I want to start by saying I’m an Apostolic Pentecostal....and I also want to start out by apologizing that you went through this. It honestly breaks my heart....while I don’t agree with most of things you are saying, and absolutely hate you had to go through this, I like understanding why people who leave...leave. I wasn’t raised in this. I came in when I was 16 and have never looked back. My experience hasn’t been anything like what you went through. You are strong. And I admire your willingness to be so open and vulnerable on the internet. I just came on here to (hopefully) show that not all Apostolic Pentecostals are rude & heartless. 💛
I am glad that you did not have the experience that I did. It's nice to hear that others have had good experiences and I am always happy to hear that there are others who profoundly disagree with the way I had to experience it. Thank you for validating me and my experience! I am glad that you take the time to listen and understand why people leave and take time to empathize with those who do. That is all I can ask of those on the inside. :)
I been out of church for almost 3 years and GOD still deals with me the same way HE did when i was in church. I used to be an apostolic preacher but was under alot of control and manipulation. GOD is telling people to come out from among them(RELIGION, MAN MADE DOCTRINES AND TRADITIONS) and be ye separate. UPCI is wolves in sheep clothing and like satan, transformed into an angel of light.
Being Apostolic , being Holy is a great change for any one. I’ve been in this Faith for two years now and I love it. I love Jesus and I want him more than anything. I was baptized in Jesus name for the remission of my sins on April 27th, 2018, eight months later I received the Holy Ghost. So sorry you are disappointed. I would encourage you to seek God for yourself and listen to his voice. Ask God to Lead and guide you. God bless you 🙏🏽🙂
My wife and I was the worship leaders for a Apostolic church. And a whole lot of the stuff that you said we went though. We left in July 2020 and it’s still kinda rough realizing just how much of a cult we was in. When we left our pastor and his wife told us we would never have kids and our marriage would not last if we left. I was told that I had a bad spirit and I kept my mouth shut the whole time. My wife and I loved the people but since we left not one single person has contacted us. Oh well
I am so glad you got out and saw that you were in a cult. I'm so sorry that nobody has contacted you and that you were made to feel like your marriage wouldn't last. They are so horrible and all of that is just ridiculous. You all will be much happier outside of that mess despite what they say, I promise!
This is typical. They think there's no Salvation beyond them. I live in Maine. Everyone here is either "Apostolic"/UPC OR charismatic. Most upcers are going charismatic too. Most every denomination is a cult now. If you're not Baptized their way your not Saved. When I was growing up, I was mostly Independent Pentecostal. Church was like a family. No more. I just exist now. If I didn't have God I'd be in trouble. God is not a crutch to me. He is my best friend. I'm very depressed most of the time.
I am Apostolic. At 15 God spoke to me at the lowest point of my life. I wasn't raised in church and at 15 I was wearing pants, makeup, suffering from depression and anxiety. God spoke to me and he didn't tell me that I needed to go to an Apostolic church. I will remember that day forever. On a Wednesday night I found myself looking for an old piece of clothing and it just happened to be a skirt that was a little shorter than at the knee. I put it on and yes people are not nice and not all were accepting. A month later of regularly attending service I received the Gift of the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. I got in the word myself. No one gave me a Bible study. I craved this Jesus that could mend my broken heart and horrible life. God made himself very evident to me. I was baptized in Jesus name 2 years later at the age of 17 and I have never felt something so freeing. It was God not religion that saved me. God is the reason I go to church and the reason why I dress modestly. Jesus is the only reason I am here today or I would have committed suicide at 15. I'm sorry that you faced that especially in the United Pentecostal Church. I pray that God will continue guide you. Regardless if you don't believe. You seem very bright and I can completely understand why this happens to people. It's horrible how people become so consumed with religion and standard and not the savior. God Bless and may His Mercy and Grace be with you always.
I'm glad you are still here with us and that you did not take your own life. My experience was the exact opposite. Growing up in this church caused me to have severe anxiety and depression. I too almost took my own life but for me it was because I was trapped in this religion. I'm glad this religion has been a positive experience for you. I also appreciate your delivery which was sincere and heartfelt rather than angry and pushy. Thank you so much for the well wishes and I wish you all happiness and prosperity :)
I am apostolic as well and I love this comment. Good to see someone understands that you do these things for God and not a person or organization. Churches push preferences and not everything is sin. When fully committing to God he gives discretion and understanding to see through the noise. God bless and thank you for this comment 🙏
@@DenyciaI understand how you feel. I currently still go to church but I understand the loop holes of religion. I met some believers who don't speak in Tongues at all and they are holy ghost filled
Thank you for caring enough to create videos and help others..... After years of horrible abuse in one UPC church, my family was finally given permission to attend another UPC church in a neighboring city, although we were still living there until being able to move. Even good friends could no longer see or speak to us, because preacher laid down the law that NO ONE could interact with us. The people, including myself at that time, were so brainwashed into obedience. I went to a camp meeting after switching churches, which was during the time of feeling like i was cut off from "G" and was likely in the middle of a mental breakdown and almost unable to function daily. After one service, was up front when i felt myself being shoved HARD from behind. It could've knocked me over. I turned to see who had done it, and the assistant preacher's wife of the original UPC church was standing there glaring, and that's how much hatred there was. There's a lot more, but eventually i left for good although still had UPC/religion in my brain or subconscious mind. Only recently, many years later, does it seem i'm at the point of getting it all out as i'm using a Bible which was triggering me to make what i call a Journal of Deconstructing Religion and putting revealing artworks in it. The deconstruction is of religious bondage, not spirituality. The results have been incredible and are bringing understandings i never had. I love how you describe feeling born again now, with a new life and i'm so happy for you.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me! I'm sorry for everything they put you through. That sounds so awful. They really are full of so much hate. I'm glad you went through the process of deconstructing all of their nonsense! They are such a toxic, abusive cult!
So I stumbled upon this series by accident and I can't even express how glad I am that I did. This video probably touched me the most because I'm currently in the aftermath of my choosing to leave. It's been a little over 4 years now and I still catch myself feeling guilty but only when it comes to my family. Like you mentioned with the 'backsliding', I know how my family feels and how they view me and what they pray for. I don't have the heart to tell them how I truly feel towards their faith now but they continue to love me like they always have. I definitely miss that sense of community because I, too, was very involved in music with my mom and sister as well. I basically lost all contact after some messaged me with no response, possibly gathering that I wasn't returning. I moved away shortly after with my boyfriend, who was also the one to lead me to leave after mannnnnnny discussions on the world and religion and everything in between. While I'm grateful he encourages me to think for myself, I feel lost most of the time. Not sure what to do with myself now because, like you, my life revolved around church. But watching your vids definitely gave me the knowledge that I'm not alone, and that surprised me more than it should have, and I can't thank you enough for sharing.
It takes a really long time to reroute those thinking processes that were instilled in you during your developmental years. Be kind to yourself and know that you aren't crazy or lost. You're just healing from something very traumatic and something that did a negative number on your psyche. I am so glad that your family loves you as they always have. I'm sure that helps a lot. But if you're feeling like a compass with no true north you have to find what you are passionate about and what drives you and throw your efforts behind it. Maybe it's music, maybe it's art, maybe it's charity work, maybe it's a career path, maybe it's a political cause. Figure out what lights your fire. I know I personally feel far more fulfilled now than I ever did in the church because I give time and effort to the many things I am passionate about. You just gotta figure out what yours is. I know you feel lost because you've come to learn that everything you've ever known wasn't truth. While it is sad, it's also very freeing! Now you get to go on your own spiritual journey and determine what do you believe and you will believe it not because you were taught to but because you actually believe it. It's quite empowering! I'm glad you watched my videos and reached out. You certainly aren't alone and you are more than welcome to reach out to me again during this journey! I wish you healing and happiness 💕
I grew up in the holiness movement in Alabama for all of my adolescent life. I was constantly shamed anywhere we went because i was naturally curious and wanted answers to questions that the pastors werent equipped to answer. Im currently waiting on my 3rd therapy session to begin, they're saying i have anxiety and childhood psychological trauma. For a long time i honestly thought there wasnt anyone like me, so it feels really good to see your videos and know that their are others who can relate.
I was shamed for being curious too! It received so much backlash and when the answers they gave didn't add up and I continued to question I was branded as "having the demonic spirit of rebellion" and told to get my heart right with God. Eventually, you just start to hash them out and catalog them in your own head and it eats away at you. I am so glad you are seeking therapy for your trauma. I know that will help tremendously. You certainly aren't alone my friend and you're definitely not crazy. So many people have had similar experiences. Your experience is valid. Your trauma is valid. I don't want you to ever feel like it's not. If you are looking for a support group I have found a lot of comfort and support in the r/ExPentecostal subreddit! I know it's different because it's online but you will find so much support and so many stories you can relate to on there.
@@christianharris1343 oh haha nice!!!! It is a lot harder to find support in real life from people who relate and understand. Do you know of anyone you used to be friends with that ended up leaving?
Amen... Growing up in Georgia we were always shamed.. as I got older I rebelled and stopped going to church.. and my aunt and parents would shame me back into the church....
What you said, it's so true because I go to a UPC church and since 2017, I thought everything was okay. Until in 2020, that was when I was doubting everything about it. In 2021 joined ministry and my task was to greet guests but not in my way, instead how the ministry leader wanted. As time went on it felt like chore and then felt discouraged. When it came to birthday's nobody was allowed to take pictures, record videos, and even talk about it outside of church. By June, I told them I couldn't do it anymore and left. They make it such a big deal with the holy spirit and if you don't speak in tongues then you don't have the holy ghost. One thing that my mom did agree with me was on the verse of 1 Corinthians 14:27-28. I remember every church sermon; the pastor would speak in tongues without someone translating. I was also friends with the pastors daughter and she told me, " I'm not allowed to workout, go to the park, beach, and even the movies," I told her, " But those things aren't bad, how are you not allowed to do that? Movies are not real anyway, not like its going to have an influence on you." What hit the nail in the coffin for me was after the 2020 election, the pastor made it such a big deal. That showed me his true colors and intention. I strongly agree with the points you made. Great video. :)
that's so weird! They just want little robots. As far as the pastor's daughter goes. I feel so terrible for her. I hope she is able to get out some day just like you did. I'm glad you were able to see the light! Thank you for watching my video and sharing with me some of your story. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hope you feel much better getting away from all that!
@@Denycia Another thing that I forgot to mention. Its been 2+ years since I used the bible app and before used to pray daily, now its very rare. In general I just miss being part of a bible study group. In 2016 one of my friends dad he had his own church (revival) and for years had a great time being part of it and met a lot new people. By around 2019 got closed because her dad had so much work to do. Till this day I still remember the first day I went to the revival church. :) Now, with school and work, I've just been so busy that I barely have any social life outside of work. Before I used to run 6+ miles a day and be active. I do plan to get back at exercising again. Everyday I do my best to remain optimistic. Its not easy though.
I was in an Apostolic church since I was 5 and left at 18. I felt so trapped during my entire childhood. Now I have a strong aversion to religion (particularly Christianity) due to my upbringing
I felt so trapped too! Even though there is a lot to work through after leaving I feel much better since getting out. How about you? I too have a very strong aversion to religion. It makes sense given how we were raised. I even have an aversion just to church buildings in general. Which I know sounds weird. But I learned from my therapist it's called traumatic coupling and it's a symptom of PTSD. It's ok to have an aversion to it. That's your brain's way of protecting you!
You described everything perfectly in this video. I went to an apostolic church for a little over a year, as a young adult, right after getting out of a long treatment center for drug treatment. I was in a really vulnerable place in my life, trying to do the right things and not go back to my old lifestyle, a woman at this church sort of "adopted" me there and convinced me to get baptized. She made me come over to her house and would preach for hours on end and show me scriptures on why women can't cut their hair, wear pants, wear makeup, or be bisexual. I used to cry of shame because of my bisexuality, and she would pray over me and pray these "demons" away from me. It was really toxic and made me feel horrible about myself. I felt terrible that I couldn't speak in tongues and would ask God why he wouldn't give me that "gift" and was constantly scared to die because I thought I was going to hell. There was a lot more toxic situations but I am so glad to be out of that cult environment and to be living my life with my beautiful girlfriend and our son. I have my own personal relationship with God and believe that he is love, not judgment. Thank you for this video ❤
Oh my goodness that is awful!!! It's terrible to do to anyone but it's especially terrible to do to someone who is so vulnerable and trying to get their life back in track. I'm so sorry that happened to you and that you were made to feel guilty and afraid of who you are. I am so glad to hear you got away from all that and are living the life you deserve to live, as your authentic self!!!! ❤
@@Denycia Jesus was friends with sinners but while he was with them he told them that they need to change or they will go to hell.I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. Luke 13:3 KJV so, you need to repent and get right with God or you will go to hell
Just found this video, I can relate big time. What’s shitty is even now you’re getting judgment comments disguised as good will. You’re very civil with your replies, I know I wouldn’t be as gracious.
I'm sorry you can relate but I'm proud of you for getting out of there! Haha thank you because I really do try and it's SO hard. Sometimes I'm not so nice because I get really tried of it.
Hello, everything you mentioned is written in the Bible, i.e. wives should be submissive to husbands Eph 5:22-33. You keep saying you "didn't like". Not saying that they (your church) weren't excessive but being a follower of Jesus is dying to self. I struggle with things I don't like or want to do but God's word speaks clearly as to how we should live. I don't always want to forgive people when they hurt me but I have to. Its not what you like it's what God's word instructs us to do. We don't get to pick and choose which scriptures you want to acknowledge and live by. Maybe pray for revelation thru the Holy Spirit.
@@triniluv1685 Well I'm atheist and don't believe the Bible to be the inerrant word of God so it doesn't really matter because it doesn't apply to me as a non-believer. You do you but I'm gonna live as an empowered women that is in an equal partnership with my husband. We are 50/50 in our relationship and it's been going very well over our nearly ten year relationship so we must be doing something right :)
Hello, well God gave us free will so if that's what you choose. But even though you guys don't believe it, that doesn't mean the word is not true. There is too much evidence His word is true. Look at creation, look at your life. I read Romans 7 and 8 this last week and while I've been saved for a number of years lately I was wrestling with my flesh(emotions) about feeling empty, not feeling saved, living in fear of not pleasing God and being sent to hell etc. That went on for months. But I just kept praying for God to reveal Himself and he did. What he revealed in those scriptures was His pure love why He died for me and when he unlock the chains of sin, oppression and depression and the likes, those chains fell off and we arose with him from death. So we no longer live to please our flesh but the Spirit. I worship him because if the freedom he gave me.
@@missylee3022 i use to think the same things. I could understand how such things happen but God's ways are not ours. And I just keep praying for understanding, we will never understand the word if we read just like reading a book, the Holy Spirit has to be involved. And to have Him you have to ask for Him. 1 Corinthians 2:14 But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned. Be blessed.
@@Denycia exactly. But I suggest to still search for God. Listen to the late Razi Zacharias (unfortunately, he fell from grace before he died) but he left a good legacy through apologetics.
Thank you for your honesty. Although I did not grow up apostolic I was connected to it through the guy I was dating. Hearing your views definitely enlightened me on things that he never shared. While his experience is different than yours I could tell it took a toll on him. He was always stressed which caused headaches and a lot of fatigue. But he’d never admit that it was due to the lifestyle he was trying to appease to. I hoped he’d outgrow it and I even thought God sent me to broaden his views. But I was wrong. I’m glad I am no longer connected to him because I refuse to be bound by man made religion. He had me thinking I wasn’t good enough, when the entire time I was too good for him. I believe God designed us to be in connection and relationship with others. But we can’t do that if we live on a pedestal looking down on others. I choose relationship over religion. And I’m confident that God pulled me away from him because I had a lot more to offer the world than the little box he wanted to be in.
I am so sorry that he made you feel that way. You certainly are good enough. No matter how people in that legalistic cult may try to make you feel. I am so glad you didn't get sucked in though. You don't want anything to do with that religion I can promise you! But I bet you can already tell that lol
I grew up in the Mormon church, and it was shockingly similar to what you have described, in fact I think it's pretty basic humanist radicalism that we see in any organization. But I had to leave to really see the damage that was going on to my psyche and my children and my wife...
I've watched a lot of Mormon creators online and it sounds so similar in many ways. I am glad that you had the courage to leave and were able to see the damage that it was doing to you and your loved ones so that you all could heal 🥺
I saw your videos on the church. I actually came into the church while I was a teenager. I left the church shortly after I left for the military. I came back with a new perspective. I honestly saw everything for what it was and what the Pastor was telling me before I left, the members, my “friends”, and how my views regarding religion and God we’re going to send me to hell. I hope that my parents leave but I doubt that will happen. At this point I wish you the absolute best. Thanks for sharing!
I'm so glad that your perspective changed and you were able to get out. I am so sorry that your parents are still in. My mom and step dad are too. Now our family is broken further than it already was. I hope your family is at least good to you?? Thank you for watching and commenting. I hope you are doing well!
It was difficult at first! I was challenged about my views a lot, but with time and love showing them that I was still a good person, they kinda warmed up to it. They preach and pray for me when I’m there with them, but I’m across the country from them so the preaching is few and far between.
@@21averageman I am glad that they warmed up and are good to you. Hey that helps a lot doesn't it!? Moving away was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Denycia definitely did and moving out was honestly the best thing I could have done. 18 years old and learned a lot since then. 26 now and have no prejudice or negative thoughts about those that have a different lifestyle. I don’t live in fear that I’m gonna burn for eternity. Live and let live.
@@21averageman Woah I'm moved out at 18 too and now 27! I agree. No more judgment. No more fear. No more shame. No more guilt. So glad you've come out of all that too.
I'm so happy you enjoyed them! I'm so sorry you're still trapped. I know how that feels. I couldn't wait to leave at 18. If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here!
I’m Apostolic, I’ve tried other religions and came right back to something that feels real. I don’t know what you’re calling “Trapped” maybe that needs to be rethought. If you’re reading your Bible and building a relationship with God on a daily basis, the feeling of literally feeling the weights is life’s strong holds lifted from your shoulders, that is not being trapped. Keeping in mind there are a lot of over controlling church’s out there, not just apostolic, You have to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, you have to find that apostolic church that has that Pastor that allows you to grow in God, not the ones that try to force you into that holiness way of life, that is between you and God. He will give you convictions as you grow and mold you. I’m sorry you had a controlling experience, I urge you to make your way, but on Gods terms, not people’s terms. I pray for you, because these videos are probably not the best thing you could do for your soul.
@@shellyfairless2997 Hi Shelly! I appreciate the sentiment of your comment and also the time you took to respond. While I'm not against starting a dialogue regarding my thoughts on this matter, I must know, have you by chance watched the video series on this channel?
I have a hard time with them, I can’t hardly listen to them. I just happened by them and was so hurt at what she was saying, there are some stonch churches out there. Nobody is perfect, what I heard, there is Bible for. I live in The south for a short time, and some of the churches I visited were sooo , out there. BUT, I kept praying, and God led me to the right place, a human pastor, lol. Who allows you to grow. The other thing I noticed, she didn’t research things. U MUST research. Things. The Bible says work out your OWN salvation. Not someone else’s.
@@shellyfairless2997 I can understand that you may have a hard time listening to them. While I can agree with some of what you've said, I find it difficult for me to try to have a conversation regarding topics like these. If I am not able to listen and understand to what the "other side" of the conversation has to say, what I do end up saying isn't usually received by the other peoples.
I’m sorry you had an experience like this. I myself am Apostolic Pentecostal! I hope you understand “Apostolic’s” don’t believe everything that you’re saying. That is the UPCI, ALJC, etc. My church believes the DOCTRINE not the STANDARDS. I hate that people view the whole church with that kind of mindset. This makes me so sad. I wish you would have had a different childhood cause I truly believe you would have had a different mindset. 💗🙏🏻
I mention in my videos (including this one) that I am referring to UPCI. I know there are many different flavors. But I am merely talking of my own experience as an apostolic Pentecostal. It's crazy that I was raised to believe that people like you aren't real Apostolics. The UPCI is so whack. I wish I had a different childhood too. Not so that I would have a different mindset but because growing up in a fear based, toxic, and abusive environment was traumatic. I wish people would wish that I had a different experience because they sympathize with my trauma rather than wishing I had a different experience because they don't like the way my trauma paints their belief system. But alas.
When you start to see clearly you start to see the whole issue I believe it’s a case by case issue not everyone but the org does have a over lord presence in the church now
Thank you for sharing your experience and bringing awareness of what a church cult looks like. What you went through is traumatic and I hope that you are in a better place now.
I can relate with you on every single point! I left the church 6 years ago and I'm struggling so bad with anxiety right now because of the trauma I went through. My mom and step dad had left the church before me, and now they are going back. I feel so alone now, all of my family goes and I don't. And the things that we used to agree on that were wrong with the church are now okay in their eyes? It's so difficult! Thank you for sharing your story.
I'm so glad that you got out of there! I'm glad you are staying out too even though your family is going back. Good for you for not allowing them to guilt you or manipulate you back into that. I hope they treat you well regardless. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling with anxiety and trauma. It is a very traumatic way to grow up. I hope that you are getting the help you need and working on healing ❤️
Denycia thank you so much ❤️ yes it’s never even a question that I won’t be going back. I see it for what it is and don’t want any part of it, but it’s still difficult. Currently trying to get into therapy to start to unravel my trauma and finally deal with it! Your video really helped me yesterday when I was in a very low place.
