A Stone In Our Heart (Family Documentary)
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- A Mother and Daughter - Lillian and Jette - are climbing up a mountain in Switzerland. A mountain that brings back a lot of memories.
They hike from cabin to cabin while they dig into a past which Lillian has spent many years trying to suppress: Jette was abused by her stepfather throughout her childhood and youth. A part of the abuse took place in the same cabins that Jette and Lillian are now revisiting.
Jette has invited her mother to go on this trip because she needs to talk about what happened, and especially about Lillian’s role in it all. Jette loves her mother, but at the same time she can’t stand being close to her. Over the years Jette has begun to question whether her mother knew about the abuse or not. Naturally Jette feels a deep frustration. But she has a strong hope that if Lillian admits she knew about the abuse, Jette can find an opportunity to forgive her mother and reestablish a healthy relationship.
The mountain trip puts the two women’s relationship to the test. When Jette gets the conversation started, she doesn’t get the answer that she expected: Lillian denies that she saw or knew anything.
This is the starting point of a physically and emotionally life-changing journey, which forces the two women to face their own inner demons and to embrace the pain and the guilt, but also to have faith. The conversations intensify as the two women move up the mountain.
At one point it seems like this trip might be the last thing they will ever do together.
Facebook - / realstorieschannel
Instagram - @realstoriesdocs
Twitter: / realstoriesdocs
Content licensed from Sideways Films. Any queries, please contact us at: owned-enquiries@littledotstudios.com
Want to watch more full-length Documentaries?
Click here: bit.ly/1GOzpIu
Such a tough yet necessary subject to discuss in the healing process. I was abused by my father, mom called me a liar & lived in denial from that day on. It was hard to be in the same room with either of them until I fought back & requested a counseling session with my mom. Things were a bit easier after that. Both have passed on but I continue to suffer depression, anxiety & PTSD because of the experience. I'm 55 now & finally seeing positive movements in myself through counseling, group therapy & the right medications.
Thank you for sharing their story. I pray Lillian & Jette have been able to find forgiveness.
The mom definitely knew. “I thought he stopped showering with you”.
everyone is complaining about subtitles... but they are perfectly clear to me
Alicia Ballesteros-Mitchell
Coz for others the subtitles are too small ...
Alicia Ballesteros-Mitchell when background is light it is too hard to see white words
The mother insisting she don't know anything because of her guilt, ("she knows about it as she said things weren't right at the beginning and she begin to accept things that deep inside feel wrong")that's really sad and horrible mother should be your protector 😟 she open up to her to see if she do something about it but she get no answer🥴
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did the mother ever say she was sorry? The mother was brainwashed and probably disassociated from a lot of things (explaining not remembering things like her daughter telling her what was going on and then slapping her daughter in the face), but even though she didn't mean to hurt her daughter by enabling the abuser--that is what she did.
It's something I see a lot, and have experienced myself: an enabling parent finally comes to terms that their partner was abusive, but blames everything on the abusive partner (or other abusive family member) without acknowledging the part that they played in enabling the abuse. They cling on to the belief that in sacrificing so much that must mean that they were a good parent, which flies in the face of the reality--they failed to protect their child(ren).
I believe the mother when she says she doesn't remember things (disassociation) and never suspected what was going on (brainwashing), but until the mother comes to terms with the enabling part that she played (codependency issues) the daughter will never hear "I'm sorry."
One thing I've learned is that closure doesn't come from others. Don't expect a sincere apology from the abuser or the enabler. Perhaps one day they may come to terms with the parts they played, perhaps not. If you're looking for closure from others it could be years or decades (if ever). In the meantime you have your own life to live. The only person you can work on is yourself. After many years of talking to my own mother, her admittance that my father was abusive and abused her, but zero acknowledgment of the part she played and the abuse my father did to people other than my mother, I finally let go of wanting an apology from her. Maybe one day it'll happen, maybe not, in the meantime I have my own life to live.
KittiesAreCute Very insightful comment. Thank you for posting. I had to stop the video when the girl said she told her mother. A wall in that woman's mind went up. Like a guard agaainst an incomprehensible threat.
As a survivor, its not about getting an apology. It goes much deeper than a superficial "I'm sorry". Its really about getting them to see, acknowledge, and own their responsibility for allowing the abuse to happen. It's about realizing personal accountability and effecting a change in the dynamics of a parent child relationship. I loved my mom but I was so angry at her for denying me any sense of protection, safety, and value in our family.
