How To Make People Respect You If You're Quiet
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 เม.ย. 2024
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People love Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders. He’s a quiet, introverted character, and at the same time extremely charismatic.
While you don’t want to be like Tommy in every way, there are 8 habits you can learn from him to instantly command respect from the people around you.
⏰TIMESTAMPS⏰
0:00 - Intro
0:21 - #1: Have slow, relaxed movements
0:57 - #2: Hold eye contact, even during conflict
1:57 - #3: Be non-reactive to hostility
3:00 - #4: Be as big as your audience
3:33 - #5: Show conviction with your words
3:56 - #6: Show conviction with your tone
4:26 - #7: Speak slowly and use pauses between words
6:23 - #8: Use carrot / stick motivation
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#PeakyBlinders #ThomasShelby #CharismaOnCommand
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That laid back attitude is what pulls ya in.
I have also noticed he is a man of few words. No cracking jokes, no extra fluffy words. Every thing he says is on point.
Only Talking when its necessary is a great way to put more weight on your words!
So true!
Law of power 4: Always say less than necessary
@@noureldin6388 48 law of power 🤟🤟😎
A fish with it's mouth open always gets caught.
Truth man
Body language goes a long way. Things like: standing tall, taking up more space, not crossing your arms tightly, and making good eye contact. It's the difference between "he looks so awkward" and "he's the strong silent type."
Agreed!
Being attractive and having status is the difference
These are known male traits.
Just watch a man sit and a woman sit.
A man sits to take up space, women cross things to appear smaller.
Men:
Spread legs, elbows out, more gesticulation
Women:
Crossed legs, crossed arms or wrists, angled away, often a more whispery voice.
That’s why Marilyn Monroe did all those things.
@@Beatboxskill blackpill always collects. i started loling when he says at the end "being confident is easier than it seems" then shows a bunch of chad celebrities "standing tall" and looking "confident", then tries selling his program. standing tall only works if you are actually tall
Attractiveness looks different for different people.
I think the key is not to let emotion control your actions. He may seem quiet and unhurried, but you can tell his brain is going 250 mph. Being unemotional and confident is not just something you start doing one day. It takes a long time to get to that point.
Exactly.....take this to 5000 Comment asap😂😊
Word my friend. I've been told multiple times that I'm quiet and calm, while my brain is not at all. I'm always shocked by people's perspective of me. If we could all be a part of some reality show, i guess we could see ourselves go and learn. But otherwise, idk what's going on lol
Exactly! Its the practice and time that turns you into a person such a Thomas. I honestly think majority of these channels tips are cool, but won't apply for your average person. Sure, you can maneuver and talk like Thomas all you want and it might even work, but the reason why he is the way he is, is because of the war. He went through some pretty intense stuff that no one will ever go through in their lives in the 21st century, unless exposed to it willingly.
He is stone cold and moves the way he does because he experienced way worse during the war and he truly does not care anymore. I think a better advice for the viewers of this channel would be to actually go through tough situations like Shelby which will chisel your personality and develop your self esteem. You can only fake and emulate a character/model to a certain extent. Its way more efficient to emulate the tribulations these character go through even if it is to a lesser extent.
A long time or a long time being abused.
Is he calm because he is unreactive or is he unreactive because he's calm
Being calm in almost every situation comes easy for those of us that are dead inside..
No cap bro.
xinw
Or awake, would say the Buddha.
You may be short tempered.
So so true
Yeah, Cillian Murphy is always charismatic, because he’s a great actor.
Scarecrow
He's a good actor, because he's charismatic.
@@dmytoe5679 goes hand in hand 👌
Maybe he trained as an actor and learned various techniques to “act” that way. E.g. He acted, like a coward in Dunkirk. He's not a good actor because he”a a coward.
That’s your excuse huh?
Tommy had something most people don't. He had no fear of death as he had faced it many times during the war. He, basically, had nothing to lose as he felt he was living on borrowed time anyway. Combine that lack of fear with an analytical mind and you have a very strong personality indeed.
Everyone is afraid of death.
@Samson 92 in some way every being is. So dont lie.
@Samson 92 do you think you are edgy now for stating that you dont fear of death and claiming you have depression? the real guys out there that have real depression wont go around in yt vid comments and "flexing" with their mental problems, because they are actually ashamed of it, because they actually have that and they really dont want to have it, they try to chage for good, and especially, because of their lack of desire for life, they wont even probably have the energy to turn on their phone or computer, not like you who running around flexing with a serious mental problem. you probably just plain miserable, father went away ur mom prob cant do any motivation and u stuck at ur screen with waay too much time in ur miserable life, go out touch some grass, and stop falsely claiming a serious mental problem, cause within some time no ones gonna believe to an even chronically depressed guy because idots like you set this attention seeking a trend. ppl like you legit make me wanna throw up
@@tomystark5606 Fear of death is irrational, because you will never experiance it, you will never experiance anything other than being alive, you won't know you're dead.
You can fear the process of dying, that can involve pain and suffering, you can fear being forgotten or forgetting everything, you can fear the expanse of eternity.
