0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
What I didn't hear is what is happening to David's money. Is he losing money in his business? Obviously he doesn't know if his jobs are profitable, or how profitable. I was a contractor, knowing the cost of each job is extremely important, so that he knows how much to charge for the next job. Is David drinking, gambling, drugs, just where is his money going? David needs to do two things. Find our how much each job he does costs, and compare it to what he charges. The second thing is make that minimum payment, twice a month, make the same payment twice instead of once. He has to get out from under that 26% interest.
If he is maintaining her property that has rental income on it he should be invoicing her for the work. Why is this picking on his debt and ignoring hers, and his is for the business and hers is for what exactly? And why is she not supporting by helping him for the little time of maybe 1 or 2 hrs a week to tally the jobs orders. And why is she whining about him having some business debt when she owns the property solely and has some 95k in investments. Why not cash some investment to level the debt if the interest bothers her that much? I think she's holding the bag and hes working for free for her property and gets nothing in return but her whining that he's not doing enough. He needs to value himself more and then she will have more respect for him. She's probably bored in the relationship because shes been pushing him around for so long.
Balance Transfer offer from a credit card (CC)? play them against each other to get that rate down......Someone will make money from your debt, but who wants to make the least while you go after the debt!!!! They will increase your limit to accommodate all of your debt if you explain your plan to pay off the debt....why? b/c they will make money & you will be a good customer with your plan.....Bring the CC onto your success team!!!
Yeah I have similar opinions to him on money. I don’t care for it enough to be a driving motivator. But wtf. There’s so many moments where I’m saying this guys an idiot.
All of these coaching sessions are so hard to hear and they really hit me in the gut. Melody is married to a man who probably never worked a regular job, has no social security coming to him, has no retirement savings and will have to work until he dies. I don’t know what the solution is for this highly financially incompatible couple. Melody’s fear is that her husband is going to take her down with him.
Self employed people will receive social security as long as they paid 12% in to it every year. When you are a w2 employee you pay 6 percent and your employer pays 6%. Whereas, when your self employed you have to pay the full 12 percent. HOWEVER, many of the self employed don’t pay into social security. They either aren’t educated about it. Or don’t bother to pay in to it.
Wow 90% of Ramit's episodes make me so grateful I'm single. No manipulation, no drama. Just me securing my future and enjoying myself. No complaints here!
Here I am, thankful I met my wife who impacted me so much that I forced myself to mature. I'm glad I learned these lessons while young, we just hit 5 years of marriage and I wish these couples nothing but the best.
She wants a provider. A partner. Not a child she has to plan and care for. She carries all that burden and he just lets her carry it. He "feels like he's in the best position he's ever been in in his entire life." Yeah, because his wife is doing all of the planning and fretting and stressing and making sure everything is covered. He's got it good. I feel so bad for her. She's doing her best not to nag and it is clear she genuinely cares for him and wants this to work. He seems clueless.
He's not clueless - he knows exactly what he is doing - coasting with her as a security blanket. She's the real problem in that she can't set the REAL boundaries in her own life. Another woman who delusionally thinks she can get a man to change - after 16 years!!!!!
I could feel the struggle here, it was hard for Ramit to talk to David, and David felt to me like passive aggressive and resistant. If I were Melody I would probably just wnd this relationship
This is terrible advice, because if she gets rid of David who is going to do the work on the property? It’s going to come out of her own pocket which is going to have her paying more than she’s paying now short term thinking.
@@floyddaye9068I haven't finished listening to all of this yet. But if they are not legally married, then he could file for bankruptcy couldn't he? As everything is in her name?
Optimistically, $20,000 is not bad to tackle. But the bigger problem is David. If this debt is paid off, I can see him taking advantage of credit line once again. Walk away. Let him survive on his own. He's so nonchalant about the issue and her concern.
It very much looked like a mother with her child relationship. He doesn't seem to want to grow up and take responsibility and live an adult life, while that's all she wishes. This is a great case of the saying Love is not enough.
The fact that she has to tip toe gives me anxiety on what happens behind closed doors. He got me at "I can't wait for us to combine... blah blah." I was like, "okay girl that is stupid!"
Imagine having Ramit on a video call giving you one on one advice, and you decide it's time to yell, "I DON'T KNOWWWW", while throwing your hands up like a six year old. David should not be in business for himself. He needs to work for someone. Let Melody take over running the business.
Of course David is happy with where he's at. There are no natural consequences to his actions: Melody always takes care of it. The scary part is is that, if ANYTHING were to happen to Melody (health wise, financially, etc.), they are both in a not so good position. That being said, I hope he continues making positive progress and they can put this chapter behind them.
David’s lack of urgency and awareness of his situation makes this hard to watch! He is acting like he has decades to get caught up. We all know time flies away faster than we can plan for it. I was surprised to hear their responses at the end. Hope this is the spark they needed to turn their lives around as a couple.
She married a hippie, that’s all. Being with a hippie is really fun in your teens and 20’s. But then you want stuff, like a house, kids, vacations, to retire not penniless, and unless both people are hippies, that’s just not gonna work out for one of them in the end.
I listened to the podcast and at the end I was thinking he doesn’t get it. But I was so encouraged for him with his written response. I hope he leans into it.
She is actually following in her mother foot steps, from the story she gave. She seems to be afraid of him leaving her, so she not going to talk to him about money, she tip toe around when she speaking. Her husband is comfortable with his life.
My ex-husband kept being told "That's it?" when giving estimates. I encouraged him to bump them up 25% across the board, since he had a ton more jobs than he could complete, and he was in high demand. He didn't raise the bids for little old ladies, but other customers didn't even flinch when he raised them 25%. Like David, he was great at his trade but horrible with money 🙈
This is exactly what i was going to say to the exact percentage. Its not a business issue as much as charge more from loyal customers. But it is a mindset more than a numbers thing
As an outsider, it seems like forgetting that papers were all signed and ready to submit was pretty convenient. She immediately moves on from “We had a wedding” to “oh shoot I didn’t know the paperwork is locked and loaded” back to “If we got married…” then into the weeds of her credit being at risk. I think it’s totally understandable but definitely sounds like a story someone tells themselves.
Oh I was in this situation. Married to a creative free spirit that couldn't charge ppl enough, didn't manage his time and ultimately I feel neglected family responsibility it was deeply painful to watch this for me. All the years I paid for things and covered costs while he never told me upfront his debts or discussed finances. The stress and anxiety it caused me is unmatched and I felt a total lack of safety. I'm not sure this guy will keep to his word with melody.
