Mother/Daughter Relationships
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ต.ค. 2024
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As I sit here reading all of your stories, my heart is truly touched. I am taking my time, just really experiencing all of your stories with you. Thank you all for sharing them. These relationships are so complicated and your sharing has helped me enormously in dealing with my own family. Thank you!
Your video is very powerful. It really inspired so many to open up. Wonderful community.
@@ElizabethBSoCal Oh thank you!!!
i know it is pretty off topic but does anybody know a good website to stream newly released series online ?
@Nelson Raul Lately I have been using flixzone. You can find it by googling =)
@Nelson Raul I would suggest Flixzone. You can find it on google =)
This video should be used in parent training classes. So sweet that you're encouraging support, understanding, and celebration of all the differences and likenesses of a child.
A beautiful video. My mama has always been so good to me. She’s 84 and I’m 55…now, it’s my turn to look after her. i’m blessed we’ve always been close. Thank you for a very touching video, I think you are a wonderful mom.
Wow I relate so much. I took care of my narcissistic mother when she was diagnosed with terminal stomach cancer. I was never hugged or told I was loved, never felt I was acceptable or proud of, and it wasn’t until her last weeks of life that she said to me one day “I guess you aren’t me.” Celebrating your adult daughter’s individuality and talents is an amazing gift you’ve given her. How I longed to feel that from my mother. God bless you! 💕
Thank you for sharing, I can relate on so many levels. My mother was NOT a good person. I raised my children the complete opposite of the way I was raised.
You're not whining. I love to see that I'm not the only one that had a mom like that. I'm so thrilled your close to your daughter and live close by! That's my prayer to live my kids and daughter. Yes agree and compliment, accept, embrace their uniqueness!
My mother is such a horribly unhappy, abusive, and formerly abused women. And I suppose she did the best she could, but we are also all given chances to improve things in life, and get help for our struggles so we're not hurting those around us. I've let go of my mother because she has chosen over and over to hold on to her bitterness instead of learning to love freely. That is her choice, so in that, she doesn't get to have me in her life. Thank you for sharing this story Melissa.
I found that to be a beautiful and emotional video. Reading the comments, my heart goes out to all of you who did not have a loving and close relationship with your mums. And to those of us who did, let's be ever grateful for such a blessing.
That was very nicely put Jamison. Thank you.
It really is a blessing to have that relationship with your mothers. I skipped a lot but she really did a lot of damage. But I do understand now more why she did and what she possibly went through. And I did do my best for her. Take care and thank you!
I adore my mom! So lucky to still have her. My daughters are amazing and I hope and pray I’m as good a mom as I had! Great video! 💕💖🇨🇦
For anyone that this resonates with, there’s some very helpful videos on here about narcissistic parents and there’s different styles of narcissistic parenting. It really helped explain a lot regarding my mother. The guilt, the lack of power I felt over my own life and character and not to mention the low self esteem and confidence. Kids of narcissists have to drag themselves up by their bootstraps and claw and fight to gain any sense of self belief. It’s a very long road and a painful one. The narcissistic mother’s voice is always there, some days it’s a whisper, some it’s a shout and then there’s days it’s a full blown choir! I really enjoyed your video and it’s proof that the mantra that hurt people hurt again isn’t always true.
Oh my gosh yes! The guilt! It was overpowering at times. To be honest this very video makes me feel guilty! I feel like she's going to call me up from the dead and yell at me and tell me how embarrassing I am. lol I always thought that perhaps I just wasn't the right daughter for her. Perhaps a stronger woman would have been a better match. I thank you!
@@Melissa55 my mum is no longer here and I feel exactly the same. The guilt and shame of it all is overwhelming. I used to pretend everything was fine but I found that more astute people I met, realised it wasn’t. The whole mess just never goes unfortunately but I’ve tried like you, to break the cycle with my own daughters and that’s all you can do really. And as for you not being a match, no one would have been. You may have had a completely different character if it wasn’t for her behaviour towards you. Being manipulated and belittled as a child robs you of so much. We have to fight hard to find our own strength as we have no real identity outside of our mother’s control and needs. You’re clearly an amazing mum and a good daughter. Dare I say it, your mother didn’t deserve YOU!
@@tallisinwonderland4724 Great saying: your mother didn't deserve you. Amen.
Daughter of a narcissist here. I can relate to so many of you and thank u for the video.
I am so very sorry.
@@Melissa55 thank you Melissa. It has been nice talking to the other women on here. It helps reinforce that its not just me. They r the problem. We need all the support we can get!
I truly believe you have broken that generational curse, you have such a good heart!
Mothers and daughters have a special relationship. When my daughters were teenagers, I could do nothing right in their eyes. They always sometimes felt they were in competition with me. When they got married and had families of their own, now they are my best friends I respect both of them and their talents. They’re very good parents and I really consider them my best friends. I have found that mother daughter relationships are hard when girls are teenagers and they are trying to be independent and discovering who they are. Great conversation Melissa. I know you probably have helped a lot of mother/ daughters. I don’t know what I would do without my two lovely girls.❤️
That's beautiful Sandra. I had a contentious relationship at times with my mother as a teen/young woman but she is my best friend now:) She will be 80 this year.
My mother was a monster my father also pure hell! Abuse was a tag team sport they loved hurting my brother! Boy or girl is not the issue you love your children equally! Thankfully l love my child and l'm a great mom! My adult daughter and l have a beautiful loving bond! Best wishes!❤❤
I left my abusive mother/family at 19 and have never spoken to them since (I'm 50 now). Best decision I ever made.
I would have walked away many times too. But there are family members pulling the strings. One day.
