Originally posted in July 2011, this is a re-edited version that runs 2m 18s shorter than the original, and has been upscaled to HD and had noise reduction applied to remove tape and camera noise. As per usual, I've heavily trimmed down the film clips, removed one or two meaner lines, and tightened up the pacing - however, this is my personal favourite of the Seagal reviews because it is such a bonkers movie that it provided endless amounts of hilarity. This is the third entry in Seagal Month, following Out of Reach and Mercenary for Justice, and followed by Against the Dark and Half Past Dead. Hope you enjoy!
@Film Brain The rant about Seagal's weight is one of my favorite moments in BMB. You really hit the nail on the head, Matthew. This is one of the biggest (no pun intended) problems with these movies. Seagal using body doubles just to simply move. I never seen this amount of laziness in a film. Imagine if Tom Cruise or Dwayne Johnson did this. They get fat and have to relie on body doubles to walk, run, or jump. It would an absolute embarrassment.
'Imelda Staunton, a year after her Academy Award-nominated performance in Vera Drake, appears in the film as Ambassador Cochran. She explained to the BBC's Mark Lawson that she filmed for two days, but that Seagal did not film any reverses with her, resulting in her filming all her scenes with Seagal's stand-in and a Romanian film student, who would read Seagal's dialogue off-camera. She claims she did the film for money, and as a chance to portray a character with an American Accent'-Glorious Wikipedia
8:13 - No wonder Umbridge was so evil. Being stuck in a crappy direct-to-DVD Seagal movie would turn even the most benevolent soul into a psychotic misanthrope. 11:20 - OK, clearly the movie should've been about this crazy old lady. Something went horribly wrong in development. 12:34 - Tom Cruise is in his 50s and he still risks life and limb for the sake of our entertainment. Seagal, I would say you're a disgrace to the action genre, but that would be an upgrade. 17:04 - PfffffftHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! 17:35 - This should've been the moment where she gives him her magic torture feather and makes him write "I will stop making shitty movies".
Wouldn't it be awesome to make a Seagal movie without Seagal actually in it or even involved in the production with all the body and voice doubles and then see if anybody notices.
From what I’ve read, that’s a pretty accurate presentation of how Segal runs his actual “dojos”. Stands around talking and instead of teaching actual lessons, casually walks around the room randomly beating up on students and breaking their arms because he can. And they pay him big bucks to do it.
Huh a two word title for a Seagal film which was bizarrely only two thirds as good as his three word title efforts. However, since his three word title films are only one fifth as good as an average film he needs to star in a film containing fifteen words in order for that film to be considered an average movie. My suggested title would be: 'Out of His Depth and Shape, Thanks to Body Doubles I Still Have a Career'
5:13 Did they just speed up the footage to disguise the fact that Seagal was too lazy to start running? I shouldn't be surprised but if even a light jog was too much for him at least cut away to one of his stunt doubles.
17:07 - Feels funny watching this bit, knowing that a few years after this review was made, Spectre had James Bond himself shooting down a helicopter with a handgun (albeit just causing it to crash rather than explode mid-air).
Jeez, it's embarrassing that this film is titled _Shadow Man_ given how overweight Seagal is in the film. At least the title would work better for someone who is at the very least agile and slender. Maybe if we'd switch Eva Pope's Anya into the hero, then this movie might have become a bit better.
every Steven Seagal movie its like a videogame, Intro, a little bit of gameplay, exposition via unskippable cutscenes (the long and boring ones) again some gameplay, rinse and repeat ending in a crappy ending with a "conglaturations" or "You Winner!" Dear god how i hate this dude, i mean he could try to do more plot based slow athmospherical movies if he cant lift his goddamn leg from the floor but no he has to show to the world that he still "has it" look Steven if Jackie Chan itself cant do much crazy shit as how he used to do it in Wheels on Meals and stuff then *YOU CANT DO THAT AS WELL SO STOP TRYING TO SHOW THE WORLD AND JUST DO YOUR JOB RIGHT FOR CHRIST SAKE* !