This man is a creator. He needs help, because he doesn't know how to sell. He has passion, but that is it. Not everybody has a mind and instinct to become an entrepreneur.
Exactly! People are being way too hard on him, he's a creator, a worker, an artist. Think of all of the boyfriends or husbands that go to the bar and drink or sit on the couch and watch TV all day, I can see they really do love each other but Melody needs the money thing to improve, he can't see the issue because he's doing better than he ever has. They need guidance, more therapy with the host lol!
I was only 5 minutes in. So far could’ve answered all the questions for her. Feeling so bad, this is a heavy conversation. I hope he is ready to actually make changes. Doubtful so far, but hoping I’m proven wrong
There are a decent number of comments on this episode noting that David is "creative" and does a lot of work on the property, and the implication is that Melody doesn't recognize his contributions. I don't think that's the case at all. Him being creative and hard-working doesn't excuse him from turning a blind eye to his debt and their finances, effectively leaving her shouldering all the responsibility. And he even admits that in the end of episode update. While this conversation was tough to watch at points, the update was very inspiring. I can tell that they love each other very much, and it seems like they're on a great path forward.
The relationship with money should be discussed AT DATING LEVEL if you are thinking of going forward....living together, marriage etc. IF you have very opposing or different ideas. STOP IT WILL NEVER WORK.
She looks scared for speaking her mind but got to a point she can't stand that anymore. He seems to be taking advantage of her and it'll not likely change despite the nice words at the end of video
Aw, the ending of this episode made me tear up. I’m sure they’ll figure this out and communicating about finances is important. My husband and I have started listening to these episodes together and they bring up such interesting questions/observations. We’ve both read your book and it’s been very helpful in helping us create our rich life. Thanks so much for doing these!
Was so relieved to hear the hopeful follow up messages at the end! Despite this being a difficult convo for both of them, it was so clear how much they loved and cared about each other. This video obviously displayed a low point in their relationship/life together, but it's important to remember that just seeing a couple in a moment like this doesn't show the big picture of their whole relationship. Hopefully their financial situation continues to improve so they can enjoy many long years together far down the road.
As someone making triple figures, this is literally why I don’t go into relationships these days. I don’t want to risk my positive mindset around money by combining my finances with someone who is just completely different to me.
What does making triple figures mean? I know 5 figures is 10k-99k per year, 6 figures is 100k-999k per year and so on, but have never heard of the term "triple figures"! Google tells me it means you make $100-999 a month, but I don't think that's what you are referring to, right?
I absolutely love these videos. Ramit is such an amazing counselor. In some states, debts incurred before marriage remain the legal responsibility of the original debtor. They do not become “joint debts.” So, if there is a divorce later, or the original debtor dies, the new spouse has no responsibility to pay them. So in Melody’s case, she will not be legally responsible for David’s personal debt, if that is Texas law. Of course, she can give him money to help pay it off, but she may not legally be required to do so. She mentioned being worried about that when they talked about becoming legally married. Likewise, assets or property owned individually before marriage can remain separate property unless they are retitled into joint ownership. Consult an attorney in your state, regarding these issues.
David probably needs to sit down with a licensed therapist sooner than later . A partner that is financially unstable over long periods of time will sink the entire ship . He has nothing put away for retirements and she only has 90,000. Also, he has no idea how the math side works on his own business! She cannot change him until he is ready to change. She hopefully will continue to put money away towards her own retirement . I do wish them the best though. I agree with Ramit though that this is a much deeper issue that go beyond money .
Hmmm.... David didn't strike me as "needing" therapy. (Quotes because therapy is great for everyone.) He struck me more as lacking in fundamental knowledge of personal finance and how to run his business. He seems like a free spirit/ creative type who hasn't had the proper mentoring and education to be successful in those areas. I loved how he was willing to accept influence during the episode and started making changes right away. I think he could benefit from some mentoring and coaching in regards to how to price his bids and run his business.
I was listening to the podcast and had to switch over to TH-cam for this one. This gave me palpitations. I really hope this was a huge step in the right direction.
I know someone in this position. Every time she tried to talk to him about finances he would get angry and shut down. This is never going to work unless there is a firm commitment from David to pay down his debt with NO faltering. He’s in a good position because Melody is picking up the slack. Melody is afraid to speak her true feelings. Don’t file the paperwork until you’re debt free and on a new path. This is a recipe for a meltdown disaster. I am 68 years old Melody and I can tell you that life moves way faster than you even realize. Do not destroy your future wishing and hoping. I felt hopeful for you both hearing your responses after the show. The proof is in the pudding though. You’re both brave to expose your finances in this way. I wish you all the best.💜
@@jodief8371 Are you serious?? SHE pays the entire mortgage and for the food and can't put money into retirement because he cannot contribute to the household finances. He barely makes money with his business. He's living off of her!!
My heart broke for Melody. She tried so hard to convey what she was needing while respecting him as a life partner, but message wasn’t being heard. I too don’t give a fig about money either, but if my partner is willing to be open and vulnerable like she was, I’d set aside some of my pride and preconceived notions about money to see what she needed. Hoping for the best for those two.
Did you see the fear in her eye when she gave the speech about setting goals and he said I just got a big anxiety when melody just said that. Her eye got huge and she did a deep inhale. This is crazy how afraid she is. She addressing her concerns and it the same time trying to defend him. He wants credit for mowing the lawn, ain’t you suppose to be the leader of the house?? My husband mowed lawn and pay the mortgage, Amongst other things. This is just sad.
He's not supposed to be the leader, she does not want or need a leader, she wants a partner, a collaborator. I agree with everything else you said. Her speech would give me anxiety as well, but it would be a good anxiety that spurs me to communicate and collaborate. Props to him for the follow-up message though, that was unexpected progress.
@@IAmebAdger thanks for your feedback back, however if your a Christian, we follow the Bible and men are suppose to lead they are the head of the house hold. If you don’t believe in a biblical house hold, thats cool too. People have that option.
@@gwene.9912the bible says all sorts of things that doesn’t apply to the modern world. You’re supposed to leave the town limits and dig a hole to do a number 2. You can sell your daughters of you’re very very poor, that’s in there.