I'm so sorry you had to endure abuse. It's just so sad, isn't it?
Melissa, This is a powerful and important video. Many years ago, I read something that said, "Anything less than kindness is abuse." We all have to be self-aware and break the cycle.
I like what you said here and will remember it. Thanks 🙏
I never heard that. it is pretty extreme. I will keep that in mind and try to always be kind. Sometimes I'm in a hurry and not really kind, but not really rude either. So I hope no one has felt abused. I lived in Paris and many people were not kind. I am pretty thick skinned and it never felt abusive. Some people and cultures and not nurturing. Anyway, I will make an effort to be kind more often,
@@beautifulrose8619 I don't always succeed, but I try, especially with my loved ones.
I had never heard this. It really does give me something to strive for. Thank you for sharing, Rebecca.
@@Melissa55 Yes, something to strive towards. I agree
Good morning, Melissa. I think you did a wonderful job describing your relationship with your mother. You weren't whiny in the least. Just think how much Kelly has benefitted from everything you experienced. This video will touch many, many people. Blessings, and love, my beautiful friend..MaryEllen
I could write a book about my mother. She was/is still mean (passive aggressively), toxic, jealous, critical...the list goes on. I’m in my 50’s and now just realized that she has a narcissistic personality. I used to say over and over again ‘Mom doesn’t love me’ and I never knew why. As an adult, I gravitated to older women friends and now I know that I was looking for a mother figure. I watched my girlfriends over the years that had normal moms and couldn’t believe what great relationships they had. I get it! Thank you for sharing with us Melissa, i now know I am not alone. It’s good to look at it as a life lesson and how not to be with our children. Sounds like you and your daughter have a healthy happy relationship! Good job, mama! 🥰
Oh my goodness, this is all so familiar. My mother so undermined me. One of the worst was this guy I loved for a long time dumped me for another girl and ended up marrying her. My mother, even though she was a generation older, became best friends with this man and his wife. She knew I loved him deeply. She knew how hurt I was. and it was like she took pleasure in telling me how much he loved her and how very happy they were and comparing this woman to me. It was so cruel and painful. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sorry my stories are spilling out, but it's like a dam has been opened. Bless you. Much love, Melissa
@@Melissa55 oh my word!!! How can one be so evil?? I can honestly say your mother was messed up for sure! Sounds just like mine. You go ahead and tell your stories Melissa because I think putting it out there in the universe is a part of healing and we as your community have your back just as you have ours! It’s ok to share! Love you lots!! Shedding tears as I read yours. 💕💗💗💗 if we ever meet in person, we could open up a bottle of ‘fill in the blank’ and have a story party...
Wow, I could have written this myself. Thanks for sharing Lisa. My mother is in her final years in a nursing home and I struggle with not wanting to go see her because I let go of her several years ago. She still tries to send those emotional jabs over the phone, but I've stopped calling now. And here comes mother's day, another reason to feel the "shoulds" that I don't want to feel.
@@Melissa55 oh my god that is on a WHOLE other level! That is so dark. You´re stength is out of this world
@@JJJettplane oh, I completely understand where you are coming from. Hang in there! Blessings!
Both my parents were abusive and neglectful. I.moved out at 16, never looked back, never had contact again. Best choice I ever made. Never be afraid to walk away, family or not.
I just will never understand how parents can do this to their children. It's so foreign to me. I am so sorry.
@@Melissa55 Thank you..Pregnant/better get married from a first date as teens doesn't help. At least today there are choices.
Thank you, Melissa, for being so open and presenting this conversation. My daughter passed away 3 years ago the day after her 40th birthday. My heart hurts and I miss her so much.
She was kind and funny - a joy. I regret not telling her that more often. I'm so glad you shared your thoughts. God bless you and your daughter - wonderful!
I'm so sorry for your loss. God bless you and her soul 🙏💕💕
Love from Portugal ❤️
Oh Mollie, I am so sorry. This just hurts me so much and I know everyone feels this way and sends their condolences. My heart just breaks for you. 🙏 🙏 🙏
Ahh, Mollie. I am so sorry for your hurting heart. I don't know you or your daughter but I am certain that she "went on ahead of you" knowing how much you love her. A good Mother's love is a gift that stays forever, with those who are blessed to know it.
Omg I’m so very sorry for your loss.
Serious subjects are appreciated; I also had a difficult mother that I loved very much. I never doubted that she loved me, but her personal unhappiness colored my upbringing. I also hope I have done a better job of raising my daughter, but I know I made mistakes and probably expected too much from them.
Yes, things like this will color your upbringing. That is a good way to put it. And I do think we have a better understanding of what generations before went through. I hope so anyway. Thank you, Carole.
It is so interesting that we had the same experiences with our mothers. My mother seemed to single me out as the one she would criticize the most. I was always envious of friends that had a good relationship with their mothers. It has taken me years to realize that she was a narcissist.
That's just so sad. I was envious of friends that had mothers that were accepting of them, too. And then I would feel guilty. Guilt is a hard thing to live with. It's also why I cut so much out of this video. I felt guilty for talking about her. Thank you and take care, Mellissa
🦋I, too, was singled out negatively by a narcissistic mother. The harder I tried to be accepted, the worse it got. She had a sad childhood, and the “boy” she loved got sent to war, then came back but married another. No matter how good my dad treated her or us, it was never enough for her - typical narcissist. She died alone and cold at age 76. None of us four kids was ever close to her. I ended up marrying two narcissistic men, and am twice divorced, hoping I don’t die like her. I strive every day to be an excellent mom and better grandma now - most girls want to be like their mom - I’ve struggled my whole 65 years to not be my mom. God bless all moms out there...and those who need help for depression or anxiety, or whatever, there is now help available. Thank you Melissa🙏🌼💜
Yes I have too realized Mother was a narcissist. Explained her behavior. There is no excuse for whatever they went through to treat us so mean. I am so glad I broke the chain and Wanted to be a good and happy mother for my kids.
