The Craziest Parties in Roman History

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 22 พ.ค. 2024
  • Live tigers, floating taverns, a few thousand gladiators...this video explores five of the most excessive parties in Roman history.
    I'd like to thank Peregrine Pendants for sponsoring this video. Use the code TOLDINSTONE for 10% off any purchase at: www.peregrinependants.com/
    Check out my other TH-cam channels @scenicroutestothepast and @toldinstonefootnotes
    Please consider supporting toldinstone on Patreon:
    / toldinstone
    If you liked this video, you might also enjoy my book “Naked Statues, Fat Gladiators, and War Elephants: Frequently Asked Questions about the Ancient Greeks and Romans.”
    www.amazon.com/Naked-Statues-...
    If you're so inclined, you can follow me elsewhere on the web:
    / toldinstone
    / toldinstone
    / 20993845.garrett_ryan
    Chapters:
    0:00 Introduction
    0:38 Caesar's quadruple triumph barbecue
    2:38 Lucius Verus' cocktail party
    3:47 Nero's swim-up love-in
    5:00 Peregrine Pendants
    6:11 Any party involving Elagabalus
    7:58 Rome's millennium birthday bash

ความคิดเห็น • 244

  • @escobxy2541
    @escobxy2541 ปีที่แล้ว +375

    Imagine throwing a party so badass people are talking about it thousands of years later....

    • @BuriedFlame
      @BuriedFlame ปีที่แล้ว +20

      Mostly because the people are still sobering up.

    • @GoonerSlayer
      @GoonerSlayer ปีที่แล้ว +4

      yeah if your view of "badass" is getting aids 😂😭

    • @segfault-
      @segfault- 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      I don't think HIV was around back then

    • @escobxy2541
      @escobxy2541 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@GoonerSlayer AIDS was created by the us government in the 1900s. What the hell are you talking about

    • @GoonerSlayer
      @GoonerSlayer 11 หลายเดือนก่อน

      @@fraskf6765 lol my bad 💀

  • @brick6347
    @brick6347 ปีที่แล้ว +300

    I used to think the Roman elite were out of touch, but I get the impression if modern politicians threw the plebs such a street party all we'd get is a £2 McDonald's gift card and a tin of Carling.

    • @sonicgoo1121
      @sonicgoo1121 ปีที่แล้ว +42

      The idea of handing out one time gifts to distract from structurally low wages is alive and well in the business world.

    • @grey.7828
      @grey.7828 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@sonicgoo1121 guess this guy forgot the poison they tried injecting us with and prizes for the fools who did it

    • @marial8235
      @marial8235 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      They would give you free french frys and then say we are lazy and get too much time off.😂😂😂

    • @QuantumHistorian
      @QuantumHistorian ปีที่แล้ว +22

      I think it shows how unevenly distributed wealth in the Late Republic was compared to now. We can look at only one of the benefits: paying everyone's rent in New York for a year (not a great comparison, because NY is a smaller part of the US than Rome was to the Republic) would cost about $300 billion. Not even the wealthiest billionaires have anything close to that sum is liquid assets: Jeff Bezos has about $20 billion in ready assets and Elon Musk around half of that. So paying for only a fraction of what Caesar gave in a single gesture would cost the richest men today over 10x all the assets they could realistically sell.

    • @marial8235
      @marial8235 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@QuantumHistorian Bezos is not inclined to give anyone anything. He is greed personified.

  • @kyonngowans7091
    @kyonngowans7091 ปีที่แล้ว +298

    A video on STIs in ancient Rome would be a nice follow up to this one.

    • @ukanchumee3446
      @ukanchumee3446 ปีที่แล้ว +65

      I don't think ancient Romans had Subarus, or any other automobiles.

    • @Lerxstification
      @Lerxstification ปีที่แล้ว +20

      It’s STDs, FYI

    • @ukanchumee3446
      @ukanchumee3446 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @Lerxstification No, it's a venereal disease, or VD since everything has to be an acronym.