I still can't follow the story of Attack Force as it makes no sense. The plot is difficult to follow and confusing as hell. The story is something like there is a drug on the streets that somehow turns people in some sort of vampire and Segal's character is some sort of cop who has to stop it. There is possibly something about aliens as well, but by about 10 minutes into the film your brain has melted and trickled out of your ears so you stop caring. ;op I know it is a "finished" film, but the abysmal editing and re-dubbing make it seem like it's several films that all ran out of money part way through and were badly "Frankensteined" together to recoup some of their production costs.
This is one of my old favorites from years ago! I hope you revive this series, Mathew, and I'm so glad you got out from under Doug the Accessory to Rape Critic's yoke. Seagal's "heroes" are always such loathsome characters. I too felt bad for the scientists - they didn't do anything wrong, the gangsters stole their virus! Why did Seagal kill them!? Needless to say it did not surprise me when he was exposed as a horrible person in real life too.
I wish this review weren't my introduction to Imelda Staunton, I'd have been much happier just stumbling upon her vocal performance as Mrs. Lovett while looking up Sweeney Todd songs on Spotify instead.
(Sees opening scene with Matt doing different voice clips) *Me:* (Talking like Bennett the Sage while my mouth is closed) Oh my God! He really is a Ventriloquist!
It’s really dumb they stole this title from a comic book superhero film, that was extraordinary way better, it’s not like Steven seagels like some kind of super hero or something.
Would a review of Machete (with Steven Segal rocking a Mexican Accent) fit into Bad Movie Beatdown? Machete being the only movie (AFAIK) that has Segal as a villain might be enough?
1:50 I'm pretty sure this generic lab/prison location was also used in INCUBUS starring Tara Reid where she fights a psychic guy who likes to eat keys. Cause it had those same black/grey squares on the wall that look like they belong in a music recording room. It wasn't a very good movie, either. Phelous did a pretty funny review of it. Maybe that shooting location is just cursed.
Theres double chins from being older (like balding) and can be fixed getting fit...and triple chins from not caring from an action star (quadruple really) He's had decades to fix it and STILL haven't...but anyone else unlike Seagal haven't been talking how he could destroy anyone in history
Seagal only understands the difference between "internal" and "external" when it relates to food. For example, if the hamburger is "external" to you, make it "internal" as fast as possible!
I saw one of his recent movies,it was about prostitues being abused by some dangerous guys. The guy who works with him as his partner worked with him in The belly of the beast before,he is much better than him.
I came across this movie one late night I couldn't sleep and the only thing I remember about this movie is the impossible bomb he makes when trapped in that one building.
It's pathetic that this appalling hack kept getting work throughout the 80s and 90s, and still coasts on that while legit badasses who could ACTUALLY ACT AND DO THEIR OWN STUNTS like Cynthia Rothrock got overlooked. I didn't get his appeal back then, and I get it EVEN LESS now (except among a VERY obvious group).
@@FilmBrain Mathew my former best friend even hates me due to the fact I love a American civil war movie called gods and generals he even hates on me due to the fact I love all 3 star wars trilogys and he calls me a traitor for loving a movie that came out in 1993 called Gettysburg and he even wants to beat the shit outta me because I hated exicit wounds and half past dead 1 and 2 hes a very big fan of Seagal snipes and van damme he loves actors who are go to from hit movies to direct to dvd or blue ray movies plus he loves mega pirnhana and giant octopus vs mega shark he also loves frank millers sprit movie he hates linkara due to the fact he hates on his favorite books and he loves all the twilight books and movies he loves a lot of dumb movies he considers epic movie disaster movie and meet the spartans as the funniest movies ever made in movie history and hell he thinks all these bad directors should win big awards and he told me half past dead 2 should have won a academy award due to the fact kurput and bill Goldberg are far better actors than mark Hamill and Harrison ford and the list goes on my former best friend is a idiot for hating on you and holding a big grudge against you
there is difference between star trek and star crap. ToS, TNG were light on nonsence and actualy only used it in extreme cases, DS9 was transitional period into Voyager, Enterprise and onwards there bullshit reigne supreme ever since.
