I had a great 30 year marriage. I could not have necessarily told why. At my wife's funeral one of her friends said she was the happiest person she knew. Her friend's mother said the same thing. 100% correct.
Exactly, it’s so much easier to live with women if they’re happy. But if their happiness is costing you an arm and a leg and it’s not making you happy, then it’s not worth making them happy.
Happiness is so nuanced though. Our cycles actively affect our mood. We feel the most ‘happy’ when we’re ovulating. Low vitamins, low hydration, hormone imbalances, medication etc. all affect mood. These aren’t necessarily excuses for anything but it highlights how diligent you have to be. And our mothers didn’t teach us because they didn’t know either. The disconnect started generations ago.
@elwoodrussell5097 Seriously, if you fundamentally hold women in contempt or don't like them you can't honestly do "the little things" that they like and will inspire them to reciprocate. THAT SAID, I can understand the point of view of men who feel that women are "cold and loveless" when they aren't entitled and greedy too. Its evident in this video. We need NEW dating books!
@@KTT333I agree with this to a certain extent, but now that women of today have access to this information thanks to modern science and technology, why not make the effort to make sure these things don’t get in the way of you and your partner by using that same science and technology to learn about yourself? Low vitamins, low hydration, hormonal imbalances, a lot of this can easily be controlled with proper lifestyle choices in general. Why submit to what you’re not allowing yourself to control? Are you not eating properly, are you not getting enough sleep, are you not exercising for general health, are you not regularly visiting a medical professional to discuss these matters, are you not taking care of yourself for your own sake if not for your partner? And don’t even get me started on men’s health issues either, because the level of diligence and sympathy that women receive is fractioned for men.
@@DNA350ppm I know, but are there a lot of women who actually want these traits? Majority of modern day women are immature and care about money and materialistic things. They keep going to the bad guys and some losers. They don’t give a chance for the few good men like me. I pray to find the right woman.
It’s so true, a lot of men want a woman to be their “peace” to be happy, to have their backs, to support him. We want to feel appreciated and respected.
Fit, feminine, and friendly. I think the friendly portion relates to happiness. It truly makes a difference. Life is stressful, but to have a cloud over one's head, looking at the dark side all the time, and generally being negative poison's the atmosphere all around them. (Honestly, happiness applies to the fellas as well.)
That's a negative attitude@@cocotruffles9815. You need to recognize that few men can cheat as they're simply not appealing enough. Men who can cheat check off a lot of boxes making them attractive to lots of women who "choose" to get with such men. Interesting how you see it as men's fault when women are making the decision to go after this quite small percentage of men. But hey, everything is men's fault, right?
@@colinh9294No they don’t. If you get anything other than Peace then you will never be able to settle. You will be chasing a moving target, fighting a hurricane all your life….. Still searching for peace and quiet.
@@powerhouse884 sorry Boss, but this simply isn't taking a realistic behavior into consideration. Men have always known that they don't have many options, therefore "settling" for any woman who will get with them has always been commonplace. Even with our grandfathers.
I'm not the least bit surprised that men care more about a woman's character than looks. The older I get, the more I realize how crucial a person's character is in regards to finding a future wife and mother to my children.
@@axeSyntax Correct. Men won't even let you in the door if you don't pass the looks standard, so of course they won't mention that because it's pointless, the woman has already cleared the bar.
You are becoming a wise man. I totally agree. I will say I'd be okay if she is average looking with but she has moral values, etc. than being a 10/10 but just dated every guy on the 49ers football team last year.
The one and only thing that I found sad about this is that the woman in the video was actually surprised to learn this from her guy friends. Do women really not know that the first thing that is attractive about any woman is her attitude and approach to life? If a woman is going to bring zero peace and a lot of chaos into a guy's life, he will not care what she looks like. He will simply want her out.
But here's the thing: men base their primary decisions on who to interact with & who to give a chance to based on looks & sexual attraction. Women absolutely know this. You can't accurately gauge character, mental/ emotional stability or a drama-free nature just by looking at a person though. Women know that being modest or low-key doesn't get you attention or dates. It gets you ignored & rejected regardless of how great or peaceful one's character is. The attention-seekers are the ones who get noticed & therefore the ones who get the chances.
I have to disagree. Also it sounds a bit weird that a guy sayd, he wants a girl or woman that brings happyness in his life. We want women who don't nag and bitch and bring trauma, but that's something different. Happyness comes and goes, but a toxic personality is forever. Sounds actually like female narcissism: what is the most important thing for men - that women are happy. I believe she has made this whole thing up.
@@Astuga Yeah, much on the web is made up nonsense. However, I think you are misunderstanding what she meant by a woman's happiness. She is not saying the man needs to make her happy, which would be narcissistic. She is saying a man wants a woman to bring her self happiness into the relationship, which is healthy. Relationships are fundamentally based on emotions and how one feels about one's partner. Positive energy (emotions) nourishes a relationship. Negative energy kills love. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman has demonstrated scientifically that 5 positive experiences are required to cancel one negative experience. A woman nags and bitches to change a man's behavior in the relationship because she either feels disappointed or unsatisfied. Those are valid in-themselves, but she expresses them in a negative way. The man needs to lead her to express her relationship needs in a positive way. So instead of responding to negativity in a negative way, he needs to create a dynamic that teaches her how to express her dissatisfaction in a constructive and positive way. One way to do this is to set rules of engagement (mutually agreed upon protocols for how conflict will be handled), roles and responsibilities, boundaries, and standards. I will leave learning how you do that to you. There are a multitude of websites with articles about relationships. Google (or DuckDuckGo) is there to find them for you. To learn more about how to have a healthy relationship, I recommend visiting sites like the ones below (there are many more) that have excellent articles about relationships. gottman.com marriage.com liveboldandbloom.com psychologytoday.com bonobology.com yourtango.com
Maybe I'm the odd man out here, but the #1 thing I look for in a potential partner is... Someone who genuinely appreciates me as an individual human being instead of a convenience. I want to be with someone who values me for who I am, instead of seeing me as a free laborer / chauffeur / emotional crutch / etc until the next potential patch of green grass comes into view. If a woman want to be with me for me, I will do everything in my power to give her the world. ... But if she only cares about what she receives, that means she wants a servant instead of a partner.
@@highlanderknight I think she means the same thing. She chose to say "happy" but I took that to mean the men want a woman to be and act like she is happy to be with them and not happy the man has money or whatever.
Yes but you fail to understand a certain perspective. When men fully had control of the dating market, they often took women for granted. Ie., 90% of the time they were the problem. Now that women own the power (even if they give the power to a select group of men they still choose to do so) 90% of the time they take men for granted, not the other way around. While both are utterly wrong, it is the problem we face right now that needs solved. Which has little to do with men. So your point is kind of moot.@@joannawrzelikowska3273
A point of caution. When working on yourself don't make the mistake of getting lost in yourself. I've seen people go from working on themselves and end up caring about only themselves, their wants, needs and desires. I'm not saying the video is inaccurate just don't go overboard
It quite quickly and I am beginning to believe quite often these days morphs into various degrees of narcissism (with a social media mantra moral justification). It’s quite the opposite approach when compared to EVERY wisdom historical tradition. The proof in the pudding of its failure is most obvious: mental health in the online and real world communities that push the “self-love” “internal-work” cliches are in fact those blossoming rates of mental health issues.
Being with a partner who is constantly upset, stressed, fighting or negative is exhausting and kills the relationship the fastest from all my dating experience
This is so real. The times when I have been in a relationship with someone who expected or relied on me to provide them with all of their happiness were the most draining relationships I've been on, one to the point of abuse from them. When you give them everything you have but none of it is enough to make them happy, it is the most draining feeling in the world.
As far as appearance; knowing yourself and making yourself truly happy also makes you inherently more attractive to others. Like Courtney says “be what you seek”
Also, I'm sure women are the same but there just needs to be attraction. Of course we'd all love the woman with the perfect body and full lips and long flowing hair, but the reality is as long as we're physically attracted then we're good.
Was literally just talking earlier today to my sister about this. I have struggled to find someone like you have described. Additionally, I can tell how important those qualities are to me, because on dating apps, profiles with scantily clad pictures, superficial pics etc are an instant turn off. I've really changed over the past 5-7 years what I value in a person and what I actually find attractive. it's way less looks driven than when I was younger. Looking to get a bit more "out there" this year to help improve my chances as I haven't done the best job of that in recent years. Especially working from home and moving out of state. The older I've gotten (early 30s) the more I've realized how important finding a true partner is. Same bandwidth with values, morals etc. Yes, you want someone cute, but the rest has to be there too. And that goes for us guys as well. I want a partner to go through life with. Not a fling, high maintenance person etc. I want someone to do house projects together, be a team later with parenting, trips together, laugh at stupid stuff when you are out and about. That's the stuff that really matters and creates such a strong bond. Great video.
