The Funeral Concert Where the Body Performed
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 11 ส.ค. 2022
- "He was the life of the party, so that's why I sent him home that way."
Learn more about Dr. Fletcher, Associate Professor of American & African American History and Co-Coordinator of Women’s and Gender Studies at Albright College.
BOOK: co-editor of "Till Death Do Us Part: American Ethnic Cemeteries as Borders Uncrossed" which examines the internal and/or external drives among ethnic, religious, and racial groups to separate their dead www.upress.state.ms.us/Books/...
WEBSITE: www.kamifletcher.com/
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**PRODUCTION CREDITS**
Mortician and Writer: Caitlin Doughty
Producer and Writer: Louise Hung (@LouiseHung1)
Editor & Graphics: Timothy Meier
Thumbnail: Landis Blair (@LandisBlair)
Thank you to our friend and frequent collaborator Monica Torres for your insight into the vast world of embalming. Keep up with all the remarkable things Monica is doing on Instagram @coldhandshosts
**SELECTED SOURCES & ADDITIONAL READING**
"Goonew’s Mother Defends Standing His Corpse on Stage for Club Farewell Event"
www.xxlmag.com/goonew-mother-...
"Goonew Reportedly Shot and Killed"
www.xxlmag.com/goonew-shot-ki...
"Why propping rapper Goonew’s body onstage wasn’t ‘disrespectful’"
www.washingtonpost.com/dc-md-...
"'Why are people worried about how I sent my son home?' Family frustrated by criticism of final show for murdered loved one"
www.wusa9.com/article/news/lo...
"Remembering Goonew"
washingtoncitypaper.com/artic...
"Rite of the Sitting Dead: Funeral Poses Mimic Life"
www.nytimes.com/2014/06/22/us...
"When You Die, You’ll Probably Be Embalmed. Thank Abraham Lincoln For That"
www.smithsonianmag.com/scienc...
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I"m a 5th generation embalmer. Having the body at the club is no less sanitary than at a church or funeral with the casket open.
Yeah... I was kind of wondering about that point when a big deal was made about it lol.
@@dsimon33871 Caitlin has gone over it a bunch of times on the channel already. So she was more focused on the other aspects.
And yet it still gross and I been thought all my life dead body should not be in church it's is dead what comes decop
I'd like to be composted, so I can't be embalmed or have a fancy party with me as the guest of honor, but I have all the love for how his family honored him..I think there was a show about these kinds of funerals at one point..I'll Google it after I finish this video 😆
@@morganmore6 your always going to get a plurality of views in a pluralistic culture. I tend to feel like you do lol... I don't want any association with a dead body when I am gone.
This is common in Puerto Rico, and his families explanation “you’re not going to look down on my son.” Was touching and heartfelt.
Fandango Diablo
?
That ahhh Get-toe and primitive...
@@DaytimeNightmare What a stupid reply
@@DaytimeNightmare your spelling is ghetto and cringe
Not only Puerto Rico but plenty of other countries too. Also it is catching on here, although not much but it has been done here. They actually showed one that happened here in the US on this video. It was the black women playing cards at the table with her feather boa and sunglasses on and her glass of wine. It is kind of sweet how the family puts a lot of attention to detail into it u know? Like it is a moment taken straight out of the person's life. Either way it is the family's choice! Why do people get all worked up over things that do not concern them?? Mind the damn business that pays u! 😂😂
I'm a grieving mother I had to look at my babygirl in a casket on her 20th birthday. I absolutely love this young kings send off. Please please please let his mother grieve in peace. It was absolutely perfect. The energy in that place was probably off the charts and his mama felt it and I hope it in some way helps her carry this unbearable pain a little easier.
(HUG) May your daughter's memory be a blessing. 💖
😢❤🙏💔
Plus his mom knew her son didn't want a traditional funeral and her respecting her sons wishes was sweet
“You’re not going to look down on my son” I got full body chills.
Oh please. Was the killer.caught and where is he/she now? Hopefully, 10 feet under. What was this killing about? Drugs or what? Why are so many young black rappers killed by other blacks? Is it due to drugs or competition, why? I've been noticing that more and more seem to be losing their lives.
@@lisaerlhate nobody want to see u happy rich eating
@@lisaerlHe got kicked because he was actually being robbed. 😢
Bro ur corny asf 😭😭😂😂 wat are we 12 nobody “looks down” on anyone at their funeral
I agree! That was such a powerful statement! And goes to show how much she loves her baby and wanted to send him off with the highest regards 🥹
I come from a culture that doesn't like looking at or touching dead bodies. Traditionally, we cremate or have closed caskets and have others handle the body. I have no desire to attend a standing funeral, but I know that this service is respectful to Goonew. His family clearly loved him and knew his wishes. The only thing disrespectful are the people harassing the family about it.
@Angie I think you missed Rhyannon's point - she is saying that despite being from a culture that doesn't handle or look at its own dead, she can still see that Goonew's service was respectful. She's arguing for the same point you are.
@@kylahislop6212 yeah I think they need to read through the original comment again.
I'm from the opposite end of that, we display bodies no matter their state, my childhood friend died and by the time she was buried her face was so shriveled she looked like an ancient woman and her lips had disappeared. It was traumatic
couldn't agree more, I wish people could mind their own business when it comes to things like this
social injustice and systemic oppression happen and everyone is like meh don't care
a family tries to honor their dead loved ones in a way that is meaningful for them and everyone loses their mind smh
There are some cultures that keep the body in the home even after the funeral. There’s no “right” way to ritualize a loved one’s passing.
This story reminded me of something that happened 24 years ago. my son, Jon, died suddenly and unexpectedly. I lived in Hawai’i and Jon lived in California. As soon as I could get to CA I told the funeral director that I needed to sit with my son for a short while before his cremation. Upon hearing me say this my Mother began pleading with me ( she even tried bribing me!) to not see Jon. I knew I needed to sit with him- after all I was there when he was born… even the funeral director told me that his injuries would make it impossible for me to see him! I told him to put Jon on a stainless steel table and throw a sheet or blanket over him. I just NEEDED TO SIT WITH MY CHILD! I did it. I sat with my first- born and shared space with him! And I am SO Glad I did. There would never be another chance! For the love of Pete- let people do what they need to do!!!
I understand this. Mines only a toddler right now but if he goes before I do, I cannot imagine a world or circumstance in which I don't have one more chance to be alone with him. I'm so sorry for your loss, and so happy you persevered and got what you needed.
I’m so sorry for your tremendous loss. I too lost my son. He died in a car accident the day before his 16th birthday. He was buried in his favorite jersey, along with his cellphone in his hand. His friends put mementos around him and I had his girlfriend stand with me in the receiving line. I also put her in his obituary. On a table off to the side, we had fun pictures of family and friends with him and we left blank pages for his friends to write their messages.
My only complaint was that the funeral director appeared to not want me to touch my child. I only wanted to touch his cheek for the last time. He would be 33 years old.
I don’t find anything wrong with having the type of services that reflect the individual who has passed. Personally, I feel no bias, neither good nor bad, toward any person or their family, regarding the style in which they celebrate their loved ones life and mourn their loss.
@@OctoBear88 my son was shot in the head. Most of face was gone…. The funeral home wrapped his entire head in gauze… mummy-like. It was fine.
@@OctoBear88 he was shot in the head. Most of his face was missing. They wrapped his head (mummy like). It was perfect in a very weird way, but OK .
Really beautiful. My mom had a similar experience with my baby brother. She could NOT have seen him but she needed to. Everyone grieves in their own way.