@@kalyjewels Very well said
@@N-nannah thank you
With the help of HG Tudor, I've come to realize that those such as Lillian (the mother) in this documentary are actually narcissists. What HG categorizes as Middle Mid-Range Narcissist type 'B.'
Countless parents in abusive relationships enable the abuse or neglect of their children. The same goes for cult members that enabled the abuse of not only their own children (if they had any) but also of fellow cult members and their children. What accounts for their enabling behaviour? Why do they not try to stop the abuse or reach out for help? Do they have empathy but their inaction is due to being brainwashed or paralyzed by fear, or do they not protect the children because they too are narcissists, willfully complicit in the children's suffering?
Once someone has left an abuser or cult, recognized the abuser as abusive or the cult for what it is, upon reflection such persons are horrified to realize how they enabled the abuser or the cult. Feeling guilt, they want to apologize to those that they hurt, to make amends, restore or develop healthy relationships, and furthermore, to do what they can to ensure that they don't enable any other abusers or cults. Although, at the time of enabling, such individuals had no awareness or intention of hurting others, the fact remains that they did hurt others and because they have accountability, they admit as such. They sympathize with other victims of the abuser or cult, offer support, share their experiences and listen to each other. That describes someone who has empathy, but while they were in the clutches of the abuser or cult, their empathy was suppressed due to the abuse and coercive control that they were subjected to.
The difference lies with those that have left an abuser or cult, recognized the abuser as abusive or the cult for what it is, but they have no self-reflection. They do not come to realize how they enabled abuse and in turn hurt others. They refuse to be held accountable. They show no remorse, nor offer apology. They do not sympathize with other victims of the abuser or the cult. They view themselves as the sole victim, a blameless and saintly figure. They deny that they witnessed anyone be abused. They deny that they were told about the abuse suffered by other victims. They are passive-aggressive. They blame-shift, deflect, think in black-and-white terms, give silent treatments, sulk, and are two-faced. They are more than willing to talk about the abuse that they suffered, but do not want to hear about the abuses that others suffered. They do not want to share the spotlight in that regard. They have bountiful memories of being abused by their abuser, but when others want to talk about how they were also abused, suddenly they don't remember. Conveniently they switch from remembering and free-talking to amnesia and silence when their spotlight of victimhood is threatened. That describes someone who lacks empathy, someone who is a narcissist.
Why does this Mother not hug, kiss and cry with her daughter? She should be throwing herself at her feet begging forgiveness? I don't get it. A Stone Heart is right.
Jetty’s courage impressed me. The ability to be open and frank with a mother with a stone heart. I know the feeling! I don’t have that courage and never will. I did say something to my mom and she told my father and 3 of my siblings. The fourth sibling was the abuser. I was never so hurt when he died she made the statement to a friend that “now we will never know the truth”. That’s a stone heart for you. I hope they have healed some from this journey.
I see a young woman who is begging, pleading with her mother to apologize for allowing the horrors of the stepfather to happen. Pleading for an "I love you". I also see a mother, who was most likely, abused and brainwashed by a maniac, and has no ability to say these things to her daughter. I pray someday, that they are able to attain the peace they BOTH so desperately are searching, and deserve, for.
Such a hard story to watch. I hope these two can find peace within their relationship
Wow the beauty of that place astounding!! But the overwhelming devastation a sexual predator has performed on this Mother and Daughter is a forever scar. How very sad this is. I feel it was good the Daughter had the first firm foundation of 8 years without him in her life. It helped her to know what was wrong and right. And I believe the Mother had to know something. Guilty.
I think that when the mother says she didn't know anything - it's not like she's lying. It probably didn't come to her consciously. But many times there is a small voice inside of us telling us "something is wrong here, something is off". The mother turned off that voice and blocked her feelings. This is what happens in many abusive families.
Moving.. sad the damage it has done to both mother and daughter.. I hope for them they found a way to reconcile what happened, and just focus on the future and love each other..
The daughter is so expressive, and the mother can barely speak.
She shóuld have known, why doesn't she acknowledge that? (Retoric)
A long time friends daughter started pulling her eyelashes out !! How painful it must have been n then pushes her dresser to her door each night n my friend says she just can’t understand y daughter is doing strange things !! When a child is hurting themselves n pushes furniture to door at night !! It’s because there trying to keep someone OUT!!! Wake up !!!