@@mariahd980 Good! I'm glad you see it for what it truly is. Once you do they can't manipulate you and have that power over you. I know you feel "broken" by all of this but I want you to know how strong you are. To question how you were raised, to leave this environment at the risk of losing your friends and family, to say no more to them, to look at what they did to you and go digging back into it so you can heal, that ain't work for the weak. You are strong, your feelings are valid, and you are always welcome and accepted here! 🖤 Don't hesitate to reach out. I know how low dealing with all this can bring you. I am sorry for what you are going through. You didn't deserve this.
I like what you said @ 4:38 .... "they were right and every other religion was wrong". Sadly that is true with ALL religions (cults). Mormons are convinced theirs is the true faith. Jehovah's Witnesses proclaim theirs is the only truth. And so on. Several years ago I attended a different church every Sunday for a year.. that's 52 churches. From Apostolic to Methodist; from Baptist to JW. Was a very rewarding experience.
The Pentecostal movement didn't even start until the early 1900s and the church history goes back 2000 years and the old testament even further. So for 1900 years the church was wrong?
I studied several other religions when I left: Judaism, Catholicism, Hinduism, Islam, Yoga, Buddhism. I read several religious texts such as the Torah, Quran, etc. I was shocked when I came across stories that were so similar in other religions texts to that of ones in the Bible such as the the virgin birth, massive flood, being swallowed whole by a fish, Tower of Babel, etc.
@@Denycia I truly regret that abuse you've suffered from a step-dad that you said did not want you.... & also the church abuse you endured, it's horrific! As to the Apostolic-Pentecostal issue.... in my experience, it seems that the Apostolic churches that are in rural & small town areas (for some reason) they are much more like your experience. I'm sure there are exceptions but over-all it seems that Apostolic-Pentecostal churches in urban/large cities (mostly) seem to take a much softer approach to lifestyle.... even pertaining to the dress "standards" that are practiced by them. They seem to take a more gentle & non-judgmental approach. Thank you very much for your response, I really appreciate it! I wish you & your husband well!!
@@websurfin9575 I appreciate that, thank you!!! Yes, it does seem like that is the norm for rural areas. They definitely hold on tightly to the "spare the rod spoil the child" mantra and think they are just giving "tough love" when really they are abusing their children. It's detrimental. But I am glad to know that they are not all like that because growing up like that is traumatizing. I hope you are doing well as well! :)
This series was beautiful. I’m a former apostolic, now agnostic (leaning atheist). Our experiences are so similar. This has inspired me to document my time in church instead of pretending like it didn’t happen. From one backslider to another, wish you the best in life.
Thank you so much for watching! I'm glad this resonated with you and inspired you to share your story. If you post it on here send me the link! I would love to watch! For me personally I feel like we take back out power by sharing our story. Not because we are a slave to our past but because it's powerful to use one's voice to stand up and says hey this wasn't ok, it's never gonna be ok, and it's time for it to stop. I hope you are finding peace and healing. I have found so much peace and healing after leaving the AP church and also after denouncing faith all together. Wishing you the best as well! And please share your link with me whenever you upload your story!
You said you are a "learning atheist"? What is that? Someone who is LEARNING NOT to believe in a God that really exists? Being an atheist is a faith! You have to believe that there is not God! There IS a God out there, but an atheist refuses to accept that fact! This is sad, but true! There is so much evidence of there being a God, that it bogles my mind how people can ectually say, straight-faced, that there is no God. They are blind to the truth, and the truth is that God is real, and it is evident wherever one looks! It's in the trees, in the plants, when you look in the mirror! My God, it's everywhere you look. Even when you look into a telescope, you see evidence that there is a God out there! A LEARNING ATHEIST is someone who believes that man evolved from the appe, which is so much idiocy, it isn't even funny! Darwin, the inventor of the stupid theory of Evolution, was a LUNATIC! The Theory has been proven false for many many years now. And yet, there is a hand full of people that still hold fast to that lie! This is sad, but true! 99% of all scientists, Archologists, Anthropologists, and Historians, not admit, and know, that the Theory of Evolution is nothing more than that! A stupid, idiotic THEORY!
@@sirhood1848 I said leaning, not learning. If you were literate, you wouldn’t have wasted your time on a long paragraph based upon a false premise! I’m not the blind one:)
@@kyrahooper9566 I’m not the narrow-minded one, as my worldview has changed while yours is the same. Thanks for your prayers though! I’d rather you waste your time mumbling to yourself about strangers than use that time to harm others because of your unsubstantiated beliefs
@@Denycia You're so right, this does need to be talked about! I was born and raise UPCI and left when I was 26, I've been out for 17 years but decided 8 months ago to started a TH-cam channel. As a Christian, I use scripture and history to combat many of their false teachings that scare people (women especially) and keep them under control. The levels of anxiety/fear in that organization are through the roof. Again thank you for sharing your story, there can't be too many voices out there shining a light on the damage this group has caused. I'm so sorry for everything you had to go through growing up. While our journey's may have led us to different endpoints, I have great respect for the amount of courage it takes to do this. We both know the backlash to something like this is not easy!
@@ResponsibleFaith That's awesome! Good for you!!!! I may have taken a different path but I also have immense respect for the path that you have taken. I know that the apostolic Pentecostal faith has it all wrong and it's nice to see someone out there providing a biblical stance for that.
I left a couple of comments on your other video and I can't even begin to tell you the appreciation I have for you sharing this. I could talk for hours about the UPC and the damage it's caused. Yes I do have some good memories but the not so good far outweighed the good. I'd love to talk about this, it's so refreshing knowing that I am not the only one who feels the same.
I am so glad you felt better watching them. That's honestly all I want to do is help people who have left or are thinking about leaving feel like they have a space to talk about what happened and to know they aren't alone. I am so sorry for the damage that they did to you but the fact that you're still here despite all of it tells me just how strong you are. I would love to talk to you! Is email better for you?
I relate so much to what you shared. I actually grew up in Independent Fundamental Baptist church but so much of what you said I can relate to. The manipulation, the fear, the legalism, the misogyny and patriarchy. Thank You for being so BRAVE! You may no feel like it but you truly are a HERO!!
It's crazy how prevalent fear-based, legalistic, manipulative, abusive religions are. I'm sorry that you can relate to this but I'm glad that we aren't alone! Aw, thank you so much. I definitely wouldn't say I'm a hero but I appreciate the love and support. It certainly wasn't easy to do. I'm glad there are people that enjoy it.
can I friend you on facebook and private message you. I am a transwoman and the living your authentic self line that you said really encouraged me. my facebook name is Paige Sears and in my facebook profile I am wearing a hat in from of a River in the background. To me what you did was heroic. Anytime someone does something out of a good heart to reach out to others who have struggled/struggling with the similar things and to go through the counseling work that you had to overcome your anxiety issues. That is something to be admired and looked up to.
@@tedlepcio6239 yes feel free to message me! I will admit that I try to keep my Facebook separate from everything. Mostly due to safety reasons. I have received some veiled threats after making this series so I'm leery of giving anyone access to my personally identifiable information. It's nothing against you! I'm just scared. But I definitely want you to be able to reach out to me for support. I know being a transwoman makes this sort of journey ten times harder. I think YOU are brave for being your authentic self and I truly do mean that. ❤
Your story helped me realized how far I have come what I was actually up against and to appreciate and to be grateful that I finally found my way and I am able to finally start loving myself and others.
This helped me so so much! I’m currently trying to figure out how to leave the Apostolic church and this just opened my eyes more. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I’m happy you are leaving a false religion and I pray that you would not associate the God of the Bible with all the negative experiences I’m sure you’ve had 🙏🏻 as well the one advice I would give is believing the Bible is not a religion there are no outside people there to govern you all the separation that is spoken of in the Bible especially in the new covenant comes from a new heart that believes in Jesus and wants to live for him and is not forced into things gby
Don’t get out of the church it’s your only safe way and road to Heaven!!!! Get right with God get filled with the HOLY GHOST PRAY READ YOUR BIBLE EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE.
Your story is so close to mine, I would think we went to the same churches. The fear, the comments the shaming. Etc. Thank you for sharing your story. 💗
Thank you for watching! It's crazy how common this is amongst apostolic pentecostal churches. People like to say that my experience is singular and that it was just the church I grew up in. I'm sorry that you can relate so much. There are thousands of others who have had similar experiences. It's very sad and is so wrong.
I was in it for 5 years...But I married into it with this guy and his parents were apostolic and I gave it a try for him...but I felt like we were pushed by his parents...but I left and got a divorce 5 years later because of marital issues and I just couldn’t take feeling stuck anymore! idk who I am anymore, and yes I am always nervous, trying to pick back up on my life before I had been in the religion and it’s been so hard.
I'm surprised that you were married and not actually in the church before that. That's crazy. I'm sorry to hear about your divorce but you definitely are better off getting out of that mess. I'm sorry that you got sucked into it to begin with. I can't imagine trying to fit into that for love. I'm sure that was really hard.
Thank you for sharing this. I grew up in the Apostilic Assembly & am still part of it. I have to say it’s definitely much more “lenient” than those in the UPCI/UPC. My heart sunk listening to this. My parents are my pastors & when they came to the Faith, they did experience severe church abuse & God thankfully moved them out of it. It took some time, but my sister & I, along with my brother helped break some of the legalistic mentalities they took on. We most deff encourage counseling & seeking outside aide and I’m hurt that you couldn’t find that in a young age. Despite some churches thinking TV & theaters were bad, my parents never once told us it was evil & would let us go out & hang with non church friends at a young age. There’s so much more I could say but I appreciate how honest you were in sharing the abuse you went through. The emotional toll is something that’s so hard to heal from. This isn’t what God is about. He loves righteousness yes but His word guides us on how to go about living in that way. I don’t know you but my heart goes out to you. I’m sorry you went through what you did. Christ cares for you & loves you. 🫶🏼
I'm glad that you were able to break down the legalism rampant in these churches. I'm happy to hear your parents were willing to listen and learn and grow. I'm glad that people in your church are able to seek outside help. Not having access to that growing up especially when I was struggling with my mental health was so hard. I wish more of these churches would be accepting of that. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for your openness. It is much appreciated! 💕
Right!? They say that tongues is evidence of the holy spirit and that if you don't speak in tongues then you haven't been baptized in the spirit. They just use Acts 2:38 and the day of pentecost. They completely ignore everything else. Bunch of cherry pickers.
@@Jbra76 this scripture speaks of the apostles who laid hands on those that were saved by baptism. The gift of languages( tongues) was given to edify the church. Many different languages were present on Pentecost in Acts 2. They heard in their own language. It wasn’t some unknown language. Please continue to study
@@Jbra76 Speaking in tongues is a spiritual gift, not a requirement for salvation. The bible is clear that salvation comes from belief in god (Acts 16:31) and salvation is for everyone who believes in god (Romans 1:16). If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. (Romans 10:9-10) Ephesians 2:8-9 says For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Salvation comes from belief in god and of his sacrifice. Period. This is a consistent theme throughout the entire bible. Speaking in tongues not a requirement for salvation it is just one manifestation of the holy spirit. Other manifestations might include prophesying, preaching, evangelism, healing, obedience in baptism, rebuke, and joy. The apostle Paul tackles the subject of tongues directly in 1 Corinthians 12 and concludes that not every believer will speak in tongues. 1 Corinthians 12:7-11 says "To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills." Not to mention that speaking in tongues the way pentecostal churches do it, is actually not biblical. Speaking in tongues is supposed to come out as an actual language. Known earthly languages that the speaker has not actually learned, not nonsense syllables/gibberish. It would be a real language and spoken with the rules of that language, with their grammatical structure, syntax, etc. This is seen in Acts 2 "And at this sound the multitude came together, and they were bewildered, because each one was hearing them speak in his own language. And they were amazed and astonished, saying, “Are not all these who are speaking Galileans? And how is it that we hear, each of us in his own native language? Parthians and Medes and Elamites and residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya belonging to Cyrene, and visitors from Rome, both Jews and proselytes, Cretans and Arabians-we hear them telling in our own tongues the mighty works of God." It is supposed to be a known earthly language to minister to others. It's also supposed to be done by three at most, not entire congregations and is always supposed to have an interpreter as seen in 1 Corinthians 14:27-28 "If any speak in a tongue, let there be only two or at most three, and each in turn, and let someone interpret. But if there is no one to interpret, let each of them keep silent in church and speak to himself and to God." We also see in 1 Corinthians 14:22 that tongues is a sign for nonbelievers not for believers so this is supposed to be done in the presence of nonbelievers "Tongues, then, are a sign, not for believers but for unbelievers; prophecy, however, is not for unbelievers but for believers." And let's not forget that based on Paul's teachings the gift of tongues served its spiritual purpose by fulfilling the Old Testament prophecy. IF it were to occur in today it would be rare, only done by two or three people, not entire congregations, and only occur in the presence of nonbelievers or in the presence of an interpreter where one statement at a time is spoken and then interpreted. Anything else is work of the flesh. I suggest you study the word a little closer because you have been greatly misled by the apostolic pentecostal church.
@@Denycia My bad I didn't give a full context but speaking in tongues is showing that you are saved. And I'm not super religious, I just believe the steps the apostolic pentecostal church says to get to heaven. If it's gibberish to you so be it but to me it's another way to glorify the Lord. Just like praising, worshipping, and thanking him for all he has done. But I'm guessing you're still atheist so you pretty much have no faith in anything. Nonetheless, Jesus is coming soon...
Yes it was that bad and I understand. I hated growing up and everyone telling on each other to the Pastor and his wife and the senior staff. It always felt like a prison to me.. my parents found out I was gay when I was 18. That's when everything hit the fan.. my best friend since I was 4 years old. Someone from my job told her and she went home and told her parents and they told my parents. From that point on you would have thought I was the devil himself. I was told that I was a pervert and I was a danger to the youth... And growing up I had always been a good kid and I always did what my parents told me and what the church told me. I would cry at night and begged God to change me. But I finally realized that I am who I am and I can't change that..
Oh my gosh that is a heart wrenching story. I am so sorry for what you went through and for how you were treated. I can't believe they told you that you were a pervert and a danger to the youth. That is so awful. You're right that you are who you are and you cant change that. You didn't deserve the way they treated you and you're better than that.
I know Im reading this about 1 year to late. I am so sorry for how you were treated. You are loved by God. Know that and do not let some mislead people take that knowledge away from you.
Aww! my heart absolutely hurts for you!!! thank you for sharing your story. i'm an apostolic pentecostal still! sending lots of virtual hugs and prayers your way. So sad how you were treated. I'm praying that God mends your broken heart! This breaks my heart! My best friend is going through the same thing and i'm helping her through it. stay safe.
Aw that is very sweet of you, thank you for that! And thank you for helping your best friend through all of that. Having someone on the inside who is kind and cares makes all the difference.
Denycia I vow to be different from the others. I Will never be judgemental I love everyone. No matter what my best friend decides to do, even leave completely, she will still be my best friend and my sister. We’ve known each other for almost 20 years. We have done absolutely everything together since we were little. My brother lives with me, and he’s helping her to and is also on the inside. We know from experience we’ve been abused before too by our ex churches. We now belong to a church that does not treat people that way. My brother and I have both had to see mental health professionals to get us through the trauma of being abused by church leaders before too. I hope it all gets better for you. Stay safe and healthy during this unprecedented time.
@@missbee9898 that is so beautiful. Thank you for your vow to not repeat these mistakes! I'm sorry for the pain and trauma that you suffered as well. I hope that you guys have found healing. You sound like someone who genuinely cares for people regardless of if they agree with your religion or not. We need more people like that in ALL churches.
Poor baby, I'm sorry for your experiences God bless you. My preconceived ideas of Christianity conflicted with their doctrine as well. It wasn't until I let go of the idols in my life, started a prayer life and read the bible regularly when I realized the truth in the apostolic doctrine.
Gonna listen to the vid. I’m an apostolic myself and I’ve never had any of the problems mentioned in the comments growing up that way. Than again suppsodily the “black apostolic church” is more “chill”. Also in my experience urban apostolic churches (churches in the city) tend to be more reasonable and kind than country or small town ones. But eh idk gonna check out this vid and see what your experience was. It’s important to learn what churches can do better.
That's awesome you've never experienced that! I have heard that black apostolic churches are more chill from a friend. I never attended an urban one before. Basically nowhere in Kentucky is urban haha. It likely is worse in small towns. But hey I appreciate that you're willing to listen in an attempt to learn and make things better. That's all we as those who have suffered at the hand of this movement can ask. I had a bad experience but there's opportunity for others to learn from the mistakes of my parents and the congregations I attended to keep from repeating these mistakes with other people.
Denycia yeah that could be it... when I announced I was going to law school after graduating college... some apostolic people I knew and talked to from rural areas said christians can’t be lawyers. But I was always encouraged at my church (in the city) to be one so could be stuff like that but not sure. Going to check out vid now... gonna start with part 2 though so I have the proper context surrounding part 3.
@@futurekillerful I'm glad you were encouraged in that. Encouragement to go to college or demonizing college is hit or miss depending on the church or even by family. Thanks for watching my videos and being willing to listen.
@@Denycia lol hey like your video, I got out the upc however, dont leave God no matter what church you go too, also I am I m the apostolic church but the black kind, we wear jewley, earrings, go to the movies, and still have the holyghost, and enjoy life too, you should try PAW or or other faiths that believe in the holyghost, I fellowship with all faiths and still enjoy the presence of God. Ok praying for u pretty girl
@@tonyelbrown4516 thank you! I personally after years of attending other churches including non-denominational, being a non church attending Christian, studying other religions, etc. have lost and left faith all together. But I appreciate your kindness!
I remember when I finally decided it was over for me. Went to an Esther Conference for girls aged 12-15. When you turned 15 there was a ceremony like a coming of age where you received a purity flower and a scroll describing being a daughter of the king. Guys let me tell you in this class at the graduating ceremony we were talked to about sex and the lady was still regretting and saying how shameful it was that she lost her virginity before marriage and then preceded to say that modesty was really about helping men keep pure thoughts. " even a bra strap could trigger sin for them" Even at 15 it pissed me off. And I am a would be 5th generation. My family are the former presidents of UPC. Screw their hypocrisy sexism and racism that comes from UPC. The shame culture is unreal
Gosh that's so awful to do to people. Yes! So much sexism and the purity culture and racism and hypocrisy. I am so glad you got out. I can't imagine how hard that must have been having your whole family for generations be a part of that. I'm proud of you for getting out. ❤
@@Denycia That's good I would hope most people have, but I'm asking you study those. You could honestly knock those all out very quickly they aren't long, but I'd ask you read them in the spirit.
I’ve visited a church of this denomination, and I would like to be vulnerable about it too. Before then, I’ve been saved for over 2 years and love Jesus, through all the times of growth! My friends and I one day were hanging out. Went out for dinner and saw these men who had suits on. Then, we actually were curious why they’re dressed so differently and they just got out of their evening service. They invited us to their young adults activity night, and out of all my friends, I was the only one who attended. I never seen women dressed like that. Then apparently one of the young male leaders came up to me and wanted to know me for a bit. Shortly thereafter, he tells me about modesty and I had bare knowledge of it. But I asked myself later on, why am I being asked this, knowing that God says “come as you are”? It didn’t immediately raise a red flag, but I pondered in it for so long. I do want to be better about how I dress, but I don’t want it to come off as a rule or else I’m not “saved”. I ended up becoming a roommate with someone for a couple months from the church and a couple instances talked about modesty. Even through it I still had felt something off about it. At least he acknowledged that it’s not required of me to be covering everything up for the sake of a woman’s lust. But what I had experienced, I had felt the judgmental part of their congregation. This one young woman I knew didn’t like how I dressed, that she knowingly avoids my presence. How I can I just start visiting a church and get all modest overnight? And what do they expect, for me to be “perfectly” dressed with a suit and tie or at least something casual with all sleeves? As for the church services, it’s nothing more than a emotionally triggered church, with anointings, healing, and tongue speaking. There’s a point where all of it is not necessary, as a believer. Yes God still heals to this day and anoints us with the Spirit where He gives us knowledge and reminds us of our purpose, but I don’t agree with how this church does it. Another friend who I met throughout, had so much of these standards as if he couldn’t watch or hear anything for himself that'll "backslide his faith" or he’s not in a good place. Mind you, we all sin and fall short of God’s glory. And this one more instance about a woman I knew who actually dropped out of the church. I had heard that she was ridiculed for cutting her hair and wearing jeans. I felt bad for her and I can’t wrap my head around why this church is so obsessed with modest women and being extremely conservative. Once I heard that this church doesn’t teach these women why it’s necessary. And it warns us in the Bible that women shouldn’t wear expensive apparel, or pearls, or anything that is so gaudy; well you could say that’s what I had seen in this congregation. So to put this in summary, my impression of the church is very much legalistic and have no issues to make people follow their agendas, “standards” and “commandments”. Lastly, they never preach Scripture and seem to be "KJV only". Thank you for your story, too and I’ll be praying for you!
