Being Someone You're Not
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- Being Something Your Not? Family, friends, co-workers? How about TH-camrs? Do any try to be something they are not? I tell my story about how I started on TH-cam just trying to "please" those around me and I became very depressed and almost quit TH-cam because I could not be my true self....until a dramatic turning point. I talk about my mother and if I felt I could be my true self around her...and then we get to friends:)! I take a walk through Veterans Park in Grand Rapids and from there we talk about people being their authentic selves.
Thank you all for being here...welcome new subscribers!!! I pray for our nation every week and I hope everybody here is safe and finding some happiness in their lives this summer. I know it's not easy.
Thank you for being here..thank you for praying for Bill in the nursing home and thank you for lifting me up when I get a bit blue. Your wisdom never ceases to amaze me.
If you have ve been in a situation where you could not be your true self, please share your store if have time or the desire.
Love always to you all,
Susan & Desi
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Hi, I will say my mother was a very good mom. She was good to me. She was a housewife. Mom to three children. Two boys and a girl. She worked like a dog cleaning the home and cooking for all of us. She was always doing her best. Never put herself ahead of us. Now here is the thing. Susan, you spoke of being your authentic self. Sadly I don't think my mom ever got to be that because of her mother and even her father. One day I actually thought about how my mother may not have been all that happy. I just assumed she was. My father was a good man. He worked in Insurance and dressed for the office everyday while mom was home. She cleaned all day. Even as I left for school I didn't even make my bed. None of us did. But she made it. Never spoke up and told me to get up a bit earlier to make it. I did this right until I got married at 22. I feel terrible about this. My dad while being a good provider and wonderful father to us all, didn't bring home flowers for my mother. And I now see that he should have. I could go on and on and many may not appreciate that. I want to say I do know who I am and never not show it. But my mothers parents told her things like "You better do this and do that for your husband" or else you will be a bad women. "You take good care of your man and home. Be a good wife. So that's what she did. Now both parents have passed on and only recently after living my own adult life, did I come to realize I saw my mother as a mother and not the 'person' she was. I was a shy kid who loved animals. My older brother picked on me. So I held my head down when I'd walked to school. Eventually after having a child and going through a divorce, dealing with panic attacks, and then being in another non loving marriage, I found myself. I love my daughter and I'm a good mom and 'friend' to her. I'm outgoing and funny. I have dealt with some very hard times, but after 55, I would say I know my authentic self. My daughter and I have had deep talks. Unlike me and my mom. Not her fault, just a different time back then. I just wish I could have my mother back to tell her how wonderful she was and how I now see what a wonderful mom she was but even more, what a great lady and sweet person she was. And I would be so grateful if I could ask her if she was happy back then and how did she feel about life. I wish I could know what my mom used to feel.
This was so moving Melinda....abslsouly beautiful tribute to your Mother and yourself. What a phenomenal woman you are...thank you, Susan
@@LittlePoet Thank you Susan. I think very highly of you and appreciate your kind words.
My parents married at 41 & 42...their first & only marriage..my mom was 43 when she had me...only child...
My dad was a farmer & my mom stayed home...she did a lot!! She mowed all the lawn on the farm she probably mowed 6 acres...she believed in having a nice yard...she had a big garden & took care of all that!! She also had beautiful flowers!! My mom also took care of the house...at the age of 55 my dad passed away from a massive heart attack...my mom & I continued to live on the farm..she rented out the farm land & kept up the yard & garden...my mom grew up in the depression & they grew up where you didn’t show your feelings...my dad rarely gave my mom gifts...my mom & I had a difficult relationship & I know what you are talking about how my mom did things & didn’t complain...I tried not to make things difficult, I tried not to make more work for my mom...I did help outside & mow lawn, I know I should have helped with more things...My mom believed in talking once a week it was long distance...mom usually called me, she didn’t want me to spend the extra money even when I got a cell phone...she insisted...the last few years of her life she had so much pain & I felt so bad for her & I would cringe when talking to her...because she just would complain all the time, I know it wasn’t right & I feel horrible!!
My mom passed away coming 5 yrs in Nov...we spent her last week together & I think we finally closely bonded...she was in the hospital...
Was funny, at the beginning of that week I grabbed her hand & she gave me a dirty look like why hold my hand??? The day she passed away I held her hand & she grabbed it back...that is when I knew she was close to death...she passed away surrounded by her grandchildren & me...
What a fabulous topic. I think its not us that is insecure, i think some people make us feel insecure as they are not relaxed and genuine.
Melinda, I'm so lucky to still have my mother. She just turned 95. Wow! She has deep thoughts, even though she has short-term memory loss. I love every minute I have with her.
I had a conversation with a friend years ago. She asked me, What would you do if everyone you knew was in a room together? How would you act? Would you even know how to act? How could you play all those roles at once?" I've thought alot about that. I've been told most of my life that I feel too deeply--that I'm overly sensitive. My ex-husband would try to convince me that my "feelings were wrong." My current supervisor often comments that "my emotions are stronger than other team members." My sensitivity isn't my weakness. It's my superpower. I'm the person you want sitting next to you when the world has gone to shit. After a lifetime of being told that I need to function on everyone else's emotional bandwidth for their comfort level, I'm finally done with that. I think other folks need to ask themselves why the strength of my emotions makes them so uncomfortable.
I am standing up cheering reading this Teresa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Preach it girl!!!! I agree!!!
I love this post so much!
Teresa I felt like you were describing me!
Teresa Stackhouse - my mother understood this about me, and nurtured me and gave me time and space to share feelings with her. She was wise and understood the value of "A Highly Sensitive Person" long before the psychological research was completed. I am so grateful she did. It made some other painful experiences much as you have shared, somewhat less painful. We are a great asset to those we're around, they're not always wise enough to appreciate at the time. So much has now been written on this subject confirming the strengths and gifts we have.
Thank you for your message.