Melody is feeling the pressure of getting older and likely knowing that life is shorter than we like and can change rapidly and unexpectedly, so the savings and investment are more important to her now than they used to be. David does physical labor and that's very demanding on the body; he can't do these things forever. Plus, given what he does, he could suffer a job-related injury and it could all come to a screeching halt. Also, Texas is a common law marriage state, so they're legally married at this point, paperwork filed or not 😀
They are extremely ill fitted for each other. He’s a free spirited butterfly and Melody is the disciplined, responsible one. How is she even still attracted to him? She needs to get away from him immediately. Otherwise, shes gonna adopt his mediocrity.
I had an ex that was lile this. I paid everything livinf paycheck to paycheck even though I made good money cuz I was carrying the household finances on my own and buying appliances he said he would help me pay for and paying rent that he said he would pay half of. I never got any help wven thought he was a contractor and fixed things around the house. He had no steady income and oftem undercharged clients or did not collect from people who owed him. I got fed up, I was depressed and trapped. I set up my life elsewhere, gave him notice and left. After that I was able to pay off the debt I racked up dealing with him and I could breathe again. Funny enough, 1 month after I was gone he got a REAL 9-5 job
Wow, that's so shit, that person took you for a ride and appeared to purposefully effect your health and wellbeing. Knowing he got a job after you left. I hope you are okay, sometimes going it alone for a little while is better than being with someone harming you. ❤
This was so so hard to listen, I feel like we went in circles and went no where but I genuinely hope that they find their way to clarity and a good plan they carry through.
16 years and she was not aware until this episode that their financial “futures” are not compatible? 😮 when I heard the house is in her name I felt a sense of relief. The money going out from both of them should be detailed on how it’s spent . What a strange interview indeed
Having never filed the paperwork means they can avoid a divorce and just split up now. Because money is the #1 reason for this divorce and they have some big money issues and disconnects
I am so inspired by her. She’s not letting her love and care for him cloud her (extremely wise, imo) judgment to not financially bind herself to someone who does not care about an aggressively accumulating debt. Also, chile not him saying he wants to pay off his debt while paying the minimum against an aggressively growing lump sum. PLEASE. 😭
Melody is bending over backwards to be accommodating. David needs to narrow his focus on pulling his weight to wipe the 28k in debt which he alone has caused It almost seems that he is waiting to win the Lottery to pull his butt out of this financial fire which he alone has caused He has no idea that 99/100 of the women on Planet Earth would leave him high and dry because he hasnt acted like a responsible adult yet
Melody is terrified of being left holding the bag should something happen to David (becoming her mom), and David doesn't see/wants to ignore how his approach to money contributes to their life and Melody's stress (repeating his dad's mistakes). It's quite the thought experiment to think about what their 10 acres would have looked like, how many people they could have hired to take care of the grounds or rented to, the type of stress-free life they could have had, if David had paid attention sooner, or if Melody drew a line in the sand on her contributions to force the issue. They could have had the natural swimming pool literally years ago. Maybe even purchased more acres! I sincerely hope they get on the other side of this.
David needs to make a much bigger percentage on his jobs, his profit is not substantial enough to make it work, surprised nobody brought that up. I would ask if he’s had any schooling on operating a business or learning about money and how maybe taking a business class so he’s not so lost, seems like he jumped right into a new business without a clue about like profit and loss and he’s just winging it with no help in that part of actually running it, learn some basics and then you can figure out what the problem is
My interest rate is 27% on a 6000 debt. I just payed it off $6000 right now. Both credit cards were with me for almost 20+ years, even though I have a perfect score but that 6000 was eating me up inside because I was only paying minimum, the root that cause me using credit cards was that I brother, sister and cousins ask to borrow money and they just wouldn’t pay me back, it’s almost like they’ll pay me whenever they pay me and it’s been over 20+ years. Now that I manage to pay off the this 6000 debt, I have lifted this weight off my back, I’m still going to be the nice person that I have always been but just put a shield around my money because the ones that borrow money from me always acts like I’m going to ask my money back from them and always avoid me.
Thank you for sharing your story. I see some similarities in my situation and this provided me with some more clarity. I can relate to Melody when she says she wants to talk and collaborate but not feeling heard ❤.
We're all here because we're interested in finances, so we're probably above average in terms of outlook and position. In actuality, this guy is the norm.
Melody doesn't have to wait for happiness and celebration. Melody please leave this man because even if he gets 90 years old, he would still say that he feels young. David doesn't know but Melody does so Melody please leave
This guy is amazing. The problem isn't him it's his business sense. He's probably damn good, so sell time and materials projects without feeling guilty. He's under charging because he doesn't realize how much it's actually worth and he's been trained to expect low pay! Someone, maybe Melody, needs to say "client, this man will make a fantastic deck. To get this deck you agree to pay for whatever deck stuff is needed, AND pay X rate to build it, typically this comes to about Y dollars, but if we need more of z item that material cost could increase." At least until they both have a more full picture of the real after the fact costs of a job. Finding ways for him to see the value in what he does will make his business successful.
Omg, this situation is terrible. The lack of communication between this couple is off the charts. They need to find a therapist, but I doubt if he will go. 😥😥
In the most recent podcasts, we have learned two ways Ramit’s DNR will become active. Not being able to squat two plates in a squat, and saying that all he wants is to make his wife happy 😅😅
Ok, accountant here - you need a good accountant that helps you calculate the cost. There's got to be a way to understand how much he's making and what to charge. Learning curve usually brings those differences but later on you learn how to charge.
Oh, this episode so matches my own situation... Only worse. At least David uses his money. My S.O. gives away --- literally -- all of his money to strangers, and wonders why I never want to spend my money like that, also. I pay pretty much 100% of all bills and expenses AND all fixes and repairs. Would love to talk about this one your show. :)
This was a wonderful episode. I read some of the comments below and what stuck me as true is that "she married a hippy" and also "he's just like my father, he doesn't know how to write a bid". I think people are being way too hard on David here. He reminds me of a good friend of mine who works really hard and gives a lot, but isn't fairly compensated, he doesn't want to make it about money, he gives more than he should and ends up broke. David obviously works really really hard around the property. She could not take care of the house without him. She could not fix the cars, mow the lawn and repair things without him. I think they could make an amazing team. He needs to get help to figure out how to charge properly for the work he does. Maybe they need one more renter to help pay off some of the debt more quickly, esp the 25% interest loan. I really like these guys and appreciate them coming on this show, I think they both did a great job. Melody is frustrated, yes, she doesn't want to lose David or their life but needs things to change. How about ongoing monthly therapy with the host or someone similar?
