I had an aunt who suffered a lot throughout her life. She eventually 'lost her mind' and used to talk to all these people who had wronged her, when they were not physically present around her. Better do that when you're still in control, I guess.
Been doing this since I was young. It was a natural way for me to cope as an emotional and sensitive kid. I thought I was just crazy. Turns out, my mind just knows how to help itself.
@brendamandrak2863 Definitely. Everything is connected in the mind/body complex. It helps me to remember this by thinking of the heart as a physical organ that pumps blood but also as a symbol of the thing in us that feels emotions. If we are emotionally and psychologically sad, for example, this will affect how the organ pumps blood. I have spent about 40 of my 60 years trying to unlock the doors in me that I closed to survive my terrible childhood. I have worked long and hard to get to happy, and much of it involved finding and facing the truth of my own heart about my past. Good luck to you, and take care. 💚
I do it to all things in my house, mirrors, showers, looking outside the window, doing the dishes. Much better than vomiting my thoughts onto an undeserving friend while waiting for therapy sessions. This helped me process an immense amount of stuff over the years
You lot must be wise beyond your years or I hate to say it but "old souls", there is a good chance I'm wrong and it's all just coincidence or happenstance. But I've experienced many (although in different ways) similar situations in my life.
I had to do this during my cognitive behavioural therapy a few years ago. I hated it, I always felt like an idiot when I spoke to an empty chair while my therapist watched. In the end, though, it always made me bring up a very important issue (and cry my eyes out)
@cezarycesary1133 Thank you for this comment. I, too, am having trouble doing empty chair role-playing with my therapist. I shall stick with it, even though I feel like a right idiot!
Ever since my mom... I dont want to use "passed away" but fell asleep 2-3 weeks ago so unbelievably fast here at home, despite that she was getting better (some say it may have been embolism) Ive been practicing this, without even knowing its therapy. To me she's here, just in a higher plane. When one knows one's own relatives or people or friends or acquaintances well enough, those who should be sitting or are sitting in that chair, one could be labelled ""crazy" for conversing with an empty chair and yet the answers and the dialogue per se is there... It may be a monologue to most but it is in fact a dialogue to us, who know well the person who should be sitting there. More importantly it does work, it does help and it has an incredible coping and transcendental effect. Thanks for shedding a light on this and informing more people about it. It DOES help.
I don't agree at all with the concept that "anger is a poison." Anger is a valid emotion like any other, and it's a very human emotion. It's also a valid feeling to have when you've been wronged, hurt, traumatized, etc. It's not a poison, it's a part of being human. If it's taking you years to "detox" from anger, it's likely because the root cause of your anger, the hurt behind it, is still unaddressed. Probably because you're being gaslit into thinkin anger is a bad emotion to have and should not feel it, and if you don't let yourself feel your anger and only focus on getting rid of it, then you're not going to heal the hurt behind the lingering anger.
@@Choshako I think you are right, but maybe what is meant is that unprocessed or repressed anger in us is poison. Like anger that goes in circles on and on and we don't know how to get out of it even when the abusive situation or the person are long gone. It only hurts us.
I don't know how you knew I NEEDED this, but thank you. I've been having flashbacks my unfair and painful childhood and so much hate and disgust have come back up the past few days... I'll try this 🙏🏽
Thank you The School of Life 🙌 I have been practicing what the school of life teaches me. An empty chair is creative idea of letting the rage and grief towards someone we can't even talk to.
My father purchased two chairs once on my recommendation and with this kinda therapy in mind. Can't afford privacy or space for the chairs but I've noticed this approach works well even for the homeless on park benches
'Anger is a poison, and to speak it is to drain it of its malevolent force...' This is such a gift! I understand that anger is a reaction to pain, fear or frustration, but I've not know how to release it this efficiently!
