Insomnia insight
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 8 ธ.ค. 2020
- In this super important episode, we see using three irrefutable steps how frustration is nonsensical when it comes to feeling like you are unable to sleep. This is crucial because frustration gets you stuck, and self-kindness liberates you.
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Great messaging here! Getting frustrated about sleep is like getting frustrated when you don't win the lottery jackpot! We can play the game, but we can't control the outcome.
Another good one! I’ve been using your analogy of how if you do win the lottery even after sleeping little for several days - you feel great (!) a lot 😁
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 I think I just realized that I probably spend too much time fantasizing about winning the lottery!
@@InsomniaCoach haha one day 😝!
This insight helped me so much tonight, Coach Daniel. Thank you for being, for myself and probably for thousands of others, the epitome of kindness. You deserve a superhero’s cape for your work on this channel. One of these days I might just sew a cape for you and pop it in the post addressed to SCS. 😘 👍 😘 👍 😘 👍
I really agree that this is super important. I think many people with sleep problems are high-performing and used to being able to do things, find solutions. To then "fail" with something that should work can feel so frustrating. I sleep mostly well nowadays but it happens from time to time that the fear of sleeping appears. Usually it is then the thought that I will destroy for myself by becoming anxious and getting stuck in thought loops that makes it start. Being kind to yourself in this situation and just accepting is what helps (although sometimes it takes a few nights to get there). Thank you for your good programs. There is so much good to be gained there when self-confidence is waning.
Amanda! Thanks so much for this insightful comment. For anyone reading this - it’s literally impossible to fail at something that cannot be done. It’s like failing at turning your hair green by willpower. And yes, meeting this idea that we failed with kindness, I believe this is the way. Thanks for being in touch and hope to talk soon!
I love how you target the biggest root of the problem...the physiological part of it , which most doctors overlook . I really needed this, thank you!!
Hi Gemini19, and thanks so much for this kind and encouraging comment!! So glad it made sense. And you know, it's a very unfortunate situation right now because doctors have literally 0 training and understanding of insomnia... hopefully we can change this! Be well and stay in touch!!
Love your channel
🤗!
Wowwww i just realized that sleep comes of naturally and thanks sir i will not be pressured anymore as long as im totally fine even having less sleep.
Yes! This is a very important realization 👍
Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I am often very frustrated with myself. Thank you, Daniel.
Thanks Edda! I hope this will help you find a path to not experiencing as much frustration!
Been waking in middle of night can’t get back to sleep…i understand frustration is futile and totally paradoxical to the solution….I get frustrated at myself for being frustrated 😆 🤦♂️
Me too. You are not alone.😢
Me... trying to control something I can’t . I have been super hard on myself. Thank you for making this video.
I'm beginning to think this is perhaps the most important teaching of all, being more gentle and kind to oneself. Thanks for commenting Monica, and hope you have a good weekend!
We all need to stop being so hard on ourselves
My problem was perfection especially because i hate losing sleep, as it’s bad for my gym gains :/ but I’m no longer going to stress over this
I have only been experiencing insomnia for a few weeks now I believe 3 or 4 weeks however I am feeling very frustrated and hopeless. It’s so good to know that there are others like me and I’m not alone. I also struggle with severe anxiety and health anxiety I’m only 22 and this is all new to me to feel such strong anxiety and such a hard time falling back to sleep. The past few weeks I fall asleep around 10 or 11 and sleep for about 2 or 3 hours before waking up and I always wake up anxious needing to go to the bathroom. That past isnt new but what is new is not being able to fall back asleep and worrying if my little sleep is causing me health issues and how will I ever fall back to sleep without all these thoughts and anxiety. I understand I need to practice mindfulness and being okay with being awake however it’s still a huge struggle for me. I try to have hope though and even though right now I’m lost on where to go from here I learned from your videos that I cannot be harmed from insomnia and that many people have overcame their insomnia and that is what I will do too. I seem to latch onto anything that I perceive is a threat with health anxiety. Thank you for your videos and they have truly been a blessing to me, I no longer feel like I am completely alone and doomed. I hope I can unlearn this insomnia just like I am trying to unlearn my anxiety that I’ve had for a year now.
