My mom is mix of Javanese and other Eastern cultures, her indirectness always on point. You would never knew when she’s actually furious since she’s always polite. But the part when she starred at us silently, and leave us (me and sis) unsaid, we know we’re in trouble.
My daughter grew up in The Netherlands... she says the directness works In NL - everyone knows where everyone stands.....Sometimes she gets confused by the subtle passive aggressiveness of English and Irish people and that "we should do this again" does not always or often mean we will do this again .. PS she is 50% Irish
i really like what you are doing. I have been living and working in London last 30 years and I am still learning and understanding English culture and you look at really good details. Thank you.
As stated in the video, 'most English people are polite and genuine', perhaps you missed that part! England is not a 'snake-pit'. I would also point out that Robert Greene's examples 'could' apply to all native English speakers from other countries and beyond.
@@secretsofenglishPeople try as hard as they can to inflict damage without being caught out. If you make it indirect then you can protest your innocence.
10:43 So the advice here is to become paranoid and lose trust in what people say, constantly looking for traps and manipulations. What a beautiful world we live in!
@@leeoo2002As mentioned in the video, you can use these clues to become curious and ask yourself the suggested questions. Paranoia won't solve anything.
It may require time and deep perception, but once you start understanding what the cultural context these phrases are uttered in is, then directness can become a powerful weapon, as long as it is used courteously. For example, you can ignore all the snarky comments a colleague can make against you and use directness to summarise their main job-related points in order to bring them back to professional order. As long as someone is able to summarise objectively and remain polite ("please, correct me if I've misunderstood something you said" etc.), you have disarmed your colleague, as they will feel socially obliged to stick to the main topic at hand. Add a few sorrys in and phrases showing self-doubt ("it may be just my opinion, but...") and you have a great recipe for conflict management in an English professional environment. At the end of the day, people are interested in getting the job done. Non-professional relationships, though, I'd say it's pretty random: I've experienced all aspects of the emotional spectrum in public (crying, anger, sobbing, enthusiasm, hugs etc.) to the point I've stopped thinking about the cultural background of the person in front of me. Perhaps it's the older people who keep a stiff upper lip, definitely not the young ones.
Thanks for sharing-it's a good strategy for handling conflict in a task-focused culture like ours in England. Polite directness, summarising points, and adding a touch of humility can certainly help keep things on track. That said, if your goal is to win someone over for the long term, a slightly different approach might be needed. Going beyond just getting the job done-investing time to understand their perspective and showing empathy can gain results.
I've met many polite manipulative people. I have perfectly understood their intentions but I was not able to escape their pressure graciously. This I would like to learn from your future videos: How to force people to consider my points and reach my goals remaining impeccably polite !!!
1:43 The question is why there is a lack of such awareness even when the English are working abroad? Is it just an absence of intercultural competence or a pure superiority complex?
Did the British come up with the concept of gentleman (or woman?)? if they did then it was surely for a valid reason. I'll assume that gentle means kind and to a way direct as opposed to manipulative. Any behavior that goes beyond a reasonable balance point becomes extreme, hypocritical and at times (and most times) repulsive whether by humor, sarcasm, underestimation or supporting the "underdog" etc... I'll assume, as well, that the concept of a gentle person came to denote individual nobility compared to just class nobility. perhaps it is a way that the English culture found some upsides as a solution to its own downsides.
As in some of your other fascinating videos, its essentially middle-class behaviour and the reluctance to show feelings is the result of a highly repressive culture.
I think working-class people can easily become indirect if they feel it will work in their favour in different contexts! On a darker note, there is no class regarding manipulation. Additionally, while the English working class is often more direct in their communication style, succeeding in a professional environment-whether in national or international corporations-requires strong communication skills. These skills include diplomacy, tact, the ability to help others save face, adaptability to different communication styles, constructive feedback delivery, disagreeing diplomatically, and building strong relationships. Being direct all the time will not yield the desired results. My videos are not about 'being more middle-class'; it's about developing communication skills that enable individuals to excel when working with native English speakers. Most of the professionals I work with come from similar backgrounds, and they inspire the content of my videos.
I was just thinking... what if someone uses the information in your videos as tutorials for darker purposes - that is to say, how to become more machiavellian in their daily interactions with people? 😏😁
If my viewers learn to protect themselves and recognize manipulative tactics, that's a win. Dark stuff is accessible everywhere-be it the internet or a bookshop-but understanding it can empower people to navigate it wisely, not misuse it.
Humour video here th-cam.com/video/XLHADC49flc/w-d-xo.html
My mom is mix of Javanese and other Eastern cultures, her indirectness always on point. You would never knew when she’s actually furious since she’s always polite. But the part when she starred at us silently, and leave us (me and sis) unsaid, we know we’re in trouble.
I am Dutch, and as direct as it gets. I could do with a little lesson in indirectness.
I've got something that kind of fits this coming soon.
My daughter grew up in The Netherlands... she says the directness works In NL - everyone knows where everyone stands.....Sometimes she gets confused by the subtle passive aggressiveness of English and Irish people and that "we should do this again" does not always or often mean we will do this again ..
