@@teejohnson1390especially if her brother said that Scotty reminds him of their father someone that they already don’t have a good relationship with. So if he thinks that then that means deep down Aria thinks that as well which is causing that difficultly when it comes to physical touch
I was coming to say this. I think it was more out of frustration because she's expected to be patient with him, but her baby steps are not recognized or appreciated. You would think Scotland would get it considering he's so sensitive about validation.
Aria unfortunately does not recognize that fact that " it's okay to let go & move on to the next" because this dude is not the one.....both her and Zania are stuck in that fairytale idea that their first boyfriend is suppose to be the one .....
This right here. Instead of acknowledging that she is trying, he keeps harping on it and criticizing her. Not to say that Caleb is her perfect match, but when he heard that he found ways of building non-sexual physical contact while still making sure she is comfortable.
I hope she sees this comment because I think it's not her fault in this case. And this was the exact shxt he was whining to zaina about because "he was trying"
Yeah I agree. Scotty just likes to nag and complain . I’ve seen her reach in to hug and kiss him more than he has for her , yet he’s complaining that it’s not enough. Aria, please get away from this weirdo.
Idk, Aria was fine with physical touch from Caleb. They talked about their hand holding. That is physical touch. It’s Scottie that she has the issue of physical touch with and I can understand why.
I don’t think Arias physical touch “issues” is a her thing fully. I think it is because of how Scotty shows up in their relationship. Because with Caleb she had him in her lap rubbing his head with a scalp massager. And she enjoyed holding his hand and just looking at him. It is how Scotty is insulting her to get what he wants doesn’t make her comfortable enough for change
Imagine rewarding toxic and hostile behavior with affection and sex....it's one thing to make a entitled child but what kind of "man" is that creating?
Gurl, Aria should NOT work on physical touch with Scotty. No one can fulfill a psychopaths desires. They desire control. Nothing else. The continually move the goal posts and rules in relationship just to show their partner that they will never live up to the psychos standards. This is NOT an Aria problem.
Hard disagree with your take on Aria. As someone who has been in this dynamic, the lack of physical touch was due to a lack of emotional safety and abuse. And he’s shown he’s an emotional abuser. That said 100% she needs therapy, stop choosing this man!
Anytime Aria said anything positive about him or their relationship Scotty’s response is usually something negative about Aria. She’s in a no win situation.
Zaina is waaaay too calm about JR continually gushing over Sandy. Why doesn't this bother her? Is she so self-confident that she can't imagine Sandy is a threat? It's like she's not even hearing the words coming out of his mouth. She's got tunnel vision for that engagement ring.
Scotty also doesn’t seem like he makes her comfortable or creates a safe space for Aria to even step out of her comfort zone. Scotty doesn’t seem like he likes to compromise and gets upset when he doesn’t get his way. Who tf wants to touch a person with those traits. Definitely not one who already struggles with touch
I think Aria has been going through this cycle of being gaslit, harshly criticized and not understood for so long that she’s broken. To me, it’s natural that she doesn’t feel safe being openly affectionate towards him because the other shoe is always dangling over her head ready to drop in an instant. Scotty is unreasonable and they need to leave each other alone. I agree that Aria needs therapy to heal and rebuild her confidence.
I feel like Scotty is very self centered. Even he was with Zaina, he was mostly just concerned about himself. Everything is about how he feels and what he thinks. Aria was much happier and relaxed in her relationship with the other guy.
i used to be married to someone just like scotty, i cried everyday for the better part of 15 years and now that im finally out im the happiest ive been in my life with my soulmate so i just pray aria wakes up 🙏🏻
Mine was 11 years. At first there's total denial, plus they love bomb you in the beginning. Family members were calling it out but he kept saying they didn't like him because of this or that. He knows the type of things I didn't like about them and he used it to his advantage. He always blamed things on everybody else. Then you're married. And some people take there vows very seriously. Plus with everyone just waiting for your marriage to fail, you become pointlessly stubborn, trying to prove them wrong when they're right. It's not always bad times, but the bad times are excess.
Whatever the reason for it, someone who is slow to physical touch needs to feel VERY safe with their partner to begin to open up. Its also okay to NEVER be a person who is hyper physical touch, she just may not be that person ever. And that needs to be normalized and not always seen as something to ‘fix’. Scotty also needs to feel like a safe place for physical touch to happen. And he clearly does not make her feel safe. Everything Scotty is doing is gonna make her more reluctant to feel that comfort. For me holding hands is a lot. Its not casual or easy to feel that level of comfort with everyone.
That's an interesting take on Aria - my take from this episode is Aria checked out of this relationship. She's seen the other side of a relationship that didn't have constant strife and criticism, and that's what she wants. I can't wait for her to get that restraining order against Scotty, lol
It’s difficult to feel like being intimate with someone who is constantly complaining and making you feel guilty. Scotty is overwhelmingly critical and dissatisfied with anything Aria says or does. Women need to feel safe, loved, and worthy in order to feel comfortable enough with being intimate.
@@TammyTalks That's what he's saying but I don't really believe him. Also she said she has been touching him more but he didn't aknowledge that and kept critizing her.
I also come from a large family and hand me downs is normal and everything was clean, when you mentioned that about JR it reminded me of that season of MAFS and Jose said yeah we didn’t grow up with a lot of $ we always ate rice & beans and his wife said something along the lines of ‘ok we did too isn’t that just apart of being Mexican..?’
Mariah is like an emotional robot. No expression on her face, very self contained but just constant therapy talking at Caleb. I can't imagine it being any fun being with her. Just constant heavy energy
I always said that certain people bring out certain qualities in someone else. A person can be THEIR BEST self with someone else. I feel that with Aria when she is with Caleb. Nick needs to understand that Sandy could be better with Jr. Zaina too. We focus too much on changing the other person FOR us, not for them. And I wish more people can see that too. Accept the fact that who you love may not be for you.
Y’all know who else has weird eyes? JR. My mom calls them “shifty eyes”. He can’t look at people in their eyes when he talks & he’s always turning his head. Also, JR really needs to be careful with Sandy. When she said that she felt threatened & Nick was harassing her, those are words that would not look good if said about a tall black man. But hey he like it I love it
I think Mariah has been to therapists and it hasn't helped. Because all she and Caleb have been doing is therapy-speaking at each other. But especially Mariah.