My beloved husband, Kenny, died in 2017. It was sudden and completely unexpected. But I knew he hated funerals. So, we opted for cremation and a picnic celebration in his honor. He had attended my cousins life party years earlier and said that was what he wanted. Hundreds of our friends came, we ate, laughed, talked, and remembered. It was so perfectly Kenny. Thank you for normalizing grief and speaking out for what the family needs. ❤
Very respectful
There is a 2 year old girl in italy named rosalia lombardo who died from pneumonia and ger parents were so grief stricken that they took her to a local embalmer who prepared her body so incredibly well that she is still on display in a glass coffin today over 100 years later! She looks like she is just a sleeping little 2 year old. She is kept in the catacombs in palermo sicily. My family in sicily have gone to visit her, she is like the daughter of sicily, everyone loves her. Trust me! Losing a loved one, especially a child, is so devastating that u will do some extreme things to memorialize ir hold on to them.
I've seen pictures of it. She just looks like she's sleeping. I think Caitlin has mentioned her in some of her older videos.
also his mother’s sentiment of “you’re not gonna look down on my son” really touched me
Not gonna look down on him literally or figuratively! Yes, I loved that too.
She's a strong woman... I can't fathom what losing a child is like, but I think she's a real badass for setting up her son's home going this way. Unique, fitting and very powerful. I'd like to think he'd be really proud of this and her. 💖
Definitely! To me it proves that a funeral or celebration of life or whatever you want to call it is the most respectful when it’s done in a way that honors the person’s CHOICES. So people who don’t know him looking on and calling it disrespectful or wrong aren’t actually taking into consideration his skills and interests and more importantly the choices he made. If it’s going to be a celebration of his life, make it personal to him. It’s a great sentiment.
I mean he's in the ground now yes?
@@byproductofcheese not necessarily. Most people get cremated, so his remains could be anywhere, and depending on her spiritual beliefs his soul could also be somewhere else. The point she is making is that he deserves the same love and respect he brought into their lives, so they gave him a funeral to respect his personality and the choices and things he worked hard for in his life.
I love her phrasing, "this was a person, and they left a hole." I think that's all any of us are looking for, when we talk about how we honor our dead. My grandmother recently passed, and she was a quilter. She made a quilt for every marriage, a baby quilt for every new grandbaby. At her funeral, the church pews were all covered in her quilts. People brought them from home, some of them were ragged from being loved on for years. That was such a powerful image of her lie spent loving and giving to her family. It meant so much to me.
That’s beautiful, thanks for sharing. I can envision it.
well er... they filled that "hole" by putting a broomstick up his butt to prop him up... This is just the playtime of a psychopath who enjoys positioning dead bodies, and all the other psychopaths who want to play with a dead body.
Did your family cry? I'm already tearing up after reading this. Your grandma was obviously such a well-loved member and I wish her everlasting peace and happiness in her afterlife (if your family believes in it)
Wow...that's amazing!
Aww thats amazing. I just lost my grandmother , her funeral was last week she was 91 . She made everyone afagans and quilts too.Before any grand babies were born they had a blanket.Im still crying through out the day , My mother is having panic attacks and my 15yr old has been sad and lost some weight. Her passing has been so hard on everyone. Hope your family is well.
I wise man once said "there is no wrong way to do a wedding, or a funeral". I agree with this statement with my whole heart. If the family liked what they did, I love it. May he rest in peace.
I semi disagree with the wedding because technically it is a religious thing. Decorate and do how you want and wherever but you still need a preacher and to mean it when you say your vows 😊
@@flameepidemic4839Ok, but if people want to veer from the "tradition" of a huge, expensive party and a white dress and the family giving one spouse away, a little white church, etc, they should absolutely be allowed to do that. Unfortunately, often people who are not getting married think they have the right to involve themselves in the planning of an event that has nothing to do with them. The government does have guidelines you must hit, other than that, I say do whatever you'd like to do.
@@flameepidemic4839not all weddings are religious. My husband and I are atheists and my mom married us (she's not a preacher. You can actually apply online to be certified in officiating weddings, in NJ at least). There was no mention of God in our vows, just promises to love each other forever🤷🏾♀ ️
I only disagree in certain circumstances, like if their identity is erased in the process. Plenty of trans ppl have their family dress them in their assigned gender when they die because their family never actually accepted them for who they are-they do this against the dead persons wishes
@@flameepidemic4839no??? Legally a wedding is an acknowledgement of a relationship by the state. Any religious aspects are a personal add-on
Too many people are so afraid of death and all it entails, and that's sad. I'm Native. I believe in honoring those who pass. This was an amazing way to honor their loved one, to be able to say good bye their way.
Scientifically speaking, death is just the absence of life. It's no great mystery. It means that a body will no longer function, a brain will no longer think, a heart will no longer beat, and cells and tissue will begin to break down and decay. Death comes for everyone, so there's no point spending an entire lifetime fearing it - especially if there are no do-overs and the life we're living now turns out to be the only life we get.
I personally would prefer not to die any time soon - and I certainly don't want to die a slow, painful death - but there are a lot of things I fear more than dying. For a lot of people - myself included - the scariest thing is not knowing what comes after death - or if there even is an "after". Is there really such thing as an essence - or a "soul"? If souls don't exist, then that means every person's consciousness will disappear forever and they will cease to exist after taking a final breath. It means we'll all just return to the same state of nothingness we were in for countless eons before we were born. But if we do have souls, what becomes of them? Where do they go when they are no longer tethered to a living body? Is there a creator of the universe? If so, will I get to meet them? Will they provide the answers to every existential question I ever had? Is this creator kind and benevolent? Or is it a petty, vengeful, bloodthirsty asshole like the creator that the believers of the Abrahamic religions worship? I have so many questions, but knowing the answers is just as scary and overwhelming as not knowing them!
I think the context most people need was simply, in Dr. Fletcher’s words, “It’s a celebration.” And I think that’s beautiful.
My biggest and only issue is the charge of admission. What kind of family tries to make a buck off the death of a loved one?
A family not trying to become bankrupt? The cost for this funeral would have been massive. I know I have a no frills crematorium, direct to cremation funeral plan despite wanting a green burial because my family is more important than my corpse. My family would be lucky to break even if I died tomorrow after settling debts and costs. I don't begrudge them one bit covering the costs from those who choose to attend this part of his funeral.
@@classicambo9781 Point; and I'm sure the "extreme embalming" necessary to set this up cost five figures at least. And that's just to start. I suspect when this was all said and done we're talking $50k worth of expenses here. Asking a couple bucks from the attendees to help defray the costs isn't "profiteering".
@@Jenn-ie5vf have you thought how expensive it is to throw a funeral, and the embalming costs? This is just one way to ask for help covering the costs.
@@Jenn-ie5vf I doubt that money went to anything other than paying the service expenses because the industry is very expensive sometimes
I completely agree the family shouldn't apologize. Never apologize for how you grieve if it isn't hurting anyone around you. After my dad died, I slept in his chair where he died for 3 days because I felt close to him there. My mom and sister were worried but it honestly helped.
Whatever gets you through the hurt.
I sleep on the couch where my Mom died whenever I can when I visit my Sister. I also make sure I sit there because I too feel close to her.
I sit in my dads chair and remember him welcoming me home
I've got some of my Dad's clothes that I can wear whenever I want. That helps him feel a bit closer and I carry a wallet-size memorial card from Mum's funeral so she can always be with me too.
I'm with his sister, be honest don't be fake asf. Cause they knew him the best and partied down.
But you didn't use that chair to make a morbid party and celebrate death instead of someone's life.
Race is such a sensitive topic as we all know. The way you covered this story was very respectful to Goonew and his family. I applaud you for how you covered this story. I learned a lot. Salute to you. RIP Goonew
You can't say ANYTHING nowadays without offending someone. As a woman of color myself, I'm SOOOOOO sick of this race card being pulled for EVERYTHING. It needs to stop.
Wait, what does race have ti do with this story?
@@Beaneabeandid you watch the video?
