Hey Everyone!! I just want to thank everyone who has been watching this video. It has blown up my channel and i can't thank you enough. I know some of you have been asking about an aromantic version of this video aaaaand I just want to let you know it is out right now. I will be linking "5 Signs You Might Be Aromantic" here if any of you want to check it out!! th-cam.com/video/YGvk1u0ycHg/w-d-xo.html
🤔 I find plenty of people attractive (Yourself included). But, I just have no desire to talk to people or to put energy towards something I just know that I don't really care so much for. I do like writing and texting about it though... ... yay
Thx for this it answered a lot of my questions and now I think I'm leaning more towards being asexual and not so confused, I also love rainbows so maybe that should've been a sign. But if your asexual do some still have a sex drive to play with themselves but not others?
If you spend your entire teenage years being "but they aren't that hot" everytime your classmate were swoonin about some celebrity and thought you must really have a extremely specific taste.
Litteraly every guy in my classes isn't attractive to me. Celebs are only hot because they present themselves that way. At the same time, I've had this female friend for years. And I've had a crush on her, but not in a romantic way. More of a emotional way. She taught me about the things I love now and I really owe it to her. Haven't been around her cause of Covid and it sucks. Maybe I'm that type of person who only develops feelings for someone after they've known them for a long time.
Yes, finally aesthetic attraction is mentioned. "Like you are beautiful, your body is beautiful, but I'm not attractived to you in this way. Like I see you as an art piece." -me, trying to put together how I feel about this.
YES you put it into words!! like- i do think that the person’s body is wonderful like a work of art, but i don’t feel an urge to do anything *more*,, and if i do then it’s v rare-
@@jinx1890 Yes preach. Like a woman's body for example is such a beautiful art piece, and I just want to appreciate it in that way. The problem with that is you are seen as a creep.
Well, I'm watching it because TH-cam reccomended it to me so I decided to watch it, even if I'm not asexual and I'm completely sure about that, to understand asexuals, to learn about them. I think it's necessary to learn about other sexual orientations and to also understand people that are not the same as us. But, yes. The majority of people who whatched the video whatched it because they want to find out if they're asexual, which probably means that they actually are asexual xd
@@Ana-tq2if I am one of the people who is watching this because I'm starting to identify as ace, but it's really nice that you're one of those good people out there, just trying to be the best ally they can
I still can't get my head around the fact that people get sexual crushes on each other. Just the idea of that makes me so uncomfy Edit: I still don't get "sexual crushes" on other people, but I'm definitely less averse to the topic of sexuality than I was when I wrote this comment. I'm two years older now, nearly an adult. I want to leave this note to anyone reading this: I get the impression that many of you are teenagers too. Be careful not to stick labels on yourself. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a little more time to realise who you actually are and what you're comfortable with. Everybody is unique and everyone experiences sexuality differently; you don't need to define yourself or put yourself into a box. Give yourself the room to develop into the person you're meant to be. Take care and make sure you're drinking enough water. :)
its more like a natural set for many people as sexual attraction is a form to ensure the continuance of the species. All people have different preferences in what they like . people can express love in many different ways, like vocally, physically, or the small actions you might do for your pathner.
haha, mine is like "lgbt memes" "define biromantic" "how to know if you're asexual" "how to know if you're biromantic" "aromantic meaning" "biromantic - asexual subtle wallpaper" -> Just to add, I now identify as Biro-Ace, although I'm still closeted to everyone but my best friend
Me here liking romantic things like cuddling or hugs, but being sex repulsed and still questioning if I'm asexual or not, while looking at a "are you asexual?" video is kinda my late night thing rn
Yes, because hugs and cuddling are ✨spicy✨ to me already hah I’m questioning if I’m ace or not and I’m currently watching all of the asexual videos on TH-cam to help me figure it out, whilst also trying to figure out how I’ll tell my friend if I am, because I’m not planning on telling my parents if I am ace or not (this is something that I just don’t feel will make an impact on my daily life, it’s not that my parents aren’t ok with it (actually I don’t know what they think about it so I guess I’ll have to ask later)). I’m thinking telling my friend with a meme, because we’re _those_ type of people, you know, with one of those big brain memes. Around two months ago, she actually told me that she thinks I’m ace (the irony) and I told her that it’s really not nice to assume anyone’s sexuality or sexual orientation. In the end, I’m probably only telling that one friend because she’s meh best friend and she’s dealing with something similar already; also my area probably wouldn’t be ok with that because ‘(not very progressive) Christianity blah blah blah’. My outstretched family is pretty much the same, most of them are extremely Christian (or whatever _that_ means), so no telling them for me :D Imma go ahead and keep it under wraps (is this a saying because I feel like it is, but I suck at words) because I don’t personally feel that this will affect my daily life strongly at the moment. I guess that means I’m an asexual in the closet (is this a thing idk) who wants to stay in the closet lol There might’ve been a switch in language somewhere in that mess. I realized around 20 seconds in that, yes, I am in fact, *asexual* * g a s p * :o I don’t know why I typed all of this out for strangers on the internet to read, but I did. It kind of helps and is a bit therapeutic to me. Idk why. So, I guess these are closing remarks, thanks for reading, or not reading, this garbled up mess of my thoughts that I’m sharing with y’all on the internet :) Thanks for attending me TedTalk... ahahaha I’m hilarious... hah... I’ll see myself out now
@@lottapitchy9625 congrats for figuring yourself out! do what makes you happy and only tell it to the people you feel like telling it too :) i haven't told it to anyone but a few friends either, it's not like my family would reject me but it sometimes just doesn't feel necessary... i also feel like there might be some sort of imposter syndrome where im like what if im wrong :0 (which is stupid and sucks bc asexuality is definitely real and valid) but yea sorry for ranting my point is take your time and do what makes you happy!
As an ace, I sometimes have a really hard time figuring out if I like someone or if I just really want to be their friend or if there really is a different between the two...
Same. If you ever get the answers let me know because I am constantly confused about this. I can’t tell if I’ve had crushes or if they were just me really admiring them and wanting to become their close friend. And what is really the difference???
Hours of searching and I’m STILL stuck. Asexuality feels like the answer but at the same time I’m not convinced so I’m tryna figure out which ace I am Update: wow so it’s been 2 years and I’m here to say that if you relate to my comment in any way ur definitely ace. Which one? Don’t know but if you were confused on that part u shouldn’t be now, hope this helps!
I would just pick one person to have a long distance crush on, but never actually talk to them. I liked the idea of having a crush, but not the idea of having a boyfriend.
Same! I definitely have always experienced some asthetic attraction and so I had crushes on people I found cute when I was younger, which gave me something to talk with friends about, but I remember how uncomfortable it made me when they would like suggest I go talk to them or ask them out and I was like "Wait, what? Why would I do that?"
I have had crushes, but just in a way of wanting to be with them, near them, but I have never felt sexual attraction towards anyone Edit: wow, I’m glad people feel the same! A story I have that might make it easier for non-asexual people to understand!: I was in love with a boy in my class for about 8 months. Not once, not a single time did I imagine sleeping with him or doing anything like that. My friends asked me once: «what’s the dirtiest thought you’ve had about him?» (we played truth or dare) and they were shocked when I said «actually..I haven’t thought about anything like that». They were like «what? Are you even in love with him??» and yes I absolutely was, I was deeply in love. For me, as an asexual person, love and sex has no connection. For many people, I guess they are connected - but not for me. I loved to hug him, talk to him and be in his presence - but I had no wish or intention of doing anything sexual with him.
Ok, im not alone! This is every guy i thought i wanted to date, but if anyone ever asked me what i wanted out of outside of dates and hanging out, i got SEVERELY uncomfortable and bullshitted everything so they would stop or just changed the subject
The idea of just liking someone for their body literally had me confused back in the day. Like, I just didn't understand... How could you possibly just wanna do the dirty, before like being super duper close and familiar with that person? Or, like, thinking someone you've never met before is hot? Like I still kinda feel like clubbing and randomly snogging someone there is a work of fiction, but apparently people do that. Even in high school I was always so confused when my friends would feel attracted to this one guy and I'd be like "But you've never actually talked?" I feel like an alien sometimes, so I guess the rumours are true.
Your comment just made me feel completely understood for the first time! I too often feel like an alien whenever friends of mine start talking about who they find attractive etc. E.g. when they ask me which football player I think is the hottest and I'm like "I don't care how they look, I don't even know them personally!" It just feels like such a relief to find that there are people out there feeling the same way that I do!
@@Nuwanda-ev3ij Yeah! For such a long time, I used to think that I'm broken, or there's something off about me. Turns out, I'm just asexual. It feels super nice to know that actual people like me exist!
Ikr if I had to do the dirty it would be someone I'm super duper close to and in a solid relationship. I think I might be a bit of a people pleaser lol. I m ace and I m sex indifferent. I dan have sex for my partner, but not for me.
I literally just realized that during my hole childhood i would think that people spend years knowing each other and THEN maybe feel something towards them... HOW DID I NOT REALIZE SOONER I WAS ASEXUAL? I DON'T KNOW!
Yep. One of my good friends is obsessed with some dude one year above us and she's super stressed out about him moving a building and her not being able to see him anymore but SHE NEVER EVEN TALKED TO HIM
Saying "You haven´t met the right person yet" is as shitty as telling someone "you will start liking sex, noone really enjoys it the first time". Especially when you say it to a girl. It happened to me and confused me for the longest time. Remember, there is a difference between wanting to do it and finding out you didn´t enjoy it as much (and maybe wanting to try again) and not really wanting to do it from the start.
My best friend (at the time) told me exactly that, even after I explained to her what being asexual means and that it doesn’t work that way. It was really frustrating, because she was, to this day, only the second person I told this and she reacted that way. I was always there for her and she didn’t even care to ask for further explanation or something. She even gifted me cond*ms for my 18th birthday - like she literally forgot I told her or something. I just ignored it and didn’t say anything (I threw them away immediately after she was gone lol). But she isn’t even a real friend to me anymore - so I’m not mad 🤣 I‘m just still annoyed, I guess. Being vulnerable and telling your best friend and then your voice gets shut down like that. I hope that in the future people are more open to actually understand that we exist, that not everyone wants to do it.
as someone who's parents and classmates told me that, it awfully pissed me off. My conversation with the former mentioned actually made me cry because I tried to make them understand but then they kept going "you should like someone, right?!"
1. lack of interest in intimacy 0:35 2. you haven't met "the one" 1:43 3. not looking for a relationship 2:32 4. little to no crushes 3:28 5. aesthetic vs sexual (+ romantic) attraction 5:18
Important note: You can be asexual but still be attracted to others romantically. There's also something called being aromantic which would mean you're also not interested in any kind of relationship. You can be asexual without being aromantic and vice versa :)
Exactly. Even tho asexuality and aromanticism come hand in hand, u can be asexual and still want a romantic relationship, or u can be aromantic and still want or be in a sexual relationship
@@JJ_TheGreat In return, to me relationships sound extremely stressful 😂 My days are already filled with work and hobbies, I wouldn't know how to squeeze in relationship responsibilities too
I get the most random crushes on older guys sometimes, making me want to spend time with them or even look better for them. But I feel like it's mostly just either me identifying and sympathizing with them emotionally and/or just being impressed by them. The occasional woman as well. And there were like two people in my life that I found good looking enough to notice them because of that. I had one actually intimate experience so far, with someone I suddenly felt like I wanted to spend lots of time with so I asked him out and I felt something... When we were together. But it was... Not really it, pretty sure I could have done without the intimate stuff even though just cuddling was kind of nice. And we never actually had ***. I am/have been wondering a lot about my sexuality as well. But I did recognize myself a bit in that video...
