In Europe tasting the water is not considered a relationship, it's just going out with people. Relationships are only serious. So relationships are all serious. It's just this reason.
Why is that bad? I mean once you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't end it. For me that's the only way I can see myself living and when I hear that people never get serious until later, that seems so boring and annoying to me.
Hi.. so if the italian girl says that she's is comming to your country to visit you and that she has talked about you to her mom and her best friends it means that she's going serious? Can I trust she really likes me? Or during this time she can be 'seeing 'other girls? Yes we are gay ;)
Love in Italy is like our job system! In that video you noticed that because it's really hard to fire the employees, companies rarely hire new people. For love is the same: in Italy divorcing is really hard and long, so we date for years to be really sure that it will the be our first and only marriage. I personally don't like dating apps, I feel like someone can choose me on a catalogue. I prefer meet guys in the real life.
Hi Tia! there is another special word in Italy: "fidanzati in casa" step 1: "sto frequentando/sto uscendo con un ragazzo" ( you and a boy are going out for a pizza or to drink something some evening, but at the moment you don't know if he could be the right one) -> time estimated: from 1 week to 2 months. step 2: " questo è il mio ragazzo" ( you and a boy are in a sentimental relationship, and all your friends know it. You are trying to make this sentimental relationship more important day by day) -> time estimated: from 2 months to 5 years. step 3: "fidanzati in casa" ( all the world knows that you and your boy are deeply fall in love each other, also your families. So, tic toc tic toc: everyone will ask you " ma allora quando ti sposi?" -> time estimated: from 5 years to 10 years. step 4: marriage.
Secondo me la differenza è che in America il livello più base si uscire assieme comprende anche il fatto che si possano vedere anche altre persone e non si sia esclusivi, mentre in Italia esci con qualcuno se ti piace, se sei interessato e perché vuoi averci una relazione, che non per forza deve essere di anni, anche solo di qualche mese o meno, ma ci esci perché ti interessa. E il matrimonio è appunto la promessa di stare assieme per tutta la vita, quindi non ci si sposa dopo un anno, ma dopo molti anni, dopo aver sperimentato la convivenza e quando si è sicuri di poterci vivere tutta la vita con quella persona. Non c'è un momento, un età, da cui si comincia a cercare tutti solo relazioni serie e durature. Cambia da persona a persona, c'è chi vuole solo sesso. Però tendenzialmente quando un ragazzo mi chiede di uscire capisco che è interessato a una relazione. A 20 poi non ci si considera in età da dover cercare un fidanzato con le app o comunque online. E' un po' come ammettere la sconfitta, ammettere che non sei bravo abbastanza per trovare qualcuno nella vita reale, è considerato da disperati o appunto da gente che vuole solo scopare. Per la cosa degli appuntamenti secondo me la differenza è dovuta al fatto che le nostre città sono diverse. Da noi ci sono più posti dove anche solo fare una passeggiata è bello e caffè più pittoreschi di starbucks.
Anche in Italia quando ci si frequenta si possono vedere altre persone, poi dipende sempre da quello che si decide di fare, se è una frequentazione esclusiva o aperta.
Non sono per niente d'accordo su questa visione del dating tramite app tutta italiana, non è che bisogna essere per forza degli sfigati o in cerca di una scopata facile se si utilizzano social o app per rimorchiare. Può essere un modo come un altro di conoscere gente nuova, non so te ma a me non capita così spesso di conoscere nuove ragazze all'infuori dalla mia cerchia di amici o compagni dell'università pur avendo 24 anni. Se negli altri paesi la cosa funziona perchè solo in Italia dobbiamo avere questa mentalità retrograda?
@@bustergaijin No ho girato per vari paesi europei e ho notato che ad esempio anche in Svezia funziona in questo modo, ovvero si conoscono persone attraverso la propria cerchia di amici, non ci si sposa subito ma si convive. Gli americani sono ancora legati alla cultura puritana ecco perchè si sposano giovani, non amano le effusioni in pubblico e spesso predicano l' astinenza nelle scuole invece di fare delle vere lezioni di educazione sessuale...
I think it has to do with the fact that in Italy it's normal to hang out with people of the opposite sex as friends, so that's some kind of "testing the waters". Like you start as friends and then you see if you're interested in them in that way or not. While in the US, at least from what I have heard from your videos, boys and girls dont really hang out together as friends so I guess you need to be "seeing people" there to meet your significant other because otherwise you wouldnt have any occasions to know people.
Amurina so true!!! I never thought about it but you're right! In fact my boyfriend and I have been friends for about 2 years before starting a relationship. Hanging out with the opposite sex has lots of advantages ;)
iiFallenWish I guess they do, I have never been there. I was just assuming from what Tia said in some other videos that boys and girls hang out together (as friends) way more in Italy compared to US. But I may be wrong! I just wanted to state that hanging out with someone from the opposite sex in Italy is something very casual so we don't even feel the need to label it as "dating"(or other specific terms) if it's not serious.
I think its a European thing in general. I'm from Austria and most of the time people just hang out with each other and when two people are romantically interested in one another their friendship just fluently changes into relationships without official 'dates'.
Beh al di là dell'opinione volgare che dici tu, una ragazza che non cambia ragazzo ogni tre per due viene spontaneo vederla in maniera più seria e matura. Personalmente se mi dovessi impegnare e mi guardassi intorno preferirei avere affianco una ragazza con la testa sulle spalle che una più "libertina", anche se la relazione durasse 2 o 3 mesi. Ovviamente opinione personale, ma viene molto condivisa questa cosa.
penso che con "taste the water" non si intenda fidanzarsi ma frequentarsi per conoscersi... e cercare di conoscere più ragazzi senza poi mettercisi insieme qui da una cattiva reputazione
Testa sulle spalle? Libertina? Ma stiamo scherzando. Una col proprio corpo e con la propria vita fa quello che vuole, ancora con sta storia che se una ragazza ha una vita sessuale allora è sicuramente una poco di buono. Siamo nel 2017 non nel 1200.
well, I don't know who you met in Italy but I guess you were lucky. Italians might seem more romantic or passionate at times .. but they do 'test the water' and there are a shit loads of fake committed people and 'serious relationships' out there. They are less straight forward if they are not into you they may as well make you believe they are, with all their 'charm', to then dump you eventually. Careful ladiess
daria balzano, the reason of that it's that humans are not monogamous, so "testing the water" it's the norm, BUT in our (Italian) society people, and expecially girls and women, are seen very badly if they havea free sex life. Expressions like "troia" or "ragazzo poco serio" are really common, and they are not compliments XD So in this system males have to lie in order to get sex, and females often have to pretend they don't want sex but a relationship. It's a big problem and I hope that the next generations will change this.
I absolutely agree with you @RadellaStrada47, lying on feelings it is a big problem in our society, my point is though, that I have been living abroad for the past two years (still in Europe) and 'non-italians 'always admitted upfront to me when they weren't looking for something serious. I know, maybe it does sounds weird or sad because 'why the hell the guy is not taking you seriously?', but at least you know before what to expect and you decide whether or not that 'thing' is worth for you. Now, there were few exceptions for me, but overall this is my experience. In a way, there's more 'honesty' on that front or people are just more open-minded and less afraid of showing a bit shallowness regarding their dating-life. Either way, it is so rare to find a true person anyway, so good luck y'all.
tia devi assolutamente visitare il sud italia, soprattutto visto che fai questi video comparativi con gli US sono sicura che tu renderai conto di un sacco di differenze e somiglianze in più che ti daranno una prospettiva ancora più ampia dell'Italia e degli Italiani
Hey Tia, you know one thing that I've noticed, as an italian living in the US, is that couples here don't exchange love gestures in public as much as in Italy. I might be wrong, but when I go out in my Italian city, I often see couples kissing, hugging, sitting on each other's lap while talking, these kind of things. Where as, here in the States, I see some couples kissing at maximum, and they're usually quite short kisses 😅. I haven't seriously dated yet here, but my impression is that people tend to be much more private about these "effusions of love", with some exceptions of course ahaha do you agree?
I'm Canadian, dating a Roman man who moved here from Italy about 8 months before we met. You are definitely correct about the speed and the commitment - when they like you, you will know. They know what they want. I do find they're more genuine in their compliments and "i love yous" as well, guys here tend to say whatever they need to to get in your pants, but Italians are far more truthful. If he doesn't think you're beautiful, he won't tell you you are. If he doesn't feel love, he won't say it. It's great to find more of a straight shooter. And they take their time wooing you and getting to know you. I don't know if he is unique in this next bit, but I found he was far more respectful than any Canadian or American man I've ever dated. He was so respectful about my personal space. He kissed my cheeks of course, and would hug me, hold my hands. But he didn't kiss me until 2 weeks into dating, he didn't grab my butt or my boobs or even try to get to second base until I gave the OK 2 months in. There was no rushing me sexually or emotionally. And once they're married, they don't divorce. They will do absolutely anything to keep from seperating.
One of the reasons why italian people (and especially men) wait a lot of time before getting married is italian law. In the US, marriage is a customizable contract. In Italy, all marriage obligations are predetermined by law, and they're usually VERY harsh on the husband in case of divorce. A failed marriage can easily ruin an italian man's life.
WoodmanFeatherhigh this is not true. in italy you can sign contracts before marriage where the couple decides what happens if they divorce. Plus you can decide if you want the community of property or not. Italians wait for marriage just because they take it more seriously. You get married when you want to create a family otherwise for us getting married doesn't make a lot of sense. If you are just 23 and you want to focus on your career and don't want children yet, why should you get married?
***** That's certainly true, as well. But you wouldn't believe how many men in Italy become poor and homeless after a divorce. The number I've seen is around 30 %, one third.. Many younger men are starting to catch up.
TheWatyfly Even if a man opts for separation of property, that won't help him when a judge decides to give the woman full custody of the children (which happens very often). Once the woman gets full custody, the man is left homeless and with a pittance of a salary left for himself. I'm not saying those other reasons you presented are wrong, but the grim condition of divorced men is a reality in Italy.
