exactly, that is the ONLY reason why i say this to the people that i realy cares about, so that they wont walk around like a fool, AND if u dont say it, when they got home and watch the mirror, they won't think like, why did nobody said something or like how long ive been walking around like a muppet
its certainly not meant to be rude, we just wanna help i mean its really awkward when you see someone with like spinach on their teeth or a piece of snot on your nose, you just HAVE to say something
We value time a lot. We don't have time to beat around the bush. We say what we think is wrong so you can fix it. If we disagree we can talk about it and figure it out or leave it that way without making it personal. We are honest because it saves time and we value it! If we can't be honest and direct with you we don't trust you because you will not be honest with us. If have something to ask or say, just say it don't waste our time. Lastly making things nicer than they are is considered a LIE!
Yes me to cause in the Netherlands people go laugh at me than and talk about it ena thats just uncomfortable but i don't want to be rude and yes we look at what we don't got right but only si we can learn and know next time how to do it. Sorry for my bad English
Hello, I am from Poland and currently living ans working in Netherlands ( like 50% of my country, I know ), but I met a lot of very helpful people here. I was kind of upset how some of them gave me they heart on the hand. I really respect that people and I'm Happy that I can have fair life here. Hartelijk dank Nederlanders ! 🇳🇱
Most of them don't appreciate it for sure. I am an expat and I know it better. I am direct myself, so for me it is a good thing about Dutch people. Sometimes even Dutch people cannot really take it when I am too direct to them. That used to make me bit confused initially. But gradually I realized that some of them actually are rude and use the "directness" as an excuse. :D
@Gues Whodude calm down and by the way its what they think so they can't lie. And are you dutch cause yeh you sound angree to me. I'm dutch to en goh wat kunnen die mensen zeuren zeg kijk ik kan dan wel direct zijn maar niet tegen vreemden. En trouwens waarom zou iemand het erg vinden als je word geholpen of als iemand zegt dat er wat tussen je tanden zit dan loop je tenminste niet voor gek rond
Direct words can never be rude, only atitude can be rude. I like dutch people telling the truth and save my so much time. And generally they are very kind and friendly.
lol, in Belgium we even have the the sayings like, it looks like you've bitten a chicken to dead, when there's a red sauce on your mouth and It looks like you cut your hair with a landowner, or did rats are your hair? when your hair is cut strange, gosh, if you can't handle being told that's their spinach in your teeth, that's really weird, ze.,.
hes not saying its bad, hes saying that in the US people are prone not to, which we probably would find pretty rude , they seem to assume that you tell them to mock them in public, I guess
It is important to realise that saying what you really think is culturally a sign of respect for Dutch people, you do it with people that you appreciate and with whom you can be open because you consider there is a relation of trust. Saying "yeah, sure" while thinking otherwise is easier, so you do that with someone you don't appreciate. Just let them walk around with their spinach on their teeth or their project with problems they haven't seen themselves as they are not worth the hassle, they'll find out on their own. I know this tends to be the other way around in many other cultures: polite and sugarcoating when you appreciate someone and directness when you don't appreciate the other person. No judgement of which approach is better, but know that Dutch directness is (often) a sign that the other person appreciates you.
Nope, not in my experience. ALL the Dutch I have met are happy to BE direct but no so happy to receive directness from others. There are levels of directness 😉
@boslandschap You’re very right!! I’m from Central America and we think is better to be direct than being hypocrite. Just because you like to hear what you want doesn’t mean you don’t have to hear what you need. 😌
@@PaulGappyNorris That makes no sense at all. We are direct with eachother too and you don't see us getting into fights with eachother all day long. Rudeness and directness are two seperate things. You can be direct without being rude and you can be rude without being direct. Or you can be both or neither. So how do you reckon they aren't happy to receive directness from you? Did they tell you to keep it to yourself? Or did they just disagree with you? Because that itself isn't a sign that they don't want you to speak your mind. It's simply that they disagree with what you're saying. That's the thing about directness. Everyone speaks their mind and disagreements are out in the open. But they aren't forced to take your opinion to heart and neither are you forced to take theirs to heart. To me it sounds like you put a lot more weight on it than me or any of my acquantances would.
I agree. It causes a lot of problems in relationships when we hold back how we feel because we don't want to upset the other person. What that feels like is "I don't trust you to care how I feel." Which is far more hurtful than kindly being honest.
I wouldn't say we would shout it out, but we would definitely tell the person "yo, you got something in your teeth" for real though as a Dutchie I hate it when people say "don't worry about it" when I ask if something is wrong. like no, I sense something is wrong, tell me whether or not something is wrong. don't leave me with a vague "don't worry about it"
If, I say "don't worry about it!" I don't want to share it with the other person. You might have sensed it but it doesn't give you the right to know. If someone keeps on asking I just say I don't want to talk about it with them.
In my eyes it's far more rude letting someone walk around with spinach between their teeth for everybody to see instead of telling that person there's spinach between her or his teeth.
There is a big difference about being direct or rude. There is a certain group of people in The Netherlands who believe they can just say and do everything they want to people who they hardly know. Being direct doesn't give you the right to insult someone. Remember that.
A way to distinguish this: tell the person they are being rude and offensive. A normal person will apologize, while an asshole will instead cover it up and claim you don't understand Dutch directness.
@@RoyRope You can be direct without being rude. If someone is being rude to the other, then he or she must deserve it. I have the feeling that some people have the urge to be rude towards everybody because it is some kind of habit. they have probably been brought up with this. I don't think this is a healthy mentality at al and it certainly won't make you loved by others.
What i get from this is that a lot of other cultures do their best to dance around something. That's just trying to fool yourselves because you both know what you're really talking about.
Does that matter? The point is that they get the message across in a way that doesn't hurt ones feelings... I don't see why one system would be better than the other as long as the message gets across without hurting people unnecessarily.
The woman at 2:50 makes an excellent point. "Directness" or "Dutchness" can sometimes be used as a shield for bad opinions and they don't always handle criticism well, leading to a "being able to dish it but not take it" kind of situation.
As a Dutch person, I actually think it's rude if someone is talking around the topic of sugarcoating. It almost feels like dishonesty, which most Dutch find disrepectful.
what do you mean "talking around the topic of sugarcoating"? is it rude to talk about sugarcoating, or is it rude to sugarcoat? your wording makes it sound like Dutch people don't even want you talking about sugarcoating. Or did you just mean they don't like sugarcoating? Because that makes sense given directness
@@emiliamoon9037 both, really. Sugarcoating itself is icky, and people who are proudly saying things like "oh yeah I'm going to butter them up with all the good stuff and let's not mention the downsides" are seen as arsekissing posers. Just be honest, that's how you get people working together productively.
@@emiliamoon9037when you are in holland and you cant to be directly or honestly that is disrespectful s dutch culture you as a foreigner must adapt and respect our culture just as we Dutch are abroad😊
It's rude to speak your mind and be direct? So you want us to sugar coat? Not be honest to you? You want to play a guessing game? You want us to lie to you? It makes no sense to me...
None of these things are what people are suggesting when they consider Dutch people rude. I tend to find the directness fine, although it can surprise me now and again. Having said that, there are moments when the Dutchie could certainly be more tactful (there's a time and place) or considerate of the effect their words might have, without compromising on directness, especially when talking to a non-Dutch person. It would be unfair to assume all people receiving your directness receive it the way you expect from other Dutch people. Also, sometimes, what you consider direct is just brutally honest, and we don't really need the brutal...
@@jiggyprawn People just get offended too quickly nowadays. If you ask someone about something and they tell you the truth but then you don't like that truth why ask? And even more importantly, you know the Dutch are direct so you know you're going to get a direct answer; if you then you don't receive he directness well that's your problem right?
@@jiggyprawn honestly, beating around the bush is something I consider rude... there's a time & place for everything but don't make daily life a guessing game about what's up.
In Dutch social behaviour being direct and trustworthy must come together. As a Dutchman i'm not direct to someone I cannot trust because it will make me vulnerable. In a working situation it's more "objective" so when you don't have any personal relationship to a colleague or client you can be “professional direct”.
There is a difference between being direct and being rude. You can be direct in a respectful way and then there is mere rudeness. Based on my overall experiences, it's a bit on the bad side lol
2:47 You are so right! Saying "Oh I'm just dutch" as an excuse for hurting someone's feelings is stupid. It makes me happy to see that everyone in the video is doing their best to see what is rude and what is not rude within the Netherlands, while taking their own feelings seriously at the same time!
@@QbaasGaming The truth can still hurt someone's feelings, and saying 'Oh I am Dutch' in response to someone whose feelings were hurt can feel a lot like disregarding how they experienced the interaction.
If someone ask you what like about something, for example a new sweater or coat or even about a social issue, then I will give an honest and direct answer. I won’t sugarcoat it. But I will never give an opinion without being asked, that’s rude. Not even to a person I know, let alone someone I’ve never met. But the example of spinach between someone’s teeth or an open fly, I would certainly walk over to him/her and say something (preferably not in public) or sign to that person (try to get their attention) in order to stop their embarrassment. But only when I know that person or met him/her.
