I asked God why He made women so beautiful. He said that it was nothing for Him to make a woman beautiful on the outside, but He had to die to make one beautiful on the inside.
It’s true…women are beautiful creations on the outside, and quite unpredictable and often difficult to work with, on the inside. ALWAYS be cautious with them. 😮
My 2nd ex wife was physically and emotionally abusive, she got fed up with me not giving in and ran away to her dad's, I said fuck it, I don't need you, best thing that happened to me in years was her departure
I used to adore women. Adore them! Since I was a young boy, I was fascinated and charmed, thinking how complex and delicate and interesting they were, superior to men in every way. Now I think about them the same way I think about pyramid schemes.
Sometimes you can have an elementary teacher who is the real deal. I never thought women were great, but I had vicious sisters and gossipy relatives. Only encountered two women who were actually 'good' people, that fourth grade teacher and an aunt. They were complex and delicate and interesting. They were not superior to men but were quite distinct from other women.
My last girlfriend told me one day, " I dont care about your emotions" when I was trying to have a heart to heart conversation about some issues we were having....I immediately left her. I don't care how manly of a man you are, everyone has emotions and everyone can be hurt by things people that you care about say to you.
Any time I made the mistake of revealing my emotions to a woman, whether it was my mother, my sisters, my wife, or a girlfriend, they greeted the revelation with scorn and contempt. I learned my lesson and keep my feelings to myself around women.
@@1530f they never wanna see you emotional bro., that’s a lie. If you ever cry in front of them they will lose respect for you. Trust me on this one. Even if your dad passed away and tears are warranted. They will Never admit it tho….
Women change the rules to the relationship on the fly. They do it to suit whatever their feelings are. With no guilt, no shame, and no accountability. Imagine if men did the same thing.
Yep. Who's going to tell them they're wrong and they should listen to their man? That's practically unthinkable nowadays let alone get it out of one of her friends or associates Regardless of context.
They’re truly sociopathic which is why they were kept on a very short lead back in the day. For their and societies good. We need to return to these times … 😎
@@ma3stro681 My 93 year old neighbor told me this: "Women have ALWAYS been the same. I've known it over for 70 years. But we kept 'em in line and now we let 'em run wild."
Do not go see a marriage/couples counselor or therapist. It is always the mans fault. You are just not in tuned to her emotions. Your needs and emotions mean nothing in the relationship. It is all about her and not you. That is how the world sees it. Just leave or kick her out. So what you will lose half your stuff. You will be better off in the long run.
I have yet to meet a therapist who isn't a feminist, the particular type of feminist who thinks all men are always wrong. Doesn't matter if the therapist is a man or a woman. My wife's therapist encouraged her to cheat on me and then told my wife it was my fault that my wife had to "go outside the marriage" to "meet her needs". Oh, and the therapist turned out to be a lesbian who wanted to sleep with my wife (didn't succeed, but she tried).
They are designed to work against men. Especially when the therapist is going to be a women. Furthermore, it only works when both parties are willing to go. 9 times out of 10 the women will never see herself as needing therapy.
A good friend is a clinical psychologist. He mentioned over a beer, that men are automatically perceived as narcissistic and women are people pleasers. In the vast majority of cases, it's a no win situation for men
Right. A waste of time unless you are the one actually doing something wrong that could be fixed. They want emotional connection but with an NPD you will NEVER be able to connect with them. Give up and move on no matter what! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, weak ones resort to hidden tactics like this. Hence, you need to look for a (mentally) strong woman. Just recently there was an interview with a female trucker on the radio. She was genuinely happy and giggling all the time and talked about her husband. One could tell she was still in love.
I have a friend who is married to a Korean woman. I know she's emotionally abusive, maybe physically abusive. He cringes when he says "I have to get home by six" and you can see the fear in his eyes. He's told me "You don't understand, Korean women have very bad tempers." I've tried to get him to open up about this aspect, but he won't. Some other details: 1. He wanted 2 kids, she wanted 1. They compromised and had 1. 2. He wanted to live in Town A and she wanted to live in Town B. They compromised and live in Town B. 3. He wanted to switch jobs and she didn't want him to. So they compromised and he stayed in the job he already had. He tried standing up to her once, and she said "I can take our son to Seoul and you'll never see him again. I can work remotely (she works in Silicon Valley) and I will divorce you in the US and take the house and half your pension." My friend loves his son very much and this was enough to whip him back in line, because she is NOT bluffing. She and I don't get along and I'm not allowed over at the house. I take it as a compliment.
@@john-griffin Remember the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp situation? When that first popped up, I believed Johnny and not Amber, because I'm familiar with that type of woman. And the truth came out, but it cost Johnny his career. Women KNOW they can do whatever they want to a man and no one will intervene, care, nor even believe the man.
@@ma3stro681 Many men were raised with the expectation we'd find the right woman, get married, have kids, carry on our civilization. But the feminists blew all that up, into a thousand pieces, and all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put it together again.
After I filed, the X said I'll do anything to save our marriage. I came up with a list of five things that must change immediately. Number one she had to admit she had an obsessive compulsive disorder And must seek treatment for it. She said no, I said go
To be fair, ocd is not something you can really do much about. I have the same. It’s just how your brain works. Little bit autistic. I would not take it too if my partner burned me for it.
So many broken families, these women are messed up since childhood, and you can't expect them to change. Just have to hope to find a needle in the haystack, and keep your sanity in the meantime. Good luck!
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This hit home for me. Every word. You don’t see it when you’re in it.
100% same for me. I was so busy trying to figure out how to fix it, to provide, protect and so on you just dont see it. Its like you're too close to see the full picture. Its not until later, with a clear head that you can zoom out and see it for what it was. Long term abuse.
@@db7232 Same I was with a covert narc for 27 years. 3 years out and still trying to figure it all out. Much better now but dam I was in a dark place for many years. Almost checked out because of it. By the grace of God I'm still here.
I've had 3 girlfriends after losing my beloved wife to cancer in 2017. All 3 were narcissistic and employed different forms of abuse after the honeymoon phase passed. The most recent one I pushed back immediately and it forced her to employ passive aggressive tactics because I stood up to her overt verbal abuse. The relationship only lasted 3 months so I am vetting abusive women very quickly now. I am getting much better at setting boundaries and getting rid of losers. Be safe gentleman, no marriage no cohabitation!
Same here but with two women. The third wasn’t a narc but all she could talk about was marriage and how she do wanted to “be in love!” The 4th was basically a sleeze. She was the easiest to get along with since my expectations were low. I’ve decided to just stay away from women. Most just being along too many complications. Damn!
Same here but with two women. The third wasn’t a narc but all she could talk about was marriage and how she do wanted to “be in love!” The 4th was basically a sleeze. She was the easiest to get along with since my expectations were low. I’ve decided to just stay away from women. Most just being along too many complications. Damn!
I was married a bit late in life around 30 years old. The new wife mentioned how she would never reject me physically because she knows the lust she felt as a single virgin going on 30 was excruciating...fast forward 1.5 years and she completely reneged on her promise. Women these days are not meant for marriage...only meant for one to two year relationships. I spent the next 11.5 years of the marriage groveling for physical intimacy. Was it worth it? Nope! Would I do it again? Nope! I simply go my own way these days. I've been love sober now for eight years and have no intention on going back.
Yes you have nailed it. 1-2 years tops. Men are not “afraid of commitment” as the conventional wisdom constantly drones on about. Men are afraid of the rules changing in mid-stream.
Going it alone is the only sane thing to do. Even if they changed "family law," I can't forget what I've been through, what women have revealed to me, us, and the world. They are just naturally heartless.
@@Disaster-Service " *...what women have revealed to me, us, and the world. They are just naturally heartless.* " The thing is, women don't have a conscience (a natural, innate, inbuilt sense of moral right and wrong). With them, it's all feelings, emotions, hormones, whims and fantasies -- and all these things change potentially every few hours.
"love sober". dude. Did you invent that term? Yes! Sobriety from lust & love! That is what it is like. junkie want for love. Love is deadly with women. Get off the drug. Stay away from the needle (woman).
I'm a divorce lawyer. I've divorced thousands of people over 20 years. I've been divorced myself. Everything you say is true in most cases. Thank you for your channel.
Don't ever get married or you will Pay the Piper--- your "loving" Narcissistic Entitled Wife your house, your car(s), your Pension, and 1/2 of your legal practice assets that came into the marriage.
Ran into a former coworker who hung out when I was dating my now ex-wife (divorced 10+ yrs). We were laughing (I was groaning) in remembering how much of a buzz kill she was even back then. Stand your ground, fellas. Your integrity is non-negotiable.
The ONLY way to ultimately deal with anyone who is mid- level to higher on the "narcissistic trait" spectrum, is to go "no contact" with them... because they will never STOP using that (universal) one bag of tricks 'tactics,' nor EVER mature BEYOND the perpetual "adult child," state. Full- blown "NPD" narcs, and also most of those 3.9 - 4.9 vs. 5- 6/6 on the scale people are afterall incapable, or unwilling to EVER grow and change, unfortunately. And there are MANY MORE people in that in- between (3- 5) range, than is presently known, or acknowledged... and in the future (despite the current PTB's best efforts...) this will become "common knowledge!"
@dlocke49 Maybe, but sometimes you need to confront it. Like John says in the video, it's gone unchecked for too long. If it's not called out, women will continue to get away with it!
Wow, the same thing happened to me durring my marriage of 12yrs. She abandoned me in the bed, then when i agreed to move out to end the arguing and because she had no job. She filed divorce papers (which were served to me at my military base), saying i abandoned her and the kids. Nothing was further from the truth. I was and always paid the bills and provided medical insurance for the kids till they were 26. Paid my child support till they were 19. Spent every available time i could with my boys unless i was deployed for six months. She eventually remarried and moved away with her 2nd husband and my kids. 650 miles away i had to travel to see my boys. This went on for years. Basically she destroyed everthing and after having a daughter with #2, went on to marry a third time. That poor bastard had a heart attack and died. She is now 60. I never remarried and at 63, i still feel the pain of that abuse. Now i see all woman as evil bitches! I know that's not true, but i dont trust anyone! Life of quiet desperation. Happy New Year!
John, this is one of your best videos, ever. It's "spot on" and describes my two marriages perfectly. I'm eight years divorced from a 34 year marriage. This abusive woman, wife applied every one of these characteristic on me for most of our marriage, knowing I was trapped with three children. If every currently married man watched this video, we could save a lot of good men, living in tormented households. I'm eight years 'free and enormously happy' as a single guy of 78 years. I'm enjoying each day, in solitude, responsible for my own happiness. Your videos are inspiring and validating to me. Thank you, Bill C.
My wife's trigger... Is basically me calmly and rationally expressing my actual "feelings" on any topic, she come unglued so I just avoid that kind of expression... I've learned over the years women really don't want to hear how you actually feel, they just want you to conform to the role they want you to obediently play, without compliant or having individual needs. If done in reverse women would absolutely consider it abuse. The modern social dynamic between men and women is absolutely insane and getting worse.
I used to remember my college basketball coach who was going through a divorce my senior year. He would often say that there are two types of enemies in this world. 1. A woman Who has yet to attempt to destroy your life... And 2. women who are actively destroying your life. Great content per usual John..
Ex tried and is trying. Once you've lost everything in your life though. What is there to lose? She's already lost her job and soon her house and car. I didn't have to do anything but leave her to her own choices and not help. I lived on an aur mattress for sux months and lost 60 pounds in a month I was so stressed out. I'm never going back to that state again. One where another person will have that much power over my life. She tried to tuin my reputation as a father, husband, man and even my business.
@deadman12078 " *She tried to ruin my reputation as a father, husband, man and even my business.* " This is a *very* common behavior pattern among women. Until recently (a few years ago) most men didn't even know about this pattern; each guy thought he was the only one suffering through this -- he thought he was doomed to suffer alone and die in the dirt (figuratively speaking). It is only recently, with the advent of the "manosphere" channels on Y/T and suchlike, that men are starting to get an idea of how common this despicable behavior is in females. Men: stay the h*ll away from marriage or any quasi-marital situation (like cohabitation).
I entered marriage counselling armed with the (psychobabble) rule to never say "you" but make only "I" statements. Therefore my wife and the counsellor mainly talked about how apparently I am the source of all problems. Often advantage just goes to whoever desires advantage. Eventually the counsellor observed that I was not complaining about my wife, and had been open to examine my faults, which she said is good. Then my wife began to sob, and she was consoled "this must be so hard for you." My father emerged from more extended couples counselling with a revelation he sagely tells anyone who will listen: "Men are from Mars; women are from Venus!"
