I must say, this one hits home as I totally related to situation number 1 as my ex-GF actually got mad and stormed out on me and our ball team one time when I had to call my ex-wife to pickup my son because my GF was unavailable and it was getting too cold for him to watch! So not only was she not available, she then got mad at me for calling someone that was!! The other part that resonates is the isolation from friends and family. In 6 years , my ex-GF only met my best friend and his family once, and it was on a vacation/cruise, something which appealed to her. So I wouldn't say that the isolation was active in a sense where she made it so that I couldn't be with friends, but she made it become a choice between them or her. It's so crazy to know this is actually a pattern for narcissists and that I'm not the only person dealing with it. I honestly thought I was crazy at the time!
My husband would isolate himself and my daughter whenever we would go on vacation with my parents or visit their home. All the adults would be sitting in the family room talking and he would be outside playing with my daughter for most of the visit. She is 11 now and even does it even when he is not around. She has not learned to visit with people and says she does not want to visit because she has nothing in common. She barely knows them because my husband was always pulling her away.
Yes! He would just switch the TV channel over halfway through a movie or another frequent one, the doorbell would ring and there'd be a food delivery, hed have ordered food just for himself even though we were in together and planning to eat together.
For me, once we lived together, it felt like he was almost intentionally making me the last person on his priority list. Dare I say, it seemed he was enjoying it. I’m not saying you should demand all of someone’s attention, but in an intimate relationship you expect to be somewhat of a priority.
Happy Heart I totally understand what you are saying . My ex and I never lived together as because of my job I was always working in different states , and when she would visit me for a week or so she would not take any interest in helping me with anything at home , she would just spend time reading or listening to things on her smart phone and then would get ready to go out to eat at restaurants . I used to feel more alone when she was around me than when she was away . When I look back I can’t believe how much emotional exploitation I was subjected to for so many years . The only thing I can think of that made me ignore all that abuse was that I had genuinely loved her, and to her I was just a pawn in her script of first making me get attached to her and than see how I would feel when she starts to deliberately inflict emotional pain by total lack of empathy !
The loneliest time of my life was being married to the ex narc for 26 years. I was raising our children alone and It was literally the children and I wherever we went. Alot people I met actually thought I was single mother because they never saw him. When he left I never noticed much of a difference apart from I had more peace and tranquility in my life.
You can also feel lonely in any type of narcissist relationship because you can’t ever reach the next level of intimacy or friendship. You know you should be farther along emotionally but can’t get there and you know it. Also, when you realize they would never have your back if you needed the extra support.
One way I felt lonely in my relationship with a narcissist was along the same lines as him pretending like I didn't exist. The way he did this in our relationship was I learned more about how his day was and what was going on with him by listening to him to talk to other people on the phone. I felt like a witness to his life not a part of his life.
My narc had been gone most of the last 19 years. Business, family, "etc" kept him out of town for 3+days a week. These last 7 months of self quarantining... mostly has shown me just how lonely it is when they scroll on the phone while watching television and only acknowledging my presence when I let the dog in. I'm actually more lonely when he's here ignoring me to my face... rather than the 2 five minute calls a day if that...
You can be living with a person who only will engage with you when they think it will get them sex, so whatever attempt you make to draw closer and assuage the loneliness will backfire, as it will be interpreted as leading on. This will make you very cautious about being too friendly and so you withdraw completely. Typically too, the narcissit I know can be saying something really blunt and insulting and then 15 minutes later act as if nothing ever happened and ask you why you are in a sour mood.
I would rather be single and living my life traveling and spending time with love ones while dealing with my lonliness than be in a relationship where I should be loved, cherished and respected but feel the loneliest I ever been.
He only responds when I speak to him about 40 percent of the time. Most of the time he looks through me like I'm not even there. After I'm done talking he will start an entirely new conversation (about himself) as if I'd never spoken.
The malignant npd ex husband was someone I sadly came to the conclusion could never be counted on to show any loyalty and was never ever there for me or my children especially during times of crisis or to be of any comfort,support ...emotional and physical He made his lack of prioritizing us caring , or any concern for our lives and wellbeing clearly apparent when he was” forced “into anything involving our lives He would punish us for having the audacity in his deranged mind of involving him in family matters and naturally expect him to be there as contributing equal support in our family he would always lose his patience and temper yelling , berating, belittling us complaining that he was burdened and inconvenienced by us as we weren’t worth his precious wasted time and money He would usually refuse to get involved because he just doesn’t care And abandoned his family to only take care of himself BUT .....if there’s any credit or accolades for him to get for pretending to be involved or care about a situation he’s all over that And he puts on his act for others While riding on the coattails of and taking credit for all my hard work and dedication parenting my children All while he’s deliberately neglected and abandoned us
I think one of the most disheartening experiences is to be "invited" to an event where you are "willfully ignored"... repeatedly. You sort of wonder... why did they invite me? ( : My husband explained an experience he had. He was given a party where he was ignored. That's harsh. That has never happened to me, but I have been repeatedly invited to show up at events whereby I am either ignored or even worse, made the target of the "narcissist injury".
I wish I could like this multiple times. I felt so lonely with my ex and I kept thinking I was the one requiring too much. Now I can make sense of it all. Thank you thank you
I relate with #1. I had just been released from a mental health hospital for severe depression and they let me put Christmas Day and I didn’t want to be around people due to the way I was feeling and I needed him so badly but he cared more about me faking a smile and saying hi to his family. Didn’t even ask me if I was okay, if I needed anything, if I wanted to go home and rest or spend time with family. He cared more about his reputation of our “family” not looking “good” to everyone else
It only makes sense that we feel lonely around them when they can't attach bond or connect with us! I was with her for years but we only lived together for 3 weeks. I thought we were so connected until we lived together.
My narc and I had so much in common on the front end of the relationship, or so it seemed. It was amazing how isolated and alone I was despite the broad swath of common ground we shared. I couldn’t engage because every conversation was nothing more than a vehicle for her to drive criticism and negativity. Good job, Christina!
Lucky you were not called crazy while being unwell or told there is nothing wrong you. I was in ICU and he swore at me for being appreciative to all the people that helped me recover who gave me support. I'm not sorry or guilty that I am a grateful person no matter how he made me feel. It's so soul crushing! I feel for you know exactly how that must have made you feel. I'm so done with the abuse.
Another of the biggest drivers of my loneliness was the gaslighting. Memories that I thought were shared experiences turned out not to be (sometimes), and that was always disorienting to discover, at the very least. The lack of a common concept of reality made me feel very alone in my ex's presence. I also identify strongly with those departures without acknowledgment. In my case, during the final few months, if she could ever get away without saying good night to me on the way from the bath to bed, she would. It was an extremely aggressive sort of silence. Eventually I learned to embrace it as a gift of peace and the chance to work on my own wellbeing.
