Timestamps: 0:00 Intro 0:21-1:25 Ad 1:26 Fun toys for XXL event 14:11 How to uncancel cancelled celebs 18:45 Dave Chappelle's and Whitney Cumming’s comedy gatherings 24:20 The difference between fun and boring rich guys 28:36 New hype man app 31:53-33:57 Ad 33:58 More about fun and boring rich guys 42:43 Tom and Bert’s tennis match 44:49 Tom and Bert’s cure to COVID 47:51 The problem with Whitney Cummings 50:54 People are too smart for their own good 53:02 More about tennis match 54:12 More billion dollar ideas 57:12 Street jokes 1:01:31 More about tennis match 1:04:15 Easiest way to go viral 1:05:18 Outro
honestly its pretty respectable considering they are talking about celebrities affected by cancel culture getting to redeem themselves through a gameshow for them to not bring up the man who, if the accusations are true, groomed and had sex with minors while being in his 30s. Getting cancelled by bert's definition isnt really the same as flying 16 year old fans to LA to have sex with them...
I just want Bert to let himself finish laughing before trying to get his thoughts out because he's going to get an aneurysm trying to screech through his laughter
Hey, just got off work at my bukllshit overnight job! Good morning everyone! Taking a bong rip and enjoying some 2 bears. Have a good one guys, stay blessed.
When my dog does something wrong I say to him "Do I need to get Bert?" I've been doing it long enough now that if I just say 'Bert' he gets that guilty dog look.
That 3 sons joke is one my grandfather told me when I was young. Worded slightly different but the premise is the same. Absolutely made my day hearing it.
"Who's been cancelled recently?" "I can't think of anybody..." *Giggles* "Ok Jussie Smollett. " Know damn well Chris Delia is the answer they both wanted to blurt out. 😂😂😂
@@sweetbabyrick5382 True, plus Rogan himself said he was moving for years before he actually did it. He went on and on about moving to Colorado for at least a couple of years, then it was Montana for a while, then Idaho for a while, then he became obsessed with Texas because he doesn't comprehend that they make up for not having income tax with some of the highest property taxes in the country.
Hey Bert, you guys should seriously ask Chris D’Elia to send in a recording as his version of Lyle for you because he does a really great English accent, I think he would be the perfect person for the job.
Bert: Do we have any cancelled people close to us?
Chris D’elia: Am I a joke to you?
I don't think they were all that close
Wrinks just shed a tear
P sure Chris has asked all his friends not to mention him in podcasts and hoping everyone will just forget about it
I immediately thought of D'elia. There's also Louis C.K.
Callen maybe even more so
Timestamps:
0:00 Intro
0:21-1:25 Ad
1:26 Fun toys for XXL event
14:11 How to uncancel cancelled celebs
18:45 Dave Chappelle's and Whitney Cumming’s comedy gatherings
24:20 The difference between fun and boring rich guys
28:36 New hype man app
31:53-33:57 Ad
33:58 More about fun and boring rich guys
42:43 Tom and Bert’s tennis match
44:49 Tom and Bert’s cure to COVID
47:51 The problem with Whitney Cummings
50:54 People are too smart for their own good
53:02 More about tennis match
54:12 More billion dollar ideas
57:12 Street jokes
1:01:31 More about tennis match
1:04:15 Easiest way to go viral
1:05:18 Outro
The Comical Donkey You’re a legend!!!
Thanks Donkey!
Your Mom’s House needs to pay you
Do you know when they talked to Owen Gray?
"you ever get so close to the forest, you can't see the trees." 😂😂
Glossed over GOLD
"How much did you drink?"
"A Bottle and some change"
"So....?"
"3 Bottles!!"
That look on Tim's face when Bort says "Why do we need a dominatrix when we can just do it to each other?"
Lmfao! Those are the type of gay jokes that would leave your wife clueless.
Bort ^_^
The noise Bert makes when he's laughing at 7:48 sounds like an alien humping a blow up doll. I love when things make him laugh this hard.