X X
Hi my name is also Therese and it’s uncanny how much this sounds like me thank you 😊
I was shattered when Cooper died too, I bawled like a baby. To be honest I like dogs more than people. On a lighter note your hair is looking fab lately! 🙂
Oh Lynn....what can I say...I just love you for loving Cooper...he was blind but he taught me how to see the world. I had 13 years with him :) I swear, I think Cooper sent me Desi to mend my broken heart. I know I sound crazy...but thank you so much for being here...xxoo Susan
@@LittlePoet you and Cooper on that chair looking out the window is burned into my mind, when you are at your lowest your dog will always give you unconditional love and support, furry angels. 🐶
Your videos are so beautiful, peaceful and inciting. Little Poet is a good name, because your vlog is poetry for the eyes, ears and mind. You seem to always search out and find beauty in your life even when it’s sad. I just turned Medicare eligible this year and it’s nice to find someone my age with such a lovely way of seeing life’s experiences. And your little doggy is adorable with his goofy underbite and those sweet, soulful eyes.
I don't think I even know my authentic self. I have always been like a chameleon. Blending in wherever I am and whoever I'm with. I'm 65. That is really sad.
Me too
My mother died last year. She was not capable of loving me, the oldest of her three daughters. I was daddy's girl, I was bold, I was independent. She actually said that I ask too many questions. She was never proud of my accomplishments in my career. All the reasons my father loved me, she disliked me for. I had to be guarded with her my whole life, (65 years), be careful not to share too much for fear of her criticism or indifference because it hurt so much. I now realize I was everything she was not and maybe wished to be.
Absolutely spot on for me too. I found comfort and gratitude in the thoughts that they worked hard to provide a superior life and education for us. This comforted me. My beautiful, brave granddaughter and I held her hand that night,she kept telling us she loved us. When she slipped into her final sleep we were there, we loved her and would never let her down....even though LittlePoet hit the nail on the head..."you never saw my face". Im okay in my heart and I used my mother's money to buy the finest watch for my granddaughter,in memory of a special time we shared, holding hands until time drifted away....thank you L P. Just love you to bits!
Yes. Moms are people too. Full of self doubts, jealousy and other not so great traits, even toward their children. But, it is what it is.
That’s me too
Had to take an AntiAnxiety tablet every time I visited her
Oh Pamels, I have experienced the same thing. When my dad passed away six years ago, I knew my mom would hate me worse. She talks bad about me to the family and I think they believe her. I live 70 miles away and still get blamed for ever. My brother was her favorite. He passed away shortly after my dad. He stole from her, left her house full of junk and she still speaks highly of him. I was told that I always have a solution to everything.yes, I do! I am strong, smart and independent. She never had been. Sending you a big hug.
Wow this hits home
💜Thank you for this, Susan. I am so glad you discussed the mother/daughter struggle. Not all moms and daughters have good relationships. Those who do, can never understand. 💐
Absolutely! It is crushing for a girl not to have unconditional love and acceptance from her mom. It helps to know that we are not alone.
This was such a touching video. I can really relate to the issues you had with your mom. My mom was very critical and I grew up without a lot of confidence in myself. I'm just now at 60, feeling like I am becoming my authentic self.
Hey Susan, always soooo good to see you again... I lost my mummy six years ago and talk to her everyday and that helps a little... But my psychiatrist told me, after a suicide attempt, that "Dont let anyone dim your sparkle" and that is sooo true I think.. Thanks for sharing your thoughts Paula In UK
I love your videos! I'm a new subscriber as of yesterday when I found a video of yours. I admire your honesty and strength. You asked if there was a time when I wasn't my authentic self and there were many after my divorce in 2008 after 24 years of marriage. I started the dating thing.... Unfortunately at the time the only way I can describe it was like being a dog at the pound. I would try to be whatever I thought he wanted me to be and if a relationship started or if it only lasted a handful of dates and then ended for whatever reason I felt like I had been dropped back off at the pound as a surrender until the next would call and I'd try again..... I had no identity and no self esteem. I wanted someone else to give me a part of their life so I would just have at least a half. I wrote, at the time, a blog post about a Gift Bag. Basically that if you give someone a gift bag it's usually fluffed with tissue paper and beautiful bows, maybe some streamers, etc. but when the recipient opened the gift bag it was empty. Fortunately I'm not that way anymore...
OMG! New viewer here. Retired school teacher here. Everything you said...yes. I’m most lonely in a crowd. Jan
Me too Jan....a crowd is lonely...alone with my thoughts sometimes can be such a happy place...I think that is why Bill craved sitting there in that park.
Rescuer. Yes always making the situation ok, yes it must be exhausting. My mum didn’t judge me. Parents mould our personality.
Hi. I’m one of your male fans. Just wanted to say how much I enjoyed this video. You said so many things I needed to hear, and you said them with great sincerity and humility. Thank you !
Hi Susan, I love your videos and look forward to hearing what you have to share every week. Authenticity is a great subject. I have been thinking a lot about this subject and more lately. I will be sharing on my video soon about this and more. I am 77 and I think I am just now coming into my own with my authenticity. I believe it is a life long journey, at least for me it has been. I love that we keep learning and growing into our own true self. I appreciate you. ♥
I am binge watching your channel and love this one. I feel you are very authentic and true to yourself. I just turned 76 and I can relate so much to what you say, think about, feel. I feel like you are my friend and wish you lived next to me. How fun!
I love you Susan. Honesty and openness is so refreshing. Thanks for being real. I loved Cooper!! God bless.
Growing up I tried to make my mom proud of me in so many ways, but I just never seemed to get that satisfaction from her as hard as I tired all of her life. I know she loved me and I her, but we just always seemed to have conflict. It was good to hear that you seemed to try to conquer the same.
“No matter what I did, it was never good enough....” powerful words, Susan. Another fantastic , beautifully shot video. Hugs from the UK.
Oh Denise, thank you, you are so sweet...and wise...!!!
Hi Sue-
Just discovered your channel .. a blessing! You are a class act! Your videos are beautifully filmed and you are a model of loveliness (inside and out)and make getting older somehow easier. (I am 61.) As an essential worker, I am working a lot. Watching your playlist, has been a treat when I come home!!! You are a bright spot in a difficult time...thanks!