PS she is 50% Irish
But the world needs more people like you - honest, sincere, authentic, and open-hearted.
i really like what you are doing. I have been living and working in London last 30 years and I am still learning and understanding English culture and you look at really good details. Thank you.
Thanks for watching. Glad it's helpful!
You've just described Canadian culture perfectly. I'm an immigrant to Canada and can relate to what you are talking about 100%.
It's true, that there are some similarities, but there's an ocean of difference both literally and figuratively.
The real beauty of English language is its motherland: the ISLAND and its habitants communicating among themselves.
Sounds to me that livning in England is like living in a snake pit:))))) Love your videos😁
As stated in the video, 'most English people are polite and genuine', perhaps you missed that part! England is not a 'snake-pit'. I would also point out that Robert Greene's examples 'could' apply to all native English speakers from other countries and beyond.
@@secretsofenglishPeople try as hard as they can to inflict damage without being caught out. If you make it indirect then you can protest your innocence.
forgive me my provocative sense of humour;)
10:43
So the advice here is to become paranoid and lose trust in what people say, constantly looking for traps and manipulations. What a beautiful world we live in!
@@leeoo2002As mentioned in the video, you can use these clues to become curious and ask yourself the suggested questions. Paranoia won't solve anything.
It may require time and deep perception, but once you start understanding what the cultural context these phrases are uttered in is, then directness can become a powerful weapon, as long as it is used courteously.
For example, you can ignore all the snarky comments a colleague can make against you and use directness to summarise their main job-related points in order to bring them back to professional order. As long as someone is able to summarise objectively and remain polite ("please, correct me if I've misunderstood something you said" etc.), you have disarmed your colleague, as they will feel socially obliged to stick to the main topic at hand. Add a few sorrys in and phrases showing self-doubt ("it may be just my opinion, but...") and you have a great recipe for conflict management in an English professional environment. At the end of the day, people are interested in getting the job done.
Non-professional relationships, though, I'd say it's pretty random: I've experienced all aspects of the emotional spectrum in public (crying, anger, sobbing, enthusiasm, hugs etc.) to the point I've stopped thinking about the cultural background of the person in front of me. Perhaps it's the older people who keep a stiff upper lip, definitely not the young ones.
It's the drunk ones who let it go, in other words, all of us at the weekend
Thanks for sharing-it's a good strategy for handling conflict in a task-focused culture like ours in England. Polite directness, summarising points, and adding a touch of humility can certainly help keep things on track.
That said, if your goal is to win someone over for the long term, a slightly different approach might be needed. Going beyond just getting the job done-investing time to understand their perspective and showing empathy can gain results.
I've met many polite manipulative people. I have perfectly understood their intentions but I was not able to escape their pressure graciously. This I would like to learn from your future videos: How to force people to consider my points and reach my goals remaining impeccably polite !!!
I'll add the idea to my list. Thanks.
People who are always friendly but always ends up in control:
- Paul McCartney
- Lula da Silva
1:43 The question is why there is a lack of such awareness even when the English are working abroad? Is it just an absence of intercultural competence or a pure superiority complex?
It depends on the context, as always there are exceptions. In short, I think it's mostly ignorance.
Did the British come up with the concept of gentleman (or woman?)? if they did then it was surely for a valid reason. I'll assume that gentle means kind and to a way direct as opposed to manipulative. Any behavior that goes beyond a reasonable balance point becomes extreme, hypocritical and at times (and most times) repulsive whether by humor, sarcasm, underestimation or supporting the "underdog" etc... I'll assume, as well, that the concept of a gentle person came to denote individual nobility compared to just class nobility. perhaps it is a way that the English culture found some upsides as a solution to its own downsides.
Really attractive
As in some of your other fascinating videos, its essentially middle-class behaviour and the reluctance to show feelings is the result of a highly repressive culture.
I think working-class people can easily become indirect if they feel it will work in their favour in different contexts! On a darker note, there is no class regarding manipulation. Additionally, while the English working class is often more direct in their communication style, succeeding in a professional environment-whether in national or international corporations-requires strong communication skills. These skills include diplomacy, tact, the ability to help others save face, adaptability to different communication styles, constructive feedback delivery, disagreeing diplomatically, and building strong relationships. Being direct all the time will not yield the desired results. My videos are not about 'being more middle-class'; it's about developing communication skills that enable individuals to excel when working with native English speakers. Most of the professionals I work with come from similar backgrounds, and they inspire the content of my videos.
I was just thinking... what if someone uses the information in your videos as tutorials for darker purposes - that is to say, how to become more machiavellian in their daily interactions with people? 😏😁
If my viewers learn to protect themselves and recognize manipulative tactics, that's a win. Dark stuff is accessible everywhere-be it the internet or a bookshop-but understanding it can empower people to navigate it wisely, not misuse it.
Just look at English and many US politicians: criminals with impeccable manners, like Blinken for example.
Only joking
You obviously don't speak any foreign languages
Not bad ;-) sooo australian... but I like it, because it sounds more honest than "marvelous" or "wonderful" and other hyped thrilling adjectives...