I'm glad you brought this topic up. Domestic violence is more than physical violence,,,,false allegations of rape, abuse of the children, spreading slander through the community is all part of domestic violence and something men suffer in alarming proportion and something men don't want to address or admit happens to
I was a teacher for 30 years. By far, the worst bullying I saw among students was done by girls, either to boys or to other girls. You could stop bullying by boys by socking them in the jaw; stopping bullying by girls is impossible. Girls who were being bullied by peers had to be isolated to prevent further harm. Parents, administrators, teachers, counselors, were totally ineffective in curbing female bullies.
Emotional abuse, Trauma and stress also takes a physical toll including: Cardiovascular issues, Digestive, Immune system, Blood pressure, Short term memory damage, sleep issues, ED and many others conditions, including death. We have to love and care for yourself first, before we can extend that to others.
You know what is funny. My first reaction after hitting the play button on this video was to turn the sound down as low as possible, because I know I would be attacked or made fun of by my friends and family if they heard me trying to get help for being abused.
This one really resonated with me. The gaslighting, silent treatment, withholding sex/intimacy, I’ve experienced all this with my last girlfriend. I was lucky enough to leave before I was in too deep to escape. Thank you!
Canada here. I have been through exactly what you are talking about. 30 years of marriage and 5 kids, 4 daughters. The last 10 years were horrible and emotionally abusive. I tried everything to please her and that was a mistake. The de-valuing, gaslighting, silent treatment... she would punish me with shame. After the last kid went to college she ended it. In hindsight it forced me to get help. My therapist helped untangle my emotions, I was being destroyed emotionally by a narcisist and my codependent ways of coping were unhealthy, he was invaluable to me. It took 5 years to recover. Emotional abuse is a real thing. I invested in my guy friends and therapy. It helped alot to face the pain and accept her rejection. Long term my life is much better without her. Hide your money get prepared
they have been deliberately empowered up by the eff word to weaken the family and undermine the man and u are seeing the consequences in the west today
Oh man ! , my ex wife put me through years of neglect and psychological abuse , I stayed for the kids then the kids left me after she skilfully brain washed them against me .
That is what I have feared most. My son will be 18 in 3 years. I am laying the groundwork to divorce. This is somewhat shocking to me. I would leave today, but I feel my kids need me.
If your kids have any sense, they will see your ex’s manipulation with time. Just be a good father and be patient. I remember an old Chinese proverb (or Japanese? ….. don’t know), but it was something like, “If you sit by the river long enough, the body of your enemy will float by”. Their wrongs will eventually catch up with them.
@@learningisfun2108 Thank you I believe you are right , Unfortunately social media, and the “ education “ system will keep them brain washed for a long time .
Was not expecting another insightful video so soon after yesterday's masterpiece. Thank you for touching in on another very sensitive topic many men do not want to discuss but can certainly relate with. My monster would hit or yell at me during the night then say the next morning that I must have been dreaming. Gaslighting. You are really on your way to becoming famous.
"I hit you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you, not punching you, it was not punching you. Babe, you’re not punched. You didn’t get punched. You got hit. I’m sorry I hit you like this. But I did not punch you. I did not fucking deck you. I fucking was hitting you. I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you’re fine. I did not hurt you. I did not punch you. I was hitting you.”--Amber Heard gaslighting the living shit out of Johnny Depp and all men going "Oh yeah, this sounds familiar."
Your comment about us as men being isolated in our relationships, especially in times of crisis or trouble is very spot-on. This isolation is offset by her talking to a dozen of her girlfriends, coworkers or the bag boy at the market divulging every intimate detail of your relationship. Her thoughts become unstable/disorganized as she listens to the dozen or so opinions of her sympathizers that in turn paint us as a dastardly monster. As you so eloquently state in every broadcast, “STAY SINGLE!”
I was in a relationship with an emotionaly abusive woman for 6 years. The reason I stayed is because very early in the relationship I got baby trapped, at start she played it as if it was an accident and told me she would get an abortion, then she decided to keep him, and as I wanted to be in my son's life I stayed with her. She was blackmailing me saying she'd do everything in her power to stop me from seeing him if I left her. From psychological the abuse evolved into physical with the same blackmail being done, the same threats being repeated. One day I told the kid garden psychologist about it, big mistake as she made a warning report saying I was probably the one making the environment violent, followed an investigation on me for one year (...) the investigation led to them saying there was nothing wrong with me. Obviously my ex acted well too during that time, until child court closed the file where the abuse restarted but this time twice as worse, obviously she understood that she would be supported by the system. I forgot to say that, I am an ex military/TSG so you can imagine I could have done anything I wanted with her anytime, never raised a finger on her. Whenever I went to try and make a former complain the Gendarmerie (yes I live in France) refused to take it saying I had no visible "marks" same with E&A, so all they did was non crime DV CRISes, which was sort of pointless. I managed to get micro cams to record things when she started going crazy again to try and prove what I was saying was true and managed to record proofs of her behaviour. She carried on her bullshit until I found another guy in my bed at which point I pulled the plug. From that point things went bad, she was basicaly cheating on me with him for months, left to his place (they now live together at his) but whilst she was still there she assaulted our son whom from his 4 years at the time told her she was mean and that he wanted to stay with dad, the camera recorded that too. Well, guess who got custody in court, and who was once again accused of being violent DESPITE video evidences? All she had to do was to say I was the one acting like this, didn't need to show any evidence. In France they can allow themselve to refuse video evidences in civil proceedings, you also need to pay a special attorney whom needs to officialy recognise said video evidence if you want to be able to use them, I paid about 250€ per videos, for the judge to just refuse to see them. Ever since court passed, the judgement said her and I need to cooperate but she doesn't. She gives false addresses saying she pays a rent when she lives rent free at her new bf, gives false payroll paper saying she earn less than she actualy does and refuses to tell me where they live, have not seen my son in one year and guess what? Justice does not care in the slightest. This whole situation is abuse still being carried on, using our son as the weapon to carry on with it, but this is so normalised now that they just don't care.
@BuryTheLight-yp4mc My brother, I'm so sorry. I will pray for you. I hope you can continue to stand strong and do not allow the insanity to define you.
I divorced my wife because she never wanted to have sex, i told her many times that was the direction it was going and if she wasn't willing to change. Thats what she chose so I followed through and left.
She wanted you to do the leaving so she could claim innocence and blame you. She was manipulating the situation to her own advantage. She wanted the marriage over. She could hold on forever (without sex, without love, without even talking) and knew you couldn’t. So, you’d either get a divorce or buckle under her thumb.
@malcolmhayward4431 She wanted to get back together for the first couple of years. I'm not sure if she does right now or not, I moved to another state.
@@learningisfun2108 " *She could hold on forever (without sex, without love...* " I highly doubt she was "holding on without sex". For sure she was banging another guy (or guys), she just wasn't giving her husband any. This sadistic and cruel abuse of her husband was what gave her purpose in life. It is *very* common (it is pretty much the norm) among today's wives.
Hey John, this is very interesting. It seems like this video is a crucial one. What you’re describing in this video has convinced me that, at my age, I don’t see myself going back into a long-term relationship. This is because what you’re describing, I believe, reflects a universal female behavior that is independent of culture. The gaslighting, the silent treatment-everything-is so castrating for a man. I don’t think people fully understand that male sexuality is not just about pleasure; it’s about masculinity, validation, and access to touch-a tactile love. It has so many ramifications for a man’s identity and shouldn’t be ridiculed as simply seeking pleasure. I completely agree with you; I think this is a form of abuse.
I completely and wholeheartedly agree with everything you have said. I just got out of a emotionally abusive relationship with a covert narcissist and I feel like I got a master class in every single form of manipulation. She began to withhold affection in the most contemptuous Waze imaginable and began to criticize me constantly after months of love bombing.
Annette Bening does a superb job of portraying emotionally abusive female spousal behavior in the film “Hope Gap.” The character she plays is truly disturbing, poignant, passionate and shows the effects an abusive wife can have in a troubled marriage.
I'm in my mid 40s. I never married. I saw my parents argue all the time. I saw my friends parents argue all the time. I my aunts and uncles argue all the time. And the adults and society as a whole treated it like it was a joke when I was teenager. I thought that was sick and evil. And these were honest, hard working, weekly church attending people. Decided when I was eighteen I would never get married. I had my fun in my early to mid twenties. But not enough to convince me to drop my no marriage stance. When I was in college I had a frat brother with a schizophrenia diagnosis and he used to joke even in his insanity, he wasn't as crazy as most women. Dude was wise beyond his years. Not getting married and sticking to my guns, it's the best decision I ever made. I think it's why I don't have gray hair yet.
Thanks for sharing this experience. In my view, the elephant in the room is the the belief that every adults need to be marriage no matter what. You helped me to not sabotage my single life.
Better to get married. I tried to get married when I lived in Russia. The woman was a psychopath, so it turned out better that she left me. However, I don't recommend staying single. It's just not right for a man to stay single.
I get everything you mentioned, everything! When I was cut off she was sexually taking care of herself, then cheated. I worked, she stayed home with the kids. 60 to 70 hours a week to maintain a good life. I thought we were a team, what an idiot I was. Betrayal is the hardest thing to overcome. 17 years of marriage was the worst experience ever. WTF, Thanks John, its good to know I am not alone.
Once you recognize abuse by a Narcissistic Person near you, it's like coming out of an alternate reality in which you were being mercilessly imprisoned
Everything you said, i went through with my ex. Twenty years of hell. After 12 years she admits to being bipolar. I had no idea what that even was at the time. Best years of my life ruined. Health both physical and mental ruined. Learned alot about female behavior after that and quickly noticed the red flags in women i dated later. Conclusion they are all insane. Some more than others, but all have issues. All my friends have similar stories. Guys are waking up now, sharing their experiences with each other. It's not worth it. Wish this kind of information was around when i was a young man.
I wish I could have known these things long ago. I could have steered the marriage. At least males are learning how terrible women really are. Its too late for me. The damage is done.
" *Conclusion they are all insane. Some more than others, but all have issues.* " What you say is true, but it's only half the problem. The other half is that they don't have a conscience.
I'm from Germany, let me ensure you, at least over here, there is nothing in the court system for you. That kind of partner will also never go to therapy, as that would be the one thing that can create issues for them in court. If you find yourself in a relationship with a BPD/NPD person, just move on and let your future success and happiness be their poison. Only thing that you can do is to document the hopefully good relationship with your kids and speak openly about what happened, awareness needs to be raised. Thanks for that!
This really needs to be examined by the legal system. I was engaged for almost a year, and lived together for 8 months. As you know, true colors are shown when living together. Without rambling on forever, I called off the wedding date. She started accusing me of cheating and many other topics which led to an argument. Basically I was tired of her $hit and said I was done and went to sleep. I thought she was going to her parents to cool off. An hour later four cops were beating on the door. I gave my side of the story and was not arrested. Next day I was served with an “Ex Parte restraining order” I actually had recordings proving what actually happened with a great attorney. The judge sided with her. Men, please by all means know the definition of an ex parte restraining order. It’s a no win situation.
So sorry to hear this. That is downright scary n not uncommon so it doesn't surprise me. I'm a 50.something never married strait female and can tell you that while I never had any big problems with women when for the first 40 years of my life it then became apparent how troubled n evil so many are. Some of these women were younger than me but some my own age or older. There were of course people in the workplace I didn't always care for but looking back there were men I didn't really care for either but this is sadly understandable when one has had several different jobs over a lifetime n not to excuse it but the workplace often does not bring out the best in people both bosses n coworkers. All that said the only people who lied about me to try to jamn me up in a legal situation were women. One was an older woman about 13 years ago, another was a woman slightly older a about 2 years after that n the other were 2 female neighbors a little over 2 years ago. Like any normal human being in the crazy world we live in who is not a complete doormat and can stick up for themselves and others when necessary I have.met.n.know men in the world who's actions I did not like and either avoided them or had to tell them but as bad as some may have been none had ever accused me of anything bad. Learning more about women's nature in general their these types of videos is making me think this is not a coincidence.. yes of course their is often a deep confirmation bias that these videos reveal n one should never assume all women are bad n will hurt you but there is an awful amount of truth n just as women should be very careful who they get with n trust so should men.. I have also noticed in other videos dealing with loneliness epidemic n how people have far fewer n sometimes no friends today, that in the comments section so many people post that they have given up on people and friends as they had been betrayed too much by toxic people etc. Most people who lost friends bc of this were women.Men didn't always have friends but when they did it was much rarer to lose then thru a disagreement or conflict. This tells me that even women have a really hard time with other women. It's something that needs to be brought out into the open more especially with the younger women likely far worse than women my age..lot of these women have been raised on competitive m toxic reality shows with drama at every turn n social media comparisons. My generation grew up watching the Walton's n Little House on the Prairie and still so many turned out pretty vile..
