DON'T LET ANYBODY MAKE YOU FEEL BAD IF YOU'RE NOT MARRIED IN YOUR 3O'S!! | Fumi Desalu-Vold
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#marriage #fumidesaluvold #children #relationships #lifestyle #instagram #goals #wife #mother #father #husband #divorce - แนวปฏิบัติและการใช้ชีวิต
Hello aunty fumi I'm 18 years old and I'm pregnant. I want to raise this child. Please advice me on how to go about it. I feel very alone in this. I see you as a loving big sister. I'm hoping on your advice. I'm waiting for your wisdom. Thankyou
Hello sunshine, ☀️ congratulations and welcome to motherhood! 🤰
Is your partner supporting you emotionally and standing by you?
How far along are you?
Do u have an account where FUMINATION can send you money?
Where do u live?
Who is living with you during this time?
Are you parents around during this time?
Did u finish high school?
Are you going for prenatal care? You absolutely should.
Do you have a car seat for the baby coming?
Do u have a baby stroller?
Do u have a baby cot?
How is your mental health/
SENDING YOU A BIG HUG!
Send me an email at fumidesaluvold@gmail.com
Although I would have loved for you to experience life a little longer, we cannot dwell on the past and I'm so proud of you that you're going forward. I hope you teach you child to be courageous like u. 😊
It's GOING TO BE OK DARLING and the good news is that you and your baby will grow up together in this world and be each other's BEST friend.
You also can go back to school if you want to and STILL become whomever you want to be and achieve anything you want. 🏆
I'm sending u lots and lots of love and I'm very HAPPY for u. CHILDREN are such a blessing. ❤️ 💕 💙
@@FumiDesaluVold Fumi I can't say how much it has been a joy to see your response to this young lady. I too had my daughter at 18 and now i'm 57 and we are best friends...long story short...I even picked out her husband!! can you believe that...and they have been married now for 11 years...I tell you all of this to say...we cannot dwell on how it happened, but support and advice and encouragement is what is most important right now. I wish you all the best my dear Fumi....you have made many a life improved with you vlog and especially the sis to sis....and guess what!!? I just started experimenting with lashes....at 57!!lol....all my love!!
This is the best big sister advice ever. @jesino GLOW, I am so proud of you, and your decision. May the Lord keep you and your coming baby safe.
@@FumiDesaluVold you're such a sweet big aunty. I am a single mother myself and thank God I had all the help I needed not at first though however later.... my family and friends were my back bone. Thank you aunty Funmi for all that you do. God bless youuuuu
💜💜 Congratulations luv! I know you directed this to Auntie Fumi & pray you don't take my reply as intrusion. I also was a young mother & understand that feeling of being alone. It was very scary. But YOU CAN DO THIS!! 👑💪🏾 If you take nothing else from Auntie make sure you have all prenatal care. It's the most important thing for both the baby & you. Including your mental health! And you're not alone. If you practice a religion, fall back to it & pray. If your culture or family has strong dislike of young mothers, try not to let this bring you down. I assure you you're not the only one having sex. It just so happens you're pregnant or perhaps chosen to stay pregnant. Hold your head up should there be any finger pointing 🤗
The great thing is in today's world there are so many support groups & resources for new mothers! Including Fumination 🔥🔥 The fact you've reached out to someone with wisdom says a lot about you love. You're going to be an awesome mother!! Prayers of God's comfort, continued health, & prosperity for you and your little one 🙏🏾💜😘
Being single in your 30's can be tough sometimes, no matter how strong you are, not because you are desperate but because of what society will throw at you.
!!!!
Especially in Africa!
And it’s crazy how you’re not supposed to date, and then boom! You’re done with uni and there’s pressure left, right and centre.
I got married at 32, and while I tried to live my life in my 20s, I kept thinking about marriage.
It wasn’t till my late 20s I truly tried to love myself and fully live and things just fell into place
Approaching 30 and I already feel the pressure
Sissss u don't say. I just turned 35 on Tuesday the 11th and I'm not married nor do I have a bf. Being African makes it worse because I'm expected to have had kids by now. But I'm learning that I can't go with what society says should be my life
And the biological clock....
I'm in my early 60s and never been married or had children. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm happy with being an auntie.
The same for me..I agree, when men ask me why, I say " I've been lucky" they laugh really hard, and say yes you have been...I love my single life. I can always find friends to share some of my adventures, and I've learned to be independent financially..73 and "living my best life"
You'll probably live longer for this!!! Having good friends and hobbies will carry you through!
Wishing you love and light🔥❤
@@msbarb1 WOW 73YRS ? AND U ARE FULL OF LIFE, I REALLY ADMIRE YOU, I WISH I COULD DO THE SAME, BUT I HAVE DONE BABY SITTING FOR MY AUNTS KIDS AND COUSINS AND DIDNT GROW UP WITH MY IMMEDIATE FAMILY, SO AT 38YRS I WISH I HAD MY OWN KIDS, COS SOMETIMES IT CAN BE LONELY COS MOST OF THOSE U HAVE BEEN THERE FOR DONT EVEN REMEMBER YOU,SOMEHOW I WANT TO FEEL LOVED. THATS WHY I THINK ABOUT MARRIAGE LATELY. BUT I ADMIRE UR STYLE MORE.