People are not responsible about you getting offended by their truth, if you’re used to being lied to or ass licked, i dont know, get used to it or move to america or somethin lmao
@@ensuringseamlessness5042 Haha, you are right in that people have a right to offend, but it is not very nice to disregard what they have to say just because it hurt their feelings. Hearing them out before you decide whether they are wrong is a courtesy that costs you nothing.
I'm Dutch. When I would meet someone at a party and I see some spinach between his or her teeth, I would just whisper that they had.. I wouldn't say it out loud!
Being direct isn't necessarily a bad thing. If I had spinach in my teeth I would WANT someone to pull me aside and say 'hey, you got smth in your teeth' Why beat around the bush?
Hallo, Nederland! I'm a Texan/American who has lived in Europe, primarily in Sweden, Germany and the U.K. I have visited the Netherlands (NL) many times. It is true that the Dutch in general are quite direct. I am one who likes people who speak honestly, but I think most things can be said in a polite, tactful manner. It's not so much what you say, but how you say it. Using the example of the person with spinach in his/her teeth, I probably would have spoken to that person privately, instead of blurting it out and risk making the person feel embarrassed.
The keyword is effective. Dutch people deep inside want to do things so effective as possible. The food, state policy, business, manner of speaking: everything is without fringes. We speak like we eat, without a lot of flavor.
Great series. I was born in the Netherlands and migrated with my family to Australia when I was two. That Dutchness never leaves you, and the videos have made me realise that even though I’ve lived in Australia for 70 years, I’m still VERY DUTCH.
I'm Dutch; I think many of my fellow countrymen in this comment section need a reality check. Our directness is often a good thing, but not always. It has upsides and downsides to it. Sometimes it's just used as an excuse to outright insult people, for example. And often only ethnic Dutch people are allowed to be direct, while anyone who is foreign or Dutch with a foreign background who is direct is 'rude', needs to 'shut the fuck up', 'be grateful' and 'go back to their own country', or whatever. There are some great examples in this comment section of some Dutch people aggressively defending Dutch directness, telling foreign people to not be offended so easily, while they themselves are clearly not able to handle being on the receiving end of directness from others.
I think a big differential factor here is that most people in the netherlands are already aware that we are almost genetically direct and can be considered rude. And many people are already considering that side and are finding other ways to explain it directly without using words that can be flat out rude. For example: Are you blind? the kitchen is over there! This would be often times even by dutch standards as rude(ish). Next example: The kitchen is over there. Simple and direct. and it doesn't involve insulting your intelligence. A few times i have cut off contact with someone because their directness is clouded with a need to also insult while being direct which is a bad thing.
@@noiseflow4306 There is a difference between "That doesn't flatter you." (the clothes are the problem) and "You're too __________ to wear that." (Your appearance is less than ideal) ;-)
I personally find Dutch people rude. I sometimes get the feeling they like to use the directness stereotype as an excuse to be passive aggressive or just plain rude.
are we rude? Yes. are we honest? Yes. Do we want to harm you? No!!! we see reality as it is, and we joke about it. we should be able to talk about controversial stuff, not agree with each other about a certain topic, and then go back to non controversial topics, have a drink, have a good time. we might be divided in the way we think, but we want to be united as a human species. even tough we have our differences. divided but united. ( it's way more complex that this but i'm a bit of an idiot and i can't explain it in a better way) long story shot, hope you are doing well, greetings from some random dutch guy :>
From my view. We should treat the Dutch ppls the same way to be direct and rude with them . So they can realize how can be the feelings when its hurts and they change their altitude 😃 love you Dutch ppls
Ik heb inmiddels bijna alle afleveringen bekeken, met enorm veel genoegen, en daarbij het nodige geleerd over mijn Nederlanderschap. Als de deelnemers aan de serie ook maar bij benadering een afspiegeling zijn van de werkelijkheid is er geen betere reclame voor culturele globalisering.
U maakt een interessante opmerking mbt afspiegeling van de werkelijkheid. De mensen die wij interviewen zijn deelnemers aan ons taalprogramma. Dat taalprogramma is gericht op hogeropgeleiden, die ervoor kiezen om in hun vakantie Nederlands te leren. Het is geen gesubsidieerd programma, dus men komt bij ons uit vrije wil én betaalt er zelf voor. Die mensen willen dus heel graag de taal leren, vooral omdat men in Nederland wil leven en maximaal wil integreren. De groep die wij interviewen is dus in zekere zin wel selectief, wat niet wil zeggen dat ook andere expats niet dezelfde mening kunnen hebben.
I can see the appeal. In the U.S. we tend to go too far trying to be "polite" and it makes communication--and relationships!--harder. If I serve you something that's not to your taste, don't say, "Oh, it's nice! I'm just not very hungry." I'd much rather you say, "I'm sorry; it's a texture thing. I can't enjoy custards." You're not rejecting me; in fact, you're letting me in to know you better :-)
I'm dutch, and I see what you are saying. Sure, we are direct but it depends on the person if it's rude or not. Some Dutch people speak there mind about everything and don't really think about the consequences, about action and reaction. But they can learn that if you point it out to them. So be direct back to these people but be polite because they don't see it yet. Then you also have directness in business. If dutch people are direct to you about businesses they actually want to help you thrive in your business or work. It's not personal. But we're not all the same. Not all the Dutch people are direct all the time. They pretend, say one thing and do something else. So we're not that different.
To give another viewpoint to your comment: I have a lot of American friends, and they have very often called me out on "being incredibly direct" or just "being rude" because I just state facts. The thing with American people is that they sugarcoat a lot of things, topics, etc. In those cases, it takes longer to get to the point. In Dutch, we just say what needs to be said. No idea why it is normal here and not elsewhere, but it's something interesting to think about
I am Chinese Indonesian, when I live in Indonesia whenever I talk to my family about what I like or don’t like, or what I think.. they don’t like my directness.. 11 years ago I move to the Netherlands and I am feeling I am HOME.. I love how the Dutch people talk honestly, friendly, and motivate you.. of course I have also experience culture shock, but only Dutch people can be really direct about complimenting and appreciate something even it is small. In my chinese culture, it is really difficult to make my family happy for my hard working “it is never enough” for them.
I rlly like this directness cuz they're saying whats on their mind! I especially find this usefull at a job since they tell you straight if they have a problem with you and they tell you what that problem exactly is! To the ppl who are saying that they get offended or that the dutch are rude i would say to "toughen up!" and the thing is that not all of the dutch are so direct i've also seen ones that are just like the americans they try to hide whats underneath!
Most Dutch people are indeed direct. As am I. (have chosen my nickname for a reason) But I highly prefer directness over people talking friendly in your face and complaining behind your back.
I think these people (from the netherlands), besides being rude, they're kind of a-holes because when they're being told that they're being rude, they double down instead of being more reflective about their actions. Its like they are too proud to accept that they did something wrong.
2:00 I (as a dutch man) would be 'happy' with that answer. That way I know that it wasn't my fault that I didn't get the internship but that they just didn't have time for me. That's way better than some vague "we're very sorry" argument.
@@collection6062i get her. They way it was discribed was short and little blunt direct. I would have phrased it with more tact and kinder. You can say short and blunt sorry busy no time. Search elsewhere. But can also say I am sorry we would have loved to help you but at this time we realy dont have the staff and resources required to guide you. We wish you all best and succes in your search. More words and same message but much more friendly.
I think it is two different things. If you are asked your opinion, then you should always give your opinion even if it is greatly different than what the asker wants to hear. But, if you just give your opinion when not asked for just to hear yourself talk even though you know it will hurt a person’s feelings, well to me, the first thing I think is “that person’s mother must have been a real slob that didn’t teach her child proper manners, what a disgrace of a parent”. It never fails.
In which my retort would be: So you must be more a fan of Goebbels' eloquence, than Patton's gruff delivery ""When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to a bunch of little old ladies, at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can't run an army without profanity, and it has to be eloquent profanity. An army without profanity couldn't fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag."
Part of it is the language I think. English has a lot of very specific phrases and words to indicate deference and politeness. Dutch doesn't. So when a Dutch person speaks English by just translating what they would have said in Dutch, they miss these nuances and come across as much more blunt than they intend to
Honestly it really depends on where you live in the Netherlands. Around the Randstad and Rotterdam people are more direct. Since most expats are working there, the image expats have is a quite colored. Direct doesn't have to be rude, that depends on how the person brings the message. You can be honest and direct and still take someone else their emotions into account and be respectful. Sadly, some people confuse direct with being rude. It happens more then Dutch people want to admit. (Especially around the places mentioned above) For instance if someone has something between their teeth, you can also look them in the eyes and point at your own teeth a bit, 80% will understand. If they don't, you tell them gently. You don't have to be: Hee! You got something between you teeth, hahaha! All three options are directly communicating something to the person, the last one is rude.