@@mkelly4042 Thank you for your comments. Good to have a woman's POV. At the risk of offending you (which I am not trying to do), I want to state the following opinions: 1. Today, more than 50 years after 2nd wave feminism escaped the lab (probably somewhere in California), feminism has taken control of Western society and beaten it into submission. Men are unhappy, of course, but women are much more unhappy. IMO most women suffer from some undiagnosed form of mental illness, and it shows in their behavior and attitudes. 2. Because of Point 1 above, women no longer have a conscience, they are simply ruthless, evil and diabolical. 3. I think most men realize, consciously or subconsciously, the truth of points 1 and 2 above. We are seeing the results of this realization in these R/P spaces on the internet. 4. This situation will not improve, in fact it will get worse, until men stop waltzing around and get serious and completely withdraw (emotionally, psychologically and sexually) from women. Let them sink or swim on their own. (I think they will sink, but hey, who knows. I could be wrong. In any case, men will be safely far away from crazy, malicious women).
Pernicious: gradual, subtle, and HARMFUL! There is blissful, healing peace on the other side of the fire that you will need to walk through...get strategic, and plan for the worst. I've been through all of this, and now I'm telling you that it's worth the pain of getting your autonomy back. It's SO Beautiful!!
Statistically, it is reported that gay couples suffer the least domestic abuse while lesbian ones suffer the most. And I'm like: "Why are lesbians so horrible to each other?"
That's a wonderful statistics and I shall not soon forget it. Same with female coworkers, like 40% of men say they hate their coworkers, whereas like 90% of women say they hate their coworkers. Seems like one of the sex's is just Hell-Bent on being Miserable.
I had to stop watching this video at the 7:30 mark due to all the 1000% correct points!! It brought out all angry stuff in me. I will watch it again when I can stay calm and listen. John, you are SO SPOT ON!!!
Emotional abuse.. mentally wrecks you and destroys your self esteem with mind games and manipulation. Your body is effected by chronic stress and the never ending hamster wheel of work they request of you to prove your worth, It will literally break your soul steal your identity and make you feel empty inside.
John, I know you went through all this in your marriage, but I just want to know where you put the cameras at my house in order for you to describe my 32 year marriage so perfectly. I will send them back to you soon. By the way, I have known my mother-in-law for 37 years now and she is clearly the one who taught all of this to my wife. Men need to observe the mother of a woman a lot closer than I did back in the day, because all the red flags were there and waving frantically. Just wish I would have known about them back then. Your videos are extremely valuable if this stuff is ever going to change. Thanks for all you do!
i did notice the mother was a red flag but was blinded by her then good nature and my need provide. whenever we were at family gatherings, i would think to myself, “god i hope she doesn’t turn into her mother”! i ignored the old saying of “if you want to see how your wife will be in the future, observe her mother”. i guess the “joke” is on me because “mom” has arrived.
Watching this video was such a relief to me because nobody else does acknowldge this. When I was in the hospital, I was sent to a few shrinks etc. Nobody spotted this. They don't want to see it or don't want to address it. I had to figure it out all on my own. Yes, I was abused by my wife.
The role of the husband in a relationship is to be the head of the house, the husband is who has the ultimate authority. You, as a male, decide what needs to be done for the relationship to succeed, if she is not aligned to that, it is time for you to either go your way alone, meaning kick her out from your life or find ways to make her stay with the rules and boundaries so she can align with you.
I was married once, now I have a beautiful and sweet girlfriend, but anytime I watch John’s videos, I don’t think I want to be married again. I know she will change and become entitled. I always look back at my previous marriage, my ex was so innocent and sweet, but 10 years later turned into a monster.
I often ask myself ,where did the sweet girls that I married go? at the end she turned into vices person. I think is true what they say. You really get to know how someone is ,when you divorced them".
Unfortunately friend, love is like quicksand. You sink into it slowly without noticing that you can't escape from anymore. You are in mortal danger right now.
To the people who are afraid of being lonely: The vast majority of users who are paying subscribers on OF are MARRIED MEN. That should tell you that you can be very very lonely in a marriage.
I am lonely in my marriage presently. I watch porn since my wife would not allow me to see her naked talk less of sex. Sexless marriage last 5 years. No intimacy, not even a hug in the last 5 years! Despite being the breadwinner of the family. Divorce is becoming a reality for me now.
@@plasmaarmelund Having young children with a malignant narcissist wife changes everything about wanting to leave. If I had left, the wife would have placed our kids in an orphanage. Her mother did it.
@love19398 Damn you're living in a hell 😢I know the feeling of not being wanted especially intimacy wise, but 5 years is a long time, I hope something changes. Stay strong.
Grand slam John. This vid is going to blow up. So many men have similar stories. I remember my last ex talking shit about me in public, at my brother's workplace. It's all so clear in retrospect.
John, I cannot thank you enough for this most important video! I had no choice but to end a 10 year relationship with a woman, who I was very close to marrying. It ended three months ago and when I say ended, I RAN away without saying goodbye. I sensed REAL danger and instinctively I had to run for my life. There was no time to do anything else but RUN. I am absolutely devastated, but I have been told that I dodged a huge bullet. There is far too much to detail. One thing I shall say is that she was a master at FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt), especially in texts by phone and Facebook. Whenever I showed vulnerability, she said she was losing her femininity. In another video (I'm not sure of the title) you discussed something about the unwanted effects of social media on a relationship. She was heavily influenced by it, to my detriment. The AI advised me of the following 14 elements that were going on, and provided a 9/10 rating for the emotional abuse I sustained, stating the only reason it was not a perfect 10 was due to no violence or threats of the same: 1. Gaslighting: She would deny previous agreements or conversations, making you question your own memory or sanity. 2. Emotional Manipulation: She would use guilt, anger, or self-pity to control your emotions and reactions. 3. Projection: She would accuse you of doing or feeling things that she herself was doing or feeling. 4. Blame-Shifting: She would consistently blame you for her own emotions, actions, or problems. 5. Emotional Blackmail: She would use threats or ultimatums to get you to do something or comply with her demands. 6. Constant Criticism: She would regularly criticize or belittle your thoughts, feelings, or actions. 7. Dismissiveness: She would dismiss or minimize your emotions, needs, or boundaries. 8. Emotional Unavailability: She would shut down or become unresponsive when you needed emotional support or connection. 9. Lack of Accountability: She would refuse to take responsibility for her actions or apologize for her behavior. 10. Unpredictability: Her behavior and moods were unpredictable, making you feel constantly on edge. 11. Emotional Labor: You were expected to manage her emotions, moods, and needs, while ignoring your own. 12. Boundary-Pushing: She would consistently push against your boundaries and expectations. 13. Minimizing: She would downplay the significance of her behavior or its impact on you. 14. Emotional Invalidations: She would deny or dismiss your emotional experiences or needs.
Same here. Just a couple of weeks after the ex-wife left, my clarity of thinking was slowly returning. I am guilty of trying to keep my family together and avoiding her temper tantrums. Her leaving is the gift that keeps on giving. Never interrupt your enemy when they are screwing up.
I couldnt agree more with Jon. A few days ago I escaped the toxic relationship with a needy single mother. I experienced a lot of abusive techniques mentioned in the video, incl. separating from friends, gaslighting, manipulation, and excessive control. The very same day she started to break me down in psychological way, demanding my return. I told her not to contact me and blocked her. Then she started to use another phone number, texting me about what she is going to miss. Then urging me to come back for xmas.She knows my soft spots and used them before to melt me down and cause my return. And yes, we went through therapy together for past 6 months, but it did not work... Beware guys and wish me luck!
Abuse tactics: humiliation, contact deprivation, isolation, gaslighting, shaming language, and the systematic destruction of a man's self esteem. The emotional & psychological abuse of men in relationships is absolutely disgusting & we need to call it out more often. The darkside to the provider - protecter role assigned to men is that you are expected to sacrifice and be a sacrifice in the relation-ship. Your needs, feelings, and desires are to be placed last at all times - there is an interview on TH-cam of a woman being asked about her husband's happiness, and her getting upset that anyone would even care to ask. ❤
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
If the female does something that upsets me, it's down played, laughed at, gaslighted or it's my responsibility somehow. But if I do something to upset her, well it's held against me and too often... and then past events somehow change too.
I know all about that. They destroy your self confidence with constant nagging and put downs. When they get bored after a few years this is when it starts.
7 yrs celibate, never going back to the plantation! Came from a mother and 3 sisters and my life was always horrible and broken, until I got rid of them too! My only life regret is the wasted time and resources with and around women! Thank God, I finally figured that out!
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. It so weird, I didn't know what has even happening to me. She had a promiscuous past and at the time I didn't know what that does to a woman emotionally. She was messed up. She really put me through and emotional roller coaster. That's how I got into the red pill space.
" *She had a promiscuous past* " Most women these days do. " *That's how I got into the red pill space.* " Glad you mentioned the R/P space. Second only to God, it is the greatest source of comfort and healing to men suffering Woman Problems today.
I was in a 7 year relationship with a covert narcissist and you are describing exactly what I went through with her. Your insights are spot on and I appreciate your honesty and understanding. Thank you for sharing your content. It really helps me feel normal again, and I take your advice to heart. Staying single is the best thing I have done for myself in decades.
I'm just really thankful to live in the era of the internet, where an experienced man can talk about the ways of life to the rest of us, at all experience levels. Those of us who are middle aged or older can feel validated. Those of us who are younger can learn and be warned. This kind of wisdom is often not passed down in families because guys don't talk about this openly. The reason is, it's just not culturally acceptable for men to talk about this. When I attempted to talk about issues men face, in a friend group, a couple months ago, I was told that I was making all the women's P*ssies dry up and that it hurt them. I promise you I was not name calling, or judging anyone in the group and explicitly said so. In fact, I was the one who was insulted, and upon being insulted I pointed it out, rather than throwing a volley of insults back. Yet, I was run out of the group. I'm considering leaving the state.
Thanks for sharing on this cold ❄ day. Women will emotionally abuse men, young and old sadly. Stay healthy and safe everyone, Sharung your video...from the Ozarks 60 degrees and sunny
And physically. I've been struck by no less than 5 women age 20s to 90s. They are very loose with their hands when angry. Only two of them did I strike back eventually ( family ). Two I actually gave permission though one I was joking. BAM! When given permission they take you up immediately. I told one I wouldn't hit back and we had an awkward 2 hour drive home after she almost abandoned me. Didn't even take me right to my place, had to walk a half mile and paid her $100 for gas.
Wow John, I found myself actually yelling in agreement at the screen with this one ! The withdrawal of physical intimacy is absolutely calculated abuse - an ex-gf pulled that one on me. It is also the death knell for the relationship unless it is for genuine medical reasons (LOL - yeah right). Imagine the reaction for saying don't feel like sharing my salary with you right now because I have a headache, or I'm not in the mood, or you don't give me what I need with your mouth any more.
I had a friend who's bitchy wife had cut him off from sex for years. Then one day he had a sports injury and had to go for a back massage with what turned out to be a kindly physiotherapist. After a while, with the combination of physical touch and a woman actually speaking nicely to him (2 things hed been denied for years), he started to cry uncontrollably. The physio didnt know what was going on at first but he was able to explain the gist of it.
I walked away from a 10-year relationship that was largely defined by the contents of this video. In the beginning she came across as the perfect woman but that changed after just a few short years. But I would add she was seeing a therapist throughout the entire time we were together and even a little bit before then. I believe 100% that she was manipulating her therapist as well. Make this last point a cautionary one for your own needs because just seeing a therapist doesn't necessarily mean thing for your relationship with her
Gaslighting is the most cruel form of abuse there is. It’s damaging on so many levels it’s difficult to count them. As if being a male is something we have to “recover” from. The sighing, the eye rolling, the chuckling, just total indifference and dismissal. I loved her enough to stay for a long time. But there’s one emotion stronger than love. It’s called anger. And when used constructively, the abuse will end. I had to ask myself which was more important? My sanity, or the fruits of my labor? I can still labor, and the fruit market is still open. But I can’t buy back my sanity. Keep it all. I don’t care. It’s the price I paid to never have to see her face again.