Tia, scusa se scrivo in italiano, ma mi è più comodo XD Forse per questo non leggerai, magari faccio una traduzione eng :D Anche noi abbiamo diversi gradi. - Ti "frequenti" con qualcuno se ci esci, ma puoi uscire anche con altri, la fase di "testing". La parola sarebbe "frequentante" dal punto di vista grammaticale, ma nessuno lo direbbe XD Di solito si dice tipo/tipa con cui mi sento/frequento. - "ragazzo" o "ragazza" sono come "boyfriend" e "girlfriend", identici all'inglese. E non capisco il tuo dubbio linguistico... cioè, ok, che "ragazzo" significa sia "boy" che "fidanzato", ma in inglese anche c'è lo stesso problema! "Boyfriend" è il "fidanzato", ma anche il "male-friend" XD - "fiancé" sarebbe il "fidanzato", ma PURTROPPO in Italia gli italiani non sanno l'italiano, quindi usano questa parola MALE. Non solo! Usano anche l'espressione, ANCORA PIU' CHIARA, "fidanzato/a ufficialmente" come sinonimo di "ragazzo/a"! Perché CREDONO, sbagliando, che "ufficialmente" voglia dire tipo "non è che ci frequentiamo solo", ma è SBAGLIATISSIMO, perché "ufficialmente" si riferisce ai genitori, che un tempo erano informati solo in caso di matrimonio; INFATTI esiste un'altra espressione, che però penso non sia di tutta l'Italia (in Campania si usa di sicuro, non so altrove), che è "fidanzati in casa", ovvero ufficialmente, davanti ai genitori. Sei confusa, come molti italiani, sul termine solo perché ormai la mentalità è aperta, quindi "ufficialmente" e "in casa" hanno perso il loro vero significato, perché non si tiene nascosto ai genitori un "boyfriend" o una "girlfriend" (tranne in casi di genitori parecchio reazionari). Anyway: sposarsi dopo 3 anni è FOLLE, semplicemente folle XD
Sul fatto che in Italia fin da piccoli ci siano relazioni """serie""" è vero. Ricordo altri video di contronti italiani-anglosassoni che sottolineava come in Italia il maschio abbia sempre lo stereotipo machista (dell'uomo forte, che non piange, etc.), MA che esprime amore in un rapporto di coppia, fin da subito. In uno in particolare si sottolineava come un italiano possa dire abbastanza in fretta "ti amo", mentre in America no, lo si vede in tutti i film americani, che il momento del "I love you" è vissuto come EPOCALE, in Italia già a 15 anni lo si dice tranquillamente XD Questo è interessante per due motivi: 1- Ci sono evidentemente diversi tipi di stereotipo machista possibili. L'italiano maschista comunque è PASSIONALE. 2- Divertente notare come possa essere fondamentale l' "I love you" in una lingua in cui si usa "love" non solo per l'amore, ma anche per il "ti voglio bene", mentre in una lingua come l'italiano, che ha questa distinzione linguistica, si è soliti dispensare i "ti amo" più facilmente. Non ricordo se hai fatto un video nel quale mostravi questa differenza tra "ti amo" e "ti vogli bene" in italiano! Comunque trovo interessante l'usanza americana di "provare" più persone, ma in Italia verresti preso/a per una persona poco seria, che va con tutti/e, quindi da evitare PROPRIO perché potresti tradire! Perché non ti accontenti. Interessantissima questa differenza :D
RedellaStrada47 Non c'è un vero dubbio linguistico. Semplicemente noi usiamo fidanzato, ragazzo, moroso etc per indicare la stessa cosa ovvero che si è insieme come coppia. In America c'è una distinzione: il fiancè è il ragazzo promesso, siamo promessi al matrimonio, mi ha fatto la proposta. Tutto lì, è solo una convenzione che si è adottata.
Georgiä NeverMind veramente il dubbio linguistico non mi stupisce. Fidanzato/a vuol dire che ti stai per sposare. Se poi la gente lo usa per dire "ragazzo/a" è perché si è dimenticata del significato del termine, non per altro!
Hi Tia! Actually, "moroso" is not so common in Italy. They use it a lot in Northern Italy, but..only there! It's a regional use. :) In Rome/Naples/Sicily, no one would say "moroso" (which means, in italian, "defaulting". A person who doesn't pay their rent is " moroso"), and they have other words to say " boyfriend".
Cesco _ o I absolutely agree. I'm from Northern Italy and we don't use the word "moroso" at all, though, it's something they use in more northern - central areas, I'm sure in Fano they use that. It's not an Italian word :)
Scáthach come fai a dire che non è una parola italiana?? dire che viene usata con preferenza in certe zone e altre meno è un conto, ma non puoi dire che non è italiano...
I love your videos comparing Italian, American, and Jamaican culture! I'd be interested in seeing you hit the streets to interview Italians on aspects of their culture in their own language kinda like how alberto from 'italianautimatico' here on youtube did a while back. specifically I want to know how Italian men feel about the term "Italian Stallion". flattered, offended, amused? and I'm also interesting in how italians define happiness. what are theyre favorite childhood memories? what do they do when they go on vacation? do italians go camping??? gamble? just some ideas, I'm always happy when i see Tia's released a new video!
Very interesting Tia! I noticed these differences too between dating in USA and dating in Italy. My fidanzato is Sicilian. My perspective on a relationship that involves me, is "we are in a serious relationship, or we're just friends". When we started going out, he called me "mia ragazza", and since we spoke about our perspectives, he started to present me as his "fidanzata". I share this liking of romance and long-term relationships and think that it's more enjoyable than to be changing of person. Don't think I could handle that emotionally nor know the person good enough. As italians say "Piano piano si arriva lontano"...
Thanks for uploading these videos. I'm actually Irish, but my mother comes from Italy. I'd love to move there and I kinda learn something new thanks to ye. Keep it up girl! 🙈
Interesting video. I think that in America the dating period is shorter and young people get married sooner because compared to Italy many more young people have jobs and a career, and can afford to pay rent and can get married even when they are very young. In Italy, especially in the south, many friends of mine have been dating for 10-15 years before getting married, basically because they wanted to wait until they found a good job. This is also because when you don't have a good job you have to live with your parents and if you get married you have to live with your husband or wife with the parents of one of the two. This happens especially in some poor areas of some regions of the South.Other than that there are cultural reasons, for sure.
Мария Чимбру As an Eastern European American, I can second that. Many families separate for work, and marriage is still very valuable in E. European cultures
The problem about "testing the water" in Italy is that if you're a girl, people probably will say bad things about you (even if you're 13/14 years old). The results is what you've already seen: everyone has "serious" relationship. (For example, I'm 16 and I've had a boyfriend for two years now)
Si chiamano preferenze. Ci sta che tu non voglia uscire con una persona che ne vede altre contemporaneamente, basta metterlo in chiaro subito (e se poi lui/lei ti mente è chiaramente colpa sua). Ma c'è chi non ha problemi in merito. Dici "guarda, per il momento non voglio impegnarmi, tu puoi uscire con chi vuoi e io con chi voglio" e via. Lui/lei magari non accetta perché non apprezza questo tipo di rapporto, magari invece ti dice di sì. Io ad esempio non avrei problemi con una relazione aperta, ma solo se la persona con cui esco fosse d'accordo xD
Hi Tia, nice video! I totally agree with you, in fact I'm Italian and I met my boyfriend at school when we both were 17, and now we stay toghether since 8 years and we are living toghether, but if I only mention the word "marriage" he would probably faint. :)
Hey girl! I too am an American who now lives in Italy with my boyfriend. And I couldn't agree more on all of these differences! LoveYour videos un bacio xx
In Ancona (Central Italy) there's actually a word for two guys who are kinda like seeing each other but are not an item yet which is "pasturare"...like two guys who are just seeing each other are basically "pasturando" and "pastura" is the noun like the boy or the girl themselves
Hi Tia, another thing that I've noticed is that Americans tend to get married at a younger age compared to Italians. I'm living in the US for an exchange experience and I've noticed that there are a lot of people married in their 20s or in their teens but planning to get married shortly after graduation. As an Italian for me this is crazy, I feel like we want to achieve a social and economic stability before starting a marriage/family, graduating from college and finding a good job first for example and then settling down. That's what I've noticed but it might not be accurate for everyone!! Wish you a nice day, I really like your videos and I kinda relate to you since I'm basically your opposite, an Italian high school student doing an exchange in the US!! Lots of love!!
My parents were in a relationship for about a month and then got engaged. They only dated one or two people before that. They've been married 16 years and are still super happy and rarely fight (if you could even call it fighting). I don't think you have to be in a relationship for a long time to know they're "the one". Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic who wants to get married younger.
Divorce is really common in Italy too, I 've been married for 27 years to an Italian but most of my friends are either seperated or divorced, I guess I lucked out, engaged 1 year and a half, married, 2 kids and so happy for it, keep up your awesome videos Tia, love from a Canadian in Italy😘
In Italy too is the same. Uscire con un ragazzo, hanging out with a guy. Ragazzo is the correct word for boyfriend. And the use of fidanzato is simply misused as it should be used when engaged or extremely serious. I think people started using it more because they feel it's serious even when it's not. about the romantic aspect, yes it's definitely different and not only with foreigner girls. That has been probably my biggest issue with dating in America. There was really no romance and I always felt the only one bringing it out. After several years I accepted that it's a cultural thing, but honestly I hate it... really, I HATE it. Lol
This was actually somewhat helpful because I've been long-distance dating a guy from Rome for over 8 months and I'm pretty excited to go visit him in 3 weeks, but had no idea how our dates might go. He is really genuine, I like that. Far less games than American guys. when they like you, you sure as hell know it.
I know an italian but living in another county and we're close with each other. i'll visit him soon when the borders are open. We've talked over text and video called a lot, even when he's doing his own things like having breakfast or driving home. We've talked to each other for more than a year now. How can you tell if a guy really likes you or even beyond that? I can tell he likes me but im afraid that he doesnt like me as much as i think he does
Carissima, se non ti dispiace rispondo in Italiano perché in inglese sono incapace! Adoro i tuoi video sono davvero simpatici! L'analisi che fai in parte é davvero azzeccata, hai fatto emergere aspetti davvero diversi. Solo che, come ho letto anche da altri commenti, "moroso" si usa al nord prevalentemente, mentre "fidanzato" fino a pochi anni fa significava "fiancé", ma ora invece no, significa solo boyfriend, ragazzo. Un'altra cosa diversa forse é che in Italia non ci si sposa così di frequente e lo si fa davvero in tarda età! Ora prima si deve finire l'università, gli studi, poi avere un lavoro, una coppia stabile da 5 anni almeno o più e poi, forse, ci si sposa e si arriva ormai a 30-35 anni! Quidi alla nostra età la parola fidanzato ha preso il significato di boyfriend. Inoltre fare la "promessa" di matrimonio é molto in stile americano. Qui si va a vivere insieme e a un certo punto si decide insieme se sposarsi o meno. Quindi da quando si decide a quando ci si sposa davvero non passano molti anni! Infine, l'appuntamento italiano non é "romantico" sempre. In genere si va al cinema per rompere il ghiaccio, oppure a cena, soprattutto perché più tempo si ha più ci si conosce... Il caffé o sandiwch é per gli amici! Comunque fanne altri, per esempio su "Il san valentino italiano vs san valentino USA" :3 sono divertenti!!
My parents have known each other when they were 15, they have always been together but they married only a year ago :-) sometimes you just don't need to taste the water, it can happen that the first one is the right one! They are my biggest example, this is what I want my future family to look like! And I love the fact that in Italy relationships are (expected to be) more serious. For me this is fundamental. I don't want to waste my time with people that don't deserve it and don't want to build something together in the future. We taste the water BEFORE starting a relationship. We are very romantic as you said. Obviously, it depends.
I loved this video! And I agreed with all of these... I can definitely say that because of me being American, and my boyfriend being Italian, it has been lots of learning! But funny enough, we met on tinder! Haha but I will agree, in Italy, tinder is definitely not used for finding serious relationships as much as it is in the states!
In Italy Tinder is usually for one night stands or hook ups. For finding serious relationships we generally relay on our social network until we find the right person for us.
A lot of italians find their partner on internet, but we just don't say that... We like to hide this particular of the relationship, especially with family and relatives... because it's not something to be proud here...I know it's stupid.
we don't really have a distinction between boyfriend/girlfriend and fianceè also because we don't use wedding propose anymore. Or maybe when the proposal is done we immediatly begin to arrange wedding (in a year or less). i think that's because breaking an engagement is a serious thing including families, parents a bunch of people. Breaking a relation is better (its sounds so bad).
I have the impression that most people in Italy in their 20's are looking for a serious relationship and that's why dating apps are not ideal. Most of these apps/websites turn into casual dating or just ways to hook up.
Not really , dating applications in Italy are seen like something for losers , we like to meet the people , to see people into the eyes , this idea of needing a computer or a smartphone to meet someone is considered pretty sad.
Everything you said about us Americans was spot on. I really dislike how we go about dating and relationships. For us to put the idea that we need to test out a lot of people before we're ready to "be serious" with one person is immature. What if the person is in the testing phase and they miss an amazing opportunity with someone because they aren't ready to just talk and be with one person yet. It's dumb.
I'm Italian and I like american mentality way better when it comes to dating. Everything seems so serious and fancy even just when I'm trying to "see" someone and "test the waters", which I hate, because I'm inexperienced and I don't want to throw myself in a committed relationship after one appuntamento, you know? It irks me that guys take for granted that I would want that and act accordingly. I mean, not all girls are the same, right? I'm not into hooking up, that's not my scene, but I'd like to have a casual relationship with someone, which is basically impossible here.