Wow you hit the nail on the head perfectly! Thank you for watching and sharing your story and your thoughts. You are exactly right! I'm glad you didn't fall for their bs!
@@Denycia I appreciate that. We should keep in mind that church is of a body, not a building. It's also not a red carpet, it's a place to have our souls restored by Christ alone who runs the church, not by man's expectations and standards of conduct. Religion will always be corrupt, which by the way killed Jesus.
I’m a current Apostolic Member, but haven’t attended church or paid tithes for 7 months. Something about that church doesn’t set well in my Gut. It’s hard to explain and haven’t decided to go back or not, but I’m in Big Trouble for “being in rebellion”. They gossip and the pastor even preaches about people behind their back if he feels he wants to. It’s SAD!!!
I think you should listen to your gut! I'm glad that the pandemic has allowed people to take a step back and see their churches in a whole new light. That's really sad that they have been gossiping and preaching behind people's backs but I can't say that I'm surprised. How ugly of them. If not being a part of that is "being in rebellion" then so be it. You're better off outta there! I hope you have been feeling better on the outside.
Oh my gosh!!!! Your story sounds almost identical to mine!!! From UPC at age 19 during my first marriage, to divorce and finally an agnostic/atheist! Thank you for sharing your story!
i'm romanian and my parents are pentecostal when i was little i went to church in romania then we moved to italy .in Italy the church is exactly the same growing up I started to reason with my head and to ask myself questions there is no more I can feel guilty for anything I do I can not live oppressed. thanks for your testimony I find myself 100% in what you say I can't stand their way of judging anymore they made me fell gulty of my hobby which Is Cycling fuck them this is psychological terrorism thank you youre videos helped me and Sorry for my bad english
Your English is great! I understood everything you said. How on earth did they try to make you feel guilty for cycling? That is crazy! I am sorry that they made you feel guilty and judged you and oppressed you but I am glad you saw reason and got out of there! You are exactly right! What they do is psychological terrorism!!!! Thank you for watching. That means a lot to me. I hope you are well!
@@Denycia thanks they told me that whatever i do in life i have to do it for god and cycling is not for god and therefore i had to stop . Now i m felling Better but the fear Is still there
@@danielcirlan7289 woah that's absolutely insane. Keeping active and healthy is something you should do. Doesn't that honor your body the temple? That blows my mind. I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm sorry you are still struggling with the fear. You shouldn't have to feel that way. It's wrong that they did that to you.
I left the Apostolic Church 10 years ago (time flies!). I had really close friends/members from the church and played on the worship team with them. When life was getting hard for me, I was actually told by the church pastor that it was because I needed to be closer with God and I was lacking in the holy spirit. He based it off of my attitude and how I didn’t have much excitement about life as I used to. I also NEVER EVER spoke in tongues so maybe that’s why he had doubts about me. (I always found speaking in tongues funny and weird). Anyhow, he immediately came to that conclusion without even knowing my life was getting harder because my mom was dying to breast cancer (rip) and that my father was already planning on seeing another woman for the day when my mom passes. It tore the family up and it was hitting me hard seeing people I love break apart. ANYHOW, throughout all of this, my now CATHOLIC best friend and his family were the ones who opened their home to me when my family broke apart. NONE of my apostolic friends who I made music with every week and had regular lunch/dinners with were there. Absolutely none of them. One in fact asked me why I was so weak without knowing what my problems exactly were. I visited back one time because one of the members really wanted me to give the church one last chance so I could be saved. (She thought she was saving my soul by having me come back). I overheard one of the worship members actually say to another “the prodigal son is back” and that pissed me off so much inside. Never came back. Instead I explored. Catholic, Lutheran, Mormon, JW, Non-denominational, Seventh Day, Baptists, Christian Reformed, and Calvinist were all churches I visited and studied. We all have SO MUCH similarities as you said in the video. To this day, I don’t claim to be a part of any church ideology. I just play piano for churches and expect good pay (churches make BANK believe or not 💰). I still believe in God and that I’m saved through Jesus Christ. I just don’t believe in these theologies that were created by mankind. There’s just no way imperfect beings can define a perfect entity. Besides, most of my faith was built in my own bedroom reading the Bible, not the church. Thanks for sharing your story. I found your video because I was looking up apostolic church services to show my best friend how RIDICULOUS they can be running and rolling around. LOL! Glad you came up as a recommended video!
Hey! I left 10 years ago too! Wow, that is all so terrible. The fact that they just assumed you needed to be closer with God, the fact that they didn't een bother to ask, that they were not there for you in your time of need, and the backhanded comments. UGH how awful that people who are supposed to be your brothers and sisters in christ treated you this way. Definitely not at all surprised that churches make bank. I think there are many of them which that is their sole purpose under the guise of religion but that's another conversation haha. I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I am very glad you got out of that toxic environment, away from those toxic people, and out of that toxic legalistic theology. Thanks for watching and sharing your experience with me! I also like to show people the insanity that is one of their church services. People are always mind boggled.
Love love that you made this video . Everyone salvation is always in question . If one dare visit another UPC church .. oh no !!! You could get in trouble for visiting another church without permission .
Yep!!!! Especially if the other church was viewed as more “liberal” lolol aka “not as saved”. I hate that even making friends that went to non-denominational churches was seen as sinful. Literally the reason I didn’t join christian club in college
I was an apostolic for 18 years. I left once I turned 18, but I remember a lot of times people judging me for having certain friends, wearing too short of a skirt. My former pastor told me at 10 years old, I’d go to hell if I moved in with my dad. Just a few years ago I lost my grandfather and he went to the funeral. He talked to My mom whom is still in the religion, he looked me up and down with his wife and walked right past me. Didn’t acknowledge me at my own grandfathers funeral.
Oh my gosh that is SO awful. Just because you left they treat you like you're inferior and at your grandfather's funeral!? How low can they go? I'm sorry that happened to you.
All of what you said was my life except I couldn’t watch any tv or even wear a ring for marriage. My parents weren’t in the church and tried to stop me from going. I should have listened to them.
Major point made, you can be your authentic self!! That’s what I am working towards as is a friend of mine. Knowing the truth just makes it easier to breathe tho the fear of reaction due to abuse in the past I’ve experienced is scary. Still moving forward tho! Thank you for sharing.
I'm so proud of you for getting out and moving forward! Even in the face of the abuse you've endured and their abusive reactions. Just shows how strong you are. I hope you are well!
I love your sweet spirit! BTW, the woman who judged you at Walmart, well, she'd repented from her adultery and made it all right with God at that point.... that's how she could justify being hateful to you. Been there, done that... {{huge eyeroll!!}}. Be who you are. I gotta say I'm sick about the young folks who grew up with such fear and judgement. Heartbreaking abuse. -Lori
That's very sweet thank you so much!!! Yeah they think because they got forgiven they can judge people like that. I'm all for forgiveness and growing as a person but don't be nasty and point fingers over trivial things when your hands aren't clean. Sure I wear pants but I've never and would never sleep with a married man whose wife was on her death bed so uh yeah I think that makes me a better person straight out the gate lol Yes I'm sick of it too! It's so damaging to grow up like that.
Thank you for this series, very relatable to my experience. I am so sorry you had to go through all that abuse. I am grateful that you don't believe anymore.
Thank you for watching! I'm sorry that you can relate so much and I'm sorry for all that you have been through. It's nice to be out on the other side for sure! I hope you are well!!!
I'm in tears right now, I hear so much of my own story from before I left being told back to me. It's a deep, hard-to-explain ache and so very familiar. Thank you for posting, I appreciate it
I'm glad this video touched you! I'm sorry that you have had to go through this as well. I hope that you have started your journey towards healing. It's a really tough road for sure. Glad you got out though!!!
Oh man where to start honestly. The parts where god allowed, condoned, or encouraged genocide, incest, murder, etc. were the most glaring to me since god is supposed to be loving and forgiving. Then there's the scriptures that say love god, fear god, but also scriptures that say there is no fear in love. Parts where it says every word god says is true then multiple times he deceives people. There used to be a website for all of the contradictions but it isn't up anymore. Once I found that website I couldn't beleive just how many there were. There is an archive of it somewhere on web.archive.org
Genocide ? genesis 6 when the fallen angels came down and commigled with human women and produced offspring known as the nephilim , giants etc = hybrids that was the main reason for the flood and there was nephilim admixture after the flood especially amongst the inhabitants of the land of Canaan . incest ? Many people in ancient times married there family members . There's 2 types of fear Fear of the lord is a reverential awe of God for his power and Glory for everything that He is . the 2nd known as the spirit of fear is anxiety timidity and fearfulness that doesn't come from God
@@miguelz8721 so you're not actually curious? You just wanted to argue. I'm not gonna argue with you because you're never gonna see it because you don't want to see it. So thank you have a lovely day. ☺️
Denycia am very proud of you for coming out publicly on this... You will overcome all of what you been through and I can tell you as long as you dont give up on Christ and truly get to know him for yourself your journey with him will be great and it will be like a therapy for you.... I have watched and commented on each of your videos from part 1 to 3 and find them to be encouraging.... My resolve for my ministry is even stronger now because of your videos😌
That is very kind thank you so much. Even though I am no longer a believer, I commend you for your ministry of faith without fear. That's so beautiful.
@@Denycia Thats ok I totally understand.. I do hope that if you find your evidence that prove their is a God and that he loves you and wants a relationship with you that you will give him a chance in your life and allow him to explain everything to you.... I hope your healing everyday and that your happiness increase everday 👌🏾
@denycia Hi! I watched your series and also had my fiancé watch it separately. You were able to put into words what I have been struggling to put together to explain accurately to him. Every single word you spoke is my story. From guilt, secret “worldly pleasures”, etc. Is there a way we could chat privately?
@@Denycia I never ever do this so I don’t know how it works haha. But yes, I was born into APCI, the choice was not mine, we “backslid”, went back, then you know all the things in between. Ironically and quite hysterically, what they thought was “the Holy Ghost or Holy Spirit” was just Epilepsy as I was later diagnosed with. They used to try to “cast the demons” out of me and it was working because I was on the ground shaking, right?! And I would just lay spread out on the altar after. Anyway, long story for me just to try to say - I would like to see if you’re story is close to mine in other aspects but do not wish to have it public. Do you email? Or what would make you comfortable? I live close to Baton Rouge, LA, two kids, work in healthcare.. not going to say “normal” because what the heck is “normal” anyway 😂🤣 But as normal as anyone with our upbringing
@@ashleyblanchard1053 oh my god that is terrible! You has epilepsy and they were trying to cast demons out of you!? Wow. That's awful. Haha yeah what the heck is normal anyway. Yes my email is denyciadawn@hotmail.com
I do have a question, you have read the Bible and can you say with what's happening in the world that you still don't beleive? It's all playing starting to play out in front our eye.
I am so proud of you for sharing your voice no matter what anyone says at the end it's your voice, your story, your experience and you did what you had to do. Not everyone can stand up and do so. If your happy I'm happy you go girl you did what you had to do. Inspirational because you ain't sit there to take no bs no matter what it was or from where.
I’m sorry to hear you had such a. Bad experience, I grew up with judgmental people living in the streets, people were always gossiping and back stabbing one another in LA, many times we didn’t know who we could trust. People are flawed all around, and while The Church should do better on a individual basis, we’re not perfect yet. The Lord Jesus got my attention back in 2009, and although The Church has taught me about God, His Nature, and expectations, this is human experience. My Mom had expectations for me growing up, she provided for me, taught me as best as she could, and yet I do not think that she was harsh, she actually gave me a high and beneficial standard to live by. In the same way, in experiencing God’s Presence so powerfully through these past twelve years, I cannot deny how real Jesus Christ is. Some Churches unfortunately resort to legalism, but legalism is trying to earn our salvation versus living in right relationship to God and allowing Him to transform us from the inside out so that we will want to reflect His Nature. Salvation by works spans more than just Christianity, many religions teach that we must be pleasing to the specific deities in order to be in right standing with them. Things are getting rough out here, and if it was ever on your heart to do so, ask The Lord to give you a better experience. I’m not perfect, but I am striving for spiritual maturity, but I have some rough days as I live in this flawed human nature. Sorry to hear you had such a rough upbringing in the faith, be prayerful for your parents and that Church.
Your sympathies sound nice and all but it means a lot less when you follow it by making excuses for abusive people and abusive organizations and downplaying my experience. I don't owe them more chances or prayers or understanding. They need to change. If you and other Christians really want to show the love of Christ I ask that you shift your perspective from "people did you wrong but YOU need to understand" to "people did you wrong and WE need to understand how WE can grow and be better." Until that happens experiences like mine are destined to continue to happen. The church and it's people need to grow and do better and it's not the responsibility of victims of these organizations to forgive and continue to put themselves in places that are harmful to them and around people who harm them.
However, Jesus will not stop talking to you if you still believe in Him. Just forgive those people and don't fall for atheism because it will lead you to depravity and devastation. Take a look at the marxists and all those narcissistic "intellectuals". They got possessed by unrestrained arrogance and unwholesome pride considering themselves to be the most wise and intelligent persons. They said "people don't need any religion, they just need our views" and what did they do in the end??? Gradually and unconsciously, they turned their ideology into a secularist cult(commonly known as "political correctness") that opposes common sense, natural laws and traditional values which are vital for the survival of the western civilization. They have been speaking for tolerance and now they show intolerance and contempt towards people who disagree with them. Finally, what you get is another "religion" in place of what you left behind and things become much worse! Stay with Jesus Christ because He is the only real Savior.
@@DimitrisTziounis That's not true. I believed in god the entire time I was being abused in his name and cried out to him for help and to hear his voice hoping he would save me from it and never heard a thing. I believed in him for over twenty years. Just because someone doesn't hear god's voice doesn't mean they don't believe in him. I've been atheist for several years now and I don't feel the least bit devastated or depraved. You think it's arrogant for atheists to simply not believe in something or remained unconvinced of the "certainty" of god but don't find it arrogant that you say definitively that god exists, you are right, and everyone else is wrong? That sounds pretty damn arrogant and prideful to me. And as far as contempt for other beliefs it is you who is on here trying to convert people to jesus and being intolerant of other views. I'm not trying to lead anyone to be atheist. This has been my personal spiritual journey and I respect the spiritual journey of others. Wherever their spiritual journey leads them and whatever make them feel fulfilled, great, that's for them. It doesn't have to be for me and what I believe doesn't need to what everyone else believes. I believe in the personal spiritual journey for everyone. You have a grand misunderstanding of what atheism is. Atheism is not a belief system. The very word itself means lack of theism. Do you consider bald a hairstyle? No, because it is the lack of hair. Do you consider the TV turned off to be a channel? No, because it is the lack of a channel. Do you consider abstinence to be a sexual position? No, because it is the lack of sexual position. Atheism simply means a lack of belief in theism. Political correctness and atheism have literally nothing to do with each other so I don't know what you're on about. In regards to tolerance, you're being purposefully ambiguous here but I can read between the lines. The thing to remember about tolerance is that it is a paradox. Unlimited tolerance would lead to the demise of tolerance itself. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant then we erase tolerance. In the name of tolerance we must be ready and willing to protect tolerance from the onslaught of intolerance. Again, atheism isn't a belief system. It is merely a lack of belief. Do you consider not believing in big foot a belief system? "Stay with Jesus Christ because He is the only real Savior." Damn, again with the arrogance and pride. Sounds like you're not very tolerant of other views and the way you talk about atheists sounds like you hold deep contempt for someone who disagrees with you. Hello pot, meet kettle. 😂
I, too, was an Oneness Apostolic Pentecostal. The level of vanity & pride that this denomination breeds is morally reprehensible. I left the entire religious institutional church system, w/their traditions & teachings of men, & ran straight into the waiting open loving arms of the Messiah Yeshua. He is outside the camp. When he speaks of freedom in Him, it looks NOTHING like what the man driven religious institutional church system claims. Be blessed! I'm very glad that you came out of the Apostolic Pentecostal denomination.
You're absolutely right! The vanity in pride in that denomination is mind boggling. I'm glad you got out of oneness apostolic pentecostal church and out of the institutional church system! They have nothing to offer.
Hey yeah leaving to get close to God is good. There are many flaws in the de-nominations even the ones that are closest to the true faith. You did well I believe by leaving.
The SDA is a cult. They told me after trying hard to get me in, if I wasn't Baptized SDA I wasn't Saved. James and Ellen White were genuine Christians. The Jesuits took over the denomination in their day. The SDA don't even believe like James and Ellen White. Her writings have been tampered with to suit the cult. I've studied on it much. The Jesuits kicked James and Ellen White out of the headquarters in Battle Creek. They never went back.
I went through a similar experience. I left the apostolic church when i was in high school as well, but I fortunately did have my parent's support, (whom were not Apostolic). As the years passed, I went to other christian churches whom were not Apostolic, then I became agnostic, then atheist for a short while, but then I missed having the whole "worship" experience. Then I became a pagan, and even started going to christian churches again, hindu temples, buddhist temples, and worshiped whichever deities that my heart desired in nature. Today i find fulfillment in art, poetry, literature and music and still have some paganistic and naturalistic tendencies and some new age philosophies. Anyways, it was very interesting to hear your story! Thanks for sharing!
I'm sorry to hear that you went through a similar experience. I'm glad you had your parent's support though! That's really cool that you have gone out to experience all of those things! I'm sure that has helped you immensely. Very glad to know you are finding fulfillment and joy in life after all of that mess. Isn't it so nice to just be able to live and enjoy life and all this beautiful planet has to offer without all that nonsense!?
Thanks for sharing your story. I grew up apostolic pentecostal. I didn't see what you did when I was younger. I was very involved in my religion and it became my whole entire world.. I did leave when I was 25 though. Sometimes I feel so alone because no one I know really understands what its like to be so involved in this religion and just leave. It has so much control over my mind and thinking, even now 3 years later. I really appreciate your story because its that reminder that there are other people who have been through the same thing. Thank you
Of course! Thank you for commenting. I sorry that you are still struggling with it having control over your mind. I can totally relate to that. All of your feelings are valid. It takes a very long time to come out of that. But you are strong and you can do this!!! You are not alone!!
Your parents trained you up in it that’s why. Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old , he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6 The problem is people don’t want to see themselves for who they truly are, and the convictions are too much for them. I was saved when I was 30 years old at an apostolic church I still currently attend and I will never look back.
Trauma bonding it can be, spiritual, mental and emotional abuse. Legalism uses many of the same mechanics as grooming. Check out Responsible Faith for more help, she’s been out around 20 years.
Hello Dennycia, my best friend already wrote you about a jist of what happened to me. I don't want to leave the truth, but I want to understand the truth biblically speaking, not the way man makes it out to be. It is why I have been saying to my very best friend and my other best friend that I don't trust the "system." I myself am a totally blind individual who has strugled with something as simple as a request for help. I don't want to detail tons of stuff, but just know that when you don't study the word for yourself, you miss out on tons of info for your own self-knowledge. I'm not talking about you, but I had to see it for myself. I'm so deeply sorry you left yourself. totally sending prayers and tons of soft virtual hugs.
Thanks for the well wishes! From a biblical standpoint the apostolic Penteocstal church doesn't have it right. They misinterpret, embellish, and twist scripture. They fail to take in the Bible as a cohesive whole and ignore biblical history. It's just all messed up. I hope you are doing well! Thanks for the hugs!!!
I'm much like you. I was raised Pentecostal (Assembly of God). Although we weren't as extreme as the Oneness people we did have the same issues to a less degree. However, I have many friends and relatives who are Oneness (even pastors) attended their services and even baptized in the name of Jesus. The things I've heard including the sermons (if I could hear those sermons above all the chaos) and the chaotic way they worshipped was laughable and sad. In time I eventually left all Pentecostal/Charismatic churches when a woman followed me around the church "mooing" like a cow "under the power of the Holy Spirit". I had had it. I wanted God and it was obvious I wasn't going to find Him there. I tried Baptist, Methodist, Nazarene, Presbyterian and I found big problems with all. I finally came to the point that for the most part the institutions of the churches is in a mess. Then I realized the churches are not God and none of them have a corner on God. If I wanted to find God I needed to seek him in prayer and thru the Word. I still attend various churches because I need to be in the presence of faith. I still study the word and listen to learned men of God (always praying for discrrnment). I also meet with Believing friends and we share together. I have never felt closer to the Lord Jesus Christ in my life.
This is great!! I remember one time I went to. a apostolic church and they were trynna get this one guy to get the holy ghost and they wouldn't leave him alone. They kept pushing it. Though im still christian ( not sure what denomination) for now im non denominational. What you said was absolutely relevant ❤❤
I was saved and became serious about Christ in the apostolic church but left years ago. I am still saved, I believe the Bible is God’s word. However I know there is freedom in Christ and don’t follow their ways. End of story. There are more scriptures in the Bible other than Acts 2:38 taken out of context.
It's like I listened to my own experience and heart from a stranger. You brought tears to my eyes. You're so bright, intelligent and compassionate. I'd love to hit a punkk show with you some time!! 🖤
Ah that's crazy! My heart goes out to you for your experience. Just know you aren't alone. Thank you so much for your kind words! I would love to catch a show with you sometime and hear all about you and your story!!!! ❤
That's awesome! I'm so glad you are happier! You deserve it. I have a book on Wicca and while I don't consider myself a Wiccan I engage in some similar witchy practices for fun. It's very cool!
