle of a math class. That's when he told me what was going on, and I called the school to inform them. He was small for his age, which in their eyes made him an easy target. He's almost a senior in high school, doing well now, but it's just so infuriating to think of how the adults in the schools continue the cycle with antics like these. And you are right it makes no sense to mend a relationship that clearly doesn't exist.
Also, I always discourage people who are bilingual/multilingual from apologizing for being so much more amazing than us monolingual cretins-your English is just fine!
@@junlia6081 I think the reason why teachers and educators react badly to victims not accepting the apologies of their bullies is because it makes *them* butthurt. It was *their* idea to push the bully into an unauthentic apology in the first place, and by not accepting it, the victim shows them that their approach is worthless. It hits them hard in their "professional" narcissism.
I legit wanna kick that lady. This is why I can’t work with other people: they are so set in their ignorances, trying to educate them only serves as an exercise in futility and personal frustration. People like her are the reason I have anger issues.
I went to private school on a scholarship and was the poorest kid there. The people who were dicks to me don't even remember it. They're rich and smart and are doing great. I on the other hand suffered from a shitty home life and mental illness so I ended up doing worse in school.
The stereotype of the stupid mean girls and the nerds who later go on to be successful isn't true.
They go on to be rich and control stuff like media companies so it benefits then to make the bully caricature inaccurate and make it look like the good guys grow up to be successful like them.
I'm doing fine now, but the shitty truth is the people that were awful are just doing better.
It is true, I was bullied by pretty much all my school years, it got better the last two years. But the older guys who used to bully me are now thriving, living their best life, in relationships, being rich, and basically having a good normal life, while I am here, literally alone, I drink a lot just to feel "happy", my grades were okay, but at the end, I really don't know what to do with my life, I have friends, but they never truly understand, because they have never been this bullied, I literally got choked in front of adults, and they did nothing. Thanks to all those 18 years of bullying now I have insecurities, drinking problems, no porpouse in life, and honestly... I still have trauma, It is like it always comes back to my head, I just can't get over it. I am now strong and I am pretty sure I could beat the shit out of them, but, I still feel sad and the loser in this big story, I am the one who lost the game. I just can't find peace. Sometimes I ask myself, could my life been different? And it could have been, it truly could have been better, I could have a normal relationship, I could have been a normal kid, I could have been really happy, I wouldn't be this agressive, I just have all this anger, and I get mad at things with no context.
I agree except that most bullies aren’t smart. Their parents just pay for tutors and pay their way into and through school. You could be smart but have to deal with all the extra stress of sociopaths trying to destroy you. That’s what messes up our lives.
I had exactly the same situation, I was one of the poorest kid of my school, and my bully had a super rich family, and the school officials in his pockets. He ended in a business school because of his dad's money and I ended up with a burn out at 21 because I never dealt with my trauma.
@@pagolainaki7175 This so fu**ing terrible and it makes me sad and my blood boil at the same time. You fight man, FIGHT for better life a life even better than the ones of your bullies, please fight
@@mano5493 You must fight as well and get a better life
I really hate when people use the "I expected better from you" excuse, not only dismissing anything the bully did but also blame the victim for standing up for themselves.
The victim is constantly in a lose-lose situation like that, either becoming a "martyr" and endure the bullying, or fight back: The bullying continues either way, but in one the victim is also considered as bad as (if not worst than) their bully...
Sounds similar to police treatment of women reporting domestic violence.
I’m older and grew up in the 80s. Sad to see that it’s still considered a rite of passage. IME while a few bullies were poor and/or abused, most of them were privileged kids and quite popular, from established families in my small town. Rather than being abused they had huge egos and entitlement to treat people however they want. The bullies who came from bad homes and were troublemakers were often labeled “losers” and got bullied while they bullied others in turn. I was always more angry at the popular privileged kids who already have it all making my life miserable.
Definitely! That was my experience as well. I’m actually making an updated version of this video that will be out in a few weeks. This topic doesn’t get enough coverage tbh 😓
This is absolutely my experience while growing up in the 90s in the UK too. The worst offenders were the kids who were given everything and could do no wrong in the eyes of their parents. My grandmother was an art teacher in my high school and said the parents of the 'popular kids' would often defend their behaviour, deny it entirely or accuse others for it, but never ever accepted responsibility for their child's attitude. These kids knew they could get away with whatever they wanted because their parents were just the same. The school even let them do what they want, my nan once held a few of them in detention and their parents complained to the headteacher and she was given a warning for it. Same old story of the wealthy and privileged using power and influence to get what they want and never face consequences for their shitty behaviour.
Yet you cannot tell whether they had it so great really. Things are not always as they seem
@@merionesunguiculatus6049 But, again, doesn't excuse their behaviour.
@@Spamhard as you considering others privileged does not really entitle you to rant against them...or the groups of people you accociate them with. Shitty behaviour is shitty. If you consider yourself priviledged or not. They were just as entitled to their behaviour as you are to your's.
I think this issue is partly caused by adults believing that children’s problems are trivial and that children don’t have enough complexity to recognize or be affected by abuse from peers.
My friend's kid had his cell phone stolen. He could recognize his cell phone and the school made the other kid return it.
Reaction from that kid's parent: oh, they are just children.
I was livid when my friend told me. The "just children" is only acceptable when they are really small and it's a pen or smth like that. And that is the moment you sit them down and explain that it's WRONG. From then on, no more "just kids" crap.
If you say nothing when it's a pen, nothing when it's a cell phone, then... WHEN are you going to say something? When it's a car? When they are shooting someone?
Good point.
@@mffmoniz2948 Good point.
It's classic dehumanization of young people. We need to deconstruct! Yessss indeed! Great comment.
That "teacher" terrifies me. The idea of people like that--SO MANY people like that--mocking the suffering and terrorization of children with "the bully is hurting too" garbage is terrifying.
If that bully wants to make up, he should change his behaviour. Then, after a 'probation period' to show the bully's serious about it, the victim may consider, if they want to, whether to accept the apology or not.
That teacher is a moron. It's like pairing a girl with her abusive boyfriend, or a wife with an abusive husband, asking her to forgive and forget. Age doesn't matter, because by the time you're in junior high, you should have a well-developed *basic* sense of right and wrong (which doesn't take a PhD in Moral Philosophy). If you're in junior high and blatantly bullying others, I don't think you'll ever really change - barring a severely bad life experience of some sort.
