⚠️ PLEASE READ : ⚠️ 1- Dramas, colouring and music’s name in the description. 2- I insisted a lot on jealousy as I consider people tend to misunderstand this sign the most. 3- Kdrama tend to show a lot of warning signs of abuse but never treat them as such. The problem is that people think they are normal and let them pass when they shouldn’t. 4- You can see True Beauty a lot, right? Not that I think True Beauty is the worst drama ever, but the use of True Beauty in my other videos about toxic relationships brought a lot debate so I wanted to clear things out. Those behaviours are warning signs of abuse/abusive behaviours and the problem is that they are not treated as such. 5- I’ll delete any comment that try to justify those behaviours or that are too serious. I invite you to watch my precedent videos on the same topic before writing a disapproval comment because your favourite show or actor is here. 6- Female abusers exist too (even if it's not a majority). I'll make a video about it later. 7- By turning on the subtitles, you’ll find numbers and titles (for example: “① He is disrespectful toward you.”) These are warning signs of abuse and you can find more of them down below, as for more details and information. 8- There are two times in the video: “Ⅰ. / THE WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE \ : HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE?” and “Ⅱ. / ABUSE \ : IS THE WAY HE IS TREATING ME ABUSE?” Please, make sure to read this note for more information. ___________________ I'm using a book called "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft, an American psychotherapist specialized in domestic violence and parental abuse. I highly recommend you to read this book for more explanation. Ⅰ. / THE WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE \ : HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE? The following warning flags mean that abuse could be down the road, and perhaps not far:
① He is disrespectful toward you. “Disrespect is the soil in which abuse grows. If a man puts you down or sneers at your opinions, if he is rude to you in front of other people, if he is cutting or sarcastic, he is communicating a lack of respect. [...] Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps treating you like a piece of fine china. The man who worships you in this way is not seeing you; he is seeing his fantasy, and when you fail to live up to that image he may turn nasty. So there may not be much difference between the man who talks down to you and the one who elevates you; both are displaying a failure to respect you as a real human being and bode ill.” ② He is possessive. “Jealous behavior is one of the surest signs that abuse is down the road. Possessiveness masquerades as love. [...] Jealous feelings are not the same as behaviors. A man with some insecurities may naturally feel anxious about your associations with other men, especially ex-partners, and might want some reassurance. But if he indicates that he expects you to give up your freedom to accommodate his jealousy, control is creeping up. Your social life shouldn’t have to change because of his insecurities.” - For more on this topic, please watch my precedent videos : th-cam.com/video/sAqIF3HMH3Y/w-d-xo.html & th-cam.com/video/NVhhFdShJrQ/w-d-xo.html ③ He is controlling. “Control usually begins in subtle ways, far from anything you would call abuse. He drops comments about your clothes or your looks (too sexy or not sexy enough); is a little negative about your family or one of your good friends; starts to pressure you to spend more time with him or to quit your job or to get a better job that pays more; starts to give too much advice about how you should manage your own life and shows a hint of impatience when you resist his recommendations; or begins to act bothered that you don’t share all of his opinions about politics, personal relationships, music, or other tastes.” ④ He pressures you for sex. (& II: He coerces you into having sex or sexually assaults you. (this is not only a sign, this is abuse)) “This warning sign is always important, but even more so for teenagers and young adult men. Not respecting your wishes or feelings regarding sex speaks of exploitativeness, which in turn goes with abuse. It also is a sign of seeing women as sex objects rather than human beings. If he says you need to have sex with him to prove that you truly love and care for him, give him his walking papers.” ⑤ He intimidates you when he’s angry. “Intimidation, even if it appears unintentional, is a sign that emotional abuse is on the way-or has already begun-and is a warning flag that physical violence may eventually follow. Any of the following behaviors should put you on alert: - He gets too close to you when he’s angry, puts a finger in your face, pokes you, pushes you, blocks your way, or restrains you. - He tells you that he is “just trying to make you listen.” - He raises a fist, towers over you, shouts you down, or behaves in any other way that makes you flinch or feel afraid. - He makes vaguely threatening comments, such as, “You don’t want to see me mad” or “You don’t know who you’re messing with.” - He drives recklessly or speeds up when he’s angry. - He punches walls or kicks doors. - He throws things around, even if they don’t hit you.” (Not included in the video : • He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable. • Nothing