They are ALL the wrong ones. Ever been backstabbed by a life-long friend, put down, stabbed in the front or otherwise had your good ole friends do a 180 on you, out of the blue?? People s u _ k, end of story!
They love recapturing old victims. They get extra 'points' for duping you a second time.
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There are control freaks in all organized groups like civic, vets, volunteer groups, churches, etc. I don't join anything. They call you and want you to do this and that. Never appreciate anything either. We dropped out of groups in the mid '90's. They are all traps.
I had a friend who didn't visit me when I had cancer. Later she got divorced and wanted to spend time together. Heck no. I stopped wanting to be friends because she was always in a competition. I just went no contact with her after 40 years. She wasn't my friend because she could have visited me after I got got out of the hospital because she worked 15 minutes from my house.
I've had some toxic friends over the years, I didn't end the contact I had with these people because it would have been too inconvenient as we had mutual friends who were nice. Looking back I regret that, as something quite unpleasant has happened with the aforesaid former toxic friends, that has made me quite paranoid. These people can keep up the pretence of having changed, but it takes one thing to question that. My advice, just move on, NEVER keep a toxic person in your life for the 'sake' of someone else.
Good advise,for instance ,when i go for a walk & look into the sky, often i see a flock of geese, my nose tingles & i feel at one with life,you cant go wrong in loving animals & nature. It grounds the soul & lifts the spirit. Never have i gone for a walk and come back feeling dissapointed,cant say that with anything else in life.
Yes you right I prefer to have animals around me not people's today people are evil they use you they don't care about you animals are creatures that's they don't hurt you just keep your distance from people especially families I feel peaceful I feel close to the Lord when you see animals
@@KimPhilby203 Most of the time its just people who we did encounter by chance. When we were young, when we did grow up together, meet someone at school or because of an overlapping social circle. Then you may get invited to parties or went to the pub or clubs together and have a good time. The mistake many make is then to call those people already "friends". But only few have this potential. And on the flipside: also ask yourself, if you do have the potential to become a good friend. Someone who doesnt just call when he wants or needs something (you will always have many of those kind of friends).
My best friend passed sadly this year. He could be a pain in the ass at times but if my car broke down late at night he would come right away without even a cross word. That's how we treated each other, respect was most important. RIP Joe.
@@violetsinspring5863 I'm also sorry for your loss. 23 years is a long time. I hope you find peace in it all. Every day i think of Joe and what he would say to me, the conversation continues ... 🧡
I been let down by people, I learned long ago most interpret kindness for weakness. At 67years old I enjoy being left alone. I have my guitars and music and my dog .
That's why I've avoided Facebook. People are not the same people as when you were friends in the good old days. No need to revisit "memory lane." It's rubble.
Broke my own rule about this. Allowed an old friend/colleague back into my life after a major fall-out 10 years ago. She reached out to me persistently in various ways, her circumstances in life had improved considerably, she seemed changed and sincere, so I cautiously allowed her back in. She lived about 4 hours distant to me but would visit my area occasionally to see her family. Things went well for about a year, then the same disagreement eventually came up again, only this time it was much worse; her reaction was over the top and frightening. What I hadn't realized at the time was around the time of the initial dispute, my friend had started surreptitiously drinking. Alcohol doesn't agree with her; it makes her verbally and physically aggressive. Unbeknownst to me, she was further along with her alcoholism (closet variety). After her final blow-up with me, I waited until she was sober and urged her not to continue this way of life and to get help. I informed her that unless she did, I wanted no contact with her. That was almost 2 years ago, and have heard nothing further from her.
@@betsybarnicle8016 this happened to me too, she was a nasty drunk and like you say even just tipsy she was nasty. Another friend told me this person (not sure if she is an alcoholic but quite possibly)is a covert narcissist as well, which I had not realised at the time. It’s very sad these people are like this. But we have to walk away for our own peace and sanity.
I had someone drinking heavily who was living in my place. It was just before I was leaving to go overseas. She was leaving the fridge door open, not criminal but not great. But she was leaving the front door open! I had to kick her out. As I did so I told her I was doing this only because I had to and she is an alcoholic and she had to face it and turn her life around. 3 years later I got a phone call. She was doing the 12 steps of AA and was apologising to me. I said it was one of the hardest things I'd ever done and I was happy that she had taken those moves. We did not rekindle a friendship I was living 600km away and things had just gone so badly. I haven't described the worst of it and the embarrassment for her was probably too much. But I appreciate that she did make changes those years later and at some point what I said to her about being an alcoholic must have sunk in. I changed the locks and she had to move out. It was awful. But she had a house to go to just at the time it was tenanted. She had family. But it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I have animals and she was supposed to mind them but I didn't feel safe. I thought she's going to set the house alight, leave it open to be robbed and ruin my stuff and worst of all let my animals escape.
I agree. I had a very narcissistic friend who tried to get me to pay for us to take a trip to London together when I was going through cancer. Initially she said she wanted me to pay for her airfare, and she would handle the hotels. Which turned out to be a thing called couch surfing. She had an app that ket you stay for free at a random strangers home. There had been other things before this happened, but I cut her off at that point. That was 10 years ago. She found my contact info recently, and called me and said she wanted to 'give me another chance.' No thank you. Blocked.
I had several old friends from my school days. About 10 years ago I ended up having 3 surgeries that left me in a state where I ended up going off work on disability. After a 25 year career where I continued to advance it was hard to accept. What I found troubling was some of my old friends were keenly interested in my going off work and almost took glee in it ending and my downfall. I even had one wanting to know how much money I would receive on disability and when I explained it would be 60% of my salary he began to brag how much money he earned. Other friends essentially decided to prioritize the other friendship that I walked away from. When I look back on it most of the time it was always about trying to get recognition by putting others down. I’m old and tired and truly don’t have time to massage someone’s ego just to pretend we’re friends. Life is simpler and I don’t miss the stupidity of it all
I’m sorry you’ve been through that , especially losing your work you did well at . Your correct in it was a way to ‘ weed ‘ out those people and give you the life you have . So wise . I appreciate how you said you don’t miss the ‘ stupidity of it all “ . Your right , all that ego stroking is just stupid . I saw a video on Dave Ramsey he interviewed a man explaining how humans real need in working is in serving mankind . Often the most serving occupations are not highly paid . Serving fulfills that need , no matter how small it may seem . 🎄🙏
Sorry to hear what you have been through 😞And the socalled friends you mention really were never friends. Just by intuition I have - since my early 20s - discarded friendly relations if the individual barred me from his/her inner "life" (feelings, reflections etc.) and were unable to reflect on my inner thoughts. People whom you can only have a pint with and talk everyday stuff with are not true friends!
Never let people back in who have taken advantage of your kindness.Lots of people take Kindness as a weakness , it is definitely NOT a weakness it is to be respected.Never go back to abuse never, its not healthy.Protect your Mental - Health only you can do it.
I agree : ] that's exactly right. Unfortunately, you can't control people or fix them. Some of them aren't as Intelligent as you. They don't have capacity you do. It's better to leave them completely out of the picture. Harsh I know. But until they can be accountable. Then it must be this way. Fair way. Some don't deserve you period. It's easy to see who values and who does not.
Most people are selfish and users basically, I had regular emails/contact from a so called friend who was interested in getting a motorcycle, the day he changed his mind, he dropped all contact. Some months later he's got the cheek to send an email,.... what does he want to use me for this time I wonder? Once people show their true colours/you lose trust, don't go back, that's my advice.
@@steveclark.. Exactly right he had the Brass neck to contact you after he basically used you the last time.Yes he would use you the next time. These types have no sincerity nothing genuine about them.They don't have a conscience either do not allow it my friend these types are NOT your friend
It has 'ship' at the end, its a commercial term, it goes way back to the use of ships to do trade, as we still do. That is also why money is referred to as *liquid* assets. River *Banks* direct the *flow* of the *currents* all water based terms. its also why when you buy something, the company *ships* it to you, and why you are considered an asset to be bought and sold, because when you were born your mothers *water* broke and you arrived through the birth *canal.* That is why a ship is tied to the dock(tor) and is said to be in its berth (birth).
Once a woman “friend,” says something mean to me, I’m gone. There’s not even any point in asking wth she meant or describing how it hurt. It’s over right then and there.
Same. On the plus side it brings a different level of freedom. To think and say what you like from a real perspective without concerning yourself with maintaining a friendship or group think mentality that is surface level at best in many cases. Mutuallly benificial friendship of convenience in others.
If you do all of the contacting, generally speaking that person doesn't view you as a priority, let them go. It's easy no mater how busy you are you find time for the people that are a priority.