I had a chair thrown at me by a bully and the teacher made ME apologize an she insinuated it was my fault so now I dont bring up my problems to anyone. This is what bullying can do dont ever do this to someone please
@@sarahjordan4845 ya I'm ok thank you for asking. It's been a while (like 2 or 3 years) since that happened and honestly still a little mad about it lol
@@nataliadams4361 honesty, you have every right to be. I hope you the best.
@@sarahjordan4845 I wish you all the best to
@@nessyness5447 nah nah I loved reading this you seem supper cool. A+ for standing up for yourself your awsome
Never experienced this in school, but at home I always got blamed for reacting to my siblings' bs.
The way that staff member berated the victim there just makes me so incredibly angry istg
I paused midway just to say how upset it made me to see that teacher act like not accepting a clearly disingenuous apology is as bad as bullying. No apology warrants acceptance. Whether the apology is accepted is up to the person being apologized to and they don't have to accept. If you apologize expecting good reception you're not actually sorry.
This is why the Bojack Horseman scene when Herb doesn’t forgive Bojack is so cathartic.
"If you apologize expecting good reception you're not actually sorry".
True. The bully who apologized either just did it because he was caught, or as a way to make himself look good. Both aren't genuine at all.
I was in middle school during the peak of the anti-SJW neon*zi (will probably have to censor that because TH-cam sucks) movement on the internet. I'm genuinely not sure what put the target on my back more, my undiagnosed autism or my strong antif*scist streak. Either way, for seventh and eighth grade I was bullied relentlessly by a wannabe neon*zi, with him even going so far as to jump on top of a table IN THE LIBRARY to call me by name and tell me to suck his "eggplant" twice. The librarian did nothing about it and my friends at the time took years to understand why I have trouble going into campus libraries to this day. I remember the teacher incompetence too. I had a PE teacher who tried to make me feel like I was in the wrong for reacting to the abuse and I ended up crying. Something interesting did come of that incident, and for about a week after that I had a few girls at the school call him out at any given chance, and even random girls I'd never met telling me I was sweet and didn't deserve what was happening to me (which, while nice, confuses me to this day because I don't know how they figured out what I looked like or who I was?). After that, though, it kinda faded from the school consciousness and it of course continued, even after he made several fake apologies. There was also of course his creepy moment of telling me he was "in love" with me, to which I replied that I wanted him to stay away from me. Yeah, while I don't think about what happened to me in middle school that often since much worse things have happened to me since, I think I made the right call in never forgiving him.
I'm so freaking tired of this "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger narrative" I was bullied in school, it didn't make me stronger I still deal with the anxiety and trauma from those miserable years. I can't work I have to take medication everyday I have severe panic attacks and feel worthless and depressed. It broke me I still have nightmares and the fact that few of the adults in my life could or would do anything about it made me feel so small and unworthy of being cared about or loved. I live in fear and am constantly on the defensive never sure whether or not I'm being made fun of, which often causes me to lash out at people I love, something I really don't like and work hard to change, I get like a cornered animal and it's so unfair to everyone around me. I live a miserable life and it's likely no amount of medication or therapy will ever make me a productive member of society again, my psychiatrist and therapist work on helping me manage my expectations at this point. Bulling destroyed me and I'm tired of hearing "Kids are just cruel" that may be true to an extent but it's also as you said learned from somewhere. Are 1-3 year olds racist, homophobic, do they care about looks NO they'll play with anyone they meet at the playground so when does that change? We as a society have a choice teach kids bulling is no big deal and "builds character" or teach kids bulling is serious and teach kindness and compassion toward others, that cruelty is never okay.
What doesn’t kill you actually gives you trauma, trust issues, and ptsd
I know someone who claims that the bullying in high school was so bad that his memories of school are mostly repressed. Not sure how bad it has to be to get to that level. Unfortunately, he's kind of a bully himself now.
@@RenaissanceRockerBoy Yep!
What doesn't kill you, gives you trauma and *if* you heal form that, you may not get *stronger*
I lived the same, also lived in an abusive household which I had to return to after being bullied at school because I'm weird. I Still have nightmares about my mother and can't make friends, I'm so sorry something like this happened to you, I hope you heal, I hope you get all the love and validation you'll need ever, I hope you have good friends, that helps a lot.
I tried watching the bully project when it came out and couldn't finish it. The boy forced to shake hands is very intelligent, glad he was able to talk back to the woman. Also happy that your video is finally receiving the attention it deserves.
He was able to verbalize his feelings so well. Also he stayed so calm. I hope he is doing fine now :(
Sad thing is kids are usually reprimanded for that sort of thing.
@@baffledbrandon3132 yes it´s very sad. Many adults can´t take any criticism or protest from someone who is younger than them. She would have had to rethink her behaviour, so she just chose to make him feel inadequate instead. That´s shameful for someone, who works with children. The least thing you have to do is listen, and just because someone ist younger ,that doesn´t mean you are superior to them in every way. Everyone has some characteristics and skills woth learning from. She was treating him like a baby. She is lacking respect in that situation and probably also in many others... sorry for the rant it just made me really mad. She shouldn´t work with children... It must have felt so unfair and daunting for him. I´m mad...
How can she force him to accept an apology? It's not her place to do so, the other child was "apologising" to HIM, NOT HER, where did she get the right to decide whether the other person will accept the apology or not?
Once she said "but" he had full right to sock her in the face
8:19 "Then why are u around him?" This really hit too close to home. It really is more easy to just blame the victims for "sticking out" and "provoking" the abuser than confronting the situation. You are expected to keep your head down and just take it silently bc the people in charge just don't want to deal with it
@Gi Gi They really don't care about the wellbeing of the children IN THEIR CARE. For how much schools like the one in the documentary and mine like to preach kindness and "everyone getting along", they only think about saving face and keeping things quiet
This is my favorite comment. I got stalked and ended up assualted and was forced to apologise to the person who assualted me cause he broke a button on his shirt.
Could he have left me alone? Yes absolutely. But he didn't and rather than having that conversation with him it was easier to blame me.
It hit home for me too. Got that comment way too often. Well, my bullies were my class mates, how could I possibly avoid them?! I very often spent recess alone in the bathroom to be safe and still got told to stay away from them when they bullied me while we were all waiting for the teacher in front of our classroom.
Like rape victims
Exactly!
This video needs way more views
Thanks for commenting Sarah! This video is kinda old but I’m glad the words and ideas still come through despite my terrible set up.
