When a Narcissist Realizes You'll NEVER Come Back I 3 Moves They Make
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 ม.ค. 2025
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When a Narcissist Realizes you’ll NEVER Come Back I 3 Moves They Make // What can you expect when a narcissist realizes that you are NEVER coming back? Well, a few things really. The first being their desire for you will suddenly go through the roof.
Narcissists always want what they can't have. If it's out of reach, the desire factor is only going to go up for the narcissist. From there, their behavior becomes very predictable.
Watch today’s video and learn what to expect when a narcissist realizes that you’re done, for real and for good, and more importantly… what you need to do to take care of and protect yourself.
Enjoy!
~ Tamie M xx
#superempath #knowyourvalue #unlockyourfreedom
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⚜️ WHO IS TAMIE M? ⚜️
Tamie M is a Life Coach specializing in Empath Empowerment. She is an expert in the areas of codependency and narcissistic abuse recovery. She teaches people how to transform their lives through the use of many powerful healing, recovery, and ascension modalities. She does her best work with those who identify as being highly empathic, as well as those who have been cast as the family scapegoat. She is on the planet to support awakening Light Leaders to step into their personal power, divine purpose, and mission.
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Hi Tamie. I think you have a troll/scammer. There is someone who gave me a text number to contact them. They are under @tamimjoyce-II. You might want to look into that. 😬
@@tamiemjoyce how do I sign up?
@BradleyChristian-s5p Go to my website (link below) and click on "programs" and "reviews" for all the details.
Here's the link: www.TamieMCoaching.com
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@@florak1087 Yes, thanks for bringing that to our attention. We've seen and reported multiple accounts posing as me. People with FAR too much time on their hands and not a lot of consciousness or intellect going on. 🙄
Never go back.... never..never..never!
My two brothers are narcs. One of them died in 2018 and that's when I ghosted the other one.
💯💯
Bit me in the arse for sure! Divorced in 2013 after being together since 1988... let her back in my life in 2015, got love bombed for a few months, then it was right back to getting her affections (not just sex) with an eye dropper every 4-8 weeks. They never change and are pure hell on us empaths. It took till the middle of 2023 to finally get myself out of my own house... now to get HER out of my house. Talk about a shit-show. 😬
@@richardpluim4426 Yep zero tolerance
@@richardpluim4426❤
not only does the pain get worse every time you go back, but their DISRESPECT towards you gets astronomically worse every time also.
So true. My ex told my mom that we would always be together and I would never leave her. She was convinced she had broke me and could say or do anything to me and I just would stay.
Sure does, they have fun cheating on and running you through the ringer, then they will take all your money, save theirs, and tell everyone how broke you are after you pay THEIR bills. Two days later, they will ask you for money for the water bill.😂
Just run away and never look back. Change your number, a couple times.
THANK, I NEEDED REMINDING, THANK YOU.
Took me 28 years to learn this.
I'll never go back through that hell again
Absolutely ❤ never again
I feel you ❤
Neither will I
@kennyran1 God bless you
Please don't. I dont know you but I'm begging you.
Reminder to us all…the new supply is not getting anything different than what you got. “They aren’t suddenly going to grow a heart and a conscience “. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Best thing is to treat it like a failed startup. Lots of lessons to be learned but no need to sink further resources into a lost cause.
Love this analogy! Very helpful! Thank you!
GOOD ANALOGY
Very healthy point of view.
that's a great mindset model for this
Yes like slogging a dead horse
Because of ONE narc. I see the world differently. I Interact with people differently
Yep, me too.
Same here.. I am so grateful for this experience.
Although narcissistic abuse can really damage you and even cause brain damage, on the bright side, you can perceive behind the masks of people and are able to make preemptive moves against them. Although I am an empath, I have a machivellian and nietzschean worldview, I understand there is good and evil people and that good people can also be self-interested and selfish regardless. At work, I have been able to safeguard myself from narcissists and make me moves that will make them look bad. I also can sense when I am being gaslit in a situation. On the other hand, it sucks because you can overanalyze and makes you more wary, supplying more energy to the narcissist. In public, I have been saved countless of times. I have ADHD, though and I sometimes do not use this ability fully when needed, especially when I sense a conversation is sarcasm from people. As an empath and having ADHD, the overstimulation can sicken you. Hence, why I want to get out of Los Angeles as soon as I can.
@@jacqueslee2592 Having ADHD is like cryptonite to Narcissists I have heard.
Me too
If you know a narcissist stay far far away from them do not let them back into your life these people have demons inside them that control them and you don't want those demons attached to you
It's a nice image, but there's no such thing as demons. They're incredibly damaged... most of them in childhood. Still, they can't be "saved" or "healed" which is very likely a potential you imagined when you first knew them and possibly for decades more (like me).
YES, there's an spiritual component...in Christian churches Narcissism is called the "Jezebel" spirit...it's murderous to God-fearing people..they like to defile and corrupt good people of God...
My ex acted normally and was nice, then she would flip like switching a light switch on. And would become nasty, cruel, jealous, self righteous and self absorbed………it was like she had a demon living inside her that occasionally had full control of her. Was mind blowing
Sad but true❤
I have the same right now. Especially comes out with alcohol @@MegaRockstar48
Tell your narcissist-
If your Phone doesn’t ring, it’s probably me!😂
lol good one!! 😂
YESSS 😂@@tamiemjoyce
Good one!
lol good one 😂
🤣 🤣 🤣
"A friend of my enemy, is my enemy." I will never go back or open myself up to them.