6) you don't understand the obsession with nakedness! Naked bodies are simply naked bodies in your eyes. You don't understand the appeal of someone with no clothes on
😅 oh the confusion I don't think I care too much now it'd just be nice to understand my own feelings or lack thereof and have a label to make it easier to explain if the need came to share Going with questioning for now
RIGHT??? like i couldnt stop looking at this one boy-we used to talk and occasionally do, but like all this time i thought i had a crush on him But in reality, i just wanted to be his friend. I had a friend who liked him (and everyone knew) but while it only hurt me a little bit-i didnt care that much! He could date whoever he wanted, and the thought of kissing him (kissing anyone,really) was very iffy. So it was either a romantic crush, or i really wanted to be his friend AND YES IT SO DOES FEEL GREAT TO UNDERSTAND
I do experience like “oh that person is hot, and I want to get to know them and be their friend” but I never wanted to have sex with them. But I still am not sure if it is just my anxiety. I always wondered, am I just afraid of intimacy? I’ve been single and “sexless” for a long time and I am okay with that, I don’t feel the need for sex. But I always feel like sex is expected and you have to have sex to be in a relationship, and that terrifies me. In theory, that is not true, you don’t need to have sex, but I am afraid many people expect it. I am surrounded by people who all had sexual experiences, which makes me feel insecure and like a weirdo for not doing it. At the same time, when I hear about women having traumas from past relationships (I’m a girl too), it makes me distrust people and even more scared of intimate encounters. Well, I am still unsure if I am ace or it’s my social anxiety. But that’s just me, and I respect people who are asexual and they are valid. Thanks for this video and thanks if you read that far.
I feel exactly the same way! All the "crushes" that I've had are like people who I consider attractive but I don't really want to be in a relationship with them because I don't want kiss them or have sex with them and I feel like that's required?? Like my idea of a relationship is eating food together and like driving around and listening to music idk😭😭 I've never been in a relationship before and I want to at some point but I feel so weird and awkward because so many people around me have already been in multiple relationships and have had sex multiple times with like a good amount of people and I'm over here like excuse me how??? What?? People just do this??
I guess everyone's experiences are different, but in case anyone needs to hear this specially younger people: I have had MANY crushes and still am asexual. You can have a lot of crushes and be boy/girl crazy -heck I'm into kpop- and still not feel any desire for any kind of sexual interaction with them. Crushes can be aesthetic, crushes can be sensual, romantic, platonic, anything!! And I also wish someone had told me that you still can have sex and look forward to it when you like someone without feeling the atraction. This is an umbrella orientation and just because your experience doesn't completely relate to others it doesn't necessairly mean that you're not ace. 💖
@@sirCharon honestly, I have always felt weird when other people were fangirling over a certain k-idols abs or something like that. It kinda made me feel awkward and I forced myself to fangirl alongside them because if I didn't i was scared that I would seen as a fake fan. But now I realized that its okay not to be into that cuz we all different
I used to wonder how people could possibly want to actually pursue sexual relationships. Like, I've always liked the surface of a relationship-- the cuddles and romance, because I'm a sap like that-- but just the thought of the other parts have always made me uncomfortable, even without ever experiencing it. I am very sex-repulsed and have never wanted to be with someone else that way, which basically crumbled this picture of the perfect family I wanted to make one day. I always felt broken, especially considering I've never wanted anything more than to have a family and kids. But it's not wrong or broken, and there doesn't need to be the "right person" to change who I am. Adoption is there for a reason, and I am perfectly capable on my own. Thanks for casually validating my existence, Lynn Saga.
This is me. I like cuddles and I like the thought of having a family but I'm just not really interested in the other stuff. Sex just does not matter to me and it never will, and I don't see why it has to.
you could still adopt :) there's a lot of kids under the system who are having the worst time of their life rn and I'm sure they'd be glad to have someone like you as a parent :D idk though adopting might be not preferred for some people though but whatever you end up doing you have my full support!
I feel the same way. Like, cuddles and some kisses, movie dates and hanging out? Hell yeah. But sex? Hell no. It just grosses me out and I'm not really sure why people want that. I understand it's their opinion, but I do not want that in my life. (I'm still kinda questioning and I'm only 13 so I'm not that sure but it's a huge possibility that I'm asexual)
that’s literally me. i used to think “well i’m too young so maybe that’s why.” but everyone else was getting into it, and i don’t like the idea of people putting their parts in me or vice versa. it sounds unsanitary and disgusting, but if ur into that, yay
@@xnottoday_ same. I still think I might be too young (I'm 13) but I just really don't like the idea of someone putting... stuff... in me (that made me sick to write). It's just gross.
I’m an asexual but I’ve had quite a few crushes entering my teens! But it’s like “they are pretty like a work of art, their personality is so cool and fun, so sweet I want to cuddle and kiss them and do cute romantic stuff” But they never work out :’((
I'm ace and got dragged into the BDSM community as a teenager by a friend. Over the years, I came to realize that the majority of this community seem to be much more accepting of asexuals than the rest of society. Someone who is a member of the lifestyle understands more than someone who isn't.
@@andynonymous6769 BDSM is not inherently sexual. Yes it can exist within a sexual experience but that does not mean it is sexual by default. Many BDSM communities host events where people participate in kink activities but do not have sex, it is purely for kink expression and experience. I am a kink oriented asexual person and I enjoy the break from reality and sensuality and closeness I get from fulfilling my kink but I do not wish for it to be sexual. Feeling sensual over something or intimate in a situation does not equate sexual interest or expression. Hope that clears some of it up for you!
I Know Im late, but I’m 14 and everyone is like ‘maybe you’ll want it when you get older’ and I definitely get the aesthetic attraction for myself I basically just want to be everyone’s friend
@@ninaarandomhunterofartemis962 Hello Hunter of Artemis...I used to be a one too but then I fell in love with a girl... Artemis kicked me out. (by any chance, are you a Heroes of Olympus/Percy Jackson fan?)
@@ninaarandomhunterofartemis962 I'm so glad... I have read most of them too except the very new ones... My favorite is Nico who is yours? It was nice bumping into a PJO fan...
I'm just looking back on all of my "crushes" and notice that i just really wanted to be their friend or just get to know them better. I know I'm ace now and that that's just a platonic crush i think it was called a squish but I'm not to sure tbh
Looking back on all the intense crushes I had on movie stars, I realised that not once did I ever fantasise about sex with them, kissing them, or even holding hands. It would be just like, we love each other, but we're in a library, talking about stuff.
okay ngl I want this too I'm reserved yet relatively touch starved lol I want us to have a little cat family rather than actual children. Or if we both are aight with children, then adoption is always an option :3
am i the only ace who has a billion crushes? 😭 edit: what's with all these "yeah but they're fictional" replies? fictional/drawn characters are literally made to exentuate attractive features, what do you expect? 😂
Me too, but I still don't know if I'm asexual. I don't know if I don't like sex or I don't experience sexual attraction (I don't know the difference but I think there's one lol). Please help
- I might not be gay .... I think I'm Asexual with platonic attractions towards men - my whole identity is lowkey shattering rn.... thank you 2021 for this epiphany.
tbh I am similar. with males at most I want to be friends and make jokes with them but with females I will feel an emotional and a romantic attraction to them if I known and trusted them for a while but when I look back at previous relationships or crushes I never had a sexual attraction to them which makes me more curious
Me too! I'm a woman and sometimes I wonder if I'm lesbian but no, I realized I just love female friendships and I am fond of femininity but I am romantically attracted to guys.
To me the biggest sign was "aren't we too young to be thinking of these things?" And the fact that each time i had a crush (and i only had like, two on real people-) i never thought it implied that kinda stuff but it meant cuddles and all the good things :")
oh my god, that is the same thing i keep telling myself all the time! when I told my friend this recently, she told me that I could be asexual and that's where I started to think about it
Aye like I feel too young it feels so wrong I saw my exes genital and I was just repulsed by what he was signalling me to do I did it but I ended up crying cos I felt so repulsed I get confused with romantic feelings but sex is icky I can talk about it educationally but just me doing it makes me want to hide and not think about it
I had a couple crushes but almost all of them were emotional crushes because they were nice to me and we joked easily this past year or 2 so much of this video is relatable to me
When I have crushes, it’s like “I really want to be near them, I want to talk to them, i wanna be their friend” and stuff like that, so I’m having a hard time figuring out if I’m ace.
I have had *TONS* of crushes,both on real people and fictional characters(I actually am having 1 right now)and when I have a crush on someone usually I think of being with that person,cuddling,kissing,but I never think of having SEX...that usually just repulse me and makes me feel very awkward. There have been only 2 exceptions (1 of which is a real person and the other 1 is the fictional character I'm having a crush on right now),meaning that I *did/do* have more sexual fantasies about them,but,even with them,I don't think I would _actually_ go for the _act_ of sex in real life. I guess I just wanted to point out that being asexual doesn't necessarely mean be aromantic. I am a *VERY* romantic person...I just don't want to go"too far".
This is really helpful for me to further understand that I had a squish on someone, not a crush. I thought I wanted to date this person. But I never once fantasized kissing, cuddling, even holding hands. And certainly not sex. Those thoughts made me feel awkward rather than wistful. I felt awkward every time my friend referred to my "interest" as my "love life". All I fantasized about was talking to him, being around him, and experiencing life with him as a partner platonically. So this is validating for us aromantic asexuals too :)
whats the character u havind a crush on? ;) also, does it happen to you that, while being ace, you still ship fictional characters and get all excited when something happens between them? even SEX???
@@dani010203stor I ship *TONS* of characters...SOMETIMES I also enjoy the sex scenes,but usually only between lesbians(and not necessarely _all_ of them)!;-P The characters I'm _currently_ having a crush on are Lana Crawford from"Neighbours"and Elizabeth Hawke from"Wicked Science",both played by Bridget Neval,but the only one I'm having sexual fantasies about is Elizabeth.The funny thing is that back when WS was airing I was *SCARED* of Elizabeth and I still AM 😱 but I had saved a few WS pictures years ago on my computer..including a couple of 2 blonde girls kissing...I thought 1 of them was Elizabeth so I put the pics among the WS ones.Last year I stumbled upon those pictures...I had completely forgotten about the 2 girls kissing and I was surprised that there was something like that in a teen show from the early 2000s so I've searched the episodes overcoming my fear of"the blonde girl with scary eyes";-S I've watched all the episodes and I actually got *fond* of her,to the point I FORGOT the reason why I was watching the whole thing in the 1st place!😅When I went back to watch my pictures I was like:"THE KISS!!!😲I completely forgot about it!!!🤦♂️"but it _wasn't_ in WS... eventually I've discovered that it was actually from"Neighbours"and I developed a crush on both Lana _and_ Elizabeth but,as I said,only the crush I have on Elizabeth also involves some"dirty thoughts"...;///-P
@@kayleyhodson7079 i get like VERY excited about it! not very much with friends cause it makes me uncomfortable (maybe cause i think the conversation can turn about me and sex cause they don't know, so i get uncomfortable way ahead lol) but yeah thats what always made me doubt the modt about my asexuality. thanks for sharing!:)
People thinking I'm flirting with them and interested (in more), while I'm literally just being nice to a person since they're nice to me too and I enjoy being in that spot.. Like why is everyone like this I really don't understand💀
I used to think i really wanted a relationship, but in retrospective i think i'm just afraid of being left alone in general? I never have been able to imagine myself actually dating anyone, even the couple people i've had "crushes" on. Not sure if i'm ace or just emotionally stunted though hggfhfh
Yes!! For me it's like I feel all that fluffy romance goodness when I read or watch stuff but irl I just can't really imagine doing things like that, I tried once and it was so awkward and awful and idk if it's just that the person wasnt right or if I literally just don't like romantic physical affection aaaaaa
@@kini271 You're not alone. I'm aromantic (and asexual), and it took a long time for me to reach that conclusion or believe myself or the evidence in front of me. I thought I was just emotionally stunted too. The number of people I've friendzoned who I just couldn't understand WHY I didn't like them that way.... Several times, I did let someone try to get close to me romantically because I wanted to like them that way and thought I just had to give it a chance to grow into that, but it always ended in an awkward mess which convinced me that something was wrong with me. Some of the most stressful times for me have been when I was trying to force myself into feelings I didn't have. Nope. I'm plenty close to many people, I have strong friend relationships, and I'm an emotional person in general. I don't have any trauma that would make me afraid of a relationship or emotions. So I'm not emotional stunted...I just don't experience romantic or sexual feelings. Ever. And I can't grow into it or force it. I just. Don't experience that. And that's ok :)
I had a couple of crushes in high school, or at least I thought I did, but looking back I realized that I didn't actually want to be *with* them. I think I was just experiencing early signs of being trans, and being a little envious of them in a "I wish I was that pretty" kind of way.