I couldn’t agree more with this, I’m a 26 year old dude and this is all I want in a partner. I wish you the best of luck mate. Hopefully both of us can find our person this year!
Top 3 for me are: Kindness, Being Realistic & Feminine.....Happiness is mostly an exterior act rooted in toxic positivity in some women but I know many guys who love "perky" women who are like that. The resounding factor for most men is that she brings peace vs. chaos.
I would still say most men actually value loyalty most in a relationship. Because from loyalty stems a lot of other good qualities, like respect, honesty, the willingness to stick it out thought hard times, etc. We want to know you will always be at our side. Happiness is important, but happiness is a result of actions, not a character trait.
GOBSMACKED ! This woman is sooo positive and truthful ! It so good to have an honest opinion rather than the usual rant about being 6ft , 6 pack , earning 6 figures !
I don’t often gush like this, but I’ve watched a lot of your videos for a while in the spirit of self-improvement and I wish your content had been around while I was growing up! It’s so refreshing to hear someone not trying to tear either sex down or over simplify things and build one up BY tearing the other down. Your content is a breath of fresh air these days - and even as a married man, I can say a lot of what you talk about is still so applicable. Thank you and keep doing what you are doing 😊
I read a book by Steven Covey years ago, and one line stood out, " I can be happy for you, But, I can't be happy, for you." And there is a difference between the two. I can share in your joy, and excitement, I can't replace your emotions or feelings, with mine.
Loyalty. Authenticity. Reliability. Accountability. Stability. Responsibility. Traditional. Supportive might as well be Unicorn Hunting. and for the bonus sauce: Fun, Fit, Feminine - gonna be a long dry season.
As long as you’re all those things yourself (replacing feminine with masculine) you should be okay. Unicorns for some reason have a hard time finding each other
As a man who has spent much of his life without a partner, I am so fortunate in my current relationship. I have moments in the middle of my workday when I have the sudden realization that she loves me, and I'm filled with love, gratitude and caring for her. Yes, we are 6 years into our relationship. And I love her and rediscover new things every day to love about her. Thanks for the video!
This goes for anyone, men and women. A person should be as content on their own as they are in a romantic relationship. The purpose of relationships is for learning and growth. If it wasn't then a person would just stay single. Happiness in a relationship doesn't mean never having conflict or disagreements. It's about being curious in growth and examining parts of yourself which are brought out by your partner.
Brilliant point of discussion Courtney. The most awful relationships of my life were with women who struggled being single. They had limited social lives and almost no direction in life unless theiy were tied to a man. These type of women are nightmares for most guys. I don't know you do it Courtney, you just keep coming up with relevant topics on your channel that are helpful to guys everwhere.
Stability, trust, respect, kindness and appreciation are wonderful attributes everyone should develop and rely on when life turns to shit because they are valuable additions to anyone's personality propelling us through any situation when used appropriately. Experience is key. Thank you Mrs. Ryan for all you do, you will help the world.
A year ago I wouldn't have been able to articulate that "happiness" was the most attractive trait in a woman. I have been dating my girlfriend for about six months now. She is the personification of the traits described in this video. She is so cheerful, and sweet. She perfectly embodies the "lighthearted energy" described in the video. She is such a wonderful, amazing woman and I feel so blessed to be with her.
I kind of agree with this, while being heavy and negative will make you unattractive no matter how beautiful you are. I think physical does have a lot to do with it. Men are built to be attractive to the 'visual' appearance first. We all have personal choices on what we find attractive. So, if a man doesn't find a woman physically attractive to some extent, it isn't going to matter how happy she is. For example, I am attracted to more fit women. I know several, very happy, bubbly overweight women. I enjoy being around then and being able to call them friends, but they would never be more than a friend because of the weight. I have had this conversation with guys, and we all agree. Appearance is first, emotionally sound (happy), a close second if not equal to appearance.
Men are no more visually oriented than women. I'm really sick and tired of this notion that women aren't visually oriented, it's ridiculous. Have you ever had an honest conversation with a woman? My god, they gush over all these celebrities, they fetishize height, muscularity, etc. What planet do you live on? Women are just as shallow, if not more than men. Rest assured women wouldn't date men shorter than themselves, many won't even date significantly taller men who don't pass a certain arbitrary treshold. I'm sick of women making these accusations like we're supposed to be ashamed. A fat woman complains to me that men are shallow, while she wouldn't date me because I'm not tall enough for her taste. Why are men having to defend themselves? Yes, we like good looking women. No, I wouldn't date a fat woman no matter her personality, I don't care, personality doesn't make up for looks. Without attraction, that's a friendship. There's no substitute for attraction. But the reality is that most men find most women good enough, as long as they're not overweight. My god, not being overweight is absolute bare minimum.
Of course we all want someone we are attracted to. But yes, happiness, maturity, knowing who they are and what they want, success/passion in their work independent of a partner is the kind of woman I am looking for. Thank you Courtney for the great content.
A good starting place for a relationship is fit, feminine, friendly and agreeable. If you were just looking for a roommate (non romantic), friendly and agreeable is still required (aka: nobody wants an unfriendly and disagreeable roommate... those are the ones you kick out). Men don't want problematic women. You cannot use relationships to supplement your own failure to maintain your own happiness (you'll drain your partner... become a burden... and exhaust your partner.... and frankly 'kill' your value to said partner). I often use the term 'grounded'. A 'grounded' partner has emotional control and is somebody you can work with. There's a lot to unpack about being 'grounded'. Probably worth a separate discussion. I've experienced in the past where I actually found I had a 'time limit' to how long I could be around a person before things go south. An unhappy person has a 'time limit' (a point where they become too exhausting and your well of 'good will and attitude' runs dry). If a person is grounded and effortless to be around due to emotional balance and control... and a heavy dose of being grounded... I may find there 'is no limit' to how much time I can be around said person (if it's a lady... she's could be 'keeper'... but there are other measures of suitability a man has to be convinced of, of course). Regardless, a lady that comes into your life chronically unhappy is not suitable emotionally for 'relationship' (aka: that 'value exchange' where we earn our keep with one another and not tip the dial into imbalance and forfeit the whole thing).
As a guy, the number one thing I look for in a woman is looks so I wouldn’t fault the people in that TikTok for guessing incorrectly. That does not mean I don’t care about the other qualities that Courtney mentioned as well.
The happiness men like is displayed when there is very little baggage and trauma to begin with. Happiness obtained from "working on myself" feeds into a false self assessed higher dating market value. "I did all this work so I deserve this type of man..."
I have been talking to this woman for a few months. And she’s just happy at me. Not because of me but like excitedly sharing photos of her bird and talking about her job and niece. I care if she would just stop talking to me but I wouldn’t be mad. It was a great 3 months so far and I’m thankful.
I think its important to emphasize that the expectation here is not necessarily be happy 24/7, but to be constantly striving for that happiness. I think a lot of women hear this expectation and jump straight to toxic positivity. Nobody is going to be happy all the time, but what men appreciate is the effort to be positive and happy.
Bro you don't have to strive for it, it's just part of a mentality. I've known this cleaning lady at work from years ago, she would be cleaning the floors, I'd put on a song for her (I was a receptionist) and she'd be cleaning with a big smile on her face. She was always smiling, it really made you feel good to be around her. There's no striving there, she's not waking up striving to be happy, it's just a mentality.
Great video! My brother said something similar to me once and I said something like this as well. A person who gives you peace is much better than a baddie with a bad attitude. It is something I am working on myself, since I tend to be negative in my thinking and closed off at times.
First, thanks for such a great video. Second, I have to say I'm glad that other guys share my sentiment - when it comes to ladies, looks will get you in the door, but it's your character and compatibility that helps us decide if you'll stay.
In a Healthy Relationship reciprocating is key to building strong bonds. Also this type of life style and mindset is not for everyone! There are people whom are happy being superficial. But if you want that strong comfortable relationship than you have to work on it but inside has to match outside!
My wife lights up the room... Everyone notices it... We hang in out with old car guys in the British Motor Club, and she is a breath of fresh air to the group and she loves getting involved. She drives in our road rallies, something most of the other ladies in the club won't do. What a catch!
Reading FOR MEN ONLY by Shaunti Feldhahn gave me a really good perspective on what the fairer sex actually needs and how to communicate love to women. There's also a FOR WOMEN ONLY and I agree with pretty much everything that's said in that book. Both are great resources to trying to understand what women/men actually need.