You were the scapegoat as was I. My mother is a Borderline so are her sisters although they are more narcissistic than my mother is. I was a very strong child, my mother hated that about me because I challenged her and she wanted full control. She couldn't have it and she knew I didn't internalize her neglect and abusive words. I grew up to be quite strong and confident, thanks to my dad and the good Lord. But there has been long term damage. I have deep rooted trust issues and have difficulty bonding with other people, especially women. I suffered from ptsd for quite some time.
I'm very sorry so many people have walked our shoes. May God bring many blessings and healing to you all.
Same here Barbara. We've had to learn to be self nurturing because those needs weren't met in our childhoods.
I hope that your daughter shows you the same respect that you show her. The fact that she moved near you, reflects that you and Doug provide benefits that enable her and her family to live a good life. I hope she appreciates that and doesn't take you and Doug for granted.
Im in LOVE with your channel content! 5:40 made me tear up
The bad Mothers never wonder if they were good enough. The Good Mothers like you only ponder if they are good enough.
I have struggled with my relationship with my mother my whole life. This was very therapeutic. I am sharing this with both of my daughters!
You are so right, love them let them know how much they are loved. My mom is in a nursing home now with Alzheimer’s. I feel really bad for her but the thoughts of a visit with her!! I literally get so nervous and scared. I told my brother I’ll only go with you like he can save me from her. I am 10 years older than him. I couldn’t stand the thoughts of my daughter’s feeling towards me the way I feel towards her. I was blessed with a loving daddy and grandmother that loved me and I them. They are both dead now but the love still lives. Thank God in heaven I had them. Thank you so much for doing this. Just knowing I’m not the only one helps. You look beautiful as always sweet lady❤️❤️❤️
I had a dominant and manipulating mother, but a loving father. Beautiful said: the love still lives.
My first thought on this video was WOW does Melissa look great! My last thought was - What an amazing and strong woman she is ! Xo
Oh Joann thank you so much for this. I had cried a river of tears over her through the years. But I can say I did try my best with her, and I am at peace with that. Thank you!
Your honesty and vulnerability in this video are so powerful and helpful to other women. Thank you! My mom was cold and verbally abusive to me, and we no longer have any kind of relationship. Like you, I have focused on my relationship with my daughter to ensure that she doesn’t experience what I did. My daughter and I are extremely close and that means everything to me. We must support our children. There is nothing stronger than a loving bond between a parent and child. I am sending positive thoughts and energy to all moms who watch this video and comment. WE make a difference!! Again, thank you Melissa! I love your channel for so many reasons. 💕💕💕
She’s a lucky girl to have you for her mom. They say these kinds of things repeat in families but in your family not true. Great job Melissa
My heart is sad that so many wonderful ladies were short changed by warmth, kindness,support, and just love. N0 one knows why we were treated this way.
But to take this sad burden off our backs and understand that our mothers have serious issues. What I have learned is this truth. Women who started out our lives in the manner that so many of us are sharing is that we women are strong women, because we had to push through, learn how to figure out where we want our lives to head, that is in a positive direction. Surround ourselves with positive people. I’ve also learned how much I’ve learned in this life. Who i
I can trust, who I cannot trust. I have also learned that those of us who have had a harder time have such a beautiful energy about us. We have learned how to sort the good from the bad. It’s almost innate.
Ladies, yes our lives started out not as we had wished for, but one thing I can guarantee is that we know how to deal with situations that are thrown our way and figure out the answer quicker than than those who’ve been pampered all their lives.
Love, strength and Blessings ...
I’ve learned.
From the bottom of my heart, thank you for doing this video. I, too, had a critical mother. It damaged my soul, but each day for many years I have been recovering.
I so hate this for you. We have to recover. For the sake of our minds and hearts. Take care. Many blessings, Melissa
What a gift to have daily walks with your daughter. And then you said that on those walks you take her pulse to gauge where *she's* at and how *she's* doing. My eyes welled up at that part. All daughters should be so lucky to have a mother as invested and caring as you. I really love that. xoxo
Oh thank you!!! Believe me, I sure as heck made so many mistakes with both my children! I guess we all do and just stumble forward. I just hope I didn't mess them up too much! lol I appreciate it.
Clearly you're a wonderful mother in spite of your negative experiences growing up, your daughter is a lucky girl
As a daughter with a terrible mother, this brought a tear to my eye. I remember as a child I would cry because I didn’t understand what I had done to deserve such a mother. At one point, the stress lead me to become anorexic and for a period of time, I had OCD like tendencies (touching things excessively unit it felt right and fearing bad things would happen if I didn’t do things in a certain way or order). Melissa, I related a great deal to your other video where you spoke about your mental struggles at age 40 due to the difficult period in your life. The silver lining here is we get to start anew when we become mothers. Our traumas can end with us and in that, we end past generational suffering. We are not our mothers and their shortcomings don’t define us.