Everyone's blaming the mother but to be the Devil's advocate here. Relationships are tricky, they sometimes dont let u see the true character of your partner, which is otherwise quite evident to others. And these (abuses) are the things, that no one wants to suspect, could be happening right under their noses. The daughter said that she always was uncomfortable with her step-father and the mom agrees that she knew, but its a fairly common thing that kids dont get along with step parents very well. the mom might have thought that she probably doesn't like her father and thats why she is making this up, and if this was her thought process, then anyone could slap the child for making up something so disgusting. Taking showers together however it sounds disgusting now, that we know that she was being abused but parents do wash children up and the mother at that time could have seen it as an attempt by her father to bond with her.
Ofcourse im assuming all this and it seems far-fetched especially when the mother didn't gave any of these excuses for her behaviour but if she indeed was complacent to the abuse and now wants to bond with her daughter again (considering they took this tour together in front of a camera), she might have thought of some excuses to defend herself and these excuses aren't that hard to come up with. Just give her the benefit of doubt for a second and imagine how helpless she might feel, if she is really telling the truth. That, no matter how many times she says it, it won't satisfy the daughter. I know the daughter wants some closure but what if the mother cant give it to her? She might not remember vivid details from the past like her daughter did but thats because the daughter knew what was happening and the mother did not, so those moments didn't hold as much importance in her mind as they do in her daughter's.
Again, I do agree that the mom should have sensed that something was wrong but its not as easy, when its her own father that is doing it to her, because a normal mind never takes such things as possibilities. Now a days ofcourse parents are more vigil regarding abuses but conventionally it wasn't very common to hear such instances of abuse.
I also read in some of the comments saying, that she could have atleast said sorry, and im sure she has because this is not the first time they are talking about it for sure. They have been talking in the past, as gathered from their conversating about the court case and the daughter advising her to go to the psychiatrist and all. Just because she didn't say it for the cameras, dont mean she never said it.
The mother does sound a bit cold, but if she is telling the truth and her daughter is saying that she has a tough time believing it, then that's a pretty big blame to bear. Being blamed for knowingly letting her own child be abused would break a person inside, you can't expect her to keep convincing her daughter that she didn't do it. At some point she would just become insensitive and cold to it. Although it seems pretty convincing that she should have known something but its not entirely impossible that she didn't, and what is she supposed to do if she really didn't. How would anyone react to such a blame if he/she didn't do it. I would doubt that someone can continue to be warm and sensitive.
Its a beautiful film, where u can see palpable tension and the constant tussle of psychology and emotions between two people, who want to move forward but cant seem to leave the past behind. I hope they do mend their relation, and for that, they will have to start believing each other. Im sure over time, love would come back to their relation and mend the scars of the past. The stone in your hearts will melt as soon as u say, I believe u mom.
Yes but watching them go upstairs to shower? What was she thinking ffs?
So much child sexual abuse in most communities, not as if this is a new thing. A child going off to the shower with a male (remember the mother had her own doubts about their relationship) whoever it was is not a normal or done thing for people who are aware, even at a basic level.
I think the mom knew the whole time n pretending u don’t c what u really do c is not going to make it go away .. I’m a mother n grandmother now n as an abused child myself when it happens n my home to my daughter I knew n I think any/every woman knows when this is going on .. she can pretend n denial it all she wants but that won’t stop it r make it go away the mom needs to own it and apologize to her daughter for her part n the abuse n then the daughter n mom can start to heal !! N like I said from experience a woman/mom knows !!! She just didn’t want to except her part .. I pray mom with acknowledge her part so daughter n both can heal ..
ignoring subtitles video is ammazing
Someone knock that brick wall down that mum has built around her.
Put it into full screen to see the words better
Anita. Yes, I speak from experience. Danes understate their feelings. One comes to "read" them eventually. Tough ! Maybe it's the cold weather .
Do you think low self esteem can be pasted along? Too bad her mom is a too passive women to do anything or act n denial for a man. Sad.
Captions unreadable. 2 Unfortunate. I needed this.
This looks just like me and my mum. 😥😥😥
She never acknowledge any wrong doing.
Just like a childhood friend when she told her mom dad was abusing her nightly !!! Mom buys a lock for daughters door …. I just can’t believe these women !!!
If yourgoinf to use subtitles you need to make readable. I want listen to these programs not read them. Otherwise I would get the paper. Stupid subtitles.
Kind to post them for FREE!
Fedt at den er dansk men sindsyg historie
Nother is simply lying. And culpable.
Impossible subtitles, bye
If you are bonded and connected to your children you will suspect a lot of things wrong, the problem is that for the mother it reflects how distant and disconnected she is.
Hard stuff, hard to believe the mum didn't see what was happening, even at a sub conscious level. Sounds like this is what the daughter wants to know. Also sorry needs to happen because our job as parents is to protect, even if we stuff up we are responsible to some degree. He is the guilty one but the parent should have put the child first, listened to her when she gave off distress signals.