I agree
then share is, you have the clout
She's getting them now
Being bullied and being the bully, yep experienced both sides.
I was more on the side of being bullied most of the time.
Life is complicated, school can be tough, being an adult is tough.
What did I do to help get threw it in elementary and junior high?
1. Don't get provoked easily, don't react to provocations.
2. Became more of a pacifist, avoided mindless conflict and tried to be nicer.
3. Started lifting weights to get bigger and stronger.
4. Stood up for myself and tried to have some friends.
5. Avoided committing suicide, and hoped for better.
6. Was no longer the smallest kid but one of the bigger kids.
7. reached a mutual understanding with the bullies.
8. stood up for myself when it mattered most.
9. Had help from the principle of the school, not much help from the teachers.
10. Moved away as the bullying decreased and everyone missed me apparently.
To the teachers in the documentary, you SUCK at your job! You’re psychologically harming these children! Quit your jobs before you hurt anyone else! Sincerely a bullying victim
They were probably bullies themselves as children and have an emotional investment in normalizing the bully's behavior. In the very least, they share in the perception that something about the child being bullied is not 'normal' and identify more with the bully than the bullied.
I wanna give that boy a hug
@@moonlily1 Yep pretty privilege the victims all seem to have some awkwardness if it was the jock getting picked on they would take it more serious or the pretty dumb blonde type cause aww she's so sweet.
I am awkward but happen to be friends with the pretty blonde everyone liked I was always treated badly but for some reason when she saw it and was sad all of a sudden of course people always agree with her they will step in and act like they care but if you try pointing out that you have spoke up about it they will brush it off and act like they didn't know when they were part of the bully and gaslighting before just like the women in video but they don't remember that they just want pretty girl to smile again.
There are a ton of teachers who should not be teachers - or allowed within ten feet of a kid.
I don't understand: is this an actual documentary, or a movie that is filmed like a documentary?
Sorry if that was mentioned, I'm not a native speaker and I understand like 90% of content
I was bullied all my life in school since early elementary until I was forced to drop out of high school for various reasons including severe bullying from my classmates, but the "hanshake" scene reminds me especially of the year I was stalked and harassed and treathened with death by a boy only for the teachers to say "well we told him to stop so now it's up to him to stop, can't do anything else and if you keep being hysterical you'll be in big trouble"
In that same school I was forcefully dragged out of school in an ambulance once every two weeks and sedated for the simple crime of crying when someone harassed me (and at that point I was the whole school's punching bag, not helping that I was openly transgender and gay), but the peak of it came when I was crying in a corner while my classmates threw papers and stationery and garbage to me and the school called the cops on ME. Because I was "Overreacting" and "dangerous" even though I never hurt anyone (no matter how much I wanted to) and never lifted a finger to anyone.
I'm 24 now, finished High School online and currently I'm having a much better experience in college (not ideal, but at least Im not being bullied), but I still have nightmares both about the kids harassing me for NO reason since I was 6 years old (even before my classmates started, there were older kids already beating me up) and all the adults calling me Evil and a monstruous danger for being upset about it.
Ultimately though, I still have hope that one day I'll recover and be okay, and as horrible as it is that this is an universal thing, I guess I'm glad I'm not alone in this and that one day we as a society can put all of this to an end somehow.
I am soooo sorry. That is so disgusting, what they did to you. I don't care that they were just kids, in fact I'm even more appalled at how the adults in your life handled the situation. You deserve better, although it's easier said than done to feel this way after experiencing a lot of trauma. And the way so many bullying victims are gaslit...it's really upsetting. My intense bullying mainly took place in my younger elementary school years, after that it was more isolated instances that were really shitty/toxic friendships in middle/high school + college. And even though mine was a fraction of your trauma, it still really gets to me. You are a fighter for having pushed through all that and know that even though you can't see the faces of your internet friends, we are sending you love. Stay strong, comrade :))
Best of luck to you!
People treated me in a similar way, when I was passive teachers didn't care but when I made a scene and would create blood curdling screams in the middle of the hallway all of a sudden there were issues. Then I was treated like the psycho as if my reactions weren't provoked by other people 🙃
I'm very sorry that you had to go through that
If you want to talk I'm here for you
They could kick these kids out which would in turn force the parents to pay attention and give their kids consequences. Duh. This is not difficult. I would say go to the police, but they don’t care either. A lot of them grew up being bullies and they couldn’t care less about women being threatened.
"Then you're just like him" God, I got genuinely angry at that scene. So gross and humilliating. That's the worse thing you can say to someone who suffers from abuse just because they don't want to pretend they weren't victims of it.
It’s weirdly refreshing to hear “you don’t have to forgive your bully’s.” In middle school, someone I considered at the time to be my best friend isolated me, gaslit me and manipulated me as well as calling me names and talking behind my back. I struggled A LOT mentally and I’ve only really come to terms with what happened fairly recently. At the time when I told a teacher, she said I had to be friends with her again when I rightfully said I didn’t want to be anymore. I’ve spent years trying to forgive her (despite her no longer being in my life and her never giving me a genuine apology). I also felt guilty a lot of the time for not being able to forgiving her, as if that was me doing something wrong. This could also have been influenced by me being raised Christian where we’re taught we have to forgive everyone. I’m only recently starting to understand that I don’t have to forgive her and that’s ok.
My home life was terrible as my parents were alcoholics and my dad verbally abused me but I didn't go around bullying people. I usually was friends with kids who were bullied. I hate this bs of villifying kids with bad home lifes.
Yes! Especially because many kids who are bullied are also abused at home.
And when the victim retaliate, they get in trouble. I got into a lot of fight in school. I stopped asking teachers for help in elementary school because they were useless. My parents were always on my side and that's what mattered to me.
I'm glad your parents were on your side always
That happened to me too dude I literally tried telling a teacher JUST like they told me to and it never worked. Fuck them teachers
I Remember That One Video From Australia Of That Boy Body Slaming His Bully And Both Got In Trouble
That woman should be ashamed of how she handled the situation with the bully and the boy. I'm not trying to be rude, but this lady isn't fit to help these kids
Nah, be as rude as possible in this case. As a former bully victim myself, nothing would piss me off more than if a teacher ever DARED try to treat any of my children that way if they were being bullied. The boy is the victim; he doesn't owe the bully an apology, a handshake, or ANYTHING. He's not "just as bad" for not wanting to forgive someone who treated him like shit, especially when the bully can easily turn around and do it all over again. The fact the teacher confronted the victim rather than the bully for his behavior is enough to make my blood boil.