Hi again Stephanie, I left a reply on another post with some pointers and I'll just add: You are absolutely not alone! Every human being is unique and special, but insomnia is always the same. Nothing special about it. You'll get to the place you want to be. It may be a bumpy road but you'll get there!
Hi Daniel, it has been a while. Last month I found that a key step to fix my insomnia was to just NOT think about sleep because sleep is a natural process from which I should not interfere at all. So when I go to sleep I "block" my mind from thinking anything, I was getting 5.5-6 hours back then but I relapsed :( and I'm getting 4.5-5 but not less. When you mentioned the seroquel I was like oh no 😅 bc that's what I'm taking. Btw I take beta-blockers to reduce my heart rate at night bc I panic very often 😕 I really hope I can fix this once and for all soon bc it sucks way too much.
Hi Christian! Thanks for being in touch and you know, you're on to something big here.
No question whatsoever that sleep is passive and happens when we are not thinking about sleep. This said, it's very hard, I actually think it may be impossible, to actively decide not to think about something and then be successful with that.
Weirdly, it's when you don't pressure yourself not to think about something, when you're not judging your thoughts, when you allow whatever thoughts happen to happen, that's when the brain no longer see a need to send you all these warning thoughts!
And it sounds like you've been on a journey where you're not resisting as much and seeing good things come your way.
Something that always helps is not knowing/tracking sleep, That's a super powerful way of letting go of control that I think could really help you sleep better!
Be well now and stay in touch!
Thank you for everything you do. This makes so much sense. I understand it entirely but being kind to yourself isn’t easy at 4am when you’re still panicking that you haven’t been to sleep yet :( I’ve built it up so much in my head now which I know is just completely compounding the problem. Gah!! I’d love to be able to just get out of my head sometimes and just lay in a bed and drift off to sleep like everyone else seems to do with no trouble. Instead I’m up on the sofa sweating and panicking, hands tingling and wanting to cry with exhaustion feeling like a failure. I just need to be kinder to myself but it’s so much easier said than done!
Abby, I truly believe this is all you need... just being aware that you’re hard on yourself... the rest will follow... and thanks so much for the support!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you. I just cried reading your message haha. I’m a mess but I’ve not really spoke about this to anyone in any depth other than ‘ aww yeah I’m tired, I don’t sleep well, blah blah’ try not to go on about it and no one knows how bad the anxiety has got around it all. It’s just this hole I seem to have fallen into since about February this year. Never been a fantastic sleeper but it never bothered me til I did that stupid thing of googling insomnia and found all that stuff on FFI and SFI, that seemed to open up a can of worms and I didn’t sleep at all for 3 nights after that, just wide awake and twitching with anxiety which of course in my head I put down to being symptoms. Anyway it’s 10 months later, I’m still alive, I’m still functioning, still walking and talking and all these things that I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be if any of those fears were true. Yet still I don’t sleep! So I lay there being hard on myself, getting more and more frustrated that I can’t just go to bed like a ‘normal’ person. Sorry this has turned into an essay! I’m just very grateful to have found your channel and finally not feel so alone.
@@Fantabbydozy2608 Abby, it means so much that you shared this and I’m so happy you found this channel. If you haven’t already, do look at the success stories playlist. When I talk to Michelle or Jim or Bryan or Malena... they were all in that place you’ve been and doing really well... you’ll get there too!!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 sorry I appear to not be very intelligent 😂 I have searched for the videos but can’t seem to find them. Sorry to be a total inconvenience but please could you point me in the right direction or link them somehow? 🤷♀️😂 Also just wanted to let you know that last night I managed to sleep more. Still woke up after 2 and half hours but managed to go back to sleep for another 2 and half hours whereas normally I’d just lay there panicking about the fact that I’d woken up after spending hours trying to get to sleep in the first place. I told myself there was no issue here, I haven’t forgotten how to sleep I’m just anxious but there is no reason to be angry with myself. Must have worked because the next thing I knew it was 7:30am! Haven’t slept past 4:30am in months. So I’m hoping it’s a small step in the right direction so thank you.
This was me. Total panic! It's a learned response to not sleeping. You have to practice not having that response by using acceptance and mindfulness and understanding that not sleeping won't hurt you. You absolutely WILL go back to normal. It's your desire to sleep and your fear about not sleeping that keeps you awake. If you practice thinking that it doesn't matter if you sleep, eventually you will and it won't hurt you if you don't. And you don't have FFI. I thought that once too. We all think that. You are just like all of us. You are not crazy. You will be just fine. :)
First sleep channel that actually helps me.