Oh Vanessa I'm so sorry. Was the anorexia possibly to try to gain some type of control in your life? We do get to start anew don't we? And I just hope my daughter feels like I did ok. I do worry about that. Thank you!
oh Vanessa - this struck me hard. Mothers! I got hepatitis when I was seven and a neighbor watched me on and off for a few weeks. I remember being awestruck at her mothering. She was so sweet, kind, patient, and loving. Didn't pinch, holler, ignore, or blame. Eye opening and that was the beginning of my planning on how I would mother my children. At seven! You dealt the way that worked for you. What a strong little girl you were. xxoo
@@Melissa55 The anorexia was a side effect of the OCD tendencies I had. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I knew it wasn’t normal and I couldn’t tell my mom. If I had the idea that I wasn’t going to eat, I wouldn’t eat out of fear something bad would happen if I did. It was so bizarre and I kept it a secret out of fear that I’d be labeled as a mental case. Also Latino culture is very negative/resistant against acknowledging mental health especially Gen X and prior generations. Luckily as I grew up, I learned to cope and I got better on my own.
I’m glad you got better as well! Take care Melissa. 💛
@@Deborah1056 Thank you!
❤
Thank you for this video. I’ve always felt “abnormal” not having a good relationship with my mother. When I see mothers and daughters out together laughing and enjoying each other’s company it seems so alien to me. My father was a functioning alcoholic. They had a loveless union which certainly affected my relationships as an adult. I’ve come to understand both had trauma in their lives but back in the day these things were not discussed. Good for you and not perpetuating the cycle.
Yes, it's a complicated relationship. I have been on my own since 17. Both my parents were addicted. I'm a mom of 3 boys- and my husband and I ended the cycle of addiction and abuse.😊🙏
Oh Amy... this breaks my heart. You have done so well and come so far. You have much to be proud of. Bless you. Love, Melissa
That is such an accomplishment. Your children will one day realize what a gift that was to them to be raised with parents that said, “This stops here.”
That’s amazing and so wonderful ❤️❤️❤️
Completely understand. Used to try to tell others. But.. Not heard. Listening to you.. I was so scared to have a daughter after my son I made sure that would never happen at 20 years old. Today I have a beautiful granddaughter and I am great with her. Thank God
A child is not the possession of the parents.
It is a gift that has to be cherished.
But in my opinion love has to come from both sides when the child is considered to be an adult ( from age 18) .
It is nice people can ventilate their frustrations ( often anonymously) in the comments. It gives a relief.
It has been said, Be the kind of parent that your children don't have to seek out counseling when they are adults. This was a wonderful message, Melissa xo
That is so true. I never thought about that!!!
This video hits me in all the feels. My mom is a narcissist and it took me a LONG time to realize she'd never be the mother/grandmother I needed and wanted her to be. I haven't talked to her in years because it's just too toxic. I feel bad that she's alienated her children and grandchildren but I could no longer all it in my life. Hugs to you Melissa.
Yes, I think if you can realize they just won't be the mothers you want them to be, it helps. It doesn't help the sting of the cruelty, but it does help that maybe you aren't the one at fault. That maybe, just maybe, this was their problem. Take care and you did the best thing for your life. The best of luck. xox, Melissa
I really enjoyed this topic. I think we need more videos like this. When someone else articulates their feelings and experiences it helps me understand my own more. Thanks Melissa for sharing something so personal with us.
Oh thank you! It really does help me, too. And I like to hear the good mother stories, too. I'm always so happy they had that.
Enjoyed this. I have dealt with my Mom for 67 yrs and it’s been a very hurtful and hard relationship. She broke my spirit and I’ve spent my adult years trying to build myself back up. I have a daughter that I praised everyday and encouraged her to bloom where she wanted. We have a lovely relationship. Mother is still alive but with dementia. I tried to talk with her many many times but she is very simple and not very patient. I got no where. So, I long for sweet women in my life. I’m sure your daughter is proud to be yours.
Am in the same boat. I found an older lady from church that I call my second mom.
"she broke my spirit". That is one of the saddest things. I just hate seeing women's spirits broken. It's so sad. You are such a good mom. Take care, Jo.
I had a lightbulb moment here. I realized why, for so many years, I put up with my mother's abuse. I haven't had anything to do to her since 2014 but I have given a lot of thought to what's happened and I you just gave me the last piece of the puzzle.
A saying I took to heart when I had children was, 'Give them roots, then give them wings'.
My mother was an alcoholic and she said horrible things to me even before she started drinking. I remember this because it was so traumatic,. I was 10; years old and she dragged me to the Dr to see if I was a virgin. I didn’t even know what that meant at 10 years old - I was a child. I was terrified. I am 67 now and still can’t forget that plus all the emotional abuse and name calling
This caused me to cry for that little 10 year old girl. How cruel. How inhumane. You were just a baby. Yes, the name calling was hard. The emotional abuse was hard. I remember the one time she complimented me. It was when she was dying and she had medication in her. So sad. Take care, Janice. You are a wonderful woman. Love, Melissa
@@Melissa55 thanks Melissa
So sorry to hear these stories, it makes me also remember my mother's faults in raising me. I remember telling her that the babysitter she dropped me off at every day was sexually abusing me and she still continued to leave me there everyday, denying even now that she did that. But I know the facts. Sometimes the truth won't be revealed until we get to the other side.
@@JJJettplane , sometimes the truth is revealed before they cross the otherside. I honored my mother the last two years before her passing, even though our relationship was rocky for some time. Yes, my mother has passed and I continue to pray for her soul. I'm sure we have a forgiving God and hope he forgives us all 💗.
I am so sad to read this!
Hearing about the doctor visit to see if you were a virgin makes me sick to my stomach for you! 😔
“so that makes me think it’s a possibility it’s going well” Melissa, I hate hearing you even doubt it one bit. You seem like an amazing person, a great listener & a mother that chose to break the cycle of abuse & has been successful! Your daughter probably has a deep genuine love & respect for you! You should be extremely proud of the work you’ve had to put in (because w/your upbringing, it’s literally thinking about every single aspect & how you need to reverse your experience) to have a wonderful relationship with her💝
Mother and daughters often have difficult relationships but in the end, at least for most us, I know my mother would do anything for me. The bond is real. Hugs!