A woman with a positive attitude reflecting confidence, self-assurance, pride in her accomplishments and who enjoys sharing the warmth of her personality contributes to the joy of other's life experiences. She is a precious partner indeed.
I'd rather be married to a 4 with a kind heart and who's a happy person than a 10 who brings drama and headache into my life. Thanks, again, to Courtney for putting out the truth. Sadly, I doubt it'll impact very many women who need to hear this 😊
PEACE. Courtney said it. The #1 thing most desired by men who have experience in relationships is PEACE. More important than her being happy (although that's important). More important than looks (though this is also important, but not nearly to the extent most of us give it). Most women don't understand that it's peace. Most MEN don't even realize how incredibly important PEACE is until they've been in several relationships (or at least 1 that was full of drama, toxicity, or a lack of emotional regulation.
Last time I had a "kinda-crush" on a woman it was one that was indeed light hearted and open. Like, the kind of person that when they enter the room, the sun seems to come out. Of course they were days when she wasn't very well-off, then it was notable. But she tried her best. You got to honour this. Also, me, being dealing with anxiety and depressions for over 20 years now, this is really important in people, in general. Women walking with a grumpy/emotionally dead face all the time are a red flag.
There is little point in committing to someone who cannot increase the peace or support we have in our lives. Now a good wife should spur you to be your best self, but NOT nag or antagonize, rather she should encourage and exhort. What do we gain from having to “handle” a so called “strong independent woman who doesn’t need us?” Another headache in an already life long list of problems that men must contend with, many of which only we men can face despite what feminists want to lie to themselves and everyone else about. Yeah, no thanks. What I ask myself about a woman is this. Is she going to be a “place” that I feel like I can land, refuel, and rest before the next “mission” or she just going to endlessly scold me for actually being human and even needing rest at all rather than pandering to her 24/7, 365? That said properly leading and serving a worthy and grateful woman is one of the things I really do want to most do in life. But being the slave of a self absorbed Jezebel is one of the things I want to most avoid in life. Ladies, your character makes a difference that is as far and wide as the east is from the west, in how we will regard and treat you. And the best part of that news is that it what we need from you is probably simpler than you ever really thought.
I think peace would be a better word than happiness. Someone who brings themselves and others peace. We chase happiness, which you are right, is fleeting
Looks always get men and women in the door. But looks include being averagely healthy, decently groomed, and decently dressed. Add on top of that, beauty is in the beholder of the eye. I had a friend who once found a girl really attractive and I did not. Aside from that, for me it has always been personality. That includes not hurting others when it’s totally preventable, being kind, and well I guess being happy kind of encompasses that if you think about it. Thank you for shining this positive light on guys! :)
Right. Because, Bubba the enforcer biker guy who just got out of county with a ripped leather jacket, long beard, smokes a pack a day, and drinks with his biker buddies whenever he wants is invisible to women. At the same time, Adam the accountant with a tight hair cut, a clean shaven face, wearing glasses and a collared shirt to work, driving a moderate sedan, and making average money gets all the ladies hanging off of him with anticipation.
@@pace1195 they both sound like they have a shot if I’m being honest 😂 but of course that’s just to get them in the door. And with different types of women. After that it’s about personality/emotional intelligence/“game” - whatever you wanna call it. I get what you’re trying to get at though, the bad boy vs the nice guy. So long as Adam has balls too, he’ll do alright. And so long as Bubba has a soft side, he’ll do alright too
@@joaquin67 No, it's also about investment for women, usually monetary investment but also time investment to some extent after the initial (and probably ongoing) looks/attraction aspect. A low level gold digger might tolerate Adam, but she will also take her opportunity with Bubba if given the chance. More likely, Adam is invisible to women while Bubba is not. The problem is Bubba is not investing time or money to any of these women except for fun times. Also from your original post, how many men want a woman who is unkind and hurts people whether she is happy about her life or not? Those traits are pretty unfeminine no matter her happiness status. If you mean the man is kind and does not hurt people, I refer you to Bubba the biker.
That basically means "good personality." It's not some new revelation. And men say they care about personality without bringing up looks because good looks is assumed as a requirement. It's like asking "what do you like in a good dessert?" "Oh I like a buttery, flakey pastry in mine." "I notice you didn't say that tasting good is a priority!"
I think the way the question is asked can impact the answer you get from guys. The "number one thing" can imply immediacy, as well as priority, which can lead to appearance being mentioned. If the word "first" is used, then appearance becomes even more likely to be the answer. Usually, when it's vague, I'd personally mention that appearance would have to meet a certain threshold as an aside and then go into what's actually important after providing that context. Asking what's most important or to rank the most important traits will get more accurate answers, assuming what you want to learn is what's important to them.
Your comment is waaaaaay too logical for a platitudinous video from the Tik Tok girl Courtney reacted to. I personally believe there was an extremely low number of participants in her questionnaire.
This is literally the master class in relationships. Not only look for this in others, but practicing this for myself makes me the best I can be. Spending an hour doing this every day will lead to goodness. Thanks Courtney!
How much you want to bet that the woman with the guy friends telling her this, (green flag stuff) all want a relationship with her, but they are all friend-zoned. She's still looking for Chad. It won't be long before we see the video of her crying and asking, "Where have all the good men gone?"
I have guy friends in large part because they’re friends with my partner. And my best friend’s partners who are men are also friends of mine sometimes.
While I agree that a person's character is more important than their looks. Unless you are meeting a person fairly reguarly in a way that isn't primarily revolving around forming intimate relationships, looks are the first thing that matters and what generate first interactions. So in terms of what attributes create more opportunities, your physical appeal is thing that is always on display. If I am out and about just living my life, how a person looks, is the only information I can perceive about them, unless we need to interact for one reason or another. What confuses the point I just made is that I also think you can tell pretty quickly the happy people from the sad people, and happy people are just more attractive in general, and this quality is expressed in their physical attractiveness. Your internal happiness is expressed in your voice, your face, your body language, in the way you behave and treat other people, how you dress, the degree to which you take care of your body etc. All of these are contribute towards your physical attractiveness. How people move, their voice, how they speak (e.g. tone), smiling or laughing vs looking moody or sad, being stiff and rigid vs free and flowing, these elements make up a persons physical attractiveness and are inherently affected by a persons character. I would go far as to say they are their character. Your physical appearance speaks volumes about your inner makeup. Yes lots cannot be deduced from looks alone but they express your inner self.
Women will bring happiness to the right man. There are plenty of men who want a happy woman but won’t put the work in to treat her well and break her down. I’ve been on that side and it sucks. I’m not talking about short-term unhappiness, because that’ll happen regardless of relationship status. I’m talking being belittled by someone consistently to the point of aggressive unhappiness. You can’t expect a woman to be your peace if you can’t be her security. I had an ex who would constantly start arguments with me for the smallest things-eating grapes in time, I can’t eat most fruit because side it makes me sick. He screamed at me for 10 minutes to eat some grapes and got mad when I spit them out and called me all sort of names. There were other scenarios such as I don’t eat beef and that’s wrong. I had to have surgery one time and he told Me he wished I died on the table the night before. He also said it was wrong for my friends to visit me after surgery during recovery just because they were guys (and yes, just friends. Never dated. Some friendships naturally ended and others have lasted and that’s life itself) and I must be using surgery as an excuse to cheat when they were just concerned about my healing. It was honestly crazy. Not to mention the day my dog died and I carried her out of house he started interrogating me about an ex boyfriend I hadn’t seen in YEARS and just made the whole day worse and thought he’d make it better by bringing me food. His reason, “I’m just insecure and need to know you won’t leave no matter how I treat you. You’re so good to me and I’m a terrible person.” He would constantly compare me to his ex who left for similar reasons and how he missed her. And also hang around degenerate people while saying my friends were degenerates when we never partied. We’re improv people, not party animals Like he was. He’d constantly talk about what he friends did that he considered disgusting but at the same time loved it and was mad I wasn’t like that. Just pure narcissistic malignancy. You want peace, be peace. I’m married to a wonderful man now who’d never dream Of treading me that way. My guy friends were there and told Me straight up to not become a victim and be better when that relationship ended.Honestly good friends will kick the wicked out of you so you don’t become the monster you fight. My husband is my peace and I am his peace now.
Steve Jobs said “When you put the Right People on Top the Rest will Follow”. He was talking about the Business organization structure and putting Smart well organized business people on top who knew how to run a Safe, Productive, efficent company that checked all the boxes. Recycle, Packaging, Morals, shipping, Meals, etc…….Allot like HP was and NOW Apple is and Microsoft too. These companies Set the “Standards” in Silicon Valley on What a company should be and how to run it. So what does this have to do with a Relationship and Family structured ? When you put the leaders on Top you want them to have a Sense of Direction, Knowledge, Morals, Wisdom, Guidance And set an example for the rest of the members. When your Mate Sets the Right Standards everything else will follow. The Bible and Church is a Good place to Start. Couples that go to Church together Stay together. Couples that eat meals together stay together. Be the Leader and “Set The Standard”. It Does NOT cost allot of MONEY and it will put you above everyone else.
