Something that drove me insane was when I would reveal my cousin abused me when we were both children…they would immediately tell me “he must’ve been abused himself and was screaming for help, have empathy.” Not once did they say “Oh my God, what he did to you was wrong,” or “That is so messed up.” I learned to never say a word to anyone about it because I knew what kind of reaction I was most likely going to get. Yes, my cousin might’ve been abused but it didn’t make what he did to me right.
My brother molested me and asked for sex multiple times, I remember I was around 8-9 and he was 13-14. But he tried a sexual approach when I was almost 17 and he was 22 too, that I refused... I couldn't talk to none of my parents, their relationship was ever difficult and I didn't want to involve them in discussions or in any kind of "therapy journey"... Now I'm over 50, made Emdr 2 years long, but I feel not connected to me, it's likely been cut into two parts, that one is quite paralyzed in my mind, it's a silent part of my identity that I don't care about anymore. Neither therapy nor revealing this past to my mother were really useful (my mother didn't react, the fault was directly given to my brother who got no contact for many years).
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My uncle molested me for years when I was in preschool-1st grade. I’ve told my grandparents and my aunts and uncles who have young kids, telling them they CANNOT let him be around kids. None of those motherfuckers will do a single thing about it. I’m terrified for my little cousins.
My daughter, 9 had a "friend" or a girl who she really tried to befriend,(lives in the same area as us and same school/classroom) knowing said girl was having a hard time. Didn't know how bad it was. The things she would tell my daughter about her own Dad and brother and how she wanted to do these things to my daughter. She was teaching the kindergarten boys on the bus to do inappropriate things to eachother. It absolutely blew my mind. I tried to talk to her Dad ...and omg. He flat out said my daughter was lying and the his "sissy" would never say things like that. I can't even say what she said on here. It was appalling. I talked to the school and they ended up calling cps. Other kids started going up to my daughter saying how messed up it is that she got this girls family in trouble. The girl ended up threatening to kill my daughter. This had been increasing for almost a year. My daughter ended up having to switch schools because this other girl had sexually and emotionally bullied and harassed kids in every other 4th grade classrooms. The principal literally said that it would open a can of worms to move her and they didn't want to make her upset! "Flip her lid" they said. This girl has been escorted home by police had scratched and kicked and screamed at multiple staff members. I am absolutely blown away by the lack of response. And my daughter overall was the one who got hit the most. The girl was laughing and telling the other kids on the bus that mine has to move "because she is getting death threats!" Not saying it was her who did this. The amount of times she told my 13 year old to go kill herself. We tried to be there. Now it's just embarrassing to even show up. If they think we made it all up..there is no way. My kids have never been exposed to this sort of behavior. Nor did she know there are 15 words for this girls Dads and brothers "tic tac dicks* 🤦🏻♀️ Dude.
My daughter was sexually abused by children one child learn her grownup stuff I had to take her to her therapist to tell her it was wrong and to stop the behaviors she learned I'm glad I took her too therapy because it helped her a lot
Two questions for anyone to answer (TW): I (cis female) experienced a few different situations with young boys touching me as a child. In kindergarten, the boy next to me for "carpet time" would stick his hand in my pants and grab my butt often. He would sometimes make comments as well like saying "it feels nice" and "your butt is so squishy." I didn't want it to happen but I was 4 and didn't know what to do. At my babysitter's, an older boy would make me lay on the floor and he would lay on top of me, pretending to kiss me while moaning and rubbing my arms with his hands whenever we played house. The sitter caught this once but never did anything. Lastly, a cousin of mine was playing house with me and another young family friend. He said I was his wife and the other girl was our daughter. He said we had to go to bed (all play), so we pretended to tuck in the other girl on the floor and he had me under the cover on an actual bed. He pulled the cover over us and made me touch his you-know-what. I said "no," but he kept telling me I had to. I remember him saying, "now it's my turn," but I don't remember anything after that. He was 11 or 12 at the time and I was around 7. Q1: At what age do children typically learn that touching others is not okay? Did my older cousin know what he was doing was wrong or was he curiously exploring? Ironically, he is a rso and felon now. Q2: While I do not hold the belief that every person's sexual orientation is based solely on childhood experiences, can repeated early sexual traumas lead to someone identifying as asexual? I have a fear of being touched by men (like hugging male family members) and sexual contact. I'm in my 30's and I've never done sexual acts with another person. I very rarely experience sexual attraction or thoughts about people either.