Naturally I would never let old friends back into my life who had turned into bores or bitter persons. But about 5 years ago I successfully reconnected with two high school class mates (and high school rock trio mates). 🙂I just called them up one by one and cheerfully "put the needle in the old groove" and they both stepped into the "time machine" with me and we openly and trustfully shared the ups and downs we had experienced during the decades since we without drama had drifted apart. They haven't really changed that much and they are also visually recognizable. We rarely walk down Memory Lane, instead we talk about what we have experienced since last time we met. We meet approx. four times a year, have dinner and go to a concert. Are they close friends again? Well, close enough - at least we all seem to feel we have a special space for this reconnection. I was lucky - but it could have turned out to be an utter faliure.
I was always calling a friend until my mother noticed and brought it to my attention. Sure enough, when I stopped calling I never heard from this friend again.
I've had female friends whose husbands have made passes at me. Clearly something was going wrong in the marriage so I kept my distance. Then the wife is angry with me. Well it's impossible to deal with because if you explain the husband denies it and you're the worst person in the world.
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain sis, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Lifelong friends are few and far between. Some friendships are for a period of time only. You learn from each other and grow but something happens and it's time to move on. It comes to a natural fruition, and not always amicably.
I always knew this but it really hit home the day my father passed away. I have no friends, and none of it had any wrong doing on my side. Friends don't leave you hanging. Life is like being a soldier in an active war. Either you lookout for one another or you don't. No man/woman left behind! When someone has fallen you all gather together to lift them back on their feet. I feel like those friends were a thing of past. It rarely exists anymore.
I had a distant cousin with whom I had a long forty year friendship. During that time, He would always ask me to re-tell him old sad stories of my life. He especially enjoyed the stories that I told him about how cruel my ex-husband was. One day, I finally told him that I was moving forward. That I didn't want to talk about it anymore. We started to grow apart. One day, he blew up on me, and I blocked him on my phone. I haven't spoken to him in three years, AND IT HAS BEEN SOOOOO PEACEFUL. Recently, I found myself missing him. I still don't think the friendship is worth reviving, though. Doing that time I came to realize that I was nothing but entertainment for him. He was getting satisfaction from here and how miserable I was....no thank you.
I'm 72 and a childhood friend contacted me about 12 months ago, wanting to be friends again. I didn't really want to start up the friendship again but did. This is what I have found out: I have nothing to talk about! I know none of the people in her life and she knows none in mine so we are talking to each other about strangers(this is through emails). I am reluctant to talk about our childhood as I don't know what would be embarrassing or hurtful . . . things that I might look at with fondness but she may not. It's the same with friends who moved abroad years ago, we are not involved in each other's daily life so it's like speaking to a stranger every time.
I get that. I guess you have to live your way and not all people we meet should be entitled to be in our lives for whatever reasons. Good luck going forward!
This happens with some old friends but not all. I ve picked right back up with some but depending on how we ended that would be the difference was there a big fall out between you guys?
That's a hell of a long time to decide to contact someone again, bordering on weird tbh. I'd be questioning someone's mental state if they contacted me 50 years later..
I have the same issue with people for the simple fact i dont have anything in common with most folks and dont care for long boring conversations about the same old same old... Rather read these comment sections instead!😊
Facebook is like an open portal for people that should be gone from ones life permanently ,to try and do a do over. I found the best way to keep this from happening was to exit facebook. I dont like ignoring people so it was easier to shut my account.
Told my "friends" on FB i was taking a break from it early October 2018 and got next to no replies or emojis out of around 200 people. One girl actually laughed and thought i was joking. Never returned and im so glad i ditched it for good!
Interesting. I dumped my siblings and spouses, their kids, and my old acquaintances 10 years ago. My daughters last year, and now it's just me. I'm fine with it. It's sounds harsh, but it isn't. I am 71 and tired of all the drama.
@JustinJohn-j4r, their husbands have been a challenge, and I can not support anyone in their 40s when they have good jobs and don't know how to manage their money
I'm 72 and same timeline for cleaning house as you. Makes me wonder what took us so long? Guilt over dumping family I suspect for one and thinking society's norms should be ours for another. Oh well, live and learn. At least we have peace of mind and peace! Good for us!!!
Agree. I'm 72, and when I look back, there was drama of one sort or another with most people I've known. I live alone with a cherished canine companion. Wouldn't have it any other way. People say I can be unnecessarily blunt, ... I just go with whatever works !
Ive completely given up on having any friends tbh not sure i ever really did. I have been a great convenience to people over the years who for many reasons have seen me as someone to tide them over when they had no one and then was conveniently dumped. Ive let it happen too many times to count all in the hopes that just one of them would be there for me in tough times. Tough times came and not one so called friend was there for me. The saying that resinates with me is 'love many trust few and always paddle your own canoe' 😊
One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is knowing when it’s time to let go. I had a number of friends for years who now all live in farflung places. I’ve tried to keep in contact, but when voice mails get no response and emails no reply, I’ve learned that no answer *is* the answer. Time to pick up and move along. They obviously did.
That's brutal, but yes, it usually means people no longer wish to hear from us😢 I've done that to a couple of old acquaintances who have contacted me out of the blue, I just thought, I'm not willing to invest time and effort into this as it's not going anywhere, we're now on different paths. Often they just want to show off their new success, and they want to receive your admiration.
Yes, the repeat stories are exhausting. Also, if they're not interested in personal growth, I don't have time to stagnate with them. I used to give away hours of respectful listening, which they needed -- but no longer. It's my life energy + not reciprocated. I gave it too freely. Now I know it's value + instead focus on my own interests.
Yes and Amen! I totally understand and agree with you. I know this sounds terrible but I often tell my wife that even with the few friends that we do share together, they are nice people but terribly boring with the same old stories and dramas. At 79 years of age I don't know how much time I have left but I do know that I don't want to spend another boring evening listening to the same old tripe that doesn't offer a bit of personal growth; all I hear now is "blah, blah, blah". I'm done!
i used to view friendships and romantic relationships so differently to now. id have this kinda rosey, nostalgic view of friends. Especially the ones i hang around with as a kid. But. over the years i see that its a delusion on my part. At the very least; the people I knew dont feel the same way. My oldest friend only speaks to me a few times a year. or when hes in trouble and needs emptional support. Once hes back on his feet i dont hear a peep from him and he never asks how im doing. I could easily make a big thing out of this and cut him off, but im just going to distance myself. Do nothing. No support etc. Basically put in the exact same engery. Then itll just fizzle out and dissapear. The older i get the less it means to me. Same goes for romantic relationships. All the hassle youd have to go through. All the hoops to jump through. Dont care enough about it now and to be honest. When youre younger youre just being pushed on by hormones anyway. No. These days the rose tinted specs are off. Like you, im into cinematography, film making, etc. As well as illustration and painting. I think im going to surround myself with like minded people only that i can have a conversation with. This idea that we need to be around people constantly is erroneous. Id rather be on my own than be round people that i have nothing in common with. It saps my energy.
Same here! I was just discussing with my husband whether I should reply to a Christmas card from someone who hasn’t been in contact for over a year, and is in fact a drainer of energy as she talks incessantly about herself. Google is definitely listening 😬
I had many so called friends now who haven't bothered with me for years and on reflection they weren't really friends to begin with, I was just something there to fill their time, make use of or I happened to be with a female they were really interested in. My only true friend was tragically murdered many years ago and the rest were just acquaintances I used to know. I Don't feel empty or miss any of them at all and have no inclination to reconnect in the slightest. At 51 my best friend is the fella I see in the mirror and I'm very happy with the relationship we have.
I don’t let old friends back and I don’t let narcissistic family members around me either. I don’t have any friends because I’ve had medical issues for the last 25+ years. You find out real fast to your friends are when you’re not well I keep a positive attitude and I stay home and read a lot of books and have two German shepherds that make me happy. I also have a great husband of 30 years.😊
I'm similar, a lot of friends have drifted away since I have been unwell for 10 years. I've lacked the energy to keep in touch and attend every event; but they haven't reached out either. Now I'm regaining some of my energy and I am wondering if I should reach out and restart or just move on to new people? Videos like this one make me think that reaching out won't be received well.
@@lynettejwhite I don't know. I've struggled with fluctuating chronic health issues my whole life so I can really relate. If there's somebody really special to you from your past I'd reach out to them. I guess the best we can do is follow our intuition. It's been surprising to me to see how many healthy people have these issues as well.
I used to have a "best friend". She was the one who called us "best friends", years ago. We met when we were 8 years old, and spent our whole childhoods hanging out with each other at each other's houses. She was even my maid of honor at my wedding. But then, as we got older, I realized that she brought out the worst in me. Every time we spoke, I'd end up pissed off. She only wanted to talk to me when she needed information, wanted to gossip, or just to make sure I was still "there". In other words, I was just there to up her friend count on Facebook. One day, I got an email from someone who had known us both when we were kids. She said my "best friend" had had a baby. I didn't know about it. I told my husband, who said that as we were practicing our vows at our wedding rehearsal, she very openly hit on him. He hadn't said anything to me at the time because he wasn't sure it had really happened... and he didn't want to upset me. I promptly blocked her on all social media. Twice, she's had two people try to reach out to me on her behalf. No thanks. "Friendship" is over now. I'm better off for it. It's sad, though, that so much of my childhood is tied to her, and that we wasted so much time together, when we should have been interacting with different people. We had little in common.