Your honesty in this video is amazingly beautiful. My Mom lived with us for almost 10 years prior to the last year of her life (8 months). It wasn't alway easy, but, looking back i am so happy to have had that extra time with her, good and bad. Again, thank you for sharing your life .... it makes me feel not so "alone" ...
Thank you so much for being so vulnerable and sharing your relationship with your mum. I remember when my Mum was in her last year (she had cancer) and I said I hoped she wasn’t disappointed with me and she said “I’m not disappointed, I just wish you had done something with your life”. That hurt so bad, the fact I was a mum or even a nice person didn’t seem to matter. I tell myself it was her way of motivating me to do better. Anyway thank you so much, you are so lovely and sweet and inspiring ❤️🌷🌺💕
Hi Susan. I'm a new girl on your page today. I'm 67. I relate to your story about your mom. I was always trying to please her. I'd clean my house and she would come and see me and always find something that I didn't do... It that needed to be done. It was so frustrating. I swore I wouldn't be like that with my children. My mom ended up with Alzheimers. I had to deal with some of her remarks then too. Some hurt, but I knew what she was going through. When she died, I felt free. So sad, I felt guilty, but free. I loved her so much. She was out of my life until I was 12. She left me with my grandparents from age 5 until the age of 12. I forgave her and we did have some wonderful moments! She had a good heart.
I can relate.. with five kids and trying to work a couple nights a week as well as homeschooling my kids, my house was never 'clean' enough for my mom.. she was a perfectionist, and she always made me feel like an inferior housekeeper, and she never came over to my house.. lt took some years, but l learned to accept it and move past it.
I recently came upon your channel. Oh my! You’re like a beautiful oasis in this crazy world. Thank you! This is exactly what I needed to hear/watch. Well done! 👏🏼👏🏼
Wow, thank you, you are so sweet Vivi Love!!!
Dear Susan,
keeping it real , (your grief over the loss of Cooper , your joy in finding Desi)
Your sadness for your lack of connections to your younger self with your mom
also I love how you share the real you in connections with your friends
And I love your musical verse for your Mother , amazing for the healing this brought
Please know , your video was so wonderful, authentic , heart warming
I am so happy I found your blog amen 🙏
Mary 🇨🇦 Canada
Thank you! I really needed this, since working in a corporate office for years, somehow I've put on something else instead my "real".. I'm a new subscriber, thank you for this Video!!!!! Would love to see Desi day and what all he does.. lol. Also do you do any live videos for questions and comments??
Thank you Susan, you really hit a home run today.
I agree. Sometimes being by myself is the least lonely place to be....
Thanks for another beautiful video.
Hi Beautiful Susan and very authentic Desi, he's such a gorgeous doggy. I do feel l am authentic as through the years l have always been the same. My mother was a great mum and my dad they always made me feel so loved. I have had a lot of sadness in my life, but life must go on.Great video Susan. Hope everyone is keeping safe. Love and hugs Susan and dear little Desi xx😍🐶
I am here. I feel deeply your authenticity. You are a whole as we all are. How freeing is being our oen selves . Yes , we when authentic can be overwhelming or regected by others....but I know at 56 I am who I am...and who I am is just perfect for me and my loved ones. Yes, relationships are important, but we can be gentle and less harsh... I watches about 50 videos you made....but my English is quite poor to leave a comment. All my love, from Israel.
Thank you for such wisdom. Such freedom. So needed that. 💝
I’m a new subscriber and I love your fashion sense and everything about your videos. Your dog Is adorable. I’ve had three dogs - two Dobermans and a Fox-Terrier all living twelve years but now have two cats and I dog-sit my son’s dog Dex who’s a Beagle/King Charles Cross. He never stops eating. Thanks for all your words of wisdom.
I can relate to all your videos and I love everything you talk about and the way you put your videos together. Keep up the good work!
Beautiful video! I love Michigan my birth state!
You give us such great insight into ourselves. I had a difficult relationship with my mother the last few years of her life. I cared for her off and on the last 10 years she was alive. A few years before her death at 98 I was an angry unhappy person.
I let some of that rub off on her and I regret it to this day. She was a precious mother to her four children. Her care fell all fell on me and I was angry about that and other issues in my life.
I never got to tell her how important she was to me and how much I loved her. It left a tender spot in me to this day..
Many hug’s to you and you little Desi.🤗🤗❤️❤️⭐️⭐️
Desi is his authentic self and so cute being himself
Thank you for another great podcast. Being our authentic selves is a big subject. We have to be very brave to just be ourselves. I think we learn from a very young age that it is not always ok with other people if we dare to be ourselves. It could be that siblings are jealous of talent or the way we look, and we learn to hide out true selves. I can remember singing as a teenager and my sister really laughed at me. I never sang in front of her again. I can remember going to audition to join a band and my boyfriend said to me be careful and don't make a fool of yourself. I didn't do the audition. I had lots of that in different ways, and I was very scared to be myself. I could write a lot about this subject. However it such a waste of time to let jealous siblings or so-called jealous friends win, we need to grow a thick skin which is difficult if you are a sensitive soul. I have wondered why God gave me talents, when my sensitive nature would absorb the hurtful and undermining comments, maybe that was my challenge. I challenge my self a lot and am finalizing a BSc in homeopathic medicine, it's not easy, however, I find it intellectually stimulating and I know I am really being myself when I am studying this subject or helping people with the knowledge I have acquired over the years. However I never really sang to the best of my potential. I let those hurtful comments get to me.
Thank you so much, I really needed this lovely talk today. Susan from Louisiana
im turning 50 need to learn to live my after devorce ,i can handle it my mum did not learn me to live my self it meens always be dependent she hopes i will not but some times its difficult to keep my own vision of live i love your post today my dog past away this year i can still feel the pain of it . my mum visited her sister she is in nurhing home so you can imaging some time the feelings wil overwelmed with the situation im from holland try to find a way to live for my selve following youtube helpes to ceep on track dear i love you and lots of huggs from holland
Susan -- I am new to your channel. Wish I had found you a couple years ago when my marriage abruptly ended and I started over at age 57 - move to new state, new job, new little rental house......... THAT said, I am happy I have found you and your community now! I will reach back to previous episodes as I can. Just an update on me - in the last 2 years I have found my PERFECT job (after working as a temp for 7 months) and after living out the 2 year lease I signed, I bought a home - my PERFECT home last month. Perfect to me means 95 year old Prairie Bungalow with lovely gardens in great shape. I realize now that I lived a very non-authentic self in my marriage - whenever my authentic self showed through, I was told I was too much and in the end being unauthentic made no difference and it was nothing about me and everything about him. NOW I get to live near my 4 grown children and their families -- most importantly, my 4 little Grandboys! It blesses my life to have them near and be a big part of their lives.