I was raised Apostolic all of my life and and like I commented on your last video I got out as soon as I could! I have fully embraced the spiritual path that has called so deeply to me and am a proud Pagan! The Earth is my church! Nothing has felt more real to me in my life! There is no fear being in nature! Using nature and pure intentions the way they were truly meant to be with love and light! I am so happy you have studied and found your own truth as well!🖤
That's awesome!!! I love that! And I totally agree, the earth and nature are the most spiritual it gets. I'm definitely a witch now but I'm an atheist witch so it's probably a little different. But either way I love it. I'm so happy you got out and found your path. I'm so glad that you have found happiness. You deserve it 💜
@@marquisgomez9390 I took a worlds religions class in college and became obsessed with proving that Christianity was the "right" one. Did a deep dive into biblical scholarly work. Read a lot of books. I have obsessive compulsive disorder so when I have a hyper fixation I will literally learn everything I can about it for every waking moment until I get tired of it haha
Love this! I’m not apostolic but I can relate in terms of how religion really affects our true purpose of being our authentic selves. The whole guilt tripping of religion always bothered me. I’m more of a spiritual person nowadays and was wondering where you stand religiously now? Sending love and light ✨
From the year 2002 to 2017 ( age 4 to 19).(now 25) I grew up in alabama going to the apostolic Pentecostal church in Birmingham. It's funny I ran across your video because I was watching ted talks on cults. I'm glad I left and mentally I was gone in my early teens, from the church to having a very mentally and physically abusive mom I wanted to end my life before I left and I tried but thankfully I woke up. I did leave home and stayed with friends from the church which didnt workout much but I ended moving here to georgia with my dad after not being able to see him 8 years. It's not all been flowers and rainbows but I'm still so glad I left and have a life I made for myself. And I dont believe in religion anymore , I hardly ever think about it.
I am so sorry for everything you have been through. I relate to literally everything you said. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who felt this way growing up. Such a damaging cult. I'm glad that you left and I'm glad that you are still here with us today! ❤️ Thank you so much for sharing with me!
My sister is still in it tho and I first saw her after 6 years last year, I miss her so much and wish she would leave but we talk regularly, my brother is also out since 15 and hes doing good.
@@Reader9547 I'm sorry you have family still in it. That makes things especially hard. My mom, stepdad, and brother are all still in it. I have no contact with my mom and stepdad by choice. I only have minimal contact with my brother. Not by choice on my part. I'm not sure if that's his choice or our parents choice. I haven't seen him in several years and I miss him dearly. so I completely understand how you feel. It's really difficult. I'm glad you were finally able to see her again.
Thank you for these videos! I was raised Apostolic Pentecostal, over 10 years later (after leaving the faith) I still feel the trauma & damage it has caused me mentally. Your story has shown me there is hope for recovery & normality.
I left ten years ago too and it took a while to recognize the damage & taking even longer to heal from it. I'm so glad you left and that you are working on recovering. Even though it's hard! I'm happy you stumbled across these videos. You are not alone and there is hope! I hope you are doing well!!!
@@Denycia right! 🤣 idk about your church but we had to have an odd number if we wanted to hang out with friends. Like no 3 girls and 3 boys it had to be 3:4 or something like an extra person. It’s like yeah cause we are all going to just start having a make out session, in public, you know 🤣🤣. My whole immediate family is out now, but we all grew up in it. I was 4th generation apostolic Pentecostal.
@@aspensworld9567 what the hell that is so ridiculous!!! Stupid rules that don't do anything. Wow I can't imagine being in that for several generations. I'm sure that was really rough. I'm glad you got out.
That’s how it was when I was younger. If you want to court you need both pastors permission, no holding hands, no touching, no being alone together. Then you need permission if you want to get engaged. Then you get an engagement watch, you can hold hands but kisses are for your wedding day.
Our founder was a woman and the first Chief Overseer. The second one...a woman and that's when the church fractured. Currently, Chief Overseer is a woman. I grew up seeing women Deacons, Local Ministers, Reverends, Pastors, Elders, Bishops. My mom is a Local Minister. She's not active now ( she's 98) Thanks for sharing.
That's awesome!!! I know it varies from different denominations and sometimes even churches within the same denomination. In my experience in the UPCI and the churches I grew up in the idea of a woman pastor was not even entertained. The only ministry a women could have in the churches I grew up in was positions like Sunday school teacher or choir director or sign language team. That sort of stuff. The women were only allowed to "preach" to a congregation of women only and have the opportunity to speak but not preach only on special occasions such as mother's day. I was taught women can't be pastors or presidents or anything like that. It's sad in general but especially sad considering the very roots of Penteocstalism. Apostolic Pentecostals, Holiness, UPCI churches are a different beast.
I went once , took my young daughter ,5 years old . Noticed in 40 minutes ,that the men worshipped themselves , they had 300 dollar suits , cuff links , gold rings. I noticed rudeness to the women and how the women would not look or say Hi . Seemed like a church of mind control , being a man , it angered me so much ,I walked out in the middle of the service , my daughter said she was scared in there . Your feeling are very normal , you must be very smart
Some churches are sneakier and will love bomb you and be really nice to get you in. I'm glad you saw through them from the get go!!! Well thank you I appreciate that. It definitely took a lot of brain power and will to break free from the indoctrination and brainwashing. So glad you didn't get swooped in there with your little girl.
@@Denycia yes I never returned even after the pastor came ,uninvited to my home and told me I would go to hell in any other church . I ask him to leave , it angered him greatly to be rejected . I actually told him why , and reminded him the bible says a man should love his wife as Christ loves the Church . That's an unending love , not a beaten into submission love . Hope your doing ok , you seem like a sweet young lady . Remind my of my daughter . I raised her alone from 5 years old . I dislike men who mistreat any women. I feel that could be my daughter, that scares me . Sorry for going on so long . Hope your fine , take care friend . Happy New Year from Ohio 😉
@@jamesabond636 Wow that is so aggressive! And the fear mongering...yikes! They place such an emphasis on the fear. I'm glad you chose not to raise your daughter in that and I'm glad you see that kind of behavior isn't right. Don't apologize! I love to hear other people's stories and experiences. Thank you for the well wishes friend! I hope you are doing well and have a wonderful new year as well! ☺️
gosh i can relate so much, and i agree on what your saying! but i might not want to be apostolic pentecostal, but i still wanna follow God! but not being in that church. it’s hard for me to tell my mom that i don’t wanna be apart of that church. i still wanna follow Jesus, just not being judged and being in these standers that give me anxiety. i am so happy i came across your videos. they are very nicely explained and i completely understand you! i am gonna ask God to help me to get out of that church. i have a conviction that i don’t need to be apostolic to go to heaven. im not gonna go to hell if i wear pants, i know God doesn’t judge out wear appearance, He looks at the heart. God looks at our heart. and my intentions aren’t to offend the church, or be a sinner in their eyes. i just wanna be a girl, i wanna wear pants, and cute jewelry, wear light makeup, and i just wanna be myself without being judged by the church:////
You can totally follow god outside of the apostolic pentecostal church. They have misinterpreted, embellished, and manipulated so much that what they do is not even biblical! There is nothing wrong with any of that! Like you said, god looks at the heart. I hope you find a loving and accepting church that doesn't hurt people and where you can be yourself!!! 💖
I am sorry for what you went there. I am in the apostolic church and some of the things they did is not right. just because u left the the church does not mean to stop talking to u and that can hurt. My sister left the church and it hard on me but I love her more than anything and if any of my friends left. I would still love them all. I'm sorry if they stop talking to you. People should not glossip about you if u leave but the bible says not too, but nobody is perfect. God bless u.
What a horrible time those churches cause. It sounds like social atmosphere nobody wants. I hope you're happier now. I got involved or more (coerced) into a UPCI new life church at 2013. 21 yrs old to get baptised. 21 at that time. Bc i was told i needed to do that to get saved. I am susecitible to cult like roads and easy led into things. I'm scottish and got brainwashed by online Christians who spoke about a rapture and that's what got me into extreme religions mindset. Then a christian man who was very controlling online looked up a place for me in my local area and got the pastor to call me into get me baptised. The pastor didn't get too forceful at first on the phone. But eventuality they all in church were determined to baptised me. It has me full of regret bc it makes me think did i choose to let them do this to me. But I feel like it's emotional manipulation even if got the baptism both water and the laying on of hands which was both really scary bc its just felt really cultish. I did feel like a drunk sensation and flashing lights with eyes closed. Felt really out of it. I thought that was Holy spirit. But i dont think it was. I actually hope it wasnt anything. Bc what if they put a demomic entity in me and i dont even know. This is what im still having trouble with in OCD bc i didnt realise at the time but that UPC is from African amercian stuff. So i have this boogeyman effect of what if they put something in me spiritually that that is from Africa that is or isnt jesus. I was just all really coerced into. It makes me regret getting the baptisim all together bc it's causing me go into perpteptual heaven & hell anxiety. Causes me mental pain being angry at others. I left UPC after 5 months being there. I got shunned by some members afterwards. Didn't care and stuck around southern Christians who were online on social media. I was on and off with still believing in Jesus trinity version. Now im just exhausted mentally that i want to leave it all behind. Im just at the stage now where I'm in-between my OCD of whats gonna happen to me and i create all these irritational outcomes. I'm trying to find myself again and be okay in life to experience some happiness at least.
I'm so sorry to hear of how they manipulated you. That's terrible. I too have OCD so I completely understand the intrusive compulsive thoughts making it so all consuming! The only thing that helped me with that was therapy and eventually medication. I'm glad that you got out of there and I hope you are able to leave it all behind and find happiness. I'm so sorry for how they manipulated and hurt you. It's not your fault so don't blame yourself.
I don't like when people yet in downplay our experiences. We each know for a certainty the things which happened to us and they can shout us down all they want, but it doesn't change the validity of our stories. Or they'll use the thought of bad things happen in every church, as if that somehow invalidates what we endured or excuses the abuses of their group. I'll be sharing this video tomorrow. I subscribed in case you end up making additional videos about this.
It is really sad that people can hear of someone's pain and minimize it or try to invalidate it because they had a different experience or simply just feel some type of way about someone having a bad experience in their religion. But like you said, it doesn't matter what they say or how they feel about it because it doesn't invalidate these experiences. This is my story and it's 100% factual. It's really telling me that some people are upset that I've spoken about having a negative experience rather than being upset that I had a negative experience. It just goes to show how people inside the movement don't care that they are psychologically terrorizing people.
Doesn't the claim that "bad things happen in every church" imply that there is a problem with their entire sect or denomination? Because I've seen other churches that aren't terrible (even if not perfect), but I've never seen a Pentecostal church where there aren't severely glaring issues.
@@redlethe8679 Normally in a scenario like this, they are referring to other churches outside their group or denomination. It's an attempt to somehow take the focus off of the the person sharing their story (and thus their church or group) and to put it on other groups/churches.
@@CKoinonia1 Which is bullshit. Because they usually only have so much experience with other denominations compared to the one that they were most likely raised in from birth. Right or wrong, I doubt they're in a position to say that.
I would love to talk to you sometime either doing a TH-cam video or on my Facebook group live. I started the group talking about Religious trauma and Recovery and it’s helping a lot of people. Pls let me know ❤️
Many thanks. Great timing for me to find this. I didn't feel right about this religion. We are not under law, but under grace. How hard is that to understand. I will NOT join The Apostolic Church for any reason but one where I fit in. Seems every sect and denomination are off-centered. I am Calvinest and learned from Ligoniers Ministry so it must have a Calvinist doctrine and not a lot of bothersome ideas like unusual restrictive dress codes Still looking...
I am so glad you found this video and that you agree their doctrine is one of law and unusual rules rather than grace. I hope you find what you're looking for! :)
I was once in the Apostolic church. I left after thinking I never would. I started becoming brainwashed. My life was so very controlled. I left for many reasons you left. I also left because they told me I was going to hell because I'm gay. I now go to a Catholic church that loves and embraces the LGBTQ community.
I am so sorry that they controlled you, brainwashed you, manipulated you, and hurt you. I am so glad you found a loving and accepting place! You deserve to be accepted for who you are!!!
Any nonreligious ex-apostolics from SC? Fairly new unbeliever here and it would be amazing to chat with or hang out with someone from a similar background. Married with small children so not looking for a man to chat privately with, just friendship and support.
You should post this on the r/ExPentecostal subreddit! I'm pretty sure there are some people on there from South Carolina! If you are uncomfortable posting on there I don't mind to do so for you and pass along contact information.
I just finished your story and its like we have the same story! My husband and i were in the upci for about 10 years and it was awful! So much abuse its sickening!!! We went up to the top of the powers that be and nothing happens they organization covers up everything physical emotional even sexual abuse its sick. Thank you for speaking up!
I'm sorry you went through that too. Yes the powers that be will cover everything up, ignore it, allow it to happen, whatever. It's sick all of that and all the emotional abuse and manipulation that happens. Just toxic toxic toxic. Glad you guys both got out!!!!
I was in a dire circumstance to be forced into this religion by family members who recently got brainwashed but they were not religious at all during my childhood and I developed a stunted emotional development ever since I had lived in their religious bubble. When I was a kid I had my own imagination of who god was by being out in nature, listening to music and romanticizing nature and the night sky and it wasn’t anything close to the apostolic version of believing in god which feels like acceptable mental suffering. I’m still trying to deconstruct and still battling to live authenticity without being scared of going to hell just because my agnostic view of a creator is so personal to my inner child and nothing like organized religion.
I'm so sorry you're still dealing with the damage done by these churches and this religion. The fear is really hard to break. I highly recommend going to therapy if you can. It really helps. Their version of believing in god is suffering, you're absolutely right. I'm glad you've found comfort in nature and music. Two of the things that make life great.
Wow literally the same story for me and my family,they are very controlling and yes u are right the veil,skirt, or pants does not save you one of the pastors actually told me one time when I was literally 7 years old that I’m not allowed to wear shorts but yes I still have some of the apostolic faith but as for the rest it’s all religion that controls them
I’m a middle aged male who who was raised in the pentecostal church. I can tell you I didn’t quite get why women’s dress sense was a reason for church male members lust. Womens submission to husbands was definitely a massive issue. Marriages weren’t a partnership but a dictatorship. My father was one of those want to be control freaks but hit a massive hurdle called my mother who stopped him in his tracks 😂. Fortunately many women stood against this draconian misconstruing of proper Bible teaching. My mother believed that men and women were solely responsible for their own selfish lusts. Besides this the church was very legalistic or too spiritually minded and no earthly good. “Unsaved” were frowned upon in a very judgemental way. There was definitely an element of schadenfreude, because it demonstrated God’s judgement. It was so wrong. Not all pentecostal churches were the same but certainly conservative ones were well out of line of enacting God’s love for all. Hating sin not the sinner was one of those cringe sayings because again it was justification for judgement!
You're exactly right! Marriages were dictatorships rather than partnerships, they misconstrued the bible, were super judgmental, and didn't do any of the "works" they were supposed to do. Good for your mom for not allowing that and good for you for seeing through their bs!
Hello dear sister I'm so sorry that you went through this I would just like to let you know that you are right about everything you are talking about I feel so bad for you that you had to go through that you are very special and I am so proud of you for doing all three TH-cam videos thank you so much for your testimony. You are a very strong woman to do this for so many people. I went through everything you talk about. I have seen this in a lot of Pentecostal churches. I went through this for 35 years I feel that God is helping you through this so keep going to counseling and keep up the great work your doing. You have really inspired me to do something about this. I believe that you were spiritually abused and that is not God what is about he love you unconditionally and he helping you it is very understanding why you are atheist you have a right to believe what you believe but I just want to let you know that you have reached out to a lot of people thank you for all you are doing great job keep up the good work
You don't know how much that means to me, thank you! I am sorry that you went through that for so long. I am glad that you've gotten out and I hope that you have been able to do some healing. I am honored that these videos helped you and have ignited a fire inside you to do something about the horrible realities that people face in these churches. Thank you for the encouragement, the understanding, and well wishes. It means a lot to me and wish you all the happiness and healing!
Yes ostracized, shund, they pull the I cant talk to you. Judging, judgemental. You are right it's manipulation. It's not back sliding if you're leaving an abusive people You are a survivor. I feel this is brave of you. People opinions don't matter because that's all it is, just an opinion. Men with their opinions. LOL 😆 see how hypocritical people are? sleeping with the husband while the spouse is dying, wow. Sometimes you have to walk away.
Yes exactly! So manipulative. Definitely a survivor of their abuse. I just want to do what I can to help people stuck in there and try to keep people out of there!
I’m glad I found your video. You may not remember but I responded to your last one. I got saved in the apostolic Pentecostal church, backslid, eventually ended up in a Lutheran Church who still have the basic principles of following Jesus. I’m aware that you no longer believe in God, however I hope you will try talking to him one day… Talk to him, not religious people, not people who think they have it all together, but I hope you talk to God someday sister. I really appreciate you, and care about you. I will have you in my prayers, may God Bless You
I want to start by saying I’m an Apostolic Pentecostal....and I also want to start out by apologizing that you went through this. It honestly breaks my heart....while I don’t agree with most of things you are saying, and absolutely hate you had to go through this, I like understanding why people who leave...leave. I wasn’t raised in this. I came in when I was 16 and have never looked back. My experience hasn’t been anything like what you went through. You are strong. And I admire your willingness to be so open and vulnerable on the internet. I just came on here to (hopefully) show that not all Apostolic Pentecostals are rude & heartless. 💛
Also, I couldn’t imagine not being able to get mental help. My church strongly supports therapy and medication when needed.
I am glad that you did not have the experience that I did. It's nice to hear that others have had good experiences and I am always happy to hear that there are others who profoundly disagree with the way I had to experience it. Thank you for validating me and my experience! I am glad that you take the time to listen and understand why people leave and take time to empathize with those who do. That is all I can ask of those on the inside. :)
I been out of church for almost 3 years and GOD still deals with me the same way HE did when i was in church. I used to be an apostolic preacher but was under alot of control and manipulation. GOD is telling people to come out from among them(RELIGION, MAN MADE DOCTRINES AND TRADITIONS) and be ye separate. UPCI is wolves in sheep clothing and like satan, transformed into an angel of light.
Being Apostolic , being Holy is a great change for any one. I’ve been in this Faith for two years now and I love it. I love Jesus and I want him more than anything. I was baptized in Jesus name for the remission of my sins on April 27th, 2018, eight months later I received the Holy Ghost. So sorry you are disappointed. I would encourage you to seek God for yourself and listen to his voice. Ask God to Lead and guide you. God bless you 🙏🏽🙂
Apostolic holiness system is from the pits of hell
My wife and I was the worship leaders for a Apostolic church. And a whole lot of the stuff that you said we went though. We left in July 2020 and it’s still kinda rough realizing just how much of a cult we was in. When we left our pastor and his wife told us we would never have kids and our marriage would not last if we left. I was told that I had a bad spirit and I kept my mouth shut the whole time. My wife and I loved the people but since we left not one single person has contacted us. Oh well
I am so glad you got out and saw that you were in a cult. I'm so sorry that nobody has contacted you and that you were made to feel like your marriage wouldn't last. They are so horrible and all of that is just ridiculous. You all will be much happier outside of that mess despite what they say, I promise!
This is typical. They think there's no Salvation beyond them. I live in Maine. Everyone here is either "Apostolic"/UPC OR charismatic. Most upcers are going charismatic too. Most every denomination is a cult now. If you're not Baptized their way your not Saved. When I was growing up, I was mostly Independent Pentecostal. Church was like a family. No more. I just exist now. If I didn't have God I'd be in trouble. God is not a crutch to me. He is my best friend. I'm very depressed most of the time.
I am Apostolic. At 15 God spoke to me at the lowest point of my life. I wasn't raised in church and at 15 I was wearing pants, makeup, suffering from depression and anxiety. God spoke to me and he didn't tell me that I needed to go to an Apostolic church. I will remember that day forever. On a Wednesday night I found myself looking for an old piece of clothing and it just happened to be a skirt that was a little shorter than at the knee. I put it on and yes people are not nice and not all were accepting. A month later of regularly attending service I received the Gift of the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. I got in the word myself. No one gave me a Bible study. I craved this Jesus that could mend my broken heart and horrible life. God made himself very evident to me. I was baptized in Jesus name 2 years later at the age of 17 and I have never felt something so freeing. It was God not religion that saved me. God is the reason I go to church and the reason why I dress modestly. Jesus is the only reason I am here today or I would have committed suicide at 15. I'm sorry that you faced that especially in the United Pentecostal Church. I pray that God will continue guide you. Regardless if you don't believe. You seem very bright and I can completely understand why this happens to people. It's horrible how people become so consumed with religion and standard and not the savior. God Bless and may His Mercy and Grace be with you always.
I'm glad you are still here with us and that you did not take your own life. My experience was the exact opposite. Growing up in this church caused me to have severe anxiety and depression. I too almost took my own life but for me it was because I was trapped in this religion. I'm glad this religion has been a positive experience for you. I also appreciate your delivery which was sincere and heartfelt rather than angry and pushy. Thank you so much for the well wishes and I wish you all happiness and prosperity :)
God bless you sister, I have a very similar testimony to yours! Jesus's love will change you!