Originally posted in July 2011, this is a re-edited version that runs 2m 18s shorter than the original, and has been upscaled to HD and had noise reduction applied to remove tape and camera noise. As per usual, I've heavily trimmed down the film clips, removed one or two meaner lines, and tightened up the pacing - however, this is my personal favourite of the Seagal reviews because it is such a bonkers movie that it provided endless amounts of hilarity. This is the third entry in Seagal Month, following Out of Reach and Mercenary for Justice, and followed by Against the Dark and Half Past Dead. Hope you enjoy!
@Film Brain
The rant about Seagal's weight is one of my favorite moments in BMB. You really hit the nail on the head, Matthew. This is one of the biggest (no pun intended) problems with these movies. Seagal using body doubles just to simply move. I never seen this amount of laziness in a film. Imagine if Tom Cruise or Dwayne Johnson did this. They get fat and have to relie on body doubles to walk, run, or jump. It would an absolute embarrassment.
Plus the "BUM" at 4:21. I don't recall seeing that in the original.
This is probably my favourite BMB episode. Really hilarious.
I was hoping you'd make a fat joke like I did.
Scotty Lewis
He did, but he cut it out.
Perhaps he's called Shadow Man, because all of his enemies can hide within the shadow he casts.
HA!!!!
'Imelda Staunton, a year after her Academy Award-nominated performance in Vera Drake, appears in the film as Ambassador Cochran. She explained to the BBC's Mark Lawson that she filmed for two days, but that Seagal did not film any reverses with her, resulting in her filming all her scenes with Seagal's stand-in and a Romanian film student, who would read Seagal's dialogue off-camera. She claims she did the film for money, and as a chance to portray a character with an American Accent'-Glorious Wikipedia
And this was before she played in her most iconic role as Dolores Umbridge in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.
You know you fail as an action star when you constantly rely on body doubles for basic movements.
8:13 - No wonder Umbridge was so evil. Being stuck in a crappy direct-to-DVD Seagal movie would turn even the most benevolent soul into a psychotic misanthrope.
11:20 - OK, clearly the movie should've been about this crazy old lady. Something went horribly wrong in development.
12:34 - Tom Cruise is in his 50s and he still risks life and limb for the sake of our entertainment. Seagal, I would say you're a disgrace to the action genre, but that would be an upgrade.
17:04 - PfffffftHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
17:35 - This should've been the moment where she gives him her magic torture feather and makes him write "I will stop making shitty movies".
Keanu Reeves is also in his 50s, and yet he still managed to kick ass like in his Point Break and Matrix days.
D Vass Funniest comment in the thread LOL
Matthew Cool hell he kicks more ass now
Ha! Like Steven seagal's contract would allow that to happen.
So he needed body doubles for getting out of a car, and going up/down stairs. Im sure the movie cost more for this.
All of Seagal's doubles seem far more capable and should have their own movies. A good script, well-choreographed stunts and they'd have a winner.
Yeah.
Possibly...just considering better alternatives.
Glen Ryder true.
Wouldn't it be awesome to make a Seagal movie without Seagal actually in it or even involved in the production with all the body and voice doubles and then see if anybody notices.
The "This alarms, THIS MAN" joke with the actor doing a random derp face is STILL one of BMB's best jokes.
Indeed
From what I’ve read, that’s a pretty accurate presentation of how Segal runs his actual “dojos”. Stands around talking and instead of teaching actual lessons, casually walks around the room randomly beating up on students and breaking their arms because he can. And they pay him big bucks to do it.
Sounds like they're getting at least something out of it, if they're into this sort of thing.
"Man, all she wanted to do was take a piss."
No one is allowed to take the piss in a Steven Seagal movie except Steven Seagal himself.
6:53 He needed a body double to open Curtains!!!!
Huh a two word title for a Seagal film which was bizarrely only two thirds as good as his three word title efforts. However, since his three word title films are only one fifth as good as an average film he needs to star in a film containing fifteen words in order for that film to be considered an average movie.
My suggested title would be: 'Out of His Depth and Shape, Thanks to Body Doubles I Still Have a Career'
Body doubles and sound doubles..