What an amazing story, thanks to Melody and David for share. A lot to learn from this conversation, talk about money with your partner is not easy but this is exactly one of the reasons I recently join the program, to follow a system that is not telling you what to do, is giving you the tools so you find the solution that work in your case.
Wow... this is such an eye opener to bring such clarity to some of the things we avoid. Most of all, it stems from when we were children and influenced by those that was around us. I am so enjoying hearing the perspective and results it is resolving. Blessing to your online business counseling. For lack of a better word. Thanks again!
Parts of the episode was quite heartbreaking. I appreciate David and Melanie’s courage to share their story. I really felt bad for David and am so glad he is braving through his avoidant tendencies and making real changes. Wishing them both the best!
It’s crazy how shocking it is to people when the truth comes on their monthly budget. This is sad to watch, hope to they can learn and grow from this interview.
My situation with my ex was not as financially crushing, but this really resonated and made me reflect on why did I tolerate being with someone entirely incompatible in term on finances. Guess for many of us it feels like we’re materialistic and unfairly abandoning someone because of bad money management versus other kind of incompatibilities. This shows how important the topic is and how unaddressed it normally goes, so thankful for Ramit to tackling this.
So he's bringing in $400 for cutting grass... And how much if they hired a chief instead of all the dinners she cooks? Really towing him a bone in this bit.
I met a guy like David while backpacking in Laos. He was around 30 and would do odd jobs in Australia like painting and picking apples for a few months until he earned enough to go traveling again. He radiated this pure positivity and contentment like no one I'd ever met. I wonder if life eventually forced him to become responsible and start buying index funds.
That lifestyle is 100% fine when you're young and a nomad traveling the world. Nothing wrong there. But this guy here has a stable life, a business, a partner who VERY MUCH wants stability and they are heading towards middle age. He is not the right partner for her.
Would be interesting to know if he even files Federal Income Tax Returns. David makes it sound like he keeps no paperwork, so how does he do taxes on his business?
Excellent episode! Just started watching the channel after seeing the Netflix show. These are some very thought provoking and difficult discussions you are having with these guests and are providing much food for thought for me. Just bought the book and am ready to go through it!
0:00 Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.
What I didn't hear is what is happening to David's money. Is he losing money in his business? Obviously he doesn't know if his jobs are profitable, or how profitable. I was a contractor, knowing the cost of each job is extremely important, so that he knows how much to charge for the next job. Is David drinking, gambling, drugs, just where is his money going? David needs to do two things. Find our how much each job he does costs, and compare it to what he charges. The second thing is make that minimum payment, twice a month, make the same payment twice instead of once. He has to get out from under that 26% interest.
If he is maintaining her property that has rental income on it he should be invoicing her for the work. Why is this picking on his debt and ignoring hers, and his is for the business and hers is for what exactly? And why is she not supporting by helping him for the little time of maybe 1 or 2 hrs a week to tally the jobs orders. And why is she whining about him having some business debt when she owns the property solely and has some 95k in investments. Why not cash some investment to level the debt if the interest bothers her that much? I think she's holding the bag and hes working for free for her property and gets nothing in return but her whining that he's not doing enough. He needs to value himself more and then she will have more respect for him. She's probably bored in the relationship because shes been pushing him around for so long.
Why don't they go to credit card debt counseling to get the interest on cards reduced to pay it off faster
Balance Transfer offer from a credit card (CC)? play them against each other to get that rate down......Someone will make money from your debt, but who wants to make the least while you go after the debt!!!! They will increase your limit to accommodate all of your debt if you explain your plan to pay off the debt....why? b/c they will make money & you will be a good customer with your plan.....Bring the CC onto your success team!!!
So curious where they are now. Honestly, I hope she dumped him.
Something about this guy makes my skin crawl. But my heart goes out to Melody.
Yeah I have similar opinions to him on money. I don’t care for it enough to be a driving motivator.
But wtf. There’s so many moments where I’m saying this guys an idiot.
Same!
That's on you. I don't see that at all.
Same. He doesn't see a problem. Self- praising.
Agree. Melody run like hell. You're better off alone.
All of these coaching sessions are so hard to hear and they really hit me in the gut. Melody is married to a man who probably never worked a regular job, has no social security coming to him, has no retirement savings and will have to work until he dies. I don’t know what the solution is for this highly financially incompatible couple. Melody’s fear is that her husband is going to take her down with him.
Do not count on there being any social security in the future.
Bingo !
@@lindabarron2181 25% cut in Social Security benefits coming up very soon.
He is letting mommie take care of him
Self employed people will receive social security as long as they paid 12% in to it every year. When you are a w2 employee you pay 6 percent and your employer pays 6%. Whereas, when your self employed you have to pay the full 12 percent.
HOWEVER, many of the self employed don’t pay into social security. They either aren’t educated about it. Or don’t bother to pay in to it.
Wow 90% of Ramit's episodes make me so grateful I'm single. No manipulation, no drama. Just me securing my future and enjoying myself. No complaints here!
Omg I’ve thought the exact same thing during 80% of the couples calls
I concur ❤😊 really happy I'm single!
Yeaaa....I gotta agree
I am thinking the SAME damn thing 😅
Here I am, thankful I met my wife who impacted me so much that I forced myself to mature. I'm glad I learned these lessons while young, we just hit 5 years of marriage and I wish these couples nothing but the best.
She wants a provider. A partner. Not a child she has to plan and care for. She carries all that burden and he just lets her carry it. He "feels like he's in the best position he's ever been in in his entire life." Yeah, because his wife is doing all of the planning and fretting and stressing and making sure everything is covered. He's got it good. I feel so bad for her. She's doing her best not to nag and it is clear she genuinely cares for him and wants this to work. He seems clueless.
Agreed, it's a form of financial abuse. It's not as blatant as some, but is much more insidious.
He's not clueless - he knows exactly what he is doing - coasting with her as a security blanket. She's the real problem in that she can't set the REAL boundaries in her own life.