JR is completely checked out forom the relationship with Zaina. There's zero chemistry between them. The way he was looking at Sandy and touching her showed that he fell for her.
Nick would of never freaked out if Sandy was with Caleb. We all know why he is losing his shit because of what JR looks like (big ripped good looking black man). He would just diminish it like Scotty is to Aria regarding Caleb.
No, I can understand aria not wanting to be physical with Scotty given the fact of how he talks to her.. then he talking about non sexual, he doesn’t deserve anything!! Aria told him several times she loved him & he didn’t say ILY but once… He doesn’t acknowledge anything she does but wants so much validation from her… She needs to leave his creepy ass… He’s beyond rude! & thinks just because he’s ready to be married that’s he needs to be!! & it’s a lot of men out here like that!! Zaina tossed his ass to side like a nickel! Scotty is not all that……….
I have to disagree with the claim that Aria is what is standing in the way of her relationship with Scotty. I think it has been widely observed that Scotty has some extremely abusive tendencies, and this has been shown not only in his interactions with Aria, his girlfriend, but also with Zaina. We can clearly see how Scotty tries to beat women down emotionally, how he tries to control them and manipulate them and intimidate them. It's clear as day. So even though Aria is not perfect, because she's human, to say that she is what is preventing her relationship from growing and consolidating into something more concrete and healthy, when she is consistently being attacked and gaslit and manipulated by Scotty is an incredibly harmful and crazy thing to say. Again, Aria is not perfect, but she is clearly showing signs of distress and discomfort when she's with Scotty (even her brother doesn't like Scotty and thinks he shares similarities with their problematic father) and saying that she's the roadblock in their relationship comes across as victim-blaming. Scotty is the one hindering Aria from progressing in their relationship because he is constantly attacking her and beating her down!
Men like Scotty are hyper focussed on your flaws to continuously put you down. Aria is frustrated because she is probably really trying. Which tells me he brings up the issue often. The problem with men like Scotty is that they trigger easily even when you haven't done anything they will bring up a topic that they know is a flaw for you to make you feel bad which in turn, for some twisted reason makes him feel better. My genuine hope is that Aria gets out of that situation and Scotty seeks professional help.
Scotty doesn’t care fr. He wants to make her the bad guy just like he wanted to make her jealous with Zaina. He isn’t a safe space for her and he doesn’t seek to make her comfortable at all or enough to provide physical touch. The fact that Aria was able to let her guard with Caleb so soon was telling. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with her not being touchy feely esp with his crazy ass lol
Aria can trust men. She clearly showed it with Caleb. Scotty is an a*hole and most women wouldn’t want to be touched by him. He doesn’t know how to talk to people. I completely understand why she isn’t patient with him. I know I wouldn’t be. If Scotty wasn’t so critical and nasty, Aria could become more affectionate and want to have that physical touch. He has to start with respecting her when talking to her. Starting slow has to begin there. Aria is only 25 and has been with him since she was 22. I believe she uses that as an excuse because of how Scotty treats her.
I really don't understand how you can can say Ariah is the "bigger issue" 18:10. The way Scotty brings it up is by blaming Ariah for not touching him enough. It's a reprochach so of course she gets defensive, especially since she's been already working on it and he wasn't grateful. He then proceeds to keep on hammering on her that she's not doing enough while she's crying (meaning he doesn't care that she's upset) and the confirms that he's not going to say things nicely...why would she even want to touch that man ? The only therapy she needs right now is to see her value and leave that emotionally abusive man.
Scotty has a combative spirit. For him to think of himself so bright i find it odd that he has no awareness of how to distribute healthy communication. He responds not to have a resolution but to only chastise. He never leads with compassion that's why he's always defensive. I'm sorry but i couldn't do it. Being with him would be so miserable and exhausting. There's no joy in growing together only sadness that's why Aria can't be herself with Scotty. He makes every conversation a battle which means there isn't a safe space to be heard, acknowledged or build. There's no comfortability or relief after their talks just that lingering feeling of tension. She can't even grow or feel good about it because his impatience causes himself to focus on criticizing her timing rather than uplifting the progress. He's truly unpalatable.
Aria touching that demon is rewarding bad behavior and i will never suggest or reccommend it. Scotty can leave but he wont and he wont let Aria either 😢
Honestly, it’s Scotty😂 Simply put that man does not know how to properly communicate or address another person in an argument. We saw it with Zaina, we see it with Aria. He is rude, he gaslights, and he’s straight up vindictive. Not saying Aria is perfect but she is really trying. I mean all the things he told her to work on, she has. She was being more touchy with him but then he says “You never touch me”. In therapy, that is know as catastrophizing. Due to him feeling one moment like he wanted physical touch and she didn’t, now Aria “never” touches him, which plain and simple is false. That kind of absolute language like never and always is genuinely detrimental to a relationship. He completely invalidates her feelings and her efforts that she is clearly putting forward. Respectfully, I pray Aria does not marry Scotty because he is not ready for marriage. I don’t think she is ready to marry him either.
I agree with your assessment. Aria knows that her relationship with Scotty is not healthy, but she stays in it anyway. There are two scary men on S3 The Ultimatum, Scotty and Nick. Based on the edit of the show, they come across as controlling, manipulative, narcissistic, and toxic. I hope that Aria and Sandy will choose themselves first.
This show definitely needs experts or some sort of professional to guide the trial marriages. Everyone is just doing whatever with whatever boundaries they choose lol it’s like they are all playing different games with different rules and no one knows the end goal. Like what does it even mean to have a trial marriage? What are they supposed to do and what are they not supposed to do during these weeks?
You are spot on!!!!!!!!! I love this channel! I think Scotty lacks emotional regulation because he feels he can't control their relationship (get what he wants) or his perception in the relationship. However, I think his unhealed response is because Aria has a wall up to him because he is a man, not just because of who Scotty is. They both need therapy and not together. Go heal for y'all's next relationship.
I'm sorry for what you went through. Scotty shows signs of being a covert narcissist and he's emotionally abusive which is why it's difficult for her to touch him. She did not have trouble with Caleb. It's something to do with the emotional aspects of abuse.
I agree. They should have therapists there to talk to the couples when they reconnect to discuss their experiences with their trial marriage and their relationship.