I use a 100lb punching bag downstairs in my garage to exert the anger. Sometimes, I say it out loud, and sometimes I say it internally. Both methods are healing. 💪 ❤
For my DID, this translates to the difference my alters feel when they get to come out into the real world and it makes a difference for our parts. This is why writing it down works too. It's like magic. It lets them get the thought out so they can let it finally pass by
This is so interesting, i dont talk to a chair but i start speaking out my issues with that person until itfeels like im talking to them. Its somehow eases my mind after it feels like i said what I have to say
Amazing! I made an agreement with myself when I was in elementary school. I state my position and feelings to people in my family regarding their unflattering and inappropriate behavior! I am not talking about little disagreements! I am referring to major ****** (
I visited my therapist literally 3 days ago when he did this, and now this is in my feed lol..and I've no idea how Okay so as I'm writing this I'll write a few more words too. If you're a people pleaser, you'd most likely end up listening to others complaints, and suppressing the side of yours. It took me a lot of courage for me to speak out something even if it were not the presence of the real person. Try this on your own if you think it'd benefit you, especially if you're a shy, inexpressive or a people pleaser of a person.
This is really good. Ive been doing it in several modalities. You can also do it by writing on a paper (and destroy it later). Also very similar to Pesso Boyden therapy.
Remember that you can partially disagree with someone e.g. you can say, "I need to think about that idea more before I can decide what I really think about it." Or, "There's something about that plan that I feel uneasy about but I'll get back to you later about the details." You have a right to delay your response.
2:16 I don't agree at all with the concept that "anger is a poison," nor that it's a "malevolent force." Emotions by themselves are not inherently evil or malevolent. Anger is a valid emotion like any other, and it's a very human emotion. It's also a valid feeling to have when you've been wronged, hurt, traumatized, etc. It's not a poison, it's a part of being human. Telling people that "anger is bad/poison/evil/etc" can be very harmful, it can send the wrong message that you are a bad person for feeling anger and/or still feeling anger over something that's happened to you. People need to be feel allowed and safe to feel their emotions to find the root of them, instead of being gaslit into feeling bad for having them and instead fixate on getting rid of any "bad" feelings they have. I myself tried for years to ignore, suppress, and get rid of my anger towards my abusive family, and not only did it not work in the slightest, it hindered my healing process AND made my anger and hatred for them grow. Once I finally let myself admit to myself what I was really feeling, and have a truly honest conversation with myself, I was able to see why exactly their behaviors hurt me so much and why it wasn't okay for me to be treated like that. I was finally able to begin healing. I NEVER would have been able to do any of that by continuing to label my feelings as bad, poisonous, malevolent, and so on. Anger is an indicator that something is wrong, just like pain, so you should not be telling people it's a bad thing.
I understood that he said that is a poison unless is comunicated. Of course it is not a poison per se. He knows that. Anger is signal of our boundry, or a mirror of our expetations. And can be other things too, can become poision too. If we ignore this signal.
The timing is insane. Thank you so much! Just started with this technique in therapy a few weeks ago. And I felt like a total dumbass not knowing what to say and how to deal with emotions that came up. I find it very difficult to stand up for myself against selfdestructive schemas - even in therapy. Time to remedy this evil pest! :D
For several years I have been using a mirror as my empty chair. I break my heart in front of it angrily shouting at the one who has damaged my emotions. I now know if ever I get the opportunity to be face to face with that betrayer I will speak calmly and factually and in a way that shows up their accountability for the harm they inflicted. My own injuries may never heal and may adversely affect the rest of my life but I have developed a deep and sincere empathy for others I hear about whose lives are ruined by injustice.
I absolutely love the concept of open chair therapy but in practice it simply didn't work for me. I just couldn't talk to an empty chair. I tried to imagine my mum sat there but as she died over 30 years ago it's just not possible to talk to her...because she's not there. I simply could imagine or visualise my mum or anyone else come to that. Unless someone was actually sat in the empty chair I'm never going be able to talk to them. And then if they were physically sat there I just wouldn't open up. Catch 22.
I always find it hard to determine whether to say something or to just sever ties with that person. I can’t tell if that’s just being scared and running away from confrontation but I guess the real answer is: I don’t want to deal with that person anymore.
When you realise you are ruminating and dwelling on past events stop and stand still. Then take a wide step to one side and visualise you are moving from the past into the future.
It can (can!) even work to switch chairs and be in the role of the other person giving me grief. Surely there is a risk of misinterpretation, but if it works, it can be great for understanding the other and making peace.
