Autism and Guilt
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 28 ก.ย. 2024
- A member of my Discord server, named ThePhotoLife, suggested that I talk about how guilt affects people on the autism spectrum. Though I've addressed the subject briefly in past videos, I have never done a video specifically on the subject. Haven't done a "mental health" related video in a while, so I figured now was a good time to make return.
Patreon: / maxderrat
SubscribeStar: www.subscribes...
PayPal: paypal.me/maxderrat
Twitter: maxderrat
Discord Link: / discord
Twitch: twitch.tv/maxderrat
#autism
#mentalhealth
#bellletstalk
![[TH] FS vs BME - VCT Ascension Pacific - Lower Bracket Final](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/wnygqsR2Fig/mqdefault.jpg)
An “over-developed conscience” is such a perfect way of putting it.
Ain't nothing wrong with you fellas. Only the assuption that there actually is.
I feel that every day
It’s assumed that everyone would like to be just fine, and if were anything but fine. It’s better to just forget the regrets so we all end up in the same box
That is why I hate having autism. My conscience feels 'over-developed', but my autism holds me back from doing things properly.
It's like you're mentally trapped in a cage or something.
You could look at it as over-developed conscience, or your could look at it as a lessened self-serving bias. What struck me about this video was less the explanation of how someone on the spectrum experiences guilt, but rather the speaker's description of how a neurological responds to guilt.
Mostly in that, it is entirely wrong. The speaker assumes that because their own problems with guilt stemmed from not knowing if they were at fault or if they did something wrong, that neurotypicals did not have these issues with guilt because we have an easier time telling right from wrong and estimating blame. However, this is false.
The real reason most neurotypicals don't struggle with guilt the same way as people on the spectrum is personal bias. Most neurotypicals, when they do something wrong, automatically assume that they were in the right and the other person is at fault, particularly as children. Ita also very common for neurotypicals to convince themselves that something was an accident, even when it wasn't. The crazy thing is, personal bias is so strong, that people actually believe what they tell themselves. Apparently its an evolutionary trait many humans developed in order to protect self-esteem/worth. If you truly believe you were in the right, you have no reason to feel bad about yourself.
It's kinda like that one George Costanza line from Seinfeld, "Its not a lie, if you believe it is true." Everything is filtered through someone's personal bias and beliefs, and if your bias is to assume you're in the right, you will rarely feel guilt.
Don't you guys love it when you look at something that slightly reminds you of a guilty memory and then that item or place is instantly ruined forever and you can't look at it anymore
I've had that situation plenty. A girl i went to school with ruined The Sims for me because, she called me a "Devil-worshipper" because, her mother told her that simulation games and video games were from the devil. She also ruined Christmas for me by saying Santa's Claus was Satan and that i must be a Satanist if I celebrate Christmas. Got called disgusting for admitting that i enjoy watching Ants Canada's video's and got called Emo for liking dubstep. Now whenever i try to enjoy something i love, i get haunted by past mistakes and bitter memories.
For me, it's the song "Ballroom Blitz," mainly because of the lyrics "It's been gettin so hard livin' with the the things you do to me." I'm not going to specify why.
I get this all the time, I was a fucked up child despite having good parents so most things that remind me of those times make me feel disgust.
@@CrazyAlienLady051 She is just borderline disgustingly rude, and should be ignored at all cost. Yet despite the attempt of ignoring them, you’re constantly thinking about them, and how much their words hurt, and if that wasn’t enough.. those words just lead you to the point of suicide, because words are like a weapon and can actually kill people.
That happens to me sometimes
Like if I think about something bad/angering while playing a game that one section of said game will haunt me forever
I feel guilty when I say or do something stupid. Even if I can't help it.
Same.
Same
I do too
everyone does, yes
I still feel guilty about mistakes ive made in the past that don't matter anymore. They just show up in my mind if the train brings it along.
"wow this is an important discussion im glad i got this in my recommendati- IS THAT A GIANT WOLF WIELDING A SWORD?!?!?"
The game is Dark Souls.
@@crispnhollow7300 thank you kind sir
@@DiscoGoesOn5067 Ay, no problem.
Yeah.. Great Wolf Sif.
Fun fact: 32 years old, and this is the FIRST boss fight where I not only felt horrible fighting him, but 3/4 through, he started limping while fighting pathetically.. I turned my game off and cried for 20 min. Took two weeks to pick her up again.
@Jeremy Cooke only if you want to be.. i can’t bring myself to do a genocide run in Undertale… i honestly haven’t played much. Once i realized what was happening i figured they’d all be happier if i left them alone… (see that kids, that’s what “we’ll play with a stick!” Gets you. PreTSD!
I am Daniel's father. Two reactions: I'm prouder than I can say at the brilliance of what Daniel said and I feel I know a lot more than I did before, which hopefully will make me a better father and be able to support Daniel better. Thank you!
It's really hard for parents to understand autistic children. Let alone manage to support them in their feelings. Furthermore it's difficult to actually achieve support in your actions.
I hope that you manage that last part. He's so very sad, you can tell that through any of his videos. I hope that your love reaches him and gives that sadness some meaning.
i think a lot of "negative" "autistic" traits like extreme guilt might be more of a result of trauma from the experience of growing up autistic rather than innate autistic traits. middle school and high school ruined me and im more withdrawn than i was as a child as a result, i think
Disability and their symptoms are caused by deficiency in the neurological development, even considering the influence of the environment, autism is a physiological disease.
@@illseeyaonthedarksideofthemoon "physiological disease" man shut the fuck up all that shit is made up by neurotypical scientists pulling shit out of their asses. the best understanding we have of autism comes from autistic people sharing their experiences. i dont think a lot of nt doctors can grasp that autistic children go through unique trauma growing up because of how much general society is incompatible with our needs
@@illseeyaonthedarksideofthemoon [citation fucking needed]
@@Nai-qk4vp IKR?