I wanted to say I applaud your ability to grant grace to your Mom. This is what I have had to do -- I love my Mom and although over the years have had our differences, I recognize now she did the best she knew how at the time.
Wishing you blessings!
Gail
I would love to see a video on how you style your hair!!
Oh Karen...really????? I don't think of my hair as anything special :) You are so sweet...I will do it....I think! xxoo Susan
Your hair always looks so stylish and nice.. with every hair in place! You should do a video! 😄
Really enjoyed this video I have gone back to your older videos and there is a change. Thank you for your time.
Thank you Laura for telling me that.....you are so kind.
Love you, Sues! Real is always the way to go!!!!
You are very real....that is why I think you have always stood out...you are so real...xxxooo
@@LittlePoet Thanks, sweetie. I really, really love you. That sounds so stupid since we've never met, but I feel bonded to you. PS I'm actually a midwestern gal - I grew up in MN, SD and WI (with relatives in the Chicago area). Ended up in TN, which is not unlike those areas, just a bit warmer. TN is a beautiful state - only to discover I have relatives that founded TN. Yeah, it found me.
@@StephanieJoRountree I feel the same way....after spending this year together here, we ARE bonded for life!!!
At least you go out and as there are more older woman than men, I love that you are helping us older woman be brave enough. Your Veteren husband and his trauma have shaped you with a little helpless melancholy and that’s normal, you are very sweet and nurturing after all that’s happened. I live your voice and your decor. I want to make my own Queen of Sheba bedroom thanks to you baby girl!
I am struggling with being my real self, especially at the church I go to. With time I have come to see some things differently and if I shared this I would be frowned upon, told I am losing my faith, won't go to heaven, the devil has me in his clutches. So, I keep all this to myself but I really want to burst out of my cage and have the courage to seek another path, knowing that no church has all the right theological answers,so I can't expect to find perfection. I hope I have the courage and wisdom to take baby steps in this journey.
I’ve been waiting for your weekly video. My dad just died yesterday and I’m so lost. So devastated.
So sorry for you loss, Nancy..virtual hugs from afar 💕
Nancy Vasquez - oh, Nancy! I am so sorry for your loss. My dad died almost 13 years ago and I have an idea of how you feel. Your dad must have been a wonderful man! I will certainly think of you in the coming days.
Nancy, I am so sorry. If we could hug, I would. I’m saying a prayer right now.
Nancy, I'm so sorry for your loss.. Prayers for peace & comfort to you sweetheart.
🌺 Hey Nancy !!! Please Find Comfort in Knowing that GOD'S Arm's, are Wrapped Around You. He Will Give You Peace.
I did that in my first marriage...It lasted about 17 yrs and ended with a nervous breakdown and out patient hospitalization. :( Fast forward to new marriage....I'll never be that person ever again...I can only be me!
Love you and your channel ! You are truly soothing to the soul !
Hi Susan, Where do I start. I have been watching you for over a year and just subscribed today. I am 60 and you have made me less fearful about aging. I had an incredibly difficult time turning 60 as I thought my life was 75%over- I was such an old lady and life was just something to get through. I was in a job I had been in for 8 years where a new co-worker took over and started bullying me and everyone in the office joined in. They were women in their 40's, 50's and 60's!!!! My boss who had been an incredible friend to me- or so I thought- joined in with them. Because my mother was abusive- both mentally and physically-and I had the self esteem of a gnat I thought I deserved their treatment .At the expense of my mental health I allowed this situation to continue. It wasn't until I found out that they were advertising my job with an employment agency behind my back I got the nerve to quit and never talked to any of them again- that was September 2019. In October 2019 I found out I had a precancerous condition and needed a total hysterectomy in a routine check-up I was a ticking time bomb for cancer if I didn't act fast. Then Covid-19 hit and everyone's world as they knew it changed. As is my usual pattern I wanted to isolate. With the help of a wonderful therapist I was able to accept that I was stronger than I ever gave myself credit for and could use all that had happened to me to start new. Had my surgery this Friday July 10th-am home recovering and doing great. No cancer anywhere! 2020 is the year I will be my authentic self- I will accept the unconditional love from my amazing husband and daughter who cherish me every day but I never allowed myself to accept. I will lose the 100 pounds that I have accumulated as my protective armor and I have allowed to weigh down my body and challenge the "morbidly obese" label that adorns my medical charts. I will not allow people to bully me or make me feel insecure when I am around them- like my brother who never even contacted me before or after the surgery and knew exactly when it was. I do no allow people to get close to me because of my fear of rejection-that is a mindset of the past. I will attempt to let people in my life- but will not conform or change in the hope they will like me. What you see is what you get and if you don't like me- your loss!!! I think it took me 60 years to get here and the realization that I am just as important as anyone else. I think I felt the need to open up and type this after watching this video particularly and the fact that my best friend ever- my late sister- was named Susan. You are a calming voice in a chaotic world and this video specifically was so cathartic for me. Thank you and I hope I can connect with wonderful on line friends, enjoy all the wonderful things that I do have going for me and cherish the one life that I am so lucky to be given and the chance I have been given to live it.
Susan I’m a new follower and I just love watching each video is so beautiful and the music speaks to my ❤️ I’m going to be 65 and n October my boys are grown and I’ve been married for 48 years to a wonderful man a veteran just like Ed
Who struggles with many issues from Vietnam, and I like my mom put my boys and husband before me for sure!!!! You’re videos are so tight on and help me with this new life I am approaching as an empty nester and as my husband grows older , I know I have something that I am born to do and that’s what I’m trying to figure out just like us all I soooo love you and am amazed how talented you are and beautiful ❤️thank you
Thank you for your vlog. It is amazing that whatever mask we think we have put on there is always some astute person who sees behind it and wants more of the whole person. The authentic self. I tried in many situations to be what I thought the other person wanted me to be but in the end, like any lie. it comes back to bite us in the rear end! I think, as we get older it matters less and less what others think of us, or the need to impress lessens. It’s natural to want others to approve of us but in time it does become less of a driver in our relationships. For me it is more important to be kind to others and myself. Lots of love and good health to you dear lady.