Fuc*, I've just realised that I'm asexual. I never really had a crush. When I like someone, I want to get close to them and I misinterpreted this feeling as having a crush. It happened with both girls and boys so I ended up thinking I'm bi, but danggg, I'm asexual. I literally feel no sexual urges towards any specific person, I just like them as friends
Right now I identify as bi but I don't feel like that's accurate enough so- Uh, is it normal to panic when people confess to you? I can't tell them yes, I feel like I'd be doing it out of pressure or pity There's more but I'd be getting too personal there
As an aro/ace I just wanna say that there can be a deeper form of platonic love and relationships that can connect with things like sensual or physical attraction. This can lead to holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and even marriage and raising kids just as really good, warm, loving friends. I like to think of it as a super friend. You may be aro/ace if you're looking for a (platonic) relationship that revolves around warm hugs and cuddling on the couch under your favorite blanket while watching finding nemo on repeat and eating ice cream. This took me a long time to understand and I hope I can help at least one other person discover who they truly are. I love you all
I feel safe here as this is a nice smol place, I am still questioning.... Edit: I am now pretty sure I am biromantic 🙂 2 edit: I came out today and I have never felt better
I “crush” on every male I find aesthetically pleasing because I’m desperate for a romantic relationship. I’m tired of denying it. I have grown up never having a crush, just a thing that pushed myself to believe it was a crush
Omg I relate so much to this. Although I’m still sort of unsure about myself, I thought I was something else for the longest time. Thinking I was gay, then bi, then pan, then straight and so on. But reflecting on it more, I realised that all my “crushes” (which I had a lot of) weren’t actually crushes, I just thought they were good-looking. There were no actual feelings of attractive attached.
My head is a mess. There are so many signs that I am on the ace spectrum. But the more I think about it, the more arguments come to my head why I can't be. I want to be in a relationship. But when I get the opportunity to be in one I always reject and feel relieved when they leave me. But maybe that's just because they were all men. Maybe I am a lesbian? But I think I am attracted to all genders. Or am I attracted no one? Am I attracted to people? Or do I just like the thought of being attractive to them? But I think I've experienced sexual attraction towards fictional characters. Because I know that these scenarios could be never real anyways. Maybe I am greysexual? Is that a valid thing?? I wish I wasn't like that 😣 I wish I could understand myself. It would make my life easier.
I feel you! I feel the same with every point you stated, I've had a boyfriend in the past, but it started to feel strange and I was really uncomfortable with everything. Then, i discovered "asexuality" and thought this was a fit. Now, I'm like.... I think I like girls, but... I've never had a crush on a girl, so I sometimes feel like I'm "just pretending", but I know thats bs. I guess we'll just have to give it time and not stress about it, even if it's hard! Lots of love!
I generally identify as les/ace, but I’d really be open to dating anyone, as long as they weren’t men. I feel like my unwillingness to date men comes from the fact that growing up I have seen, through multiple examples, that men are just more upfront about sexual attraction and also just more into that... stuff :/ ( I’m aware that this is a vast generalization, just my experiences have left a bad taste in my mouth about dating guys ). I don’t know if this is anything close to how you’re feeling, but I relate to you a lot. I hope you find happiness and understanding soon (:
@@lina4092 I think society is the biggest problem. I am going on 19 and never had a relationship. I didn't even figure out yet if I want one and what genders I am attracted to. But there is not a week that passes without getting asked why I never had a boyfriend. My friends say I am to picky and my family says I am cold-hearted, because I rejected so many boys in the past. I think I stress myself too much about it. But I feel like I owe people an answer (although I know its stupid) Also, Thank you for your kind words! 💗
@@rhat4047 I feel you!! I believe that I am Bi(romantic). But every time I had the opportunity to date a man, It felt super wrong. I think that I subconsciously feared that he'd expect things from me I didn't want. But then again my head carousel starts again. Am I just scared of sex? Were my crushes (on boys) in the past real or did I just forced myself to have a crush? But right now I feel like I have a real crush on a girl. Am I a lesbian? Was that the reason why I didn't want to date boys? Or do girls just scare me less? But sometimes I am attracted to fictional characters. Or was that just aesthetic and platonic attraction (although I feel weird about that point in general 😂) ? Ps: it is nice to see that other people feel just like me 💞
I recently discovered that I'm fraysexual, if you don't know that is, it's basically: "You're demisexual but backwards" so you feel the sexual attraction until you get to know the person.
We need more people knowing about our community! I literally had no idea asexuality was an umbrella term and I felt trashy a long time until I came across the term "demisexual". Ngl it's a bit invalidating when I say that's my sexuality and apparently isn't valid because it's not known for them :/ but I feel really glad to have found myself 💖 A couple of weeks ago I came out to my little brother and gave him the talk about gender and sexuality, i couldn't be happier with his validation
My biggest sign was that in my friend group all my friends had a moment where they were obsessed with this guy. We called it a Hugh phase because of his name. My best friend and I were talking abt when she had that phase and she told me “I cant wait for when u have your hugh phase.” But funny enough I never had it because I was never sexually attracted to him lmao. I also have done the thing where I lie about who I have a crush on multiple time lmaoo.
Same. Except, my cousins came over (When I was younger, and at that time I hadn't seen them in a few months) and they had become 'obsessed with Anime' A.K.A they became obsessed with anime BOYS. They asked me to choose between Hawk and..that guy with the scar patch thingies? And my answer was neither. That was the moment I really started questioning if I was ace
I didn’t think I was asexual until I learned the difference between being asexual and aromantic. I thought I couldn’t be ace because I had formed crushes on people since I was eight. When I finally learned what sex was when I was I was nine, I felt right away that it was disgusting and I didn’t want anything to do with it. It’s been many years and I still feel the exact same, so finding out you can still have crushes on people without desiring sexual intimacy made it really clear to me.
THIS!!!! Holy sh*t, this is literally me(Without the specifics, of course). I was like "I can't be asexual. Even if I want to vomit everytime a here something about sex, I've had too many fantasies of cuddling with x guy and forming a relationship and adopting kids and giving each other kisses in the cheeks and living together❤" And then I learnt that aromantic was another thing, and that repulsed asexuals existed, and what an asexual person really was and that there were different spectrums and it was like "OMG, THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW-"
Yea, once I figured out I was an Ace/Demi (Haven't figured which one yet)- I found out that all crushes I had before were really just me wanting to be closer to funny people, I literally "had a crush" on anyone that I thought was funny. ;--;
I had only one crush before, and that didn't even count. I liked my crush because the way he looked. When he grew out his hair I didn't like him anymore, that's how I knew.
32 year old recently out ace here. This was one of the most validating things I have ever seen. Thank you for making it! P.S. I also did that point to a random boy and pretend to have a crush thing . . . my friends told his mother and she tried to set us up . . . awkward!
I did that pointing at a boy in my class when me and my friends were like 7/8! In hindsight, that might be the reason I was the only girl invited to his birthday party and sitting next to him at the table... WTF, I just realized this😂
I realized I was last year, I went all of high school being laughed at for not being into girls, they’d call me gay, an all kinds of other things. Glad I understand myself now!
I really only realized this a month ago, it hit me all at once, I was like “Wait, I didn’t actually want to date someone, I just thought they were cute, never wanted to be sexual or anything, why am I lying to myself?”
the thought of being asexual was back there in my mind ever since i was like 10, i just... felt it? i'd only have crushes on fictional characters/celebs & they would never be sexual. and if i did have a crush irl, i would keep it long distance. i remember i had a crush on this one boy for 6 whole years, and when he approached me, asked me out, then finally asked me to be his girlfriend, i was like 'hell nah i'm out'. it just... i like cuddling, i like loving, i just find the sexual parts of relationship uncomfortable. that's why i've never been in a relationship, i'm just afraid it'll go there and i'm just so scared. i'm afraid i'll never find anyone who wants me like this, i'm just laying in bed crying because the realization hit me hard
Stop right there, you beautiful being! I can assure you with absolute confidence that there are SO many people who will love and support you for being you, and respect your romantic boundaries. Always remember, you are loved, valid, and accepted! The other members of the Ace community are here for you, love 💕
I’m sure you’ll find someone you love who will respect your boundaries. And if they don’t, screw them (but not actually because that defeats the point). You are loved and supported by this community. Hold your head up high, you got this 💕
I’m beginning to question if I’m actually asexual. I’ve never really felt draw to more “sexual” things, especially with people. I usually don’t have crushes, and even then it’s more of a “I want to spend time with you” type of crush. Watching this is actually helping me a lot.
What does it mean? Pansexual aromantic???? If you are Pan, then , how you can be aro? Please explain (no hate i just want to know, sorry if i offended you) SORRY BAD ENGLISH I DONT SPEAK ENGLISH!
@@user-zz6hy4ow8g That they don't feel romantic attraction/the need to be in a romantic relationship, but do feel sexual attraction (to all genders in this case) and would like to partake in sex/be in a sexual relationship
One of the things I realised from a young age, was that most of my friends started to have crushes and boyfriends and they started to try to insist that I had to date someone as well. But I was never interested nor attracted to anyone. This went to the point that the mother of one of my friends decided to call my mom to say that 'she wasn't raising me properly'. Neither my mom (who is also asexual), nor I gave thought to that. Today, I'm 30 years old, and I'm proudly Asexual.
I legit don't get whats the problem some people have with asexuals. Like she legit had to call because someone else isn't dating people? Its another person living their own life without harming anyone. Just sounds like stupidity to me
i have been told my whole life that because i am being too picky, i can't have a boyfriend like everyone else. and therefore, i always thought it's my fault, that i am being weird.... i sometimes like a person (because they are nice to me, or sometime because they have a good looking face) but i am not attractived to them..... But now i understand it's not my fault! Thank you for sharing this video with me!
Thank you, this helped me a lot!, I have a feeling that I'm asexual, but sometimes I feel kind of broken because of how I feel. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not broken and it's totally normal 💗
Honestly I've been thinking for a while that I'm a-sexual, and TBH it's honestly a whole level of drama that I'm glad I haven't had to deal with during quarentine.
I feel the "I just picked someone and said I have a crush on him". I feel so bad for having done that. I did that with a girl but back then I didn't realise that feelings aren't just something someone imagines. I mean it sounds like I was an asshole and I probably was in a sense but I didn't know about that myself. I was always thinking that something is wrong with me if I can't name someone I am sexually atracted to in a movie or in class. I never had a crush and I was quite frankly fine with that. I have the feeling that most people wouldn't even want a relationship with me if they knew that I am not interested in sex. I mean that is probably mostly comming from my little bubble with the TV shows and people around me but that just makes it harder.
Oh god I feel that. I once convinced myself I had a crush on this one guy after talking to some of my friends about their crushes and then one day I told the guy about my crush and he said he liked me back. Then I went home and cried because in that moment of telling the guy that I liked him, I realized that telling someone you like them is saying you want to be in a relationship that is more than just friends or romantic cuddle buddies. It never once dawned on me what would happen after you said you had feelings for someone. I felt like a horrible person for so long after realizing that, and how I must of messed with his feelings. It just hurt knowing the damage I did to him by realizing I didn’t actually want a relationship in the same way he did. I don’t know if I’ll ever find that person who wants the same as I do.