I think it’s a big part of it. But also a recent study found that autistic people are more altruistic than allistics, so it might play a part too.
I've been denied for jobs because the interviewer got the impression that I'm 'distracted' or 'uninterested' because I couldn't hold eye contact. Still jobless despite dozens of interviews in the past few years. :)
And with that damn virus spreading around now people are even more freaked out. It was hard before but now that Bloodborne analogy seems laughable with whats happened lmao.
This, seriously. If the interviewers are not inviting, I find it difficult to stay engaged.
I’m autistic and I look between the eyes. Apparently they can’t tell you’re not looking them in the eye.
Have you tried focusing on the person's nose? I'm autistic and that's what I do, since other people think you're making eye contact with them.
Why can’t autistic people look into someone’s eyes? Is it related to social anxiety?
Mix my autism with guilt and OCD and the way I was raised (always made to feel guilty about everything) and it's a stew of depression and anxiety constantly
I'm so sorry for you :( i hope everything gets better for you
@yupyipit same, this year i only asked "if you insist on getting me something then ___" even asking one expensive present, i feel guilty about it. I feel guilty getting more stuff than my parents
Note: I'm not good at putting sentences together. Sorry if it confused you
@yupyipit you shouldnt ask for anything. i feel guilt if people get me anything for either christmas or my birthday, the reason you feel guilty for asking is because you dont deserve free stuff and deep down you know it
@yupyipit i understand mate you need to stop receiving gifts, the nice things you get are nicer when you get them yourself, you want to alleviate yourself from some guilt say to them all you dont want anything and actually make them enforce it, you can still have a nice christmas with your family without taking those little boxes of guilt, even get them all something small and u will be boxing up your guilt and giving it away!
@yupyipit i literally said to my family i dont want anything i dont feel like i deserve it and it makes me feel guilt and upsets me, i appreciate the sentiment but i really dont want it, and now the christmas periods are alot more enjoyable for me
The “overdeveloped conscience” is absolutely amazing description. Also, it can be really motivating at times,. However not the best when one is in a situation that overwhelms them or are currently going through a breakdown. Thank you for this videos .
And then on other parts of the spectrum, some other autists have an issue with ALWAYS telling the authentic truth of their mind. Even when it isn’t socially acceptable.
I can't lie for the life of me. If I don't actively stop myself I end up revealing some very personal things to people that don't need to know. When I lie it gives me anxiety and I get paranoid thinking about what would happen if they find out I was lying. I embarrassed myself so many times simply because I was too honest or too open to people.
I wasn't diagnosed but I definitely think I'm neurodivergent. My family always said that I was smart and that whenever I did something socially unacceptable I did it on purpose, but I actually just genuinely didn't know how to properly behave, and I'm still learning. Any group of people I end up in always ends up alienating me because I seem odd to them. It's heartbreaking and this is what led me to become a full on shut in after I lost my job. Sorry for the rant.
Oh yeah.
But honestly(huh...) I'd rather be obnoxiously sincere than a liar.
The way i deal with it is by neither ever lying(saying no instead of yes and things if that nature) while also having set reactions to certain topics... Although that can make talking about certain topics beyond taboo unless i absolutely trust the other person, like sexuality, sensitive topics, or even dumb things like music taste and food culture as i tend to get easily heated on those topics.
In those cases i tend to just get out of the conversation straight away, explaining i might not feel comfortable about it because they're either touchy subject or topics i KNOW that will make me angry if i get a certain type of response.... But this does in the end limit to a morbid extent my social reach, especially in places say like twitter, where only extremism is (seemingly) accepted and any median opinion tends to be seen as bad from either side, whatevere that opinion is on(even a dumb example like "i think dark souls 1 is good but too clunky for modern day gaming standards and thus i can't fully appreciate it" while a median opinion on the subject could be admonished on such platforms)
@@shkurka4828 I relate to this statement so much. I'm not sure if I'm autistic either, but it sure feels like I am. I've had so many problems with being "too honest". It's made me wonder about honesty being the best policy. Man, the world does NOT want the truth.
Yah I think I’m more on that side. I tend to overshare a lot
I'm autistic and schizophrenic. The two really compliment each other in just how toxic and vile they are. The voices in my head always tell me that I've done something wrong and often times they want me to hurt myself or take my life for my wrongdoings. They never truly go away either, just lessen in intensity. I can handle whispers, but when the voices are loud it's deafening. It's scary. I'm trying my best to live happier and spread happiness to others, but that's really difficult when I'm suffering and I can't really get help for it. They're not curable, I'll have these illnesses till the day I die, and I've not found a way to really mitigate the effects other than trying to distract myself. Anyways, if you actually read my rambling, I want to say thank you. Thank you Max as well for always putting things into words so that I can share similar thoughts with others when I myself cannot.
Keep your head up, I’m not schizophrenic but I also am mildly on the spectrum and have a dissociative condition (rapid cycling bipolar) that certainly impedes my ability to stay motivated, it’s a cop out but I’ve found physical exercise has really changed my outlook and made me a more positively attuned individual, less focused on giving into my delusional side and moreso grounded in reality, obviously I’m not speaking from a position that truly understands what you’re going through, but I feel across the board finding a solid routine and sticking to it both quells my spergery and my manic shit two fold compared to the state I was in before, best of luck to you regardless, you’re stronger than you think my man, oh also, el psy congroo, stein’s gate is kino
I have one of the above and my twin has the other. i wish you the very best, kindred soul
Hey DaeDreaming, no problem man, its fascinating ( and scary ) to read other peoples thoughts and pains. Maybe its when you actually express yourself that you can ( at least try ) to become more aware and feel less guilty about a problem you cant control. Shine on dood!!!