I finally got rid of a friend of mine who I've known since the 6th grade. She'd done nothing but bullied me, publicly humiliated me, gave out my personal phone number to strangers when even my own customers who pays me over 7 figures a year doesn't have. I should've let her go when I caught her kissing my then boyfriend and they gaslighted me. I could still see that in my mind. I moved out of state and bought a beautiful ranch. She came to visit me 4 years ago and I shouldn't have... but I did and it was my mistake. She loved it so much, she started "planning to move in" and wanted to live like The Golden Girls. When she left, I completely cut her off. She's been trying to pry herself back into my life since, but I've blocked her in every communication tool including regular mail. All of her mail are return to sender.
Most people do not change once they are an adult. So that is why I think you are spot on when you say; "they are probably gonna bring the same thing with them all over again.. " etc.
3 years ago, I had a moment of clarity and knew I had to physically and mentally change the path I was on. I lost weight became fitter physically, mentally and spiritually. The “friends” that I had dropped me. They have recently reached out for a girls brunch. I really do not want to attend. 😢. We were friends for years. And I cannot understand why they changed. Instead of being happy for me, they found my transformation offensive.
People get used to you "being" a certain way, and when you change, they are offended...They want you in the "box" where they know you, and they are comfortable with you in..When you change, they go crazy..
You ought to find them offensive for not accepting you as a better version of yourself. Don't accept the invitation. You're not obligated to. If they call you on the phone just say "No thank you," and do not relent. Go on with your life in the healthy way that you have chosen.
Yes, Indeed ... Since my 60's , I've enjoyed being on my own; learning new things, everyday. At this point, I'm not going to negotiate, my day ...Thank You ...
I still have one person I speak to occasionally(once every 3-6 months on the phone), and he's always moaning about his toxic relationship. You have to ditch the drainers.
I helped a lot of people over the years. I never got much in return. I was a fool. I see work colleagues and the contact is nice. I now know I am better off on my own the rest of the time. It's such a shame. I'm just sick of being knifed in the back. No more.
Someone told me they believed it was better to not be in a close relationship with someone and wishing you were, than being in a close relationship with someone and wishing you weren't.
I went from having many "friends" to none. I conducted an unintentional experiment years ago. I didn't reach out to anyone and waited to see if anyone would seek me out. Nobody did. Showed me that these so called friendships were one way and once I served their purpose, I was simply out of sight, out of mind. I am worthy and don't believe in chasing down people anymore. Much happier too.
When I have gotten older animals have been good to have in my life especially my Northern tree shrew bushy shes very calming to have around around and she has taught me how such a small creature can have a big positive impact on my life
I have a coworker who "soft ghosted" me during a period when I was really low. Now when I feel better she pretends everything is as usual, hugging me dearly when we meet at work. It feels so awkward and fake. Yes I do understand that I was not fun to be around when being down, but I would have appreciated honesty instead of this play pretend game.
Bumped into an old friend from my late teens. He asked for my number, I was reluctant to give it, but did. This was a month ago, so far no call. I find old friends just want to find out where you live, what you do. Then they want to brag about their life, I'm just not interested in that. As for colleagues, they're just that, colleagues, they're not your friends.
A friend from 35 years ago got in touch with me via email last February. She was living in the US b/c of a divorce after living abroad for 30 years. We had nothing in common and the email conversation was not interesting from the beginning and certainly after about 4-5 emails. She must have thought the same thing because she never responded to my last email. So the whole "connection" lasted less than 3 weeks.
I had a great friendship with neighbors in a previous location for many years. We met again last week after 8 years of separation. The love we have for each other was so much stronger now and I'm looking forward to seeing them again soon. 😊❤
OMG!!! I so agree!! Going back to old friendships is the same as rekindling an old love. It never works out. Friends come into our lives at the right time almost as if sent by the Gods. And many last for years and are cherished. But usually the reason why they end is correct whomever is wrong or for what reason. Going back usually reminds us that we are not compatible. Moving on the best solution.
Had friend who went with my first young love 2weeks after we split after her telling us two how suited we were. I got back with him twice then walked away. He went back to her. She stalked him etc . At my wedding he looked at me and I knew he had regrets. Married her a few weeks later and came up to me telling me he'd married wrong girl. They did eventually split. 30yrs on saw her n her sister, all good then I asked about her sister. Blanked me at church as did her sister. I called her out telling her she had issues from the past lol jealousy eh
I walked out on a group of really toxic friends 25 years ago. Also my sister in 2006. Best thing i ever did, sister tried to reconnect 2 years ago.......nope!!!!
Hi Andrew, and thanks for your post. I too walked away from my sister about 4 years ago. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, and I ask myself "what have I done and why"? Then I remember that as she was a bible quoting christian, trying to talk to her as a person had become a real pain in the ass. I find that my life is richer for the separation.
I’m friendly with everyone. This is more common in America. I don’t expect people to be vested in me emotionally. And I don’t let that stop me from being friendly to all. As an American Christian, that’s my responsibility. I’ll trust God to handle the rest. If He requires me to live a more solitary life, I accept it. Edited to add: I’m not on social media and I’m older. I do think social media retards the potential for emotional and social maturity. Before social media, the past remained in the past. Now everyone’s snooping around to nose into what former pals are now up to. This has nothing to do with a true sense of friendship.
Yes, true.There are rare exceptions but often it makes no sense to warm up again. Same with old romantic relationships. I prefer to make new friends that resonate with me in my current phase of life.
I'm 60 and have few friends, and am fine with that. Most of them want something from me. Some want help with a project. Some want to borrow tools. Some want to use my place as a hotel. Many family members are the same way. I've ditched many of them and actually, things have been much better.
I find a lot of bods assume (in their arrogance) that you're really interested to hear what they've been doing, socially, e.g., went out with their friends for a fantastic meal, etc. You're being treated like some old grandparent who's just sitting around waiting to learn what the youngsters have been up to. I really want to say to them, "Listen, I don't give a sh-t."
If you’re friend is over using drugs and alcohol and you are sober then go ahead and ditch them.
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If you had fun with that friend in the past, then I say give the relationship a chance once again. You have nothing to lose. If you don't like how it goes--you can simply say goodbye again!
I had a good friend for over 30 years. She broke my heart. I was stupid and let her control me for most of that time. I haven't seen or talked to her in 15 years. I know I'm better off. We even had matching tattoos. I got mine covered up about 10 years ago. Don't know if she did the same? I don' t care either. Glad she lives three hours away.
Thank you for this video. I really needed to hear this message. A friend disappeared for some years and just contacted me yesterday. I was excited, but later realised that this friend needed something from me.
Listen , what I want from friends is honesty , loyalty and empathy. What I refuse to do is be around people that have no interest in solving the problems we all deal with in life. I have a saying that woman are raised to state the problem 50 times to solve it. Stating a problem doesn't solve it because you have to define the problem and then move onto solutions to move onward. Some people enjoy a bath in the mud but I prefer clarity.
You definitely have to turn it off a bit when you're at work, and those social/political pressures are in the mix. But for many the best friend they'll ever have ends up being a work friend. I've seen it many, many times with friends and family. It can work if you accept that you both have an ambitious streak. Sometimes acceptance of that means it's a truly strong bond.
I think the phrase suck it and see applies here. Good friendships are precious especially the ones that go back to one’s youth, they are literally irreplaceable so may as well give it a try, you can always walk away. The difficulty I have found is when you have learned things about the world that drastically change your beliefs but your old mates still see the world as they did when the were 18.
You are so right. Please don't mis-understand... I don't profess to be a great intellect, but I have always liked to read books that I believe would help expand my mind and soul; I still get excited about a lot of things I've read (I'm 79) but I can't believe how some of my friends' eyes glaze over when I try to talk to them about something I've read. Now I don't even bother anymore because I've come to fully believe that some people are happy to die just as clueless as when they were first born.
Yes,oh my ugh! Nonsense religious schtick that we all grew up with.Everyone is well educated,married,kids but still the same old provencial mindset! They all wear a halo now that they married,kids! Im the outlier,no kids,marriage! I was the kindest of them all,genuine.They still behave like competitive Girl Scouts,trying to earn badges! Zzz lol,so corny🤓
Interesting topic. I have reacquainted with a few old friends and unfortunately, it wasn't a good experience. It compounded my reasons for leaving them alone.