I don't know if many dutch people are that direct, but I find this very odd and I'm polish so we are preety direct too but not as rude, at least to foreigners.
Oh Dutch directness! In Paraguay I used to consider myself a really direct person because I said what I think, without trying to use so many flowers around. In the Netherlands I am the less direct person ever! haha I realized I am very sensitive to many direct comments. I am learning to be more direct in the dutch way, but I think I still have a long way to go! Personally I think that dutch directness is great, and it also contribute to their efficiency in all levels. Direct is better!
To be honest, in the 2 years I've spent here, I've really had no problem in this regard! I have seen this directness in terms of how no attempts are made to be 'nice' when it comes to giving grades, for example. You just get what you deserve and there is no shame attached to it either. In fact, I feel the whole 'sandwich' framework of providing feedback is too obvious. I often hear people reviewing a write-up (as part of our coursework where we have to give mutual feedback) and they start off as "I really enjoyed reading your thesis and it was very clear but.. I found that your sentence structures make it kind of hard to understand" and I'm like WTH, then how was it clear and interesting to read?! That is clearly a courtesy compliment that you don't mean. Having said that however, even knowing they're just being nice, these compliments can still be encouraging :) Also, I really like how they are incredibly critical where needed and this critique is not in the least bit carried over into other interactions. I am really impressed by that! Even if the 'Dutch directness' is as sharp as people make it seem, one thing I'd like to emulate from this is to temper this directness and acuity with being as nice as they are!
2.02 I don't see her problem. So they told her they don't have time for her, try somewhere else. What should they have told her then? Ok, leave your address and wait till you're old and grey? I don't get it.
Being two-faced is a much bigger sign of disrespect than being direct, for sure. I guess it can be hurtful if you're not used to it but I'm glad they all found out we actually are trying to be "nice" in our own weird, Dutch ways, lol.
I find this so interesting. 1:29 'We generally soften it.' I am Dutch and to me softening things feels like sugarcoating and patronizing behaviour and I have to remind myself that others don't necessary have to mean it that way. 'Just say it, so we can both save time.' Rude or direct seems to me to definitely be a culture thing.
Softening things in order to adjust to the person in front of you and, more generally, caring about the effects of your words and gestures on others is a sign that you're civilized and not a peasant or boor
@@Leto85 Mijn Nederlands is niet zo goed, maar ik kan wel gesprekken in je taal voeren en dat heb ik onlangs trouwens steeds vaker gedaan...overigens lees ik heel vaak in het Nederlands en bovendien woon ik al enkele jaren in België, al wordt hier in Brussel veel meer Frans als Nederlands gesproken. Kom je uit Nijmegen?
I'm super direct, even my dutch friends think so 😂 I might come across as rude but I personally think its better to be direct then to beat around the bush ✌💕
@@MakingYouAwarecom Calling communication violent shows a significant problem with the sensitivity of the author, so no thank you. Communication is generally non-violent. You don't talk with your fists or feet. You don't communicate with a baseball bat or a knife. Communication is conveying your thoughts to someone else in order to resolve issues through non-violent means. If you're going to beat someone up there's no reason to talk to them about anything.
I heard the saying, "If you're not Dutch, you're not much!" years ago from a man born in Australia of Dutch heritage. I use the saying in fun, as I am half Dutch and Australian born.
So all around the world people beat around the bush except in the Netherlands? Can't believe that. What's the point of not speaking your mind? As long as you don't use rude language ...
wow that's a big generalization that you did there ! obviously people that aren't dutch can be honest and direct ! I guess it's more of a cultural thing in the Netherlands but yeah direct people exist everywhere
LOL. It is so nice to see all these comments. They all seem to underline the point made in this video. Yes, the Dutch are direct and blunt. But if these comments come across as rude or even abrasive it is just your sensitivity. But the lady at 2:50 is right. If a Dutch native is being rude in a squabble he will be *rude*. It is not well intended. Totally different scenario.
What is rude? I'm not sure, zenne, when someone has ketchup on their face, in Belgium we say "Hedde een kieke doodgebeten?" (Did you bitten a chicken to dead?) I don't think that's rude, ze, it's joke. xD
Being direct is a good thing I feel because there's no need to second guess intentions. It's obviously not an excuse to be an asshole, but when I walk to work in the morning and someone on central station tags my shoulder and says hey your fly is down I'm very glad they did because now I get to have my fly up for the rest of the way. As for people pointing out errors and shortcomings which could be considered rude in some cultures, I tend to react better finding out now than finding out 2 weeks later when the gossip hits me. There is always an appropriate and an inappropriate way to bring it of course, but I much rather they do bring it straight to me rather than judging me silently or behind my back, I find people like that very difficult to trust in the long run.
In fact reality is very gray, not black or white...we should strive to strike a compromise and find a middle ground between pointing things out to the other person abruptly and abrasively and speaking ill of them behind their back...both extremes are bad and should be best avoided at all costs...
for us Dutch people, it would be considered rude to not say something about having spinach between your teeth or anything like that, we just help each other out
"Directness can be interpreted as rudeness"- I am sure every rude person would defend it as directness when countered. PS: How receptive and accepting are they when directness is dished out to them?
Having grown up in the Netherlands, my experience is that they are direct but only within a set range of opinions. If you are direct about certain other things they will get very defensive. They can dish it out but they can't take it.
@@RadioNul Exactly. Try drawing parallels between Dutch and Afrikaans, who are 98% same as Dutch in terms of ethnic, linguistic, and cultural background. And see, how they react.
I think they are rude and arrogant more than direct. Directness is usually linked to honesty, but they aren't in The Netherlands. They don't care about others compared to other cultures, rarely say thank you and are a bit spoilt.
What you have to understand about the internship at the school, is that its actually very nice that they tell her that they dont have the time to give her a proper internship.
Directness almost up to the point of rudeness is the reason why they have such an efficiënt society. Why should they sugarcoat things? Why not call a spade a spade? Should they lie to you to protect your petty feelings?
To all these foreigners; it is very hard to adjust to all of your cultural specialties, and express these in perfect english. Since none of you speaks our language good enough to correctly understand how we mean things.
It is very hard to keep in mind what exactly would be rude to someone else. I remember a time I was in Scotland and I had a fight with my boyfriend who was pissed at his mom. I told his mom 'I understand you're stressed...' refering to my boyfriends childish behaviour. She didnt take offense because she knew I was from a different culture but I found out if I was Scottish, that comment would have been considered sarcastic and very rude. But in Holland she would have said 'you see? Your girlfriend agrees with me!' I was absolutely shocked that I had been rude...
The fact that a sentence is automatically considered sarcastic is pretty concerning. How would one go about sharing that exact sentiment in a non-sarcastic manner then?
We're not rude. We are outspoken people that value honesty and hate bullshit. In other cultures, people tend to mince their words or 'beat around the bush', so they won't hurt anyone else's feelings. In the Netherlands, that doesn't happen very often, because quite frankly... we don't care! Anything that CAN be said, MUST be said! What we think is what you get! If we give conpliments, you can be sure that we mean it. Beating around the bush is not popular here. If you do that, we'll call you out for it. Overly friendliness is something we see as fake, reeking of insincerity and hypocrisy; 2 characteristics we absolutely despise. We like it this way, and we're never gonna change.
@@LeonKerkdijk it's just the more extreme forms which are objectionable. Calvinists believe in predestination and tend to see the world in black and white terms. This is why many Dutch people really believe that their country is free from corruption in politlcs and business. "WIj ziijn een fatsoenlijk volk". It's not as corrupt as Nigeria or Italy and they are much better at hiding it. Your comment which praises being outspoken (some would say rude) is connected to Calvinism and the personalities these beliefs tend to shape.
@Eise Trompetter nee hoor, Nederlanders draaien liever niet om de hete brij en zijn soms recht voor zijn raap. Dat is nu eenmaal de boeren mentaliteit. Kort, maar krachtig. Of het nu netjes is, is nog maar de vraag. Maar het is wel effectief.
They are totally not rude! Nicest nation! And kindest! They are simply open with their emotions and what they think they are not afraid to say. Its better to hear an honest answer so you can think and maybe improve yourself but of course some foreigners prefer a sweet lie....
personally I don't think the directness makes things always good. I mean other cultures have different ways of approaching things and giving hints in a polite way can also have a great effect. Also the NL has many different people from different cultures that I think it's time for them also to adapt to some of the cultural things and not just force their directness onto others, like we need to accept it as it is and not call it rude. But what if for us it is just rude and I'm not talking about the spinach in your teeth thing. There are many more things. Personally not a fan of this, and I think people in this video try to sugar coat it and call it anything but rude when in fact some may percieve it as totally rude
@Wiebe Hayes Well, yes you are right. I guess I also had some personal things going on while living there and maybe judged a bit too much, by reading my previous rant. Maybe by watching the video all those memories came up on me again. That's why I 'm not watching it again, just replying to your comment
I like directness. I wonder how Dutch people feel about the lack of directness from others? But I´ve lived in four countries, so take people as I find them.