Have you ever tried shaming the voices back? It's so easy for them to claim moral superiority, when they aren't the ones with their own body. Who are they to judge with no skin in the game? Who gave them the right to take roost in your head? If they don't like what you're doing, they can leave!
I am autistic, but you see...I obsessed over understanding how the world works. And then when I realized how dysfunctional society REALLY was, I stopped being so self critical. I still hold myself to a high standard, but understand that I'm only human and I am going to make honest mistakes, and that I should only make sure to learn from them.
I've never had the problem of lying a lot, because I was exposed to a lot of media at an early age, where the trope was a lie escalating into something out of control. So I was hesitant to lie about anything.
@@rodrigo_unk Thank you.
Thank you SO much for opening up on this. I have ADHD and immense guilt. That guilt caused me a lot of depression and anxiety. I hate that even tho you know yourself, not a lot of people will understand or help you. Advocate, persist, and be awesome. You got this.
I probably wouldn't use my Asperger a an excuse for offending someone. It would feel like I'm using it as a get out of jail free -card
Yeah, I don't bring it up, because I don't want people to let me slide if I do something weird.
Yea I dont like talking about it cuz then I'll hear people pitying me and stuff but I dont want that I want to be treated like any other person I want the same punishment as others even if it harder for me
This is why I observe carefully what people do with their actions. Regardless of mental illness or not, if I can tell they are trying to be better, I'll let it pass but I will speak up. It's about training the brain, at times we also need help each other out with patience. Now, if they don't show any change for years. I just give up and hope for the best. Some people don't care and just laugh about their wrongdoings then continue doing it.
Also for me age is a big factor, I will forgive those who are still younger but I wont forget, I will scold them for it if they do. One must learn and it id especially crucial at a young age.
But I have met two people who try to get out of trouble by telling people they have autism, then proceed to say so much sexist, racist, and just terrible things. They expect to be forgiven for that because, "I have autism, sorry." and they wont even try to change. They will find it funny. :c They are trying to make autism look bad.
@@PoutineProductions Yeah that sounds like my brother in law in a nutshell. He also tries to cheat on his wife and grope women right in front of her and she and her whole family just make excuses for him saying "He has autism he doesn't know any better" when he damn well does. There is a definite difference between someone with autism messing up by accident and genuinely trying to do better next time and someone like him who does in fact use it as an excuse to do whatever he wants and not change.
My fiancé is on the spectrum and people like you, who share your experience and story, have helped me understand him so much more. Thank you so much for sharing your experience.
I'm so glad I found this channel. I really, really needed that.
Sometimes, I feel like my guilt just eats me up on certain days. This video helps me understand myself even more. I cannot thank you enough. Another question a part of me answered.
I've never been officially diagnosed but I have my suspicions and a few stacks of evidence. I can definitely relate to that "never feeling good enough" or "I'm a disappointment", or any of the other anxiety driven thoughts constantly lurking in your head. Its been hell in a handbasket for me the past two years but I can definitely attest to one thing-- live authentically. Your best is your best and that's more than okay.
The job part hit me like a fucking truck man.
I have no clue what I "really" have. There's a lot it could be, from disorders on the spectrum to ADHD I cope with ridiculously well to something entirely novel because I discovered cognitive modification at a young age. But what I do know is that not only did I empathize and recall my own life from what you talked about in this video. I also know that discovering the concepts of Neurodiversity and ableism and so on helped me cope with a lot of my issues, as it suddenly made sense that even if I wasn't always doing right, I wasn't always the only person to blame in a given situation. Its nice to see someone else acknowledging this. To see someone else put a concept that remained stubbornly wordless in my head to words from their own lived experiences.
And what I do know from years of trying to beat these overactive empathy and guilt triggers in my head into more useful shapes is that you can make progress. I use the metaphor of smithing often for this. It takes time, pressure, strength, and the will to keep going even if it cracks before you hit the finish line. You can always melt back down your work and start again, and next time it'll be a bit better, if only because you keep the experience you gained from the last one.
That smithing analogy is incredibly helpful for me. Thank you!
I feel this and severe guilt over things I've done as a child. Now I try to forgive myself and remind myself that things have passed.
i'm very happy to have found your video. For someone who is also on the spectrum and have ADHD this video speaks absolute volumes and i honestly feel ashamed at how truthful your words are. I am currently jobless and dropped out of college when my parents kicked me out during the pandemic because i stood up for myself against my mother's verbal abuse. I'm currently back at home but everyday im constantly battling with my conscious and i feel like a complete and utter failure for being unable to find a job/ stay in college.. i think your video has helped me understand to a degree that i shouldn't feel entirely guilty for the things that have happened currently in my life or when it comes to social interactions. I just want to thank you for making this video and im subscribing to your channel for more content (i also really enjoyed the gameplay in the background, i must admit i became a bit too distracted by it haha!)
Holy shit, you opened my eyes and mind to such obvious things I struggled in my life it's disturbing
I cannot thank you enough for making this video. I've struggled so much with this and, genuinely, believed I was an awful person decieving and manipulating everyone around me. This... Really is something I needed. I'm going to go back and watch your other content--this was my first exposure. Keep fighting the good fight--i know how hard content creation can be when your mental health is fighting you at every step.
wow man im glad i found your channel, i was diagnosed with Asperger's, adhd, and oppositional defiance. I went through so many doctors as a child because of my erratic behavior in school. i would often lie (and still struggle) just to get out of a stressful situation because i did not know how to consciously confront the problem at hand. It's strange how these problems carry over the spectrum. the weight of guilt is harder to deal with when you struggle to grasp the idea of coping. it's something i've dealt with for years. but cheers mate, this video helped a lot and you're definitely not alone out there.
