Dating Someone With High Functioning Autism: 5 Surprising Truths
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- Those beginning to feel an attraction to someone with autism may have questions about what dating life is like. Dating someone with high functioning autism is a little different than what some expect, and some may find it a challenge. In our video, we share some of the surprising truths about dating someone with high functioning autism. Our intent is to help clarify questions you may have about building a relationship with an individual with autism so that you may have a wonderful time together, and see the love grow! For more insights about dating someone with high functioning autism, be sure to check out our accompanying blog post. And then, check out some more of our blog and our platform to start finding someone special! Learn more at www.specialbri....
1. Quiet but lovely; choose a quiet or silent place to share words, like a quiet cafe or park.
2. Eye contact might be a struggle, as well as other sensory issues.
3. Value routines; ask about your daily schedule and adapt yours.
4. Emotional capacity of ASD can be greater than that of allistic, but they often don't know how to express it and are often misread as emotionless. Have difficulty reading cues.
5. Brutal honesty can be good or bad. Don't expect autistic partner to read hints.
I'm on the spectrum and I feel like I'm too fundamentally broken to be in a relationship.
Of course you're not. Also you can create your own unique definition of what a relationship that you need is and negotiate it with the other person. Please share your diagnosis with the potential neurotypical partner so that they can educate themselves. Really the tragedy of our society is that we don't know people might be wired completely differently than us. All it takes is the willingness to learn their Aspie/neurotypical language.
same
I hear you. A huge problem for me when it comes to dating and relationships is I hate small talk - it drains the life out of me. How on earth can I have a partner with this issue? The only way it works is if I mask and that isn’t sustainable
Same here! I honestly am a piece of work! I want to be date material, but I know I'm not, and I'm 23! Lol!
Not true❤, love yourself first then love will come. You’re not alone, stay strong and I’ll pray for you stranger!:)
Dating my autistic partner presents unique challenges, but it's absolutely worth it. I love who he is, and I'm so grateful for our connection.
I'm so pleased to read this. 🥰
All these things are true at first i have a difficult time with dealing with my boyfriend since he doesnt tell me yet about his condition but after awhile i learn to adapt and when he told me im not surprised anymore and were still together 😊 hes the sweetest and most faithful guy i ever met and we click a lot so i dont mind at all
I have Aspergers this really helped me understand that people do understand what we go through
Your not alone brother I have Asperger’s or high functioning autism as well and I’m 24 and never had a girlfriend before. So this is really helpful
@KAIJUKING123 similar spot but I am a girl. 1-2 relationships. It's hard, but you got this man!
Dating with a ASD is very challenging and not for everyone, let alone marryingone. You will need high flexibility, love and patience.
Challenging? No it hell!
It’s pure horror
Most people don't have the patience.
The replies only confirm that NTs want us dead.
I appreciate these comments so much. Im trying to get over my love for one.
I’m on the spectrum and just learning about this… I’ve always hid my asd because I was made to feel different but now I’m done trying to fit in. Thank you for these videos I am sending them to my gf so we can understand it more, I believe my behaviors caused our relationship to end.
Thank you for this video! At 58 years of age, I have only recently discovered my Autism and it now makes so much sense as to my differences in approaching life. Jeffrey Z. in SC
At first I didn't derstand why my boyfriend didn't had eye contact with me, the brutal honesty, the sarcasm and why he avoid crowds. Then he confess me a few days later that he is in spectrum, I didn't mind at all, he is a wonderfully man and I am happy that I have him in my life. now, everything makes sense, I'm super happy to be able to understand him better and his needs, instead of been all judgemental. I will make sure to keep educating myself ❤😊 thank you very much.
I asked my ex aspie, if his "flirting with me" he answerd "no"/ but all his behaviour shows the opposite. each time i have a problem he is there, he often asks me things to do for him while he could do them himself. He says i'm wise and beautiful. I'm the one who drop the relation, because of his lack of communication, and demonstration, I still care for him but i doesn't know it, It told him I never go back wtih him, Today I could not continue keeping in touch with him it hurts me to see him so kind with me
It can also help to choose activities where both of you are focused on something in common. "Working alongside" is very valuable for the autistic's experience. :)
I am a 22 year male, christian, looking for the love of my life. I live on the east coast, usa.
Good luck! Hope you find that person!
@davesc4276 hey I am here for you ❤️
Shit I'm a combat veteran who finds it nearly impossible to buy stuff from a store to stand in line Is on thing. But interaction with the cashier yikes..
Personally I feel I notice too much of all of the Bs people run on me for comfort
I'm pretty sure I'm dating someone with High functioning Autism.
He has all the signs but has a decent social life.