Another woman who delusionally thinks she can get a man to change - after 16 years!!!!!
is a provider a partner though?? coz to me it feels like wen u're a taker u're also that child she's dreading he is
just curious
Truth! What she really has is a manchild who is eventually going to need to be cared for by her 100% of the time.
You ain’t wrong when you’re RIGHT!
Not legally married = Free!!
Go, girl. That man is an iceburg and his nonchalant attitude, the calm waters that will sink your ship.
Absolutely!!
Those follow-ups though
I could feel the struggle here, it was hard for Ramit to talk to David, and David felt to me like passive aggressive and resistant. If I were Melody I would probably just wnd this relationship
Agree. You think after 16 years she would wake the hell up and smell the coffee. You cannot change another person.
He doesn't know much about money. 😢
Melody seems so kind, patient, and competent! I really wish them luck, this was a difficult episode to listen to
She is really trying to hold it together.
She is too kind and patient - The word is *DOORMAT*.
Girl, RUN! Seriously.
This is terrible advice, because if she gets rid of David who is going to do the work on the property? It’s going to come out of her own pocket which is going to have her paying more than she’s paying now short term thinking.
@@floyddaye9068I haven't finished listening to all of this yet. But if they are not legally married, then he could file for bankruptcy couldn't he? As everything is in her name?
He’s like a grown children. No accounting, no stress, no plan…
Its love
@@jamesstpatrick8493 what’s love got to do with it, in my Tina turner voice . 😂
Optimistically, $20,000 is not bad to tackle. But the bigger problem is David. If this debt is paid off, I can see him taking advantage of credit line once again. Walk away. Let him survive on his own. He's so nonchalant about the issue and her concern.
It very much looked like a mother with her child relationship.
He doesn't seem to want to grow up and take responsibility and live an adult life, while that's all she wishes. This is a great case of the saying Love is not enough.
^ ^ Exactly right. Love is not enough here. He's dragging her down.
😢
The fact that she has to tip toe gives me anxiety on what happens behind closed doors. He got me at "I can't wait for us to combine... blah blah." I was like, "okay girl that is stupid!"
Imagine having Ramit on a video call giving you one on one advice, and you decide it's time to yell, "I DON'T KNOWWWW", while throwing your hands up like a six year old.
David should not be in business for himself. He needs to work for someone. Let Melody take over running the business.
Yep
Of course David is happy with where he's at. There are no natural consequences to his actions: Melody always takes care of it. The scary part is is that, if ANYTHING were to happen to Melody (health wise, financially, etc.), they are both in a not so good position.
That being said, I hope he continues making positive progress and they can put this chapter behind them.
David’s lack of urgency and awareness of his situation makes this hard to watch! He is acting like he has decades to get caught up. We all know time flies away faster than we can plan for it. I was surprised to hear their responses at the end. Hope this is the spark they needed to turn their lives around as a couple.
Good thing about their finance being separate is that she can leave and carry none of his irresponsibility with her. Which she should.
She married a hippie, that’s all. Being with a hippie is really fun in your teens and 20’s. But then you want stuff, like a house, kids, vacations, to retire not penniless, and unless both people are hippies, that’s just not gonna work out for one of them in the end.
😢scary.
He's a user. Hippies do save and invest. I know Hippies worth multiple millions. I love my Hippie friends ❤
He’s not an endearing Hippie unfortunately.
I divorced mine and feel incredible relief. Melody will not have any easier decisions to face as time moves forward.
He's no hippie. He's a leach. Hippies are far smarter and more resourceful.
Melody is so patient, and all she wants is to be debt free. Her partner does not want it as bad as she does.
I listened to the podcast and at the end I was thinking he doesn’t get it. But I was so encouraged for him with his written response. I hope he leans into it.
I hope so, too
She is actually following in her mother foot steps, from the story she gave. She seems to be afraid of him leaving her, so she not going to talk to him about money, she tip toe around when she speaking. Her husband is comfortable with his life.
My ex-husband kept being told "That's it?" when giving estimates. I encouraged him to bump them up 25% across the board, since he had a ton more jobs than he could complete, and he was in high demand. He didn't raise the bids for little old ladies, but other customers didn't even flinch when he raised them 25%. Like David, he was great at his trade but horrible with money 🙈
At least he took some advice. They can tend to be so defensive. Great news!
Yeah when the quality of work is there people are willing to pay more
This is exactly what i was going to say to the exact percentage. Its not a business issue as much as charge more from loyal customers. But it is a mindset more than a numbers thing
As an outsider, it seems like forgetting that papers were all signed and ready to submit was pretty convenient. She immediately moves on from “We had a wedding” to “oh shoot I didn’t know the paperwork is locked and loaded” back to “If we got married…” then into the weeds of her credit being at risk. I think it’s totally understandable but definitely sounds like a story someone tells themselves.
Oh I was in this situation. Married to a creative free spirit that couldn't charge ppl enough, didn't manage his time and ultimately I feel neglected family responsibility it was deeply painful to watch this for me. All the years I paid for things and covered costs while he never told me upfront his debts or discussed finances. The stress and anxiety it caused me is unmatched and I felt a total lack of safety. I'm not sure this guy will keep to his word with melody.
I'm sorry this happened to you. I hope you were able to walk away.
This man is a creator. He needs help, because he doesn't know how to sell. He has passion, but that is it. Not everybody has a mind and instinct to become an entrepreneur.
But WHY wouldn’t he let her manage his books???
Exactly! People are being way too hard on him, he's a creator, a worker, an artist. Think of all of the boyfriends or husbands that go to the bar and drink or sit on the couch and watch TV all day, I can see they really do love each other but Melody needs the money thing to improve, he can't see the issue because he's doing better than he ever has. They need guidance, more therapy with the host lol!
Having been in a similar situation i feel so bad for her. She looks really stressed and worn down to me.
I was only 5 minutes in. So far could’ve answered all the questions for her. Feeling so bad, this is a heavy conversation. I hope he is ready to actually make changes. Doubtful so far, but hoping I’m proven wrong
Ugh, same here. I’m wondering if it was the same person.
Women who end up in role reversal relationships always end up looking old before their time.
Yes I agree. She's very tired. I just got out of a relationship with a similar dynamic and I was worn out after just 3 years... she's in way longer.
@@tessy28 That's just sexist and not true
There are a decent number of comments on this episode noting that David is "creative" and does a lot of work on the property, and the implication is that Melody doesn't recognize his contributions. I don't think that's the case at all. Him being creative and hard-working doesn't excuse him from turning a blind eye to his debt and their finances, effectively leaving her shouldering all the responsibility. And he even admits that in the end of episode update.