I mean. The realtionship was also pretty toxic because i only held on to it, because I feared loneliness and hurting the girl. Well. Let's see what the future brings. Who knows. Maybe you'll find this someone. I know that i shouldn't try to be something else too hard. My feelings are right more often then I would like to admit so I sould start listening to them way more and not to something I observe in the world around me. And when talking to someone I also have to work on my honesty. I know it's hard but sometimes saying nothing is also an option and maybe even the best one.
this comment UNLOCKED A VAULT IN MY BRAIN basically i was in Girl Scouts and we were making Valentine's Day cards and they all had people in mind but i just kinda thought for like a second and picked a random boy from my class to make one for then we """dated""" (elementary school, it wasnt a real relationship) for like a year and i dont really know if i liked him or not but i sorta doubt it also the only other crush ive had was literally built on the fact that i would have liked to hug him LMAO
it was extremely difficult when figuring out if i was asexual because i've realised that although i have a libido (i.e. i get aroused while watching sexual content) i never have pictured myself being with anyone sexually. it was a long time before i learned that having sexual desires =/= being sexually attracted to people. it was a very difficult thing to wrap my head around because i could get aroused, and i thought that meant i experience sexual attraction. later i found out that i was never interested in sex with anyone, and sometimes the idea of even being naked with someone else made me feel extremely uncomfortable. i've always thought asexuality meant zero sexual desires or people who are sex-repulsed, but ace is a spectrum and different people have different experiences and different orientation. i think because we were often mislead with the idea that sexual desires are indefinitely tied in with sexual attraction, ace people who does experience arousal often have a hard time coming to terms to their asexuality. and because there are little to no awareness on ace people, we don't often have others to talk to or find any experience that we might relate to. if you are similarly struggling to come to terms because if this, here are a few articles that helped me a lot: www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a12763151/asexual-people-arousal/ qr.ae/pNxTiy www.whatisasexuality.com/intro/
this really opened my eyes. i've been thinking i might be ace because like you it makes me uncomfortable thinking of MYSELF being intimate or even really talking about sex. i also have absolutely no drive to be in a relationship at all; but i can get aroused watching content involving OTHER people. i didn't know it's a spectrum, and this is making me wanna read more about it. i think apart of the issue is, is that none of my family believe me. not even my sister who's in the lgbt+ community themselves
I’m 15 and I just found out I am asexual this year. I relate so much to the faking crushes thing. Back in elementary school I used to fake crushes just to fit in with friends, but at the same I also felt something was mentally wrong with me because I never felt urges for romance or sexual attraction. I used to tell people that I had a crush on one of my guy friends just so I could feel like I fit in, but I never actually had a reason I liked them.
This was honestly such a nice confidence boost. I've been identifying as asexual for a few months and despite all evidence pointing towards me being ace I question my sexuality a lot (because anxiety). It was really nice and validating to hear that what I experience is normal for people on the ace spectrum and of course that I'm not broken, because I need that reminder more than I'd like to admit :)
I relate so much to this! I've only identified as Ace for a week or so, and I keep questioning myself (because anxiety). I completely agree, this was so validating!
Tolerated and put myself through years of relationships and actions to make those I loved happy. It took a lot of research and speaking to the right people and a helpful video here and there to come to terms and understand I wasn't wired the same way. Life has been spectacular since then
Hi everyone! Leaving my experience here in case it would help some questioning folk. For me, as Lynn said, point 5 made me figure things out: I can recall myself trying to justify my "heterosexuality" saying that I didn't feel sexually attracted to women, but aesthetically. It took me some time, and obviously accounting other stuff, to finally understand that I fall under the umbrella of asexuality, and that it is key not only for me to understand my own sexuality, but also for others to understand how it is being bi and asexual. For the longest time I couldn't relate to bi experiences because I was lacking asexual-bi stuff/experiences/info. Note: you don't have to figure things out just yet; labels are made to fit ourselves, not the other way around. Use umbrella terms if you can't seem to find the one that fits you or just say "I'm questioning/figuring things out" and give more info if you want to, but you don't have to do it either. Hugs to everyone!
This video is so validating. The “you haven’t found the right person” gets said to me quite often. Part of me thinks it will end up being true... but the better part of me knows it’s societal BS. I’m discovering that how I felt as a teen, and continue to feel now but with much less angst over it, was not me being a late bloomer or anything else but were signs that I am asexual or demisexual. I didn’t know these sexual identities existed when I was young but now everything I was feeling makes much more sense. PS: I have a feeling we’d be friends if we ever met. Rock on. Thanks for this video.
Honestly, it really shouldn't have taken me so long to figure it out when every time my friends asked me about crushes in middle/high school, my answer was "I don't know/I don't think I have one" lmao. Then again I didn't even know ace was a thing until I was like 16 so
3:50 LMFAO SAME STORY. Picked a random dude to have a crush on at elementary school to not be weird. But now I don't act anymore, I've NEVER actually have had any crush in my 18 years long life and won't ever. I just appreciate pretty people, especially 2D! I've always felt weird for not actively trying to get them ass's
Right!! I believe beauty is only secondary and not that important! What a band makes musically is what I look for the most. Finding a group only based on looks, sounds hella shallow and degrading to the hardworking artists.
Thanks for making this video. I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I’m asexual. I’ve struggled with my sexuality for a long time and I’m glad I finally realized I’m asexual. I’ve never had a sexual attraction to anyone
I've known I was ace for years, but even so, I really appreciate this video. I'm not really much into the ace community, but it's nice to see other people talk about the things I've gone through or didn't feel.
I learned so much! I'm so glad the algorithms finally put this in my recommendations! I heard of the term and basic outline of asexual and then demisexual and just gave myself the label without looking more into it, but there's so much to it! And all these things are true for me or at least partially, this was so helpful!
This helped so much! Thank you! "Aesthetic Attraction" and "Romantic Attraction" are terms I have searched for for so long! I have a crush on my best friend and I have never thought of having sex with him. All I wanted was always to just go to a Christmas market together or go watch a movie at his place and cuddle, etc. All that romantic stuff but not sexual. Again this really helped thank you!
I found this video really late, but yes aesthetic attraction! I used to get that confused with sexual attraction. Also, I just wanted to add that fleeting crushes or crushes that don't last a long time is also a sign of asexuality. At least that is my experience!
Looking back to my recent past crushes, I realized that I wasn't s*xually attracted to them, and after reading a lot more about asexuality, i think I am an asexual
in all my years of being on this godforsaken rock I've never known much about asexuality. I've gone through tons of labels, bisexual, pansexual, demiromantic, but I've never even given any thought to asexuality and now from this 8 minute video of only 5 signs, and I'm thinking about my whole life. I'm in a pickle.
Hey Everyone!! I just want to thank everyone who has been watching this video. It has blown up my channel and i can't thank you enough. I know some of you have been asking about an aromantic version of this video aaaaand I just want to let you know it is out right now. I will be linking "5 Signs You Might Be Aromantic" here if any of you want to check it out!! th-cam.com/video/YGvk1u0ycHg/w-d-xo.html
I'm happy to know I'm not the only asexual
Omg! You are so cute. Thank you for posting, very informational.
🤔 I find plenty of people attractive (Yourself included). But, I just have no desire to talk to people or to put energy towards something I just know that I don't really care so much for. I do like writing and texting about it though...
... yay
Thx for this it answered a lot of my questions and now I think I'm leaning more towards being asexual and not so confused, I also love rainbows so maybe that should've been a sign. But if your asexual do some still have a sex drive to play with themselves but not others?
I think I might be asexual And this helps alot thx 🖤💜
Currently trying to figure out if I'm just insecure with a fear of intimacy or asexual... Wish me luck.
same, big same
Jup Same here
Same honestly
Same same
Me as well! Good luck xx
If you spend your entire teenage years being "but they aren't that hot" everytime your classmate were swoonin about some celebrity and thought you must really have a extremely specific taste.
Yes. My specific taste is anime boys
Litteraly every guy in my classes isn't attractive to me.
Celebs are only hot because they present themselves that way.
At the same time, I've had this female friend for years. And I've had a crush on her, but not in a romantic way.
More of a emotional way.
She taught me about the things I love now and I really owe it to her.
Haven't been around her cause of Covid and it sucks.
Maybe I'm that type of person who only develops feelings for someone after they've known them for a long time.
@@Creatorsan you could be demisexual I think. Wish you the best in finding your sexuality!
@@Creatorsan If I remember correctly, that’s called demisexual which is kinda related to being asexual
That is me. My ex always was talking about how cute some boys are and my bsf finds Draco cute but I’m there like “...I don’t see it thoooo”
Yes, finally aesthetic attraction is mentioned. "Like you are beautiful, your body is beautiful, but I'm not attractived to you in this way. Like I see you as an art piece." -me, trying to put together how I feel about this.
YES you put it into words!! like- i do think that the person’s body is wonderful like a work of art, but i don’t feel an urge to do anything *more*,, and if i do then it’s v rare-
@@jinx1890 Yes preach. Like a woman's body for example is such a beautiful art piece, and I just want to appreciate it in that way. The problem with that is you are seen as a creep.
EXACTLY
Yeees
I’ve felt that b4
Sign #6: You're watching this video.
Fair point, lmao
i feel very called out rn
Well, I'm watching it because TH-cam reccomended it to me so I decided to watch it, even if I'm not asexual and I'm completely sure about that, to understand asexuals, to learn about them. I think it's necessary to learn about other sexual orientations and to also understand people that are not the same as us.
But, yes. The majority of people who whatched the video whatched it because they want to find out if they're asexual, which probably means that they actually are asexual xd
@@Ana-tq2if I am one of the people who is watching this because I'm starting to identify as ace, but it's really nice that you're one of those good people out there, just trying to be the best ally they can
@@emmuspublikus same!
I still can't get my head around the fact that people get sexual crushes on each other. Just the idea of that makes me so uncomfy
Edit: I still don't get "sexual crushes" on other people, but I'm definitely less averse to the topic of sexuality than I was when I wrote this comment. I'm two years older now, nearly an adult. I want to leave this note to anyone reading this: I get the impression that many of you are teenagers too. Be careful not to stick labels on yourself. Sometimes you just need to give yourself a little more time to realise who you actually are and what you're comfortable with. Everybody is unique and everyone experiences sexuality differently; you don't need to define yourself or put yourself into a box. Give yourself the room to develop into the person you're meant to be.
Take care and make sure you're drinking enough water. :)
@@WillowSeren Felt
Same same same
I mean same, people becoming aroused over other people os beyond my comprehension lol
its more like a natural set for many people as sexual attraction is a form to ensure the continuance of the species. All people have different preferences in what they like . people can express love in many different ways, like vocally, physically, or the small actions you might do for your pathner.
Sameee
my search history is like
“are you ace?”
“signs that you’re asexual”
“am i lesbian”
“things that lesbians do”
STOP ME TOO im unlabeled rn
maybe you're an asexual lesbian! (homoromantic ace to be specific 👀)
haha, mine is like
"lgbt memes"
"define biromantic"
"how to know if you're asexual"
"how to know if you're biromantic"
"aromantic meaning"
"biromantic - asexual subtle wallpaper"
-> Just to add, I now identify as Biro-Ace, although I'm still closeted to everyone but my best friend
good luck! you don't need to find a label and stick with it, I hope you feel welcome in queer communities, I believe in you:)
@@snem9381 awww, thank you so much! That means a lot to me
Me here liking romantic things like cuddling or hugs, but being sex repulsed and still questioning if I'm asexual or not, while looking at a "are you asexual?" video is kinda my late night thing rn
Literally me... It's 5:00 am😶
Why are we the same rn
Yes, because hugs and cuddling are ✨spicy✨ to me already hah
I’m questioning if I’m ace or not and I’m currently watching all of the asexual videos on TH-cam to help me figure it out, whilst also trying to figure out how I’ll tell my friend if I am, because I’m not planning on telling my parents if I am ace or not (this is something that I just don’t feel will make an impact on my daily life, it’s not that my parents aren’t ok with it (actually I don’t know what they think about it so I guess I’ll have to ask later)). I’m thinking telling my friend with a meme, because we’re _those_ type of people, you know, with one of those big brain memes. Around two months ago, she actually told me that she thinks I’m ace (the irony) and I told her that it’s really not nice to assume anyone’s sexuality or sexual orientation.