Tom is slowly becoming Jim from The Office every time he looks at the camera after Bret says something stupid.
*Tim 😜
Might as well just stare at the camera for the entire show
Believe it or not, but Bert actually coined the term: “Screwed the pooch”. Fun fact.
SEND BERT TO SPACE ALREADY
That happened. I haven't seen it but it was a travel channel thing.
I believe Mars is nice at this time of year.
I'm pretty sure he's been in space his whole life
The Frat boy who got stuck in Groundhogs day...
Sterilize him first.
Tom doesn't not talk because Bert is talking over him, its just that he doesn't want to have anything to do with whatever Bert is talking about.
“Who are some recently cancelled celebrities” how bad do you think they wanted to say Callen and D’elia😂
I think bernt actually forgot
That’s cause they both cancelled themselves lol
"...that we can use."
14
Uh HUNDRED percent
Never would've guessed Bart doesn't like hanging out with smart people.
I just died as soon as I read this
Underrated comment 😂
Read this as he said it
Chrysler is a smart hater. He likes his rocks.... aaaaaand..... his farts and his Mikey Mantis gene, and Booze. Mostly rocks tho.
Fart
“Think of someone’s who’s been cancelled...I can’t think of any.” 😂😂😂
totally not chris delia
I lost my life I laughed so hard when they said that 😂
And Ari
Nethercide and callen
honestly its pretty respectable considering they are talking about celebrities affected by cancel culture getting to redeem themselves through a gameshow for them to not bring up the man who, if the accusations are true, groomed and had sex with minors while being in his 30s. Getting cancelled by bert's definition isnt really the same as flying 16 year old fans to LA to have sex with them...
"Are our In-N-Out Burgers here?"
"I think so."
*hideous pig snort*
"Let's wrap this episode up."
Where do you live? Because there’s in n outs in Fort Worth/Dallas area and that’s literally in the middle of the country.
@@DinanBMWm5 that is far from the middle of the country lol
And Tom is putting his weight back on and Bert has needed to lose some forever, lol. Cheers to the burger! lol
55:26 “I feel like we’re turning into stepbrothers”😅😂 this episode has “Prestige Worldwide” vibez all over it
"why hire a dominatrix when we can just do this to each other?" close up on toms face lmao
Wake up, crack a cold one, get gay with the bears. 🍻
Are you drinking in the morning.
I hope so
Dub City All Stars always at 7am brother
I didnt understand this comment but i got to the violet wand part and now i get it lmao
Exactly what I'm doin
58:20 is Brents brain trying to catch up with him and followed by Tim giving that classic Office stair down the camera
"Why even get a dominatrix if we can just do this to each other?"
Don't be stingy
I got a durex ad immediately after that 😂
@@mimigiggles4199 that's where it spits
@16:41 was my favorite part of this podcast series, the pure angelic joy in Tom's expression as he laughs, "Yeah, there are!"
The Hype Man app idea is genius. Get a hype man, be a hype man. Spread Good Vibes and be somebody's ray of light. Great job Brent.
The first 15 minutes of this episode has made me so confused and ready for their lives show Thursday
Burnts laugh is so squeaky at times that my dog looks at my phone from across the room with his WTF face
Right!!!
Your dog is just familiar with Bretts reputation for shagging his kind
@@charleslayne9776 yeah it's in their dna at this point to flee from anything that sounds like Bert
Your dog just has a sixth sense about Burt's dog raping
Haha sounds like a mouse dying
58:30
Bert: "Tell me something you have misheard recently"
Tom: "Violent Wand."
"Smart people don't dream."
- Burnt Chrysler
However morons have nightmeers
Thatz bull.i never dream,i don't remember them,well,i do,but rearly...and i'm stupid like t-shirt with letters 'i'm with stupid'.
Congrats on 50 episodes of quality content. Love your work.
“Ohh shit Tom caught a body” has me in tears 😂
That man hood as hell.