I turned 45 last month, something snapped within me, I've had many lightbulb moments and I lost my cool with a family member who wasn't exactly being respectful of my boundaries, etc. *This is what I've done so far* 1: Setting healthier boundaries with myself and others. 2: Walking away from a loud, gossipy and toxic church environment. 3: Slowly but surely dumping bad eating habits 4: Slowly but surely cutting caffeine out of my diet. 5: Removing scuzzbuckets from my life. *Here's what I plan to do now* 1: Go to a new church. 2: Get into the things I'm really interested in. 3: Lose excess weight. 4: Associate with healthier and positive people. 5: Continue working in the job I like a lot. Jesus, nature and my pets are all I truly need 💚
I applaud your hard work at changing certain things in your life. I'm 79... here's something I did some 25 years ago that has made my life richer: I stopped wasting my time with churches and the masked figures that wear their religious beliefs like a garment, putting it on and taking it off as it suits them. Speaking only for myself now and not offering any imperatives for others to follow... the most valuable lesson I learned in church is that I do not belong there... I never quite fit in... and I consider that a blessing.😌
How weird this popped up today just got xmas card from school friend .mived away age 11 now 65 met up couple times last was her 50th travelled long way to be with her ..totally left me to own devices didnt know anyone..had nothing in common with her at all..
I took up with an old 'friend' after several years when they were going through a troubled time - I helped them move along with other of their friends - after a time I realised it was a replay of the old times with them only wanting me when I was useful to them - I shut down the contact swiftly and realised just how toxic the previous 'friendship' was and just how much they exhausterd me. I felt sorry for one particular person they had befriended who was particularly involved when I could see just how they were being used - I couldn't say anything - I would probably have been accused of jealousy - I just didn't want any involvement anymore - I have never a wide circle of friends through choice and as I grow older it has shrunk to zero -
DANG Stella, you sound like me!!Lol.😁 I had to shut down a very toxic friendship a few years ago myself. It truly can leave you SO Drained and Exhausted!! Just verrry unhealthy for your physical and mental well-being. I have my fur-babies and books mostly now, and it feels good not having to deal with all the frigging draining drama!😉
2020 was very revealing about who shared my core values and who did not. It's essential to find friends whose core values align, otherwise its just a shallow connection and waste of time.
I had who i thought was a friend, and i invited him into my home. To cut a long story short he ended up stealing from me. Then he disappeared. I have also had to end a couple of friendships. People can change. Some people have had wrongdoings. But it's necessary to end toxic relationships.
I had an old friend from high school who I hadn't heard from in years call me out of the blue because she didn't have a car and needed rides with her kids (whom I never met before)for groceries or just to get out of the house. Proceed with caution.
Better to have no friends rather than the wrong ones.....I live by this.
Yep so true
They are ALL the wrong ones. Ever been backstabbed by a life-long friend, put down, stabbed in the front or otherwise had your good ole friends do a 180 on you, out of the blue?? People s u _ k, end of story!
@RustySpurs63 No, better to have good friends, If they aren't great people you need to choose more carefully!!!
I actually cherish my peace and quiet.
@@kerryfoster1read the comment again 😂
The best thing I've done for myself is dumping people who did not deserve my friendship. It's wonderful to be free of their negative influence.
They might feel the same....
@kendallevans4079 exactly 💯
@@richmondburton3454 Now you have time to find a dentist and a sober house! God save the Queen!
Shit yea.
@@kendallevans4079 why did you reply this 'way' to richmond burton ?
The narcissists, the gaslighters, the bullies, the control freaks..they never change but simply move on to other victims...other prey.
They love recapturing old victims. They get extra 'points' for duping you a second time.
There are control freaks in all organized groups like civic, vets, volunteer groups, churches, etc. I don't join anything. They call you and want you to do this and that. Never appreciate anything either. We dropped out of groups in the mid '90's. They are all traps.
I had a friend who didn't visit me when I had cancer. Later she got divorced and wanted to spend time together. Heck no. I stopped wanting to be friends because she was always in a competition. I just went no contact with her after 40 years. She wasn't my friend because she could have visited me after I got got out of the hospital because she worked 15 minutes from my house.
@jacquelineglitter4328 how shameful ,my sister abondoned me for her relationship
I've had some toxic friends over the years, I didn't end the contact I had with these people because it would have been too inconvenient as we had mutual friends who were nice. Looking back I regret that, as something quite unpleasant has happened with the aforesaid former toxic friends, that has made me quite paranoid. These people can keep up the pretence of having changed, but it takes one thing to question that. My advice, just move on, NEVER keep a toxic person in your life for the 'sake' of someone else.
Learn to let people go. Even family members. Be around nature & animals.
Good advise,for instance ,when i go for a walk & look into the sky, often i see a flock of geese, my nose tingles & i feel at one with life,you cant go wrong in loving animals & nature. It grounds the soul & lifts the spirit. Never have i gone for a walk and come back feeling dissapointed,cant say that with anything else in life.
😂ABSOLUTELY 💯
Yes you right I prefer to have animals around me not people's today people are evil they use you they don't care about you animals are creatures that's they don't hurt you just keep your distance from people especially families I feel peaceful I feel close to the Lord when you see animals
Nah you need family and friends.
I'm sorry, I really don't take seriously some random advice, especially random dude with Red Casquette, Sunglass and Ear Plugs.
I got rid of all my toxic friends years ago... The Best thing I ever did...
We get older and wiser... The best person you can invest in...Is yourself.
Ever wonder why people are attached to such people?
This applies to toxic family members too.
@@KimPhilby203 Most of the time its just people who we did encounter by chance.
When we were young, when we did grow up together, meet someone at school or because of an overlapping social circle. Then you may get invited to parties or went to the pub or clubs together and have a good time.
The mistake many make is then to call those people already "friends". But only few have this potential.
And on the flipside: also ask yourself, if you do have the potential to become a good friend.
Someone who doesnt just call when he wants or needs something (you will always have many of those kind of friends).
💯agree!👍
💯🤗
I love my uncomplicated minimal drama life
Likewise. Drama free…
Same 😅 some folks think it's weird. And I'm like.......??? 🤔 💕🌌
@@DesertNebulathey must not enjoy peace haha
Same here!
Same!
The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.
Mark Twain
That is so true
your dog will not drive you to the hospital if you get sick
@@ReynaldoAba-h9e call an anbulance
"I never said that. lol" -Mark Twain
There is always a reason why we lose contact with people. That reason will be rediscovered when you start the friendship back up.
Yes I think your right when you become friends again you quickly get to know what the issue is
Recently happened. You're right. There's a reason we let them go.
That's a good way to put it.
Look at this old friends must be punished for having "big boobs". Now you do not punish a friend, old or otherwise, for having big boobs.
Also reminds you of why you made your decision in the first place.
My best friend passed sadly this year. He could be a pain in the ass at times but if my car broke down late at night he would come right away without even a cross word. That's how we treated each other, respect was most important. RIP Joe.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I also lost my best friend of 23 years last year. It’s tough😢
You find out really quick who is your friend when you have a crisis
@@christiebetts-fi7qjso true
@@violetsinspring5863 I'm also sorry for your loss. 23 years is a long time. I hope you find peace in it all. Every day i think of Joe and what he would say to me, the conversation continues ... 🧡
@@dewdew34 Thank you💕
I don't have the energy for BS the older I get. I'm picky about who I let in my life now.
Same, I keep to myself.
Also, we have heard so much already...why talk any more
If someone drags you down at a point when you are trying to better yourself it is a clear indicator the person is not a friend.
I prefer my own company as i get older
You have no betrayal in your life.
people get SO weird as the years go on. high school reunions are a disaster in my opinion. i've gone to one too manyi.
Omg i know
Same
@@mikejohn0088 One's perception will betray them
Very few people would be there for you in hard times....doesn't matter if they're "friends" or not.
Yes I sure have found that out, to my cost.
REAL friends will Always be there for you. Genuine friends, who have character and integrity, stick by each other and truly care about one another.
Yeah I found that out real quickly.
I been let down by people, I learned long ago most interpret kindness for weakness. At 67years old I enjoy being left alone. I have my guitars and music and my dog .
me too with a loving wife & son!
Very same here.
I used to be a people person, but people ruined it for me.
Oooo! Yes! Couldn't be better said!
I agree. Music is an excellent companion. Never disappoints
That's why I've avoided Facebook. People are not the same people as when you were friends in the good old days. No need to revisit "memory lane." It's rubble.
there's no one from my distant past that i ever want to encounter again
@@joejones9520 Everyone moves on. One certainly does not want to meet those who have done a lot better in life than oneself😂
Any time I have reconnected with old friends, it never lasted.
same, it always went wrong on the same issues unfortunately
Friends are friends as long as you conform or agree to be quiet.
so true......i have met two to rekindle. It's GONE.