She doesn't deserve to be called a "person"
she needs to be fired immediately and never be allowed to work with children again, imagine being such an incompetent person you gaslight a child by telling them they're as bad as the person who threatens to murder them bc they don't want to accept a fake fucking apology.
i have a question. would this teacher do the same if her own children were affected?
i have the feeling, that she thinks this bullied children are weaklings.
the parents of these children are often to friendy and well aducated to give such teachers their opinion. it was not me.
my two children were annoyed and harassed. when they then resisted, the screaming was great.
my answer? nobody had looked before, you could save the screaming now. and then you should talk to the other child's parents!
answer?
open mouth and be silent.
What's especially egregious to me is how bullying often involves more sinister behavior than "just" name calling but there's this view of bullying as "minor abuse" even when bullies physically and sexually assault their victims. what always got me as someone who experienced that kind of bullying that went way further than what school admins often think of as bullying (which never captures how bullying is a form of abuse that involves abusive patterns of behavior, not just one-off incidents) into full blown assault was how we'd take those "good touch, bad touch" classes but that was never applied to what my bully did to me even though it was the same thing. Also, I'm even more angry at the administration and teachers than the bully himself, though I never want to see him again, because they had all the power to stop it but didn't.
yeah, lots of administrations seem to treat this assault like it's not a facet of bullying. they act as if that abuse evolves from bullying. it doesn't. that abuse *is* bullying.
When he said they were friends and then he started bullying me that hurt my heart. Same with the lesbian student. These poor kids, were not only bullied by students but also teachers. This happened to me when I was a kid, it’s sad when teachers not only do not help but gaslight you.
Yup.
I too experienced this a lot at secondary school since I have aspergers. A lot of teachers it seemed disliked me only for the fact I was different, it felt like they'd rather not have me in their class than have to actually deal with a student with a disability. There were some teachers who were great and supported me of course but unfortunately a few rotten apples spoiled the bunch as the saying goes.
same teachers would make jokes about me and would literally tell others to laugh when he made jokes
The school system doesn’t *actually* do anything, but then whenever they’re given virtually any pressure to do more they’ll just host an assembly saying “stop bullying” and end up being complacent. They’re too afraid to somehow end up being biased that they’ll do nothing about children with mental health then toss in a five second memorial when the kid kills themselves. It’s easier to shift the blame to the victim and act like it builds character than actually make people accountable
Ours doesn't even do anything we only give a few seconds of silence then make us move on (╥﹏╥)
yep they never do anything. I remember in middle school they made us fill some forms about our school life and home, if we ever been bullied ect. I wrote yes to bullying and i dont thing they ever saw these forms. it was just bs documents to make it seem like they cared. and one year they even made us do a video about bullying, we showed ourselves as victims in that video (even actual real life bullies). schools do everything to show they care but never actually do smth about real life bullys
THIS! 👆🏾
at the school I worked (not in the USA but the school system is not necessary better on that), a colleague came to talk about a method anti-bullying. The method seemed great, the colleague explains it works very well and very fast in most of the cases. Then, the counselor (or at least I think it is the equivalent of the counselor) begins to complains about how it sounds difficult to do it, talking about a case they had before I worked there (as the school failed to stop the harrassment, the kid had to live the school). Basically she was saying "there were so many kids involved" and "they didn't do anything that bad, just made fun of her fronthead". She didn't do her job properly back then, someone poposed a method that could work if such a case happens again, and instead of taking notes she said "that sounds difficult, I can't see how I could have stopped harrassment". Come on, this is your job! Stop dismissing kids pain, saying it is too complicated for you to handle, and do something!
@@nanalove3819 Thank you! A lot of counselors don't do their jobs, either.
This is so real. I was bullied a lot in school, but no one really noticed. I wasn't bold enough to do anything about it because the whole class disliked me. I was completely alone. But no, I did not grow up to become successful, and no, I do not have a chip on my shoulder or a desire for revenge. What I do have is confusing boundaries, an inability to know when even my friends are abusing me, and low self esteem. THAT is the reality of the consequences of bullying. Bravo. Thank you for this.
I want you know that I believe in you and I hope you're with people who appreciate you.
@@telepathicmagicshop it puts extra effort on the bullied to succeed because the bully already prove " their worth " in society by holding someone else back. its a gross system
Yes, people are often not simply a character in a novel or a hero in a 2h long movie. Trauma doesn't necessarily make you stronger, healing from it can do that, but it's not like everyones life will magically follow the "My family got slaughtered, my dog died and my house burnt down, but I've done 500 push-ups everyday for the last 7 years and can now finally kill the evil mastermind behind my shitty circumstances in an epic showdown" trope. More like replace the push-ups with anti-depressants, and the evil mastermind with your own inner thoughts, and like "epic showdown" with being emotionally vulnerable with someone... hmmm, I feel like my analogy made sense but perhaps not.
Feel this
I'm so sorry that you went through bullying like this. Being fat and disabled and chronically ill, I definitely went through my fair share as well. It's horrifying how schools deal with bullying situations. Or rather do not deal with them. The lack of empathy from those teachers/principals in this video really hits home. These things really do follow you for life.
I suspect these teachers/principals are grown-up bullies in education. Their lack of empathy sounds like antisocial personality disorder to me.
A group of girls in middle tried to beat me up because I said "I just hate everything" one day when I was venting about my shitty home life. They apparently took offense to that and felt I needed a lesson? Idk.
Tf did they think they were gonna accomplish with that?
I got that too I said that and this girl came at me and was like you got a problem with me etc and stole my phone 😂
I'm surprised you didn't mention 'Carrie,' the 2013 horror movie about a bullied girl who kills all her classmates in revenge.
So back in middle and high school I had undiagnosed autism and selective mutism. I didn't talk, most of the time. This made me a good target for bullying in some ways because I wouldn't fight back, but on the other hand, it also made me an unsatisfactory target because I quite simply didn't react at all. The result was that I permanently got ignored by pretty much everyone. Active bullying also happened, but not daily. I don't know whether to classify my experience as a whole as bullying. It has had the same effects of anxiety + self esteem issues that you mention in the video though.