Jason, so happy you’re here 😊
As always, so beautifully simple and so free of judgment and moralizing. Wondering what you'd recommend when the feeling (even knowing it's irrational and pointless) is one of anger at the world, as in "why me when others sleep so easily?"
Anita thanks so much for these kind words 😊
You know, I call this “sleep envy” and it’s very common. As always, emotions become fleeting when we don’t blame ourselves for them or think we shouldn’t feel them… so just noting that you’re angry and meeting it with “aha, I’m angry, and that’s not strange or something I will criticize myself for” can help much.
Now there’s something else as well, learning about the people you’re envious of:
When you think about someone who sleeps really really well, it can seem like they have some control that you have lost or you never have. It can seem like other people can control sleep and control their thoughts and that you need to figure out how they do that.
Now if you would ask that person who sleeps really well for the secrets, they will share it with you. If you ask them how do you sleep so well, they will shrug and go “eehm, dunno…”
And this truly is the secret. Is the absence of effort, the absence of trying that allows sleep to happen. And also the absence of self judgment.
It is very common that someone who struggles with sleep is also someone that tends to be a high achiever and somebody who tends to be hard on themselves and expect a lot from themselves.
Which can make it a little bit trickier but very doable to go in the same direction as the person who sleeps so well. Let go of attempts of trying to control sleep and most importantly - be kind to yourself!
Because remember, no human being can control their sleep or their thoughts, so when you are hard on yourself for not “being able” to do that, you’re hard yourself for not “being able” to do something that is literally impossible!
Being aware of the above and being kind to yourself even when there’s thoughts that are uncomfortable… I think this is they wayzzz
Way…
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thank you, Daniel! there's also the problem of anger at the universe but that's just a trip down a one-way street called self-pity. Your whole way of thinking about sleep really helps me.
Anytime, so glad you’re here, and this sounds very nice 😊
Yup, for me it’s full-on sleep envy, a sort of sleep FOMO that does not ever feel like the best angel of my nature.😢
Being frustrated cannot get you to sleep at all, I'm relaxing more even when it dont work at least I know I tried the right way, it's not our fault sleeping is hard to us,
100% I hope exactly what you said here came across in this video.. Thanks for sharing this and welcome to the channel Paul!
It's 6am. Im going to sleep, hopefully well after reading since 9pm. I will listen to this when i wake up.
Hi Daniel,
Really helpful things in the video .
I feel frustrated because of following reasons:
1) When I have a bad night , I manage to drift to sleep but a little late which is why I cannot get enough sleep , since I have office next day. So I have real symptoms like burning eyes for that day. Whether I feel fresh or not has always been my method to measure sleep when when I know I am not fresh need more sleep, this is when I get frustrated.
2) When I get jerk and wake up while drifiting to sleep. I feel frustrated after the jerk has happened.
3) My insomia has not been continuous. It is always a good week followed by a bad week. I feel frustrated because I manage to get rid of my sleep issues temporarily but they keep coming back.
So you see , all the reasons for which I get frustrated are not invalid. Yes producing sleep is non sensical and so you shouldn't be frustrated over it. But having a roller coaster 5 month time and the realization that this is how life is now makes me mad.
Hi Akshay and thanks as always for the input and support!
You know, I think the most important thing that comes to mind here is attribution.
When sleep happens, it’s really always because you weren’t trying to sleep, you were willing to be awake, you were not resisting.
So whenever you sleep well, you have an opportunity to reinforce that sleep comes from no effort!
Whenever I read “I managed to drift off” or “I manage to get rid of my sleep issues” this tells me that there’s great opportunity!
Because when you see that you actually slept well because you managed not to do any management, in other words sleep happened because you weren’t trying to manage anything, that’s big!
Because it shows you the magic of nothingness!
I know it’s so counterintuitive but really ponder this snd you’ll see that your path is illuminated for you!
By the way, that sam applies to jerks, it’s the same path!
