Thank you guys always for the support in this journey! The reality of life is that there are ups and downs, and there's no point trying to paint a perfect picture of the world because it isn't like that. The downs are not that easy to escape, and are actually a very normal, big battle of life. We cannot always push through and that is not a weakness. The irony is that it takes much more strength to say you need help, than to deny that there is a problem at all. I always think before putting out this kind of videos, "do I want to share this emotion and sadness on social media", and I realise every time that there are so many people who can relate to these kinds of anxieties and traumas in places, people who are conditioned to think they have to keep quiet about them, hide them, pretend they don't exist, people who are afraid to speak out because they are afraid that people might just belittle them or be unsympathetic... And so I do this to help people, for awareness, for education, to change people's thinking from saying "just be happy, just get over it, it's in the past", to thinking "actually the past affects our subconscious, emotions affect our physical health too, we CANNOT just tell the mind to stop thinking that way, we need to encourage people to go through therapy, mindfulness training, and to just speak about it"! And this is not some form of millennial self-indulgence, apologism, encouraging people to be weak, none of that - believe me, I would much rather just be able to pretend my problems don't exist, or ignore the root cause and put a happy face on it - I did that for 7 years - but that just makes it worse - modern science has progressed incredibly and I am very thankful to the psychologists among us who have done real work on this and committed their lives to this. Anyway, it's my birthday and I need to stop writing emotional stuff! Thanks again!
Very well said Kumander D. I for one can relate although can not express it as eloquently as you do. Keep it up. We are not here to judge. Thank you and appreciate your honesty.
YOU NEED TO GO OUT MORE AND FIND GROUP OF FRIENDS THAT YOU ARE HAPPY TO BE AROUND YOU WITH NO LIMITS....LOVE YOURSELF FIRST,THEN. YOU WILL BE HAPPY....LOOK BACK YOUR COMPANY OF KULAS AND HIS GROUP,,HE IS HAPPY,BECAUSE HE IS SURROUNDED WITH HAPPY,CARING FRIENDS...
It takes a strong person to admit there are hills they cannot yet climb, when you push yourself to climb the insurmountable, you are only pushing yourself towards the inevitable fall. Sometimes it is better to take the long way round the hill just to remind yourself what is on the other side rather than pushing yourself over the top.
Good Job for starting to face it. Baby steps. You should not push yourself too hard. You have done so well. Anxiety is very draining. And people that have never suffered will never understand. How controlling it is. Great video. Perfectly placed music. With your storytelling. Brilliant. Beautiful drone shots. Thank you for sharing. Have a great week. Take care:D
In composing letters, some people do read between the lines. Listening to your words spoken, I am drowned with your emotions and I feel for you. Yes, be strong and fight your demons. You are having an amazing journey of healing, you narrate so well and today’s video is an awesome feature of scenic mountains, seashores, rivers, roads and all. Thank you for showing us the beauty of the countryside in the Philippines.
Resilience is one thing we Filipinos have learned thru the many typhoons, crisis and calamities we have met. We just get back and rise everytime. And thats what makes us happy people. You too can rise thru all the sad pasts. Power on. My prayers and best wishes for you kumander
One day at a time, Kumander, one day at a time, bro. Takes a strong man to admit to his family, none the less the world, of his true struggles, traumas and fears...you have a ton of support from all of us here. You are not alone - never feel like you are. You will get through this!
Kumander, take courage. This was not a failure or defeat. It was one of multiple smaller victories. When you can't go through, you go over; and when you can't go over, you go around. Success and overcoming are yours!!! You are becoming a giant in the face of your demons! POWER ON!💪💪💪 Edit: Keep in mind that the only people who have no problems are the ones in the cemetery. You're in good company, and we are with you in your struggle to overcome.
Everyone has dark sides and issues in life. To progress anywhere in life, you have to face your demons. Stay strong 💪, Anselm. Keep appreciating everything that you have. Victory is yours, it cannot be taken from you.
Kumander D, the way you go about facing and fighting your demons--as far back as your childhood/youthhood in Wales all the way to your adulthood in the Philippines and everywhere in-between--is truly phenomenally relentless, awesome, even enviable. For you to have come this far--overcoming and surviving many emotional and personal/business obstacles and distractions--I honestly feel that you are a far stronger and resilient human being than you appear to be. One thing for sure, albeit you've just started vlogging, you've so quickly and certainly proven yourself to be a highly talented and bona fide one. You're coming up with undeniably high-quality documentary-style videos, it's almost guaranteed that you will go far and wide if you make a career of it. On the other hand regarding your fish farm--which seems to be your main source and cause of severe pain, angst, torture, and trauma--in all the time that you've spent in Cateel and in general, the Philippines--I think you have to ask yourself this question: Is it really your ultimate life passion that it's so worth the personal and business hell you've been and still are going through all this time? If your answer is "no," then it's high time to sell and let it go. And just like what one commenter here has suggested, anyway, your vlogging will certainly and quickly erase whatever losses you would have incurred. One more thing with vlogging: it is a self-sustaining and creative therapeutic business opportunity and career for you. You're hitting two or more birds with one stone with it--and would be enormously happier and be at peace with yourself...and others. But above all else, yourself.
Kumader Daot, it’s seems like your vlogs are becoming more like documentary. You’re editing is excellent! You just started and you already fine tuned it. Congratulations!
That's great Kumander D! You have returned with a strong version of yourself... face everything with a positibve vibes Kumander! God bless you always!😇😍
In God's perfect time KD you can overcome whatever you are going through now. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 The audio and video as well as the drone shots are 200% clear... Wooow....
Holy smokes....my Goosebumps KD just went out. Your video making is excellent. Just Like im watching a documentary. What a talent. Keep it up Kumander💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻...love it. Waiting for Cateel Family to be complete♥️♥️♥️
Thanks for this Visual treat KD. I mean wow.. look at those beautiful drone shots!! we saw your true emotions again in this vlog and it is so good. so genuine. Keep fighting KD! Daot na!
