I'm 9 months into feminems and have been correctly read as a woman whenever I go out. People don't seem to be perceiving me as a guy anymore, and that's a good thing. I hated running on testosterone so much that it wasn't funny. Running on estrogen and Spyro the Dragon has been great so far and I look forward to the female road ahead. There is no going back to that male hell for me.
I relate so hard to the difference in how women treat you publicly. It was insane to me at first, and I thought maybe there was something wrong with me but then I realized that they aren't perceiving me as a man anymore.
My family mis-genders me all the time to the point where I can't do things with them in public. My son's however are great. Thankfully being mis-gendered in public rarely happens anymore (25 years since transition) but boy it's a crusher when it does happen. And you are so right about women's reactions. I quickly found out that there is a sort of secret feminine handshake in the woman to woman smile. I love that. :) (ps glad I found your channel. Some of the most interesting thoughts I've heard. I live stealthy for the most part and having your voice has helped me since there is no one to talk to. So thanks!) - Lauren
@Miss Cute Hello there Miss Cute! It's probably not so secret but it did surprise me at first. Guys walk past each other while quite often women look at other women and smile at each other. I read back when I transitioned that you might think you were getting clocked but in truth it was just a thing we do. It's kind of nice I think? :) I'm sorry about your Mom hon. Just to make you feel better mine was dead set against it too and I was 46 years old. LOL! Mine even wrote letters to my doctors and it was so embarrassing. Eventually she came around but it took time. Maybe it will be the same for you eh? Huggs to you! - Lauren
I'll talk to you love! I'm M2F as well. You can find me on my old, male Facebook profile at facebook.com/jeremy.stone.5876 If you want to talk to someone else like you! Plus, then you can reach me on messenger too. I welcome any & all transgender women who want a friend, to reach out to me. I'm always looking to meet more girls like us, and I want to build a Trans Support Club or Team, so WE can feel more empowered! I LOVE ALL of you ladies!!! 😘😘😘
Being 3 months into HRT now and just starting to present as myself I decided to start using my new name and gender prior to the presentation change. I've noticed that it has been most difficult for the people that know me the longest. I get misgendered and dead named probably more often than correctly identified. I am trying to be patient though, I know they are fighting years of conditioning and the new need memories and neural pathways created to really recondition themselves. I know my lack of even a work-in-progress voice makes it difficult. I don't know at what point I should start correcting them. I feel its a little unfair to start now...
Start now! Now is better. Yes, it may seem unfair but don't do that to yourself. Just remind them gently, be patient like you said and it'll all work out.
I’m not trans, just really gay, but I’m getting so much from this channel about how I should walk through life and how I should move and Interact (like the example you gave about standing your ground through text) like thank you sm 💕
hell yeah Chase! I'm really glad you get me Chase, cause it's not really for trans people it's for everyone. I just broach trans topics cause that's for the algorithim.
"I feel like I'm still the older version of myself..." Yep! For those individuals that have already internalized my identity, they have already moved on. I feel like I'm the one dragging this dead body around. I also definitely agree that that "closer" people misgendering me tends to be a bit more hurtful. I loved this video! As always, Ashley, you rock! Also, I'm curious if, and how, you handle the jealousy of not being a cis-woman?
I realized me misgendering myself hurts more than anything. So after recently finding my honesty. My flowerpower I am finding more and more being someone else’s expectations of flower breaks all of my heart. Not just the angry external sense of self. Or the hurt sad internal sense of self. Having abandoned my internal flower power I experienced the pain of two lifetimes already. And that makes me smile today friends. Yin has yang so imma get my sunlight and water. Imma embrace my flowerpower in my tummy. I realized I didn’t paas for MY flower. So I’ve been fighting for a lifetime already. Just in the dark. Just in the lonely. Just without an ally. Today I can honestly tell you. I am me. And my flowerpower just wants to bring my internal and external self. Back into a single self. Until death do they part. A self marriage. Folks! This flower gets 2 weddings :) one inside. To have one outside somewhere some how. Flowerpower in my tummy knows it’s there. Somewhere. Only rule is you gotta live that best, all humans gotta live that best for them. It just feels so goood!
I love how you were so clear and honest about your experiences and internal dialogue. You are right, when it comes to the bluntness being rare in cis women and how it catches people off guard. I've known a few blunt cis women and they can either come off cowgirl-ish, argumentative or just truth-speaking. The last one is tricky, in my opinion, because I've noticed that lots of cis guys interpret the cis woman's truth-speaking as being arrogant or holier-than-thou. I've definitely found the change of attitude from cis women as I have been expressing myself more and more feminine. Though, I would agree being yourself is always the best policy, cis or trans. Live your truth, Ashley!
This topic was so deep and I truly delight in your awareness and insight, especially as it pertains to the unique nuances of navigating life as a trans woman. Thank you.
Really loving these video's Ashley. I am AMAB but identify as non binary, skewing towards feminine identity and presentation. Thankyou for sharing your journey...
The part about the different between misgendered by close friends/family versus by strangers really resonated with me because I think I've said the same thing almost word for word😅
If a transitioner can't find the strength to believe in and validate themselves, there is NO amount of external validation that will offset low self esteem, despair, and depression. MY experiences (sparse 28 years) tells me that absolutely no transitioner should be explaining anyone until they have a SOLID 3 - 5 years under your belt BECAUSE you will go through so many permutations and evolutions that if you paid attention and were true to yourself, when you look back you will be INCREDULOUS at how far you have become, yet you should still be the same person. If you are being your "authentic" self
It's worse when a person I know misgenders me, which doesn't happen too often anymore. When someone in public misgenders me its easier but is till jarring. I feel like I'm pretty stoic, social interaction became harder for me (misgendering, dead-naming, etc.) at the beginning of my transition it's made me mistrustful, but I'm working on being more relaxed. Not because anyone is forcing me to be any certain way but because that's the woman I want to be.
Oh i relate so much to what you said about being surprised about being gendered correctly. I'm passing really well now, but i also labled myself as non-binary before and got misgendererd alot then and early in my transition. Now i'm 1,5 years on hormones and i'm suddenly passing and never really get misgendered by strangers. So sometimes I'm still surprised when i get gendered correctly, even tho i shouldn't be because I don't really look like a men anymore. But especially on days when i'm dysphoric i'm always surprised that i don't get gendered correctly. I thought it's just me and noone else experiences it. But also about misgendering in general: I don't really care about it anymore. But it's definitly worse when it comes from strangers than from people i know.