Well, when I had a French boyfriend for 3 years as a 16 year old, and went there often, I was always wondering what people were actually trying to say, and why on earth it took them so long to say it!! When talking to people from/in the US, I feel like I can’t trust them because they exaggerate to the point of lying and often say things they really don’t mean. But when I was in Burundi, where they are extremely polite, I really loved it! But maybe that was also because they were very polite about me being rude?? I do always try to adapt, though, to a certain extent, when abroad.
Its tiresome sometimes. You never know what to expect or do whatisexpeted without them saying so. It becomes a guessing game and you always feel like walking on eggs. We really do want to do the right thing and not hurt someone.
I was watching a youtube video on language learning. The presenter was saying how a student of his was learning Dutch and struggling. Whoever her Dutch teacher was said she was never going to learn and may as well give up. She gave up and went on to learn another language with much less difficulty.
Sounds like a pretty shit teacher if they're telling their students to give up. I mean, Dutch is a pretty difficult language to learn if you're not a child anymore. But I know plenty of people who have pulled it off.
I'm Dutch and I can understand the arguments of the people in the video. But I have to comment on the example from the man from Canada. When someone has spinache between their teeth, of course you tell them! I don't tell that person they have something between their teeth in front of the whole room, but tap them on the shoulder en quietly tell them they need to check their teeth. You don't let them walk around like that for an entire day; I think that that is just unpolite. And yes, there are Dutch people who can be rude in their directness, but I also think that it is a good thing that we don't beat around the bush in some matters and that it is a good thing to be straightforward with each other to avoid misunderstandings.
The thing with the spinach on the teeth. Sometimes I don’t say something direct, but I just give them a hint. It’s not rude. It’s considerate. I don’t want someone to look like a fool.
When you come to the Netherlands, just grow some because that is how we are. If we are in a other country we also have to get used to their normal things.
I remember moving here at the age of 9-10 and i was put in year 5 at primary to learn dutch. I was bullied and the teacher just told my mother "it's because she's too sensitive and fat and she needs to lose weight to feel happy." I still don't know if it's malicious or not to this day.
Speak your truth so you give others the chance to grow. So many cultures say it's rude but I find it's rude if you can't be honest about what you are thinking or feeling.
There is a big difference in directness between people from randstad (provinces North and South Holland) and people from Brabant (NL). In Brabant people are less direct, in Limburg (NL) I think also. I'm from Brabant and I lived in Rotterdam for a while and the directness for me was also a culture shock.
My husband is dutch and I'm sardinian (Italy), two opposite polarities (the north and the south). At the beginning when I noticed this I thought "What the ****" then I've become direct as him 🤣🤣🤣 His explanation: " Italian people go from A to B1 -B2 then C2, then C3 and then they reach B spot, we are direct, we go from A to B, period.
i have a Dutch friend and i got pretty used to the directness, and he knows some people aren't used to the Dutch's directness so he always says “sorry for my rude”.. i wish i can explain why they sound rude to the people he is friends with
I think the important point when talking to others is treating them as we liked to be treated. I like to be treated in a nice way so I am always nice to others.
The first time I took my new Baby to meet her Dutch Great Grandparents, the Great Grand father said "Joden" immediately. I have always wondered what he meant.
2:35 wow wow wow, your neighbour complained about you flushing the toilet in the middle of the night? Yeah, that's not normal. Either you have paper thin walls and he/she should just deal with it or he/she is listening in on you.
I live in an appartment building and I have shared ventilation with one of my neighbours. I can hear them flush the toilet, but only if I'm in my bathroom. I can also hear him sing in his shower. But I don't really mind it always makes me chuckle.
Well, the correct dutch respond would be: "mind your own business" ("bemoei je met je eigen"). And the next day would just go like: "You neighbour had a nice shit last night?" ("jo buurvrouw nog lekker gekakt vannacht?"). And everything will just go as usual....
So flushing the toilet in the middle of the night is a bad thing? I would think that NOT flushing it and leaving it for the next person to see it would be a bad thing.
Yeah that one annoyed me. Shut your clap neighbour, stop whining. When I'm doing business at night I'm flushing it, no matter how much it bothers you. And if it's that annoying contact the homeowner and get some sound proofing around the pipes.
I think Dutch people are direct in all senses. Most of us will tell you if you do something wrong or look weird, but we will also tell you when you did something well, or if something looks very good on you. It's very much 'what you see is what you get'. Personally, I think our form of communication is just very efficient... but then again, this is what I'm used to xD
They are so direct that even friends look at the clock during dinner time to let you know you are not invited to stay. I call that rude, not cultured. They will invite you to make up the number at a bachelor party but don't want you to stay for dinner at their wedding.
yes, it's incredible. Some Dutch people writing here think "so we should just lie and beat around the bush???". Nah, most people in the world can phrase it quite efficiently, and don't make you look like a fool.
I usually spend 2 months a year in the Netherlands and go weeks without having a conversation. It’s like WTF not even small talk. But I love the country more than America.
I am Dutch and i am very happy when someone telling me that i have something between my teeth.So i wont walk around like fool whole day.
exactly, that is the ONLY reason why i say this to the people that i realy cares about, so that they wont walk around like a fool, AND if u dont say it, when they got home and watch the mirror, they won't think like, why did nobody said something or like how long ive been walking around like a muppet
its certainly not meant to be rude, we just wanna help
i mean its really awkward when you see someone with like spinach on their teeth or a piece of snot on your nose, you just HAVE to say something
We value time a lot. We don't have time to beat around the bush. We say what we think is wrong so you can fix it. If we disagree we can talk about it and figure it out or leave it that way without making it personal. We are honest because it saves time and we value it! If we can't be honest and direct with you we don't trust you because you will not be honest with us. If have something to ask or say, just say it don't waste our time. Lastly making things nicer than they are is considered a LIE!
Yes me to cause in the Netherlands people go laugh at me than and talk about it ena thats just uncomfortable but i don't want to be rude and yes we look at what we don't got right but only si we can learn and know next time how to do it. Sorry for my bad English
Hello, I am from Poland and currently living ans working in Netherlands ( like 50% of my country, I know ), but I met a lot of very helpful people here. I was kind of upset how some of them gave me they heart on the hand. I really respect that people and I'm Happy that I can have fair life here. Hartelijk dank Nederlanders ! 🇳🇱
Are they just being polite about liking the directness of the Dutch or do they really appreciate it... Hmmmm😅
Most of them don't appreciate it for sure. I am an expat and I know it better. I am direct myself, so for me it is a good thing about Dutch people. Sometimes even Dutch people cannot really take it when I am too direct to them. That used to make me bit confused initially. But gradually I realized that some of them actually are rude and use the "directness" as an excuse. :D
Ja
@Gues Whodude calm down and by the way its what they think so they can't lie. And are you dutch cause yeh you sound angree to me. I'm dutch to en goh wat kunnen die mensen zeuren zeg kijk ik kan dan wel direct zijn maar niet tegen vreemden. En trouwens waarom zou iemand het erg vinden als je word geholpen of als iemand zegt dat er wat tussen je tanden zit dan loop je tenminste niet voor gek rond
I know they appreciate it. I do and I know it's not personal. It's only about your work and it's very efficient. Directness is great.
Amit Das
Can’t be more right
Direct words can never be rude, only atitude can be rude. I like dutch people telling the truth and save my so much time. And generally they are very kind and friendly.
What's so bad about telling someone that he has spinach in his teeth? Would you rather walk around with dirty teeth? Maybe you should say "Thank you".
I would always give them a small mirror to check it out for themselves when they have stuff like lipstick on your teeth or spinach.
@@farisha3054 That's a good one.
lol, in Belgium we even have the the sayings like, it looks like you've bitten a chicken to dead, when there's a red sauce on your mouth
and It looks like you cut your hair with a landowner, or did rats are your hair? when your hair is cut strange, gosh, if you can't handle being told that's their spinach in your teeth, that's really weird, ze.,.
hes not saying its bad, hes saying that in the US people are prone not to, which we probably would find pretty rude , they seem to assume that you tell them to mock them in public, I guess
What's so bad about telling a Dutch uncle that he is an arse-ho!e?
It is important to realise that saying what you really think is culturally a sign of respect for Dutch people, you do it with people that you appreciate and with whom you can be open because you consider there is a relation of trust.
Saying "yeah, sure" while thinking otherwise is easier, so you do that with someone you don't appreciate. Just let them walk around with their spinach on their teeth or their project with problems they haven't seen themselves as they are not worth the hassle, they'll find out on their own.