You hold the keys to overcome your anxieties. You said it yourself - you have to leave behind all the things that have dragged you down and move towards the present and then the future. I think I have been in a very similar place, Anselm. I literally could not even drive by my workplace for a time it made my physically ill. But in time I came to realize, and embrace, that I could build new experiences there. That the way I was thinking was an obstacle, but not a barrier. Obstacles can be tackled in a myriad of ways. I had to focus on small victories. I had to accept that the things that hurt me - the people, the events, the experiences - were behind me, and will always be a part of me. I accepted that and realized that I had to let them go. It was time to look in the opposite direction and create one positive experience each day. Then one became two; two became three then I eventually had the habit of thinking about the now and what was available to me in the moment. Every time you launch that drone you give something to your audience. You give a point of view of the landscape, a sense of place, of scale, and of time. You create those positive things for us, so realize that is your success and your achievement too. You aren't just creating content - you are guiding us, your companions, yourself, through a day, or a week. You're brining us along and as such you're building memories for us and for yourself. I can only imagine the work that goes into keeping track of your equipment - keeping it clean, the batteries charged. Gathering all of the video and images, and then putting it together for us. But really, it's for you - YOU did it - you made the countless decisions; you chose the music, the path you wanted us to follow. That is what you are doing, so give yourself credit for your efforts and remember that many of us are so thankful to see what's happening in your part of the world. I absolutely love the Philippines - my wife is from Cebu City and I have only been able to spend a couple of months in the Phils as we are raising our family here in Canada at the moment. I want you to know that there are times when I see your videos where I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I see the beauty of the land, the ocean, and of course, the people. I thank you for that, and I appreciate you sharing your struggles and your vulnerability. That is a hugely brave thing to do. Having been in a similar place as you in my own mind, I just want you to know that it will get better. Keep your eyes looking forward - accept and release the past. Take each day as it comes and reach out to your loved ones who will be there for you all the way. All the best to you and your wife, sir. I am rooting for you all the way!
Mostly of the comments here in this video I tick the "like" button and most of all this comment is likely equal to what I feel about Anselm and this video.. my tears are falling, I don't know why. But I can say that Anselm'life or journey makes me inspired and hope to watch more of his journey videos in the Philippines.. It's like watching BBC-WORLD DOCUMENTARY VIDEOS.. Good luck to you Anselm Kumander D..sa Sunod tingali KUMANDER KAAYO na ka..😊😊❤❤❤
thanks to you vloggers, i have seen part of my country i have never seen before, ours is a beautiful country, thanks for appreciating it more . . . salamat kumander daot
Hi Kumander, thank you for this video. Most of the viewers will probably get confused as to what happened here but I totally can relate to this. I had bad anxiety attacks many years ago and it took me years to get out of that rut. I can say I’m better now. I mean Im not 100% there and I dont think I will be but I know how to deal and cope when it happens. It takes a lot of mental power to quiet the mind when attacks happen. Most people don’t understand what anxiety is and some just dismiss it and would tell you to toughen up or to just be positive or to not be oa (overacting) and many more. I wish that you continue to power thru this. I hope that some day people will understand you and everyone that is experiencing mental challenges. Power on Kumander!
Feeling small and lost, tears in your eyes, having rough time - difficult moment? We face challenges from time to time - face squarely. You will be rewarded at the end, just stay strong. By the way, drone shots looked amazing - you're doing a good job - you improved a lot. I like that you were able to capture the different shapes and sizes of every mountain you passed, the misty color of different hues on the horizon, driving to the long and winding road, having conversation with yourself while blogging and sorting in your mind “the good, the bad and the ugly. Don't let frustration and anxiety defeat you. Heading towards Cateel is a good decision. There are people in there that you can talk to. You are vulnerable right now and I assume, Mama Rose is all ears to listen to your difficulties and worries. Difficulties in life is part of our existence and our being. It is a test of our strength how we handle issues and problems. Each of us is gifted with talent how to rationalize situation reasonably. You are a smart person, you can do it. No matter how many psychiatrists or psychologies you're going to talk to, the only person that can help you really is “You”. Confront your demons head on and don't back down. Keep your spirit high. Bare in mind, you're not alone in this world who suffers: fears, anxiety, insecurities and demons. There are gazillions out there who have issues just like you and yet they survive the challenges and difficulties. I suggest, read books or keep blogging to occupy your wearied mind.
Without diminishing your fight or other's struggles, we count ourselves lucky. I feel you Anselm. Confront and break free. Demons come to haunt and rehaunt us until we show them we don't fear them anymore. Be strong! .. road to 100k!
Getting around in Davao always seems to be an adventure for you Kumander! And holy crow, that beach is stunning 😍 I miss the Philippines! I got to backpack around the country in early 2020 and film my adventures. 🎥 Thanks for another great video!
Nobody has narrated and filmed those roads and places like the way you do. The background music kept it interesting! Nice choices and combination! You have the talent, Kumander! Keep it up.
Thanks Kumander Daot for sharing your Story. I'm also staying in the place that pushes my threshold. It's never a perfect picture, you're right. I Still have some questions that I want to unravel here. I'm rediscovering myself slowly(Not how I'm used to) but I'm trusting the process of the universe completely for my healing. You're up to a good start and let's hope for a bearable ride in your journey of healing.
took me a while to watch it because of the warning in the title, but because you were able to finish and upload it so I thought it wouldn't be that bad. one silver lining in the vlog was when you said you know yourself and this self-awareness I think will see you through. driving through those mountain roads in your state was scary but you persisted and relied on that internal compass. I will not fully understand the struggle but somehow I get a glimpse of it. thank you for sharing this; you may be helping others who are in the same boat you are in. it helps that the cinematography complements the inner story. hold on and do it little by little. cateel has become a kind of a beacon of hope.
What hardships and traumas have the road presented to you? I'm not familiar with your journey but I've watched everything that you've cared to share through Kyle's vids and your's. As far as I know you've had a tough start to your fish farming business and a couple of poor harvests. Every new business has a challenging start before they're successful. Don't be so hard on yourself young man. You've accomplished quite a bit. Be proud of what you've done and focus on the things that bring you joy and happiness. The most important things in life aren't found in a business plan..... love, laughter, and leaving those around you better than they were.
My Lolo always said, if you lose money, you lose a thing, if you lose your health, you lose everything. Take care of yourself and thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. You have inspired me to rediscover the Philippines with completely new eyes. Whatever happens in this next chapter of your life, remember, it’s YOUR LIFE YOU SHOULD LIVE FOR YOURSELF; not for us or anyone else, no matter what. No matter what you do, where you go, you are valuable. You are enough.