I know what you mean! It's like, we have opinions and strong feelings, and it's difficult to make those opinions known without "sounding" masculine or threatening; like we should almost be more submissive, less opinionated to be validated as being women/feminine. ... Believe me! I'm an underground miner! I work with nothing but men! And as a transwoman, I'm constantly asking myself, "Is this something a lady would say/think? Is this something that will make me seem less like a woman?" ... Opinions and thinking can sometimes be the burden of intelligence :(
It's always so fascinating to get other perspectives on this. I've been transitoning MtF for a little over a year and I find it funny how the lens can be flipped. If a relative get's my pronouns wrong, it's a slip of the tongue, or someone who isn't going to accept this. When a stranger get's it wrong I think "What am, I doing wrong, I thought I got all the steps right". When it came to talking to women, not gonna lie I found them intimidating. I was worried if I spoke wrong, or looked at one wrong I was going to get in deep trouble. As such I was the cold one to them. However in transitioning, I didn't know women could be this great. Highschool me would be eating his heart out if he know how many "girlfriends" I have now. I'll end with what you said about being born cis. I was very closed off, rarely ever telling anyone what was wrong, or what problems I was having. Being trans crazy enough has made me blunt. I tell it like it is now, weather it's having a bad day, or thinking something is a bad idea. I would never trade this experience for anything. I feel I not only understand myself now, but it's so much nicer to have self love then just standing who I am. Great Video!
Great subject, Ashley, as you've said, you have seen the bridge from both sides. I can see this being complicated, we cis folks can't, for the most part, fathom the challenge of mentally transitioning genders. So many refer to the "trapped in the wrong body" narrative, but I feel that's a blanket statement and likely doesn't come near what many trans folks experience. We like to think we know ourselves better than anyone else, hopefully that's mostly true. On the texting (versus sexting) thing, it's one thing if two people have been intimate versus two that haven't. A lot of men (and some women) don't realize that without prior experience with a person, it comes off as cold if not weird. That's not to say that flirting is necessarily bad, but you know, be tasteful when first getting to know each other. I guess it comes down to respect and that old treat others as you would be treated thing. Thanks
This is a video I think I may have to watch several times. My circumstances are different to yours in that I’m older and I don’t pass. Also I’m married. Similar in that I am coming up to my third anniversary on HRT. It’s funny that I’m experiencing a lot of what you’re talking about but it’s uniquely me. Do you know what I mean? I had a difficult conversation with my wife because she continues to dead name and misgender me. But as she said she can’t see me as Jackie. I appreciate her honesty. Last week at a Zoom support meeting, I actually saw the woman in me. Gasp! I told this to another trans person. She said she’d been seeing me as a woman for sometime. Second gasp! Talk about mixed messaging. It gets confusing don’t you think? We have to sort so many pieces out in comparison to cis folk.
Everyone has different perceptions and projections! And your wife has seen you a certain way for so long that it may takes years to recalibrate. It's like seeing the details in your face in the mirror you hone in on certain traits and it takes time to recalibrate.
@@AshleyxAdamson so true. I'm experiencing the same with my wife. She misgender me and tell me i'm still the Man of her life . On a different sight. Since im on hrt and have body changes our relationship evoluating she love me more than before and had never been happier.🌺🌺
Hi, I'm a cis-woman, I really appreciate your channel, you provided me with so much insight. I like to talk about expressing opinion as a woman, from what I understand, woman have been using softer tone and less blunt ways to speak to man (especially) out of self-preservation. Unfortunately this world is still misogynistic, woman with opinion are seen as bossy, too aggressive. In order to be heard and not be shutdown in a man dominated environment, woman tends to develop the skill to protect man's ego while expressing themselves. Personally that's not something that I want to reinforce, but I understand how in some situation that skill set is needed.
I totally agree with you Grill! I'm really pleased to hear it's helpful to a cis woman too! Honestly I'd like to expand beyond trans only topics in the future. it is nuanced cause being trans already makes it more complicated 🤷🏻♀️
@@AshleyxAdamson Thanks for replying, I think the topic of exploring what womanhood is belongs to anyone who identify as a woman (and those who society will see as woman, therefore also impacted by the idea of what womanhood is). I'd love to see more discussion about the line between reaffirming gender stereotype (wether you think it's harmful or not) and finding your place as a woman.
Hello, Amazing video. I have put my transition in pause after I got FFS. I've been living in kinda in between for two years. Looking like an androgynous not so young teenager. And you make me think : I feel like I'm not confident enough to really assume my feminity. But maybe it's also that i can't completely let go that "three" part of who I was, that was so painful to build, but still feels safer. Thank you for your work.
Yyaass.. love the way you explained the balancing act between the two you as you first transitioning.. helped me understand how to explain to family better
4:12 i feel like this very direct but friendly style of delivery is the best. also, some men suffer a lot from having to decipher hints and indirect communication. many might actually appreciate the more blunt approach, as long as it's not invalidating and condescending. this message sounds... mature and trustworthy.
Hello ashley. I think if someone is insecure when reaching out someone or trying to make friends or just greeting anyone comeing from an insecure and or needy space , chances are that people percieve one as creepy or weird or simply pathetic or even worst mentaly chalenged regardles of gender , aperance or etnic background. on the other hand if a secure cheerful in to your cool what ever you´re in to thing thing that you do then you are ON THEN YOU GLOW and lets not forget that mood is contageous we exale feromones and also release them thru the skin. so anyway to achieve this state of secureness and joy is first of all and most important is to have love in our hearts and love our selves and be good at something, something you realy enjoy doing find your talents wich with out a doubt you have many and polish them with love and pasion and not only will you gain self security you´ll develope character and why not? inner beauty that shines thru turning you in to a high value person capeable to achieve anygoal you put your mind to because you deseve it and also because the spirit of god is within us and the sky is the ilimit kiddo and dont forget to count your blessings so take care and take it easy babe 🎈🎈bye now
Being misgendered is hell. I am pretty passing now and 99% of the people are gendering me correctly. But yesterday a lady misgendered me. Fuk how bad I felt.
Hi Ashley, your comments on being blunt resonated with me. I'm the type that didn't have gender clarity at a young age so stereotypical trans stories don't really connect with me; maybe you can relate. A big part of why I love hearing your thoughts and process is because of your story and how you bluntly[clearly] tell it. You might not think of yourself as a role model, but to me you are!
Hi Ashley, love your personality and your channel as well! :) Also, because for the past week or so I'm obsessively watching your videos, I would like to tell you, that your FFS came out as truly perfect! You look exactly like the same person as before, yet somehow enhanced? If you haven't shared info about surgery I don't know if I would guess you'd undergone it. Effects are really natural, and you look great! :) And I can't stress enough how beautifully spiritual and mindful you are in trans-related topics. I'm 15 months on HRT now, just turned 20 two weeks ago, and your words really hit home - in a most positive way possible. Thank you for that. :) Could you please make a video about safety aspects of hookups and dating? I'm looking forward to start meeting men, but feel like I have to be much more careful now as a woman, especially as of trans experience. I live in Poland, so it's pretty tough with all hatred that is thrown at LGBT community, so that definitely adds another layer of concern as well. Any tips? :) Thank you again for just being here, for being so beautifully yourself and for sharing your experiences and views. Surely going to stay for good around here. :) Wishing you all the best, stay safe!
Misgendering for me hurts whether it be from co-workers, family or strangers. It just feels like whenever I am misgendered, there is this aha moment where other people around murmur, point and start slandering me. I have felt as though there is a spotlight on, like there was this big reveal that was waiting to happen. Anything that brings unwanted attention to being misgendered like my dead name, hairstyle and makeup fails, it really triggers me because where I stay temporarily I have to be very careful and cannot afford ANY mistakes.Thankfully I have employment, so that will help me to be able to leave the state of Texas very soon!