So a bunch of my classmates had seen the movie Carrie, and half jokingly came to the conclusion that I would also be like Carrie and might go on a vengeful murder spree against them someday. They discussed this during English class, with the teacher present and participating, and not even during a break when there's a whole bunch of conversations happening at one time. Just, that was the conversation. On other occasions I've been asked whether I experience emotions, and whether I'm "like... an actual person." Not in a 'haha I'm insulting you' way, but in a 'I am genuinely unsure' way. Of course I couldn't respond, because, again, mute.
It was baffling. I've always been just one of the most pacifist, conflict-avoidant and hyperempathic people I know, to a fault (like literally my empathy for everyone in the world going through awful shit is causing clinical depression, I can't turn it off).
When I won a bag of candy for getting all the answers on a quiz right, I shared them around in class. I lent out my pens and my notes and I helped everyone who asked, including bullies, cheat on tests by making the answers on my sheet easier to read for them. There wasn't a vengeful bone in my body and there still isn't. And yet they thought I could be an emotionless murderous monster.
In the end I think it's because people are just scared of the unknown, scared of the different, the 'other.'
So yeah basically I agree with you. We should quit villifying bullying victims. It's some stupid nonsensical horseshit.
I do not have autism or have ever had mutism, but I, too, am extremely quiet and empathetic to a fault. I get taken advantage of a lot because I would never say no to my peers whether they ask to cheat off me or for a pencil or whatever. I am allergic to nuts and someone at school asked if I wanted a Reese's Pieces and I still said yes, just bc I thought it would be mean if I said no. In class, we would play this game where the reward is candy, and the candy would be in the far right of the classroom, so people on the other side of the classroom would have to walk across to get it. Well for some reason I decided that I would just get up and give those students their candy, even tho they never asked me to. Anyway, I remember one time in class someone jokingly asked, "who is most likely to shoot up the school?" and someone said that it would be me bc I'm so quiet. Also someone asked, "who do you think is most likely to be a secret KKK member?" and I was once again chosen, even tho I'm black. That really hurt me. Then in yearbook, they were deciding who to vote most flirt and someone said it should be me and everyone laughed. It actually makes me so sad bc it's as if my personality is seen as weak and is always under attack. I don't think I'll ever fit in with this fast paced society and I'm trying to accept it.
But Carrie wasn’t meant to “vilify” the victim is was meant to show that if you keep bullying people one day their gonna snap and they aren’t gonna take your bullshit anymore. Nobody saw Carrie as a villian I sure as hell never did.
@@Las645 I don't know I haven't seen the movie. All I know is that I didn't appreciate being thought to be a murderer in becoming just because I was quiet. It sure felt like villification to me.
The audacity of asking a neurodivergent person if they are an "actual person"... I am appalled. I'm so sorry you experienced all that.
@@Las645 that's not the message of Carrie, I think. She is never portrayed as the villain but as a victim. And I think the message is more that bullies should watch the consequences of their act because their behaviour affect people. You should give it a try before judging. Maybe not the 2013 movie, but the book.
Not just Hollywood though, the world is already set this way because people don't like to get emotionally and morally invested in difficult stories which aren't theirs and would rather have you get over it, be the bigger person, take the high road, and "forgive" than get you due justice. Placing all those unfair expectations on someone who is hurting is very hypocritical because people don't want to take accountability.
This! The Amount Of People I've Seen Being Attacked For Just Having Emotion Or Being Sensitive, Even Being Confused Is Disgusting. I've Also Seen People Say Stuff Like "Adults Can't Cry" Which Is A Normal Human Emotion
True! I am always surprised how, everytime there is a story about bullying in the movies, most of people blame the victim for being the victim. "It would have stopped if they have fought back", "If I was her I would have done that and ends of the problem", "But she doesn't face really issues"... This is just weird.
@@nanalove3819 Upon being the victim of something open and public, you're already experiencing an unshared position of weakness which subsequently makes outliers feel "righteous enough" (quotation marks because I'm not sure the adjective was the fittest, given the situation) to tell you what you should or shouldn't do, say, and act like in order to get out the toxic state you're in. I mean, I know my example is a bit extreme, but whenever you hear of rape cases, nobody tries to talk to the rapist about what they should've done so the situations didn't happen. People always know the pep talk is for the rapees.
"you're as bad as him"
"except i don't hurt people!"
that shit was so hard to watch. god that poor kid
It reminds me of that one episode from Steven Universe where business creates a weapon that will kill the diamonds, and Steven responds with "But won't that make us like them" (or something like that). Like sure killing a genocide dictator is going to make you into one or back like one.
"Have you reported that sort of stuff?
- Yes.
- Okay, then it has been taken care of."
I don't know if that's naive, irresponsible or both really.
Seeing those bully project clips pissed me off so much.
also, teachers can be bullies. I remember being made fun of contently by one math teacher. When it's your teacher, it's even harder to speak about it.
Yup.
people seem to really underestimate how traumatic bullying can really be
the clips from the bully project were pretty hard to watch because of how relatable they are (even though i live on the other side of the world!), its very worrying how badly many adults handle bullying
honestly, thank you for this video, it made me realize some things about my experiences that i didnt know before
8:08 Why would any teacher say this kid is "just as bad" because he didn't shake hands. That is disgusting. I have had so many teachers do this same thing in my elementary school and church. I don't understand how grown adults don't see the flaws in this type of "situation fixing." I wouldn't shake his hand either! Why would I shake someone's hand if I know they're only doing cause the teacher's standing right there.
Yeah, the teacher didn’t give the victim the option to refuse, and held him there until he complied. And she has the nerve to scold him for not being sincere? What did she expect?
Sin levelling lets the abuser off if there's a hint of imperfect innocence from the victim.
One of my bullies died a month ago. When I found out I cackled and left a comment on his memorial page calling him out for all the terrible things he did to me. He once stabbed me, slammed my head into a concrete wall, and choked me out in the girls bathroom. There were other things but those memories stick out the most. What angers me more is that no one had my back in school. The teaches made excuses for him and victim blamed me. After he died I did some digging and found that he had multiple assault charges, drug deal charges, and a rape charge under his belt. I also found that his mother who's one of his victims kept paying off his fines. He wasn't bullied at him, his mother coddled and made excuses for him.
Goddamn. I'm so sorry. I hope you're doing better now.
@@pixi3d3ath47 thanks, I have good days and bad days. Once I moved, I slowly placed his memory out of my mind but last month I dreamt he was murdered. Woke up and looked up his name to find out he died a few days earlier. It was weird.
@@AudraBurgess That weird coincidence to dream similar real thing that also plus in your life.
LMFAO as you should.
