People tend to want the most things they either can't have or that are hard to get. Flood the market with gold so everybody can afford it in large quantities, and the waste dumps will start filling up with discarded gold jewellery. You need to keep the supply of you down if you want to be in demand.
I love this video so much. You could have the world backing you up, acievements, looks, and all. But if you're not willing to walk away then none of that matters. I've spent so much time working on my career, health, charisma, and would go home after a lackluster conversation thinking, "What did I do wrong this time? What do I still have to do to get them to like me?". The problem was exactly what you pointed out here: knowing what you want and being willing to walk away if they dont meet that want. This video made my realize that maybe I wasnt doing anything wrong. Maybe I dont have to do more. MAYBE I have to do less! I'm going to take this philosophy of walking away to all future conversations from this point forward. I'm going to figure out my wants & turn-offs and stick to them like a religion. It feels really weird right now; but I'm going to trust in the process and see what happens. Thank you for continuing to make these man. You're doing great things
I have been to a market for electronic gadgets and other things in Shanghai where you could heavily bargain to drop the price and I found out that the best strategy was to walk away after showing the first interest. The sellers ran after me and suggested a very low price. The same phenomenon as here. Great video.
I know I said your other video was legendary, but this one has reached a new level! This is the best free advice that I've ever received. Thanks so much 👍
This was a very important video for me, after watching it, for the next few days from time to time I would go back mentally to this video. And I figured out that this concept is hard for me to understand because I cannot empathize with it. I would much rather pick a girl that is visually a 6 but from approach is heavily into me, instead of an 8 that is cagey and is willing to walk away if I do anything "wrong". It is hard for me to imagine a situation when I would consider a "walkiness-away" as a positive trait in a girl. And, of course, I perfectly understand the reasons of this - my attachment style is anxious, and that's why I *think* I would prefer a not-walking girl, and if I would get in such relationship, I would be sad and miserable and yadda-yadda-yadda. But this abstract knowledge does not give me any way to empathize with such situation, and my subconscious uses the Golden Rule and says: "If you would like a girl to be heavily into you, then you must be heavily into her". How do I have empathy about such a situation? How should I imagine a situation where *I* would want a girl to be willing to walk away if I do anything wrong?..
So I think part of it is what you are visualising when you picture 'walkiness-away' - you're picturing a cagey woman who's always about to ditch you and walk away - But that's not what the guy or girl shoudl be like. BUT there' sa big difference between an attitude of "you can do no wrong so I'll put up with whaver you want to ghrow at me and I'll still like you" and "I'm a strong independent human being who has boundaries and knows what htey like in a partner" From the perspective of a man who doesn't have a lot of success with women - it's a harder thing to visualise if you think of women and their behaviour - why? Because (and I don't know you at all, so take this with a grain of salt) - It's entirely possible that the only women you're currently having success with are the ones willing to put up with stuff from you that their more confident counterparts aren't.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Yes, you are right in your assessment. And I have a hard time imagining on an emotional level - why I would prefer a woman that is not willing to tolerate me. On logical level I understand why, it will help me grow, avoid the codependence patterns and all of that good stuff. But on emotional - put two girls before me, one with far less formal value, but who is willing to tolerate my flaws, and other, much hotter, intelligent, successful girl who is not willing to tolerate my flaws - and most of the time I would pick a first girl. And that's why emotionally - not logically! - I have a hard time imagining myself walking away from girls. If I would find something I would really hate about her - sure, and I would like for a girl to walk away too instead of suppressing her hate. But, rephrasing your example from the video - I would like to have a creative girl, who likes to write, or draw, or something like that - but if I would walk away just because she is not into writing, then I would be as bigoted as those girls who rejected me just because I was below average looking or not socially popular. I would not like to be rejected just because I do not tick every box on a girl's list - and that's why it is hard to me to reject a girl for not ticking boxes in my list. Maybe it sounds naive, but emotionally I would want to be better than them.
Damien, buddy, I think you're not on the same wavelength as most of us lolol. For most men, attraction is mostly physical. For you it doesn't seem like it. But yeah when you'll be 60, let's see if a faded old granny with deep conversations will still turn you on lololol(10 bucks that no). But actually this was a very practical explanation ... if you demonstrate to her that you have standards, not only you're going to gain confidence, but also show that you don't go after any chick, but only Mrs right. I guess this is attractive because it shows that you're a quality dude. Not some random desperate Joe who goes after anyone. I guess it's like the cryptomining craze ... she will pitch in for the fear of loosing out. It's happened to me that women I've walked away from started chasing me passively. But women will never go out of their way. Like they might look at you desperately but will never like take charge such as by asking you out or initiate something. They will still want you to initiate. I have also noticed that if I look a bit desperate and try to initiate something with them, they will loose interest. So what you say is true. HOWEVER, I would argue that the only way to have this momentum and build it properly is to have an abundance of women around you. Like you need many options available. It's like jobs. You don't turn one down if you're unemployed ...