@@evelynoboh6744 Thank you, Guess what I did for myself for New Years, I moved from my country of birth USA (California), to another country Portugal (Nazaré), everyone thought I was crazy, but now I'm wondering why I didn't do it sooner. Life is short Evelyn Obah, Happiness is worth the risk!! Now I live at the beach, exercise, (lots of walking to) and eat healthy every day. Your statement about those you help don't remember sadly is too true I know I experience that also...you're only 38 there's a whole world out there just waiting for you to experience it. Marriage may or may not make you happy nor children but what I've learned is Life experiences will. Don't wait, think about what makes YOU happy, then do it, the rest like marriage will follow. BTW my profile pic is actually me unfiltered @ 72 LOL sending positive energy your way
I’m so glad I waited to get married at 47. I couldn’t see myself married before that!
💕
👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿
You are very correct when you say that “Every decade brings a different you”. Everyone’s life journey is different and we must never rush the process
Exactly so my dear sis we should allow things to fall in place....don't force the process
Preach. I'm 37 and promised myself to not fall under pressure with expectations of what women should be doing at certain ages. Thank you for this video.
I’m 38, was engaged for 5 years and I didn’t want to leave an abusive marriage because of what society will say.
Eventually I left after he had beaten me 5 times, guessed what I’m doing so well, graduated from nursing School, bought a house and now 50% of my friends are divorced or about to divorce.
Aunty Funmi everything you said is so true.
Congratulations for getting out of this abusive relationship!
Amazing keepers,We need more information like this as they only give one sided information.
Whew! This is just what I needed to hear. I am 34, and I have my moments of wishing I was already married with children, but I have more learning and growing to do. I am in a much better place than in my 20's, but I want to do more traveling and possibly get my doctorate.
It's like you and I are mirror images of each other. I'm 34, thinking about traveling more and getting my doctorate. Those moments can get lonely but it usually offsets with personal achievement and self growth. I've been solo-adventuring of late and I find myself happy doing things I was scared to do because I didn't want to be alone. Sending you spiritual hugs.
Let me join the club. 32 back in college. Going to travel so more on breaks, and I think I want to die with a PhD in my name. lol
Do it!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ditto Fumi, my husband and I got married in our twenties way too early and after twenty six years with grown children and it’s our time to travel and enjoy the rest of our life together my husband wants to find himself and left the marriage. It’s unfortunate but life goes on and I’m living my best life, I’m truly enjoying single life. We didn’t know what we were doing at that age so it was difficult and hard work but I wanted it to last never saw the end coming. I agree with you to enjoy your twenties and thirties learning about yourself and with that experience you can enter in the marriage more prepared matured and mentally settled. Thanks for having great content, it will definitely help our younger sisters. Luv you Fumi, god bless and keep you safe…
Awww that sucks... My husband and I got married me at 22 and him at 21 we now we're 38 & 37. I enjoy being married but it isn't without struggle. I want to see it last to the end but it's so unfortunate many people, especially ,young people don't see the value in marriage anymore. We have 5 kids so we do get lost in raising them so date life are slim. My question to you is out of all the years you' been married and all the knowledge you gain (good &bad) what's your advice to someone else.
@@candicedarbyfox7524raising five children gives you less time to spend with hubby, make hubby priority so he doesn’t feel left out…communication listening and understanding is so important and always remember men are visual creatures make sure to keep yourself looking sexy and keep your romantic time together sexy and beautiful…date night is a must to keep the spark alive. You don’t have to leave your home to have a date night your bedroom is a great place for that. When arguments occurs don’t ever go to bed mad at each other work it out. I wish you all the best my sista make it work and stay alert…
Thank you for this. I’m thirty and constantly feel like an absolute failure for not being settled down and found mr. Right yet. I’ve been taking care of my elderly parents while also trying to look for a job (just moved to a new area as well)… it’s been incredibly lonely but all I know is that mr. Right will come in when it makes sense. Thank you for this- you’re always a salve to my mental wounds I do to myself. love you!
I'm 30 as well, my career is going no where (for now), fortunately I have no kids and still figuring out how my finance will do. I made an intentional decision to trust God, have beer whenever I can and enjoy "THIS IS THIRTY" it only comes once sis. While you still got breath to breathe, you are no where near a failure. You are alive, can breathe and have full function of your body, that is a blessing and a currency for others who cannot afford now thanks to the pandemic and dying people in hospices who would do anything to be healthy again. God is not done with you yet, God bless you and have a great day ahead.
@@porschenator great comment!
oh your are nowhere near a failure. you're caring for your parents. so many at any age would've walked away from that. i'm sure that can be a task. I'm 41 & have been single for yearrrrs 😅 so I do understand the loneliness. But your Mr. Right for YOU will come in God's timing. Take this time to enjoy getting to know the new area where you've moved. You never know who ya may run into 😉
@@porschenator well said. the currency of health is priceless!! And I look back at my 30's & can honestly say I enjoyed myself and am so grateful
You are incredible for taking care of your elderly parents. I know you will be exhausted and cranky at times because it’s a lot of stress, so remember to take care of yourself. Your parents did not raise a failure, they raised a thoughtful loving person. Good luck with your job search!