In the beginning I was surprised when treated as a woman. In fact it made me a little uncomfortable. Then something changed and I not only stopped feeling uncomfortable when treated as, spoken to as or referred to as a woman but I began to accept and then like being treated as a woman. I genuinely prefer being passive where I was once opinionated. For me it is a nicer place to be. Thank you Ashley for your lovely channel xx
The expressing yourself part gave me such a sense of exhaustion; I understand what you were referring to. It is an aspect of emotional labor that manifests as tempering and regulating what you say and how you say it to manage the reactions and feelings of those around you. It's something taught so young and expected regardless. It's the reason for bossy and harpy and other similar things. I understand how it is something on your mind, it's just interesting how the idea caused me to recoil and feel genuine dread and frustration. Oh ho ho, gender roles.
Wow how down to earth! One of my biggest struggles as a married cis male that wants to be a trans girl is overcompensating my feminine role, when I get a chance to act on it. I'm guessing I do this just because I rarely get to let loose and when I do I'm extra as hell! How inspiring you are to show how to just stick to the basics and just be the girl you want to be the extra attitude and far fetched realities of some kind of feeling lay within the tasks of becoming the woman you actually want to be.
I only recently started seriously transitioning (still not seen doctors, waiting lists running into many months...) but doing the social transition already. I still lead somewhat of a double life as a result, though I've presented as female online (mostly) for over a decade now at work I'm a guy (though dressing in feminine styled unisex clothes, and with some light makeup and better shaven than any of the others) while away from work I ever more present as a woman. For me though, I don't mind about what people call me at the moment as long as it's polite because I'm fully aware that past a very cursory glance I'm recognisable as male. Public bathrooms are starting to become somewhat ambiguous though. I don't feel comfortable forcing my presence on women in the women's bathroom because of how I look, but starting to feel uncomfortable going to the men's room because of how I feel. I can be extremely blunt as well, but it being expected of people where I live that doesn't have to be a problem. Being a quite submissive personality as well makes it I guess easier to fit in as a women, as I tend to avoid dominance games, office politics, and things like that like the plague. So far everyone I've told I'm transitioning has been supportive, which is good. But the hard ones are still to come, my bosses and brother in law (I'm sure my sister will be supportive, I'm in fact reasonably sure she's been suspecting I might be trans for some years. I have no other family, we're the last ones alive).
I’m obviously oblivious to the “secret girl handshake”, but I can only say one thing: The road to happiness can only be through self acceptance. If people do not want to accept you for who you are, let it be their problem and not yours. May all the beautiful souls reading this have a blessed day.
13:28 😄👍 thanks for not editing the confused pause out! that's just another little help you gave me in my struggle against perfectionism and towards self-acceptance. 🤔 innit cool how helpful things crop up in most unexpected places sometimes
omg i feel the same around men i do the same thing lol. sometimes i’m like cis men think i’m going to be sweet and nice and i feel like it’s unexpected and weird when i react a certain way. also for myself it’s hurts more when strangers misgender me than close people. if their family that knew me my how life i wouldn’t mind cause their kinda used to it (saying dead name for years until i came out) but for strangers it hurts cause i feel like i’m not passable. but that might change through the years honestly
Thanks for the video! 😁 Loved the tree analogy! I don't know if you've traveled yet anywhere besides Europe, but I'd definitely be interested on a video with tips while traveling trans, if there's anything extra to look out for. I'm not very far in my transition right now, but I plan on traveling Australia/Asia for a year, a couple years from now.
Is interesting to video for the explaining learning to be a woman on the transition that's excellent with the experience, you're so happy and wonderful
I can understand the thought process on being too blunt with men, but as others say the men can deal with it. If they can't then my guess is you may not want to be with them? For me I was closeted for so many years and dressed and practiced in private. So when I finally got the nerve to go out of the house I never have been misgendered by someone that didn't know me before. Now that I have transitioned I still haven't had issues. I do have a similar issue when people use correct pronouns. It is funny now at work (on Zoom calls for the last year) when people say "she" or "her" I do sometimes think "who are they talking about ... oh wait that is me". Hopefully that will go away some day? Apparently I am different than most, but I always seemed to be acutely aware of how threatening men are to females. Even when was young I was alway afraid to smile at women or say something nice because I knew they would view that as creepy. In fact I would probably go too far the other way and women may have thought I was very unfriendly because I would try not to engage with them. Actually now that is causing me problems as a women. Much of that is still engrained in me and other women may think I am an unfriendly woman. So I have to work on that.
I used to hate that from women but now they smile cuz they see a woman. And this i am getting used to because i was so convinced i was a man that this treatment is helping me with my desire to pass. Adopting more fem mannerisms and it is feeling more natural like thats what i should be. TRANSITION IS A TOTAL PROGRESSIVE PROCESS!!
14:57 i might be already annoying to some with my sudden Hegel references, but that bit here is crucial! that's how that Aufhebung of his works - the thing gets integrated in a progressive way by getting negated. negation is a creative form of inclusion, it's not at all like going back to when the thing wasn't there, it's more like using the negated thing to propel further from. you sound practically as if you were inspired by his thoughts sometimes 🤔 is that the case?
I get most of my dysphoria from observing the differences in the ways women treat each other and the way they treat me. Along with unsupportive family, its been very difficult to find any validation. And it is easier to act as a man, because it's all I've known. So in order to get proper social validation I have to give myself dysphoria by acting like a man. Vicious cycle. The only way I'm breaking it is, in private, while I save up to access gender care resources, I am just trying to develope some alternate identity that's feminine that I can fall upon when I need to display an identity. I'm trying to go back and enjoy girly shoes and books that I was too ashamed to look at in the past. I found there was lots of feminine things I was interested in, but my sense of shame around wanting to be a girl runs very deep and is very old. It sounds dumb and insignificant, but while I am here, stuck in waiting, all I can do to give myself hope for a future is read shoujo, listen to Taylor Swift, and try to feel emotions that I have never let myself feel before. I also feel cringe feeling giddy and having emotions and stuff, but cringing at myself, whincing in embarrassment because people will think I am feminine, it is the feeling that stopped me from watching The Little Mermaid when I was very young. It's been hurting me my whole life. And it is also evidence that I am feminine and have been my whole life. It's a fear response, it's a coping mechanism, its me trying to survive, aware of the fact that I wanted to be a girl, for as long as I can remember.
When I was young and people thought I was a girl I got annoyed but as a teenager I just used to joke and say you know im one of the girls then recently I got mistaken for a women and told I was beautiful and thats when I realised it just felt right now im getting the therapy to maybe transition ive done a photo shoot as a women and I look great so im hoping to transition and get hrt but I need to know thats the right journey for me cos I want kids but yes as a child I got annoyed as a adult I love being called a girl 👧 or she and her
You have been sooo helpful, I will continue to watch all your videos on my path to womanhood, It has been great in so many ways of insight and our cultural pitfalls and what to expect. I found female affirmations help reprogram the subconcousness like nina dreams and sweet and easy (youtube). Bedtime and Morning.