I know this tends to be the other way around in many other cultures: polite and sugarcoating when you appreciate someone and directness when you don't appreciate the other person. No judgement of which approach is better, but know that Dutch directness is (often) a sign that the other person appreciates you.
Exactly. Couldn't have explained it better my self!
Nope, not in my experience. ALL the Dutch I have met are happy to BE direct but no so happy to receive directness from others. There are levels of directness 😉
@boslandschap
You’re very right!! I’m from Central America and we think is better to be direct than being hypocrite. Just because you like to hear what you want doesn’t mean you don’t have to hear what you need. 😌
@@PaulGappyNorris That makes no sense at all. We are direct with eachother too and you don't see us getting into fights with eachother all day long. Rudeness and directness are two seperate things. You can be direct without being rude and you can be rude without being direct. Or you can be both or neither. So how do you reckon they aren't happy to receive directness from you? Did they tell you to keep it to yourself? Or did they just disagree with you? Because that itself isn't a sign that they don't want you to speak your mind. It's simply that they disagree with what you're saying. That's the thing about directness. Everyone speaks their mind and disagreements are out in the open. But they aren't forced to take your opinion to heart and neither are you forced to take theirs to heart. To me it sounds like you put a lot more weight on it than me or any of my acquantances would.
I agree. It causes a lot of problems in relationships when we hold back how we feel because we don't want to upset the other person. What that feels like is "I don't trust you to care how I feel." Which is far more hurtful than kindly being honest.
I wouldn't say we would shout it out, but we would definitely tell the person "yo, you got something in your teeth"
for real though as a Dutchie I hate it when people say "don't worry about it" when I ask if something is wrong. like no, I sense something is wrong, tell me whether or not something is wrong. don't leave me with a vague "don't worry about it"
If, I say "don't worry about it!" I don't want to share it with the other person. You might have sensed it but it doesn't give you the right to know. If someone keeps on asking I just say I don't want to talk about it with them.
In my eyes it's far more rude letting someone walk around with spinach between their teeth for everybody to see instead of telling that person there's spinach between her or his teeth.
@@IzayaSasuke yes, so that is what a dutch person would say immediately. 'don't want to talk about it' which is what you meant but didn't say.
@@idoholkamp1092 I am dutch though😂
And don't worry about it. Says exactly what I want. For you to not worry about hence leaving the topic alone.
There is a big difference about being direct or rude. There is a certain group of people in The Netherlands who believe they can just say and do everything they want to people who they hardly know. Being direct doesn't give you the right to insult someone. Remember that.
That goes for all people in every country.
A way to distinguish this: tell the person they are being rude and offensive. A normal person will apologize, while an asshole will instead cover it up and claim you don't understand Dutch directness.
Don't be such a baby snowflake
Not having your feelings hurt is not a right, you should remember that. Grow a thicker skin.
@@RoyRope
You can be direct without being rude. If someone is being rude to the other, then he or she must deserve it. I have the feeling that some people have the urge to be rude towards everybody because it is some kind of habit. they have probably been brought up with this. I don't think this is a healthy mentality at al and it certainly won't make you loved by others.
What i get from this is that a lot of other cultures do their best to dance around something. That's just trying to fool yourselves because you both know what you're really talking about.
Does that matter? The point is that they get the message across in a way that doesn't hurt ones feelings... I don't see why one system would be better than the other as long as the message gets across without hurting people unnecessarily.
jjak jjak its not that we want to hurt someone but why lie about something u don’t like
@@skkuurtcobain Don't lie. Be nicer with your reply. Done.
jiggyprawn or what? I think the directness is just about right so you aren’t bullshitting around with what you want to say
@@martvollenbroek5836 Ok. It doesn't have to be "bullshitting" but, whatever.
The woman at 2:50 makes an excellent point. "Directness" or "Dutchness" can sometimes be used as a shield for bad opinions and they don't always handle criticism well, leading to a "being able to dish it but not take it" kind of situation.
As a Dutch person, I actually think it's rude if someone is talking around the topic of sugarcoating. It almost feels like dishonesty, which most Dutch find disrepectful.
what do you mean "talking around the topic of sugarcoating"? is it rude to talk about sugarcoating, or is it rude to sugarcoat? your wording makes it sound like Dutch people don't even want you talking about sugarcoating. Or did you just mean they don't like sugarcoating? Because that makes sense given directness
@@emiliamoon9037 both, really. Sugarcoating itself is icky, and people who are proudly saying things like "oh yeah I'm going to butter them up with all the good stuff and let's not mention the downsides" are seen as arsekissing posers. Just be honest, that's how you get people working together productively.
@@emiliamoon9037when you are in holland and you cant to be directly or honestly that is disrespectful s dutch culture you as a foreigner must adapt and respect our culture just as we Dutch are abroad😊
I'm wondering. When the interviewed students say they 'like' the directness, are they just being polite? 😉
It's rude to speak your mind and be direct? So you want us to sugar coat? Not be honest to you? You want to play a guessing game? You want us to lie to you? It makes no sense to me...
None of these things are what people are suggesting when they consider Dutch people rude. I tend to find the directness fine, although it can surprise me now and again. Having said that, there are moments when the Dutchie could certainly be more tactful (there's a time and place) or considerate of the effect their words might have, without compromising on directness, especially when talking to a non-Dutch person. It would be unfair to assume all people receiving your directness receive it the way you expect from other Dutch people. Also, sometimes, what you consider direct is just brutally honest, and we don't really need the brutal...
@@jiggyprawn People just get offended too quickly nowadays. If you ask someone about something and they tell you the truth but then you don't like that truth why ask? And even more importantly, you know the Dutch are direct so you know you're going to get a direct answer; if you then you don't receive he directness well that's your problem right?
@@jiggyprawn honestly, beating around the bush is something I consider rude... there's a time & place for everything but don't make daily life a guessing game about what's up.
@@jiggyprawn When you visit a country you need to adapt and respect the culture, not the other way around.
That's the issue I think, somehow loads of people don't think sugarcoating is lying.
In Dutch social behaviour being direct and trustworthy must come together. As a Dutchman i'm not direct to someone I cannot trust because it will make me vulnerable. In a working situation it's more "objective" so when you don't have any personal relationship to a colleague or client you can be “professional direct”.
Interesting perspextive, I must say.
Very good point.
In other words, inconsistent in order to suit your purpose. Beautiful.
There is a difference between being direct and being rude. You can be direct in a respectful way and then there is mere rudeness. Based on my overall experiences, it's a bit on the bad side lol
2:47 You are so right! Saying "Oh I'm just dutch" as an excuse for hurting someone's feelings is stupid. It makes me happy to see that everyone in the video is doing their best to see what is rude and what is not rude within the Netherlands, while taking their own feelings seriously at the same time!
No its not, directness can hurt your feelings but at least its the truth, that's dutch ;)
@@QbaasGaming The truth can still hurt someone's feelings, and saying 'Oh I am Dutch' in response to someone whose feelings were hurt can feel a lot like disregarding how they experienced the interaction.
If someone ask you what like about something, for example a new sweater or coat or even about a social issue, then I will give an honest and direct answer. I won’t sugarcoat it. But I will never give an opinion without being asked, that’s rude. Not even to a person I know, let alone someone I’ve never met. But the example of spinach between someone’s teeth or an open fly, I would certainly walk over to him/her and say something (preferably not in public) or sign to that person (try to get their attention) in order to stop their embarrassment. But only when I know that person or met him/her.
People are not responsible about you getting offended by their truth, if you’re used to being lied to or ass licked, i dont know, get used to it or move to america or somethin lmao
@@ensuringseamlessness5042 Haha, you are right in that people have a right to offend, but it is not very nice to disregard what they have to say just because it hurt their feelings. Hearing them out before you decide whether they are wrong is a courtesy that costs you nothing.
I'm Dutch. When I would meet someone at a party and I see some spinach between his or her teeth, I would just whisper that they had.. I wouldn't say it out loud!
Yeah that's how it should be
yeah I honestly don't get how that is blunt or rude. It's rude to NOT say anything!!!
Being direct isn't necessarily a bad thing.
If I had spinach in my teeth I would WANT someone to pull me aside and say 'hey, you got smth in your teeth'
Why beat around the bush?
Hallo, Nederland! I'm a Texan/American who has lived in Europe, primarily in Sweden, Germany and the U.K. I have visited the Netherlands (NL) many times. It is true that the Dutch in general are quite direct. I am one who likes people who speak honestly, but I think most things can be said in a polite, tactful manner. It's not so much what you say, but how you say it. Using the example of the person with spinach in his/her teeth, I probably would have spoken to that person privately, instead of blurting it out and risk making the person feel embarrassed.
The keyword is effective. Dutch people deep inside want to do things so effective as possible. The food, state policy, business, manner of speaking: everything is without fringes. We speak like we eat, without a lot of flavor.