40:20
That was me.
Mike Thornton legend
I do comedy videos my IG Mike__anthony__
Mike Thornton nobody cares about your “comedy” and guess what comedy is not very “hood”. Those last 4 messages back and forth were annoying.
I laughed so hard !!! Thank you gents for the joy and laughter..
I can't think of a better way to start off my Monday morning
I love their friendship so much
The synchronicity of Tom and Bert's "Oh my God" at 8:50 is perfect!
Scoured the comments to see if anyone noticed this! Haha
@@DanDu-ip6gd Same hahahaha
TOM & BERT R SO FUNNY TOGETHER LOL HAVE GOOD DAY THANK U
Tim: "Oh it's violet...not violent"
Bart: "Oh...for real?"
Fans: 🙉
wow so funny you typed their names wrong. fucking genius
@@blaketankersley2449 i didn't even notice until i read your comment lmfao u mad ?
Blake Tankersley that’s part of the joke. Fucking genius.
@@KyledishGambino Beat me to it 😂😂 Get a load of that cool guy though, hostile and TikTokked.🤣
Blake Tankersley there’s a cool guy (cool guy guitar riff)
You know who's a FUN rich guy?
John McAfee.
Who else is spending his money on a hammock with a hole in the bottom?
FUN stuff.
He JUST got arrested for taxes.... Cool guy
He is not fun. He is clinically insane and a compulsive lier
Sounds like a really cool guy to me.
*guitar riff plays in background*
How about a drunk and stoned tennis match for the special?
tennis ball gag in Barts mouth
I think Bert has the advantage but he would be virtually sober lmao.
@@zakrivera8977 what if Brent wad high and Tim was drunk!
Or table tennis as an early taste! 😂
Bert: We're basically planning a gay porn.
Tom: Yeah . . . this isn't shaping up how I expected.
Audience: Yeah . . . . us either bro.
Disliked, here for the gay porn
2 bears 1 cave ep 50. Brent and Tom come out.
As lovers
You spelled Cum wrong.
He's not a Brent. Trust me, I know!
Whitney's voicemail is her saying: "Just text me"
what did Tom ask her initially? i somehow missed it and scrolled back thru and couldn't find it.
Exactly what I’d expect
@@jeffdyer21 same question..I also tried looking back and couldn’t find it.
I just want Bert to let himself finish laughing before trying to get his thoughts out because he's going to get an aneurysm trying to screech through his laughter
It's also the most irritating sound known to man, and dog.
watching someone laugh at themselves is unbearable
@@clipsedrag13 I really can't watch these with Burt cause it's so irritating
Bert repping the Philippines with his hoodie! Mahal Kita BertBert!
This podcast is just Tom moderating the car crash of a mind that is Bert😂
I love how Tom keeps edging Bert on like yeah that’s a good idea and Bert just keeps going
I got home from nightshift to find this. Blessings.
Reading this on my way home on the bus. I know the feeling. Get ya money up brother! Blessings.
@@thirdeye700 Hell yeah always get this before I head back in for the week , absolute blessing.
Thats the sign its gonna be a good day. Now rest well you earned it
Is that not like the best feeling! I use to work overnights in the kitchen and would always love coming home to a good podcast
Same haha. Now I wont be able to sleep for the next night shift tomorrow.
Brent: (says the word “billion” every other word)
Also Brent: I’ve been hearing the word “billion” a lot lately and I think it’s an omen
People who believe in omens and signs tend not to be the most reasonable people.
In this episode, we have two millionaires talking about being billionaires the same way us peasants talk about being millionaires.
Bert talks about money like I did when I was 5, playing in my sandbox.
Ahaha perfect!!!
Greed, why do you think they wanna your so badly ? More $$$
@@LAGuitarnetwork 2nd podcast where all they did was talk about money.
