I’m a 43 year old male and I have never had anyone who bonded with me or made me feel safe and seen. At first I didn’t understand why because I am an outgoing person that love taking to people . Most people say everytime they see me im either laughing or smiling and I always had a great sense of humor that people wanted to be around to make laugh but I always felt in a bubble. Beside wanting to laugh no one wanted to know who I really was or connect deep .. friends , family, work college, romantic partners I always felt I was the only one that was putting in effort or had an emotional attachment to our relationship… only in 2020 I was able to understand and really stArt my healing journey… but these 43 years has been a very lonely life and it’s crazy because my personality don’t match to it.
Thank you so much for talking about all the utter nonsense that a plethora of TH-cam presenters spew about attachment issues! I've wasted so much time trying to get help from them (i.e., gain more understanding - because I am seeing an excellent hypnotherapist who is helping me heal, but I listen to understand more and, in doing so, try to feel better about it). Most of them do nothing but spout the basics and promise a level of recovery that is not realistic! YOU on the other hand, really do help! I only listen to you now. The others talk on and on and go nowhere with it!
There really is so much misinformation and misuse of the attachment theory out there. Good for you for researching and I’m glad my work has been helpful for you. Many of us are figuring it out as well, this is something we explore in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It’s great how we learn from each other’s explorations. Thank you for the kind feedback. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Im adding a second comment: THANK YOU for this because I've come a long way, and when I experience trauma triggers, I overreact. I think "Oh no! This again? I thought this was over!" and I get discouraged. This really helped me with that!
It’s so easy to overreact to trauma triggers. If you only knew how relatable this is and how many have shared about the same experience. You wouldn’t believe it. Also, I want to share you make like checking out the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I think it’s so nice to know that others can relate. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Well thank you for the kind words and for seeing the new videos. I want to share you may also be interested in taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I'm so annoyed today. Every time I visit my parents they victimize themselves verbalizing how they are unsatisfied with parenthood. Each time they do that, I distance myself more. It doesn't matter what I do, it's never enough. Their expectations are unrealistic, like: "I'm depressed because I would like to be the most important person to you as I was when you were a kid". My father often compares the dogs reaction to illustrate how he would like to be seen by their daughters. The reality is that I am the one depressed by listening to this, but it seems that my feelings doesn't matter. I know that if I tried to say what I think, they would use it against me (if they listened at all).
Ugghh, family can be complicated, right? I know many of us can relate with not feeling heard by our families. It's great when others can relate with our situation. I remember when we talked about family relationships in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It feels validating when others can understand. We learn so much from each other by talking about this. Thank you for sharing your experience. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I can listen to these videos many times and pick up a different deeper message every time. This one is especially touching me deeply. Guess I am ready for another “round of robarge” wisdom to help me pull myself a little further out of the deep well of grief and loss.
Thank you so much for your insight and down to earth approach to processing. I could never bring myself to listening to the experts. You truly are knowledgeable and in tune with approach with your audience.
You're the best, Alan. So much compassion plus ability to cut to the chase. I haven't watched you for a while, here tonight in my 4th month of amazing healing (note: continuous tense 😊) - and this evening out of nowhere experienced what I now know is called 'intrusive memories' - so intense they just took over and it's the first time I've cried in over a month. I know better than to panic that I've 'gone backwards' etc. But I've loved listening to your reassuring perspective and reminder that we are all united in our human experience.
Oh I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for sharing how much you connect with the content. It's so validating when others resonate with what we share. I hear you about the intrusive memories and empathy to you. I'm wondering if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn a lot from each other and thanks again for sharing the video was helpful. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
You turned my life around positively with such eloquence, clarity and sensible approaches. It’s like a light switch went off, I’m able to work through my heartbreak
Healing is a journey, not a destination. We may relapse, rinse and repeat, but as Alan said, the span gets shorter and the intensity becomes less pronounced as we recognize and identify our patterns and behavior, and correct course as we go along. Because our trauma is very personal, I'm not a proponent of the one-size fits all courses of the healing business promoted and sold by some therapists and coaches. One of the reasons why they make and sell these courses is because they can make more money for the effort they put in than one-on-one sessions. I find it's much more conducive to work with a trauma specialized therapist to integrate our (attachment) trauma.