Probably the wrong person to ask as I'm on the autism spectrum as well as the gender spectrum. If they know I'm non binary femme (AMAB) and they make anti trans / anti affirming comments it casuses a lot of dysphoria. When I get complimented on my nails for example it feels so euphoric....
This is thought-provoking. Do you think being raised a lad gave you more sense that you could be forward and own your words? Because I think coming up girl (if that's the way to put it
I wanna pass and I guess it gets to me more when a stranger misgenders me. Family gendered me the other way for so long I understand it takes a bit to get use to but that will change if they misgender after some time.
This only applies if you pass. If nobody sees you as or treats you as a woman then no matter what you do none of how you "change yourseld" matters , because they still see you as a man. I know this....because I dont pass and I've never really experienced what it feels like to be a "woman". People still treat me like they used to and nothing has really changed. I have only experienced being "seen as a woman" ONCE in a very dark club. Let's just say, when the lights came on, the guy i was chatting with gave me the dirtiest look. Women still see me as a threat too and nothing has really changed in how they interact with me. If anything its gotten worse. Like they now see me as a deviant predator. Instead of just a regular "dude" who they have to keep at arms length until they're attracted to you.
Personally I feel people close to me will always see me as he/him while people I will meet will see me as she/her (unless they see past my makeup and hair)
Deep as always Ashley, love it! I'm coming up on 5 years fulltime, 6 years HRT. The longer I go, the more natural everything is. Voice has been a battle, but after wondering around a bit, I've tackled it with a teacher who knows resonance. It was the last barrier to me feeling totally comfortable. After a while all the male stuff gets more and more foreign. Funny you talking about being blunt. The longer I go, the less blunt I find that I become. Maybe because I'm more laid back and enjoying being me. I do call people out for misgendering. In a humorous way! It's the most effective way of doing it without someone getting defensive. I do think that newer transitioners shouldn't under estimate the importance of voice, even if you don't present as well as you would like. It is so important to becoming comfortable. Do resonance work, screw the total emphasis on pitch. Oh crap, I think I was just blunt! HEEHEE!
I'm misgendered on a daily basis. The biggest misgendered comes from my family not only don't they gender properly but they use my birth name. They won't use my chosen name or pronouns. Also a few people I play cards with and gym people keep misgendering me and using birthname It hurts more when people I know misgendered me then a stranger
I love who you are. Women are not necessarily more eloquent. You are also more feminine then many CIS women I’ve know so I don’t understand why someone would misgender you unless it’s because they knew previously and are conditioned over time. Clearly they’re not paying attention because You!, are without a doubt a sexy female. You will break a lot of hearts. Im happy for you.
I get misgendered on the phone all the time but rarely in public by strangers. Some friends still “slip” and it does cross my thoughts that they don’t really “get it”, I think you have to just reaffirm it and if it keeps happening then maybe it’s time to move on. ❤️😬
I find it more distressing when I’m misgendered by a stranger than by someone I know. A stranger is seeing me for the first time and is therefore developing an initial impression. These are often most genuine. Someone I know may use the wrong pronoun, not because they choose to not affirm my gender, but rather via accident, out of habit. It all comes down to perception.
I don't think your text with the guy was at all blunt. It is important to establish your boundaries up front with someone you don't know well. Especially when dealing with somewhat younger guys, it is good to let them know you're not interested in going the "quick and easy" route early in the game. Don't worry, you weren't being a bitch! :)
Regarding pronouns, if a trans woman presents as a woman, for instance, she is wearing a dress and heels, even if her features don't quite pass, it is positively rude to address her as "him." If you need to use pronouns, choose the correct one if you wish to be polite. If you are wearing dirty jeans, sneakers and a shabby pullover, and your hair is hidden under a hat, it might be difficult to assess your gender, and you need to be ready to accept whatever is thrown at you.
I'm non binary and my pronouns are she, her, they, them and I really don't care if most people misgender me. But if you know me or have my name and pronouns on file like in a professinal setting. I get really pissed of it really hurts
You're just to the point , why beat around the bush you know what you want lady why beat around the bush . "?" there is know masculine or feminine way to put that, maybe if you put hun, or dear and or sweetie might soften it a little next time only buy choice not by necessity .
Sweetheart, opinion related mannerisms are not gender unique. Being blunt isn't the same as being aggressive 🙃. Also I love being called SHE and I don't really care what others think so long as they treat me with respect.
I feel like gender is fluid and male and female are two things and physically based and the third is like sissy or trans as a whole gender itself. Because facts still exist right so, a person with penis and boobs and a personal present of individual is like it's own gender I guess. But still male cane make baby if in female. And so in fact no trans is female cuz no womb. Get a womb and make babies and facts will conform only barely cuz still a fact is that you are a person who becomes able to make babies and not a baby maker. Two genders are physical. Male and female. Facts are facts. Regardless. I am a male and want boobs. And want to present feminine. Despite my very masculine parts. Because in reality all of us are none of the words or presentations we have. We are all the same central core self and be what we please and are only born how we are and are as well are and can sort of do whatever we want
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I'm 9 months into feminems and have been correctly read as a woman whenever I go out. People don't seem to be perceiving me as a guy anymore, and that's a good thing. I hated running on testosterone so much that it wasn't funny. Running on estrogen and Spyro the Dragon has been great so far and I look forward to the female road ahead. There is no going back to that male hell for me.
I'd love to be you!
I relate so hard to the difference in how women treat you publicly. It was insane to me at first, and I thought maybe there was something wrong with me but then I realized that they aren't perceiving me as a man anymore.
Yaaaas!!!
My family mis-genders me all the time to the point where I can't do things with them in public. My son's however are great. Thankfully being mis-gendered in public rarely happens anymore (25 years since transition) but boy it's a crusher when it does happen. And you are so right about women's reactions. I quickly found out that there is a sort of secret feminine handshake in the woman to woman smile. I love that. :) (ps glad I found your channel. Some of the most interesting thoughts I've heard. I live stealthy for the most part and having your voice has helped me since there is no one to talk to. So thanks!) - Lauren
@Miss Cute Hello there Miss Cute! It's probably not so secret but it did surprise me at first. Guys walk past each other while quite often women look at other women and smile at each other. I read back when I transitioned that you might think you were getting clocked but in truth it was just a thing we do. It's kind of nice I think? :) I'm sorry about your Mom hon. Just to make you feel better mine was dead set against it too and I was 46 years old. LOL! Mine even wrote letters to my doctors and it was so embarrassing. Eventually she came around but it took time. Maybe it will be the same for you eh? Huggs to you! - Lauren
I feel like it's just a "hey I see you there girl, keep on doing you!"
I'll talk to you love! I'm M2F as well. You can find me on my old, male Facebook profile at
facebook.com/jeremy.stone.5876
If you want to talk to someone else like you! Plus, then you can reach me on messenger too. I welcome any & all transgender women who want a friend, to reach out to me. I'm always looking to meet more girls like us, and I want to build a Trans Support Club or Team, so WE can feel more empowered! I LOVE ALL of you ladies!!! 😘😘😘
Yes, I am very glad I found this channel too.