I have Aspergers. Imma share this video to my facebook.
THANK YOU for being my voice.
I don't know if I'm autistic or not. I feel like I could never talk to anyone about my mental state because of an OVERWHELMING fear of judgement. I prefer to just stay alone and never leave the house. I don't feel like a human being anymore...
same, I feel like everyone would start treating me differently.
as someone who struggles with both autism and adhd like yourself, i really relate to struggling with my own conscience. the double-a combo's impact on the gap between emotional awareness and emotional regulation can make it really frustrating when i know why i feel a certain way, but still feel just as much like a can't do anything about it anyway. it's like there's a 0-100 lockdown on the gaspedal of whatever emotion i'm feeling at the time, which makes coping with the guilt that's just a product of my day-to-day experiences like those in this video unbearable at times. great breakdown on the topic! really hit the nail on the head!
I don’t have autism, or any mental ailment that I know of, but at a young age I seemed to be keenly aware of social cues, and, like you, would sort of perform for people because of the awkwardness of going off the rails of where any given conversation or interaction is supposed to go. I find myself acting and speaking differently with different people because I don’t want there to be any abrasion where my personality ends and someone else’s begins. Your video, despite being sort of for a different demographic, really speaks to me. So thank you, and good luck to you and dealing with whatever clouds fill your skies.
I have genuine Asperger's Syndrome and I can tell you that *EVERYTHING* in your video is true.
imagine not developing a Superiority complex and extreme apathy to deal with the constant stream of ableism that our neo-liberal hell world produces 😂😂😂
@@localegoist4079 Jesus man, who are you and why you can read my mind? xD
It's so funny that this comment was posted a minute after the video was uploaded. Heh. 🌚
@@localegoist4079 I have to agree. That seems very hard indeed.
@@localegoist4079 if you're not autonomically navigating the mirage of individualist actualisation to produce the metaprofits a deniably collectivist atomised oxymoronic society needs, that's on you slacker, you're the reason we need to outsource
You know, hearing "overly developed conscience" really answered a life long struggle in myself. I have autism and I have a very very hard time doing even minor things I know that are wrong because I know they are wrong. And lying always feels like I took a punch to the gut even with its minor stuff. When I tell someone I don't want to do something, I feel awful for upsetting them but when I go and do it, I feel awful because I feel I don't give myself time to myself. It's a constant battle of guilt and worth
I'm sorry I'm rambling, I just wanna say thank u for giving what I feel a word :) it helps and I hope u have a great day
I was only just recommended this video and I'm very glad I was, though I'd like to have found it sooner. What you mentioned about the struggle of wanting to/being able to work but being completely miserable when actually seeking it.
I've just turned 19 and finishing college in a few months. All my loved ones and close friends either have a job or have a plan and I feel as though I'm the only one who's "stuck" so to speak.
I know that if I were given the chance or find a job I could work my ass off but every time I look for one, a wave of self defeat and doubt just crushes me. It's hard enough to find a job anyway but for someone like me, with no work experience and autism among many other issues, I just feel as though the deck is stacked against me permanently and I can't get anywhere.
I'm not sure if you'll see my comment or not but I want to thank you for making this video, I related to basically everything in it and it's so calming to know other people feel the same as me, even if it's because of something we had no say in having.
Holy cow, I'm on the spectrum and struggle with this so bad, I had no idea it was a part of autism. Really glad I found this video!
Wow, this feels weird to have all this stuff I experience contextualized.
Me: "i'll help others when i'm done helping myself"
Alsome: "i'm such a selfish person"
"I don't need to take a break, there's work to do."
Me: Eh, i've got plenty of time, as long as i complete the 10 page essay by tonight i'm good.
Also me: OH GOD THERE'S A 2 PAGE ESSAY DUE NEXT MONTH I'M SCREWED I AM SO SCREWED IT'S NOT ENOUGH TIME--
@@yetravellingsonc8372 I only get stressed about when stuff is due, when I only have a couple of hours to do it. That's when I start to immensely stress about it.
Same
@@yetravellingsonc8372 oh boy Executive Dysfunction! My _favourite_ ~...
You have no idea how much this video touched me. Merry christmas my friend and from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Jesus Christ. I wish this video existed 15 years ago when I was going through all this myself. Maybe the guilt wouldn't have burned itself into my psyche. Would've made things easier.
You're doing good work, here.
I will say though, living truthfully isn't enough. It leads to oversharing, which is in my experience the single most socially disadvantageous thing we autists do. It tips the balance of power away from us in nearly every interaction, making us easy for others to not only manipulate, but disregard entirely.
Learning how and when to lie appropriately is easily one of the most important skills to learn. It has uses everywhere.
That said, it's hard!
I've been obsessively studying the social interactions of those around me since I was in kindergarten. I've become more empathetic than most neuro-typical people and can read others like an open book, yet even with these optimal conditions, lying is still difficult. It almost physically hurts, though that might just be me.
Max i just found your channel and i instantly fell in love with your content! You sound like the most down to earth,relatable person on this platform! Thank you for existing!
Honestly I'm always thankful to find any information that can give me more insight to my condition, even though I was diagnosed at an early age, it isnt always easy to deal with, I remember in school id always have trouble making let alone keeping friends because i felt scared to approach anyone, i dont know if thats because I'm shy socially anxious autistic or all three, but I used to and still do on occasion get incredibly anxious and scared around unfamiliar people, and I've gotten better but I still have to tell myself that I'm not in any danger and that I won't get in trouble for ordering a menu item with a slight modification to it. Im very glad I found this channel in short.