Just found this channel today, and it's already becoming a favorite. I really appreciate Courtney's perspective and the way she chooses to talk about these important subjects!
As a woman, I'm so glad to hear this. I'm currently not dating right now because I want to be in a happier mindset. I just got out of a bad relationship and my son has some medical issues. My focus is to ride this wave and invite more positivity within in me then around me once the wave settles. Great piece of advice!
I used to know this girl who would just light up any room she walked in. She was always cheerful and always made people feel good about themselves. Everybody loved her and loved having her around.
Yes, when I met my wife, at a dance club, she was laughing and smiling. Most of the women sitting around the dance floor looked depressed. After we started talking and dancing, she was upbeat and happy. We've been together almost 25 years.
Speaking of femininity, I cannot think of a better comparison to a flower that has blossomed. Men need a flower in their life that makes it better with its beauty, gentleness and aroma.
She needs to have the intrinsic ability that when they are near others including men, that the blood pressure goes down, the stress goes down, and an unseen WARMTH is felt amongst all who are near her. True femininity is about the power of selflessness and kindness.
Thank you, Courtney. This is just so true. I gave a similar speech to my wife recently after yet another divorce threat. I also reminded her that I am her carer and am helping her in a long legal battle with her brother. She has behaved very calmly and co-operatively since! I should add that I have mixed feelings about when she turns her fire on the outside world. I don't like to see her cause chaos in the family but she can kick the butt of unco-operative bureaucracies when needed and sometimes does so on behalf of others.
It's both attractiveness and personality. Attractiveness gets you asked out and personality gets the next date. Seeing that you want to stay attractive for me and the character is real, gets you married. A woman without character can't raise my kids.
I wouldn't even say it's "happiness" per se, but a light-heartedness. Happiness is too fleeting because it's emotional, whereas being light hearted is more of a disposition, which means it's not going to rely on how the day is going or how she's feeling in a given moment.
Men want loyalty. For men like me, there is no love without loyalty. Life is complicated enough and I do not want to always wonder if my girlfriend is being disloyal.
Exactly. My wife and I met on a dating app. While I initially looked at her profile because I found her attractive, it was her attitude in her bio section that got me to contact her. Not only did everything she described in her definition of the ideal man resemble me; she came across as positive and fun. She didn't come across as a woman with lots of baggage or a gold digger and when we met in person, we actually enjoyed each other's company. There was no sex in that first meeting, we just talked for hours and really enjoyed being with each other.
Duh. While there may be a few examples out there, women don't typically produce a profile stating, "I'm a feminist man-eater and you better bow down to me in all aspects of a potential relationship." Women's profiles attempt to put themselves in friendly, happy lights.
100% of women I've been with have been deeply unhappy with me after about 6 months or so, often after much less time. I understand that's it "me" that's the problem but improving myself to satisfy them (much less make them happy) seems so exhausting that working at my very enjoyable job, riding my motorcycle, reading books, blinging on mindless TV series, bicycling, and all that stuff seems so much easier than turning into this alpha male (if I could...debatable).
As a guy.. YES. Honestly who tf wants to hang out with someone who comes off as "unhappy" or "having better places to be". A relationship between a man and woman is obviously more than a regular friendship, but it still has all the key parts of a friendship. Imagine if you wanted to hang out with someone as a friend for the first time and all they do is moan, complain and give off sass. Friendship wouldn't last 5 seconds XD
The most important thing in a woman is loyalty. A woman that understands loyalty and applies its principle will be with her man when life is unhappy and full of suffering. A woman’s undying loyalty will help her man weather the suffering to bring them to a better place.
I’m a guy exploring the worldwide waste of time, and in the era of everyone complaining and causing divisions, you’re a voice of reason to have better relationships.
3:00 this is true in general. We often end up enabling addicts out of compassion, because they don't want to get better, at least not yet. You can't help someone who doesn't want it
Absolutely true. Relationships are not a requirement. They are an option. If you are happy alone there are two likely outcomes. You might continue being alone but be content doing so. You will be alone but never lonely. The second possibility is that you enter into a healthy relationship with someone else. But either way, there is likely to be a good outcome. But if you can't be happy alone. If you are depending on others for your happiness. There is no way for that end well. Either you will be alone and lonely, or you will get into a dysfunctional relationship with someone else. And one of the most important things I learned about happiness is this. Happiness is not about getting the things you want. It's about wanting the things you already have. It's about counting your blessings while working to improve your fortunes. It's not about forever chasing something that you can never catch.
Looks are fleeting - for both men and women.... Having an adult drama free relationship, with someone who MAKES YOU WANT TO BE A BETTER YOU, is essential. Drama queens/kings, complainers, whiners, princesses/prices grow old very fast. The knife cuts both ways btw, Life isn't a fairy tale, it is hard and to have a companion that will smooth that out is sooo important. My wife was that person, I loved everything about her, she was my partner and companion, Consigliere, BFF...She made me want to be better, more for her than for me, I didn't want to let her down. It wasn't puppies and roses every day, but it was way better than it was bad. Obviously with age comes wisdom, I miss her every day and was blessed to have her in my life for 28 years..Good video Courtney
SENSE OF HUMOR is so important! Yeah, I realize not everything is a big joke, we need to take some things seriously, but when we can LAUGH, at ourselves and with each other, when a woman gets my jokes and makes a few jokes herself, I find that so sweet, I'm in love, I'm hooked.
I had a great 30 year marriage. I could not have necessarily told why. At my wife's funeral one of her friends said she was the happiest person she knew. Her friend's mother said the same thing. 100% correct.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
So sorry for your loss.
Thanks, but I had 30 very good years. Few people get that.
@@elwoodrussell5097
Sorry for loss
Exactly, it’s so much easier to live with women if they’re happy. But if their happiness is costing you an arm and a leg and it’s not making you happy, then it’s not worth making them happy.
Even the girl is confusing being joyful for being happy. Joy is a mental state where happiness is a fleeting feeling
Happiness is so nuanced though. Our cycles actively affect our mood. We feel the most ‘happy’ when we’re ovulating. Low vitamins, low hydration, hormone imbalances, medication etc. all affect mood. These aren’t necessarily excuses for anything but it highlights how diligent you have to be. And our mothers didn’t teach us because they didn’t know either. The disconnect started generations ago.
The $100,000 car/ring does not bring happiness. Small gestures do.
@elwoodrussell5097 Seriously, if you fundamentally hold women in contempt or don't like them you can't honestly do "the little things" that they like and will inspire them to reciprocate. THAT SAID, I can understand the point of view of men who feel that women are "cold and loveless" when they aren't entitled and greedy too. Its evident in this video. We need NEW dating books!
@@KTT333I agree with this to a certain extent, but now that women of today have access to this information thanks to modern science and technology, why not make the effort to make sure these things don’t get in the way of you and your partner by using that same science and technology to learn about yourself? Low vitamins, low hydration, hormonal imbalances, a lot of this can easily be controlled with proper lifestyle choices in general. Why submit to what you’re not allowing yourself to control? Are you not eating properly, are you not getting enough sleep, are you not exercising for general health, are you not regularly visiting a medical professional to discuss these matters, are you not taking care of yourself for your own sake if not for your partner? And don’t even get me started on men’s health issues either, because the level of diligence and sympathy that women receive is fractioned for men.
We want in a woman peace, maturity, to be nurturing, loving, kind, reliable and a backbone for us. Thank you Courtney.
Amen!
Very well said.
@@maddog46 Thank You.
And a man who can reprocicate with these same traits, is high on every happy woman's list, above money and looks. Never forget!
@@DNA350ppm I know, but are there a lot of women who actually want these traits? Majority of modern day women are immature and care about money and materialistic things. They keep going to the bad guys and some losers. They don’t give a chance for the few good men like me. I pray to find the right woman.
Can we all take a minute to thank Courtney for being the best big sister we all had here on this platform
🥹🤍
100
Thanks Courtney! I’m 48 and wish I had your videos when I was in high school!
@@Tondaloona03 I don’t have an older sibling figure in my life 🙃
She would be a little big sister for my age, but yes :)
It’s so true, a lot of men want a woman to be their “peace” to be happy, to have their backs, to support him. We want to feel appreciated and respected.
Fit, feminine, and friendly.
I think the friendly portion relates to happiness. It truly makes a difference.