While this conversation was tough to watch at points, the update was very inspiring. I can tell that they love each other very much, and it seems like they're on a great path forward.
What about her debt?
@@jodief8371 I didn't get the impression she was turning a blind eye to the debt.
The relationship with money should be discussed AT DATING LEVEL if you are thinking of going forward....living together, marriage etc.
IF you have very opposing or different ideas. STOP IT WILL NEVER WORK.
Completely agree. My partner and I had a money date after three months of dating
Also discuss the possibility of wanting a family, and work out if your partner is a total hoarder like mine 😂
So true. You'll end up becoming bitter and resentful
This is not a partnership, when only one partner is responsible and the other is not.
She looks scared for speaking her mind but got to a point she can't stand that anymore. He seems to be taking advantage of her and it'll not likely change despite the nice words at the end of video
Aw, the ending of this episode made me tear up. I’m sure they’ll figure this out and communicating about finances is important. My husband and I have started listening to these episodes together and they bring up such interesting questions/observations. We’ve both read your book and it’s been very helpful in helping us create our rich life. Thanks so much for doing these!
dang Ramit, at this point you should just go get your couples counseling license.
Was so relieved to hear the hopeful follow up messages at the end! Despite this being a difficult convo for both of them, it was so clear how much they loved and cared about each other. This video obviously displayed a low point in their relationship/life together, but it's important to remember that just seeing a couple in a moment like this doesn't show the big picture of their whole relationship. Hopefully their financial situation continues to improve so they can enjoy many long years together far down the road.
As someone making triple figures, this is literally why I don’t go into relationships these days. I don’t want to risk my positive mindset around money by combining my finances with someone who is just completely different to me.
Oh no that sounds sad! Just look for someone who is communicative and shares your values, there’s so many great people out there!
It might be better for you to have a long term relationship and not marriage since marriage combines some finances.
@@raphaelfa9737 thank you, but don’t worry doesn’t make me sad I’m definitely in a happy place in my life with or without a partner :)
I feel exactly the same…i cannot risk someone bringing me down.
What does making triple figures mean? I know 5 figures is 10k-99k per year, 6 figures is 100k-999k per year and so on, but have never heard of the term "triple figures"! Google tells me it means you make $100-999 a month, but I don't think that's what you are referring to, right?
Girl, he’s not gonna change. You better run.
I absolutely love these videos. Ramit is such an amazing counselor.
In some states, debts incurred before marriage remain the legal responsibility of the original debtor. They do not become “joint debts.” So, if there is a divorce later, or the original debtor dies, the new spouse has no responsibility to pay them. So in Melody’s case, she will not be legally responsible for David’s personal debt, if that is Texas law. Of course, she can give him money to help pay it off, but she may not legally be required to do so. She mentioned being worried about that when they talked about becoming legally married.
Likewise, assets or property owned individually before marriage can remain separate property unless they are retitled into joint ownership. Consult an attorney in your state, regarding these issues.
It seems like he has a hobby not a job.
David probably needs to sit down with a licensed therapist sooner than later . A partner that is financially unstable over long periods of time will sink the entire ship . He has nothing put away for retirements and she only has 90,000. Also, he has no idea how the math side works on his own business! She cannot change him until he is ready to change. She hopefully will continue to put money away towards her own retirement . I do wish them the best though. I agree with Ramit though that this is a much deeper issue that go beyond money .
Hmmm.... David didn't strike me as "needing" therapy. (Quotes because therapy is great for everyone.) He struck me more as lacking in fundamental knowledge of personal finance and how to run his business. He seems like a free spirit/ creative type who hasn't had the proper mentoring and education to be successful in those areas.
I loved how he was willing to accept influence during the episode and started making changes right away. I think he could benefit from some mentoring and coaching in regards to how to price his bids and run his business.
Don't you love the passion and love their faces show when they are talking about their property and the natural pool and the walls
I was listening to the podcast and had to switch over to TH-cam for this one. This gave me palpitations. I really hope this was a huge step in the right direction.
I did the same and had to switch over to TH-cam
Me too. I was on Spotify but I had to come see the reactions
I know someone in this position. Every time she tried to talk to him about finances he would get angry and shut down. This is never going to work unless there is a firm commitment from David to pay down his debt with NO faltering. He’s in a good position because Melody is picking up the slack. Melody is afraid to speak her true feelings. Don’t file the paperwork until you’re debt free and on a new path. This is a recipe for a meltdown disaster. I am 68 years old Melody and I can tell you that life moves way faster than you even realize. Do not destroy your future wishing and hoping. I felt hopeful for you both hearing your responses after the show. The proof is in the pudding though. You’re both brave to expose your finances in this way. I wish you all the best.💜
Melody deserves better
Based on what I saw and the update, David is going to get there!
He deserves better. He needs to stop working for her investment property for free.
@@jodief8371 Are you serious?? SHE pays the entire mortgage and for the food and can't put money into retirement because he cannot contribute to the household finances. He barely makes money with his business. He's living off of her!!
I’m so glad that ppl like Ramit exist . A very pragmatic approach with ought being preachy or “coachy”.
I love him! I had never heard of him prior to the Netflix show.
My heart broke for Melody. She tried so hard to convey what she was needing while respecting him as a life partner, but message wasn’t being heard. I too don’t give a fig about money either, but if my partner is willing to be open and vulnerable like she was, I’d set aside some of my pride and preconceived notions about money to see what she needed. Hoping for the best for those two.
" I too don’t give a fig about money either,"
Did you see the fear in her eye when she gave the speech about setting goals and he said I just got a big anxiety when melody just said that. Her eye got huge and she did a deep inhale. This is crazy how afraid she is. She addressing her concerns and it the same time trying to defend him. He wants credit for mowing the lawn, ain’t you suppose to be the leader of the house?? My husband mowed lawn and pay the mortgage, Amongst other things. This is just sad.
He's not supposed to be the leader, she does not want or need a leader, she wants a partner, a collaborator. I agree with everything else you said. Her speech would give me anxiety as well, but it would be a good anxiety that spurs me to communicate and collaborate. Props to him for the follow-up message though, that was unexpected progress.