@@daniellevera3020 No but I know about the funeral outside of this video
@@wednesdayaddams7066 you're a woman of color but fail to realize that almost EVERYTHING is connected to race in some way.
As a white American who had never heard of this kind of extreme embalming, I found Goonews funeral honestly enchanting. His mother's reasoning behind it, the fact that he got to perform one last time even after he died. I think it's really beautiful. I personally want a more natural burial or funeral, but I think this is really awesome. His fans got one last chance to see him even after he was taken from them with no warning. His family got to see him being respected instead of looked down on. I love it.
My Caucasian friend went to a black funeral for the 1st time and she was shocked at the outburst of people crying. She said she’s never been to a funeral like this 😂. I said girl this is my norm. We do nothing quiet, I’m Puerto Rican.
European American*
Just American
Embalming?? 😂 it's not an Embalming it's a going home or celebration of life service. Embalming is a procedure done for many deceased people regardless of how their viewing is done.
@@Chich8058 Richard Pryor did a thing about African - American & Caucasian funerals. It was funny yet VERY ENLIGHTENING & instructive on a *TON* of levels.
The mother's words, "you will not look down on my son" was so powerful, especially after getting more context about his death (definitely made me tear up). So much thought and love was put into his homecoming and it's admirable
Really, you went for that?
@@Celisar1 Really? You have a point? If so, make it.
I also found that line to be powerful as well. I love a good thing thats best for the family and community AND is not the "norm". I hope it was healing for all involved.
@@robertsteele474 it’s obvious but here spelt out for you:
The idea that people look down on someone in a casket in the sense of disrespecting someone is ridiculous.
The statement of the mother reflects deep seated feelings of inferiority and caused her not only to elevate but even crown her son like a king or emperor.
Such an overcompensation is pitiful and embarrassing, not admirable.
@@Celisar1 Well somebody has insecurity anyway.
I went to a funeral where the dead man had already presung the songs for his funeral. He had an awesome voice and the moment the first note was sung the whole church was crying and sobbing joy to hear his voice again.
@Nrsrchd
I also went to our Pastors funeral and he to had already recorded himself singing the songs he wanted played. It was so sweet to still hear his voice even though he was gone. And yea everyone was in tears 😭. It was a beautiful funeral. Hope you have a blessed day. 🙏💕🙏💕🙏
I absolutely love this idea. I’m only 26 so I don’t plan on going anywhere soon, but as a singer myself I think I’ll do this for my celebration of life!
@@Amandavg yes!! 🌹🌹
That makes sense. Charging admission to the funeral of a life taken way too soon seems inappropriate to me however
@@Jenn-ie5vf so let's just go back to that Video For Another Time about the cost of such a process. If they had the funeral in a church he never went to, how many of his mourners would've felt obligated to drop $ on church funeral appropriate clothes because they didn't have any? Or flowers because that's what you do? I doubt any kin blood or bond the family knew would've been turned away if they didn't have $40. In any case, the whole point of this video and the Mom's message was... Don't like it, you don't have to talk about it.
While I don’t really think I’d ever do it THIS way..we have lost the meaning of “celebration of life”. There’s only been two I’ve gone to where it was an actual celebration of someone’s life. I can vividly hear the mother still saying “praise god we got 19 years, I’d have loved more but praise god for 19”, and people truly CELEBRATED their life and accomplishments. People spoke on their strong points, and told funny stories. The atmosphere was so….just supportive of one another. But also truly celebrating the life of this young person gone far too soon.
I don’t know how I stumbled upon this video but I just want to say that seeing all of these positive comments about Goonew are super comforting even just as a fan. Listened to his music for years and always felt he was very influential and underrated as a rapper, and thought the celebration of life was really cool but seeing all the hate and criticism made me sad for his family and just sad in general. Seeing a space where so many people from so many different backgrounds are saying positive things about it is so awesome. Cheers.
When the world needed her the most…she returned. Always a great day when Caitlin post!
I guess they never heard the 1990 country song "Prop Me Up Beside The Jukebox When I Die".
Funerals are for the sake, and what works for the living, not the dead. They are no longer there, there.
She always puts a smile on my face welcome back C xxx
Thanks for coming back, Caitlin!! Great info!
Amen to that
You know, just because something isn't for me doesn't mean I can't appreciate it's for someone else. This family doesn't deserve the harassment. RIP to Goonew and condolences to his family and friends. They know what they wanted to do to celebrate his life and I'm all for it! It was perfect!
Disgusting people where harassing a grieving family, even if this might not be for you they obviously loved him and just did what he would have wanted. People should be more enranged that a talanted, young man was robbed and murdered than harash his family.
@@teijaflink2226 It's wild to me how hateful people were to the family. This was a perfect celebration of his life.
I totally agree Claire Bee, this isn’t for me or anyone in my family, but I believe the family should be able to grieve anyway that is going to help them heal. Condolences to his family and friends.
Agreed, if everyone there was cool with it who the eff cares
@@allenorganist2011 Exactly! I don't know anyone that would want to do this (maybe my dad lol. He's a character) but I think it can be the right thing for other people and help them heal/celebrate the life of someone they love. It's weird some people are so bothered about stuff that isn't their business.
I salute the family for celebrating the life of their loved one in the way that made his life meaningful to him.. He was honored for his contribution to the world of music he loved.A funeral can mean whatever joy life meant to the deceased and the family. Rest in musical peace Goonew!
I’m a white person and I found this funeral very beautiful. It was a celebration of his life. How he lived and how his family wanted him to be remembered. I hope that people come to support and embrace different types of funerals. ❤
When my little brother passed last year we threw him a goodbye party at his favorite bar. We had his cremated remains there and had the same thought as this family. It would be weird and inappropriate to have a funeral or memorial at a church. Everyone is allowed to say goodbye and grieve their loved one the way they want to and deem most appropriate for them.
This sounds great and made me think about honouring the deceased in any venue they would have enjoyed and appreciated.
When my friend, who was a teacher and a cheer dancer during his college years, died, his funeral service included a cheer dance routine by his former members, an almost stand up comedy show, and many other pumped up performances. Although there is still an opportunity to mourn and pay a silent tribute, I guess it was the most unique but the realest paying of respect to the dead I have witnessed.
there's a huge distinction between any kind of performative show you want to have at the funeral parlor; and dragging a corpse all around town, shoving a broomstick up his butt to prop him up, dressing him up, then playing with his dead body to pose him. Of course people were walking up to him, putting his arm around their shoulders then taking selfies. Of course they would, what else would you expect at a freak show like that? This is literally the most disgusting thing I have heard in a looooong while, I am totally entitled to feel this way and I am totally entitled to express contempt to any lowlife scum who thinks this is "beautiful". YUCK.
@@jaspermartin7444 "i am totally entitled to call you a bunch of names while also disrespecting your opinion" that's what i get from your comment. Yes you are entitled to your feelings about this but that's it. This doesn't hurt anyone, and you seem to have a very sad life.
THE ENTITLEMENT GENERATION in a nutshell. They don’t understand the concept of freedom (letting people live their lives as they choose)
But was his body propped up on display???? Probably not because that is what is considered by most to be disrespectful here and seems to scream of "me me me I want attention too" by the family
@@tammybagwell1741 This was much like a typical Irish Wake from an earlier time in our history. The dead was the guest of honour at a party (often in their local pub), where the body was seated in a chair, and people told stories of times they shared with the departed. Sometimes they bought a drink for their friend, or paid back a debt, or just said goodbye, forgiving unkept promises. We didn’t used to be so distanced from death and the dead, it was an accepted part of life. I’m sorry you can’t see the beauty in how this family chose to say goodbye, it isn’t what I would want (I prefer to be composted and given back to the land), but it hurt no one.🖤🇨🇦
So sorry for the loss of your child. Glad you were able to send him off in the manner that would bring you peace.