No, not really like an open relationship. That implies a relationship in the first place. Probably more along the lines of friends with benefits? I have a hard time finding guys (friends) who won't read into intimacy and make it a serious relationship... I've tried dating and then ending it, but I feel too bad for the guy and it puts pressure on me because I can "feel" his seriousness when I go out with him (most of them invite me to have dinner out which I find way too fancy and stresses me out) and I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment. I don't even know what I like yet (which is ridiculous because I'm 23) and people my age are already living together (not married). I'm not comfortable with hookups because I'm inexperienced but I'm not comfortable with a serious relationship either, because, again, I'm inexperienced, which leaves me in an awful middle ground.
There's nothing to envy, really, because at the end of the day I'm not doing anything of what I want to do, and i'm definitely not experimenting at all LOL I don't think I would need to be in a relationship to have a continued sexual relationship but I would definitely need at least some level of trust in the guy, which makes it impossibile to have hookups for me, and which is why I said friends with benefits, where the friend part holds a lot of weight. I also assume that males are usually the ones that want this kind of relationship, and I say "assume" because I've stumbled upon such an arrangement just once in my whole life (a girlfriend of mine with her own "friend with benefits"), because guys, again, "assume" that I want a serious relationship and roses and commitment. I'd like to find an easy going guy friend who'd let me experiment without the whole "i like you" "you like me" stress-package, because the simple notion keeps holding me back. So I'm lonely and inexperienced and curious as fuck. Not a good place to be haha!
Thanks to your videos I'm understanding the North American vs. Italian differences especially in dating and cultural aspects and Canadians are similar to the Americans. Living in Canada for a while made me realise how exhausting and frustrating it is to date people here. I've dated few and I felt like they just wanted me for the moment and then you don't hear from them ever again. I take my time in dating, doing everything step by step not jumping all in but apparently here it's like they don't have time for that and move on to the next girl who wants everything at once.
C'è un aspetto su cui mi piacerebbe conoscere la tua visione americana: in Italia è molto diffuso (per fortuna non per tutti) il luogo comune che debba essere sempre il ragazzo a farsi avanti, a chiedere di uscire , a mostrare interesse, e in caso alla ragazza rispondere se interessata, e se lui non lo fa significa solo che non è interessato... è la stessa cosa in America?
Tia in Italy we love romantic things. going too fast like in America is inadmissible because everyone wants to feel special you know, taking your time is important. being romantic, do a long walk together and stuff like those are so important! to me, going fast means that the other person doesn't care too much.
in realtà esiste anche la versione italiana di quando ti frequenti con qualcuno senza impegno per vedere se c'è compatibilità,in certe regioni(in Emilia Romagna ad esempio) si dice "impezzo" oppure "inciucio"(impezzo va per la maggiore dalle mie parti).Quando un/a ragazzo/a è il tuo "impezzo" significa appunto che ci stai uscendo assieme senza impegni effettivi
Christian Sandrini vero,ma è poi sempre un intermezzo tra "dating" e "boyfriend/girlfriend" quando è magari già passata la fase impezzo e non si capisce se come dici tu c'è solo relazione fisica o se si può passare al livello "relazione"
margherita A dir la verità credo che non si usi dappertutto, probabilmente solo lì. In Sicilia non vi è una vera e propria parola che possa definire una situazione del genere, al massimo usiamo il termine "Intrippati", ma in quel caso significa più che altro che sanno entrambi di piacersi, ma fondamentalmente non stanno insieme perché magari c'è qualcosa che li "blocca" o nessuno dei due ammette quello che sente. Ti giuro però che la parola "Inciucio" non l'ho mai sentita prima d'ora 😂
Mari sono siciliana e ho sentito più la parola inciucio che 'intrippati'. Penso che la seconda sia uno slang tra 'giovani', non che io sia vecchia ma di sicuro quando ero al liceo non si sentiva.
Tia those are just words but whe still make a difference between meanings when we speak. As far as I'm concerned, I've never called my boyfriend "fidanzato" before we went living together 'cause where I grew up there's a big distinction between "essere il ragazzo di qualcuno" and "essere fidanzati". In south Italy (but I don't know if this applies to all the south of the nation) we have this distinction that's very similar to the english/american one. Btw when couples use the term "fidanzato", people understand without saying if that means "fiance" or "boyfriend". If they know you live together, for example, they tend to give the term "fidanzati" its real meaning.. because they assume you are going to get married. If you're just in a relationsheep, even if it's a long one, but you haven't a ring or you haven't committed in any meaningful way that shows you are planning a life together.. then it's clear you are not engaged but you can still use the term. I don't know if I've made myself clear enough... I've never used the word "fidanzato" before referring to my bf (as you can see I still refer to him as my bf, not my fiance since I feel there's a more marked distinction in english), but other people have. It was clear that we were simply "together" back then, now that we're living together people assume we're getting married and they give a new meaning to the word. I have found my self using the definition "il mio fidanzato" when talking on his behalf when it comes to things related to the house or plans, work and so on. So... yeah, they're just words and context is still everithing XD
what it is confusing is that you say we Italian "dating" for years, but actually we consider that 'being together' meaning being in a relationship. Which it can be the same of being married for American people. We can also live together but not get married, but it's the same thing! I love your videos!! 😘
sono in america da ormai 7 mesi e il discorso delle distinzioni lo vedo proprio nella maniera opposta, mi spiego meglio: in italia puoi uscire con una persona per amicizia o per un appuntamento (anche se si dice più frequentemente "uscire insieme"), mentre qui in america non c'è una vera distinzione, si dice in tutti e due i casi "hang out". poi ancora devo capire se you are dating someone solo se siete boyfriend and girlfriend o intendete "dating" anche se due persone non stanno ancora insieme. in italia rispetto all'america non abbiamo più la distinzione tra "fidanzato" e "ragazzo/a" quindi su quello l'inglese è più preciso. e sulla cosa del romanticismo devo dire che gli italiani hanno bisogno di parlare e conoscersi bene prima di entrare in una relazione più seria, quindi le passeggiate sono solo un modo per non stare fermi seduti a un tavolo, e devo dire che passeggiare dà pure molti più spunti per argomenti. la vera differenza è che noi italiani il tempo che passiamo con qualcuno non è semplicemente tempo in cui parliamo delle solite cazzate come se volessimo acquisire quelle "ore di guida" per poi passare al concreto, ma le usiamo per conoscere una persona in profondità, i suoi pensieri e le sue idee, invece qua è come se le persone fossero vuote, senza niente da dire, senza interessi, ed è per questo che i vostri appuntamenti durano poco o comunque trovate un'attività da fare (bowling, movie, etc.). in sostanza riassumendo tutto i rapporti in italia sono più profondi e fondati sulla mente, mentre qui è tutto molto più carnale e casuale.
Mi hai tolto le parole di bocca è quello che ho notato anche io...small talk e conversazioni casuali e "leggere" ma niente rapporti profondi e questo si riflette anche nelle relazioni sociali.
The Italian version for fiance is "fidanzato/a in casa" but it's not very used (at least not where I live, Veneto) bc as you said we have no use for that anymore since we move directly from being boyfriend and girlfriend to getting married and there's no waiting time in between the two.
Even if things are changing in Italy too, I noticed that in the US people get married 2-3 times very easily in their lifetime. It seems that for them a marriage is the equivalent of farsi una storia con qualcuno in Italy. Maybe many of them get married too young when they are still immature, like a game. Some people I know here in the US are in their 20s and are getting married only after 1 year of dating. That's why maybe then after a few years they divorce. On the other hand I feel that many couples in Italy don't divorce even if there are problems. Maybe they are more patient or they feel it's not a nice thing to do so easily.
da noi il moroso viene anche chiamato "Filarino" quando la relazione è poco impegnativa. il Filarino è uno strumento usato una volta per filare la lana e quindi si diceva che il ragazzo faceva il filo alla ragazza!
Tia my parents were dating for 10 years before getting married and they had other 25 years of marriage. I think the main difference on long dating is because here you get independent (economically) later and lucky people (not me) foind their love when they're young :) But getting married after a year is crazy for me! A thing I would change here is the dating online thing. I see now that is very difficult to meet new people, especially after starting to work, and like you said tinder is just for one night stands. If I don't want that is difficult to meet new friends or "special" friends.
i think you're totally right...i mean some people date in Italy, because not everyone is the same, but the idea of dating (testing) like you said is not that common at least in my opinion/experience. it's also pretty clear if you watch american tv shows or movies
How will you say your treated by the residents in the town you reside in? Im hoping to travel through Europe and sight see but I'm scared because of my ethnicity and religious differences (I wear a head scarf) so it worries me that I might get abuse.
When I dated my boyfriend we used to have a lot of walks...we would walk in the woods, maybe have a pic nic, have dinner together in the house, preparing together dinners was fun! Or I would go to his house on Saturday morning to have breakfast together (sort of brunch)...we used to date this way
Hi Tia, I love your videos :) I just wanted to say that, at least in my experience, dating apps aren't really used here in Italy because there's a common belief that only "losers" or "sex maniacs" use them. People usually do not have a dating account or if they do, they'll try to hide it for sure. It's considered something to be embarrassed about 'cause it kind of implies that nobody likes you. ugh I wish we just gave up this misconception for the benefit of us shy/introvert peeps :/ (Before anyone lashes out on me, I would say of course there are always exception to the rule)
Here also in Philippines, if they found out you are using dating app, they think you are desperate... but actually no, there is exemptions to the rule...
In England it is almost impossible to 'date' as if a girl doesn't really really like you back they won't agree to do anything with you. So it is always a win or lose situation. Everyone is either acquaintances, friends or together. Noone at all really goes on dates. You either do stuff in a group all together with friends or if you have feelings for someone and they like you back you start a relationship. Many times I have asked a girl on a date and they have said 'we hardly know each other how can you fancy me already' and Zi have thought. No I don't have feelings for you I just think you are cool and would like to get to know you.
I think it isn’t as linear because we don’t take things as seriously and we tend not to put labels. We don’t really have dating we just mess around when we’re young. I’m in high school and I go out with guys but it’s hardly ever serious. Another thing that I noticed is that when we’re teenagers we tend to keep our parents out of the picture, I would never have a boy over if I know my family’s in the house unless it’s a very serious relationship.
the person that you're dating in italy is "uscente" because "esci con lui", or (mostly in tuscany) is "quello con cui ti senti" which is "the guy who is chatting with you"
I'm quite agree, but we do have different level of relationships: il mio ragazzo/ragazza = (my) boyfriend / girlfriend fidanzato/a = fiancé (someone you will mary, sometimes in Italy the term "fidanzato" is sometimes used not properly as "boyfriend or girlfriend" but is not right! "Fidanzato" comes from "fidare/ fidato "= trust/trusty and the same root of "fede" = litteraly faith , but wedding ring too. Because (I think) in Italy when you marry someone, you're going to put your faith and trust in that person. I love you video 😊
Before being a couple, so "fidanzati", there's a word in Italian and it's "inciuccio" . But you can use it only if you don't know if the other likes you but anyway there's a kind of relationship (classmates, seeing every day, coworkers etc.)
Online dating is not taken serious here in Italy, usually if you subscribe or use this kind of medias is because you are looking for some kinds of meetings (you know what I mean). If you use a dating app is because you don't want a serious relationship or if you do you are considered a loser. It means that you're not able to even get to know a boy or a girl on your own.
Look! This is exactly what I needed. I just finished my Engineering degree and now I'm applying for teaching positions in the U.K. and Italy. As an African American female I've honestly had no trouble dating any race here in the US. But I'm kind of nervous to see what my prospects will be like in a foreign country. Hopefully I'll meet my soulmate! 🤞🏽
Every region has its way to call boyfriend or girlfriend in slang , like moroso is used very much in the north , I'm Sicily we use the word zito for boyfriend and zita for girlfriend . I am sure in other regions they have other slangs .