Life is stressful, but to have a cloud over one's head, looking at the dark side all the time, and generally being negative poison's the atmosphere all around them.
(Honestly, happiness applies to the fellas as well.)
Correct. She has to be pleasant to be around.
Doesn't need to be fit for me. I prefer a larger woman although fit is acceptable
All of that and you’ll probably still cheat huh??
@@cocotruffles9815 on you
That's a negative attitude@@cocotruffles9815. You need to recognize that few men can cheat as they're simply not appealing enough. Men who can cheat check off a lot of boxes making them attractive to lots of women who "choose" to get with such men. Interesting how you see it as men's fault when women are making the decision to go after this quite small percentage of men. But hey, everything is men's fault, right?
For me, the first thing is kindness.
I agree 💯
Isn't that special.
You are much more likely to receive kindness from a person who is happy within themselves.
Bingo. Kindness reveals the heart.
George Bruno always says look for peace and respect in a relationship. And drop-dead loyalty is better than drop-dead gorgeous.
At the end of the day I would take drop dead loyalty over drop dead gorgeous and there is no reason why I cannot have both
@@Coloradical_ 2 filters: 1. physical attractiveness 2. personality (emotional). You cannot get to 2nd filter without passing the first one.
As Denzel Washington said, “A man settles where he finds his peace. Not beauty, not money, not status, not anything else but peace.”
A very privileged mindset, however most men will settle with what they can get.
AMEN!
@@colinh9294No they don’t. If you get anything other than Peace then you will never be able to settle. You will be chasing a moving target, fighting a hurricane all your life….. Still searching for peace and quiet.
@@powerhouse884 sorry Boss, but this simply isn't taking a realistic behavior into consideration. Men have always known that they don't have many options, therefore "settling" for any woman who will get with them has always been commonplace. Even with our grandfathers.
And without love, there IS no peace, only emptiness. A woman needs to be warm, passionate and into her man sexually.
I'm not the least bit surprised that men care more about a woman's character than looks. The older I get, the more I realize how crucial a person's character is in regards to finding a future wife and mother to my children.
The ones that care more about something other than character and integrity, often find themselves subjected to the tender mercies of divorce court
A woman's looks arouse our libido. A woman's character makes us want them for a relationship.
@@axeSyntax Correct. Men won't even let you in the door if you don't pass the looks standard, so of course they won't mention that because it's pointless, the woman has already cleared the bar.
@@cniht its the same for women too
You are becoming a wise man. I totally agree. I will say I'd be okay if she is average looking with but she has moral values, etc. than being a 10/10 but just dated every guy on the 49ers football team last year.
The one and only thing that I found sad about this is that the woman in the video was actually surprised to learn this from her guy friends. Do women really not know that the first thing that is attractive about any woman is her attitude and approach to life? If a woman is going to bring zero peace and a lot of chaos into a guy's life, he will not care what she looks like. He will simply want her out.
This is why a woman can't give dating advice to men.They are oblivious to what men want. I just told Courtney that here in the comment section.
But here's the thing: men base their primary decisions on who to interact with & who to give a chance to based on looks & sexual attraction. Women absolutely know this. You can't accurately gauge character, mental/ emotional stability or a drama-free nature just by looking at a person though. Women know that being modest or low-key doesn't get you attention or dates. It gets you ignored & rejected regardless of how great or peaceful one's character is. The attention-seekers are the ones who get noticed & therefore the ones who get the chances.
I have to disagree.
Also it sounds a bit weird that a guy sayd, he wants a girl or woman that brings happyness in his life.
We want women who don't nag and bitch and bring trauma, but that's something different.
Happyness comes and goes, but a toxic personality is forever.
Sounds actually like female narcissism: what is the most important thing for men - that women are happy.
I believe she has made this whole thing up.
SHE WANTS POOKIE AND RAY RAY
@@Astuga Yeah, much on the web is made up nonsense. However, I think you are misunderstanding what she meant by a woman's happiness. She is not saying the man needs to make her happy, which would be narcissistic. She is saying a man wants a woman to bring her self happiness into the relationship, which is healthy. Relationships are fundamentally based on emotions and how one feels about one's partner. Positive energy (emotions) nourishes a relationship. Negative energy kills love. Psychologist Dr. John Gottman has demonstrated scientifically that 5 positive experiences are required to cancel one negative experience.
A woman nags and bitches to change a man's behavior in the relationship because she either feels disappointed or unsatisfied. Those are valid in-themselves, but she expresses them in a negative way. The man needs to lead her to express her relationship needs in a positive way. So instead of responding to negativity in a negative way, he needs to create a dynamic that teaches her how to express her dissatisfaction in a constructive and positive way.
One way to do this is to set rules of engagement (mutually agreed upon protocols for how conflict will be handled), roles and responsibilities, boundaries, and standards. I will leave learning how you do that to you. There are a multitude of websites with articles about relationships. Google (or DuckDuckGo) is there to find them for you.
To learn more about how to have a healthy relationship, I recommend visiting sites like the ones below (there are many more) that have excellent articles about relationships.
gottman.com
marriage.com
liveboldandbloom.com
psychologytoday.com
bonobology.com
yourtango.com
Maybe I'm the odd man out here, but the #1 thing I look for in a potential partner is...
Someone who genuinely appreciates me as an individual human being instead of a convenience.
I want to be with someone who values me for who I am, instead of seeing me as a free laborer / chauffeur / emotional crutch / etc until the next potential patch of green grass comes into view.
If a woman want to be with me for me, I will do everything in my power to give her the world. ... But if she only cares about what she receives, that means she wants a servant instead of a partner.
What she said is nice but this is better.
The same thing concerns men. If you want a servant, cleaner, or cook or all this emotional work at home.. Sorry not sorry wrong address
@@highlanderknight I think she means the same thing. She chose to say "happy" but I took that to mean the men want a woman to be and act like she is happy to be with them and not happy the man has money or whatever.
I want the same. Not easy to find.
Yes but you fail to understand a certain perspective. When men fully had control of the dating market, they often took women for granted. Ie., 90% of the time they were the problem. Now that women own the power (even if they give the power to a select group of men they still choose to do so) 90% of the time they take men for granted, not the other way around.
While both are utterly wrong, it is the problem we face right now that needs solved. Which has little to do with men.
So your point is kind of moot.@@joannawrzelikowska3273
A point of caution. When working on yourself don't make the mistake of getting lost in yourself. I've seen people go from working on themselves and end up caring about only themselves, their wants, needs and desires.
I'm not saying the video is inaccurate just don't go overboard
100%!!
It quite quickly and I am beginning to believe quite often these days morphs into various degrees of narcissism (with a social media mantra moral justification). It’s quite the opposite approach when compared to EVERY wisdom historical tradition. The proof in the pudding of its failure is most obvious: mental health in the online and real world communities that push the “self-love” “internal-work” cliches are in fact those blossoming rates of mental health issues.
100% accurate. I was attracted to girls who were not at all my type in looks, but their happy attitude just changed everything
Simp
@@screwedupmystic2597 Yep that is a slang term, but you're using it in the wrong way in regards to MozartJunior.
I still have to be physically attracted to them, doesn't matter if everything else is there.
Being with a partner who is constantly upset, stressed, fighting or negative is exhausting and kills the relationship the fastest from all my dating experience
Honestly, you described most people...The majority of people don't need to be in relationships.
This is so real. The times when I have been in a relationship with someone who expected or relied on me to provide them with all of their happiness were the most draining relationships I've been on, one to the point of abuse from them. When you give them everything you have but none of it is enough to make them happy, it is the most draining feeling in the world.
As far as appearance; knowing yourself and making yourself truly happy also makes you inherently more attractive to others. Like Courtney says “be what you seek”
Also, I'm sure women are the same but there just needs to be attraction. Of course we'd all love the woman with the perfect body and full lips and long flowing hair, but the reality is as long as we're physically attracted then we're good.
Was literally just talking earlier today to my sister about this.
I have struggled to find someone like you have described. Additionally, I can tell how important those qualities are to me, because on dating apps, profiles with scantily clad pictures, superficial pics etc are an instant turn off. I've really changed over the past 5-7 years what I value in a person and what I actually find attractive. it's way less looks driven than when I was younger.
Looking to get a bit more "out there" this year to help improve my chances as I haven't done the best job of that in recent years. Especially working from home and moving out of state.
The older I've gotten (early 30s) the more I've realized how important finding a true partner is. Same bandwidth with values, morals etc. Yes, you want someone cute, but the rest has to be there too. And that goes for us guys as well. I want a partner to go through life with. Not a fling, high maintenance person etc. I want someone to do house projects together, be a team later with parenting, trips together, laugh at stupid stuff when you are out and about. That's the stuff that really matters and creates such a strong bond.