"For most men, attraction is mostly physical. For you it doesn't seem like it." I don't beleive I said anything like this, for the entire video. I want a woman to be hot, but I ALSO demand that she's the kind of woman I actually like outside of being hot, even if it's just for casual. . The point of the vidoe though, was that a big reason guys have scarcity is because they're not willing to walk away, if they were willing to walk away FIRST, just a few times, suddenly, women's attitudes to them would change. If you aren't getting any women anyway, or if you aren't gettin ghot women anyway, then what do you honestly have to lose by walking away from a few first??
I will do it. I think this will be a game changer. But right now with street game being the only possibility, how do I convicingly pull this off? Once you walk away, the set is still gone - regardless of what she thinks. This will work well in a bar or social congregation of some sorts.
Oh so, it's the WILLINGNESS to walk away that counts, you start by willingly walking away from some women, then DIFFERENT wopmen in the future will respond to your willingness to walk away because that will start to become much more clear from how you interact with her. You don't need to find back the original women.
Is 5'7" tall enough for a woman to find me attractive? I don't think I could ever just walk up and approach a woman who is a perfect stranger. I don't think I'll ever have the courage. I already know that they don't like me, so why even try? It will always end in rejection. I just don't have a single likeable trait, I know it. I do nothing but walk away, I reject them before they can inevitably do so to me. I'm actually heavily into the "woo woo" stuff. I hate skepticism. My ex was a skeptic and I loathed her atheist b.s. I'd never date a skeptic or atheist again.
Yes yes it 5' 7" is more than enough its the average height which means it the height that is chosen most often by womem, 6ft + is 13% percent of the population which means its not as popular as you think. Women do not care about height as much as you think. You issue based on this comment is definitely not your height its you mentality. 1. EVERY man is scared and nervous to talk strangers let alone beautiful strangers. You need to take it slow start out with simple things like say hi to people you pass by a build from there. There are plenty of guides and such on YT. Evidently you can talk to them otherwise you wouldn't have gotten a girlfriend at all 2. You need to work on yourself and being more accepting of yourself " "I have no likable traits" what do you mean by this? 3. No one is perfect no matter how beautiful they are beauty is not the same as being perfect or a "better" person 4. You are creating a self fulfilling self destructive cycle you believe you are not good enough and that they don't like you and then they will reject you. As a result YOU act and behave in ways that push them away. 5. That is another issue you are judging an entire group of people based on the actions of one person, you are rejecting thousands of people you girlfriend was an atheist and wasn't a good partner now you are saying all atheists are bad partners thats a toxic mentality. Based on this you likely have attracted people who think and act like you and having two people with your mentality together is never going to work out. Whatever issues you seem to think you have with women is not with them its with you, why would anyone like you if you can't even like yourself. You need to work on yourself first, I aolpologize if this came across as harsh or blunt but thats where it starts WITH YOU, learn to like yourself more and detox from what ever toxic behaviors you may have .
@@xMckingwill I have no job, little money, no power, no social connections. What's to like. I don't like atheists because I believe what I want, I don't care if there is scientific proof. I won't be rediculed for my beliefs and I don't want them disproven. Love should be earned. Losers don't deserve love. I just don't see why people like others if they have less or have accomplished less. No one cares about those beneath them and I am beneath almost everyone. No matter how hard I work on myself, I'm still me. There are still so many other men superior to me. Why would a woman choose me if there are superior males around?
@@etinarcadiaego7424 How old are you? Also you gotta fix that attitude, of course you can't sit and do nothing, take steps to fix those issues, thats what is attractive. Some of the most successful people on the planet started were you are with nothing. EVERYONE has their struggles, I have an incurable genetic illness that will kill be before I hit 50, but I dont let myself feel sorry for myself because of it. Yes I am a shy person myself and I'm working on getting better at talking to strangers, in fact you have had more success than many people some people never even had a girlfriend. There is NO man who is superior to you, you cant think like that. Yes you are who you are that doesn't mean you can't inhance that be the best version of yourself. Also most atheist don't actually try to ridicule others beliefs unless you try and push yours on them but if you ex. ridiculed you then she was toxic.