Initially I was taken aback. However as I’m learning more about life and in preparation for death one day I think this is amazing and everyone should certainly have the freedom to celebrate their loved ones how they want.❤
It amazes me how people feel so entitled to tell other people how to grieve THEIR loved ones. Please go have several seats and hope when it’s your time somebody loves you enough to grieve and miss you.
💯💯💯
I'm an old traditional white lady from the south. Loved this video and the way the family chose to show their respect to a loved one with such a great send off! Anyone who has a problem with this should just simply tell their family not to do this with them when they die. No doubt this young man was looking on from somewhere with a smile on his face.
The parents are right, they had a celebration of Goonew's life and it will help them to grieve.I'm sure Goonew would have loved it.
This was beautiful and really made me rethink the way I may want my body handled when it's my time.
"You're not gonna look down on my son" that's all we need to hear as outsiders, it's powerful and moving enough. I'm glad they got to have this and I hope people leave them alone soon
A true mamma bear. The strength she had to give him the send off fitting of him is wonderful and all I saw was someone who was loved. Rest Peaceful Goonew.
My eyes waterd real bad when i heard the sentence!!! It was so power full! She knew what he wanted!
@@bevsims1982 yes! And the fact that they honored *his beliefs and life rather than something family may have wanted. That's ultimate respect and homage.
As a long they were his death wishes I’m fine with it . It upsets me when people don’t honor peoples dead wishes.
May we all have someone in our lives, as well as our deaths, that respects, loves, and fights for us so much.
In 1992, a writer I knew died, and I attended his pre-cremation wake at the Neptune Society's neo-Classical San Francisco columbarium, along with hundreds of others. The body was embalmed and in a casket, but rather than the middle of the floor, it was propped to almost upright in a corner where people could have a more private moment if they wished.
He was well known for 'holding court', whether at his home or when he attended conventions. He was always happy to talk with fans at length and was a sort of father figure to many. He'd be sitting in the most comfortable chair, his long legs crossed, invariably with a drink in one hand and gesturing with a cigarette in the other.
When I and a few others went to pay our respects after all the remembrances, the thing we all agreed on was that he didn't look right without a glass of whisky and a smoke. So someone provided the drink, and I provided the cigarette. It was an act of love, not disrespect: we were remembering the man we knew and loved, and making it seem more as if he were with us.
This was such a beautiful concept! It's clear that his family truly knew him well and respected the work he did in life, this is why different de@th options should be more readily available!
I love how she was so respectful and admiring, and then immediately "Because it was a corpse at a nightclub!!!"
A living ideal for "I don't understand, but I respect your right."
But she very clearly does understand, she provided a perfect explanation for it. She's simply sensible enough to be able to see it from both perspectives
She spoke very diligently 💟 My Condolences to the family 🙏 SleepInPeace Goonew 🕊💙
I’m in Louisiana and it’s very popular to do funerals like this. They don’t make us nervous or anything it’s actually natural. When the mother said you will not look down on my son I really felt and understood that.
Yeah I actually thought that way of thinking makes the whole thing really beautiful.
Fellow Louisiana girl here, and I thought the same thing. I automatically thought of Mickey Easterling's (whom my mom and I randomly met at NOMA when I was very young) funeral and how people freaked out over that too.
@@manicpixiedreamgoth1263 I almost wanted to know if his mom was from the south because here funerals are more of a celebration of life and I feel like that’s what she did with his funeral!!!!
Precisely. I find these to be beautiful tributes to the people who are being memorialized. I’ve seen them with a casino theme where the deceased was sitting at the dealer’s seat. I’ve seen them where the decedent was in their gaming chair with a player two controller available to play one last round with him. If it’s healing to the family, who are we to judge?
Pembroke Love, I Agree 100% !! Love Your Comment ❤
I fully love the idea of the middle finger to the killers saying that he was going to be celebrated and loved even in death while they will be nothing still. Because that is completely true. I'm so sure he was smiling watching all his family and friends having a blast at his celebration. His mother is a very beautiful and caring person to want to have his ideal funeral and not care what others would want. Much love to her and support.
it makes me sad that so many people felt the need to judge a memorial for someone they didnt even know. i hope the mother got the support she deserved
@@StrokerAce78 Excuse me, but I believe you are the one who is very close minded if you think that there is no way someone isn't able to be able to go to heaven just because of a earthly label like 'gangster'. If his heart was good and he at least tried to do good by the people around him, then I believe that their is still a opening within those clouds for him. Something tells me you don't know him, you only see the word gangster or that he is black with tattoos on his face and you think he is a bad person but not everyone who looks like that or has that label is a bad person. Even then, who are we to say good and bad when there are shades of gray in the world? Nothing is ever cut and dry.
Edit: Also had to rewatch the video to see but I didn't see at any point they called him a Gangster. He is a rapper, not a gangster. a Musician who does a certain type of music. Not sure where you got Gangster from now.
You kill the bodies but the souls are released and will haunt you forever
Yea I was thinking this to. He's also from my city so I represent to the fullest. I think it was different, I'd had never thought of this, but dang it looks really cool.
When it's your own money then you can celebrate a FUNERAL the way 💯 you see fit and it's not to please the world but you know what life lived of your loved one
My father was a pastor, did lots of funerals between 1947 and about 1988. He advised me not to go to his father’s bcs it’s too late to do anything meaningful. That was late 70s. He died in 2016. Made it clear he wanted no service. Donated his body to EVMS, came back ashes. My mother had a service. I didn’t go. He was unaware of the movement away from 20th C death responses. But, he obviously had a heart toward these developments that so excite me. I am REALLY enjoying you, my girl. 💛
This was a really well produced & researched video and this is why I love TH-cam creators/producers. Local or national tv programmes would rarely or even never produce media like this.
I learned a lot and even gained some new perspectives on different burial practices and society. Thank you!
"It's like having the last word" made me smirk. Showing the world that he will never leave entirely was the perfect way to send him off!
"Because we have such non-existent help for low income people in the death care system."
This hit hard, but in the most grateful way! I lost my mom during COVID(not to COVID), but I had discovered this channel months before. Your mortuary took care of, cremated, and divided her ashes for my sister and myself without nickel and diming.
Honestly, it was fate that I fell upon your channel months before she passed because I would have never found anyone that I'd be so comfortable with handling my mom.
Thank you Caitlin for everything! 🖤
(And for reference, I'd love my kids to be able to keep whatever tattoos of mine they may want and then throw my remains into nature to decompose naturally and feed the Earth.)
💜
I could tell it would probably be a very respectful and comforting experience, but I don't think I've seen someone talk about actually using Caitlin's mortuary services in all the years I've been watching her videos. My family is potentially moving somewhere very close to her practice and it's possible that we'll need her services someday, so I really appreciate your comment. I hope your family is doing well!
@Nix Ward I was thinking the exact same!!! I'm nowhere near her area and probably never will be but out of all the years I've been watching her (since her early days) I have yet to see a comment where the poster spoke on doing business with her funeral home (no doubt their are probably thousands but in the grand scheme of YT they can be downright impossible to view unless you scroll through 1k comments). I was delighted to see feedback on her services and if me or mine are ever in the area and in need, I can honestly say her funeral home would be my first call. I'm actually a bit jelly that my state (let alone locally) doesn't have many funeral homes or directors with the "options" that Caitlin offers. She has inspired me to think outside the box, plan ahead and actually research while I'm still here to make sure the me and mine have "the good death" experience in life!
Her blunt reply was so true. Funerals can wipe out a family with little cash, and they may get talked into paying on credit for years, etc. Sad and frustrating.
You're a hard core naturalist Kyleen✊✊✊✊
The guy on the motorcycle was encased in a glass box. Gooknew was out in the open at a club. That might be part of why people reacted so differently.