That’s because anger is seen as a “defect” in men. Anger is a natural emotion. And emotions are not right or wrong, they are just there. Anger is a tool that is needed, primarily to protect one’s self from being subjected to the same abuse and misuse by others time after time. It is the only emotion stronger than love itself. And the only one that will sometimes end long term abuse in both men and women. It’s when a partner finally gets angry enough, they will walk away. And that’s why it is so discouraged in men.
@@robertclark9 I suspect it (anger) in men is also discouraged because many women are quick to equate it to potential violence, when in fact anger is just anger; that is, a natural emotion. I've been quietly angry many many times and not once was even a thought of violence linked to it. The only time it was was when I felt I was being subject to violence myself - even if verbal violence. There is a great difference between feeling and expressing anger and being violent. If someone gets violent because of his anger, then he has violent tendencies. But I see anger being discouraged even in my young nephew, by his mom. Really sad.
This is my story. Married 15v ears. Three kids. No sex after five years. Degrading comments. Patronicing me. Being mean. Then me resorting to a mistress all hell broke lose.
Thankyou! I find your content very accurate as a mature man. I'm assuming it is a form of godsend information for young men. I genuinely hope all of the young fellas take heed.
Right young fellas, take heed! If you see this behavior when dating DO NOT MARRY THAT BEEOOTCH!!! DO NOT MARRY THAT BEEOOTCH!!!! It gets worse when you are married and they will put you through hell.
I was never married but two of my Asian girlfriends tried to pull off the silent treatment, on one I told her to leave and the other I just packed up and left. With one other non Asian when she was nagging and difficult to be around, I told her I am leaving then all of a sudden she changed her tune (eventually I did leave). Now that is the power of staying not married, the freedom to walk out without any obligations, anytime.
I grew up with six emotional abusive sisters and a mother. All my first relationships with women We're with emotional abusive women. I finally got sick of it. I wont have anything to do with my family. They're all narcissus, and when I stood up to them, they disowned me and of course make-believed that it was all my fault.. I laid the law down with my wife that I have. Who is not emotionally abusive. But I don't put up with anything because I believe that if you let anything start, it will build. and like you say in this video many times don't put up with it. Don't put up with it. Don't put up with it. And you are so right. You're way better off not having any One in your life. But I will say if you can find someone that's trainable like my wife and Stop it from starting. It's still worth being married. I love the life I have now and I love my wife.
🎉This was a very good summary of how women emotionally abuse men. The cure is awareness. I am through the worst part of all that and I have a wife who treats me with respect, love and support. When you find a partner like that it is a blessing.
You know what's funny? I understand exactly what you're talking about, but it feels like such a distant memory now that it’s almost faded. Let me explain: I’ve been single for so long-by choice, of course-after being in a long-term relationship in my 20s. Now I’m 45. I remember how awful it was-the fights, the manipulation, the constant unhappiness, and eventually, the cheating. But it’s been so many years, 16 to be exact, that the details have blurred. All I really recall is how terrible it felt and the promise I made to myself: never again. Occasionally, I’ll get into very short flings, and without fail, within a week, the woman will do her "thing" and I'll have this funny moment with myself where I think: 'Oh, right, that’s why I’m single.' I laugh to myself and a few days later, I make my exit. Honestly, being single is amazing. Sometimes I even feel a twinge of guilt for how great my life is while my friends are stuck dealing with the chaos of relationships and women.
Yes I know. I’m widowed. I think some of us widowers are hesitant to criticize the dear departed; but I’m not exactly rushing out to get a new LTR. Maybe I should shut up, I still feel like she may some how “ come back”😮
32 year old here. I just got out of a 2 months relationship, that was really draining me. She made me feel guilty if I didn’t pay for dinners and flowers, could get angry out of the blue and it was my fault, didn’t give an inch of the emotional support I gave her. I felt like I always walked on eggshells. She dropped a bomb that she had been seeing another guy while we were dating, and didn’t really want to commit to me even after she had stopped seeing the other guy (which I can’t be certain she actually did). She wanted a “situationship” like what is even that? The worst part is that she did make me feel good a lot of the time, like giving me compliments and saying she loved me. I was confused. So after we had slept together, which she made me wait for several weeks, she wanted to go shopping. I said sure, that can be fun, as I like clothes myself. When we were out I asked how much she wanted to spend on a dress. Then she got real mad and said that she thought I was gonna buy it for her. The whole date was ruined and she kept stone walling me. When she went home she said that my behaviour made her loose interest. I was crushed. I talked to a friend after who made me take of the rose tinted glasses and said to me that he feared for my mental health. I had looked stressed and not been myself for weeks. Then I sent a goodbye message to her and just blocked her. Starting to heal and feel better every day!
@ I agree completly now with sober eyes, so very thankful for him looking out for me 😊 I think I was spellbound by her beauty (she is 21) and her love bombing… Keep up your good work John, your content is great and very helpful!
@@christianbjorck816 Hi Christian, it's likely this woman was purely after a sugar daddy. Don't feel crushed- be glad you could get out of it fairly quickly.
May God watch over you and us, it is really very difficult time to live and survive. Many women reached very high levels in manipulation and gaslighting we have never imagined.
Very insightful, my ex did the jealousy thing to justify isolating me controlling me accusing me wrongly even searching my home whenever I wasn’t there. She would then use anything she discovered and twist it into something sinister ( which it never was). I can’t recall having arguments about anything that was real or true. She slowly ensured I only had her in my life. It was when she tried to isolate me from my eldest son that I planned my exit!! I’m not sure what’s happening with women but they aren’t worth the stress and related health issues. I ended up with ptsd and I’m now just emerging after therapy. All that said I’m positive most of what she accused she was actually doing herself! I reached out to her and sent her some information on narcissism naively thinking she’d get help with it however she simply ignored it and doubled down on her behaviour. Thanks for this educational video 👍🏽
Christmas can be tough for fathers.Whos x emotionally abused him and the children. Fortunately my adult children are men and they will figure this out and pick up the phone one day And reconcile with me.. That would make this the best Christmas ever. Your videos should be mandatory viewing For any man considering marriage
My first wife was a good one, but passed away after five years of marriage. My second one can be so sweet, but can quickly go sour concerning little things. Friends didn't believe me when I told them that she could be the opposite until one day she went off on me while I was talking on the cb radio with friends. She wondered why I was laughing at her until she saw I had the mic keyed up and was broadcasting her fit of anger about 20-30 miles lol. She took her ring off and threw it at me and left.
12:46 This point really hits home for me. My last girlfriend was trying to make me accountable for her own insecurities, which I didn't see at the time, and so I was always trying to "make things right" for her insecurity that I was never responsible for in the first place. It certainly didn't help that her emotional abuse surrounding it really made me believe I must have been in the wrong. Sadly, trying to constantly bend to her emotional demands surrounding it only made her lose respect for me, which led to worse abuse, including verbally attacking my vulnerabilities, which damaged my self esteem even further. As a guy who grew up hearing how "awful" men are, I always wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing, and was quick to assume that I would be in the wrong more times than not. I know better than that now though, but the price I paid, which you mention too, is that it hurt me in the long run. I pray that no guy ever falls for the same trap. It can be brutal. Where men were seen as the stereotypical physical abusers, I, too, believe women are the stereotypical emotional abusers, it just hasn't been fully exposed yet.
One of the big ways in which women abuse men is through disrespect and by undermining their sense of worth . Dismissing the job they do as low status or 'not good enough', comparing them to other men or exes and then criticising them for being too focussed on work. Sabotaging their efforts to improve then saying they're a loser etc. It's psychological abuse which is far, far more damaging in my opinion. We are taught to think of abuse as a big bully boy beating up his wife in a string vest, but the emotional abuse leaves invisible scars which are very hard to heal and are just as easily delivered by a sweetly smiling, pretty face. I agree that emotional and psychological abuse should be given far more recognition, especially against men, than it currently is
Great point. There are a lot of bullies out there in small, female bodies, who rarely get the opportunity to belittle and intimidate, because of their size. But when the opportunity does arise (ie they are married to a nice man who they know will never ever hit her) they will behave just as bad as any bully.
I asked God why He made women so beautiful. He said that it was nothing for Him to make a woman beautiful on the outside, but He had to die to make one beautiful on the inside.
It’s true…women are beautiful creations on the outside, and quite unpredictable and often difficult to work with, on the inside.
ALWAYS be cautious with them. 😮
GOD (the Father alone) can’t die. He’s immortal by nature. 1 Timothy 6:15-16
Yes, it’s a female first social order…. Yet, they’re still fighting for equality.
@@TheChadWork2001I think he is referring to Jesus' sacrifice on the cross which not only will make women beautiful on the inside but men as well.🙏🏽
My 2nd ex wife was physically and emotionally abusive, she got fed up with me not giving in and ran away to her dad's, I said fuck it, I don't need you, best thing that happened to me in years was her departure
Once a woman stops having sex in the relationship it is over, don't waste time file the divorce and get it over with
Why would any man stay?
Losing half of what you worked for
Not quite but pretty close.
Let me correct: once you enter a relationship it's over. She won and slices you up in a "thousand cut" approach.
100% on point
I used to adore women. Adore them! Since I was a young boy, I was fascinated and charmed, thinking how complex and delicate and interesting they were, superior to men in every way. Now I think about them the same way I think about pyramid schemes.
Superior? You were raised beta.
Wise!
A good way to think about women, is are they really that great without makeup most of them are as ugly as us guys.
Sometimes you can have an elementary teacher who is the real deal. I never thought women were great, but I had vicious sisters and gossipy relatives. Only encountered two women who were actually 'good' people, that fourth grade teacher and an aunt. They were complex and delicate and interesting. They were not superior to men but were quite distinct from other women.
Richard?
My last girlfriend told me one day, " I dont care about your emotions" when I was trying to have a heart to heart conversation about some issues we were having....I immediately left her.
I don't care how manly of a man you are, everyone has emotions and everyone can be hurt by things people that you care about say to you.
They sure do care about theirs 🤔
I tried to talk to them about something that hurt me. The response was “who cares about that?”.
My response: “i care.”
Any time I made the mistake of revealing my emotions to a woman, whether it was my mother, my sisters, my wife, or a girlfriend, they greeted the revelation with scorn and contempt. I learned my lesson and keep my feelings to myself around women.
@@1530f they never wanna see you emotional bro., that’s a lie. If you ever cry in front of them they will lose respect for you. Trust me on this one. Even if your dad passed away and tears are warranted. They will
Never admit it tho….
You did the right thing. If a woman has no empathy, she’s not worth working anything out with
Women change the rules to the relationship on the fly. They do it to suit whatever their feelings are. With no guilt, no shame, and no accountability. Imagine if men did the same thing.
There would be laws against it!
@@john-griffin Those men would get names like "the Tinder Swindler".
Yep. Who's going to tell them they're wrong and they should listen to their man?
That's practically unthinkable nowadays let alone get it out of one of her friends or associates
Regardless of context.
They’re truly sociopathic which is why they were kept on a very short lead back in the day. For their and societies good. We need to return to these times … 😎
@@ma3stro681 My 93 year old neighbor told me this: "Women have ALWAYS been the same. I've known it over for 70 years. But we kept 'em in line and now we let 'em run wild."
Do not go see a marriage/couples counselor or therapist. It is always the mans fault. You are just not in tuned to her emotions. Your needs and emotions mean nothing in the relationship. It is all about her and not you. That is how the world sees it. Just leave or kick her out. So what you will lose half your stuff. You will be better off in the long run.
I have yet to meet a therapist who isn't a feminist, the particular type of feminist who thinks all men are always wrong. Doesn't matter if the therapist is a man or a woman. My wife's therapist encouraged her to cheat on me and then told my wife it was my fault that my wife had to "go outside the marriage" to "meet her needs". Oh, and the therapist turned out to be a lesbian who wanted to sleep with my wife (didn't succeed, but she tried).
They are designed to work against men. Especially when the therapist is going to be a women. Furthermore, it only works when both parties are willing to go. 9 times out of 10 the women will never see herself as needing therapy.
A good friend is a clinical psychologist. He mentioned over a beer, that men are automatically perceived as narcissistic and women are people pleasers. In the vast majority of cases, it's a no win situation for men
Right. A waste of time unless you are the one actually doing something wrong that could be fixed. They want emotional connection but with an NPD you will NEVER be able to connect with them. Give up and move on no matter what! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
“Divorce is expensive because it’s worth it” Willie Nelson
You can't photograph emotional abuse like you can physical abuse, and women play this phenomenon for all its worth.
this needs to be repeated more, so that more men see it and learn it.
Yes, weak ones resort to hidden tactics like this. Hence, you need to look for a (mentally) strong woman.
Just recently there was an interview with a female trucker on the radio.