I just have to comment. I also have autism (Asperger's) and ADHD, and all of these things (so far - I'm 4:48 in) are hitting very close to home. I had a lot of issues growing up with school and was placed in special education, not because I was stupid (I was way ahead of my classmates in everything but Danish), but because they had less kids in them. I was lucky, I got diagnosed at like 9-10, and have spent the rest of my school up to and including highschool in classes with around 10 people with teachers that knew we all had issues. I had a 25% absent rate in highschool and passed with like almost perfect marks. I felt guilty every time I didn't have the mental energy to do anything though. Frequent bouts of depression also made school very rough, most likely due to the constant 'tug-of-war' happening in my brain between my two quite conflicting diagnoses.
Thanks for making this video and educating people on what it's like to be on the spectrum. It's so hard to communicate how hard simple tasks can be, but I try every time I have the option.
Sounds kind of like what Kaczynski refers to as "oversocialization."
"Oversocialization can lead to low self-esteem, a sense of powerlessness, defeatism, guilt, etc. One of the most important means by which our society socializes children is by making them feel ashamed of behavior or speech that is contrary to society's expectations. If this is overdone, or if a particular child is especially susceptible to such feelings, he ends by feeling ashamed of HIMSELF. Moreover the thought and the behavior of the over-socialized person are more restricted by society's expectations than are those of the lightly socialized person. The majority of people engage in a significant amount of naughty behavior. They lie, they commit petty thefts, they break traffic laws, they goof off at work, they hate someone, they say spiteful things or they use some underhanded trick to get ahead of the other guy. The oversocialized person cannot do these things, or if he does do them he generates in himself a sense of shame and self-hatred. The oversocialized person cannot even experience, without guilt, thoughts or feelings that are contrary to the accepted morality; he cannot think "unclean" thoughts. And socialization is not just a matter of morality; we are socialized to conform to many norms of behavior that do not fall under the heading of morality. Thus the oversocialized person is kept on a psychological leash and spends his life running on rails that society has laid down for him. In many oversocialized people this results in a sense of constraint and powerlessness that can be a severe hardship. We suggest that oversocialization is among the more serious cruelties that human beings inflict on one another."
now I see why reading kaczynski as an autistic person was such a gut punch
😱
@@chckn_skrtch Kaczynski himself specifies leftists and today's "liberals" as oversocialized, which is a key detail omitted from your post. In fact, I think autism is a defense against oversocialization, because fundamentally, autists are immune to the weight of social pressure. Our feelings of guilt do not stem from the oversocialization but rather our own consciousness, our own sense of what is right and wrong. No one told us that we must not lie to our parents or let them down, that's something we felt in ourselves. This self-derived sense of right and wrong is historically called the "natural law", and CS Lewis goes into great detail what it is, I highly recommend it. In my opinion, autists are most sensitive to what the natural law is.
The lack of self confidence and personal advocacy in the leftists and today's liberals that Kaczynski describes come from the processes of socialization. "White guilt" is an excellent and easily identified example, and fit the railroad tracks he describes.
"Behavioral Sink" is also a good read and I think parallels greatly with the consequences of oversocialization, and thus the modern world.
@@chckn_skrtch thats why i stay home hahaha
William Smith wow thank you for this insight. I've seem Kaczynski brought up a few times in last few months in liberal spheres as somewhat of a prophet. (Maybe too strong of a word) any thoughts on the big K man?
Sorry about what y'all have to go through, and what you have gone through. Thanks for the fresh perspective
i.. really appreciate this video.
like, i genuinely do. im on the spectrum and ive always had a hard time dealing with guilt and never truly knew why. my therapists were incompetent and never explained any of my disorders to me, they always just assumed i knew what to do, so, this video really opened my eyes on how my brain works,, thank you :)
(sorry if this is a bit messy, im working on stuff and its 3am)
Damn...currently in that “wave of bad memories” phase after realizing I’m autistic. It feels so helpful to understand my guilt in this way. The more I understand myself in the experiences I share with other autistics the more I can accept and take care of myself
You have given me a lot to think about my past
I mostly just block out bad memories, and choose not to remember.
You’re having me feel strong enough to try and figure out how to be healthier
What do I do if I had at least one therapist say I could be on the spectrum and maybe more? How do I go about finding out if I am high functioning or if it’s another mental illness?
I am just unsure if taking their word for it is right, because ADD and high functioning autism have similar symptoms
I never realized other people felt this way. I try so hard to lie as little as possible and even when I lie to protect myself I feel bad about it. I was particularly struck by the bit about hurting someone and not knowing if you actually did something wrong. I lost a very close friend when I had an autism related melt down triggered by him making me feel guilty for my honesty towards a mutual friend. He took my intolerance for their crappy behavior as an over step on my behalf, said I had no right to tell them to go away. I stood my ground and apologized, explained what happened, but he still went on to ignore me and lie about how he felt. It took me months, countless conversations with so many people, to final recognize that what he did had no logical explanation. I knew in my heart that I did what was right by telling our friend I wanted nothing to do with them, they were a bad person. But I was so confused and hurt by the situation, thought I was a terrible friend. But that overdeveloped conscience you talk about has made me a genuinely nice person who really just wants to be a good and honest friend. It hurts to not like lying but I prefer being honest over lying and building false relationships.
This is me. High-functioning Aspie here.
Guilt is like clothing to me...it covers me completely.
Just don't take it off, you might get arrested.
@@BrianOblivionB ?
