Reverse Gaslighting: The "Perfect Family" Lie. A Conceptual Discovery
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 12 ก.ย. 2024
- During a psychotherapy session with a client, Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC, made a new conceptual discovery, which he refers to as “Reverse Gaslighting.”
Reverse Gaslighting occurs when a pathological narcissist selfishly, covertly, and systematically manipulates a person’s environment for the purpose of falsely proving the absence of individual, relational, and/or family shortcomings, problems, and psychopathology. Implanting the “nothing is wrong with us or you” or “we are perfectly normal” narrative requires the false representation of mental and relational health when such does not exist.
Individual relationship members are strategically shown fabricated evidence indicating positive mental and relational health when such does not exist. When abuse, neglect, deprivation, isolation, and other forms of individual and relational dysfunction cannot be explained away, the gaslighter will attempt to normalize them. Such normalization requires the gaslighter to provide inaccurate statements, explanations, and fabricated “proof” that one’s perceptions of problems and concerns are over-exaggerated, overreacted to, and normal among “most people.”
Most often, “Reverse Gaslighting” is a result of having two parents, one of whom is an SLD, and the other, a pathological narcissist. The SLD parent raises their child in such a way that “blinds” them from the experience of being raised by a narcissist, but still causes the childhood attachment trauma that is responsible for Self-Love Deficit Disorder (codependency).
ABOUT ROSS ROSENBERG
Ross Rosenberg, M.Ed., LCPC, CADC is a psychotherapist, educator, expert witness, and celebrated author. He is also a global thought leader and clinical expert in codependency, trauma, pathological narcissism, narcissistic abuse, and addictions.
Ross's pioneering codependency contributions are responsible for the sweeping theoretical and practical updates and developing a treatment program that permanently resolves it.
Ross has been featured on national TV and radio and is a regular radio and podcast guest. In addition, he has traveled the world, giving his one-of-a-kind keynote presentations and educational workshops.
His global impact is best illustrated by his TH-cam channel with 23 million views and 247,000 subscribers, and the sale of 155,000 Human Magnet Syndrome books published in 12 languages.
In 2013, Ross created The Self-Love Recovery Institute, a hub for his personal development, workshops, professional training, retreats, other programs, and services. Learn more at www.SelfLoveRecovery.com.
In 2022, Ross Rosenberg created The Self-Love Recovery Podcast, reaching a new audience to discuss important mental-health topics while providing resolution and treatment options, recommendations, and resources for victims of narcissistic abuse, gaslighting, trauma, and codependency or Self-Love Deficit Disorder™. The podcast is available on all major platforms including Apple Podcasts, Google Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeartRadio.
Follow Ross on social media:
Facebook(@TheCodependencyCure)
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Twitter (@RossRosenberg1)
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It is mind numbing and just about impossible to explain or even describe narcissistic abuse to anyone that has never experienced it or even heard of it. Moreover, it is a most distressing experience to endure, particularly when you know that you are a decent, caring and healthy person that has (or is) being intentionally and unrelentingly made to appear crazy, unstable, dishonorable or otherwise unhinged. You are ultimately left to your own devices to maintain your sanity and wellness, while at the same time trying to make sense of it all, express the truth to others and get people to conceptualize the depth of the abuse you are (or have) endured. It like living with a tight rubber band wrapped around your brain -- nobody sees it, but the pain is there, lingering and senseless, in your body, mind and soul.
That is so true.
I no longer attempt to explain as others aren't or don't want to see it.
Most of my healing has been helped from online,
Thank you for your share, I can relate.
❤️💯🤗
Reverse Gaslighting:
Got it. This term makes so much sense. I couldn’t imagine or understand why I was considered “black sheep” of the family. Because I was the one standing up to and struggling against the family emotional abuses. It got so bad, not only did I remove myself physically from them, but eventually went full-on no contact. 😮
I can totally relate to this statement! I was the black sheep and the one who recognized the dysfunction and it was like the emperor wears no clothes scenario.
I would speak the truth of the matter and like they say shoot the messenger! It definitely felt like gaslighting! My dad was a psychiatrist and he would accuse me of being neurotic which as a young person sounded like something horrible! He was always diagnosing me and telling me I was too sensitive and my feelings were wrong. I remember telling him feelings are neither right or wrong they just are. So I was always labeled the one that had something wrong with them. I sought out counseling when I was 14 years old and have been in it more or less my whole life. Now my older perfect sister has realized her life isn't perfect and had a nervous breakdown and fortunately seeks to heal herself. Unfortunately my younger sister is still in a state of denial and has a very distorted view of the family Dynamics. My brother has tried to cut off all contact with the family in the past but recently has had some dealings with them but very minimal. I'm the only one he speaks to more or less.