In the end, I’m probably only telling that one friend because she’s meh best friend and she’s dealing with something similar already; also my area probably wouldn’t be ok with that because ‘(not very progressive) Christianity blah blah blah’. My outstretched family is pretty much the same, most of them are extremely Christian (or whatever _that_ means), so no telling them for me :D
Imma go ahead and keep it under wraps (is this a saying because I feel like it is, but I suck at words) because I don’t personally feel that this will affect my daily life strongly at the moment. I guess that means I’m an asexual in the closet (is this a thing idk) who wants to stay in the closet lol
There might’ve been a switch in language somewhere in that mess. I realized around 20 seconds in that, yes, I am in fact, *asexual*
* g a s p * :o
I don’t know why I typed all of this out for strangers on the internet to read, but I did. It kind of helps and is a bit therapeutic to me. Idk why. So, I guess these are closing remarks, thanks for reading, or not reading, this garbled up mess of my thoughts that I’m sharing with y’all on the internet :)
Thanks for attending me TedTalk... ahahaha I’m hilarious... hah... I’ll see myself out now
aaah this is very relatable and i hope you figure out what you want to figure out! also, love the venti pfp :)
@@lottapitchy9625 congrats for figuring yourself out! do what makes you happy and only tell it to the people you feel like telling it too :)
i haven't told it to anyone but a few friends either, it's not like my family would reject me but it sometimes just doesn't feel necessary... i also feel like there might be some sort of imposter syndrome where im like what if im wrong :0 (which is stupid and sucks bc asexuality is definitely real and valid) but yea sorry for ranting my point is take your time and do what makes you happy!
As an ace, I sometimes have a really hard time figuring out if I like someone or if I just really want to be their friend or if there really is a different between the two...
YES!!! It's the same for me
101% true .. i'm not the only one confused 😅
Same. If you ever get the answers let me know because I am constantly confused about this. I can’t tell if I’ve had crushes or if they were just me really admiring them and wanting to become their close friend. And what is really the difference???
@Amo O'Neil dang just looked up that term and it totally makes sense to me! Thanks!
Saaamee
Hours of searching and I’m STILL stuck. Asexuality feels like the answer but at the same time I’m not convinced so I’m tryna figure out which ace I am
Update: wow so it’s been 2 years and I’m here to say that if you relate to my comment in any way ur definitely ace. Which one? Don’t know but if you were confused on that part u shouldn’t be now, hope this helps!
WHY THE HELL CAN I RELATE TO THIS ENTIRE COMMENT SECTION
This. Literally me
That is exactly how I feel right now. I’m 25, I thought I would know by now
Have you ever heard of gray-ace or demisexual?
Just got done with several hours of research, very surprised actually find a fit for me. Under ace-spec I found Encephalaroace
me watching this knowing full well that im asexual and still being shocked that i check all these boxes
Same
Lmaoooo same bro
Ha ha same. Shocked pikachu face right there
Lol same
Same lol
I’m 54 and I’ve only just realised! I thought I was just a broken heterosexual.Society dictates that people should come in pairs, sadly.
I'm so happy for you!
Yes🤗
I feel so happy for you! I hope you’re having an amazing day/night :)
I'm 31 and only now considering it. I really appreciate your comment here
I'm 48, going through a separation, and came to this realization like hitting a brick wall
I would just pick one person to have a long distance crush on, but never actually talk to them. I liked the idea of having a crush, but not the idea of having a boyfriend.
And I literally thought I was abnormal or weird lol gtk it's not only me
Same! I definitely have always experienced some asthetic attraction and so I had crushes on people I found cute when I was younger, which gave me something to talk with friends about, but I remember how uncomfortable it made me when they would like suggest I go talk to them or ask them out and I was like "Wait, what? Why would I do that?"
Maybe you are aro(?
@@min_nad Yes, I think I am demisexual, not fully asexual.
@@EasterWitch omg I'm demi as well!
I have had crushes, but just in a way of wanting to be with them, near them, but I have never felt sexual attraction towards anyone
Edit: wow, I’m glad people feel the same!
A story I have that might make it easier for non-asexual people to understand!:
I was in love with a boy in my class for about 8 months. Not once, not a single time did I imagine sleeping with him or doing anything like that. My friends asked me once: «what’s the dirtiest thought you’ve had about him?» (we played truth or dare) and they were shocked when I said «actually..I haven’t thought about anything like that».
They were like «what? Are you even in love with him??» and yes I absolutely was, I was deeply in love.
For me, as an asexual person, love and sex has no connection. For many people, I guess they are connected - but not for me. I loved to hug him, talk to him and be in his presence - but I had no wish or intention of doing anything sexual with him.
me too, i’d just like to cuddle and watch movies and hold hands 🥺💀
yeah me too, like, ive never imagined actually being in a legitimate sexual relationship with them
Thats still 100% valid
Ok, im not alone! This is every guy i thought i wanted to date, but if anyone ever asked me what i wanted out of outside of dates and hanging out, i got SEVERELY uncomfortable and bullshitted everything so they would stop or just changed the subject
I feel this way too
The idea of just liking someone for their body literally had me confused back in the day. Like, I just didn't understand... How could you possibly just wanna do the dirty, before like being super duper close and familiar with that person? Or, like, thinking someone you've never met before is hot? Like I still kinda feel like clubbing and randomly snogging someone there is a work of fiction, but apparently people do that. Even in high school I was always so confused when my friends would feel attracted to this one guy and I'd be like "But you've never actually talked?"
I feel like an alien sometimes, so I guess the rumours are true.
Your comment just made me feel completely understood for the first time! I too often feel like an alien whenever friends of mine start talking about who they find attractive etc. E.g. when they ask me which football player I think is the hottest and I'm like "I don't care how they look, I don't even know them personally!"
It just feels like such a relief to find that there are people out there feeling the same way that I do!
@@Nuwanda-ev3ij Yeah! For such a long time, I used to think that I'm broken, or there's something off about me. Turns out, I'm just asexual. It feels super nice to know that actual people like me exist!
Ikr if I had to do the dirty it would be someone I'm super duper close to and in a solid relationship. I think I might be a bit of a people pleaser lol.
I m ace and I m sex indifferent. I dan have sex for my partner, but not for me.
I literally just realized that during my hole childhood i would think that people spend years knowing each other and THEN maybe feel something towards them... HOW DID I NOT REALIZE SOONER I WAS ASEXUAL? I DON'T KNOW!
Yep. One of my good friends is obsessed with some dude one year above us and she's super stressed out about him moving a building and her not being able to see him anymore but SHE NEVER EVEN TALKED TO HIM
Saying "You haven´t met the right person yet" is as shitty as telling someone "you will start liking sex, noone really enjoys it the first time". Especially when you say it to a girl. It happened to me and confused me for the longest time.
Remember, there is a difference between wanting to do it and finding out you didn´t enjoy it as much (and maybe wanting to try again) and not really wanting to do it from the start.
My best friend (at the time) told me exactly that, even after I explained to her what being asexual means and that it doesn’t work that way. It was really frustrating, because she was, to this day, only the second person I told this and she reacted that way. I was always there for her and she didn’t even care to ask for further explanation or something. She even gifted me cond*ms for my 18th birthday - like she literally forgot I told her or something. I just ignored it and didn’t say anything (I threw them away immediately after she was gone lol).
But she isn’t even a real friend to me anymore - so I’m not mad 🤣 I‘m just still annoyed, I guess. Being vulnerable and telling your best friend and then your voice gets shut down like that. I hope that in the future people are more open to actually understand that we exist, that not everyone wants to do it.
as someone who's parents and classmates told me that, it awfully pissed me off. My conversation with the former mentioned actually made me cry because I tried to make them understand but then they kept going "you should like someone, right?!"
I feel like people confuse asexuals and aromantics alot
@@louenry bro what kind of shitty friend is that gifting cindom for your 18th birthday? 💀
I had no idea crushes were a sexual thing until THIS YEAR. I’m 22🙈
it's not necessarily sexual, can be romantic too
same I just thought that it meant that you are kinda in love with someone but not that much that you would call it "in love".... oops😂 btw, I'm 19😂
Saaaame, except im not 22, lol.
Wait, are they?! Oh... ;-; Good to know I guess.
Google the word squish, that opened my world
I honestly think I fall under aesthetic attraction because *A N I M E M E N* are pretty
KSJDKFJFKKF OOOO ME TOO
😂
yep, they are. That's why I like anime and manga XD
Yesssss!!!
Same here
1. lack of interest in intimacy 0:35
2. you haven't met "the one" 1:43
3. not looking for a relationship 2:32
4. little to no crushes 3:28
5. aesthetic vs sexual (+ romantic) attraction 5:18
thank you!!
Thank you bae!
Thank yii ou u
Not even enough libido to like a piercing & cant stand a lot of women.
thankkk uuu ◡̈
Important note: You can be asexual but still be attracted to others romantically. There's also something called being aromantic which would mean you're also not interested in any kind of relationship.
You can be asexual without being aromantic and vice versa :)
Same I fall in love with few men even have many celebrity crushes but never interested in sex with them
Exactly. Even tho asexuality and aromanticism come hand in hand, u can be asexual and still want a romantic relationship, or u can be aromantic and still want or be in a sexual relationship
To me, I think being aromantic would be very boring 😞
@@JJ_TheGreat In return, to me relationships sound extremely stressful 😂 My days are already filled with work and hobbies, I wouldn't know how to squeeze in relationship responsibilities too
- "Little to no crushes"
- *starts intensely worrying if my average crushes per year number is too high*
I think that one is subjective, you can still have crushes as an ace that are platonic, romantic, ect. Just not sexual.
@@leaftiger12 or a lower amount of sexual crushes for grey-asexuls
Haha same
I get the most random crushes on older guys sometimes, making me want to spend time with them or even look better for them. But I feel like it's mostly just either me identifying and sympathizing with them emotionally and/or just being impressed by them. The occasional woman as well.
And there were like two people in my life that I found good looking enough to notice them because of that.
I had one actually intimate experience so far, with someone I suddenly felt like I wanted to spend lots of time with so I asked him out and I felt something... When we were together. But it was... Not really it, pretty sure I could have done without the intimate stuff even though just cuddling was kind of nice. And we never actually had ***.
I am/have been wondering a lot about my sexuality as well. But I did recognize myself a bit in that video...
Starts thinking about if I reached my crush quota
6) you don't understand the obsession with nakedness! Naked bodies are simply naked bodies in your eyes. You don't understand the appeal of someone with no clothes on
same it seems so creepy to me-
Omg yess
I like ppl better with their clothes on, tbh
@@ohayo_alice same
I always thought people looked better with clothes ON. I don't get what's so attractive about boobs and abs etc.
I've been questioning for so long and at this point I'm staying unlabeled and proud lol
honestly at this point i’m just gonna go with the flow! who cares abt labels
Yeah the ace label is also something I kind of let go off for a while now
Yeah
Let us be
😅 oh the confusion
I don't think I care too much now it'd just be nice to understand my own feelings or lack thereof and have a label to make it easier to explain if the need came to share
Going with questioning for now
All these damn years I thought I wanted to be with this guy... BUT ALL I WANTED WAS TO BE HIS FRIEND!?? OH MY GOD IT FEELS GREAT TO UNDERSTAND
So relatable😂
Same
I like the way girls look, but I've NEVER wanted to get in one's pants
It took me 23 years to figure that out
@@fenixmeaney6170 Same here.
What you have is probably a squish - judging from your description you want to be friends (squish) with the person instead of date the person (crush).
RIGHT??? like i couldnt stop looking at this one boy-we used to talk and occasionally do, but like all this time i thought i had a crush on him
But in reality, i just wanted to be his friend. I had a friend who liked him (and everyone knew) but while it only hurt me a little bit-i didnt care that much! He could date whoever he wanted, and the thought of kissing him (kissing anyone,really) was very iffy.
So it was either a romantic crush, or i really wanted to be his friend
AND YES IT SO DOES FEEL GREAT TO UNDERSTAND
Me:I think I've finally figured out my sexuality
My recommendations: *about that*
CAN RELATE HHAHAHA *cries*
Not just you 😩😩
I do experience like “oh that person is hot, and I want to get to know them and be their friend” but I never wanted to have sex with them. But I still am not sure if it is just my anxiety. I always wondered, am I just afraid of intimacy? I’ve been single and “sexless” for a long time and I am okay with that, I don’t feel the need for sex. But I always feel like sex is expected and you have to have sex to be in a relationship, and that terrifies me. In theory, that is not true, you don’t need to have sex, but I am afraid many people expect it. I am surrounded by people who all had sexual experiences, which makes me feel insecure and like a weirdo for not doing it. At the same time, when I hear about women having traumas from past relationships (I’m a girl too), it makes me distrust people and even more scared of intimate encounters. Well, I am still unsure if I am ace or it’s my social anxiety. But that’s just me, and I respect people who are asexual and they are valid. Thanks for this video and thanks if you read that far.