Good video, Damien. Thanks for it! I consider myself average looking although I have to admit that my confidence and self-esteem are quite high compared to other men I know (specially now, I feel the older or experienced I get the higher my self-confidence is towards people in general). Having said that, I must confess that It took me a while to find that self-confidence since at the beginning of my experiences approaching women, I was (wrongly) relying on my physical attributes mostly. It was only after I dated a couple of very hot and UNINTERESTING women when I realized they were simple mortals just like me and my whole perception of them changed. The transition for some reason it’s not easy and I guess it is because maybe not everyone has the chance to hang out with a really hot platonic love to see how they really are in their daily lives. My point is that these women are just human like us and they don’t act or do or want different things than the things we want or do. It will be after men are aware of this that their interactions with women in general will be much smoother and genuine at the same time. Regards from Finland. Roi. PS: This may sound shallow, but I did walk away or rejected hot women after our first date when I noticed that they would bite their nails or that their hands were not pretty (to my standards).
Great advice. Would you agree that woman's willingness to show intetest in man willing to walk away from her is based, at least in part, by feeling safer around him? Because with him she can always escape by simply not fullfilling his expectations.
@@LoserDestiny Because providing a woman with that option translates into attractive virtue. Just imagine some beautifull women constantly faced with men trying to force conversation and subconciously imposing themselves on her. It must be at least annoying if not endangering. Man who frees her of that burden in his presence becomes attractive.
I mean - I can't rule out any impact this migh thave - But From a psychology perspective the greatest 'reason' behind this is that we value people who value themselves, we value people and things who we've had to EARN. When she feels that you don't just like her becuase she's hot, but you aren't convinced yet, but are trying to suss her out and whether you want ot hang around - she FEELS that different in behaviour from you. Then she feels you have value. That isn't a gender thing either, both genders just value things we feel we've worked for or earned.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Thank you for the answer. That is of course true without a doubt. We could go now into discussion about deeper psychological reasons for that effect, but that would probably lead us to semantical differencies not worth the effort. I would just like to mention something you might find interesting,. There is a book by Richard Feynman "Are you joking Mr. Feynman?". In one chapter he describes his experience with women, which is exactly along the lines you presented in this video. It is funny and mischiveous as he was, but it is also an example of misuse of your advice in a players way.
The dictionary definition of a soul is all over the place but I think the general idea is that a soul is the black-box function of how a person reacts to a given input. One way to think about it could be that you could represent the soul as a neural network with bunch of synapses in between. So soul is more of a mathematical concept rather than a physical one. I bet quantum mechanics play some role in the Electrochemistry related parts of our brain but I'd guess that the general influence is negligible and it probably acts like a random number generator. Have I missed the general purpose of this video ? Yes, yes I have!
And another question. You always talk about the "premature eject-ulation", but what is the difference between ejecting (bad) and walking away (good)? Of course, on the basic level it is simple - you eject yourself because you think GIRL doesn't like YOU, and you walk away because you think YOU don't like HER. But the psychology is deeper than that. There maybe a "sour grapes" mentality - "I'm nervous around her, therefore I think she is not my type - because I would not be super-anxious around a girl I am compatible with, right? If a girl does not acts sweet and friendly in the first minutes of an interaction, then it means that she did not pass my test, and I should walk away". This line of thinking may be just a rationalization of a subconcious fear that she does not like me - but, on the other hand, it may be just the byproduct of my values. If I don't really like the "fiery, challenging, shit-testing women", I don't want to forever be on my guard with her, then maybe it's not the "premature eject-ulation"?.. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I cannot find the border when "sour grapes" ejecting ends and my real values begin. How do I walk the path of abundance without falling into rationalizations and excuses?
The point is that you must set the standards beforehand, e.g. "the girl I'm interested in must have quality X Y Z" instead of guessing if she's a good match "mid-flight" based on your level of nervousness and comfort. If flirting and being with women is rather a rare than a common occurrence for you, you're gonna die inside anyway, no matter how good of a match she is. That alone shouldn't be the reason to eject. On the other hand, you may feel super confident with a woman, but still realize she's not what you are looking for in a woman (for me it's e.g. esoterical, very religious, or never going to parties/clubs). Then you should walk away.
@@Straga_Severa That isn't really a standard. This is an excuse for ejecting that you invented for yourself. Your level of comfort with a girl may depend on sooo many factors and change within a few minutes of conversation (for better or worse). But her qualities, character traits and way of life won't. That's why those should be your bigger concern and the reason to stay or walk away, not the momentary feeling.
@@LoserDestiny Ehm, as I said, it may be really an excuse, but may be just an useful heuristics. For example, I don't like girls that "playfully" dig into me, try to undermind me using "jokes", etc. And you will agree that the level of this behaviour on approach corellates (not functionally depends, but corellates) with the level of this behaviour in a relationship. So I'm intreseted, how to assess when it's just my nerves and when I'm enduring a person that does not fit in my standards just because I don't want to be "ejecting".