I like the flying monkey analogy, because it reminds me that narcissists are organ grinders who use monkeys to suck you in and manipulate and control you
15 yrs old to45 that’s how long he had me lol sad but I’m living my best life now at 49!
@tack131 I bet you learned a lot in that 30 years. I'm so glad you're free now and living your best life!! 💕
Awesome. I'm hoping my life improves soon. After a almost 2 years long divorce.
I left my narcissyic husband and my house (!!!!) in Florida and moved back to my home state in the North East. Far, far away from the devil himself. I was 60 years old at that time, 7 years ago. I just took my clothes and my dog. I was in such bad shape, some of my friends cried when they saw what I looked like. I didn't know what a narcissist was until my friend told me after I got home. If I had only known, I would have left 20 years before I did. He may have taken my best years, but not all of them! My life right now, is the best it's ever been in my career on planet earth!
@@silverlakegirl9078 greetings from sunny SW Florida. I'm so very sorry I experienced similar Now it's time for us to transmutate the negative into the positive and help others. Prayers and blessings to you
Keep it up!!!
Yes, and as soon as you start trying to love yourself and heal yourself all you hear from the narcissist is ‘you are changing’… They don’t like it when you’re moving away that’s for sure.
This comment it's SO ON POINT!!..Those were the exact words that a Narc "ex-friend" told me when I stopped to be at her every beck and call..she has a disability that she milks for all its worth!! Shamelessly!!! Her family keeps her at a 10 feet pole length, and I know why😂😂😂 Her family is very wise...anyway, gray-rocking forever!! My life drama-free, and full of peace it's so worthy..❤❤❤
That was the reason my narc wife left me. I had changed. I wasn’t the person she married. I had started to say no to her wants because I realised I spoiled her and she’d treat me like shit within hours of getting what she wanted. She is dead to me now.
I dont care i left & now im moving on. I loooove my single life. ❤ I will NOT take him back. EVER. ✌️
Good for you!! Take good care of yourself!
Me either!
Spot on Tamie. It only gets worse if you fall for the hoover. Have nothing to do with those individuals.
I thought / believed that mine was trainable. He wasn't.
Silence is golden! Very peaceful
Well said
No contact. Have not heard from him. Will NOT go back
I left after 40 years. He has only called once. He tells everyone I broke his heart but he won’t acknowledge the years of verbal, emotional, and financial abuse he inflicted.
Yes they don't always comeback.
Luckily
Since the discard in 2022, at first Mr. N was calling me every day - but never to 'apologize' - after 9 months I went no contact - now I have received 5 hoovers and have gone no contact with these - it feels so freeing!!
Exactly calling everyday and don’t want NOTHING!!!!
It’s as you say. It gets worse!
100 percent
About a year ago I began saying to the narcissist in my life at the time “ Always a victim, never a victor!” . He hated that because he knew it was true!😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
I am borrowing this one. Thanks.
My narcissist "father" is called Victor - I call him the Oxymoron - a loser, called Victor!
Oh my gosh, always the victim ~ never accepting responsibility. How tiresome.
Victim and the villain at the same time…. 😢
I just left my narcisistic partner on october 8 th for good after 17 years. I lived exactly all what you commented. It was a rollercoaster and lots of pain. I am done with this man. I forgave him so often after promissing me he would change but never did. This time I will stay strong :)
Good for you! Wishing you the best and sending hugs ❤
Proud of you! ❤️❤️
Change your phone numbers, and move. He knows this social media handle, so change it. Loose his number , toss it out with your old phone, which you should destroy.
Do not go back.
Please don’t go back.
Get new , interesting hobbies.
Give yourself 6 months to sleep it off. Do not answer the phone!
A Narcissist will never change
How are you mentally doing i called it done few days ago but he is ny next door neighbor also ahhhh! 9 years we're together
This really helped me realize I'm not a narcissist. I care more about the people i love than myself and i couldn't care less what people think about my life. They are generally wrong. I ghost people as a defense mechanism, nothing more.
I went thru 25 yrs of this craziness b4 I understood what my wasband was doing...I went thru everything you described...I literally was under a spell...He wasted my teens, 20's and my 30's...But I thank God he opened my eyes in my 40's...
Never too late!
It took 26 years before my eyes were opened.
First time I’ve encountered the therm ‘wasband’ 😂
Same..
Same here. Met him at 18. Became “exclusive” at 25. Married him at 27. Just left him at 49.
You are 100% Right!
I lived it 😂
To say they are predictable is an understatement
This is completely accurate. It took almost 3 years of being on the narcissist’s roller coaster to realize all this was true. That every time I let him back in, it was a game. With every time I opened the door again he became more disrespectful, angry and mean. Everything was a lie, at the end he didn’t even try anymore to back up his lies. It wasn’t until I got involved in my church, got closer to God and started believing I was his child, worthy of so much more and now I am protected. I don’t get any of the Hoover texts, calls or guilt trips any more. And now I’m smarter and know what I’m dealing with. So thank you Narcissist for the lesson. ❤
Sooo proud of you!!
Yep after 42 years getting out. He keeps asking to "talk" and when I agree it is the same thing over and over. He can't accept that I am leaving. Tries the what a good person he is has always supported me. I am so happy to be leaving. I thought for a long time I was the problem. I know that now not to be true.
Greetings from sunny SW Florida. 30 years here. Hang in there.