I am in my 30s and my Mr is 5yrs older and we are settling down soon, he has been such a blessing.
We plan to be child-free (despite what society expects...especially as Africans) and just love and grow together. We are content just it being the 2 of us in life.
I am so happy I never settled down in my 20s because I know for a fact I would be getting a divorce lol.
Happy for you. Glad you are doing what works for you and not abiding by the rules African society has. I'm South African and I know the expectations many Africans have.
I'm 28 and had I got married prior, I'd have probably been divorced. For no good reason.
Preach sis! Every single word is true. Sincerely, a late bloomer who birthed her only child at 38.
Hi Fumi,
When I was 10 years old, I use to listen to these four older ladies discussing their marriage and how unhappy they were. They regretted not taking the time to discover themselves and to explore what life had to offer before getting married and raising a family. They went from their parents’ home to their husbands’ home without a gap period for self-assessment and discovery.
I now listen to my female friends in their 50’s and 60’s having those same conversation and regrets. They are experiencing great depression and regrets because they got married in their early 20’s. I often hear them saying that they love their kids, but wished they had taken the time to find a better suitor for a husband. I feel their pain but can only offer words of encouragement.
Marriage should not be taken lightly or be rushed into for the sake of keeping up with the “Jones.” It should be a life-time commitment that brings peace of mind, love, happiness, and respect.
Yess.. I liked before I even watched the full video....cause I know what you're bringing Fumi, is amazing. I love listening to you. All the best ❤❤.. PS: Got married at 35 and I'm happily married to my Mr Awesome 🙏🏾❤.
Me too! I met my now husband at 34 married at 35
Me too! I always do!
Married at 35 too. Happily married 3 years now 😁
Me toooooo
I just turned 30 in November, I honestly do not see the need for the pressure. I'm currently in the wilderness, it has taught me to really be observant and realise how the secular world works vs God's own timeline and will. I've recently heard a prophetic word regarding Rebecca and Ruth in the bible, how they were about THIER BUSINESS and because of that, that's how they were able to meet their helpmate. That was enough for me to remember that GOD'S TIMING IS NEVER LATE BUT ON TIME.
I think its so important to enjoy this alone time as it is merely a season and it is not forever. I choose to embrace it, if I need human company, I see them briefly then back to my sanctuary. The best thing you can do for yourself is to switch off from the worldly pressures and be about your own business. Thank you for your video, it is what I needed.
Amen!
Such good advice. I married at 20 was divorced after 16yrs married. I did have all my children with him no regrets there as we stayed active in our children's lives. But I'm 52 and still single now and happily. Marriage is definitely work. No woman should feel rushed ever. Find a man who makes your life better not cause concerns. Enjoy living
Yes, Fumi! I had my first (and only) child at age 37. I can honestly say I enjoyed raising her and being with her more because I was more mature and more ready to enjoy having a baby. She is at University now and I wouldn't change a thing even if I could!
I love your new intro; she's a confident girl with a strut to die for.
Right, I had to play it again
Me too, she reminds me of my sassy self😂😂
Yesssss I was so happy to see the strut back. Used to be in her earlier videos and I loved it
Aunty Fumi , God bless you for what you are doing for we the very younger girls. I am only 25 and most of my friends are getting married and having babies and at a point I felt like I didn't know what I was doing with my life. You just made me realise I got a lot of work to do on myself first, thank you mama
Please say that again,same experience here.But Thank God for having Mama.
I’m in my late 30s and don’t envy some friends who got married right after college (many for the wrong reasons). Several are now divorced.
You don't have to do anything in your life other than take care of your bills/priorities and ENJOY YOURSELF. Comparing ourselves to others is the fastest way to depression
Listen to Benjamin Zulu too. Don't dare dear
I'm 38, almost 39. I got married a week before my 32nd birthday and I'm here to tell you that auntie is right about all of it! lol! I was married before in my 20s and that ended quickly. Some can be successful at marriage so young but not many. Even getting married in my 30s...I had only begun to unravel traumas, past hurts, & who I really was. I am grateful for my husband as we are growing together and allowed space for one another to grow in patience and love and discovering our individual purpose. We're celebrating 7 years married w/ 3 little ones (twins in there) and I'm telling you...auntie Fumi is right about all of it. Stay blessed ladies and live out your God given purpose on this earth. ❤️❤️❤️
I wear no makeup ever, but I come back over and over for the life lessons and wisdom.
I'm 35, single with no kid. I feel like I have been feeling depressed and under pressure from family members to get married since I was 25. I do want to get married and have a family but I haven't found any one I like. I feel like as you get to your 30s the dating pool gets smaller and smaller. It can be such a lonely situation to be in. I'm still learning to love myself sometimes I feel like it's too late for me.
İts not too late and never late..one secret is always look good take care of ur body...me i reject alot of guys and men..i choose who i want..am 36 and i look 29...i am always happy and its now im hot..
I love love this episode and absolutely agree with you on EVERYTHING. I hope ladies that are in their 30’s wanting and itching to get married would listen. Everything you experienced happened to me. I got married at 38 to an amazing man who loves and cherish me like no other. I’m so glad I didn’t rush myself into marriage or listening to my family.