This girls story is my own. My family is the stepford family. Any bad is swept under the family rug. I hardly remember my childhood....it's scary. I do remember being terrified of my father and his unpredictable rage outbursts. I blamed me because he seemed mad at something I did. He'd spank me (also knock on my head hard, or pull me into a room by my ear) and then send me to my room. I cried and cried so many times, and NO ONE came to me to comfort me, talk to me and explain, no resolution was had and I'd wake up in the morning and everyone acted as if nothing had happened. Years ago my mother said "I wish your dad would have gone to you and told you he loved you, or talked to you..." At the time, I agreed, and her comment made me feel like she understood what was done that was wrong. THEN, when I started having issues with my mom after leaving my narcissistic ex husband, I started digging into my childhood and working on seeing my parents clearly because how they were acting didn't match up to the people I thought they were....I realized my mom _hadn't come to me either._ She didn't come to me as a child and assure me of her love, she didn't come and comfort me, she didn't come and help me understand what happened or work towards a resolution. *SHE didn't come to me either.* 😢
I felt alone, forgotten, good for nothing, hopeless, bad, broken, stupid, like an idiot.
I took 4 months of No Contact with my parents after a crazy experience with them on my Birthday weekend and I grieved the loss of the "fantasy" parents I had concocted in my mind. I grieved the lack of love from them my whole life, the lack of attention, lack of touch and cuddles, lack of support & encouragement, lack of I love you's....and this had set me up to "fall for" the first toxic man to come across my path and give me the attention I'd waited my whole life to have. What a freaking mess.
I'm talking to my parents again but everything has changed. I don't trust them and the apron strings have been cut. I've demanded (with grace and love) that if they want a relationship with me, it needs to be adult to adult. Not parent to child. I will no longer put up with rude comments or questions, lectures about how I'm living my life or marriage. I'm 42, for goodness sake!! Nope! Boundaries. And if they are crossed again, 👋🏻 bye bye. I love myself too much now to let that continue. And my now husband is healthy and supportive! I am so grateful for my adopted family who show me sooooo much love! Love I've always craved. But, the love I give myself is the greatest gift & achievement!!
And I'm just now having memories coming up of the side of my mom I've ignored my whole life. I crowned my mom Queen and my father the monster. I'm remembering her cold and silent rage/anger. It has come out in ME twice with my now husband and it feels like I'm possessed by my mom for a moment, after being triggered. It's so odd! Then, after the last one, alll these emotional and body memories started coming up regarding my mom! 😳🤯
💓💓
Exactly same thing I went through as a child…
The pretend perfect family & the sweep
🧹 everything under the rug & family secrets of hide the child abuse & no I love you or emotional support or encouragement . Etc
This video describes things well frankly ..
I finally decided on no contact & estranged from my parents / family now… 😑
@@starlingswallow you aren’t alone so many have suffered the same empty feelings horrible glad u found peace with someone that cares
Your story is literally my story. 💔 I’m so sorry you had to go through that, sending you love. ❤
Emotional shut down, nobody talks about it or faces it. I was in frozen mode almost my whole life, saw that pathologies running deep in my father's family even more. My body would hurt all the time. I preferred to be alone and disconnect from everyone, nobody would feel anything, nobody would understand, I thought I was crazy, that I was innately bad and wrong in my identity (which was almost inexistential), I denied myself. I remember as a child thinking: "Wish they have hit me, so everybody knew I was suffering or almost death". From experience, those are the worst kind of families. Have seen adult children commiting su I cide coming from that background.
How did you overcome the physical and mental pain?
@@xyxy5978 Inner child attention and validation. Patience and listening to the nervous system, polyvagal exercises Heart healing. Connection and unification with Nature. Many things that I discovered and keep using, and sharing in my courses as well 🙌🏼.