    • @s0nnyburnett
      @s0nnyburnett ปีที่แล้ว +13

      @@ukanchumee3446 blasphemy, symmetrical AWD is eternal. A horse pulls a wagon made by the seven sisters, all wheels are driven forward symmetrically.

    • @pectenmaximus231
      @pectenmaximus231 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      @@Lerxstification STI is the preferred term in medicine because not every infection produces symptoms, which is the ‘disease’ bit.

  • @irighterotica
    @irighterotica ปีที่แล้ว +183

    Elagabalus was the friend whose house you didn't want to pass out at.

    • @ralphperpetua9288
      @ralphperpetua9288 ปีที่แล้ว

      Biden dad told young Joe get yourself a man

    • @RhoDesia-gr1wb
      @RhoDesia-gr1wb ปีที่แล้ว +3

      ♫ mama told me not to come ♫)

    • @triangulum8869
      @triangulum8869 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

      Prank em, john

  • @F_C...
    @F_C... ปีที่แล้ว +84

    Imagine archeologists uncovering a 1st edition base set shadowless Charizard from ancient Roman dig site.

    • @BuriedFlame
      @BuriedFlame ปีที่แล้ว +1

      And the subsequent group spit take.

  • @davidramos4707
    @davidramos4707 ปีที่แล้ว +76

    “Debauchery in the annals” sounds like a euphemism

    • @duckthelaw
      @duckthelaw ปีที่แล้ว +8

      Sounds like my Tuesday night. 😂

  • @MatecaCorp
    @MatecaCorp 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +10

    “It’s just a prank, bro”
    ~Elagabalus

  • @WarmToast707
    @WarmToast707 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    “Caesar’s quadruple triumph BBQ” sounds like something you’d get at Arby’s.

  • @grexjr1420
    @grexjr1420 ปีที่แล้ว +205

    I love these videos because it makes history feel so much more pedestrian and real.

    • @JagerLange
      @JagerLange ปีที่แล้ว +14

      "pedestrian" isn't the word I'd use, but I get what you're trying to say.

    • @john-ic5pz
      @john-ic5pz ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@JagerLange dont tease!!
      what word _would_ you use?

    • @noah8162
      @noah8162 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      ​@@JagerLange nah man he just loves historical people walking around

    • @will7its
      @will7its ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@john-ic5pz Any word except pedestrian....lol

    • @john-ic5pz
      @john-ic5pz ปีที่แล้ว +6

      @@will7its *_equestrian_* !
      Lol

  • @PopeLando
    @PopeLando ปีที่แล้ว +21

    As soon as I saw Lucius Verus's name I was looking forward to seeing that bust with the most intricately carved curly hair and beard in existence.

  • @SonatasysInc
    @SonatasysInc ปีที่แล้ว +10

    "Party on, Gartheon!" "Party on, Waynus!"

  • @lorsev3840
    @lorsev3840 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Releasing lions on unsuspected guests, what a jokester 😅

  • @KK-qm1mr
    @KK-qm1mr ปีที่แล้ว +12

    Lucius Verus's had the best swag bags.

  • @briteness
    @briteness ปีที่แล้ว +26

    For many years I worked in the events industry in Washington, DC. I have seen thousands of events of all kinds. I can safely say that Washington does not hold a candle to Rome in the wild party department.

  • @johnnytapia3869
    @johnnytapia3869 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Free rent for a year lol man took care of everyone that day

  • @joshuahunt3032
    @joshuahunt3032 ปีที่แล้ว +41

    7:53 Did the Romans understand that heart attacks were a thing? Or is that a modern interpretation of what the Romans would’ve just called “being scared half-to-death”?

