please only have as many kids as you can raise. I was born into a very large family where my parents made the older children raise the young ones. It made me hate children, resent my siblings and I haven't spoken to my parents in 10 years. it's pretty much the same with my other older siblings. none of us have children of our own, our childhoods were stolen when we were forced into the responsibility of being parents to our younger siblings. Just sharing perspective.
It costed me my childhood, my innocence, my sanity and my self-esteem. From age 4 to 16, I raised 5 siblings. I was told repeatedly that I existed as the oldest caregiver, so they WERE aware.
I was ALWAYS comforting my mum. Even at 10, she would vent to me about everything and all her trauma and cry to me and I would hug her. She placed so much emotional responsibility on me and threw her emotions at me and expected me to do something about it. I felt so unsafe as a child and so empty and had no idea why. That was why. I didn’t have a mum, I had a child.
This was very clear and helpful. Concrete explanations and suggestions. And you have a very pleasant speaking voice and kind manner. Thank you very much.
Before my father died of cancer he left me a note to say 'you will be the man of the house' and I felt the weight of that the minute he passed. I was left only with my mother and sister at the age of 12 and expected to counsel my mother for her own child abuse from her mother and to look out for my sister who indulged in risky behaviours to get the attention of my mother which failed. Although I wasn't cooking food everyday, I did have to do all the gardening, mowing the lawn, counselling my mother and mediate the daily arguments between my mother and sister. I still got to play video games and go out with friends so it wasn't a prison sentence. But I live with an ongoing lifelong sense of responsibility for my mother and sister to some degree who eventually went into rehabilitation and AA recovery. My academic studies really took a hit too and I did not perform well at school with all the distractions and worries. I lived by people pleasing and substance taking for many years until I hit 40 and my health declined severely. I've spent 5 years recovering and an still improving each day.
Thank you, it's hard to tell if it's the case being it's your parent, but emotional parentification is real. As an only child it was hard, I went to stare custody more than once. I've always been serious and struggled to play with my own kids because I barely knew what it was. In my 40s, I'm now going to seek some serious therapy.
Love is also a confusing thing because there isn't much of it or love coming to you because you have to be the adult taking care of "children parents.' Love is confused with care taking. Love is confused with being the responsible one. Love is conditional.
I was with some friends yesterday and someone asked if we remembered our first word that we could spell. And I was just like shocked that they could remember that and than they started naming names of students and memories and I was honestly shocked I started trying to think of memories and things of that nature especially with school and honestly I just blanked it was crazy the stress I relate a childhood too. All of this resonates is kind of insane but I mean to an extent I always knew this my mom always says I’m more of a adult than my father so you know.
I think the younger you are the worse the trauma is. Being parentifying in college can be still very stressful but it depends on a lot of other factors (such as parents' age, health status etc) before one can say whether it was traumatic or not. Your feelings are more important than the age.
@samuri2011 Yes absolutely. I was a mediator for my mom and all her husbands since I was a child but when I hit 18, her last divorce lasted almost a decade and I was smack dab in the middle of it because all I knew of myself was that my role in life was to always defend her and look out for her. I’m now in my 30s learning about all this and I spent my early 30s reparenting myself. The sooner you figure it all out the better. Most of us don’t realize the trauma of it all until our 30s.
i am listening and getting that all points you are explaining are present in me or I can say that you are speaking about me. it sometimes mentally arrest you and make you low sometimes.
very nice talk madam. i am prentifying my old mother as I am the youngest one and all my siblings don't care about her and she very much relying on me and yes it made me very responsible and mature twice of my age. so, my question is, is there any way to show any document showing a child is paerntifying? please must answer madam
please only have as many kids as you can raise. I was born into a very large family where my parents made the older children raise the young ones. It made me hate children, resent my siblings and I haven't spoken to my parents in 10 years. it's pretty much the same with my other older siblings. none of us have children of our own, our childhoods were stolen when we were forced into the responsibility of being parents to our younger siblings. Just sharing perspective.
