Communication Skills: How to Know What to Say in Every Situation
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 ต.ค. 2018
- In this video I teach you how to improve your communication skill and be more articulate by memorizing stock phrases for the common situations you face.
www.howcommunicationworks.com
It is often hard to know the right thing to say, especially in the moment when it counts the most.
We can memorize rules about social interaction, but rules don't tell us what to say.
Communication skill is not about learning abstract rules or strategies---it's about having the actual words come to mind so we can say them instead of standing there grasping for words.
And the only way I know how to do that is to fill my mind with good words by reading poems, speeches, books, plays, lyrics, and articles by all the great communicators who have come before me or are alive now.
When someone says something well, I take note of it, either mentally or by making an actual note in my phone or notebook.
Then I try to make that exact phrase my own. Over a lifetime, you develop a catalog of phrases that you can reuse with only slight variation.
Every type of situation has its own idiom, its own particular set of stock phrases.
Learning to me a good communicator is often just a process of learning the idiom for whatever situation concerns you most.
This is not shallow or superficial, the act of memorizing phrases and re-using them.
It's how all communication works.
It's why gmail can have a phrase completion algorithm that works extremely well most of the time. Because most of our language use is drawn from a phrasal lexicon.
Because almost none of what we say, especially in ordinary, face-to-face interaction, is all that original.
The glare in my glasses is super annoying! I forgot to close my laptop when I was recording. Sorry. I'll try not to make that same mistake again. I'm sure I'll make other, new mistakes though! Thanks for watching.
I loved the quality of this video. Noticed the glare, but only temporarily and even then it wasn't a problem. The production values are great - and the content is even better! Thank you!
I was thinking the same thing, but it doesn't detract from the quality video
No problm sir
Little tough on yourself Bruce, looks great- authentic 😉
Yeah that was silly of me.
I often use doctor Phil's phrase, "how's that working for you?" It really lives up the conversation.
I have used it but it sometimes comes across as being sarcastic, lol.
@@Pwrcritter it does
Condescending
@@Richualistik Depends on tone of voice and associated body talk. If the words are spoken in a genuine way, no problem. If it sounds like “How’s THAT working for you?” then of course it’s not a serious question.
@@richarddrozd1201 I believe it's within the context he uses it. He would have to re-phrase it for it not to sound condescending.
As a consultant/coach, I often rely on "Let me 'playback' what I've heard you say, so you can tell me if I've understood you correctly."
This is an excellent technique. I'm going to steal it!
What do you say then after the confirmation?
@@chartreuse1641 Good Q. Well it all depends on what they've said exactly. But typically I would try to move the conversation forward. I might do any of the following:
- Thank them
- Empathise
- provide a point a view
- Provide a constructive challenge
- Be more curious / follow up with questions
- Connect what they've said to something else I know about them
Etc etc
@@cable6169 thank you. this helps a lot
@@chartreuse1641 no problem. Sorry i wasn't ignoring you. Cable616 is my other YT account! 😅
Now 3 years after you posted, I discovered this channel and what you said is exactly what I need!
I am so good being empathic, but when it comes to small talk... It's as though I forget how to be human lol
On the contrary - being an empath you speak out of feeling for the other which actually is a big deal; whereas "small talk" is using empty words, talking but saying nothing. In your inability for small-talk you are truly human.
I find people easily attach rejection or judgement to pain or situations that go amiss. My first response is to try to be a companion in the moment with them. I might say. Wow that sounds overwhelming. I don't know what I would do. Something that reassures their value as a person, seperate from the situation.
Found your channel recently as I noticed that I was having issues in my communication in work, relationships, etc. I was told that I need to work on my communication skills and more specifically learning to be an active listener so that I can then learn how to respond and how to provide validation.
How about a talk with the topic of small talk for people on the spectrum. Why small talk is relevant and how to navigate it.
Thank you so much for sharing your expertise on communication. I’ve been binge watching all of your videos ! I have a friend who responds to me with, « Cool » and it makes me think she’s 100% not interested in what I’ve just said… One to avoid !
lol, fantastic video. I must say, I never really took much note of the glare until you mentioned it :)
Awesome work, extremely well made and to the point! I guess this may serve as useful words in encouraging situations and thus as my contribution to stock phrases, sincere as they are nonetheless.
Mike Tyson; “everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face “. Thinking on your feet with high emotion is a special feat. Cool under pressure. Not always easy.
This channel is underrated
Thank you. Please share it with your friends on social media
It should have a million viewers. ⭐
@@vilmabock478 I agree!!
Thank you for these videos. Super helpful. I speak 5 languages and just realized that there are certain words I use to enter each language or I guess to engage my phrasal lexicon for a particular language 😅 I concur that learning phrases in any language helps convey a concept when stuck on knowing exactly what to say. Learning other languages also helps build or diversify ones own bank of terms.
Spanish=por supuesto/ándale pues/entonces
French=d’accord/qu’est qui ce passe?/donc
German=Uberhaupt nicht/na wieso?/schön
Italian=allora/ci sono/va bene/quindi/capito
English=Ya/ok, let me see.../first and foremost
Brilliant Information , thank you.
You said you will start the conversation by listing some of the phrases you often use, but you didn't list them in your video or in the comments...?
I've noticed that a lot of the videos promise insight, but then don't give the punchlines.
I know. What the heck?
Thanks man! Your a great help!
I love this so much. I've never heard this before but its 100% true.