This is mind-blowing--My husband also has "positive-only" memories and a fantasy of what his parents are. We've been married for 5 years now, and my in-laws are anything but pleasant. And I've also noticed that my husband and his brother (who hate each other) are made to fit a mold in my MIL's head, and neither of them are it 😲 My husband and I are currently seeking couples therapy, and I need to show him this video.
this is also my husband smdh
You two would really benefit from reading Ross's book, The Human Magnet Syndrome ❤ I wish you guys the best! This is a hard road to go on....but I'd rather know and see the truth and grieve it, protect myself and my husband than to continue in fantasy land 😢❤
Try to be gentle with him when the memories of his trauma start to come back. It's a harrowing experience, when as a longtime adult you realize that everything you thought was true was a damned lie.
I'm going through the same thing to an extent. My people pleasing yet wonderful wife grew up in a very toxic narc network. She attempts to sugar coat and not look at the reality but like they say you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. They had a HUGE melt down on us when I set a boundary of no contact. Heavy abuse, I kept quiet the whole time, did not engage. However my wife kept falling for their bs and victim playing nature.
I was told over and over again that because I was the youngest, I was "spoiled." If being beaten, ignored, neglected, derided, ridiculed, having all your beliefs perceptions and observations dismissed, called lies and misperceptions, being physically assaulted, being told I was physically disgusting and unworthy of a good man, not to mention forced to befriend evil people and literally tortured because I had ONE PERSON in my life who actually genuinely cared about me...If that's your idea of 'spoiled' then yeah, I was spoiled.
So apparently, according to their logic, you need to literally be slashed with knives (or something equally serious) to not be considered spoiled. What is with these people? And yes, that was a rhetorical question.
After my experience, I had a coworker that was very supportive because she had multiple similar experiences. I have always been fully aware of my dysfunctional family.
When I asked her if she had family ties that led to these experiences, she said no.
That response did not match up for me. Thanks for addressing this Dr. R.
Ross, thank you thank you thank you for the validation! I also figured this out about two months ago however I didn't come up with a great name for it. This is so timely for my life right now. This is exactly how my husband grew up. I even refer to them as Stepford people living in Pleasantville. With my husband though he grew up in the 60s in a small remote town that was isolated from people. The whole town had this problem. They we're all Stepford people. It was so weird. They all cover for each other and tell each other they're the greatest. The only difference is my husband is the narcissist. He's the one who thinks everything about him is perfect his family is perfect and I'm the one with the problem because I can't see how perfect he is when everyone else in his whole life always did.
Yes!! You are definitely on to something with the idea of reverse gaslighting. Totally experienced this in my own childhood!
Hi Ross, I’ve been following your channel for a little bit now and when I saw this in my feed, I immediately resonated with it because I’m fairly certain my childhood was reverse-gaslit (and normally gaslit) after several years of connecting the dots of my past and working on healing. But I wanted to check it out and you basically confirmed what I was already 98% sure of 👍🏼 My parent dynamic was the same as the example you shared but the opposite, and fortunately I found strength to get away from that toxic environment some years back and have worked hard to build a happy life now where I can no longer be manipulated 😁 I’ve changed so much for the better while they’re all still in the same messed up dysfunction and don’t even know it. Karma’s certainly rewarded me well and I’m so blessed for it 🙏Thanks for sharing this!
Love your information and healing ❤ 💕 much love from Ireland 🇮🇪
A MASSIVE THANK YOU, Ross. 🙏
- I refer to my experience with my family as "being raised in a Pit of Perfection" - where I did NOT belong. Period.
I feel, I did NOT individuate, as I was not encouraged to have MY own feelings or opinions (all were dismissed and reduced to a wave off and I was simply told - by my trusted mother, that I simply took everything too personally and NOT to be "so sensitive, dear." Add a - "your poor dad _ fill in the blank" guilt bomb 💣💥 to wrap that up neatly - then repeat )
As a result, until quite recently I feel I had little to no "internal north star or personal compass."
Decision making, goal orientation, planning future objectives are (WERE) almost impossible to achieve due to an absence of really ANY self confidence or "personal north". The WORST question I could be asked was "What do you want to do/be when you grow up?"
So... welcome to the world of fear and procrastination, wheel spinning and as Brene Brown 🙏 put it "professional polster-ing" asking everyone but MYSELF how to "walk thru life."
The result? NOTHING but frustration and wheel spinning occurs - as well as a never ending procession of caustic work environments and now multiple abusive relationships with not only men, but female "friends" as well...
Narcs are like deer, folks - 🦌 where there's ONE ~ there WILL BE SOME. 🦌🦌🦌🦌🦌🦌
GREAT. 😞
What I call the "Oversensitivity Hat" that was rammed on me as a way of avoiding any/all contrary-ness basically delegitimized my ability to self express or "know" my own "self" and/or self advocate , more or less producing a learned helplessness that has haunted me into my 50's.