I am apostolic as well and I love this comment. Good to see someone understands that you do these things for God and not a person or organization. Churches push preferences and not everything is sin. When fully committing to God he gives discretion and understanding to see through the noise. God bless and thank you for this comment 🙏
@@DenyciaI understand how you feel. I currently still go to church but I understand the loop holes of religion. I met some believers who don't speak in Tongues at all and they are holy ghost filled
Amen this is so similar to my testimony thank you for sharing ❤ God lays a lot on our hearts ❤️
Thank you for caring enough to create videos and help others.....
After years of horrible abuse in one UPC church, my family was finally given permission to attend another UPC church in a neighboring city, although we were still living there until being able to move.
Even good friends could no longer see or speak to us, because preacher laid down the law that NO ONE could interact with us. The people, including myself at that time, were so brainwashed into obedience.
I went to a camp meeting after switching churches, which was during the time of feeling like i was cut off from "G" and was likely in the middle of a mental breakdown and almost unable to function daily.
After one service, was up front when i felt myself being shoved HARD from behind. It could've knocked me over. I turned to see who had done it, and the assistant preacher's wife of the original UPC church was standing there glaring, and that's how much hatred there was.
There's a lot more, but eventually i left for good although still had UPC/religion in my brain or subconscious mind. Only recently, many years later, does it seem i'm at the point of getting it all out as i'm using a Bible which was triggering me to make what i call a Journal of Deconstructing Religion and putting revealing artworks in it. The deconstruction is of religious bondage, not spirituality.
The results have been incredible and are bringing understandings i never had.
I love how you describe feeling born again now, with a new life and i'm so happy for you.
Thank you for sharing your experience with me! I'm sorry for everything they put you through. That sounds so awful. They really are full of so much hate. I'm glad you went through the process of deconstructing all of their nonsense! They are such a toxic, abusive cult!
So I stumbled upon this series by accident and I can't even express how glad I am that I did. This video probably touched me the most because I'm currently in the aftermath of my choosing to leave. It's been a little over 4 years now and I still catch myself feeling guilty but only when it comes to my family. Like you mentioned with the 'backsliding', I know how my family feels and how they view me and what they pray for. I don't have the heart to tell them how I truly feel towards their faith now but they continue to love me like they always have. I definitely miss that sense of community because I, too, was very involved in music with my mom and sister as well. I basically lost all contact after some messaged me with no response, possibly gathering that I wasn't returning. I moved away shortly after with my boyfriend, who was also the one to lead me to leave after mannnnnnny discussions on the world and religion and everything in between. While I'm grateful he encourages me to think for myself, I feel lost most of the time. Not sure what to do with myself now because, like you, my life revolved around church. But watching your vids definitely gave me the knowledge that I'm not alone, and that surprised me more than it should have, and I can't thank you enough for sharing.
It takes a really long time to reroute those thinking processes that were instilled in you during your developmental years. Be kind to yourself and know that you aren't crazy or lost. You're just healing from something very traumatic and something that did a negative number on your psyche. I am so glad that your family loves you as they always have. I'm sure that helps a lot. But if you're feeling like a compass with no true north you have to find what you are passionate about and what drives you and throw your efforts behind it. Maybe it's music, maybe it's art, maybe it's charity work, maybe it's a career path, maybe it's a political cause. Figure out what lights your fire. I know I personally feel far more fulfilled now than I ever did in the church because I give time and effort to the many things I am passionate about. You just gotta figure out what yours is. I know you feel lost because you've come to learn that everything you've ever known wasn't truth. While it is sad, it's also very freeing! Now you get to go on your own spiritual journey and determine what do you believe and you will believe it not because you were taught to but because you actually believe it. It's quite empowering!
I'm glad you watched my videos and reached out. You certainly aren't alone and you are more than welcome to reach out to me again during this journey! I wish you healing and happiness 💕
I grew up in the holiness movement in Alabama for all of my adolescent life. I was constantly shamed anywhere we went because i was naturally curious and wanted answers to questions that the pastors werent equipped to answer. Im currently waiting on my 3rd therapy session to begin, they're saying i have anxiety and childhood psychological trauma. For a long time i honestly thought there wasnt anyone like me, so it feels really good to see your videos and know that their are others who can relate.
I was shamed for being curious too! It received so much backlash and when the answers they gave didn't add up and I continued to question I was branded as "having the demonic spirit of rebellion" and told to get my heart right with God. Eventually, you just start to hash them out and catalog them in your own head and it eats away at you. I am so glad you are seeking therapy for your trauma. I know that will help tremendously. You certainly aren't alone my friend and you're definitely not crazy. So many people have had similar experiences. Your experience is valid. Your trauma is valid. I don't want you to ever feel like it's not. If you are looking for a support group I have found a lot of comfort and support in the r/ExPentecostal subreddit! I know it's different because it's online but you will find so much support and so many stories you can relate to on there.
@@Denycia i actually found your videos through the subreddit 😅 its just a lot harder to find support in reality sometimes
@@christianharris1343 oh haha nice!!!! It is a lot harder to find support in real life from people who relate and understand. Do you know of anyone you used to be friends with that ended up leaving?
Amen... Growing up in Georgia we were always shamed.. as I got older I rebelled and stopped going to church.. and my aunt and parents would shame me back into the church....
What you said, it's so true because I go to a UPC church and since 2017, I thought everything was okay. Until in 2020, that was when I was doubting everything about it.
In 2021 joined ministry and my task was to greet guests but not in my way, instead how the ministry leader wanted. As time went on it felt like chore and then felt discouraged. When it came to birthday's nobody was allowed to take pictures, record videos, and even talk about it outside of church. By June, I told them I couldn't do it anymore and left.
They make it such a big deal with the holy spirit and if you don't speak in tongues then you don't have the holy ghost.
One thing that my mom did agree with me was on the verse of 1 Corinthians 14:27-28. I remember every church sermon; the pastor would speak in tongues without someone translating.
I was also friends with the pastors daughter and she told me, " I'm not allowed to workout, go to the park, beach, and even the movies,"
I told her, " But those things aren't bad, how are you not allowed to do that? Movies are not real anyway, not like its going to have an influence on you."
What hit the nail in the coffin for me was after the 2020 election, the pastor made it such a big deal. That showed me his true colors and intention.
I strongly agree with the points you made. Great video. :)
that's so weird! They just want little robots. As far as the pastor's daughter goes. I feel so terrible for her. I hope she is able to get out some day just like you did. I'm glad you were able to see the light! Thank you for watching my video and sharing with me some of your story. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I hope you feel much better getting away from all that!
@@Denycia Another thing that I forgot to mention. Its been 2+ years since I used the bible app and before used to pray daily, now its very rare. In general I just miss being part of a bible study group. In 2016 one of my friends dad he had his own church (revival) and for years had a great time being part of it and met a lot new people. By around 2019 got closed because her dad had so much work to do. Till this day I still remember the first day I went to the revival church. :)
Now, with school and work, I've just been so busy that I barely have any social life outside of work. Before I used to run 6+ miles a day and be active. I do plan to get back at exercising again.
Everyday I do my best to remain optimistic. Its not easy though.
I was in an Apostolic church since I was 5 and left at 18. I felt so trapped during my entire childhood. Now I have a strong aversion to religion (particularly Christianity) due to my upbringing
I felt so trapped too! Even though there is a lot to work through after leaving I feel much better since getting out. How about you? I too have a very strong aversion to religion. It makes sense given how we were raised. I even have an aversion just to church buildings in general. Which I know sounds weird. But I learned from my therapist it's called traumatic coupling and it's a symptom of PTSD. It's ok to have an aversion to it. That's your brain's way of protecting you!
You described everything perfectly in this video. I went to an apostolic church for a little over a year, as a young adult, right after getting out of a long treatment center for drug treatment. I was in a really vulnerable place in my life, trying to do the right things and not go back to my old lifestyle, a woman at this church sort of "adopted" me there and convinced me to get baptized. She made me come over to her house and would preach for hours on end and show me scriptures on why women can't cut their hair, wear pants, wear makeup, or be bisexual. I used to cry of shame because of my bisexuality, and she would pray over me and pray these "demons" away from me. It was really toxic and made me feel horrible about myself. I felt terrible that I couldn't speak in tongues and would ask God why he wouldn't give me that "gift" and was constantly scared to die because I thought I was going to hell. There was a lot more toxic situations but I am so glad to be out of that cult environment and to be living my life with my beautiful girlfriend and our son. I have my own personal relationship with God and believe that he is love, not judgment. Thank you for this video ❤
Oh my goodness that is awful!!! It's terrible to do to anyone but it's especially terrible to do to someone who is so vulnerable and trying to get their life back in track. I'm so sorry that happened to you and that you were made to feel guilty and afraid of who you are. I am so glad to hear you got away from all that and are living the life you deserve to live, as your authentic self!!!! ❤
You can't have a relationship with God with sin in your life.
@@onlyjesussaves2101 Jesus was literally a friend of sinners gtfo 😆
@@Denycia Jesus was friends with sinners but while he was with them he told them that they need to change or they will go to hell.I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.
Luke 13:3 KJV
so, you need to repent and get right with God or you will go to hell
@@onlyjesussaves2101 that's ok with me. I don't mind. As long as it keeps me away from spending eternity with people like you 🤮
Just found this video, I can relate big time. What’s shitty is even now you’re getting judgment comments disguised as good will. You’re very civil with your replies, I know I wouldn’t be as gracious.
I'm sorry you can relate but I'm proud of you for getting out of there!
Haha thank you because I really do try and it's SO hard. Sometimes I'm not so nice because I get really tried of it.
Hello, everything you mentioned is written in the Bible, i.e. wives should be submissive to husbands Eph 5:22-33. You keep saying you "didn't like". Not saying that they (your church) weren't excessive but being a follower of Jesus is dying to self. I struggle with things I don't like or want to do but God's word speaks clearly as to how we should live. I don't always want to forgive people when they hurt me but I have to. Its not what you like it's what God's word instructs us to do. We don't get to pick and choose which scriptures you want to acknowledge and live by. Maybe pray for revelation thru the Holy Spirit.
And everyone who has accepted Jesus have the holy spirit but then can you be baptized in the holy spirit. Not everyone has that experience.
@@triniluv1685 Well I'm atheist and don't believe the Bible to be the inerrant word of God so it doesn't really matter because it doesn't apply to me as a non-believer. You do you but I'm gonna live as an empowered women that is in an equal partnership with my husband. We are 50/50 in our relationship and it's been going very well over our nearly ten year relationship so we must be doing something right :)
I don't like most of what's in the bible because it's bronze age middle eastern mythology. The bronze age was not a period of humanity at its finest.
Hello, well God gave us free will so if that's what you choose. But even though you guys don't believe it, that doesn't mean the word is not true. There is too much evidence His word is true. Look at creation, look at your life. I read Romans 7 and 8 this last week and while I've been saved for a number of years lately I was wrestling with my flesh(emotions) about feeling empty, not feeling saved, living in fear of not pleasing God and being sent to hell etc. That went on for months. But I just kept praying for God to reveal Himself and he did. What he revealed in those scriptures was His pure love why He died for me and when he unlock the chains of sin, oppression and depression and the likes, those chains fell off and we arose with him from death. So we no longer live to please our flesh but the Spirit. I worship him because if the freedom he gave me.
@@missylee3022 i use to think the same things. I could understand how such things happen but God's ways are not ours. And I just keep praying for understanding, we will never understand the word if we read just like reading a book, the Holy Spirit has to be involved. And to have Him you have to ask for Him.
1 Corinthians 2:14
But the natural man does not receive the things of the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him; nor can he know them, because they are spiritually discerned.
Be blessed.
Same here. I grew up Apostolic. The more I read the Bible, the more I distanced myself from them.
It's crazy how much they embellish and twist it. It's like have you even read this?
@@Denycia exactly. But I suggest to still search for God. Listen to the late Razi Zacharias (unfortunately, he fell from grace before he died) but he left a good legacy through apologetics.
@@slickcross no thanks, I'm atheist. 🤗
Thank you for your honesty. Although I did not grow up apostolic I was connected to it through the guy I was dating. Hearing your views definitely enlightened me on things that he never shared. While his experience is different than yours I could tell it took a toll on him. He was always stressed which caused headaches and a lot of fatigue. But he’d never admit that it was due to the lifestyle he was trying to appease to. I hoped he’d outgrow it and I even thought God sent me to broaden his views. But I was wrong. I’m glad I am no longer connected to him because I refuse to be bound by man made religion. He had me thinking I wasn’t good enough, when the entire time I was too good for him. I believe God designed us to be in connection and relationship with others. But we can’t do that if we live on a pedestal looking down on others. I choose relationship over religion. And I’m confident that God pulled me away from him because I had a lot more to offer the world than the little box he wanted to be in.
I am so sorry that he made you feel that way. You certainly are good enough. No matter how people in that legalistic cult may try to make you feel. I am so glad you didn't get sucked in though. You don't want anything to do with that religion I can promise you! But I bet you can already tell that lol
I grew up in the Mormon church, and it was shockingly similar to what you have described, in fact I think it's pretty basic humanist radicalism that we see in any organization. But I had to leave to really see the damage that was going on to my psyche and my children and my wife...
I've watched a lot of Mormon creators online and it sounds so similar in many ways. I am glad that you had the courage to leave and were able to see the damage that it was doing to you and your loved ones so that you all could heal 🥺
I saw your videos on the church. I actually came into the church while I was a teenager. I left the church shortly after I left for the military. I came back with a new perspective. I honestly saw everything for what it was and what the Pastor was telling me before I left, the members, my “friends”, and how my views regarding religion and God we’re going to send me to hell. I hope that my parents leave but I doubt that will happen. At this point I wish you the absolute best. Thanks for sharing!
I'm so glad that your perspective changed and you were able to get out. I am so sorry that your parents are still in. My mom and step dad are too. Now our family is broken further than it already was. I hope your family is at least good to you?? Thank you for watching and commenting. I hope you are doing well!
It was difficult at first! I was challenged about my views a lot, but with time and love showing them that I was still a good person, they kinda warmed up to it. They preach and pray for me when I’m there with them, but I’m across the country from them so the preaching is few and far between.
@@21averageman I am glad that they warmed up and are good to you. Hey that helps a lot doesn't it!? Moving away was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Denycia definitely did and moving out was honestly the best thing I could have done. 18 years old and learned a lot since then. 26 now and have no prejudice or negative thoughts about those that have a different lifestyle. I don’t live in fear that I’m gonna burn for eternity. Live and let live.
@@21averageman Woah I'm moved out at 18 too and now 27! I agree. No more judgment. No more fear. No more shame. No more guilt. So glad you've come out of all that too.
These videos are epic. As someone who is still kinda "trapped", I really appreciate your willingness to talk about these things!
I'm so happy you enjoyed them! I'm so sorry you're still trapped. I know how that feels. I couldn't wait to leave at 18. If you ever need anyone to talk to I'm here!
I’m Apostolic, I’ve tried other religions and came right back to something that feels real. I don’t know what you’re calling “Trapped” maybe that needs to be rethought. If you’re reading your Bible and building a relationship with God on a daily basis, the feeling of literally feeling the weights is life’s strong holds lifted from your shoulders, that is not being trapped. Keeping in mind there are a lot of over controlling church’s out there, not just apostolic, You have to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, you have to find that apostolic church that has that Pastor that allows you to grow in God, not the ones that try to force you into that holiness way of life, that is between you and God. He will give you convictions as you grow and mold you. I’m sorry you had a controlling experience, I urge you to make your way, but on Gods terms, not people’s terms. I pray for you, because these videos are probably not the best thing you could do for your soul.
@@shellyfairless2997 Hi Shelly! I appreciate the sentiment of your comment and also the time you took to respond. While I'm not against starting a dialogue regarding my thoughts on this matter, I must know, have you by chance watched the video series on this channel?
I have a hard time with them, I can’t hardly listen to them. I just happened by them and was so hurt at what she was saying, there are some stonch churches out there. Nobody is perfect, what I heard, there is Bible for. I live in The south for a short time, and some of the churches I visited were sooo , out there. BUT, I kept praying, and God led me to the right place, a human pastor, lol. Who allows you to grow. The other thing I noticed, she didn’t research things. U MUST research. Things. The Bible says work out your OWN salvation. Not someone else’s.
@@shellyfairless2997 I can understand that you may have a hard time listening to them. While I can agree with some of what you've said, I find it difficult for me to try to have a conversation regarding topics like these. If I am not able to listen and understand to what the "other side" of the conversation has to say, what I do end up saying isn't usually received by the other peoples.
I’m sorry you had an experience like this. I myself am Apostolic Pentecostal! I hope you understand “Apostolic’s” don’t believe everything that you’re saying. That is the UPCI, ALJC, etc. My church believes the DOCTRINE not the STANDARDS. I hate that people view the whole church with that kind of mindset. This makes me so sad. I wish you would have had a different childhood cause I truly believe you would have had a different mindset. 💗🙏🏻
I mention in my videos (including this one) that I am referring to UPCI. I know there are many different flavors. But I am merely talking of my own experience as an apostolic Pentecostal. It's crazy that I was raised to believe that people like you aren't real Apostolics. The UPCI is so whack. I wish I had a different childhood too. Not so that I would have a different mindset but because growing up in a fear based, toxic, and abusive environment was traumatic. I wish people would wish that I had a different experience because they sympathize with my trauma rather than wishing I had a different experience because they don't like the way my trauma paints their belief system. But alas.
When you start to see clearly you start to see the whole issue I believe it’s a case by case issue not everyone but the org does have a over lord presence in the church now
Even Matt Maddix said the same thing.
Matt maddix was a highly used preacher and evangelist in UPCi also John arcovio. And yes they do stop talking to you or try to get you back in church
She is miss leading people.
Thank you for sharing your experience and bringing awareness of what a church cult looks like. What you went through is traumatic and I hope that you are in a better place now.
Thank you, I appreciate that. Yes, in a much better place now! :)
I can relate with you on every single point! I left the church 6 years ago and I'm struggling so bad with anxiety right now because of the trauma I went through. My mom and step dad had left the church before me, and now they are going back. I feel so alone now, all of my family goes and I don't. And the things that we used to agree on that were wrong with the church are now okay in their eyes? It's so difficult! Thank you for sharing your story.
I'm so glad that you got out of there! I'm glad you are staying out too even though your family is going back. Good for you for not allowing them to guilt you or manipulate you back into that. I hope they treat you well regardless. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling with anxiety and trauma. It is a very traumatic way to grow up. I hope that you are getting the help you need and working on healing ❤️
Denycia thank you so much ❤️ yes it’s never even a question that I won’t be going back. I see it for what it is and don’t want any part of it, but it’s still difficult. Currently trying to get into therapy to start to unravel my trauma and finally deal with it! Your video really helped me yesterday when I was in a very low place.
@@mariahd980 Good! I'm glad you see it for what it truly is. Once you do they can't manipulate you and have that power over you. I know you feel "broken" by all of this but I want you to know how strong you are. To question how you were raised, to leave this environment at the risk of losing your friends and family, to say no more to them, to look at what they did to you and go digging back into it so you can heal, that ain't work for the weak. You are strong, your feelings are valid, and you are always welcome and accepted here! 🖤 Don't hesitate to reach out. I know how low dealing with all this can bring you. I am sorry for what you are going through. You didn't deserve this.
I like what you said @ 4:38 .... "they were right and every other religion was wrong". Sadly that is true with ALL religions (cults). Mormons are convinced theirs is the true faith. Jehovah's Witnesses proclaim theirs is the only truth. And so on. Several years ago I attended a different church every Sunday for a year.. that's 52 churches. From Apostolic to Methodist; from Baptist to JW. Was a very rewarding experience.
Yup! They all think they are the only ones with "the truth."
The Pentecostal movement didn't even start until the early 1900s and the church history goes back 2000 years and the old testament even further. So for 1900 years the church was wrong?
What did you mean in this vid when you said you have read other "holy" books of other religions & there are alot of similarities?
I studied several other religions when I left: Judaism, Catholicism, Hinduism, Islam, Yoga, Buddhism. I read several religious texts such as the Torah, Quran, etc. I was shocked when I came across stories that were so similar in other religions texts to that of ones in the Bible such as the the virgin birth, massive flood, being swallowed whole by a fish, Tower of Babel, etc.
@@Denycia I truly regret that abuse you've suffered from a step-dad that you said did not want you.... & also the church abuse you endured, it's horrific! As to the Apostolic-Pentecostal issue.... in my experience, it seems that the Apostolic churches that are in rural & small town areas (for some reason) they are much more like your experience. I'm sure there are exceptions but over-all it seems that Apostolic-Pentecostal churches in urban/large cities (mostly) seem to take a much softer approach to lifestyle.... even pertaining to the dress "standards" that are practiced by them. They seem to take a more gentle & non-judgmental approach. Thank you very much for your response, I really appreciate it! I wish you & your husband well!!
@@websurfin9575 I appreciate that, thank you!!! Yes, it does seem like that is the norm for rural areas. They definitely hold on tightly to the "spare the rod spoil the child" mantra and think they are just giving "tough love" when really they are abusing their children. It's detrimental. But I am glad to know that they are not all like that because growing up like that is traumatizing. I hope you are doing well as well! :)
@@Denycia I will follow your TH-cam channel. Thanks!