@doloresinkenbrandtanddawnc9212 thank you!!
@@JR-dv7qy certainly. We definitely need to support each other. It's been he// here.
He always says he the nicest person ever 😢
god do they ever love to "talk"
Tamie, thank you! I'm on your Freedom class and I must tell your audience... I have more discernment than I ever had and I feel so encouraged to keep going. This kind of abuse has been life altering. In hindsight and with your program, I am grateful even for that crap experience. Much love from South Africa.
My narcissist was an accident waiting to happen ,everything went wrong with the narcissist,caused so many problems.Never going back .
When you love someone it's hard to understand. Plus who.knew what a Narcissistic
Was. 35 years ago
So very true, if I only knew what NPD was 5-6 yrs ago, it would have helped so much!! As an Empath, I was a BIG juicy target, the discard nearly killed me, had a heart attack, was in a coma for 3 days, and a part of me, still wants them?? But, they'll never realize what they lost!!
Wow. That's really sad to hear, what you went to with your health. My health also has taken a turn. I think when we completely get ourselves back together mentally and emotionally, our health will start to get better. I'm recently going through the ups and downs with emotions from my ex, cuz it hurts, when I'm feeling my "ups", my health feels good. Vice versa. I hope you start healing soon. Blessings to you.@@davidpawlowski6909
If the person has explicitly set boundaries or confronted the narcissist about their behavior, it may be a definitive moment when the narcissist understands that the relationship is over.
This is what happened to me. I started calling out his behavior and telling the truth.
AFter a brutal discard in July 2022 (thrown out of our home) I got a hoover on my 50th birthday 3 weeks later...not even wishing me a happy birthday just a statement of 'we need to find some way of working thru this". Basically meaning 'how can I control you and manipulate you more? It was absolutely devastating but showed me his real person. I responded 2 days later with "explain what you mean 'work through this'?"...he could not and didn't want to even try. It took another year and a half before I could even go one day without feeling sad and missing him. I have done a lot of work on myself and am happy again. Lost weight, have my friends and family again in my life, and starting to live my best life! He will never apologize for the hurt and pain he caused me and my family, or his own. His selfishness and inability to apologize, and show real empathy is his downfall. He will do this over and over and he will be looking for me for the rest of his life. 🤔
Good for you!! ❤️❤️
So true no genuine apologies EVER!!
Oh my gosh. Good for you!! The same thing, but not nearly so brutal or long, so I'm in awe of your survival, but I stood up to him and he said, "no no no, we have to make to this work." And then when I asked how, he just COULD NOT actually succumb to coming up with a compromise. It was like physically impossible.
@@brendarewan7441no, unless the narc/avoidant has done some serious inner work..which is highly unlikely because they truely don't think anything is wrong with them.
this is shocking how precise it is.. only when you experience for yourself you will believe this crazy person exists.. and there are many of them..
Ain’t that the truth!
i just found out what was wrong with this guy i had no idea this was a thing so many people do
You rock, Tamie! I have a friend that has a woman narcissist who is stalking her and I told her that that is very dangerous. I sent her one of your videos to show her what to do with this individual. Why don't these types of people notice that what they are doing is not normal and the world around them is 99.98% different???
A lesbo- holic, you mean?
Everything you have said is spot on. I really appreciate you breaking it down . I've unfortunately given 7 yrs of my life to someone who never failed to fail me. It helps to hear your advice so I don't fall back into the cycle. Thank you so much! I'm currently working on myself and feeling confident in me. Myself alone.
You've got this!! Remember that you deserve a beautiful and peaceful life! ❤️
For me, it feels like it only gets better, once you are focused on healing your own issues and surrounded by healthier individuals not plagued by victimhood and growing to our best potential, they cant touch u :) 🙏
Don't you just love when, after they discard you and ignore you, treat you like they never loved you, replace you so fast you wonder if they hadn't already cheated with that person beforehand... they message you, blow up your phone, saying things like, "you could be a little responsive to me" or "I'm not some monster..."
As if the absolute HELL they put you through never happened and YOU'RE the one being unreasonable.
They're absolute paychos.
My family of narcs told me I was not wanted by them for years and when I decided ditto they said how rude I was for saying this and how hurtful I am.
@Kimberlinz Yes, it's amazing how "hurtful" we are when we have an appropriate response to their deeply hurtful attitudes and behavior.
your advice has been accurate to the exact pin point. I was the victim of a narcissistic family member and suffered from a toxic cycle of abuse and gas lighting for a long time. everything you've said has been 100 percent exact
.
The very same demon hops from one host to another- it’s happened to me 7 times since I went no contact from the first Covert Narcissist- They can’t approach you with the same skin suit- So they choose another- I could write a book
Holy shit. Yeah.... It's like you're marked to attract the demon. You're on to something here.
😂I want to thank you for your eloquent and amazing insight into the depth of cruel games the cunning narcissist plays so masterfully. I did no contact for six months ,so hard as he is my music teacher and he svengali like made me a great musician late in this life, quite remarkable ,was a childhood fantasy of mine ,I now play mandolin that he made as he is a master Craftsman of string instruments and us a multi talented genius,and I went back to study music again in his workshop ,I also love his daughter ,it's difficult but I go for the love of music and his magical daughter who I have loved since she was five years old,now 28,, and I have finally become my own best friend and most days I can handle the situation,your knowledge and insight has helped me keep on growing a better version of myself and staying with the medicine of music. Thank you for helping us. ❤
Are you saying that the demon follows you by getting into your new man? Does this mean that it leaves your narc when you leave the narc? It did appear that my ex was a hollow vessel when I saw him a couple of months after I left him. (At Kids for Christmas) After we got back together,, it seemed like just suddenly one day, the demon returned. You may be on to something...