My "colouring outside the lines" of the other 3 STOIC members of the family (controlling, stoic, undemonstrative, emotionally UNAVAILABLE father paired with agreeable, eager to please, stay at home, former kindergarten teacher Mom + Golden Boy, exalted Bro, who delighted in chucking me under the bus throughout our childhood to my huge dismay and confusion - who himself did "likely" become narcissistic) seems to have been "dealt with" by stabbing the finger at me for being too "Me."
I became the black sheep, kickin dog (NEVER PHYSICAL) with a kind of - what did SHE do THIS TIME outsider approach to the "problem of me."
I am now grateful (in large part due to channels like Ross' ) to be on the journey "back to self" or perhaps better said - The journey TO a self I never even knew existed.... Like discovering a lost paradise - the land of Personal Autonomy... 🏝
Ross, your research hugely provides those of us who dare - to make the critical pilgrimage to self, with much needed tools for that destination....one we never thought we were even allowed to contemplate.
Please accept my deep appreciation for revealing this additional INVISIBLE, INSIDIOUS side of narc/codep research.
I long ago bought n read your book and have shared it and your TH-cam channel link to many others who struggle along in this life challenge.
God bless. 🙏
Gaslighting is Gaslighting… I am not sold on this new reverse-gaslighting term. Being a daughter of a narcissist and a sister of a narcissist… Narc Math: 2 narc’s in one family unit 😜 with a mother who is a psychotherapist and an enabler… my experience is that realities come and go like toilet paper… things happened and they didn’t happen simultaneously… and all memories are etched in stone through the POV of the Narcissist… Real Facts don’t matter only Narc Facts matter… and if I state a real fact I am immediately dismissed and sent to the badlands. If your patient had a difficult time remembering what happened in her life… it was because she wasn’t allowed to remember it… she was only allowed to remember what the Narc wanted her to remember. Your patient was not reverse gaslit… She was gaslit over and over and over and over Again… and in a Narc family you have to pick your battles… because absolutely anything and everything is a fight. Ty
Also, this term is a brilliant insight, thank you! 👍
This was great, I got alot of truth from this. Thank you for your work.
This was brilliant! Another eye opener for me. Thanks so much Ross.
My pleasure!
My wife, in a moment of clarity, told me a story of how her mother emotionally abused her but who now denies any of this and praises her father who never protected her. My wife is a narcissist and an alcoholic, she has no empathy and has no remorse for anything she does,
Narcissist’s turn too Alcohol too silence the demons it just makes them worse
You deserve better, David.
Dysfunctional family operates in a Super self that must be accepted by all members.
Welcome to the stepford world
This was a great epiphany on your part, Ross! I definitely grew up in a family like this, and you explained this nuanced family dynamic expertly.
Ross, u just describe my life with my siblings, and i end up attracting a covert narcisist, took me several years before i could finally free myself from from being a codependant and also free from the narc .
Absolutely stupendous, Thank you so much for this Ross, I always rebelled, Stood up to my mums narcissistic abusive partner, I'm glad you done this video, You're absolutely beautiful and a gem, Peace, love to you and everyone, Thank you universe 🪻💞😃😊🥰😁🛸💙🧝♀️🧿🧿👽👁💫🌈🌈🌼😍😀♾️🌌
Oh dear. I had this perfect family and memorys, too. Until I woke up from my positive filter dream. After my waking up, I had to roll back layers after layers of controlling and power mechanisms my parents placed in me. This was the moment I started to remember a childhood of being molested constantly for 15 years and lied to by my producer (cannot call him a father at all) and of being neglected, punished and bullied by my mother.💔
You do a good job for your clients, i had to go through this without this kind of help. 👍
Amazing. In my family- perfect family- reverse gaslighting. And then normal gaslighting in order to make you feel crazy!
2 narc- one malignant and another covert!
Mind blowing info!! I have seen this scenario in several families (one in an ex) and got this inherently creepy vibe but couldn't exactly put my finger on it and you described it perfectly. I know a family that is a pillar of the community and they have a son that has been in all kinds of trouble with the law and drugs and they have literally spent hundreds of thousands getting him out of trouble and the rest of the family tries to act like noone is smart enough to see what is happening. Interestingly, the son is honest about what he has done and who he is but he rest of the family tries to uphold the facade. I guess it is his way of telling the truth and showing that the family is not perfect.