She was genuinely happy and giggling all the time and talked about her husband. One could tell she was still in love.
I have a friend who is married to a Korean woman. I know she's emotionally abusive, maybe physically abusive. He cringes when he says "I have to get home by six" and you can see the fear in his eyes. He's told me "You don't understand, Korean women have very bad tempers." I've tried to get him to open up about this aspect, but he won't. Some other details:
1. He wanted 2 kids, she wanted 1. They compromised and had 1.
2. He wanted to live in Town A and she wanted to live in Town B. They compromised and live in Town B.
3. He wanted to switch jobs and she didn't want him to. So they compromised and he stayed in the job he already had.
He tried standing up to her once, and she said "I can take our son to Seoul and you'll never see him again. I can work remotely (she works in Silicon Valley) and I will divorce you in the US and take the house and half your pension." My friend loves his son very much and this was enough to whip him back in line, because she is NOT bluffing.
She and I don't get along and I'm not allowed over at the house. I take it as a compliment.
Pure hell. Evil in heels
@@john-griffin Remember the Amber Heard/Johnny Depp situation? When that first popped up, I believed Johnny and not Amber, because I'm familiar with that type of woman. And the truth came out, but it cost Johnny his career. Women KNOW they can do whatever they want to a man and no one will intervene, care, nor even believe the man.
rhymes with my marriage to a Ukrainian woman
He played himself. Smart men don’t get married …
@@ma3stro681 Many men were raised with the expectation we'd find the right woman, get married, have kids, carry on our civilization.
But the feminists blew all that up, into a thousand pieces, and all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put it together again.
After I filed, the X said I'll do anything to save our marriage. I came up with a list of five things that must change immediately. Number one she had to admit she had an obsessive compulsive disorder And must seek treatment for it. She said no, I said go
So, you're a slob?
To be fair, ocd is not something you can really do much about. I have the same. It’s just how your brain works. Little bit autistic. I would not take it too if my partner burned me for it.
So many broken families, these women are messed up since childhood, and you can't expect them to change. Just have to hope to find a needle in the haystack, and keep your sanity in the meantime. Good luck!
This hit home for me. Every word. You don’t see it when you’re in it.
100% same for me. I was so busy trying to figure out how to fix it, to provide, protect and so on you just dont see it. Its like you're too close to see the full picture. Its not until later, with a clear head that you can zoom out and see it for what it was. Long term abuse.
When there's children in the picture is a thousand times more painful, it will be much easier to walked away if there were no children involved. 💔😥
Same, took years after her leaving for me to see it. Can’t believe I lived like that for 20 years.
Been there. Done that. Happily staying single to focus on my kids, my business, my faith, and my mental health.
@@db7232 Same I was with a covert narc for 27 years. 3 years out and still trying to figure it all out. Much better now but dam I was in a dark place for many years. Almost checked out because of it. By the grace of God I'm still here.
I've had 3 girlfriends after losing my beloved wife to cancer in 2017. All 3 were narcissistic and employed different forms of abuse after the honeymoon phase passed. The most recent one I pushed back immediately and it forced her to employ passive aggressive tactics because I stood up to her overt verbal abuse. The relationship only lasted 3 months so I am vetting abusive women very quickly now. I am getting much better at setting boundaries and getting rid of losers. Be safe gentleman, no marriage no cohabitation!
And no relationships … 😎
@ma3stro681 aggressively employe
The 90 day rule for relationships
Same here but with two women. The third wasn’t a narc but all she could talk about was marriage and how she do wanted to “be in love!” The 4th was basically a sleeze. She was the easiest to get along with since my expectations were low.
I’ve decided to just stay away from women. Most just being along too many complications. Damn!
Same here but with two women. The third wasn’t a narc but all she could talk about was marriage and how she do wanted to “be in love!” The 4th was basically a sleeze. She was the easiest to get along with since my expectations were low.
I’ve decided to just stay away from women. Most just being along too many complications. Damn!
John, your best videos are when you are pissed off. It’s comforting for we abuse victims 😂
I was married a bit late in life around 30 years old. The new wife mentioned how she would never reject me physically because she knows the lust she felt as a single virgin going on 30 was excruciating...fast forward 1.5 years and she completely reneged on her promise.
Women these days are not meant for marriage...only meant for one to two year relationships.
I spent the next 11.5 years of the marriage groveling for physical intimacy. Was it worth it? Nope! Would I do it again? Nope!
I simply go my own way these days.
I've been love sober now for eight years and have no intention on going back.
Yes you have nailed it. 1-2 years tops.
Men are not “afraid of commitment” as the conventional wisdom constantly drones on about. Men are afraid of the rules changing in mid-stream.
Going it alone is the only sane thing to do.
Even if they changed "family law," I can't forget what I've been through, what women have revealed to me, us, and the world. They are just naturally heartless.
" *Women these days are not meant for marriage...only meant for one to two year relationships.* "
Bingo!! The truth in a nutshell. 👍
@@Disaster-Service " *...what women have revealed to me, us, and the world. They are just naturally heartless.* "
The thing is, women don't have a conscience (a natural, innate, inbuilt sense of moral right and wrong). With them, it's all feelings, emotions, hormones, whims and fantasies -- and all these things change potentially every few hours.
"love sober". dude. Did you invent that term? Yes! Sobriety from lust & love! That is what it is like. junkie want for love. Love is deadly with women. Get off the drug. Stay away from the needle (woman).
I'm a divorce lawyer. I've divorced thousands of people over 20 years. I've been divorced myself. Everything you say is true in most cases. Thank you for your channel.
Don't ever get married or you will Pay the Piper--- your "loving" Narcissistic Entitled Wife your house, your car(s), your Pension, and 1/2 of your legal practice assets that came into the marriage.
Ran into a former coworker who hung out when I was dating my now ex-wife (divorced 10+ yrs). We were laughing (I was groaning) in remembering how much of a buzz kill she was even back then. Stand your ground, fellas. Your integrity is non-negotiable.
Emotional abuse is the basis of female narcissism. It may not leave any physical harm, but it leaves a load of psychological harm. 😮😢
That is the truth
Right on. And if you see it. RUN!!!!
I never put up with any shit from females over 2 decades of playing the field. Now a content bachelor pushing 60, still free and at peace … 🎉
The ONLY way to ultimately deal with anyone who is mid- level to higher on the "narcissistic trait" spectrum, is to go "no contact" with them... because they will never STOP using that (universal) one bag of tricks 'tactics,' nor EVER mature BEYOND the perpetual "adult child," state. Full- blown "NPD" narcs, and also most of those 3.9 - 4.9 vs. 5- 6/6 on the scale people are afterall incapable, or unwilling to EVER grow and change, unfortunately. And there are MANY MORE people in that in- between (3- 5) range, than is presently known, or acknowledged... and in the future (despite the current PTB's best efforts...) this will become "common knowledge!"
@dlocke49 Maybe, but sometimes you need to confront it. Like John says in the video, it's gone unchecked for too long. If it's not called out, women will continue to get away with it!
Wow, the same thing happened to me durring my marriage of 12yrs. She abandoned me in the bed, then when i agreed to move out to end the arguing and because she had no job. She filed divorce papers (which were served to me at my military base), saying i abandoned her and the kids. Nothing was further from the truth. I was and always paid the bills and provided medical insurance for the kids till they were 26. Paid my child support till they were 19. Spent every available time i could with my boys unless i was deployed for six months. She eventually remarried and moved away with her 2nd husband and my kids. 650 miles away i had to travel to see my boys. This went on for years. Basically she destroyed everthing and after having a daughter with #2, went on to marry a third time. That poor bastard had a heart attack and died. She is now 60. I never remarried and at 63, i still feel the pain of that abuse. Now i see all woman as evil bitches! I know that's not true, but i dont trust anyone! Life of quiet desperation. Happy New Year!
Your story is common. They ARE just what you say they are.
John, this is one of your best videos, ever. It's "spot on" and describes my two marriages perfectly. I'm eight years divorced from a 34 year marriage. This abusive woman, wife applied every one of these characteristic on me for most of our marriage, knowing I was trapped with three children. If every currently married man watched this video, we could save a lot of good men, living in tormented households. I'm eight years 'free and enormously happy' as a single guy of 78 years. I'm enjoying each day, in solitude, responsible for my own happiness. Your videos are inspiring and validating to me. Thank you, Bill C.
I think these situations happen a lot more than most people realize. I think it’s truly a silent epidemic.
@@john-griffinMost marriages and long term relationships. Men are abused. Why they put up with it is beyond me.
@@john-griffin I agree with OP, one of your best. Hope to see more on it.
I agreed 👍
@@WilliamCampbell-w1d For me, this video came 20 years late!
My wife's trigger... Is basically me calmly and rationally expressing my actual "feelings" on any topic, she come unglued so I just avoid that kind of expression... I've learned over the years women really don't want to hear how you actually feel, they just want you to conform to the role they want you to obediently play, without compliant or having individual needs. If done in reverse women would absolutely consider it abuse. The modern social dynamic between men and women is absolutely insane and getting worse.
THIS RIGHT HERE IS ABSOLUTE TRUTH.
I used to remember my college basketball coach who was going through a divorce my senior year.
He would often say that there are two types of enemies in this world.
1. A woman Who has yet to attempt to destroy your life... And
2. women who are actively destroying your life.
Great content per usual John..
Very true
Ex tried and is trying. Once you've lost everything in your life though. What is there to lose?
She's already lost her job and soon her house and car. I didn't have to do anything but leave her to her own choices and not help.
I lived on an aur mattress for sux months and lost 60 pounds in a month I was so stressed out. I'm never going back to that state again. One where another person will have that much power over my life.
She tried to tuin my reputation as a father, husband, man and even my business.
wishing you the best in your journey to rebuild.
@deadman12078 " *She tried to ruin my reputation as a father, husband, man and even my business.* "
This is a *very* common behavior pattern among women. Until recently (a few years ago) most men didn't even know about this pattern; each guy thought he was the only one suffering through this -- he thought he was doomed to suffer alone and die in the dirt (figuratively speaking). It is only recently, with the advent of the "manosphere" channels on Y/T and suchlike, that men are starting to get an idea of how common this despicable behavior is in females. Men: stay the h*ll away from marriage or any quasi-marital situation (like cohabitation).
No one wants to talk about the elephant in the room. Wife narcissism, its a full blown epidemic.
💯
Once they've got you, they think they can do anything they want to you without consequence. And they can.
@@Disaster-Service 💯
@@Disaster-Service Once I asked a friend: Why do women show off their bxxbs? He answered: Because they can! 🤣 This is true to everyhing they do.🤪
Truth
Narcissistic abuse is devastating. Gas lighting, stonewalling, silent treatment, and triangulation can wreck a good man. BTW, therapy won't help.
True dat!
Couples therapy is a waste of time for a man. Save the money. She has already made her mind up. It's basically over.
I entered marriage counselling armed with the (psychobabble) rule to never say "you" but make only "I" statements. Therefore my wife and the counsellor mainly talked about how apparently I am the source of all problems. Often advantage just goes to whoever desires advantage. Eventually the counsellor observed that I was not complaining about my wife, and had been open to examine my faults, which she said is good. Then my wife began to sob, and she was consoled "this must be so hard for you."
My father emerged from more extended couples counselling with a revelation he sagely tells anyone who will listen: "Men are from Mars; women are from Venus!"
I've been divorced for 5 years. I still have nightmares where I'm still married to her.
@@mattoast7325 Same 3 years out and woke up in a cold sweat a couple of nights back. Covert narcs will do that to you.
I'm glad you brought this topic up.
Domestic violence is more than physical violence,,,,false allegations of rape, abuse of the children, spreading slander through the community is all part of domestic violence and something men suffer in alarming proportion and something men don't want to address or admit happens to
Exactly 👍
I was a teacher for 30 years.
By far, the worst bullying I saw among students was done by girls, either to boys or to other girls. You could stop bullying by boys by socking them in the jaw; stopping bullying by girls is impossible. Girls who were being bullied by peers had to be isolated to prevent further harm. Parents, administrators, teachers, counselors, were totally ineffective in curbing female bullies.
Emotional abuse, Trauma and stress also takes a physical toll including: Cardiovascular issues, Digestive, Immune system, Blood pressure, Short term memory damage, sleep issues, ED and many others conditions, including death. We have to love and care for yourself first, before we can extend that to others.
That is true
💯
You know what is funny. My first reaction after hitting the play button on this video was to turn the sound down as low as possible, because I know I would be attacked or made fun of by my friends and family if they heard me trying to get help for being abused.