THIS. Someone might go into anaphylactic shock because they’re allergic to formaldehyde, the body being exposed could very well lead to that. My brother is deathly allergic to formaldehyde, we only found out because our father is a mortician and we lived above a funeral home. It was horrific when my brother had a reaction, he went into full on seizures
Most respectful funeral I've seen. They honored the hell out of Goonew's memory.
My mom grew up the youngest of 15 children, of people who were raised with the mindsets of farmers from the late 1800s and their attitudes toward death reflected that . When my grandfather passed away his body was left on his favorite recliner where he passed, and everyone was called to come see him off until the coroner picked him up the next day. Telling the story to people, I never thought it odd, despite the remarks and comments I got. I think what they did for Goonew was exactly as he would have wanted it.
This is how it’s done in many countries. Embalming bodies is mostly and American thing.
I'm in the UK and my mother tells the story of how, when she was very young, she was taken around to her uncle's house to say goodbye to him. He was laid out on the settee with a freshly laundered handkerchief over his face while various relatives and friends came to pay their respects.
We sat round with my dad in the living room and had a cup of tea when he died. It felt right and was really healing.
I'm Native and we do that too. Everyone comes over to gather and the body isn't supposed to be alone.
I don’t understand how people can say “it’s disrespectful to him and his memory.” Obviously his family who knew him best and loved him knew what kind of a person he was and how he wanted to be remembered. I’m so sorry for the family’s loss but I so admire their spirt and how they’re keeping his memory alive.
Exactly! Isn't honoring the wishes of the deceased and their family how one truly shows respect?
It definitely less sadder!!! Who are we to judge!!! Party 🎉 like the star that you are!!! ❤
I think this is such a powerful service. We are supposed to have a socially acceptable form of grieving regardless of how it's done. The family chose this because they know their son and that is a beautiful thing. If this brings the family peace after the loss of their son, then the event did its job.
I love the sentiment of Goonew's mother: "you will not 'look down' on my son".
I am glad that in this moment they got to mourn and celebrate exactly like they wanted. But I am saddened that their son is no longer alive to continue to contribute to the world and his community.
oh honey I totally look down on her AND her son. YUCK.
I came here to say exactly this.
@@jaspermartin7444 oh honey nobody asked you.
@@jaspermartin7444 You're 16, Jasper. You don't get to "look down" on the involved family of adults making these decisions, let alone "oh honey" someone over their opinion of it.
Come back when you've grown up a little.
Lol they weren't looking down on him, but on his family trying to get the attention on themselves
“I wish people would let me grieve in peace”
That’s all that matters on this controversy. The family made a choice and that’s all that matter.
Social media has done some great things with elevating voices, but I think it has embolden people to think they their opinion is needed or wanted on every topic.
@@foolishlyfoolhardy6004 What really bothers me about this comment is the automatic dismissal of the idea of being left in peace in public.
@@foolishlyfoolhardy6004 I just mean it's sad that the newer generations have regressed so far that *the very thought* of leaving someone in peace to do a thing, even if they did not understand or had not already been taught to respect that thing, is actually incomprehensible to some of us now. And all because there are so many people running around trying to "say something" or just be liked enough times or accrue a following or get re-elected or endorsed or whatever, picking every fight they can and inciting every conflict they can imagine for the sheer drama of it, for the emotional or fiscal payoff. The result of which is that the very idea of just witnessing in silence and with a modicum of respect a strange but harmless social matter, like decent people once did, leaving the media out of it by personal choice, because we had the integrity of spirit to respect a fellow human's right to exist and be left in peace to do that, even in public, does not even occur to you as a possibility.
"Exercise self-restraint (whatever that is)??
Out of a, what did you call it, a 'SENSE' of 'DECENCY'???", I hear you ask. And I reply, yes. It was like that once. In the before-times.
@@foolishlyfoolhardy6004 Sure, kid. Good talk.
@@foolishlyfoolhardy6004 I'm older than you, I believe that's plain, and that's all I meant by 'newer generations'. There was a time in this culture when one did not bring cameras to a memorial service, or even a concert, when one switched off one's phone for a group event. I'm sorry you weren't there to see it. Goodnight.
@@foolishlyfoolhardy6004 Good for you. I'm sorry you don't believe in a time when people were respectful of others in public. Perhaps you were not as privileged in your upbringing. I'm sorry you're incapable of seeing a future where people dignify the artist or the deceased, because they are worthy of that. Perhaps that's because you refuse to believe in a past you were tragically never a part of. Again, have a good night.
To Goonew's family: well done! Kudos to you for doing what you knew he would want and not letting uptight people get you down! You DO NOT owe them ANY apologies! I think what you did is wonderful! True, it's not what I would do - but we're not talking about me. We're in our wonderful country where we are free to make our choices and express ourselves. I think it's a wonderful thing when we can respect and be kind to each other even when our hobbies, music, etc and even choice of funeral can sometimes be so different. Bless you and I'm sorry for your loss!
What I think was my only pause was charging $40 admission - but I think perhaps you needed help with covering your costs and/or perhaps your family isn't so large and you wanted to invite fans, but not have a complete run on the place. Free admission might of been an overflow. Plus, if you had food, you may not be able to cover everyone.
My family has also shifted to doing celebration of life parties. Usually following cremation. And our way of helping family out to cover expenses is doing a pot luck. For my cousin, we had her father's band play as well.
I also made little gift bags - a list of things my cousin liked and some representation of those things. Reeces butter cup for her favorite candy, mimosa tree seeds and a website for directions on planting, a cross pendant on a necklace, hummingbird stickers, a small vial of sand from her favorite beach, a charm bead that said "Family", a picture of her favorite Klimt painting at the top of the list - and all of it in a red organza bag (red - her vibrant, charismatic soul) covered with butterflies, another favorite.
We didn't do an expensive service, embalming, grave, casket, tombstone etc - so I felt the $ well spent to give people some physical reminder gifts of things she liked.
We also did a memory tree - my aunt and uncle constructed a branched tree. We set out pens and colorful cards with a loop of string attached to hang the cards. People wrote some of their favorite memories, which we later compiled in a picture book for her husband to keep. It was a wonderful celebration!
I think his family are amazing to stick fingers up to society to celebrate his life in the way he should be represented! Such a brave thing to do, so it shows just how much his family loved him! I'm so sorry for your loss but at the same time thank you for sharing this moving moment with us all! Xx
He's not the first corpse in a night club, and he won't be the last. My condolences to the family, and good for them to honor him how they saw fit. 💕
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
You know, as a recovering addict, this hits different. Or maybe exactly as you'd meant.
@@AK-fr5zv Recovery can be a long and lonely road. I haven't been in a nightclub in over a decade. Stay strong. 💕
@@AK-fr5zv you're not the first addict you won't be the last let that hit different 🧐🍻🥃
@@MD-cu6tx I'm more than aware...
I'm sorry, I laughed so hard when Dr Fletcher responded to "what makes it controversial" with "Because you have a corpse in a night club." I love it, I love it, I love it. I'm so used to people who will dance around the point, and I am endlessly happy when people just say it straight.
She delivered it beautifully. Honorable mention goes to Caitlin's decision to write and deliver the phrase "corpse libertarian", although life presumably offered her MANY chances to avoid it.
Yessss I'm so happy to see Dr. Fletcher again; she's so brilliant and interesting to listen to.
Being straight up and brutally honest is the ONLY way to live for me. It's not so common in society tho. Everything is so rehearsed and sugar coated and it's making a soft generation!!! Everything has to be said in the right way but life isn't fair so if you can't handle hearing a few words that you didn't expect to hear and they hurt your fragile emotions then you should go live on a deserted island somewhere (I'm not referring to you personally)
Yeah this was my favorite part! I loved that they could have a nuanced discussion and delve into why this wasn't bad or harmful (quite the opposite), but she still acknowledged the basic fact that a corpse in a nightclub is a weird and unexpected occurrence, so of course people are reacting strongly to it!