@@websurfin9575 Thanks for reaching out! :)
This series was beautiful. I’m a former apostolic, now agnostic (leaning atheist). Our experiences are so similar. This has inspired me to document my time in church instead of pretending like it didn’t happen. From one backslider to another, wish you the best in life.
Thank you so much for watching! I'm glad this resonated with you and inspired you to share your story. If you post it on here send me the link! I would love to watch! For me personally I feel like we take back out power by sharing our story. Not because we are a slave to our past but because it's powerful to use one's voice to stand up and says hey this wasn't ok, it's never gonna be ok, and it's time for it to stop. I hope you are finding peace and healing. I have found so much peace and healing after leaving the AP church and also after denouncing faith all together. Wishing you the best as well! And please share your link with me whenever you upload your story!
You said you are a "learning atheist"? What is that? Someone who is LEARNING NOT to believe in a God that really exists? Being an atheist is a faith! You have to believe that there is not God! There IS a God out there, but an atheist refuses to accept that fact! This is sad, but true! There is so much evidence of there being a God, that it bogles my mind how people can ectually say, straight-faced, that there is no God. They are blind to the truth, and the truth is that God is real, and it is evident wherever one looks! It's in the trees, in the plants, when you look in the mirror! My God, it's everywhere you look. Even when you look into a telescope, you see evidence that there is a God out there! A LEARNING ATHEIST is someone who believes that man evolved from the appe, which is so much idiocy, it isn't even funny! Darwin, the inventor of the stupid theory of Evolution, was a LUNATIC! The Theory has been proven false for many many years now. And yet, there is a hand full of people that still hold fast to that lie! This is sad, but true! 99% of all scientists, Archologists, Anthropologists, and Historians, not admit, and know, that the Theory of Evolution is nothing more than that! A stupid, idiotic THEORY!
Wow, aren't you the poster boy for backsliding lol. So narrow minded, I will definitely pray for you, good luck in eternity!!
@@sirhood1848 I said leaning, not learning. If you were literate, you wouldn’t have wasted your time on a long paragraph based upon a false premise! I’m not the blind one:)
@@kyrahooper9566 I’m not the narrow-minded one, as my worldview has changed while yours is the same. Thanks for your prayers though! I’d rather you waste your time mumbling to yourself about strangers than use that time to harm others because of your unsubstantiated beliefs
Thank you for sharing your experience, I know that's not an easy thing to do. You're so right, fear permeates the teachings of the Apostolic church.
Thank you for watching! It certainly wasn't easy but I think we need to be more vocal about this. Fear is not the way.
@@Denycia You're so right, this does need to be talked about! I was born and raise UPCI and left when I was 26, I've been out for 17 years but decided 8 months ago to started a TH-cam channel. As a Christian, I use scripture and history to combat many of their false teachings that scare people (women especially) and keep them under control. The levels of anxiety/fear in that organization are through the roof. Again thank you for sharing your story, there can't be too many voices out there shining a light on the damage this group has caused. I'm so sorry for everything you had to go through growing up. While our journey's may have led us to different endpoints, I have great respect for the amount of courage it takes to do this. We both know the backlash to something like this is not easy!
@@ResponsibleFaith That's awesome! Good for you!!!! I may have taken a different path but I also have immense respect for the path that you have taken. I know that the apostolic Pentecostal faith has it all wrong and it's nice to see someone out there providing a biblical stance for that.
I left a couple of comments on your other video and I can't even begin to tell you the appreciation I have for you sharing this. I could talk for hours about the UPC and the damage it's caused. Yes I do have some good memories but the not so good far outweighed the good. I'd love to talk about this, it's so refreshing knowing that I am not the only one who feels the same.
I am so glad you felt better watching them. That's honestly all I want to do is help people who have left or are thinking about leaving feel like they have a space to talk about what happened and to know they aren't alone. I am so sorry for the damage that they did to you but the fact that you're still here despite all of it tells me just how strong you are. I would love to talk to you! Is email better for you?
I relate so much to what you shared. I actually grew up in Independent Fundamental Baptist church but so much of what you said I can relate to. The manipulation, the fear, the legalism, the misogyny and patriarchy. Thank You for being so BRAVE! You may no feel like it but you truly are a HERO!!
It's crazy how prevalent fear-based, legalistic, manipulative, abusive religions are. I'm sorry that you can relate to this but I'm glad that we aren't alone!
Aw, thank you so much. I definitely wouldn't say I'm a hero but I appreciate the love and support. It certainly wasn't easy to do. I'm glad there are people that enjoy it.
can I friend you on facebook and private message you. I am a transwoman and the living your authentic self line that you said really encouraged me. my facebook name is Paige Sears and in my facebook profile I am wearing a hat in from of a River in the background. To me what you did was heroic. Anytime someone does something out of a good heart to reach out to others who have struggled/struggling with the similar things and to go through the counseling work that you had to overcome your anxiety issues. That is something to be admired and looked up to.
@@tedlepcio6239 yes feel free to message me! I will admit that I try to keep my Facebook separate from everything. Mostly due to safety reasons. I have received some veiled threats after making this series so I'm leery of giving anyone access to my personally identifiable information. It's nothing against you! I'm just scared. But I definitely want you to be able to reach out to me for support. I know being a transwoman makes this sort of journey ten times harder. I think YOU are brave for being your authentic self and I truly do mean that. ❤
Your story helped me realized how far I have come what I was actually up against and to appreciate and to be grateful that I finally found my way and I am able to finally start loving myself and others.
I might also put out a you tube series like you did my story is a long journey. I am 50 years old now but my story is quite unique.
Thank you for sharing your experience, it truly made me feel less alone and like someone understands, and I appreciate that a lot.
You certainly are not alone! Your experience is valid and so are your feelings. I understand you!!!
Nobody blames you for leaving. Just hang in there because it gets better with time.
Thank you! That means a lot to me 🥰
Bro this is so on point it was going from serving God to serving the church ppl
Couldn't agree more!
This helped me so so much! I’m currently trying to figure out how to leave the Apostolic church and this just opened my eyes more. Thank you for sharing your experiences.
I'm so glad you enjoyed it! I am glad that you are asking questions and doing research. I hope you are able to get our of there soon 🥺
@@Denycia I will be praying a holy rosary for you!
@@MrET114 Cool story. Just do it instead of announcing that you're going to do it just to pat your flesh and ego on the back.
I’m happy you are leaving a false religion and I pray that you would not associate the God of the Bible with all the negative experiences I’m sure you’ve had 🙏🏻 as well the one advice I would give is believing the Bible is not a religion there are no outside people there to govern you all the separation that is spoken of in the Bible especially in the new covenant comes from a new heart that believes in Jesus and wants to live for him and is not forced into things gby
Don’t get out of the church it’s your only safe way and road to Heaven!!!! Get right with God get filled with the HOLY GHOST PRAY READ YOUR BIBLE EVERYTHING WILL CHANGE.
Your story is so close to mine, I would think we went to the same churches. The fear, the comments the shaming. Etc. Thank you for sharing your story. 💗
Thank you for watching! It's crazy how common this is amongst apostolic pentecostal churches. People like to say that my experience is singular and that it was just the church I grew up in. I'm sorry that you can relate so much. There are thousands of others who have had similar experiences. It's very sad and is so wrong.
I was in it for 5 years...But I married into it with this guy and his parents were apostolic and I gave it a try for him...but I felt like we were pushed by his parents...but I left and got a divorce 5 years later because of marital issues and I just couldn’t take feeling stuck anymore! idk who I am anymore, and yes I am always nervous, trying to pick back up on my life before I had been in the religion and it’s been so hard.
I'm surprised that you were married and not actually in the church before that. That's crazy. I'm sorry to hear about your divorce but you definitely are better off getting out of that mess. I'm sorry that you got sucked into it to begin with. I can't imagine trying to fit into that for love. I'm sure that was really hard.
Thank you for sharing this. I grew up in the Apostilic Assembly & am still part of it. I have to say it’s definitely much more “lenient” than those in the UPCI/UPC.
My heart sunk listening to this. My parents are my pastors & when they came to the Faith, they did experience severe church abuse & God thankfully moved them out of it.
It took some time, but my sister & I, along with my brother helped break some of the legalistic mentalities they took on. We most deff encourage counseling & seeking outside aide and I’m hurt that you couldn’t find that in a young age.
Despite some churches thinking TV & theaters were bad, my parents never once told us it was evil & would let us go out & hang with non church friends at a young age.
There’s so much more I could say but I appreciate how honest you were in sharing the abuse you went through. The emotional toll is something that’s so hard to heal from.
This isn’t what God is about. He loves righteousness yes but His word guides us on how to go about living in that way.
I don’t know you but my heart goes out to you. I’m sorry you went through what you did. Christ cares for you & loves you. 🫶🏼
I'm glad that you were able to break down the legalism rampant in these churches. I'm happy to hear your parents were willing to listen and learn and grow. I'm glad that people in your church are able to seek outside help. Not having access to that growing up especially when I was struggling with my mental health was so hard. I wish more of these churches would be accepting of that. Thank you for your kindness. Thank you for your openness. It is much appreciated! 💕
Never in the New Testament do we even see that one must speak in tongues for salvation. How do they justify that?
Right!? They say that tongues is evidence of the holy spirit and that if you don't speak in tongues then you haven't been baptized in the spirit. They just use Acts 2:38 and the day of pentecost. They completely ignore everything else. Bunch of cherry pickers.
Acts 19:1-6 actually does.
@@Jbra76 this scripture speaks of the apostles who laid hands on those that were saved by baptism. The gift of languages( tongues) was given to edify the church. Many different languages were present on Pentecost in Acts 2. They heard in their own language. It wasn’t some unknown language. Please continue to study
@@Jbra76 Speaking in tongues is a spiritual gift, not a requirement for salvation. The bible is clear that salvation comes from belief in god (Acts 16:31) and salvation is for everyone who believes in god (Romans 1:16). If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved. (Romans 10:9-10) Ephesians 2:8-9 says For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. Salvation comes from belief in god and of his sacrifice. Period. This is a consistent theme throughout the entire bible.
Speaking in tongues not a requirement for salvation it is just one manifestation of the holy spirit. Other manifestations might include prophesying, preaching, evangelism, healing, obedience in baptism, rebuke, and joy. The apostle Paul tackles the subject of tongues directly in 1 Corinthians 12 and concludes that not every believer will speak in tongues. 1 Corinthians 12:7-11 says "To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good. For to one is given through the Spirit the utterance of wisdom, and to another the utterance of knowledge according to the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by the one Spirit, to another the working of miracles, to another prophecy, to another the ability to distinguish between spirits, to another various kinds of tongues, to another the interpretation of tongues. All these are empowered by one and the same Spirit, who apportions to each one individually as he wills."
Not to mention that speaking in tongues the way pentecostal churches do it, is actually not biblical. Speaking in tongues is supposed to come out as an actual language. Known earthly languages that the speaker has not actually learned, not nonsense syllables/gibberish. It would be a real language and spoken with the rules of that language, with their grammatical structure, syntax, etc. This is seen in Acts 2 "And at this sound the multitude came together, and they were bewildered, because each one was hearing them speak in his own language. And they were amazed and astonished, saying, “Are not all these who are speaking Galileans? And how is it that we hear, each of us in his own native language? Parthians and Medes and Elamites and residents of Mesopotamia, Judea and Cappadocia, Pontus and Asia, Phrygia and Pamphylia, Egypt and the parts of Libya belonging to Cyrene, and visitors from Rome, both Jews and proselytes, Cretans and Arabians-we hear them telling in our own tongues the mighty works of God." It is supposed to be a known earthly language to minister to others. It's also supposed to be done by three at most, not entire congregations and is always supposed to have an interpreter as seen in 1 Corinthians 14:27-28 "If any speak in a tongue, let there be only two or at most three, and each in turn, and let someone interpret. But if there is no one to interpret, let each of them keep silent in church and speak to himself and to God." We also see in 1 Corinthians 14:22 that tongues is a sign for nonbelievers not for believers so this is supposed to be done in the presence of nonbelievers "Tongues, then, are a sign, not for believers but for unbelievers; prophecy, however, is not for unbelievers but for believers."
And let's not forget that based on Paul's teachings the gift of tongues served its spiritual purpose by fulfilling the Old Testament prophecy. IF it were to occur in today it would be rare, only done by two or three people, not entire congregations, and only occur in the presence of nonbelievers or in the presence of an interpreter where one statement at a time is spoken and then interpreted. Anything else is work of the flesh.
I suggest you study the word a little closer because you have been greatly misled by the apostolic pentecostal church.
@@Denycia My bad I didn't give a full context but speaking in tongues is showing that you are saved.
And I'm not super religious, I just believe the steps the apostolic pentecostal church says to get to heaven. If it's gibberish to you so be it but to me it's another way to glorify the Lord. Just like praising, worshipping, and thanking him for all he has done. But I'm guessing you're still atheist so you pretty much have no faith in anything.
Nonetheless, Jesus is coming soon...
Yes it was that bad and I understand. I hated growing up and everyone telling on each other to the Pastor and his wife and the senior staff. It always felt like a prison to me.. my parents found out I was gay when I was 18. That's when everything hit the fan.. my best friend since I was 4 years old. Someone from my job told her and she went home and told her parents and they told my parents. From that point on you would have thought I was the devil himself. I was told that I was a pervert and I was a danger to the youth... And growing up I had always been a good kid and I always did what my parents told me and what the church told me. I would cry at night and begged God to change me. But I finally realized that I am who I am and I can't change that..
Oh my gosh that is a heart wrenching story. I am so sorry for what you went through and for how you were treated. I can't believe they told you that you were a pervert and a danger to the youth. That is so awful. You're right that you are who you are and you cant change that. You didn't deserve the way they treated you and you're better than that.
@@Denycia Thanks so much. I really appreciate that. And please keep sharing the truth..
@@barrett7893 Absolutely! Our stories need to be shared. We take back our power when we use our voice and break down their pedestals.
I know Im reading this about 1 year to late. I am so sorry for how you were treated. You are loved by God. Know that and do not let some mislead people take that knowledge away from you.
@@edwinholcombe2741 Thanks so much
Aww! my heart absolutely hurts for you!!! thank you for sharing your story. i'm an apostolic pentecostal still! sending lots of virtual hugs and prayers your way. So sad how you were treated. I'm praying that God mends your broken heart! This breaks my heart! My best friend is going through the same thing and i'm helping her through it. stay safe.
Aw that is very sweet of you, thank you for that! And thank you for helping your best friend through all of that. Having someone on the inside who is kind and cares makes all the difference.
Denycia I vow to be different from the others. I Will never be judgemental I love everyone. No matter what my best friend decides to do, even leave completely, she will still be my best friend and my sister. We’ve known each other for almost 20 years. We have done absolutely everything together since we were little. My brother lives with me, and he’s helping her to and is also on the inside. We know from experience we’ve been abused before too by our ex churches. We now belong to a church that does not treat people that way. My brother and I have both had to see mental health professionals to get us through the trauma of being abused by church leaders before too. I hope it all gets better for you. Stay safe and healthy during this unprecedented time.
@@missbee9898 that is so beautiful. Thank you for your vow to not repeat these mistakes! I'm sorry for the pain and trauma that you suffered as well. I hope that you guys have found healing. You sound like someone who genuinely cares for people regardless of if they agree with your religion or not. We need more people like that in ALL churches.
Poor baby, I'm sorry for your experiences God bless you. My preconceived ideas of Christianity conflicted with their doctrine as well. It wasn't until I let go of the idols in my life, started a prayer life and read the bible regularly when I realized the truth in the apostolic doctrine.
So proud of you for your stance!!
Thank you!!!
Gonna listen to the vid. I’m an apostolic myself and I’ve never had any of the problems mentioned in the comments growing up that way. Than again suppsodily the “black apostolic church” is more “chill”. Also in my experience urban apostolic churches (churches in the city) tend to be more reasonable and kind than country or small town ones. But eh idk gonna check out this vid and see what your experience was. It’s important to learn what churches can do better.
That's awesome you've never experienced that! I have heard that black apostolic churches are more chill from a friend. I never attended an urban one before. Basically nowhere in Kentucky is urban haha. It likely is worse in small towns. But hey I appreciate that you're willing to listen in an attempt to learn and make things better. That's all we as those who have suffered at the hand of this movement can ask. I had a bad experience but there's opportunity for others to learn from the mistakes of my parents and the congregations I attended to keep from repeating these mistakes with other people.
Denycia yeah that could be it... when I announced I was going to law school after graduating college... some apostolic people I knew and talked to from rural areas said christians can’t be lawyers. But I was always encouraged at my church (in the city) to be one so could be stuff like that but not sure. Going to check out vid now... gonna start with part 2 though so I have the proper context surrounding part 3.
@@futurekillerful I'm glad you were encouraged in that. Encouragement to go to college or demonizing college is hit or miss depending on the church or even by family. Thanks for watching my videos and being willing to listen.
@@Denycia lol hey like your video, I got out the upc however, dont leave God no matter what church you go too, also I am I m the apostolic church but the black kind, we wear jewley, earrings, go to the movies, and still have the holyghost, and enjoy life too, you should try PAW or or other faiths that believe in the holyghost, I fellowship with all faiths and still enjoy the presence of God. Ok praying for u pretty girl
@@tonyelbrown4516 thank you! I personally after years of attending other churches including non-denominational, being a non church attending Christian, studying other religions, etc. have lost and left faith all together. But I appreciate your kindness!
I remember when I finally decided it was over for me. Went to an Esther Conference for girls aged 12-15. When you turned 15 there was a ceremony like a coming of age where you received a purity flower and a scroll describing being a daughter of the king. Guys let me tell you in this class at the graduating ceremony we were talked to about sex and the lady was still regretting and saying how shameful it was that she lost her virginity before marriage and then preceded to say that modesty was really about helping men keep pure thoughts. " even a bra strap could trigger sin for them" Even at 15 it pissed me off. And I am a would be 5th generation. My family are the former presidents of UPC. Screw their hypocrisy sexism and racism that comes from UPC. The shame culture is unreal
Gosh that's so awful to do to people. Yes! So much sexism and the purity culture and racism and hypocrisy. I am so glad you got out. I can't imagine how hard that must have been having your whole family for generations be a part of that. I'm proud of you for getting out. ❤
I am in my last semester of grad school so I have been super busy but as soon as its over I would love to collab on something 😁
@@Denycia Open your Bible and read 1 & 2 Corinthians, 1 John, James, 1 & 2 Timothy, and Hebrews.
@@JoshD8705 I've read the whole bible actually!
@@Denycia That's good I would hope most people have, but I'm asking you study those. You could honestly knock those all out very quickly they aren't long, but I'd ask you read them in the spirit.
I’ve visited a church of this denomination, and I would like to be vulnerable about it too. Before then, I’ve been saved for over 2 years and love Jesus, through all the times of growth! My friends and I one day were hanging out. Went out for dinner and saw these men who had suits on. Then, we actually were curious why they’re dressed so differently and they just got out of their evening service. They invited us to their young adults activity night, and out of all my friends, I was the only one who attended. I never seen women dressed like that. Then apparently one of the young male leaders came up to me and wanted to know me for a bit. Shortly thereafter, he tells me about modesty and I had bare knowledge of it. But I asked myself later on, why am I being asked this, knowing that God says “come as you are”? It didn’t immediately raise a red flag, but I pondered in it for so long. I do want to be better about how I dress, but I don’t want it to come off as a rule or else I’m not “saved”. I ended up becoming a roommate with someone for a couple months from the church and a couple instances talked about modesty. Even through it I still had felt something off about it. At least he acknowledged that it’s not required of me to be covering everything up for the sake of a woman’s lust. But what I had experienced, I had felt the judgmental part of their congregation. This one young woman I knew didn’t like how I dressed, that she knowingly avoids my presence. How I can I just start visiting a church and get all modest overnight? And what do they expect, for me to be “perfectly” dressed with a suit and tie or at least something casual with all sleeves? As for the church services, it’s nothing more than a emotionally triggered church, with anointings, healing, and tongue speaking. There’s a point where all of it is not necessary, as a believer. Yes God still heals to this day and anoints us with the Spirit where He gives us knowledge and reminds us of our purpose, but I don’t agree with how this church does it. Another friend who I met throughout, had so much of these standards as if he couldn’t watch or hear anything for himself that'll "backslide his faith" or he’s not in a good place. Mind you, we all sin and fall short of God’s glory. And this one more instance about a woman I knew who actually dropped out of the church. I had heard that she was ridiculed for cutting her hair and wearing jeans. I felt bad for her and I can’t wrap my head around why this church is so obsessed with modest women and being extremely conservative. Once I heard that this church doesn’t teach these women why it’s necessary. And it warns us in the Bible that women shouldn’t wear expensive apparel, or pearls, or anything that is so gaudy; well you could say that’s what I had seen in this congregation. So to put this in summary, my impression of the church is very much legalistic and have no issues to make people follow their agendas, “standards” and “commandments”. Lastly, they never preach Scripture and seem to be "KJV only". Thank you for your story, too and I’ll be praying for you!