Yeah I tried that once and it was nothing more than a reunion and I was fine with it
they check in and out at will... that's risky.😢
Broke my own rule about this. Allowed an old friend/colleague back into my life after a major fall-out 10 years ago. She reached out to me persistently in various ways, her circumstances in life had improved considerably, she seemed changed and sincere, so I cautiously allowed her back in. She lived about 4 hours distant to me but would visit my area occasionally to see her family.
Things went well for about a year, then the same disagreement eventually came up again, only this time it was much worse; her reaction was over the top and frightening. What I hadn't realized at the time was around the time of the initial dispute, my friend had started surreptitiously drinking. Alcohol doesn't agree with her; it makes her verbally and physically aggressive. Unbeknownst to me, she was further along with her alcoholism (closet variety).
After her final blow-up with me, I waited until she was sober and urged her not to continue this way of life and to get help. I informed her that unless she did, I wanted no contact with her. That was almost 2 years ago, and have heard nothing further from her.
@@Curlyblonde “Friends” like this you don’t need!
Sadly I had to break it off with a good friend due to their drinking (and snarly attitude when even just tipsy).
@@betsybarnicle8016 this happened to me too, she was a nasty drunk and like you say even just tipsy she was nasty. Another friend told me this person (not sure if she is an alcoholic but quite possibly)is a covert narcissist as well, which I had not realised at the time. It’s very sad these people are like this. But we have to walk away for our own peace and sanity.
I had someone drinking heavily who was living in my place. It was just before I was leaving to go overseas. She was leaving the fridge door open, not criminal but not great. But she was leaving the front door open! I had to kick her out. As I did so I told her I was doing this only because I had to and she is an alcoholic and she had to face it and turn her life around. 3 years later I got a phone call. She was doing the 12 steps of AA and was apologising to me. I said it was one of the hardest things I'd ever done and I was happy that she had taken those moves. We did not rekindle a friendship I was living 600km away and things had just gone so badly. I haven't described the worst of it and the embarrassment for her was probably too much. But I appreciate that she did make changes those years later and at some point what I said to her about being an alcoholic must have sunk in. I changed the locks and she had to move out. It was awful. But she had a house to go to just at the time it was tenanted. She had family. But it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. I have animals and she was supposed to mind them but I didn't feel safe. I thought she's going to set the house alight, leave it open to be robbed and ruin my stuff and worst of all let my animals escape.
She went back to wherever Harpies come from.
I agree. I had a very narcissistic friend who tried to get me to pay for us to take a trip to London together when I was going through cancer. Initially she said she wanted me to pay for her airfare, and she would handle the hotels. Which turned out to be a thing called couch surfing. She had an app that ket you stay for free at a random strangers home.
There had been other things before this happened, but I cut her off at that point. That was 10 years ago. She found my contact info recently, and called me and said she wanted to 'give me another chance.'
No thank you. Blocked.
Some people must exit our lives, never to be seen or spoken to again ! .🙂
I had several old friends from my school days. About 10 years ago I ended up having 3 surgeries that left me in a state where I ended up going off work on disability. After a 25 year career where I continued to advance it was hard to accept. What I found troubling was some of my old friends were keenly interested in my going off work and almost took glee in it ending and my downfall. I even had one wanting to know how much money I would receive on disability and when I explained it would be 60% of my salary he began to brag how much money he earned. Other friends essentially decided to prioritize the other friendship that I walked away from. When I look back on it most of the time it was always about trying to get recognition by putting others down. I’m old and tired and truly don’t have time to massage someone’s ego just to pretend we’re friends. Life is simpler and I don’t miss the stupidity of it all
That's how I feel about most of my old school mates. They weren't even friends then; just school mates.
Yeah, getting older means you don't put up with people's nonsense!!
I’m sorry you’ve been through that , especially losing your work you did well at . Your correct in it was a way to ‘ weed ‘ out those people and give you the life you have . So wise . I appreciate how you said you don’t miss the ‘ stupidity of it all “ . Your right , all that ego stroking is just stupid . I saw a video on Dave Ramsey he interviewed a man explaining how humans real need in working is in serving mankind . Often the most serving occupations are not highly paid . Serving fulfills that need , no matter how small it may seem . 🎄🙏
so sorry...😢
Sorry to hear what you have been through 😞And the socalled friends you mention really were never friends. Just by intuition I have - since my early 20s - discarded friendly relations if the individual barred me from his/her inner "life" (feelings, reflections etc.) and were unable to reflect on my inner thoughts. People whom you can only have a pint with and talk everyday stuff with are not true friends!
Never let people back in who have taken advantage of your kindness.Lots of people take Kindness as a weakness , it is definitely NOT a weakness it is to be respected.Never go back to abuse never, its not healthy.Protect your Mental - Health only you can do it.
Very very sound and true words indeed! Thank you for sharing this!
I agree : ] that's exactly right. Unfortunately, you can't control people or fix them. Some of them aren't as Intelligent as you. They don't have capacity you do. It's better to leave them completely out of the picture. Harsh I know. But until they can be accountable. Then it must be this way. Fair way. Some don't deserve you period. It's easy to see who values and who does not.
@@tommychappell6359 well said some do NOT deserve you, this is very true.
Most people are selfish and users basically, I had regular emails/contact from a so called friend who was interested in getting a motorcycle, the day he changed his mind, he dropped all contact. Some months later he's got the cheek to send an email,.... what does he want to use me for this time I wonder?
Once people show their true colours/you lose trust, don't go back, that's my advice.
@@steveclark.. Exactly right he had the Brass neck to contact you after he basically used you the last time.Yes he would use you the next time. These types have no sincerity nothing genuine about them.They don't have a conscience either do not allow it my friend these types are NOT your friend
A lot of friendships are transactionships.
Exactly. Love this new term.
That works very well as long as those transactions are mutually beneficial
Fiendships. Relationshits.
It has 'ship' at the end, its a commercial term, it goes way back to the use of ships to do trade, as we still do. That is also why money is referred to as *liquid* assets. River *Banks* direct the *flow* of the *currents* all water based terms. its also why when you buy something, the company *ships* it to you, and why you are considered an asset to be bought and sold, because when you were born your mothers *water* broke and you arrived through the birth *canal.* That is why a ship is tied to the dock(tor) and is said to be in its berth (birth).
Sounds like post office law.
There’s an Italian saying my dad always used to say: ‘meglio essere sola che male accompagnati’ (better to be alone than in bad company).
Great saying regards to your dad! Chris
In Spain we have exactly the same saying, so accurate!
Once a woman “friend,” says something mean to me, I’m gone. There’s not even any point in asking wth she meant or describing how it hurt. It’s over right then and there.
Smart
Friends are not always there for you. I am 63 and it has taken awhile for that to sink in for me.
Me too : ( ... don't feel Bad [ie] it has taken awhile for that to sink in for me. tfs, Cindy : )
Same. On the plus side it brings a different level of freedom. To think and say what you like from a real perspective without concerning yourself with maintaining a friendship or group think mentality that is surface level at best in many cases. Mutuallly benificial friendship of convenience in others.
If you do all of the contacting, generally speaking that person doesn't view you as a priority, let them go. It's easy no mater how busy you are you find time for the people that are a priority.
Naturally I would never let old friends back into my life who had turned into bores or bitter persons. But about 5 years ago I successfully reconnected with two high school class mates (and high school rock trio mates). 🙂I just called them up one by one and cheerfully "put the needle in the old groove" and they both stepped into the "time machine" with me and we openly and trustfully shared the ups and downs we had experienced during the decades since we without drama had drifted apart. They haven't really changed that much and they are also visually recognizable. We rarely walk down Memory Lane, instead we talk about what we have experienced since last time we met. We meet approx. four times a year, have dinner and go to a concert. Are they close friends again? Well, close enough - at least we all seem to feel we have a special space for this reconnection. I was lucky - but it could have turned out to be an utter faliure.
Friends are fleeting. You have to practice self-preservation, if you're always the one reaching out.
I was always calling a friend until my mother noticed and brought it to my attention. Sure enough, when I stopped calling I never heard from this friend again.
I've had female friends whose husbands have made passes at me. Clearly something was going wrong in the marriage so I kept my distance. Then the wife is angry with me. Well it's impossible to deal with because if you explain the husband denies it and you're the worst person in the world.
Exciting video, A year ago i took the no contact route, well i wouldnt say it didnt go well, but i missed her and sometimes you have to leave your comfort zone and go for what you want, Without knowing and having a huge ego, we might actually miss out on our soul mate all in the name of not settling for less, I know who i am, and at the same time i know what i want for me, so i did all i could to get her back, and I must say, it was the best decision i have ever made, we have been together again for over 7 months, yes marriage isnt always rosey, but i am lucky to have her, just as she is to have me, we compliment each other
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i am in a similar situation, and i do not know what else do to have him back, i have been dying inside, people actually think i am happy, i am not.