😂
11:00 - Seagal knows syphilis when he sees it...
5:13 Did they just speed up the footage to disguise the fact that Seagal was too lazy to start running?
I shouldn't be surprised but if even a light jog was too much for him at least cut away to one of his stunt doubles.
@19:48
We interrupt this cheap Segal movie to bring you Phincubus.
Or
We interrupt this Bad Movie Beatdown to bring you Phelous and The Movies.
According to IMDB, the Skye Bennet who appears here is indeed the same one who voiced the Aegis in Xenoblade Chronicles 2. Huh.
Yes, that really is her. From a direct to DVD movie...to Nintendo's most notable RPG franchise.
Wow.
@@mesousagaby740 most notable?
Mesousa Gaby um no
"Has anybody seen Ritchie? Anybody know why did Bobboy Lupo!?"
"I'm gonna keep coming back until somebody remembers seeing Ritchie"
Wow, Seagal makes for a really crappy Mr. Miyagi.
Jackie Chan would be better.
@@scottylewis8124 he WAS better
@@thatonebritishidiot3037 ik.
Ironic for an Aikido master to be shit at his job, but then again I wouldn't expect Seagal to be a good sensei.
Like Film Brain said his job exists purely so he can beat the shit out of his students.
We need more BMB Seagal movies. These are hilarious!
17:07 - Feels funny watching this bit, knowing that a few years after this review was made, Spectre had James Bond himself shooting down a helicopter with a handgun (albeit just causing it to crash rather than explode mid-air).
I think I also saw that kind of thing in 2 Guns.
Seagal also shot down a chopper at the beginning of Exit Wounds.
17:36 Umbridge vs Seagal. Whoever wins, we lose.
Jeez, it's embarrassing that this film is titled _Shadow Man_ given how overweight Seagal is in the film. At least the title would work better for someone who is at the very least agile and slender. Maybe if we'd switch Eva Pope's Anya into the hero, then this movie might have become a bit better.
every Steven Seagal movie its like a videogame, Intro, a little bit of gameplay, exposition via unskippable cutscenes (the long and boring ones) again some gameplay, rinse and repeat ending in a crappy ending with a "conglaturations" or "You Winner!"
Dear god how i hate this dude, i mean he could try to do more plot based slow athmospherical movies if he cant lift his goddamn leg from the floor but no he has to show to the world that he still "has it" look Steven if Jackie Chan itself cant do much crazy shit as how he used to do it in Wheels on Meals and stuff then *YOU CANT DO THAT AS WELL SO STOP TRYING TO SHOW THE WORLD AND JUST DO YOUR JOB RIGHT FOR CHRIST SAKE* !
4:36 Here's a hint: it is the one with hair on it.
I still can't follow the story of Attack Force as it makes no sense.
The plot is difficult to follow and confusing as hell.
The story is something like there is a drug on the streets that somehow turns people in some sort of vampire and Segal's character is some sort of cop who has to stop it.
There is possibly something about aliens as well, but by about 10 minutes into the film your brain has melted and trickled out of your ears so you stop caring. ;op
I know it is a "finished" film, but the abysmal editing and re-dubbing make it seem like it's several films that all ran out of money part way through and were badly "Frankensteined" together to recoup some of their production costs.
They used stock footage from INCUBUS?
See Phelous to see how much of a garbage fire THAT movie is
This is one of my old favorites from years ago! I hope you revive this series, Mathew, and I'm so glad you got out from under Doug the Accessory to Rape Critic's yoke.
Seagal's "heroes" are always such loathsome characters. I too felt bad for the scientists - they didn't do anything wrong, the gangsters stole their virus! Why did Seagal kill them!?
Needless to say it did not surprise me when he was exposed as a horrible person in real life too.
You think that syphilis joke is bad, you should read about the sketch he pitched to SNL when he was the host.
I wish this review weren't my introduction to Imelda Staunton, I'd have been much happier just stumbling upon her vocal performance as Mrs. Lovett while looking up Sweeney Todd songs on Spotify instead.