We have a little daughter who is amazing, beautiful, intelligent, confident and smart. Her teachers tells me all the time, how she is confident and super friendly. She always says your daughter is beautiful inside and out and I can tell she comes from a well loved home.
The only advice I will add to this is please please ladies, if you are in a position of FREEZING YOUR EGGS your please do so, that way, you can take your time and wait for the right man without rushing into marriage of the fear of maybe having fertility problem. Good luck to you all and Fumi thank you for your amazing and always loving and thoughtful message. We all love you ❤️❤️❤️
Hello Auntie Fumi! I got married at age 35. Getting married in my 20s to the bio dad of my children would have had me divorced in my 30s. My husband is 14 years older than me and exactly what my sons needed to see in a male role model. There's always hope and putting a time limit on yourself hurts you. It is coming in its correct time. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for not settling either.
I am 32,will be 33 in a couple of months, and I honestly doubt I will ever "feel ready" for marriage or motherhood. I have seen so many cases of bad marriages, and grossly disfunctional families, that I really think it may not be worth the risk.
Don't discount love and marriage. If you get it right, it's a beautiful thing. I got married at 33, had a son 8 years later. Here I am 18 years later with a wonderful life with my family.
Fumi is right, don't rush it, it will come...if you want it. In the meantime, live joyfully! All the best🥰
Same...and I'm TIRED of being asked when I'm going to !
Don't live in fear; but, there is nothing that says you must go the route of wife and mom. It's lots of women just trying to survive because they chose wife and mom as their path. There are beautiful women with beautiful lives full of joy without wife/kids. Get best friends, find your true inner passions, get some hobbies, explore your dream career!
Don't discount a hugh decision and life changing experience based on other people's nonsense.
You are not them, your partner is not them, therefore your marriage & your children are unique.
@@charmingceekay7209 thank you, this message is for me as well 🥰❤️
I am single and reaching my 30s lotss of pressure to marry because everyone in the family is married. I have decided to be childfree for personal reason. The only thing I hope is to find a life long partner and enjoy our time together until we leave this earth.
Thanks Auntie Fumi. I've been so depressed these past 2 weeeks abt turning 40 in a month. Feeling like a failure. This has really helped me and resstored life and perspective for me to keep on living, and expectant. God bless you.🌷❤️
trust me, you're not alone! just stay positive.
God bless
Thank you Fumi! I became an adoptive mother at 47. I felt the social pressure for sure and the isolation in my 30s. Everything you said is 100% truth. I can give so much more to my son, the guidance, the foundation, the stability, because I have lived. Trust in divine timing and let society say what it will. Much love to you and all the Fumination xoxo
I got married a day after my 34th birthday! As long as your of legal age what ever age you marry don’t matter! I’m glad I got married in my mid 30’s! I was way more mature then than I thought I was in my 20’s!
going by the stories you've shared on this channel the past few weeks, nobody should feel bad if they are not married at any age! LOOOOL but on a serious note, marriage is becoming less and less of a priority for more and more women. We are now more self sufficient and are in no hurry to rush into marriages. Good advice you are dishing out thanks
That's absolutely true
🙌🏽🙌🏽 yes this! the grass is not neccessarily greener on the other side
I, for one, have no plans of marrying..
There was a survey done showing around 30% of women who married knew that they are marrying the wrong man. So why do it? The most prevalent factors are: Societal and family pressure (that's what you're suppose to do), fear of being alone and biological clock ticking (wants children). These reasons are all reactive. If you cannot be proactive in deciding what's best for your life, how can you successfully handle marriage and children?
I had my son when I was 29. I didn't come into myself in my late 40's. I had a nervous breakdown in my 30's. Ppl develope in God's own timing. So I agree to disagree with you about when ppl develope. My and I had some rocky moments when he was young but he was a happy baby. And now he's older he's a happy well around young man.
I married in my twenties and this was one of my biggest mistakes. My divorce was finalized in the year 2019. I married just because everyone else was getting married.
"Every decade brings a different you" i love this statement. Thanks sis
I started dating my husband at 17 and married him at 24. This year we will be together for 30 years. We don’t have kids and I think that has made it easy- I think I would have crumbled under the stress of children! I think he would do his share but not me. You really have to know yourself and be ready!
I'm 73, never been married, and no problem had several proposal but I just didn't feel they were what I wanted. I experienced lots of pressure from everyone. I have a very good male friend for over 30 years and received pressure from my family to marry him, however, never want to marry him nor be inmate with him
I love how you put age in perspective. Now that I’m older I’d make a better wife now than I was at 21. I LOVE THIS! Thank You for this video, Fumi. I adore you.
I am 33 and happily single…. Living my best life…. Still trying to figure out best career that serve me. I know one day 2 kids and partner I deserved will come no pressure.
Thank you for your honesty & authenticity Fumi. True freedom is when you live your life based on your principles not on what the society dictates.
Yes girl yes🙋♀️😁😁 live your life based on your principles not on what society dictates .....