Is there a word for "a date" as in "my husband and I are going on a date." We were having dinner with our Italian friends when we tried to explain that we were going to leave our kid with a babysitter so we could go to dinner and a movie. They were REALLY offended when we invited them on a double date. The grandparents were even more offended because they thought it was wrong for our Italian friends to leave their 8yo and 14yo kid with them to go with us. In the end, we stopped trying to explain and went by ourselves, and we don't tell them when we leave our kid with a babysitter. But I still wonder what the word is. I've been calling it a romantic night :/
What you just said is quite right Tia, but there is a reason behind this different "behaviour". To me the main reason is related to the deep Catholic influence we have here (don't forget that the Pope is in Rome!) so we've been raised by our parents (at least most of us) with the myth of "Marriage forever" and that divorce it's not an option and it's not culturally well accepted! Things anyway are changing quite fast, and I believe that the "Americans way of dating" is getting closer and closer! We'll see if I'm wrong or right soon I guess!
In Italy you can say "sentirsi con qualcuno", and that's basically when you're really just texting with someone. Then usually you would say "frequentarsi" when you go on dates but it's not official. And in Italy it's much more traditional, as in you don't hear at all about non monogamous relationships or rarely.
Hi Tia, I'm Italian and I agree with most of the things you said. I'm 20 and I'm in a relationship with a 29 year old. We've been together basically since we met, at the third date we were actually a couple, and it's been a year and a half now. We consider this relationship so serious that in the next few months I'm going to live with him in his house. I don't feel the difference of age between us except for some things that really bother me: he has many years of experience with many other girls before me, I understand he now loves me and wants to stay with me forever because as you said he "tested the water" and now found "the one". While he is the first one for me and I'm kind of jealous with the fact that he experienced and... I didn't and I'm not going to if I stay with him! It scares me to stay with just one person for my entire life without "testing the water" with other people. But what I think is that you can love many people in your life, you can have fun with even more... but if you find the person you think is "the one" even at a young age, why not enjoy the moment and plan a future with him/her? I believe life is shorter than we think and enjoying every sensation of it is important. So this is what I feel now, if things might change in the future... whatever, I mean I can change my life and find someone else. I'm the first one who spends all of my time wondering if I'm making the right choices, and I'm destroying myself from the inside. I wanna try to think less about this things and just live every part of this love that for now is all my life.
Online dating doesn't work like that in Italy because italians do a lot "offline", I mean at pubs, discos, even at supermarket, they (we) talk to girls, we "flirt", so we don't need so much online dating
I'm italian and i think that american people prefer to "taste the water" pretty much because they get married before instead of italians, so in a way you have "less time" to have fun and that makes you wanna "try" many people as possible
Ciao tia! Quando parli dei vari "livelli" linguistici con i quali si distinguono i rapporti in inglese, dici che in italiano non esiste una vera e propria differenza. In realtà ti sbagli... tolto il termine "moroso", che è un termine dialettale perciò non appartenente all'Italiano come lingua ufficiale, c'è una sostanziale differenza tra: ragazzo, fidanzato e marito. Infatti: - ragazzo/a: persona con la quale ti frequenti in maniera stabile, c'è una relazione amorosa, si è fedeli l'un l'altro, ma non si intende che ci si sposerà da lì a breve. Per questo, infatti, esiste il termine - fidanzato/i: che praticamente ha lo stesso significato di fiancee in inglese. In pratica si è una relazione ed è stata fatta la proposta ufficiale di fidanzamento; per cui da lì a breve ci si sposerà. - marito/moglie: due persone che si sono sposate. Il fatto è che spesso e volentieri in Italia le persone usano questi termini abbastanza in maniera intercambiabile (apparte marito/moglie), ma è sbagliato. Anche in italiano ragazzo e fidanzato hanno due significati ben distinti, ma spesso gli italiani stessi non ci fanno molto caso 🙄😅Credo che ciò sia da imputare al fatto che questa netta distinzione si usasse molto di più anticamente, mentre ora quasi più nessuno fa caso alla differenza. In più ci sono i vari termini dialettali che ci mettono lo zampino 👍🏻😊 A presto!
I have always found the word 'findanzato' too serious until I lived here for while and understood that a 'casual partner' can be called that. I think it's because they traditionally look at everyone you get with as a potential fiancee here if that makes sense. Let's just say relationships are either serious here or you have a 'benefits' arrangement which I don't think is common.
Everyone says Italian girls are harder to get too. Even Italian men say that. You don't easily chat up a girl here like say In America. So I think this initial interaction also makes relationships means much more than just a casual hook up.
Tia, in Italian before you commit in a relationship you say: "Uscire insieme" = "Going out" or "Seeing each other" ("io e Maria stiamo uscendo insieme")
Wow, I didn't really know how much America had that "testing the waters" culture in dating. I don't think it would be as accepted to see more than one person at a time in Sweden.
In my opinion dating apps in Italy don't work because we think you can't build your life with someone you can't meet. That's why we try to meet people 'live', even travelling or going out in new places
we do have the "seeing" state in Italy, or at least in Milan (I'm just talking for myself ahah). It's "sentire", that usually means "hear", but "mi sento con uno" means I'm seeing with somebody. It's slang though, it's not to be said in serious situations.
Actually it's wrong. In the South Italy there's still distinct levels. Fidanzati - 2 people meeting and dating like they're together knowing eachother without the thing is official in the family but parents sometimes still know the person that their son or daughter are dating. Fidanzati In Casa - u have the ring and u're planning to get married. The whole family and relatives knows about this relationship and know the boy/girlfriend. Than u have marriege.
Hi Tia, I think you're a little confused on the whole naming thing. The word 'fidanzato' has the exact same meaning as 'boyfriend', so it's used when you are in a relationship but won't necessairly get married. The word that's kinda missing in italian is your 'fiancé', which we call 'fidanzato' too, but that isn't the main meaning. Also, we say 'moroso' only as a joke where I live, so that was pretty funny to hear😂
Linda Nicoletti Io ho parlato del significato con il quale viene usato, riferendomi al fatto che se uso 'fidanzato' in una conversazione, dovrò specificare che mi ci sposerò, proprio perchè nessuno lo penserà automaticamente.
Sorry if somebody already said that and I'm repeating, but "moroso" literally means "boyfriend". No lover, no sexual meaning, just the plain translation for boyfriend. It is only used in the North though
honestly I've sort of dated 2 american girls and I think americans are too obsessed with the idea of marriage and settling down. to me (im italian) relationships are meaningful and casual at the same time. what i mean by that is if i really love someone i just dont see myself breaking up with them, i wanna be with them and thats it, no matter if ive dated 2 or 20 people before them, its about the connection with the other person. at the same time i just go with the flow and i dont think oh im gonna get married to them eventually, that doesnt mean im not serious. i think its v common in italy to have couples that are together for 10+ years that arent married, some finally decide to do it at some point, some dont, depending on their faith as well, but they still stay together and sometimes even have babies. whether in america u see people getting married at a certain age bc its like expected and then they get divorced 3 times lol. I think it may be a stereotype but its a little true that italians are just more romantic and about love and americans are a little more "practical" and think about having to settle down. like, i never thought about marriage before meeting this american girl, cos she said she definitely wanted to get married one day (in general, not specifically to me) and that really forced me to think about it, like knowing if i kept dating her eventually id have to get married to her. (disclaimer: im gay so i cant get married in my country even if i wanted to, well now i could lol even though its not exactly the same, but at the time when i was dating those american girls i couldnt do that here, so they were obviously talking about an hypotetical marriage in the US, just to specify, cos gay marriage is legal there). disclaimer #2: im talking about younger generations of italians bc older generations were totally different, like they had to get married to the first person they slept with basically and they usually did it pretty young, has to do with religion and stuff.
esistono le distinzioni che dici! "uno/una con cui esco"=date "ragazzo/a, moroso/a, fidanzato/a"=boyfriend/girlfriend e per il promesso sposo... la parola sarebbe fidanzato/a... sì, si confonde il fatto che la si usa anche per il semplice stare insieme... però la differenza è comunque chiara, se vuoi dire che l'intenzione è quella di sposarti lo dici, tipo: ci stiamo per sposare. il punto credo sia più linguistico che relazionale: in america voi classificate le parole in modo schematico. Noi non ci facciamo problemi ad usare una frase intera per lo stesso concetto (come "quello con cui esco" o "e abbiamo intenzione di sposarci") quindi non abbiamo UNA SINGOLA PAROLA, ma abbiamo comunque il concetto.
In Europe tasting the water is not considered a relationship, it's just going out with people. Relationships are only serious. So relationships are all serious. It's just this reason.
Why is that bad? I mean once you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't end it. For me that's the only way I can see myself living and when I hear that people never get serious until later, that seems so boring and annoying to me.
Hi.. so if the italian girl says that she's is comming to your country to visit you and that she has talked about you to her mom and her best friends it means that she's going serious? Can I trust she really likes me? Or during this time she can be 'seeing 'other girls? Yes we are gay ;)
Love in Italy is like our job system! In that video you noticed that because it's really hard to fire the employees, companies rarely hire new people. For love is the same: in Italy divorcing is really hard and long, so we date for years to be really sure that it will the be our first and only marriage.
I personally don't like dating apps, I feel like someone can choose me on a catalogue. I prefer meet guys in the real life.
Hi Tia! there is another special word in Italy: "fidanzati in casa"
step 1: "sto frequentando/sto uscendo con un ragazzo" ( you and a boy are going out for a pizza or to drink something some evening, but at the moment you don't know if he could be the right one) -> time estimated: from 1 week to 2 months.
step 2: " questo è il mio ragazzo" ( you and a boy are in a sentimental relationship, and all your friends know it. You are trying to make this sentimental relationship more important day by day) -> time estimated: from 2 months to 5 years.
step 3: "fidanzati in casa" ( all the world knows that you and your boy are deeply fall in love each other, also your families. So, tic toc tic toc: everyone will ask you " ma allora quando ti sposi?" -> time estimated: from 5 years to 10 years.
step 4: marriage.
Secondo me la differenza è che in America il livello più base si uscire assieme comprende anche il fatto che si possano vedere anche altre persone e non si sia esclusivi, mentre in Italia esci con qualcuno se ti piace, se sei interessato e perché vuoi averci una relazione, che non per forza deve essere di anni, anche solo di qualche mese o meno, ma ci esci perché ti interessa. E il matrimonio è appunto la promessa di stare assieme per tutta la vita, quindi non ci si sposa dopo un anno, ma dopo molti anni, dopo aver sperimentato la convivenza e quando si è sicuri di poterci vivere tutta la vita con quella persona. Non c'è un momento, un età, da cui si comincia a cercare tutti solo relazioni serie e durature. Cambia da persona a persona, c'è chi vuole solo sesso. Però tendenzialmente quando un ragazzo mi chiede di uscire capisco che è interessato a una relazione.
A 20 poi non ci si considera in età da dover cercare un fidanzato con le app o comunque online. E' un po' come ammettere la sconfitta, ammettere che non sei bravo abbastanza per trovare qualcuno nella vita reale, è considerato da disperati o appunto da gente che vuole solo scopare.
Per la cosa degli appuntamenti secondo me la differenza è dovuta al fatto che le nostre città sono diverse. Da noi ci sono più posti dove anche solo fare una passeggiata è bello e caffè più pittoreschi di starbucks.
Anche in Italia quando ci si frequenta si possono vedere altre persone, poi dipende sempre da quello che si decide di fare, se è una frequentazione esclusiva o aperta.