Being 3 months into HRT now and just starting to present as myself I decided to start using my new name and gender prior to the presentation change. I've noticed that it has been most difficult for the people that know me the longest. I get misgendered and dead named probably more often than correctly identified. I am trying to be patient though, I know they are fighting years of conditioning and the new need memories and neural pathways created to really recondition themselves. I know my lack of even a work-in-progress voice makes it difficult. I don't know at what point I should start correcting them. I feel its a little unfair to start now...
Start now! Now is better. Yes, it may seem unfair but don't do that to yourself. Just remind them gently, be patient like you said and it'll all work out.
I've been watching transgender woman-related videos throughout this week and this one is as good as any. Probably better. It's so insightful.
the more you know me/I know you, the more expectations I have of you/myself in regards to the relationship.
I’m not trans, just really gay, but I’m getting so much from this channel about how I should walk through life and how I should move and Interact (like the example you gave about standing your ground through text) like thank you sm 💕
hell yeah Chase! I'm really glad you get me Chase, cause it's not really for trans people it's for everyone. I just broach trans topics cause that's for the algorithim.
"I feel like I'm still the older version of myself..." Yep! For those individuals that have already internalized my identity, they have already moved on. I feel like I'm the one dragging this dead body around. I also definitely agree that that "closer" people misgendering me tends to be a bit more hurtful. I loved this video! As always, Ashley, you rock! Also, I'm curious if, and how, you handle the jealousy of not being a cis-woman?
I have the jealousy topic actually on my list, i'll have to make it! Thanks for reminding me!
I realized me misgendering myself hurts more than anything. So after recently finding my honesty. My flowerpower
I am finding more and more being someone else’s expectations of flower breaks all of my heart.
Not just the angry external sense of self.
Or the hurt sad internal sense of self.
Having abandoned my internal flower power I experienced the pain of two lifetimes already. And that makes me smile today friends.
Yin has yang so imma get my sunlight and water. Imma embrace my flowerpower in my tummy. I realized I didn’t paas for
MY flower. So I’ve been fighting for a lifetime already. Just in the dark. Just in the lonely. Just without an ally.
Today I can honestly tell you.
I am me. And my flowerpower just wants to bring my internal and external self.
Back into a single self.
Until death do they part.
A self marriage.
Folks! This flower gets 2 weddings :) one inside. To have one outside somewhere some how. Flowerpower in my tummy knows it’s there. Somewhere.
Only rule is you gotta live that best, all humans gotta live that best for them. It just feels so goood!
I love how you were so clear and honest about your experiences and internal dialogue. You are right, when it comes to the bluntness being rare in cis women and how it catches people off guard. I've known a few blunt cis women and they can either come off cowgirl-ish, argumentative or just truth-speaking. The last one is tricky, in my opinion, because I've noticed that lots of cis guys interpret the cis woman's truth-speaking as being arrogant or holier-than-thou.
I've definitely found the change of attitude from cis women as I have been expressing myself more and more feminine. Though, I would agree being yourself is always the best policy, cis or trans.
Live your truth, Ashley!
This topic was so deep and I truly delight in your awareness and insight, especially as it pertains to the unique nuances of navigating life as a trans woman. Thank you.
oh yay! Im glad it was really helpful :)
Really loving these video's Ashley. I am AMAB but identify as non binary, skewing towards feminine identity and presentation. Thankyou for sharing your journey...
The part about the different between misgendered by close friends/family versus by strangers really resonated with me because I think I've said the same thing almost word for word😅
woooahh! Thats sooo cool! Right on sis!
If a transitioner can't find the strength to believe in and validate themselves, there is NO amount of external validation that will offset low self esteem, despair, and depression.
MY experiences (sparse 28 years) tells me that absolutely no transitioner should be explaining anyone until they have a SOLID 3 - 5 years under your belt BECAUSE you will go through so many permutations and evolutions that if you paid attention and were true to yourself, when you look back you will be INCREDULOUS at how far you have become, yet you should still be the same person. If you are being your "authentic" self
It's worse when a person I know misgenders me, which doesn't happen too often anymore. When someone in public misgenders me its easier but is till jarring.
I feel like I'm pretty stoic, social interaction became harder for me (misgendering, dead-naming, etc.) at the beginning of my transition it's made me mistrustful, but I'm working on being more relaxed. Not because anyone is forcing me to be any certain way but because that's the woman I want to be.
Oh i relate so much to what you said about being surprised about being gendered correctly. I'm passing really well now, but i also labled myself as non-binary before and got misgendererd alot then and early in my transition. Now i'm 1,5 years on hormones and i'm suddenly passing and never really get misgendered by strangers. So sometimes I'm still surprised when i get gendered correctly, even tho i shouldn't be because I don't really look like a men anymore. But especially on days when i'm dysphoric i'm always surprised that i don't get gendered correctly. I thought it's just me and noone else experiences it.
But also about misgendering in general: I don't really care about it anymore. But it's definitly worse when it comes from strangers than from people i know.
Omg your videos help me so much. I'm happy you're so open and blunt. It actually helps my confidence grow a bit. Thank you 🤗🤗
I'm so glad!
I do not see ANY reminants of cis male characteristics! Love u!@AshleyxAdamson
I know what you mean! It's like, we have opinions and strong feelings, and it's difficult to make those opinions known without "sounding" masculine or threatening; like we should almost be more submissive, less opinionated to be validated as being women/feminine. ... Believe me! I'm an underground miner! I work with nothing but men! And as a transwoman, I'm constantly asking myself, "Is this something a lady would say/think? Is this something that will make me seem less like a woman?" ... Opinions and thinking can sometimes be the burden of intelligence :(
Yeah, I get that too. I've had it less lately but i'm still with you!
It's always so fascinating to get other perspectives on this. I've been transitoning MtF for a little over a year and I find it funny how the lens can be flipped. If a relative get's my pronouns wrong, it's a slip of the tongue, or someone who isn't going to accept this. When a stranger get's it wrong I think "What am, I doing wrong, I thought I got all the steps right". When it came to talking to women, not gonna lie I found them intimidating. I was worried if I spoke wrong, or looked at one wrong I was going to get in deep trouble. As such I was the cold one to them. However in transitioning, I didn't know women could be this great. Highschool me would be eating his heart out if he know how many "girlfriends" I have now. I'll end with what you said about being born cis. I was very closed off, rarely ever telling anyone what was wrong, or what problems I was having. Being trans crazy enough has made me blunt. I tell it like it is now, weather it's having a bad day, or thinking something is a bad idea. I would never trade this experience for anything. I feel I not only understand myself now, but it's so much nicer to have self love then just standing who I am. Great Video!
Great subject, Ashley, as you've said, you have seen the bridge from both sides. I can see this being complicated, we cis folks can't, for the most part, fathom the challenge of mentally transitioning genders. So many refer to the "trapped in the wrong body" narrative, but I feel that's a blanket statement and likely doesn't come near what many trans folks experience. We like to think we know ourselves better than anyone else, hopefully that's mostly true.