So I'm a huge fan of thinking of things from the basis of INTENT - Walking away because you're scared of running out of things to say (but you really like her), or because she's losing a bi tof interest and you're feeling indimidated - that's premature ejecting - Walking away because you don't like who she is apart from the fact she's hot - that's high value.
Honestly, the dancing women on the background are kinda distracting ;-) Maybe it's the methaphorical way to prove your point, but I don't think it is the most optimal way to convey your message =-) And about your first point, about not changing anything in the approach - do you mean that I should never calibrate to a girl? The hot girl - just statistically - had a bit different experiences than a cute girl, who had statistically different experiences from a plain girl. Therefore, theoretically, I can use this heuristics to decide how should I better translate my value on her language. Of course, corellation isn't the causation, and when you talk with the girl, you should get more correct approximations - but still, my point stands. Do you mean that I should not try to make such a calibration?..
I think what Damien mainly meant was that your calibration shouldn't be based on her hotness alone. I think it's ok to communicate and behave differently depending on a girl's character and communication style (as long as you remain genuine). Just that should depend on how hot she is.
@@LoserDestiny Yes, but his literal words mean not "you should consider other factors", but "you should not consider hotness at all". So I wonder, how much is it a hyperbole =-)
So to clarify - it was that you shouldn't CHANGE how you approach basedon her attractiveness - Guys CHANGE when women get hot, and they shouldn't - especially because they change in all the wrong ways :P But yes I quite often calibrate to her personality - especially high/low energy adjustments. I also make some guesstimates based on her race/clothing etc until I discover more about her. But that isn't to be confused to changing my personality to match her - it's more about deciding what parts of myself to express - Much like you would when you catch up wiht a group of friends - sometimes the friensd are chill and low energy, other times they're outgoing and in party mode.
I'm an ENTJ - But to go on I'm not a huge fan of Myers-Briggs - Becuase the scientist in me isn't a fan of the science or lack thereof behind it. Although I'm aware that it's HUGELY popular an dlots of people swear by it.
@@sethmarchese397 Dude, go study Einstein-Rosen effect. On a serious note - there is extremely little proof and a massive amount of criticism against Myers-Briggs types, so yeah, I call it bullshit until you prove otherwise and there is nothing of Dunning Kruger here except your desire to spew smarty words.
Johann, actually it's clear now that you didn't actually receive the message that I was intending to send. I do not expect THAT PARTICULAR woman to start chasing me down - But if I'm a man who WILL walk away from a woman who doesn't meet the criteria of things I want in a woman, then when I approach a woman, she will FEEL that I'm the kind of man who will happily walk away if she isn't what I want. Her feeling that I'm this kind of man makes me a LOT MORE attractive to her. I ask men to walk away from women becuase you can't easily FAKE being that man - you have to BECOME the man who's willing to walk away from a woman - once you are that man, you will subtly change teh way you behave in interactions with women in future, THOSE women will be more interested than they otherwise would have been. Finally - I NEVER said to tell a woman something like "cool, you're notn intellectual enough, bye bye!" - That WOULD indeed be rude and pointlessly hurtful. I just politely excuse myself at some point and walk away.
@@johannvapiano4217 So Johann, what you are suggesting is to be the endless tryhard in order to please her and be willing to sacrifice your needs in order to fulfill hers? I may remind you, that living by these standards somehow brought you to this channel, so something may be wrong about that, don't you think? Every quality woman will have dozens of men chasing after her, persisting in their chase and making more and more compromises just so she gives them a little attention. This is boring and not interesting for most women. They are rather attracted to men, who give a woman a feeling she herself must invest something into the interaction. You only worship what you paid for.
Gonna figure out what I want from a women and when I'm able to go out again, I'll remember this.
People tend to want the most things they either can't have or that are hard to get. Flood the market with gold so everybody can afford it in large quantities, and the waste dumps will start filling up with discarded gold jewellery. You need to keep the supply of you down if you want to be in demand.
I love this video so much. You could have the world backing you up, acievements, looks, and all. But if you're not willing to walk away then none of that matters.
I've spent so much time working on my career, health, charisma, and would go home after a lackluster conversation thinking, "What did I do wrong this time? What do I still have to do to get them to like me?".
The problem was exactly what you pointed out here: knowing what you want and being willing to walk away if they dont meet that want.
This video made my realize that maybe I wasnt doing anything wrong. Maybe I dont have to do more. MAYBE I have to do less!