And with a lot of salt! :-D
Great series. I was born in the Netherlands and migrated with my family to Australia when I was two. That Dutchness never leaves you, and the videos have made me realise that even though I’ve lived in Australia for 70 years, I’m still VERY DUTCH.
I'm Dutch; I think many of my fellow countrymen in this comment section need a reality check. Our directness is often a good thing, but not always. It has upsides and downsides to it. Sometimes it's just used as an excuse to outright insult people, for example. And often only ethnic Dutch people are allowed to be direct, while anyone who is foreign or Dutch with a foreign background who is direct is 'rude', needs to 'shut the fuck up', 'be grateful' and 'go back to their own country', or whatever. There are some great examples in this comment section of some Dutch people aggressively defending Dutch directness, telling foreign people to not be offended so easily, while they themselves are clearly not able to handle being on the receiving end of directness from others.
I think a big differential factor here is that most people in the netherlands are already aware that we are almost genetically direct and can be considered rude. And many people are already considering that side and are finding other ways to explain it directly without using words that can be flat out rude.
For example: Are you blind? the kitchen is over there!
This would be often times even by dutch standards as rude(ish).
Next example: The kitchen is over there.
Simple and direct. and it doesn't involve insulting your intelligence. A few times i have cut off contact with someone because their directness is clouded with a need to also insult while being direct which is a bad thing.
Spreek mi mang spreek
I love going shopping with my Dutch bf because he will always tell me if something doesn’t look good on me instead of sugar coating it.
Yea I get what you're saying but trust me there will be one day when you think someone is being rude instead of direct
@@noiseflow4306 There is a difference between "That doesn't flatter you." (the clothes are the problem) and "You're too __________ to wear that." (Your appearance is less than ideal) ;-)
I personally find Dutch people rude. I sometimes get the feeling they like to use the directness stereotype as an excuse to be passive aggressive or just plain rude.
Rude & arrogant
When you are blurting out things in front others then it's 100% rude
are we rude? Yes. are we honest? Yes. Do we want to harm you? No!!! we see reality as it is, and we joke about it. we should be able to talk about controversial stuff, not agree with each other about a certain topic, and then go back to non controversial topics, have a drink, have a good time. we might be divided in the way we think, but we want to be united as a human species. even tough we have our differences. divided but united. ( it's way more complex that this but i'm a bit of an idiot and i can't explain it in a better way) long story shot, hope you are doing well, greetings from some random dutch guy :>
Thanks. Greetings back (if that is something in english) from a random dutch girl
Of course the Dutchman proclaimed bullying acceptable and blames everyone else for it. SMH
@@e.g.4483 zero accountability
From my view. We should treat the Dutch ppls the same way to be direct and rude with them . So they can realize how can be the feelings when its hurts and they change their altitude 😃 love you Dutch ppls
@Morris Hauptmeijer yeah maybe you are right, I hope you are not a Dutch😊
Had a fucking stroke reading this.
If we could change our altitude, we would have. Too many of us have to live under sea level.
They're rude. It comes from a sense of superiority.
We are direct except on a bike than we are absolute rude.😅
Ik heb inmiddels bijna alle afleveringen bekeken, met enorm veel genoegen, en daarbij het nodige geleerd over mijn Nederlanderschap. Als de deelnemers aan de serie ook maar bij benadering een afspiegeling zijn van de werkelijkheid is er geen betere reclame voor culturele globalisering.
U maakt een interessante opmerking mbt afspiegeling van de werkelijkheid. De mensen die wij interviewen zijn deelnemers aan ons taalprogramma. Dat taalprogramma is gericht op hogeropgeleiden, die ervoor kiezen om in hun vakantie Nederlands te leren. Het is geen gesubsidieerd programma, dus men komt bij ons uit vrije wil én betaalt er zelf voor. Die mensen willen dus heel graag de taal leren, vooral omdat men in Nederland wil leven en maximaal wil integreren. De groep die wij interviewen is dus in zekere zin wel selectief, wat niet wil zeggen dat ook andere expats niet dezelfde mening kunnen hebben.
I can see the appeal. In the U.S. we tend to go too far trying to be "polite" and it makes communication--and relationships!--harder. If I serve you something that's not to your taste, don't say, "Oh, it's nice! I'm just not very hungry." I'd much rather you say, "I'm sorry; it's a texture thing. I can't enjoy custards." You're not rejecting me; in fact, you're letting me in to know you better :-)
I'm dutch, and I see what you are saying. Sure, we are direct but it depends on the person if it's rude or not. Some Dutch people speak there mind about everything and don't really think about the consequences, about action and reaction. But they can learn that if you point it out to them. So be direct back to these people but be polite because they don't see it yet. Then you also have directness in business. If dutch people are direct to you about businesses they actually want to help you thrive in your business or work. It's not personal.
But we're not all the same. Not all the Dutch people are direct all the time. They pretend, say one thing and do something else. So we're not that different.
I just wanted to say two things. 1. You're right. And 2. Your ancestors had a very funny self-naming sense when they made up their last name.
That is so strange to hear that we are direct. I don't even ever think about that. How else would you say what you want to say? 😊
yes i dont understand it...
To give another viewpoint to your comment: I have a lot of American friends, and they have very often called me out on "being incredibly direct" or just "being rude" because I just state facts. The thing with American people is that they sugarcoat a lot of things, topics, etc. In those cases, it takes longer to get to the point. In Dutch, we just say what needs to be said. No idea why it is normal here and not elsewhere, but it's something interesting to think about
@@ThomBaws Yes it's cultural...
I am Chinese Indonesian, when I live in Indonesia whenever I talk to my family about what I like or don’t like, or what I think.. they don’t like my directness.. 11 years ago I move to the Netherlands and I am feeling I am HOME.. I love how the Dutch people talk honestly, friendly, and motivate you.. of course I have also experience culture shock, but only Dutch people can be really direct about complimenting and appreciate something even it is small. In my chinese culture, it is really difficult to make my family happy for my hard working “it is never enough” for them.
I rlly like this directness cuz they're saying whats on their mind! I especially find this usefull at a job since they tell you straight if they have a problem with you and they tell you what that problem exactly is! To the ppl who are saying that they get offended or that the dutch are rude i would say to "toughen up!" and the thing is that not all of the dutch are so direct i've also seen ones that are just like the americans they try to hide whats underneath!
I agree, there's being dutch and there's being rude. I do like directness but with emotional intelligence
Most Dutch people are indeed direct.
As am I. (have chosen my nickname for a reason)
But I highly prefer directness over people talking friendly in your face and complaining behind your back.
@Eise Trompetter Then find new friends m8.
Not all Dutch people are unfriendly.
They are however, if YOU are the one to be unfriendly to begin with.
@Eise Trompetter Again: Look for new friends.
Dutch people gossip behind your back also so, they're twice as bad as everyone else lol
I think these people (from the netherlands), besides being rude, they're kind of a-holes because when they're being told that they're being rude, they double down instead of being more reflective about their actions. Its like they are too proud to accept that they did something wrong.
2:00 I (as a dutch man) would be 'happy' with that answer. That way I know that it wasn't my fault that I didn't get the internship but that they just didn't have time for me. That's way better than some vague "we're very sorry" argument.
100%!!! I just dont get it. How is that rude???? They didnt have time so they said they didnt have time.
@@collection6062i get her. They way it was discribed was short and little blunt direct. I would have phrased it with more tact and kinder. You can say short and blunt sorry busy no time. Search elsewhere. But can also say I am sorry we would have loved to help you but at this time we realy dont have the staff and resources required to guide you. We wish you all best and succes in your search. More words and same message but much more friendly.
I think it is two different things. If you are asked your opinion, then you should always give your opinion even if it is greatly different than what the asker wants to hear. But, if you just give your opinion when not asked for just to hear yourself talk even though you know it will hurt a person’s feelings, well to me, the first thing I think is “that person’s mother must have been a real slob that didn’t teach her child proper manners, what a disgrace of a parent”. It never fails.
In which my retort would be: So you must be more a fan of Goebbels' eloquence, than Patton's gruff delivery
""When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to a bunch of little old ladies, at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can't run an army without profanity, and it has to be eloquent profanity. An army without profanity couldn't fight its way out of a piss-soaked paper bag."
We’re also very direct in South Africa. Lots of people think we’re aggressive or rude but we honestly cant be bothered to try and sugarcoat stuff 😂
Really??
Part of it is the language I think. English has a lot of very specific phrases and words to indicate deference and politeness. Dutch doesn't. So when a Dutch person speaks English by just translating what they would have said in Dutch, they miss these nuances and come across as much more blunt than they intend to
Diminutive suffixes makes all the difference in Dutch.
I am Dutch and live in Canada. I would rather have the directness than this passive aggressive behind your back rudeness I experience here in Canada
Honestly it really depends on where you live in the Netherlands. Around the Randstad and Rotterdam people are more direct. Since most expats are working there, the image expats have is a quite colored.