@@korteygus3947 "guilt is like clothing"
I'm also giving myself the blame and alot of guilt for things from my past. Most i know arent my fault or is something i cant help or fix. I always feel like im not a good enough person for others. When i get the feeling i need to do something or be productive, the pressure i put on myself is so immense i cant seem to do anything. I really admire that you found a way to use that pressure to be productive. I hope to one day follow that example
Good video! I would also add that this feeling of guilt also inhibits relaxing properly or taking nessecary breaks because you feel that you should be working all the time and working as hard as possible so you 'deserve' the break. I'm certainly feeling it while studying for finals ^~^
After watching this video, I’ve realised something about myself. I’m not like other people on the spectrum, I’m not startled by loud noises or music. I handle working with other people fine, I actually like working with others. I find it really easy to make friends. And I don’t have a fixation on a game or film series.
I’m a real anomaly..
Love the video. My son has autism and I love hearing from people with people on the spectrum, and hopefully, hearing their stories, I can learn to relatate to my son even more.
The job application thing is so true like I could work but its so nervewracking to try apply. Autism makes the guilt hurt so much and its nice to hear my feelings in actual words
This video is way to relateble, my god. Even the theme of souls games speaks to me. Thank you for making this
When I found out I had autism, that's when my life improvement. I got a lot of support, but I do still struggle. I am not ashamed of who I am, but I can get frustrated that I can't socialize like other people do, but that's only sometimes.
I've never gotten a formal diagnosis and I've struggled for years trying to figure why every single thing in my life resulted in failure. Every person or Doctor I tried to talk about this ended with, well you're on your own, and you just have to work twice as hard.
Your experience reflect my own and it is helpful to understand what is wrong with me.
Unfortunately, with the state of the country, I will eternally be isolated and too weird for anyone to ever want to be around, but I can at least be in peace about it. I am also finally out of the decade+ survival situation I spent all of my teens and 20s in. It only took 2 years to finally heal enough to know that it was over.
I'm sorry. My entire life is one long trauma dump.
Every time I watch a video on autism I seem to find a new facet of my childhood explained.
Keep up the good work Max!
Omfg you’re like some kind of guardian Angel of autism!! I have autism too and what you said throughout the whole video is really relatable, good vid! ^^
This video, like many others I’ve seen of yours, was something I needed to hear. And like other videos of yours I have watched, I often became more aware of my own troubles by voicing it… so here goes.
For me, my autism based issues is a bit different. Instead of a hyper aware conscience, I juggle videogame addiction, high functioning autism and Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This is both great and nightmarish for me. Great because I plan on developing a sort of program to help gamers in similar situations to me become more aware and hopefully to use gaming as a platform for uniting families and teaching others in an academic sense. My mother is also my partner in this, both in gaming and in my ambitions. Nightmarish because my troubles come when my mind swaps between one of the three things. Through General Anxiety Disorder, I feel pure terror that I’ll make the same mistakes of my father and his father and so on, freezing me in place like I stand before a demonic dragon at all times. Through autism I fall into looping habits I learned when I was younger that haunt me to this day. Through gaming addiction the moment I find a game I truly love, I practically lock myself in it. Isolating emotionally and intellectually, dedicating my mind to it almost at all times… then when the hold breaks and I allow myself to breathe… I see what this cycle brings… my family needing me but I didn’t listen, housework needing to be done but I ignored it, my own self care being ignored… and then my conscience comes in. Like a tidal wave of guilt I feel like curling into a ball and forgetting any of it happened, phrases like “how could I just leave them like that?” “How do you hope to teach anyone like this?” “How are you any different from your father’s worst aspects?” Flood my mind and at my worst it almost breaks me. I thankfully don’t often reach the aforementioned point often anymore, but the cycle still stands. Though shortened, it still stands. And now alongside sheer guilt, I feel like I burn with pure, unadulterated, unhinged, hatred. Ultimately I hope, one day soon, that I can break from this cycle that I made by accident all those years ago and achieve my dreams and help others along the way.
In conclusion, I have suffered a great deal from my trinity of problems. But I have learned a great deal recently, and a part of that is you, Max. Thank you.
I don't feel like I'm autistic, however a lot of what you mention is true enough. Although, I do have a long history of severe depression, so I wonder whether it's that or if I may be borderline autist?
I feel that way to.
I have autism and adhd, it’s pain and sometimes a nightmare.
We need to address the issues of autism and the issues and the amount of silence they face in society.
Issues in the social welfare system have caused people like me to wait for about a year before I can get diagnostic research about whether I’m on some spectrum. But ass has really made a lot of sense to me considering my childhood all the way up until my late thirties, regarding anger and sadness and powerlessness. I guess I’ll have to get through the long wait via videos like this one.
maybe you want to watch dr.k's videos from healthy gamers, they are not specifically about autism but very interesting about mental health topics
This video feels like a nice hug thank you 🥺
Thank you for making this. I never knew guilt was a part of autism, but it makes sense. This video helped me understand more about myself. I have the weirdest guilt that sometimes just doesn’t make sense. Or Even cringe things that I’ve done in the past many years ago just creep up on me Putting me in a weird mood.
These thoughts are getting ridiculous to the point that any action you do is cringy, so don't bother with them.
Your examples are eerily similar to my issues.
Some of my issue stems from the whole no lie philosophy and I'm frankly too authentic for my own good.
I've learned to be at peace with how others react to me, but the burden of facing rejection or selling myself is extremely exhausting. And the advice for choosing jobs slightly above your level wrecks the confidence needed to sell myself.
I'm just hoping one day when I interview, the others will see me for me. I think that if people won't accept me for me, then what's the point?
This is interesting, you’ve sort of encapsulated how I’ve felt throughout my life, when it comes to guilt and lying. Interestingly, this discussion of lying reminds me of Immanuel Kant, who is my favourite philosopher, and how before I read him I sort of practiced this “doctrine of truth” you mentioned, whereby you tried to tell the truth. For those who don’t know, one of the most well known positions Kant held was that lying is always morally forbidden.