Personally I actually fear at some point during that eternity, becoming aware of it, and having to experiance eternity. I would prefer if the end was truly the end, which is why I'm not religious.
But death itself is nothing to fear, for it is nothing itself.
guy said it himself, only tommy shelby can kill tommy shelby
As an introvert person who lacks lot of confidence and always feel in a rush againt time available, I have great respect for those kind of personalities and that is also what I would like to build more as a person. That is very insightful, thanks.
The thing is, it's not about behaviours, it;s about what is behind those behaviours. When you feel confident, the eye contact, the slow movement comes naturally, it is not something you plan or remember to do, you just feel that way. Feeling confident and calm is much more complex than looking someone in the eyes
Facts, as a quiet, introverted, somewhat shy but now very confident and self assured person, I now naturally do this. But I've put myself out there enough and tolerated disrespect enough to demand respect from others and nothing less. I don't tolerate any disrespect. And so when I carry myself, that natural translates through. People ALWAYS think I'm an extrovert when it comes to the conversation about personality types even though I speak the least in a group.
Exactly. It all started in the mind. When your mind is right, your body will naturally follow.
@@TheProtagonist37I like focusing on the body eventually my mind catches up
You know it's bad when you try to make eye contact but can't do it for a long time not because of lacking confident, but because of eye soring and tears coming out automatically 😭
@@little_muhammad82🗿
These are some incredibly effective ways to instantly command respect from people:
- Be vocal about your flaws
- Compliment people around you
- Hold your ground
- Keep your word
- Improve your body language
Thanks for the advice!
@@Introvertedalpha You're welcome!
vocalizing your flaws is a very good way in being confident because it shows that you are comfortable with the flaws you have. good list btw :)
@@Introvertedalpha No B
Thank you for the advice!
The key, in my opinion, is not having fear. I don't mean having zero fear like the peaky blinders character, but however trying to overcome social fears, like the stress we feel when speaking to a random person on the street. We have to repeat a thousand times there's no danger. Once we have assumed we're not in danger, fear disappears
Yea, until you cross paths with the wrong person and knocked out, then you'll fear, for the rest of your life, d!psh*t
Still recovering from the stab in the dark alley, but I think this guy has a point.
True, but try to say it positive, a sentence without „no“ is stronger. Like “I’m brave and strong“
in psychopathology and one of its intervention to help many patients with phobia is "exposure therapy" and the concept is similar to what you said here, so it is based off of actual cognition research
Movie name?
Your insights provide a roadmap for introverts and those who prefer a quieter demeanor to navigate social situations with grace and authenticity. I appreciate the wisdom you've shared and believe it will empower many to embrace their unique strengths. Well done
This video is exactly what I needed to start my day on a positive note. It's a reminder that success comes to those who work hard and never give up. Thank you for this motivation!
As an introverted person, I’ve learned that the very first point he made about having slow movements is true. Before, I used to rush to do things, making it clear that I was always in a hurry. I started to be meticulous about everything, and people who I later befriended said I seemed confident. It works lol
It can go both ways
Having no hesitation and quick movement makes you seem devoted
Having slow movement makes you seem methodical
I'll try to do the slow movement thing more and see what happens
I think it's important for energy preservation, introspection, and presence
@@Jaxan-dq2jy how did it go man?
@@enricoleon_3302 Oh I didn't explicitly test anything too much since my social calendar isn't the fullest right now. I've been in a more introspective period recently
When I walk slowly it forces me to be more patient and reflect more often and I don't really notice any social change, I think it comes across as intimidating sometimes though, at least that's what someone told me last year (i move slowly naturally, this was before i was aware of it and tried to move slower intentionally). I am also unsure how much people respect me since that is not really something you can gauge unless you ask, but I don't often feel disrespected so maybe it plays a part in that, but I often let people talk over me since I don't like interrupting them so maybe that's a form of disrespect if you think about it? I don't like being in people's faces and trying too hard to gain their attention
Also my philosophy watching these is probably different to most, I don't put too much importance on changing myself to attract other people because that is a bit inauthentic to me and defeats the point of low effort attraction. If you have to try and act a certain way to attract people is it really attraction? I think trying to please everybody socially and have a strong presence is a great way to disappoint and burn yourself out, not that social status doesn't matter and that you shouldn't try to improve, it's just that there is always someone who will ignore you simply because they are attracted to different traits or are preoccupied with their own lives. How much attention you get from others doesn't determine your value
So yeah I don't really have a clear answer for you since I don't take it that seriously and prioritize other things, I acknowledge that might be disappointing. I just watch these for some passive learning, it's fun to learn about people :) Being too concerned with how you come across is a recipe for anxiety so I try to accept my natural traits first, even if they are unconventional or weird and then use more covert methods like these if I need to. Example: If you have naturally dreamy eyes and look around when you think or reply to someone, there's no need to force yourself to make strong eye contact with someone unless it's important or are listening to them. Forcing yourself to do something unnatural to you can sometimes spur growth, but it can also be needlessly tiring
@@Jaxan-dq2jy What you described, came as stoicism. Slow movements, proving for yourself not others, and focusing on your nature. It is not for everyone I concur.