is ever his fault. • He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners. • He is self-centered. • He abuses drugs or alcohol. • He gets serious too quickly about the relationship. • He has double standards. • He has negative attitudes toward women. • He treats you differently around other people. • He appears to be attracted to vulnerability. ) Ⅱ. / ABUSE \ : IS THE WAY HE IS TREATING ME ABUSE? “At the same time, all of these behaviors are abusive when they are part of a pattern of abuse. […] The term abuse is about power; it means that a person is taking advantage of a power imbalance to exploit or control someone else. [...] Thus the defining point of abuse is when the man starts to exercise power over the woman in a way that causes harm to her and creates a privileged status for him.” ⑥ He touches you in anger or puts you in fear in other ways. “If he raises a fist; punches a hole in the wall; throws things at you; blocks your way; restrains you; grabs, pushes, or pokes you; or threatens to hurt you, that’s physical abuse. He is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you.” ⑦ You show signs of being abused. “But it is equally important to look at yourself, examining such questions as: - Are you afraid of him? - Are you getting distant from friends or family because he makes those relationships difficult? - Is your level of energy and motivation declining, or do you feel depressed? - Is your self-opinion declining, so that you are always fighting to be good enough and to prove yourself? - Do you find yourself constantly preoccupied with the relationship and how to fix it? - Do you feel like you can’t do anything right? - Do you feel like the problems in your relationship are all your fault? - Do you repeatedly leave arguments feeling like you’ve been messed with but can’t figure out exactly why?” (Not included in the video : • He retaliates against you for complaining about his behavior. • He tells you that your objections to his mistreatment are your own problem. • He gives apologies that sound insincere or angry, and he demands that you accept them. • He blames you for the impact of his behavior. “If your partner criticizes or puts you down for being badly affected by his mistreatment, that’s abuse” • It’s never the right time, or the right way, to bring things up • He undermines your progress in life. “Interference with your freedom or independence is abuse. If he causes you to lose a job or to drop out of a school program; discourages you from pursuing your dreams; causes damage to your relationships with friends or relatives; takes advantage of you financially and damages your economic progress or security; or tells you that you are incompetent at something you enjoy, such as writing, artwork, or business, as a way to get you to give it up, he is trying to undermine your independence.” • He denies what he did. • He justifies his hurtful or frightening acts or says that you “made him do it.” • His controlling, disrespectful, or degrading behavior is a pattern) Ⅲ. KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER • The early warning signs of abuse are usually visible if you know what to look for. • If the warning signs are there, act quickly either to set limits or to get out of the relationship. The more deeply you become involved with an abuser, the harder it is to get out. • You do not cause your partner’s slide into abusiveness, and you cannot stop it by figuring out what is bothering him or by increasing your ability to meet his needs. Emotional upset and unmet needs have little to do with abusiveness. • Certain behaviors and attitudes are definitional of abuse, such as ridiculing your complaints of mistreatment, physically intimidating you, or sexually assaulting you. If any of these is present, abuse has already begun. • Abused women aren’t “codependent.” It is abusers, not their partners, who create abusive relationships. • Call a hotline for support, or use one of the resources listed in the back of this book, as soon as you start to have questions about abuse. Don’t wait until you’re certain. Thanks for watching!
i hate how romcoms love triangles always portray the male lead as toxic and the second lead as everything you want in a man and make the female lead always pick the first lead its so wrong because it makes young people romanticise that kind of relationship which is so wrong.
louder for those in the back. like this is also why second lead syndrome is so common. toxic first lead and caring second lead?? who the fuck do you think i would pick
Bruh, like Pasta is this most obvious form of this, the 2nd lead is a CEO, who's always supported her, left her cute notes, cheered her on at work, he was a teensy bit annoying but it was endearing and he always ALWAYS supported her career goals. Meanwhile the 1st ML is a misogynistic idiot who's emotionally abusive and just plain mean and rude while hung up on an ex who did something awful to him
Right, but in extra-ordinary you(the scenes that are portrait in this video. The second lead is actually toxic and the main lead is everything you want.
the fact that in some of these dramas this possessive and "ur mine and nobody else's" kind of toxic behavior is seen as "cute" or "caring" really irks me.
yeah, i was like this too because of how normalised it is in my culture and stuff, i'm just starting to realize things and labeling them for what they really are...