I feel your pain sis, after trying out the no contact experiment that failed miserably, i had to find other means, i had to reach out to a spiritual adviser, it was brilliant idea which i never thought it was, but it worked wonders for me.
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach him/ her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Here's a great one for you.
'They didn't leave you, God removed them cos you couldn't!'
I'm a bit of an empath so this works for me. ❤
That is a good one. In my case I end up self-sabotaging. Then I get to feel guilty. Oh well.
But that in part could be a spiritual bypass
Lifelong friends are few and far between. Some friendships are for a period of time only. You learn from each other and grow but something happens and it's time to move on. It comes to a natural fruition, and not always amicably.
We reward loyalty with loyalty, and we reward disloyalty with distance.
You can't always be loyal to friends, for example if they ask you to do something illegal or immoral. Not the sort of friends one would want anyway
I always knew this but it really hit home the day my father passed away. I have no friends, and none of it had any wrong doing on my side. Friends don't leave you hanging. Life is like being a soldier in an active war. Either you lookout for one another or you don't. No man/woman left behind! When someone has fallen you all gather together to lift them back on their feet. I feel like those friends were a thing of past. It rarely exists anymore.
I stop here, coz you drove SENSE OVERDOSE into my head ❤
I had a distant cousin with whom I had a long forty year friendship. During that time, He would always ask me to re-tell him old sad stories of my life. He especially enjoyed the stories that I told him about how cruel my ex-husband was. One day, I finally told him that I was moving forward. That I didn't want to talk about it anymore. We started to grow apart. One day, he blew up on me, and I blocked him on my phone. I haven't spoken to him in three years, AND IT HAS BEEN SOOOOO PEACEFUL. Recently, I found myself missing him. I still don't think the friendship is worth reviving, though. Doing that time I came to realize that I was nothing but entertainment for him. He was getting satisfaction from here and how miserable I was....no thank you.
Ugh, yes my old childhood friends turned onto Karens,lol! Yes,people love to covertly be cruel! Passive aggressive,zzz.Banality of evil
I'm 72 and a childhood friend contacted me about 12 months ago, wanting to be friends again. I didn't really want to start up the friendship again but did. This is what I have found out: I have nothing to talk about! I know none of the people in her life and she knows none in mine so we are talking to each other about strangers(this is through emails). I am reluctant to talk about our childhood as I don't know what would be embarrassing or hurtful . . . things that I might look at with fondness but she may not. It's the same with friends who moved abroad years ago, we are not involved in each other's daily life so it's like speaking to a stranger every time.
I get that. I guess you have to live your way and not all people we meet should be entitled to be in our lives for whatever reasons. Good luck going forward!
The past is the past, I would leave it right there in the past and not seek someone from your past to reminisce about the past in the present.
This happens with some old friends but not all. I ve picked right back up with some but depending on how we ended that would be the difference was there a big fall out between you guys?
That's a hell of a long time to decide to contact someone again, bordering on weird tbh. I'd be questioning someone's mental state if they contacted me 50 years later..
I have the same issue with people for the simple fact i dont have anything in common with most folks and dont care for long boring conversations about the same old same old...
Rather read these comment sections instead!😊
Facebook is like an open portal for people that should be gone from ones life permanently ,to try and do a do over.
I found the best way to keep this from happening was to exit facebook.
I dont like ignoring people so it was easier to shut my account.
I did five years ago and haven’t heard a peep…life is blissful.
Same here. Better quality of life as a result.
I have never been of FB and never intend doing so. Sounds like a nightmare
Told my "friends" on FB i was taking a break from it early October 2018 and got next to no replies or emojis out of around 200 people. One girl actually laughed and thought i was joking. Never returned and im so glad i ditched it for good!
Interesting. I dumped my siblings and spouses, their kids, and my old acquaintances 10 years ago. My daughters last year, and now it's just me. I'm fine with it. It's sounds harsh, but it isn't. I am 71 and tired of all the drama.
Yikes even your own daughters.?
Yes, I can so relate ...
The peace of solitude, the sheer "non-drama" of a satisfying day to myself - I can't be more grateful for my life now.
@JustinJohn-j4r, their husbands have been a challenge, and I can not support anyone in their 40s when they have good jobs and don't know how to manage their money
I'm 72 and same timeline for cleaning house as you. Makes me wonder what took us so long? Guilt over dumping family I suspect for one and thinking society's norms should be ours for another. Oh well, live and learn. At least we have peace of mind and peace! Good for us!!!
Agree. I'm 72, and when I look back, there was drama of one sort or another with most people I've known. I live alone with a cherished canine companion.
Wouldn't have it any other way. People say I can be unnecessarily blunt, ... I just go with whatever works !
The Lord God removes people from our lives for a reason,,,
Ive completely given up on having any friends tbh not sure i ever really did. I have been a great convenience to people over the years who for many reasons have seen me as someone to tide them over when they had no one and then was conveniently dumped. Ive let it happen too many times to count all in the hopes that just one of them would be there for me in tough times. Tough times came and not one so called friend was there for me. The saying that resinates with me is 'love many trust few and always paddle your own canoe' 😊
This can (unfortunately and very sadly) also apply to family.........
Very true,
There's a day to decide NOT to get back on the rollercoaster.
Yes! So true. My brother sadly….
Very true. You can’t choose your family but at some point you can choose whether or not to have them in your life. I can’t be around negative people.
@@betsybarnicle8016thank you❤
One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn is knowing when it’s time to let go. I had a number of friends for years who now all live in farflung places. I’ve tried to keep in contact, but when voice mails get no response and emails no reply, I’ve learned that no answer *is* the answer. Time to pick up and move along. They obviously did.
Similar experience.
Letting go is easy …holding on is harder.
That's brutal, but yes, it usually means people no longer wish to hear from us😢 I've done that to a couple of old acquaintances who have contacted me out of the blue, I just thought, I'm not willing to invest time and effort into this as it's not going anywhere, we're now on different paths. Often they just want to show off their new success, and they want to receive your admiration.
Yes, the repeat stories are exhausting. Also, if they're not interested in personal growth, I don't have time to stagnate with them. I used to give away hours of respectful listening, which they needed -- but no longer. It's my life energy + not reciprocated. I gave it too freely. Now I know it's value + instead focus on my own interests.
Yes and Amen! I totally understand and agree with you. I know this sounds terrible but I often tell my wife that even with the few friends that we do share together, they are nice people but terribly boring with the same old stories and dramas. At 79 years of age I don't know how much time I have left but I do know that I don't want to spend another boring evening listening to the same old tripe that doesn't offer a bit of personal growth; all I hear now is "blah, blah, blah". I'm done!
i used to view friendships and romantic relationships so differently to now. id have this kinda rosey, nostalgic view of friends. Especially the ones i hang around with as a kid. But. over the years i see that its a delusion on my part. At the very least; the people I knew dont feel the same way. My oldest friend only speaks to me a few times a year. or when hes in trouble and needs emptional support. Once hes back on his feet i dont hear a peep from him and he never asks how im doing. I could easily make a big thing out of this and cut him off, but im just going to distance myself. Do nothing. No support etc. Basically put in the exact same engery. Then itll just fizzle out and dissapear. The older i get the less it means to me. Same goes for romantic relationships. All the hassle youd have to go through. All the hoops to jump through. Dont care enough about it now and to be honest. When youre younger youre just being pushed on by hormones anyway. No. These days the rose tinted specs are off. Like you, im into cinematography, film making, etc. As well as illustration and painting. I think im going to surround myself with like minded people only that i can have a conversation with. This idea that we need to be around people constantly is erroneous. Id rather be on my own than be round people that i have nothing in common with. It saps my energy.
"Without solitude no great work is achieved."
~Pablo Picasso
emotional labour yes exhausting or girls who'd only talk to me when single
Rxactly! Mother Nature is naughty,lol! Hormones 👺
Not sure how you popped into my feed but I really needed to hear this advice.
Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
Popped in my feed just now as well - I’m finding this video very true and it’s exactly the way things went for me with ex friends
@@Oscartherescuedog popped in my feed too....wossgoinon ?
@@rabburns1382 popped into my feed too and I have just walked away from a toxic friendship.
Same here! I was just discussing with my husband whether I should reply to a Christmas card from someone who hasn’t been in contact for over a year, and is in fact a drainer of energy as she talks incessantly about herself. Google is definitely listening 😬
I had many so called friends now who haven't bothered with me for years and on reflection they weren't really friends to begin with, I was just something there to fill their time, make use of or I happened to be with a female they were really interested in. My only true friend was tragically murdered many years ago and the rest were just acquaintances I used to know. I Don't feel empty or miss any of them at all and have no inclination to reconnect in the slightest. At 51 my best friend is the fella I see in the mirror and I'm very happy with the relationship we have.