Yeah..the fantasies about money & sex were funny ,but on and on and on..not as funny as once was
You guys are INSANE!! LMFAO!! 🤣🤣. I love you guys so much. I believe this is the best 2 BEARS ever. You can tell those 2 love each other.
Hey, just got off work at my bukllshit overnight job! Good morning everyone! Taking a bong rip and enjoying some 2 bears. Have a good one guys, stay blessed.
Enjoy that bong 😊
Suck it dry mark
Tom: "motorcycles that can float."
Me: "uh...Jetskis?"
Couple lines of coke, 10mg THC, and a few Tito's and soda... My typical Monday morning with the bears!
Tf is 10 mg of thc gonna do lol
J mascis I love your work 😅
J. Mascis 10mg?
If you put 10MG in your butt and use the coke to numb the rim it actually works. BELIEVE IT!
@@siouxsieslime2985 nothing at all! Was wondering the same thing... But, really? I'm straight edge. Haven't used drugs since the late 80's.
Everybody: ...
Tom Segura every night before bed: "Gosh I just Love this mattress"
Smart people don’t dream
-Bret Krishna
Bret should feel bad, but Bret has his own hype man to enable his idiocy now... sweet baby jebus, save us all.
Burnt losing his shit laughing is my favorite part of your shows!!!
Burnt: "like a normal one, like 3 and a half inches"🤣🤣🤣💀💀💀
When bert asked who's someone we know that's recently been canceled?
Everyone: ....Chris. It's Chris.
Bryan Callen too. He’s only been on his podcast 4-5 times lol
Chris? Destefano?
@byrd7718 D'elia. Funny I made that comment 2 years ago and people are just now finding out about it..
@@zero_stars Good thing they didn't delete the podcast. Otherwise we never would have found out.
@@Whystling_Byrd you're really out here trolling comments from 2 years ago? Lol
When my dog does something wrong I say to him "Do I need to get Bert?"
I've been doing it long enough now that if I just say 'Bert' he gets that guilty dog look.
This podast premieres on my bday, will be ordering a ticket. This is gonna be amazing.
They have taken their relationship to a whole new level all that NRE.
Near Rectum Experience?
The sound of Bert trying to talk while laughing is like torcher
Torcher...that’s a new word
Mister Schwaub is that you.
isn't that one of the Fantastic 4 Strokes?
serial killer tom "a pool full of toes". dont forget that MO
26:40 I love that Bert literally just called himself a moron.
“Who’s been canceled lately” they both start smiling thinking of D’elia “ I can’t think of anyone” 😂
That or ari
@@Lilvynom or Callen
@@Lilvynom Ari was never really cancelled.....the pandemic happened and everyone forgot about it.
6:17 when Tom's smile disappears. I'm fucking dying! 😂
I swear Bert is in love with Whitney Cummins, like for real in love
Anyone who isn’t is gay
It’s every episode though that’s why she won’t return his calls she probably watches this
@@carrotbailey her face is stretched so thin and wide I think she's embarrassing
Lmao i never heard a married man talk so much about a woman
Maybe she got enough and blocked him and that’s why the message didn’t go through 😅😅
"Joe is a smart guy", funniest shit this whole episode lmfao
I really want a “wives react” followup!!!
This podcast gets better and better
If it wasn’t for berts hat 🧢 he wouldn’t be as confident...it’s his security blanket
That’s cap 😏
You spelled “alcoholism” wrong
Makes him feel young, cool, hip.
It's common among rappers and people with misshapen heads.
I’m the exact same as him in that regard
(Sends a txt to burn another professional bridge) “Who’s a comedian who’s a moron?” - Bert
Bert "Cancel Culture" Kreischer and Tom "The Patient Therapist" Segura in a new episode of Two Partners One Closet
Perfect product placement on the ads. Right around the "violent" wands...brain vitamins.
Wake n bake with the bears!! Gotta roll a $25 joint this morning lol
Way better after a gram of mushrooms. I’ve watched a few tripping 🤣
Doing the same..