I’ve put space between us by living downstairs..I can’t afford to move out. But it’s a start.. i’m still lonely and on my own since I’ve put space between us... but it’s different I’m calm and can breath! Now I can start doing all the things I want to do.. I’m learning to be more confident again like I was before I met him❤️
Thanks for another great video, Christina! 😍 I wondered if you could do a video on how to love again after loving a narcissist? The love bombing makes you feel like this is the love of your life and nothing can compete with it, yet normal people don’t love bomb. I haven’t loved since, so if you have, it would help. Thanks as always 🙏🏼
I thought this was only happening to me!!! And the turning off of the TV without a word! I thought he was just a selfish prick; I didn't know this is a common Narc trait, though I know he's a textbook Narc! At least I understand the lights and the TV thing now! Thank you!
Narc can be caught from photos I believe. From a collection of photos of a couple having person A and B, A will have excitement all over face of being together in picture with B while B will be poker faced in most of the pics. If B is smiling at all then it will feel forced for a pose devoid of emotion. In some pics A will be kissing B, but B will be looking at the lense of camera. These could be strong indicators of B being a Narc.
I feel physically ill looking at our wedding album! In every photo I'm the one leaning into my Narc groom while he stands bolt-upright. It tuly breaks my heart and makes me sick.
@@TheTerrylwg yep. They always wanna show that the other person is more invested in them than they are. All an act with a thinking that whoever sees the photo will know who is more in control. They are so broken from inside that relationship is just a business transaction for them.
I was so lonely and couldn't express my feelings while with the narcissist. He was there but really he wasn't. No help at all to listen to my feelings. He did not care about me as long as his needs were met. Yeah!
I felt extremely lonely and i couldn’t tell why. It took a lot of reflection to list the occasions one by one and then connect the dots. Basically, the points you are mentioning apply. Empty looks, looks of contempt for no reason. When i got sick i got ignored, as if she thought “let’s just hang on until this servant machine is working again”. Efforts i put in were not seen, little sweet gestures disregarded, at times harsh criticism for doing something not well enough, even though it was a gift or otherwise something extra in form of a service or attempt to comfort her. Vice versa, i had to argue for every smallest request i made, such as asking for some water or a towel for showering when being at her place. I received sighing, eye rolling, sulking for hours in return. After days of that type of behavior, i got visibly anxious and she annoyedly asked me what my problem was. As i wasn’t able to grasp it at that time, i apologized and said i just feel a bit stressed out. In response, i got ignored while sitting at the restaurant, silence the entire time we were eating and my mind racing in confusion about what is going on or whether i am making things up. Regarding the tv example, i experienced at least similar situations with her just deciding something that affected both of us and without asking me. For instance, while looking for a restaurant in the city, she just randomly sped up, marched forward, in a pace so that she would be far ahead, then stop, turn around, and giving me a deadly stare while i was catching up, as if to say “why do i have to wait for you idiot”. Or she would just turn around and march into a restaurant without asking me if i agreed with that choice. I refused to allow her to order me around like that and just stopped in front of the door. Realizing i had not followed her inside, she steps out of the restaurant and rages at me as though i had just done the worst thing imaginable. I explain to her that i would like to be involved in the decision where to eat and suggested a compromise regarding the restaurant choice. It was a reasonable compromise and she agreed to that and we walked on. However, from her whole behavior and body language, it seemed she had taken the compromise as a loss and kept being incredibly hostile and contemptuous throughout the entire day. Only to later frame it as though i was the moody and unpleasible person, whereas all i did was standing up for myself to be treated like an equal partner, wanting to be considered in mutual decisions and treated with basic respect. These kinds of things happened on a daily basis and i felt lonelier than i could have ever imagined.
You had me at looks of contempt.. oh my God. I thought he was disgusted by me or something and I never understood why. Why would he want to be with someone he found disgusting
I was very lonely since my narcissist ex wouldn’t let me see my friends and even locked me in the apartment we lived in every time he went outside so I was literally isolated
Yes, I've had the exact tv experience multiple times, actually everything you mentioned I have experienced. I was also lonely because he isolated me, moved first to Washington, then Alaska, supper isolated. I was so concerned that I was going to cheat on him, I'm not a cheater and never did, but I struggled with desires to. Now we are separated, he moved back in with his parents, vert minimal contract, only text regarding the kids. I'm still in Ak but not as lonely now that he is gone. He also would turn theight off on me so many times, and go through the door first and never hold the door open for me, even when I was carrying our daughter in a carrier. I could go on and on with examples of invalidated acts.
Oh My God! I have experienced this behavior, exactly what you described!!! I would tell her something very important or emotional for me and I would feel like whatever I said had fallen in an abyss with no reaction that one would expect from a human being. If I would mention this feeling to her she would suggest I am just being a child who is needy and thinks that other people should feel and think exactly alike. And I have to admit she did succeed in making me doubt myself and I ended up staying in this very lonely relationship for 15 years. I did not get anything from this relationship, it was a long distance relationship so there was no physical intimacy either that some say narcissists use to capture their prey, it was all due to the sympathy she had made me feel for her, that how no man likes a "fat woman" and that if I leave her she would just spend her life alone. I cannot believe after saying all those things to me, how dismissive she was for my needs, mainly emotional needs when i was dealing with stress at work or medical issues. In fact she would act, during those times, like I do not even exist, I will not even receive her texts or calls when i was in pain of some sort, and again if I would say something about that she would suggest I am being needy and clingy! When I had to deal with a major medical crisis and told her about that, her reaction made me feel like she was reading something on her phone and was not even listening to what I had just told her, no emotional understanding of what I must be needing at that time. It was so obvious that she minimized what I had just endured. I finally told her that I am feeling very hurt by her dismissiveness, and her reaction was "I do not understand why you would feel like that, I love you". When i said that if you cannot understand why you are hurting me so bad then may be we should not talk, her reaction was like "ok". I could not believe how easy it was for her to end it when i had needed her the most. The nonchalant attitude to end it all while knowing what had happened to me medically was really the most painful experience for me , even the physical pain resulting from the accident was not of the same severity ! And yes while I was in this weird relationship i had lost contact with everyone else in my life including my family, as she had become everything to me. Soon after the above call she mailed me keys of my condo, rather than just giving that to me when I had gone to get my cat from her. I dont know what she had thought that I would collapse and beg for her forgiveness for having expressed my hurt to her. I had left my cat with her when I was working in different states and when I asked her for the cat she said " I have decided to keep the cat as that will be good for the cat". By now I already knew that she does not care about my feelings, in fact I had realized that she wants to kick me when I’m down , but even then it was not easy to deal with . Then she acted like a victim by saying “I have already lost you I dont want to also lose the cat, maybe I will give him to you next year". I was stunned hearing this lack of awareness (or pretense of non awareness) of her role in the break up! Instead she was blaming me for her having lost me!. God I wish I can go back in time and save my 15 years from getting ruined by a narcissist, I had so many opportunities to have found a decent woman to spend the rest of my live with and have kids with , and here I am now, sitting alone at the age of 55, but at least I am not lonely while being in a relationship with a woman who never loved me, or did not even know what love is! This experience has made me look at women from a perspective I never had before , I could have never believed a woman can be so evil , I had heard of men being psychopaths but had never heard of a woman like that . I had seen red flags from the very beginning but I projected goodness on her to cover up what I was seeing . Never again !