I feel exactly the same way! All the "crushes" that I've had are like people who I consider attractive but I don't really want to be in a relationship with them because I don't want kiss them or have sex with them and I feel like that's required?? Like my idea of a relationship is eating food together and like driving around and listening to music idk😭😭 I've never been in a relationship before and I want to at some point but I feel so weird and awkward because so many people around me have already been in multiple relationships and have had sex multiple times with like a good amount of people and I'm over here like excuse me how??? What?? People just do this??
Chris, are you me?
Same here ! Also as a Ace person myself ,
I really understand you
So true. This exactly mee
I guess everyone's experiences are different, but in case anyone needs to hear this specially younger people: I have had MANY crushes and still am asexual. You can have a lot of crushes and be boy/girl crazy -heck I'm into kpop- and still not feel any desire for any kind of sexual interaction with them. Crushes can be aesthetic, crushes can be sensual, romantic, platonic, anything!! And I also wish someone had told me that you still can have sex and look forward to it when you like someone without feeling the atraction. This is an umbrella orientation and just because your experience doesn't completely relate to others it doesn't necessairly mean that you're not ace. 💖
You wouldn't believe me how many crushes I have had on K-Idols but they are mostly aestethic and platonic
@@sirCharon honestly, I have always felt weird when other people were fangirling over a certain k-idols abs or something like that. It kinda made me feel awkward and I forced myself to fangirl alongside them because if I didn't i was scared that I would seen as a fake fan. But now I realized that its okay not to be into that cuz we all different
THANK YOU ❤
Thank you! I was so confused now and I was questioning myself like ... wait ... hahah
Is it wrong to think that I might be ace even though I’m relatively young?
I used to wonder how people could possibly want to actually pursue sexual relationships. Like, I've always liked the surface of a relationship-- the cuddles and romance, because I'm a sap like that-- but just the thought of the other parts have always made me uncomfortable, even without ever experiencing it. I am very sex-repulsed and have never wanted to be with someone else that way, which basically crumbled this picture of the perfect family I wanted to make one day. I always felt broken, especially considering I've never wanted anything more than to have a family and kids. But it's not wrong or broken, and there doesn't need to be the "right person" to change who I am. Adoption is there for a reason, and I am perfectly capable on my own. Thanks for casually validating my existence, Lynn Saga.
This is me. I like cuddles and I like the thought of having a family but I'm just not really interested in the other stuff. Sex just does not matter to me and it never will, and I don't see why it has to.
you could still adopt :)
there's a lot of kids under the system who are having the worst time of their life rn and I'm sure they'd be glad to have someone like you as a parent :D
idk though adopting might be not preferred for some people though but whatever you end up doing you have my full support!
I feel the same way. Like, cuddles and some kisses, movie dates and hanging out? Hell yeah. But sex? Hell no. It just grosses me out and I'm not really sure why people want that. I understand it's their opinion, but I do not want that in my life. (I'm still kinda questioning and I'm only 13 so I'm not that sure but it's a huge possibility that I'm asexual)
that’s literally me. i used to think “well i’m too young so maybe that’s why.” but everyone else was getting into it, and i don’t like the idea of people putting their parts in me or vice versa. it sounds unsanitary and disgusting, but if ur into that, yay
@@xnottoday_ same. I still think I might be too young (I'm 13) but I just really don't like the idea of someone putting... stuff... in me (that made me sick to write). It's just gross.
I’m an asexual but I’ve had quite a few crushes entering my teens!
But it’s like “they are pretty like a work of art, their personality is so cool and fun, so sweet I want to cuddle and kiss them and do cute romantic stuff”
But they never work out :’((
thats exactly what i feel like
I'm ace and got dragged into the BDSM community as a teenager by a friend. Over the years, I came to realize that the majority of this community seem to be much more accepting of asexuals than the rest of society. Someone who is a member of the lifestyle understands more than someone who isn't.
How can you be part of the bdsm community and never have sex though?
Not trying to sound confrontational, I'm just curious
@@andynonymous6769 BDSM is not inherently sexual. Yes it can exist within a sexual experience but that does not mean it is sexual by default. Many BDSM communities host events where people participate in kink activities but do not have sex, it is purely for kink expression and experience. I am a kink oriented asexual person and I enjoy the break from reality and sensuality and closeness I get from fulfilling my kink but I do not wish for it to be sexual. Feeling sensual over something or intimate in a situation does not equate sexual interest or expression. Hope that clears some of it up for you!
@@TinyGhosty thanks for sharing, I had no idea!
@@andynonymous6769 Glad I could share some helpful info!
That's actually super interesting :)
I Know Im late, but I’m 14 and everyone is like ‘maybe you’ll want it when you get older’ and I definitely get the aesthetic attraction for myself I basically just want to be everyone’s friend
Me too, I worry that I’m not really asexual(although I’m 99% sure i am) because im worried that people will tell me that im too young or something
@@justaweebeatingpockyalonei3882 Oh I'm not the only one?
@@ninaarandomhunterofartemis962 Hello Hunter of Artemis...I used to be a one too but then I fell in love with a girl... Artemis kicked me out.
(by any chance, are you a Heroes of Olympus/Percy Jackson fan?)
@@arrowoftruth5726 Oh Hel yeah, I love all of Rick Riordan's books so dam much!
@@ninaarandomhunterofartemis962 I'm so glad... I have read most of them too except the very new ones... My favorite is Nico who is yours?
It was nice bumping into a PJO fan...
I pretty much forced all of my crushes and everything else on myself and my mom still uses it as a point against my asexuality
Oof, remember that you are valid and we will always be here for you. Maybe she just isn't used to your sexuality and needs more time
Ugh parents 🙄🙄
Show her this video !
@@Blue-mj5gm she can't speak english :/
@@vergilsbeloved There has to be videos in her language somewhere
I'm just looking back on all of my "crushes" and notice that i just really wanted to be their friend or just get to know them better. I know I'm ace now and that that's just a platonic crush i think it was called a squish but I'm not to sure tbh
wait like now I think my friend from school was a "squish" :l
I just saw her on the first day and was like
*her.
she will be my friend.*
Looking back on all the intense crushes I had on movie stars, I realised that not once did I ever fantasise about sex with them, kissing them, or even holding hands. It would be just like, we love each other, but we're in a library, talking about stuff.
WAIT IM HAVING A RELAZATION-
I want an ace boyfriend with broad shoulders. I want to be hugged and feel warm, protected and loved.
Me too!
@@Emy-fh1zn :D
Oh me too, friend, me freaking too.
Same here :')
okay ngl I want this too
I'm reserved yet relatively touch starved lol
I want us to have a little cat family rather than actual children. Or if we both are aight with children, then adoption is always an option :3
am i the only ace who has a billion crushes? 😭
edit: what's with all these "yeah but they're fictional" replies? fictional/drawn characters are literally made to exentuate attractive features, what do you expect? 😂
I've had so many that its ridiculous at this point😂
right?? most of mine are fictional but still lmao
Me too, but I still don't know if I'm asexual. I don't know if I don't like sex or I don't experience sexual attraction (I don't know the difference but I think there's one lol). Please help
AHAHA same but they’re more platonic and wholesome
sAME I HAVE A BUNCH OF FICTIONAL CRUSHES THAT AREN'T EVEN REAL.
I thought I was weird lol
- I might not be gay .... I think I'm Asexual with platonic attractions towards men - my whole identity is lowkey shattering rn.... thank you 2021 for this epiphany.
Hey friend, you don't have to figure out ever thing in one go
@@dreamknight1776 ily thank you
U might be a homoromantic asexual, dunno though
tbh I am similar. with males at most I want to be friends and make jokes with them but with females I will feel an emotional and a romantic attraction to them if I known and trusted them for a while but when I look back at previous relationships or crushes I never had a sexual attraction to them which makes me more curious
Me too! I'm a woman and sometimes I wonder if I'm lesbian but no, I realized I just love female friendships and I am fond of femininity but I am romantically attracted to guys.
To me the biggest sign was "aren't we too young to be thinking of these things?" And the fact that each time i had a crush (and i only had like, two on real people-) i never thought it implied that kinda stuff but it meant cuddles and all the good things :")
Relatable
I'm okay with cuddles and even kisses usually but that's all
So me. For years I thought I was just too young and would develop sexual drive with time. Only noticed that wasn't happening at around 16.
oh my god, that is the same thing i keep telling myself all the time! when I told my friend this recently, she told me that I could be asexual and that's where I started to think about it
YES THIS 100%%%%%
Aye like I feel too young it feels so wrong I saw my exes genital and I was just repulsed by what he was signalling me to do I did it but I ended up crying cos I felt so repulsed I get confused with romantic feelings but sex is icky I can talk about it educationally but just me doing it makes me want to hide and not think about it
I am Asexual, Lesbian, and Transgender.
Update: Ya'll can be lesbian, gay, bi, or straight and be asexual that's just a fact.
you're valid
I had a couple crushes but almost all of them were emotional crushes because they were nice to me and we joked easily this past year or 2 so much of this video is relatable to me
same. that's me when somebody shows me the slightest bit of attention/kindness or interest in me
When I have crushes, it’s like “I really want to be near them, I want to talk to them, i wanna be their friend” and stuff like that, so I’m having a hard time figuring out if I’m ace.
@@whatsyourname9581 yeah, that’s a possibility, I think I actually am having those, I’ve figured out a bit more abt myself now, thank you!
same
Me too
I have had *TONS* of crushes,both on real people and fictional characters(I actually am having 1 right now)and when I have a crush on someone usually I think of being with that person,cuddling,kissing,but I never think of having SEX...that usually just repulse me and makes me feel very awkward. There have been only 2 exceptions (1 of which is a real person and the other 1 is the fictional character I'm having a crush on right now),meaning that I *did/do* have more sexual fantasies about them,but,even with them,I don't think I would _actually_ go for the _act_ of sex in real life. I guess I just wanted to point out that being asexual doesn't necessarely mean be aromantic. I am a *VERY* romantic person...I just don't want to go"too far".
This is really helpful for me to further understand that I had a squish on someone, not a crush. I thought I wanted to date this person. But I never once fantasized kissing, cuddling, even holding hands. And certainly not sex. Those thoughts made me feel awkward rather than wistful. I felt awkward every time my friend referred to my "interest" as my "love life". All I fantasized about was talking to him, being around him, and experiencing life with him as a partner platonically. So this is validating for us aromantic asexuals too :)
whats the character u havind a crush on? ;)
also, does it happen to you that, while being ace, you still ship fictional characters and get all excited when something happens between them? even SEX???
@@dani010203stor For me, sure. I can be happy for characters and friends, and I can enjoy their romance without having one myself :)
@@dani010203stor I ship *TONS* of characters...SOMETIMES I also enjoy the sex scenes,but usually only between lesbians(and not necessarely _all_ of them)!;-P
The characters I'm _currently_ having a crush on are Lana Crawford from"Neighbours"and Elizabeth Hawke from"Wicked Science",both played by Bridget Neval,but the only one I'm having sexual fantasies about is Elizabeth.The funny thing is that back when WS was airing I was *SCARED* of Elizabeth and I still AM 😱 but I had saved a few WS pictures years ago on my computer..including a couple of 2 blonde girls kissing...I thought 1 of them was Elizabeth so I put the pics among the WS ones.Last year I stumbled upon those pictures...I had completely forgotten about the 2 girls kissing and I was surprised that there was something like that in a teen show from the early 2000s so I've searched the episodes overcoming my fear of"the blonde girl with scary eyes";-S I've watched all the episodes and I actually got *fond* of her,to the point I FORGOT the reason why I was watching the whole thing in the 1st place!😅When I went back to watch my pictures I was like:"THE KISS!!!😲I completely forgot about it!!!🤦♂️"but it _wasn't_ in WS... eventually I've discovered that it was actually from"Neighbours"and I developed a crush on both Lana _and_ Elizabeth but,as I said,only the crush I have on Elizabeth also involves some"dirty thoughts"...;///-P
@@kayleyhodson7079 i get like VERY excited about it! not very much with friends cause it makes me uncomfortable (maybe cause i think the conversation can turn about me and sex cause they don't know, so i get uncomfortable way ahead lol) but yeah thats what always made me doubt the modt about my asexuality. thanks for sharing!:)
People thinking I'm flirting with them and interested (in more), while I'm literally just being nice to a person since they're nice to me too and I enjoy being in that spot.. Like why is everyone like this I really don't understand💀
I used to think i really wanted a relationship, but in retrospective i think i'm just afraid of being left alone in general? I never have been able to imagine myself actually dating anyone, even the couple people i've had "crushes" on. Not sure if i'm ace or just emotionally stunted though hggfhfh
Omg same, I always end up with toxic people bc of that fear
Yes!! For me it's like I feel all that fluffy romance goodness when I read or watch stuff but irl I just can't really imagine doing things like that, I tried once and it was so awkward and awful and idk if it's just that the person wasnt right or if I literally just don't like romantic physical affection aaaaaa
I think we are more attracted to the idea of love and a relationship than that itself
@@min_nad that's a good way to put it 🤔
@@kini271 You're not alone. I'm aromantic (and asexual), and it took a long time for me to reach that conclusion or believe myself or the evidence in front of me. I thought I was just emotionally stunted too. The number of people I've friendzoned who I just couldn't understand WHY I didn't like them that way.... Several times, I did let someone try to get close to me romantically because I wanted to like them that way and thought I just had to give it a chance to grow into that, but it always ended in an awkward mess which convinced me that something was wrong with me. Some of the most stressful times for me have been when I was trying to force myself into feelings I didn't have.