It is and your mom is so blessed to have you Monika. You are truly a good daughter. Much love being sent to you. Love, Melissa
All women are most beautiful when they gain the freedom to be their most authentic selves. My daughter is totally opposite of me in so many ways and I have learned to celebrate those differences & enjoy life that much more because of it. ❤
I just love that!!! Thank you so much. xox
Mine too! very well said!
i was very fortunate to have a mother like you. supportive and encouraging. i have friend that had a relationship with her mother like you and yours. i know how hard it can be from hearing stories from her and i praise you for being such a wonderful mother to your daughter. i enjoy all your videos.
That's so sweet Melissa I can tell you're a great mama. Im so happy you made this video for ppl to bring them closer together. My best friend is my mama she has always encouraged me to be ME♥️♥️♥️
You did it again-- a very moving moving & profound video that really hits home. Like you, I had a difficult mother and think it was a generational thing of how my mother was raised during the depression in a similar very poor family situation out in "the sticks" of pennsylvania. Like you, my mom was very young when she had me and I can even remember the boys in 3rd grade giving cat calls because she was so much younger than all the other moms. I won't get into it ,but your story really resonates with me. Maybe we could all use some group therapy....thank you for sharing!!! Happy Mother's Day
Xoxoxo
Thank you so much for your openness about your relationship with you mother and your daughter. I, too, had a very difficult relationship with a mother who was very difficult to get along with even though I did still love her. My sister and I agreed to tell each other growing up and as adults to tell each other if we ever treated our family as our mother treated us. I have also tried to have a different relationship with my 3 daughters even though they are quick to let me know when I am being “like grandma”. I think that the mother daughter relationship is complicated even without a lot of “emotional baggage” and even though all parents make mistakes, intentionally and consistently evaluating this relationship is a step in a healthy direction.
This is why I hate Mother’s Day. The narcissist mother Who thinks of themselves as mother Tresa and Mary Poppins.
Every day I make a conscious effort to be the complete opposite of my mother.
Melissa thank you for posting this video. I cried a lot.
I just hate this for you. I'm so sorry.
@@Melissa55 ❤️ ❤️❤️
I hate mothers day because it i a commercial invention. Better love your mother daily.....give her presents now and then .....If she is worth it. ;)
My family and i never celebrate mother's day neither father' s day.
@@sophiaw.7356 right! I tell my 4 kids “a hug and an ‘I love you’ is the best gift I can ever possibly receive”.
Melissa, you've definitely shared your heart and struck a chord with many who had less than ideal relationships with their parents. I am so sorry for the pain you've endured, but am so glad you have become such a loving and giving mother yourself. You are a kind soul and I want to thank you for your transparency. That, in and of itself, is liberating and healing for many. I have two sons and one daughter; they are each one very unique and special to this mother's heart. A daughter is such a treasure indeed. In fact, our daughter will be married in three weeks time and is graduating from nursing school later this year (just like my mom, who was a nurse for 31 years). May God bless us all to be the role models and conduits of His love and grace! Love your heart, Melissa!
I think your relationship with your daughter is beautiful and nurturing. I can't imagine your daughter would have moved back home and down the street from you if she didn't want to be close to you. I don't doubt she is so very grateful to have you in her life.
Thank you so much, Michele. I sure hope so!!! I think women have tendency to second guess ourselves sometimes! lol ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
You are so self-aware and it's so wonderful listening to you. I wish my mother had cared about my feelings and wanted to get to know me....sigh. She is close to 90 now I'll be seeing her for a few weeks and I pray I'll be gracious to her. I need and want to forgive her, she did her best under the circumstances. My Dad was an alcoholic and beat her. She's been married 5 x, my poor little Mother.
Thanks for sharing from your sweet heart. I love that you were/are intentional about seeing your children for who they are, not just the parts you recognize as being "like you" or "like [their] father". It often makes me feel sad when parents fail to see how wonderful and unique their kids are, because they're only tuned in to the character traits they themselves posses. Well done.
You’re such a warm, lovely person; I would’ve bet anything that you grew up with wonderful parents. You just never know. Thank you for this video.
Oh thank you! That weren't the worst people in the world by any means. They always provided for me, it's just they had they strange character flaws, which I guess we all have. Like my father walking away from his children and never allowing them to see him again. That is so bizarre to me. Thank you and you take care! Love, Melissa
What a heart warming video Melissa. I had a great Mom but my Dad was abusive. I'm 59 tomorrow and I'm still struggling with his abuse. You were an amazing daughter! I think people are more AWARE now. I spoiled my daughter and unfortunately when she got older and I got divorced, I couldn't say NO to her. One day I did and now she hasn't talked to me in over 5 years. I don't know what to do. She's 35 now.
Anyway thank you so much for sharing, especially during these times. Sending big hugs to anyone who needs one. 🤗
Oh Wanda this is so sad and it had to be hard for her, too. I think back then it was harder for women to break away from these marriages. I hope people are more aware. Oh no. I am so very sorry about your daughter. It's such a complicated relationship. And we are sending hugs to you, too. xoxox
@@Melissa55 hi Melissa, thank you for your message. I felt very vulnerable writing what I wrote as it's so personal. I guess it's easier behind the screen when nobody knows me. But I just had to tell you what happened!! I wrote that to you a week ago and my daughter and granddaughter showed up at my door on Saturday! Only 3 days after I told you I hadn't talked to her! My prayers finally paid off! Anyway wanted to share as I just love your videos. Thank you so much 💓
Thank you for being brave and sharing about your relationships, past and present. Bottom line we need to put in the effort to keep our present relationships healthy.