AstronautSPIta hai ragione su tutto
Non sono per niente d'accordo su questa visione del dating tramite app tutta italiana, non è che bisogna essere per forza degli sfigati o in cerca di una scopata facile se si utilizzano social o app per rimorchiare. Può essere un modo come un altro di conoscere gente nuova, non so te ma a me non capita così spesso di conoscere nuove ragazze all'infuori dalla mia cerchia di amici o compagni dell'università pur avendo 24 anni. Se negli altri paesi la cosa funziona perchè solo in Italia dobbiamo avere questa mentalità retrograda?
@@bustergaijin No ho girato per vari paesi europei e ho notato che ad esempio anche in Svezia funziona in questo modo, ovvero si conoscono persone attraverso la propria cerchia di amici, non ci si sposa subito ma si convive. Gli americani sono ancora legati alla cultura puritana ecco perchè si sposano giovani, non amano le effusioni in pubblico e spesso predicano l' astinenza nelle scuole invece di fare delle vere lezioni di educazione sessuale...
I love these videos about Italy. They really help me since I'm planning on moving to there. Thank you Tia ❤
+me you're welcome!
I think it has to do with the fact that in Italy it's normal to hang out with people of the opposite sex as friends, so that's some kind of "testing the waters". Like you start as friends and then you see if you're interested in them in that way or not. While in the US, at least from what I have heard from your videos, boys and girls dont really hang out together as friends so I guess you need to be "seeing people" there to meet your significant other because otherwise you wouldnt have any occasions to know people.
Amurina so true!!! I never thought about it but you're right! In fact my boyfriend and I have been friends for about 2 years before starting a relationship. Hanging out with the opposite sex has lots of advantages ;)
Amurina Boys and Girls definitely hang out as friends in the US
iiFallenWish I guess they do, I have never been there. I was just assuming from what Tia said in some other videos that boys and girls hang out together (as friends) way more in Italy compared to US.
But I may be wrong! I just wanted to state that hanging out with someone from the opposite sex in Italy is something very casual so we don't even feel the need to label it as "dating"(or other specific terms) if it's not serious.
Amurina i agree with you.. I remember that Tia said something like that in one of her videos too
I think its a European thing in general. I'm from Austria and most of the time people just hang out with each other and when two people are romantically interested in one another their friendship just fluently changes into relationships without official 'dates'.
In Italy using online dating sites is still considered a thing for losers, or kind of. As if you are at l' ultima spiaggia
margotisme "if you are at l'ultima spiaggia".. geniale ahahahah
Really, is this how you see online dating? Kind of sad...
Italian girls don't want to "test the water" because they would be considered in a bad way... (I prefer not to write rude words)
Beh al di là dell'opinione volgare che dici tu, una ragazza che non cambia ragazzo ogni tre per due viene spontaneo vederla in maniera più seria e matura. Personalmente se mi dovessi impegnare e mi guardassi intorno preferirei avere affianco una ragazza con la testa sulle spalle che una più "libertina", anche se la relazione durasse 2 o 3 mesi.
Ovviamente opinione personale, ma viene molto condivisa questa cosa.
penso che con "taste the water" non si intenda fidanzarsi ma frequentarsi per conoscersi... e cercare di conoscere più ragazzi senza poi mettercisi insieme qui da una cattiva reputazione
Testa sulle spalle? Libertina? Ma stiamo scherzando. Una col proprio corpo e con la propria vita fa quello che vuole, ancora con sta storia che se una ragazza ha una vita sessuale allora è sicuramente una poco di buono. Siamo nel 2017 non nel 1200.
Chiara F si ma siamo nel 2017
katysvoice non ho detto che sia una bella cosa e con cui sono d'accordo 😔
well, I don't know who you met in Italy but I guess you were lucky. Italians might seem more romantic or passionate at times .. but they do 'test the water' and there are a shit loads of fake committed people and 'serious relationships' out there. They are less straight forward if they are not into you they may as well make you believe they are, with all their 'charm', to then dump you eventually. Careful ladiess
daria balzano confermo 🙄
daria balzano, the reason of that it's that humans are not monogamous, so "testing the water" it's the norm, BUT in our (Italian) society people, and expecially girls and women, are seen very badly if they havea free sex life. Expressions like "troia" or "ragazzo poco serio" are really common, and they are not compliments XD
So in this system males have to lie in order to get sex, and females often have to pretend they don't want sex but a relationship. It's a big problem and I hope that the next generations will change this.
I absolutely agree with you @RadellaStrada47, lying on feelings it is a big problem in our society, my point is though, that I have been living abroad for the past two years (still in Europe) and 'non-italians 'always admitted upfront to me when they weren't looking for something serious. I know, maybe it does sounds weird or sad because 'why the hell the guy is not taking you seriously?', but at least you know before what to expect and you decide whether or not that 'thing' is worth for you. Now, there were few exceptions for me, but overall this is my experience. In a way, there's more 'honesty' on that front or people are just more open-minded and less afraid of showing a bit shallowness regarding their dating-life. Either way, it is so rare to find a true person anyway, so good luck y'all.
Ooooh. Let's say. When the good there Good...but when their bad they're BAD!! 🇨🇮🇺🇲💞
tia devi assolutamente visitare il sud italia, soprattutto visto che fai questi video comparativi con gli US sono sicura che tu renderai conto di un sacco di differenze e somiglianze in più che ti daranno una prospettiva ancora più ampia dell'Italia e degli Italiani
Hey Tia, you know one thing that I've noticed, as an italian living in the US, is that couples here don't exchange love gestures in public as much as in Italy. I might be wrong, but when I go out in my Italian city, I often see couples kissing, hugging, sitting on each other's lap while talking, these kind of things. Where as, here in the States, I see some couples kissing at maximum, and they're usually quite short kisses 😅. I haven't seriously dated yet here, but my impression is that people tend to be much more private about these "effusions of love", with some exceptions of course ahaha do you agree?
Rosella. We are much more affectionate than American
I'm Canadian, dating a Roman man who moved here from Italy about 8 months before we met. You are definitely correct about the speed and the commitment - when they like you, you will know. They know what they want. I do find they're more genuine in their compliments and "i love yous" as well, guys here tend to say whatever they need to to get in your pants, but Italians are far more truthful. If he doesn't think you're beautiful, he won't tell you you are. If he doesn't feel love, he won't say it. It's great to find more of a straight shooter. And they take their time wooing you and getting to know you. I don't know if he is unique in this next bit, but I found he was far more respectful than any Canadian or American man I've ever dated. He was so respectful about my personal space. He kissed my cheeks of course, and would hug me, hold my hands. But he didn't kiss me until 2 weeks into dating, he didn't grab my butt or my boobs or even try to get to second base until I gave the OK 2 months in. There was no rushing me sexually or emotionally. And once they're married, they don't divorce. They will do absolutely anything to keep from seperating.
One of the reasons why italian people (and especially men) wait a lot of time before getting married is italian law. In the US, marriage is a customizable contract. In Italy, all marriage obligations are predetermined by law, and they're usually VERY harsh on the husband in case of divorce.
A failed marriage can easily ruin an italian man's life.
WoodmanFeatherhigh this is not true. in italy you can sign contracts before marriage where the couple decides what happens if they divorce. Plus you can decide if you want the community of property or not. Italians wait for marriage just because they take it more seriously. You get married when you want to create a family otherwise for us getting married doesn't make a lot of sense. If you are just 23 and you want to focus on your career and don't want children yet, why should you get married?
.... totally agree. I've seen what happened to my dad, for example (!) But as far as I know, it is not so different in US.
***** That's certainly true, as well. But you wouldn't believe how many men in Italy become poor and homeless after a divorce. The number I've seen is around 30 %, one third.. Many younger men are starting to catch up.
TheWatyfly Even if a man opts for separation of property, that won't help him when a judge decides to give the woman full custody of the children (which happens very often). Once the woman gets full custody, the man is left homeless and with a pittance of a salary left for himself. I'm not saying those other reasons you presented are wrong, but the grim condition of divorced men is a reality in Italy.
Here's one of many news article on the subject.
www.ilfattoquotidiano.it/2015/03/05/padri-separati-poverta-complice/1475391/
I am Italian, dating a guy from the US, and I totally agree that American guys seem to prefer quicker dates in casual places!
+Marco Chianese yeaaa its ok sometimes but sometimes you want something slow and romantic!
exactly like they are usual to have sex with drunk girls or when both of them are drunk.. Too sad, too american
agazio magni That just sounds like a movie.
Tia, scusa se scrivo in italiano, ma mi è più comodo XD
Forse per questo non leggerai, magari faccio una traduzione eng :D
Anche noi abbiamo diversi gradi.
- Ti "frequenti" con qualcuno se ci esci, ma puoi uscire anche con altri, la fase di "testing". La parola sarebbe "frequentante" dal punto di vista grammaticale, ma nessuno lo direbbe XD Di solito si dice tipo/tipa con cui mi sento/frequento.
- "ragazzo" o "ragazza" sono come "boyfriend" e "girlfriend", identici all'inglese.
E non capisco il tuo dubbio linguistico... cioè, ok, che "ragazzo" significa sia "boy" che "fidanzato", ma in inglese anche c'è lo stesso problema! "Boyfriend" è il "fidanzato", ma anche il "male-friend" XD
- "fiancé" sarebbe il "fidanzato", ma PURTROPPO in Italia gli italiani non sanno l'italiano, quindi usano questa parola MALE.
Non solo! Usano anche l'espressione, ANCORA PIU' CHIARA, "fidanzato/a ufficialmente" come sinonimo di "ragazzo/a"! Perché CREDONO, sbagliando, che "ufficialmente" voglia dire tipo "non è che ci frequentiamo solo", ma è SBAGLIATISSIMO, perché "ufficialmente" si riferisce ai genitori, che un tempo erano informati solo in caso di matrimonio; INFATTI esiste un'altra espressione, che però penso non sia di tutta l'Italia (in Campania si usa di sicuro, non so altrove), che è "fidanzati in casa", ovvero ufficialmente, davanti ai genitori.
Sei confusa, come molti italiani, sul termine solo perché ormai la mentalità è aperta, quindi "ufficialmente" e "in casa" hanno perso il loro vero significato, perché non si tiene nascosto ai genitori un "boyfriend" o una "girlfriend" (tranne in casi di genitori parecchio reazionari).
Anyway: sposarsi dopo 3 anni è FOLLE, semplicemente folle XD
Sul fatto che in Italia fin da piccoli ci siano relazioni """serie""" è vero.
Ricordo altri video di contronti italiani-anglosassoni che sottolineava come in Italia il maschio abbia sempre lo stereotipo machista (dell'uomo forte, che non piange, etc.), MA che esprime amore in un rapporto di coppia, fin da subito.
In uno in particolare si sottolineava come un italiano possa dire abbastanza in fretta "ti amo", mentre in America no, lo si vede in tutti i film americani, che il momento del "I love you" è vissuto come EPOCALE, in Italia già a 15 anni lo si dice tranquillamente XD
Questo è interessante per due motivi:
1- Ci sono evidentemente diversi tipi di stereotipo machista possibili. L'italiano maschista comunque è PASSIONALE.
2- Divertente notare come possa essere fondamentale l' "I love you" in una lingua in cui si usa "love" non solo per l'amore, ma anche per il "ti voglio bene", mentre in una lingua come l'italiano, che ha questa distinzione linguistica, si è soliti dispensare i "ti amo" più facilmente.
Non ricordo se hai fatto un video nel quale mostravi questa differenza tra "ti amo" e "ti vogli bene" in italiano!
Comunque trovo interessante l'usanza americana di "provare" più persone, ma in Italia verresti preso/a per una persona poco seria, che va con tutti/e, quindi da evitare PROPRIO perché potresti tradire! Perché non ti accontenti.
Interessantissima questa differenza :D
Concordo, volevo commentare anche io ma hai già spiegato perfettamente!!