I can relate to this
It costed me my childhood, my innocence, my sanity and my self-esteem. From age 4 to 16, I raised 5 siblings. I was told repeatedly that I existed as the oldest caregiver, so they WERE aware.
I was ALWAYS comforting my mum. Even at 10, she would vent to me about everything and all her trauma and cry to me and I would hug her. She placed so much emotional responsibility on me and threw her emotions at me and expected me to do something about it. I felt so unsafe as a child and so empty and had no idea why. That was why. I didn’t have a mum, I had a child.
Your story resonates with me.
It’s the worst nightmare a parent can do to their damn child
this needs to go to government there needs to be laws around this to make those sick parents think twice , this should be a crime
This week I will Honor my inner child.
I will honour my inner child ❤
This was very clear and helpful. Concrete explanations and suggestions. And you have a very pleasant speaking voice and kind manner. Thank you very much.
thank you for your kind words
Before my father died of cancer he left me a note to say 'you will be the man of the house' and I felt the weight of that the minute he passed. I was left only with my mother and sister at the age of 12 and expected to counsel my mother for her own child abuse from her mother and to look out for my sister who indulged in risky behaviours to get the attention of my mother which failed.
Although I wasn't cooking food everyday, I did have to do all the gardening, mowing the lawn, counselling my mother and mediate the daily arguments between my mother and sister. I still got to play video games and go out with friends so it wasn't a prison sentence. But I live with an ongoing lifelong sense of responsibility for my mother and sister to some degree who eventually went into rehabilitation and AA recovery.
My academic studies really took a hit too and I did not perform well at school with all the distractions and worries.
I lived by people pleasing and substance taking for many years until I hit 40 and my health declined severely. I've spent 5 years recovering and an still improving each day.
Thank you, it's hard to tell if it's the case being it's your parent, but emotional parentification is real. As an only child it was hard, I went to stare custody more than once. I've always been serious and struggled to play with my own kids because I barely knew what it was. In my 40s, I'm now going to seek some serious therapy.
Love is also a confusing thing because there isn't much of it or love coming to you because you have to be the adult taking care of "children parents.' Love is confused with care taking. Love is confused with being the responsible one. Love is conditional.
They do not care, but make children care for them , theyare irresponsible people who put burden on young children
This happened to me but nobody believed me and now I’m an adult it’s expected of me (it feels) i barely got a break
I was with some friends yesterday and someone asked if we remembered our first word that we could spell. And I was just like shocked that they could remember that and than they started naming names of students and memories and I was honestly shocked I started trying to think of memories and things of that nature especially with school and honestly I just blanked it was crazy the stress I relate a childhood too. All of this resonates is kind of insane but I mean to an extent I always knew this my mom always says I’m more of a adult than my father so you know.
Yes, I experience all that mess.
This has been going on since many generations, not?
I like to sing to celebrate my uniqueness.
What is the age cut off for this? Like... What if you feel you've been parentified in college? Does that count?
I think the younger you are the worse the trauma is. Being parentifying in college can be still very stressful but it depends on a lot of other factors (such as parents' age, health status etc) before one can say whether it was traumatic or not. Your feelings are more important than the age.
@samuri2011 Yes absolutely. I was a mediator for my mom and all her husbands since I was a child but when I hit 18, her last divorce lasted almost a decade and I was smack dab in the middle of it because all I knew of myself was that my role in life was to always defend her and look out for her. I’m now in my 30s learning about all this and I spent my early 30s reparenting myself. The sooner you figure it all out the better. Most of us don’t realize the trauma of it all until our 30s.
i am listening and getting that all points you are explaining are present in me or I can say that you are speaking about me. it sometimes mentally arrest you and make you low sometimes.
Wow!
Toxic
very nice talk madam. i am prentifying my old mother as I am the youngest one and all my siblings don't care about her and she very much relying on me and yes it made me very responsible and mature twice of my age. so, my question is, is there any way to show any document showing a child is paerntifying? please must answer madam
This is very Filipino
😂 true