Absolutely 💯 correct. I made the same assessment 10 years ago. I had 6 relationships and each one was like the last. Almost as if the jezebel demon went from one woman to the next by the way she acted, and the things she said. Quite spooky actually.
Two month whirl-wind relationship that had so many ups and downs it is borderline comical. Your words of how she is acting towards me are spot on and exactly how she is conducting herself.
Thank you so much for explaining this to me in words that I can understand and visualize. She had me so convinced that it is me with the issues and not her. She said: "I was a counselor for 18 years and you have the issues"... What a crock of crap! Thank you!
I've been with this woman on and off since meeting in college. We were even engaged long ago, but it always seemed to blow up. But we got together again thinking we should have married a long time ago, but it was when I realized she was a covert narcissist and alcoholic, I took it as long as I wanted to and our marriage was over within a year. She did the classic narcissist steps. To the "T". And when my mother died....she wasn't there. She was never there for me, but I was supposed to be there for her...and I was. Until I understood that it would NEVER be the way I'd hoped. She'll never be a good woman. NEVER. And I'll never go back to that.
The same thing happened with my ex girlfriend to a “T”. My dad was my world and she knew it and met my dad. She didn’t show up to his funeral. I just couldn’t believe it and she doubled down and said she didn’t regret not going. I should have left her that day but I loved this woman with everything in me. That was in February of this year. She broke up with me two months ago after all her single friends said I’m terrible and leave him. I haven’t look back. Do I have hard moments? Yes. But I have rebuilt myself emotionally, mentally and physically. I’m not the same man as I was before. Stay strong 🙏
Thank you Tamie, i always thought i was the problem this whole time but now i know better, im going no contact and putting the work in to heal my body and soul, no turning back. Whatever it takes.
We spend the precious years of our lives in a wait that they will be bringing something good to the table. But unfortunately it never happens.
Once we are awareness we have chance to see it for what it is-a Playbook
Exactly!
It absolutely happened in the exact order that you said word for word twice !
This is amazing, i found out that a dear relative I really loved and respected turned out to be a narcissistic person, and I was so blind i didn't see it, until I realized their behavior, after a hugh blow up and after being called so many ugly names, I cut them off, after this i had the chance to look back and see what was really going on, the pain is really keeping me grounded
I personally believe that if a narcissist cannot penetrate you, they discard you and move on to someone else who will.
I could almost predict behaviour as well.
At least they kised you S and that's a great relief ( 4 U)
Agree
No contact No longer care is the best revenge
Absolutely!
Wow, I'm going through this now. You nailed it. My MIL is an extremely charming covert Narcissist. And sadly my husband, who clearly is also a victim but can't see it, is her biggest enabler. He can't set boundaries with her. She gets her way at the expense of our marriage, of me. Because he has to be obedient to her, he is incapable of hearing me, validating me, and making me a priority. After 20 years of being gaslight and hurt by her, and then invalidated by him. Being treated like the monster and she's alwaysthe victim and having both my therapist AND my doctor tell me I have to stop seeing her, I finally stopped this year. It's causing great stress on my husband because she lays it on thick with him about me not coming. She's also using my 8 year old son to try to get me to come, by charmingly telling him she misses me. I'm holding strong, and I've done a ton of EMDR, but it's hard.
I was the ideal prey for her. I came to her broken, depressed, a good heart and people pleaser. I just got disowned by my borderline personality Mom, and lost everyone in my life.
Thank you for reinforcing what I already know, but need to be reminded to hold strong.
"I used to think that the worst thing in life was to end up alone. It's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone."-Robin Williams
Stay strong. I'm being pressured into mending the fences with my covert narc MIL. She twisted everything I've ever said and done into a big lie and something ugly. She is a nasty human being and I refuse to around her again. She's a bitter, resentful, horrible human being and I refuse to be manipulated by her ever again. It's been almost 6 months now, and just the other day, her son, ( my husband) comes back with one of her newest lies. After all this time! I think he actually believes her, but I didn't care anymore since I'm going no contact soon because he's as bad as her- a total covert narc. The two of them together is unbearable! Good riddance!
Yes. I have gone through this several times with my now x-husband . We were together for 32 yrs. Over and over he did this to me. This time I divorced him. But once again he is NOW MR PERFECT..Stop going to bars, stopped , drugs, his music, his cheating, supposedly. Now he is going to church every Sunday and Thursday and says he will become a better man for me. Not buying it this time. 😢
He could’ve made all these changes before he lost you and the only reason he’s doing all this now is so you won’t leave so he’ll never stick with it should u go back to him
Mine was going to church 4 days a week and then twice on Sundays.
That lasted a couple of months.
Then the days dropped off gradually and after 6 months wasn't even going on Sundays. It's all for show, just a scam!
They never, ever change!! Any changes in them will be temporary. And the older they get, the worse it gets. Run and don't look back!!❤
Unless a person is truly born again by surrendering their life to Jesus and going through a deliverance they won't change but all things are possible with God 🙏🏼
@wendyc5370 That's the trouble. They are too prideful and self-sufficient to truly surrender to God.