Your mother’s photograph looks so much like you. Yes, I think most of us are guilty of acting one way or another around a particular group of people and more our true selves around closer friends. Thanks for sharing and luv the flowers and your hat. I buy myself flowers too once in awhile, why not. Give Desi a pat. What a precious animal he is. You have blessed one another and finding him was fate. Stay safe. ❤️🙏🇺🇸
We're all awesome ladies here because awesome attracts awesome -YOU! GREAT SUBJECT. It wasn't until 2 years ago when I was laid off from the ultimate toxic company due to ageism and speaking truths that I started REALLY speaking MY truths in a kind manner (or icy calm when needed such as my exit interview). I'm 63 and it took 61 years, relationship traumas, and harsh lessons to learn to speak my truths and try to be more of the authentic me. I found that speaking my truth kindly, realizing and understanding what verbiage and communication to use, people respond and hear me much better. I think we all struggle with being our true selves because sometimes others just can't accept authenticity and are threatened. And we have to forsake ourselves a lot of the time for our employment.
I also can relate to the mom thing. ..perhaps our generation? ?
I also learned a lot from a wonderful lady who taught facilitating groups, she was a great communicator, and taught that being authentic is how we can reach people.
Many blessings, love and peace to you and Desi 💜 and all of you out there 💜 ✌ 💜 ✌ 💜
My mother was the one who always corrected me or told me I had a loose thread on the back of my skirt or my makeup needed fixing you know what I mean. She said there was always someone watching so you had to get it right always .. At the time I hated it , but when she died I truly missed it . I wasn't perfect yet , who was going to correct me now . (My Son ) is now my best critic .🦋
💙💙💙
Hello Susan. I also had the same kind of mother. And the same kind of father. Though the story with my father is just as difficult, it’s less painful in some weird way because I wasn’t raised around him. I could never know who I was because my mother also didn’t know who she was. There was an extreme deficit in the esteem security department In my mother, therefore there was also one in me. She was my role model. What was I to do! I’ll be sixty years young soon, and just discovering myself. And though finding myself has unfortunately come by way of pain, I’m Still grateful for sure. There’s a song that is by The Rolling Stones, I know you know it. Wild Horses. The rendition of it by Susan Boyle is hauntingly beautiful, and every word rings true about the mixed feelings I’ve had towards my mother. Much love Susan, and will you give your handsome pooch a couple of kisses for me. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your story about your relationship with your mom. The way you tell your story is so relatable..
I actually had a tissue cuz it made me cry!
Oh you are so kind...love is complicated and can be painful...but it's oh so worth it. Thank you Anni for being here.
I should like to share my often heartache for my absolutely beautiful 21yr old (only Grandchild *Claire Victoria)
She is so bright an wonderful , yet she suffers from social anxiety to often the point she cannot breathe
And now to her credit , though a university student 👩🎓, she has recently started her own utube vlog
In order to reach out and share her personal experiences in order to help others. I am so proud of her
Courage to be her authentic self . Thank you Susan for your encouragement to share our own stories
On your blog . 💁♀️
Mary 🇨🇦 Canada .
My AUTHENIC SELF, the beautiful spiritual butterfly, that I truly am, will come when I shed this humanly shell! I think I have wasted too many years to do this in this realm, but I do continue to try!
Someone said people are broken can be to broken to never heal. Yet we can love them or love from a distance. People others broke now to wounded to heal. Now you can see clearly.
You may not have felt you were being your authentic self in those five year old videos, but you were genuinely endearing and making the most creative videos we had the privilege of experiencing with you. We knew you were not in a good place emotionally at times, but what you chose to share with us was and has always been so relatable. It's probably totally normal to be/act slightly differently around different people and in different circumstances. Mother relationships seem to always be the most complex. For me, there was always this unfounded feeling that I was partly responsible for her emotional well being, which was of course preposterous. But I think most of us finally come to a point in our lives when we know we have to let all those feelings go and find peace with all we've experienced in life. And I admire you for sharing so many of your emotions and experiences with us over the years. Love to you and your darling little Desi. Laurie
Laurie, your words always have a way of cutting to the chase..saying the most powerful thing in the mode concise way that makes me think about it for 2 days! Yes, that feeling that we are responsible for everybody's well being....women ar every much like that...I think even in 2020...but I am the first to admit, I know little about how young women feel...but if I compare them with any other decade I would have to go back to the 60's....and that, I can understand...I am so happy to see you tonight! Those early videos make me cry....but mostly now...I am on such steady ground...humans are amazing in that I swear, we can adapt to almost anything ...life always finds a way!!! I am wondering how your little girl is???
@@LittlePoet It does my heart good to hear you say you are on such steady ground now. Hoping you can someday watch those old videos and smile instead of cry because they helped you achieve so much. Oh, our little Ruby. I will admit, she was meant to be a replacement and fill the huge hole in our hearts that Trixie left us with. We've had many pets over the years and didn't think I could love another as much. It took time because I couldn't help but try to compare Ruby to her. But she has come into her own and the whole has been filled with a new kind of love especially for her. I guess I expected her to be very similar, but it's the differences that make her so special. Trixie was a little prim and proper princess, but Ruby is a little tomboy, full of mischief and we love that about her. I think of your Cooper as being such a gentleman and Desi as being the mischief maker or gangster as you call him. Aren't they so much fun. Thanks for asking about her.
@@trixiegirlism OH RUBY!!!!!!!! I am so thrilled you told me how she is growing up!!! They are the dying and yang of our other babies!!! You are right...Cooper was a so proper and soft...and Desi is headstrong...he chased after a huge deer today!!!!! Dogs bring us so much joy when there is almost no joy we can find...a miracle....Thank you for charging and please kiss Ruby for me!