I don't like it at all and when I point out something like that on social media websites, especially instagram, people call me a feminazi. And I'm like wtf does feminism have to do here 🙄 I'm just pointing out what's wrong and toxic and all these people can see is feminism.
@@mahekshah5788 I don't see what's the problem with feminism. The problem is how people see feminism. Feminism is by definition fighting for equality and for women's rights. If you want that, you're a feminism. If you don't, you're either sexist or someone who is afraid to be called a feminist. Don't be afraid to be called a feminist. The problem is not the movement or the word, the problem is how people misunderstand this word.
@@marietb that's what. And I don't get it how some people go around calling people feminazis, like I get it there are extremes everywhere, but why do some get so triggered by the word feminism.
Right and a lot of these dramas romanticize stuff like this which rlky just makes me so upset which is usually why I'm so picky with romance dramas now
You know how many people say " why are kdrama FL always surprised when the ML lead kisses them" it's cuz alot of the times the ML does it without consent.
Another things that really bothers me is when the male lead wants to hug the female lead, they grab her by the neck and pull them towards themselves into an embrace, instead of stepping upto her and holding her in a hug. It's like showing off a power dynamic or something. Showing who in in-charge of the relationship.
YES EXACTLY! i recently saw a compilation on youtube called best drama forced kisses or something like that and i was like WHAT??? it literally makes me so uncomfortable and also sad that young girls are seeing this and thinking this is romance
How funny when in kdramas the upbeat music going on at the background you dont feel how terrible is this but as soon as you change the music it shows its true colors & creepiness
True true! Music is very much what makes the feeling of the movie or thing being watched. Once you take the music out, then there is no certain feelings. Music is what touches the soul and makes us understand and feel according to what they want us to feel. Interesting observation:)
this is a very interesting observation. No wonder my mom encourages me not to listen to music especially since I'm a part of a Muslim household. In islam, music is discouraged because it is very much like an intoxicant. It takes over your emotions and judgement.
@@urfavcatgirl8798 also, when he gets angry at the park and tells something like “you’re mine, you shouldn’t have any boy friends” or something similar... i was like: that’s toxic
*Spoiler Alert 🚨 included: I always thought I was looking into things too deep while watching Boys Over Flowers, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable watching the drama as it progressed. He was not only emotionally manipulative and abusive but also PHYSICALLY (those dangerous “pranks” he pulled while bullying Geum Danji). While I usually cheer for the main characters HEALTHY relationship, even at the end, it still didn’t sit right with me that she got together with Joon Pyo, especially when she was portrayed as the “confident girl who stood up to all the bullies” at the beginning but then fell in love with the dude who tried physically hurting her?!?! +As someone who’s watched dramas for a long time, I’ve noticed how the writers always push this sob story narrative onto the abusive male leads (ex: he was estranged from his parents, his parents died, something traumatic happened in their life etc.) like that’s supposed to make us sympathize for them and excuse their toxic behavior. Idk just pretty gross that it’s becoming heavily normalized and romanticized in so many kdramas :(
Yeah I haven't seen it but I've watched meteor garden and their romance maid almost no sense until the end. Around the middle he wasn't super controlling or anything but in the beginning he was soooooo toxic.
@@izadam6389 agreed, i forgot which ep, but that one scene on the rooftop of the school and he repeatedly scares shancai and was physically aggressive, i couldn't watch the scene because how uncomfortable it was. but on the video some people in the comments where blaming her saying that "she shouldn't have hung out with the other guy".