Hi, I can relate so much to your writings, also 14 years of marriage and still recovering, still trying to get back my self confidence. Wish you all the best, at least we now know what happened to us.
Oh god! Leaving a very long marriage and still in the same home during the divorce, is so difficult. I’m learning from you. Thank you. I’ve never heard anyone on this topic talk about the blank stare....
They are certainly not empathic to emotional feelings only when it comes to their own. To know you were always there to support them is heartbreaking and they just discard your feelings even if your really ill they often swear and demean you then justify their reasons for doing so is such a cold way to live. The smear campaigns and so on its relentless as if there is no end to their misery they inflict on you. Extremely tiring and so damning for family dynamics. They have to be in control not be beside you or want to be bring comfort to any situation. Good lord help us find a way to make these kind of people see the damage they actually cause. It's all about control and take nobody's feelings into regard. The projection is cruel
Absolutely Christina ! X 6 that you have described so so well as always - thank you, a great inspiration of light at the end of the tunnel - code breaker !
Another thing that they do is spread gossip or tell other people who know you embarrassing or personal things about you to make them laugh at or dislike you. This happened to me frequently with the narcissist that I used to go out with to a bar several years ago. Sent me into an anxiety/depression spiral with all the things she put me through.
Fits my ex-wife to a tee. I would come home from business trips and she couldn't be bothered to get up from the couch to greet me and barely looked at me as I walked into the living room. Didn't give a damn when I was sick. Always suspicious of me cheating or manipulating her (standard narcissist projection). Now keeping my distance.
Anything you like or enjoy. Its GONE Friends included ..because they have no trust with them self they dont trust YOU !! MY NARCISSIST put a tracker on my car ...it would surprise me if he has hidden camras around the house.
Oh my..😢. I was watching tv and he turned it off while I was watching it. He said it’s my tv and your not working and pay for nothing…. Exactly what you said… so scary. I’m so lonely in my room and he’s in the master bedroom and the rest of the house.
I told my husband our kids are grown up and we now have time to spend with each other.. he told me! GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS! THATS WHOT THERE FOR... we haven’t been out alone for over 17 years🤬and if we have he’s brought the kids along🤷🏻♀️
Called my x and told him my nephew passed away at the age of 38 of a heart attack he said he would be right over. Never showed up heard from him two days later. Never went to the services with me.
It isn’t safe to say about your aims or goals because they will at least mentally sabotage you. They can also mentally sabotage you in talk about any topic
i always find it much worse to feel lonely within a relationship than being single... i don´t know if my ex was a narcissist as he was over-caring (but in a controlling, anxious way). no matter the definition though, it was heartbreaking not to be able to connect on a "soul-level" as you called it... even in good times, it was not really possible to connect deeply. it felt like his heart is just not really open, besides all the "right words"...
Instead of shutting off the TV and walking away my experience has been me talking to him and him just walking away or me talking to him then him physically telling me "I'm not even listening to you" so then I just walk away.
I actually have not felt lonely during my relationship with my covert narcissist ex partner. I have a very social life and she couldn't isolate me what narcissist normally (try to) do. I felt more misunderstood, I felt sad, felt betrayed and used as time went on. That is why I ended that relationship after eight months. Looking for answers why my covert narcissist ex partner started to behave so different after three months in our relationship. Now of course I know through the information I found about narcissism why and the reasons.
When I hurt of someone else I see he put his head down en I see him smiling.. the television is something I didn't notice..but is true..Also when you're sick. Something on TV and he dont like it....they leave the room and let you it alone. He sits on the pc ore go to the garage. Sometimes he forget I am there and he ut the tv off..ore he zapped the tv when I ike it dont ask , I get so angry. But now I know ...get friends, don't talk to him give answers and stay nice. Gif him to eat..and think I have a life off my own
If I have a concern about anything he quickly brushes me off! Tried to communicate with him about a number of things but I feel like I’m treading on eggshells like a little girl.. never know how he’s going to react and if he reacts positively he never really means it anyway🤬
I have been free from my narcissist ex for 2 months now, and only now I noticing how much of a narcissist he is I thought it was just he's ADHD and depression but now I realized it more than that. I was cheated on with 13 girls he gave me an STI, took money from me and always argue with me and told me I'm the problem. I always felt alone when I was with my narcissist ex, I didn't exist on the weekend, he would ignore my messages for hours when I texted. I wasn't alone to touch him unless we were in bed together, I could be crying in front of him and would continue playing his video games or talking to someone on the phone, then he would tell me to stop crying and say he hates seeing me cry. I used to just leave something whenever he just ignored me and he would say anything until I got home, then he would message me, I never said you should go. I got dumped for the new supply because she is better in bed and is okay with he taking drug everyday
He Rants at me about stupid things and often starts when I’m quiet and relaxed.. he will just pick something and fly with it🤬 45 minutes on news years eve two years ago was bad. At 11:45 he was standing over my bed shouting and ranting because I have problem sleeping. He was ranting loudly almost in a motherly bullying way... he wouldn’t stop I just sat up in bed with my head down until he eventually went away... this has also happened on later occasions.. he really expects me to forget and move on until the next Rant! I can’t work out if he’s narcissistic or just a bully! I have taken my wedding ring off and it took him over a month to notice🤷🏻♀️ now sleeping downstairs. I will never lay down with this man again...
My husband likes to come home from work and over and over again tell me how terrible I look! I’m calm at this point and tell him thank you but I’m fine... continues over and over again telling me how crap I look.. The second I get upset or angry he smiles cause he’s provoke a reaction and one🤬
Because you always felt she was so busy elsewere, in her mind, with her cellphone, taking it into the bathroom or out to the terass (oh, please give me five minutes for god sake), "someone else". Secrets. She never really shared with you. You always had the feeling something was going on, but not with you... You were just a small piece in her puzzle. That makes you feel more lonely than lonely alone, as a single. Texting you once a day when you were not together, it felt like she did it out of obligation. Nothing real. Fake. Thoughts from Sweden.
im so lonely she took me from my friends and family and country and abused me in every way im walking the streets of chicago crying by myself cuz i have no one to talk to and shes sleeping peacefully...
Another one is when being around a family member, friend, or aquintance of the narc, they don’t even introduce you or even include you in the conversation. the other person could be mentioning things about their partner and the narc would repsonse by saying something about themselves or a blank look. One time while around a cousin I met for the first time I sitting on the couch watching tv nd him and the cousin were sitting at the table shooting the shit, cousin was talking how lucky he is to have his partner and good things about her. Narc just sat there, cousin was looking for some kind of response from him. Only talk about themselves. No wonder why every one in his family thinks I’m a worthless pos…that plus the smear campaign. I’m so angry with this person. I’m still with him and around him don;t bother bringin any of it to their attention, they would be sure to upo the avoidance and neglect.
This was the first red flag for me but I was so unaware at the time... The youtuber Richard Grannon calls this narcissistic look the "lizard-terminator look". It's so accurate it made me laugh.