Direct doesn't have to be rude, that depends on how the person brings the message. You can be honest and direct and still take someone else their emotions into account and be respectful. Sadly, some people confuse direct with being rude. It happens more then Dutch people want to admit. (Especially around the places mentioned above)
For instance if someone has something between their teeth, you can also look them in the eyes and point at your own teeth a bit, 80% will understand. If they don't, you tell them gently. You don't have to be: Hee! You got something between you teeth, hahaha! All three options are directly communicating something to the person, the last one is rude.
I don't know if many dutch people are that direct, but I find this very odd and I'm polish so we are preety direct too but not as rude, at least to foreigners.
being direct it means you goes straight to the point, and i see this very good thing to have specially in a work environment.
Oh Dutch directness! In Paraguay I used to consider myself a really direct person because I said what I think, without trying to use so many flowers around. In the Netherlands I am the less direct person ever! haha I realized I am very sensitive to many direct comments. I am learning to be more direct in the dutch way, but I think I still have a long way to go!
Personally I think that dutch directness is great, and it also contribute to their efficiency in all levels. Direct is better!
They are DIRECT, and expecially girls make you SPARE a lot of TIME 😀
John from Australia has it right! I find it rude for someone to be indirect not telling exactly what is on their mind.
To be honest, in the 2 years I've spent here, I've really had no problem in this regard! I have seen this directness in terms of how no attempts are made to be 'nice' when it comes to giving grades, for example. You just get what you deserve and there is no shame attached to it either. In fact, I feel the whole 'sandwich' framework of providing feedback is too obvious. I often hear people reviewing a write-up (as part of our coursework where we have to give mutual feedback) and they start off as "I really enjoyed reading your thesis and it was very clear but.. I found that your sentence structures make it kind of hard to understand" and I'm like WTH, then how was it clear and interesting to read?! That is clearly a courtesy compliment that you don't mean. Having said that however, even knowing they're just being nice, these compliments can still be encouraging :) Also, I really like how they are incredibly critical where needed and this critique is not in the least bit carried over into other interactions. I am really impressed by that! Even if the 'Dutch directness' is as sharp as people make it seem, one thing I'd like to emulate from this is to temper this directness and acuity with being as nice as they are!
2.02 I don't see her problem. So they told her they don't have time for her, try somewhere else. What should they have told her then? Ok, leave your address and wait till you're old and grey? I don't get it.
'cos you're Dutch, while she isn't.
Well, that could have been nicer (I’m Dutch though). I’ve never heard directness like this at job interviews or when solliciting.
@@therealcleany I have. Long time ago though.
@@hatsjie2 Well, obviously. But what sort of response would she consider more appropriate?
@@dwylaw you can be direct and still be polite
Everyone in this video is just indirectly saying we are rude and I love it 😂
Being two-faced is a much bigger sign of disrespect than being direct, for sure. I guess it can be hurtful if you're not used to it but I'm glad they all found out we actually are trying to be "nice" in our own weird, Dutch ways, lol.
I think both are disrespectful in many ways
I find this so interesting.
1:29 'We generally soften it.'
I am Dutch and to me softening things feels like sugarcoating and patronizing behaviour and I have to remind myself that others don't necessary have to mean it that way. 'Just say it, so we can both save time.'
Rude or direct seems to me to definitely be a culture thing.
Softening things in order to adjust to the person in front of you and, more generally, caring about the effects of your words and gestures on others is a sign that you're civilized and not a peasant or boor
@@LOKI77able I agreed with that.
Ok bedankt
@@LOKI77able Hé, je spreekt ook Nederlands? :)
@@Leto85 Mijn Nederlands is niet zo goed, maar ik kan wel gesprekken in je taal voeren en dat heb ik onlangs trouwens steeds vaker gedaan...overigens lees ik heel vaak in het Nederlands en bovendien woon ik al enkele jaren in België, al wordt hier in Brussel veel meer Frans als Nederlands gesproken. Kom je uit Nijmegen?
I'm super direct, even my dutch friends think so 😂 I might come across as rude but I personally think its better to be direct then to beat around the bush ✌💕
Same here, i'm often accused of being ''een bouwvakker'' because of it.
Het is makkelijker bij een gesprek. Het is je mening. Daar vragen ze op dat moment om. Anders hoeven ze er niet naar te vragen
shin get the book Non-Violent Communication. It will help you ☺️
@@MakingYouAwarecom Calling communication violent shows a significant problem with the sensitivity of the author, so no thank you. Communication is generally non-violent. You don't talk with your fists or feet. You don't communicate with a baseball bat or a knife. Communication is conveying your thoughts to someone else in order to resolve issues through non-violent means. If you're going to beat someone up there's no reason to talk to them about anything.
Verbal violence does exist...you can call it verbal aggressiveness if you prefer but I think the concept is clear enough either way...
I heard the saying, "If you're not Dutch, you're not much!" years ago from a man born in Australia of Dutch heritage. I use the saying in fun, as I am half Dutch and Australian born.
So all around the world people beat around the bush except in the Netherlands? Can't believe that. What's the point of not speaking your mind? As long as you don't use rude language ...
wow that's a big generalization that you did there ! obviously people that aren't dutch can be honest and direct ! I guess it's more of a cultural thing in the Netherlands but yeah direct people exist everywhere
Well it is us and the Danes basically who are like that. May be Northern Germans too but they tend to be really different in my view.
LOL. It is so nice to see all these comments. They all seem to underline the point made in this video.
Yes, the Dutch are direct and blunt. But if these comments come across as rude or even abrasive it is just your sensitivity. But the lady at 2:50 is right. If a Dutch native is being rude in a squabble he will be *rude*. It is not well intended. Totally different scenario.
What is rude? I'm not sure, zenne, when someone has ketchup on their face, in Belgium we say "Hedde een kieke doodgebeten?" (Did you bitten a chicken to dead?) I don't think that's rude, ze, it's joke. xD
Being direct is a good thing I feel because there's no need to second guess intentions. It's obviously not an excuse to be an asshole, but when I walk to work in the morning and someone on central station tags my shoulder and says hey your fly is down I'm very glad they did because now I get to have my fly up for the rest of the way. As for people pointing out errors and shortcomings which could be considered rude in some cultures, I tend to react better finding out now than finding out 2 weeks later when the gossip hits me. There is always an appropriate and an inappropriate way to bring it of course, but I much rather they do bring it straight to me rather than judging me silently or behind my back, I find people like that very difficult to trust in the long run.
In fact reality is very gray, not black or white...we should strive to strike a compromise and find a middle ground between pointing things out to the other person abruptly and abrasively and speaking ill of them behind their back...both extremes are bad and should be best avoided at all costs...
for us Dutch people, it would be considered rude to not say something about having spinach between your teeth or anything like that, we just help each other out
"Directness can be interpreted as rudeness"- I am sure every rude person would defend it as directness when countered.
PS: How receptive and accepting are they when directness is dished out to them?
We would take that very well
Having grown up in the Netherlands, my experience is that they are direct but only within a set range of opinions. If you are direct about certain other things they will get very defensive. They can dish it out but they can't take it.
@@mariadebake5483 No you would not. Dutch can be very pugnacious, despite jovial appearance.
@@RadioNul Exactly. Try drawing parallels between Dutch and Afrikaans, who are 98% same as Dutch in terms of ethnic, linguistic, and cultural background. And see, how they react.
I think they are rude and arrogant more than direct. Directness is usually linked to honesty, but they aren't in The Netherlands. They don't care about others compared to other cultures, rarely say thank you and are a bit spoilt.
What you have to understand about the internship at the school, is that its actually very nice that they tell her that they dont have the time to give her a proper internship.
Directness almost up to the point of rudeness is the reason why they have such an efficiënt society.
Why should they sugarcoat things? Why not call a spade a spade? Should they lie to you to protect your petty feelings?
To all these foreigners; it is very hard to adjust to all of your cultural specialties, and express these in perfect english. Since none of you speaks our language good enough to correctly understand how we mean things.
It is very hard to keep in mind what exactly would be rude to someone else. I remember a time I was in Scotland and I had a fight with my boyfriend who was pissed at his mom. I told his mom 'I understand you're stressed...' refering to my boyfriends childish behaviour. She didnt take offense because she knew I was from a different culture but I found out if I was Scottish, that comment would have been considered sarcastic and very rude. But in Holland she would have said 'you see? Your girlfriend agrees with me!'
I was absolutely shocked that I had been rude...
The fact that a sentence is automatically considered sarcastic is pretty concerning. How would one go about sharing that exact sentiment in a non-sarcastic manner then?
@@NLTops you'd probably know better as a British person what would be considered sarcastic but as a Dutch person that would be very hard to predict.