Bro those demons have nothing to do with you. All those demons or bad spirits want is to destroy people's lives. They can cause a lot of mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, and can cause people to commit suicide. If you want to have peace and be set free you have to allow God to help you. Always remember that God is with us. God never leaves us nor forsakes us. If you read my message I'm telling you just cry out to God. God still doing miracles these days. The Lord Jesus Christ still doing miracles these days. Ask the Lord Jesus Christ to take away all your worry and burdens and He will take it all. Trust me He will and all you have to do is believe. Psalm 55:22 King James Version 22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved. Matthew 7:7 King James Version 7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: This message is for everyone and yes I have to apply those verses from the Bible to my life as well. If you're a born-again Christian God gave you the authority to cast out and bind demons in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Those demons will flee if you tell them I rebuke all you demons in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. If you want to be born again first thing you have to do is repent of your sins and you have to believe the gospel and accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and your Savior. You will receive the Holy Spirit (Spirit of God). I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ will touch your heart. God bless you
Hats off to you Anselm for forging on and being brave against the odds your facing - battling against an inner enemy is most formidable but you seem keen at keeping that enemy at bay. I doff my hat at you! Awesome contents too and as a Davaoeno living abroad makes me wanna go back home because of these magnificent videos you're producing in your channel.
It’s the Climb brother, there’s always gonna be another battle but you have to be head strong to face it. Will continue wishing you the best and I hope you can find the strength to go back to Cateel and enjoy the company of your friends there specially Mama Rose. 😊
Ah hun, what a beautiful and brave video. So open so pure and honest but also special at the same time you know? Keep pushing through with gentleness and care on yourself please. Every journey has it's obstacle. Before a breakthrough there’s always a battle 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
**big hugs** Yes KD I agree with you, stepping forward little by little we will eventually win over our own traumas and problems. Thank you for sharing and inspiring us. Enjoy your stay at Dahican. Btw never been there but the beach looks so inviting, white sand and clear blue waters.
I can relate to those feelings..... irrational thoughts, the sense of impending doom, feeling out of breath, your chest tightens up and your heart starts pounding and you feel out of control..... people who have never experienced it just wont understand..... they might say oh he's being dramatic or he's acting but for you in that moment it's real...... mental health is widely overlooked by health professionals. They just label you as having Anxiety and then nobody takes you seriously anymore...... Apparently it can start from a traumatic event in your life and all those reactions and feelings are your minds way of avoiding another traumatic event..... I think it's related to PTSD..... war heroes go through similar things, with similar thoughts and feelings...... for me it was my Wife having to be rushed for an Emergency Caesarean...... she went through hell but so did I wondering in those few hours whether I would lose either my Wife or my unborn child or both..... so I became very overprotective of my family, thinking something bad was going to happen to them..... 7 years later, just seeing an Ambulance can bring those thoughts back or watching TV and seeing a hospital scene...... it never goes away and yes I am still very overprotective of my family now....... other people can go through the same thing or worse and be fine.... it just depends on whether or not you are susceptible.... everybody is different and everybody reacts differently in different situations.....it definitely did something to my brain though and I now suffer with anger issues..... blowing tiny things up into big problems.... rage just takes over sometimes, silly things like dropping something..... every day can be a struggle, fighting against yourself...... So yeah I kind of understand how it feels bud 🙂
Sometimes, people need to uproot from a place that causes them anxiety until they're ready. Facing one's demons is important in order to conquer it. But one needs to do it slowly till one builds up the courage to face it fully and with a vengeance. It's all right to back off if not ready. You're fine. You have people in full support of you.
Mental health can be a funny thing. I suffered for 20 years and one of the things my sane brain never understood was when I tried to walk around the block for exercise. I would often go more than halfway on my journey so it was a shorter distance to get home by carrying on but my mind would have a flap and although it was further I would have to go back the way I came. Now I live in the Philippines and have never been happier.
You did an amazing job! Don't ever think of yourself as a failure. You're only fail when you fail to try. I have personally been where you are so many times before. Keep trying and you will succeed. We all believe in you. By the way thanks for showing people what its like and telling your story!
BRUH LIFE IS SHORT AND PRECIOUS DONT SQUANDERED THE CHANCE TO MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT. ONE DAY AT A TIME EVERYTHING WILL PASS.A QUOTE SAYS “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”BE STRONG AND PERSEVERE, HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT WILL PREVAIL KUMANDER.WHAT KULAS ALWAYS SAYS POWER ON.
@@El_.5794 we all have fears and anxiety attacks it is the body's normal defence mechanism. As a foreigner with a Pinoy heart, his is exceptionally high. I am an OFW and a foreigner in Singapore,I can relate. He is honest enough and that is remarkable achievement to be open to all youtubedom so we just accept,listen and focus on the positive. Peace
@@lynsworldoflifetravels2690 I know, but still too soon to face the place of anxiety, not even a year since he started therapy. As you can see, he was struggling and wasn’t able to proceed to Cateel. He himself knows he can’t confront this time that’s why he went the other route and stopped there. You can’t just confront anxiety just like that, you need healing in ampful time. There’s a process to slowly face anxiety and fears. He knows that since he’s on therapy...
You're a great man kumander Daot,don't take those bad things seriously.God loves you.We followed your story.We know you can make it.Your a good fighter,a survivor. Amping sa kanunay Kumander Daot.Happy Birthday.God blesses you more and He loves you too.Relax2x sab kumander D.Ayaw e stress imong self.
Actially his wife who is a nurse is with him. I don’t think this is the right time for him to go back to Cateel. His condition can’t be played around, confronting anxiety places without Medical guidance is just courting relapse.
Your indeed a Story teller..b4 i see u with kulas..just a funny guy..but u start to have ur own vlogs..and follow u after...bret and finn subscriber too..all of u guys..foreigners but become filipino...glad ur ok now...see u with kulas in cateel..ingat poh
Just think of this Kumander, as what the Filipino elders say..."There are lots of people who are suffering than you do, so be thankful." (My Father and Mother will always tell me in Bisaya, "Pasalamat kas Ginoo, kay daghan pa tao dagkog problema sa imoha.) God Bless and God Speed Kumander!
