Speaking or signing with CODAs? Deaf parents, Julie and Joey, discuss their experience raising three CODAs, their concerns and what worked for their family. Video: Julie and Joey are sitting side by side on a sofa with shelves and a window behind them, signing their story. Transcript: Joey: Hi, I’m Joey. Julie: I’m Julie. Joey: We have three beautiful CODA children. Julie: Our oldest is a boy, who was born 21 years ago - Joey: Our second and third are girls. The two oldest are away at college, while the youngest is still in high school. Julie: When our oldest was born and we found out he was hearing, do you remember our reactions? Joey: I remember the first and most important thing was that he was healthy. Then I remember us wondering how we should communicate with him - yes, I know, sign, of course - but should I speak? I had grown up using total communication and the importance of this had been drilled into me, so I was kind of trying to figure out if I should do that with him, but - Julie: I came from a hearing family, so there was that bit of uncertainty, but we agreed that the most important thing was that his first language must be sign - and I had to educate my family members about this. Joey: Personally, when I look back, I remember signing, but also using my voice every once in a while. I would slide back and forth between signing and speaking, not strictly sticking with one or the other - Julie: - but I also remember when he was five years old and starting kindergarten, he didn’t really speak much until then, so that means he relied on signing as his primary language when communicating with us. Joey: Right. All of our concerns and uncertainty were put to rest. He was fine. Then our second was born, and those two seemed to depend on each other for spoken communication - Julie: We realized that we had to sign more intentionally, because she had her older brother to talk with. They would be switching back and forth using two languages. Joey: Now, when our third child was born, it was more of the same thing, with the three of them talking to each other using spoken language. We kept signing to all of them while they were growing up and it all worked out. Looking back, we do have a few things to share, like… Julie: Some people would ask or suggest to us that if we spoke or signed with our children, we should be firm about signing with them 100% of the time. Well, that’s really hard. When it comes to parenting, there are so many different ways to do things. For example, I can’t tell you this is the best way or that’s not a good way - Joey: -- but one issue - the dining table. People have different ways of handling this, but we almost always had the five us together and we made it a rule that everyone sign at the table. Often - Julie: That’s right. During the day we let communication be natural and they could sign or speak, but at the dining table, everyone had to sign. Joey: I often noticed that there were times when Julie and I would be signing to each other and the children would be talking to each other. What we did then was to bring up a topic - Julie: -- something that was interesting - Joey: --and that would get everyone involved in the conversation, instead of us splitting into two separate conversations, with us signing and them speaking - Julie: If there was no topic brought up, the children admitted they preferred to speak, but that disconnected us, so we would come up with topics to catch their attention and get them involved in the conversation. That’s one of my favorite pastimes with our family, when we are all sitting together and talking. Joey: Also, when Julie’s large family - mostly hearing - come to visit and we are all sitting down together, our children are wonderful. They will naturally pick up the topic and sometimes start interpreting spontaneously, shifting easily between signing and speaking. This is because they grew up with us constantly emphasizing the importance of signing. That helped. Julie: Yes, so going back to the idea of the “best” way…looking back, I think that the key thing is building a trusting relationship with our children - we only have them with us for 18 years and then that’s it - so investing in this for 18 years will lead to amazing things. For example, there are hearing children with hearing parents, whose relationships are not that great, and even Deaf children with Deaf parents, who have all the perks of full communication access, but who still don’t have the best communication with each other. So, I think if the relationship between the children and parents is strong and good, the children will naturally sign. Joey: Spending time sitting down and talking - it’s not all about the signing - but about talking with your children - that’s what helps the relationship develop. When the children’s friends would often come to our house, we’d go up to them to say hello and introduce ourselves. This helped the children feel comfortable inviting their friends here and we were able to build relationships with everyone. We really have great relationships with our children. Julie: Yes, they belong to both worlds. They are “bridges”, part of CODA world. Joey: Good luck to you, there are so many different ways of raising CODAs. Julie: Last, but not least, parenting is probably the hardest job I’ve ever done in my life. With hearing and Deaf child-parent relationships, you have to think of many other things besides communication, relationships and signing, but also so many other things. Joey: CODAs rock! Julie: (thumbs up)
I love that part sitting together at the table .. throw any topic and engage each other. Amazing part that I never thought. 👌🏼😉
Speaking or signing with CODAs? Deaf parents, Julie and Joey, discuss their experience raising three CODAs, their concerns and what worked for their family.