@@caynereed8988 Yeah I guess so, I'm passively studying it in my spare time right now
Things like :
Intrinsic motivation over social status
Desensitization of negative emotions to increase positive ones and mitigate negative ones
I don't consider myself a "stoic" but I try to extract the insights that work for me while not obeying its rules too strongly. Every ideology has flaws and I think I'm better off borrowing pieces from others to create my own, although still flawed one
At least for me philosophical pursuits are more valuable then conventional self improvement, since it helps you discover what you actually care about, who you are, and strategies to deal with life instead of some guru telling you what you need to do in order to be happy and get everything you want
That just feeds hedontic adaptation (we get used to the things and experiences we have so things and experiences that make us happy wear off) and neglects individuality
- Slow And Relax Men Movement
- Strong Eye Contact
- Not Reactive To Hostility
- Be As Big As Your Audience
- Show Conviction With Your Words
- Show Conviction With Your Tone
- Speak Slowly And Use Pauses
- Use Carrot/Stick Motivation
Basically just acting like the quite kid
autism
I have some of them already should improve in others
@@Akash-jn6fp do you realize people arent 'good' at these because they practiced it its because they lived life and got traumatized
@@mrjacko2972 I don't think of it as having strong eye contact. I think of it as not having weak eye contact.
i think the most important thing is not the way we act, but more to the way we think, knowing our way in and out in variety of situation, got every everything mapped out that drives our motoric system to perform the coolness of tommy shelby.
you gotta feel this way to truly act this way. fearlessness usually comes from facing extreme hardship
Dude absolutely played his character to perfection. Exactly like someone who’s been through a lot
yes, they chose the right actors
couldn't agree more
It will forever be his masterpiece, the show show had the best casting I've seen in a show.
Thomas shelby was a world war 1 veteran in the series. He was a tunneler, a job which requires you to operate in the worst possible conditions. He was a gypsy who lived his childhood in poverty. And all of this hardships coupled with horrors of the war made tommy who he was. Merely imitating his reactions to certain situations won't make you a tough guy. You have live your life out of your comfort zone to transform your persona into that of someone like thomas shelby.
thats what I thought too this video is going to get people into problems
Yep, it's pretty much acting like someone you're not.
They should pin this
The simple fact of the situation. He used to laugh a lot, then he turned into what we know him as
You don't need to experience horrible things to learn from someone who has, or from their actions and beliefs. This video isn't invalidated from this information, because it doesn't rely on this information heavily or directly. There's a bigger focus on the ends than the means.
As an introvert but calm person, this is perfect. I’m looking forward to what effect I’ll have around people once I start using these tricks for now on. Just wanna show the world my confidence.
Aki Kaurismäki uses these tricks in his films. I learned them from him. Brilliant man, yet so modest.
You forgot to mention that Tommy has breakdowns after some of these scenes, releasing great amounts of stress he felt during periods where he shows himself as being "calm". And he drinks a lot & smokes a lot until the last season.
FYI, don't do the hostage negotiation strategy when asking for a raise. Most jobs if you indicate you are looking for others will begin to prepare for this and push you out. Even if you get the raise you've effectively sealed your own coffin. Just take the other job if it pays more.
Nothing is free. I can be the calm dude in situations where everyone is running for their lives. Sometimes stress hits you after
He probably didn't mention this as it can a does spoil character behavior
@@king6530 unless said position is extremely rare to find qualified people
A should consider another career if this causes breakdowns and drinking. It’s just acting.
These are things you do naturally when youre confident, these body language videos dont work because youre just imitating confidence. You cant lie to yourself about how you actually feel, people see straight through it
True af you either got it or you dont, not that it cant be developed eventually but its something that will happen naturally with the right combination of people place and time. Like Jim Carrey said, if you wear a mask around people expect to wear that mask to the grave.
@@whorem0anss personality, personal etc...from Greek persona= mAsk...I've eliminated this word from my vocabulary...just a previous comment, saying "strong personality "... not knowing what he's actually talking about...
I'm someone who is quiet but not unconfident. I clicked on this video and sure enough, these are all things I do or have picked up as I became an adult (almost scary how accurate). The thing is to really try to understand where each point is coming from and really "feel" it rather than just copying the motions. For me personally, some of these points like holding eye contact, are things I almost see as a challenge to myself- but that is only after I first saw the value in it.
This guy is an actor. He's not a ww1 vet in real life. He's imitating confidence, to the point people act like it's a real person. How is this obvious point being missed by so many people in these comments. Fake confidence long enough and well enough and it becomes the real thing.
nah bro, im gonna be tommy one day
Key part in the section about pausing in the middle of a sentence, he doesn't use filler words. He's incredibly quick witted and either already knows what he's going to say or uses the pauses to give the impression he does while planning his next move/point of speech
Always love the insights into things that you can see and understand what’s happening. The breakdown of why it’s happening is helpful
I've tried the first tips (move slowly and relaxed) and "unintentionally" did it in front of my mother. She told me to do dishes when I was just arrived from gas station. I slowly stop at the terrace, gaze straight to her eyes. Then nodding
Her reaction was: "Please don't do that again. Some people may feel intimidated and beat you later."