Age is just a number and I STRONGLY believe a woman needs to find herself and PURPOSE first before settling down hopefully when she finds the RIGHT ✅ man to support her VISION. Moreso, the SAD REALITY is that many women are married to the WRONG men and are unhappy. One thing for sure is that I am happy because I know God Almighty is NOT BOUND by TIME but BOUND by His WORDS and this STRENGTHENS me! 🙂🙂🙂🙂😊😊😊😊
Amen
This was a lovely but sobering video. I am 40, and I am believing God that I will still get married and have children of my own. But your video makes me think that I didn't fully maximize having fun and enjoying life in my 30's. I don't know what to do with all the wisdom you shared here. All I can do is just present my request to the Lord and ask that He have mercy on me, and that He give me the character to be the kind of wife and mom that I want to be after watching this video. Thank you, Fumi, for such an authentic and eye-opening commentary on marriage and parenting. It's very rare to hear anyone talk with such candor and conviction about this.
I'm 35 going 36, I really needed to hear words aunty funmi, believe me here in Africa,Nigeria precisely, it quite overwhelming when you have all your friends married with kids, sister's too.
Got pregnant recently, and my boyfriend took a walk, lost my baby amis stress, work,depression, anxiety and all.
I'm trying to heal, my family helping.. I know I'll be fine.
Your words were really the good truth my heart needed.
Before you jump in know yourself, love yourself and know who you wanna walk that aisle with
Is it too much to ask for a compatible loving partner? Dating is a dumpster fire. I'm in my early 30s, still working through childhood trauma, and just can't be bothered most of the time.
I love your transparency and wisdom.
I am dealing with this now. And I have a sibling that loves me, but is petty and gets a kick out of rubbing it in my face. Even though I am comfortable with my stage, I was wondering if I made a mistake not pursuing marriage sooner. I appreciate this confirmation.
U go girl!
Yes, @Fumi Desalu-Vold. I love that you honor Adrian's desire to be off the camera. Children's privacy should be honored as they see fit. Thank you for all this wonderful advice, as always!
Love the beat fumi, u come through every time.
Fumi I cannot agree with u more on this subject. All u stated were facts...I got married at 27, not knowing who I was, what I wanted to be career wise, was totally blurred of my future...it created resentment, I felt lost, my marriage was challenging for the most part. Now ten years later I've grown to be mature, im loving myself and my husband, appreciated every trial because the lessons I've learnt taught me to become a better individual. Even though I still have goals to achieve the journey has been absolutely fabulous.
Ladies I encourage u to enjoy your 20s and 30s being single if u are. Get an education, learn of yourself, date...get to know people, travel and just have fun.
Turning 31 on the 18th of January and not married,am getting irritated about people asking me when am getting married.
Love from 🇿🇲
Don't mind them at all. I'll be 31 in March. We are in this together. 🇿🇲
Your answer can now be...'when I'm ready'. No more no less :)
31 gang, same boat 🇿🇲
Needed to hear this. Thanks for speaking on this topic. I am grateful that you are so open with your story. As a woman entering her 30s it can be very scary when you look around and feel like you are behind. I love you forever Fumi ❤️
Your story is a beautiful one. I hope all the gals out there take Fumi’s advice to heart but apply it accordingly with their own lives, her experience is an exceptional rare one, especially with giving birth to a healthy baby at the age she did. Let’s not forget that she’s physically blessed with extraordinary beauty that is quite rare. Let’s keep it real ladies.
In other words, what are you saying?
@@ChidinmajenniferAkunyili I’m saying good for Fumi that she was able to have her cake and eat it too but she’s also a supermodel with extraordinary beauty, which is a huge advantage. I love her positive message and it worked out for her. I think we just need to be realistic that just because it worked out for her doesn’t mean it will for everybody.
Thank you Fumi for your wise counsels. Many women have been messed up based on this issue of marriage especially in our African setting and Nigeria in particular. Women view marriage as a means to an end such that even the very brilliant ones in school discard their certificate just to get married and start having babies, then when the going gets tough and their partner is abusive, they stay put because they cannot survive on their own without the man; And because of what people will say, they pretend that all is well while suffering in silence. The institution of marriage does not look enticing anymore because those who went into it in a rush have failed the rest of us. Women please discover and develop yourselves and stop seeing men as a means to an end. Our world would be better if women can contribute more meaningfully aside from just pumping out babies. Many children and youth are damaged today because they were equally raised by damaged parents. Love you plenty Fumi for speaking on this matter. Please continue saying it until it sink in.
I am so glad I found you. I am in your age group and when I tell you, you’re such an inspiration, please believe me. When I watch your videos, I give them my undivided attention because I know you’re bringing the knowledge and TRUTH. I love you and thank you for your transparency ❤️
There's a saying I used to hear a lot in my early 20s: "Don't let the calendar month end on you." Meaning after 30/31 you are no longer desirable. Now in my early thirties, the pressure is supercharged. Thank you for the refreshing perspective, Fumi !!!
What a horrible saying. I’m glad I never heard that in my 30’s I already had enough problems LOL.
I have never heard this expression. My mother tongue is French and we have expression about getting old and regrets but I really can’t recall anything close to “don’t let the calendar month end of you”.. how rude. Everything Fumi said is true. Before turning 30 I was married, divorced and a single mom. Do not succumb to pressure, it is important to take time to get to know someone and to chose the right person to get married, to have a baby with and build a family with.. to do everything with lol. I am doing a great job, but there is nothing worst than being with the wrong person for you. It feels lonely and it is so bard on so many levels. I am so blessed to have my family by my side. I wish you all the best for you to find what you need or to be found! All these videos and tips are very motivating.