I completely understand and agree with this completely. It all tells me you’re a well rounded person!
Sorry to hear your sadness
I'm so sorry for your loss
I don’t let old friends back and I don’t let narcissistic family members around me either. I don’t have any friends because I’ve had medical issues for the last 25+ years. You find out real fast to your friends are when you’re not well I keep a positive attitude and I stay home and read a lot of books and have two German shepherds that make me happy. I also have a great husband of 30 years.😊
Same for me, but we've been married for 25 years.
Dogs, books, and husband - you've got the best friends in the world.
I'm similar, a lot of friends have drifted away since I have been unwell for 10 years. I've lacked the energy to keep in touch and attend every event; but they haven't reached out either. Now I'm regaining some of my energy and I am wondering if I should reach out and restart or just move on to new people? Videos like this one make me think that reaching out won't be received well.
@@lynettejwhite I don't know. I've struggled with fluctuating chronic health issues my whole life so I can really relate.
If there's somebody really special to you from your past I'd reach out to them. I guess the best we can do is follow our intuition.
It's been surprising to me to see how many healthy people have these issues as well.
@@websurfer5772❤am officially at it, (sick zone) plus jobless, who wants such a person though 😂, people change. receive hugs and love
My old “friends” are former friends because they always asked for loans that were never repaid. I am not rich and work hard for my money.
I used to have a "best friend". She was the one who called us "best friends", years ago. We met when we were 8 years old, and spent our whole childhoods hanging out with each other at each other's houses. She was even my maid of honor at my wedding. But then, as we got older, I realized that she brought out the worst in me. Every time we spoke, I'd end up pissed off. She only wanted to talk to me when she needed information, wanted to gossip, or just to make sure I was still "there". In other words, I was just there to up her friend count on Facebook. One day, I got an email from someone who had known us both when we were kids. She said my "best friend" had had a baby. I didn't know about it. I told my husband, who said that as we were practicing our vows at our wedding rehearsal, she very openly hit on him. He hadn't said anything to me at the time because he wasn't sure it had really happened... and he didn't want to upset me. I promptly blocked her on all social media. Twice, she's had two people try to reach out to me on her behalf. No thanks. "Friendship" is over now. I'm better off for it. It's sad, though, that so much of my childhood is tied to her, and that we wasted so much time together, when we should have been interacting with different people. We had little in common.
This is especially true whilst going through the awakening process friends dropping away at an alarming rate
And that can happen. Sending best wishes my friend. Chris
God has removed many toxic disrespectful people in my life. I’m humbly grateful for my peace and contentment.
God yes, the last four years they have been dropping like flies. Why do they not see what should be bleedin’ obvious?
I finally got rid of a friend of mine who I've known since the 6th grade. She'd done nothing but bullied me, publicly humiliated me, gave out my personal phone number to strangers when even my own customers who pays me over 7 figures a year doesn't have. I should've let her go when I caught her kissing my then boyfriend and they gaslighted me. I could still see that in my mind.
I moved out of state and bought a beautiful ranch. She came to visit me 4 years ago and I shouldn't have... but I did and it was my mistake. She loved it so much, she started "planning to move in" and wanted to live like The Golden Girls. When she left, I completely cut her off. She's been trying to pry herself back into my life since, but I've blocked her in every communication tool including regular mail. All of her mail are return to sender.
I think when you're younger the drama is fine, but as you get older it begins to drain you. Good vlog! ❤
People are hard work, I i avoid most❤
Id rather have a empty Room, then a bad lodger .
Agreed!
Most people do not change once they are an adult. So that is why I think you are spot on when you say; "they are probably gonna bring the same thing with them all over again.. " etc.
3 years ago, I had a moment of clarity and knew I had to physically and mentally change the path I was on. I lost weight became fitter physically, mentally and spiritually. The “friends” that I had dropped me. They have recently reached out for a girls brunch. I really do not want to attend. 😢. We were friends for years. And I cannot understand why they changed. Instead of being happy for me, they found my transformation offensive.
They were probably shocked and felt you abandoned them?!
People get used to you "being" a certain way, and when you change, they are offended...They want you in the "box" where they know you, and they are comfortable with you in..When you change, they go crazy..
You ought to find them offensive for not accepting you as a better version of yourself. Don't accept the invitation. You're not obligated to. If they call you on the phone just say "No thank you," and do not relent. Go on with your life in the healthy way that you have chosen.
Crabs in a bucket. 🪣🦀 You got out! Hooray!!
Friends are people who are aligned with your views/ interests . Unless you need their help or they yours I would keep away.
Yes, Indeed ... Since my 60's , I've enjoyed being on my own; learning new things, everyday. At this point, I'm not going to negotiate, my day ...Thank You ...
Well said!
I still have one person I speak to occasionally(once every 3-6 months on the phone), and he's always moaning about his toxic relationship. You have to ditch the drainers.
Most people can count their true friends on one hand with fingers leftover!
lol so true
@ekbanjosworld4926 And that's normal - true friends do not come in high numbers. But a few true friends is a huge gift!
I helped a lot of people over the years. I never got much in return. I was a fool. I see work colleagues and the contact is nice. I now know I am better off on my own the rest of the time. It's such a shame. I'm just sick of being knifed in the back. No more.
Someone told me they believed it was better to not be in a close relationship with someone and wishing you were, than being in a close relationship with someone and wishing you weren't.
I went from having many "friends" to none. I conducted an unintentional experiment years ago. I didn't reach out to anyone and waited to see if anyone would seek me out. Nobody did. Showed me that these so called friendships were one way and once I served their purpose, I was simply out of sight, out of mind. I am worthy and don't believe in chasing down people anymore. Much happier too.
See I'm the person that checked up on "friends" was never reciprocated, so now I have none, fair do's
When I have gotten older animals have been good to have in my life especially my Northern tree shrew bushy shes very calming to have around around and she has taught me
how such a small creature can have a big positive impact on my life
Animals are really good for you. They give you so much . Regards, Chris
I have a coworker who "soft ghosted" me during a period when I was really low. Now when I feel better she pretends everything is as usual, hugging me dearly when we meet at work. It feels so awkward and fake. Yes I do understand that I was not fun to be around when being down, but I would have appreciated honesty instead of this play pretend game.
It sounds like you have correctly labeled her as a coworker rather than a friend. Hope you don't have to spend too much time around her.
Bumped into an old friend from my late teens. He asked for my number, I was reluctant to give it, but did. This was a month ago, so far no call.
I find old friends just want to find out where you live, what you do. Then they want to brag about their life, I'm just not interested in that.
As for colleagues, they're just that, colleagues, they're not your friends.
A friend from 35 years ago got in touch with me via email last February. She was living in the US b/c of a divorce after living abroad for 30 years. We had nothing in common and the email conversation was not interesting from the beginning and certainly after about 4-5 emails. She must have thought the same thing because she never responded to my last email. So the whole "connection" lasted less than 3 weeks.
EXSPEICALLY IF YOU HEALTH GOES DOWN YOU WILL SEE WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE, TRUST ME THAT COUNTS IS 0 ! **UM ! ✊✌
FACTS... I totally agree. Friendship today is transactional more than genuine. Very sad.
Chances are THEY WANT SOMETHING. IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE YOU LEARN WHAT IT IS..
True.
Or they are just curious about people's life's which irritates me because most of the times I don't want to share.
@@MaryLopez-bv7ks me neither. I don’t want to talk about myself or others, so I already know that catching up is going to be futile.
I had a great friendship with neighbors in a previous location for many years.
We met again last week after 8 years of separation.
The love we have for each other was so much stronger now and I'm looking forward to seeing them again soon. 😊❤
Thanks for sharing!
OMG!!! I so agree!! Going back to old friendships is the same as rekindling an old love. It never works out. Friends come into our lives at the right time almost as if sent by the Gods. And many last for years and are cherished. But usually the reason why they end is correct whomever is wrong or for what reason. Going back usually reminds us that we are not compatible. Moving on the best solution.
Completely my message thank you for sharing it. ✊🏻
Had friend who went with my first young love 2weeks after we split after her telling us two how suited we were. I got back with him twice then walked away. He went back to her. She stalked him etc . At my wedding he looked at me and I knew he had regrets. Married her a few weeks later and came up to me telling me he'd married wrong girl. They did eventually split. 30yrs on saw her n her sister, all good then I asked about her sister. Blanked me at church as did her sister. I called her out telling her she had issues from the past lol jealousy eh
You have to break the cycle and move forwards...
Life is too short ....A new mindset; a new chapter...A new life.
I walked out on a group of really toxic friends 25 years ago.
Also my sister in 2006.
Best thing i ever did, sister tried to reconnect 2 years ago.......nope!!!!
Removing toxicity wherever you find it is next sometimes so that you can have peace. Good luck for the future!
Same here!!