A year ago, I had to remove myself from a narcissist's life. They were a relative. After stealing money from me, she gaslit me and tried to blame me for her actions. She then began a smear campaign. Months after that, she started trying to use flying monkeys. Once nothing worked, she removed me from her friends on social media, opening the door for me to block her.
You should’ve blocked her the moment she stole from you!!!
I hope you’re doing well, now!
@kimrice6978 you're right, I should have. The reason I didn't is because she immediately launched an aggressive smear campaign. During that time, she was also sending me a blizzard of text messages that were incriminating and where she admitted to the theft. I needed that because she was telling other family members that I was lying. After she sent me the series of texts, I was hoping she would be so angry that she would continue sending them so I would have more evidence.
She triangulated my relationships with my grandfather and some other cousins, so I'm essentially a person non grata. In a strange twist, my grandfather participated in the theft, then lied about the fact that my cousin told him to steal the money. He and I had always had a good relationship, but since he felt like I exposed him, we became fully estranged.
One of the best explanations ever. Playbook.
I was married to a narcissist for almost 20 hrs. It was horrible. I've now been free for a yr and a half, completely no contact. Then a few days ago, he slipped through my guards and here he was vowing his undying love. I didn't talk to him , just left the area immediately and got beyond his reach. I happened to come across your video today about hovering. It has been a godsend.
So glad you watched it!! ❤️
Im ashamed to say i decided to believe a lie for 28 years.. 😢 but i finally build a safe around my heart.
100% true. When you are just fine, they will come and try to mess you again. It charges them. They are sick and discusting.
They burn bridges as they're growing old. Stay no contact and they'll find you boring
Yes, yes, and yes!
Thank you! I needed to hear this today. My father and mother are both narcissists. Got divorced when I was 3yo. Go figure, right?
I broke off contact with my father a few years back. After a decade of silence, I reached out to him, only to be questioned about how I got his phone number, then being lectured about all the things I needed to do. I wished him well and never bothered him again. He's on his third family anyway.
I'm 54 now and I just dumped my mother too. She's hated me since I was 4. I've been an empath all my life, so I know it's true. It's not even that she's never cared, she's always gone out of her way to make things worse whenever I was struggling. Every single time. Nothing like being kicked by your own mother when your down.
Sad thing is I was always a good, sensitive and respectful kid. I tried meds in 2005 (dumb) and I called her a fkn b!tch one day when she was criticizing my step father about his depression. It was necessary. Once I became a man I took shit from nobody. She was the last one I tolerated and those days are gone. Forever.
Feel bad for my stepfather. He's gotta live with her. No wonder he's depressed and still works 2 jobs at 73 to stay away from her. He's a great guy and has helped me out more than any blood relative I've ever known.
Never going back ❤ thank you
I actually LOL out loud when you said their dog and pony show. Omg i so know what you mean, subbed, great stuff.
I have had it happen. In 2012 met a woman and everything you describe happened. We broke up and she moved out of state. She tried to get me to bring her back, but I held the line. She remarried, and kept contacting me before and during her 6 year marriage. He divorced her, and you guessed it, she came running back to me. It lasted 9 months when the cycle you described happened verbatim. After I kicked her out after she lied and disrespected me, I realized that she is a narcissist, (with a drinking problem). I learned the hard way. She is now blocked in every way I can find, but you guessed it, she still tries to message me...when she's drunk,lol!
after 9 yrs they reached out on social media....can we start over "anew"....really??!! you will never get that same version of me again lol
Ever ever
He cut me off walked away let him. Keeping going ❤😊😊
The narcissist can be disguise as an Dismissive Avoidant.
Cheers
We all have a warrior inside of us, bring that side of you out and don’t let the narc break you, don’t ask why this is happening to you how about you use the mindset of why not me! I am built for this and I can over come this! Strength is key we all have the power, if I could do it you can do it too! Much love and God bless all who deal with this or has dealt with it, it might not be easy but with God behind you there is nothing you can’t over come!!
Amen!! ❤️
This channel has helped me tremendously at work. You are right that the narcissist can’t take being devalued.
So happy this is helping! You deserve to be in a healthy environment.
4 years of being discarded. I moved 6 times. Unreal.
Been there done that too many times with the same person. We even got married after the covid two year separation.. I was doing and looking good . Feeling good. Almost healed. The Bam.. we get married...! Barely lasted a year. Devaluation started right after the honeymoon 😮. Strict no contact now. She still pops up where I play music. One time with the new supply. I practice no reaction. No matter what. Play music and do what I love ❤️. Still healing. And grieving the relationship I imagine in my mind. It like taking another drink. I'm sober three years. It's not going to get any better.
If you're an artist you're a beautiful soul. Don't fall for it. Find soul as beautiful as yours.
Thank you Tamie for sharing! I cannot say it enough, your video's give me so much insight into the mind of a narcissist. I learn so much from your video's. You asked us to share a story of our own here in the comments. At age 34 (I am 59 years old now, time flies) I met this what appeared to be a very charming, intelligent man. After 18 months I came to the conclusion that this was not a man to build a future with (I saw through him in all those months and his behaviour, lying, etc.) so I stopped the relationship (he tried several times to win me back and I was devastated, because there were many "good things" too and I was in love with him), I did not fall for the hoovering tactic. And as you were talking about your own experiences (coming back after even a decade), he called me after eight years and asked me out for dinner (after a brief conversation on the phone), I said no and told him that I never wanted him to call me again. I was strong enough, because I knew it would mean heartache again.