@@ginad9935 Thank you for sharing your story and the well wishes. My background is Haitian. 🇭🇹 Haitian Creole is loosely related to French.
I appreciate the words of wisdom. A word is enough for the wise.
@@nancinew8288 😂😂😅
I totally agree! Thank you for this because sometimes I feel like I’m behind, but I know that I have made the best decisions for me.
I don’t feel bad about not being married or having kids at 32. But as much as people bring it up I’m like should I? I have things I want to do before settling down. Like getting my business launched. I don’t think it’s that big a deal. I feel like if you live in a big city no one really cares.
Auntie Fumi speaking allll facts!!! 💯💜💥Life isn't a competition!! Talked about this with some of my younger cousins, specifically 1 who's a true spoiled brat & 1 who has a fur baby 🙄I said exactly as you Fumi: THE OLD LIFE IS GOOOONE!! 😅 They thought it harsh when I said the puppy can go to the kennel, but marriage & children DO NOT work like that! Yes the pregnancy, child birth & wedding day are beautiful & a blessing, but then there's the rest of your life. It's not this picture perfect walk in the park as society & social media make it appear. The maturity, patience & work is no joke. This is in general, not to mention things if your child has disability or spouse becomes ill. Sadly I know too many ladies who married bc of age or family pressure & they're either unhappy or divorced. And tbh a few are bc they truly weren't ready to settle down or had their own emotional health issues.
Happy & Prosperous 2022 to you & your family Fumi!! Your wisdom and transparency is helping so many ladies across the globe! 🥰😘
Ladies…FUMI & I are the same age! She is CORRECT!!!! Please listen to her & make sure you are fully prepared BEFORE YOU GO into life changes. ❤️
Marriage is a great institution. It's not easy but worth the effort when you have the right partner. I got married 3 months before my 37th birthday, I'm now 57. I had a hysterectomy a year later - no children. I'm not put off by divorce, I would do it again tomorrow if I found the right person. I agree with you Fumi 100%.
I gave birth to my first born when I was 23. And coming to think about it , I was not even aware of myself. I wish I gave myself time to grow up just a little bit. I am now 31 and am a different person. Yes Fumi, new decade, new person.
It was my 39th birthday on the day you posted this. All up to that I'd felt a dread and wondering if I'd made a mistake not ignoring some "minor" red flags in a man about 5 years ago. This video really reminded me that I didn't and that it's not too late for me. I know (and have known) that there is someone better for me and I'm open to him now. I agree about not knowing yourself as much and feel I'm ready and able to be a much less selfish wife and parent now. Thank you.
I’m 40, soon to be 41. I just passed my NCLEX (nursing boards) in November 2021. I have a 13 yr old son and I have no desire to be married. I feel like my life is now beginning. For the longest I felt like I have wasted my time. Now, I have an f it mind set. And start appreciating all the little blessings in my life. Thank you Fumi for your advice. I can’t tell you much you’ve helped me all these years. You are treasure to me🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰.
Congratulations on passing 🍾🎉🎊
This is timely. I'm 39. I turn 40 in April 2022... and I haven't found my love yet and I don't have kids (even though I want them) 😊 Personally I feel like if I got married in my 20s it would have been ssoooo bad 😬😬 30s I got to do things I never would have done with kids and husband. Now... ...where's he at? Haha 😄 🤣
Hang in there @Eva Berry he will come. Im turning 40 in March and your comment is a literal mirror of my life.
Big sister God bless you. You made me cry.... It's as if you were narrating what happened to me. Got Married to a Narcissist at the age of 27 ( We didn't date) ... Stayed 5 years before God bless us with a baby girl... despite the gift of a child to us, he was still wicked and inhuman to me and the child. Now God has blessed me with a Federal Job and I decided to call for a divorce cos I have been traumatized for ten years... All I was passing through my Mother is aware and she keeps telling me to remain in the marriage. He is pleading now, going through my mum... Sister is sooooo frustrating....
Fumi! I'm 30! I ain't worried about marriage! I'm still trying to figure out make up! I almost NEVER wear make up. Could you do a beginner's guide to make up. I don't understand all the different brushes and what they do and which one to use for what!?!?! Also layering! Do I use foundation or concealer first!? I'm clueless!
I am 60 not married . Originally from the Caribbean, when I used to go there my elders used to ask me when are they going to have champagne, meaning marriage. It used to crush my soul and I felt deficient. Than I looked at these married people, most unhappy. Now I am OK and working on ME. Loving ❤️ ME. GOD BLESS U.
I needed this so much. I broke up with my ex boyfriend a month before I turned 30. Although it was gut wrenching, I also felt relief. Thank you, Fumi for helping me reframe my 20s. I had been beating myself up for that relationship. You helped me see that my 20s were a time for mistakes. I’m now 33, super happy in my career, living in a new city, not dating again yet just enjoying myself. So again thank you for this confirmation and encouragement. I needed it more than you’ll ever know. ❤
Thanks for sharing Tiffany!! I’m glad you’re happy with your career. I’m 29 turning 30 this year and I can’t wait for the career opportunities and travel I wish to explore. I believe the right man would find you soon.