The worst part of all is that they tell you to ignore them
This makes my blood boil: What you don't like in other people you do yourself. Wtf!!! That's gaslighting. How can someone mean this?
That's my mother's motto in life!
The worst part is that Freud said that, apparently .... So peiple can back up this bs with "science"
That's not gaslighting. That's the core of many great heads in psycho analysis. And I think it's true. BUT it doesn't make this terrible, terrible behavior any better.
See it like this: You have this homophobic man, that has really low selfesteem and constantly struggles with the question if he is a "real man". So of course he's going to harass innocent gay people because he is afraid he might be, in some point, like them. It's disgusting and, as said, terrible, but that's also one way how you can explain and understand the "why?" behind ones behavior.
@@Hallkardia That teacher told that to the kid who was a victim of a bully, because he was upset. As if he were upset because the bully mirrored something back to him.
And even if you look at her message it's wrong what does he not like; being a monster?
I was bullied from 1st to 6th grade, because I was quiet and socially anxious. The worst year was in 6th grade when I was sexually harassed everyday by being touched in my butt or other body parts without my consent. I stood up so many times to them and talked to my teachers about the abuse, but nothing would work. A lot of times would make it worse. Also if I complained to the bullies' parents or older siblings, they would say "it would be worse if they were touching boys' butts" (sexism and homophobia just in one sentence). Teachers would do nothing and if I got caught defending myself from the bully, both of us would be punished. Nowadays, I still have social anxiety but I got better with time, but I think I would be better right now if I wasn't bullied. Also whenever I meet new people I always think they will not like me and it is very hard for me to make new friends.
Oh my goodness I am so sorry that happened
If you need someone to talk to, just know I’m here
Your story is similar to mine!!!! I was very quiet and socially anxious as well, (still am), and when I was in eighth grade in gym class, this boy would always slap me on the butt. I was too scared to tell the teacher myself, (tbh I think that the teacher saw and just didn't wanna deal with it), but thankfully a more outgoing friend that was also in gym class helped me. So I filled out an accident report and I believe the student was suspended for a little bit. I remember feeling so scared bc I didn't want my parents to know and I was worried that he'd continue to harass me when he came back to class. Thankfully, he didn't, but looking back I feel like he just should've been taken out of class for my safety. Anyway, years later, I see him at the mall with his girlfriend and he recognizes me and makes a face. It hurt me so bad. When I got home, I completely broke down.
So sorry this happened to you.
I have never been bullied but I saw other people suffering from it. The bullies (girls from my class) tried to frame their constant bellitling as "teaching a lesson" and "trying to change someone's behaviour for better". Loads of bullshit. They just wanted to feel superior. The bullied person didn't change her behaviour as an act of rebelion
The whole drama reminds me of TH-cam comment section. Most of the commenting people want to prove that they're right more than convince those who might disagree with their claims. They don't listen to others. They only shout what they believe is correct
It’s an expected result when you have a large child audience, and anonymity.
You're absolutely right. I see it all the time in TH-cam comments sections.
That kid is a hero for not taking the teacher's bullshit when she said he was "just like him" , I know at that age I just would have backed down and believed her
I remember, we had a student council with the town mayor and the board. And I proposed that they made a project to educate proffesionals dealing with children on dealing with bullying and prevention.
People voted against it, saying that it was unnecessary. I’m still very mad about it.
And about the kid who argued against it by saying “there is no bullying anymore, it doesn’t happen”.
As someone who has experienced bullying, witnessed bullying and had heard second hand accounts of bullying. I just could respond with “if that’s what you believe... there is no point arguing”.
I was hopeful that everyone else would be different. But it was rejected in my class and the council.
________ dosnt happen anymore is jsut a dogwhistle for " youre stepping on my privilege's please stop " and its digusting. becuase if you didnt tihnk i happen you have absolutely nothing to lose from it being researched
i’ve never heard someone say “i was bullied and i’m still mad about it”. when you’re bullied, you are expected to get over it, because it’s just kids, but i think it’s ok to still be mad about it.
Yes, and it's okay to get even too.
I'll say it; I was bullied, my teachers did fuck-all to stop it, and I'm still pissed about it.
@@PhoenixRising87 same
They allow the bullying to continue, but once the victim stands up for themselves or does not accept an "apology" they are "just as bad". I hated this growing up, if I was protected before it got here, I wouldn't feel the need to protect myself.
I had chills by the end when you talked about how you were a bully at times too in order to gain power and that you don't expect them to forgive you... your videos never cease to amaze me with how powerful you word things and I love how you get right to the point. It feels well-thought out but also urgent, which is especially important for this video's topic
Thank you so much Kathryn 🥺
"By not shaking his hand, you're just like him..."
What a load of crap. Not accepting an abuser's insincere apology is nowhere near the same as viciously tormenting someone just for the sake of doing it. That teacher strikes me as the kind of person who'd say a girl was "asking for it" because she wore a short skirt. Total victim blamer and complicit in the abuse.
I remember so often in middle and high school where the administration would punish the victim because it was simply easier to do. When I was in the 6th grade, another boy attacked me and I fought back, punching him in the nose when he tried to choke me, which made him cry. A well meaning friend of mine got the principal in an attempt to help me and I reported the incident in the office. The principal told me that I could be in just as much trouble as my bully for getting physical, despite the fact that I didn't get physical until I was being physically attacked. One friend of mine didn't even defend herself while she was being physically attacked and still received detention simply for being involved in a physical altercation.
I swear, you'd think 75% of teachers and administrators had never been to school with the way they act. They pretend to care but really don't and victim blame so much. I also don't want to hear anything about how "they're trying their best" or "they have a stressful job" as an excuse for their victim blaming. Part of the job is protecting the kids who attend your school, if you can't do that, find another profession.
Thank you!
I think everyone needs to read why does he do that. Bullies might be hurt inside but they do what they do out of entitlement. Excellent video.
"we were friends, then he started bullying me..." bro, that slap differently
What those teachers are doing...It’s gaslighting, a classic manipulation technique. A key component to narcissist personality disorder. Making the victim feel like they’re in the wrong by making them question their reality and shifting blame.
Yup.
All my teachers said whenever I got bullied was "Well, you'll have to deal with people like that for your entire life, so suck it up." I already knew that because I was bullied for YEARS. I was a literal child, and they were supposed to protect me.