    • @alexs_toy_barn
      @alexs_toy_barn ปีที่แล้ว +13

      I'm sure that they had an idea that working out too hard or being too overweight led to people dropping dead for unknown reasons, and it only in the modern day that we can read the records and be like 'oh this sounds like he just had a heart attack'

  • @QuantumHistorian
    @QuantumHistorian ปีที่แล้ว +49

    6:46 Wasn't expecting Garret to announce he was a swinger that way, but I also can't say I'm 100% surprised

    • @Blumetric7
      @Blumetric7 ปีที่แล้ว

      I don’t think he ever said that lol

    • @Blumetric7
      @Blumetric7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @Juice Box🧃 is it something I would have missed if I’m only listening to audio?

    • @zeedub8560
      @zeedub8560 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@Blumetric7 Yes.

    • @winzyl9546
      @winzyl9546 ปีที่แล้ว

      HLEEAAHurkrkBLEEAH

    • @QuantumHistorian
      @QuantumHistorian ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@Blumetric7 You're missing at least 90% of the jokes by doing that

  • @gg3675
    @gg3675 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    "Me too, Elagabalus. Me too." 😆

  • @yummysoul2998
    @yummysoul2998 2 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    Yo, Caesar was kind of a baller for buying everyone expensive goods and then getting rid of rent and also giving them like 40% of their annual salary (average). That's my leader fr.

  • @slaire7799
    @slaire7799 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Elagabalus: “ayo Lucius fell asleep first, we gon send some cats in his bedroom lol”

  • @MasterCoD124
    @MasterCoD124 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    I wish the state would throw a massive party and pay my rent for a year lol

    • @Dave_Sisson
      @Dave_Sisson ปีที่แล้ว +2

      It wasn't the state, it was a multi billionaire general who paid for it as a way of buying the loyalty (and votes) of the plebs.

  • @historyrepeat402
    @historyrepeat402 ปีที่แล้ว +18

    I can only imagine the parties Alexander would have had considering his generals could raise 70 thousand plus man armies for 40 years straight after he died…

  • @serialseed
    @serialseed 11 หลายเดือนก่อน +2

    I believe the painting shown at 3:02 is actually one of Lucullus' parties, which were so so famous they coined the term Lucullan for things that are extravagant or luxurious.

  • @Bolognabeef
    @Bolognabeef 5 หลายเดือนก่อน +1

    The Millennium birthday is crazy when put into perspective. And by then the Roman Empire wasn't even collapsing...

  • @John_Fugazzi
    @John_Fugazzi ปีที่แล้ว +17

    The paintings and illustrations were great accompaniment to the stories. It's amazing how different Marcus Aurelius and his adopted brother Lucius Verus were from each other.

  • @OptimusMaximusNero
    @OptimusMaximusNero ปีที่แล้ว +46

    Damn, Nero really knew how to organize parties. They were pure 🔥

    • @someoneforhim
      @someoneforhim ปีที่แล้ว +2

      He knew how to set people on fire as well

  • @warhawk638
    @warhawk638 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Only BC 80’s kids will remember these bangers

  • @Jesse-cx4si
    @Jesse-cx4si ปีที่แล้ว +18

    Seriously. This channel is great. And his book is damn near perfection. Highly recommended!

  • @leifalire5219
    @leifalire5219 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    The Roman birthday party would of been amazing to witness...

  • @MonCappy
    @MonCappy ปีที่แล้ว +9

    Whenever I watch one of your videos about some of the excesses of the Roman Elites it reminds me of the excesses of our own ownership class today which makes the parallels kind of creepy. It is also mindboggling the scale of what the Romans could accomplish for the time without the aid of modern industry.

  • @dirtyjerz8182
    @dirtyjerz8182 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    The words "war elephants" is such a crazy thing to hear and probably just was a normal thing for big battles back then.

  • @bluudlung
    @bluudlung ปีที่แล้ว +15

    i wanna party in rome😭

  • @Christian-gy6fk
    @Christian-gy6fk 8 หลายเดือนก่อน +5

    I'm always impressed by the art you use in your videos. Gives a sense of the grandeur and decadence of the era. Glad I subscribed, keep up the great work!