LAyesNaDiKU~u My Father&Mother died from the same disease and I’m snapping at them😂🤣🧠💯 Diagnosis of: Schizo-affective disorder with Sepsis is so 😆🖐️😅😁👋🖐️😂😂😂🫀🫁🧠💔❤️🩹🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊 There both in cremation 📚⚰️🌪️🌊🤣🤣🤣🤣😅
i really think deep about this and ask myself this question? if i have a connection friendship or relationship with someone but can not share my emotions with them and i force to do method like this why i even have to continue with them??? i think i should leave every single person in my life that they are neglecting me emotionally!
As a Carpenter and joiner I’ve repaired that chair 🪑 9 times 🪑 🔨 or threw it at the wall 😂 It does help like punching pillows when you have had enough. We do this to get it out of you then reflect on what you just did ! Good luck and good 🧠 health to all who are suffering in silence . “You will be liberated from Fear and doubt when you final realise” “NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU” you gotta fix it and do it yourself and that sucks huh but it’s 100-% true
Tried it.. New fear unlocked : unoccupied chairs Why does it seems so.. threatening? As if someone actually sits there.. i cant even "make eye contact" with the chair for too long. I'd keep blinking and keeping my eyes closed, or stare at my feet
@@kiddhkaneive done it and i can say it was incredibly helpful for me and my issues with my mother. Pseudo science does not mean it doesnt help the soul heal
@@g4mernick4 Exactly. It's like religion... we can't deny it has helped lots of people. So it's complicated. (and yes I'm the one who opened this "thread")
I will definitely talk to all the table chairs today!
preach
😂
😂 Funny
I hope it goes well, good luck on your journey.
🤭🤍✨
I had an aunt who suffered a lot throughout her life. She eventually 'lost her mind' and used to talk to all these people who had wronged her, when they were not physically present around her. Better do that when you're still in control, I guess.
how old was she when she lost it?
@@meryemsaffi7171 I think it was in her late 40s.
@@mubba91thats scary
Been doing this since I was young. It was a natural way for me to cope as an emotional and sensitive kid. I thought I was just crazy. Turns out, my mind just knows how to help itself.
Anger is not poison. Suppression is poison.
True that.
Agree. I have been silenced and it's obviously one of the causes of my physical illnesses.
@brendamandrak2863 Definitely. Everything is connected in the mind/body complex. It helps me to remember this by thinking of the heart as a physical organ that pumps blood but also as a symbol of the thing in us that feels emotions. If we are emotionally and psychologically sad, for example, this will affect how the organ pumps blood. I have spent about 40 of my 60 years trying to unlock the doors in me that I closed to survive my terrible childhood. I have worked long and hard to get to happy, and much of it involved finding and facing the truth of my own heart about my past. Good luck to you, and take care. 💚
100%. Anger is energy to act!!!!!!!
@@ievab.2001 I mean...
I do it to all things in my house, mirrors, showers, looking outside the window, doing the dishes. Much better than vomiting my thoughts onto an undeserving friend while waiting for therapy sessions. This helped me process an immense amount of stuff over the years
I need more chairs
😂😂😂😂😂
😂
😂😂😂
😂
I'm dead 💀 🤣 😂 😭 😩 😅
I've done this before without knowing
I feel proud of me
And striving for more amazing videos
Same. I have also fantasized that I am in a therapy room with the abuser. I think that's also helpful.
I'm proud of you too. 😊
@@longhairgetinthere thank you brother
Saame
You lot must be wise beyond your years or I hate to say it but "old souls", there is a good chance I'm wrong and it's all just coincidence or happenstance. But I've experienced many (although in different ways) similar situations in my life.
I did this once or twice, the idea came to me naturally. It was so therapeutic and it helped me significantly.
Same. I was just thinking about the idea but impulsively opened TH-cam and top recommendation. I
This is one of my favorite techniques, I also use it to converse with parts of myself. Great strat for people who don't connect with journaling
I had to do this during my cognitive behavioural therapy a few years ago. I hated it, I always felt like an idiot when I spoke to an empty chair while my therapist watched. In the end, though, it always made me bring up a very important issue (and cry my eyes out)
@cezarycesary1133 Thank you for this comment. I, too, am having trouble doing empty chair role-playing with my therapist. I shall stick with it, even though I feel like a right idiot!