I just came across your video as my wife treats me really badly. I am the sole provider in our marriage and work hard to pay for everything. Mortgages, bills etc. My wife doesn't work and our children are teenagers now but she refuses to go back to work. We haven't made love for 5 years and I sleep on the couch downstairs which I have done for over two years now. She treats me really poorly , never asks or cares about anything I d6 and the house gets quite dirty as she doesn't do much house work and spends alot of time seeing friends while I'm working and earning money to pay for everything even her mobile phone bill. I feel so bad in myself the way I'm treated as she doesn't acknowledge anything I do I'm not sure if I can do this any longer. Any thoughts you may have would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
My husband expects me to run to the door when he gets home from work to greet him everyday! In return I’ve had no emotional support for years! No tenderness or cuddles! Nothing.. just feels like another job if anything was to occur! The result is no intimacy for three years! As I won’t let him near me if he shows no love for me... I’ve been sleeping downstairs now alone for a month! And I’m starting to get rubbish comments from him... The only one in this relationship is him🤷🏻♀️
How do you not feel lonely with them though? I’m living with him and love him but can’t get away from the hurt and pain of his uncaring self. How do I fix it?
I'm pregnant and so hes constantly saying "I don't feel good"... every single day, I'm assuming just so i can't feel sick because id be taking his sickness for my own? Who knows but now n then I'm so nauseated (first trimester morning sickness hits throughout the day and I'm exhausted with fatigue) so, he pokes at me to wake up all through the night so I'm exhausted all the time, creates unsettled arguments so I'm overthinking the issues for days and can't sleep, and making sure his sicknesses are heard loud and clear and not at all asking me how I'm feeling or how he could help, so, I ignore him and pick up his traits and throw them right back at him
What about bipolar? They are mentally ill and they do not want to be that way. They need to get help, if they are not willing to do that then that is sought of like a narcissist may do. I think there are a lot of similarities.
We all spend many hours alone. The only relationship that matters is the one we have with ourself. You don't need others in your life - especially someone of bad character. I know a narcissist. He has bankruptcy, a mass of sexual deviancy and indulges in theft in his past. He believes he is superior to every other man he knows. Being alone is better than being in bad company! (UK)
she pretends we are divorced when we are not and is dating a man who has asked our handicapped daughter for sex already afraid to leave them behind she is scared of him for some reason and don't want his name mentioned again I think he has hurt her
Maybe they want to start arguments to upset you so you say you buy them something what 5hey like mostly so thier mood changes ack to nice. Never apologizes,never is to blame, woul take the shirt offa your back. Bullies.picks at what I do. Looking for tiniest fault,pik,pik. I dair not speak. Cos pulls down what I’m saying.. pik,pik. Then turns on crying so I’m miserable all day,avoiding me.im the baddie. I just want to die. I’m very ill. Hates being my carer. But has it easy. Drinks ,buys a lot. I’m worried bout this. Os I ant shop, too I’ll. I think I must go now.
Exactly the same I'll be doing dishes and hes watching TV and turns it off and goes to bed don't say anything else I'm like I was still watching that and and then the other night I asked him do you wanna go watch a movie in the bedroom twice I say this and I'm in the bedroom and I hear him going to lay down on the couch and I'm like OK won't never and I'm like ok well never mind and hes like well what the hell and I say I just asked you if you wanted to watch a movie and hes like why didn't hear you You and I'm thinking I know you heard me. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder back 20 years ago and we've been together for 15 we've been we're married for 10 and hes had UPS and Downs but it's not ever been like this to where he goes and files for divorce and then as soon as I go to move on he wants me back and and then I find out that hes mending this relationship with his sister who also has the same issue as the same issue and his mother has this issue but yet he calls me that and I'll even say I think almost all of us have some kind of tendencies as a narcissist bet The lack of love and the lack of empathy when I had heart issues and the doctor comes in and tells us That my heart isn't only working at 15% and if I wouldn't come in I would not be there A couple days later he fights with me more after hearing this after the doctor even said that stress is the major cause to my heart problems problems and I feel like you're trying to kill me. And we get back together because we were off and on for about a year but it's last year we have been together the entire time wonderful sex and I'm trying to do things that he wants me to do is as I need to change when it means to go to church and do women's groups and stuff like that but he don't need any help and I'm like oh my God everything I'm doing like the thank you's everything to make him feel appreciated and it will appreciate it and for 7 years he had a broken back and I worked 2 jobs and did everything and not one time did he ever Show me appreciation and I don't expect it but it but it's like what the hell
Is it possible to not even know these things into actually be best friends wit's friends with your husband who now you are thinking has this problem and you solve the whole time it was by polar because that's what hes been diagnosed with but with but all the sudden I have heart issues and I had to beg him to take me to the hospital on to be with me and we've been together for 15 years just had our anniversary and we've been married for 10 and in the beginning he was the one that was don't go to bed angry wants to do this the right way I have the best relationship And then all of a sudden it's like I'm nothing at all and I've never seen anything like this
#6 a narcissist may encourage actual physical isolation from your friends and family. Have you experienced lonlieness in the presence of a narcissist?
Yes, I even tell him...he just ignores me or says "it's always about you ".
I must say, this one hits home as I totally related to situation number 1 as my ex-GF actually got mad and stormed out on me and our ball team one time when I had to call my ex-wife to pickup my son because my GF was unavailable and it was getting too cold for him to watch! So not only was she not available, she then got mad at me for calling someone that was!!
The other part that resonates is the isolation from friends and family. In 6 years , my ex-GF only met my best friend and his family once, and it was on a vacation/cruise, something which appealed to her. So I wouldn't say that the isolation was active in a sense where she made it so that I couldn't be with friends, but she made it become a choice between them or her.
It's so crazy to know this is actually a pattern for narcissists and that I'm not the only person dealing with it. I honestly thought I was crazy at the time!
My husband would isolate himself and my daughter whenever we would go on vacation with my parents or visit their home. All the adults would be sitting in the family room talking and he would be outside playing with my daughter for most of the visit. She is 11 now and even does it even when he is not around. She has not learned to visit with people and says she does not want to visit because she has nothing in common. She barely knows them because my husband was always pulling her away.
Totally
Yes! He would just switch the TV channel over halfway through a movie or another frequent one, the doorbell would ring and there'd be a food delivery, hed have ordered food just for himself even though we were in together and planning to eat together.
I have never been as lonely as I was with my ex. So happy now ☺
Just a object to them and you feel it.
Very well said
I can relate to that.
I feel for you.
😢
For me, once we lived together, it felt like he was almost intentionally making me the last person on his priority list. Dare I say, it seemed he was enjoying it.
I’m not saying you should demand all of someone’s attention, but in an intimate relationship you expect to be somewhat of a priority.