Yea.. I can't feel my face
Ah, nice to see some fellow esteemed gentlemen in this comment section.
Puff puff ninja
Chris Wilson it’s better I’m a Canadian!!!! Lol
Paralyzed from the waist up?... OMG. Lost it laughing on that one.
Forgot my headphones at work today. Guess I’ll listen to this episode later lol
It's pretty gay.
Funny thing is, I'm not joking. But, this is 2 Bears 1 Cave.
Best episode Bert has ever had. He actually killed me on this one haha
That 3 sons joke is one my grandfather told me when I was young. Worded slightly different but the premise is the same. Absolutely made my day hearing it.
This podcast is one of the only things comedy wise that makes me laugh out loud anymore
"Who's been cancelled recently?"
"I can't think of anybody..."
*Giggles*
"Ok Jussie Smollett. "
Know damn well Chris Delia is the answer they both wanted to blurt out. 😂😂😂
Delia and Callen
Ari?
John Denver and they do real ass palm casts
Delia got cancelled for a legit reason, the rest of them is just drama bs that shouldn't matter
Lᴏᴋɪ Oʀᴍꜱᴛᴜɴɢᴀ With Ari though, he drugged his friend and then made fun of the death of an athlete...
It’s so cool that Tom and Bert let Chris D’elia watch the pod in the background (he’s the one laughing in the background throughout the pod) 😂
Tim and bret be the best way to wake up
Learn English and try again Jesus Christ lol who’s Tim and Bret?
Tim and bort... the hosts c’mon dont be so stingy what show are you watching?
Tom is a legend for making me love Bert.
When someone needs to have the Dunning Kruger shown as an example....... Two words- Bert Kreischer.
Except he is surprisingly athletic. There's truth to the mickey mantel gene
Cody Perkins you don’t know what dunning Kruger is lol
Please get Joey Diaz as your tennis game referee 😂
Obviously Bart doesn't know Tim is moving when this was recorded.
Or he was implying he he was going to win the match anyways. I am sure Bert knows since they have this podcast together and shows planned together.
He said on Bad Friends that nothing is set in stone. I’ve heard Rogan mention it twice but he might be exaggerating trying to get an exodus happening.
@@sweetbabyrick5382 True, plus Rogan himself said he was moving for years before he actually did it. He went on and on about moving to Colorado for at least a couple of years, then it was Montana for a while, then Idaho for a while, then he became obsessed with Texas because he doesn't comprehend that they make up for not having income tax with some of the highest property taxes in the country.
Hey Bert, you guys should seriously ask Chris D’Elia to send in a recording as his version of Lyle for you because he does a really great English accent, I think he would be the perfect person for the job.
Lol Bryan and Ryan Adams. Imagine they brought the wrong one and were like “you were cancelled for dating underage girl” and he’d been like “what...”
One of the best ones yet
This is the episode that confirms a lot of suspicions about Bert.
Episode needs to be longer 😂 hilarious
Brent: “I don’t get hung up on details”
Is the detail barf being illiterate?
I laughed so hard this episode. Thanks guys!
Bert: I wish we knew someone close to us that’s been cancelled.
Tom: Yeah there are 😂😂😂😂
They danced around Chris D’elia name so close lol
Since the Church is gone now.. this is my new favorite podcast. These two bears have great chemistry. Only Tom can bring out Berts dying mouse laugh 😂
Im at 16 minutes and technically I should've taken 47 shots by now.
how does this show just keep getting better and better
Bert has to mention Whitney at least once every show.
Stop giving her name recognition Bert! She wouldn't do the same for you.
I always feel like I’m sitting in a treehouse with my friend and his challenged little brother when I watch this show.
"I have no interest in being around smart people"
We know, Burnt. We know.
Love the Louisville bats hat, we’ll keep the city burning bright just for you bert.
Bert's best chance to be a billionaire came and went when he didn't let Big Willy backdoor him.
I’m so happy with Bert and Nadav’s relationship now