Conclusion, the tips was definitely legit.
lol
😂
Lmao 😂
Lmfaaoo 😂😂
Underated comment🤣🤣🤣
I had a lot of problems holding eye contact with people. What really helped me was the "choosing an eye" thing. It also automatically made me feel more confident because I knew my eyes were completely locked on the person. It was a whole different energy.
Kind of like Michael from the Godfather who almost always maintains eye contact with the people he’s talking to.
just a tip, naturally people's eyes switch over to look at the other one from time to time, so instead of looking at one switch it up, it'll make you seem like you're not staring/uncomfortable
Whilst studying at college I had a part time job in a store where the manager ruled by intimidation. Everyone was afraid of him - including my naïve immature self. During the time I was there I developed a stutter and the inability to look people in the eye. After I left it took me a few years of maturing to shake that experience off.
Thanks Gerald.
I learned a valuable life lesson though - respect others, and if you see someone who appears to be nervous around you give them a warming smile and engage with them in nice brief conversation if you can (added humor is a big plus!). You'll be surprised how much of a positive effect this has on a person's confidence.
I found while making eye contact...alternately blinking each eye has a striking effect...don't exactly kno what...but who your doing it too smiles, and gets all tough tied...ahaha.
With the eye contact thing, I found it a bit intense to stare into both eyes, so I would focus on the "opponent's" one eye, then, a few seconds later, shift the focus on the other eye. It sounds weird, but it seems to be very disquieting, in my favour fortunately 😂
Whoever the person given this kind of body language to the tommy charecter is GENIUS
thank you for leaving the add until the end :)
"The nearer man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength. " - Marcus Aurelius.
Confidence comes from within the person. All these body movements just naturally comes when you are in that mode
*Aurelion Sol
I'd say it works both ways when you practice. When you intentionally practice slower movements, it can help the mind to slow down too.
ultra instinct?
Meditation also does wonders, helping to regulate your emotions to be calm and not reactive, and being mindful of your surroundings goes a long way.
Marcus Aurelius lived in a slave society. Why would anyone listen to a person like that?
In summary for the average clumsy introvert:
1. Make reasonably long eye contact. Give a little nod if you wanna be not rude. Smile on command if you know how.
2. Move slowly and orderly. Erratic movement, confused hands and excessive head turning will ruin the Shelby vibe.
3. Think before you speak so you can choose the right words and CUT OUT unnecessary things. Talk slowly too.
As Chase Hughes says, move like you're under water.
so ... be that sloth front desk clerk/secretary at the police station from Zootopia, Gotcha :P
@@agnidas5816 Omg.. having reread my writing, you're absolutely right lol.
@@MarcusConstantine_Cavalida21 Better to be like the Red Fox.
@@agnidas5816 deplete their patience, and win
One of my favourite scenes in PB (and one missing from this video) was where the horse he's walking with rears up at some loud noise coming from a factory nearby. He calms the horse and whispers in its ear "It's only noise, it's only noise". And with that insight you look around at most of what people say as noise, nothing to be troubled by, most of it nonsense. Stay calm and think.
Great lessons thank you for making this video ❤
While i think Tommy Shelby is an fascinating and cool character, i also think it is important to differentiate fiction from reality.
In Peaky Blinders he knows his place and does things that somehow work wonders and miracles.
This character has a fictional history and his nature is more than likely purely based on what the creators of the show wanted it to be, so it can be captivating. Who in his right mind would behave like him and get away with it? Everything is pre determined in the show. You're NEVER gonna be either one. You is the only real thing. Not the character Cillian Murphy portrays. Realistically, If you were put under the pressure Tommy has faced, you'd be dead before you realized it. It's like doing an analysis on Scarface. Sure it's fun, interesting and fascinating but not close to the reality of OUR world. This is just my humble opinion. Don't compare yourself to none other than you.
However, is this a cool analysis of Thomas? Absolutely.
Spot on. And very underrated comment.
Too many fiction based characters displayed as role models, indeed.
This comment quite true. I almost imitated thomas shelby behaviour into mine. But instantly I regret, because in the show, they do as script wants to or what the shows want to.
What we need is just to know what we weak of, then cover it with what we strong of or even built it.
@@iulianbendrea9010 I don't mind drawing inspiration from fictional characters, as long as you are still you... However pretending to be them or act like them is another thing. Trying to act like something you aren't is not the authentic or real you. Unless you're a professional actor.
@@syahrizaindrautomo44 Creating good and healthy habits is one step in the right direction. Compare yourself to the person you were yesterday and improve upon it, just don't take it too far. Like everything else; practice moderation, healthy and good habits.
True!!!!
There's something else that is important that was ommitted. Whenever somebody does interrupt Tommy with a question, whether he's speaking or giving a proposal, he simply ignores it and continues onward with what he was saying. That speaks volumes without actually having to say anything extra.