56 just discovering that I've been victimized and my baby sister and her kids were flying monkeys in training. They destroyed everything I built. I'm barely breathing . My soul was shattered to the core
If I wasn't as Catholic as my mom wanted me to be, my mom would tell my dad to "put me in line." He would hurt me, and then my mom would reward him with bedroom fun. I hate them both.
“Reverse gaslighting “
Thank you Ross … 👏
This describes my family experience 💯
'The Perfect Family' sounds like the mission of 'Focus on the Family' in Colorado Springs, CO. Not surprising that their bookstore has almost no information on narcissism in individuals and/or groups/families.
This is interesting ,I like to flip through videos on TH-cam & came across your video…. I only heard a few words you spoke & I could tell you’re totally empathic and perceptive person.
I am not convinced that it takes a narcissist to form a destructive "happy family", except, perhaps, if the sense of "too good to be true" is starting to give you some sort of toothache. You might be looking for the quiet, frozen, complacent smile. OTOH, my family consisted of two perfectly, a little *too* perfectly reasonable, parents, both of them damaged, each in their own way, and for their own reasons. and I had the hardest time, and for the longest time I failed, to figure out that "normal" wasn't normal, and eerie silences weren't a harmonious family, and the total and utter lack of safety was what caused my, what for all reasons I can see now must have been, CPTSD.
thank you. I think i have seen these kinds of families. Awful. So false it can't stick anywhere
Politicians are always honest and would never do this. 😂
When you said that you are probably in an abusive relationship, and there is a narcissist that knows what they’re doing and can have severe consequences if we don’t follow the rules. I listened like 5 times. . Scary realizations. But, what are the rules?! They seem to shift and flip so frequently.
Watched closely at our latest cycle. After 4 amazing days (also his bday celebrations) He woke up and walked by me like I didn’t even exist, and continued this odd distance and emotional withhold. For the very first time I saw that I had nothing to do with it- I was just the aim.
How in my 40s & just waking up to the mess I’m in? I can say not JUST, I was having ptsd reactions to him, even early early days while love bombing was still hot and fresh! I was seeing through so much, but as a brutally honest person- I somehow expected the same from everyone. I would ask questions or express concerns , and I was quickly & defiantly blamed, I believed it. I would google everything, listen to podcasts, trying to read about love languages and shit. Nothing made sense for 4 years.
Started to stumble across narcissism and I’m more into wtf I have to do to stop attracting these people, or me being attracted to them. It’s so hard to make sense of it. It’s so easy to fall back into the cycle when you’re trying to hold up boundaries and stand your ground. Then- you are the blame still because you’re too stubborn, stupid, highly emotional so they won’t talk to you for 10 more days. I just don’t know how much I can take anymore.
It took a DARVO for me to see it in my own family. It does feel like I'm too close still, to fully accept. I don't remember huge blocks of years. I have a few memories starting at 3yo, but when my siblings were born when I was 5+, I don't remember the first few years of their lives at all.
My family has addiction and alcoholism, my mom knows but never discusses unless she has to in order to clean it up. My sister had legal issues starting at 16yo but it's hidden. It's a fear of shame, but also shaming in a way that means we can't talk about your truth. When I was living with a boyfriend, my dad was diagnosed w kidney cancer and underwent treatments, I wasn't told. I found out in a really shitty way, through my narc boyfriend. My therapist at the time asked why I was upset that I didn't know, and I was shocked I had to explain that I wanted to be there for my dad in his time of need because I loved him.
My dad had to retire early due to mental health; I lost my job due to mental health (domestic violence). I don't know why I didn't see the parallels.
I recently learned about "weaponized disappointment." Where the abuse isn't necessarily what they did or obvious neglect, but a lack of affection, a lack of being there, just not being a partner. I remember after college I witnessed my mom coming home from work, my dad went to give her a kiss and she turned so he kissed her cheek. He passed within a year of that.
I tried to explain to her that my serial monogamy with abusers means something was off in the first few years of life. I framed it not in a blaming way, but more of a "what stressors did you deal with" sort of way, and that's when I saw the DARVO. It was very slick, didn't outright dismiss what I had shared but just didn't acknowledge it. If it wasn't in writing I might not have seen it. It's been my mom the whole time.
Relevant quote:
"Behind the scenes it's the opposite then, the narcissist escapes identification.