I agree, the one size fits all approach is not helpful. It’s true, our trauma is personal for each of us and why we need a curated treatment plan and help as we navigate through. What’s fascinating about being on this journey with others is we can lead our specific exploration and learn with others. It’s amazing how much others can relate with our experiences. I wonder if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. These are the type of conversations we have in the Community. Thank you for the feedback and for the insightful comment. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
A lot of us have this question. It’s great to know we’re searching together. Glad this video is helpful and I want to share you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It’s affirming when others can relate. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thank you so much for explaining trauma- it stays with you but you can manage it. I spent a great part of my life denying that I had any trauma- now that I am older I can accept it and not be ashamed - just deal with how it messes with my mind. Thank you Alan- you are a blessing to the world
Yes, that's wonderful you connected with compassion for yourself from this video. You wouldn't believe how many of us relate. Learning how to work with our mind is something that comes up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much from each other and it's so validating when others can relate with our experience. Thank you for the kind words and I'm glad this video is helpful. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
@@sportsreport-t8wit’s a work in progress … but I feel better as time goes on, as I continue to process my thoughts and feelings. There is no magic bullet. Over time, learning new skills for self care can really help.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Empathy to you for the struggles that brought you wisdom and also the ability to BE empathetic and compassionate without enabling more dysfunction. I applaud your focus, sensitivity and consistency.
I appreciate the kind words. It's great when others connect with things we share. I'm wondering if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. There's a new 8-Week Program starting this week and you're invited. We learn a lot form each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
That’s why people develop ptsd? Lack of support after childhood trauma? That’s crazy I’ve never heard that, but that makes a lot of sense. My sister and I present way diff and my family thinks my ptsd is fake and I’m dramatic and need to forgive everyone.
Glad this made sense and was helpful. Yes, we need(ed) that support. This is something we talk about in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn a lot from each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thanks for the question and interest. I think you’re referring to the FB group which is no longer active. There is the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. We learn so much from each other because of how much we relate. You’re invited to join us. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2?r_done=1
I’m a 43 year old male and I have never had anyone who bonded with me or made me feel safe and seen. At first I didn’t understand why because I am an outgoing person that love taking to people . Most people say everytime they see me im either laughing or smiling and I always had a great sense of humor that people wanted to be around to make laugh but I always felt in a bubble. Beside wanting to laugh no one wanted to know who I really was or connect deep .. friends , family, work college, romantic partners I always felt I was the only one that was putting in effort or had an emotional attachment to our relationship… only in 2020 I was able to understand and really stArt my healing journey… but these 43 years has been a very lonely life and it’s crazy because my personality don’t match to it.
You look so much better and happier, Alan, compared to the years before. So glad you glow! -- and shared your grief but also solutions with us.
Thank you for the kind words. Glad the videos are helpful.
Thank you so much for talking about all the utter nonsense that a plethora of TH-cam presenters spew about attachment issues! I've wasted so much time trying to get help from them (i.e., gain more understanding - because I am seeing an excellent hypnotherapist who is helping me heal, but I listen to understand more and, in doing so, try to feel better about it). Most of them do nothing but spout the basics and promise a level of recovery that is not realistic! YOU on the other hand, really do help! I only listen to you now. The others talk on and on and go nowhere with it!
There really is so much misinformation and misuse of the attachment theory out there. Good for you for researching and I’m glad my work has been helpful for you. Many of us are figuring it out as well, this is something we explore in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It’s great how we learn from each other’s explorations. Thank you for the kind feedback. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Im adding a second comment: THANK YOU for this because I've come a long way, and when I experience trauma triggers, I overreact. I think "Oh no! This again? I thought this was over!" and I get discouraged. This really helped me with that!
It’s so easy to overreact to trauma triggers. If you only knew how relatable this is and how many have shared about the same experience. You wouldn’t believe it. Also, I want to share you make like checking out the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. I think it’s so nice to know that others can relate. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Hi Alan,
It's nice to see your smiling face on utube again. 🙏🌺🌈
Well thank you for the kind words and for seeing the new videos. I want to share you may also be interested in taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I'm so annoyed today. Every time I visit my parents they victimize themselves verbalizing how they are unsatisfied with parenthood. Each time they do that, I distance myself more. It doesn't matter what I do, it's never enough. Their expectations are unrealistic, like: "I'm depressed because I would like to be the most important person to you as I was when you were a kid". My father often compares the dogs reaction to illustrate how he would like to be seen by their daughters. The reality is that I am the one depressed by listening to this, but it seems that my feelings doesn't matter. I know that if I tried to say what I think, they would use it against me (if they listened at all).
Ugghh, family can be complicated, right? I know many of us can relate with not feeling heard by our families. It's great when others can relate with our situation. I remember when we talked about family relationships in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It feels validating when others can understand. We learn so much from each other by talking about this. Thank you for sharing your experience. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
I can listen to these videos many times and pick up a different deeper message every time.
This one is especially touching me deeply. Guess I am ready for another “round of robarge” wisdom to help me pull myself a little further out of the deep well of grief and loss.