16:47 aria had no problem with giving and receiving physical touch from Caleb... she just didn't want Scotty to touch him. 17:43 she doesn't want scotty to touch her😅
The physical touch thing is interesting. It’s maybe the one time I empathized with Scotty. If you’ve been having the same conversation with your partner for 3 years that’s honestly showing a lot of patience. 2 baby steps in 3 years isn’t a lot of progress and Aria definitely needs to see someone about that.
I don't think Aria is the problem. She and Scotty don't mesh as a couple. Why is Scotty trying to force Aria to be his person. Aria knows that Scotty isn't her guy. JR is insecure and immature and hopefully Zaina finds the baller that she wants. You can't convince me that these 2 were currently in a relationship when they came on the show. No chemistry at all. They both don't seem interested in each other. Mariah isn't ready to be married. Caleb needs to find a low maintenance girl. Nick needs therapy and Sandy doesn't like him or JR. She might have been intrigued by the chocolate ice cream but realized after a few kisses that she will stick with vanilla and JR is to self absorbed to realize she's not into him.
Scotty is clearly a Narcissist. The term Narcissism has been casually tossed around these days but it is a very serious personality disorder and quite dangerous and debilitating to the ones involved with these types. There is never enough one can do to please the narcissists as they are a bottomless pit of need. When you try, it will never be enough leaving the abused person in a perpetual state of guilt and confusion due to the pressure being placed on them by the Narc to give more and more coupled with the gaslighting that mind f*cks you into somehow believing it is your responsibility to try harder in the relationship leaving you completely drained. It is hard to want to have a physical connection with narcissists after they consistently berate you and constantly twist every situation to try to make you take ownership, meanwhile needing constant validation for themselves. There is no conversation to be had with this type, the only thing you can do is walk away, which is extremely challenging because they break you down. The only cycle here is being in a narcissistic relationship.
This!!! If you look at one of the potential causes of NPD it's due to excess commendation by the parents, which is exactly what he said might be his problem.
I agree with all your assessments, except for Nick's reaction to JR being racially charged. With how chaotic and disregulated he was, I think he would have been the same with any guy with Sandy who was physically fit, dressed well, was confident and calm - those are all things Nick knows he lacks and is threatened by it.
That would be easier to believe without his use of "player type" and other buzz words clearly rooted in race. That's what rubbed me wrong and told me evrything
I mean it was also about Sandy’s clear attraction to him. If she was ATTRACTED to Caleb on the same level she was JR, I think we would have seen similar behavior.
@@TheDawnofVanlife imo, JR being a visually unambiguous blk man also can/possibly plays a role in that. That is a difference between he and Caleb but that is mean.
I'm watching this episode right now and Caleb does keep on saying that he's super flawed and needs to work on himself. He definitely does not want to marry Mariah, but I do think it's a red flag when a partner repeatedly says that they're flawed or have issues that make them not good enough for marriage. It's even more of a red flag when that person doesn't pin point what it is exactly that makes them unworthy...what are you hiding sir?
You’re right about Mariah!! She definitely needs therapy and I think that’s an issue in their relationship. Caleb appears to be exhausting and overwhelmed by her insecurities.
Aria is scared of Scotty which is making her repel from him thats why she does not want to touch him. She was just fine and affectionate with Caleb, matter a fact if Caleb made a serious move on her i'm sure she would have gone along quite willingly because he makes her feel safe. Scotty is emotionally abusive toward Aria but she feels sorry for him, which is why she sticks around. She's probably holding on to the time spent and the few nice things about him, but her stomach and decrement is telling her that she cannot bound herself to this man. Which is why touching him is not connecting with her.
I don’t think Scotty is a safe space for Aria, something about him is making her anxious and makes her shut down. I also don’t think he likes her as a person…if they can’t meet each other’s emotional needs they just need to break up. His resentment towards her is so obvious. She may still need therapy but I also think she would show up differently with the right partner
Speaking as a therapist who sees couples they need therapist on this show. They aren’t learning anything but they are seeing things that they could get or work on. In sessions with couples i see don’t understand how to manage conflict.
I think Aria feels emotionally disconnected/guarded around Scotty and that shows in her lack of physical intimacy (handholding, cuddling not just sex). We’ve seen how Scotty has treated her in public, whatever has happened in private must be horrible if she’s developed touch aversion.
I like Aria. She’s mature for her age but I don’t think she’s quite ready for marriage. Scotty is an absolute no go! Caleb is nice but I don’t see them working together long term. I hope she chooses herself at the end of the experiment.
There is more we are not seeing with Aria and Scotty. Why after 2 years is there no plan for them to live together in the same city, same home? If you can't make that leap then marriage won't happen.
Remember Moriah had a childhood that would make her want that reassurance from Caleb & he was telling Aria how loving Moriah was although she lacked loved at a young age… these people kill me!! Praising their ex to their new partner but can’t make it work with the ex!! Like the lies!! 😅
A lot of people with history of sexual, physical, or even mental abuse have difficulty with physical touch. I don’t know if any of that is applicable to Aria, but as others have said, it doesn’t seem like she has an issue with touching. It looks like it is more about her feeling unsafe with Scotty. And rightfully so because he has some serious work to do on himself before he is safe for anyone. That man is definitely not ready to be a husband or a father. I don’t think he’s some Machiavellian villain or even a psychopath, but he clearly has some baggage/trauma that needs to be addressed before he can move to the chapter he wants to. We all have our shit we need to work through to be the best versions of ourselves, it just looks like his is maybe a higher priority than others. Same with Nick. I don’t dislike Nick as much as I dislike Scotty, but both men worry me for their partners. I think that if those two don’t seek therapy ASAP they’re likely to end up on dateline. I can’t stand Sandy, but I obviously don’t want to see her get hurt because a man can’t handle his own feelings.
Yes, Mariah is very draining she sucks the life out of Caleb. It seems Caleb is caught up in a cycle of Mariah’s emotional manipulation and he doesn’t know how to free himself from the relationship without feeling guilty.
I see what youre saying about aria scotty etc. It does not ever hurt to learn more about yourself, and it also is valid to have needs. I do think Zaina vs Aria, its not that aria doesnt have the patience that Zaina does, its that Aria has been emotionally distraught and strung out by Scotty and is more reactive. Zaina is simply unphased by his BS, so i think that helps her remain more calm, cuz shes just wondeering wtf is he on lol.
