Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance with Harry J. Thompson

What is Pathological Demand Avoidance and how does it manifest among the neurodivergent? What can we do to educate parents, teachers, and counselors about how to approach it? Understanding demand avoidance can completely transform the way you look at a child. During World Autism Acceptance Month, we feature a conversation with Harry J. Thompson from 2019, on episode 121.
ABOUT THE GUEST - Harry J. Thompson was born in Edgware and grew up in Barnet in north London. He is currently based in London, UK. An avid reader & researcher, Harry speaks publicly and is heavily involved in projects & research on all topics around neurodiversity and autism; namely, Pathological Demand Avoidance, a behavior profile within the Autism Spectrum.
Harry began to write the first draft of his book in 2015. After connecting with many autistic & PDA families, he pivoted his direction and completed his book in about 6 weeks, a memoir entitled The PDA Paradox: The Highs and Lows of My Life on a Little-Known Part of the Autism Spectrum, published in February 2019. He launched his TH-cam channel in 2017.
Harry has been elected to a Fellowship of the Royal Society of Arts (FRSA), in recognition of his work in the field of PDA, and also in recognition of the publication of his book.
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Thank you for caring about neurodivergent people.

[@SealoveSoCal]

This has been a blessing to me as a parent of a PDA child. It’s hard to explain when you know something so thoroughly yet there isn’t another person on the planet you can discuss it with. Once I discovered this and Harry’s book I knew all
Was going to be fine. I’m not imagining this.🤣

[@PittBlu213]

This blows my mind I've felt so different for so long It's overwhelming to learn that there are people extremely similar to me.

[@shortbread445]

Thank you so much for sharing.your experiences!
I've got a four year old who scared experienced Kindergarden teachers and was thrown out of two Kimdergardens already, because no one could grasp the reasons for his meltdowns and why he becomes violent when they try to restrict his "privileges" after a meltdown. It all makes sense now and you have enabled me to seek a diagnosis that will allow him (and me) to lead a more peaceful and in sync life.

[@marygarvin4391]

This conversation was brilliant for me! Thank you for the insights into why i am the way i am and how to relate to my kids...

[@DrLShaffer]

Harry, I've listened to a few of your talks (including one where you talk about labels) and have read your book. The truth is that I don't care what it is called -- but your help with understanding my kid's behavior is more meaningful than I can say. Like you mention in your book -- there is that "aha" moment, where you realize this is actually a known and explainable pattern of behavior. Thank you!

[@leaffairy4283]

After a period of scratching by in college and trying to comply with life for a while, coming back to PDA content is helping with just simple validation. Listening to other's ND experience is a breeze in comparison lol. This is a very thankful moment for me.

[@anonymousprivate6814]

This was great to listen to and I have read Harry's book and recommended it. I'm almost 50 and PDA/ADHD explains so much about my struggles being autistic and my strengths.

[@FuzzyValentine-n3h]

As an undiagnosed adult female in the us, i felt so understood hearing his experiences, and its explained so well! Thank you for sharing!

[@eponymoususer8923]

My experience is that it’s less about freedom as a concept and more about autonomy. A demand presents freedom- opens up the opportunity to do something. It limits autonomy- the opportunity to make your own decision to take or leave that opportunity.
It’s less about “am I free to do it?” And more about “is the decision mine or someone else’s?”
The fawn response truly does confuse this issue. We don’t choose when it’s safe to be ourselves. Safety is external. Compliance can be an exhausting coping mechanism. Even the most apathetic person will run from a herd of charging rhinos to avoid death. Demand feels like an existential threat, like a herd of charging rhinos.

[@KristyThompson-oo8rc]

FANTASTIC! I learnt so much! :)

[@lorenzmenke3121]

As a PDA'er and the problem with authority, I often love the shi* face look on my managers at work when I treat them the same and do not recognize their authority over me. This causes problems with police encounters (traffic stops, and others) because again I do not recognize authority and treat them on an even footing. I think that this is a positive. Also LMAO at the sarcasm problem, yes I use it a lot but I am not always clear when I am receiving it. I consider my usage of sarcasm to be very obvious and clear to the target. Maybe it is not so clear!

[@thelondoners-lifeisart]

Spring clean of the system
⚡️❤️💜💙⚡️

[@saul2paulproject]

This was soooooooo helpful 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@msrittmann3787]

Yes, thank you!

[@Justmeeeee813]

Very informative. Thank you.

[@aefreund8230]

Thank you, helps me to understand my doughter

[@celeste8157]

It's so weird because I want people to tell me what to do as it makes my life less stressful, but if somebody gives me a direct order- PURE RAGE 🤬😅

[@NeurodiversityPodcast]

😡😠😤😮‍💨🙄🤨😐🙂😄😁😆😅😂🤣

[@akoddio]

Where did Harry go?

[@NaNi-rj6th]

danke 🍀

[@janeypatella2573]

Can one of you just come raise my 12 year old please 🙃

[@Sally.A.C]

I can’t stand living with my 17 year old PDA daughter. Horrible.

[@blessos]

Stop trying to control her and pathologise her then.