What a mountain!
Its beautiful.
look at the size of subtitles,toooooooo small
Yep, thumbs down because of that.
It's FREEEEEEE! People will complain about ANYthing.
How brave of her to take this journey.
White sub titles on a white background, not the smartest strategy.
Yooo If you feel like it could you sub to me....
Florence Vandermeer
I agree. What language is this Dutch?
@@malkaringel7864 Norwegian I think. Definitely not Dutch
Not a big deal
Malka Ringel Hi the language is Danish 😁
Too hard to see the subtitles. Too small and white.
SO LIKE COULD YOU SUB TO ME .....YOU DON'T HAVE TOO
Put it into full screen
Rachel K I need new glasses and have NO problem w subtitles. I’m quite used to them from other media and use closed captioning often. That may be the reason for my easiness.
And you think kidney stones are bad.
Kidney stones are bad
@@drd6893 Doctor K. for Kidneystone?
Can't read the subtitles.
Me too
What an incredibly profound documentary. I loved how the cinematography lined up with the issues that the mother and daughter were facing together.
blaming each other, never work..
True, but talking it out one of the first times rarely is a happy and balanced experience. I actually think it went okay with the daughter feeling her mother wasn't opening up and being sincere and the mother not getting her daughter to understand her truth.
Dude how am I supposed to see the subtitles? Unfortunately I was not born as an eagle BUT AS A PERSON WHO WEARS DAMN LENSES! Make em red and BIGGER!
So everyone has to walk their own path in life...
Beautiful view and music. Thank you. An eye opening doc. We all have our own views and maybe memorize things differently..
Mother cold as ice. Take your girl and hold her tight and apologize. You did not protect her because you were NAIVE.
Not NAIVE ::: DENIAL Is what mom is doing u can tell n feel it n every word mom says !! That’s y moms so cold n trying to say when ur daughter of 8.12,15,16,18 yrs of age is having showers with step father even the most backward ignorant person knows this is wrong mom didn’t protect child n mom
Needs to own it apologize n BEG DAUGHTER FOR FORGIVENESS!!!!
I don't know who chose the font for the subtitles but I'm out. Can't read a thing.
full screen
@@drd6893 Thank you
I want to know how they've got to make this film.
>Hey Mum, would you climb that mountain with me? There'll be a film crew with us too and we have to wear microphones, but don't worry about that!
what the ******** did i just watch?
to the makers: congrats
to the mother: omg ... so many "face palm moments" on my side ... and at the same time ... kudos that she ventured into this ... there was not a lot for her to win ... i hope it helped her somewhat!
my 2 cents: how is our "society" still not capable of preparing young people about what they are facing when they "make" children ... and yes ... i am talking about school!!! ... and child protection is still not sufficient enough ... almost always people "look away" and are too much of a coward to help the most vulnerable (speaking from experience) ... kids don't have to be blamed ... even when they are "nor doing well" ... (i wont - and don't want to - loose that anger till my last breath!)
ps: the subtitles destroy this master piece ... i am happy i could always stop and read ... but you are loosing probably 80 % of those who would be interested beforehand.
Denial is a powerful thing. It can be so strong it will make you think the sky is green. And you will believe it to be true. Why human brains for some to do this is beyond me.
Can't understand language, subtitles are fuzzy and see through. Really!?? Who edited this? Not an English speaking person that's for sure. Too bad, I really wanted to watch this. 230 in, I'm out!!! Good luck y'all! !
i thought the subtitles were perfectly clear and easy to read. maybe your internet wasnt fast enough so the entire video was fuzzy
mother is not comforting or apologising, i feel the mother did know what stepfather was doing to her daughter + is still distancing herself from the crimes committed, the disgust she refuses to feel + the crime she has committed by not protecting her daughter. she doesn't even sit next her + hold her hand when her daughter is courageously trying to build bridges + becomes frequently distressed.
Huh, what language is this? German or Danish?
oreliaxo
it isnt german thats for sure.
Switzer Dutch?
It's danish!
Danish.
Nakupenda Mama na Baba..
I bet the mum knew what was going on but was to ashamed to say anything poor child..
Will there be a continuation of this story? I really enjoyed it. 🙂
What was the weird noise at 53:36?
You can't even see the sub titles!!!!
I lasted about 1 minute with this because the subtitles are too hard to read.
Don't watch videos with subtitles.Too confusing.
English please!!! Ughhhhh