Everything Nick says about JR is racially charged! Nick is completely insane he is giving more 🚩thank anyone else… well probably same level as Scotty!😬
JR is so full of himself. Zaina is way out of his league. And during their talks, it felt forced by him like he is not being genuine with her. I don’t think he loves Zaina and I hope they break up. On regard of Aria and Scotty, Aria’s reaction is the typical reaction of a victim of narcissistic partner. Scotty is a narcissist, I don’t blame her of anything, whatever she does to him is never ever gonna be enough. That guy is crazy and she should get out of that relationship as early as she can. More you stay with a narcissist, more you detach from your real self .
Scotty has some serious issues and he needs professional help. He uses information Aria shared with him as ammunition to criticize her and take her down a few notches. He is toxic and not marriage material. Aria needs to run!!!
Also maybe because Aria grew up in an environment where her parents were in an open relationship. Trauma maybe? And because Scotty is toxic af. I wouldnt want to touch that man either! Mariah is like an HR manager that doesnt resolve any employee issue. Lmao. I’m tired of her!
Scotty and Azaria are not compatible and thats ok. They need to separate and work on themselves individually. They are both young and have their lives ahead of them. Stop flogging a dead horse and move on!
I’m sorry but I’m with Nick about JR. Looking at how extra comfortable with a stranger he got and how he all of a sudden so open with Sandy. How he was talking at the mixer was not of a faithful man I’m sorry. I need that ex wife to come out to confirm. I mean look at Tyler nuff said ✌🏾
I agree that aria is in her head and that is causing road block in the relationship, but I also believe that Scotty is mentally abusive. one of the things that she was able to do with Caleb was opened up because she wasn’t verbally abused and constantly being judged For not being able to give someone what they want. when you don’t give Scotty what he wants, he turns to belittling you and because she’s only 25 years old, she mentally can’t handle that. Zana was able to come right back at him and check him but once again she’s a little older.
Makes so much more sense about Aria getting upset over the handholding, nice catch on this! But the womanizer comments abot JR i think have to do with the fact that he obviously had no problem cheating on zaina with sandy and the general narcisstic vibe he has about himself, so i dont think that was racially motivated
@ i think it depends on the couple and how they see it. I know if i did an experiment like this, i wouldn’t want my (ex)partner whom i’m planning to marry go off and do what JR and Sandy were doing. I’d consider this cheating but i guess that’s me🤷♀️
I think JR is a womanizer though, because why was it so easy for him to flirt and have physical connection with Sandy if he wasn’t? Sandy and him never really got deep they just kept gossiping about Nick and saying superficial stuff while flirting.
i think nick is ab*sive , the way he crashed out was way too familiar to me and it gave he was going to hurt her if there wasn’t cameras around . i also feel like that’s why sandy is so easily moved , it seems she is getting triggered . i don’t like any of the parties involved this , my fav is aria probably
I never miss your videos and I really like them My only concern is you always eventually blame all the issues on the women. Really, there are many times when the man is at fault. Women are not the all powerful beings you seem to think.
Nothing wrong with Ari besides choosing incorrectly to further that “I’m not worth anything just like my dad taught me” - been there. THAT MAN THO? That is a homosapien
@ facts for sure. you’re right ! Those are normal issues we can fix in therapy 😅 that man can’t fix what he got going on cause he not even being honest with himself .. he doesn’t like wombmen
Aria's gut is telling her not to touch him. He is NOT SAFE.
@@MammaMaisel215 This part. She probably doesn’t want to touch him cause the way he talks and treats her that can put up a block too
@@teejohnson1390especially if her brother said that Scotty reminds him of their father someone that they already don’t have a good relationship with. So if he thinks that then that means deep down Aria thinks that as well which is causing that difficultly when it comes to physical touch
Zaina showering JR with gifts while he's checked out & thinking about Christmas with Pecan Sandy is so 😬
This fucking comment😂😂😂😂❤❤❤
Not pecan sandy 😂😂😂😂
Aria should NOT talk to Scotty. She needs to run. Then get therapy and work that out on her own. He is not someone she should be vulnerable with.
Exactly! He has all the signs of an abuser!
THIS!!!
I think Aria started crying because she felt like she had been giving him more physical touch and didn’t feel like he recognized her improvements.
I was coming to say this. I think it was more out of frustration because she's expected to be patient with him, but her baby steps are not recognized or appreciated. You would think Scotland would get it considering he's so sensitive about validation.
Aria unfortunately does not recognize that fact that " it's okay to let go & move on to the next" because this dude is not the one.....both her and Zania are stuck in that fairytale idea that their first boyfriend is suppose to be the one .....
This right here. Instead of acknowledging that she is trying, he keeps harping on it and criticizing her. Not to say that Caleb is her perfect match, but when he heard that he found ways of building non-sexual physical contact while still making sure she is comfortable.
I hope she sees this comment because I think it's not her fault in this case. And this was the exact shxt he was whining to zaina about because "he was trying"
Yeah I agree. Scotty just likes to nag and complain . I’ve seen her reach in to hug and kiss him more than he has for her , yet he’s complaining that it’s not enough. Aria, please get away from this weirdo.
Idk, Aria was fine with physical touch from Caleb. They talked about their hand holding. That is physical touch. It’s Scottie that she has the issue of physical touch with and I can understand why.
I wouldn't want to touch Scotty either
Agreed.
I don’t think Arias physical touch “issues” is a her thing fully. I think it is because of how Scotty shows up in their relationship. Because with Caleb she had him in her lap rubbing his head with a scalp massager. And she enjoyed holding his hand and just looking at him. It is how Scotty is insulting her to get what he wants doesn’t make her comfortable enough for change
I agree
Exactly!
I don’t blame Aria at all tbh I wouldn’t want to touch Scotty either
Ya her nervous system is probably on fire with Scotty and that doesn't make you want to cuddle 😩
Imagine rewarding toxic and hostile behavior with affection and sex....it's one thing to make a entitled child but what kind of "man" is that creating?
Gurl, Aria should NOT work on physical touch with Scotty. No one can fulfill a psychopaths desires. They desire control. Nothing else. The continually move the goal posts and rules in relationship just to show their partner that they will never live up to the psychos standards. This is NOT an Aria problem.
Yes, I agree 1000%!
Hard disagree with your take on Aria. As someone who has been in this dynamic, the lack of physical touch was due to a lack of emotional safety and abuse. And he’s shown he’s an emotional abuser.
That said 100% she needs therapy, stop choosing this man!