I preferred Meteor Garden to Boys Over Flowers. In MG you could see the character development in the toxic lead his behavior changed and he wasn't abusive towards her. But BOF was closer to the original version which is an anime. In the anime he sexually assaulted her and slapped her many times😫😫😫😫😫😫 no proper character development and it wasn't just him the whole school abused her physically 🤦🏽♀️
BoF is one of the most toxic, abusive relationships I’ve seen in a Kdrama. I don’t watch a lot of them, so I know there are a lot that I haven’t seen, but BoF always gets brought up when people talk about “iconic” dramas, and that is so harmful. It gets romanticized a lot, but really the whole drama should have a huge warning sign on every episode. Cheese in the Trap is another super toxic drama that I couldn’t even finish because I was so disgusted by it.
So many dramas are like that and people in the comments are like, “oh he must really care about her, he’s so jealous lol; i wish I had a bf like that” but it’s not cool OR something you’d want to happen.
@@lalala-bt9um Wait but the last episode when when jk help to make up seojun and then she said to suho he said what about me I think he became mature No idea what tf just I said 😅
@@ohhhhhhhh4451 yea, I mainly watch cdramas but the main lead tends to stop after a few years and the second main lead probably has moved on, still toxic nonetheless
Cz he didn't like Seo-jun at that time. And don't you think Seo-jun was being nosey & tried to create endless tension between Su-ho & Ju-kyung in the first few episodes? Inspite of knowing that they were in relationship, Seo-jun didn't stop following her. I agree Su-ho was a bit emotionally abusive but Seo-jun wasn't good either.
"i'm a man too" "don't show that smile to others" "don't wear too much revealing dress, it'll attract other men" "don't be friendly to other guys" are all examples of misogyny. everyone, cute they may seem, it's actually such a toxic mindset to have.
YES I watch cdramas and Professional Single’s ML was so toxic, the FL had a childhood friend and he didn’t want her to see him/put a bunch of rules she had to follow if she did, and before she did she asked for permission like WTF is up with that? At the end he was nice though and didn’t do that but if it was me I would date the 2nd lead, he was such a nice guy. By making mean main leads and nice 2nd leads, it romanticizes the abusive and controlling behavior, and young people tend (like myself) to watch those dramas so people might want that irl?
acually ın true beauty ı wasnt tragerred to han so jun sayıng ı am man too cuz he was sayıng pls see me as a man too not just a frıend you know ı was kında confused about that too though.
This really put me in a uncomfortable mood but it helped understand what men can do to their significant others, if not caught or seen in the early signs. as I am a male myself and watching videos like this help me understand and learn how to become a better person/man in the eyes of the opposite sex.
I find really weird and scary when series use jealousy as a comedy relief or even worse as a proof of love. And that's how we know why a lot of people don't know that they are in a toxic relationship or people that want to have a relationship like that. Because is so normalized. PD: The edit is perfect and thank u for doing this.
@@Marigor. jealousy is not intended People feel jealous even if they don't want to Strong woman do bong soon is a drama where ml was respectful to girl's choice She had a crush but he had crush on her too but he did not really make her hate the second lead instead supported her even tho he liked her He confessed his feelings and did not bully her to like him back . She understood that she likes him and accepted his feelings
I'm so glad that you made this video. it was so eye opening. i remember seeing True Beauty and being so creeped out by Suho's behaviour. he stalks her when she goes on a date, leaves with no warning, breaks up with her with no explanation, comes back and starts following her around. Not to mention his overbearing personality. I get that they guy who she works with is someone who is his love rival, however if your in a relationship, you have to trust the other, and if she did decide to go with Seojun, then you obviously don't work out. Trying to make her leave her job with no logical explanation isn't "cute or "romantic". Suho obviously has some trust issues and need to work on himself before commiting to a relationship. What bothers me is the fact that so many people thought this was "cute" or "romantic". What this is, is toxic and abusive. People need to understand the line and where you stand in a relationship. Remember, that you have a say, and your opinion in a relationship matters, never let anyone decide for you.
I also feel like these dramas make it seem like you only have two choises yk? Like it would be refreshing to see the FL just end up with a side character or something.