@@IAmebAdger thanks for your feedback back, however if your a Christian, we follow the Bible and men are suppose to lead they are the head of the house hold. If you don’t believe in a biblical house hold, thats cool too. People have that option.
@@gwene.9912the bible says all sorts of things that doesn’t apply to the modern world. You’re supposed to leave the town limits and dig a hole to do a number 2. You can sell your daughters of you’re very very poor, that’s in there.
Melody is feeling the pressure of getting older and likely knowing that life is shorter than we like and can change rapidly and unexpectedly, so the savings and investment are more important to her now than they used to be. David does physical labor and that's very demanding on the body; he can't do these things forever. Plus, given what he does, he could suffer a job-related injury and it could all come to a screeching halt. Also, Texas is a common law marriage state, so they're legally married at this point, paperwork filed or not 😀
I have no idea why she’s in that relationship, she seems drained. He’s using her. There’s no way!
I would dump him. He really beings nothing to the table. It isn't even like he's a gorgeous boy toy or anything. I really don't see any appeal to him.
I started listening on the podcast and thought this guy was 22 due to his nonchalant attitude towards debt.
Same, and a bit of an attitude and excuses at times. I though they were mid twenties at first while listening
The older I get the more I see.. age is really just a number. People can decide not to change or grow
Hoping the best for this couple. The follow up letters were great to hear. Hope they keep up the progress on their relationship!
Been there. Done that. Still climbing out of debt as a result of a similar past relationship. Run!!!
I was very pleasantly surprised by David's resolve in the follow up. He actually implemented things. I did not expect that. Great job!
“I buy the dog food and we buy really good dog food” 😂😂😂 I’m sorry but ……. He’s a funny guy when he screams “ I don’t knowwwwww….”
David is so defensive. His demeanor is apparent. They have a great situation and could pay off the debt. He doesn't seem to want to pay it off.
They are extremely ill fitted for each other. He’s a free spirited butterfly and Melody is the disciplined, responsible one. How is she even still attracted to him? She needs to get away from him immediately. Otherwise, shes gonna adopt his mediocrity.
He adds nothing.
I had an ex that was lile this. I paid everything livinf paycheck to paycheck even though I made good money cuz I was carrying the household finances on my own and buying appliances he said he would help me pay for and paying rent that he said he would pay half of. I never got any help wven thought he was a contractor and fixed things around the house. He had no steady income and oftem undercharged clients or did not collect from people who owed him. I got fed up, I was depressed and trapped. I set up my life elsewhere, gave him notice and left. After that I was able to pay off the debt I racked up dealing with him and I could breathe again. Funny enough, 1 month after I was gone he got a REAL 9-5 job
Wow, that's so shit, that person took you for a ride and appeared to purposefully effect your health and wellbeing. Knowing he got a job after you left.
I hope you are okay, sometimes going it alone for a little while is better than being with someone harming you. ❤
So if he doesn’t know his profit/loss, how can he calculate his taxes? It makes me wonder if he’ll owe the irs at some point as well.
He doesn't even know if a 26% interest rate is bad. SMH
This was so so hard to listen, I feel like we went in circles and went no where but I genuinely hope that they find their way to clarity and a good plan they carry through.
16 years and she was not aware until this episode that their financial “futures” are not compatible? 😮 when I heard the house is in her name I felt a sense of relief. The money going out from both of them should be detailed on how it’s spent . What a strange interview indeed
Having never filed the paperwork means they can avoid a divorce and just split up now. Because money is the #1 reason for this divorce and they have some big money issues and disconnects
they should split up but I believe Texas is a "common law" state which means she's screwed if legally they're considered married.
Texas is a common law state and their union will likely be recognized as a marriage by the government
Whenever I ask my partner about his ideal day or his ideal retirement, he answers: "same as you!" Drives me bonkers. Get your own ideas!!
I am so inspired by her. She’s not letting her love and care for him cloud her (extremely wise, imo) judgment to not financially bind herself to someone who does not care about an aggressively accumulating debt.
Also, chile not him saying he wants to pay off his debt while paying the minimum against an aggressively growing lump sum. PLEASE. 😭
If she were really smart she'd run.
Melody is bending over backwards to be accommodating.
David needs to narrow his focus on pulling his weight to wipe the 28k in debt which he alone has caused
It almost seems that he is waiting to win the Lottery to pull his butt out of this financial fire which he alone has caused
He has no idea that 99/100 of the women on Planet Earth would leave him high and dry because he hasnt acted like a responsible adult yet
If he didn't burn probably 40 hrs a week working for her for free he would get somewhere
Melody is terrified of being left holding the bag should something happen to David (becoming her mom), and David doesn't see/wants to ignore how his approach to money contributes to their life and Melody's stress (repeating his dad's mistakes). It's quite the thought experiment to think about what their 10 acres would have looked like, how many people they could have hired to take care of the grounds or rented to, the type of stress-free life they could have had, if David had paid attention sooner, or if Melody drew a line in the sand on her contributions to force the issue. They could have had the natural swimming pool literally years ago. Maybe even purchased more acres! I sincerely hope they get on the other side of this.
David needs to make a much bigger percentage on his jobs, his profit is not substantial enough to make it work, surprised nobody brought that up. I would ask if he’s had any schooling on operating a business or learning about money and how maybe taking a business class so he’s not so lost, seems like he jumped right into a new business without a clue about like profit and loss and he’s just winging it with no help in that part of actually running it, learn some basics and then you can figure out what the problem is
this is a classic example of my father! a hard worker, but just does not understand how to correctly bid
They don't use the word "WE" when they're speaking. They don't have joint finances it seems.
Good insight
It may be the outing saving their finances until they see more eye to eye
I wouldn't.join finances with him either.
26% interest rate means that he'll have a $40k lone bij 2026 and a $80k lone by 2029, double every three years.
My interest rate is 27% on a 6000 debt. I just payed it off $6000 right now. Both credit cards were with me for almost 20+ years, even though I have a perfect score but that 6000 was eating me up inside because I was only paying minimum, the root that cause me using credit cards was that I brother, sister and cousins ask to borrow money and they just wouldn’t pay me back, it’s almost like they’ll pay me whenever they pay me and it’s been over 20+ years. Now that I manage to pay off the this 6000 debt, I have lifted this weight off my back, I’m still going to be the nice person that I have always been but just put a shield around my money because the ones that borrow money from me always acts like I’m going to ask my money back from them and always avoid me.