Anytime Aria said anything positive about him or their relationship Scotty’s response is usually something negative about Aria. She’s in a no win situation.
Zaina is waaaay too calm about JR continually gushing over Sandy. Why doesn't this bother her? Is she so self-confident that she can't imagine Sandy is a threat? It's like she's not even hearing the words coming out of his mouth. She's got tunnel vision for that engagement ring.
Yes!! Every time he talked I was like “leave!” And she just squinted at him and shrugged🤣
Is it just me, or does Nick act like a former or current addict?
Even Sandy's family is hoping JR takes her away from Nick. They're not too keen on JR but seem to be scared of Nick
I thought current.
@@jackeeB you might be on to something. It gives recovery vibes and having difficulty emotionally managing
You took the words right out of my mouth…
Nope not just you.. I’ve heard a few people say it
Scotty also doesn’t seem like he makes her comfortable or creates a safe space for Aria to even step out of her comfort zone. Scotty doesn’t seem like he likes to compromise and gets upset when he doesn’t get his way. Who tf wants to touch a person with those traits. Definitely not one who already struggles with touch
I hope aria realizes that scotty is not the one & she should never settle for a dude she has to do this much convincing with....
@ same. Aria seemed so comfortable with Caleb. With Scotty it’s like she’s walking on egg shells. I hope she moves on and gets therapy. Scotty too
@@MAC-tf7pw Scotty told her “you’re always so UPSET!” while clearly being the aggy one himself lol
The ay he was dismissively aria with the date ideas but was doing the opposite w Zaina....he just likes being combative
I think Aria has been going through this cycle of being gaslit, harshly criticized and not understood for so long that she’s broken. To me, it’s natural that she doesn’t feel safe being openly affectionate towards him because the other shoe is always dangling over her head ready to drop in an instant. Scotty is unreasonable and they need to leave each other alone. I agree that Aria needs therapy to heal and rebuild her confidence.
I feel like Scotty is very self centered. Even he was with Zaina, he was mostly just concerned about himself. Everything is about how he feels and what he thinks. Aria was much happier and relaxed in her relationship with the other guy.
i used to be married to someone just like scotty, i cried everyday for the better part of 15 years and now that im finally out im the happiest ive been in my life with my soulmate so i just pray aria wakes up 🙏🏻
FIFTEEN YEARS??? I’m really happy you’re out of that toxic situation but if you don’t mind me asking, why did you wait so long?
Mine was 11 years. At first there's total denial, plus they love bomb you in the beginning. Family members were calling it out but he kept saying they didn't like him because of this or that. He knows the type of things I didn't like about them and he used it to his advantage. He always blamed things on everybody else.
Then you're married. And some people take there vows very seriously. Plus with everyone just waiting for your marriage to fail, you become pointlessly stubborn, trying to prove them wrong when they're right. It's not always bad times, but the bad times are excess.
Whatever the reason for it, someone who is slow to physical touch needs to feel VERY safe with their partner to begin to open up. Its also okay to NEVER be a person who is hyper physical touch, she just may not be that person ever. And that needs to be normalized and not always seen as something to ‘fix’.
Scotty also needs to feel like a safe place for physical touch to happen. And he clearly does not make her feel safe. Everything Scotty is doing is gonna make her more reluctant to feel that comfort.
For me holding hands is a lot. Its not casual or easy to feel that level of comfort with everyone.
That's an interesting take on Aria - my take from this episode is Aria checked out of this relationship. She's seen the other side of a relationship that didn't have constant strife and criticism, and that's what she wants. I can't wait for her to get that restraining order against Scotty, lol
It’s difficult to feel like being intimate with someone who is constantly complaining and making you feel guilty. Scotty is overwhelmingly critical and dissatisfied with anything Aria says or does. Women need to feel safe, loved, and worthy in order to feel comfortable enough with being intimate.
They are clearly talking non sexual physical touch.
@@TammyTalks That's what he's saying but I don't really believe him.
Also she said she has been touching him more but he didn't aknowledge that and kept critizing her.
I also come from a large family and hand me downs is normal and everything was clean, when you mentioned that about JR it reminded me of that season of MAFS and Jose said yeah we didn’t grow up with a lot of $ we always ate rice & beans and his wife said something along the lines of ‘ok we did too isn’t that just apart of being Mexican..?’
Mariah is boring and Caleb looks so sad when he’s with her. They both look sad actually. It’s a weird dynamic w those two.
Mariah is like an emotional robot. No expression on her face, very self contained but just constant therapy talking at Caleb. I can't imagine it being any fun being with her. Just constant heavy energy
I always said that certain people bring out certain qualities in someone else. A person can be THEIR BEST self with someone else. I feel that with Aria when she is with Caleb.
Nick needs to understand that Sandy could be better with Jr.
Zaina too.
We focus too much on changing the other person FOR us, not for them. And I wish more people can see that too. Accept the fact that who you love may not be for you.
"Don't give me a deep tissue while we just sitting and talking" 😂🤣 going on my 🚩🚩list immediately!
Y’all know who else has weird eyes? JR. My mom calls them “shifty eyes”. He can’t look at people in their eyes when he talks & he’s always turning his head. Also, JR really needs to be careful with Sandy. When she said that she felt threatened & Nick was harassing her, those are words that would not look good if said about a tall black man. But hey he like it I love it
I think Mariah has been to therapists and it hasn't helped. Because all she and Caleb have been doing is therapy-speaking at each other. But especially Mariah.
JR is completely checked out forom the relationship with Zaina. There's zero chemistry between them. The way he was looking at Sandy and touching her showed that he fell for her.
Nick would of never freaked out if Sandy was with Caleb. We all know why he is losing his shit because of what JR looks like (big ripped good looking black man). He would just diminish it like Scotty is to Aria regarding Caleb.
No, I can understand aria not wanting to be physical with Scotty given the fact of how he talks to her.. then he talking about non sexual, he doesn’t deserve anything!! Aria told him several times she loved him & he didn’t say ILY but once… He doesn’t acknowledge anything she does but wants so much validation from her… She needs to leave his creepy ass… He’s beyond rude! & thinks just because he’s ready to be married that’s he needs to be!! & it’s a lot of men out here like that!! Zaina tossed his ass to side like a nickel! Scotty is not all that……….