My biggest issue is he avoids all talk about emotions or stops talking to me if he cant follow through with plans, only to cancel the next day on me.
I am honestly unsure of how to approach things with him.
I'm very patient but dont understand how to approach the topic of dating if he refuses to make time for me.
His work life has been eating at our relationship to the point he can't make time for me anymore.
Any attempt at trying to calmly discuss this issue is met with avoidance or him saying he does have time when he clearly doesn't.
I see a lot of people here sharing how this advice fits well with their experience, however I would like to add that my personal experience is very much different, so do not take this advice to be holy. Just realize that people differ from eachother, it isn't called the spectrum for no reason.
I can say tha the schedule part is point on..especially when you re like me that as ADHD and Autism
My Fiancee is on the spectrum and is on the verge of leaving me. She says she doesn't feel like she can depend on me to be there for her emotionally because I've been dealing with a bad bout of depression for about 3 months. She never told me how she was feeling until she already given up on us. I'm trying so hard to show her I will do my best to be there for her in every way but I fear it's to late. How can I show her how much I love her and that I never want her to doubt that I have her back. I would do literally anything for that woman.
I don't know if it's too late, rarely will we bother to say anything if it's too late. Just show her you care about her, and then do your things and care about yourself. Sometimes wanting something so bad we can push away. Just life your life as a good person and the rest will follow. Sometimes we part paths, that's ok. Love is something bigger. Hope that helps. :/
My gf is going through menopause...I had prostate cancer....intimacy helped me bond..so now im only left with emotioal connection....as an asd1...ahhhhhh.
That initial attraction can quickly turn into repulsion once you get to know them.
Tell the reality of this. It's hell dating someone with autism and adhd.
Exactly pure hell and confusing. Same feeling as you in a relationship with a narcissist. I wish i would have never ever open my heart to this guy with Asperger. I know him for quite some years. We were best friends. It’s crazy the way they thinking and communicate
Applies to normal men who marry ASD women too. My wife, who eventually killed herself because suicide is common in ASD, was also promiscuous behind my back, which is also a feature of ASD in females.
It’s hell especially if they are undiagnosed and would never seek treatment. My ex was always off to me in some way and she checks a lot of boxes. My therapist was the one who suggested she might be on the spectrum and it makes so much more sense now. It’s still not an excuse for her treating me poorly for years being emotionally abusive and lacking empathy.
And the romanctoc ques are
Lacking and cannot regulate emotions which has left me
Often confused in dating a 50 yr old Aspie Man. Who has successful career but. No friendship and no romance
Yeah for me the issue is I have strange obsessions. I love sweaty women, volcanoes, drones, and odd stuff. Not very women whom like to go to the gym and then how do you tell your date that you like watching them sweat..or you like to d a particular date like walk in the park or hiking because you like to see them sweat? I mean I guess that can come put later as the relationship builds?...
Don’t do it.. aspies need to date aspies. If not.. you will be lonely and confused as hell.
That is honestly such a dehumanizing way to think about people. There no such thing as a fucking ‘aspie’ or a ‘borderliner’ or any other way of reducing an entire human being to the disorder they suffer from.
I can guarentee you this, you could put ten people with an austistic diagnosis in the same room, and you would or could at least, see a group of people with seemingly no characteristics in common. Thats why its called a spectrum, cause it involves a graydient of everything from utterly unnoticable for others, to people like Dustin Hofman in Rain Man. And everything in between.
No person should be reffered to, much less treated, as nothing more than a disorder inhabiting a human form.
@@elliottboomsluiter7214 Thank you. In fact, i struggle w BPD and my partner is on the spectrum. We are more than that though
@@centuriongirlw5822 don’t let anyone define you or your loved ones by the problems you deal with. No person is reduceable to a diagnosis.
I’m so sorry you’ve been made to feel this way, but this isn’t the only truth. If you only want to date people who have certain shared things with you that is your choice for sure, but this idea that you can’t be and feel loved and understood and appreciated by NT people is untrue and can be further hurting you to believe everyone will be like that.
@@centuriongirlw5822OMG I'm in the same situation! I hope everything goes wonderfully for you two! I also really struggle with BPD but surprisingly I feel like I've gotten better with it these last few months with him. I hope your BPD isn't treating you too badly, I know it can hurt like hell ❤
I’ve been having a problem with the last one but I have rest all down :3 ❤
My boyfriend is on the spectrum, and he's the most amazing man I've ever met ❤️
Has he proposed yet?
Understand that we need our "autistic rest" or we won't be functional. If you date, it's one thing but think long term. Some of us go as far as getting our own bedroom so we can get the space we need to survive. For me, when I enter my room at night, I put on anime and sometimes, I don't even watch it. It's for the noise that is constant and expected. And it's the same feeling as laying down in a hot bath and letting go. I used to explode in anger and fits due to overexposure and stress. It's not that I don't love my wife and kids. I simply didn't even know I needed that.