I think being jealous and possessive about partner is just that person being insecure that their partner will meet and like someone better than them. Not saying being insecure makes you bad but work on your insecurity honey instead of giving it fancy names
I really don't understand why many people try to justify jealousy. Jealousy is not good and it does not show the love you have for a person. It is mistrust, it means that you do not trust that person and you only want it for yourself exclusively. When he/she is not an object. At first, when I watched k-dramas, I thought jealousy was a cute thing but it's not. In some cases, it's something that cannot be avoided, but it must be treated and be aware of this. I thank you for making videos like this, despite the fact that many people try to defend these behaviors.
I always thought it was petty and it annoyed me how much it was portrayed in romance drama as a cute thing or something to prove they cared. Like, you care, I get it, but fucking pack your insecurities in a way that doesn’t try to control and humiliate the other person. They do jot owe you anything just cuz you feel unsafe. 🙄
The one thing I noticed in these dramas is that jealousy is start of love, you can’t feel love for a person until you dont feel jealous. Idk if this is true in real life. But the way you said jealousy definitely make you very insecure abt the person you love.I’ve myself felt jealousy and now i got it because I didn’t trust that person.
@@randomlyliving3323 I've always seen the same thing. When the boy / girl starts to feel jealous, it means that he likes her and is falling in love. But personally I think this is not healthy for any of them.
Tbh I think that you can't control the way you feel, but the way you express it is important. I mean although you may not like seeing them with someone else, but this can signify mistrust and there is no relationship that can work without trust. Most romance dramas, movies etc. show jealousy as a part of love but this can actually destroy a relationship.
thank god true beauty is here because i can't make my 13 year old cousin understand that the relationship between suho and jukyung was not necessarily the best thing and then i thought "well maybe it didn't have toxic traits as i thought" and your video appeared on my recommendation page, woah
@Eman you're definitely correct. THE ML does have controlling issues and does stuff irrationally without consent or just without thinking like when he beat up the girl's ex. Very wrong indeed. And he should've thought about it more since he was getting treatment and getting progressively better. Honestly, I think Kdramas mostly depict that men has no control over their minds. Kind of sad in reality because there are good men out who are afraid of commitment or love in general and sometimes get taken advantage by women sometimes. I do believe that all men can be really empathic, kind, rational, and see values in someone they truly love or just in general women.
The guy from Cheese in the Trap always creeped me out so much, like the actor was so good in that role. It actually gave me chills. I was actually really surprised that there were girls out there that found him attractive and were upset that they didn’t end up together. I personally felt that the drama did a good job at showing how terrible his actions were instead of idolizing them, but I guess not.
Well isnt that the point of the drama? like He was creepy and manipulative that's why he broke off with her and took time to get himself ready for the relationship. The author didn't romanticize his toxic behaviour , they actually showed he was toxic.
The webtoon portrays his character much much better.... his behaviour is meant and shown to be toxic and the female lead actually fights him on his possessive behaviour than finding it cute. That's why I liked CITT....
@@minnieJesusfreak yes she also wanted the same that he should stalk her as you might have seen that when he went out she said where is he why he is not following me now
@@minnieJesusfreak but i don't think he was toxic as we can't judge by 1 or 2 scenes he literally treated her like a baby in the whole series and respected and loved her so much .....he also did childish things for her instead of being the opposite in personality .....also when he scolded her to not work with seo jun , he later apologized for that too and he said that bcoz soe jun was trying to get her that's why he was a bit insecure about them to work together
I have always thought these scenes are a form of love. But after breaking up with a toxic boyfriend I hate it when people are saying others not to wear that, not to meet others, not to do that to their partners. You need to experience it by yourself to see the real ugliness of these colorful scenes. Now when I'm watching dramas I always see another side of those things. My little sister is still in the illusion that I was before. Thank you for making these videos, they are very much needed.
Ur so right I hate it when girls change themselves because their boyfriend likes it. You should live for yourself, make yourself happy if you're so hung up on what others think then you'll never be happy.
My best friend is in one she thinks that it’s normal when her boyfriend restricts her from seeing other guys or control what she wears… absolutely sickening. She’s been in it for 3 years I’ve repeatedly told her it’s toxic, she never listens, I can’t do anything about it either since I’m not the one in the relationship and she obviously can’t see what I can from an outside perspective. Just hoping she would eventually open her eyes.