Thank you so much for your insight and down to earth approach to processing. I could never bring myself to listening to the experts. You truly are knowledgeable and in tune with approach with your audience.
You're the best, Alan. So much compassion plus ability to cut to the chase. I haven't watched you for a while, here tonight in my 4th month of amazing healing (note: continuous tense 😊) - and this evening out of nowhere experienced what I now know is called 'intrusive memories' - so intense they just took over and it's the first time I've cried in over a month. I know better than to panic that I've 'gone backwards' etc. But I've loved listening to your reassuring perspective and reminder that we are all united in our human experience.
Oh I appreciate the kind words. Thank you for sharing how much you connect with the content. It's so validating when others resonate with what we share. I hear you about the intrusive memories and empathy to you. I'm wondering if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn a lot from each other and thanks again for sharing the video was helpful. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
You turned my life around positively with such eloquence, clarity and sensible approaches. It’s like a light switch went off, I’m able to work through my heartbreak
Healing is a journey, not a destination. We may relapse, rinse and repeat, but as Alan said, the span gets shorter and the intensity becomes less pronounced as we recognize and identify our patterns and behavior, and correct course as we go along. Because our trauma is very personal, I'm not a proponent of the one-size fits all courses of the healing business promoted and sold by some therapists and coaches. One of the reasons why they make and sell these courses is because they can make more money for the effort they put in than one-on-one sessions. I find it's much more conducive to work with a trauma specialized therapist to integrate our (attachment) trauma.
I agree, the one size fits all approach is not helpful. It’s true, our trauma is personal for each of us and why we need a curated treatment plan and help as we navigate through. What’s fascinating about being on this journey with others is we can lead our specific exploration and learn with others. It’s amazing how much others can relate with our experiences. I wonder if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. These are the type of conversations we have in the Community. Thank you for the feedback and for the insightful comment. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thank you for all your dedication and thorough explanations, you are truly making a difference in the world 🙏
I keep asking this question. Thank you for your guidance
A lot of us have this question. It’s great to know we’re searching together. Glad this video is helpful and I want to share you may also like the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. It’s affirming when others can relate. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Very well said!
Thank you. Glad this video is helpful.
Thank you so much for explaining trauma- it stays with you but you can manage it. I spent a great part of my life denying that I had any trauma- now that I am older I can accept it and not be ashamed - just deal with how it messes with my mind. Thank you Alan- you are a blessing to the world
Yes, that's wonderful you connected with compassion for yourself from this video. You wouldn't believe how many of us relate. Learning how to work with our mind is something that comes up in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn so much from each other and it's so validating when others can relate with our experience. Thank you for the kind words and I'm glad this video is helpful. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Incredibly wonder 👏 this made so much sense. What a great and accurate description of what “healing” really looks like. Thank you so much, Alan.
Did it work? I'm struggling
@@sportsreport-t8wit’s a work in progress … but I feel better as time goes on, as I continue to process my thoughts and feelings. There is no magic bullet. Over time, learning new skills for self care can really help.
You’re incredible - thank you
Thank you, I appreciate the kind words. Also, check out the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thanks!
Thank you again for a kind donation. And thank you for your help supporting the channel.
@@AlanRobargeHealingTrauma Empathy to you for the struggles that brought you wisdom and also the ability to BE empathetic and compassionate without enabling more dysfunction. I applaud your focus, sensitivity and consistency.
Thank you so much 🙏❤️
You’re welcome. Glad this is helpful. You may also be interested in taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Thanks Alan 🙏🏻😊
You’re welcome.
You’re welcome.
Always enjoy listening to you and your wise input Alan. 🙏
I appreciate the kind words. It's great when others connect with things we share. I'm wondering if you heard about the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. There's a new 8-Week Program starting this week and you're invited. We learn a lot form each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
That’s why people develop ptsd? Lack of support after childhood trauma? That’s crazy I’ve never heard that, but that makes a lot of sense. My sister and I present way diff and my family thinks my ptsd is fake and I’m dramatic and need to forgive everyone.
Glad this made sense and was helpful. Yes, we need(ed) that support. This is something we talk about in the Community Program, Improve Your Relationships. We learn a lot from each other. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
😂❤ really enjoyed
Glad to hear that you enjoyed this video. You may also like taking the relationship quiz. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2
Nice glasses!!
Thanks.
Does your attachment trauma group still run?
Thanks for the question and interest. I think you’re referring to the FB group which is no longer active. There is the Improve Your Relationships Community Program. We learn so much from each other because of how much we relate. You’re invited to join us. www.healingattachmenttrauma.com/iyr_quiz_2?r_done=1
Ty
You’re welcome.