On the texting (versus sexting) thing, it's one thing if two people have been intimate versus two that haven't. A lot of men (and some women) don't realize that without prior experience with a person, it comes off as cold if not weird. That's not to say that flirting is necessarily bad, but you know, be tasteful when first getting to know each other. I guess it comes down to respect and that old treat others as you would be treated thing. Thanks
This is a video I think I may have to watch several times. My circumstances are different to yours in that I’m older and I don’t pass. Also I’m married. Similar in that I am coming up to my third anniversary on HRT.
It’s funny that I’m experiencing a lot of what you’re talking about but it’s uniquely me.
Do you know what I mean? I had a difficult conversation with my wife because she continues to dead name and misgender me. But as she said she can’t see me as Jackie. I appreciate her honesty.
Last week at a Zoom support meeting, I actually saw the woman in me. Gasp! I told this to another trans person. She said she’d been seeing me as a woman for sometime. Second gasp!
Talk about mixed messaging.
It gets confusing don’t you think? We have to sort so many pieces out in comparison to cis folk.
Everyone has different perceptions and projections! And your wife has seen you a certain way for so long that it may takes years to recalibrate. It's like seeing the details in your face in the mirror you hone in on certain traits and it takes time to recalibrate.
@@AshleyxAdamson Thank you
@@AshleyxAdamson so true. I'm experiencing the same with my wife. She misgender me and tell me i'm still the Man of her life .
On a different sight. Since im on hrt and have body changes our relationship evoluating she love me more than before and had never been happier.🌺🌺
Hi, I'm a cis-woman, I really appreciate your channel, you provided me with so much insight. I like to talk about expressing opinion as a woman, from what I understand, woman have been using softer tone and less blunt ways to speak to man (especially) out of self-preservation. Unfortunately this world is still misogynistic, woman with opinion are seen as bossy, too aggressive. In order to be heard and not be shutdown in a man dominated environment, woman tends to develop the skill to protect man's ego while expressing themselves. Personally that's not something that I want to reinforce, but I understand how in some situation that skill set is needed.
I totally agree with you Grill! I'm really pleased to hear it's helpful to a cis woman too! Honestly I'd like to expand beyond trans only topics in the future. it is nuanced cause being trans already makes it more complicated 🤷🏻♀️
@@AshleyxAdamson Thanks for replying, I think the topic of exploring what womanhood is belongs to anyone who identify as a woman (and those who society will see as woman, therefore also impacted by the idea of what womanhood is). I'd love to see more discussion about the line between reaffirming gender stereotype (wether you think it's harmful or not) and finding your place as a woman.
Hello, Amazing video. I have put my transition in pause after I got FFS. I've been living in kinda in between for two years. Looking like an androgynous not so young teenager. And you make me think : I feel like I'm not confident enough to really assume my feminity. But maybe it's also that i can't completely let go that "three" part of who I was, that was so painful to build, but still feels safer.
Thank you for your work.
You'll find your way :)
Yyaass.. love the way you explained the balancing act between the two you as you first transitioning.. helped me understand how to explain to family better
4:12 i feel like this very direct but friendly style of delivery is the best. also, some men suffer a lot from having to decipher hints and indirect communication. many might actually appreciate the more blunt approach, as long as it's not invalidating and condescending. this message sounds... mature and trustworthy.
Hello ashley. I think if someone is insecure when reaching out someone or trying to make friends or just greeting anyone comeing from an insecure and or needy space , chances are that people percieve one as creepy or weird or simply pathetic or even worst mentaly chalenged regardles of gender , aperance or etnic background. on the other hand if a secure cheerful in to your cool what ever you´re in to thing thing that you do then you are ON THEN YOU GLOW and lets not forget that mood is contageous we exale feromones and also release them thru the skin. so anyway to achieve this state of secureness and joy is first of all and most important is to have love in our hearts and love our selves and be good at something, something you realy enjoy doing find your talents wich with out a doubt you have many and polish them with love and pasion and not only will you gain self security you´ll develope character and why not? inner beauty that shines thru turning you in to a high value person capeable to achieve anygoal you put your mind to because you deseve it and also because the spirit of god is within us and the sky is the ilimit kiddo and dont forget to count your blessings so take care and take it easy babe 🎈🎈bye now
Another brilliant video
I have done it in my dreams before! Force of habit I swear.
Ashley - you look amazing and the video's you are making have such a positive impact. ever doubt yourself. You are valid....
Being misgendered is hell. I am pretty passing now and 99% of the people are gendering me correctly. But yesterday a lady misgendered me. Fuk how bad I felt.
Hi Ashley, your comments on being blunt resonated with me. I'm the type that didn't have gender clarity at a young age so stereotypical trans stories don't really connect with me; maybe you can relate. A big part of why I love hearing your thoughts and process is because of your story and how you bluntly[clearly] tell it. You might not think of yourself as a role model, but to me you are!
Thank you Kelsey!
Hi Ashley, love your personality and your channel as well! :)
Also, because for the past week or so I'm obsessively watching your videos, I would like to tell you, that your FFS came out as truly perfect! You look exactly like the same person as before, yet somehow enhanced? If you haven't shared info about surgery I don't know if I would guess you'd undergone it. Effects are really natural, and you look great! :)
And I can't stress enough how beautifully spiritual and mindful you are in trans-related topics. I'm 15 months on HRT now, just turned 20 two weeks ago, and your words really hit home - in a most positive way possible. Thank you for that. :)
Could you please make a video about safety aspects of hookups and dating? I'm looking forward to start meeting men, but feel like I have to be much more careful now as a woman, especially as of trans experience. I live in Poland, so it's pretty tough with all hatred that is thrown at LGBT community, so that definitely adds another layer of concern as well. Any tips? :)
Thank you again for just being here, for being so beautifully yourself and for sharing your experiences and views. Surely going to stay for good around here. :)
Wishing you all the best, stay safe!
Sure I'll add it to my list!
Misgendering for me hurts whether it be from co-workers, family or strangers. It just feels like whenever I am misgendered, there is this aha moment where other people around murmur, point and start slandering me. I have felt as though there is a spotlight on, like there was this big reveal that was waiting to happen. Anything that brings unwanted attention to being misgendered like my dead name, hairstyle and makeup fails, it really triggers me because where I stay temporarily I have to be very careful and cannot afford ANY mistakes.Thankfully I have employment, so that will help me to be able to leave the state of Texas very soon!
Hi Ashley, I have just started down this road and it's really scary. Your videos have helped me so much.
Glad it can help Mark!
In the beginning I was surprised when treated as a woman. In fact it made me a little uncomfortable.
Then something changed and I not only stopped feeling uncomfortable when treated as, spoken to as or referred to as a woman but I began to accept and then like being treated as a woman.
I genuinely prefer being passive where I was once opinionated.
For me it is a nicer place to be.