I have to disagree with the claim that Aria is what is standing in the way of her relationship with Scotty. I think it has been widely observed that Scotty has some extremely abusive tendencies, and this has been shown not only in his interactions with Aria, his girlfriend, but also with Zaina. We can clearly see how Scotty tries to beat women down emotionally, how he tries to control them and manipulate them and intimidate them. It's clear as day. So even though Aria is not perfect, because she's human, to say that she is what is preventing her relationship from growing and consolidating into something more concrete and healthy, when she is consistently being attacked and gaslit and manipulated by Scotty is an incredibly harmful and crazy thing to say. Again, Aria is not perfect, but she is clearly showing signs of distress and discomfort when she's with Scotty (even her brother doesn't like Scotty and thinks he shares similarities with their problematic father) and saying that she's the roadblock in their relationship comes across as victim-blaming. Scotty is the one hindering Aria from progressing in their relationship because he is constantly attacking her and beating her down!
So you ignored what I said in the video? Okay.
Well said comment!!!
@@pixiestxNyomouf it would be well said if it wasn’t everything I said in the video, and they actually listened to the commmentary
@TammyTalks ma'am. I simply liked the elaboration on Aria's feelings. Let's all be respectable. I been liked and finished the vid 🤷🏿♀️
@ how am I not being respectful? Also I didn’t say you didn’t finish the video, you should prob reread what I said initially.
I think Aria tried of Scotty like the rest of us 😂
Scotty didn’t have HER not picking HIM on his Bingo card! He thought he was in control
Men like Scotty are hyper focussed on your flaws to continuously put you down. Aria is frustrated because she is probably really trying. Which tells me he brings up the issue often. The problem with men like Scotty is that they trigger easily even when you haven't done anything they will bring up a topic that they know is a flaw for you to make you feel bad which in turn, for some twisted reason makes him feel better. My genuine hope is that Aria gets out of that situation and Scotty seeks professional help.
Scotty doesn’t care fr. He wants to make her the bad guy just like he wanted to make her jealous with Zaina. He isn’t a safe space for her and he doesn’t seek to make her comfortable at all or enough to provide physical touch. The fact that Aria was able to let her guard with Caleb so soon was telling. I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with her not being touchy feely esp with his crazy ass lol
Aria can trust men. She clearly showed it with Caleb. Scotty is an a*hole and most women wouldn’t want to be touched by him. He doesn’t know how to talk to people. I completely understand why she isn’t patient with him. I know I wouldn’t be. If Scotty wasn’t so critical and nasty, Aria could become more affectionate and want to have that physical touch. He has to start with respecting her when talking to her. Starting slow has to begin there. Aria is only 25 and has been with him since she was 22. I believe she uses that as an excuse because of how Scotty treats her.
Come on consistency ‼️‼️‼️‼️ thank you TH-cam coussssinnnn ❤️
I really don't understand how you can can say Ariah is the "bigger issue" 18:10.
The way Scotty brings it up is by blaming Ariah for not touching him enough. It's a reprochach so of course she gets defensive, especially since she's been already working on it and he wasn't grateful.
He then proceeds to keep on hammering on her that she's not doing enough while she's crying (meaning he doesn't care that she's upset) and the confirms that he's not going to say things nicely...why would she even want to touch that man ?
The only therapy she needs right now is to see her value and leave that emotionally abusive man.
Well I explained it very clearly, did you listen past 18:10?
Scotty has a combative spirit. For him to think of himself so bright i find it odd that he has no awareness of how to distribute healthy communication. He responds not to have a resolution but to only chastise. He never leads with compassion that's why he's always defensive. I'm sorry but i couldn't do it. Being with him would be so miserable and exhausting. There's no joy in growing together only sadness that's why Aria can't be herself with Scotty. He makes every conversation a battle which means there isn't a safe space to be heard, acknowledged or build. There's no comfortability or relief after their talks just that lingering feeling of tension. She can't even grow or feel good about it because his impatience causes himself to focus on criticizing her timing rather than uplifting the progress. He's truly unpalatable.
Aria touching that demon is rewarding bad behavior and i will never suggest or reccommend it. Scotty can leave but he wont and he wont let Aria either 😢
nothing will ever be good enough for scotty. he is so self centered! he has such an evil aura!
Girl perfect timing I’m cleaning my place now 🎉. Just what I needed thank youuuu!
Honestly, it’s Scotty😂 Simply put that man does not know how to properly communicate or address another person in an argument. We saw it with Zaina, we see it with Aria. He is rude, he gaslights, and he’s straight up vindictive. Not saying Aria is perfect but she is really trying. I mean all the things he told her to work on, she has. She was being more touchy with him but then he says “You never touch me”. In therapy, that is know as catastrophizing. Due to him feeling one moment like he wanted physical touch and she didn’t, now Aria “never” touches him, which plain and simple is false. That kind of absolute language like never and always is genuinely detrimental to a relationship. He completely invalidates her feelings and her efforts that she is clearly putting forward. Respectfully, I pray Aria does not marry Scotty because he is not ready for marriage. I don’t think she is ready to marry him either.
I agree with your assessment. Aria knows that her relationship with Scotty is not healthy, but she stays in it anyway. There are two scary men on S3 The Ultimatum, Scotty and Nick. Based on the edit of the show, they come across as controlling, manipulative, narcissistic, and toxic. I hope that Aria and Sandy will choose themselves first.
Unfortunately, abused women often stay with their abusers from the trauma bonding. This is where I agree that Aria needs therapy.
Let's do this!
It's gray and rainy outside
I NEED this Tammy! Lol
Lmaoo! I was wondering who was maintaining JR’s hair! Meanwhile Scotty’s haircut was declining by the minute!
This show definitely needs experts or some sort of professional to guide the trial marriages. Everyone is just doing whatever with whatever boundaries they choose lol it’s like they are all playing different games with different rules and no one knows the end goal.
Like what does it even mean to have a trial marriage? What are they supposed to do and what are they not supposed to do during these weeks?
You are spot on!!!!!!!!! I love this channel!
I think Scotty lacks emotional regulation because he feels he can't control their relationship (get what he wants) or his perception in the relationship. However, I think his unhealed response is because Aria has a wall up to him because he is a man, not just because of who Scotty is. They both need therapy and not together. Go heal for y'all's next relationship.
10:33 😂😂
The manosphere has warped these men's minds.