Wow I really enjoyed this video for some reason it reminded me of being in Michigan at John Ball Park they had a Komodo Dragon there of course I had to see it cause they facinate me. Your videos are so thoughtful I really liked Grand Rapids Michigan I ran around that area for about 10 years and Im from Illinois I live on a little farm in SW Missouri now just me and my dags and cats I moved here at 62 will never regret it. I love being in nature ❤🥰❤Kisses to you and Desi ❤🥰❤
Hello from Vancouver island Canada. I have found your videos just in the last while and loved them. I am 65 and I love makeup and face creams and all the things. You are very beautiful and I love that you find good products that are not expensive. I have bought rose oil and love it. You said that you dont have age spots on your hands so I do and was wondering what you could recommend I use. Please keep up the videos they are so helpful in many ways. Patti
Hello there; after giving your question some thought I’d have to say most of my working life was spent being someone I was not: I called myself “Suzy Sunshine” or the “Perfect Patti” (no offense to anyone named Suzy or Patti, of course!). I worked for 20 years in Human Resources as a Recruiter’s Staffing Assistant and later on as a Service Center Rep. in the Benefits Department . You have to be upbeat, patient and teach. Most times it was fun and rewarding but it could also be fiercely frantic and draining (people in HR were nicknamed “Human Remains”). When I left the company and did temp work, again I was either character. I like to think we’re all skilled actresses but it does take a toll. I stopped working completely due to lack of jobs...of jobs that required skill/brains because age and gray hair are such a stigma as a temp...and I was tired of playing the roles. I’m too real for Corporate America, I guess! Sorry for babbling on...Pandemic Blues I guess😉😘!
Susan,I just listened to your song and it’s beautiful 🙏🏻🥰
Wonderful as always Susan . I have a lot to say about this topic . Nothing will bring it to the forefront more than starting a TH-camr Channel . We all have a public persona , everybody . Finding that fine line and it truly feels like a fine line on TH-cam is actually rather confronting . “ just be yourself they said “ Me ....but which self lol
Another philosophy “ when are you not yourself ? “ even a fake you is yourself , perhaps not authentic though . I feel rather strongly about women conforming to what is expected so I’ve chosen ( yes after trying ) to not be sugary sweet because that’s not me . I think People watch because they can identify with us or they’d like in some way to be more like us . I’ve accepted that you can’t please everybody , I’m never going to be everybody’s cuppa . I’ve also decided recently to avoid being clone like to speak out more about some of my thoughts and beliefs . 😊💞💞
You are so wise and watching you I can tell you know exactly who you are...and that comes across. No I do'nt suppose we want to get on soapboxes every week...LOL...and it's funny...I have strong opinions but I have never been tempted to venture there...I wonder whY? I am so happy to see you! I miss you!
LittlePoet Susan Id love to hear some of your opinions . I think the woman who subscribe to you will find it of value even if they don’t always agree. We can be a nice woman , a good woman and still have our viewpoints . 😊💞💞
Yes, yes, you described my relationship with my mom. When I was really little, she used to call ME mommy. The role reversal made me five years old going on 25. I took on a lot of responsibility. But when I had my son, I felt like I recovered some of my childhood by enjoying his childhood with him. My Christian faith brought a lot of healing. And in my adulthood, I came to understand and forgive my mother. You see, my mother lost her mom when she was only four.
I'm 54 and for the most of my life I was a people pleaser and always put myself last. I was thinking what other people want me to do or say just to make them happy and pleased and I didn't realize that deep inside I am not happy...But around the age 50 I came across a video of a woman named Anita Morjani on utube that changed my life and my attitude. .. She had stage 4 cancer , went to coma and died, had a near death experience and came back, got healed and got the knowledge and understanding that why she got cancer was that she was always like a door mat and people pleaser and never truly loved herself, and never been truly herself with others...Please go on line google her and hear her story, it will change your life.
Loved the sound of the rain.Hugs, Donna 🥰
I do too Donna...I like the sound sof the woods...I should just do a vidoe of sounds of nature!!!
I read somewhere that when a person we love dies, a part of ourself dies. Because the person we were with them, is different that the person we are with others.
I get that because I realize the only person in my life who I’ve been able to totally be myself and say anything I want to say, is my man of 40 years.
He gets me, so things I’ve said to him, some not so pretty, if I say those same things to others (like my mom) I get judged or even worse, I’m just not understood.
My relationship with my mom is probably closer than a lot of mom daughter relationships. I mean, we have her living with us, so I see her everyday.
But I have to be careful what I say to her. Things I’ve said have been used against me. Brought up years and years later as punishment. These were things that someone that loves you, would spare you from bringing up, because they’d know they hurt. I’d expect this from a good friend. But, she doesn’t get that.
Also, there is the dynamic that I’m the only child of hers that didn’t have kids and I had a good entrepreneurial career. So, there is the element of family always having their hand out to us financially. So, we sometimes feel like she “plays” us when it comes to money. It doesn’t feel good.
Honestly, though I know my moms faults, I still know she’s done the best she can.
My dad (who I also loved) was an unreliable bipolar alcoholic.
She kept a roof over our heads.
So, for that, I must give her credit.
Very complicated relationship.
Thank you so much for sharing this...I found this so profound....you reminded me once again how powerufl love can be and how painful and complicated too. You Mother sounds so brave :)
I think the older and wiser we get it helps us to be more the Real us with age comes a lot of wisdom.I’m a LITTLE hard headed to not be who I am usually
Hee hee! My husband says my head is made of Green Irish granite. Moms and daughters hmmmm ! That’s a deep deep phenomenon.I didn’t have daughters but I have a. almost 7 yr. old granddaughter who I spend a lot of time with I want to nurture that every day every way I can she is a mini me in a lot of ways . Cooper was a special dog. I really feel he sent Desi for you at the Exact right time for both you and Desi. It was meant to be .Take care Susan..........
I love that apple wreath...it's different! I like "different."