When I talk about my childhood I am reminded all the time that my reality is not the same as others! I love you!
That is so true. And I think probably if some of us lived each other's lives some would think, "that's not so bad" or others would say, "that was hell". It probably has a lot to do with what we experienced. I thank you Mary. Love you dearly. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
Amen, such a beautiful blessings our daughters! My mother was very mean and very critical. My father was a horrible drunk . I raised my two girls the total opposite of my parents raising me. One is a doctor the other is a teacher; I am so proud of them and I tell them I love them every moment I can. Thank you for your beautiful insights. Love your channel, Sweetie!! Have a blessed day. Kathryn 🙏
Ps. My mom left kentucky at 17, she said she had to get out of there to live. She was from Lee county, one of the poorest areas of ky. Like you, I am married to a professional man....and a New Jersey yankee at that. Ha ha. Both my kids went to college. My mom was so proud of how well I did. She left me way too early, and I was left to take care of the difficult parent. It about took me down. But I was all he had, too, and I promised my mom I would. I hope my kids have good memories of me. I know my grandchildren think I am the bomb. I try my best. I know you do. I have to end this by saying again. You are a very special, loving woman, Melissa. Your light shines out of your face. Just keep doing what you are doing and know roots and wings is our greatest gift to our kids. Love you. You angel.
What a beautiful message....mother/daughter relationships are so complicated. The fact she's open to conversations with you is amazing. ated.
Thank you, Karen! Yes, they sure are complicated!!!! My daughter and I are at a good place, but it's still somewhat complicated! lol Thank you!
Love this video. So so true. It's sad to know the closest person to you can't be the closest person.💕
Thank you for this. I was blessed to have a wonderful, loving, kind, selfless supportive mother. I need to tell her right now how much I love her. Thank you for reminding me.
Your comment made me tear up😢 I feel so fortunate to have had an awesome mom & Melissa’s story & the many heartbreaking stories in this comment section are just incredibly eye opening & reminding me how blessed I’ve been💞
This really touched me. I love seeing women that have been encouraged. They just blossom. Take care!!!
@@sweetpeace5 some of the stories here are so sad, aren't they?
Sounds like you're an awesome mom! I have two boys so my goal was to be the best mother-in-law. I think I've succeeded since they seem to enjoy spending time with me and we have lots of fun together.
I’m very fortunate, my daughter and I have always had a good relationship. As an adult, she is one of my best friends. I’m so proud of what an incredible woman she is and can hardly believe I had a part in that
You are such a good mother. The fact that you are such good friends proves that. Take care, and my best to your daughter.!
Everything you just said is so healing because it's exactly what I would dream of my mom to say to me! You are an amazing role model for all mothers and that is exactly the way it should be.
Dear Melissa, this brought me to tears. I too was raised by a very difficult mother. Today the word "narcissist" is bandied about describing difficult, self centered people, but there is a grain of truth in that. My mother is extremely critical, judgmental and controlling, doesn't listen, interrupts often, isn't able to really empathize much, but she can be charming and caring with her friends. These are classic narcissist traits. But she was raised by a mother who was like her, and was VERY critical of her growing up, and shaming. What I see with people like this is that the carry a LOT of shame and without the Lord to heal our hearts, and deliver us from that hurt, people will seek to put that shame on others, because it's just too painful to carry. So naturally, with parents who don't have a relationship with the Lord Jesus (my mother is catholic, as was her mother and down the line, but without salvation there is no INTIMATE relationship, and hence deliverance, with the Lord), will put that shame on their children. My mother is aging now and needs my help, but after 24 years of estrangement and acts that she did against me and my children (most of you would be aghast) I have a hard and hurt heart and don't have the grace yet to be around her for more than a couple hours max. So this morning I was praying for God to give me the grace to be around her, not just tolerate her, but actually love her. And here is your video, hallelujah! In our church, we have a women's ministry that's really getting going in a powerful way, Jesus is working through it to bring us women to a healing place relative to our mothers in this season. So very timely! I am also very very very blessed to have an amazing relationship with my own daugther (she's 27 now). I just instinctively knew to RESPECT my kids (I have a 24 yo son too). The love that is between is us so blessed, and I am so so grateful to the Lord that my kids get to have a mom who loves them unconditionally, and lets them be themselves and is saved and knows the Heavenly Father and savior, who prays for them but doesn't try to control them with it. Just everything I would've wanted with a mom. God is good. Thank you dear sister. God bless.
This was so great. Thank you Melissa. My mom was much like yours. I remember once when I was early pregnant the first time, and sick. I didn't wear makeup. The only thing my mother had to say was "You look like death warmed over". Years and years later, and many insults later, she is gone now, and I think what a sad waste of a life. I understand my mother had issues in her childhood that made her the impossible person she was, but she had chances for help and would never take them.
This hit the nail on the head for me. Do you find yourself really making an effort not to be like her? I do. I have a horror of ending up alone and unloved like she was. ...
Your mom sounds like my mom. Blessings Melissa. My mother is narcissistic. I gave my daughter and son the support I didn't receive. As you it seems.
What a wonderful video Melissa and my heart goes out to you because despite all the mental cruelty your mother dished out to you what a beautiful human being you’ve grown up to be and your own daughter is so lucky to have you. On reading all the comments to your video it is obvious that many people have gone through similar trauma and my heart goes out to them as well. Having come from loving parents and having two daughters of my own I just cannot understand why any mother would not cherish, encourage and love their precious girls🥰💜
Mine resented me from birth as if I am the one to blame that she became pregnant. I was never good enough according to her yet she was still in some sick competition with her own daughter. The only daughter she kept and that was only so she wouldn't look bad to others. She took pleasure in my being miserable. Every idea and anything I said she would tell me was stupid or find a reason to punish and beat me for. The irony is that after leaving her home I haven't been walking around with enormous bruises all over my body since. One would think that moving 2000 miles from home would have made it easier. It isn't. Your daughter is so blessed to have a Mother like you Melissa!