  • @33Donner77
    @33Donner77 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Elagabalus - a party-hardy teenager becomes Emperor of Rome. What could go wrong? (Besides suffocating under flower petals.)

  • @StephenAslett
    @StephenAslett ปีที่แล้ว +5

    I lol’ed hard at Charizard.

  • @lastfirst65
    @lastfirst65 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Best time to randomly refresh youtube

  • @bigredhawkeye5167
    @bigredhawkeye5167 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Man this channel really is just one of the best on youtube

  • @BuriedFlame
    @BuriedFlame ปีที่แล้ว +1

    "Yetius". Bahahahahaha!
    3:37 *nearly falls out of chair laughing*

  • @DarkHorse2083
    @DarkHorse2083 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Thanks!

  • @Kenan-Z
    @Kenan-Z ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Videos of this channel never disappoint. I watch every new video with pleasure and amazement. This is waht I call interesting content.

  • @PaulThronson
    @PaulThronson ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Best way to start a Friday night. You are awesome.

  • @jimc.goodfellas226
    @jimc.goodfellas226 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    "TOGA! TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!"

  • @MarcusAgrippa390
    @MarcusAgrippa390 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    Roman emperors had the moves like Jagger before there was a Jagger....

  • @robertlee3
    @robertlee3 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I'm enjoying your book very much. It's interesting and informative, and even humorous.

  • @horsejumpride8423
    @horsejumpride8423 3 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Thank you for being respectful to your viewers by not playing music and therefore I have just subscribed your channel!!!

  • @JOGA_Wills
    @JOGA_Wills ปีที่แล้ว +2

    5 most extensive Roman parties that we know of ..

  • @ScreennStarsStudio
    @ScreennStarsStudio ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Insane parties and wild entertainment

  • @darioguerra3065
    @darioguerra3065 ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Your channel is one of the best of yt history content

  • @pinatajuju4471
    @pinatajuju4471 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Very good episode 😊

  • @justanotherfella4585
    @justanotherfella4585 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I’m hoping that if your book is in audio format that it’s you reading it? Your style of narration is as refreshingly original as it is pleasing on the ear.

  • @DonaldDucksRevenge
    @DonaldDucksRevenge ปีที่แล้ว +8

    Garrett you gem! You know just how to inject the charm of the ancient world into our zeitgeist and vox populi!! I had to replay the section Caesar's triumphal display twice. How ridiculously spectacular! Thank you! Carafes upside-down!

  • @Dylanbeee
    @Dylanbeee ปีที่แล้ว +2

    My local government sends me a calendar in the new year…

  • @Thx1138sober
    @Thx1138sober ปีที่แล้ว +10

    I'm going to party like it 99

  • @TayloredKC
    @TayloredKC ปีที่แล้ว

    New episode for my Friday afternoon/evening. Let's go!

  • @quantafreeze
    @quantafreeze ปีที่แล้ว +4

    The mint condition Charizard 😂

  • @mayamccray6491
    @mayamccray6491 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Very good content.

  • @Jesse_Dawg
    @Jesse_Dawg ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Please more videos like this

  • @afz3003
    @afz3003 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Ahh yes it was said a psa10 charizard was a mighty gift in roman times.

  • @Myrmidon_Maxinobia
    @Myrmidon_Maxinobia ปีที่แล้ว +2

    After watching this video of Garrett speak of these parties, and among a few other of his videos, makes me wish people who share the same interest in this history as I do, would get together and dress as the ancients did, drink wine, and lounge while listing and conversing with each other on such topics, with Garrett as host speaker. Ideal party to me. I know its a little odd but does anyone else agree?

    • @didso487
      @didso487 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Yea I agree haha it would be sick for sure . Can’t even believe what it would actually be like to live during that time

  • @goran7777
    @goran7777 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    You always pick the coolest topics!