I understand and respect the saying...but I do not agree with it. I don't ever compare my battles and struggles to others. We all have different struggles, and we all have different abilities to handle them. Others might be suffering more, but that does not help me overcome my problems. It does not solve my own struggles just knowing that others might have it worse than me. It is much better to find ways for each of us to cope with our own problems, I believe, rather than trying to dismiss them because someone else has it worse than us.
What louie said is a cultural thing. What kumander said is also a cultural thing. We really have a big difference in culture. Let us leave it that way. I believe we can co exist but we can't change each other. Mas maayo guro kumander D you find someone help explain the nuances of the dvo oriental culture. Like kumar and jandee to kulas. Maayo si kumar ug jandee makasabot ra sa kultura pero usahay si kulas clueless pa. Lisod to traverse culture alone especially that we filipinos have our diverse language and with language comes the culture. Ang culture lang sa dvo city is way different na sa culture dinha sa oriental. I feel you kumander D struggle gyud ka. Love you kumander D!
Looking forward to happier times, I am looking forward to the smiles you left behind. Be positive for all the future ventures you will find among friends
May I suggest that you get a friend to help you when “ demons” attack you. Just say a simple prayer. Please God help me. My “Mother” help me. A simple prayer will help you.
I was already on the verge of crying watching KD struggle emotionally to go back to Cateel but then the ‘feel the beat’ exercise scene flashed back onscreen and I laughed so hard instead lol🤣
Forget the fish pond... you'll get what you spent there through vlogging in no time...don't invest in businesses where you have no control...forgive the people with double faces, their foolishness will return to them tenfold!!!
Very brave of you to go back and revisit your trauma kumander. But it's also reassuring that you can overcome some of your personal problems and know that there are some things, you can't handle yet without getting anxiety. I'm super glad that you understand the warning signs. Stay safe and God bless you and your familia. Hang out with good friends you can trust.
@@KumanderDaot be courageous Sir.We all have traumas in life. Some are much worst than yours. So keep the faith. Take baby steps..one day at a time. God bless you Sir and keep safe always.We support you.
fill your heart with joy/happines, do whatever makes you happy like every five thirsty think about what good things will happen tomorrow go with the flow. we support you kumander.👍🏽 stay strong💪🏽😎
Happy Birthday !!!.... Keep on tracking my friend. I have nothing but good hopes for you. Talking about this is not a sign of weakness at all. It's a sign of someone who is honest and willing to face reality of the cards that was dealt him. You are not alone in this struggle. I hope you well. That's it. No advise. Just hoping all the good karma and understanding come your way. Peace brother.
Thank you guys always for the support in this journey!
The reality of life is that there are ups and downs, and there's no point trying to paint a perfect picture of the world because it isn't like that. The downs are not that easy to escape, and are actually a very normal, big battle of life. We cannot always push through and that is not a weakness. The irony is that it takes much more strength to say you need help, than to deny that there is a problem at all.
I always think before putting out this kind of videos, "do I want to share this emotion and sadness on social media", and I realise every time that there are so many people who can relate to these kinds of anxieties and traumas in places, people who are conditioned to think they have to keep quiet about them, hide them, pretend they don't exist, people who are afraid to speak out because they are afraid that people might just belittle them or be unsympathetic...
And so I do this to help people, for awareness, for education, to change people's thinking from saying "just be happy, just get over it, it's in the past", to thinking "actually the past affects our subconscious, emotions affect our physical health too, we CANNOT just tell the mind to stop thinking that way, we need to encourage people to go through therapy, mindfulness training, and to just speak about it"!
And this is not some form of millennial self-indulgence, apologism, encouraging people to be weak, none of that - believe me, I would much rather just be able to pretend my problems don't exist, or ignore the root cause and put a happy face on it - I did that for 7 years - but that just makes it worse - modern science has progressed incredibly and I am very thankful to the psychologists among us who have done real work on this and committed their lives to this.
Anyway, it's my birthday and I need to stop writing emotional stuff! Thanks again!
Really? Well Greetings to the birthday boy! Take it easy.
happy birthday kumander d! enjoy your special and relax😊
Very well said Kumander D. I for one can relate although can not express it as eloquently as you do. Keep it up. We are not here to judge. Thank you and appreciate your honesty.
Happy Birthday!!!
happy happy birthday kumander. power on. live to the fullest. god bless u
It's alright Kumander Daot don't push it too much you'll soon get there!!!! You're a Welshman and you're a great warrior!!! Power on.....
You have the blood in your vein of Viking King Ragnar
It’s ok , you can endure it Kumander Daot. I believe in you.You’re a nice person and a lot of people love 💕 you.🌹❤️👵👍
YOU NEED TO GO OUT MORE AND FIND GROUP OF FRIENDS THAT YOU ARE HAPPY TO BE AROUND YOU WITH NO LIMITS....LOVE YOURSELF FIRST,THEN. YOU WILL BE HAPPY....LOOK BACK YOUR COMPANY OF KULAS AND HIS GROUP,,HE IS HAPPY,BECAUSE HE IS SURROUNDED WITH HAPPY,CARING FRIENDS...
It takes a strong person to admit there are hills they cannot yet climb, when you push yourself to climb the insurmountable, you are only pushing yourself towards the inevitable fall. Sometimes it is better to take the long way round the hill just to remind yourself what is on the other side rather than pushing yourself over the top.
Nicely put👍
Very well said, indeed. He is a wise man who knows when to turn around. There will be another day, another way.
Well said👍🏽
Love this ... well said 😊
❤
Good Job for starting to face it. Baby steps. You should not push yourself too hard. You have done so well. Anxiety is very draining. And people that have never suffered will never understand. How controlling it is. Great video. Perfectly placed music. With your storytelling. Brilliant. Beautiful drone shots. Thank you for sharing. Have a great week. Take care:D
In composing letters, some people do read between the lines. Listening to your words spoken, I am drowned with your emotions and I feel for you. Yes, be strong and fight your demons. You are having an amazing journey of healing, you narrate so well and today’s video is an awesome feature of scenic mountains, seashores, rivers, roads and all. Thank you for showing us the beauty of the countryside in the Philippines.
Resilience is one thing we Filipinos have learned thru the many typhoons, crisis and calamities we have met. We just get back and rise everytime. And thats what makes us happy people. You too can rise thru all the sad pasts. Power on. My prayers and best wishes for you kumander
One day at a time, Kumander, one day at a time, bro. Takes a strong man to admit to his family, none the less the world, of his true struggles, traumas and fears...you have a ton of support from all of us here. You are not alone - never feel like you are. You will get through this!