This entire comment section is people's shitty life experiences in school. It crosses generations, gender, health status, sexualities, cities, countries, social status, and financial status. We have literally thousands of adults who all know what needs to be done, but somehow we're still powerless to stop bullying.
Things are broken, man.
As long as the system is corrupted and rigged
I know what needs to be done. Consequences for actions. You remove the bully. They get kicked out of school and their parents have to deal with it. Stop forcing the bullied to leave school.
I've never understood the push for "forgiveness", ESPECIALLY in bullying. Not that you must always have a grudge of course, but having to be forced to look at the person tormenting you and be chastised for not being "sincere" enough is a rotten thing to do to anyone, much less a child!
Here’s a trope that I absolutely hate: “Maybe they’re bullying/teasing you because they like you/have a crush on you” 🙄🙄🙄
You need way more views in this one for sure... Bullying was such a horrible part of my life and almost anyone was there for me at all... And because of that now in adulthood I don't have any confidence or self-esteem whatsoever ... So I can't explain the IGNORANCE in those educators... That bit triggered me like crazy... But anyways, I love your videos and thanks to speak up to this matter that still today is ridiculed or minimize... You make me feel that i was right and that's not me the only one that is crazy or overly sensitive 💕
So sorry that happened to you and you're still suffering from it.
I had an abusive 'friendship' at school and the girl had several complaints about her from other students but the school didn't act beyond moving us to sit apart in classes.
I don't blame them too much as they can't tell kids who to be friends with and at the time I didn't really grasp exactly the dynamics of the relationship and how to escape it.
When things got really bad though, they moved her to a different class and I got into new friendship groups.
What was sad though, was that she started doing the same things to another girl in the new class so she obviously didn't learn. I got a few therapy sessions from a counsellor but I'm not sure if she did.
This was a middle-class , Christian school in the UK so, not comparable.
Thanks so much for making this video, it's a really important issue - education is so important and all kids should be protected [as well as taught who to treat others].
Hi Anna! Thanks so much for commenting and sharing your story. Sadly abusers will always find their victims. I spend a lot of time wondering why I was a target or why my bullies chose me, but in the end we have to realize that the problem isn't with us, it's with them. It's also sad that the victims of bullying are the ones told to seek counseling when in reality it's the bullies that need to look inward. Teachers, parents, and even other kids tend to victim blame victims of bullying because of how popular media portrays victims. They're shown as petty and are told to just "get over it" when the weight of that trauma could take years or even decades to really sink in. Sigh. I hope things are different now for kids, but sadly, I don't think they are.
I remember going to a teacher about a bully who was calling me slurs. She did nothing and even said that she hated snitches.
Good grief! 🤦🏾♀️
😂
Speaking as a bullied person (though I've done my fair share of bullying, in the past, too), the traumatising thing for me is actually not the bullying itself. It's the willingness of supposed authority figures to let it slide because they don't want the extra meetings or the paperwork. In fact, I got way more attacked and yelled at as a victim than as a bully. When I was a bully, I was sympathised with, seen as "crying for help". When I was a victim, I was yelled at, gaslit & abused repeatedly for standing up for myself. Doesn't change when you get older, either.
What kills me is that once you've decided to unassociate with the bully FOREVER , you're looked at as the bad guy. Why would you want to be friends or give another chance to a person that made your life hell? There was a meme about how people grow from their high school days and how you don't know them "now." It's a trash way to say fuck the emotional and psychological trauma I caused you , you need to know the new matured me. Like I truly can't.
I was bullied a lot in elementary school, and a little bit in middle school and high school (by that time I had developed a tough exterior so it didn’t affect me as a teenager), but the bullying from elementary school really stayed with me. On a positive note, one of the people who used to bully me found me on Facebook and apologized years later.
Half a year ago or so, I was contacted by my old bully. She wrote a long message apologizing for her behaviour. We talked a little bit. I really appreciate her courage to contact me. It was definitely something I have been waiting for for a long time. It doesn't change what happened and the struggles I had because of it, but it was nice to know that she was aware that she had caused me pain and that she had obviously thought about since.
I was a bully in school and the school handled it terribly. My victim and I had to "talk it out" and they essentially told us to be nicer to each other. Afterwards I remember walking out of the classroom to me friends who laughed and clapped me on the back. My bully had to walk passt us making mean jokes. If someone had sat me down and talked really seriously to me, if I had faced actual consequences for my actions and if other classmates would have told me to shut up, I’m pretty sure I would have stopped. I was never a victim. I was just really insecure and derived social validation from having people laugh as I bullied others. The thing that made me eventually stopp was when my victim stood up for herself. Looking back I can see now how fucking strong and cool she was. If she ever sees me again she is welcome to punch me in the face.
This comment is super old, and I'm not saying this to patronize you or anything, but realising you hurt others and deciding to grow so you stop doing that is very admirable, because more people need to do it.
This!🙌🏻 and the stereotype that bullied kids become school sho*ters & the “hurt people hurt” bs. I’ve been hurt by so many people & never took it out on anyone.
Ha, no, not in any helpful way to victims. I remember when Columbine happened, pretty soon after, bunch of kids ganged up on me until I said I wished they were dead, you know, normal kid stuff. They then went to the teacher, said they were scared and it escalated real quick. They knew what they were doing. Luckily, I had a principal who saw through what was going on and cut that off quick, but that day could have gone pretty badly for me. Most times all tragedy does is be a tragedy and become one more excuse for the powerful to screw over the powerless.
I really get tired of the whole "just ignore it" bs that a lot of people use to excuse bullying, I don't think many people understand that bullying is a form of abuse, whether that be verbal physical or whatever, I was bullied throughout my entire year of middle school, and it got so bad to the point where I tried to attempt suicide, leading me to being sent to a mental ward for the last week.
I didn't get to go to the promotion ceremony, that is a chance I will never be able to get back, I will never forget or forgive the people who destroyed my mental health and destroyed my will to live, don't ever forgive your bullies y'all.
I was bullied throughout my years through K-12, made to feel less then being I had difficulty speaking English therefore I was enrolled in speech therapy which other students mocked me for and by teachers for mumbling my words. For many kids who are from immigrant families as it was for me being 1st generation, plus the racism from school staff and teachers and their hostility they would treat us made me realize years later that public school in the US is a traumatic experience.
I loved that part in "You Again" where Kristen's character says "you don't get to belittle this." !!!!! TRUTH.
If my kid had to APOLOGIZE to someone threatening to kill them every day, yeah we are going to have some serious issues. The way these teachers or whatever were handling these situations were APPALLING and absolutely boils my blood.