Just had my anxiety attack cuz it is a third night that I am struggling to sleep, been crying, and now decided to watch your video it definitely calmed me down by understanding my mistakes, thanks for the video
Nikol, sorry to hear what happened but, I’m very glad you found the channel early on! Even when you start understanding, it may be a little bit of a bumpy stretch ahead, because for the brain to get scared it happens fast, for it to get unscared it takes a bit more time... but you’ll soon be back to baseline I’m sure. Thanks so much for taking the time to write this nice comment!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 thanks so much, because I just had a sleep!
Coach Daniel president 😊
But don’t some of us feel hopeless KNOWING there is nothing we can do to bring about sleep? If only there were something we could do! When I was lying in bed not sleeping last night, I reminded myself multiple times that there is nothing I can do to make myself sleep. So don’t try. I did eventually fall asleep for a few hours (after turning off my alarm clock). Woke up an hour after my alarm would have gone off. I’m glad I slept for a few hours, and I don’t blame myself when I don’t sleep, but I still have a longing for the over 70 years when my sleep was normal. I’m in tears again this morning just writing about this. Thank you for your videos.
Hang in there Katherine, it’s so natural that we feel disappointed when we see we can’t do anything, and this reaction… it changes thanks to heart work
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 Thank you for the encouragement.
Thank you Dr Daniel for this one ! I have some major work going on in my home all week so my house is invaded with workmen & drills & my sleep is rubbish .They start early in the morning every day so I have no control . I'm a control freak ..oh dear!
Anytime! Glad it made sense and hope the renovation stays on schedule 🙂!
Hi Daniel, thank you for this video, really insightful. I wanna ask you a question, what if in the middle of our recovery, there are distractions that come from outside? Due to sleep issues, i get mad over simple things. I tried to get education, this and that, and i actually became less anxious for a bit, but then something happen and i kinda frustrated bcs things don’t work the way i want. Like i’ve tried hard to get my swlf less anxious so that i can sleep better, and then someone would come into my room and disrupt my sleep, or the vehicle noise from outside that would wake me up. I get angry over those things bcs i have difficulty of falling back to sleep. What’s you thought abt this?
Hi Daniel,
Nice video.
Just to inform you that I didn't make payment to bedtym for Dec. That is why I am not there now. Some financial issues.
But I will be back in January.
Anytime Akshay! And you know I always try to answer questions here in the comment section 👍👍
Hello , im a 16 year old girl , and I have been not sleeping well for two months , the first two weeks I had exams everyday so I wasn't able to sleep except 2 hours daily , then the problem became bigger because I always think that I can die from lack of sleep so I don't sleep at all , and now im worried if I would lose my mind because of not sleeping well , and I read that lack of sleep leads to insanity , and now im struggling and I need to know if lack of sleep can lose my mind or not , please give me an answer
Hi Rokaya. Sorry to hear what’s been happening and I want to say make sure you talk to your parents whenever you’re concerned about your health!
You will find plenty of videos here on this channel where we talk about how there is no evidence that little sleep or insomnia causes any type of health problems like becoming crazy. There’s no evidence that little sleep causes death or harm.
Hang in there, make sure you’re parents know and I hope this channel will help!
@@thesleepcoachschool8192 im sorry I have another question , the 3 or 4 hours I sleep , I don't feel that I slept at all , do I consider this a deep sleep or that my organs are at least relaxed or not? And does it take time to get back to normal sleeping ? I've watched some of your video and they are the reason why I slept those two days but I don't feel like I slept at all .
Hi! You know, when someone is in this hyperarousal state, it often doesn’t feel like you slept at all. Sometimes it just seems like time skips ahead. This is nothing unusual!
I have math anxiety too
Hi Rebekah, I can’t remember what I said here so with the risk of repeating myself, so do I!
I'm so frustrated, angry and sad with myself. Why can't I just STOP thinking and be at peace with life? I'm also so exhausted of not sleeping.
Hang in there Aya, I think nothing helps more than self kindness… and when we are mad at ourselves… we have this invitation
Same here. At least you are not alone.😢
Just out of curiosity.. what about those sleep techniques the Navy Seals use to fall asleep in any situation even after combat?
Is that all some kind of myth or something? The more I search about sleep the more I stumble upon this subject.
Hi Victor,
Yes I think they are some type of myth. There really are no hacks or tricks that can allow sleep to happen in my opinion!