Kumander, take courage. This was not a failure or defeat. It was one of multiple smaller victories. When you can't go through, you go over; and when you can't go over, you go around. Success and overcoming are yours!!! You are becoming a giant in the face of your demons! POWER ON!💪💪💪
Edit: Keep in mind that the only people who have no problems are the ones in the cemetery. You're in good company, and we are with you in your struggle to overcome.
Everyone has dark sides and issues in life. To progress anywhere in life, you have to face your demons. Stay strong 💪, Anselm. Keep appreciating everything that you have. Victory is yours, it cannot be taken from you.
Kumander D, the way you go about facing and fighting your demons--as far back as your childhood/youthhood in Wales all the way to your adulthood in the Philippines and everywhere in-between--is truly phenomenally relentless, awesome, even enviable. For you to have come this far--overcoming and surviving many emotional and personal/business obstacles and distractions--I honestly feel that you are a far stronger and resilient human being than you appear to be.
One thing for sure, albeit you've just started vlogging, you've so quickly and certainly proven yourself to be a highly talented and bona fide one. You're coming up with undeniably high-quality documentary-style videos, it's almost guaranteed that you will go far and wide if you make a career of it. On the other hand regarding your fish farm--which seems to be your main source and cause of severe pain, angst, torture, and trauma--in all the time that you've spent in Cateel and in general, the Philippines--I think you have to ask yourself this question: Is it really your ultimate life passion that it's so worth the personal and business hell you've been and still are going through all this time? If your answer is "no," then it's high time to sell and let it go. And just like what one commenter here has suggested, anyway, your vlogging will certainly and quickly erase whatever losses you would have incurred. One more thing with vlogging: it is a self-sustaining and creative therapeutic business opportunity and career for you. You're hitting two or more birds with one stone with it--and would be enormously happier and be at peace with yourself...and others. But above all else, yourself.
9:30 you can do it kd. Just take your time. Don't force yourself. Time will heal it all, God willing.
Kumader Daot, it’s seems like your vlogs are becoming more like documentary. You’re editing is excellent! You just started and you already fine tuned it. Congratulations!
Same thoughts here
Agree!
He has his own style!
That's great Kumander D! You have returned with a strong version of yourself... face everything with a positibve vibes Kumander! God bless you always!😇😍
Be strong and courageous, do it one day at a time. You will succeed and victorious. God bless and protect you.
In God's perfect time KD you can overcome whatever you are going through now. 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
The audio and video as well as the drone shots are 200% clear... Wooow....
Wow! Drone shot is breathtaking!
Don't push yourself, retreating in battle means winning it in a different way, good luck on your journey.
Holy smokes....my Goosebumps KD just went out. Your video making is excellent. Just Like im watching a documentary. What a talent. Keep it up Kumander💪🏻💪🏻💪🏻...love it. Waiting for Cateel Family to be complete♥️♥️♥️
Thanks for this Visual treat KD. I mean wow.. look at those beautiful drone shots!! we saw your true emotions again in this vlog and it is so good. so genuine. Keep fighting KD! Daot na!
You hold the keys to overcome your anxieties. You said it yourself - you have to leave behind all the things that have dragged you down and move towards the present and then the future. I think I have been in a very similar place, Anselm. I literally could not even drive by my workplace for a time it made my physically ill. But in time I came to realize, and embrace, that I could build new experiences there. That the way I was thinking was an obstacle, but not a barrier. Obstacles can be tackled in a myriad of ways.
I had to focus on small victories. I had to accept that the things that hurt me - the people, the events, the experiences - were behind me, and will always be a part of me. I accepted that and realized that I had to let them go. It was time to look in the opposite direction and create one positive experience each day. Then one became two; two became three then I eventually had the habit of thinking about the now and what was available to me in the moment.
Every time you launch that drone you give something to your audience. You give a point of view of the landscape, a sense of place, of scale, and of time. You create those positive things for us, so realize that is your success and your achievement too. You aren't just creating content - you are guiding us, your companions, yourself, through a day, or a week. You're brining us along and as such you're building memories for us and for yourself. I can only imagine the work that goes into keeping track of your equipment - keeping it clean, the batteries charged. Gathering all of the video and images, and then putting it together for us. But really, it's for you - YOU did it - you made the countless decisions; you chose the music, the path you wanted us to follow. That is what you are doing, so give yourself credit for your efforts and remember that many of us are so thankful to see what's happening in your part of the world.
I absolutely love the Philippines - my wife is from Cebu City and I have only been able to spend a couple of months in the Phils as we are raising our family here in Canada at the moment. I want you to know that there are times when I see your videos where I feel tears welling up in my eyes as I see the beauty of the land, the ocean, and of course, the people. I thank you for that, and I appreciate you sharing your struggles and your vulnerability. That is a hugely brave thing to do. Having been in a similar place as you in my own mind, I just want you to know that it will get better. Keep your eyes looking forward - accept and release the past. Take each day as it comes and reach out to your loved ones who will be there for you all the way. All the best to you and your wife, sir. I am rooting for you all the way!
Mostly of the comments here in this video I tick the "like" button and most of all this comment is likely equal to what I feel about Anselm and this video.. my tears are falling, I don't know why. But I can say that Anselm'life or journey makes me inspired and hope to watch more of his journey videos in the Philippines.. It's like watching BBC-WORLD DOCUMENTARY VIDEOS.. Good luck to you Anselm Kumander D..sa Sunod tingali KUMANDER KAAYO na ka..😊😊❤❤❤
bring someone you can talk to while on travelling ,talking to someone can help you fight the megative thinking on your mind..
4-thirsty upload! Barely a minute into the vlog but already impressed with the cinematography and "BBC show" feels. Good job, Anselm!
Happy 4 thirsty!
@@KumanderDaot Good luck with your upcoming endeavors! And while you're at it, drown those "demons". Either by the sea or with Fighter Fifty! LOL
It will take time and time heals 🙏🏻 Kumander D. Your drone shots are amazing!!!
You can do it Kumander!!! We're all behind you!!!! We believe in you!!!👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍👍🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻🍻
vlogging will be a good therapy for you. It allows you to talk and express your feelings. It' s more fun than the tough fishpond venture.