This just breaks my heart for the little girl you were and what you had to endure. This physically hurts me for you. I just don't understand how women can do this to their little girls. I am so sorry.
Thank you...for your openness...honesty..first you are a lovely woman....Mom should have said it.....
Sounds like you have overcome tremendously to give to your daughter what you never received yourself.As we all know you must fight the demons in your own life so they do not control your relationships with others.I am 62...my mom died in my arms as she breathed her last breath...some things you never forget.I took care of her for her last 6 mo.of life.She very much rejected me...was critical...said hard things...hurtful and loved my other siblings much more...I.feel the same as you...I.do.not want to talk too negatively of her...It does not seem right..Shes gone...Shes in heaven now...What I have leared is we all have our demons to.overcome and if we dont....others will be hirt...by our actions....words etc.
It seems you have overcome so much that you and your daughter have a close relationship...beautiful.I miss my mom...the good...the bad...the ugly...We are messy ppl sometimes...
My sister,husband and nephew all died recently within 3 mo.apart.
Not one was covid....But all of the relationships were messy.I loved them all.Ioss them all.
Bless you
A very good video. Thank you! I sure can relate. Sons are so much easier to raise. God bless you!
THIS IS EXTREMELY HEARTWARMING MELISSA . I WISH I HAD THIS KIND OF RELATIONSHIP
Your transparency is so helpful to me. Even though we may have experienced parents and/or spouses that seemed to paint our world gray, isn't it wonderful how redemption can rescue us. There truely is a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow if we allow ourselves to see it. I have not been close to my mother. She was not at all abusive, but distant. I always felt a little cheated, because she just wasn't there. Now my own daughter is 31 years of age. I say that the tree doesn't fall far from the apple. I say that because my daughter is so better equipped at her age than was I. And as far as redemption goes, I have two absolutely wonderful daughters in law. God has a way of making up for us what evil meant for our harm. Thank you for your beauty blog. It helps me on the outside AND the inside.
Hi Melissa. What a topic to tackle! My mon and I have an extremely complicated relationship. I love her but it’s very complicated. I’ve had to mother my mother with her mental health issues my whole life. Especially since I was about 12. I’ve always wanted to have a strong Christian woman as a mom. So that’s what kind of mom I am. I laugh, joke, pray and live my kids. No child should have to be the parent. Ever.
Loved this. My mother and I were very close, and alike in many ways, but different at the same time. Mother daughter relationships can have their ups and downs at times for sure. There was a time in my life when my mom said, " I love you, but I don't like you right now." Teen years. Lol. She was always my biggest cheerleader though. And at times bluntly honest. I knew I could always count on my mom and hopefully she felt the same. I believe she did. You're a great mom Melissa! Accepting your daughter for who she is and encouraging and complementing her strengths and checking in with her. Blessed to have her nearby.
This was indeed a very insightful presentation. I too had a similar relationship with my mother, and have tried to culture a supportive and acknowledging relationship with my own adult daughter. All you can do is just what you've said. Support them, talk to them, and tell them to tell you if you've overstepped with a comment. Well done Melissa.
I’m so sorry you had a critical momma. My mom wasn’t as accepting or loving as I wanted to be with my kiddos. I do try very hard to let my kids be themselves. I hope they will remember me as a loving and accepting mom who’s always there for them. This was a wonderful video Melissa!! Your daughter is very blessed to have you as a mom! 🌷🍃☀️🌺
That is so sad, Dawn. But you broke that pattern and you are such a wonderful mother. Your daughters adore you. Thank you so much!!! xox
@@Melissa55 Thank you!!!
You helped give me such insight into my abusive mother thank you. This made me cry. You broke the cycle and I hope one day when I get older and have kids I can break the cycle as well. I would have liked to hear how your mom was to you. It makes me feel better to hear that I wasn’t the only one but I understand your view. This was a beautiful video. Thank you!! ❤️
I am so very sorry. You will break the cycle. It took a long time but I think we have to realize it isn't us so much as just what they bring to the table too. I did try my best to be what she wanted me to be, until the day she died. Take care and many thanks!
Never second guess urself Melissa, your story, sharing could bring much healing to someone else's life. When we go through some form of abuse we tend to feel shame like we're all alone in it & noone else could relate but it's quite opposite! I'm a new subbie & just think your Beautiful inside & out!
To the point of where you stopped your conversation, i would swear you were reading my mail!! Don't be ashamed to share, most people who actually need to hear, can just get the bones of a convo and leave the rest. Thank you for being open. And thank you for sharing. Sometimes it's just nice to know you aren't alone in situations this world can hand you.
Boy, this sure hit home with me. Thank you for sharing, Melissa. Videos like this help some of us more than you know.
Thank you, Linda. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
I hate your Mother treated you that way but I admire that you were able to break the cycle. It was very brave of you to share your story with us so others know they weren't alone.
Thank you, Donna. I know she tried to do the best with the emotional tools she had, I think she just might have experienced too much. I appreciate it.