I'm going to take this philosophy of walking away to all future conversations from this point forward. I'm going to figure out my wants & turn-offs and stick to them like a religion. It feels really weird right now; but I'm going to trust in the process and see what happens.
Thank you for continuing to make these man. You're doing great things
Brilliant insight mate!
Never try to impress a woman because it communicates that she has more value than you and you have to try to do things to make her like you
Didn’t even notice till I seen this video but I’ve been walking away for a while now just because Some may bore me and they’ve been running after me😂😂
I have been to a market for electronic gadgets and other things in Shanghai where you could heavily bargain to drop the price and I found out that the best strategy was to walk away after showing the first interest. The sellers ran after me and suggested a very low price. The same phenomenon as here. Great video.
"Ok, so you're beautiful. What else you got?"
"That's not enough?!?"
"Nope."
I've been walking away from women for years now, lol
Would be nice to be able to meet women again in the first place. Lockdown is hard here in Germany...
Yeah it's still pretty brutal in many countries - We've been very lucky here in Aus
I know I said your other video was legendary, but this one has reached a new level!
This is the best free advice that I've ever received. Thanks so much 👍
Wow, thanks!
Awesome insight, Damien. Would do well to remember this idea for all the people we choose to have in our lives.
Great video. I see it as having standards. Thanks!
This was a very important video for me, after watching it, for the next few days from time to time I would go back mentally to this video. And I figured out that this concept is hard for me to understand because I cannot empathize with it. I would much rather pick a girl that is visually a 6 but from approach is heavily into me, instead of an 8 that is cagey and is willing to walk away if I do anything "wrong". It is hard for me to imagine a situation when I would consider a "walkiness-away" as a positive trait in a girl.
And, of course, I perfectly understand the reasons of this - my attachment style is anxious, and that's why I *think* I would prefer a not-walking girl, and if I would get in such relationship, I would be sad and miserable and yadda-yadda-yadda.
But this abstract knowledge does not give me any way to empathize with such situation, and my subconscious uses the Golden Rule and says: "If you would like a girl to be heavily into you, then you must be heavily into her".
How do I have empathy about such a situation? How should I imagine a situation where *I* would want a girl to be willing to walk away if I do anything wrong?..
So I think part of it is what you are visualising when you picture 'walkiness-away' - you're picturing a cagey woman who's always about to ditch you and walk away - But that's not what the guy or girl shoudl be like. BUT there' sa big difference between an attitude of "you can do no wrong so I'll put up with whaver you want to ghrow at me and I'll still like you" and "I'm a strong independent human being who has boundaries and knows what htey like in a partner" From the perspective of a man who doesn't have a lot of success with women - it's a harder thing to visualise if you think of women and their behaviour - why? Because (and I don't know you at all, so take this with a grain of salt) - It's entirely possible that the only women you're currently having success with are the ones willing to put up with stuff from you that their more confident counterparts aren't.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Yes, you are right in your assessment. And I have a hard time imagining on an emotional level - why I would prefer a woman that is not willing to tolerate me. On logical level I understand why, it will help me grow, avoid the codependence patterns and all of that good stuff. But on emotional - put two girls before me, one with far less formal value, but who is willing to tolerate my flaws, and other, much hotter, intelligent, successful girl who is not willing to tolerate my flaws - and most of the time I would pick a first girl.
And that's why emotionally - not logically! - I have a hard time imagining myself walking away from girls. If I would find something I would really hate about her - sure, and I would like for a girl to walk away too instead of suppressing her hate. But, rephrasing your example from the video - I would like to have a creative girl, who likes to write, or draw, or something like that - but if I would walk away just because she is not into writing, then I would be as bigoted as those girls who rejected me just because I was below average looking or not socially popular.
I would not like to be rejected just because I do not tick every box on a girl's list - and that's why it is hard to me to reject a girl for not ticking boxes in my list. Maybe it sounds naive, but emotionally I would want to be better than them.
This is gold
True af walking away turn them on nd its most valuable asset 👑
Damien, buddy, I think you're not on the same wavelength as most of us lolol. For most men, attraction is mostly physical. For you it doesn't seem like it. But yeah when you'll be 60, let's see if a faded old granny with deep conversations will still turn you on lololol(10 bucks that no). But actually this was a very practical explanation ... if you demonstrate to her that you have standards, not only you're going to gain confidence, but also show that you don't go after any chick, but only Mrs right. I guess this is attractive because it shows that you're a quality dude. Not some random desperate Joe who goes after anyone. I guess it's like the cryptomining craze ... she will pitch in for the fear of loosing out. It's happened to me that women I've walked away from started chasing me passively. But women will never go out of their way. Like they might look at you desperately but will never like take charge such as by asking you out or initiate something. They will still want you to initiate. I have also noticed that if I look a bit desperate and try to initiate something with them, they will loose interest. So what you say is true.