Having finally been diagnosed last fall I’ve been on a deep dive, and by golly you’ve done it, Dark Souls... I’m sold.. I feel like the Souls games are perfect for this. Amazing content by the way!
Whenever I listen to your video's on the topic of autism, I feel so much connection to it. Due to the fact my social environment doesn't recognize or want to recognize the fact I am autistiform (not autistic, mind you), I have learned to just shut myself down when I'm around people.
I often doubt whether or not I'm autistic at all.
I'm autistic and I definitely feel this. "Twisted" and "painful" are definitely good ways of describing this never-ending feeling of guilt. (Also, 100% agree on job searching feeling like absolute HELL).
After I read Marx and started learning about how messed up our society is, my guilt decreased substantially.
I hate using my autism as a crutch. I used to make sure people knew I had it early on in knowing them so, like you said, the potential for forgiveness was higher, but I noticed that that just meant I had less of a reason to try and improve myself. People with migraines still have to see the sun, people with no legs still have to move around, and I still have to interact with people.
Recently I've been coming to terms with the realization that much of my poor self-esteem and self-doubt comes from how I never truly learned to forgive myself. I'm on the autism spectrum and have always agreed to the sentiment that you should never hide behind autism as an excuse. However, I've taken that too much to heart - where my mind interprets every blunder, faux pas, gaffe and lapse in judgement as an intentional decision instead of an honest mistake and it tears me apart.
Came at a time I really needed it. Thank you.
This is the first video I've watched of yours, and I'm just astounded at how articulate you are and we'll spoken, I think your script is really good. I presume It took you a lot of growth to get to this point. I'm trying to get to that point more myself.
The thing about looking for work hits very close to home for me.
Thank you. I’m a father of a 4yr old with autism that has trouble communicating. And with the virus around he doesn’t get to socialize with other kids. My wife and I are always trying to find ways to understand him so we can help make him comfortable communicating more. His progress is improving but sometimes he shuts down when he gets distracted. I appreciate your transparency. It gives people like my son a chance to be understood. I’m going to follow more of these videos.
As a person who is on the spectrum I have a lot of trust issues and clinical depression because I am in a world I can't understand and I don't know who wants to help me or who wants manipulate me. I think myself as insufficient and inconvenient to even exist because I think that I don't have much way to adapt. This is just my experience so it won't be the same with other autistic people.
How haunting: "When they really need it", is about me, today. Right now. I just discovered your channel, on the heels of a falling-back-through-time meltdown spiral, and holy moly did I need this. Thank you for helping me fell less alone. Liked and subbed, and going to look for more vids!
I can't get a job because of my autism, so I decided to try and make my own on this very platform. This video is the most relatable thing I have watched. I have learned. Thank you for the knowledge :)
I literally can not explain anything to my dad particularly not anything negative but last year, not even something as simple as plugging in a strand of Christmas lights and explaining to him why it was not working with us both being in the same room. It was absolute madness.
Just wanted to let you know, this video has made me want to get a diagnosis on whether I have autism or not. I'm 21 and I feel like I relate to so many of the things said here and have done for years, so many of the things said in the comments, particularly people not being able to understand why people get upset at me for seemingly no reason, when perhaps I just don't understand social cues the same way, or saying sorry far too much. Thank you Max, and your wonderful fans. Will update this as and when I get a diagnosis.
I'm late to the party on this one, but I still wanted to say it was a great video. I am not on the autism spectrum, but I do have some other emotional problems such as anxiety, most likely caused by PTSD, though the diagnosis is still ongoing and has been mostly halted due to current events. Despite this though, I can totally relate to just about everything you said.
I also did, and still regularly do the "I'm fine" thing. My reasoning is more about not wanting to burden people with my issues or make them hear the exact same lines over and over again. Hearing about physical and mental health problems isn't exactly an enjoyable time, after all, and I try not to center my life around my failing health.
I can also sort of relate to social issues making people think you're a jerk, or something similar. In my case, people generally know I'm nice (usually overly so), but they dismiss me as some weirdo who isn't socially beneficial to them. It's depressing to hear and say, but I think maybe people like this just aren't worth trying to actively pursue. If they have such a lack of empathy and/or lack of desire to hear an explanation, then it would probably be best to try and dismiss them. Not easy, I know, but it seems the most sensible.
Well, that's my ramble. Thanks for the video and thanks to anyone who bothered reading this. Take care. ^^
Man.... I can’t even describe how much I appreciate you and your videos and the validation and hope I feel from watching them
Hey just thought you should no that you’re really well spoken, lots of very relatable thoughts presented in an easily understandable way.
Autism is fake, well not fake, but misdiagnosed. Just because someone has language, emotional, communication problems does not mean they have autism, maybe BPD, stuttering or psychosis. Real autism is rare and hard to diagnose because symptoms correlate with other disorders.
Over the past few months I've been learning more and more about autism(I have moderate-severe autism) and I've been finding out that all these things I've been beaten over the head with, punished for doing, ostracized for saying, etc. Are not because I'm a selfish prick who enjoys hurting people(I knew this wasn't the case but I always thought I was just a failure and tricked myself into believing I was all these things people say) but because I have something that I can't control.
I feel like a prisoner in my own body. No matter how hard I try, no matter how much I go out of my way to help people in ways others never do, everyone still sees me as a heartless asshole. I so desperately want to be accepted by people but I never have been, at least, not for long. And I don't even help others out of a selfish desire to be loved, I do it because I genuinely want to help these people. But again, no one sees that, save my friend and my therapist.
I hate my autism. No amount of IQ or absorbing knowledge like a sponge is worth this. I'd rather be dumb and have people like me.
