This was very insightful for me ,I ran away from the wound of sexual abuse in childhood by medicating myself with anything that would take the pain away for years ,but the pain never went away and I had to make a choice , 1 stop medicating 2 seek help from someone who knows how to deal with trauma 3 keep working on my trauma issues ,talk it to death ,and then more , the trauma will never go away until we are ready to do the often hard work of exposing the wound to people who understand ,At the start i didnt think I could do it ,i was a wreck ,couldn't think straight ,thought about suicide ,it was tough but worth it ,i still get flash backs and get triggered but its not so intense and i am starting to understand me ,and begin to like me ,it takes time but well worth it .stay strong stay safe
My healing was feeling it all I had sexual abuse for 12 years as a child at home and it was destructive and through a break down in 2016 the dam broke and I purged the whole lot through speaking on social media writing and speaking on youtube it saved me. Trauma psychoanalysis for a year and a half. It is hard to be vulnerable in the world and it does not serve to remain silent. When we have lost family through denial of abuses there is huge internal suffering. We can rise and it takes looking at the whole lot as Brene says an unravelling. I felt it all that had not previously been felt and had a meltdown. It took me 3 years to get back to rising but I am grateful for the healthy anger, the grieving and the rest. Loss needs to be grieved my entire childhood was wiped out and that needed to be grieved fully.
I cannot imagine how that must have been. I admire your strength! I hope I will get there one day, too. As far as I know, I am not a victim of childhood abuse, but got some other things going on. Now I am slowly trying to poke holes into my armour. I Don't have the courage to streak through Austin yet. ;-)
Thank you for providing me with this perspective. I can better understand why I can't reach my family and why we are not on the same page with how we relate to eachother. Some relationships take more work to maintain then others, especially when there is a history of pain and neglect. In my family, I am the only one who has to been willing to see the sytemic problems, analyze them, and put in the work to mend the fracture. Oddly enough I am a Highly Sensitive Person, while also being the one with the high levels of childhood trama, subsequent PTSD, Anxiety, and prone to Depression. As the yougest I have surpassed them to the "curious" point at my 34 years of age. I continue to increase my self-awareness and try to find grace for those who have not yet found theirs.
Every conversation I hear about this, the suggestion is...go to your loved ones (or spouse, or best friend, or support group, or pastor) and be vulnerable. Trouble is, that assumed that one or more of those exist.
She's right--curiosity is the answer. We have to ask ourselves the right questions to unpack the painful feelings and memories with a sense of wonder. Like what made us who we are today? What strengths have we derived from it? Why do we act the way we do and how can we be our truest selves?
Reaching conclusions about situations, about people and about ourself is the encrustation of senility. Let your constant reminder be "Withhold Judgement."
Been is can be so Raw😊 it's like you are expecting a clean cut well spoken researcher then she begins throwing the F -Bombs. Anyway love her the most. She knows where the fire is coming from.
mmm watching this brilliant snippet for the umpteeth time, and wow this stands out to my heart and soul this time with goosebumps, at 5:46 : "Curiosity is the superpower for the second half of our lives." - woo hell YES!! 🙌🙌🥰
I met a friend who are in an obvious fight mode. She's a victim of NPD mom. She's in her middle age now. I started to ask her weather she has this trauma symptoms like Eczema,, Insomnia, eating disorders then she started to avoid me saying she doesn't wanna know about her childhood. I just ask what I obviously see. That's end our relationship. She avoids me trying to cope with very thing like pretend I่m invisible to her. She looks sick. That's it she doesn't want to know anything she keep thinking fearful avoidance will save her. As a victim of NPD too I'm so shocked to see anyone feel this much shame without physical abuse and her life going so well but her body and mind going fown hill.
I think she was not prepared to be confronted about her childhood. One of my professors told us that we have to let the client/patient speaks about it willing, otherwise they may dissociate or something, because they don't have yet the resources, and when you reopen wounds, you got to know how to suture them, can't leave them in shock.
Although I can see the logic in what is being said I've learnt the hard way that opening Pandora's Box, facing my darkest feelings and emotions or being vulnerable always (and I mean always) back fires. Therefore I simply can't afford the luxury of doing any of these things. Thankfully as I'm 60 this year I'm closer to dying than I've ever been and if I'm honest I find this to be a great comfort.