HOWEVER, I would argue that the only way to have this momentum and build it properly is to have an abundance of women around you. Like you need many options available. It's like jobs. You don't turn one down if you're unemployed ...
"For most men, attraction is mostly physical. For you it doesn't seem like it." I don't beleive I said anything like this, for the entire video. I want a woman to be hot, but I ALSO demand that she's the kind of woman I actually like outside of being hot, even if it's just for casual. .
The point of the vidoe though, was that a big reason guys have scarcity is because they're not willing to walk away, if they were willing to walk away FIRST, just a few times, suddenly, women's attitudes to them would change. If you aren't getting any women anyway, or if you aren't gettin ghot women anyway, then what do you honestly have to lose by walking away from a few first??
I will do it. I think this will be a game changer. But right now with street game being the only possibility, how do I convicingly pull this off? Once you walk away, the set is still gone - regardless of what she thinks. This will work well in a bar or social congregation of some sorts.
Oh so, it's the WILLINGNESS to walk away that counts, you start by willingly walking away from some women, then DIFFERENT wopmen in the future will respond to your willingness to walk away because that will start to become much more clear from how you interact with her. You don't need to find back the original women.
Is 5'7" tall enough for a woman to find me attractive? I don't think I could ever just walk up and approach a woman who is a perfect stranger. I don't think I'll ever have the courage. I already know that they don't like me, so why even try? It will always end in rejection. I just don't have a single likeable trait, I know it. I do nothing but walk away, I reject them before they can inevitably do so to me. I'm actually heavily into the "woo woo" stuff. I hate skepticism. My ex was a skeptic and I loathed her atheist b.s. I'd never date a skeptic or atheist again.
Yes yes it 5' 7" is more than enough its the average height which means it the height that is chosen most often by womem, 6ft + is 13% percent of the population which means its not as popular as you think.
Women do not care about height as much as you think.
You issue based on this comment is definitely not your height its you mentality.
1. EVERY man is scared and nervous to talk strangers let alone beautiful strangers. You need to take it slow start out with simple things like say hi to people you pass by a build from there. There are plenty of guides and such on YT. Evidently you can talk to them otherwise you wouldn't have gotten a girlfriend at all
2. You need to work on yourself and being more accepting of yourself " "I have no likable traits" what do you mean by this?
3. No one is perfect no matter how beautiful they are beauty is not the same as being perfect or a "better" person
4. You are creating a self fulfilling self destructive cycle you believe you are not good enough and that they don't like you and then they will reject you. As a result YOU act and behave in ways that push them away.
5. That is another issue you are judging an entire group of people based on the actions of one person, you are rejecting thousands of people you girlfriend was an atheist and wasn't a good partner now you are saying all atheists are bad partners thats a toxic mentality.
Based on this you likely have attracted people who think and act like you and having two people with your mentality together is never going to work out.
Whatever issues you seem to think you have with women is not with them its with you, why would anyone like you if you can't even like yourself.
You need to work on yourself first, I aolpologize if this came across as harsh or blunt but thats where it starts WITH YOU, learn to like yourself more and detox from what ever toxic behaviors you may have .
Also just binge on Damiens video he will help with all of that.
@@xMckingwill I have no job, little money, no power, no social connections. What's to like. I don't like atheists because I believe what I want, I don't care if there is scientific proof. I won't be rediculed for my beliefs and I don't want them disproven. Love should be earned. Losers don't deserve love. I just don't see why people like others if they have less or have accomplished less. No one cares about those beneath them and I am beneath almost everyone. No matter how hard I work on myself, I'm still me. There are still so many other men superior to me. Why would a woman choose me if there are superior males around?
@@etinarcadiaego7424 How old are you?
Also you gotta fix that attitude, of course you can't sit and do nothing, take steps to fix those issues, thats what is attractive. Some of the most successful people on the planet started were you are with nothing.
EVERYONE has their struggles, I have an incurable genetic illness that will kill be before I hit 50, but I dont let myself feel sorry for myself because of it.
Yes I am a shy person myself and I'm working on getting better at talking to strangers, in fact you have had more success than many people some people never even had a girlfriend.
There is NO man who is superior to you, you cant think like that. Yes you are who you are that doesn't mean you can't inhance that be the best version of yourself.
Also most atheist don't actually try to ridicule others beliefs unless you try and push yours on them but if you ex. ridiculed you then she was toxic.