RedellaStrada47 Non c'è un vero dubbio linguistico. Semplicemente noi usiamo fidanzato, ragazzo, moroso etc per indicare la stessa cosa ovvero che si è insieme come coppia. In America c'è una distinzione: il fiancè è il ragazzo promesso, siamo promessi al matrimonio, mi ha fatto la proposta. Tutto lì, è solo una convenzione che si è adottata.
RedellaStrada47 perfetta spiegazione
Georgiä NeverMind veramente il dubbio linguistico non mi stupisce. Fidanzato/a vuol dire che ti stai per sposare. Se poi la gente lo usa per dire "ragazzo/a" è perché si è dimenticata del significato del termine, non per altro!
Hi Tia! Actually, "moroso" is not so common in Italy. They use it a lot in Northern Italy, but..only there! It's a regional use. :) In Rome/Naples/Sicily, no one would say "moroso" (which means, in italian, "defaulting". A person who doesn't pay their rent is " moroso"), and they have other words to say " boyfriend".
Cesco _ o I absolutely agree. I'm from Northern Italy and we don't use the word "moroso" at all, though, it's something they use in more northern - central areas, I'm sure in Fano they use that. It's not an Italian word :)
Cesco _ o I'm from Verona and we mostly use moroso
Scáthach come fai a dire che non è una parola italiana?? dire che viene usata con preferenza in certe zone e altre meno è un conto, ma non puoi dire che non è italiano...
Linda Nicoletti Beh io lo uso ma ha ragione... In italiano moroso vuol dire indietro con i pagamenti
Angela Benedetti si d'accordo, però è cmq usato, sarà anche dialettale ma resta cmq italiano
Tia id like to see TH-cam Italy VS America (community,sponsored video exc..)
MrPasqualeBeauty the italian community sucks
+MrPasqualeBeauty that could be interesting!
Tia Taylor 💖
I love your videos comparing Italian, American, and Jamaican culture! I'd be interested in seeing you hit the streets to interview Italians on aspects of their culture in their own language kinda like how alberto from 'italianautimatico' here on youtube did a while back. specifically I want to know how Italian men feel about the term "Italian Stallion". flattered, offended, amused? and I'm also interesting in how italians define happiness. what are theyre favorite childhood memories? what do they do when they go on vacation? do italians go camping??? gamble? just some ideas, I'm always happy when i see Tia's released a new video!
in Sicily we have a word, "zito/a", that comes from Arabian and it means "boyfriend/girlfriend" :) I love dialects!
Very interesting Tia! I noticed these differences too between dating in USA and dating in Italy. My fidanzato is Sicilian. My perspective on a relationship that involves me, is "we are in a serious relationship, or we're just friends". When we started going out, he called me "mia ragazza", and since we spoke about our perspectives, he started to present me as his "fidanzata".
I share this liking of romance and long-term relationships and think that it's more enjoyable than to be changing of person. Don't think I could handle that emotionally nor know the person good enough. As italians say "Piano piano si arriva lontano"...
I love this! I've never thought about how different cultures were in this regard so it was really interesting hearing your perspective :)
Thanks for uploading these videos. I'm actually Irish, but my mother comes from Italy. I'd love to move there and I kinda learn something new thanks to ye. Keep it up girl! 🙈
Interesting video. I think that in America the dating period is shorter and young people get married sooner because compared to Italy many more young people have jobs and a career, and can afford to pay rent and can get married even when they are very young. In Italy, especially in the south, many friends of mine have been dating for 10-15 years before getting married, basically because they wanted to wait until they found a good job. This is also because when you don't have a good job you have to live with your parents and if you get married you have to live with your husband or wife with the parents of one of the two. This happens especially in some poor areas of some regions of the South.Other than that there are cultural reasons, for sure.
Мария Чимбру As an Eastern European American, I can second that. Many families separate for work, and marriage is still very valuable in E. European cultures
The problem about "testing the water" in Italy is that if you're a girl, people probably will say bad things about you (even if you're 13/14 years old). The results is what you've already seen: everyone has "serious" relationship. (For example, I'm 16 and I've had a boyfriend for two years now)
Io ho una compagna di università che ha 20 anni ed è fidanzata con lo stesso ragazzo da quando aveva 13 anni. è una cosa seria davvero
io sono di bolzano e ad esempio io nn accetterei mai di uscire con una persona che vede altre persone contemporaneamente a me.... ma siamo matti? 😱😱😱😱
Ovvio... ma lo verresti a sapere
giusto... ma penso che i modi x scoprirlo ci siano sempre se si prova....
Povere loro
Si chiamano preferenze. Ci sta che tu non voglia uscire con una persona che ne vede altre contemporaneamente, basta metterlo in chiaro subito (e se poi lui/lei ti mente è chiaramente colpa sua). Ma c'è chi non ha problemi in merito. Dici "guarda, per il momento non voglio impegnarmi, tu puoi uscire con chi vuoi e io con chi voglio" e via. Lui/lei magari non accetta perché non apprezza questo tipo di rapporto, magari invece ti dice di sì. Io ad esempio non avrei problemi con una relazione aperta, ma solo se la persona con cui esco fosse d'accordo xD
Patrik Marini sei davvero di Bolzano? è difficile trovare qualcuno nei commenti di qua.
In Piedmont we use to say "ci sentiamo" that is our version of "dating". I don't know if in other parts of Italy people use that term
Alessia Meloni in lombardy we do
Alessia Meloni we use it also in Rome
Alessia Meloni in Sicily, too, I think it is a national phrase ;)
Holy shit I've been ever tough that ci sentiamo means see you later ...
Andypirate It has also this meaning
Hi Tia, nice video! I totally agree with you, in fact I'm Italian and I met my boyfriend at school when we both were 17, and now we stay toghether since 8 years and we are living toghether, but if I only mention the word "marriage" he would probably faint. :)
Hey girl! I too am an American who now lives in Italy with my boyfriend. And I couldn't agree more on all of these differences! LoveYour videos un bacio xx
Here in Italy dating apps are on a lower level , and thats cool , but at the same time hard for shy people!
In Ancona (Central Italy) there's actually a word for two guys who are kinda like seeing each other but are not an item yet which is "pasturare"...like two guys who are just seeing each other are basically "pasturando" and "pastura" is the noun like the boy or the girl themselves
Hi Tia, another thing that I've noticed is that Americans tend to get married at a younger age compared to Italians. I'm living in the US for an exchange experience and I've noticed that there are a lot of people married in their 20s or in their teens but planning to get married shortly after graduation. As an Italian for me this is crazy, I feel like we want to achieve a social and economic stability before starting a marriage/family, graduating from college and finding a good job first for example and then settling down. That's what I've noticed but it might not be accurate for everyone!! Wish you a nice day, I really like your videos and I kinda relate to you since I'm basically your opposite, an Italian high school student doing an exchange in the US!! Lots of love!!
My parents were in a relationship for about a month and then got engaged. They only dated one or two people before that. They've been married 16 years and are still super happy and rarely fight (if you could even call it fighting). I don't think you have to be in a relationship for a long time to know they're "the one". Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic who wants to get married younger.
ellie__elizabeth my in laws got married only 6 months after they met each other and next week it's their 33rd anniversary! They are so very in love!
I love the way you speak
Divorce is really common in Italy too, I 've been married for 27 years to an Italian but most of my friends are either seperated or divorced, I guess I lucked out, engaged 1 year and a half, married, 2 kids and so happy for it, keep up your awesome videos Tia, love from a Canadian in Italy😘
In Italy too is the same. Uscire con un ragazzo, hanging out with a guy. Ragazzo is the correct word for boyfriend. And the use of fidanzato is simply misused as it should be used when engaged or extremely serious. I think people started using it more because they feel it's serious even when it's not.
about the romantic aspect, yes it's definitely different and not only with foreigner girls. That has been probably my biggest issue with dating in America. There was really no romance and I always felt the only one bringing it out. After several years I accepted that it's a cultural thing, but honestly I hate it... really, I HATE it. Lol
This was actually somewhat helpful because I've been long-distance dating a guy from Rome for over 8 months and I'm pretty excited to go visit him in 3 weeks, but had no idea how our dates might go. He is really genuine, I like that. Far less games than American guys. when they like you, you sure as hell know it.
I know an italian but living in another county and we're close with each other. i'll visit him soon when the borders are open.
We've talked over text and video called a lot, even when he's doing his own things like having breakfast or driving home. We've talked to each other for more than a year now. How can you tell if a guy really likes you or even beyond that? I can tell he likes me but im afraid that he doesnt like me as much as i think he does
Carissima, se non ti dispiace rispondo in Italiano perché in inglese sono incapace! Adoro i tuoi video sono davvero simpatici! L'analisi che fai in parte é davvero azzeccata, hai fatto emergere aspetti davvero diversi. Solo che, come ho letto anche da altri commenti, "moroso" si usa al nord prevalentemente, mentre "fidanzato" fino a pochi anni fa significava "fiancé", ma ora invece no, significa solo boyfriend, ragazzo. Un'altra cosa diversa forse é che in Italia non ci si sposa così di frequente e lo si fa davvero in tarda età! Ora prima si deve finire l'università, gli studi, poi avere un lavoro, una coppia stabile da 5 anni almeno o più e poi, forse, ci si sposa e si arriva ormai a 30-35 anni! Quidi alla nostra età la parola fidanzato ha preso il significato di boyfriend. Inoltre fare la "promessa" di matrimonio é molto in stile americano. Qui si va a vivere insieme e a un certo punto si decide insieme se sposarsi o meno. Quindi da quando si decide a quando ci si sposa davvero non passano molti anni! Infine, l'appuntamento italiano non é "romantico" sempre. In genere si va al cinema per rompere il ghiaccio, oppure a cena, soprattutto perché più tempo si ha più ci si conosce... Il caffé o sandiwch é per gli amici! Comunque fanne altri, per esempio su "Il san valentino italiano vs san valentino USA" :3 sono divertenti!!
My parents have known each other when they were 15, they have always been together but they married only a year ago :-) sometimes you just don't need to taste the water, it can happen that the first one is the right one! They are my biggest example, this is what I want my future family to look like! And I love the fact that in Italy relationships are (expected to be) more serious. For me this is fundamental. I don't want to waste my time with people that don't deserve it and don't want to build something together in the future. We taste the water BEFORE starting a relationship. We are very romantic as you said. Obviously, it depends.
I loved this video! And I agreed with all of these... I can definitely say that because of me being American, and my boyfriend being Italian, it has been lots of learning! But funny enough, we met on tinder! Haha but I will agree, in Italy, tinder is definitely not used for finding serious relationships as much as it is in the states!
In Italy Tinder is usually for one night stands or hook ups. For finding serious relationships we generally relay on our social network until we find the right person for us.
A lot of italians find their partner on internet, but we just don't say that... We like to hide this particular of the relationship, especially with family and relatives... because it's not something to be proud here...I know it's stupid.
we don't really have a distinction between boyfriend/girlfriend and fianceè also because we don't use wedding propose anymore. Or maybe when the proposal is done we immediatly begin to arrange wedding (in a year or less). i think that's because breaking an engagement is a serious thing including families, parents a bunch of people. Breaking a relation is better (its sounds so bad).
I have the impression that most people in Italy in their 20's are looking for a serious relationship and that's why dating apps are not ideal. Most of these apps/websites turn into casual dating or just ways to hook up.
TheFlowMind Yeah , here after 20/22 YO we use to search for a stable relationship,we don't like to waste time...
Before 20 you try different partners
Not really , dating applications in Italy are seen like something for losers , we like to meet the people , to see people into the eyes , this idea of needing a computer or a smartphone to meet someone is considered pretty sad.
I'm pretty sure that there might be many reasons behind this. Things are not simple and clear...