I am the opposite. My mother ran an auto parts store for 38 years. She didn't care what anyone thought. Much to her dismay, I didn't care what people thought of me, many times directed at her. It got worse when I finally stood up to a bully in my middle school years. My husband says I have great wisdom but tend to serve it up on a dirty garbage can lid. I had to learn to tone it down. The older I get the more I tend to really not care what anyone thinks of me and have whittled my inner circle WAY down because I'm pushing 60 and am not living what's left on people pleasing.
I’m pregnant and my relationship with my toxic family is the same. I could never please them no matter how much I did or gave or how many insults I took. I decided to cut contact with my family because they had me so stressed out I broke teeth from grinding and started to develop OCD.. in my late 30’s! They were driving me crazy. The best thing I did was cut contact so I can grow my baby in peace.
They can’t even respect that. I’m 7 months pregnant and had a flying monkey aunt actually guilt trip me because I wouldn’t drive an hour to pick my dad up off the floor after he couldn’t get up. (I have two brothers.) I talk to my grandmother who calls me fat even though I’ve only gained 11lbs this pregnancy.. she says that’s too much. Lol smh. My grandmother tells me how sick she is then asks me to come visit. These people only care about themselves and are putting themselves over the life of my unborn child.
Looking lovely,sweet Susan
Hugs to you and Dezi
Hi dear it is not your mom who manifested that feeling of not being who you are it was you yourself at all times and your feelings of obligations instead of love for her! You have children so you can put yourself in her shoes as she never was your priority anymore when you went on your own! Thank you for sharing your story and this is just an opinion of mine based on my own experiences! Blessings 🦋
I think they call that "Saving Grace " . Or " Being Humble".👣👣👣Remember the poem "FootPrints".🦋
Oh my goodness, when you talked about your mother, I felt like you were telling my life story.
I love my mother but that doesn’t make me blind to her faults (who in this world doesn’t have any?)
My mother could teach master classes on guilt trips. I phoned her on Friday and said “Mum do you need anything before I come down on Tuesday?” She said no. She phones me on Monday and says ” Where are you? I’ve been without medication for 2 days!!!” I was like WHAT!!!!
I asked her why when I called on Friday she didn’t tell me she needed a script filled....her answer “I didn’t wanna bother you”. I felt guilty and depressed for weeks.
Nothing I do ever seems to be enough or even good enough.
Oh Joyce I hear you loud and clear....what you wrote I could have written 10 years ago...my mama would always say " You just don't love me"....and I would always try to get her to realize I did....but proving it was impossible. we can only do so much as daughters...take a breath and love ourselves....thank you so much for telling me your story..it gave me so much comfort...I knwo you love your Mom....but they can be pills!!!!
Wow Susie, ur mama was beautiful ❤
Oh my yes yes and did I say yes ;) I don't know if I want to make it this public, but perhaps I shall come back later and share .....
The problem is most of the women commenting have narcissist Mothers. I know because I had one. If society let us not like our Moms and stop with the fake BS of "but she is your Mom" we would be more forgiving and happier. I always was my authentic self because I was always told not to be by the person who should of let me. So it worked out lol. It would of been nice to be supported but the silver lining is it made me a better stepmom AND have more compassion. Based on your videos, it seemed that has happened to you too. 💕
Sometimes you will touch on a nerve ending that is raw and I feel helpless to comment on it Suze...or 3 nerve endings and 3 subjects.. wham!!! Hit right in the solar plexus...💥...and then we either comment and "spill the tea", or carefully bury it again.. lol. You know what I mean. I can identify with sooo many women here today, a complicated relationship with our mothers, and not figuring out why until they were gone....a loss of what could have been a wonderful healing conversation with them. Then, the one love relationship that got away, where we were "told a lot of jokes and bunches of lies, but we called it a relationship" (you had me in hysterics laughing at this one girl)...but we may have suffered through that exact scenario, knowing it was never going to work, and being anything and everything we could think of, contorting ourselves to an almost unrecognizable state to try to hold that love together....but we couldn't..no surprise there, right. In the end, you're right again Hon, being real is always better.....always!!!! 🤗❤️🌹
Talking of Christmas in July! I loved the dawn/dusk drive you made through town seeing the old street lights still hanging from electrical lines like long ago and somehow my mind went to memories of Christmastime with ornaments & lights lining the downtown street announcing the most important event to mankind the birth of the Messiah.
The fast rain pounding on the sidewalk declares it's arrival leaving glistening shimmers on the leaves below to remind us to everything there is a season so go get your umbrella (go with the flow)
A memorial placed for veteran soldiers is completely decided and cannot be changed as time has set in stone. It is real whether it sits on a memorial park or in someones heart. The rain that falls on this stone is as real as the tears that come from the heart of a mourner.
In the end we are only human and real is the only way to be and if that means we have to go with flow sometimes then so be it. Not everyone needs or wants an umbrella and that is real too.
God bless you Susan and take care always.
Ecclesiastes 3 King James Version (KJV)
3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
So beautiful...you took my breath away....
Sounds like my mother.
Wish I could give this a million “likes” 💖you are shining beautiful🌟 🌸
I know I really worry when you aren’t on here 🥰🙏🏻
Hi BEAUTIFUL Susan & precious Angel face priceless fur baby Desi, he's JUST CUTEST!! New subscriber, u & I have SO much in common Susan!! Yr like my new soul sista, gangsta Desi too, LOL!! God randomly brought u to me!! Thank you for your kind words, LOVEly u & AWESOME videos!! Got alot of catchin up to do!! Ur the sister I NEVER had, what a Truly unique Angel u r to us ALL!! Desi too big TIME!! Sending loving thoughts and prayers sent to & prayers to u & gangsta Desi!!! LUV ya to moon and back million times my new friends!!🤗🤗😇😇🙏🙏🐾🐾🐾🐶🐕🐶🐕🐴🐴🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
OH Dori....you are so sweet and I can feel your goodness I swear through your loving words...and I agree, Desi is pretty handsome!!!! Did you see him roll his eyes when I was talking!!! He is a true GANGSTA!!!! We are sending our love to you Dori!!! xxoo Susan & Desi
I enjoy your videos.You look extremely lovely today
Hi. Your hair is beautiful. Is it naturally curly or do you curl it. I really enjoy your videos.