LOAN .... not lone
Adults devise a plan and follow it, children do what feels good.
“I buy the dog food.” 💀
Thank you for sharing your story. I see some similarities in my situation and this provided me with some more clarity. I can relate to Melody when she says she wants to talk and collaborate but not feeling heard ❤.
This was a very tough episode, I feel bad for Melody.
We're all here because we're interested in finances, so we're probably above average in terms of outlook and position. In actuality, this guy is the norm.
It’s certainly normal not to know about finances, but it is not normal to be running a business for three years and not know how much you have made.
No he isn't the norm.
The man is not providing for anything which is why she is crying. They both are not compatible for each other
Melody doesn't have to wait for happiness and celebration. Melody please leave this man because even if he gets 90 years old, he would still say that he feels young. David doesn't know but Melody does so Melody please leave
Yay! You have an out.. don't file the paperwork
She is with her "father"... I do not think he will change.
This guy is amazing. The problem isn't him it's his business sense. He's probably damn good, so sell time and materials projects without feeling guilty. He's under charging because he doesn't realize how much it's actually worth and he's been trained to expect low pay! Someone, maybe Melody, needs to say "client, this man will make a fantastic deck. To get this deck you agree to pay for whatever deck stuff is needed, AND pay X rate to build it, typically this comes to about Y dollars, but if we need more of z item that material cost could increase." At least until they both have a more full picture of the real after the fact costs of a job. Finding ways for him to see the value in what he does will make his business successful.
I totally agree. No idea why so many comments are talking so badly about him.
Omg, this situation is terrible. The lack of communication between this couple is off the charts. They need to find a therapist, but I doubt if he will go. 😥😥
She has a dependent she can claim on her taxes but she doesn't have a life partner that she can count on.
In the most recent podcasts, we have learned two ways Ramit’s DNR will become active.
Not being able to squat two plates in a squat, and saying that all he wants is to make his wife happy 😅😅
Ok, accountant here - you need a good accountant that helps you calculate the cost. There's got to be a way to understand how much he's making and what to charge. Learning curve usually brings those differences but later on you learn how to charge.
This channel is so thought provoking, Im hooked. And Im debt free and a saver
Oh, this episode so matches my own situation... Only worse. At least David uses his money. My S.O. gives away --- literally -- all of his money to strangers, and wonders why I never want to spend my money like that, also. I pay pretty much 100% of all bills and expenses AND all fixes and repairs. Would love to talk about this one your show. :)
Leave him. What the heck is keeping you there?
Obviously he will feel like hes in the best position cause she pays for everyrhing
This was a wonderful episode. I read some of the comments below and what stuck me as true is that "she married a hippy" and also "he's just like my father, he doesn't know how to write a bid".
I think people are being way too hard on David here. He reminds me of a good friend of mine who works really hard and gives a lot, but isn't fairly compensated, he doesn't want to make it about money, he gives more than he should and ends up broke.
David obviously works really really hard around the property. She could not take care of the house without him. She could not fix the cars, mow the lawn and repair things without him. I think they could make an amazing team. He needs to get help to figure out how to charge properly for the work he does. Maybe they need one more renter to help pay off some of the debt more quickly, esp the 25% interest loan. I really like these guys and appreciate them coming on this show, I think they both did a great job. Melody is frustrated, yes, she doesn't want to lose David or their life but needs things to change. How about ongoing monthly therapy with the host or someone similar?
They had a wedding but withheld the paperwork because of finances? That seems so telling sadly...
What an amazing story, thanks to Melody and David for share. A lot to learn from this conversation, talk about money with your partner is not easy but this is exactly one of the reasons I recently join the program, to follow a system that is not telling you what to do, is giving you the tools so you find the solution that work in your case.
Wow... this is such an eye opener to bring such clarity to some of the things we avoid. Most of all, it stems from when we were children and influenced by those that was around us. I am so enjoying hearing the perspective and results it is resolving. Blessing to your online business counseling. For lack of a better word. Thanks again!
Wish these two wonderful people the best. ❤
Parts of the episode was quite heartbreaking. I appreciate David and Melanie’s courage to share their story. I really felt bad for David and am so glad he is braving through his avoidant tendencies and making real changes. Wishing them both the best!
It’s crazy how shocking it is to people when the truth comes on their monthly budget. This is sad to watch, hope to they can learn and grow from this interview.
My situation with my ex was not as financially crushing, but this really resonated and made me reflect on why did I tolerate being with someone entirely incompatible in term on finances. Guess for many of us it feels like we’re materialistic and unfairly abandoning someone because of bad money management versus other kind of incompatibilities. This shows how important the topic is and how unaddressed it normally goes, so thankful for Ramit to tackling this.
He just thinks she makes enough for them and she is nice enough not to expose him fully
David....you can do this!
So he's bringing in $400 for cutting grass... And how much if they hired a chief instead of all the dinners she cooks? Really towing him a bone in this bit.
I love this. I think David can make his business work with the adjustments they discussed.
The reason men say they just want their wife to be happy is because they are tired of the pressure they are putting on them
Wow not filing the marriage document "by mistake" seems like a blessing in disguise.
I met a guy like David while backpacking in Laos. He was around 30 and would do odd jobs in Australia like painting and picking apples for a few months until he earned enough to go traveling again. He radiated this pure positivity and contentment like no one I'd ever met. I wonder if life eventually forced him to become responsible and start buying index funds.
That lifestyle is 100% fine when you're young and a nomad traveling the world. Nothing wrong there. But this guy here has a stable life, a business, a partner who VERY MUCH wants stability and they are heading towards middle age. He is not the right partner for her.
That's fine if you're single
Cool in your 20s. David looks like he’s in his 50s - not very attractive
I really hope he never did.
😂
The update was very encouraging!!! I wish them the best!
David is a dog. Happy to have around, but is an expense.
Ohhhh man... How can you run a business and not know your profit margin on each job? WILD
When you love what you do. Doing it is the reward. Extreme versions of anything can be problematic. This is an extreme version
Would be interesting to know if he even files Federal Income Tax Returns. David makes it sound like he keeps no paperwork, so how does he do taxes on his business?
Excellent episode! Just started watching the channel after seeing the Netflix show. These are some very thought provoking and difficult discussions you are having with these guests and are providing much food for thought for me. Just bought the book and am ready to go through it!