Omg your video taking is amazing KD,love it...keep it up...you've got a talent man...Fantastic
Your videos keep getting better and better...So many people prays for your health Kumander Daot. Just keep the 'Dont worry be Happy' mantra
thanks to you vloggers, i have seen part of my country i have never seen before, ours is a beautiful country, thanks for appreciating it more . . . salamat kumander daot
Hi Kumander, thank you for this video. Most of the viewers will probably get confused as to what happened here but I totally can relate to this. I had bad anxiety attacks many years ago and it took me years to get out of that rut. I can say I’m better now. I mean Im not 100% there and I dont think I will be but I know how to deal and cope when it happens. It takes a lot of mental power to quiet the mind when attacks happen. Most people don’t understand what anxiety is and some just dismiss it and would tell you to toughen up or to just be positive or to not be oa (overacting) and many more. I wish that you continue to power thru this. I hope that some day people will understand you and everyone that is experiencing mental challenges. Power on Kumander!
KD, just always remember feelings are not permanent, that trauma and anxiety will fade away. Time will change all that. Enjoy!!!
Love your nice comment....
@@haydeeobedoza8313 thanks beautiful 😘
Feeling small and lost, tears in your eyes, having rough time - difficult moment? We face challenges from time to time - face squarely. You will be rewarded at the end, just stay strong. By the way, drone shots looked amazing - you're doing a good job - you improved a lot. I like that you were able to capture the different shapes and sizes of every mountain you passed, the misty color of different hues on the horizon, driving to the long and winding road, having conversation with yourself while blogging and sorting in your mind “the good, the bad and the ugly. Don't let frustration and anxiety defeat you. Heading towards Cateel is a good decision. There are people in there that you can talk to. You are vulnerable right now and I assume, Mama Rose is all ears to listen to your difficulties and worries. Difficulties in life is part of our existence and our being. It is a test of our strength how we handle issues and problems. Each of us is gifted with talent how to rationalize situation reasonably. You are a smart person, you can do it. No matter how many psychiatrists or psychologies you're going to talk to, the only person that can help you really is “You”. Confront your demons head on and don't back down. Keep your spirit high. Bare in mind, you're not alone in this world who suffers: fears, anxiety, insecurities and demons. There are gazillions out there who have issues just like you and yet they survive the challenges and difficulties. I suggest, read books or keep blogging to occupy your wearied mind.
Without diminishing your fight or other's struggles, we count ourselves lucky. I feel you Anselm. Confront and break free. Demons come to haunt and rehaunt us until we show them we don't fear them anymore. Be strong! .. road to 100k!
I like this mindset. Acknowledging one's struggles without diminishing other's.
So proud of you Kumander Daot!!! You will overcome. Power on!!!!
Getting around in Davao always seems to be an adventure for you Kumander! And holy crow, that beach is stunning 😍 I miss the Philippines! I got to backpack around the country in early 2020 and film my adventures. 🎥 Thanks for another great video!
Get yourself down to Mindanao whenever you can come back to the Philippines!
@@KumanderDaot It's on the list!!
Nobody has narrated and filmed those roads and places like the way you do. The background music kept it interesting! Nice choices and combination! You have the talent, Kumander! Keep it up.
we are here behind you... road to 100k.... we say a little prayer for you...
We trust you Kumander Daot.We are just here to support,understand you and cheer you up 👍 fighting 💪
"I'll be alright"
Thats nice to hear.
You’ll get there Kumander D. Just take one step at a time. We’re here for you.
Please bring Kumander Daot in 100k subscribers.Godbless Kumander
Thanks Kumander Daot for sharing your Story. I'm also staying in the place that pushes my threshold. It's never a perfect picture, you're right. I Still have some questions that I want to unravel here. I'm rediscovering myself slowly(Not how I'm used to) but I'm trusting the process of the universe completely for my healing. You're up to a good start and let's hope for a bearable ride in your journey of healing.
Hello my friend, I am David. I am from Canada. I watch your channel as well as Kulas and Bret Maverick and Finn Snow.
Agree.. You should try to watch Fearless & Far.. Good content as well.
Me too!
Same here 👍😩
I watch “ Bisayang hilaw”
took me a while to watch it because of the warning in the title, but because you were able to finish and upload it so I thought it wouldn't be that bad. one silver lining in the vlog was when you said you know yourself and this self-awareness I think will see you through. driving through those mountain roads in your state was scary but you persisted and relied on that internal compass. I will not fully understand the struggle but somehow I get a glimpse of it. thank you for sharing this; you may be helping others who are in the same boat you are in. it helps that the cinematography complements the inner story. hold on and do it little by little. cateel has become a kind of a beacon of hope.
Been there myself man. You'll know when you'll feel good.. also feel the beat.
What hardships and traumas have the road presented to you? I'm not familiar with your journey but I've watched everything that you've cared to share through Kyle's vids and your's. As far as I know you've had a tough start to your fish farming business and a couple of poor harvests. Every new business has a challenging start before they're successful. Don't be so hard on yourself young man. You've accomplished quite a bit. Be proud of what you've done and focus on the things that bring you joy and happiness. The most important things in life aren't found in a business plan..... love, laughter, and leaving those around you better than they were.
Praying for you’re safety always,take care and god bless you .
My Lolo always said, if you lose money, you lose a thing, if you lose your health, you lose everything. Take care of yourself and thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. You have inspired me to rediscover the Philippines with completely new eyes. Whatever happens in this next chapter of your life, remember, it’s YOUR LIFE YOU SHOULD LIVE FOR YOURSELF; not for us or anyone else, no matter what. No matter what you do, where you go, you are valuable. You are enough.
Sometimes you really need to confront your demons . be a warrior. Deal with it one day at a time.
Bro those demons have nothing to do with you. All those demons or bad spirits want is to destroy people's lives. They can cause a lot of mental illnesses like anxiety, depression, and can cause people to commit suicide. If you want to have peace and be set free you have to allow God to help you. Always remember that God is with us. God never leaves us nor forsakes us. If you read my message I'm telling you just cry out to God. God still doing miracles these days. The Lord Jesus Christ still doing miracles these days. Ask the Lord Jesus Christ to take away all your worry and burdens and He will take it all. Trust me He will and all you have to do is believe.