(Sees opening scene with Matt doing different voice clips)
*Me:* (Talking like Bennett the Sage while my mouth is closed)
Oh my God! He really is a Ventriloquist!
Oooft
Looks like the makeup artist simply gave up and began using mortuary cosmetics on him.
The next time I want to see a movie with Shadow in the title. I'll watch The Shadow with Alec Baldwin.
Sammo Hung was a fatso but was 10 times faster and more agile than Seagal in his prime.
He crushed a watermelon and that's supposed to be impressive?
10:37: A typical Saturday night for Seagal.
Please, we need a longer intro.😂
After your zombie-vampire review I'm hooked.
I hope the Seagal Body Double{s} got some credit :)
It’s really dumb they stole this title from a comic book superhero film, that was extraordinary way better, it’s not like Steven seagels like some kind of super hero or something.
Devin Harbert and from a Megaman robot master...
Would a review of Machete (with Steven Segal rocking a Mexican Accent) fit into Bad Movie Beatdown? Machete being the only movie (AFAIK) that has Segal as a villain might be enough?
He said he enjoyed it in his 'review of 2013' when the sequel ended up on the 'worst of the year' list.
Love this part! 20:23
OMG, these opening credits! What font is that? Comic Sans wasn't good enough?
I thought this movie was a rip-off of Taken, but this came out 2 whole years before Taken.
I'm pretty sure this plotline was a retread of both Belly of The Beast and Out of Reach, ironically enough, were Seagal movies.
8:14 umbridge
16:09 made me laugh harder then nearly anything in recent times - brilliant delivery!
"this alarms... THIS MAN!!" hahhaah i love this episode :'D has some of your best jokes ever, go back to this style. it's great.
Do you Consider V for Vendeta a good, OKay or Bad movie?
joaocisne556
It's great.
5:15, 10:28-Lol, good one.
1:50 I'm pretty sure this generic lab/prison location was also used in INCUBUS starring Tara Reid where she fights a psychic guy who likes to eat keys. Cause it had those same black/grey squares on the wall that look like they belong in a music recording room. It wasn't a very good movie, either. Phelous did a pretty funny review of it.
Maybe that shooting location is just cursed.
0:50-1:03Ohhhhhhhhhh.....The passing of time really made this joke both cruel and ironic.
where do they keep finding these parents who let their kids lives be ruined by being in a Seagul Production
So Steven is lazy🤦♀️ the only reason I can think of for stunt doubles for walking….unless it’s a heart condition thing🤷♀️
BEST PART! 20:23
Theres double chins from being older (like balding) and can be fixed getting fit...and triple chins from not caring from an action star (quadruple really)
He's had decades to fix it and STILL haven't...but anyone else unlike Seagal haven't been talking how he could destroy anyone in history
2:47 I was very impressed by the way you look like a watermelon. Can you teach me? 🤣🍉
Old review, but the apoxy thing is real thing. Its a way to prevent reverse engineering.
1:58 ouch! Thats gotta hurt
Seagal only understands the difference between "internal" and "external" when it relates to food. For example, if the hamburger is "external" to you, make it "internal" as fast as possible!
The scary thing is a actually saw a shadow man when I was like 4 yrs old I was unbelievable scared
Did Seagal eat his shadow?
Ugh. DeNiro's shooting of a helicopter in Midnight Run was light years better.
Well the opening momentarily confused me 🤣
Great job there!
Liked in 2018
12.9.22
3:45 The Aegis herself.
Somebody once told me that Steven Eeagal could have handled Bruce Lee when Bruce Lee was in his prime. Of course I did this 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
It does heal. It just heals in reverse.
13:37 What, no joke about taking the piss out of her? :P
Im surpised there are no vampire jokes cause Romania or that they didnt show the giant palace.
3:38 Hmmmmmmm............ *starts doing research*
Boyyy.. movies where these people always want to outperform and defeat martial artists at THEIR own skill that they’ve trained in for years is just🤯
12:00 in all fairness it'd explain why women go in groups. Nah jk.
14:30 ouch.