Everything you said about us Americans was spot on. I really dislike how we go about dating and relationships. For us to put the idea that we need to test out a lot of people before we're ready to "be serious" with one person is immature. What if the person is in the testing phase and they miss an amazing opportunity with someone because they aren't ready to just talk and be with one person yet. It's dumb.
I'm Italian and I like american mentality way better when it comes to dating. Everything seems so serious and fancy even just when I'm trying to "see" someone and "test the waters", which I hate, because I'm inexperienced and I don't want to throw myself in a committed relationship after one appuntamento, you know? It irks me that guys take for granted that I would want that and act accordingly. I mean, not all girls are the same, right? I'm not into hooking up, that's not my scene, but I'd like to have a casual relationship with someone, which is basically impossible here.
No, not really like an open relationship. That implies a relationship in the first place. Probably more along the lines of friends with benefits? I have a hard time finding guys (friends) who won't read into intimacy and make it a serious relationship... I've tried dating and then ending it, but I feel too bad for the guy and it puts pressure on me because I can "feel" his seriousness when I go out with him (most of them invite me to have dinner out which I find way too fancy and stresses me out) and I don't think I'm ready for that kind of commitment. I don't even know what I like yet (which is ridiculous because I'm 23) and people my age are already living together (not married). I'm not comfortable with hookups because I'm inexperienced but I'm not comfortable with a serious relationship either, because, again, I'm inexperienced, which leaves me in an awful middle ground.
There's nothing to envy, really, because at the end of the day I'm not doing anything of what I want to do, and i'm definitely not experimenting at all LOL I don't think I would need to be in a relationship to have a continued sexual relationship but I would definitely need at least some level of trust in the guy, which makes it impossibile to have hookups for me, and which is why I said friends with benefits, where the friend part holds a lot of weight. I also assume that males are usually the ones that want this kind of relationship, and I say "assume" because I've stumbled upon such an arrangement just once in my whole life (a girlfriend of mine with her own "friend with benefits"), because guys, again, "assume" that I want a serious relationship and roses and commitment. I'd like to find an easy going guy friend who'd let me experiment without the whole "i like you" "you like me" stress-package, because the simple notion keeps holding me back. So I'm lonely and inexperienced and curious as fuck. Not a good place to be haha!
Thanks to your videos I'm understanding the North American vs. Italian differences especially in dating and cultural aspects and Canadians are similar to the Americans. Living in Canada for a while made me realise how exhausting and frustrating it is to date people here. I've dated few and I felt like they just wanted me for the moment and then you don't hear from them ever again. I take my time in dating, doing everything step by step not jumping all in but apparently here it's like they don't have time for that and move on to the next girl who wants everything at once.
C'è un aspetto su cui mi piacerebbe conoscere la tua visione americana: in Italia è molto diffuso (per fortuna non per tutti) il luogo comune che debba essere sempre il ragazzo a farsi avanti, a chiedere di uscire , a mostrare interesse, e in caso alla ragazza rispondere se interessata, e se lui non lo fa significa solo che non è interessato... è la stessa cosa in America?
Tia in Italy we love romantic things. going too fast like in America is inadmissible because everyone wants to feel special you know, taking your time is important. being romantic, do a long walk together and stuff like those are so important!
to me, going fast means that the other person doesn't care too much.
in realtà esiste anche la versione italiana di quando ti frequenti con qualcuno senza impegno per vedere se c'è compatibilità,in certe regioni(in Emilia Romagna ad esempio) si dice "impezzo" oppure "inciucio"(impezzo va per la maggiore dalle mie parti).Quando un/a ragazzo/a è il tuo "impezzo" significa appunto che ci stai uscendo assieme senza impegni effettivi
margherita l'inciucio è peró è una relazione confusa. Che non se capisce se stanno assieme o se si battono solo la carne a vicenda
Christian Sandrini vero,ma è poi sempre un intermezzo tra "dating" e "boyfriend/girlfriend" quando è magari già passata la fase impezzo e non si capisce se come dici tu c'è solo relazione fisica o se si può passare al livello "relazione"
margherita A dir la verità credo che non si usi dappertutto, probabilmente solo lì. In Sicilia non vi è una vera e propria parola che possa definire una situazione del genere, al massimo usiamo il termine "Intrippati", ma in quel caso significa più che altro che sanno entrambi di piacersi, ma fondamentalmente non stanno insieme perché magari c'è qualcosa che li "blocca" o nessuno dei due ammette quello che sente. Ti giuro però che la parola "Inciucio" non l'ho mai sentita prima d'ora 😂
Mari sono siciliana e ho sentito più la parola inciucio che 'intrippati'. Penso che la seconda sia uno slang tra 'giovani', non che io sia vecchia ma di sicuro quando ero al liceo non si sentiva.
Elena Lo Greco Davvero? Allora sono io che non l'ho mai sentita! Ops ahah😂
The way you said "fidanzato, moroso, ragazzo" was so cute haha you're so good in italian!
Tia those are just words but whe still make a difference between meanings when we speak. As far as I'm concerned, I've never called my boyfriend "fidanzato" before we went living together 'cause where I grew up there's a big distinction between "essere il ragazzo di qualcuno" and "essere fidanzati". In south Italy (but I don't know if this applies to all the south of the nation) we have this distinction that's very similar to the english/american one. Btw when couples use the term "fidanzato", people understand without saying if that means "fiance" or "boyfriend". If they know you live together, for example, they tend to give the term "fidanzati" its real meaning.. because they assume you are going to get married. If you're just in a relationsheep, even if it's a long one, but you haven't a ring or you haven't committed in any meaningful way that shows you are planning a life together.. then it's clear you are not engaged but you can still use the term. I don't know if I've made myself clear enough... I've never used the word "fidanzato" before referring to my bf (as you can see I still refer to him as my bf, not my fiance since I feel there's a more marked distinction in english), but other people have. It was clear that we were simply "together" back then, now that we're living together people assume we're getting married and they give a new meaning to the word. I have found my self using the definition "il mio fidanzato" when talking on his behalf when it comes to things related to the house or plans, work and so on. So... yeah, they're just words and context is still everithing XD
Tinder here in Italy is seen as a "casual sex only" dating app. The stigma is so strong, people laugh at me when I say I met my boyfriend on Tinder 😅
what it is confusing is that you say we Italian "dating" for years, but actually we consider that 'being together' meaning being in a relationship. Which it can be the same of being married for American people. We can also live together but not get married, but it's the same thing!
I love your videos!! 😘
Very good points about Italy. Nice video :D
sono in america da ormai 7 mesi e il discorso delle distinzioni lo vedo proprio nella maniera opposta, mi spiego meglio: in italia puoi uscire con una persona per amicizia o per un appuntamento (anche se si dice più frequentemente "uscire insieme"), mentre qui in america non c'è una vera distinzione, si dice in tutti e due i casi "hang out". poi ancora devo capire se you are dating someone solo se siete boyfriend and girlfriend o intendete "dating" anche se due persone non stanno ancora insieme. in italia rispetto all'america non abbiamo più la distinzione tra "fidanzato" e "ragazzo/a" quindi su quello l'inglese è più preciso.
e sulla cosa del romanticismo devo dire che gli italiani hanno bisogno di parlare e conoscersi bene prima di entrare in una relazione più seria, quindi le passeggiate sono solo un modo per non stare fermi seduti a un tavolo, e devo dire che passeggiare dà pure molti più spunti per argomenti. la vera differenza è che noi italiani il tempo che passiamo con qualcuno non è semplicemente tempo in cui parliamo delle solite cazzate come se volessimo acquisire quelle "ore di guida" per poi passare al concreto, ma le usiamo per conoscere una persona in profondità, i suoi pensieri e le sue idee, invece qua è come se le persone fossero vuote, senza niente da dire, senza interessi, ed è per questo che i vostri appuntamenti durano poco o comunque trovate un'attività da fare (bowling, movie, etc.). in sostanza riassumendo tutto i rapporti in italia sono più profondi e fondati sulla mente, mentre qui è tutto molto più carnale e casuale.
Mi hai tolto le parole di bocca è quello che ho notato anche io...small talk e conversazioni casuali e "leggere" ma niente rapporti profondi e questo si riflette anche nelle relazioni sociali.
The Italian version for fiance is "fidanzato/a in casa" but it's not very used (at least not where I live, Veneto) bc as you said we have no use for that anymore since we move directly from being boyfriend and girlfriend to getting married and there's no waiting time in between the two.
Even if things are changing in Italy too, I noticed that in the US people get married 2-3 times very easily in their lifetime. It seems that for them a marriage is the equivalent of farsi una storia con qualcuno in Italy. Maybe many of them get married too young when they are still immature, like a game. Some people I know here in the US are in their 20s and are getting married only after 1 year of dating. That's why maybe then after a few years they divorce. On the other hand I feel that many couples in Italy don't divorce even if there are problems. Maybe they are more patient or they feel it's not a nice thing to do so easily.
da noi il moroso viene anche chiamato "Filarino" quando la relazione è poco impegnativa. il Filarino è uno strumento usato una volta per filare la lana e quindi si diceva che il ragazzo faceva il filo alla ragazza!
La bolognesità trasuda col filarino
Irene G ma da noi dove? specifica la città, perché in tutta Italia non ho mai sentito una cosa del genere
Bahāarāb Bologna!
Tia my parents were dating for 10 years before getting married and they had other 25 years of marriage. I think the main difference on long dating is because here you get independent (economically) later and lucky people (not me) foind their love when they're young :)
But getting married after a year is crazy for me!
A thing I would change here is the dating online thing. I see now that is very difficult to meet new people, especially after starting to work, and like you said tinder is just for one night stands. If I don't want that is difficult to meet new friends or "special" friends.
i think you're totally right...i mean some people date in Italy, because not everyone is the same, but the idea of dating (testing) like you said is not that common at least in my opinion/experience. it's also pretty clear if you watch american tv shows or movies
How will you say your treated by the residents in the town you reside in? Im hoping to travel through Europe and sight see but I'm scared because of my ethnicity and religious differences (I wear a head scarf) so it worries me that I might get abuse.
When I dated my boyfriend we used to have a lot of walks...we would walk in the woods, maybe have a pic nic, have dinner together in the house, preparing together dinners was fun! Or I would go to his house on Saturday morning to have breakfast together (sort of brunch)...we used to date this way
Girl your make up is on point 😍💗
Hi Tia, I love your videos :)
I just wanted to say that, at least in my experience, dating apps aren't really used here in Italy because there's a common belief that only "losers" or "sex maniacs" use them.
People usually do not have a dating account or if they do, they'll try to hide it for sure.
It's considered something to be embarrassed about 'cause it kind of implies that nobody likes you.
ugh I wish we just gave up this misconception for the benefit of us shy/introvert peeps :/
(Before anyone lashes out on me, I would say of course there are always exception to the rule)
Here also in Philippines, if they found out you are using dating app, they think you are desperate... but actually no, there is exemptions to the rule...
Super interesting as usual Tia! :D
I was so exited when I saw this😍Ti amo tia
In England it is almost impossible to 'date' as if a girl doesn't really really like you back they won't agree to do anything with you. So it is always a win or lose situation. Everyone is either acquaintances, friends or together. Noone at all really goes on dates. You either do stuff in a group all together with friends or if you have feelings for someone and they like you back you start a relationship. Many times I have asked a girl on a date and they have said 'we hardly know each other how can you fancy me already' and Zi have thought. No I don't have feelings for you I just think you are cool and would like to get to know you.
i don't want to "taste the water" bc i think its pretty stupid being in a relationship without LOVING a person haha anyway i love your content!