Yes, this stuff is taboo.
I understand. Women get pissed if/when they hear male logic and self-improvement.
Men build...Women tear down‼️
Look at their hysteria for abortion rights 🫤
Many do
Men build homes, women just move in.
John...I'm getting a sense that making these videos is as therapeutic for you as it if for us to watch them.
Absolutely!
For all. Men realising, confirming, it was not really my fault.
Takes 2 to tango
When we see red flags we gotta check out 💯✈️
Which is wonderful. A gift and blessing for all of us.
I feel so lucky I made it through all of this . Single happy and successful now . When you see it you can't unsee it.
True. You can't unsee it once you know what the hell is going on. Run!!!!
Same. Was a bit of a Chad so played the field for over 20 years and escaped the honey trap and kids. Bachelor’s are the real winners in life … 🎉
When Mrs. right turns into Mrs. always right, that's the red flag that if standing your ground doesn't work it's time to go.
This one really resonated with me. The gaslighting, silent treatment, withholding sex/intimacy, I’ve experienced all this with my last girlfriend. I was lucky enough to leave before I was in too deep to escape. Thank you!
Canada here. I have been through exactly what you are talking about. 30 years of marriage and 5 kids, 4 daughters. The last 10 years were horrible and emotionally abusive. I tried everything to please her and that was a mistake. The de-valuing, gaslighting, silent treatment... she would punish me with shame. After the last kid went to college she ended it. In hindsight it forced me to get help. My therapist helped untangle my emotions, I was being destroyed emotionally by a narcisist and my codependent ways of coping were unhealthy, he was invaluable to me. It took 5 years to recover. Emotional abuse is a real thing. I invested in my guy friends and therapy. It helped alot to face the pain and accept her rejection. Long term my life is much better without her. Hide your money get prepared
Try carnivore diet. Helps a lot with the biochemical aspect. (mood, etc)
"Hide your money" Is the best advice any married man can get.
Been saying this for years. This goes on a great deal.
they have been deliberately empowered up by the eff word to weaken the family and undermine the man and u are seeing the consequences in the west today
Men…this is gospel. Listen to this man and send the video to other men you know are struggling! 🙏
Thanks
Yes, epiphany!
Oh man ! , my ex wife put me through years of neglect and psychological abuse , I stayed for the kids then the kids left me after she skilfully brain washed them against me .
That is what I have feared most. My son will be 18 in 3 years. I am laying the groundwork to divorce. This is somewhat shocking to me. I would leave today, but I feel my kids need me.
Unless someone is an absolute low life as a father it truly is an evil act to wilfully turn their kids against the other.
@@sofakinggood5829 Good luck brother
If your kids have any sense, they will see your ex’s manipulation with time. Just be a good father and be patient. I remember an old Chinese proverb (or Japanese? ….. don’t know), but it was something like, “If you sit by the river long enough, the body of your enemy will float by”. Their wrongs will eventually catch up with them.
@@learningisfun2108 Thank you
I believe you are right , Unfortunately social media, and the “ education “ system will keep them brain washed for a long time .
Was not expecting another insightful video so soon after yesterday's masterpiece. Thank you for touching in on another very sensitive topic many men do not want to discuss but can certainly relate with. My monster would hit or yell at me during the night then say the next morning that I must have been dreaming. Gaslighting. You are really on your way to becoming famous.
Thanks
"I hit you across the face in a proper slap, but I was hitting you, not punching you, it was not punching you. Babe, you’re not punched. You didn’t get punched. You got hit. I’m sorry I hit you like this. But I did not punch you. I did not fucking deck you. I fucking was hitting you. I don’t know what the motion of my actual hand was, but you’re fine. I did not hurt you. I did not punch you. I was hitting you.”--Amber Heard gaslighting the living shit out of Johnny Depp and all men going "Oh yeah, this sounds familiar."
Your comment about us as men being isolated in our relationships, especially in times of crisis or trouble is very spot-on.
This isolation is offset by her talking to a dozen of her girlfriends, coworkers or the bag boy at the market divulging every intimate detail of your relationship.
Her thoughts become unstable/disorganized as she listens to the dozen or so opinions of her sympathizers that in turn paint us as a dastardly monster.
As you so eloquently state in every broadcast, “STAY SINGLE!”
You know it all too well
I was in a relationship with an emotionaly abusive woman for 6 years. The reason I stayed is because very early in the relationship I got baby trapped, at start she played it as if it was an accident and told me she would get an abortion, then she decided to keep him, and as I wanted to be in my son's life I stayed with her. She was blackmailing me saying she'd do everything in her power to stop me from seeing him if I left her.
From psychological the abuse evolved into physical with the same blackmail being done, the same threats being repeated. One day I told the kid garden psychologist about it, big mistake as she made a warning report saying I was probably the one making the environment violent, followed an investigation on me for one year (...) the investigation led to them saying there was nothing wrong with me. Obviously my ex acted well too during that time, until child court closed the file where the abuse restarted but this time twice as worse, obviously she understood that she would be supported by the system.
I forgot to say that, I am an ex military/TSG so you can imagine I could have done anything I wanted with her anytime, never raised a finger on her. Whenever I went to try and make a former complain the Gendarmerie (yes I live in France) refused to take it saying I had no visible "marks" same with E&A, so all they did was non crime DV CRISes, which was sort of pointless.
I managed to get micro cams to record things when she started going crazy again to try and prove what I was saying was true and managed to record proofs of her behaviour.
She carried on her bullshit until I found another guy in my bed at which point I pulled the plug. From that point things went bad, she was basicaly cheating on me with him for months, left to his place (they now live together at his) but whilst she was still there she assaulted our son whom from his 4 years at the time told her she was mean and that he wanted to stay with dad, the camera recorded that too.
Well, guess who got custody in court, and who was once again accused of being violent DESPITE video evidences? All she had to do was to say I was the one acting like this, didn't need to show any evidence.
In France they can allow themselve to refuse video evidences in civil proceedings, you also need to pay a special attorney whom needs to officialy recognise said video evidence if you want to be able to use them, I paid about 250€ per videos, for the judge to just refuse to see them.
Ever since court passed, the judgement said her and I need to cooperate but she doesn't. She gives false addresses saying she pays a rent when she lives rent free at her new bf, gives false payroll paper saying she earn less than she actualy does and refuses to tell me where they live, have not seen my son in one year and guess what? Justice does not care in the slightest.
This whole situation is abuse still being carried on, using our son as the weapon to carry on with it, but this is so normalised now that they just don't care.
@BuryTheLight-yp4mc My brother, I'm so sorry. I will pray for you. I hope you can continue to stand strong and do not allow the insanity to define you.
Your son will remember how she treated him and daddy. She WILL pay for this, in the end.
Similar cases in the UK. People I know . Uk 🇬🇧
Conduct a DNA test when you can.
As painful as it may be, a significant emotional event could be the catalyst that moves us in a direction that improves our life
I divorced my wife because she never wanted to have sex, i told her many times that was the direction it was going and if she wasn't willing to change. Thats what she chose so I followed through and left.
Does she regret it now or not
She wanted you to do the leaving so she could claim innocence and blame you. She was manipulating the situation to her own advantage. She wanted the marriage over. She could hold on forever (without sex, without love, without even talking) and knew you couldn’t. So, you’d either get a divorce or buckle under her thumb.
@malcolmhayward4431 She wanted to get back together for the first couple of years. I'm not sure if she does right now or not, I moved to another state.
You should send her a message. I'm, having a young hot woman now who treats me great.
To show her to stop the communication.
@@learningisfun2108 " *She could hold on forever (without sex, without love...* "
I highly doubt she was "holding on without sex". For sure she was banging another guy (or guys), she just wasn't giving her husband any. This sadistic and cruel abuse of her husband was what gave her purpose in life. It is *very* common (it is pretty much the norm) among today's wives.
Hey John, this is very interesting. It seems like this video is a crucial one. What you’re describing in this video has convinced me that, at my age, I don’t see myself going back into a long-term relationship. This is because what you’re describing, I believe, reflects a universal female behavior that is independent of culture. The gaslighting, the silent treatment-everything-is so castrating for a man. I don’t think people fully understand that male sexuality is not just about pleasure; it’s about masculinity, validation, and access to touch-a tactile love. It has so many ramifications for a man’s identity and shouldn’t be ridiculed as simply seeking pleasure. I completely agree with you; I think this is a form of abuse.
I completely and wholeheartedly agree with everything you have said. I just got out of a emotionally abusive relationship with a covert narcissist and I feel like I got a master class in every single form of manipulation. She began to withhold affection in the most contemptuous Waze imaginable and began to criticize me constantly after months of love bombing.
Well said! 👍
Its in part our way of connecting, take the sex away and we feel rejected and dis-connected.
@@daniello9155 So true.
If a dog was treated with isolation and no contact the dog would go neurotic. Same for a man.
Never depend on anyone to fulfill your emotional needs. They will have your heart in their hands
Annette Bening does a superb job of portraying emotionally abusive female spousal behavior in the film “Hope Gap.” The character she plays is truly disturbing, poignant, passionate and shows the effects an abusive wife can have in a troubled marriage.
I'm in my mid 40s. I never married. I saw my parents argue all the time. I saw my friends parents argue all the time. I my aunts and uncles argue all the time. And the adults and society as a whole treated it like it was a joke when I was teenager. I thought that was sick and evil. And these were honest, hard working, weekly church attending people. Decided when I was eighteen I would never get married. I had my fun in my early to mid twenties. But not enough to convince me to drop my no marriage stance. When I was in college I had a frat brother with a schizophrenia diagnosis and he used to joke even in his insanity, he wasn't as crazy as most women. Dude was wise beyond his years. Not getting married and sticking to my guns, it's the best decision I ever made. I think it's why I don't have gray hair yet.
Thanks for sharing this experience. In my view, the elephant in the room is the the belief that every adults need to be marriage no matter what. You helped me to not sabotage my single life.
Better to get married. I tried to get married when I lived in Russia. The woman was a psychopath, so it turned out better that she left me. However, I don't recommend staying single. It's just not right for a man to stay single.
@@stuartbritton4811 do whatever you want. Marriage is not fit for all
@@stuartbritton4811why is not right ?
@stuart, buddy, I’d recommend you reread what you typed, as many times as is necessary. Then ask yourself if it sounds like advice you would take.
Me too...and I am a woman.
I get everything you mentioned, everything! When I was cut off she was sexually taking care of herself, then cheated. I worked, she stayed home with the kids. 60 to 70 hours a week to maintain a good life. I thought we were a team, what an idiot I was. Betrayal is the hardest thing to overcome. 17 years of marriage was the worst experience ever. WTF, Thanks John, its good to know I am not alone.
Once you recognize abuse by a Narcissistic Person near you, it's like coming out of an alternate reality in which you were being mercilessly imprisoned
Everything you said, i went through with my ex. Twenty years of hell. After 12 years she admits to being bipolar. I had no idea what that even was at the time. Best years of my life ruined. Health both physical and mental ruined. Learned alot about female behavior after that and quickly noticed the red flags in women i dated later. Conclusion they are all insane. Some more than others, but all have issues. All my friends have similar stories. Guys are waking up now, sharing their experiences with each other. It's not worth it.
Wish this kind of information was around when i was a young man.
I wish I could have known these things long ago. I could have steered the marriage. At least males are learning how terrible women really are. Its too late for me. The damage is done.
" *Conclusion they are all insane. Some more than others, but all have issues.* "
What you say is true, but it's only half the problem. The other half is that they don't have a conscience.
I'm from Germany, let me ensure you, at least over here, there is nothing in the court system for you. That kind of partner will also never go to therapy, as that would be the one thing that can create issues for them in court. If you find yourself in a relationship with a BPD/NPD person, just move on and let your future success and happiness be their poison. Only thing that you can do is to document the hopefully good relationship with your kids and speak openly about what happened, awareness needs to be raised. Thanks for that!
This really needs to be examined by the legal system. I was engaged for almost a year, and lived together for 8 months. As you know, true colors are shown when living together. Without rambling on forever, I called off the wedding date. She started accusing me of cheating and many other topics which led to an argument. Basically I was tired of her $hit and said I was done and went to sleep. I thought she was going to her parents to cool off. An hour later four cops were beating on the door. I gave my side of the story and was not arrested. Next day I was served with an “Ex Parte restraining order” I actually had recordings proving what actually happened with a great attorney. The judge sided with her. Men, please by all means know the definition of an ex parte restraining order. It’s a no win situation.