Absolutely Beautiful! Where can we purchase the Jacquelyn Hill Kit. I totally agree with the Words of Wisdom that you shared. I have been married for 32 years to my high school sweetheart. We waited 5 years before having children and enjoyed each other. Now all of our children are grown and it's like we are on a second never ending honeymoon. ❤
Fumi, thank you for using your platform to talk about this topic. As a 32-year-old Haitian woman, I constantly have to remind myself every day my worth is not defined by who I am attached to or what I owned. It's a competition in the community I am around. I have to admit I feel pressured at times. Seeing all the people around me rushing to get married. I am a single mom with 2 little boys. I pray one day I am in a healthy and happy marriage when God says it is time. Until then, I will continue to do inner work, take care of my boys, practice self-love/care, and pursue my degree. ❤
Hey Ami I am a 32 yo Haitian woman also and can relate. No kids yet, but I’m dating a man in a good field and my parents I feel are like hurry up. I feel like the social currency I get being with a man of his needs is giving me “clout” but at the same time I feel empty. I feel like I need to focus on myself also. It’s been becoming a bit codependent bc I’m putting more into him and the relationship than myself.
Hey Jessica, I see what you're saying. There is a Haitian wedding every weekend where I live 😩😄. I think it's good you're able to do some reflection on yourself. Sometimes, women, we give up on our dreams, goals and lose touch with who we are at times when we see get into relationships.@@glowupjess
Thank you Fumi, I’m 24 and I see all of my friends getting married and I always wonder why hasn’t my time come. After watching your video the truth of the matter is I’m not ready . I’m currently dating someone who isn’t worthy of me at all but letting go is my biggest issue now. That comes to show that I am not ready to embark on marriage as I think I am.
Fumi gal, are you writing? If not, you are sitting on gold!!! You have powerful ideas that benefit so many people. Do it, gal!!!!!
The next Oprah for sure!!! Love you Fumi! ❤️🔥
Marriage is not held by love but by Knowledge.
Many where inlove before they divorced, so love does not keep marriage but knowledge.
What! You didn't have foundation on before? I'M SHOCKED! your skin is peau d'ébene as we say in French and dead gorgeous. Can you please drop a face skincare routine? Love your channel 😘😘😘
Fumi, you are one of a kind!🥰
I listened to you "word for word" and it all made sense!.💃
I am a Nigerian, and i celebrated my 30th birthday recently. I was pressured to get married😥, after my 25th birthday. It was so difficult and frustrating. 😩
But recently, I've consciously taken a break to discover myself and be happy with my life.🤓🥳🥰
Listening to your episodes has also helped me greatly. Thank you so much for your sincerity 🤗🥰🙏💝🥂
Thank you for the video, Fumi. When I got to 30 years, I suddenly felt I needed to have certain things now and it affected me for some time. But I am determined to not settle for what I don't want, so I will wait.
I am almost there and I am a bit frustrated for nothing has fallen to play in my life. I feel tired and I honestly don't know what the essence of all this is. I am not saying that for pity, I am just tired of applying jobs, living beneath, trying business and failing. Totally sucks. I'm being asked to go for a nursing course, I honestly don't have the strength, passion or energy.
What's life though?
This was me a few months ago, I honestly lost passion for everything. Reading my bible, listening to praise music, surrounding myself with beautiful people and things that inspire me, helped tremendously. I pray that your light is reignited. There's joy in the other side of your struggle.
@@loribee858 I've done that my whole life. Now I am just letting it go... Whatever happens happens
Keep going.
You are alive .It would get better I promise.
Hugs! Try not to put pressure on yourself !
You are my auntie in my head and this video came RIGHT on time. I turn 30 in April and I've been heavily focused on dating but I can hear God tell me: "Wait on me and the right time". Let me get back to my passions, businesses, and life overall. He will come at the right time. Love you Auntie Fumi.
I need this so much And this give me tears of joy. I will be 33 this year and I don’t think I would change my mind about dating again. However I need this break to learn what I did wrong. I think the most high for putting you in my life. You have been a blessing to me. Your more then just the normal TH-camr. You are a pillar of the community. I hope we give you your flowers, now. Love for nc 💕
Thank you Fumi. I needed this reminder this morning. As a mid thirties single woman it sometimes get tough. 🤗🤗🥂🙌🏾
Okay…this is my last comment! 😂🤣😂FUMI…I AM GOING TO GIVE THIS TO EVERY YOUNG WOMAN I CAN FIND AND TO YOUNG MEN!!!! This is a 💎!!! I just wish I could tell you personally how much I appreciate this.
Another piece of "golden advise" ... KNOW THE MAN that you choose to marry. That is why we, women, need to take our time and not let age rush our choices. Look beyond the appearance, the lust, the sex and what we WANT but deep into the man and his character and what we NEED. Will he be a person who can transition with you from dating to marriage to parenthood to lifelong partnership. Fumi, you truly nailed it again when it comes to women and choices we make. If only I knew then, what I know now (sigh) ..... even then, hearing it from Fumi now, puts everything into perspective. Thank you Fumi and love you 💞
Wow aunt fumi. Your advice certainly hits close to home. I wasn't one of those who married her high school sweet heart at 18. I attended one of my best friend's wedding around that age and guess what she's divorced from that guy and on marriage #2 . I worked, traveled and gained life experience. I felt ready for marriage and motherhood at 35. It did happen and my husband was very loving and a great father but unfortunately he had lots of health issues that made our marriage difficult. He passed away earlier this year so I find myself a single and widowed mom at 39yrs. As you said, parenting is so much harder when you are on a team. My son misses his dad a lot but I wasn't ready for his health issues. Just taking my time because I know myself better after having a baby and losing a husband by age 40. Keep the content coming. Love it .