@dotsgrey huh, I'm surprised it is not a part of CBT and that a lot of people mention Gestalt
Ever since my mom... I dont want to use "passed away" but fell asleep 2-3 weeks ago so unbelievably fast here at home, despite that she was getting better (some say it may have been embolism) Ive been practicing this, without even knowing its therapy. To me she's here, just in a higher plane. When one knows one's own relatives or people or friends or acquaintances well enough, those who should be sitting or are sitting in that chair, one could be labelled ""crazy" for conversing with an empty chair and yet the answers and the dialogue per se is there... It may be a monologue to most but it is in fact a dialogue to us, who know well the person who should be sitting there. More importantly it does work, it does help and it has an incredible coping and transcendental effect. Thanks for shedding a light on this and informing more people about it. It DOES help.
I did something similar to this to quit alcohol. I confronted my feelings about alcohol onto writing.
‘Anger is a poison’. Says it all. I’ve been trying to detox from my anger for years.
I don't agree at all with the concept that "anger is a poison." Anger is a valid emotion like any other, and it's a very human emotion. It's also a valid feeling to have when you've been wronged, hurt, traumatized, etc. It's not a poison, it's a part of being human. If it's taking you years to "detox" from anger, it's likely because the root cause of your anger, the hurt behind it, is still unaddressed. Probably because you're being gaslit into thinkin anger is a bad emotion to have and should not feel it, and if you don't let yourself feel your anger and only focus on getting rid of it, then you're not going to heal the hurt behind the lingering anger.
@@Choshako I think you are right, but maybe what is meant is that unprocessed or repressed anger in us is poison. Like anger that goes in circles on and on and we don't know how to get out of it even when the abusive situation or the person are long gone. It only hurts us.
I don't know how you knew I NEEDED this, but thank you. I've been having flashbacks my unfair and painful childhood and so much hate and disgust have come back up the past few days... I'll try this 🙏🏽
Thank you The School of Life 🙌 I have been practicing what the school of life teaches me. An empty chair is creative idea of letting the rage and grief towards someone we can't even talk to.
My father purchased two chairs once on my recommendation and with this kinda therapy in mind.
Can't afford privacy or space for the chairs but I've noticed this approach works well even for the homeless on park benches
This is one of the best channels on TH-cam!
I hope whoever reads this finds healing and goes on to live a successful life. I hope this technique helps you.
'Anger is a poison, and to speak it is to drain it of its malevolent force...' This is such a gift! I understand that anger is a reaction to pain, fear or frustration, but I've not know how to release it this efficiently!
I use a 100lb punching bag downstairs in my garage to exert the anger. Sometimes, I say it out loud, and sometimes I say it internally. Both methods are healing. 💪 ❤
For my DID, this translates to the difference my alters feel when they get to come out into the real world and it makes a difference for our parts. This is why writing it down works too. It's like magic. It lets them get the thought out so they can let it finally pass by
Writng in a journal also helps.
how even the examples are my exact situation is insanely humbling; thank you for these
This is so interesting, i dont talk to a chair but i start speaking out my issues with that person until itfeels like im talking to them. Its somehow eases my mind after it feels like i said what I have to say
Amazing! I made an agreement with myself when I was in elementary school. I state my position and feelings to people in my family regarding their unflattering and inappropriate behavior! I am not talking about little disagreements! I am referring to major ****** (
I visited my therapist literally 3 days ago when he did this, and now this is in my feed lol..and I've no idea how
Okay so as I'm writing this I'll write a few more words too. If you're a people pleaser, you'd most likely end up listening to others complaints, and suppressing the side of yours. It took me a lot of courage for me to speak out something even if it were not the presence of the real person. Try this on your own if you think it'd benefit you, especially if you're a shy, inexpressive or a people pleaser of a person.
Great point on how to talk to oneself
Thank you. I’m going to try this. Wishing everyone healing ❤
Something I do that may have similar effects is to write it all out on paper, that I then tear up an toss.
Very good…
You guys are brillient. thank you.
This video gave me a lot to reflect on, my own behaviour and responses as well as the struggles I see in other people
This is really good. Ive been doing it in several modalities.