@deborahbloem1325 Well done! Taking good care of ourself is not always easy or comfortable. Be proud! 💕
Hi Tamie! Wow, just wow! Awesome video. Everything you said is solid 100%. I ended up pulling the plug on a woman who I thought was a loving friend almost two years ago. We became close (or so I thought) about four years ago when I was a very easy target. I was a victim of emotional abuse and never knew it, because I didn't understand it. I have recently learned the heartless behavior of narcissist women towards wounded men, and she got me good. Things were going well, then, next thing I know, she was picking fights with me for no reason, telling me how bad I am and how she is God's gift to the world, and I fell for it. Everything was about her, and didn't care about my well being. She would constantly interrupt me, made me feel stupid, and even called me things no other woman has ever said to me before, and I'm 49. She used me as her emotional punching bag, and I foolishly took the punches. Calling me 3 to 4 times a day, everyday, because I know now that she burned her bridges with everyone in our area, and she is shunned. Notorious for canceling plans with me at the last min. So much so, I ended up making up excuses why I couldn't meet up with her for lunch or whatever. Then the lies, putting words in my mouth, ect. I was hurt. I finally had enough, and told her I'm done. She of course called me every name in the book, and I changed my number. Then I looked her up, and my jaw dropped. Burglary and ID, credit card theft. A business failure for playing games with the FTB. All within the last few years. Court documents say a lot. But I'm the bad guy according to her. I saw a recent picture of her, and I was seriously creeped out. She looks horrible. Gaunt, 1000 yard stare, scary. And sadly, she is only going to get worse. Karma. You can't put a price tag on a clean conscience. My wonderful people, please don't ever reconnect with someone like that. Done means done. If you do, you might as well go for a jog through a mine field. You might make it, but the odds are against you! Hugs to you Tamie from L.A. 🙏
He’s become even more obsessed. The fact that all I want is to be as far away from him as possible makes him even more of a sick stalker.
They can't stand rejection!
I heard if you leave them they can Hoover you back just so THEY can be the one to leave YOU.
The toxic abuse cycle happened on a biweekly if not weekly basis. It was making me sick, dependent and confused. Walking on eggshells, believing his version of reality. I lived in a blender, and for all the times I went back, I believed him with the promises and what seemed genuine kind acts. A high I was addicted to and dependent pick me up from the lows he caused. It was destroying me, and after years and years, I finally got away!!! The consequences are real, with every relapse. Promises and kind acts are fake, they train you to trust them to believe and sympathize with their victim stories making you responsible. No. I’ll never crack that door again.
So proud of you! ♥️♥️
I went through the same cycle. I’m out now 5 months and 3 months no contact. Getting better very slowly ❤
@@lisamoore9283 stay strong! Their tactics can seem genuine. Even today he tries and I have to keep ignoring. Draw into your strength and perfection, your ability to be alone and love yourself AS IS. They thrive on your confusion and kind, vulnerable heart to get you where they want you -- which is feeding them with no real true regard for you!! Stay strong 💕
Everything you said is 100 % true. Thank you for this video, I have been going trough the final stages of the smear campaign and this was my confirmation from TH-cam
Glad it was helpful!
Wow!!!! At 6:04 "They suddenly know how to apologize"!!
Nailed it!!
Ive been in this cycle for 6 years, last few months have been the worst of my life, to the point that it got physically and the police got involved. He obviously blamed me and said that he never did anything to me. So im currently in the discard, with a lot of pull-push behavior, but still saying he doesn’t want me because I disrespected him by bringing the police. This man would tell me im not enough everyday, made me work hard for him to be in a serious relationship with me but I was never enough. I feel so lonely, he created my identity and I allowed him. I dont think he will ever even try to pull me back in, and im so stupid for even wanting that to happen knowing my life is going to be hell again. Im just holding myself for those glimpses where he treated me good. My brain feels swollen
I went no-contact with my mom for four years. Two years into this, I had family members trying to hoover and shame me for my decision-they had no idea of the true reason I chose to go no-contact. So, the blame began. Now, in the fourth year, my mom calls me on my birthday, apologizing and asking me to come see her. I started to feel guilty about going no-contact, especially as she's getting older. I had to seriously reflect on my personal healing to determine if I truly wanted to consider a relationship with someone who never cared for me. I finally realized that I no longer desire a relationship with the mother who caused me so much pain. I know it’s the right decision for me, even though it hurts, and I’m never going back.
Miss Tamie, "you " are so so
RIGHT! Because we are from different countries and ethnicities, I believe you.
Otherwise, I would think that you have read my relationship
With my own daughter!
It took me decades to realize that she'd never change., just to reapiar again after 13 years
later stronger and worst and with a helper and a baby in tow. Full of promises the lasted for 3 days. After 45 years I quit. I'm done for good
exactly as you said. I pray that they are happy. Because I am and will never look back.
Thank you, thank you!
Aurora
❤
One of the best talks about this issue I’ve heard. And I’ve watched and read A LOT!
That means so much!! Thank you for watching! 💖
Never allow a narcissist access to you again under any circumstance, once you have decided to move on. Suddenly when they actually begin to panic because they still can't contact you, they will contact your family or friends to casually try to get them to contact you or some other dubious reasons why you need to call them immediately. First, you need to block their phone number or any other means they can use for access. Sometimes it will take months for them to restart the process of reaching out to you, but stay one step ahead. GOOD LUCK , you will need it
I never realized how much I lost myself with my ex narcissist. I gave up my friends and my family and basically my whole life for him. He isolated me from everyone. I finally got my smile, my laughter and my sense of humor back. I’m going out with friends again. I got my life back! Him discarding me was a blessing in disguise. I’m not bitter or angry anymore because now I have peace and calmness in my life and nothing is more wonderful than that!