I think you didn't fully understand her advice. She doesn't say to reveal your vulnerability to anyone, she means to be aware of your vulnerability, and know who you can reveal it to. You must carefully choose the people you open up to. They are not necessarily smart, they are not necessarily beautiful, but they definitely have an open heart that understands and wants to listen. Our vulnerability is like an innocent little child, most people are like a highway full of cars. You can't even think about putting the two together, because the child is sure to be fatally injured. Don't waste the rest of your life pushing back or ignoring the issues that need to be resolved. There is a saying that says: "If you don't give the "thing" a place, it will eventually take up all the space".
That’s sad and also interesting that you would rather choose to face death than negative emotions. (As facing negative emotions is overall less painful than both dying and avoiding them.) Do you enjoy the pain or is it just familiar and comfortable to you? I’m just curious.
@@JaneFowler-lt8jothat’s why it’s important to know who can meet our vulnerability. You can be proud that you took that step but it can be viewed as a lesson that just because she’s blood doesn’t mean she’s prioritizing living a life that’s more vulnerable. If you find that being vulnerable is the path to deeper connections/deeper relationships, why would you give it up over one interaction with one person. So many people aren’t aware of this lifestyle but you are and that means also understanding that not everyone will be as ready as you are
This was very insightful for me ,I ran away from the wound of sexual abuse in childhood by medicating myself with anything that would take the pain away for years ,but the pain never went away and I had to make a choice , 1 stop medicating 2 seek help from someone who knows how to deal with trauma 3 keep working on my trauma issues ,talk it to death ,and then more , the trauma will never go away until we are ready to do the often hard work of exposing the wound to people who understand ,At the start i didnt think I could do it ,i was a wreck ,couldn't think straight ,thought about suicide ,it was tough but worth it ,i still get flash backs and get triggered but its not so intense and i am starting to understand me ,and begin to like me ,it takes time but well worth it .stay strong stay safe
My healing was feeling it all I had sexual abuse for 12 years as a child at home and it was destructive and through a break down in 2016 the dam broke and I purged the whole lot through speaking on social media writing and speaking on youtube it saved me. Trauma psychoanalysis for a year and a half. It is hard to be vulnerable in the world and it does not serve to remain silent. When we have lost family through denial of abuses there is huge internal suffering. We can rise and it takes looking at the whole lot as Brene says an unravelling. I felt it all that had not previously been felt and had a meltdown. It took me 3 years to get back to rising but I am grateful for the healthy anger, the grieving and the rest. Loss needs to be grieved my entire childhood was wiped out and that needed to be grieved fully.
Hi, I like your honesty
@@nativejoe8963 thanks that is what I do now it serves me the truth.
Are the best sister
I cannot imagine how that must have been. I admire your strength! I hope I will get there one day, too.
As far as I know, I am not a victim of childhood abuse, but got some other things going on. Now I am slowly trying to poke holes into my armour. I Don't have the courage to streak through Austin yet. ;-)
Thank you for sharing! This is so helpful for us on our healing journey
This was super insightful. Loved Brene’s take on midlife and resonate with it so much. Thank you Tim and Brene
Thank you for providing me with this perspective. I can better understand why I can't reach my family and why we are not on the same page with how we relate to eachother. Some relationships take more work to maintain then others, especially when there is a history of pain and neglect. In my family, I am the only one who has to been willing to see the sytemic problems, analyze them, and put in the work to mend the fracture. Oddly enough I am a Highly Sensitive Person, while also being the one with the high levels of childhood trama, subsequent PTSD, Anxiety, and prone to Depression. As the yougest I have surpassed them to the "curious" point at my 34 years of age. I continue to increase my self-awareness and try to find grace for those who have not yet found theirs.
Love this podcast,especially Brene Brown. She’s amazing .
There is no cure to curiosity. Love it!
I really love both of these people. they are no BS every time. Great post.
This full interview is a *must*, and this is a key segment... Thanks, you two!
Thanks for having Brene Brown on the your show. It's been so insightful. You two bring true rawness, it's refreshing and relatable
That was SO good! Thank you.
Every conversation I hear about this, the suggestion is...go to your loved ones (or spouse, or best friend, or support group, or pastor) and be vulnerable. Trouble is, that assumed that one or more of those exist.
Wowwwww.... The weight of the armor is too heavy and no longer serving you 👏🏼👏🏼😭 I felt that one in my being 🙏🏼🙏🏼
Very deep, ive been doing just that the last couple of years. You guys are some of my favs!
She's right--curiosity is the answer. We have to ask ourselves the right questions to unpack the painful feelings and memories with a sense of wonder. Like what made us who we are today? What strengths have we derived from it? Why do we act the way we do and how can we be our truest selves?