Great video.
I couldn’t agree more with this, I’m a 26 year old dude and this is all I want in a partner. I wish you the best of luck mate. Hopefully both of us can find our person this year!
Top 3 for me are: Kindness, Being Realistic & Feminine.....Happiness is mostly an exterior act rooted in toxic positivity in some women but I know many guys who love "perky" women who are like that. The resounding factor for most men is that she brings peace vs. chaos.
I would still say most men actually value loyalty most in a relationship. Because from loyalty stems a lot of other good qualities, like respect, honesty, the willingness to stick it out thought hard times, etc. We want to know you will always be at our side. Happiness is important, but happiness is a result of actions, not a character trait.
‘It is bewitching to put your idea of happiness entirely into one person’ … Sense and Sensibility.
GOBSMACKED ! This woman is sooo positive and truthful ! It so good to have an honest opinion rather than the usual rant about being 6ft , 6 pack , earning 6 figures !
Any woman who wants 666 wants the devil!
I don’t often gush like this, but I’ve watched a lot of your videos for a while in the spirit of self-improvement and I wish your content had been around while I was growing up! It’s so refreshing to hear someone not trying to tear either sex down or over simplify things and build one up BY tearing the other down.
Your content is a breath of fresh air these days - and even as a married man, I can say a lot of what you talk about is still so applicable. Thank you and keep doing what you are doing 😊
I read a book by Steven Covey years ago, and one line stood out,
" I can be happy for you,
But,
I can't be happy, for you."
And there is a difference between the two. I can share in your joy, and excitement,
I can't replace your emotions or feelings, with mine.
Loyalty. Authenticity. Reliability. Accountability. Stability. Responsibility. Traditional. Supportive might as well be Unicorn Hunting. and for the bonus sauce: Fun, Fit, Feminine - gonna be a long dry season.
As long as you’re all those things yourself (replacing feminine with masculine) you should be okay. Unicorns for some reason have a hard time finding each other
As a man who has spent much of his life without a partner, I am so fortunate in my current relationship. I have moments in the middle of my workday when I have the sudden realization that she loves me, and I'm filled with love, gratitude and caring for her. Yes, we are 6 years into our relationship. And I love her and rediscover new things every day to love about her. Thanks for the video!
I think positivity is more precise, not just happy
I'm a 49 year old man, 12 years into a happy and successful relationship ad I agree. This gal hit the nail on the head!
Poor nail, that's abuse.
2:30 Truth spoken.
Chaos and drama are corrosion and disease to a relationship.
This goes for anyone, men and women. A person should be as content on their own as they are in a romantic relationship.
The purpose of relationships is for learning and growth. If it wasn't then a person would just stay single.
Happiness in a relationship doesn't mean never having conflict or disagreements. It's about being curious in growth and examining parts of yourself which are brought out by your partner.
Brilliant point of discussion Courtney. The most awful relationships of my life were with women who struggled being single. They had limited social lives and almost no direction in life unless theiy were tied to a man. These type of women are nightmares for most guys. I don't know you do it Courtney, you just keep coming up with relevant topics on your channel that are helpful to guys everwhere.
Thank you for making social media non toxic!
Stability, trust, respect, kindness and appreciation are wonderful attributes everyone should develop and rely on when life turns to shit because they are valuable additions to anyone's personality propelling us through any situation when used appropriately. Experience is key. Thank you Mrs. Ryan for all you do, you will help the world.
A year ago I wouldn't have been able to articulate that "happiness" was the most attractive trait in a woman. I have been dating my girlfriend for about six months now. She is the personification of the traits described in this video. She is so cheerful, and sweet. She perfectly embodies the "lighthearted energy" described in the video. She is such a wonderful, amazing woman and I feel so blessed to be with her.
I kind of agree with this, while being heavy and negative will make you unattractive no matter how beautiful you are. I think physical does have a lot to do with it. Men are built to be attractive to the 'visual' appearance first. We all have personal choices on what we find attractive. So, if a man doesn't find a woman physically attractive to some extent, it isn't going to matter how happy she is.
For example, I am attracted to more fit women. I know several, very happy, bubbly overweight women. I enjoy being around then and being able to call them friends, but they would never be more than a friend because of the weight.
I have had this conversation with guys, and we all agree. Appearance is first, emotionally sound (happy), a close second if not equal to appearance.
Thank you for your openness and honesty!
Men are no more visually oriented than women. I'm really sick and tired of this notion that women aren't visually oriented, it's ridiculous. Have you ever had an honest conversation with a woman? My god, they gush over all these celebrities, they fetishize height, muscularity, etc. What planet do you live on? Women are just as shallow, if not more than men.
Rest assured women wouldn't date men shorter than themselves, many won't even date significantly taller men who don't pass a certain arbitrary treshold. I'm sick of women making these accusations like we're supposed to be ashamed. A fat woman complains to me that men are shallow, while she wouldn't date me because I'm not tall enough for her taste.
Why are men having to defend themselves? Yes, we like good looking women. No, I wouldn't date a fat woman no matter her personality, I don't care, personality doesn't make up for looks. Without attraction, that's a friendship. There's no substitute for attraction. But the reality is that most men find most women good enough, as long as they're not overweight. My god, not being overweight is absolute bare minimum.
Of course we all want someone we are attracted to. But yes, happiness, maturity, knowing who they are and what they want, success/passion in their work independent of a partner is the kind of woman I am looking for. Thank you Courtney for the great content.
Men want a woman who is classy, a good hearted, good wife, good mother.
Are you looking for lover or a mother? 😮
What about what a woman want in men
@@iamblue8997 A father and a bodyguard.
A good starting place for a relationship is fit, feminine, friendly and agreeable. If you were just looking for a roommate (non romantic), friendly and agreeable is still required (aka: nobody wants an unfriendly and disagreeable roommate... those are the ones you kick out). Men don't want problematic women. You cannot use relationships to supplement your own failure to maintain your own happiness (you'll drain your partner... become a burden... and exhaust your partner.... and frankly 'kill' your value to said partner).
I often use the term 'grounded'. A 'grounded' partner has emotional control and is somebody you can work with. There's a lot to unpack about being 'grounded'. Probably worth a separate discussion.
I've experienced in the past where I actually found I had a 'time limit' to how long I could be around a person before things go south. An unhappy person has a 'time limit' (a point where they become too exhausting and your well of 'good will and attitude' runs dry). If a person is grounded and effortless to be around due to emotional balance and control... and a heavy dose of being grounded... I may find there 'is no limit' to how much time I can be around said person (if it's a lady... she's could be 'keeper'... but there are other measures of suitability a man has to be convinced of, of course).
Regardless, a lady that comes into your life chronically unhappy is not suitable emotionally for 'relationship' (aka: that 'value exchange' where we earn our keep with one another and not tip the dial into imbalance and forfeit the whole thing).
As a guy, the number one thing I look for in a woman is looks so I wouldn’t fault the people in that TikTok for guessing incorrectly. That does not mean I don’t care about the other qualities that Courtney mentioned as well.
The happiness men like is displayed when there is very little baggage and trauma to begin with. Happiness obtained from "working on myself" feeds into a false self assessed higher dating market value.
"I did all this work so I deserve this type of man..."
Brilliant! This video should be shown to all teenagers and young adults 😊
I have been talking to this woman for a few months. And she’s just happy at me. Not because of me but like excitedly sharing photos of her bird and talking about her job and niece. I care if she would just stop talking to me but I wouldn’t be mad. It was a great 3 months so far and I’m thankful.
I think its important to emphasize that the expectation here is not necessarily be happy 24/7, but to be constantly striving for that happiness. I think a lot of women hear this expectation and jump straight to toxic positivity. Nobody is going to be happy all the time, but what men appreciate is the effort to be positive and happy.
Bro you don't have to strive for it, it's just part of a mentality. I've known this cleaning lady at work from years ago, she would be cleaning the floors, I'd put on a song for her (I was a receptionist) and she'd be cleaning with a big smile on her face. She was always smiling, it really made you feel good to be around her.
There's no striving there, she's not waking up striving to be happy, it's just a mentality.
Great video! My brother said something similar to me once and I said something like this as well. A person who gives you peace is much better than a baddie with a bad attitude. It is something I am working on myself, since I tend to be negative in my thinking and closed off at times.
First, thanks for such a great video. Second, I have to say I'm glad that other guys share my sentiment - when it comes to ladies, looks will get you in the door, but it's your character and compatibility that helps us decide if you'll stay.
In a Healthy Relationship reciprocating is key to building strong bonds. Also this type of life style and mindset is not for everyone! There are people whom are happy being superficial.