@@len_was_taken it could be because when you are in it you start to normalize it. I used to think it is pretty normal for a boyfriend to tell me what to wear or not and so on. But after looking back I can see how stupid I was in the name of love
I really like you speaking about how these shows normalise or even romanticise these signs of abuse and controlling behavior, this should not be tolerated in a relationship, even if you love them, no one should have a right to control you or your life after a certain age , and the worse thing is that after a while people actually think that this type of behaviour is okay, like wtf it's not. ignore the negative comments or if I am being honest idiotic comments, people defending these things are disgusting, there I said it. Keep going, your work is much *APPRECIATED*
I remember the hype of boys over flowers and the heirs I never understood why people liked those jerk male leads especially bof I even couldn't able to finish that and the fact FL chose ML over 2nd lead was just so wrong message same in cheese in trap
the heirs was the first ever kdrama i had watched, i never recognized kim tan's choi yong do's behaviour as abusive, toxic and controlling because of how normalized abusive men are in my culture and my whole family. now that i've seen these type of videos i'm getting it... also with every other kdrama i've seen, i'm realizing that i really was blind to how most of the male characters were so fucking abusive and mean...
Same...After few episodes, I was like..I am not watching this drama and my friends were like..omg..this is such a great drama and stuff and I was like.. Can't you guys see the way the main male character behaves with the female lead? And till now, I Just don't understand why did it get so much hype... because In my opinion, it wasn't cute at all.
I never watched BOF, but I read the original manga and omg I dropped it before midpoint because of how the ML abused her and forcefully does things to her and she’s in love with him still. It’s more realistic without the music. Cheese in the Trap had a horrible relationship too. Seol should’ve just tried to find someone else better in the future rather than sticking to someone with issues like that. Life is long.
Cheese in the trap was good though. And I definitely wouldn't say 2nd male lead was better. Both male leads were pretty even. I don't think Inha would have turned out the way she did without Inho shitting on her dreams all the time
OH MY GOD SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT!!!! i like kdramas but a huge turn off for me is when the romance genre tries to play off abusive behaviors as "cute" or "protective" hopefully in the future they stray away from that kinda stuff bc .. big yikes
Maybe you are an artist the scenes I found funny and enjoyed yesterday feels creepy and disrespectful right now .Yes you re right there is actually a difference between being a boyfriend material and a jerk
This is exactly why I love Extraordinary You. It highlights Kyung’s abusive tendencies in both the Shadow and the Stage, you can see Dan Oh being scared of him multiple times and decide to do everything to change her fate with him.
overbearing jealousy and wrist grabbing are my biggest pet peeves in kdrama relationships. its toxic yet normalized, have we not progressed past this already? can we stop including these scenes in so-called romantic settings??
Many fans just go blindfolded against maleleads toxic behaviour just because they are hot and considers Female leads to be lucky just because they get handsome MLs. They even changes the toxic relationships into cute. Even forced kisses are considered cute and romantic.
*Violence in any form will never be acceptable* I wouldn't say what you did is wrong..bcuz Ive come to believe that there are boundaries which shouldn't be crossed..some gestures may appear sweet to others but if you're uncomfortable it's unacceptable..I believe ppl should understand that this edit is not intended to criticize any kdrama but to set an example of situations, which if you come across in real life, should be not ignored but taken an action against..Thank you for bringing up an important topic, bcuz sometimes we are so naive we can't differentiate between what is right and wrong..I wholeheartedly appreciate your efforts..
Thank you! But well, it's kind of a criticism to some kdramas. For example, I completly condemn what Boys over Flowers did, but I won't say that True Beauty is a bad or horrible kdrama..