Happy Heart I totally understand what you are saying . My ex and I never lived together as because of my job I was always working in different states , and when she would visit me for a week or so she would not take any interest in helping me with anything at home , she would just spend time reading or listening to things on her smart phone and then would get ready to go out to eat at restaurants . I used to feel more alone when she was around me than when she was away . When I look back I can’t believe how much emotional exploitation I was subjected to for so many years . The only thing I can think of that made me ignore all that abuse was that I had genuinely loved her, and to her I was just a pawn in her script of first making me get attached to her and than see how I would feel when she starts to deliberately inflict emotional pain by total lack of empathy !
The loneliest time of my life was being married to the ex narc for 26 years. I was raising our children alone and It was literally the children and I wherever we went. Alot people I met actually thought I was single mother because they never saw him. When he left I never noticed much of a difference apart from I had more peace and tranquility in my life.
You can also feel lonely in any type of narcissist relationship because you can’t ever reach the next level of intimacy or friendship. You know you should be farther along emotionally but can’t get there and you know it. Also, when you realize they would never have your back if you needed the extra support.
Very true and heartbreaking when you really let yourself know and feel this.
That is so true! She was always emotionally unavailable.
He has Never had my Back! 🙄🥴🥵
One way I felt lonely in my relationship with a narcissist was along the same lines as him pretending like I didn't exist. The way he did this in our relationship was I learned more about how his day was and what was going on with him by listening to him to talk to other people on the phone. I felt like a witness to his life not a part of his life.
I know exactly what this feels like 😔
Is this narcissism?
They live their own life and do not share
The reason you felt lonely 😔, is because you where with the narcissist. The loneliness time in your life is when you are in a relationship with them
Exactly 🙏❤
My narc had been gone most of the last 19 years. Business, family, "etc" kept him out of town for 3+days a week. These last 7 months of self quarantining... mostly has shown me just how lonely it is when they scroll on the phone while watching television and only acknowledging my presence when I let the dog in. I'm actually more lonely when he's here ignoring me to my face... rather than the 2 five minute calls a day if that...
You can be living with a person who only will engage with you when they think it will get them sex, so whatever attempt you make to draw closer and assuage the loneliness will backfire, as it will be interpreted as leading on. This will make you very cautious about being too friendly and so you withdraw completely. Typically too, the narcissit I know can be saying something really blunt and insulting and then 15 minutes later act as if nothing ever happened and ask you why you are in a sour mood.
I would rather be single and living my life traveling and spending time with love ones while dealing with my lonliness than be in a relationship where I should be loved, cherished and respected but feel the loneliest I ever been.
He only responds when I speak to him about 40 percent of the time. Most of the time he looks through me like I'm not even there. After I'm done talking he will start an entirely new conversation (about himself) as if I'd never spoken.
Please just walk away when he behaves like that❤️
Feel this way around my narc dad all the time he makes me feel like I'm invisible & not worthy of being loved .
It's a terribly empty feeling. I'm sorry you've had to experience that ❤🙏
The malignant npd ex husband was someone I sadly came to the conclusion could never be counted on to show any loyalty and was never ever there for me or my children especially during times of crisis or to be of any comfort,support ...emotional and physical
He made his lack of prioritizing us caring , or any concern for our lives and wellbeing clearly apparent when he was” forced “into anything involving our lives
He would punish us for having the audacity in his deranged mind of involving him in family matters and naturally expect him to be there as contributing equal support in our family
he would always lose his patience and temper yelling , berating, belittling us
complaining that he was burdened and inconvenienced by us as we weren’t worth his precious wasted time and money
He would usually refuse to get involved because he just doesn’t care
And abandoned his family to only take care of himself
BUT .....if there’s any credit or accolades for him to get for pretending to be involved or care about a situation he’s all over that
And he puts on his act for others
While riding on the coattails of and taking credit for all my hard work and dedication parenting my children
All while he’s deliberately neglected and abandoned us
I think one of the most disheartening experiences is to be "invited" to an event where you are "willfully ignored"... repeatedly. You sort of wonder... why did they invite me? ( : My husband explained an experience he had. He was given a party where he was ignored. That's harsh. That has never happened to me, but I have been repeatedly invited to show up at events whereby I am either ignored or even worse, made the target of the "narcissist injury".
I wish I could like this multiple times. I felt so lonely with my ex and I kept thinking I was the one requiring too much. Now I can make sense of it all. Thank you thank you
I relate with #1. I had just been released from a mental health hospital for severe depression and they let me put Christmas Day and I didn’t want to be around people due to the way I was feeling and I needed him so badly but he cared more about me faking a smile and saying hi to his family. Didn’t even ask me if I was okay, if I needed anything, if I wanted to go home and rest or spend time with family. He cared more about his reputation of our “family” not looking “good” to everyone else
It only makes sense that we feel lonely around them when they can't attach bond or connect with us! I was with her for years but we only lived together for 3 weeks. I thought we were so connected until we lived together.
My narc and I had so much in common on the front end of the relationship, or so it seemed. It was amazing how isolated and alone I was despite the broad swath of common ground we shared. I couldn’t engage because every conversation was nothing more than a vehicle for her to drive criticism and negativity.
Good job, Christina!
They don't have a soul! I was ill lately and I was told I'm a liability
I'm so sorry you went through that. Hope you are finding peace now 🙏❤
Lucky you were not called crazy while being unwell or told there is nothing wrong you. I was in ICU and he swore at me for being appreciative to all the people that helped me recover who gave me support. I'm not sorry or guilty that I am a grateful person no matter how he made me feel. It's so soul crushing! I feel for you know exactly how that must have made you feel. I'm so done with the abuse.
Another of the biggest drivers of my loneliness was the gaslighting. Memories that I thought were shared experiences turned out not to be (sometimes), and that was always disorienting to discover, at the very least. The lack of a common concept of reality made me feel very alone in my ex's presence.
I also identify strongly with those departures without acknowledgment. In my case, during the final few months, if she could ever get away without saying good night to me on the way from the bath to bed, she would. It was an extremely aggressive sort of silence. Eventually I learned to embrace it as a gift of peace and the chance to work on my own wellbeing.
Sometimes I get really scared that all I have ever been around is narcissist.
I’ve put space between us by living downstairs..I can’t afford to move out. But it’s a start.. i’m still lonely and on my own since I’ve put space between us... but it’s different I’m calm and can breath! Now I can start doing all the things I want to do.. I’m learning to be more confident again like I was before I met him❤️
You realize when you realize you do not know them because of the separate online life.
Great point 🙏❤
I think of you as the clean Jessy another coach. It is complimentary.
100 % excellent content.
Thank-you.
Yup my ex was living a double life behind my back online
I was married to a narc and never been more lonely in my life
Thanks for another great video, Christina! 😍 I wondered if you could do a video on how to love again after loving a narcissist? The love bombing makes you feel like this is the love of your life and nothing can compete with it, yet normal people don’t love bomb. I haven’t loved since, so if you have, it would help. Thanks as always 🙏🏼
It can feel scary to open up again, for sure. I may do a video on dating after a relationship with a narcissist soon. Thanks for the recommendation 🙏❤
Common Ego It does feel scary! And that would be great if you did that video at some point! Thanks so much for replying ❤️
Like turning off the lights when you still want to go out into the living room
I thought this was only happening to me!!! And the turning off of the TV without a word! I thought he was just a selfish prick; I didn't know this is a common Narc trait, though I know he's a textbook Narc! At least I understand the lights and the TV thing now! Thank you!