By 12 i knew allowing my peers to show me things or do things to me was wrong, but depending on the person's environment they may feel safe enuf to still act that way becausr there is no talk on what is right, what is wrong, & why and the birds & the bees education totally flops in the US. It is more than just physical since humans are more than just physical. Teachers have a responsibility to address that in education.
During answering the first question, it was mentioned that the chance was low that children who were abused would grow up abusing others, but it sounds contradictory to me that children who were abusing others were also being abused (in a subconscious way to pass the pain). Can anyone please clarify?
Most people who are abused don’t turn on others because they recognize that what happened to them was wrong and don’t want others to endure it. But there’s a percentage of abusers that start out getting abused as children and then turn on others because they want to be in control.
I would say that the boy who touched your butt was either getting that done to him by a parent or sibling as a cute affectionate thing or a more abusive grooming way. You were its understandable to not know what to do it those situations. I would say that the other two instances were abusive though. Especially the cousin. That’s not child curiosity given the age difference, the fact you said no, him pressuring you into it, he knew what he was doing and he could have even been starting to go through puberty so it was definitely sexual - kids usually want to explore there sexuality with children around their own age and consensually. Unfortunately it is likely that both those kids were exposed or had something happen to them - not that that’s any excuse. As for asexual yes you can be asexual and have trauma - I wouldn’t say sexual trauma can cause asexuality. The best way to find out if you are asexual is to heal from the trauma because if your afraid to hug men that sounds a lot like PTSD. Once you’ve done that start exploring your sexuality - first with yourself then with a safe person. You could also be demisexual - where you need an emotional connection before you develop sexual feelings. But these are questions I’d bring up with your psychologist.
Something that drove me insane was when I would reveal my cousin abused me when we were both children…they would immediately tell me “he must’ve been abused himself and was screaming for help, have empathy.”
Not once did they say “Oh my God, what he did to you was wrong,” or “That is so messed up.”
I learned to never say a word to anyone about it because I knew what kind of reaction I was most likely going to get.
Yes, my cousin might’ve been abused but it didn’t make what he did to me right.
Thank you❤
This arrived 6 hours ago. No one ever talks about these things.
My brother molested me and asked for sex multiple times, I remember I was around 8-9 and he was 13-14. But he tried a sexual approach when I was almost 17 and he was 22 too, that I refused... I couldn't talk to none of my parents, their relationship was ever difficult and I didn't want to involve them in discussions or in any kind of "therapy journey"... Now I'm over 50, made Emdr 2 years long, but I feel not connected to me, it's likely been cut into two parts, that one is quite paralyzed in my mind, it's a silent part of my identity that I don't care about anymore. Neither therapy nor revealing this past to my mother were really useful (my mother didn't react, the fault was directly given to my brother who got no contact for many years).
Just a reminder- an extra little way to support this extraordinary channel is to watch a short ad or two when you can. Just let 'em play and say 'thank you'...
My uncle molested me for years when I was in preschool-1st grade. I’ve told my grandparents and my aunts and uncles who have young kids, telling them they CANNOT let him be around kids. None of those motherfuckers will do a single thing about it. I’m terrified for my little cousins.
That’s terrible 😢
My cousins had similar experiences and then worse in foster care.
🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
My daughter, 9 had a "friend" or a girl who she really tried to befriend,(lives in the same area as us and same school/classroom) knowing said girl was having a hard time. Didn't know how bad it was. The things she would tell my daughter about her own Dad and brother and how she wanted to do these things to my daughter. She was teaching the kindergarten boys on the bus to do inappropriate things to eachother. It absolutely blew my mind. I tried to talk to her Dad ...and omg. He flat out said my daughter was lying and the his "sissy" would never say things like that. I can't even say what she said on here. It was appalling. I talked to the school and they ended up calling cps. Other kids started going up to my daughter saying how messed up it is that she got this girls family in trouble. The girl ended up threatening to kill my daughter. This had been increasing for almost a year.