17:00 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
19:30 WHAT?! WHAT THE *FUCK* ?!
Anybody remember when Steven was a genuine action movie star? Nope, me neither, it was so long ago...
If it's any consolation, Mat, Imelda Staunton hated working on this movie.
I saw one of his recent movies,it was about prostitues being abused by some dangerous guys.
The guy who works with him as his partner worked with him in The belly of the beast before,he is much better than him.
Best opening so far 🤣🤣🤜🤛
I came across this movie one late night I couldn't sleep and the only thing I remember about this movie is the impossible bomb he makes when trapped in that one building.
Staunton's American accent is fine.
3:45 No wonder Xenoblade 2's English voice acting sucks so much.
She just phones it in here. She's a great VA!
Hay mate your a legend the seagal film reviews is funny and entertaining 🤣🤘🏻 keep em coming fella
Geez, if Chinese Inuit weren't bad enough in _On Deadly Ground,_ now we have Chinese Romanians...
Oh that poor woman :c
Review the keeper and under siege 2.
Haha this is so e-retro but it came out 2018/2019, thats crazy
Well, the review itself is from 2011.
I know this is an older video, but the epoxy thing is real. It is used commonly to protect tech company secrets.
Oh hello
20:24: HA!
Eva Pope is beautiful.
Steven segal hasnt made a good movie since the 90’s and then thats even pushing if lol those were just ok
40 reuploads left to go
At lest by my count
It's pathetic that this appalling hack kept getting work throughout the 80s and 90s, and still coasts on that while legit badasses who could ACTUALLY ACT AND DO THEIR OWN STUNTS like Cynthia Rothrock got overlooked.
I didn't get his appeal back then, and I get it EVEN LESS now (except among a VERY obvious group).
Her own stunts? Oh, the naivety... Almost every physically demanding maneuver was done by an asian man in a wig, at least in her HK days.
Lol 😂 Mathew your a legend
This intro did not age well.
Mathew my former best friend hates you due to the fact that you bashed on his two favorite flms half past dead 1 and 2 including more
Someone liked Half Past Dead 2?
My apologies to your former friend.
I think your friend needs to calm down. Being that angry can't be healthy.
@@FilmBrain Mathew my former best friend even hates me due to the fact I love a American civil war movie called gods and generals he even hates on me due to the fact I love all 3 star wars trilogys and he calls me a traitor for loving a movie that came out in 1993 called Gettysburg and he even wants to beat the shit outta me because I hated exicit wounds and half past dead 1 and 2 hes a very big fan of Seagal snipes and van damme he loves actors who are go to from hit movies to direct to dvd or blue ray movies plus he loves mega pirnhana and giant octopus vs mega shark he also loves frank millers sprit movie he hates linkara due to the fact he hates on his favorite books and he loves all the twilight books and movies he loves a lot of dumb movies he considers epic movie disaster movie and meet the spartans as the funniest movies ever made in movie history and hell he thinks all these bad directors should win big awards and he told me half past dead 2 should have won a academy award due to the fact kurput and bill Goldberg are far better actors than mark Hamill and Harrison ford and the list goes on my former best friend is a idiot for hating on you and holding a big grudge against you
11:03 ...talking from a old man making shit jokes about unprotected sex. he sure pissed alot of people off who encountered that syphilis before.
When u say his name, it sounds like your saying sea cow.
I'm I the only one who gets thrown off by his pronouncing his name segow?
Anyone else think that, with the constant body doubling from the guy, Seagal has a _ton_ of money invested in deepfaking?
there is difference between star trek and star crap.
ToS, TNG were light on nonsence and actualy only used it in extreme cases,
DS9 was transitional period into Voyager, Enterprise and onwards there bullshit reigne supreme ever since.
Hey guy your intro to your channel is way too long. I’m not even gonna watch your content now. Later guy 👋🏾
It is 44 seconds of an old video.
3:27 Pierre Spengler?! Come on man! Dude went from Superman to Super Sized Man
I really love bucks humor. I have never laughed so hard. Absolutely hilarious review. Bravo.
Steven segeal gave this review a thumbs down three times lol