YES! Feeling isolated from friends and family. All the pull /push eventually makes you so confused and you end up living the narcissists life.
Narc can be caught from photos I believe. From a collection of photos of a couple having person A and B, A will have excitement all over face of being together in picture with B while B will be poker faced in most of the pics. If B is smiling at all then it will feel forced for a pose devoid of emotion. In some pics A will be kissing B, but B will be looking at the lense of camera. These could be strong indicators of B being a Narc.
So true!
I feel physically ill looking at our wedding album! In every photo I'm the one leaning into my Narc groom while he stands bolt-upright. It tuly breaks my heart and makes me sick.
RDM yes my husband will not smile in photos with me or my family but is all smiles with our daughter or his friends or family.
@@TheTerrylwg yep. They always wanna show that the other person is more invested in them than they are. All an act with a thinking that whoever sees the photo will know who is more in control. They are so broken from inside that relationship is just a business transaction for them.
I was so lonely and couldn't express my feelings while with the narcissist. He was there but really he wasn't. No help at all to listen to my feelings. He did not care about me as long as his needs were met. Yeah!
I felt extremely lonely and i couldn’t tell why. It took a lot of reflection to list the occasions one by one and then connect the dots. Basically, the points you are mentioning apply. Empty looks, looks of contempt for no reason. When i got sick i got ignored, as if she thought “let’s just hang on until this servant machine is working again”. Efforts i put in were not seen, little sweet gestures disregarded, at times harsh criticism for doing something not well enough, even though it was a gift or otherwise something extra in form of a service or attempt to comfort her. Vice versa, i had to argue for every smallest request i made, such as asking for some water or a towel for showering when being at her place. I received sighing, eye rolling, sulking for hours in return. After days of that type of behavior, i got visibly anxious and she annoyedly asked me what my problem was. As i wasn’t able to grasp it at that time, i apologized and said i just feel a bit stressed out. In response, i got ignored while sitting at the restaurant, silence the entire time we were eating and my mind racing in confusion about what is going on or whether i am making things up.
Regarding the tv example, i experienced at least similar situations with her just deciding something that affected both of us and without asking me. For instance, while looking for a restaurant in the city, she just randomly sped up, marched forward, in a pace so that she would be far ahead, then stop, turn around, and giving me a deadly stare while i was catching up, as if to say “why do i have to wait for you idiot”. Or she would just turn around and march into a restaurant without asking me if i agreed with that choice. I refused to allow her to order me around like that and just stopped in front of the door. Realizing i had not followed her inside, she steps out of the restaurant and rages at me as though i had just done the worst thing imaginable. I explain to her that i would like to be involved in the decision where to eat and suggested a compromise regarding the restaurant choice. It was a reasonable compromise and she agreed to that and we walked on. However, from her whole behavior and body language, it seemed she had taken the compromise as a loss and kept being incredibly hostile and contemptuous throughout the entire day. Only to later frame it as though i was the moody and unpleasible person, whereas all i did was standing up for myself to be treated like an equal partner, wanting to be considered in mutual decisions and treated with basic respect. These kinds of things happened on a daily basis and i felt lonelier than i could have ever imagined.
You had me at looks of contempt.. oh my God. I thought he was disgusted by me or something and I never understood why. Why would he want to be with someone he found disgusting
So True
They also hide it well from you until you marry them.
I was very lonely since my narcissist ex wouldn’t let me see my friends and even locked me in the apartment we lived in every time he went outside so I was literally isolated
Yes, I've had the exact tv experience multiple times, actually everything you mentioned I have experienced. I was also lonely because he isolated me, moved first to Washington, then Alaska, supper isolated. I was so concerned that I was going to cheat on him, I'm not a cheater and never did, but I struggled with desires to. Now we are separated, he moved back in with his parents, vert minimal contract, only text regarding the kids. I'm still in Ak but not as lonely now that he is gone. He also would turn theight off on me so many times, and go through the door first and never hold the door open for me, even when I was carrying our daughter in a carrier. I could go on and on with examples of invalidated acts.
Oh My God! I have experienced this behavior, exactly what you described!!! I would tell her something very important or emotional for me and I would feel like whatever I said had fallen in an abyss with no reaction that one would expect from a human being. If I would mention this feeling to her she would suggest I am just being a child who is needy and thinks that other people should feel and think exactly alike. And I have to admit she did succeed in making me doubt myself and I ended up staying in this very lonely relationship for 15 years. I did not get anything from this relationship, it was a long distance relationship so there was no physical intimacy either that some say narcissists use to capture their prey, it was all due to the sympathy she had made me feel for her, that how no man likes a "fat woman" and that if I leave her she would just spend her life alone. I cannot believe after saying all those things to me, how dismissive she was for my needs, mainly emotional needs when i was dealing with stress at work or medical issues. In fact she would act, during those times, like I do not even exist, I will not even receive her texts or calls when i was in pain of some sort, and again if I would say something about that she would suggest I am being needy and clingy! When I had to deal with a major medical crisis and told her about that, her reaction made me feel like she was reading something on her phone and was not even listening to what I had just told her, no emotional understanding of what I must be needing at that time. It was so obvious that she minimized what I had just endured. I finally told her that I am feeling very hurt by her dismissiveness, and her reaction was "I do not understand why you would feel like that, I love you". When i said that if you cannot understand why you are hurting me so bad then may be we should not talk, her reaction was like "ok". I could not believe how easy it was for her to end it when i had needed her the most. The nonchalant attitude to end it all while knowing what had happened to me medically was really the most painful experience for me , even the physical pain resulting from the accident was not of the same severity ! And yes while I was in this weird relationship i had lost contact with everyone else in my life including my family, as she had become everything to me. Soon after the above call she mailed me keys of my condo, rather than just giving that to me when I had gone to get my cat from her. I dont know what she had thought that I would collapse and beg for her forgiveness for having expressed my hurt to her. I had left my cat with her when I was working in different states and when I asked her for the cat she said " I have decided to keep the cat as that will be good for the cat". By now I already knew that she does not care about my feelings, in fact I had realized that she wants to kick me when I’m down , but even then it was not easy to deal with . Then she acted like a victim by saying “I have already lost you I dont want to also lose the cat, maybe I will give him to you next year". I was stunned hearing this lack of awareness (or pretense of non awareness) of her role in the break up! Instead she was blaming me for her having lost me!. God I wish I can go back in time and save my 15 years from getting ruined by a narcissist, I had so many opportunities to have found a decent woman to spend the rest of my live with and have kids with , and here I am now, sitting alone at the age of 55, but at least I am not lonely while being in a relationship with a woman who never loved me, or did not even know what love is! This experience has made me look at women from a perspective I never had before , I could have never believed a woman can be so evil , I had heard of men being psychopaths but had never heard of a woman like that . I had seen red flags from the very beginning but I projected goodness on her to cover up what I was seeing . Never again !