You can also do it by writing on a paper (and destroy it later).
Also very similar to Pesso Boyden therapy.
Why did this make me cry 😢
I'm going to try this. Part of the reason I don't confront people is that I am Conflict avoidant. I got a lot of people to talk to.
Remember that you can partially disagree with someone e.g. you can say, "I need to think about that idea more before I can decide what I really think about it." Or, "There's something about that plan that I feel uneasy about but I'll get back to you later about the details." You have a right to delay your response.
2:16 I don't agree at all with the concept that "anger is a poison," nor that it's a "malevolent force." Emotions by themselves are not inherently evil or malevolent. Anger is a valid emotion like any other, and it's a very human emotion. It's also a valid feeling to have when you've been wronged, hurt, traumatized, etc. It's not a poison, it's a part of being human. Telling people that "anger is bad/poison/evil/etc" can be very harmful, it can send the wrong message that you are a bad person for feeling anger and/or still feeling anger over something that's happened to you.
People need to be feel allowed and safe to feel their emotions to find the root of them, instead of being gaslit into feeling bad for having them and instead fixate on getting rid of any "bad" feelings they have. I myself tried for years to ignore, suppress, and get rid of my anger towards my abusive family, and not only did it not work in the slightest, it hindered my healing process AND made my anger and hatred for them grow.
Once I finally let myself admit to myself what I was really feeling, and have a truly honest conversation with myself, I was able to see why exactly their behaviors hurt me so much and why it wasn't okay for me to be treated like that. I was finally able to begin healing. I NEVER would have been able to do any of that by continuing to label my feelings as bad, poisonous, malevolent, and so on. Anger is an indicator that something is wrong, just like pain, so you should not be telling people it's a bad thing.
I understood that he said that is a poison unless is comunicated. Of course it is not a poison per se. He knows that. Anger is signal of our boundry, or a mirror of our expetations. And can be other things too, can become poision too. If we ignore this signal.
Anger if not spoken, is a poison.
100% correct
Beautiful, as always
What a great idea! I usually do the talking in my head. Now I will try using a chair…chairs
Brilliant!! That must be so relieving.
The timing is insane. Thank you so much!
Just started with this technique in therapy a few weeks ago. And I felt like a total dumbass not knowing what to say and how to deal with emotions that came up. I find it very difficult to stand up for myself against selfdestructive schemas - even in therapy. Time to remedy this evil pest! :D
0:30 "A long dead absent father, a neglectful mother or a traitorous so-called friend."
OMG!! How did you know? I have all!!!!!! 😮
For several years I have been using a mirror as my empty chair. I break my heart in front of it angrily shouting at the one who has damaged my emotions. I now know if ever I get the opportunity to be face to face with that betrayer I will speak calmly and factually and in a way that shows up their accountability for the harm they inflicted. My own injuries may never heal and may adversely affect the rest of my life but I have developed a deep and sincere empathy for others I hear about whose lives are ruined by injustice.
Wow! This really works! Thank you for sharing!
Can you elaborate ?
I spoke to my kitchen cooker today and my kids over heard me and came to see 😂😂
So talking "alone" is therapeutic, just as long as we manifest the issue in a more recognisable figure
I absolutely love the concept of open chair therapy but in practice it simply didn't work for me. I just couldn't talk to an empty chair. I tried to imagine my mum sat there but as she died over 30 years ago it's just not possible to talk to her...because she's not there. I simply could imagine or visualise my mum or anyone else come to that. Unless someone was actually sat in the empty chair I'm never going be able to talk to them. And then if they were physically sat there I just wouldn't open up. Catch 22.
Wow yes! I need to do this, but would love guidance on how to say all the things without the escalation into rage or tears...
I didnt know this would make me cry
It just did. Thank you so much!
I always find it hard to determine whether to say something or to just sever ties with that person. I can’t tell if that’s just being scared and running away from confrontation but I guess the real answer is: I don’t want to deal with that person anymore.
Thanks, I need to try this. Definitely related to the "needing to be meek, to survive thing."
I do Ilit sińce childhood through journaling
When you realise you are ruminating and dwelling on past events stop and stand still. Then take a wide step to one side and visualise you are moving from the past into the future.