Nope. I'm plenty close to many people, I have strong friend relationships, and I'm an emotional person in general. I don't have any trauma that would make me afraid of a relationship or emotions. So I'm not emotional stunted...I just don't experience romantic or sexual feelings. Ever. And I can't grow into it or force it. I just. Don't experience that. And that's ok :)
I had a couple of crushes in high school, or at least I thought I did, but looking back I realized that I didn't actually want to be *with* them. I think I was just experiencing early signs of being trans, and being a little envious of them in a "I wish I was that pretty" kind of way.
Omg sameeeeeeew. All my men crushs is like "I envy them". I want to be themm omggf
WAIT IS THAT NOT NORMAL ?????
@@midget7141 ikr? I had crushes like that and I actually thought it was normal. Turns out I never had a crush all along.
@@thefoolsfavorite I see you play sky and also yea I guess we might be trans
Same
Me, an asexual completely confident in my (lack of) sexuality: *hmm yes I must know*
I’m not here because I think I’m ace, but I have friends who are, and I want to understand the people around me better 😊
Yes. Being a good ally
Why did I never know about squishes lmao that’s incredible
Fuc*, I've just realised that I'm asexual. I never really had a crush. When I like someone, I want to get close to them and I misinterpreted this feeling as having a crush. It happened with both girls and boys so I ended up thinking I'm bi, but danggg, I'm asexual. I literally feel no sexual urges towards any specific person, I just like them as friends
Its the same for me
Right now I identify as bi but I don't feel like that's accurate enough so-
Uh, is it normal to panic when people confess to you? I can't tell them yes, I feel like I'd be doing it out of pressure or pity
There's more but I'd be getting too personal there
@@azulizachan7595 well someone confessed to me as a joke and i panicked because i didnt like them back lol
@@azulizachan7595 I panicked and blocked him😑
Yup. Just as a sidenote, you might be asexual but not aromantic. You can have romantic attraction to both genders AND be asexual :)
After coming out to my friends as genderfluid, lesbian, and ace, this came on my recommended 🤔🤔
I think my phone is listening 😩😩
As an aro/ace I just wanna say that there can be a deeper form of platonic love and relationships that can connect with things like sensual or physical attraction. This can lead to holding hands, cuddling, kissing, and even marriage and raising kids just as really good, warm, loving friends. I like to think of it as a super friend. You may be aro/ace if you're looking for a (platonic) relationship that revolves around warm hugs and cuddling on the couch under your favorite blanket while watching finding nemo on repeat and eating ice cream. This took me a long time to understand and I hope I can help at least one other person discover who they truly are. I love you all
I feel safe here as this is a nice smol place, I am still questioning....
Edit: I am now pretty sure I am biromantic 🙂
2 edit: I came out today and I have never felt better
Take your time, no one pressures you 💖
Same
same man
I thought i was but a lot of people i knew including my friends told me its not real and just invalidated me in general so idk what i am anymore
my best friend's possibly asexual so i'm watching this to get an idea on it
Aww bless you!
me too
My best friend told me she’s asexual. I had no idea what that meant 3 months ago. Turned out I’m asexual too, lol
guys i have an update, i have come out as asexual now
@@idkuhyeah928 I'm proud of you! Did it went well?
I “crush” on every male I find aesthetically pleasing because I’m desperate for a romantic relationship. I’m tired of denying it. I have grown up never having a crush, just a thing that pushed myself to believe it was a crush
Omg I relate so much to this. Although I’m still sort of unsure about myself, I thought I was something else for the longest time. Thinking I was gay, then bi, then pan, then straight and so on. But reflecting on it more, I realised that all my “crushes” (which I had a lot of) weren’t actually crushes, I just thought they were good-looking. There were no actual feelings of attractive attached.
Me: realizes that most of my "crushes" were just me wanting to be friends and confusing it with romantic attraction
Me I think
mood
Yes I can totally see that. And same.
My head is a mess. There are so many signs that I am on the ace spectrum. But the more I think about it, the more arguments come to my head why I can't be.
I want to be in a relationship. But when I get the opportunity to be in one I always reject and feel relieved when they leave me. But maybe that's just because they were all men. Maybe I am a lesbian?
But I think I am attracted to all genders. Or am I attracted no one?
Am I attracted to people? Or do I just like the thought of being attractive to them?
But I think I've experienced sexual attraction towards fictional characters. Because I know that these scenarios could be never real anyways.
Maybe I am greysexual? Is that a valid thing??
I wish I wasn't like that 😣 I wish I could understand myself. It would make my life easier.
I feel you! I feel the same with every point you stated, I've had a boyfriend in the past, but it started to feel strange and I was really uncomfortable with everything. Then, i discovered "asexuality" and thought this was a fit. Now, I'm like.... I think I like girls, but... I've never had a crush on a girl, so I sometimes feel like I'm "just pretending", but I know thats bs. I guess we'll just have to give it time and not stress about it, even if it's hard! Lots of love!
yo hard relate my dude
I generally identify as les/ace, but I’d really be open to dating anyone, as long as they weren’t men. I feel like my unwillingness to date men comes from the fact that growing up I have seen, through multiple examples, that men are just more upfront about sexual attraction and also just more into that... stuff :/ ( I’m aware that this is a vast generalization, just my experiences have left a bad taste in my mouth about dating guys ).
I don’t know if this is anything close to how you’re feeling, but I relate to you a lot. I hope you find happiness and understanding soon (:
@@lina4092 I think society is the biggest problem. I am going on 19 and never had a relationship. I didn't even figure out yet if I want one and what genders I am attracted to. But there is not a week that passes without getting asked why I never had a boyfriend. My friends say I am to picky and my family says I am cold-hearted, because I rejected so many boys in the past.
I think I stress myself too much about it. But I feel like I owe people an answer (although I know its stupid)
Also, Thank you for your kind words! 💗
@@rhat4047 I feel you!! I believe that I am Bi(romantic). But every time I had the opportunity to date a man, It felt super wrong. I think that I subconsciously feared that he'd expect things from me I didn't want.
But then again my head carousel starts again.
Am I just scared of sex?
Were my crushes (on boys) in the past real or did I just forced myself to have a crush?
But right now I feel like I have a real crush on a girl. Am I a lesbian? Was that the reason why I didn't want to date boys? Or do girls just scare me less?
But sometimes I am attracted to fictional characters. Or was that just aesthetic and platonic attraction (although I feel weird about that point in general 😂) ?
Ps: it is nice to see that other people feel just like me 💞
I recently discovered that I'm fraysexual, if you don't know that is, it's basically: "You're demisexual but backwards" so you feel the sexual attraction until you get to know the person.
We need more people knowing about our community! I literally had no idea asexuality was an umbrella term and I felt trashy a long time until I came across the term "demisexual". Ngl it's a bit invalidating when I say that's my sexuality and apparently isn't valid because it's not known for them :/ but I feel really glad to have found myself 💖 A couple of weeks ago I came out to my little brother and gave him the talk about gender and sexuality, i couldn't be happier with his validation
I'm happy for you, and dont worry time will also help! 💙💙
Another demi yaaaay! Sorry, I'm still looking for friends who really get it 😂
eyyy hello fellow demi!!
that's great to let your little brother know about these earlier on, also it's even better to find other demis here :)
My biggest sign was that in my friend group all my friends had a moment where they were obsessed with this guy. We called it a Hugh phase because of his name. My best friend and I were talking abt when she had that phase and she told me “I cant wait for when u have your hugh phase.” But funny enough I never had it because I was never sexually attracted to him lmao. I also have done the thing where I lie about who I have a crush on multiple time lmaoo.
Same. Except, my cousins came over (When I was younger, and at that time I hadn't seen them in a few months) and they had become 'obsessed with Anime' A.K.A they became obsessed with anime BOYS.
They asked me to choose between Hawk and..that guy with the scar patch thingies? And my answer was neither.
That was the moment I really started questioning if I was ace
@@randomtraveler4149 I know this isn't the main point but the guy with the scar patches things is Dabi
I NEED to know who the freak Hugh is 😂😂
I didn’t think I was asexual until I learned the difference between being asexual and aromantic. I thought I couldn’t be ace because I had formed crushes on people since I was eight. When I finally learned what sex was when I was I was nine, I felt right away that it was disgusting and I didn’t want anything to do with it. It’s been many years and I still feel the exact same, so finding out you can still have crushes on people without desiring sexual intimacy made it really clear to me.
THIS!!!! Holy sh*t, this is literally me(Without the specifics, of course). I was like "I can't be asexual. Even if I want to vomit everytime a here something about sex, I've had too many fantasies of cuddling with x guy and forming a relationship and adopting kids and giving each other kisses in the cheeks and living together❤"
And then I learnt that aromantic was another thing, and that repulsed asexuals existed, and what an asexual person really was and that there were different spectrums and it was like "OMG, THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW-"
I related so hard when she/he said that they picked someone to have a crush on when they were younger, BRUH I thought it was only me!!😂
Lol same I just picked a random boy in my class
Yes, me, hi.
Lol yesssss, like "hm, X seems nice enough"
Same, I'm so glad I'm not the only one
I picked the new kid and we had a wedding and everything. I didn’t like them but tried to convince myself I did.
Yea, once I figured out I was an Ace/Demi (Haven't figured which one yet)- I found out that all crushes I had before were really just me wanting to be closer to funny people, I literally "had a crush" on anyone that I thought was funny. ;--;
Me, too. And people who are smart and like to talk about interesting things.
I had only one crush before, and that didn't even count. I liked my crush because the way he looked. When he grew out his hair I didn't like him anymore, that's how I knew.
Yeah, I'm ACE
A - AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
C - C'mon body, please behave like you're supposed to
E - Eh, I'm okay with it
The AAAAAAAAAAA part is really relatable xD
Yeah, I'm ACE
A lways
C ripplingly
E xhausted
32 year old recently out ace here. This was one of the most validating things I have ever seen. Thank you for making it! P.S. I also did that point to a random boy and pretend to have a crush thing . . . my friends told his mother and she tried to set us up . . . awkward!
I did that pointing at a boy in my class when me and my friends were like 7/8! In hindsight, that might be the reason I was the only girl invited to his birthday party and sitting next to him at the table... WTF, I just realized this😂
I realized I was last year, I went all of high school being laughed at for not being into girls, they’d call me gay, an all kinds of other things. Glad I understand myself now!
I really only realized this a month ago, it hit me all at once, I was like “Wait, I didn’t actually want to date someone, I just thought they were cute, never wanted to be sexual or anything, why am I lying to myself?”