@@etinarcadiaego7424 No one said it will be easy but you can't give up before you try
Good video, Damien. Thanks for it! I consider myself average looking although I have to admit that my confidence and self-esteem are quite high compared to other men I know (specially now, I feel the older or experienced I get the higher my self-confidence is towards people in general). Having said that, I must confess that It took me a while to find that self-confidence since at the beginning of my experiences approaching women, I was (wrongly) relying on my physical attributes mostly. It was only after I dated a couple of very hot and UNINTERESTING women when I realized they were simple mortals just like me and my whole perception of them changed. The transition for some reason it’s not easy and I guess it is because maybe not everyone has the chance to hang out with a really hot platonic love to see how they really are in their daily lives. My point is that these women are just human like us and they don’t act or do or want different things than the things we want or do. It will be after men are aware of this that their interactions with women in general will be much smoother and genuine at the same time. Regards from Finland.
Roi.
PS: This may sound shallow, but I did walk away or rejected hot women after our first date when I noticed that they would bite their nails or that their hands were not pretty (to my standards).
Nicely said!
Great advice. Would you agree that woman's willingness to show intetest in man willing to walk away from her is based, at least in part, by feeling safer around him? Because with him she can always escape by simply not fullfilling his expectations.
Why would a woman select men by her options to get away from them? That doesn't make sense.
@@LoserDestiny Because providing a woman with that option translates into attractive virtue. Just imagine some beautifull women constantly faced with men trying to force conversation and subconciously imposing themselves on her. It must be at least annoying if not endangering. Man who frees her of that burden in his presence becomes attractive.
I mean - I can't rule out any impact this migh thave - But From a psychology perspective the greatest 'reason' behind this is that we value people who value themselves, we value people and things who we've had to EARN. When she feels that you don't just like her becuase she's hot, but you aren't convinced yet, but are trying to suss her out and whether you want ot hang around - she FEELS that different in behaviour from you. Then she feels you have value. That isn't a gender thing either, both genders just value things we feel we've worked for or earned.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Thank you for the answer. That is of course true without a doubt. We could go now into discussion about deeper psychological reasons for that effect, but that would probably lead us to semantical differencies not worth the effort. I would just like to mention something you might find interesting,. There is a book by Richard Feynman "Are you joking Mr. Feynman?". In one chapter he describes his experience with women, which is exactly along the lines you presented in this video. It is funny and mischiveous as he was, but it is also an example of misuse of your advice in a players way.
The dictionary definition of a soul is all over the place but I think the general idea is that a soul is the black-box function of how a person reacts to a given input. One way to think about it could be that you could represent the soul as a neural network with bunch of synapses in between. So soul is more of a mathematical concept rather than a physical one. I bet quantum mechanics play some role in the Electrochemistry related parts of our brain but I'd guess that the general influence is negligible and it probably acts like a random number generator.
Have I missed the general purpose of this video ? Yes, yes I have!
And another question. You always talk about the "premature eject-ulation", but what is the difference between ejecting (bad) and walking away (good)?
Of course, on the basic level it is simple - you eject yourself because you think GIRL doesn't like YOU, and you walk away because you think YOU don't like HER.
But the psychology is deeper than that. There maybe a "sour grapes" mentality - "I'm nervous around her, therefore I think she is not my type - because I would not be super-anxious around a girl I am compatible with, right? If a girl does not acts sweet and friendly in the first minutes of an interaction, then it means that she did not pass my test, and I should walk away".
This line of thinking may be just a rationalization of a subconcious fear that she does not like me - but, on the other hand, it may be just the byproduct of my values. If I don't really like the "fiery, challenging, shit-testing women", I don't want to forever be on my guard with her, then maybe it's not the "premature eject-ulation"?..
The more I think about it, the more I realize that I cannot find the border when "sour grapes" ejecting ends and my real values begin. How do I walk the path of abundance without falling into rationalizations and excuses?
The point is that you must set the standards beforehand, e.g. "the girl I'm interested in must have quality X Y Z" instead of guessing if she's a good match "mid-flight" based on your level of nervousness and comfort.
If flirting and being with women is rather a rare than a common occurrence for you, you're gonna die inside anyway, no matter how good of a match she is. That alone shouldn't be the reason to eject.
On the other hand, you may feel super confident with a woman, but still realize she's not what you are looking for in a woman (for me it's e.g. esoterical, very religious, or never going to parties/clubs). Then you should walk away.
@@LoserDestiny And what if my standards require me to be at the certain comfort level with her? That's the main brain screw =-)))
@@Straga_Severa That isn't really a standard. This is an excuse for ejecting that you invented for yourself.