I think it isn’t as linear because we don’t take things as seriously and we tend not to put labels. We don’t really have dating we just mess around when we’re young. I’m in high school and I go out with guys but it’s hardly ever serious. Another thing that I noticed is that when we’re teenagers we tend to keep our parents out of the picture, I would never have a boy over if I know my family’s in the house unless it’s a very serious relationship.
the person that you're dating in italy is "uscente" because "esci con lui", or (mostly in tuscany) is "quello con cui ti senti" which is "the guy who is chatting with you"
I'm quite agree, but we do have different level of relationships:
il mio ragazzo/ragazza = (my) boyfriend / girlfriend
fidanzato/a = fiancé (someone you will mary, sometimes in Italy the term "fidanzato" is sometimes used not properly as "boyfriend or girlfriend" but is not right!
"Fidanzato" comes from "fidare/ fidato "= trust/trusty and the same root of "fede" = litteraly faith , but wedding ring too. Because (I think) in Italy when you marry someone, you're going to put your faith and trust in that person.
I love you video 😊
Before being a couple, so "fidanzati", there's a word in Italian and it's "inciuccio" . But you can use it only if you don't know if the other likes you but anyway there's a kind of relationship (classmates, seeing every day, coworkers etc.)
www.treccani.it/vocabolario/inciucio/
Dizionario..... quindi esiste. Solo che l'uso che ne faccio io è regionale
I met my boyfriend when I was 15 and now, after 4 years, we're still together (Italy experience)
Online dating is not taken serious here in Italy, usually if you subscribe or use this kind of medias is because you are looking for some kinds of meetings (you know what I mean). If you use a dating app is because you don't want a serious relationship or if you do you are considered a loser. It means that you're not able to even get to know a boy or a girl on your own.
Look! This is exactly what I needed. I just finished my Engineering degree and now I'm applying for teaching positions in the U.K. and Italy. As an African American female I've honestly had no trouble dating any race here in the US. But I'm kind of nervous to see what my prospects will be like in a foreign country. Hopefully I'll meet my soulmate! 🤞🏽
Jasmine S girlll lots of FINE black men in the uk!!! 😊 Italy also has black people. 😁 interracial dating is very common in the uk as well.
Every region has its way to call boyfriend or girlfriend in slang , like moroso is used very much in the north , I'm Sicily we use the word zito for boyfriend and zita for girlfriend . I am sure in other regions they have other slangs .
Is there a word for "a date" as in "my husband and I are going on a date." We were having dinner with our Italian friends when we tried to explain that we were going to leave our kid with a babysitter so we could go to dinner and a movie. They were REALLY offended when we invited them on a double date. The grandparents were even more offended because they thought it was wrong for our Italian friends to leave their 8yo and 14yo kid with them to go with us. In the end, we stopped trying to explain and went by ourselves, and we don't tell them when we leave our kid with a babysitter. But I still wonder what the word is. I've been calling it a romantic night :/
What you just said is quite right Tia, but there is a reason behind this different "behaviour". To me the main reason is related to the deep Catholic influence we have here (don't forget that the Pope is in Rome!) so we've been raised by our parents (at least most of us) with the myth of "Marriage forever" and that divorce it's not an option and it's not culturally well accepted! Things anyway are changing quite fast, and I believe that the "Americans way of dating" is getting closer and closer! We'll see if I'm wrong or right soon I guess!
In Italy you can say "sentirsi con qualcuno", and that's basically when you're really just texting with someone. Then usually you would say "frequentarsi" when you go on dates but it's not official.
And in Italy it's much more traditional, as in you don't hear at all about non monogamous relationships or rarely.
Hi Tia, I'm Italian and I agree with most of the things you said. I'm 20 and I'm in a relationship with a 29 year old. We've been together basically since we met, at the third date we were actually a couple, and it's been a year and a half now. We consider this relationship so serious that in the next few months I'm going to live with him in his house. I don't feel the difference of age between us except for some things that really bother me: he has many years of experience with many other girls before me, I understand he now loves me and wants to stay with me forever because as you said he "tested the water" and now found "the one". While he is the first one for me and I'm kind of jealous with the fact that he experienced and... I didn't and I'm not going to if I stay with him! It scares me to stay with just one person for my entire life without "testing the water" with other people. But what I think is that you can love many people in your life, you can have fun with even more... but if you find the person you think is "the one" even at a young age, why not enjoy the moment and plan a future with him/her? I believe life is shorter than we think and enjoying every sensation of it is important. So this is what I feel now, if things might change in the future... whatever, I mean I can change my life and find someone else. I'm the first one who spends all of my time wondering if I'm making the right choices, and I'm destroying myself from the inside. I wanna try to think less about this things and just live every part of this love that for now is all my life.
Hi girl, u need to assess ur heart if he is thr guy u want to spend the rest of ur life!! Coz ladies have instinct if they are not
Hi Tia! love your channel 😘❤ xoxo from an Italian American girl living in Italy ✌😉
Marty Zoe W No way! I'm an Italian American girl living in Italy as well! 😍
BeadsandFlowers grandeeee ✌😉
Marty Zoe W 💖
+Marty Zoe W ❤❤❤
Online dating doesn't work like that in Italy because italians do a lot "offline", I mean at pubs, discos, even at supermarket, they (we) talk to girls, we "flirt", so we don't need so much online dating
Your english is so easy to understand that's great! I'm italian
How do you celebrate St. Valentine's day in America?
I'm italian and i think that american people prefer to "taste the water" pretty much because they get married before instead of italians, so in a way you have "less time" to have fun and that makes you wanna "try" many people as possible
Ciao tia! Quando parli dei vari "livelli" linguistici con i quali si distinguono i rapporti in inglese, dici che in italiano non esiste una vera e propria differenza.
In realtà ti sbagli... tolto il termine "moroso", che è un termine dialettale perciò non appartenente all'Italiano come lingua ufficiale, c'è una sostanziale differenza tra: ragazzo, fidanzato e marito. Infatti: - ragazzo/a: persona con la quale ti frequenti in maniera stabile, c'è una relazione amorosa, si è fedeli l'un l'altro, ma non si intende che ci si sposerà da lì a breve. Per questo, infatti, esiste il termine - fidanzato/i: che praticamente ha lo stesso significato di fiancee in inglese. In pratica si è una relazione ed è stata fatta la proposta ufficiale di fidanzamento; per cui da lì a breve ci si sposerà.
- marito/moglie: due persone che si sono sposate.
Il fatto è che spesso e volentieri in Italia le persone usano questi termini abbastanza in maniera intercambiabile (apparte marito/moglie), ma è sbagliato. Anche in italiano ragazzo e fidanzato hanno due significati ben distinti, ma spesso gli italiani stessi non ci fanno molto caso 🙄😅Credo che ciò sia da imputare al fatto che questa netta distinzione si usasse molto di più anticamente, mentre ora quasi più nessuno fa caso alla differenza. In più ci sono i vari termini dialettali che ci mettono lo zampino 👍🏻😊
A presto!
I have always found the word 'findanzato' too serious until I lived here for while and understood that a 'casual partner' can be called that. I think it's because they traditionally look at everyone you get with as a potential fiancee here if that makes sense. Let's just say relationships are either serious here or you have a 'benefits' arrangement which I don't think is common.
I am italian and I completely agree about the differences you mentioned.
Everyone says Italian girls are harder to get too. Even Italian men say that. You don't easily chat up a girl here like say In America. So I think this initial interaction also makes relationships means much more than just a casual hook up.
I love your voice, its so relaxing!
Tia, in Italian before you commit in a relationship you say: "Uscire insieme" = "Going out" or "Seeing each other" ("io e Maria stiamo uscendo insieme")
Wow, I didn't really know how much America had that "testing the waters" culture in dating. I don't think it would be as accepted to see more than one person at a time in Sweden.
Tia, great Video! I'm American and my boyfriend is Italian (Milan area) and you nailed it hahaha
In my opinion dating apps in Italy don't work because we think you can't build your life with someone you can't meet. That's why we try to meet people 'live', even travelling or going out in new places
we do have the "seeing" state in Italy, or at least in Milan (I'm just talking for myself ahah). It's "sentire", that usually means "hear", but "mi sento con uno" means I'm seeing with somebody. It's slang though, it's not to be said in serious situations.
You started talking with your hands too! You're becoming a real italian! :D
Actually it's wrong. In the South Italy there's still distinct levels.
Fidanzati - 2 people meeting and dating like they're together knowing eachother without the thing is official in the family but parents sometimes still know the person that their son or daughter are dating.
Fidanzati In Casa - u have the ring and u're planning to get married. The whole family and relatives knows about this relationship and know the boy/girlfriend.
Than u have marriege.
Hi Tia, I think you're a little confused on the whole naming thing. The word 'fidanzato' has the exact same meaning as 'boyfriend', so it's used when you are in a relationship but won't necessairly get married. The word that's kinda missing in italian is your 'fiancé', which we call 'fidanzato' too, but that isn't the main meaning. Also, we say 'moroso' only as a joke where I live, so that was pretty funny to hear😂
futura marina veramente no. Fidanzato vuol dire che ti stai per sposare. Se la gente si è dimenticata il significato del termine è un'altro discorso!
Linda Nicoletti Io ho parlato del significato con il quale viene usato, riferendomi al fatto che se uso 'fidanzato' in una conversazione, dovrò specificare che mi ci sposerò, proprio perchè nessuno lo penserà automaticamente.
futura marina non so dove abiti tu, dalle mie parti la parola fidanzato la usi proprio per dire che c'è stata una proposta di matrimonio.
Linda Nicoletti non si finisce mai di imparare, evidentemente cambia di posto in posto. Ma a questo punto il fidanzato che non sposi come lo chiami?
futura marina il mio ragazzo/moroso
Sorry if somebody already said that and I'm repeating, but "moroso" literally means "boyfriend". No lover, no sexual meaning, just the plain translation for boyfriend. It is only used in the North though
honestly I've sort of dated 2 american girls and I think americans are too obsessed with the idea of marriage and settling down.
to me (im italian) relationships are meaningful and casual at the same time. what i mean by that is if i really love someone i just dont see myself breaking up with them, i wanna be with them and thats it, no matter if ive dated 2 or 20 people before them, its about the connection with the other person. at the same time i just go with the flow and i dont think oh im gonna get married to them eventually, that doesnt mean im not serious. i think its v common in italy to have couples that are together for 10+ years that arent married, some finally decide to do it at some point, some dont, depending on their faith as well, but they still stay together and sometimes even have babies. whether in america u see people getting married at a certain age bc its like expected and then they get divorced 3 times lol. I think it may be a stereotype but its a little true that italians are just more romantic and about love and americans are a little more "practical" and think about having to settle down. like, i never thought about marriage before meeting this american girl, cos she said she definitely wanted to get married one day (in general, not specifically to me) and that really forced me to think about it, like knowing if i kept dating her eventually id have to get married to her.
(disclaimer: im gay so i cant get married in my country even if i wanted to, well now i could lol even though its not exactly the same, but at the time when i was dating those american girls i couldnt do that here, so they were obviously talking about an hypotetical marriage in the US, just to specify, cos gay marriage is legal there).
disclaimer #2: im talking about younger generations of italians bc older generations were totally different, like they had to get married to the first person they slept with basically and they usually did it pretty young, has to do with religion and stuff.
im met an italian guy, does this apply to that context as well? Taking his time... thnk you!
esistono le distinzioni che dici!
"uno/una con cui esco"=date
"ragazzo/a, moroso/a, fidanzato/a"=boyfriend/girlfriend
e per il promesso sposo... la parola sarebbe fidanzato/a... sì, si confonde il fatto che la si usa anche per il semplice stare insieme... però la differenza è comunque chiara, se vuoi dire che l'intenzione è quella di sposarti lo dici, tipo: ci stiamo per sposare.
il punto credo sia più linguistico che relazionale: in america voi classificate le parole in modo schematico. Noi non ci facciamo problemi ad usare una frase intera per lo stesso concetto (come "quello con cui esco" o "e abbiamo intenzione di sposarci") quindi non abbiamo UNA SINGOLA PAROLA, ma abbiamo comunque il concetto.