Thank you Ashley for your lovely channel xx
Great to hear Jan, I'm glad that you've found more comfort in being who you are. It all feels suddenly just right for me too. Hugs! 💕
The expressing yourself part gave me such a sense of exhaustion; I understand what you were referring to. It is an aspect of emotional labor that manifests as tempering and regulating what you say and how you say it to manage the reactions and feelings of those around you. It's something taught so young and expected regardless. It's the reason for bossy and harpy and other similar things. I understand how it is something on your mind, it's just interesting how the idea caused me to recoil and feel genuine dread and frustration. Oh ho ho, gender roles.
gender roles 🤷🏻♀️love em or hate em
17:10 and this kinda calms down my anxiety about the decades wasted. yeah, not entirely wasted. they will help me grow if i do it wisely.
Women can be abrasive too, but I get it.
Ps. I find your..bluntness really helpful and refreshing. You dont pussyfoot around.
Blunt?
Honest?
Genuine?
Open?
Transparent?
Wow how down to earth! One of my biggest struggles as a married cis male that wants to be a trans girl is overcompensating my feminine role, when I get a chance to act on it. I'm guessing I do this just because I rarely get to let loose and when I do I'm extra as hell! How inspiring you are to show how to just stick to the basics and just be the girl you want to be the extra attitude and far fetched realities of some kind of feeling lay within the tasks of becoming the woman you actually want to be.
I only recently started seriously transitioning (still not seen doctors, waiting lists running into many months...) but doing the social transition already.
I still lead somewhat of a double life as a result, though I've presented as female online (mostly) for over a decade now at work I'm a guy (though dressing in feminine styled unisex clothes, and with some light makeup and better shaven than any of the others) while away from work I ever more present as a woman.
For me though, I don't mind about what people call me at the moment as long as it's polite because I'm fully aware that past a very cursory glance I'm recognisable as male.
Public bathrooms are starting to become somewhat ambiguous though. I don't feel comfortable forcing my presence on women in the women's bathroom because of how I look, but starting to feel uncomfortable going to the men's room because of how I feel.
I can be extremely blunt as well, but it being expected of people where I live that doesn't have to be a problem. Being a quite submissive personality as well makes it I guess easier to fit in as a women, as I tend to avoid dominance games, office politics, and things like that like the plague.
So far everyone I've told I'm transitioning has been supportive, which is good. But the hard ones are still to come, my bosses and brother in law (I'm sure my sister will be supportive, I'm in fact reasonably sure she's been suspecting I might be trans for some years. I have no other family, we're the last ones alive).
I’m obviously oblivious to the “secret girl handshake”, but I can only say one thing: The road to happiness can only be through self acceptance. If people do not want to accept you for who you are, let it be their problem and not yours.
May all the beautiful souls reading this have a blessed day.
13:28 😄👍 thanks for not editing the confused pause out! that's just another little help you gave me in my struggle against perfectionism and towards self-acceptance. 🤔 innit cool how helpful things crop up in most unexpected places sometimes
You are so much more real than a lotta these other trans woman channels
omg i feel the same around men i do the same thing lol. sometimes i’m like cis men think i’m going to be sweet and nice and i feel like it’s unexpected and weird when i react a certain way. also for myself it’s hurts more when strangers misgender me than close people. if their family that knew me my how life i wouldn’t mind cause their kinda used to it (saying dead name for years until i came out) but for strangers it hurts cause i feel like i’m not passable. but that might change through the years honestly
It's the same for me. Huggs!
Thanks for the video! 😁 Loved the tree analogy! I don't know if you've traveled yet anywhere besides Europe, but I'd definitely be interested on a video with tips while traveling trans, if there's anything extra to look out for. I'm not very far in my transition right now, but I plan on traveling Australia/Asia for a year, a couple years from now.
Added it to my list! Will do!
Is interesting to video for the explaining learning to be a woman on the transition that's excellent with the experience, you're so happy and wonderful
I can understand the thought process on being too blunt with men, but as others say the men can deal with it. If they can't then my guess is you may not want to be with them?
For me I was closeted for so many years and dressed and practiced in private. So when I finally got the nerve to go out of the house I never have been misgendered by someone that didn't know me before. Now that I have transitioned I still haven't had issues. I do have a similar issue when people use correct pronouns. It is funny now at work (on Zoom calls for the last year) when people say "she" or "her" I do sometimes think "who are they talking about ... oh wait that is me". Hopefully that will go away some day?
Apparently I am different than most, but I always seemed to be acutely aware of how threatening men are to females. Even when was young I was alway afraid to smile at women or say something nice because I knew they would view that as creepy. In fact I would probably go too far the other way and women may have thought I was very unfriendly because I would try not to engage with them. Actually now that is causing me problems as a women. Much of that is still engrained in me and other women may think I am an unfriendly woman. So I have to work on that.
Oh wow! Interesting the balance of friendliness vs unfriendliness. Thanks for sharing your story Melissa!
for me, it hurts a lot more when random people misgender me. They dont know me so if they misgender it makes me feel like i appear more masculine.
yeah that makes sense!
Exactly. Be whoever you are. I have no idea why are you even thinking about that
I used to hate that from women but now they smile cuz they see a woman. And this i am getting used to because i was so convinced i was a man that this treatment is helping me with my desire to pass. Adopting more fem mannerisms and it is feeling more natural like thats what i should be. TRANSITION IS A TOTAL PROGRESSIVE PROCESS!!
Being honest with you’re partner!!
Good video 👍
A nice thinking caring lady. I like her. Puts a smile on me. My face.
14:57 i might be already annoying to some with my sudden Hegel references, but that bit here is crucial! that's how that Aufhebung of his works - the thing gets integrated in a progressive way by getting negated. negation is a creative form of inclusion, it's not at all like going back to when the thing wasn't there, it's more like using the negated thing to propel further from. you sound practically as if you were inspired by his thoughts sometimes 🤔 is that the case?
Wow I can relate so much with what you're saying girl. I'm from Cordoba Argentina kisses!
I get most of my dysphoria from observing the differences in the ways women treat each other and the way they treat me. Along with unsupportive family, its been very difficult to find any validation. And it is easier to act as a man, because it's all I've known. So in order to get proper social validation I have to give myself dysphoria by acting like a man. Vicious cycle. The only way I'm breaking it is, in private, while I save up to access gender care resources, I am just trying to develope some alternate identity that's feminine that I can fall upon when I need to display an identity.
I'm trying to go back and enjoy girly shoes and books that I was too ashamed to look at in the past. I found there was lots of feminine things I was interested in, but my sense of shame around wanting to be a girl runs very deep and is very old. It sounds dumb and insignificant, but while I am here, stuck in waiting, all I can do to give myself hope for a future is read shoujo, listen to Taylor Swift, and try to feel emotions that I have never let myself feel before.
I also feel cringe feeling giddy and having emotions and stuff, but cringing at myself, whincing in embarrassment because people will think I am feminine, it is the feeling that stopped me from watching The Little Mermaid when I was very young. It's been hurting me my whole life. And it is also evidence that I am feminine and have been my whole life. It's a fear response, it's a coping mechanism, its me trying to survive, aware of the fact that I wanted to be a girl, for as long as I can remember.
Wonderful video!