  • @SobekLOTFC
    @SobekLOTFC ปีที่แล้ว +13

    Great work Garrett!
    I hope this party was catered by the Guild of Millers with "true Roman bread for true Romans".

  • @auguststavbro
    @auguststavbro ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Rare Roman Pokémon cards

    • @doommagic
      @doommagic ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Lol. That mint condition MCMXCIX editio prima umbracula holographic Charizard, bro.

  • @dustin.169
    @dustin.169 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thank you Told in Stone for going on The Forehead Fables Podcast I found an incredibly interesting and informative channel through the most depraved podcast on the platform you are a brave man btw

  • @OptimusMaximusNero
    @OptimusMaximusNero ปีที่แล้ว +5

    7:58
    It is pretty sad the 1000th anniversary of the founding of Rome was celebrated during the depressing and decadent period known as the Crisis of the Third Century. Romulus sure would have considered unworthy to celebrate the anniversary in the midst of the great crisis of the Empire. I mean, not every state can boast of being 1000 years old...

  • @mrs6968
    @mrs6968 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Good fun all in all

  • @kingspore5000
    @kingspore5000 ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Today let's have a party in honour of foundation of ROME! It's 2776th anniversary!
    🎊🎉🎊NATALIS ROMAE🎊🎉🎊
    👶🐺👶HAPPY BIRTHDAY OF ROME 🦅

  • @mariankelih5597
    @mariankelih5597 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Good content

  • @Sevenigma777
    @Sevenigma777 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Ah the famous Pokemonus 1st century BC edition of the Shadowless Charizardus Maximus. I bet that is worth a pretty denarius or two lol

  • @MrKajithecat
    @MrKajithecat ปีที่แล้ว

    2:02 That's awesome

  • @SpotTheUnicorn
    @SpotTheUnicorn ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Horatius got the Yetius stocked with garum and wine fr

  • @jackmeeellleee4896
    @jackmeeellleee4896 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    cool channel I have been listening often for a couple of weeks. thanks

  • @rpnvg
    @rpnvg ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Let’s get turnt in them togas. 🍇

  • @benjaminphelps561
    @benjaminphelps561 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Big Fan of the "Yetius" cooler sightgag

  • @sarahschneider5396
    @sarahschneider5396 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    "Yetius".......😂😂😂😂

  • @FrankinDallas
    @FrankinDallas ปีที่แล้ว +2

    "Like a Roman with her eyes on fire"

  • @Moribus_Artibus
    @Moribus_Artibus ปีที่แล้ว +3

    The real question is not why did Rome party this hard but rather why don't we?

  • @PopeLando
    @PopeLando ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Slight hiccup with the Anniversary years. Claudius celebrated in 47, not 48, and Antoninus Pius and Philip celebrated in 148 and 248 respectively, rather than 147 and 247. And the reason they celebrated in different years is not because they weren't sure if Rome was founded in 754 or 753 BCE. What happened was Claudius's games were scheduled for 800 AUC, but that was actually the 799th anniversary of the foundation of Rome, which was always considered to have happened in the year 1. Whereas Antoninus and Philip held their games in the actual 900th and 1000th anniversaries, but those were in AUC years 901 and 1001 (the latter found on coins of that time with the legend "An Mill et Primo" meaning "One thousand-and-first year".)

    • @KageMinowara
      @KageMinowara ปีที่แล้ว +4

      "BCE"
      Cringe.

    • @swissmilitischristilxxii3691
      @swissmilitischristilxxii3691 ปีที่แล้ว

      Stop using bce and other woke/cancel culture inventions.
      L X X I I

    • @echoisaway
      @echoisaway ปีที่แล้ว

      @@KageMinowara ?

    • @Astroqualia
      @Astroqualia 8 หลายเดือนก่อน

      It's BC and AD. If you start being politically correct with history, it will soon be lost via censorship.

  • @Prakash-iu4sn
    @Prakash-iu4sn 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Good paintings

  • @RosinGoblin
    @RosinGoblin 4 หลายเดือนก่อน

    3:35 hol up. You tellin me my boy was handing out first edition Charizards?