Your level of comfort with a girl may depend on sooo many factors and change within a few minutes of conversation (for better or worse).
But her qualities, character traits and way of life won't. That's why those should be your bigger concern and the reason to stay or walk away, not the momentary feeling.
@@LoserDestiny Ehm, as I said, it may be really an excuse, but may be just an useful heuristics. For example, I don't like girls that "playfully" dig into me, try to undermind me using "jokes", etc. And you will agree that the level of this behaviour on approach corellates (not functionally depends, but corellates) with the level of this behaviour in a relationship.
So I'm intreseted, how to assess when it's just my nerves and when I'm enduring a person that does not fit in my standards just because I don't want to be "ejecting".
So I'm a huge fan of thinking of things from the basis of INTENT - Walking away because you're scared of running out of things to say (but you really like her), or because she's losing a bi tof interest and you're feeling indimidated - that's premature ejecting - Walking away because you don't like who she is apart from the fact she's hot - that's high value.
Honestly, the dancing women on the background are kinda distracting ;-) Maybe it's the methaphorical way to prove your point, but I don't think it is the most optimal way to convey your message =-)
And about your first point, about not changing anything in the approach - do you mean that I should never calibrate to a girl? The hot girl - just statistically - had a bit different experiences than a cute girl, who had statistically different experiences from a plain girl. Therefore, theoretically, I can use this heuristics to decide how should I better translate my value on her language. Of course, corellation isn't the causation, and when you talk with the girl, you should get more correct approximations - but still, my point stands.
Do you mean that I should not try to make such a calibration?..
I think what Damien mainly meant was that your calibration shouldn't be based on her hotness alone. I think it's ok to communicate and behave differently depending on a girl's character and communication style (as long as you remain genuine). Just that should depend on how hot she is.
@@LoserDestiny Yes, but his literal words mean not "you should consider other factors", but "you should not consider hotness at all". So I wonder, how much is it a hyperbole =-)
So to clarify - it was that you shouldn't CHANGE how you approach basedon her attractiveness - Guys CHANGE when women get hot, and they shouldn't - especially because they change in all the wrong ways :P
But yes I quite often calibrate to her personality - especially high/low energy adjustments. I also make some guesstimates based on her race/clothing etc until I discover more about her. But that isn't to be confused to changing my personality to match her - it's more about deciding what parts of myself to express - Much like you would when you catch up wiht a group of friends - sometimes the friensd are chill and low energy, other times they're outgoing and in party mode.
@@SchoolOfAttraction Got it, thanks! =-)
Let me guess, your mbti type is an ENTP.
This is pseudo-science BS.
@@LoserDestiny Sounds like you have a dose of Dunning Kruger effect. Go increase your knowledge.
I'm an ENTJ - But to go on I'm not a huge fan of Myers-Briggs - Becuase the scientist in me isn't a fan of the science or lack thereof behind it. Although I'm aware that it's HUGELY popular an dlots of people swear by it.
@@sethmarchese397 Dude, go study Einstein-Rosen effect.
On a serious note - there is extremely little proof and a massive amount of criticism against Myers-Briggs types, so yeah, I call it bullshit until you prove otherwise and there is nothing of Dunning Kruger here except your desire to spew smarty words.
Absolute rubbish.
Bother to explain with arguments?
Johann, actually it's clear now that you didn't actually receive the message that I was intending to send.
I do not expect THAT PARTICULAR woman to start chasing me down - But if I'm a man who WILL walk away from a woman who doesn't meet the criteria of things I want in a woman, then when I approach a woman, she will FEEL that I'm the kind of man who will happily walk away if she isn't what I want. Her feeling that I'm this kind of man makes me a LOT MORE attractive to her.
I ask men to walk away from women becuase you can't easily FAKE being that man - you have to BECOME the man who's willing to walk away from a woman - once you are that man, you will subtly change teh way you behave in interactions with women in future, THOSE women will be more interested than they otherwise would have been.
Finally - I NEVER said to tell a woman something like "cool, you're notn intellectual enough, bye bye!" - That WOULD indeed be rude and pointlessly hurtful. I just politely excuse myself at some point and walk away.
@@johannvapiano4217 So Johann, what you are suggesting is to be the endless tryhard in order to please her and be willing to sacrifice your needs in order to fulfill hers?
I may remind you, that living by these standards somehow brought you to this channel, so something may be wrong about that, don't you think?
Every quality woman will have dozens of men chasing after her, persisting in their chase and making more and more compromises just so she gives them a little attention.
This is boring and not interesting for most women. They are rather attracted to men, who give a woman a feeling she herself must invest something into the interaction.
You only worship what you paid for.