Hi, I can relate so much to your writings, also 14 years of marriage and still recovering, still trying to get back my self confidence. Wish you all the best, at least we now know what happened to us.
I hear you loud and clear! What I wouldn't do to go back 33 years!!!!!! I certainly hope you got your cat back; I'd definitely go to court over that!
Hug🌻💜
I hope ur ok now
Hey Christina!! I hope all is well beautiful! 😘😍🙏♥️
Hi Pete ❤🤦♀️
Everything is fine as long as you are 'fine' and dandy to support them
Oh god! Leaving a very long marriage and still in the same home during the divorce, is so difficult. I’m learning from you. Thank you. I’ve never heard anyone on this topic talk about the blank stare....
They are certainly not empathic to emotional feelings only when it comes to their own. To know you were always there to support them is heartbreaking and they just discard your feelings even if your really ill they often swear and demean you then justify their reasons for doing so is such a cold way to live. The smear campaigns and so on its relentless as if there is no end to their misery they inflict on you. Extremely tiring and so damning for family dynamics. They have to be in control not be beside you or want to be bring comfort to any situation. Good lord help us find a way to make these kind of people see the damage they actually cause. It's all about control and take nobody's feelings into regard. The projection is cruel
I was so alone. He sucked all the life out of me.
Ha! Same!! The TV thing happens regularly! Um hello I was watching that too remember 😂😬
Yep would rather be alone then to be SICK with someone else🤮🙏amen
I was engaged to one and soo glad that the relationship ended.
Same here,I am comfortable being alone but I have never been more lonely than when I was with a narcissist 😮😢
Absolutely Christina ! X 6 that you have described so so well as always - thank you, a great inspiration of light at the end of the tunnel - code breaker !
Another thing that they do is spread gossip or tell other people who know you embarrassing or personal things about you to make them laugh at or dislike you. This happened to me frequently with the narcissist that I used to go out with to a bar several years ago. Sent me into an anxiety/depression spiral with all the things she put me through.
Fits my ex-wife to a tee. I would come home from business trips and she couldn't be bothered to get up from the couch to greet me and barely looked at me as I walked into the living room. Didn't give a damn when I was sick. Always suspicious of me cheating or manipulating her (standard narcissist projection). Now keeping my distance.
Anything you like or enjoy. Its GONE Friends included ..because they have no trust with them self they dont trust YOU !! MY NARCISSIST put a tracker on my car ...it would surprise me if he has hidden camras around the house.
Oh my..😢. I was watching tv and he turned it off while I was watching it. He said it’s my tv and your not working and pay for nothing…. Exactly what you said… so scary. I’m so lonely in my room and he’s in the master bedroom and the rest of the house.
I remember feeling after 3years like I didn't know him and like he didn't have my back. I told him and he was like you don't? Like oh well
I told my husband our kids are grown up and we now have time to spend with each other.. he told me! GO OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS! THATS WHOT THERE FOR... we haven’t been out alone for over 17 years🤬and if we have he’s brought the kids along🤷🏻♀️
It’s all superficial. Surface love!
Called my x and told him my nephew passed away at the age of 38 of a heart attack he said he would be right over. Never showed up heard from him two days later. Never went to the services with me.
Their hobbies and the structural routine of their existence must be matched or you don't exist..if you don't participate, you don't matter.
It isn’t safe to say about your aims or goals because they will at least mentally sabotage you. They can also mentally sabotage you in talk about any topic
i always find it much worse to feel lonely within a relationship than being single... i don´t know if my ex was a narcissist as he was over-caring (but in a controlling, anxious way). no matter the definition though, it was heartbreaking not to be able to connect on a "soul-level" as you called it... even in good times, it was not really possible to connect deeply. it felt like his heart is just not really open, besides all the "right words"...
Instead of shutting off the TV and walking away my experience has been me talking to him and him just walking away or me talking to him then him physically telling me
"I'm not even listening to you"
so then I just walk away.
I actually have not felt lonely during my relationship with my covert narcissist ex partner.
I have a very social life and she couldn't isolate me what narcissist normally (try to) do.
I felt more misunderstood, I felt sad, felt betrayed and used as time went on.
That is why I ended that relationship after eight months.
Looking for answers why my covert narcissist ex partner started to behave so different after three months in our relationship.
Now of course I know through the information I found about narcissism why and the reasons.
5:30 - The French Exit! omg.... Who knew this was a thing!
Omg! My life. You nailed it perfectly
I experienced all of these with my ex
Wow you nailed it 💯🙌🏻
When I hurt of someone else I see he put his head down en I see him smiling.. the television is something I didn't notice..but is true..Also when you're sick.
Something on TV and he dont like it....they leave the room and let you it alone.
He sits on the pc ore go to the garage. Sometimes he forget I am there and he ut the tv off..ore he zapped the tv when I ike it dont ask , I get so angry.
But now I know ...get friends, don't talk to him give answers and stay nice.
Gif him to eat..and think I have a life off my own
hollow eyes..
If I have a concern about anything he quickly brushes me off! Tried to communicate with him about a number of things but I feel like I’m treading on eggshells like a little girl.. never know how he’s going to react and if he reacts positively he never really means it anyway🤬
I have been free from my narcissist ex for 2 months now, and only now I noticing how much of a narcissist he is I thought it was just he's ADHD and depression but now I realized it more than that. I was cheated on with 13 girls he gave me an STI, took money from me and always argue with me and told me I'm the problem. I always felt alone when I was with my narcissist ex, I didn't exist on the weekend, he would ignore my messages for hours when I texted. I wasn't alone to touch him unless we were in bed together, I could be crying in front of him and would continue playing his video games or talking to someone on the phone, then he would tell me to stop crying and say he hates seeing me cry. I used to just leave something whenever he just ignored me and he would say anything until I got home, then he would message me, I never said you should go. I got dumped for the new supply because she is better in bed and is okay with he taking drug everyday
I never believed that untill I felt it.
He Rants at me about stupid things and often starts when I’m quiet and relaxed.. he will just pick something and fly with it🤬 45 minutes on news years eve two years ago was bad. At 11:45 he was standing over my bed shouting and ranting because I have problem sleeping. He was ranting loudly almost in a motherly bullying way... he wouldn’t stop I just sat up in bed with my head down until he eventually went away... this has also happened on later occasions.. he really expects me to forget and move on until the next Rant! I can’t work out if he’s narcissistic or just a bully! I have taken my wedding ring off and it took him over a month to notice🤷🏻♀️ now sleeping downstairs. I will never lay down with this man again...
My ex would unplug my song I was showing him and put his music on and didn’t even apologize or even care about my feelings.
My husband likes to come home from work and over and over again tell me how terrible I look! I’m calm at this point and tell him thank you but I’m fine... continues over and over again telling me how crap I look.. The second I get upset or angry he smiles cause he’s provoke a reaction and one🤬
My husband of 21 years. Told me The day he met me I made him believe I was something I’m Not🥺
Because you always felt she was so busy elsewere, in her mind, with her cellphone, taking it into the bathroom or out to the terass (oh, please give me five minutes for god sake), "someone else". Secrets. She never really shared with you. You always had the feeling something was going on, but not with you... You were just a small piece in her puzzle. That makes you feel more lonely than lonely alone, as a single. Texting you once a day when you were not together, it felt like she did it out of obligation. Nothing real. Fake. Thoughts from Sweden.