I'm sooo glad that you are free and healing! 💗
You are a great help. You have been truthful, but the many months and years have been a total hell, and I will never go back to them, no contact. I do not
really need to explain, you have said everything clearly. It is a painful recycling and thank you. I am not perfect.
13 Years with a covert narcissist... I been thru it all!!!
Don't make it 14
@@thereallisa1 No I'm gone... No words for her
Wow. Always spot on. Love the red ❤
Thank you, Tamie. I needed this reminder of how far I've come but to also not allow that type of toxicity back into my life ever. Maintaining those boundaries can be challenging but so important😢
I'm admiring your lovely hair, so gorgeous ❤
My ex-fiancée tried to Hoover as I became more and more aloof and repelled by her insanity, but when I wrote her the Dear Jane letter stating flatly that I no longer saw a future with her, she became enraged at me. We never exchanged another civil word.
You’re a pro Tamie. Video is on point with the tactical methodology of the self-absorbed.
Going no contact with narcissistic family members is an extremely challenging and emotionally complex process, especially when it involves close relatives like a sister and father. This decision often brings a mix of guilt, grief, and isolation, as it can feel like an immense loss-not just of individuals but of the entire family unit you grew up with. It's not a straightforward path, and it’s definitely like everyone in your family simply "died." The emotional battle can be relentless, especially when you're left dealing with feelings of abandonment from loved ones, like a nephew who may think you deserted him.
When narcissistic abuse comes from within your family, the pain is compounded because it isn’t a clear-cut scenario of constant mistreatment; there are times when things felt okay, or even good while you grow up. Real-life relationships are nuanced and have ups and downs, which can make it harder to accept the need to sever ties. The grief from this can feel suffocating, particularly when people around you don’t seem to understand the weight of what you’re going through. You might even face backlash, being labeled as "over-sensitive" or a "troublemaker" for cutting off contact. The loneliness is intensified by a lack of external support, as friends or acquaintances may side with the abusers or misunderstand the situation, compounding the feeling of being the family scapegoat.
The narrative of narcissistic abuse in families isn't like the dramatized versions often seen in movies. Real life doesn’t wrap up neatly with clear villains and heroes, nor does it always get resolved in a way that provides closure. It’s a continuous struggle with no easy answers, where each day can bring a new wave of doubt or heartache. Yet, setting these boundaries is often necessary to reclaim your own peace, even if it means navigating a painful and lonely road for the rest of your life as most of us will not heal, that is the reality here, most people realize too late what domestic abuse is, what narcissistic gaslighting is, and leave too late, and when we do late no one around us supports us and we end up living alone for the rest of our days, understand that most women that divorce do not remarry if they had a very strong belief that marriage was something unique and holy to them, is over with and the ability to heal will not happen on its' own. Time does Not heal loss, is a total myth, you just loose bits and parts of you as you were and become a half-dead person no one cares to look after, and you live out your days like that, like a second-hand citizen....
Your experience is valid, and while it’s incredibly tough, know that you’re not alone in facing these struggles but also understand no one just comes and helps you up again either, and even people who try will fail as they have not been through what you are going through.
Do consider finding communities or support groups where people understand the complexities of Going No Contact with family due to narcissistic abuse. But understand is stigma around this, especially in health care where there is a law that they must help you with this, they still will not help you and they will shun any patient coming in with severe trauma from gaslighting and narcissistic abuse and violence
It’s a difficult path, but seeking support can make it more bearable and talking with people who can relate and tell you what happened to them, sometimes just listening to someone who has been through the same hell of evil families will make you saner, but do not over-share and do not make others over-share, is just hurting you and them more, but in a safe situation try it, go find any person with similar family history and ask them to share with you what happened to them and sit back and listen to what hearing this does to you, inside you when you understand you are not alone.
I suffered with narcissistic, even sociopathic relative since my youth, and until today, my life being threatened by attempts of murdering me, apart from rapping after forcing me to take drugs so i couldn't defend myself. It has been a big nightmare and i believe that only God has kept me alive and still hopeful. But i don't miss the monster, since i came to realize that's what he is. No humane feelings, no empathy, never feeling guilty, since those people don't know what that is. I tried to help when he really needed, cried and prayed for him, and now he doesn't even think about it. But you know? I don't feel lonely, i have my pets, they love me, i talk to them, they seem to understand. And i don't feel lonely because of going no-contact with pseudo-family. Better alone that in bad company, that's an old saying in my country. But you must try and make an effort to seek your well-being, do the things you like, etc, instead of thinking about an unfriendly family. Talk to God, to Jesus instead, He listens and cares. He knows what feeling rejection is. And look for a better life for you, with more peace and joy. Take care ❤
It must be terrifying if you've been abandoned by family when you've actually done nothing to them. I wonder if the abandonment is through jealousy? As a Christian, I realised that the separation was actually a preparation by the LORD who is getting ready to provide me and my son with another family through a divine marriage. It's the reason why I feel asexual until this good man is given. I only know he's Caucasian with a foreign accent (possible Mediterranean?). All disappointment is for the Lord's purpose and I don't run after family that turned their back on us for no good reason. That's their loss not mine.