I watched this twice, with and without subtitles... it was thorough and I really appreciate everything you put into these, the captions, drama names, the pinned comment, it's all really detailed. I watched another video of yours the other day, and I was terrified quite how much I had normalised how violent people could get when they were jealous; it is romanticised, indeed. I didn't realise until it was practically spelled out that forced kisses, randomly lifting people up or interrupting them with others is so... controlling, possessive. I didn't see a problem before since it's all "fictional, fake, drama" but it was somewhat close to me. A family friend had a boyfriend that did a lot of these things, and they broke off when he tried to pressure her into marriage and children. I didn't understand at the time why the nice uncle that bought nice pears started knocking on our door randomly, asking if auntie was here, why wasn't she back with him, could I be a good girl and call auntie for him? After the first 2/3 times it happened I wasn't allowed to open the door, I think my parents were worried he'd barge his way in or hurt me. He really got mad after aunt went to live with her family elsewhere... I think it's important that all parties get the help they need. Not that what uncle did was ok, or that uncle was more deserving of help, but I think he got sick somewhere along the way, and maybe intervention could've helped. Maybe. I asked about him a few months ago, but my parents didn't want to talk about him a lot. If they got therapy, maybe it could help them... Sorry it's so long and probably grammatically incorrect, I'm on my phone so editing is awkward. Overall I really appreciate your videos, I'll be sharing with friends and family because I think as a society we excuse non-physical violence too much, especially between people that are close. Jealousy only grows stronger, and uglier. All the best, take care xx
Hey thanks a lot for doing these and I really love you for them.... Personally I find these stuff really scary and even more when people don't think it's bad and romanticise them in dramas and you making these really warms me and makes me feel safer so thanks a lot buddy
That's why it's important to be aware of the warning signs! A lot of people get trapped because they don't know them or think they're normal (that's what happened to me). But if you know them and don't let them pass, it's okay! You can totally have a healthy relationship!
@@marietb same haha it's happened to me too and now am a bit too aware of these signs but seeing you notice them all in dramas too makes me feel better that maybe I'm not overreacting
@@thatsusgirl6274 I feel you. I had a lot of conversations with my friend's boyfriend because he had behaviours that I disliked and I was afraid to talk to him because I thought I was overreacting. But I ended up telling my thoughts and it made him think a lot. In the end, he kind of thanked me for telling him. My friends helped me a lot with that, because I always feel kind of guilty to overthink things like that, but they tell me that I'm probably the one who knows the best as I have been in an abusive relationship. I know the signs and even if I'm maybe "too aware", it's still a good thing as I know what shouldn't be tolerated. I had a lot of people helping me with that, hope it's the same for you.
@@marietb woahh you're so cool damn I literally look up to you so much and you talking to your friends boyfriend about it was such a great thing to do... Am sure it must've helped them both a hell lot. And yes same I do tend to be too aware and realise it a bit too quick but it's all good cause I can keep my friends safe cause of it and myself too. And once again thank you very much for making them and trying to make others aware too. You're extremely amazing.
what's doubly sad is that multiple of these had webtoons that either didn't have the male leads doing or saying those things (eg true beauty), or did super well in negatively portraying such characteristics (cheese in the trap). but the shows tend to make the female leads weaker, and the male leads more toxic and abusive.
I feel like most ppl focus on the physical abuse that as long as the person isn't laying a hand on you any other type of abuse is forgotten or reasoned somehow especially the jealousy excuse boils my blood, if you're in a relationship and u don't trust your partner maybe don't get into one
This is so disturbing to watch but this was important for the eye opening. Tbh at starting I use to thought I am the weird one bc the things seemed ppl cute I was uncomfortable there and use to think it maybe seems cute now but slowly slowly it will lead to massive and my friend would say you're just taking it too serious. I'm glad that you included signs and are making these videos ❤
I think this video should have gain more views to spread the awareness because many dramas and ffs make young girls believe that these abusive behaviours are normal and jealousy is a sign of love which is wrong. Your videos are beautiful and eye opening. I hope you make more videos on these type of contents . Take care and lots of love 💜💜💜
Lemme say something: My respect for you just went📈📈, I love how you are taking action against such normalised abusive relationships, instead of just talking like other do. I really do love and respect you for this and hope you keep the good work up cause you just got yourself a subscriber.