Then the narcissist can live his [or her] life with more security, while the family is gaslit, suffer this dissociative blindness, this numbness, this made-for-TV fake relationship with themselves [and with] the world."
Ross- write a second book. Don't update the first again. ☺️ Use a new framework, fit in with case studies or something like that to pick out the themes.
Thank you! Thank you for naming something that affects both me and my boyfriend. We've been describing it, but without an appropriate jargon term.
That is so damaging to the child who has made any mistake to not have their parents correct them. That's their responsibility. For a parent to say they love their child and treat them this way shows they DO NOT love this child. Every child naturally wants to think their parents love them. So the child is in no way in a position to analyze the truth of the situation. You never really deep down have the ability to trust anyone after that. You are right about the damage.
I thought gaslighting meant to deny someone's reality. Not necessarily that they were bad or wrong. To me this is just gaslighting. Not reverse.
Reverse gaslighting is a dangerous weapon in the hands of self-righteous narcissistic mother. When you stop and think what is true and what is fake, you realize that you're seeing only glimpses of the real person
Very important topic that is a human rights issue. Thanks for sharing. - There are major problems of certain courts not getting good info about Parental Alienation and the verifiable facts in a case. What do you think of including a DVD of the documentary, Erasing Family (2020) - Parental Alienation Documentary, as an Offer of Proof or Exhibit with a court document of either objection or a motion? This would be in the context of the issues of Parental Alienation not being seriously addressed by a court. Do you have any other references that may be good to remind a court, or court of appeals about this major problem?
I have a white narcissist ex friend who is an alienated mother to her mixed race children who gaslights racism as though she is a southern belle who has been wrongfully alienated and won't take responsibility for her own actions that happened that had kept her from being able to raise her kids. I had no idea how horrifying a person she is, it took far too long to understand how manipulative and toxic she is to everyone, whether they know it or not... And reverse gaslighting can describe the rewriting of history by the conferate states of the US south. It is still effecting politics to this day too....
Mind-opening! A whole new piece of the puzzle! Thank you! Very helpful!
Glad it was helpful!
You said to have become an SLD there must have been trauma in childhood, which makes sense for sure, but what about trauma experienced in school? Can it come from there? My family wasn't perfect, definitely not like what this woman described in the video - I can remember my parents arguing a few times & things, but overall my parents provided a peaceful, supportive, nurturing environment for me to grow in, and they were retired, so I had their attention and care 24/7, plus the attention and care of extended family members, and that was a time and place where we knew our neighbors, so I even received gifts from them on birthdays and Christmas, for example, and they would bring me cookies at other times, lol. Overall, I feel very blessed to have been raised by my parents. School was torture for me though. Bullying would have been one thing, but it was the overall concensus that I was inferior to everyone else that got to me most - and I did not imagine that. I didn't know about class sytems at 6, 7, 8, etc. years old, so I took it all on myself. My family lived off the land, roots in Native culture, and were tobacco farmers. Even though we owned 3 acres and our own house and my parents worked hard all their life, we were considered lower-class, and I was treated that way in school. I spent every single day as a child trying to figure out why kids at school didn't like me. I am naturally very extrovert, and would love to get into conversations with everyone before the 1st grade, whether I knew them or not. By the time I made it to junior high school, I could barely talk to anyone, frozen with fear all the time because of how I was made to feel so often when I opened my mouth and expressed myself. I'm not really shy, but I seemed shy. Good thing I came in contact with the right people and things after high school where I healed all that and became myself again, but I still developed this thing where I couldn't tell when I was being spoken down to and mistreated as an adult, because I had to block it out when it happened so often at school just to survive, so my brain developed around that. It's not that I ignored red flags, they just didn't even register in my brain, so I got close to people over and over again without being able to recognize who they really were - mostly friends who betrayed me, as I only ended up in 1 abusive relationship in my early 20s, that ended 21 years ago. I had to relearn how to tell when I was being spoken down to or mistreated as an adult, and have gotten pretty good at it now over the last 9 years since I realized it and started learning about it. So anyway, I don't often see the effects of an abusive school environment spoken of, and I am absolutely sure that can be the root cause of SLD also because I"ve experienced it.
We dont talk about Bruno!