  • @danielfritts854
    @danielfritts854 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Talk about how they caught those beasts and shipped them

  • @OptimusMaximusNero
    @OptimusMaximusNero ปีที่แล้ว +7

    The lunatic joint reign of Heliogabalus and Alexander becomes all the more poetic when we consider that, less than 60 years earlier, the Empire was wisely ruled by the magnificent duo of Marcus Aurelius and Lucius Verus. How easily the tables can be turned

  • @ExploringCabinsandMines
    @ExploringCabinsandMines ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Will you do a video about the location of Cleopatra's tomb or the tunnel discovered supposedly associated with her and Mark Anthony ?

  • @jonescrusher1
    @jonescrusher1 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    A year's free rent!

  • @Groose1972
    @Groose1972 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The greatest toga party. TOGA! TOGA! TOGA!

  • @dalkay
    @dalkay ปีที่แล้ว

    Great video as always 🙏

  • @sflowers99gmail
    @sflowers99gmail ปีที่แล้ว +6

    First place i'm time travelling to is a roman party lol First though i'll consult your earlier video for currency and invites. 🙂

  • @WeesloYT
    @WeesloYT ปีที่แล้ว

    The "Yetius" cooler😂😂

  • @julesl6910
    @julesl6910 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    You have mastered your pace and tone. It is becoming extraordinary, I love the intros.

  • @johnandersen8998
    @johnandersen8998 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Was just waiting for the smothering rose petals! Ha. Do we know what species rose that may have been?

  • @garlicbreathandfarts
    @garlicbreathandfarts 2 หลายเดือนก่อน

    I would have enjoyed this period in time.

  • @johnmanno2052
    @johnmanno2052 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    YAY!!!! You finally talked about my favorite Roman emperor ever!! Elagabalus!! He's my personal hero!!

  • @yngsl5498
    @yngsl5498 7 หลายเดือนก่อน

    Caesars party giveaway is how it felt for poor folks when the stimmy hit in 2020

  • @jagpack18
    @jagpack18 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    the yetius cooler😅

  • @ncrvako
    @ncrvako ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Seeing the medieval and Renaissance italian festivals or parties, i don't consider this tradition on italy dead🎉.

  • @spankflaps1365
    @spankflaps1365 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    When in Rome…

  • @joshallen4848
    @joshallen4848 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    History shows us that when extraordinarily egomaniacal sociopaths arise and are seeking power, we're better off to put a hammer to their heads and be done with them before they get any traction.
    If only..

    • @theotherohlourdespadua1131
      @theotherohlourdespadua1131 ปีที่แล้ว

      It's the question of whether or not doing it is worth it considering the alternatives...

    • @joshallen4848
      @joshallen4848 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@theotherohlourdespadua1131 Honestly, I was primarily thinking about Nero.
      ALL that for one man? For one turd of a human? All that....
      Or.. 🔨🤨

  • @rundbaum
    @rundbaum ปีที่แล้ว +1

    that's an awfully OLE lookin' "dionysus!" sprang from zeus's thigh?? haha . . .

  • @raviolijones5351
    @raviolijones5351 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Are you in Chicago ?? Bruh representttttttttt

  • @DrewWithington
    @DrewWithington ปีที่แล้ว

    Boris Johnson, UK Prime Minister, studied Classics at Eton. And when in power carried on this tradition, partying while his people died in their thousands from COVID-19.

  • @OptimusMaximusNero
    @OptimusMaximusNero ปีที่แล้ว +10

    Praetorian Guards: "Caesar, we have finally found the way to turn you into a woman!"
    Elagabalus: "Really?! Oh man, I cannot wait to get rid of this ridiculous p*nis! What's your plan?!"
    Praetorian Guards: "Just close your eyes!" 😉
    Elagabalus: "Okie Dokie!" 😊
    Praetorian Guards: *Draw sword*