I watched The Bully Project because of this video and there were so many moments that brought me to tears as a bully victim myself.
A trope that I also absolutely hate when comes to bullying, is "Every bully has a sympathetic tragic home life".
No, they do not. Many are simply abusive assholes, who get a kick on making other's life hell, and know well enough how to play the system against anyone who goes against them.
And also, having a "sympathetic tragic home life" is not justification for bullying.
I hate that bullying is seen as normal, a right of passage, or natural behaviour for kids. Don't encourage/dismiss the affects of bullying at a young age, and don't act like it's to be expected.
That bully project clip was BEYOND upsetting...
👏👏👏👏
I got bullied in middle school. At first it was only in 1 class, in which I complained to the teacher only to be told "sometime you got to get along with people you don't like". A few months later, the bully physically hit me. My friend convinced me to report it, but the principal proceeded to put equal blame on me and gave us both 1 day of Out of School suspension (it was a Friday followed by a break). I had told my family, but a few weeks later they switched sides after talking with the school staff.
I forget my middle school bully's name more often than not. I have never forgiven nor forgotten the gross injustice I felt being treated like I was a part of the problem.
I was bullied in primary school and it caused me to develop an eating disorder! I'm glad people are speaking out against bullying now
How zero bully policy works. It blames the victim in order to make you stop saying you are getting bullied. I knew a few where they would suspend both kids saying the bully kid 'must have asked for it from the bully'. Usually the bullied kids get attacked by the school workers getting blamed and/or punished because the school wants it to they do not have to hear about it and claim they do not have bully issues there. It works how the school wants it to because they bullied kid learns to keep abuse quiet and if the bully gets worse the school can claim no one told them about it.
A bully creates a monster and is then surprised when the monster attacks.
I'm still living with the trauma of 16 years of bullying.. severe agoraphobia, anxiety and depression. People really love to deligitimize bullying. I hear often "I was bullied too and I am fine!" But when you look into it it was just their friends calling them stupid nicknames they were never mad about.. it's like people don't even know what real bullying is and what it does to people
Yeh
I was bullied for 11 years. And in my final year, my mom found out about the cyberbullying I also was getting (that was new, they used to bully me in real life, but then the class made a Facebook group and the bullying started there also), she talked with the coordinator in my school, and with the teacher. They made all kids in class apologize, and then the teacher said loudly in front of everyone and for all of them to hear "You all know how some kids are these days, they get offended about everything and are incapable of taking any jokes, shame on them". I cried for sooo long.
wtf Im sorry you had to go through that the teacher was definitely a bully as a student god
I’ll never forget finally taking the group of girls that bullied me to the school admin, having a sit down together with them and a teacher, and all four of them twisting it around saying I was the one bullying them. They said that everything I said they did was actually me doing it to them!!! The teacher went off on me about how bullying is wrong and that I couldn’t just pick on the four of them because I’m “jealous”. Needless to say the bullying got even worse and I never went to my school about it again.
This goes for manipulators and abusers too.. the victims are trivialized, and the perpetrators are sympathized with. “Oh, did he abuse you in multiple ways, drive you into depression, and hurt everyone you loved? Yeah ouch but did you know he had daddy issues?” And then the narrative is flipped and it’s “why can’t that inconsiderate victim not see why poor abuser man would be abusive in the first place???? What a bad victim.”
This brings back memories of my secondary school. Myself and many other girls were physically sexually harassed and yet the teachers told us to "Just ignore it." If young teenagers have had their bottoms unwantedly pinched repeatedly then they start to feel that their body simply isn't their own, that we supposedly exist just for the excitement of men. This isn't okay.
bully victims do not "owe" someone forgiveness. that's a trope from many movies that just seems like a cheap resolution. if someone hurts you, you have every right to express your feelings.
When I was being bullied in elementary school, a kid said he was going to slit my throat. In middle school he changed schools. I reached out to him, he apologized. And I actually became friends with him and forgave him. One day he just ghosted me. Now I look back and thank god he did. Because your right bully victims don't have to forgive or befriend their bullies. I feel like I did befriend him bc people were making fun of him after he left. And it was my attempt at normalizing what happend.
Also few years at school I've been bullied All My Life by horrible people and no help from teachers and when I got to college after a few years I just had enough and started walking our classes because of the anger I had built for years from school to college and as I left College I've finally learnt to calm the hell down being bullied sucks but don't let the darkness and Anger consume you for those that have been bullied because you might end up doing things you might regret and this is my personal level.
Azrael the Grumpy Hedgehog thankyou so much for sharing your story!
@@CheyenneLin no worries thanks for doing this video.
If I was ever bullied in school it didn't really register to me because it could never be as bad as the emotional abuse my parents put me through. But I do remember occasionally being the bully, and I really regret the things I said to other students now that I'm mature enough to reflect on that time in my life. It's kind of my mom's fault for being a terrible role model, but if I ever cross paths with any of those students again I'll definitely own up to my behavior and apologize.
I remember one time in middle school this girl called me gay in front of everyone and my teacher heard it and didn’t say anything!
I'm going to cry over that poor lesbian student, just thinking about how that must have felt
is so upsetting.
I was bullied and punished for it, what a society we live in
I was punished for trying to bring attention to it. I heard that someone in the grade above me had her dad come talk to her class about bullying, so I tried to do the same. I guess I wasn’t rich enough for them to care. I was suspended the week before the last week of school and I got zeros on everything in the last week because I was behind.
Same here
9:15 *"Can you try to get along?"*
This is the same rubbish my teachers used to tell me every time I told them they were bullying me. How am I supposed to get along with a person who hurts me consistently and unapologetically? These kinds of teachers infuriate me!!!
I´m never going to forgive my former elementary school class teacher for latently bullying me and doing nothing when the new girl bullied me (I was happy when she finally did get ostracised by the others and left school).
If my kid ever gets bullied and the teacher doesnt do anything or is complicit in it/bullies my child, I´m not gonna do nothing, I will call them out on this bs and shame them publicly.
Nobody:
Really Nobody:
Random racist Children: uuuh, looks different let's beat it up
Me: being suicidal at six
My teachers: randomly supporting the kids and bullying me
When logic dies
I'm so glad someone touched on this subject. It's disgusting how victims of bullying are shamed and the people responsible for their suffering go on without serious consequences. This only enables for more people to get hurt and even die.