Wow you hit the nail on the head perfectly! Thank you for watching and sharing your story and your thoughts. You are exactly right! I'm glad you didn't fall for their bs!
@@Denycia I appreciate that. We should keep in mind that church is of a body, not a building. It's also not a red carpet, it's a place to have our souls restored by Christ alone who runs the church, not by man's expectations and standards of conduct. Religion will always be corrupt, which by the way killed Jesus.
@@royahawke Yes, organized religion has certainly killed jesus!
Girl, I am crying. You are telling my story. :(
I am so sorry that you can relate to this so much but I hope that you don't feel alone ❤
I’m a current Apostolic Member, but haven’t attended church or paid tithes for 7 months. Something about that church doesn’t set well in my Gut. It’s hard to explain and haven’t decided to go back or not, but I’m in Big Trouble for “being in rebellion”. They gossip and the pastor even preaches about people behind their back if he feels he wants to. It’s SAD!!!
I think you should listen to your gut! I'm glad that the pandemic has allowed people to take a step back and see their churches in a whole new light. That's really sad that they have been gossiping and preaching behind people's backs but I can't say that I'm surprised. How ugly of them. If not being a part of that is "being in rebellion" then so be it. You're better off outta there! I hope you have been feeling better on the outside.
Check out responsible faith, good video on tithing
Oh my gosh!!!! Your story sounds almost identical to mine!!! From UPC at age 19 during my first marriage, to divorce and finally an agnostic/atheist! Thank you for sharing your story!
I'm sorry you can relate to this so much but I am so happy to hear that you have gotten out!!! I hope you are healing & happy ❤️
i'm romanian and my parents are pentecostal when i was little i went to church in romania then we moved to italy .in Italy the church is exactly the same growing up I started to reason with my head and to ask myself questions there is no more I can feel guilty for anything I do I can not live oppressed. thanks for your testimony I find myself 100% in what you say I can't stand their way of judging anymore they made me fell gulty of my hobby which Is Cycling fuck them this is psychological terrorism thank you youre videos helped me and Sorry for my bad english
Your English is great! I understood everything you said. How on earth did they try to make you feel guilty for cycling? That is crazy! I am sorry that they made you feel guilty and judged you and oppressed you but I am glad you saw reason and got out of there! You are exactly right! What they do is psychological terrorism!!!! Thank you for watching. That means a lot to me. I hope you are well!
@@Denycia thanks they told me that whatever i do in life i have to do it for god and cycling is not for god and therefore i had to stop . Now i m felling Better but the fear Is still there
@@danielcirlan7289 woah that's absolutely insane. Keeping active and healthy is something you should do. Doesn't that honor your body the temple? That blows my mind. I'm glad you are feeling better. I'm sorry you are still struggling with the fear. You shouldn't have to feel that way. It's wrong that they did that to you.
I left the Apostolic Church 10 years ago (time flies!). I had really close friends/members from the church and played on the worship team with them. When life was getting hard for me, I was actually told by the church pastor that it was because I needed to be closer with God and I was lacking in the holy spirit. He based it off of my attitude and how I didn’t have much excitement about life as I used to. I also NEVER EVER spoke in tongues so maybe that’s why he had doubts about me. (I always found speaking in tongues funny and weird). Anyhow, he immediately came to that conclusion without even knowing my life was getting harder because my mom was dying to breast cancer (rip) and that my father was already planning on seeing another woman for the day when my mom passes. It tore the family up and it was hitting me hard seeing people I love break apart. ANYHOW, throughout all of this, my now CATHOLIC best friend and his family were the ones who opened their home to me when my family broke apart. NONE of my apostolic friends who I made music with every week and had regular lunch/dinners with were there. Absolutely none of them. One in fact asked me why I was so weak without knowing what my problems exactly were. I visited back one time because one of the members really wanted me to give the church one last chance so I could be saved. (She thought she was saving my soul by having me come back). I overheard one of the worship members actually say to another “the prodigal son is back” and that pissed me off so much inside.
Never came back. Instead I explored. Catholic, Lutheran, Mormon, JW, Non-denominational, Seventh Day, Baptists, Christian Reformed, and Calvinist were all churches I visited and studied. We all have SO MUCH similarities as you said in the video.
To this day, I don’t claim to be a part of any church ideology. I just play piano for churches and expect good pay (churches make BANK believe or not 💰). I still believe in God and that I’m saved through Jesus Christ. I just don’t believe in these theologies that were created by mankind. There’s just no way imperfect beings can define a perfect entity. Besides, most of my faith was built in my own bedroom reading the Bible, not the church.
Thanks for sharing your story. I found your video because I was looking up apostolic church services to show my best friend how RIDICULOUS they can be running and rolling around. LOL! Glad you came up as a recommended video!
Hey! I left 10 years ago too!
Wow, that is all so terrible. The fact that they just assumed you needed to be closer with God, the fact that they didn't een bother to ask, that they were not there for you in your time of need, and the backhanded comments. UGH how awful that people who are supposed to be your brothers and sisters in christ treated you this way.
Definitely not at all surprised that churches make bank. I think there are many of them which that is their sole purpose under the guise of religion but that's another conversation haha.
I'm sorry to hear about your mother. I am very glad you got out of that toxic environment, away from those toxic people, and out of that toxic legalistic theology. Thanks for watching and sharing your experience with me!
I also like to show people the insanity that is one of their church services. People are always mind boggled.
Love love that you made this video . Everyone salvation is always in question . If one dare visit another UPC church .. oh no !!! You could get in trouble for visiting another church without permission .
It's so weird that you can't even visit churches within the same denomination without permission!
Yep!!!! Especially if the other church was viewed as more “liberal” lolol aka “not as saved”. I hate that even making friends that went to non-denominational churches was seen as sinful. Literally the reason I didn’t join christian club in college
I was an apostolic for 18 years. I left once I turned 18, but I remember a lot of times people judging me for having certain friends, wearing too short of a skirt. My former pastor told me at 10 years old, I’d go to hell if I moved in with my dad. Just a few years ago I lost my grandfather and he went to the funeral. He talked to My mom whom is still in the religion, he looked me up and down with his wife and walked right past me. Didn’t acknowledge me at my own grandfathers funeral.
Oh my gosh that is SO awful. Just because you left they treat you like you're inferior and at your grandfather's funeral!? How low can they go? I'm sorry that happened to you.
So you were never apostolic you when because of your parents
All of what you said was my life except I couldn’t watch any tv or even wear a ring for marriage. My parents weren’t in the church and tried to stop me from going. I should have listened to them.
Wow that is intense. I am so sorry that they tricked you. Their manipulation is so strong. 😔
Major point made, you can be your authentic self!! That’s what I am working towards as is a friend of mine. Knowing the truth just makes it easier to breathe tho the fear of reaction due to abuse in the past I’ve experienced is scary. Still moving forward tho! Thank you for sharing.
I'm so proud of you for getting out and moving forward! Even in the face of the abuse you've endured and their abusive reactions. Just shows how strong you are. I hope you are well!
I love your sweet spirit! BTW, the woman who judged you at Walmart, well, she'd repented from her adultery and made it all right with God at that point.... that's how she could justify being hateful to you. Been there, done that... {{huge eyeroll!!}}. Be who you are. I gotta say I'm sick about the young folks who grew up with such fear and judgement. Heartbreaking abuse. -Lori
That's very sweet thank you so much!!!
Yeah they think because they got forgiven they can judge people like that. I'm all for forgiveness and growing as a person but don't be nasty and point fingers over trivial things when your hands aren't clean. Sure I wear pants but I've never and would never sleep with a married man whose wife was on her death bed so uh yeah I think that makes me a better person straight out the gate lol
Yes I'm sick of it too! It's so damaging to grow up like that.
Thank you for this series, very relatable to my experience. I am so sorry you had to go through all that abuse. I am grateful that you don't believe anymore.
Thank you for watching! I'm sorry that you can relate so much and I'm sorry for all that you have been through. It's nice to be out on the other side for sure! I hope you are well!!!
I'm in tears right now, I hear so much of my own story from before I left being told back to me. It's a deep, hard-to-explain ache and so very familiar. Thank you for posting, I appreciate it
I'm glad this video touched you! I'm sorry that you have had to go through this as well. I hope that you have started your journey towards healing. It's a really tough road for sure. Glad you got out though!!!
Just curious what contradictions did you find in the bible ?
Oh man where to start honestly. The parts where god allowed, condoned, or encouraged genocide, incest, murder, etc. were the most glaring to me since god is supposed to be loving and forgiving. Then there's the scriptures that say love god, fear god, but also scriptures that say there is no fear in love. Parts where it says every word god says is true then multiple times he deceives people. There used to be a website for all of the contradictions but it isn't up anymore. Once I found that website I couldn't beleive just how many there were. There is an archive of it somewhere on web.archive.org
Genocide ? genesis 6 when the fallen angels came down and commigled with human women and produced offspring known as the nephilim , giants etc = hybrids that was the main reason for the flood and there was nephilim admixture after the flood especially amongst the inhabitants of the land of Canaan . incest ? Many people in ancient times married there family members . There's 2 types of fear
Fear of the lord is a reverential awe of God for his power and Glory for everything that He is . the 2nd known as the spirit of fear is anxiety timidity and fearfulness that doesn't come from God
@@miguelz8721 clearly someone hasn't read the whole Bible lol 😆
@@miguelz8721 so you're not actually curious? You just wanted to argue. I'm not gonna argue with you because you're never gonna see it because you don't want to see it. So thank you have a lovely day. ☺️
not arguing just clearing up your misconceptions lol lol lol
Denycia am very proud of you for coming out publicly on this... You will overcome all of what you been through and I can tell you as long as you dont give up on Christ and truly get to know him for yourself your journey with him will be great and it will be like a therapy for you.... I have watched and commented on each of your videos from part 1 to 3 and find them to be encouraging.... My resolve for my ministry is even stronger now because of your videos😌
That is very kind thank you so much. Even though I am no longer a believer, I commend you for your ministry of faith without fear. That's so beautiful.
@@Denycia Thats ok I totally understand.. I do hope that if you find your evidence that prove their is a God and that he loves you and wants a relationship with you that you will give him a chance in your life and allow him to explain everything to you.... I hope your healing everyday and that your happiness increase everday 👌🏾
@@ChangingMindz7861 Thank you, that is very sweet. I hope the same for you! :)
@denycia Hi! I watched your series and also had my fiancé watch it separately. You were able to put into words what I have been struggling to put together to explain accurately to him. Every single word you spoke is my story. From guilt, secret “worldly pleasures”, etc. Is there a way we could chat privately?
I'm sorry that you can relate but I'm so glad that you have a way to explain everything to him now! I would love to chat with you!
@@Denycia I never ever do this so I don’t know how it works haha. But yes, I was born into APCI, the choice was not mine, we “backslid”, went back, then you know all the things in between. Ironically and quite hysterically, what they thought was “the Holy Ghost or Holy Spirit” was just Epilepsy as I was later diagnosed with. They used to try to “cast the demons” out of me and it was working because I was on the ground shaking, right?! And I would just lay spread out on the altar after. Anyway, long story for me just to try to say - I would like to see if you’re story is close to mine in other aspects but do not wish to have it public. Do you email? Or what would make you comfortable? I live close to Baton Rouge, LA, two kids, work in healthcare.. not going to say “normal” because what the heck is “normal” anyway 😂🤣 But as normal as anyone with our upbringing
@@ashleyblanchard1053 oh my god that is terrible! You has epilepsy and they were trying to cast demons out of you!? Wow. That's awful.
Haha yeah what the heck is normal anyway. Yes my email is denyciadawn@hotmail.com
I do have a question, you have read the Bible and can you say with what's happening in the world that you still don't beleive? It's all playing starting to play out in front our eye.
Please elaborate what exactly you mean
@Rineka Johnson your so right thanks for saying this.
I am so proud of you for sharing your voice no matter what anyone says at the end it's your voice, your story, your experience and you did what you had to do. Not everyone can stand up and do so. If your happy I'm happy you go girl you did what you had to do. Inspirational because you ain't sit there to take no bs no matter what it was or from where.
Thank you!!!! I think it's important to share (for those who can) so that others know they aren't alone!
You have totally described everything to a T on my experience and I am so glad you got away from them
I'm so glad that you got away from them too!!!! Such a dangerous horrible cult
I’m sorry to hear you had such a. Bad experience, I grew up with judgmental people living in the streets, people were always gossiping and back stabbing one another in LA, many times we didn’t know who we could trust. People are flawed all around, and while The Church should do better on a individual basis, we’re not perfect yet. The Lord Jesus got my attention back in 2009, and although The Church has taught me about God, His Nature, and expectations, this is human experience. My Mom had expectations for me growing up, she provided for me, taught me as best as she could, and yet I do not think that she was harsh, she actually gave me a high and beneficial standard to live by. In the same way, in experiencing God’s Presence so powerfully through these past twelve years, I cannot deny how real Jesus Christ is. Some Churches unfortunately resort to legalism, but legalism is trying to earn our salvation versus living in right relationship to God and allowing Him to transform us from the inside out so that we will want to reflect His Nature. Salvation by works spans more than just Christianity, many religions teach that we must be pleasing to the specific deities in order to be in right standing with them. Things are getting rough out here, and if it was ever on your heart to do so, ask The Lord to give you a better experience. I’m not perfect, but I am striving for spiritual maturity, but I have some rough days as I live in this flawed human nature. Sorry to hear you had such a rough upbringing in the faith, be prayerful for your parents and that Church.
Your sympathies sound nice and all but it means a lot less when you follow it by making excuses for abusive people and abusive organizations and downplaying my experience. I don't owe them more chances or prayers or understanding. They need to change. If you and other Christians really want to show the love of Christ I ask that you shift your perspective from "people did you wrong but YOU need to understand" to "people did you wrong and WE need to understand how WE can grow and be better." Until that happens experiences like mine are destined to continue to happen. The church and it's people need to grow and do better and it's not the responsibility of victims of these organizations to forgive and continue to put themselves in places that are harmful to them and around people who harm them.
@@Denycia where did I make excuses? Are reasons the same as excuses?
Very relatable, thank you.
Glad you got out!
@@Denycia likewise🤘
if you hit the switch for your lights, do you believe the light will come on?
What exactly is your point here? Speak what you mean. I don't play analogy games.
Lmao, everyone in my former congregation- the adults who watched me grow up- just stopped talking to me, and honestly I didn't even notice.
They aren't worth it anyway!
However, Jesus will not stop talking to you if you still believe in Him. Just forgive those people and don't fall for atheism because it will lead you to depravity and devastation. Take a look at the marxists and all those narcissistic "intellectuals". They got possessed by unrestrained arrogance and unwholesome pride considering themselves to be the most wise and intelligent persons. They said "people don't need any religion, they just need our views" and what did they do in the end??? Gradually and unconsciously, they turned their ideology into a secularist cult(commonly known as "political correctness") that opposes common sense, natural laws and traditional values which are vital for the survival of the western civilization. They have been speaking for tolerance and now they show intolerance and contempt towards people who disagree with them. Finally, what you get is another "religion" in place of what you left behind and things become much worse! Stay with Jesus Christ because He is the only real Savior.
@@DimitrisTziounis I know you really mean well, but telling me to turn back to Christianity to avoid joining a cult is peak irony.
@@DimitrisTziounis That's not true. I believed in god the entire time I was being abused in his name and cried out to him for help and to hear his voice hoping he would save me from it and never heard a thing. I believed in him for over twenty years. Just because someone doesn't hear god's voice doesn't mean they don't believe in him.
I've been atheist for several years now and I don't feel the least bit devastated or depraved.
You think it's arrogant for atheists to simply not believe in something or remained unconvinced of the "certainty" of god but don't find it arrogant that you say definitively that god exists, you are right, and everyone else is wrong? That sounds pretty damn arrogant and prideful to me.
And as far as contempt for other beliefs it is you who is on here trying to convert people to jesus and being intolerant of other views. I'm not trying to lead anyone to be atheist. This has been my personal spiritual journey and I respect the spiritual journey of others. Wherever their spiritual journey leads them and whatever make them feel fulfilled, great, that's for them. It doesn't have to be for me and what I believe doesn't need to what everyone else believes. I believe in the personal spiritual journey for everyone.
You have a grand misunderstanding of what atheism is. Atheism is not a belief system. The very word itself means lack of theism. Do you consider bald a hairstyle? No, because it is the lack of hair. Do you consider the TV turned off to be a channel? No, because it is the lack of a channel. Do you consider abstinence to be a sexual position? No, because it is the lack of sexual position. Atheism simply means a lack of belief in theism.
Political correctness and atheism have literally nothing to do with each other so I don't know what you're on about.
In regards to tolerance, you're being purposefully ambiguous here but I can read between the lines. The thing to remember about tolerance is that it is a paradox. Unlimited tolerance would lead to the demise of tolerance itself. If we extend unlimited tolerance even to those who are intolerant then we erase tolerance. In the name of tolerance we must be ready and willing to protect tolerance from the onslaught of intolerance.
Again, atheism isn't a belief system. It is merely a lack of belief. Do you consider not believing in big foot a belief system?
"Stay with Jesus Christ because He is the only real Savior." Damn, again with the arrogance and pride. Sounds like you're not very tolerant of other views and the way you talk about atheists sounds like you hold deep contempt for someone who disagrees with you. Hello pot, meet kettle. 😂
@@GC-fj4lc Truly is peak irony!!!!
I, too, was an Oneness Apostolic Pentecostal. The level of vanity & pride that this denomination breeds is morally reprehensible. I left the entire religious institutional church system, w/their traditions & teachings of men, & ran straight into the waiting open loving arms of the Messiah Yeshua. He is outside the camp. When he speaks of freedom in Him, it looks NOTHING like what the man driven religious institutional church system claims. Be blessed! I'm very glad that you came out of the Apostolic Pentecostal denomination.
You're absolutely right! The vanity in pride in that denomination is mind boggling. I'm glad you got out of oneness apostolic pentecostal church and out of the institutional church system! They have nothing to offer.
Hey yeah leaving to get close to God is good. There are many flaws in the de-nominations even the ones that are closest to the true faith. You did well I believe by leaving.
Thank you for sharing your experience. This sounds like the Seventh Day Adventist Church. I eventually left too. I am non denominational now.
Thank you for watching! I've heard about Seventh Day. It does sound very similar! I'm glad you got out!!!
The SDA is a cult. They told me after trying hard to get me in, if I wasn't Baptized SDA I wasn't Saved. James and Ellen White were genuine Christians. The Jesuits took over the denomination in their day. The SDA don't even believe like James and Ellen White. Her writings have been tampered with to suit the cult. I've studied on it much. The Jesuits kicked James and Ellen White out of the headquarters in Battle Creek. They never went back.
I went through a similar experience. I left the apostolic church when i was in high school as well, but I fortunately did have my parent's support, (whom were not Apostolic). As the years passed, I went to other christian churches whom were not Apostolic, then I became agnostic, then atheist for a short while, but then I missed having the whole "worship" experience. Then I became a pagan, and even started going to christian churches again, hindu temples, buddhist temples, and worshiped whichever deities that my heart desired in nature. Today i find fulfillment in art, poetry, literature and music and still have some paganistic and naturalistic tendencies and some new age philosophies. Anyways, it was very interesting to hear your story! Thanks for sharing!
I'm sorry to hear that you went through a similar experience. I'm glad you had your parent's support though! That's really cool that you have gone out to experience all of those things! I'm sure that has helped you immensely. Very glad to know you are finding fulfillment and joy in life after all of that mess. Isn't it so nice to just be able to live and enjoy life and all this beautiful planet has to offer without all that nonsense!?
@@Denycia Yes i agree!! Very cool video wish you the best!! :)
@@jazicrimson thank you! You as well :)
Thanks for sharing your story. I grew up apostolic pentecostal. I didn't see what you did when I was younger. I was very involved in my religion and it became my whole entire world.. I did leave when I was 25 though. Sometimes I feel so alone because no one I know really understands what its like to be so involved in this religion and just leave. It has so much control over my mind and thinking, even now 3 years later. I really appreciate your story because its that reminder that there are other people who have been through the same thing. Thank you
Of course! Thank you for commenting. I sorry that you are still struggling with it having control over your mind. I can totally relate to that. All of your feelings are valid. It takes a very long time to come out of that. But you are strong and you can do this!!! You are not alone!!
Your parents trained you up in it that’s why. Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old , he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6
The problem is people don’t want to see themselves for who they truly are, and the convictions are too much for them. I was saved when I was 30 years old at an apostolic church I still currently attend and I will never look back.
Trauma bonding it can be, spiritual, mental and emotional abuse. Legalism uses many of the same mechanics as grooming. Check out Responsible Faith for more help, she’s been out around 20 years.
Hello Dennycia, my best friend already wrote you about a jist of what happened to me. I don't want to leave the truth, but I want to understand the truth biblically speaking, not the way man makes it out to be. It is why I have been saying to my very best friend and my other best friend that I don't trust the "system." I myself am a totally blind individual who has strugled with something as simple as a request for help. I don't want to detail tons of stuff, but just know that when you don't study the word for yourself, you miss out on tons of info for your own self-knowledge. I'm not talking about you, but I had to see it for myself. I'm so deeply sorry you left yourself. totally sending prayers and tons of soft virtual hugs.