There is no death, metamorphosis! 💖
When I was young and people thought I was a girl I got annoyed but as a teenager I just used to joke and say you know im one of the girls then recently I got mistaken for a women and told I was beautiful and thats when I realised it just felt right now im getting the therapy to maybe transition ive done a photo shoot as a women and I look great so im hoping to transition and get hrt but I need to know thats the right journey for me cos I want kids but yes as a child I got annoyed as a adult I love being called a girl 👧 or she and her
You can store your sperm in a sperm bank for future use
wouldn't you say. Love it. HRT is amazing
You have been sooo helpful, I will continue to watch all your videos on my path to womanhood, It has been great in so many ways of insight and our cultural pitfalls and what to expect. I found female affirmations help reprogram the subconcousness like nina dreams and sweet and easy (youtube). Bedtime and Morning.
Very good topic as always
Probably the wrong person to ask as I'm on the autism spectrum as well as the gender spectrum. If they know I'm non binary femme (AMAB) and they make anti trans / anti affirming comments it casuses a lot of dysphoria. When I get complimented on my nails for example it feels so euphoric....
This is thought-provoking.
Do you think being raised a lad gave you more sense that you could be forward and own your words? Because I think coming up girl (if that's the way to put it
If I could get externally validated, Id probably transition tomorrow
I wanna pass and I guess it gets to me more when a stranger misgenders me. Family gendered me the other way for so long I understand it takes a bit to get use to but that will change if they misgender after some time.
I can TOTALLY relate!! But i am now really passable and ppl who just meet me see a girl!! 🥰
You are Awesome.!!!
This only applies if you pass. If nobody sees you as or treats you as a woman then no matter what you do none of how you "change yourseld" matters , because they still see you as a man. I know this....because I dont pass and I've never really experienced what it feels like to be a "woman". People still treat me like they used to and nothing has really changed. I have only experienced being "seen as a woman" ONCE in a very dark club. Let's just say, when the lights came on, the guy i was chatting with gave me the dirtiest look. Women still see me as a threat too and nothing has really changed in how they interact with me. If anything its gotten worse. Like they now see me as a deviant predator. Instead of just a regular "dude" who they have to keep at arms length until they're attracted to you.
I don't believe I will ever be read/ seen as a woman by society.......and truthfully that is hurtful.
Love this video ❤❤
Are you still in berlin? Im in Berlin
I call me now AICHA. Want change to be a female.... Need your trainings
Personally I feel people close to me will always see me as he/him while people I will meet will see me as she/her (unless they see past my makeup and hair)
Pretty much!
I also wish I had been born a female. My life would diffidently be different. I would like to think that I would have been a lesbian or bi-sexual.
Deep as always Ashley, love it! I'm coming up on 5 years fulltime, 6 years HRT. The longer I go, the more natural everything is. Voice has been a battle, but after wondering around a bit, I've tackled it with a teacher who knows resonance. It was the last barrier to me feeling totally comfortable. After a while all the male stuff gets more and more foreign. Funny you talking about being blunt. The longer I go, the less blunt I find that I become. Maybe because I'm more laid back and enjoying being me. I do call people out for misgendering. In a humorous way! It's the most effective way of doing it without someone getting defensive. I do think that newer transitioners shouldn't under estimate the importance of voice, even if you don't present as well as you would like. It is so important to becoming comfortable. Do resonance work, screw the total emphasis on pitch. Oh crap, I think I was just blunt! HEEHEE!
Check out a great feel good transgender novel Marc Marci. It is a great read
❤ how you're very Cerebral and opinionated
I'm misgendered on a daily basis. The biggest misgendered comes from my family not only don't they gender properly but they use my birth name. They won't use my chosen name or pronouns.
Also a few people I play cards with and gym people keep misgendering me and using birthname
It hurts more when people I know misgendered me then a stranger
Thanks!
No problem!
I love who you are. Women are not necessarily more eloquent. You are also more feminine then many CIS women I’ve know so I don’t understand why someone would misgender you unless it’s because they knew previously and are conditioned over time. Clearly they’re not paying attention because You!, are without a doubt a sexy female. You will break a lot of hearts. Im happy for you.
very insightful.. i agree with you 100%. thankyou :) xo
You're so welcome!
it really bothers me when family and friends misgender me. I don't mind strangers so much but I still don't like hearing it.
I get misgendered on the phone all the time but rarely in public by strangers. Some friends still “slip” and it does cross my thoughts that they don’t really “get it”, I think you have to just reaffirm it and if it keeps happening then maybe it’s time to move on. ❤️😬
I find it more distressing when I’m misgendered by a stranger than by someone I know. A stranger is seeing me for the first time and is therefore developing an initial impression. These are often most genuine. Someone I know may use the wrong pronoun, not because they choose to not affirm my gender, but rather via accident, out of habit. It all comes down to perception.
You are a cis woman to me sis ❤
I don't think your text with the guy was at all blunt. It is important to establish your boundaries up front with someone you don't know well. Especially when dealing with somewhat younger guys, it is good to let them know you're not interested in going the "quick and easy" route early in the game. Don't worry, you weren't being a bitch! :)
Time to send this to my trans gf
plz do!
Regarding pronouns, if a trans woman presents as a woman, for instance, she is wearing a dress and heels, even if her features don't quite pass, it is positively rude to address her as "him." If you need to use pronouns, choose the correct one if you wish to be polite. If you are wearing dirty jeans, sneakers and a shabby pullover, and your hair is hidden under a hat, it might be difficult to assess your gender, and you need to be ready to accept whatever is thrown at you.
Ashley 💘💘💘
Adorable
Funny too.sense of humorous.
You should stop calling yourself a man, you're not a man!
Love u as u r
Why do you need to learn to be a woman? Why not just be a nice person.
Why not both?
@@AshleyxAdamson well I would expect you to already know how to be a woman.
You are so funny girl!!!
For me it hurts more when a stranger misgenders me then my family because I knew my family wouldn't use my pronouns
I'm non binary and my pronouns are she, her, they, them and I really don't care if most people misgender me. But if you know me or have my name and pronouns on file like in a professinal setting. I get really pissed of it really hurts
You're just to the point , why beat around the bush you know what you want lady why beat around the bush . "?" there is know masculine or feminine way to put that, maybe if you put hun, or dear and or sweetie might soften it a little next time only buy choice not by necessity .
If you have to learn it. Maybe it's not natural.
Sweetheart, opinion related mannerisms are not gender unique. Being blunt isn't the same as being aggressive 🙃.
Also I love being called SHE and I don't really care what others think so long as they treat me with respect.
I feel like gender is fluid and male and female are two things and physically based and the third is like sissy or trans as a whole gender itself. Because facts still exist right so, a person with penis and boobs and a personal present of individual is like it's own gender I guess. But still male cane make baby if in female. And so in fact no trans is female cuz no womb. Get a womb and make babies and facts will conform only barely cuz still a fact is that you are a person who becomes able to make babies and not a baby maker. Two genders are physical. Male and female. Facts are facts. Regardless. I am a male and want boobs. And want to present feminine. Despite my very masculine parts. Because in reality all of us are none of the words or presentations we have. We are all the same central core self and be what we please and are only born how we are and are as well are and can sort of do whatever we want