Im always quite because of the 2 year mewing streak i am holding, thank you for these videos now everyone will respect me 🙏
Quiet people are often shy. You can't just combat shyness by following the lead of a tv show character.
You can't just command yourself to have no fear ot to be confident.
Most important lesson of all: Do it for yourself, never do it for being cool to be with!!! It sounds weird, but when you only do it to impress others, you will give them the power over you. You are doing it for them, therefore they are the ones indirectly controlling you, as your main goal is to impress them. Why is that a problem? If you give them all the power, then the power you show using these tips will be «fake», because it will only be something you do to get respect from the ones in power. So you fake being the boss to impress everyone else, and that makes you the weakest, because you must bend to whatever they want from you. You will be more nervous when you give everyone else this power over you. So do it for yourself. That will give you all the power.
oh wow so .. complete narcissism ... lmfao ... boy you may be an undiagnosed sociopath
Well put👏.
For me is basic stand up to the person the way they stand up to you
For point 2, if there's a threat of violence, don't look to the side! Looking downward toward the body, if done purposefully instead of evasively is both tactically and psychologically sound. It's easier to keep a cool head, and by looking for their actions instead of words, it's unnerving for them to continue talking.
People think of what they see other people looking at, so instead of reflecting back their own emotion through eyes, they start thinking of the vulnerability of their own body. "You're prepared to hurt my body. Do I really want to go there?" instead of "You feel that way about me! How do I feel about you?"
I never did it for psychology, just how I learned to fight. But it's had good de-escalatory effect the times I've done it, which made me think.
He said "glance downwards if you want to de escalate." Interesting story, though.
FIRST PLACE I LOOK AT EVERYONE IS ALWAYS TO THEIR SIDE, NOT MINE, BECAUSE THAT'S THE MOST LIKELY PLACE TO CARRY A GUN.
@@fondawilliam8371 I love The Art of Self-defense, where they ride up on the motorcycle and ask the potential victim if they have a gun before using karate to mug him. It's seems ridiculous, but on the other hand, most people don't know how to respond when put on the spot like that. Most people carrying a weapon of any kind would impulsively move their eyes or hand in that direction. Most people not carrying would give it away. Either way, it improves the odds of singling out a helpless victim.
Don't make me laugh. I suppose u r some lame black belt karate 🤓. Don't talk to me till you've actually shot someone, or disarmed somebody with a gun who is bigger than u.
@lame azz Kevin.
i love that you will just say things in this video and then show a clip of a tv show intended as proof but in which they get completely disproven
Don’t stop when you’re tired. Stop when you’re done.
- Johnny Sins be like
Be done _before_ you're tired. Work smart, not hard. Or hire someone else to do the work for you. See how your well-intentioned 'advice' is just a platitude? Common, be better than a hallmark card.
@@BlaBla-jj6sh just like ‘work smart not hard’ is a platitude. none of it is this deep, and your advice is so general it borders on meaningless. very ironic that you mocked the other commenter for being unoriginal by responding with clichés
Especially if you are a trucker or a pilot :^)
One way to instantly command/get back respect is by always telling the truth, even if it hurts. But then learning to say it in a way that doesn't offend or make the other person feel more bad than they need to. You can start by writing a list of things you have been lying about to yourself and others.
Good advice.
I feel like a lot of people have the misconception that telling the truth necessarily has to hurt/offend the other person, when that just doesn't have to be the case.
@@WanderTheNomad People often think that honesty means letting loose of emotions and being savage for savagery's sake. One classic example is how politicians and dictators who speak obvious lies and stupidities are considered by many as 'straight-forward' and brutally honest.
Agreed, it's uncomfortable at first, but also being able to develop calm is the key.
I used to have a boss who always left uncomfortable silences. I just sat there waiting for her to fill them. She soon realised I wasn't ready to play her games and that my time was best used at doing my job and not in a personal development review.
Not true - sometimes you don’t need to say the truth - in some circumstances you don’t have to say anything etc
I've never watched the movie and yet, just from watching these clips Thomas has gained my respect,and instantly 😎🔥🔥🔥it's without a doubt that these tips will work. Thanks so much🤝🤝🤝
Absolutely a great actor! Mesmerizing.
Great breakdown on Thomas Shelby!
💯
My personal experience with being able to speak in front of an audience is to be prepared and to have confidence in what it is you will be communicating. I found that I would almost zone out as I was lecturing as if everything else sort of vanished and I was in my own dimension delivering the message I had prepared ahead of time.
I hate speaking in front of an audience. One strategy that sort of helps and I need to keep reminding myself is I have information the audience wants. If not they wouldn't be there. I know more, I can supply the details and the audience is there to receive that info. It's still not 2nd nature. I gotta pump myself up. still hate it
I agree with you on almost everything, but it also depends on the appearance. He has this special calm, but also charismatic mysterious look when he looks you in the eye which not all people have., which is one of the reasons why he behaves calmly and composed in an almost escalating situation. It depends on how you look on the outside without wanting to offend anyone, it has to be a good looking man like he is, and not to forget, the voice needs to be that deep like his voice, and that is interesting to listen to. All of these aspects together bring the effect that you are describing here very good.
ya that probably good even if your not life experienced person u do look like with this behavior
Yes, he shows examples where he's staring at someone and that person is staring right back, but Tommy appears more intense and confident than the other person doing the same thing. Why? Because it's not the action itself.