It truly is something to behold. 😵💫🥴
Aria is showing signs of being a victim of childhood sexual molestation / abuse. This was me until I went to through intensive therapy.
I'm sorry for what you went through. Scotty shows signs of being a covert narcissist and he's emotionally abusive which is why it's difficult for her to touch him. She did not have trouble with Caleb.
It's something to do with the emotional aspects of abuse.
Mariah reminds me of that sad little robot in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.
I agree. They should have therapists there to talk to the couples when they reconnect to discuss their experiences with their trial marriage and their relationship.
16:47 aria had no problem with giving and receiving physical touch from Caleb... she just didn't want Scotty to touch him. 17:43 she doesn't want scotty to touch her😅
The physical touch thing is interesting. It’s maybe the one time I empathized with Scotty. If you’ve been having the same conversation with your partner for 3 years that’s honestly showing a lot of patience. 2 baby steps in 3 years isn’t a lot of progress and Aria definitely needs to see someone about that.
Always here for ur vids, Love You Tammy. Best reviewer of 2024 for me babe. ❤
I don't think Aria is the problem. She and Scotty don't mesh as a couple. Why is Scotty trying to force Aria to be his person. Aria knows that Scotty isn't her guy. JR is insecure and immature and hopefully Zaina finds the baller that she wants. You can't convince me that these 2 were currently in a relationship when they came on the show. No chemistry at all. They both don't seem interested in each other. Mariah isn't ready to be married. Caleb needs to find a low maintenance girl. Nick needs therapy and Sandy doesn't like him or JR. She might have been intrigued by the chocolate ice cream but realized after a few kisses that she will stick with vanilla and JR is to self absorbed to realize she's not into him.
Scotty is clearly a Narcissist. The term Narcissism has been casually tossed around these days but it is a very serious personality disorder and quite dangerous and debilitating to the ones involved with these types. There is never enough one can do to please the narcissists as they are a bottomless pit of need. When you try, it will never be enough leaving the abused person in a perpetual state of guilt and confusion due to the pressure being placed on them by the Narc to give more and more coupled with the gaslighting that mind f*cks you into somehow believing it is your responsibility to try harder in the relationship leaving you completely drained. It is hard to want to have a physical connection with narcissists after they consistently berate you and constantly twist every situation to try to make you take ownership, meanwhile needing constant validation for themselves. There is no conversation to be had with this type, the only thing you can do is walk away, which is extremely challenging because they break you down. The only cycle here is being in a narcissistic relationship.
This!!! If you look at one of the potential causes of NPD it's due to excess commendation by the parents, which is exactly what he said might be his problem.
I agree with all your assessments, except for Nick's reaction to JR being racially charged. With how chaotic and disregulated he was, I think he would have been the same with any guy with Sandy who was physically fit, dressed well, was confident and calm - those are all things Nick knows he lacks and is threatened by it.
That would be easier to believe without his use of "player type" and other buzz words clearly rooted in race. That's what rubbed me wrong and told me evrything
I mean it was also about Sandy’s clear attraction to him. If she was ATTRACTED to Caleb on the same level she was JR, I think we would have seen similar behavior.
@@pixiestxNyomouf I don't associate "player type" with race. I don't think Nick is using it in that context either.
@@TheDawnofVanlife I agree completely
@@TheDawnofVanlife imo, JR being a visually unambiguous blk man also can/possibly plays a role in that. That is a difference between he and Caleb but that is mean.
I think you’re spot on about Nick. His whole issue was simply b/c JR is black. They will be looking for Sandy. I hope she ended it.
Love your tree 😍
Thank you!
"Don't give me a Deep tissue!! " 🤣🤣🤣
I'm watching this episode right now and Caleb does keep on saying that he's super flawed and needs to work on himself. He definitely does not want to marry Mariah, but I do think it's a red flag when a partner repeatedly says that they're flawed or have issues that make them not good enough for marriage. It's even more of a red flag when that person doesn't pin point what it is exactly that makes them unworthy...what are you hiding sir?
mariah needs serious therapy to be single. she is unhinged.
You’re right about Mariah!! She definitely needs therapy and I think that’s an issue in their relationship. Caleb appears to be exhausting and overwhelmed by her insecurities.
Aria is scared of Scotty which is making her repel from him thats why she does not want to touch him. She was just fine and affectionate with Caleb, matter a fact if Caleb made a serious move on her i'm sure she would have gone along quite willingly because he makes her feel safe. Scotty is emotionally abusive toward Aria but she feels sorry for him, which is why she sticks around. She's probably holding on to the time spent and the few nice things about him, but her stomach and decrement is telling her that she cannot bound herself to this man. Which is why touching him is not connecting with her.
I don’t think Scotty is a safe space for Aria, something about him is making her anxious and makes her shut down. I also don’t think he likes her as a person…if they can’t meet each other’s emotional needs they just need to break up. His resentment towards her is so obvious. She may still need therapy but I also think she would show up differently with the right partner
They both need therapy ASAP…but don’t we all 😂😂
No Scotty gives serial killer thats what Aria is sensing. RUN GIRL!!!
Speaking as a therapist who sees couples they need therapist on this show. They aren’t learning anything but they are seeing things that they could get or work on. In sessions with couples i see don’t understand how to manage conflict.
I think Aria feels emotionally disconnected/guarded around Scotty and that shows in her lack of physical intimacy (handholding, cuddling not just sex). We’ve seen how Scotty has treated her in public, whatever has happened in private must be horrible if she’s developed touch aversion.
JR got a braider and barber on his appearance rider. didn’t ya know? jk but i lol’d at the questioning of the freshness of his cornrows
😂😂
I like Aria. She’s mature for her age but I don’t think she’s quite ready for marriage. Scotty is an absolute no go! Caleb is nice but I don’t see them working together long term. I hope she chooses herself at the end of the experiment.
The way JR was with sandy screamed womanizer
There is more we are not seeing with Aria and Scotty. Why after 2 years is there no plan for them to live together in the same city, same home? If you can't make that leap then marriage won't happen.
You are also right about JR not being a womanizer. However, he does present as hungry for validation and acceptance from someone other than Zania
Nick is the type that will threaten to off himself if she don’t answer the phone or leave him! Like “you made me do it” type of shit.