It can (can!) even work to switch chairs and be in the role of the other person giving me grief. Surely there is a risk of misinterpretation, but if it works, it can be great for understanding the other and making peace.
My mum died 4 years ago and I'm still arguing with her.
LAyesNaDiKU~u
My Father&Mother died from the same disease and I’m snapping at them😂🤣🧠💯
Diagnosis of:
Schizo-affective disorder with Sepsis is so 😆🖐️😅😁👋🖐️😂😂😂🫀🫁🧠💔❤️🩹🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊🔊
There both in cremation 📚⚰️🌪️🌊🤣🤣🤣🤣😅
I do this without chairs, but using a chair sounds like a good way to focus.
The timing of this video. Thank you
Subconsciously I ve always done this
Thank you for this ❤
Chairs are just the start. A couch or suite opens up a dialogue with an entire ensemble.
Right on time! Grateful for this video ❤
the ending! Wow, thank you!
Thank you. I agree with this technique.
Clint Eastwood is a big proponent of the empty chair therapy! 😉
I will do this. ❤
I literally do this 24/7 as is, chair or no chair.
Same
Same here
4 precious minutes and more on this channel
This is SOOOO something that's not only fixable...but I fuckingninsist from this point forward 😊
Oh so very true this, hahaha, i love telling empty chairs all about how uncomfortable the are.
Gracias 😊
This is brilliant. Thank you
i really think deep about this and ask myself this question?
if i have a connection friendship or relationship with someone but can not share my emotions with them and i force to do method like this
why i even have to continue with them???
i think i should leave every single person in my life that they are neglecting me emotionally!
I love this, gonna try
Thanks mate, try elucidating the use of TV, Screen to hoard from reality
As a Carpenter and joiner I’ve repaired that chair 🪑 9 times
🪑 🔨 or threw it at the wall 😂
It does help like punching pillows when you have had enough. We do this to get it out of you then reflect on what you just did !
Good luck and good 🧠 health to all who are suffering in silence .
“You will be liberated from Fear and doubt when you final realise”
“NO ONE IS COMING TO SAVE YOU” you gotta fix it and do it yourself and that sucks huh but it’s 100-% true
I do this all the time 😂 I talk to everything but the people I'm upset with
can u post about sleeping difficulties too?
0:15, 2:16
Tried it..
New fear unlocked : unoccupied chairs
Why does it seems so.. threatening?
As if someone actually sits there.. i cant even "make eye contact" with the chair for too long. I'd keep blinking and keeping my eyes closed, or stare at my feet
Amazing!
Very useful.
Feeling pleasant
This is a brilliant idea
There are some things I need to say to an empty chair in my house. I think this might be what I need.
What's it like to be ahead?
Thank you!
what do I do when the chair denies everything I tell it..
Quite interesting. Thank you.
I just tried it now. It works! Thank you!
De Bottom advocates talking to yourself! Little does he know, I've got that down pat ;)
School of life is schooling us in our lifetime 🫡
aimentalhealthadvisor AI fixes this (AI Mental Health Advisor). Heal your past, improve future.
We're all damaged.
For these kind of practices (and this one is very interesting at least) Gestalt approach is considered pseuso science by a lot of professionals.
Finally someone who knows something. It often does more harm than good.
Could you please elaborate on this? How would this be harmful?
@@kiddhkaneive done it and i can say it was incredibly helpful for me and my issues with my mother. Pseudo science does not mean it doesnt help the soul heal
@@kiddhkaneplease explain the harm? I’d love to hear what you have to say
@@g4mernick4 Exactly. It's like religion... we can't deny it has helped lots of people. So it's complicated. (and yes I'm the one who opened this "thread")
been doing that since a child…
I’m not angry with anyone in my past or my present. With age comes perspective.
Writing to the person is very effective too...
(Without sending it)
But don't you want the message accrossed?
A variation of family systems.
Why did I have to have them in my life?! First place.
Does anyone know what KIND of chairs are required??? Comfortable or uncomfortable?🤗🤗🤕🤕👋👋👋
Oh I don’t have any hang ups of telling the people who have hurt what I think. What I do struggle with is forgiveness of myself.
I might die from crying