@@kenkaniff8428 At first when my dad died I would say he "died" but everyone was so shocked by it I began saying "passed." Um, he DID die.
I’m from DC he ASKED FOR THIS! He had a candlelight vigil then at one of the most popular clubs “BLISS” he was the life of the party IRL and in his death. It was a different way to leave the world and not everyone wants to be in a box w all they family crying, I know for a fact I dont! I am actually gonna plan and pay for my own funeral to start a new family tradition. We all gotta go may as well get comfortable with the idea of caskets and traditional funerals being the thing of the past especially w most people not actually being Christian but somehow gettin sent home in a Church.
Go Goonew! Wonderful life tribute!! And poor Eugene 😢 How distrustful, both of you rest in peace 🙏
This is like a song I grew up with, “Prop me up beside the Jukebox if I die.” I liked that she took her son’s life into account on how to send him away. I’m an atheist but my family would have a religious ceremony against my wishes. It was respectful for him and to him and that’s the important thing.
A nurse i work with started singing this with a drunk patient recently lol
I started singing this song when the artist , Joe Diffie died. Bless his sole.
I wouldn't mind my family celebrating my life in the form of a traditional funeral. Just don't sing gospel music and don't be talking about God. What they did for him was just disrespectful of a corpse.
@@CoasterMan13Official Disrespectful according to whom? You're entitled to your own opinion, but don't act like you know what Goonew would have considered disrespectful better than *his own family*; your opinions and cultural differences are not the only ones that have a right to exist.
That makes me think of "roll me up and smoke me when I die" lol
my friend of 19 years died last October and her service was held in an arcade/bowling ally because from the time we were little girls she'd told her sister and I that she wanted her funeral to be a celebration/party. it was one of the hardest days of my life but i feel like it honored her more than a normal funeral would have ever.
I'm sorry for you're loss. Having a service at an arcade sounds like a good idea. Honestly I would probably want the same thing but I probably wouldn't have anyone show up to mine though.😅
I have been watching you for about 2 weeks now and I really enjoy your stories. This one is really close to home. I was born and raised in Sabina, Ohio. I never got to see Eugene because I was born after he was buried but he is a legend around here. This is a small town where everybody knows everybody. Thanks for mentioning him.
I'm sure that the club wasn't saying they didn't know that the casket/corpse wouldn't be there more likely that they were saying they didn't know the family would prop the body up on stage
I’m a funeral industry manager, I always tell my families that it’s their day, their grief and they must grieve in their own way. If Mom is good with it, I’m not saying anything. 💙
Funerals are so important for the living. It truly allows the family to not just move on, but to truly understand the new timeline. It's a sad but beautful process, it's hard to explain.
Faccz
Is there anything that you couldn't do with an embalmed body? Are there any limitations to this type of extreme embalming?
@@dovie2blue we have never had a family ask for this, we have had families ask to embalm them so well that they will still look good 10 days out. We are in a tourist state, accidents happen here and often times we care for the decedents and the funeral home in their home state picks them up. Many times reconstructive prep is needed. We do whatever we can so the family can view their loved ones, we treat each person as if it’s our own family.
April 20th 77, We're transformers of Our lifetime. Gracias Amiga 🙌🏽
I thought of Emmett Till, how his mother chose to have his funeral open casket despite the horrific damage done to him. As a means to show the horror of what was done to him, not hide the injustice done to not only a human but a literal child. And I’m sure someone would see that as inappropriate or grotesque but like Dr Fletcher says it gave the community and the country pause
Mmm. An act of justice.
I completely agree, Emmett Till was exactly where my mind went too.
His mother was such a strong woman. To want everyone to see what had been done to her child. Emmett was lucky to have such a good mother.
I think of selena quintanilla when they opened her casket for the last hour of viewing
amazing video, im glad his family got to celebrate him in the way they needed to. RIP Goonew New Orleans is proud of you💛👑
Markelle was talented and such a sweet young man.
I think his home-going event was wonderful.
What a beautiful family.
They honoured Goonew in such a unique way that reflects his short-and beautiful life.
If this helps the family cope with such a tragic loss, good for them.
Why is this different from a wake, when everyone walks by and stares at a dead body?
I find nothing wrong with this lovely tribute. ❤
May his memory be a blessing.
In New Zealand, specifically a Tangi (Maori funeral) embalming is needed because loved ones sleep next to the open coffin for three days before burial. Because the belief is it takes 3 days for the spirit to move on. Although, after they are buried (or gone to be cremated) we party to celebrate their life.
This is a really lovely way to say goodbye to someone, and I imagine it must help with the grieving process to watch over them as they pass on.
Also, I was wondering if you happen to know how this ceremony was done prior to the invention of modern embalming techniques? Were there traditional ways to preserve the body, or was embalming less necessary because people didn't have to travel far for funerals?
If you keep a body cold enough embalming isn't necessary, I slept next to my grandma for 8 days and she wasn't embalmed, just cooled.
I did something similar with my grandmother. We rented a room in a funeral home and our entire family just slept near her coffin for 3 days. And it was never really weird for us, if anything its like a nice family reunion. The rented room also has a functional shower and kitchen so it was like a funeral Airbnb
@@margaesperanza That's so sweet. I didn't even know that was something that could be done☺️
This is absolutely heartbreaking. What they did for him is truly amazing. I’m a pretty death positive person, I’m always saying I want my send off to be a celebration. They don’t need to apologize for doing what he would of wanted, something that helps them move on. He deserves that crown, and the family deserves to deal with death in any way they see fit
I love this channel when I saw you laying on that table I thought to myself this is got to be one of the best persons in the whole wide world you are amazing thank you for what you do
This is why I subscribe. A deep dive into societal norms. If it helps the family mourn, who are we to judge? No one is being hurt.
"You're not gonna look down on my son." What a powerful statement. Thank you as always for taking such time and care to give detailed perspectives on this, and to give both him and the family the respect they deserve.
Right! I agree!
Agreed. May he rest well and his family recover/find solace.
When my son was murdered we had him dressed in his favorite skateboarding pants, shirt and shoes. We had people stick skateboard stickiers on his coffin and had them write personal messages on it. He looked like he was in a big funky skateboard. We played one of his favorite songs. It was him through and through. I pray for this man's family. They did what he would have wanted them to do. Good for them.
Sorry for your loss. 🙏🏼
My condolences to you and your family ❤️
Sorry for your loss.💛 I also applaud you & your family for giving your baby the send off he deserved & was all about him. 💛💛💛
@@zolau7702 Thank you so much.
@@Suga29838 Thank you so much.
this is the kind of thing my childhood best friend wanted when he died, he weirdly looked a lot like goonew too actually lol, but he told me he wanted us to set up a really long slip n slide with brandy for water with fire at the end of it so we could send his body down it's last slip n slide and then he'd catch fire like a viking at the end.
I didn't feel like I could tell his mother that we'd discussed this prior to the accident tho cause she was a mess since we were both teenagers still, and he'd told only me of that wish. So he was cremated normally, but with a celebration after rather than memorial. We said long live, not rip, and 200 people we knew came to the party after.
but 11 years later I still feel bad I didn't push for his slip n slide.
I'm sorry man. Maybe you could still send his ashes down a slip n slide
Here in New Orleans we did the same thing for a very popular musician...and no one complained.
Also if it's what the family wants it shouldn't be anybody's concern
As a paramedic, I've seen the negative side of death far more than I would have liked to. If this brought comfort and peace to his family - blood or otherwise - than who am I to judge.
And THAT is absolutely the BOTTOM LINE!!