Video: Julie and Joey are sitting side by side on a sofa with shelves and a window behind them, signing their story.
Transcript:
Joey: Hi, I’m Joey.
Julie: I’m Julie.
Joey: We have three beautiful CODA children.
Julie: Our oldest is a boy, who was born 21 years ago -
Joey: Our second and third are girls. The two oldest are away at college, while the youngest is still in high school.
Julie: When our oldest was born and we found out he was hearing, do you remember our reactions?
Joey: I remember the first and most important thing was that he was healthy. Then I remember us wondering how we should communicate with him - yes, I know, sign, of course - but should I speak? I had grown up using total communication and the importance of this had been drilled into me, so I was kind of trying to figure out if I should do that with him, but -
Julie: I came from a hearing family, so there was that bit of uncertainty, but we agreed that the most important thing was that his first language must be sign - and I had to educate my family members about this.
Joey: Personally, when I look back, I remember signing, but also using my voice every once in a while. I would slide back and forth between signing and speaking, not strictly sticking with one or the other -
Julie: - but I also remember when he was five years old and starting kindergarten, he didn’t really speak much until then, so that means he relied on signing as his primary language when communicating with us.
Joey: Right. All of our concerns and uncertainty were put to rest. He was fine. Then our second was born, and those two seemed to depend on each other for spoken communication -
Julie: We realized that we had to sign more intentionally, because she had her older brother to talk with. They would be switching back and forth using two languages.
Joey: Now, when our third child was born, it was more of the same thing, with the three of them talking to each other using spoken language. We kept signing to all of them while they were growing up and it all worked out. Looking back, we do have a few things to share, like…
Julie: Some people would ask or suggest to us that if we spoke or signed with our children, we should be firm about signing with them 100% of the time. Well, that’s really hard. When it comes to parenting, there are so many different ways to do things. For example, I can’t tell you this is the best way or that’s not a good way -
Joey: -- but one issue - the dining table. People have different ways of handling this, but we almost always had the five us together and we made it a rule that everyone sign at the table. Often -
Julie: That’s right. During the day we let communication be natural and they could sign or speak, but at the dining table, everyone had to sign.
Joey: I often noticed that there were times when Julie and I would be signing to each other and the children would be talking to each other. What we did then was to bring up a topic -
Julie: -- something that was interesting -
Joey: --and that would get everyone involved in the conversation, instead of us splitting into two separate conversations, with us signing and them speaking -
Julie: If there was no topic brought up, the children admitted they preferred to speak, but that disconnected us, so we would come up with topics to catch their attention and get them involved in the conversation. That’s one of my favorite pastimes with our family, when we are all sitting together and talking.
Joey: Also, when Julie’s large family - mostly hearing - come to visit and we are all sitting down together, our children are wonderful. They will naturally pick up the topic and sometimes start interpreting spontaneously, shifting easily between signing and speaking. This is because they grew up with us constantly emphasizing the importance of signing. That helped.
Julie: Yes, so going back to the idea of the “best” way…looking back, I think that the key thing is building a trusting relationship with our children - we only have them with us for 18 years and then that’s it - so investing in this for 18 years will lead to amazing things. For example, there are hearing children with hearing parents, whose relationships are not that great, and even Deaf children with Deaf parents, who have all the perks of full communication access, but who still don’t have the best communication with each other. So, I think if the relationship between the children and parents is strong and good, the children will naturally sign.
Joey: Spending time sitting down and talking - it’s not all about the signing - but about talking with your children - that’s what helps the relationship develop. When the children’s friends would often come to our house, we’d go up to them to say hello and introduce ourselves. This helped the children feel comfortable inviting their friends here and we were able to build relationships with everyone. We really have great relationships with our children.
Julie: Yes, they belong to both worlds. They are “bridges”, part of CODA world.
Joey: Good luck to you, there are so many different ways of raising CODAs.
Julie: Last, but not least, parenting is probably the hardest job I’ve ever done in my life. With hearing and Deaf child-parent relationships, you have to think of many other things besides communication, relationships and signing, but also so many other things.
Joey: CODAs rock!
Julie: (thumbs up)
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