Bro this is gonna sound way random but do you live in arizona? If so, and your ex's name starts with an L this is just gonna be creepy lol
So sorry to hear this. That is downright scary n not uncommon so it doesn't surprise me. I'm a 50.something never married strait female and can tell you that while I never had any big problems with women when for the first 40 years of my life it then became apparent how troubled n evil so many are. Some of these women were younger than me but some my own age or older. There were of course people in the workplace I didn't always care for but looking back there were men I didn't really care for either but this is sadly understandable when one has had several different jobs over a lifetime n not to excuse it but the workplace often does not bring out the best in people both bosses n coworkers. All that said the only people who lied about me to try to jamn me up in a legal situation were women. One was an older woman about 13 years ago, another was a woman slightly older a about 2 years after that n the other were 2 female neighbors a little over 2 years ago. Like any normal human being in the crazy world we live in who is not a complete doormat and can stick up for themselves and others when necessary I have.met.n.know men in the world who's actions I did not like and either avoided them or had to tell them but as bad as some may have been none had ever accused me of anything bad. Learning more about women's nature in general their these types of videos is making me think this is not a coincidence.. yes of course their is often a deep confirmation bias that these videos reveal n one should never assume all women are bad n will hurt you but there is an awful amount of truth n just as women should be very careful who they get with n trust so should men.. I have also noticed in other videos dealing with loneliness epidemic n how people have far fewer n sometimes no friends today, that in the comments section so many people post that they have given up on people and friends as they had been betrayed too much by toxic people etc. Most people who lost friends bc of this were women.Men didn't always have friends but when they did it was much rarer to lose then thru a disagreement or conflict. This tells me that even women have a really hard time with other women. It's something that needs to be brought out into the open more especially with the younger women likely far worse than women my age..lot of these women have been raised on competitive m toxic reality shows with drama at every turn n social media comparisons. My generation grew up watching the Walton's n Little House on the Prairie and still so many turned out pretty vile..
@@mkelly4042 Thank you for your comments. Good to have a woman's POV. At the risk of offending you (which I am not trying to do), I want to state the following opinions:
1. Today, more than 50 years after 2nd wave feminism escaped the lab (probably somewhere in California), feminism has taken control of Western society and beaten it into submission. Men are unhappy, of course, but women are much more unhappy. IMO most women suffer from some undiagnosed form of mental illness, and it shows in their behavior and attitudes.
2. Because of Point 1 above, women no longer have a conscience, they are simply ruthless, evil and diabolical.
3. I think most men realize, consciously or subconsciously, the truth of points 1 and 2 above. We are seeing the results of this realization in these R/P spaces on the internet.
4. This situation will not improve, in fact it will get worse, until men stop waltzing around and get serious and completely withdraw (emotionally, psychologically and sexually) from women. Let them sink or swim on their own. (I think they will sink, but hey, who knows. I could be wrong. In any case, men will be safely far away from crazy, malicious women).
Damn bro I did not expect to see this moment much love from Texas @@shamanicwisdomkeeper
Of course society. the police, the law, the courts, etc. simply ignore this when it happens to men.
Pernicious: gradual, subtle, and HARMFUL!
There is blissful, healing peace on the other side of the fire that you will need to walk through...get strategic, and plan for the worst.
I've been through all of this, and now I'm telling you that it's worth the pain of getting your autonomy back. It's SO Beautiful!!
Amen
Statistically, it is reported that gay couples suffer the least domestic abuse while lesbian ones suffer the most. And I'm like: "Why are lesbians so horrible to each other?"
haha. Figures.
Don't try to understand women, women understand women and they hate each other.......quote by Al Bundy
That's a wonderful statistics and I shall not soon forget it. Same with female coworkers, like 40% of men say they hate their coworkers, whereas like 90% of women say they hate their coworkers. Seems like one of the sex's is just Hell-Bent on being Miserable.
What they are accusing you of, is often something they are either doing or planning on doing. Narcissistic projection.
I had to stop watching this video at the 7:30 mark due to all the 1000% correct points!! It brought out all angry stuff in me.
I will watch it again when I can stay calm and listen.
John, you are SO SPOT ON!!!
He is currently right on.
That’s why I’m single 15 years
This will destroy you mentally, physically and spiritually
What do you mean?
Emotional abuse.. mentally wrecks you and destroys your self esteem with mind games and manipulation. Your body is effected by chronic stress and the never ending hamster wheel of work they request of you to prove your worth, It will literally break your soul steal your identity and make you feel empty inside.
John, I know you went through all this in your marriage, but I just want to know where you put the cameras at my house in order for you to describe my 32 year marriage so perfectly. I will send them back to you soon. By the way, I have known my mother-in-law for 37 years now and she is clearly the one who taught all of this to my wife. Men need to observe the mother of a woman a lot closer than I did back in the day, because all the red flags were there and waving frantically. Just wish I would have known about them back then.
Your videos are extremely valuable if this stuff is ever going to change. Thanks for all you do!
i did notice the mother was a red flag but was blinded by her then good nature and my need provide. whenever we were at family gatherings, i would think to myself, “god i hope she doesn’t turn into her mother”! i ignored the old saying of “if you want to see how your wife will be in the future, observe her mother”. i guess the “joke” is on me because “mom” has arrived.
Most men suffer in silence.
👍 you are right
A wise man once said.
Most men die at 25. They are merely buried at 70
Watching this video was such a relief to me because nobody else does acknowldge this. When I was in the hospital, I was sent to a few shrinks etc. Nobody spotted this. They don't want to see it or don't want to address it. I had to figure it out all on my own. Yes, I was abused by my wife.
The role of the husband in a relationship is to be the head of the house, the husband is who has the ultimate authority. You, as a male, decide what needs to be done for the relationship to succeed, if she is not aligned to that, it is time for you to either go your way alone, meaning kick her out from your life or find ways to make her stay with the rules and boundaries so she can align with you.
You’re exactly right, but this is just too much work and too mentally draining. Bachelor life for the stress free win … 🎉
I was married once, now I have a beautiful and sweet girlfriend, but anytime I watch John’s videos, I don’t think I want to be married again. I know she will change and become entitled. I always look back at my previous marriage, my ex was so innocent and sweet, but 10 years later turned into a monster.
They all do that man., once you take the red pill 💊 there is no going back sadly
Very many people, given power, become a-holes.
I often ask myself ,where did the sweet girls that I married go? at the end she turned into vices person. I think is true what they say. You really get to know how someone is ,when you divorced them".
Unfortunately friend, love is like quicksand. You sink into it slowly without noticing that you can't escape from anymore. You are in mortal danger right now.
Are you cohabiting or in LTR, or just dating? (If just dating, does she want marriage or cohabiting type relationship?).
To the people who are afraid of being lonely: The vast majority of users who are paying subscribers on OF are MARRIED MEN. That should tell you that you can be very very lonely in a marriage.
I am lonely in my marriage presently. I watch porn since my wife would not allow me to see her naked talk less of sex. Sexless marriage last 5 years. No intimacy, not even a hug in the last 5 years! Despite being the breadwinner of the family. Divorce is becoming a reality for me now.
@ I was in the same boat. My advice is to get divorced as soon as possible as it won’t get any better.
@@plasmaarmelund Having young children with a malignant narcissist wife changes everything about wanting to leave. If I had left, the wife would have placed our kids in an orphanage. Her mother did it.
@love19398 Damn you're living in a hell 😢I know the feeling of not being wanted especially intimacy wise, but 5 years is a long time, I hope something changes. Stay strong.
@@love19398 Part of it is biochemistry. Try carnivore diet for 72 hours and you already will see a big change in her and yourself.
Grand slam John. This vid is going to blow up. So many men have similar stories. I remember my last ex talking shit about me in public, at my brother's workplace. It's all so clear in retrospect.
The first sign of a troubled relationship, contempt and disrespect.
John, I cannot thank you enough for this most important video! I had no choice but to end a 10 year relationship with a woman, who I was very close to marrying. It ended three months ago and when I say ended, I RAN away without saying goodbye. I sensed REAL danger and instinctively I had to run for my life. There was no time to do anything else but RUN. I am absolutely devastated, but I have been told that I dodged a huge bullet. There is far too much to detail. One thing I shall say is that she was a master at FOG (Fear Obligation Guilt), especially in texts by phone and Facebook. Whenever I showed vulnerability, she said she was losing her femininity. In another video (I'm not sure of the title) you discussed something about the unwanted effects of social media on a relationship. She was heavily influenced by it, to my detriment. The AI advised me of the following 14 elements that were going on, and provided a 9/10 rating for the emotional abuse I sustained, stating the only reason it was not a perfect 10 was due to no violence or threats of the same:
1. Gaslighting: She would deny previous agreements or conversations, making you question your own memory or sanity.
2. Emotional Manipulation: She would use guilt, anger, or self-pity to control your emotions and reactions.
3. Projection: She would accuse you of doing or feeling things that she herself was doing or feeling.
4. Blame-Shifting: She would consistently blame you for her own emotions, actions, or problems.
5. Emotional Blackmail: She would use threats or ultimatums to get you to do something or comply with her demands.
6. Constant Criticism: She would regularly criticize or belittle your thoughts, feelings, or actions.
7. Dismissiveness: She would dismiss or minimize your emotions, needs, or boundaries.
8. Emotional Unavailability: She would shut down or become unresponsive when you needed emotional support or connection.
9. Lack of Accountability: She would refuse to take responsibility for her actions or apologize for her behavior.
10. Unpredictability: Her behavior and moods were unpredictable, making you feel constantly on edge.
11. Emotional Labor: You were expected to manage her emotions, moods, and needs, while ignoring your own.
12. Boundary-Pushing: She would consistently push against your boundaries and expectations.
13. Minimizing: She would downplay the significance of her behavior or its impact on you.
14. Emotional Invalidations: She would deny or dismiss your emotional experiences or needs.
May have been the best decision of your life
I'm so thankful for these communities. I knew there was something wrong. Turns out the rest of you had the same experience.
Same here. Just a couple of weeks after the ex-wife left, my clarity of thinking was slowly returning. I am guilty of trying to keep my family together and avoiding her temper tantrums. Her leaving is the gift that keeps on giving. Never interrupt your enemy when they are screwing up.
We all have been there. Female nature is what is everywhere.
I couldnt agree more with Jon. A few days ago I escaped the toxic relationship with a needy single mother. I experienced a lot of abusive techniques mentioned in the video, incl. separating from friends, gaslighting, manipulation, and excessive control. The very same day she started to break me down in psychological way, demanding my return. I told her not to contact me and blocked her. Then she started to use another phone number, texting me about what she is going to miss. Then urging me to come back for xmas.She knows my soft spots and used them before to melt me down and cause my return. And yes, we went through therapy together for past 6 months, but it did not work... Beware guys and wish me luck!
Abuse tactics: humiliation, contact deprivation, isolation, gaslighting, shaming language, and the systematic destruction of a man's self esteem. The emotional & psychological abuse of men in relationships is absolutely disgusting & we need to call it out more often.
The darkside to the provider - protecter role assigned to men is that you are expected to sacrifice and be a sacrifice in the relation-ship. Your needs, feelings, and desires are to be placed last at all times - there is an interview on TH-cam of a woman being asked about her husband's happiness, and her getting upset that anyone would even care to ask. ❤
Correct.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
Spiritual Adviser??? Special Prayers??? Love Potions??? And how much does this cost? Sounds like a SCAM.
If the female does something that upsets me, it's down played, laughed at, gaslighted or it's my responsibility somehow.
But if I do something to upset her, well it's held against me and too often... and then past events somehow change too.
I know all about that. They destroy your self confidence with constant nagging and put downs. When they get bored after a few years this is when it starts.
100% mate. Same thing happened to me. 9 years of peace now and life is good👍
7 yrs celibate, never going back to the plantation! Came from a mother and 3 sisters and my life was always horrible and broken, until I got rid of them too! My only life regret is the wasted time and resources with and around women! Thank God, I finally figured that out!
I was married for 50 years and wild horses could not drag me to the alter again….
I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. It so weird, I didn't know what has even happening to me. She had a promiscuous past and at the time I didn't know what that does to a woman emotionally. She was messed up. She really put me through and emotional roller coaster. That's how I got into the red pill space.
Feminism is one o f the biggest contributors to all of this and you can fix a npd cause you are always the problem
" *She had a promiscuous past* "
Most women these days do.
" *That's how I got into the red pill space.* "
Glad you mentioned the R/P space. Second only to God, it is the greatest source of comfort and healing to men suffering Woman Problems today.
I was in a 7 year relationship with a covert narcissist and you are describing exactly what I went through with her. Your insights are spot on and I appreciate your honesty and understanding. Thank you for sharing your content. It really helps me feel normal again, and I take your advice to heart. Staying single is the best thing I have done for myself in decades.