Psalm 55:22
King James Version
22 Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
Matthew 7:7
King James Version
7 Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
This message is for everyone and yes I have to apply those verses from the Bible to my life as well. If you're a born-again Christian God gave you the authority to cast out and bind demons in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. Those demons will flee if you tell them I rebuke all you demons in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. If you want to be born again first thing you have to do is repent of your sins and you have to believe the gospel and accept the Lord Jesus Christ as your Lord and your Savior. You will receive the Holy Spirit (Spirit of God). I pray that the Lord Jesus Christ will touch your heart. God bless you
Hats off to you Anselm for forging on and being brave against the odds your facing - battling against an inner enemy is most formidable but you seem keen at keeping that enemy at bay. I doff my hat at you! Awesome contents too and as a Davaoeno living abroad makes me wanna go back home because of these magnificent videos you're producing in your channel.
It’s the Climb brother, there’s always gonna be another battle but you have to be head strong to face it. Will continue wishing you the best and I hope you can find the strength to go back to Cateel and enjoy the company of your friends there specially Mama Rose. 😊
Ah hun, what a beautiful and brave video. So open so pure and honest but also special at the same time you know? Keep pushing through with gentleness and care on yourself please. Every journey has it's obstacle. Before a breakthrough there’s always a battle 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Also HAPPY BIRTHDAY ❤️🙏🏻💪🏻🤍
**big hugs** Yes KD I agree with you, stepping forward little by little we will eventually win over our own traumas and problems. Thank you for sharing and inspiring us. Enjoy your stay at Dahican. Btw never been there but the beach looks so inviting, white sand and clear blue waters.
That was super powerful....Thank you for sharing this Kumander D... and for pushing on no matter how difficult it is for you.
I can relate to those feelings..... irrational thoughts, the sense of impending doom, feeling out of breath, your chest tightens up and your heart starts pounding and you feel out of control..... people who have never experienced it just wont understand..... they might say oh he's being dramatic or he's acting but for you in that moment it's real...... mental health is widely overlooked by health professionals. They just label you as having Anxiety and then nobody takes you seriously anymore...... Apparently it can start from a traumatic event in your life and all those reactions and feelings are your minds way of avoiding another traumatic event..... I think it's related to PTSD..... war heroes go through similar things, with similar thoughts and feelings...... for me it was my Wife having to be rushed for an Emergency Caesarean...... she went through hell but so did I wondering in those few hours whether I would lose either my Wife or my unborn child or both..... so I became very overprotective of my family, thinking something bad was going to happen to them..... 7 years later, just seeing an Ambulance can bring those thoughts back or watching TV and seeing a hospital scene...... it never goes away and yes I am still very overprotective of my family now....... other people can go through the same thing or worse and be fine.... it just depends on whether or not you are susceptible.... everybody is different and everybody reacts differently in different situations.....it definitely did something to my brain though and I now suffer with anger issues..... blowing tiny things up into big problems.... rage just takes over sometimes, silly things like dropping something..... every day can be a struggle, fighting against yourself...... So yeah I kind of understand how it feels bud 🙂
#PTSDSURVIVOR.. THE STRUGGLE IS REAL.. LIFE'S JOURNEY IS SOMETHING AMAZING AND BEAUTIFUL.. 💯🙏💯🕊👌🤠👍
You are a brave man and I admire you for that. KEEP GOING and overcome your fears. You are an inspiration!
Life is still good, keep going Kumander "D" our best wishes and prayers.
feel the beat...the clouds touching land horizobs... amazing...Thanks Commander Daot
Sometimes, people need to uproot from a place that causes them anxiety until they're ready. Facing one's demons is important in order to conquer it. But one needs to do it slowly till one builds up the courage to face it fully and with a vengeance. It's all right to back off if not ready. You're fine. You have people in full support of you.
It's okay not to be okay Kumander Daot! If you felt stressed /anxiety closed your eyes tap your shoulder and breathe! You can do it!
Mental health can be a funny thing. I suffered for 20 years and one of the things my sane brain never understood was when I tried to walk around the block for exercise. I would often go more than halfway on my journey so it was a shorter distance to get home by carrying on but my mind would have a flap and although it was further I would have to go back the way I came. Now I live in the Philippines and have never been happier.
You did an amazing job! Don't ever think of yourself as a failure. You're only fail when you fail to try. I have personally been where you are so many times before. Keep trying and you will succeed. We all believe in you. By the way thanks for showing people what its like and telling your story!
BRUH LIFE IS SHORT AND PRECIOUS DONT SQUANDERED THE CHANCE TO MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT. ONE DAY AT A TIME EVERYTHING WILL PASS.A QUOTE SAYS “The only real mistake is the one from which we learn nothing.”BE STRONG AND PERSEVERE, HAPPINESS AND CONTENTMENT WILL PREVAIL KUMANDER.WHAT KULAS ALWAYS SAYS POWER ON.
Happy birthday, Kumander. Hang in there. We have your back. Take care.
That's alright, KD! One step at a time. We'll be right here along with you! ❤
Always always looks at the brighter side kumander D. And you will be undefeated! You are the master of your own..power on!
The Sir David Kumanderborough of Cateel, Davao Oriental, Kumander D!!! Hoohah!💪🤣🤣🤣
Sir David Kumanderborough 🤣🤣🤣 you always pull the puns out of the bag hahaha
@@KumanderDaot Hahaha! You the man, idol. You the man!👌😂😁
We are here with you Kumander. You can do it!
Amping kanunay sa byahe Kumander! Just take things at your own pace when facing your inner demons.
One good thing about Cateel is that it is where you met Kulas and started vlogging. Keep on hoping.
His fish farm is the big elephant, the anxiety causing fear he still has to face again and confront the place of failures
@@El_.5794 we all have fears and anxiety attacks it is the body's normal defence mechanism. As a foreigner with a Pinoy heart, his is exceptionally high. I am an OFW and a foreigner in Singapore,I can relate. He is honest enough and that is remarkable achievement to be open to all youtubedom so we just accept,listen and focus on the positive. Peace
@@lynsworldoflifetravels2690 I know, but still too soon to face the place of anxiety, not even a year since he started therapy. As you can see, he was struggling and wasn’t able to proceed to Cateel. He himself knows he can’t confront this time that’s why he went the other route and stopped there. You can’t just confront anxiety just like that, you need healing in ampful time. There’s a process to slowly face anxiety and fears. He knows that since he’s on therapy...