Holy camoly, one cookie is just about half the calories I eat in the entire day. OFF TOPIC; Your hair color looks lovely. ok, well, you are sweet and knowledgeable. we are forged in the fire.
I goofed my hair up Marta and got it Jean Harlow blond!!!! I was going to put low lights in it tonight but I am too afraid of making a mistake. I was just trying ot high-light my hair and for some reason, I got carried away!!!! I was so happy to talk to you yesterday with Gail. You looked so beautiful and you are so funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@@LittlePoet I am in a journey to lighten my hair as well. I saw your video where you spoke about the highlights and was ready to do that but it just seemed like it might be a bit complicated for me, so I just put on a lighter shade over the one I have. I now want to find an even lighter one. lol
This video was awesome all my life I’ve been my true self and if people don’t like me that’s OK my mom was an alcoholic some days she had to walk on eggs so I just stayed away but I was my true self with her because she couldn’t handle it any other way maybe you talked a little more calmer or choose your words which was aggravating but if I don’t like her and I told her I didn’t like her drinking I told her she may not of liked me for a while but that was too bad and you got to be you you just have to life is so important to me and some of my friendsThey are mean so I stay away from him I had to get rid of them I had a stroke my last 1/3 one of course and my girlfriend ripped me a new asshole about my daughter and her clean so I told her just fire her then I couldn’t even talk really it was so hard to get any words out because it hit my face and I decided after that forget it so that’s just the way it’s been I don’t hater I’ll always love her I’ve called her she won’t call back so I figure I’m done I did my duty and that’s that thank you so much for everything and yes my favorite videos are going shopping with you I love them
I had/have a bitchy mother. I have to hide most things from her to protect myself. It's so hard to be spontaneous when all your life you've covered up who you are.
Always uplifting to watch your channel. I found men so difficult that I never married. I am not a man hater, but I let them make me feel bad about myself at times. I was engaged twice and both of them wanted a mother instead of a wife. I just couldn't find one that would meet me half way or even 60/40. It always had to be about them and I wasn't willing to change. At 65, I really don't have that many regrets. I have lots of nieces and nephews who have kids and lots of friends and am not lonely. I would love to have some grandchildren, but that's rather difficult without children:-) Anyway, I found there are worse things in life than being single. Being alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. I have so much inner peace from Jesus. He is the only way to get true inner peace.
Yes! You are so right.. Yeshua is everything we will ever need! I met a man in college when l wasn't looking, and l know he was placed in my life by Yahweh.. and l married him and know that he loves me deeply. When l read others stories, l realize how blessed l really am, and l am grateful, and thank Yahweh every day. 💗
Have you ever been clothes shopping with friends and they tell you how good you look in something...you buy it...2 weeks later, at home, you try it on and wonder "WHY DID I CONSENT TO THIS? " (and it wasn't cheap).
I now shop alone and have no regrets.
You are truly my favorite on TH-cam. I have been watching you for almost three years. After my divorce I had gave up on everything and I found your TH-cam channel and it totally saved my life. Thank you my friend. I watch you every time you put out a new video. It fills my heart with sunshine.
Dear Susan. Thank you. My special relationship ( yep) there’s that word. My special relationship with a few very special TH-cam ladies means so much to me. I have found friends who do understand the real me. Im not ashamed to be me, 72 years old still wanting to be pretty, still learning, still feeling..if anything, this new journey is more exciting because I have found a group of ladies who know And share and care.. and then there is the best part, Desi! And by the way, your hair looks fabulous today!
Your comment about “still wanting to be pretty, still learning, still feeling” resonated with me. I’m 70 and I’m “still wanting.” Most of the time I forget that I’m 70. I don’t know how to be 70. It’s not so much that I want to be 50 again. I want the options I had when I was 50.
I too am 72, wanting to look pretty, still learning. I get this. ❤️ We are fierce!
I think that our authenticity can change over time and in different situations. We may have been different 5 years ago, but perhaps not less authentic. And it is normal to react to and with those around us. When I am with a dominating, opinionated person, I tend to listen, rather than verbally disagree, though I may disagree in my heart. And I think that is ok. You make me think....
I agree with you. It doesn’t make us less authentic.
Susan, I had a wonderful mother, but she tried to teach me to live for my husband, the typical mindset of the 1940's. so, when i was 40 years old, i finally met the man of my dreams, and i became what he wanted from a wife because i was terrified of losing him. i always put his needs, his feelings and his desires first, so much that I lost myself. I turned into a woman that he didn't fall in love with years ago, and he left me after 10 years of marriage.
Your video today spoke to me.
Always be yourself, and when someone loves you, they love the real you.
Oh my goodness, how have I been so lucky to have found you...I have literally sat here for over 2 hours watching some of your videos while doing my craftwork, and I cannot explain how much it means to me, to hear your gentle spirit speak and just wash over me. Thank you, thank you, thank you....I feel blessed to have just found you. Brings tears to my eyes of gratitude....
And your statement made me lol - I'll tell some jokes and lies and we'll call it a relationhip. Priceless.
Your video brought me to tears, I know exactly where you’re coming from. I was not the perfect daughter my mother wanted me to be and many a time I would rebel against her. She wanted me to be the mother she never had, she wanted me to nourish and comfort her and I didn’t know how cause she never taught me how. It’s sad to say but when she passed away I was relieved cause now I could breathe and be me. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Amen. I know the feeling.
I can so relate to this!
Your video brought up so many memories. My sister had a similar relationship with our Mother. I on the other hand was always my authentic self much to my Mothers horror. I watched how my sister and Mother bonded. However as time went by, I realized that my sister was so dependent on her that she lacked the confidence to navigate the world on her own. I was a wild child of the 60’s and lived an unconventional life style. Because of this my Mother and I were not close. She barely knew her grandchildren which was such a loss on both sides. There was anger and hurt feelings. However, when my Mom was in her 80’s she ended up living with me. She told me how proud she was of me. She admired my strong spirit and what I had accomplished. I guess what I am saying is sometimes being your authentic self has its own set of problems. So basically no regrets because we are all figuring it out as we go along.