This video was honestly amazing and accurate, I honestly feel incredible empathy for people in my life.
but I feel incredibly guilty that I have upset those closest to me and so I apologise too much also this video really hit home with me on the autism spectrum.
Im really glad i found this channel, you talk about this topic and past experiences with so much clarity, truth and honesty i cant help but to be mesmerised. i hope to see more of this type of content from you and overall more from you and your personality. i think youre truly doing somthing important that will have a really positive impact. thank you.
I've been dreading this video since I first saw it.
I'm 51going on 52 in 2023. In the 1971 Autism didn't exist as a condition. Although looking back I do now notice it in myself and others.
My family were not good people. Thieves, liars, drunks as well as both children and spouse abuse being the "norm".
Seeing these things happen and having them applied to me would cause the "rocking" behavior that I'd pretty recognizable NOW. In my time I was a SPAZ or Freak to my peers, and an embarrassment to my parents. Their preferred therapy was to beat the shakes out of me. I would go to school and get beat there for disrupting the class. Yes, these things happened less than 50 years ago and no one cared.
I have never received any form of treatment for my "problems" that didn't come from a fist and it has all left its mark. I recently commented on one of your other videos about the "dark(id) and light(super ego")" and how that light can be eclipsed so quickly that "control" is am illusion cooked up by our good side. When stuff goes down, I always get "triggered" into one of two actions fear/wrath. The two are almost synonymous in me, and I suspect many others.
So.... I have autism directly tied into guilt from the things that happen when I'm not in control.
Regardless, I really enjoy the channel and the vids.
And if you are autistic too I hope you were treated better than I was.
Also the meeting eyes thing is SPOT ON and for a profession I chose the Army. I had three M.O.S. during my career.
And like you I had to choose to live in truth. It was not a simple thing and it has shaped me ever since.
Maybe this helps, maybe not, but I have a code that helps me. It's from a set of fantasy books by David Gemmell.
It states "Never violate a woman, nor harm a child. Do not lie cheat, or steal. These things are for lesser men. Protect the weak against st the vicious strong and never allow thoughts of personal gain to lead you into the pursuit of evil. "
A little windy, I know. But it has REALLY helped me live without too many mistakes. I still make them, we aren't good socially, but at least I have guidelines and something to weigh my actions against.
I hope it helps someone else with making sense of reality as much as it did for me.
Oh yeah, my favorite anime is Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood. Strange how so many autistic people I've met absolutely love it.
You speak from the heart, it's nice to hear someone express so clearly and is very helpful. Thank you. It's great to know we have each other on the spectrum. ^^
I’m autistic and never knew my relationship with guilt had anything to do with that. I’ve always found that I pain myself over things that I’ve done even YEARS after they’ve been done and forgiven- I did that while I was watching this video, even. I also never made the connection with lying about things like how your day went, which I do near constantly.
In my case, I could not verbally lie. I just couldn't and I could not detect other's lies. Both this lead to myself hiding and simulating (like playing sick and I actually became sick because of the painful cognitive dissonance). I was also very very afraid of conflict and couldn't bare tension. It was a very difficult and painful journey to become more outspoken and strong, authentically without simulating. But very very precious because I can speak from the heart and not compromise my strong values and inner moral compass. Also, I could find other likeminded people to connect with and build very valuable friendships.
One of the best ways that helped me is to think about it this way. I didn't handle situations properly due to having Austism and people didn't handle those situations well back because they didn't realize I had a condition and they didn't quite know how to handle it ether. In these situations it's probably just best to do a 'rest'. I forgive everyone who bullied me when I was younger because they were kids and didn't understand my situation properly as I hope they forgave me for saying stupid shit.
i have adhd and i hated school the term suffocating describes the feeling of being forced to sit there so well
Autism for me was always more of eyeglass into the world.
It's our greatest gift and curse, because our actions to us are as logical and straightforward as breathing and eating. We are inclined to take opposing views and behaviors outside convention.
Yet this brings confusion angst and fear.
However it is the world who has issue with this not the other way.
Some of the greatest visionaries from Einstein to Temple Grandin thought outside convention in part due to Autism.
Hence we should revel in this opportunity our condition gives us, which can be for new visions and ideas and not fear the idiocy of a cruel and foolish world.
Thanks Max for inspiring me to speak out!
I'm only diagnosed with ADHD but feel like probably autistic? but who knows. In any case, I've never heard someone else talk about how impossible job searching is and I'm really grateful to not be alone in how hellish it is. I've managed to survive by doing temp work that usually turns into a full hire but it's never jobs I would choose myself -- I can't get through the process to even apply to those. And when I do I get turned down in interviews despite being very qualified and usually having a good interview. Anyway, this is a lot but thank you for this video and the other one.
My older brother and little sister are autistic and this video has shed some light on why they act the way they do, and how I should re-think the way I treat and interact with them.
As an autistic person, this is kind of relatable. I would describe eye contact as lifting something really really heavy, you need to let go after a few seconds, and need some time to recover. You could also compare it to forcing 2 magnets of the same polarity toghether.
i've only recently found out im autistic and its weird and lonely and overwhelming and so hard to put into words sometimes so this was like kinda relieving to watch, just to know theres at least one other person in the world that goes through the same thing as me
As a Neurotypical: I just wanted to say: Thank you so very much for making these videos! They are extremely informative on many matters, and have helped me a great deal. I have a very dear friend who is on the spectrum, and because I want to be as good a friend as I can possibly be to them, I wanted to deepen my understanding about all of this so I can better comprehend and understand the challenges they face, and what kind of emotional baggage come from them. These videos have helped a great deal, and as a result the friendship I have with said individual has become all the more stronger for it.