Absolutely the Dutch people are direct and so respectful:)
We're not rude. We are outspoken people that value honesty and hate bullshit. In other cultures, people tend to mince their words or 'beat around the bush', so they won't hurt anyone else's feelings. In the Netherlands, that doesn't happen very often, because quite frankly... we don't care! Anything that CAN be said, MUST be said! What we think is what you get! If we give conpliments, you can be sure that we mean it. Beating around the bush is not popular here. If you do that, we'll call you out for it. Overly friendliness is something we see as fake, reeking of insincerity and hypocrisy; 2 characteristics we absolutely despise. We like it this way, and we're never gonna change.
This is why of all the various branches of protestantism, calvinism is the absolute worst.
@@MrEric1947 What's so bad about protestantism?
@@LeonKerkdijk it's just the more extreme forms which are objectionable. Calvinists believe in predestination and tend to see the world in black and white terms. This is why many Dutch people really believe that their country is free from corruption in politlcs and business. "WIj ziijn een fatsoenlijk volk". It's not as corrupt as Nigeria or Italy and they are much better at hiding it. Your comment which praises being outspoken (some would say rude) is connected to Calvinism and the personalities these beliefs tend to shape.
I guess honesty is the word
I think there is also a difference in directness in the north and south of the Netherlands. In the south they are less direct than in the north.
i prefer being told directly when something is on someone's mind rather than finding out months or weeks later bcs of someone else
It might be because the Dutch are also very efficient with time and money. To speak promptly and to the point is part of that efficiency.
@Eise Trompetter nee hoor, Nederlanders draaien liever niet om de hete brij en zijn soms recht voor zijn raap. Dat is nu eenmaal de boeren mentaliteit. Kort, maar krachtig. Of het nu netjes is, is nog maar de vraag. Maar het is wel effectief.
Am new here from Uganda. But I would like to visit Dutch and make friends.
They are totally not rude! Nicest nation! And kindest! They are simply open with their emotions and what they think they are not afraid to say. Its better to hear an honest answer so you can think and maybe improve yourself but of course some foreigners prefer a sweet lie....
Unsolicited opinions from people you hardly know is just rude.
These videos are just an ego trip for me these days!
Yeah. Feel good videos
Both, rude and direct equals arrogant.
personally I don't think the directness makes things always good. I mean other cultures have different ways of approaching things and giving hints in a polite way can also have a great effect. Also the NL has many different people from different cultures that I think it's time for them also to adapt to some of the cultural things and not just force their directness onto others, like we need to accept it as it is and not call it rude. But what if for us it is just rude and I'm not talking about the spinach in your teeth thing. There are many more things. Personally not a fan of this, and I think people in this video try to sugar coat it and call it anything but rude when in fact some may percieve it as totally rude
@Wiebe Hayes Well, yes you are right. I guess I also had some personal things going on while living there and maybe judged a bit too much, by reading my previous rant. Maybe by watching the video all those memories came up on me again. That's why I 'm not watching it again, just replying to your comment
I like directness. I wonder how Dutch people feel about the lack of directness from others? But I´ve lived in four countries, so take people as I find them.
Well, when I had a French boyfriend for 3 years as a 16 year old, and went there often, I was always wondering what people were actually trying to say, and why on earth it took them so long to say it!!
When talking to people from/in the US, I feel like I can’t trust them because they exaggerate to the point of lying and often say things they really don’t mean.
But when I was in Burundi, where they are extremely polite, I really loved it! But maybe that was also because they were very polite about me being rude??
I do always try to adapt, though, to a certain extent, when abroad.
Its tiresome sometimes. You never know what to expect or do whatisexpeted without them saying so. It becomes a guessing game and you always feel like walking on eggs. We really do want to do the right thing and not hurt someone.
We see them as weak, insincere and hypocritical.
Im learning something today. There's no problem being direct but mind the delivery :)
Wiola is lovely. Would love to see her in more videos.😊
I was watching a youtube video on language learning. The presenter was saying how a student of his was learning Dutch and struggling. Whoever her Dutch teacher was said she was never going to learn and may as well give up. She gave up and went on to learn another language with much less difficulty.
Sounds like a pretty shit teacher if they're telling their students to give up. I mean, Dutch is a pretty difficult language to learn if you're not a child anymore. But I know plenty of people who have pulled it off.
@@NLTops Agreed! A skilled teacher will adapt their approach to the student's need.
average Dutch enjoyer
I'm Dutch and it always surprises me that people from other countries think that we are rude. I think we are just beeing honest.
I'm Dutch and I can understand the arguments of the people in the video.
But I have to comment on the example from the man from Canada. When someone has spinache between their teeth, of course you tell them! I don't tell that person they have something between their teeth in front of the whole room, but tap them on the shoulder en quietly tell them they need to check their teeth. You don't let them walk around like that for an entire day; I think that that is just unpolite.
And yes, there are Dutch people who can be rude in their directness, but I also think that it is a good thing that we don't beat around the bush in some matters and that it is a good thing to be straightforward with each other to avoid misunderstandings.
Had Dutch friends for the last 14yrs. They ARE direct but they are not happy when I am direct back to them...
I've seen you say this 3x under this video alone. You sound like someone who holds a personal grudge and applies it to the entire Dutch population. xD
@@NLTops I quite agree with you
get new friends
I think it's a result of what children are taught. Be honest vs be kind. Both can be rude because you value the other.
The thing with the spinach on the teeth. Sometimes I don’t say something direct, but I just give them a hint. It’s not rude. It’s considerate. I don’t want someone to look like a fool.
When you come to the Netherlands, just grow some because that is how we are. If we are in a other country we also have to get used to their normal things.
I remember moving here at the age of 9-10 and i was put in year 5 at primary to learn dutch. I was bullied and the teacher just told my mother "it's because she's too sensitive and fat and she needs to lose weight to feel happy." I still don't know if it's malicious or not to this day.
N-eko So, are you still sensitive and fat ?
Speak your truth so you give others the chance to grow. So many cultures say it's rude but I find it's rude if you can't be honest about what you are thinking or feeling.
There is a big difference in directness between people from randstad (provinces North and South Holland) and people from Brabant (NL). In Brabant people are less direct, in Limburg (NL) I think also. I'm from Brabant and I lived in Rotterdam for a while and the directness for me was also a culture shock.
My husband is dutch and I'm sardinian (Italy), two opposite polarities (the north and the south). At the beginning when I noticed this I thought "What the ****" then I've become direct as him 🤣🤣🤣 His explanation: " Italian people go from A to B1 -B2 then C2, then C3 and then they reach B spot, we are direct, we go from A to B, period.
i have a Dutch friend and i got pretty used to the directness, and he knows some people aren't used to the Dutch's directness so he always says “sorry for my rude”.. i wish i can explain why they sound rude to the people he is friends with
I think the important point when talking to others is treating them as we liked to be treated. I like to be treated in a nice way so I am always nice to others.
Also, I think everything depends in the tone you use when talking to others
The first time I took my new Baby to meet her Dutch Great Grandparents, the Great Grand father said "Joden" immediately. I have always wondered what he meant.
I think it's mean jew
are you married to joden person? I think the grand father think his grandson as a joden one.
2:35 wow wow wow, your neighbour complained about you flushing the toilet in the middle of the night?
Yeah, that's not normal. Either you have paper thin walls and he/she should just deal with it or he/she is listening in on you.
I can hear my neighbours flush their toilet in the middle of the night. And they can hear mine for sure too (old building). But who cares?
I live in an appartment building and I have shared ventilation with one of my neighbours. I can hear them flush the toilet, but only if I'm in my bathroom. I can also hear him sing in his shower. But I don't really mind it always makes me chuckle.
Well, the correct dutch respond would be: "mind your own business" ("bemoei je met je eigen").
And the next day would just go like:
"You neighbour had a nice shit last night?" ("jo buurvrouw nog lekker gekakt vannacht?").
And everything will just go as usual....
@@joostvw3692 laughing so much 😂
So flushing the toilet in the middle of the night is a bad thing? I would think that NOT flushing it and leaving it for the next person to see it would be a bad thing.
Yeah that one annoyed me. Shut your clap neighbour, stop whining. When I'm doing business at night I'm flushing it, no matter how much it bothers you. And if it's that annoying contact the homeowner and get some sound proofing around the pipes.
I think Dutch people are direct in all senses. Most of us will tell you if you do something wrong or look weird, but we will also tell you when you did something well, or if something looks very good on you. It's very much 'what you see is what you get'. Personally, I think our form of communication is just very efficient... but then again, this is what I'm used to xD
Its efficient, self-serving and humorless. You'll appreciate the directness.
They are so direct that even friends look at the clock during dinner time to let you know you are not invited to stay. I call that rude, not cultured. They will invite you to make up the number at a bachelor party but don't want you to stay for dinner at their wedding.
yes, it's incredible. Some Dutch people writing here think "so we should just lie and beat around the bush???". Nah, most people in the world can phrase it quite efficiently, and don't make you look like a fool.
I usually spend 2 months a year in the Netherlands and go weeks without having a conversation. It’s like WTF not even small talk. But I love the country more than America.
We really don't wanna be rude