Remember Moriah had a childhood that would make her want that reassurance from Caleb & he was telling Aria how loving Moriah was although she lacked loved at a young age… these people kill me!! Praising their ex to their new partner but can’t make it work with the ex!! Like the lies!! 😅
A lot of people with history of sexual, physical, or even mental abuse have difficulty with physical touch. I don’t know if any of that is applicable to Aria, but as others have said, it doesn’t seem like she has an issue with touching. It looks like it is more about her feeling unsafe with Scotty. And rightfully so because he has some serious work to do on himself before he is safe for anyone. That man is definitely not ready to be a husband or a father. I don’t think he’s some Machiavellian villain or even a psychopath, but he clearly has some baggage/trauma that needs to be addressed before he can move to the chapter he wants to.
We all have our shit we need to work through to be the best versions of ourselves, it just looks like his is maybe a higher priority than others.
Same with Nick. I don’t dislike Nick as much as I dislike Scotty, but both men worry me for their partners. I think that if those two don’t seek therapy ASAP they’re likely to end up on dateline. I can’t stand Sandy, but I obviously don’t want to see her get hurt because a man can’t handle his own feelings.
Yes, Mariah is very draining she sucks the life out of Caleb. It seems Caleb is caught up in a cycle of Mariah’s emotional manipulation and he doesn’t know how to free himself from the relationship without feeling guilty.
I see what youre saying about aria scotty etc. It does not ever hurt to learn more about yourself, and it also is valid to have needs.
I do think Zaina vs Aria, its not that aria doesnt have the patience that Zaina does, its that Aria has been emotionally distraught and strung out by Scotty and is more reactive. Zaina is simply unphased by his BS, so i think that helps her remain more calm, cuz shes just wondeering wtf is he on lol.
😂 don’t get too much dip on ur chip JR 😂😂😂
Nick lowkey looks like Sandy’s sugar daddy 😭😭😭
Everything Nick says about JR is racially charged! Nick is completely insane he is giving more 🚩thank anyone else… well probably same level as Scotty!😬
they said jr had kanekalon feed in braids on tiktok
JR is so full of himself. Zaina is way out of his league. And during their talks, it felt forced by him like he is not being genuine with her. I don’t think he loves Zaina and I hope they break up.
On regard of Aria and Scotty, Aria’s reaction is the typical reaction of a victim of narcissistic partner. Scotty is a narcissist, I don’t blame her of anything, whatever she does to him is never ever gonna be enough. That guy is crazy and she should get out of that relationship as early as she can. More you stay with a narcissist, more you detach from your real self .
What if Aria has Aspergers, physical touch can be a big problem for people with that disorder
I agree with therapists to give them strategies. That would be great to see.
Scotty has some serious issues and he needs professional help. He uses information Aria shared with him as ammunition to criticize her and take her down a few notches. He is toxic and not marriage material. Aria needs to run!!!
Tammy, I was Looking at JR sideways when he made that comment also about being Tall, and Handsome. 📺😮👁👀👀👀👀🙄🎄💚
😂 right?
Also maybe because Aria grew up in an environment where her parents were in an open relationship. Trauma maybe? And because Scotty is toxic af. I wouldnt want to touch that man either!
Mariah is like an HR manager that doesnt resolve any employee issue. Lmao. I’m tired of her!
Scotty and Azaria are not compatible and thats ok. They need to separate and work on themselves individually. They are both young and have their lives ahead of them. Stop flogging a dead horse and move on!
I’m sorry but I’m with Nick about JR. Looking at how extra comfortable with a stranger he got and how he all of a sudden so open with Sandy. How he was talking at the mixer was not of a faithful man I’m sorry. I need that ex wife to come out to confirm. I mean look at Tyler nuff said ✌🏾
I agree that aria is in her head and that is causing road block in the relationship, but I also believe that Scotty is mentally abusive. one of the things that she was able to do with Caleb was opened up because she wasn’t verbally abused and constantly being judged For not being able to give someone what they want. when you don’t give Scotty what he wants, he turns to belittling you and because she’s only 25 years old, she mentally can’t handle that. Zana was able to come right back at him and check him but once again she’s a little older.
Makes so much more sense about Aria getting upset over the handholding, nice catch on this! But the womanizer comments abot JR i think have to do with the fact that he obviously had no problem cheating on zaina with sandy and the general narcisstic vibe he has about himself, so i dont think that was racially motivated
They are broken up, it’s not cheating.
@ i think it depends on the couple and how they see it. I know if i did an experiment like this, i wouldn’t want my (ex)partner whom i’m planning to marry go off and do what JR and Sandy were doing. I’d consider this cheating but i guess that’s me🤷♀️
@@TammyTalks i’m just saying i dont think it had anything to do with race, and i’m not defending nick at all, he has his issues but still
I think JR is a womanizer though, because why was it so easy for him to flirt and have physical connection with Sandy if he wasn’t? Sandy and him never really got deep they just kept gossiping about Nick and saying superficial stuff while flirting.
To be fair everybody needs therapy
i think nick is ab*sive , the way he crashed out was way too familiar to me and it gave he was going to hurt her if there wasn’t cameras around . i also feel like that’s why sandy is so easily moved , it seems she is getting triggered . i don’t like any of the parties involved this , my fav is aria probably
When did we stop saying "Person" and switch over to "Human Being"?
Does it bother you? Lol. I didnt think any of it when he said it.
@TammyTalks not really, I think it's a bit heady tho. I've just noticed it in a lot of places in popular culture over the past couple years!
I never miss your videos and I really like them My only concern is you always eventually blame all the issues on the women. Really, there are many times when the man is at fault. Women are not the all powerful beings you seem to think.
It’s not my fault you didn’t comprehend what I said in the video
did we watch the same video
So, when a fan disagrees with you it's because they cant comprehend.......typical.
@@mkbuser when you completely misinterpret a video…yes, you don’t comprehend what I’m saying.
@User-q8d9j they clearly didn’t
Nothing wrong with Ari besides choosing incorrectly to further that “I’m not worth anything just like my dad taught me” - been there.
THAT MAN THO? That is a homosapien
@@KaeRoque she has daddy issues that she needs to work out, doesn’t mean anything is wrong with her but it is something she needs to address
@ facts for sure. you’re right ! Those are normal issues we can fix in therapy 😅 that man can’t fix what he got going on cause he not even being honest with himself .. he doesn’t like wombmen
Aria needs to run miles from that psycho
13:11 🤣🤣
Idc if Nick is an artist… something about that rage painting don’t sit right with me lol