In some conversations, I feel that I’ve articulated enough to make a clear and concise point. In turn, I don’t expect my listeners to misunderstand it. As it turns out they actually misunderstand it. In response I get stock while attempting to rephrase my point.
For example, a few of my former classmates prepared for a mid-term exam with me. One of’em took the initiative of discussing two political revolutions, which took place in Russia in the 20th century - the February and October revolution. As soon as the classmate finished talking about the February revolution, that individual didn’t immediately talk about the October one. So I kindly reminded them in one sentence to talk about the latter revolution. Here’s the sentence I used: we’ve covered the February revolution, but now let’s cover the October revolution
In response, the classmate started at me before asking me “what do you mean”.
I couldn’t find a way to rephrase the sentence
What should I do when I have a hard time rephrasing my points and I feel that I've articulated'em enough?
I mean i think u were pretty clear
Your partner had a brain fart is all, you just gotta give him time to remember what was next on the presentation even if you literally told him
This is a common problem in meetings. Based on your description of what happened, it seems like he might not have gotten the feedback he needed from what he just said. It might have helped to comment on some of his points, ask a question or two, compliment his work, then ask if anyone else had anything to add, and if they'd like to move on to the next topic. If you didn't acknowledge his efforts in a meaningful way, he may have felt that you were dismissing him altogether, and became offended or embarrassed. To rephrase your request would be tough in the moment. But it might help to remember the other person always wants acknowledgement. So perhaps a way to extricate yourself is to compliment or comment on what they just said, for example: "I mean, that was fantastic- you really know this stuff. You got us from A-Z on that one. Great job-thank you!
Please coninue making these videos. I also suggest a full course for a certain topic kind of thing.
Thanks for sharing your story with me
Love this....
Thank you so much.
As an English learner and who needs to improve her communication skills, expand her vocabulary in every aspect. You’re videos are so helpful! ❤️ Thank you so much.
Take Care & God Bless! Thank you for the info it is very helpful. It was nice talking with you, we should get together sometime.
Thank you for making these videos, thank you so much.
I try to reflect back the emotion that I'm hearing from the person- i.e., I hear that you're very frustrated... It actually helps me to empathize better with the person I'm speaking to.
Stock phrase that seems almost like magic - “what was your understanding of…”
That makes sense
Awesome
This was good. I like that you were so detailed, and your examples were good too!
My nephew hates small talk and won't acknowledge u if u use it, lol. Would like to see an episode on avoiding it.
That’s really helpful.
This isn’t a very good one but I find myself saying “that’s true” a lot in conversations
So do I.
It shows your listening at least
My condolences from family and friends passing
thanks sir+
If someone mentions the death of a loved one, the only appropriate response is to say you're sorry to hear, and then to appreciate how difficult it would be to lose a loved one, and ask or hope that they're doing okay. It's just one of those things where acceptable responses are very limited.
I love how your face changes when you raise your eyebrows. Would gmail suggest this?
Idk why but it's going to be okay is my favorite
Its a darn shame we can't just tell the truth without other people getting offended.
Is there published, an exhaustive and annotated phrasal lexicon for English?
No. Unfortunately not. It would always be changing. You can get books on idioms though.
"long story short" makes a break and prepares the listener to what is really important
Okk
Where can I find this social communication lexicon? I can’t find in at Google
There isn’t a complete dictionary of the human phrasal lexicon. But you can look at googles n-gram tool to see common sequences of words, and you can get books of idioms and common phrases.
People love to learn, they just don’t like being taught. (Outside of institutions of learning). “ getting schooled”.
How about ' It is what it is...'? Or calling absolutely EVERYTHING --"Amazing"? The "F" word seems to be the only way some people can express anything in our culture, too. Thank you for attempting to expand expression to a more advanced and specific level!
Thesaurus, can even be used while on computer, on-the-fly. 'Amazing' synonyms: awesome, incredible, marvelous, prodigious, fascinating, surprising (to name but a few). Interesting fact about the F-bomb: the less you use it, the more power it has. My dad only uses it once every 2-3 years when he's outraged or passionate about a subject. The first nanosecond after he says it is dead quiet. The second nanosecond is when everybody scatters, instantly remembering something they need to do somewhere else right now. He's never lifted a finger to any of us, but we're not gonna risk a first time--we just gooone.
Also, what camera are you using here.. do you remember? Quality is great.
Panasonic GH5.
@@HowCommunicationWorks Thank you.
Stock phrase- 'it depends'
T
He is a communication coach but after watching this entire video, I still don’t know what to say in certain situation. Basically this video is his own advertisement to his other videos.
yup. Stopped watching 4mins in.
He’s giving you ways to find the specific information you need. Much better than attempting to supply the exact phrase you want, because how would he be able to do that, realistically?
That’s exactly what I thought!
Thought I was da only one 🙏🏽
Here's what I got: the point wasn't to give you an exhaustive list in 10 minutes. The goal was to change perspective and how we approach learning communication. We can learn and practice phrases for specific situation. Awkward at funnerals and weddings? Go and learn and mimic other people's phrases. Not good at de-escalating conflict? There's definitelly a set of universal sentences that help communicate exactly what you usually need. Being intentional and attentive in learning the phrases is the key idea. Not being scared of sounding unnatural is part of it as well.
really not the case gmail is crap for that unless you are an Americam robot
You look like stanley tucci
You’re not the first one to tell me that.