"Curiosity is really the superpower for the second half of our lives."
Well said! I totally agree. Age 70
Reaching conclusions about situations, about people and about ourself is the encrustation of senility. Let your constant reminder be "Withhold Judgement."
Love Brene Brown and her teachings
So unbelievably helpful to hear thank you!
This question from Tim takes a whole new dimension after he opened up about the abuse he suffered as a child.
I hope you are doing great. My brother introduced me to your first book back in 2008
Been is can be so Raw😊 it's like you are expecting a clean cut well spoken researcher then she begins throwing the F -Bombs.
Anyway love her the most. She knows where the fire is coming from.
mmm watching this brilliant snippet for the umpteeth time, and wow this stands out to my heart and soul this time with goosebumps, at 5:46 : "Curiosity is the superpower for the second half of our lives." - woo hell YES!! 🙌🙌🥰
The hardened shell blocks out potential for fresh sunlight
I love you Brene ❤
You deserve more subscribers Tim ..
I met a friend who are in an obvious fight mode. She's a victim of NPD mom. She's in her middle age now. I started to ask her weather she has this trauma symptoms like Eczema,, Insomnia, eating disorders then she started to avoid me saying she doesn't wanna know about her childhood. I just ask what I obviously see. That's end our relationship. She avoids me trying to cope with very thing like pretend I่m invisible to her. She looks sick. That's it she doesn't want to know anything she keep thinking fearful avoidance will save her. As a victim of NPD too I'm so shocked to see anyone feel this much shame without physical abuse and her life going so well but her body and mind going fown hill.
I think she was not prepared to be confronted about her childhood. One of my professors told us that we have to let the client/patient speaks about it willing, otherwise they may dissociate or something, because they don't have yet the resources, and when you reopen wounds, you got to know how to suture them, can't leave them in shock.
@@catrocastre8215This is right. The person needs gentle support, not confrontation.
I just turned 27 and this is what I am going through right now
U r my mentor tim
Totally agree.
Tim destroyed that Topo Chico before the interview even started 😂
"I'm not fucking around, you're halfway to dead."
Do we have choices after midlife?
Yeah because there’s single people after midlife as well.
This was super entertaining to listen to. #tiktok
What up Tim
❤️
Huge
Tim I have a book for you: How to buy new microfone usable for video recording!
Ouch.
Although I can see the logic in what is being said I've learnt the hard way that opening Pandora's Box, facing my darkest feelings and emotions or being vulnerable always (and I mean always) back fires. Therefore I simply can't afford the luxury of doing any of these things. Thankfully as I'm 60 this year I'm closer to dying than I've ever been and if I'm honest I find this to be a great comfort.
I think you didn't fully understand her advice.
She doesn't say to reveal your vulnerability to anyone, she means to be aware of your vulnerability, and know who you can reveal it to.
You must carefully choose the people you open up to. They are not necessarily smart, they are not necessarily beautiful, but they definitely have an open heart that understands and wants to listen.
Our vulnerability is like an innocent little child, most people are like a highway full of cars. You can't even think about putting the two together, because the child is sure to be fatally injured.
Don't waste the rest of your life pushing back or ignoring the issues that need to be resolved.
There is a saying that says: "If you don't give the "thing" a place, it will eventually take up all the space".
I shared my vulnerability with my only daughter ... big mistake ! Too busy to hear me and felt rejected dismissed!
That’s sad and also interesting that you would rather choose to face death than negative emotions. (As facing negative emotions is overall less painful than both dying and avoiding them.) Do you enjoy the pain or is it just familiar and comfortable to you? I’m just curious.
@@JaneFowler-lt8jothat’s why it’s important to know who can meet our vulnerability. You can be proud that you took that step but it can be viewed as a lesson that just because she’s blood doesn’t mean she’s prioritizing living a life that’s more vulnerable. If you find that being vulnerable is the path to deeper connections/deeper relationships, why would you give it up over one interaction with one person. So many people aren’t aware of this lifestyle but you are and that means also understanding that not everyone will be as ready as you are
Tim my mentor I've been following you since 7years you should give my mentor a chance to be on your podcast John cristani 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
When will this man stop talking and let her speak?
💙💚💜
Tim talks way, way too much.
Good content, but why do the two presenters have to curse? It compromises the message and their prowess.
Hey. I am here because. My employer. Took your science. And enslaved my friends. How do you think that happened?
When did the f word become acceptable to use in a professional atmosphere? Might as well be naked.
Good. Then read up or watch what she says about vulnerability.