My daughter ended up having to switch schools because this other girl had sexually and emotionally bullied and harassed kids in every other 4th grade classrooms. The principal literally said that it would open a can of worms to move her and they didn't want to make her upset! "Flip her lid" they said. This girl has been escorted home by police had scratched and kicked and screamed at multiple staff members.
I am absolutely blown away by the lack of response. And my daughter overall was the one who got hit the most. The girl was laughing and telling the other kids on the bus that mine has to move "because she is getting death threats!" Not saying it was her who did this.
The amount of times she told my 13 year old to go kill herself.
We tried to be there.
Now it's just embarrassing to even show up. If they think we made it all up..there is no way. My kids have never been exposed to this sort of behavior. Nor did she know there are 15 words for this girls Dads and brothers "tic tac dicks* 🤦🏻♀️
Dude.
My daughter was sexually abused by children one child learn her grownup stuff I had to take her to her therapist to tell her it was wrong and to stop the behaviors she learned I'm glad I took her too therapy because it helped her a lot
Two questions for anyone to answer (TW): I (cis female) experienced a few different situations with young boys touching me as a child. In kindergarten, the boy next to me for "carpet time" would stick his hand in my pants and grab my butt often. He would sometimes make comments as well like saying "it feels nice" and "your butt is so squishy." I didn't want it to happen but I was 4 and didn't know what to do. At my babysitter's, an older boy would make me lay on the floor and he would lay on top of me, pretending to kiss me while moaning and rubbing my arms with his hands whenever we played house. The sitter caught this once but never did anything. Lastly, a cousin of mine was playing house with me and another young family friend. He said I was his wife and the other girl was our daughter. He said we had to go to bed (all play), so we pretended to tuck in the other girl on the floor and he had me under the cover on an actual bed. He pulled the cover over us and made me touch his you-know-what. I said "no," but he kept telling me I had to. I remember him saying, "now it's my turn," but I don't remember anything after that. He was 11 or 12 at the time and I was around 7.
Q1: At what age do children typically learn that touching others is not okay? Did my older cousin know what he was doing was wrong or was he curiously exploring? Ironically, he is a rso and felon now. Q2: While I do not hold the belief that every person's sexual orientation is based solely on childhood experiences, can repeated early sexual traumas lead to someone identifying as asexual? I have a fear of being touched by men (like hugging male family members) and sexual contact. I'm in my 30's and I've never done sexual acts with another person. I very rarely experience sexual attraction or thoughts about people either.
By 12 i knew allowing my peers to show me things or do things to me was wrong, but depending on the person's environment they may feel safe enuf to still act that way becausr there is no talk on what is right, what is wrong, & why and the birds & the bees education totally flops in the US. It is more than just physical since humans are more than just physical. Teachers have a responsibility to address that in education.
During answering the first question, it was mentioned that the chance was low that children who were abused would grow up abusing others, but it sounds contradictory to me that children who were abusing others were also being abused (in a subconscious way to pass the pain). Can anyone please clarify?
Most people who are abused don’t turn on others because they recognize that what happened to them was wrong and don’t want others to endure it.
But there’s a percentage of abusers that start out getting abused as children and then turn on others because they want to be in control.
I would say that the boy who touched your butt was either getting that done to him by a parent or sibling as a cute affectionate thing or a more abusive grooming way. You were its understandable to not know what to do it those situations. I would say that the other two instances were abusive though. Especially the cousin. That’s not child curiosity given the age difference, the fact you said no, him pressuring you into it, he knew what he was doing and he could have even been starting to go through puberty so it was definitely sexual - kids usually want to explore there sexuality with children around their own age and consensually. Unfortunately it is likely that both those kids were exposed or had something happen to them - not that that’s any excuse.
As for asexual yes you can be asexual and have trauma - I wouldn’t say sexual trauma can cause asexuality. The best way to find out if you are asexual is to heal from the trauma because if your afraid to hug men that sounds a lot like PTSD. Once you’ve done that start exploring your sexuality - first with yourself then with a safe person. You could also be demisexual - where you need an emotional connection before you develop sexual feelings.
But these are questions I’d bring up with your psychologist.