I have never been on a date with a woman in my life. Presently, I do not have a car nor a lot of money and where I live, there are not very many places I can visit that would work on a date. I appreciate that this video provides assistance to people dating individuals with autism. I appreciate you posting this video!
Remember Mike, you only live once so go for it. Regrets like that aren’t worth the pain, rejection is temporary and who knows she might not even reject you.
Same! I haven't been on a date either! But honestly, I'm a piece of work and I'm 23! Lol! Best of luck though! I hope you find someone!
Mike, that's ok, all of us are made different, Just be kind, Respectful to others, You are here for a Reason and a.purpose. God is watching and taking care of you.
@@Pedro-uk2vf Most women don't want to date a man without a car and lacking resources. Unless it's my sister but my sister is crazy.
Me and my wife are autistic we went to the park on our first date
I have high functioning autism and I NEVER dated anyone! I’ve been single my whole life,😂 I can take it tho
Need advice for my gf shes sweet mist of the time but I literally came to comfort her because an she wanted me to and barley acknowledged my presence and she's terrible at communicating no mater how often we talk about it
Amazing advice. All correct to the single small detail.
Usual advice I've seen tends to have that emotional side you talked at the end wrong.
While it's in the essence masking, and fear of disclosure, because of past experiences when people reacted badly. And it's impossible to talk about feelings if blocking them.
I am on the spectrum as well and I find it very difficult to get close to people (hugging and kissing for instance) as well as driving, which basically screws me out of ever getting a relationship :(
Is there a way you could incrementally train yourself to be a little less uncomfortable? I was not much into touching, but over the course of a nearly six month relationship, I started to crave it just because the guy was that good to be around.
One word: Don't. Not bein' mean, just honest.
Well you certainly shouldnt, with that attitude at least. Just don't spread your misery
Just to follow up on my comment… I think this video is good at explaining how to work on a relationship where people have opposite Autism traits that have opposite presentations. It is helpful, but it’s good to be accurate and understand that both have Autism Spectrum Disorder and it is all now known being the same 1 Disorder now.
Hm, I've been married unwittingly to a high functioning autistic and these are now my "5 Surprising Truths" about our dating experience.
1. He's lying about who he is
2. He's lying about who he's not
3. He's lying about everything, not just about himself, per se, all day every day.
4. He's hates himself but lies to cover it up.
5. He's learning more about you, the *authentic one willing to be vulnerable* (aka "neurotypical") one, so he can be confident his lies will pay off in tricking you into marriage.
"Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive."
This information is out of date (not to be rude, just to inform). Asperger’s is no longer a separate diagnosis. Asperger’s used to be considered the high functioning version of Autism, until research showed all Autism really falls on a large Spectrum with variety with symptoms that can be similar, different and present differently in all individuals depending on which symptoms they possess or struggle with (regardless of how high or low functioning someone is). Therefore, there are not just two types of people with low functioning or high functioning Autism (formerly Asperger’s), as nobody on any part of the Spectrum are exactly the same. This video is based on the idea that there are two different diagnoses and everyone high functioning have the exact same struggles/presentation and all people with Autism present exactly the same. When in actuality, researchers now know all symptoms on any side/level of functioning present completely uniquely and can be more or less problematic/beneficial depending on which Autism symptoms effect a person and how severe each individual symptom is (which varies not by functioning level, but varies by every individual whether they have more high functioning Autism or not.
Every individual can be at completely different parts of the high part of the Spectrum (or low part of the spectrum). Symptom are not determined by where on the Autism Spectrum they fall, but vary on individual factors including genetics, life experiences, gender identity (as opposed to birth gender or stereotypes of gender). That’s why this information is a little outdated and not entirely reliable based on new research learned and accepted now. Inaccurate old research can confuse people who do not relate or lead to them to wrongly regard or disregard whether they or someone they know might have Autism or not or misunderstand themselves and others already diagnosed with Autism.
Early research led researchers to wrongly believe males have Autism more and created tests that diagnosed based heavily on society’s stereotypes of gender (without even considering Tom-boys or guys that have more traditionally female interests, regardless of gender identity). . Over the last several years as research has evolved and expanded to realize autism presents very differently in females/or those more feminine regardless of gender, and that symptoms can very drastically based on how masculine or feminine someone is in their interests and view of their self, research has seen a drastic increase in diagnoses as new information has been learned. Additionally those individuals raised/born medically female tend to learn quickly to mask symptoms to fit into society based on how society treats those they view as females/girls, leading them to go undiagnosed and early tests to give false negatives as they don’t apply to females or anyone varying from gender stereotypes society used to hold firm.