Thanks for the well wishes! From a biblical standpoint the apostolic Penteocstal church doesn't have it right. They misinterpret, embellish, and twist scripture. They fail to take in the Bible as a cohesive whole and ignore biblical history. It's just all messed up. I hope you are doing well! Thanks for the hugs!!!
I'm much like you. I was raised Pentecostal (Assembly of God). Although we weren't as extreme as the Oneness people we did have the same issues to a less degree. However, I have many friends and relatives who are Oneness (even pastors) attended their services and even baptized in the name of Jesus. The things I've heard including the sermons (if I could hear those sermons above all the chaos) and the chaotic way they worshipped was laughable and sad. In time I eventually left all Pentecostal/Charismatic churches when a woman followed me around the church "mooing" like a cow "under the power of the Holy Spirit". I had had it. I wanted God and it was obvious I wasn't going to find Him there. I tried Baptist, Methodist, Nazarene, Presbyterian and I found big problems with all. I finally came to the point that for the most part the institutions of the churches is in a mess. Then I realized the churches are not God and none of them have a corner on God. If I wanted to find God I needed to seek him in prayer and thru the Word. I still attend various churches because I need to be in the presence of faith. I still study the word and listen to learned men of God (always praying for discrrnment). I also meet with Believing friends and we share together. I have never felt closer to the Lord Jesus Christ in my life.
This is great!! I remember one time I went to. a apostolic church and they were trynna get this one guy to get the holy ghost and they wouldn't leave him alone. They kept pushing it. Though im still christian ( not sure what denomination) for now im non denominational. What you said was absolutely relevant ❤❤
Thank you friend!!!
They're so aggressive aren't they? Glad you didn't fall for their bs!
I was saved and became serious about Christ in the apostolic church but left years ago. I am still saved, I believe the Bible is God’s word. However I know there is freedom in Christ and don’t follow their ways. End of story. There are more scriptures in the Bible other than Acts 2:38 taken out of context.
Yes there is so much more than just that! Glad you have found freedom in Christ! :)
It's like I listened to my own experience and heart from a stranger. You brought tears to my eyes. You're so bright, intelligent and compassionate. I'd love to hit a punkk show with you some time!! 🖤
Ah that's crazy! My heart goes out to you for your experience. Just know you aren't alone. Thank you so much for your kind words! I would love to catch a show with you sometime and hear all about you and your story!!!! ❤
I left Christianity years ago and converted to Wicca. I can never be any happier. Best wishes in you current life.
That's awesome! I'm so glad you are happier! You deserve it.
I have a book on Wicca and while I don't consider myself a Wiccan I engage in some similar witchy practices for fun. It's very cool!
I was raised Apostolic all of my life and and like I commented on your last video I got out as soon as I could! I have fully embraced the spiritual path that has called so deeply to me and am a proud Pagan! The Earth is my church! Nothing has felt more real to me in my life! There is no fear being in nature! Using nature and pure intentions the way they were truly meant to be with love and light! I am so happy you have studied and found your own truth as well!🖤
That's awesome!!! I love that! And I totally agree, the earth and nature are the most spiritual it gets. I'm definitely a witch now but I'm an atheist witch so it's probably a little different. But either way I love it. I'm so happy you got out and found your path. I'm so glad that you have found happiness. You deserve it 💜
How did you learn so much about the bible?
@@marquisgomez9390 I took a worlds religions class in college and became obsessed with proving that Christianity was the "right" one. Did a deep dive into biblical scholarly work. Read a lot of books. I have obsessive compulsive disorder so when I have a hyper fixation I will literally learn everything I can about it for every waking moment until I get tired of it haha
Love this! I’m not apostolic but I can relate in terms of how religion really affects our true purpose of being our authentic selves. The whole guilt tripping of religion always bothered me. I’m more of a spiritual person nowadays and was wondering where you stand religiously now? Sending love and light ✨
I'm sorry that you can relate to those feelings but I'm happy that you have been able to get away from all of that!
Personally, I am an atheist now.
From the year 2002 to 2017 ( age 4 to 19).(now 25) I grew up in alabama going to the apostolic Pentecostal church in Birmingham.
It's funny I ran across your video because I was watching ted talks on cults. I'm glad I left and mentally I was gone in my early teens, from the church to having a very mentally and physically abusive mom I wanted to end my life before I left and I tried but thankfully I woke up.
I did leave home and stayed with friends from the church which didnt workout much but I ended moving here to georgia with my dad after not being able to see him 8 years.
It's not all been flowers and rainbows but I'm still so glad I left and have a life I made for myself.
And I dont believe in religion anymore , I hardly ever think about it.
I am so sorry for everything you have been through. I relate to literally everything you said. It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who felt this way growing up. Such a damaging cult. I'm glad that you left and I'm glad that you are still here with us today! ❤️ Thank you so much for sharing with me!
My sister is still in it tho and I first saw her after 6 years last year, I miss her so much and wish she would leave but we talk regularly, my brother is also out since 15 and hes doing good.
@@Reader9547 I'm sorry you have family still in it. That makes things especially hard. My mom, stepdad, and brother are all still in it. I have no contact with my mom and stepdad by choice. I only have minimal contact with my brother. Not by choice on my part. I'm not sure if that's his choice or our parents choice. I haven't seen him in several years and I miss him dearly. so I completely understand how you feel. It's really difficult. I'm glad you were finally able to see her again.
Thank you for these videos! I was raised Apostolic Pentecostal, over 10 years later (after leaving the faith) I still feel the trauma & damage it has caused me mentally. Your story has shown me there is hope for recovery & normality.
I left ten years ago too and it took a while to recognize the damage & taking even longer to heal from it. I'm so glad you left and that you are working on recovering. Even though it's hard! I'm happy you stumbled across these videos. You are not alone and there is hope! I hope you are doing well!!!
I went to that church for 3 years and then tried to kill myself because I was never gonna be good enough
That's horrible but I totally understand. I'm glad you're still here with us!!!
Don’t you love how the pastor makes decisions on who you can date, where you go like for a vacation, and they can tell that it’s gods will 🤣
It is really weird honestly. I thought it was odd you had to call to tell the pastor you weren't going to be at church.
@@Denycia right! 🤣 idk about your church but we had to have an odd number if we wanted to hang out with friends. Like no 3 girls and 3 boys it had to be 3:4 or something like an extra person. It’s like yeah cause we are all going to just start having a make out session, in public, you know 🤣🤣. My whole immediate family is out now, but we all grew up in it. I was 4th generation apostolic Pentecostal.
@@aspensworld9567 what the hell that is so ridiculous!!! Stupid rules that don't do anything. Wow I can't imagine being in that for several generations. I'm sure that was really rough. I'm glad you got out.
That’s how it was when I was younger. If you want to court you need both pastors permission, no holding hands, no touching, no being alone together. Then you need permission if you want to get engaged. Then you get an engagement watch, you can hold hands but kisses are for your wedding day.
Our founder was a woman and the first Chief Overseer. The second one...a woman and that's when the church fractured. Currently, Chief Overseer is a woman. I grew up seeing women Deacons, Local Ministers, Reverends, Pastors, Elders, Bishops. My mom is a Local Minister. She's not active now ( she's 98) Thanks for sharing.
That's awesome!!! I know it varies from different denominations and sometimes even churches within the same denomination. In my experience in the UPCI and the churches I grew up in the idea of a woman pastor was not even entertained. The only ministry a women could have in the churches I grew up in was positions like Sunday school teacher or choir director or sign language team. That sort of stuff. The women were only allowed to "preach" to a congregation of women only and have the opportunity to speak but not preach only on special occasions such as mother's day. I was taught women can't be pastors or presidents or anything like that. It's sad in general but especially sad considering the very roots of Penteocstalism. Apostolic Pentecostals, Holiness, UPCI churches are a different beast.
I went once , took my young daughter ,5 years old . Noticed in 40 minutes ,that the men worshipped themselves , they had 300 dollar suits , cuff links , gold rings. I noticed rudeness to the women and how the women would not look or say Hi . Seemed like a church of mind control , being a man , it angered me so much ,I walked out in the middle of the service , my daughter said she was scared in there . Your feeling are very normal , you must be very smart
Some churches are sneakier and will love bomb you and be really nice to get you in.
I'm glad you saw through them from the get go!!! Well thank you I appreciate that. It definitely took a lot of brain power and will to break free from the indoctrination and brainwashing. So glad you didn't get swooped in there with your little girl.
@@Denycia yes I never returned even after the pastor came ,uninvited to my home and told me I would go to hell in any other church . I ask him to leave , it angered him greatly to be rejected . I actually told him why , and reminded him the bible says a man should love his wife as Christ loves the Church . That's an unending love , not a beaten into submission love . Hope your doing ok , you seem like a sweet young lady . Remind my of my daughter . I raised her alone from 5 years old . I dislike men who mistreat any women. I feel that could be my daughter, that scares me . Sorry for going on so long . Hope your fine , take care friend . Happy New Year from Ohio 😉
@@jamesabond636 Wow that is so aggressive! And the fear mongering...yikes! They place such an emphasis on the fear. I'm glad you chose not to raise your daughter in that and I'm glad you see that kind of behavior isn't right. Don't apologize! I love to hear other people's stories and experiences. Thank you for the well wishes friend! I hope you are doing well and have a wonderful new year as well! ☺️
@@jamesabond636 And I dislike any woman who mistreats and abuse men.
I gotta know what Pentecostal church did you attend?
The one we attended for most of my life was Landmark Apostolic Bible Church in Rockport, Indiana
gosh i can relate so much, and i agree on what your saying! but i might not want to be apostolic pentecostal, but i still wanna follow God! but not being in that church. it’s hard for me to tell my mom that i don’t wanna be apart of that church. i still wanna follow Jesus, just not being judged and being in these standers that give me anxiety. i am so happy i came across your videos. they are very nicely explained and i completely understand you! i am gonna ask God to help me to get out of that church. i have a conviction that i don’t need to be apostolic to go to heaven. im not gonna go to hell if i wear pants, i know God doesn’t judge out wear appearance, He looks at the heart. God looks at our heart. and my intentions aren’t to offend the church, or be a sinner in their eyes. i just wanna be a girl, i wanna wear pants, and cute jewelry, wear light makeup, and i just wanna be myself without being judged by the church:////
You can totally follow god outside of the apostolic pentecostal church. They have misinterpreted, embellished, and manipulated so much that what they do is not even biblical! There is nothing wrong with any of that! Like you said, god looks at the heart. I hope you find a loving and accepting church that doesn't hurt people and where you can be yourself!!! 💖
Go to a baptist church ! They are more calmer !
Thank you for sharing, my brother is in this church and I am having a very hard time understanding his daily reasoning.
I am so sorry he is in there. I hope he gets out :(
I am sorry for what you went there. I am in the apostolic church and some of the things they did is not right. just because u left the the church does not mean to stop talking to u and that can hurt. My sister left the church and it hard on me but I love her more than anything and if any of my friends left. I would still love them all. I'm sorry if they stop talking to you. People should not glossip about you if u leave but the bible says not too, but nobody is perfect. God bless u.
Thank you for that. And I'm glad you still talk to your sister and friends and love them the same regardless. That is the way Jesus would want it!
What a horrible time those churches cause. It sounds like social atmosphere nobody wants. I hope you're happier now. I got involved or more (coerced) into a UPCI new life church at 2013. 21 yrs old to get baptised. 21 at that time. Bc i was told i needed to do that to get saved. I am susecitible to cult like roads and easy led into things. I'm scottish and got brainwashed by online Christians who spoke about a rapture and that's what got me into extreme religions mindset. Then a christian man who was very controlling online looked up a place for me in my local area and got the pastor to call me into get me baptised. The pastor didn't get too forceful at first on the phone. But eventuality they all in church were determined to baptised me. It has me full of regret bc it makes me think did i choose to let them do this to me. But I feel like it's emotional manipulation even if got the baptism both water and the laying on of hands which was both really scary bc its just felt really cultish. I did feel like a drunk sensation and flashing lights with eyes closed. Felt really out of it. I thought that was Holy spirit. But i dont think it was. I actually hope it wasnt anything. Bc what if they put a demomic entity in me and i dont even know. This is what im still having trouble with in OCD bc i didnt realise at the time but that UPC is from African amercian stuff. So i have this boogeyman effect of what if they put something in me spiritually that that is from Africa that is or isnt jesus. I was just all really coerced into. It makes me regret getting the baptisim all together bc it's causing me go into perpteptual heaven & hell anxiety. Causes me mental pain being angry at others. I left UPC after 5 months being there. I got shunned by some members afterwards. Didn't care and stuck around southern Christians who were online on social media. I was on and off with still believing in Jesus trinity version. Now im just exhausted mentally that i want to leave it all behind. Im just at the stage now where I'm in-between my OCD of whats gonna happen to me and i create all these irritational outcomes. I'm trying to find myself again and be okay in life to experience some happiness at least.
I'm so sorry to hear of how they manipulated you. That's terrible. I too have OCD so I completely understand the intrusive compulsive thoughts making it so all consuming! The only thing that helped me with that was therapy and eventually medication. I'm glad that you got out of there and I hope you are able to leave it all behind and find happiness. I'm so sorry for how they manipulated and hurt you. It's not your fault so don't blame yourself.
I don't like when people yet in downplay our experiences. We each know for a certainty the things which happened to us and they can shout us down all they want, but it doesn't change the validity of our stories. Or they'll use the thought of bad things happen in every church, as if that somehow invalidates what we endured or excuses the abuses of their group. I'll be sharing this video tomorrow. I subscribed in case you end up making additional videos about this.
It is really sad that people can hear of someone's pain and minimize it or try to invalidate it because they had a different experience or simply just feel some type of way about someone having a bad experience in their religion. But like you said, it doesn't matter what they say or how they feel about it because it doesn't invalidate these experiences. This is my story and it's 100% factual. It's really telling me that some people are upset that I've spoken about having a negative experience rather than being upset that I had a negative experience. It just goes to show how people inside the movement don't care that they are psychologically terrorizing people.
Doesn't the claim that "bad things happen in every church" imply that there is a problem with their entire sect or denomination? Because I've seen other churches that aren't terrible (even if not perfect), but I've never seen a Pentecostal church where there aren't severely glaring issues.
@@redlethe8679 Normally in a scenario like this, they are referring to other churches outside their group or denomination. It's an attempt to somehow take the focus off of the the person sharing their story (and thus their church or group) and to put it on other groups/churches.
@@CKoinonia1 Which is bullshit. Because they usually only have so much experience with other denominations compared to the one that they were most likely raised in from birth. Right or wrong, I doubt they're in a position to say that.
@@redlethe8679 And it doesn't matter if things happen in every single church- it doesn't make it right or acceptable.
I would love to talk to you sometime either doing a TH-cam video or on my Facebook group live. I started the group talking about Religious trauma and Recovery and it’s helping a lot of people. Pls let me know ❤️
I would love to! :)
Many thanks. Great timing for me to find this. I didn't feel right about this religion. We are not under law, but under grace. How hard is that to understand. I will NOT join The Apostolic Church for any reason but one where I fit in. Seems every sect and denomination are off-centered. I am Calvinest and learned from Ligoniers Ministry so it must have a Calvinist doctrine and not a lot of bothersome ideas like unusual restrictive dress codes Still looking...
I am so glad you found this video and that you agree their doctrine is one of law and unusual rules rather than grace. I hope you find what you're looking for! :)
I’m glad to have found your channel
I'm happy you did too!
I was once in the Apostolic church. I left after thinking I never would. I started becoming brainwashed. My life was so very controlled. I left for many reasons you left. I also left because they told me I was going to hell because I'm gay. I now go to a Catholic church that loves and embraces the LGBTQ community.
I am so sorry that they controlled you, brainwashed you, manipulated you, and hurt you. I am so glad you found a loving and accepting place! You deserve to be accepted for who you are!!!
@@Denycia thank you so very much and the same for you too
Ray how do you find it better to go from one controlled organization to another one just under a different name?
Any nonreligious ex-apostolics from SC? Fairly new unbeliever here and it would be amazing to chat with or hang out with someone from a similar background. Married with small children so not looking for a man to chat privately with, just friendship and support.
You should post this on the r/ExPentecostal subreddit! I'm pretty sure there are some people on there from South Carolina! If you are uncomfortable posting on there I don't mind to do so for you and pass along contact information.
I just finished your story and its like we have the same story! My husband and i were in the upci for about 10 years and it was awful! So much abuse its sickening!!! We went up to the top of the powers that be and nothing happens they organization covers up everything physical emotional even sexual abuse its sick. Thank you for speaking up!
I'm sorry you went through that too. Yes the powers that be will cover everything up, ignore it, allow it to happen, whatever. It's sick all of that and all the emotional abuse and manipulation that happens. Just toxic toxic toxic. Glad you guys both got out!!!!
I was in a dire circumstance to be forced into this religion by family members who recently got brainwashed but they were not religious at all during my childhood and I developed a stunted emotional development ever since I had lived in their religious bubble. When I was a kid I had my own imagination of who god was by being out in nature, listening to music and romanticizing nature and the night sky and it wasn’t anything close to the apostolic version of believing in god which feels like acceptable mental suffering. I’m still trying to deconstruct and still battling to live authenticity without being scared of going to hell just because my agnostic view of a creator is so personal to my inner child and nothing like organized religion.
I'm so sorry you're still dealing with the damage done by these churches and this religion. The fear is really hard to break. I highly recommend going to therapy if you can. It really helps. Their version of believing in god is suffering, you're absolutely right. I'm glad you've found comfort in nature and music. Two of the things that make life great.
Wow literally the same story for me and my family,they are very controlling and yes u are right the veil,skirt, or pants does not save you one of the pastors actually told me one time when I was literally 7 years old that I’m not allowed to wear shorts but yes I still have some of the apostolic faith but as for the rest it’s all religion that controls them
Exactly! I'm sorry your family has been so controlling :/
I’m a middle aged male who who was raised in the pentecostal church. I can tell you I didn’t quite get why women’s dress sense was a reason for church male members lust. Womens submission to husbands was definitely a massive issue. Marriages weren’t a partnership but a dictatorship. My father was one of those want to be control freaks but hit a massive hurdle called my mother who stopped him in his tracks 😂. Fortunately many women stood against this draconian misconstruing of proper Bible teaching. My mother believed that men and women were solely responsible for their own selfish lusts. Besides this the church was very legalistic or too spiritually minded and no earthly good. “Unsaved” were frowned upon in a very judgemental way. There was definitely an element of schadenfreude, because it demonstrated God’s judgement. It was so wrong. Not all pentecostal churches were the same but certainly conservative ones were well out of line of enacting God’s love for all. Hating sin not the sinner was one of those cringe sayings because again it was justification for judgement!
You're exactly right! Marriages were dictatorships rather than partnerships, they misconstrued the bible, were super judgmental, and didn't do any of the "works" they were supposed to do. Good for your mom for not allowing that and good for you for seeing through their bs!
Hello dear sister I'm so sorry that you went through this I would just like to let you know that you are right about everything you are talking about I feel so bad for you that you had to go through that you are very special and I am so proud of you for doing all three TH-cam videos thank you so much for your testimony. You are a very strong woman to do this for so many people. I went through everything you talk about. I have seen this in a lot of Pentecostal churches. I went through this for 35 years I feel that God is helping you through this so keep going to counseling and keep up the great work your doing. You have really inspired me to do something about this. I believe that you were spiritually abused and that is not God what is about he love you unconditionally and he helping you it is very understanding why you are atheist you have a right to believe what you believe but I just want to let you know that you have reached out to a lot of people thank you for all you are doing great job keep up the good work
You don't know how much that means to me, thank you! I am sorry that you went through that for so long. I am glad that you've gotten out and I hope that you have been able to do some healing. I am honored that these videos helped you and have ignited a fire inside you to do something about the horrible realities that people face in these churches. Thank you for the encouragement, the understanding, and well wishes. It means a lot to me and wish you all the happiness and healing!
You never stated whether your brother stayed or left.
My brother is still a minor
I left the UPC as well in 2008. Thank you for sharing your story!
Thank you for watching! I'm glad you got outta there!!!!
Did you leave Christian Faith?
I stayed involved in the christian faith for many years after leaving but yes I have since left the christian faith all together.
Yes ostracized, shund, they pull the I cant talk to you. Judging, judgemental. You are right it's manipulation. It's not back sliding if you're leaving an abusive people You are a survivor. I feel this is brave of you. People opinions don't matter because that's all it is, just an opinion. Men with their opinions. LOL 😆 see how hypocritical people are? sleeping with the husband while the spouse is dying, wow. Sometimes you have to walk away.
Yes exactly! So manipulative. Definitely a survivor of their abuse. I just want to do what I can to help people stuck in there and try to keep people out of there!
I’m glad I found your video. You may not remember but I responded to your last one. I got saved in the apostolic Pentecostal church, backslid, eventually ended up in a Lutheran Church who still have the basic principles of following Jesus. I’m aware that you no longer believe in God, however I hope you will try talking to him one day… Talk to him, not religious people, not people who think they have it all together, but I hope you talk to God someday sister. I really appreciate you, and care about you. I will have you in my prayers, may God Bless You
Thank you! I'm glad you've found peace outside of the apostolic Pentecostal Church!