Everything single thing you said is spot on. It is so important to have this information as young women. I learned this the hard way.
👏👏👏 so true! As someone who got married to a wonderful man at 29 I still felt like I needed more time! Cos all I did was schoooooooool then marriage! No time to personally get to know myself. We are going strong but I will really encourage my children to wait to marry in their mid 30s!
I get you
Fumi....you hit the nail on the head...when the child is in an environment full of all the things they need, love, joy, attention etc. The child thrives more!! And. ..when mommy and daddy truly love each other, the raising of that child is much more productive and successful!!! When there's chaos, no growth and nurture.
Auntie Fuji, I love you ! Agree with your advices. I’m 30 this year, where I’m came from, women married in their 20s, I felt I was lacking just because I didn’t have boyfriend or partner. But now I realised my life should not limited to marriage only, there’s a lot things I can do for myself and I accept the fact I may not get married at all and that’s okay..now I’m loving myself more as I choose myself more
You are the sweetest lady I feel to cry , in my 40s and have made so many mistakes
But god always blessing me
I love you for being open and honest I had my daughter at 32 I thought that was old her father and I separated and recently got back together in our fiftes I now realize I was not ready then I thought something was wrong with me now I have maturity knowing marriage is hard work love patience have understanding he is perfect for me thank you for making me feel ok about it
THE MAKEUP CAME OUT REALLY BEAUTIFUL AND THERE IS SO MUCH SENSE IN EVERYTHING YOU SAID
Fumi you’re so right if I had my kids when I was younger I would have not been the mom I am and the wife as well. You need patience and you need to know who you really are. Fumi I enjoyed my single life a lot and I don’t miss it at all. Marriage requires work and a deaf ear lol.
Both spouses are loving one another and help developing each other
Aunty Fumi, I'm gonna be 29 in July. I'm glad I let go off that pressure years ago & u were a part of that. Stay blessed. Love from the Gambia 😍😍😍❤❤❤😘😘
I made 30 years in July this year,,,, not in a relationship yet..
Started dating at 24 years after my diploma in clinical medicine and ended up in toxic relationships ....
Now focused on finding myself and finishing my Bachelor degree in Medicine and Surgery...and God willing, I will be a medical doctor next year in December....
After school,,,I want to travel the universe 🥱 🥱
30 , single and loving it 🥰
Much Love Fumi...I just turned 35 last week and there's so much pressure from everywhere that i feel that something is seriously wrong with me. Have this deep dark Scar on my face that I feel maybe that's the reason i'm still Single..been also told that might be the reason I can't find a husband. I've had it for like 25 years ,got an accident when I was playing and it was deep cut. This has affected my self esteem, confidence and it hurts when people make fun of it... just wish i had a clear face. The scar also cost me career wise...trained as an inflight Attendant but was turned down from interviews several times. It's depressing 😓
Really need someone to talk to.
I'm 27, still have 3 years b4 my family starts asking questions lucky for me ,I'm mentally prepared.thanks to you.highly appreciated 🙏
Same age here 😀
Aunty Fumi, Am 33yrs going to 34yrs by next month February. Co-workers, Family and some friends are trying to pressurize me into marriage. Some are even trying to make a choice for me. Meanwhile I know what I want and am yet to find that person. So I will wait till he comes
To talk it out is always the right way
I wish I had seen this video a year and half ago, I promise I wouldn’t have rushed into my marriage. My husband is a great man, very gentle and kind, but after I married him, I realized I only liked him and not love..now I feel very bad when I feel like breaking the news to him. 😢 but I’m dying slowly cos I’m not in love.
Hello love! Thanks for your wisdom. I'm in late 30s and desire to be married and have kids. However I will not settle or rush. ❤❤❤
I enjoy seeing you giggle as your husband exit the room. It's heartwarming 🥰
Thank you very much Mama. Your teachings have really been very helpful. I am 33 now. Never was I depressed at my twenties. But this thirties is really something else. I am grateful to God I found you cos I don't know what it would have been
You’re like a breath of fresh air I love watching you , I’m 25 and I’m excited for my 30’s sometimes I beat myself up I feel like everything is suppose to be together right now , marriage, kids , career I need to learn to be more patient with myself , can you do more Vlogs Fumi? I would also love if you have some advice on anxiety and fear of the future , how do I learn to be happy in the present ? Love you so much ! Thankyou for being you
I never usually comment on TH-cam vids, but this one was right on time. RIGHT ON TIME. I’ve been a loyal viewer since I stumbled upon your content last year, Aunty Fumi, and - like so many others - I want to thank you for so generously sharing your wisdom with all of us, particularly a younger generation of women.
We all need reminders to do everything at our own pace and in our own time.
** Saving this video to keep coming back to. **
All my love, gratitude, appreciation and warmth.
💕💕💕💕