Being a narcissist is the most lonely thing ever
So true, all of it
im so lonely she took me from my friends and family and country and abused me in every way im walking the streets of chicago crying by myself cuz i have no one to talk to and shes sleeping peacefully...
Another one is when being around a family member, friend, or aquintance of the narc, they don’t even introduce you or even include you in the conversation. the other person could be mentioning things about their partner and the narc would repsonse by saying something about themselves or a blank look. One time while around a cousin I met for the first time I sitting on the couch watching tv nd him and the cousin were sitting at the table shooting the shit, cousin was talking how lucky he is to have his partner and good things about her. Narc just sat there, cousin was looking for some kind of response from him. Only talk about themselves. No wonder why every one in his family thinks I’m a worthless pos…that plus the smear campaign.
I’m so angry with this person. I’m still with him and around him don;t bother bringin any of it to their attention, they would be sure to upo the avoidance and neglect.
Another piece of lyric.
"I'm not Alone because You're Never there" (Taproot)
Going through it right now 😢
This was the first red flag for me but I was so unaware at the time...
The youtuber Richard Grannon calls this narcissistic look the "lizard-terminator look". It's so accurate it made me laugh.
I just came across your video as my wife treats me really badly. I am the sole provider in our marriage and work hard to pay for everything. Mortgages, bills etc. My wife doesn't work and our children are teenagers now but she refuses to go back to work. We haven't made love for 5 years and I sleep on the couch downstairs which I have done for over two years now. She treats me really poorly , never asks or cares about anything I d6 and the house gets quite dirty as she doesn't do much house work and spends alot of time seeing friends while I'm working and earning money to pay for everything even her mobile phone bill. I feel so bad in myself the way I'm treated as she doesn't acknowledge anything I do I'm not sure if I can do this any longer.
Any thoughts you may have would be very much appreciated. Thank you.
So sorry to hear that. You deserve better. Have the courage to leave her.
I would rather be alone than with someone who is too busy for me or half listens.
My husband expects me to run to the door when he gets home from work to greet him everyday! In return I’ve had no emotional support for years! No tenderness or cuddles! Nothing.. just feels like another job if anything was to occur! The result is no intimacy for three years! As I won’t let him near me if he shows no love for me... I’ve been sleeping downstairs now alone for a month! And I’m starting to get rubbish comments from him... The only one in this relationship is him🤷🏻♀️
Yes
Damn. I need out.
How do you not feel lonely with them though? I’m living with him and love him but can’t get away from the hurt and pain of his uncaring self. How do I fix it?
Run.
laura ivey I cant when I have nowhere to go and no way to go anywhere
Get yourself a job get stable and move out. Live with a family member, friend. I waited for years.
I'm pregnant and so hes constantly saying "I don't feel good"... every single day, I'm assuming just so i can't feel sick because id be taking his sickness for my own? Who knows but now n then I'm so nauseated (first trimester morning sickness hits throughout the day and I'm exhausted with fatigue) so, he pokes at me to wake up all through the night so I'm exhausted all the time, creates unsettled arguments so I'm overthinking the issues for days and can't sleep, and making sure his sicknesses are heard loud and clear and not at all asking me how I'm feeling or how he could help, so, I ignore him and pick up his traits and throw them right back at him
I hope you got away from this evil man
What about bipolar? They are mentally ill and they do not want to be that way. They need to get help, if they are not willing to do that then that is sought of like a narcissist may do. I think there are a lot of similarities.
where do you go when you have no money and resources?
We all spend many hours alone. The only relationship that matters is the one we have with ourself. You don't need others in your life - especially someone of bad character. I know a narcissist. He has bankruptcy, a mass of sexual deviancy and indulges in theft in his past. He believes he is superior to every other man he knows. Being alone is better than being in bad company!
(UK)
YUP !
she pretends we are divorced when we are not and is dating a man who has asked our handicapped daughter for sex already afraid to leave them behind she is scared of him for some reason and don't want his name mentioned again I think he has hurt her
🎯🎯🎯!!
A terror of lioness
....and!.....
You chose him so it's not entirely his fault.
Maybe they want to start arguments to upset you so you say you buy them something what 5hey like mostly so thier mood changes ack to nice. Never apologizes,never is to blame, woul take the shirt offa your back. Bullies.picks at what I do. Looking for tiniest fault,pik,pik. I dair not speak. Cos pulls down what I’m saying.. pik,pik. Then turns on crying so I’m miserable all day,avoiding me.im the baddie. I just want to die. I’m very ill. Hates being my carer. But has it easy. Drinks ,buys a lot. I’m worried bout this. Os I ant shop, too I’ll. I think I must go now.
All five of your reasons are basically the same.
Exactly the same I'll be doing dishes and hes watching TV and turns it off and goes to bed don't say anything else I'm like I was still watching that and and then the other night I asked him do you wanna go watch a movie in the bedroom twice I say this and I'm in the bedroom and I hear him going to lay down on the couch and I'm like OK won't never and I'm like ok well never mind and hes like well what the hell and I say I just asked you if you wanted to watch a movie and hes like why didn't hear you You and I'm thinking I know you heard me. He was diagnosed with bipolar disorder back 20 years ago and we've been together for 15 we've been we're married for 10 and hes had UPS and Downs but it's not ever been like this to where he goes and files for divorce and then as soon as I go to move on he wants me back and and then I find out that hes mending this relationship with his sister who also has the same issue as the same issue and his mother has this issue but yet he calls me that and I'll even say I think almost all of us have some kind of tendencies as a narcissist bet The lack of love and the lack of empathy when I had heart issues and the doctor comes in and tells us That my heart isn't only working at 15% and if I wouldn't come in I would not be there A couple days later he fights with me more after hearing this after the doctor even said that stress is the major cause to my heart problems problems and I feel like you're trying to kill me. And we get back together because we were off and on for about a year but it's last year we have been together the entire time wonderful sex and I'm trying to do things that he wants me to do is as I need to change when it means to go to church and do women's groups and stuff like that but he don't need any help and I'm like oh my God everything I'm doing like the thank you's everything to make him feel appreciated and it will appreciate it and for 7 years he had a broken back and I worked 2 jobs and did everything and not one time did he ever Show me appreciation and I don't expect it but it but it's like what the hell
Is it possible to not even know these things into actually be best friends wit's friends with your husband who now you are thinking has this problem and you solve the whole time it was by polar because that's what hes been diagnosed with but with but all the sudden I have heart issues and I had to beg him to take me to the hospital on to be with me and we've been together for 15 years just had our anniversary and we've been married for 10 and in the beginning he was the one that was don't go to bed angry wants to do this the right way I have the best relationship And then all of a sudden it's like I'm nothing at all and I've never seen anything like this