But if you want that strong comfortable relationship than you have to work on it but inside has to match outside!
My wife lights up the room... Everyone notices it... We hang in out with old car guys in the British Motor Club, and she is a breath of fresh air to the group and she loves getting involved. She drives in our road rallies, something most of the other ladies in the club won't do. What a catch!
LED or florescent?
Comfort,peace and positivity without drama
Reading FOR MEN ONLY by Shaunti Feldhahn gave me a really good perspective on what the fairer sex actually needs and how to communicate love to women. There's also a FOR WOMEN ONLY and I agree with pretty much everything that's said in that book. Both are great resources to trying to understand what women/men actually need.
One of those books you weren't allowed to read...(jk)
@@user-ee1fn4vt8b I'm a rebel, what can I say?
@@user-ee1fn4vt8b what can I say, I'm a rule breaker.
A woman with a positive attitude reflecting confidence, self-assurance, pride in her accomplishments and who enjoys sharing the warmth of her personality contributes to the joy of other's life experiences. She is a precious partner indeed.
I'd rather be married to a 4 with a kind heart and who's a happy person than a 10 who brings drama and headache into my life. Thanks, again, to Courtney for putting out the truth. Sadly, I doubt it'll impact very many women who need to hear this 😊
So You would be with obese person then rather...good for You.
PEACE. Courtney said it. The #1 thing most desired by men who have experience in relationships is PEACE. More important than her being happy (although that's important). More important than looks (though this is also important, but not nearly to the extent most of us give it). Most women don't understand that it's peace. Most MEN don't even realize how incredibly important PEACE is until they've been in several relationships (or at least 1 that was full of drama, toxicity, or a lack of emotional regulation.
Men are visual creatured. Physical attributed are the first thing men notice. Liking what we see matters and then we dig deeper into that person
Ah, as opposed to women? They first notice your soul, right? Snap back to reality.
Last time I had a "kinda-crush" on a woman it was one that was indeed light hearted and open. Like, the kind of person that when they enter the room, the sun seems to come out. Of course they were days when she wasn't very well-off, then it was notable. But she tried her best. You got to honour this. Also, me, being dealing with anxiety and depressions for over 20 years now, this is really important in people, in general. Women walking with a grumpy/emotionally dead face all the time are a red flag.
There is little point in committing to someone who cannot increase the peace or support we have in our lives. Now a good wife should spur you to be your best self, but NOT nag or antagonize, rather she should encourage and exhort. What do we gain from having to “handle” a so called “strong independent woman who doesn’t need us?” Another headache in an already life long list of problems that men must contend with, many of which only we men can face despite what feminists want to lie to themselves and everyone else about. Yeah, no thanks. What I ask myself about a woman is this. Is she going to be a “place” that I feel like I can land, refuel, and rest before the next “mission” or she just going to endlessly scold me for actually being human and even needing rest at all rather than pandering to her 24/7, 365? That said properly leading and serving a worthy and grateful woman is one of the things I really do want to most do in life. But being the slave of a self absorbed Jezebel is one of the things I want to most avoid in life. Ladies, your character makes a difference that is as far and wide as the east is from the west, in how we will regard and treat you. And the best part of that news is that it what we need from you is probably simpler than you ever really thought.
This, right here, should be a top comment!
@@jaujud thank you!
The girl in the video, Rebecca Leigh, she just exudes exactly what she’s describing, happiness, confidence and it’s just a bonus that she is gorgeous.
He needs to be happy
I think peace would be a better word than happiness. Someone who brings themselves and others peace. We chase happiness, which you are right, is fleeting
Looks always get men and women in the door. But looks include being averagely healthy, decently groomed, and decently dressed. Add on top of that, beauty is in the beholder of the eye. I had a friend who once found a girl really attractive and I did not.
Aside from that, for me it has always been personality. That includes not hurting others when it’s totally preventable, being kind, and well I guess being happy kind of encompasses that if you think about it.
Thank you for shining this positive light on guys! :)
Right. Because, Bubba the enforcer biker guy who just got out of county with a ripped leather jacket, long beard, smokes a pack a day, and drinks with his biker buddies whenever he wants is invisible to women.
At the same time, Adam the accountant with a tight hair cut, a clean shaven face, wearing glasses and a collared shirt to work, driving a moderate sedan, and making average money gets all the ladies hanging off of him with anticipation.
@@pace1195 they both sound like they have a shot if I’m being honest 😂 but of course that’s just to get them in the door. And with different types of women. After that it’s about personality/emotional intelligence/“game” - whatever you wanna call it.
I get what you’re trying to get at though, the bad boy vs the nice guy. So long as Adam has balls too, he’ll do alright. And so long as Bubba has a soft side, he’ll do alright too
@@joaquin67 No, it's also about investment for women, usually monetary investment but also time investment to some extent after the initial (and probably ongoing) looks/attraction aspect.
A low level gold digger might tolerate Adam, but she will also take her opportunity with Bubba if given the chance. More likely, Adam is invisible to women while Bubba is not. The problem is Bubba is not investing time or money to any of these women except for fun times.
Also from your original post, how many men want a woman who is unkind and hurts people whether she is happy about her life or not? Those traits are pretty unfeminine no matter her happiness status.
If you mean the man is kind and does not hurt people, I refer you to Bubba the biker.
Agreed. Both sides have to be happy on their own.
We want feminine, loyal, loving, slim, petite, natural, traditional, peaceful, happy, sane…..
We don’t want 304 energy or fake beauty
No masculine women!!!!
Finding somebody who's content with his-/herself and his/her life, is the key!
That basically means "good personality." It's not some new revelation. And men say they care about personality without bringing up looks because good looks is assumed as a requirement. It's like asking "what do you like in a good dessert?" "Oh I like a buttery, flakey pastry in mine." "I notice you didn't say that tasting good is a priority!"
Simple: Affectionate, Caring, Elegant, Feminine, and Nurturing.
Lol, where's your time machine to the 1800s?
She says it, but does she practice what she preaches!
I think the way the question is asked can impact the answer you get from guys. The "number one thing" can imply immediacy, as well as priority, which can lead to appearance being mentioned. If the word "first" is used, then appearance becomes even more likely to be the answer. Usually, when it's vague, I'd personally mention that appearance would have to meet a certain threshold as an aside and then go into what's actually important after providing that context.
Asking what's most important or to rank the most important traits will get more accurate answers, assuming what you want to learn is what's important to them.
Your comment is waaaaaay too logical for a platitudinous video from the Tik Tok girl Courtney reacted to.
I personally believe there was an extremely low number of participants in her questionnaire.
I would say joyful versus happy but I would also say humility should be the number one answer
This is literally the master class in relationships. Not only look for this in others, but practicing this for myself makes me the best I can be. Spending an hour doing this every day will lead to goodness. Thanks Courtney!
How much you want to bet that the woman with the guy friends telling her this, (green flag stuff) all want a relationship with her, but they are all friend-zoned. She's still looking for Chad. It won't be long before we see the video of her crying and asking, "Where have all the good men gone?"
I was just thinking the same thing. They get this great advice then waste it on the worst type of men.
I have guy friends in large part because they’re friends with my partner. And my best friend’s partners who are men are also friends of mine sometimes.
What we mean by no-drama is no artificially created problems, no chaos. Healthy men are good at solving real problems and avoid drama.
While I agree that a person's character is more important than their looks. Unless you are meeting a person fairly reguarly in a way that isn't primarily revolving around forming intimate relationships, looks are the first thing that matters and what generate first interactions. So in terms of what attributes create more opportunities, your physical appeal is thing that is always on display. If I am out and about just living my life, how a person looks, is the only information I can perceive about them, unless we need to interact for one reason or another. What confuses the point I just made is that I also think you can tell pretty quickly the happy people from the sad people, and happy people are just more attractive in general, and this quality is expressed in their physical attractiveness. Your internal happiness is expressed in your voice, your face, your body language, in the way you behave and treat other people, how you dress, the degree to which you take care of your body etc. All of these are contribute towards your physical attractiveness. How people move, their voice, how they speak (e.g. tone), smiling or laughing vs looking moody or sad, being stiff and rigid vs free and flowing, these elements make up a persons physical attractiveness and are inherently affected by a persons character. I would go far as to say they are their character. Your physical appearance speaks volumes about your inner makeup. Yes lots cannot be deduced from looks alone but they express your inner self.