Yes its literally me and i always thought i wanna date but when it comes to its so akward😅
the thought of being asexual was back there in my mind ever since i was like 10, i just... felt it? i'd only have crushes on fictional characters/celebs & they would never be sexual. and if i did have a crush irl, i would keep it long distance. i remember i had a crush on this one boy for 6 whole years, and when he approached me, asked me out, then finally asked me to be his girlfriend, i was like 'hell nah i'm out'. it just... i like cuddling, i like loving, i just find the sexual parts of relationship uncomfortable. that's why i've never been in a relationship, i'm just afraid it'll go there and i'm just so scared. i'm afraid i'll never find anyone who wants me like this, i'm just laying in bed crying because the realization hit me hard
Stop right there, you beautiful being! I can assure you with absolute confidence that there are SO many people who will love and support you for being you, and respect your romantic boundaries. Always remember, you are loved, valid, and accepted! The other members of the Ace community are here for you, love 💕
I’m sure you’ll find someone you love who will respect your boundaries. And if they don’t, screw them (but not actually because that defeats the point). You are loved and supported by this community. Hold your head up high, you got this 💕
This is so me! Crying in wee hours worrying if anyne will stay with me and love me for not wanting sex
Me too huhuhu
I’m a bi ace and I finally found my group
hello friends
Hi!
I've had alot of crushes but they've never been sexual, I'd just be like, "they're very funny, that why I like them" alot of crushes= 5
samee
SAME
I’m beginning to question if I’m actually asexual. I’ve never really felt draw to more “sexual” things, especially with people. I usually don’t have crushes, and even then it’s more of a “I want to spend time with you” type of crush. Watching this is actually helping me a lot.
Me as an aromantic pansexual reading all these comments from asexual people: "ah yes, i... totally relate..."
What does it mean? Pansexual aromantic???? If you are Pan, then , how you can be aro? Please explain (no hate i just want to know, sorry if i offended you) SORRY BAD ENGLISH I DONT SPEAK ENGLISH!
@@user-zz6hy4ow8g That they don't feel romantic attraction/the need to be in a romantic relationship, but do feel sexual attraction (to all genders in this case) and would like to partake in sex/be in a sexual relationship
Ayyyyy aro gang
One of the things I realised from a young age, was that most of my friends started to have crushes and boyfriends and they started to try to insist that I had to date someone as well. But I was never interested nor attracted to anyone. This went to the point that the mother of one of my friends decided to call my mom to say that 'she wasn't raising me properly'. Neither my mom (who is also asexual), nor I gave thought to that. Today, I'm 30 years old, and I'm proudly Asexual.
I legit don't get whats the problem some people have with asexuals. Like she legit had to call because someone else isn't dating people? Its another person living their own life without harming anyone. Just sounds like stupidity to me
i have been told my whole life that because i am being too picky, i can't have a boyfriend like everyone else. and therefore, i always thought it's my fault, that i am being weird.... i sometimes like a person (because they are nice to me, or sometime because they have a good looking face) but i am not attractived to them..... But now i understand it's not my fault! Thank you for sharing this video with me!
Thank you, this helped me a lot!, I have a feeling that I'm asexual, but sometimes I feel kind of broken because of how I feel. Thank you for letting me know that I'm not broken and it's totally normal 💗
It's a lot more normal than people think!!! You are not broken and are 100% valid
Honestly I've been thinking for a while that I'm a-sexual, and TBH it's honestly a whole level of drama that I'm glad I haven't had to deal with during quarentine.
I feel the "I just picked someone and said I have a crush on him". I feel so bad for having done that. I did that with a girl but back then I didn't realise that feelings aren't just something someone imagines. I mean it sounds like I was an asshole and I probably was in a sense but I didn't know about that myself. I was always thinking that something is wrong with me if I can't name someone I am sexually atracted to in a movie or in class. I never had a crush and I was quite frankly fine with that. I have the feeling that most people wouldn't even want a relationship with me if they knew that I am not interested in sex. I mean that is probably mostly comming from my little bubble with the TV shows and people around me but that just makes it harder.
Oh god I feel that. I once convinced myself I had a crush on this one guy after talking to some of my friends about their crushes and then one day I told the guy about my crush and he said he liked me back. Then I went home and cried because in that moment of telling the guy that I liked him, I realized that telling someone you like them is saying you want to be in a relationship that is more than just friends or romantic cuddle buddies. It never once dawned on me what would happen after you said you had feelings for someone. I felt like a horrible person for so long after realizing that, and how I must of messed with his feelings. It just hurt knowing the damage I did to him by realizing I didn’t actually want a relationship in the same way he did. I don’t know if I’ll ever find that person who wants the same as I do.
I mean. The realtionship was also pretty toxic because i only held on to it, because I feared loneliness and hurting the girl. Well. Let's see what the future brings. Who knows. Maybe you'll find this someone. I know that i shouldn't try to be something else too hard. My feelings are right more often then I would like to admit so I sould start listening to them way more and not to something I observe in the world around me. And when talking to someone I also have to work on my honesty. I know it's hard but sometimes saying nothing is also an option and maybe even the best one.
this comment UNLOCKED A VAULT IN MY BRAIN basically i was in Girl Scouts and we were making Valentine's Day cards and they all had people in mind but i just kinda thought for like a second and picked a random boy from my class to make one for then we """dated""" (elementary school, it wasnt a real relationship) for like a year and i dont really know if i liked him or not but i sorta doubt it
also the only other crush ive had was literally built on the fact that i would have liked to hug him LMAO
The aesthetic attraction vs sexual attraction was what confused me for the longest time, thank you for talking about it
it was extremely difficult when figuring out if i was asexual because i've realised that although i have a libido (i.e. i get aroused while watching sexual content) i never have pictured myself being with anyone sexually. it was a long time before i learned that having sexual desires =/= being sexually attracted to people. it was a very difficult thing to wrap my head around because i could get aroused, and i thought that meant i experience sexual attraction. later i found out that i was never interested in sex with anyone, and sometimes the idea of even being naked with someone else made me feel extremely uncomfortable. i've always thought asexuality meant zero sexual desires or people who are sex-repulsed, but ace is a spectrum and different people have different experiences and different orientation.
i think because we were often mislead with the idea that sexual desires are indefinitely tied in with sexual attraction, ace people who does experience arousal often have a hard time coming to terms to their asexuality. and because there are little to no awareness on ace people, we don't often have others to talk to or find any experience that we might relate to. if you are similarly struggling to come to terms because if this, here are a few articles that helped me a lot:
www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a12763151/asexual-people-arousal/
qr.ae/pNxTiy
www.whatisasexuality.com/intro/
this really opened my eyes. i've been thinking i might be ace because like you it makes me uncomfortable thinking of MYSELF being intimate or even really talking about sex. i also have absolutely no drive to be in a relationship at all; but i can get aroused watching content involving OTHER people. i didn't know it's a spectrum, and this is making me wanna read more about it. i think apart of the issue is, is that none of my family believe me. not even my sister who's in the lgbt+ community themselves
"I hope you liked all of those signs that you might be asexual"
Me, in tears "No." -still likes and saves the video-
I’m 15 and I just found out I am asexual this year. I relate so much to the faking crushes thing. Back in elementary school I used to fake crushes just to fit in with friends, but at the same I also felt something was mentally wrong with me because I never felt urges for romance or sexual attraction. I used to tell people that I had a crush on one of my guy friends just so I could feel like I fit in, but I never actually had a reason I liked them.
This was honestly such a nice confidence boost. I've been identifying as asexual for a few months and despite all evidence pointing towards me being ace I question my sexuality a lot (because anxiety). It was really nice and validating to hear that what I experience is normal for people on the ace spectrum and of course that I'm not broken, because I need that reminder more than I'd like to admit :)
I relate so much to this! I've only identified as Ace for a week or so, and I keep questioning myself (because anxiety). I completely agree, this was so validating!
Tolerated and put myself through years of relationships and actions to make those I loved happy. It took a lot of research and speaking to the right people and a helpful video here and there to come to terms and understand I wasn't wired the same way. Life has been spectacular since then
That awkward moment when your asexual but you also don’t like cuddles and kisses and just want to have fun and u realize how much of a child u are 😪
Hugging is the most far I can do😳🤚🏼
I don't even like hugs lmaao
that doesn't make you a child! have you ever considered the possibility of being aromantic?
I can't even speak to people I like without laughing creepy
Hi everyone! Leaving my experience here in case it would help some questioning folk. For me, as Lynn said, point 5 made me figure things out: I can recall myself trying to justify my "heterosexuality" saying that I didn't feel sexually attracted to women, but aesthetically. It took me some time, and obviously accounting other stuff, to finally understand that I fall under the umbrella of asexuality, and that it is key not only for me to understand my own sexuality, but also for others to understand how it is being bi and asexual. For the longest time I couldn't relate to bi experiences because I was lacking asexual-bi stuff/experiences/info.
Note: you don't have to figure things out just yet; labels are made to fit ourselves, not the other way around. Use umbrella terms if you can't seem to find the one that fits you or just say "I'm questioning/figuring things out" and give more info if you want to, but you don't have to do it either. Hugs to everyone!
This video is so validating. The “you haven’t found the right person” gets said to me quite often. Part of me thinks it will end up being true... but the better part of me knows it’s societal BS.
I’m discovering that how I felt as a teen, and continue to feel now but with much less angst over it, was not me being a late bloomer or anything else but were signs that I am asexual or demisexual. I didn’t know these sexual identities existed when I was young but now everything I was feeling makes much more sense.
PS: I have a feeling we’d be friends if we ever met. Rock on. Thanks for this video.
I just figured I’m probably aro/ace
Like seriously I thought crushes were fake things invented by sappy coming of age American movies-
The only test i‘ve aced this year
Pun not intended
Not related to the topic: Your hair is amazing! Just took screenshot and now my "Haircuts" section is bigger :)
I was today years old when I found out what aesthetic attraction was.....this solves everything! Thank you so much!
Aesthetic attraction definitely relates to me. I realize I only really get turned on by skimpy outfits, but not by sex or any pornography.
Honestly, it really shouldn't have taken me so long to figure it out when every time my friends asked me about crushes in middle/high school, my answer was "I don't know/I don't think I have one" lmao. Then again I didn't even know ace was a thing until I was like 16 so
So I'm definitely not ace but I'm happy to have learned this information
3:50 LMFAO SAME STORY. Picked a random dude to have a crush on at elementary school to not be weird. But now I don't act anymore, I've NEVER actually have had any crush in my 18 years long life and won't ever. I just appreciate pretty people, especially 2D!
I've always felt weird for not actively trying to get them ass's
It's starting to make a lot more sense why I was always so confused whenever people said I only liked a band for their looks -
Right!! I believe beauty is only secondary and not that important! What a band makes musically is what I look for the most. Finding a group only based on looks, sounds hella shallow and degrading to the hardworking artists.
Thanks for making this video. I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I’m asexual. I’ve struggled with my sexuality for a long time and I’m glad I finally realized I’m asexual. I’ve never had a sexual attraction to anyone
I've known I was ace for years, but even so, I really appreciate this video. I'm not really much into the ace community, but it's nice to see other people talk about the things I've gone through or didn't feel.
I learned so much! I'm so glad the algorithms finally put this in my recommendations! I heard of the term and basic outline of asexual and then demisexual and just gave myself the label without looking more into it, but there's so much to it! And all these things are true for me or at least partially, this was so helpful!
This helped so much! Thank you! "Aesthetic Attraction" and "Romantic Attraction" are terms I have searched for for so long! I have a crush on my best friend and I have never thought of having sex with him. All I wanted was always to just go to a Christmas market together or go watch a movie at his place and cuddle, etc. All that romantic stuff but not sexual. Again this really helped thank you!
I found this video really late, but yes aesthetic attraction! I used to get that confused with sexual attraction. Also, I just wanted to add that fleeting crushes or crushes that don't last a long time is also a sign of asexuality. At least that is my experience!
Welp, i was insecure about saying that i am Demiromantic (it felt "invalid"), but now things have clicked a little more. Great video!
Looking back to my recent past crushes, I realized that I wasn't s*xually attracted to them, and after reading a lot more about asexuality, i think I am an asexual
in all my years of being on this godforsaken rock I've never known much about asexuality. I've gone through tons of labels, bisexual, pansexual, demiromantic, but I've never even given any thought to asexuality and now from this 8 minute video of only 5 signs, and I'm thinking about my whole life. I'm in a pickle.