Ultimately as more accurate research was released and new detailed symptoms of variety were introduced, many adults who were previously undiagnosed in childhood have now come forward or were recognized accurately and then accurately diagnosed, along with others that tested falsely negative from a test that failed to accurately measure symptoms (because of what they believed to be primarily a male disorder heavily based on society’s stereotypes of differences in gender at the time). Anyways, that’s why it’s important to continue to learn and keep up to date with new research, as things we used to know as facts based on the research we had, change and we learn to research and fine new information that changes what the fact really looks like (or at least as of the current research). That’s why research and facts are always changing based on the evidence we have at the time.
I just wanted to inform anyone who might watch this video who does not fit this mold and makes their conclusions based on this, which may immaculately make their conclusion incorrect and lead to a harder time in life than if they had known the most recent information has completely changed based on new evidence and knowledge since learned from research. Especially since this mold will most likely not fit the majority of people with Autism anymore at all. And could hinder their lives & future relationships if they based opinions in now incorrect information. (With that being said, I stopped watching after the beginning of the video when I heard misinformation no longer true based on research, so if this was cleared up later in the video then I did not stay long enough to watch it as the initial information was inaccurate. And if that’s the case, it’s probably better to State at the beginning that research has since shown that this is not accurate for the majority of people with Autism anymore. But the terms used are not diagnoses anymore, so I believe I am likely correct to assume the rest of the video might have inaccuracies and this video was just made 8 months ago long after new discoveries have been known.)
tl;dr 😬
Yes well, some people ( like me) like to still call my self having Asperger’s, so that I’m not thrown on the big pile of “ autisme spectrum disorder ”
it’s personal preference. What do I care how that name came to be, I got diagnosed with this. It’s my personal identity, I’ll keep using it.
You do what makes you happy, just don’t force the rest of us who do like to have a more “ this is what I have, I’m somewhere here ( circles the line) on the spectrum.” Instead of “ I’m on the spectrum” ( circling the entire spectrum)
I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at age 35. With the new classification in the DSMV am I now considered to be ASD?
Thank you..
I married a man who kept his ASD a secret from me and it’s been hell on earth.. I truly wish I had never met this person
Remember you can also skip this entirely by swiping left.
We didn't find out my husband had autism until he was 73 and 42 yrs married. We destroyed each other. Forced separation now and will never see each other again. And people wonder why I am currently writing this from my mental hospital bed (the last of over 15 admissions). I say the last because I can't do any more and see no way out than to end myself when I leave. So when I say destroyed, I wasn't kidding. Only one thing harder than staying in a neurodiverse relationship (for both parties) and that's being in one when autism has gone undiagnosed. You all are lucky. There is so much information out there now and autism is more easily diagnosed. We didn't stand a chance. I'm too broken to go on alone any mire 😢
Be politically correct all the time I guess
🤓
How is that what you take away from this? Genuinely curious. As someone on the spectrum I find it very hard to sugarcoat things and tend to be rather blunt and direct. I also appreciate those that do the same. Political correctness involves a lot of dancing around the obvious because it could be offensive. Most of us on the spectrum have rather thick skin from being treated like freaks in our youth. We aren't concerned about being offended, we're concerned about others misinterpreting our behaviors.
@@crazydude5825 Well, Crazy Dude.. if that is your real name... the video suggests that one goes above and beyond to be compassionate, non offensive, understanding etc. which is probably good advice, but it struck me as politically correct is all. I agree with you. I think the problem is not with people with Autism, is how accomodating a society we've become trying to label people and put 'em in a box. At some point is demeaning and not compassionate. iMO. Me I treat everyone the same. Which is why i have very few friends and a lot of haters
I disagree.
I'm dyslesix and....
3 years ago I stopped making friends with a autistic girl in her 30s that I met her online because..... she she was defending a female predator online who was grooming children on discord.
Basically the autisitc girl was accusing me of harassing the predator just for asking question (that aren't agressive).
Which non of this make sense.
Don't know where she come up with this dumb ideas on "Asking questions is a harrasement and a thread".
And also was telling me that I was hurting the predators feelings and that I shouldn't report it to the police.
No offense but.... Are all autism people like that? Because I had a terrible experience and felt deeply broken by her threads and false accusations towards me.
Can someone explain me this?
@@hyberkonawa272No, no one group of people are the exact same. I definitely don't think like that and majority of people autistic or not oftentimes than not agree that grooming children is unethical. Just because autistic is a label doesn't mean we share the same braincell. Just like how not all non-autistic people think alike and have their own experiences and opinions. Idk if you genuinely are asking a question or if you already have your mind made up but that's my answer, from an autistic pov.