Hi Andrew, and thanks for your post. I too walked away from my sister about 4 years ago. Sometimes I feel guilty about that, and I ask myself "what have I done and why"? Then I remember that as she was a bible quoting christian, trying to talk to her as a person had become a real pain in the ass. I find that my life is richer for the separation.
I’m friendly with everyone. This is more common in America. I don’t expect people to be vested in me emotionally. And I don’t let that stop me from being friendly to all. As an American Christian, that’s my responsibility. I’ll trust God to handle the rest. If He requires me to live a more solitary life, I accept it.
Edited to add: I’m not on social media and I’m older. I do think social media retards the potential for emotional and social maturity. Before social media, the past remained in the past. Now everyone’s snooping around to nose into what former pals are now up to. This has nothing to do with a true sense of friendship.
Planet of the Apes,the Silver years I call it🦍
People who use social media are retards.
I used to be a 3 strikes person, now if someone throws me under the bus 2 times, that's it.
You’ve been fair twice!. And that is more than any of them deserve. So thanks for sharing. Kind regards, Chris
@@snapperurban One day I may become a one-strike person. Who knows?
@@keepitsimple4629when you begin spiritual discernment, there won’t be any strikes at all - you snipe from a distance
💯 every single d friend I let back into my life was chaos… never again!
I know what you're saying. I gave over too much time to demons in flesh I naively
considered friends.
Yes, true.There are rare exceptions but often it makes no sense to warm up again. Same with old romantic relationships. I prefer to make new friends that resonate with me in my current phase of life.
Well said!
As I age, I want less people in my life.
*fewer
@CharlesWhite-j4f Sorry, prof.
I'm 60 and have few friends, and am fine with that. Most of them want something from me. Some want help with a project. Some want to borrow tools. Some want to use my place as a hotel. Many family members are the same way. I've ditched many of them and actually, things have been much better.
Good 👍
I find a lot of bods assume (in their arrogance) that you're really interested to hear what they've been doing, socially, e.g., went out with their friends for a fantastic meal, etc. You're being treated like some old grandparent who's just sitting around waiting to learn what the youngsters have been up to. I really want to say to them, "Listen, I don't give a sh-t."
Hey we must be related😂
Becuse i feel the same way!
5:25 I had a friend who I hadn't heard from in forty years who wanted to be pals. Not happening. Beware of the compliments they really don't believe.
If you’re friend is over using drugs and alcohol and you are sober then go ahead and ditch them.
If you had fun with that friend in the past, then I say give the relationship a chance once again. You have nothing to lose. If you don't like how it goes--you can simply say goodbye again!
Always guard your heart.
I had a good friend for over 30 years. She broke my heart. I was stupid and let her control me for most of that time. I haven't seen or talked to her in 15 years. I know I'm better off.
We even had matching tattoos. I got mine covered up about 10 years ago. Don't know if she did the same? I don' t care either. Glad she lives three hours away.
Thank you for this video. I really needed to hear this message. A friend disappeared for some years and just contacted me yesterday. I was excited, but later realised that this friend needed something from me.
Wait .... isn't that what friends are for, people to contact in times of need?
I had this recently, not heard from her or seen for 2.5 years when my husband passed, i just ignored the text ,no i wont be doing your cat sitting 😂😂😂
Good for you.
Yeah, when they don’t reach out when your spouse dies. 💔 Had the same thing happen.
I'm glad you ignored! What a cheek, I'd block as well to be honest
Listen , what I want from friends is honesty , loyalty and empathy. What I refuse to do is be around people that have no interest in solving the problems we all deal with in life. I have a saying that woman are raised to state the problem 50 times to solve it. Stating a problem doesn't solve it because you have to define the problem and then move onto solutions to move onward. Some people enjoy a bath in the mud but I prefer clarity.
RARELY is a colleague a friend. Work is not family. Colleague can become a nice friend AFTER both or one of you leaves the jobs. IMHO.
You definitely have to turn it off a bit when you're at work, and those social/political pressures are in the mix. But for many the best friend they'll ever have ends up being a work friend. I've seen it many, many times with friends and family. It can work if you accept that you both have an ambitious streak. Sometimes acceptance of that means it's a truly strong bond.
Sometimes a grudge can be self preservation
Yeah, I actually agree with this.
I hadn't considered that before but it makes sense unless of course the grudge actually harms the one who is holding the grudge due to bitterness .
Well put. I m not unforgiving, but self protection protects. Luke 17:3 the onus is on( my bio sis), an apology is warranted by her.
Don’t get resentments give ‘em 😉
I think the phrase suck it and see applies here. Good friendships are precious especially the ones that go back to one’s youth, they are literally irreplaceable so may as well give it a try, you can always walk away. The difficulty I have found is when you have learned things about the world that drastically change your beliefs but your old mates still see the world as they did when the were 18.
@@squiresquiffy3728 you grew up. They did not
You are so right. Please don't mis-understand... I don't profess to be a great intellect, but I have always liked to read books that I believe would help expand my mind and soul; I still get excited about a lot of things I've read (I'm 79) but I can't believe how some of my friends' eyes glaze over when I try to talk to them about something I've read. Now I don't even bother anymore because I've come to fully believe that some people are happy to die just as clueless as when they were first born.
Yes,oh my ugh! Nonsense religious schtick that we all grew up with.Everyone is well educated,married,kids but still the same old provencial mindset! They all wear a halo now that they married,kids! Im the outlier,no kids,marriage! I was the kindest of them all,genuine.They still behave like competitive Girl Scouts,trying to earn badges! Zzz lol,so corny🤓
Interesting topic. I have reacquainted with a few old friends and unfortunately, it wasn't a good experience. It compounded my reasons for leaving them alone.
I turned 45 last month, something snapped within me, I've had many lightbulb moments and I lost my cool with a family member who wasn't exactly being respectful of my boundaries, etc.
*This is what I've done so far*
1: Setting healthier boundaries with myself and others.
2: Walking away from a loud, gossipy and toxic church environment.
3: Slowly but surely dumping bad eating habits
4: Slowly but surely cutting caffeine out of my diet.
5: Removing scuzzbuckets from my life.
*Here's what I plan to do now*
1: Go to a new church.
2: Get into the things I'm really interested in.
3: Lose excess weight.
4: Associate with healthier and positive people.
5: Continue working in the job I like a lot.
Jesus, nature and my pets are all I truly need 💚
Good luck to you I wish you well for the coming year ahead. Kind regards Chris
I applaud your hard work at changing certain things in your life. I'm 79... here's something I did some 25 years ago that has made my life richer: I stopped wasting my time with churches and the masked figures that wear their religious beliefs like a garment, putting it on and taking it off as it suits them. Speaking only for myself now and not offering any imperatives for others to follow... the most valuable lesson I learned in church is that I do not belong there... I never quite fit in... and I consider that a blessing.😌
Thank you for this I feel the same, you worded it very well
I love letting them back in, just to disappear or dismiss them. It's great fun.
vindictive much ?
I don’t have no friends as there is always a miscommunication between us and we fall out, so I’d rather have my peace and be my own friend!
Do not associate with anyone that is less than yourself... Fredrick Neitche.
I like it so true
How weird this popped up today just got xmas card from school friend .mived away age 11 now 65 met up couple times last was her 50th travelled long way to be with her ..totally left me to own devices didnt know anyone..had nothing in common with her at all..
I took up with an old 'friend' after several years when they were going through a troubled time - I helped them move along with other of their friends - after a time I realised it was a replay of the old times with them only wanting me when I was useful to them - I shut down the contact swiftly and realised just how toxic the previous 'friendship' was and just how much they exhausterd me. I felt sorry for one particular person they had befriended who was particularly involved when I could see just how they were being used - I couldn't say anything - I would probably have been accused of jealousy - I just didn't want any involvement anymore - I have never a wide circle of friends through choice and as I grow older it has shrunk to zero -
DANG Stella, you sound like me!!Lol.😁 I had to shut down a very toxic friendship a few years ago myself. It truly can leave you SO Drained and Exhausted!! Just verrry unhealthy for your physical and mental well-being. I have my fur-babies and books mostly now, and it feels good not having to deal with all the frigging draining drama!😉
When I removed alcohol from my life my friends went with it. 25 years sober and no friends.
2020 was very revealing about who shared my core values and who did not. It's essential to find friends whose core values align, otherwise its just a shallow connection and waste of time.
I had who i thought was a friend, and i invited him into my home. To cut a long story short he ended up stealing from me. Then he disappeared. I have also had to end a couple of friendships. People can change. Some people have had wrongdoings. But it's necessary to end toxic relationships.
I had an old friend from high school who I hadn't heard from in years call me out of the blue because she didn't have a car and needed rides with her kids (whom I never met before)for groceries or just to get out of the house. Proceed with caution.
Learnt the hard way. Let it go when it's gone. Solo