He'll manage im sure
@@El_.5794 he will manage. Just go.
Praying for you. You're a good guy and the world needs more of you. Keep on keeping on.
In Jesus's Holy Name, be healed Anselmo! You're no longer daut but you are kaayo!
Oh...Welcome back Kumander Daot.. keep safe always, health is wealth..
There’s no ‘courage’ if there’s no ‘FEAR’. It’s okay to have fear in you..,then in time..BE COURAGEOUS!
Kumander, "Be Strong" because things will get better.God is with you!🙏🏻
Nice drone shots of the mountain road kd!
When you said "I'll be alright" , I believe you kumander. Padayon lang! Power on
It’s like Baguio city the clouds ☁️ is to low.
You're a great man kumander Daot,don't take those bad things seriously.God loves you.We followed your story.We know you can make it.Your a good fighter,a survivor.
Amping sa kanunay Kumander Daot.Happy Birthday.God blesses you more and He loves you too.Relax2x sab kumander D.Ayaw e stress imong self.
your videos are simply beautiful and interesting, i wish you all the best my friend.
Happy birthday Kumader Daut! You can overcome it. Just trust God and yourself!
While you are dealing with it, perhaps Kyle can help you with it.You need a friend who will be there for you during these times.
Actially his wife who is a nurse is with him. I don’t think this is the right time for him to go back to Cateel. His condition can’t be played around, confronting anxiety places without Medical guidance is just courting relapse.
you’re doing good kumander D. just take it easy and don’t rush it. things will just come into place in the right moment
Your indeed a Story teller..b4 i see u with kulas..just a funny guy..but u start to have ur own vlogs..and follow u after...bret and finn subscriber too..all of u guys..foreigners but become filipino...glad ur ok now...see u with kulas in cateel..ingat poh
god will take care ig you anselm. stay safe.
You can do it! Power on Kumander!!!
Just think of this Kumander, as what the Filipino elders say..."There are lots of people who are suffering than you do, so be thankful." (My Father and Mother will always tell me in Bisaya, "Pasalamat kas Ginoo, kay daghan pa tao dagkog problema sa imoha.) God Bless and God Speed Kumander!
I understand and respect the saying...but I do not agree with it.
I don't ever compare my battles and struggles to others.
We all have different struggles, and we all have different abilities to handle them.
Others might be suffering more, but that does not help me overcome my problems. It does not solve my own struggles just knowing that others might have it worse than me. It is much better to find ways for each of us to cope with our own problems, I believe, rather than trying to dismiss them because someone else has it worse than us.
@@KumanderDaot I do agree with what you said here, KD 👍🏼
@@KumanderDaot I agree
What louie said is a cultural thing. What kumander said is also a cultural thing. We really have a big difference in culture. Let us leave it that way. I believe we can co exist but we can't change each other. Mas maayo guro kumander D you find someone help explain the nuances of the dvo oriental culture. Like kumar and jandee to kulas. Maayo si kumar ug jandee makasabot ra sa kultura pero usahay si kulas clueless pa. Lisod to traverse culture alone especially that we filipinos have our diverse language and with language comes the culture. Ang culture lang sa dvo city is way different na sa culture dinha sa oriental. I feel you kumander D struggle gyud ka. Love you kumander D!
@@K_i_g_B_A Thank you for explaining. I consider it as TOUGH LOVE by our elders and not intended to dismiss others' problem. 😉
You conquered it! Your frustrations! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻❤️
Hallo KD! From Germany...Keep safe lang..God Bless😁
You can do it Kumander! We are all here for you!
Hahaha! That zumba session! Feel the beat!
Looking forward to happier times, I am looking forward to the smiles you left behind. Be positive for all the future ventures you will find among friends
May I suggest that you get a friend to help you when “ demons” attack you. Just say a simple prayer. Please God help me. My “Mother” help me. A simple prayer will help you.
Happy birthday. Look at it as a win! Now u know you need more time. Take the positive out of it
I was already on the verge of crying watching KD struggle emotionally to go back to Cateel but then the ‘feel the beat’ exercise scene flashed back onscreen and I laughed so hard instead lol🤣
HANG AROUND WITH PEOPLE THAT ARE HAPPY...KULAS IS A GOOD COMPANY....YOU NEED A SUPPORT THAT UNDERSTAND YOU......
Hang in there, there are a lot of people rooting for you. Really enjoy your blogs.
Forget the fish pond... you'll get what you spent there through vlogging in no time...don't invest in businesses where you have no control...forgive the people with double faces, their foolishness will return to them tenfold!!!
He was robbed and is traumatised by losing trust.
Very brave of you to go back and revisit your trauma kumander. But it's also reassuring that you can overcome some of your personal problems and know that there are some things, you can't handle yet without getting anxiety. I'm super glad that you understand the warning signs. Stay safe and God bless you and your familia. Hang out with good friends you can trust.
if you’re always thingking of your bad memories, you will stuck there forever.
The difficulty is that bad memories stick subconsciously as trauma. That is really difficult to escape
@@KumanderDaot be courageous Sir.We all have traumas in life. Some are much worst than yours. So keep the faith. Take baby steps..one day at a time. God bless you Sir and keep safe always.We support you.
fill your heart with joy/happines, do whatever makes you happy like every five thirsty think about what good things will happen tomorrow go with the flow. we support you kumander.👍🏽 stay strong💪🏽😎
@@Estranghero380 that is the best we can do, for sure, and actively fight the traumatic thoughts when we are feeling strong enough too
@@KumanderDaot YOU CAN DO IT!!😁👍🏽 spread the GOOD VIBES.
We're behind you, Kumander. Cheering you on as you fight. Eventually, I know you will find your way to Cateel... And it will be a victory!
Always take care, K.Daot. You're in our prayers always. Get well!
Happy Birthday !!!.... Keep on tracking my friend. I have nothing but good hopes for you. Talking about this is not a sign of weakness at all. It's a sign of someone who is honest and willing to face reality of the cards that was dealt him. You are not alone in this struggle. I hope you well. That's it. No advise. Just hoping all the good karma and understanding come your way. Peace brother.
Take your time Kumader.. I know how it feels, in God's perfect time...everything will be okay!