@@StephanieMoran-hq4dz
The most disturbing part of my experience is not just the trauma itself but also the clear, documented failures of healthcare providers and social workers to address it appropriately. Psychologists, who were supposed to support me, outright ignored or twisted the facts of my case, refusing to document what I explicitly told them. Instead, they manipulated the narrative in ways that aligned with their political biases, intentionally minimizing the severity of my situation.
Social workers have similarly failed my nephew by disregarding clear evidence of abuse by my sister. Their focus seems exclusively on protecting her as a woman, neglecting the well-being of my nephew, his father, and myself. This isn’t just a feeling or perception-it’s a pattern of neglect and bias that has been consistently demonstrated through their actions and omissions.
The result is not just a lack of support but an active erasure of the harm done. Their reports and records deliberately exclude critical information, reducing my situation to trivial issues like "seasonal depression" or disregarding my nephew’s suffering altogether. These failures are systemic and deliberate, ensuring that we cannot access the help we genuinely need.
Therapy helps a lot! But still sometimes when you hear something about them or about all of the „love” they are giving to the new supply, it hurts really bad, and here you are, questioning your experience with this person, and automatically starting to put all of the blame on you, this ist just so exhausting, to constantly remind yourself that you know what you have been through and none of this is your fault ❤ 10 years of trauma bond in my case and still there is a huuuge wound in my mind 😢
I'm so sorry! Healing is a tough journey but you deserve a healthy and peaceful life!
They love you most when walking out the door . Arrogant wackos. Good Rids
@Shel-y5w Exactly!
This should be taught in school, it may have saved 48 years living in hope. My wife who I still love came from a fully dysfunctional family, I was lucky and had great parents. Now I have no one not even my 4 children yet I’m totally lost as to where the rot stated. I know now, I lived in hope while she termited my children
I'm so sorry. ❤️
I was discarded after 24 years out of the blue. Been through everything that you talked about in the video. It’s been 5 years and I have never tried to contact her. She has never contacted me. No texts or calls. I now know what I didn’t know!
Thank you for being here
@larrya3989 Thanks for tuning in, Larry! 😉
I’m living this experience ❤it’s new years eve and I’m so happy after a week, to have peace. I am anticipating hovering. Thank you so much for your insight.
You deserve a peaceful life!! 🩷
Your always spot on with each topic without repeating same 8 phrases to fill a video learning a lot
Thank you!! It's difficult to talk about the same topic for years and not repeat but there is so much we need to know about narcissistic abuse.
@@tamiemjoyce I appreciate both new and repeat... the repeat helps to reinforce and strengthen my healing journey! You're the best!
very well explained thank you , I'm currently in the full Smear campaign but have self healed enough to strongly hold no contact or via lawyers only , as shes after my house.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are strong!
Lol gotta love the hoover. 2 months after I finally got away from my parents dragging me into the courts because they wanted to use the Britney Spears Human Trafficking method on me they think they can just try and celebrate my birthday with me. They no longer knew my address so they tried contacting me via the phone. I held my ground said to not contact me or I'd get a restraining order. At which point the gaslighting started. But I blocked them and changed my number. But now if I need to go after that restraining order I have proof I told them not to contact me for the judge
@RenegadeDesigns Well done you for taking care of yourself. If you haven't read People of The Lie by Scott Peck, you should. It helped me make sense of the insidious/covert evil I was dealing with in my own family of origin. 💕
@@tamiemjoyce Thanks. I'm not sure if this is helpful for you. But I find that celebrating my No contact anniversaries is a good way to reinforce me not reaching out
This is my first time on your channel. I feel blessed that you popped up on my TH-cam!
Thank you ❤
@LisaJarvi-q7w Welcome, Lisa! So glad you're here!! 💕
When you don't care about the smear campaign, I will be the villain in the narcs story because he is the dusty clown in mine. That's top level. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
It resonates in my situation at work, don’t even know the person well , but she love bombed me hugs and praises , I started developing feelings for and took care of her needs before she even asks , one fine day she said that she wants to have just a co- worker relationship and I noticed she got close to another guy to make me jealous, but she always come to me and talk to me in intimate way , very puzzling- after listening to your talk , I am sure she fits into the Narcissistic personality!
They use their myriad of health conditions to gain sympathy and affection as well, Hypochondria is VERY common, so is dismissing your own injuries as " superficial " skillsawed twice, busted ribs , grinder metal rasp wheel to knuckle with bone exposed " go back to work babe you're ok " i mean I a tough bastard and heal fast but their fantasy and lacn of empathy is astounding.
I’ve dealt with so many narcissists throughout my life and they are the most predictable people. I know there tactics like the back of my hand. I can’t imagine having to live inside a mind so disorienting and so disruptive. Through continuous education and hyper awareness, I have mastered how not to engage and say anything negative back. They have arrested development. There name calling and game playing bounces off me like bullet proof glass it makes me smile and I’m sorry to all the narcs I walked away from that’s what non toxic people do, doesn’t mean I don’t feel sorry for them and wish them well but the mask will always slip. And I’ve proven it time and time again. They destroy any chance with there impulsive toxic mouths. It’s such a shame so so so sad..parents take care of your children’s mental health get them help to navigate through any traumas .
Hey Tammy! Cannot wait for these signs that they are going through it...not that I want to punish them, of course! No! Solely because the same signs are indications to me that I am making progress getting away...