Similar experience here, but what really got me is the amount of time before the mask came off completely. It was a sobering moment.
How long did it take? I was married 20 years to a covert narcissistic woman. Brutal @Tokolos
I'm just really thankful to live in the era of the internet, where an experienced man can talk about the ways of life to the rest of us, at all experience levels. Those of us who are middle aged or older can feel validated. Those of us who are younger can learn and be warned. This kind of wisdom is often not passed down in families because guys don't talk about this openly. The reason is, it's just not culturally acceptable for men to talk about this.
When I attempted to talk about issues men face, in a friend group, a couple months ago, I was told that I was making all the women's P*ssies dry up and that it hurt them. I promise you I was not name calling, or judging anyone in the group and explicitly said so. In fact, I was the one who was insulted, and upon being insulted I pointed it out, rather than throwing a volley of insults back. Yet, I was run out of the group. I'm considering leaving the state.
Thanks
Thanks, John.
Glad you enjoyed it
You are a wise man! Your words of wisdom are obtained from years of experience and struggle with women
Thanks for sharing on this cold ❄ day. Women will emotionally abuse men, young and old sadly. Stay healthy and safe everyone, Sharung your video...from the Ozarks 60 degrees and sunny
And physically. I've been struck by no less than 5 women age 20s to 90s.
They are very loose with their hands when angry. Only two of them did I strike back eventually ( family ). Two I actually gave permission though one I was joking. BAM! When given permission they take you up immediately. I told one I wouldn't hit back and we had an awkward 2 hour drive home after she almost abandoned me. Didn't even take me right to my place, had to walk a half mile and paid her $100 for gas.
Wow John, I found myself actually yelling in agreement at the screen with this one ! The withdrawal of physical intimacy is absolutely calculated abuse - an ex-gf pulled that one on me. It is also the death knell for the relationship unless it is for genuine medical reasons (LOL - yeah right). Imagine the reaction for saying don't feel like sharing my salary with you right now because I have a headache, or I'm not in the mood, or you don't give me what I need with your mouth any more.
When my ex did it, I immediately said, You're doing this to hurt me. And I was right.
I had a friend who's bitchy wife had cut him off from sex for years. Then one day he had a sports injury and had to go for a back massage with what turned out to be a kindly physiotherapist. After a while, with the combination of physical touch and a woman actually speaking nicely to him (2 things hed been denied for years), he started to cry uncontrollably. The physio didnt know what was going on at first but he was able to explain the gist of it.
I walked away from a 10-year relationship that was largely defined by the contents of this video. In the beginning she came across as the perfect woman but that changed after just a few short years. But I would add she was seeing a therapist throughout the entire time we were together and even a little bit before then. I believe 100% that she was manipulating her therapist as well. Make this last point a cautionary one for your own needs because just seeing a therapist doesn't necessarily mean thing for your relationship with her
Gaslighting is the most cruel form of abuse there is. It’s damaging on so many levels it’s difficult to count them. As if being a male is something we have to “recover” from. The sighing, the eye rolling, the chuckling, just total indifference and dismissal. I loved her enough to stay for a long time. But there’s one emotion stronger than love. It’s called anger. And when used constructively, the abuse will end. I had to ask myself which was more important? My sanity, or the fruits of my labor? I can still labor, and the fruit market is still open. But I can’t buy back my sanity. Keep it all. I don’t care. It’s the price I paid to never have to see her face again.
Unfortunately many men including myself have been conditioned to stifle our anger. 🤕
That’s because anger is seen as a “defect” in men. Anger is a natural emotion. And emotions are not right or wrong, they are just there. Anger is a tool that is needed, primarily to protect one’s self from being subjected to the same abuse and misuse by others time after time. It is the only emotion stronger than love itself. And the only one that will sometimes end long term abuse in both men and women. It’s when a partner finally gets angry enough, they will walk away. And that’s why it is so discouraged in men.
@@robertclark9 I suspect it (anger) in men is also discouraged because many women are quick to equate it to potential violence, when in fact anger is just anger; that is, a natural emotion. I've been quietly angry many many times and not once was even a thought of violence linked to it. The only time it was was when I felt I was being subject to violence myself - even if verbal violence. There is a great difference between feeling and expressing anger and being violent. If someone gets violent because of his anger, then he has violent tendencies. But I see anger being discouraged even in my young nephew, by his mom. Really sad.
This is my story. Married 15v ears. Three kids. No sex after five years. Degrading comments. Patronicing me. Being mean. Then me resorting to a mistress all hell broke lose.
Always remember, she drove you in that direction. 😢
I think your story is similar to a lot of our stories! thanks
Withholding bump-bump is absolutely grounds for divorce.
Thankyou! I find your content very accurate as a mature man. I'm assuming it is a form of godsend information for young men. I genuinely hope all of the young fellas take heed.
Me too
Right young fellas, take heed! If you see this behavior when dating DO NOT MARRY THAT BEEOOTCH!!! DO NOT MARRY THAT BEEOOTCH!!!! It gets worse when you are married and they will put you through hell.
We do im 30 and know this information for 7 years now. But i wasnt aware generations before suffers the same things
The biggest thing for me is the near constant criticism. I don’t care who you are, eventually it will break you.
I was never married but two of my Asian girlfriends tried to pull off the silent treatment, on one I told her to leave and the other I just packed up and left. With one other non Asian when she was nagging and difficult to be around, I told her I am leaving then all of a sudden she changed her tune (eventually I did leave). Now that is the power of staying not married, the freedom to walk out without any obligations, anytime.
Exactly 👍
I grew up with six emotional abusive sisters and a mother. All my first relationships with women We're with emotional abusive women. I finally got sick of it. I wont have anything to do with my family. They're all narcissus, and when I stood up to them, they disowned me and of course make-believed that it was all my fault.. I laid the law down with my wife that I have. Who is not emotionally abusive.
But I don't put up with anything because I believe that if you let anything start, it will build. and like you say in this video many times don't put up with it. Don't put up with it. Don't put up with it. And you are so right. You're way better off not having any One in your life. But I will say if you can find someone that's trainable like my wife and Stop it from starting. It's still worth being married. I love the life I have now and I love my wife.
Amen to that. I was becoming so depressed it felt like a slow death, literally!
🎉This was a very good summary of how women emotionally abuse men.
The cure is awareness.
I am through the worst part of all that and I have a wife who treats me with respect, love and support.
When you find a partner like that it is a blessing.
We’re going through it my guy, thanks so much for your videos! I’m not alone, I’ve felt alone for so long.
You know what's funny? I understand exactly what you're talking about, but it feels like such a distant memory now that it’s almost faded. Let me explain: I’ve been single for so long-by choice, of course-after being in a long-term relationship in my 20s. Now I’m 45. I remember how awful it was-the fights, the manipulation, the constant unhappiness, and eventually, the cheating. But it’s been so many years, 16 to be exact, that the details have blurred. All I really recall is how terrible it felt and the promise I made to myself: never again.
Occasionally, I’ll get into very short flings, and without fail, within a week, the woman will do her "thing" and I'll have this funny moment with myself where I think: 'Oh, right, that’s why I’m single.' I laugh to myself and a few days later, I make my exit.
Honestly, being single is amazing. Sometimes I even feel a twinge of guilt for how great my life is while my friends are stuck dealing with the chaos of relationships and women.
Yes I know. I’m widowed. I think some of us widowers are hesitant to criticize the dear departed; but I’m not exactly rushing out to get a new LTR. Maybe I should shut up, I still feel like she may some how “ come back”😮
You just summarized 20 years with my ex Narc wife. Godspeed!!
Just thinking the same for me here. Finally got out.
32 year old here. I just got out of a 2 months relationship, that was really draining me. She made me feel guilty if I didn’t pay for dinners and flowers, could get angry out of the blue and it was my fault, didn’t give an inch of the emotional support I gave her. I felt like I always walked on eggshells. She dropped a bomb that she had been seeing another guy while we were dating, and didn’t really want to commit to me even after she had stopped seeing the other guy (which I can’t be certain she actually did). She wanted a “situationship” like what is even that? The worst part is that she did make me feel good a lot of the time, like giving me compliments and saying she loved me. I was confused. So after we had slept together, which she made me wait for several weeks, she wanted to go shopping. I said sure, that can be fun, as I like clothes myself. When we were out I asked how much she wanted to spend on a dress. Then she got real mad and said that she thought I was gonna buy it for her. The whole date was ruined and she kept stone walling me. When she went home she said that my behaviour made her loose interest. I was crushed. I talked to a friend after who made me take of the rose tinted glasses and said to me that he feared for my mental health. I had looked stressed and not been myself for weeks. Then I sent a goodbye message to her and just blocked her. Starting to heal and feel better every day!
Your friend saved you! She was toxic. She would have destroyed your life.
@ I agree completly now with sober eyes, so very thankful for him looking out for me 😊 I think I was spellbound by her beauty (she is 21) and her love bombing… Keep up your good work John, your content is great and very helpful!
@@christianbjorck816 Hi Christian, it's likely this woman was purely after a sugar daddy. Don't feel crushed- be glad you could get out of it fairly quickly.
@ It’s very possible yes! I will be more catious in the future, will have a hard time trusting a woman after this…
May God watch over you and us, it is really very difficult time to live and survive. Many women reached very high levels in manipulation and gaslighting we have never imagined.
I learned these things 35 years ago.
That's why I stayed single.
Very insightful, my ex did the jealousy thing to justify isolating me controlling me accusing me wrongly even searching my home whenever I wasn’t there. She would then use anything she discovered and twist it into something sinister ( which it never was). I can’t recall having arguments about anything that was real or true. She slowly ensured I only had her in my life. It was when she tried to isolate me from my eldest son that I planned my exit!! I’m not sure what’s happening with women but they aren’t worth the stress and related health issues. I ended up with ptsd and I’m now just emerging after therapy. All that said I’m positive most of what she accused she was actually doing herself! I reached out to her and sent her some information on narcissism naively thinking she’d get help with it however she simply ignored it and doubled down on her behaviour. Thanks for this educational video 👍🏽
Christmas can be tough for fathers.Whos x emotionally abused him and the children. Fortunately my adult children are men and they will figure this out and pick up the phone one day And reconcile with me.. That would make this the best Christmas ever. Your videos should be mandatory viewing For any man considering marriage
My first wife was a good one, but passed away after five years of marriage. My second one can be so sweet, but can quickly go sour concerning little things. Friends didn't believe me when I told them that she could be the opposite until one day she went off on me while I was talking on the cb radio with friends.
She wondered why I was laughing at her until she saw I had the mic keyed up and was broadcasting her fit of anger about 20-30 miles lol. She took her ring off and threw it at me and left.
12:46 This point really hits home for me. My last girlfriend was trying to make me accountable for her own insecurities, which I didn't see at the time, and so I was always trying to "make things right" for her insecurity that I was never responsible for in the first place. It certainly didn't help that her emotional abuse surrounding it really made me believe I must have been in the wrong. Sadly, trying to constantly bend to her emotional demands surrounding it only made her lose respect for me, which led to worse abuse, including verbally attacking my vulnerabilities, which damaged my self esteem even further. As a guy who grew up hearing how "awful" men are, I always wanted to make sure I was doing the right thing, and was quick to assume that I would be in the wrong more times than not. I know better than that now though, but the price I paid, which you mention too, is that it hurt me in the long run.
I pray that no guy ever falls for the same trap. It can be brutal. Where men were seen as the stereotypical physical abusers, I, too, believe women are the stereotypical emotional abusers, it just hasn't been fully exposed yet.
Spot on John. Been there done that and I stay single for this very reason. Most women exhibit these behaviors. Sad..but true man.
One of the big ways in which women abuse men is through disrespect and by undermining their sense of worth . Dismissing the job they do as low status or 'not good enough', comparing them to other men or exes and then criticising them for being too focussed on work. Sabotaging their efforts to improve then saying they're a loser etc. It's psychological abuse which is far, far more damaging in my opinion. We are taught to think of abuse as a big bully boy beating up his wife in a string vest, but the emotional abuse leaves invisible scars which are very hard to heal and are just as easily delivered by a sweetly smiling, pretty face. I agree that emotional and psychological abuse should be given far more recognition, especially against men, than it currently is
Great point. There are a lot of bullies out there in small, female bodies, who rarely get the opportunity to belittle and intimidate, because of their size. But when the opportunity does arise (ie they are married to a nice man who they know will never ever hit her) they will behave just as bad as any bully.