Whenever I’ve had a job interview, internal review, presentation or anything that requires me to be more than me; I imagine I’m talking to my sister. I’m fully aware that the person/people isn’t my sister, so I need to keep professional, but as the only person I’ve every felt 100% confident of just being my self is when I’m around my lil sis; this technique has helped me immensely. People are nuanced. We are flawed. We are insecure. We are all beautifully different. We just need to find and remember that one person that we can be comfortable around, and use that feeling to remember that we don’t have to be something special; you just need to be YOU.
These “self-help” or whatever they call these videos are generalised and full of tropes. I mean, if it was this easy then every one would be confident… right? Lol
Look good and be intimidating in a confident and charming way.
I've recently began holding eye contact with people I work with and its changed the way I get treated even by my superiors it's great!
@@nickgarner-uc7jqnah
I'm Aussie and all Aussies have a natural upward inflection as if were asking a question, to give you the best example over text here's how it would sound, "I went to the park todaye" - and it sort of sounds like your saying aye at the end but end it in an upward inflection.
Thank you very much for this wonderful video!
heh, I took psych in HighSchool. My teacher was great, one of my favorites, Mr. Murphy.
Great understanding man.
heres a good one.
~ when asking for something, give yourself time. Days if possible. When talking to your "target" one on one, try shifting your wieght. Maybe lean on a wall. Or lean back.
If the person mimics your movement, they are in agreement with you. It is at this time you ask your question.
If the person does not, go ahead and wait for another chance.
I've used this to get dates, promotions and general life.
Main thing that lifts you up is acting and feeling on top of the people you talk to even tho ur obviously not. It might seem a bit toxic but people will start to respect you more
The past few years, I made it a huge goal in social situations to always give eye contact. I noticed that a lot of people dont give me eye contact back which I find very interesting. Its like they dont want me knowing something. Its creepy. I also think confidence scares people that arent confident.
Happy this got recommended this looks really fun, I'll try some of these :)
People fixate on 'confidence-confidence-confidence'. It is the eventual outcome of good traits aggregating. Form and keep your inner peace. That is the first step. The other is discipline. Confidence is cross product of the two, nothing more. It's like trying to make pancakes without having any idea what are heat, grease, flour, milk and eggs for.
Couldn't agree more on first two statements
Love the pancake analogy 🥞
Problem with showing conviction like this is that most people can't back it up, causing you to lose credibility. One of my study mates is SO certain of EVERYTHING, yet he's wrong 80% of the time. I'm uncertain of everything, because I'm aware that anyone can make mistakes and have misunderstood something, yet I'm right 90% of the time. But being right most of the time, doesn't change the fact that I can still be wrong and even being wrong 10% of the time with absolute conviction would be worse than being right 90% of the time while not coming across as 100% sure. Because I'm not, no one is.
Note: My study mate's conviction and confidence definitely helps him come across as smart with people that doesn't know him, and even helps him in exams, yet anyone that actually knows him take everything he says with a HUGE grain of salt, because he says things with such a certainty even when he's not sure at all. Maybe he thinks he is, but he shouldn't be.
perfect duo!
now, about you, i think you could benefit from taking more risk. you will fail more, but learn more.
Lol true. It’s baffling to me how people seem so sure of themselves when they have to realize how often they are wrong
@@spankey88 It's frustrating to me honestly. Especially when it works for them with people that don't know that they're full of it =P
@@k01dsv if we were unsure/not confident about everything, nothing would get done due to undeciveness, fear, etc..Mistakes will happen.
Failure comes before success
1: Slow, relax movement.
2: Hold eye contact, during the conflict.
3: Be non reactive to hostility.
4: Be as big as your audience.
5: Show conversation with your words.
6: Speak slowly and use pause bw words.
7: Use carrot stick motivation.
Deserves a pin 📍
That laid back attitude is what pull ya In
I have also done but not be noticed 😢 but try it it good
I know Conan has been a topic before, but can you guys commit a full video just to his personality? I feel like he's so charismatic and lovable he just stands out like crazy, I'd love to hear your guys' take
David Wright from Survivor would be a great example of someone who had the worst confidence and by the end of his season was one of the most confident people in the room. I hope you guys can cover him because he would be a great example of someone who built that internal confidence by taking risks and understanding the world around him was less scary than he thought. Keep up the good work!
agreed cover him^^
Second vid I watched and now I have subscribed ❤ thanks
These are things you cannot fake or learn.
But this video is good for people who already have these traits, because it can help them recognize their own traits, and learn to harness them better.