Blowing my mind seriousness can I redo letting my kids visit the alcoholic father grandparents aunts uncles 😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
Ross, is it possible to inherit/learn SLD traits? I did not have a neglectful, loveless, abusive childhood, but my mother’s father was an alcoholic and there was some verbal abuse, maybe some physical, and also my mother specifically experienced rejection. I can only suppose that there was a leak in the family system, otherwise I’m not sure how I ended up in two long-term abusive relationships (two sides of the same coin - ultimately not very different). It’s not like my family even claims to be perfect. Anyway, I’m still in the second relationship (take 2. After a separation in December, I was convinced by so many promises to try again and now it’s not as bad but still not great). Thank you.
What’s the difference between gaslighting and reverse-gaslighting…. Isn’t gaslighting, gaslighting? How do you flip it and reverse it?
They make you believe everything is perfect including them and you and the family
@@othmane-mezian That’s gaslighting. Reverse Gaslighting is BS!
I got from the video that reverse gaslighting is like an anesthesia so you cant feel youre even abused that is why it is called reverse@@iamthenews5624
New to your content, impressed and your books looks great!
So this is self gaslighting is what you’re referring to as reverse gaslighting yes got it😊
Wow! So interesting!! Thanks, Ross!
Fascinating ❤😮
Oh, this so reminds me of things my narc father says. Mom has schizofrenia. He blames the family problems on mom and her mistakes. As if he was perfect. The fact that he is a slave driver, who married a woman with mental illness in her family.... that is something he never looks at.
thank you.
Its a lonely life
Man my gf is realizing her mother is emotionally, mentally and psychologically abusive
What if someone grows up in that situation, reverse gaslighting, and they themselves become like their toxic dad? My husband and an ex had “stepford families” but they’re both toxic like their fathers. Maybe same gender children end up becoming like the same gender narc parent? Sons becoming toxic like their dads and daughter getting with men like their dads and being codependent like their mothers?
ALL FACTS!!!😇😇😇-Xclusyph Icon
They want me to snap or kill myself and I don't know how to reaçt or proact. 😢
It seems to be a great concept, but one has to be very careful. The idea of or even search for reverse gaslighting in therapy could easily lead to false believes and induced bad memories.
Propaganda machine. Accurate.
Where are all the brain scientists seriously try to
Give meds for seizures for every dam thing now 😮not healthy
Since npd has been in the DSM for well over 30 years. Why has it taken so long for people to become aware of it? Sincerely mean this when I say that I would rather have my eyes gouged out with a blunt spoon, than go through that cognitive dissonance again.
Could it be because of the sneaky subtleness over many years. Or, the crumbs given to reinforce the trauma bond. Interesting video nonetheless.
❤❤❤ I was a navy bratt. My dad in Navy. My parents both are narcissistics. I loved WITOUT reservation always. I had 6children an yep I have a psychopathic 😢 ex. When I was done an left he made sure I lost all my children,,he knew they are my world. Needless too say he had reactive abuse recorded an it is what it is. Almost 2 years later I STILL FIGHTING CYS. I moved an started a Narcissistic abuse Empowerment group. An recently started a non profit STRONGfamVALUEZ corp. EDUCATION ON GASLIGHTING,WHEN WE KNOW BETTER WE DO BETTER.ANOTHER DAY FOR BETTER WAY. I'm awaiting the EIN# ANYWAY. MY CASEWORKER iS A MALIGNANT NARCISSIST IM SURE IVE spent THIS PAST YEAR AN A HALF educating myself an it . HAS OPENED MY EYES IVE COME INTO MYSELF AN MORE SECURE BOUT MY INTUITION AN LOVE MYSELF AS I AM. GOD WITIN IN N WITHOUT. IM DISGUSTING WIT THE SYSTEM THAT HAS MY CHILDREN .IM IN THE NOW SO DOING MY PART AN AWAITING COURT SOMETIME IN AUGUST. MONTGOMERY COUNTY CYS NORRISTOWN PENNSYLVANIA WILL BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR ABUSE MY CHILDREN HAVE BEEN SUFFERING IN Their CARE..THEY NEED TOO BE VETTED BETTER. A QUICK BRAIN SPECT SCAN TO Check FOR EMPATHY..I USED TO WONDER WHY WHEN THEY SAID IM TO NICE WHAT THAT MEANS IM LEARNING NOW MY NICE VIBES RUB EVIL THE WRONG WAY. GOD DIDN'T PUT ME ON THIS EARTH TO BE ANYONES PUNCHING BAG. APPRECIATE YOU. AN UR VIDEOS WILL BE IN MY ROSTER go