Just like most of you, I’ve been through so much with my own mom. It was a manipulative relationship. She would praise me to keep me close and then just do the most awful things in the next breath. It was a love/fear relationship for me and from her, It was love/hate. Most people (very few who are that close) don’t believe I was raised the way I was because I don’t appear troubled or do troubling things really except (depression/suicidal- currently well treated). And I remember an instance that I never spoke of before. It was so minor but probably the most profound because the simplicity of it said a lot. I woke up one morning and did my morning routine. Went downstairs and greeted her all in cheery mood and she stopped me and said “Did you put on makeup” (she loves makeup and actually got me into it and tells me to always be decent. but at home I didn’t wear it) So I said I didn’t. No big deal right? “Are you lying to me? did you put on makeup?” , “No i didn’t, I just washed my face and used the cream you gave me and came down”, “Take your shirt and wipe your face” so I did. “Show me” So I did. The tension, the anger, the sudden threat, first thing in the morning. “Wipe it again” I did. “Show me” I did. Well i was visible upset but without saying a word to convey that and she became angry that I was upset, then made me feel guilty for feeling that way. It’s such a simple happening but can you imagine the turmoil/stand-off feeling it had? Rough morning that one.
It’s sad to see so many comments with the same story. Lots of empathy for everyone, including you, Melissa. The best we can skis to try to break a toxic cycle. ❤️
This brought cold chills & tears to me. Exactly how I grew up although my moms issues was with her mother. As her mother had issues with her mother. So maybe hereditary. As my aunts and uncles had issues with their own kids. Her mom left 6 kids to run off with a man that had 12 kids. He left them also. I have tried so hard to break this cycle.
So I have done exactly what you have done with your daughter. I have 2 daughters and tried to make them feel loved and they can do whatever they want. I hope with all my soul that I have broken the cycle. Thanks so much for sharing. I am sure this was hard. I still at 60 am dealing with how I was made to feel less than. My mom passed last year and I too went to take care of her because it is who I am.
Your daughter is lucky to have such a sensitive, caring and insightful mother. I hope she picks up your mothering skills so that she can be the same way with her kids and that it continues through the generations. xoxo
Oh thank you! She is such a good mother. And she is one in spite of my shortcomings. lol I thank you.
Hi there, Melissa! I rarely comment on my favorite ladies. But you are a very caring human being. I had a complicated relationship with my own Mother. I just turned 67 the other day. And, man, it takes a lifetime to figure things out, doesn't it ? My Mom passed when i was 37, I really loved her, but, there sure were challenges. My hubby and I are childless, but I love the way you are parenting your daughter. What a great Mom! Stay safe.
Melissa, this was very touching, made me tear up actually. Bless you
This topic hits home, I appreciate you opening up about your experience with your mother. I have a terrible relationship with my mother, it got to the point where I had to distance myself from her in order to protect my mental health and my daughter's. I got tired of putting up with her abuse. I am not sure if it is the "right" thing to do, but I feel like is the best I can do for me and my family. Just like you I often wonder what my daughter thinks about my parenting. I don't want her to go through the same trauma and pain I had to go through. I am trying to do the best I can to raise a confident and healthy woman.
Candice, from what I read, therapists would encourage you to distance yourself as you have. I did the same thing with my mother and never looked back. I was much healthier without her in my life.
How beautiful this video is. I had the same relationship with my Mother. My Mother had 3 daughters, and I know I was not her favorite. I don’t think your video was whining. I think it was your truth. I have three daughters and I have a different relationship with all of them. I have tried to do as you do and encourage and support all of their decisions while celebrating their own individuality. My daughters are very different than me, but all small versions of me. You are blessed to have your daughter so close to you. Enjoy every moment!!!
Love your honesty Melissa’s! It has been years of my parents passing my final emotion is anger! I always was a yes daughter which made me miserable! I was not allowed to be myself I had to conform to their ideals..... I made sure I let my children breathe!
I am so glad you did this topic. It is generous of you to share all these personal details. You are a wonderful woman. Whatever happened in your life made you who you are, or you made yourself who you are due to your experience. It was a good thing in the long run. When I was a teenager I thought my mom was awful. But after my terrible teens I realized my mom has been a savior. I am blessed indeed.
Thank you so much for sharing!!♥️ i have simular upbringing, and it has effected me a lot. My mother was in an orphan home, so i always saw why she was the way she was, and my father was never interested in having kids, and she left, so he was stuck with me. Anyway, what i know is that I thank God for my journey, it has made me more reflective grown, empathic and non judgemental, and I see how You are too, so kind hearted loving really reflective consious person. Maybe cause You been through much! I am so grateful hpu shared this. It helps me, feel the one i look up to and inspire me, has simular story, and turned into this awsome wonderful person. I wonder if you like me being a true crime fan, get a bit effected when there are parents of their murdered maybe 40-50 yrar old daughter/son, cries in the docu, missing their child, although its grown up, and show grief....and i think of mine who woukdnt care if i live or die. Not that its poor me or any..just everytime i see true crime and parents get interviewd showing grief i think about it. Anyways, thank you so much for sharing, and Open up so much in the video. Much love♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️
I loved this video. I am 33 and have had a difficult time with my mother. She is actually a decent grandmother to my children but I always feel so much grief about my childhood and really I feel like there’s something I’m missing out on. I’d love to have a different type of mother. She was also the child of an alcoholic. She was very cruel to her own children and very critical. She was always my biggest bully. I had bad acne as a teen and when I was 12 and going to start middle school, she told me the boys were going to call me a butter face. She hurt me so much as a child. Now that I have my own children I feel so much sadness. I also one son and one daughter. I love the chance to create the family I’ve always wanted and the relationships I’ve always wanted.
What a beautiful video. Thank you. You’re daughter is blessed to have you.
Oh thank you. Believe me, I sure did make my own mistakes. I shudder now to think at how probably imperfect I was. lol But I appreciate it.