2:32
Thomas: I am chosen
cc: I am Jose Mourinho
they let me go cos they didnt realise I was chill like that
Talking slowly, allowing ur mind to not fault with speaking and words
I love this one tbh
One thing I love about this channel is that they are not clickbait
Thank you for sharing your wonderful knowledge ❤
There is a difference in faking confidence and then knowing who/what you are.
You know man I make notes of your videos 😁
Your videos are really helpful👍🏻
Thank you for that 🤘🏼
yes for me, I believe that being calm is your escape from death, as one of those who had experience in a situation where your life was at stake. based from my own experience, i would say that is why the person in a difficult situation panics because their mind is focused on "this is the end of my life", in that situation, that's when the fear and panic will be triggered, I think, what you have to do is accept your death at that time and be calm and don't talk, don't think about the things like your family and friends, then just give those bad people what they need, because even if you accept your death, the chances of survival are higher you because bad people will not hurt you when they only need valuable things from you, if you don't and fight back or even shout them, then that is your life will end.
I'm an introvert, and I completely relate to slow movements. I can be quick if I want to, when I do sport, etc. But when I don't have to, I love the slowness. I'm so "good" at being slow and unbothered, that when my extroverted friends react to some weird sounds, and if there would be a huge tornado outside, I would just be sitting on a sofa completely unbothered. While I'm pretty sure 90% of the people would go out take pictures and get excited.
This is incredibly and effectively commanding. Having all these qualities as Tommy did, you are good to go. Thanks for this👍👍
tommy isnt real
This channel has changed my life to the better! Thanks!
Same
1 relax
2 eye contact 3 or 5s
3 non react
4 Be as be as in audience
5 show conviction
6 show conviction & be honest
7 slow speak and use
Thanks this is perfect for a guy like me who is quiet but strong if he wants
3:55 On the thing with upwards inflections, it's really important to point out that certain accents, especially accents found in the UK, quite often use upwards inflections at the end of sentences, e.g. the Liverpudlian accent or the Glaswegian accent, and actually, even the West Midlands/"Black Country" accent that Tommy is supposed to have has upwards inflections at the end of sentences, but these accents don't imply that the speaker is unsure at all. I can imagine a lot of Americans being confused by this lol although I think the "Vally Girl" accent found in LA is similar, think the Kardashians lol.
And The Valley girl accent doesn’t make you appear very confident and competent, does it?
Just because the accent is like this, doesn’t mean it loses its inherent effect on people. Especially those who are not used to it. In Germany most accents make you appear less competent than standard high German. Even though it may sound normal to those who are used to the accent.
@@SmokingBirds I'm not sure if you're agreeing or not but yes, that's what I was saying. It would be a mistake to read into certain accents in this way.
LIMEY REDCOAT. I WANT TO SEE U BLEED. STOP WITH THE SUPERFICIAL NONSENSE. THAT HAS NO TRUTH TO IT AT ALL. AS SOMEONE WHO HAS AN ENGLISH WELSH STEPFATHER WHO IVE KNOWN SINCE 1996, I CAN VEHEMENTLY SAY IT IS STRICTLY A PERSONALITY TRAIT AND THE WORLD ROUND TALKING IN A HIGH -PITCHED VOICE IS A SIGN OF WEAKNESS OR VULNERABILITY. ONCE AGAIN DO U WANT 2 BELIEVE SOME SO- CALLED EXPERT, OR SOMEONE WITH EXPERIENCE?
Self accountability (Accepting who you are, flawed, owning it and in spite of that, be responsible for yourself), is self validation, a precursor to confidence. Everything falls in place after that; Your walk, your talk and how you react, because you pander to nobody. If you can't hold yourself accountable, you are either a liar or a coward, or both.
I'm a confident introvert. I don't talk often however ive noticed im listend to when I speak. I found having strong but not overly strong eye contact is also very useful.
💼 Slow, relaxed movements convey confidence and fearlessness.
👁 Maintain eye contact strategically to project confidence.
🧘 Non-reactivity in conflict situations demonstrates inner confidence.
🗣 Speak with conviction using word choice, tone, and pauses.
💪 Carrot-and-stick motivation can be applied to achieve goals.
Tommy Shelby's character from Peaky Blinders exemplifies these traits to command respect and authority.
I learned a similar thing from teaching children. They lack long attention spans, so making use of pause, speech speed and rhythm really pulled them in and maintained a longer attention span. This showed me that the way to not only garner respect, but to be compelling in speech is by controlling nonverbal additions to communication to add layers to your "credibility".
"An expert guitar player can transform a boring piece of music by altering expression, tempo, dynamics and style. He plays with non values".
Find the "non values", master them.
From one teacher to another, I love your advice! ThankYou!❤
I tried training myself a different body language for I while but I stopped because it stressed me out. I'm not a loud speaker and I hate groups where the loudest and most dominant people get to talk the most. I know that I have a lot smart stuff to speak about, but if people prefer nonsense blabla it's their bad. If I don't feel respected and heard I am quiet and that's alright. Gladly there a people who are different and know the basics of respectful and calm conversation with whom I open up and can also talk and talk. Slowly movements, keeping eye contact, that costs so much energy.