Women will bring happiness to the right man. There are plenty of men who want a happy woman but won’t put the work in to treat her well and break her down. I’ve been on that side and it sucks. I’m not talking about short-term unhappiness, because that’ll happen regardless of relationship status. I’m talking being belittled by someone consistently to the point of aggressive unhappiness. You can’t expect a woman to be your peace if you can’t be her security. I had an ex who would constantly start arguments with me for the smallest things-eating grapes in time, I can’t eat most fruit because side it makes me sick. He screamed at me for 10 minutes to eat some grapes and got mad when I spit them out and called me all sort of names. There were other scenarios such as I don’t eat beef and that’s wrong. I had to have surgery one time and he told
Me he wished I died on the table the night before. He also said it was wrong for my friends to visit me after surgery during recovery just because they were guys (and yes, just friends. Never dated. Some friendships naturally ended and others have lasted and that’s life itself) and I must be using surgery as an excuse to cheat when they were just concerned about my healing. It was honestly crazy. Not to mention the day my dog died and I carried her out of house he started interrogating me about an ex boyfriend I hadn’t seen in YEARS and just made the whole day worse and thought he’d make it better by bringing me food. His reason, “I’m just insecure and need to know you won’t leave no matter how I treat you. You’re so good to me and I’m a terrible person.” He would constantly compare me to his ex who left for similar reasons and how he missed her. And also hang around degenerate people while saying my friends were degenerates when we never partied. We’re improv people, not party animals
Like he was. He’d constantly talk about what he friends did that he considered disgusting but at the same time loved it and was mad I wasn’t like that. Just pure narcissistic malignancy.
You want peace, be peace. I’m married to a wonderful man now who’d never dream
Of treading me that way. My guy friends were there and told
Me straight up to not become a victim and be better when that relationship ended.Honestly good friends will kick the wicked out of you so you don’t become the monster you fight. My husband is my peace and I am his peace now.
Steve Jobs said “When you put the Right People on Top the Rest will Follow”. He was talking about the Business organization structure and putting Smart well organized business people on top who knew how to run a Safe, Productive, efficent company that checked all the boxes. Recycle, Packaging, Morals, shipping, Meals, etc…….Allot like HP was and NOW Apple is and Microsoft too. These companies Set the “Standards” in Silicon Valley on What a company should be and how to run it.
So what does this have to do with a Relationship and Family structured ?
When you put the leaders on Top you want them to have a Sense of Direction, Knowledge, Morals, Wisdom, Guidance
And set an example for the rest of the members.
When your Mate Sets the Right Standards everything else will follow.
The Bible and Church is a Good place to Start.
Couples that go to Church together Stay together.
Couples that eat meals together stay together.
Be the Leader and “Set The Standard”. It Does NOT cost allot of MONEY and it will put you above everyone else.
Just found this channel today, and it's already becoming a favorite. I really appreciate Courtney's perspective and the way she chooses to talk about these important subjects!
As a woman, I'm so glad to hear this. I'm currently not dating right now because I want to be in a happier mindset. I just got out of a bad relationship and my son has some medical issues. My focus is to ride this wave and invite more positivity within in me then around me once the wave settles. Great piece of advice!
That lady got it right. We need more women like her. She gets it.
Best thing, a lack of bitterness. Few, Personal, emotional, scares
I used to know this girl who would just light up any room she walked in. She was always cheerful and always made people feel good about themselves. Everybody loved her and loved having her around.
Yes, when I met my wife, at a dance club, she was laughing and smiling. Most of the women sitting around the dance floor looked depressed. After we started talking and dancing, she was upbeat and happy. We've been together almost 25 years.
Speaking of femininity, I cannot think of a better comparison to a flower that has blossomed. Men need a flower in their life that makes it better with its beauty, gentleness and aroma.
This is true for ALL FRIENDS, male and female. Surround yourself with happy people.
She needs to have the intrinsic ability that when they are near others including men, that the blood pressure goes down, the stress goes down, and an unseen WARMTH is felt amongst all who are near her. True femininity is about the power of selflessness and kindness.
Thank you, Courtney. This is just so true. I gave a similar speech to my wife recently after yet another divorce threat. I also reminded her that I am her carer and am helping her in a long legal battle with her brother. She has behaved very calmly and co-operatively since!
I should add that I have mixed feelings about when she turns her fire on the outside world. I don't like to see her cause chaos in the family but she can kick the butt of unco-operative bureaucracies when needed and sometimes does so on behalf of others.
It's both attractiveness and personality. Attractiveness gets you asked out and personality gets the next date. Seeing that you want to stay attractive for me and the character is real, gets you married. A woman without character can't raise my kids.
I like this "It is me to fullfill emotional need not others, do not expect stimuli".
I wouldn't even say it's "happiness" per se, but a light-heartedness. Happiness is too fleeting because it's emotional, whereas being light hearted is more of a disposition, which means it's not going to rely on how the day is going or how she's feeling in a given moment.
Men want loyalty. For men like me, there is no love without loyalty. Life is complicated enough and I do not want to always wonder if my girlfriend is being disloyal.
We keep dancing around the phenomenon of women's personal responsibility without actually saying it directly! SAY IT LOUD!
Physical attraction is number one no matter how much you lie to yourself.
Physical beauty is the first thing we notice not the number one thing we look for.
Exactly. My wife and I met on a dating app. While I initially looked at her profile because I found her attractive, it was her attitude in her bio section that got me to contact her. Not only did everything she described in her definition of the ideal man resemble me; she came across as positive and fun. She didn't come across as a woman with lots of baggage or a gold digger and when we met in person, we actually enjoyed each other's company. There was no sex in that first meeting, we just talked for hours and really enjoyed being with each other.
Duh. While there may be a few examples out there, women don't typically produce a profile stating, "I'm a feminist man-eater and you better bow down to me in all aspects of a potential relationship."
Women's profiles attempt to put themselves in friendly, happy lights.
@@pace1195 it's there, you just have to read between the lines. 🤣
100% of women I've been with have been deeply unhappy with me after about 6 months or so, often after much less time. I understand that's it "me" that's the problem but improving myself to satisfy them (much less make them happy) seems so exhausting that working at my very enjoyable job, riding my motorcycle, reading books, blinging on mindless TV series, bicycling, and all that stuff seems so much easier than turning into this alpha male (if I could...debatable).
As a guy.. YES. Honestly who tf wants to hang out with someone who comes off as "unhappy" or "having better places to be". A relationship between a man and woman is obviously more than a regular friendship, but it still has all the key parts of a friendship. Imagine if you wanted to hang out with someone as a friend for the first time and all they do is moan, complain and give off sass. Friendship wouldn't last 5 seconds XD
The most important thing in a woman is loyalty. A woman that understands loyalty and applies its principle will be with her man when life is unhappy and full of suffering. A woman’s undying loyalty will help her man weather the suffering to bring them to a better place.
Cooking a good meal demonstrates an inner quality of caring about others and reciprocating back in some small gesture of appreciation.
I’m a guy exploring the worldwide waste of time, and in the era of everyone complaining and causing divisions, you’re a voice of reason to have better relationships.
3:00 this is true in general. We often end up enabling addicts out of compassion, because they don't want to get better, at least not yet. You can't help someone who doesn't want it
Absolutely true. Relationships are not a requirement. They are an option. If you are happy alone there are two likely outcomes. You might continue being alone but be content doing so. You will be alone but never lonely. The second possibility is that you enter into a healthy relationship with someone else. But either way, there is likely to be a good outcome. But if you can't be happy alone. If you are depending on others for your happiness. There is no way for that end well. Either you will be alone and lonely, or you will get into a dysfunctional relationship with someone else. And one of the most important things I learned about happiness is this. Happiness is not about getting the things you want. It's about wanting the things you already have. It's about counting your blessings while working to improve your fortunes. It's not about forever chasing something that you can never catch.
This is such a great message.... I wish more men would take charge and own their mental/emotional development.
Me too!
👉You Missed Courtney's Point👈
Looks are fleeting - for both men and women.... Having an adult drama free relationship, with someone who MAKES YOU WANT TO BE A BETTER YOU, is essential. Drama queens/kings, complainers, whiners, princesses/prices grow old very fast. The knife cuts both ways btw, Life isn't a fairy tale, it is hard and to have a companion that will smooth that out is sooo important. My wife was that person, I loved everything about her, she was my partner and companion, Consigliere, BFF...She made me want to be better, more for her than for me, I didn't want to let her down. It wasn't puppies and roses every day, but it was way better than it was bad. Obviously with age comes wisdom, I miss her every day and was blessed to have her in my life for 28 years..Good video Courtney
SENSE OF HUMOR is so important! Yeah, I realize not everything is a big joke, we need to take some things seriously, but when we can LAUGH, at ourselves and with each other, when a woman gets my jokes and makes a few jokes herself, I find that so sweet, I'm in love, I'm hooked.
Sense of self worth mainly