@@kenkaniff8428 I completely agree. Funerals are for the living. The only thing I have a problem with is the family charging his friends and loved ones $40 to attend his funeral and say goodbye. That's really the only thing I have a problem with. I think asking for donations would have been a lot better. I know funerals and embalming are expensive but something just rubs me the wrong way about denying entry to friends and loved ones because they don't have the $40 to pay to say goodbye to him. Especially in this economy where gas is $6 a gallon in Washington DC where this was held.
Great post
@@WhitneyDahlin yea I totally understand how that rubs people the wrong way. You're not wting for feeling that way AT ALL.
Great to see Dr. Fletcher on the channel again; the passion and dedication she has for this field of work is inspiring and it's great to see the work you put into your amazing content♥️
when I hear of that name...I think of the egyptologist at first... I have been watching a lot of history videos lately...particularly on Egypt.
I’m baffled that ppl are baffled..why…seriously if that’s what the whole family and the dead wanted what’s the issue. They are not forcing anyone to attend or do this with their dead. Ppl really gotta start minding their own business. Honestly how is this anyone else’s business🤦♀️and even let’s say some family is on welfare, their family member was just shot and murdered, who’s to say how they should say goodbye🤷♀️
I hadn’t seen her before but I now this makes me want to read all her work!
Love Dr fletcher
@@karentucker2161 Same! I was watching one of her Egypt documentaries the other day!
Good job with this one Caitlin. Wonderful.
Im from PG County and I love how you covered this story, you gained a new sub. Truly Amazing Work!
When my dad died the eulogy given by my brothers was more of a comedy routine. They told stories of the things we had done while dad was alive. It was amusing to watch the expression on the attendees. Some thought it was disrespectful but obviously they didn’t know dad that well.
This was a celebration of dad’s life. He was a funny man and loved to laugh.
My funeral will include handouts of Jim Beam and having one hit wonders playing in the background
A beautifully forceful woman died. A simple, loving description was spoken to explain her sensitively.
There was no awkward tension among the congregation. Instead there was laughter. It might have been something that they all suspected but were afraid to admit.
Copies of the script were asked for by a few people who said they had not heard everything properly.
Having said that, I still think everything is done for the living and not the dead.
That's great that you did that for your dad... and on an additional lighter note, one of my friends played the song Purple People Eater at her mom's funeral.. her mom absolutely loved that song
That sounds really 😎 cool
I can't help but think that the thing distribution people is the lack of a barrier. In a tableau, in a glass casket, in a coffin, or wherever - you are separated from the body, you are just watching, you are safe. The people at his home going were interacting with the dead, they weren't just "spectators" viewing a body, they were right there with him to see him off and show his family that they cared for him.
Also, I've gotta love the guy who pointed out this was a giant FU to the person who killed him.
I had to unpack why this made me uncomfortable, and to me I think it was about the intentions behind the funeral plan. I think Goonew's family did the right thing and honored his memory and life, but this seems different to me than Billy Standley (buried on his motorcycle). Billy planned his funeral to be a show, and planned his own honoring where Goonew wasn't able to do that, his life was ripped away from him and that makes me question if his final show is something he would of wanted for himself. BUT I'm not his family, I didn't know him and I believe the family did everything in their power to make the night something that he would of been proud of. I just hope the family is able to grieve with all of this attention brought on them.
@@sandraweiss4412 I agree that it's have been better if he was able to plan his own service. However being a young man that wasn't likely something he thought about, and our culture in America has so commercialized and confused the issue of death traditions that most families can either fall back on the commercialized tradition or do their best to guess what their family member would have wanted need on their life. It sounds like they did their best so more power to them.
In many ways tends like this make me envy many of the other cultures around the world that have much more invested and connected death traditions. BTW, if you've never read Caitlin's books I recommend them - especially "From Here to Eternity" (which is like a 5.5 hour video if you get it on audible as she reads it herself) where she talks about going around the world and experiencing the varied ways that people treat their dead.
Lack of barrier is probably a big part. With that lack there is an implied requirement to interact which is not comfortable for many people. Also, let's consider that although he was a rapper the family specifically took this to a night club. Night clubs are often unsavory, unsanitary and rude or unsafe places generically. If they had set this up in another music venue that was not a night club I think the public response would have been significantly different. Choosing a night club is rather tasteless because it lacks respect when celebrating his life and treats it as just another party. They could have chosen another venue with a stage and done basically the same things just bring a smoke machine and lights. They didn't do so. The lack of any clear sacred ritual or space present makes this uncomfortable because it feels like denigration.
@@LotusesGalaxyOcean What sort of alternate venue would you suggest? I can't think of another setting that would both have a stage and allow for the sort of interacting that most folks do at a funeral. Also, if that's the sort of venue he performed at wouldn't that be the place to honor his life? And who are we to tell his family they made the wrong choice?
It might not feel right for you and your family, but this is about his family. You suggest they should have setup a sacred space, whereas the family mentioned not wanting to use a church as he didn't go to church. Now I realize that a sacred space doesn't have to involve a church, or a temple, or a mosque - but if they specifically called out the fact that he didn't go to church I don't think it's a stretch to say religion may not have played a large part in his life. So a sacred space may be right for you but if they decided it wasn't right for them then that's their choice.
Would I honor my family in this way, no. But it's not about my family, or your family, it's about their family. It's about allowing them to express their grief in their own way.
This is a most beautiful, yet profoundly sad story perfectly executed. I am honored learning about this man, his life, music & his family. I know he was Kickin' it with his people! Celebrate a Life well Loved! ❤🎉
Thank you for covering this so well and respectful ❤️
His family knew him better than the critics. I think this was amazing because his mom thought about him and how he would like to go home. Stop judging, you don’t have to have this type of wake. Condolences to his entire family and friends❤️
This is the first that I have heard about this "controversy." Wow. A family had a funeral that aligned with the person they lost. It's their loss. It's their grief. It isn't for outsiders to have an opinion. It doesn't matter whether you or I or anyone else would be comfortable having or attending such a funeral. If you don't have something nice to say to the mourners, don't say anything. Sending support and good vibes to the family.
If they wanted privacy then they shouldn't post it to Instagram and charge admission to the "event" aka this poor guys funeral. So crude
@@Jenn-ie5vf OTHER JENNIFER. Are you replying under every comment? Keep watching the video until you get it Lord give me strength.
@@Jenn-ie5vf Who said anything about privacy? It's the mourners' choice whether they want privacy. And it's the mourners' choice whether to ask for help with the cost. The whole point is these choices are none of our business.
@@AutisticRebbetzen You don't charge "admission" to a funeral, end of it. It's not a concert. Good Lord
@@Jenn-ie5vf Crude? Poor guy? You're talking like you knew anything about him or who he was before he died. That event is exactly how that "poor guy" lived and enjoyed his life. His own family said it would've been disrespectful to *him* to put him in a suit and lay him in a church, in a casket-something he said he didn't want while alive-and do a religious burial. You know nothing about him, his life, or his family. Your funeral experiences are not the arbiter for everyone else's. Get over yourself.
WOW! What a compelling story! Thanks for covering this 💖
In 1989 my cousin died from a car accident at 17 he hated funeral homes so his mom had his funeral casket and all in their living room. We listened to music watched movies cried and laughed together and at the age of 15 it definitely left a mark on me. Thank you for everything you do!
It’s just another way to display a body at a funeral. Instead of laying down in repose, he’s standing onstage, in front of everyone, in glory. His body wasn’t disrespected or desecrated. It was honored and celebrated. I think it’s moving for the family to want to recreate his legacy with one last party. RIP Goonew👑
One of my favorite stories is about a woman who had terminal cancer, and she decided to end her life on her own terms, with the help of a doctor and medication. On the day she decided to go, her family got together, and had a celebration of life with her, and she died later that night. I remember hearing people criticize how it’s morbid to throw a death party for yourself 🙄. This man’s family clearly loves him, and this event is possibly one of the coolest celebrations of life I’ve ever seen. I think he would have loved his last performance.