It’s called practice….repetition. Of course it will take a lot of energy it’s something out of your comfort zone
A personal tip for introverts:
Talk and act like if you were so tired, kinda angry, angsty and done with life. I bet even "powerful" people of your environment will respect you, and trust in you. Walk fast, talk loud but slow, work hard and stay humble👑🔥
I liked the video, I'll definitely watch it again for some refreshers
The examples are always only of people who are fictional characters with plot armour/scripts or of people who are rich / famous. People tend to give those the benefit of any doubt and they tend to get to speak from a position of power. It would be nice to have examples of people in situations where nothing is known of them in advance, instead of talk shows & tv shows.
Interesting breakdown as always! I have a hard time talking slow and pausing at certain points in conversation because I've gotten used to being interrupted and cut off.
Wow, how honest !! I have a Sister, she's a school teacher. Family get together,,,me, I would talk about something and half way through,,"eh I tend to disagree" whither she's right or wrong. THEN, everybody has to shut up while SHE speaks and whoa betide anyone that interrupts her!!! So i know exactly where your coming from !!😊
as confident as i am, i have a tendency to speak fast as well which sometimes results in people being distracted and interrupt me. it feels like good advice to speak slightly slower and a more confident tone and see what happens. how has it worked out for you in the past 8 months?
@@Bonbloc I haven't really noticed being cut off in conversation, but I have yet to break my bad habit of speaking too quickly or paraphrasing while telling a joke or funny story because I'm worried someone will cut me off and break my rhythm, or just switch topics so I don't get to finish
When you're cut off, hang your last word, stop talking, look them in the eye for 1 second longer than necessary, and 90% of the time, a person will apologize for cutting you off, and go out of their way to not do it again. You're showing them that you don't approve of them speaking over you, but you give respect by stopping what you're saying. It's true that to get respect, you must give it. When you give respect, and are disrespected in the same situation, people feel the need to either apologize, or make it up to that person.
@@crazierthorn10 that only works with 1 on 1 conversations. but in group convo's they just look at something/someone else so you cant maintain eyecontact
I think this video is really effective, although I think it’s important to break down why we do the things we already do (body language). We can’t do without knowing why we feel the need to do.
скорее всего, это заложено природой, когда были инстинкты, чтоб нравиться противоположному полу и показывать другим так сказать "сородичам", что мы испытываем
it worked tysm
body speaks and always speaks what is necessary.
Showing conviction with your tone. You should only do that if you are sure about what you want. AND you should only do that if you are ready to stand for and argue what you want, if someone else has a different opinion or want something else. It’s not like ending your sentences with that low tone, that everybody will agree with you instantly. It creates conflict most of the time. You should definitely end your sentences in a high pitched tone, like you do with a question, when you are „okay“ with other opinions, to show that other people can freely add their input and you will listen. Sounding unsure isn’t bad all the time, If someone makes a worse proposal, you can still argue that yours is better afterwards. In my opinion you should only sound sure about your words if you are 100% sure that you are right and you are ready to fight everyone else. Otherwise you will fall flat on your face. That happens.
You can not tell people that everyone should behave like a boss. Because if everyone is a boss, there will be no one left working for the boss. And if you have no one working for you, who’s boss are you really? Yes make your opinion clear, but don’t do it in a way that others thing theirs is worthless. The world need great followers more then great bosses.
I think having a square jaw, awesome cheekbones and piercing blue eyes helps the "confidence without speaking" thing immensely. If Michael Cera made the same face, no one would care.
Crushing aside, little to do with the topic. Pretty sure it is not about the actor. I may be wrong. Just saying. 💚
in real life even a Michael Sera kind of guy could come up as charismatic and confident. The actor is good looking, like almost every actor. But most people on earth are Michael Seras. So don´t compare yourself to model type of person. You could never live up to that, neither do I and neither does other people.
We need to acknowledge the top tier level of character channelling from Cilian Murphy that makes these examples possible. Beyond excellent.
Broo this was so intense and cool idk what to say but it is so good worked edited and hard recorder every sound and seen
Thank you CoC. I really like what you're doing here. I appreciate it.
I'd like to add that confidence is in no small way based upon will power. To build ones will power only requires one to keep his word. Just keep your word. This is the easiest way I know of to make a positive improvement in your Self. All the best.
Laoshr #60
Ching Yi Kung Fu Association
Often, you can identify the dominant person in a group by the fact their movements are less, slower and more deliberate and they can be the ones with the least to say or prove.
Tommy Shelby is my spirit animal.
Thanks a lot it was very helpful
I've been doing the Carrot / stick strategy my whole life without even knowing that it was actually a thing. It's very powerful psychologically.
Great video!
You are great ❤️
While learning from him, we should also remember that Tommy Shelby has been through "a lot" in the whole series and that made him like this, its the brilliance of Cillian Murphy which nailed this role and made us copy the character. Yes, of course, we can always learn from this 'disturbed' character, but we should never become one, as again, he has been through a lot of trauma.
Cillian is AMAZING. He plays different characters with ease.