I am all for this approach to the end. I have a feeling it happens more often than we know especially when dealing with a terminal illness. Why waste away slowly. Have a party, and say goodbye. Leave everyone with a heartfelt personal goodbye.
Oprah did a similar thing recently for her father. There was big celebration right before he died
A beautiful way to celebrate a loved one’s life. I like it. ❤
I appreciate this series and this last video especially. Thank you for this fascinating look at this topic most of us would just as soon avoid. One of my best friends was a Funeral director in life. He is gone now but was SO big on just doing what teh family wanted to do to memorialize the life we had all lost. Whether it was traditional or not. I hope you will have more videos in production. If not- THANK YOU!!! Your efforts are so appreciated.
I had a pajama party with several of my nieces with my father in his casket right there in the room with us. The casket was opened, so the older nieces wrote notes and placed them inside. The little ones drew pictures. We told funny stories about grandpa and celebrated our time with him. None of them were “freaked out”. Why would they be? It was Papa.
Wow, the very definition of death positive. Nicely and gracefully done. Losing your dad can be devastating.
This is such an amazing way to part with a loved one, so healthy too, it’s so nice to hear that children were able to connect in such a way and accept death, really proves wrong the fake thought many people have that children can’t understand it
That's beautiful
Yeah that’s definitely not for me but no hate hear. I dont go up to caskets anymore especially if its an open casket. Ever since I’ve seen my Grandma (who raised me for the most part until she died when I was a little kid) in the open casket and she looked all weird to me and obviously dead. I’ve never been able to get those thoughts out of my head and its the main thing I think of when I think of her. I dont want to think of her that way. I want to remember all the good things about someone. I want to remember when they were alive. I dont want the picture of her dead, decaying and looking gross in my mind especially when its the main thing I think about every time I think of her. So i started not going to wakes in general but I still wanted to pay my respects so I just wouldnt go up to casket especially if it was open casket. Its not like I’m grossed out by any of that stuff, it just makes me more depressed, sad, whatever and I dont want to remember someone like that if I dont have to. I’ve always had really bad night terrors, I’m basically desensitized to any kind of gruesomeness because of how bad, how graphic and how gruesome my night terrors would get with me being murdered, killed, slaughtered every way imaginable and just horrible nightmares I cant even describe it eventually made me look into a few of those gore videos after a co-worker showed one on the computer at work. It wasnt because I like it or had no compassion because I definitely dont like them and feel awful for the people in them, it was more so that I’ve already experienced these in my nightmares and I also wanted to see how the real world is if this were ever to happen right in front of me or happen to me, I want to be prepared in a way, instead of just shocked by it. If a brutal car accident happens I want to think straight and help as opposed to shocked and scared to do anything. Also I almost became an EMT at one point so I need to be able to see the most graphic things like its normal. So anyway its not like the graphic nature of an open casket bothers me or anything its just that I dont want to remember my loved ones that way. But im glad you were able to celebrate/grieve whatever the way you wanted. Im glad it was good experience for you and everyone. Everyone and anyone should be able to do whatever they want as long as it doesnt harm anyone else no matter how “weird” “odd” it seems to someone else or to majority of the public. Just because it’s different some people will say its wrong or you shouldnt do it just because they dont do it that way or most people dont do it that way. That’s ridiculous and stupid. Let people do whatever they want.
A funny moment…
When we were all tucked in and ready for sleep, I said, “Good night, Dad”. Then each of the girls took turns saying, “Good night, Papa.” When everything was quiet for a few seconds, I said, “Good night, girls” in a deep, raspy voice. They all erupted with laughter.
I actually think there’s something incredibly earnest and endearing about this send off lol.
Agreed. It seems joyful.
For sure, what a loving tribute and compliment. I think it's kinda nice. 🤔
this video is awesome i love all i've learned about this and I think this is something I want to do for my funeral
Love the commentary and the different views in this video. Great work.
Honestly after learning about the situation, I find it really heart warming. Too many families are quick to disregard their families personalities and non official death wishes. The fact that they really truly thought about Goonew as a person before deciding what to do is touching. It's the little details that may not have even been consciously decided on that really make this case special. The active decision not to put him in a stuffy suit, casket, and hold a church funeral service shows that his family really knew him. While there's a chance he outright stated those things, it seems like they're little things the family picked up on. I honestly hope that we not only move away from the commercialized funeral industry, but towards the personalization of wakes, funerals, and death ceremonies.
Personally I am more of a green burial person BUT I completely support this family's choice. They honored Goonew in a way that he would have wanted. Agreeing with the rapper - the murder was disrespectful not the funeral.
very happy to have found your channel. you're very entertaining i love your sense of humor.
I love this channel. Black South African death rituals and experiences are remarkably similar except the funeral at a club is yet to come I love Dr Fletcher!
I may not make the same choices but I applaud his Mom for staying true to her child. Funerals, homecomings, whatever you believe, it's a personal choice and all families are different. She feels like she honored her child and stayed true to who he was, she deserves to be left to grieve in her own way and time. No mother should have to bury her child to begin with. No one has the right to tell her how to do that.
I'm all for this! They sent him off in a way they thought he would enjoy. I see nothing wrong with this. If they charged to cover the cost of the funeral, even better cause funerals are so expensive. If people were willing to pay that and help the family out, that's their business! I would hope my funeral would be so joyful and full of life and happy memories. More power to his family, this seems like the perfect send-off for their son who didn't do church and wouldn't wear a suit. "Respectful" is in the eye of the beholder. His Mother is entitled to grieve and plan this the way she believed he would want. I say it's a good thing.
I agree
I agree! Grief is a very personal process. What a party! I hope my family can have some fun and drinks and laughs when I go. I don’t want anything traditional either!
Honestly, as somewhat dubious as charging for a funeral could be in our capitalist hellscape, I don’t think it’s much different than giving gifts including money to grieving loved ones.
Well said.
I really appreciate you pointing out that charging to cover the cost was appropriate.
Often, friends want to support the family of a lost loved one! Where I’m from, it’s traditional to bring, or help prepare food for a communal meal as part of the funeral service/celebration of life activities. Other families appreciate many large flower arrangements to decorate the service/memorial of their loved one, and those are often given as gifts by friends and attendees. Other times “In Lieu of flowers” friends contribute to medical bills the deceased left behind, or a fund for his widow/child/partner to have money to cover bills, take time off from work to get affairs in order/grieve, travel, whatever.
Anyway, don’t see how people paying to “attend” this event -that was exactly what the family wanted for their son- is really any different than a community contributing to the services/celebration and family just the same as similar “more common” ways I’ve seen.
I remember my Grandparents pre-planning their funerals. It was extremely important to them that there be money included, and everything be set up to pay for the “traditional” post-service luncheon at their church. With the “traditional foods” and everything. Obviously, they weren’t going to be there - the food wasn’t for them. They wanted to make sure that this “traditional, communal, sharing event” would absolutely happen, because they knew it would be a gathering that brought a lot of comfort to their family, and helped them process the loss. And they were right.
Funerals aren’t really /for/ the dead person- they are /for/ those of us left behind. And of course there’s the wishes of the deceased to be considered in many aspects of death, much of the Celebration/Remembrance/Collective Grieving really should be whatever will be a process that best suits the family (and loved ones) as they transition in to a life with out that person in it.
Here, we’ve been shown that this is what was best for Goonu’s family and kin, and maybe, going forward, (regardless of what kind of “going away” the family plans for their loved one- just considering things like end of life medical costs, funerary costs, death taxes, potential loss of income from the family member, even just grieve support) It should because more “traditional” to contribute a “cover fee” to the family at “end of life” recognition events.
I saw a funeral online and the deceased young woman’s casket was almost upright because her mother did not want people looking down at her child’s body and I truly understood her.
This was my dream when I was a kid. Respect to his family for respecting him.