Another excellent & deeply needed video! Honestly, no one is doing it like you. I'm a fan of how you're tackling these subjects and I'll definitely check out the book you mentioned in the description. I can tell you take this issue really seriously and it's so heartening to see someone problematize the amount of domestic violence present in kdramas. What struck me the most about this video is the instances where you can see the original cinematic language used to frame such scenes - the whimsical music playing in the background while the main lead pressures the protagonist or follows her around in a jealous rage, the way they frame her wide-eyed, frozen response to an assault as something charming or even funny, or how almost every drama portrays roughness and possessiveness as the typical traits of The Bad Guy Love Interest, that one-third of the always present, formulaic love triangle. This whole trend is so prevalent that it makes the genre tiring and very difficult to watch, especially when the main pairings are so thoroughly coded in misogyny and abuse. (I remember being so upset about how badly Ju-gyeong was treated in TB that I started rooting for her to end up with Soo-jin 🥺)
Lol you are too much over reacting.....he was soo sweet to her in whole drama as if she were a baby also he was never ever harsh to her.....you can't decide their relationship with 1 or 2 clips
I noticed a lot of scenes in a new light due to this. While watching it, I became aware that i myself got influenced by some things in k-drama that are normalized. For example, Jealousy. Most of it is portrayed through border line ownership, the rest, it is ownership. A leash bond. There's something called trust, and it is rarely shown in k-dramas. Jealousy is natural. It is a human emotion, and we feel it. But there are healthy and unhealthy versions of it too. When you try to control your partner because you feel insecure and don't trust them, that is toxic. If you feel jealous ,but you trust your partner. Then that ain't toxic, because your not trying to own them. Maybe just talk it out? There are other ways to show jealousy. Not by pulling them, stalking them, getting angry at them etc. These drama's romanticize toxic jealousy, throw comedic light upon them and use it as entertainment. Not cool.
THANK YOU for including suho and sunoh. I was always INSANELY uncomfortable with the way they treated the female leads and the fact that everyone was blindly in love with them bc they were hot and used the excuse that they’re “just tsundere” or smthn else was so annoying. Like you can be tsundere and not abuse someone. Smh.
Thank you for including “Fight for my Way” nobody ever talks about the toxicity of the main lead (usually they only mention the problems with the second lead’s relationship.) I watched FFMW up until about episode 6. I couldn’t do it after that. The way Dong Man treated Aera was disgusting. He was so jealous and petty and disrespectful towards her. He didn’t know boundaries and completely makes a fool of himself. Like why is this grown man throwing a tantrum because his crush doesn’t like him back? I always had thoughts like “This isn’t okay” but kept watching because I was already attached to the show. I finally dropped it when Dong Man crashed in on Aera’s date and made HIS BOSS shutdown the food truck just so he could stop her from going on the date. I was disgusted. I even explained the plot to my mom and she said he’s a stalker. Needless to say I will never continue a kdrama that includes a relationship like that.
I've been watching kdramas for nearly a decade but only recently began to notice and became actually aware of how they have romanticized abuse so easily that I didn't even realize it until I'm much much older... And I searched up and started to educate myself more, that was when I got your videos recommended. I'm so glad for that! Really! You're doing such a great and helpful work by spreading awareness properly. I'm sharing your edits with a lot of people I know as well. So thank you, thank you very much for putting in your effort and time for this wonderful work! You're such a valuable and beautiful soul. 💓
There's a lot of True Beauty here. It just sad how the drama version make Suho like that when in webtoon, he is a total shy and respecting Jukyung a lot.
What?? In drama also he respected her a lott and treated her soo sweetly as if she was a baby .....1 or 2 clips can't prove that their relationship was toxic lol
@@maryadasharma3671 I think the people who are sayingsohu is toxic they didn't watch full drama These people dont know ghat sohu apologized after that scene and treated her like his princess
Since I love watching dramas and reading mangas, I used to think jealousy is cute, but when my bf is really jealous of me it's actually tiring and annoying.. once might be okay but often? No.. So yea, we should stop romanticizing toxic behaviors.
I LOVE the video! So many people don't realise, jealousy isn't cute. It's a sign of insecurity, no love is necessary for people to feel jealous. We all have had those toys as kids that we didn't like, but got so mad when someone else took them. I'm not saying no jealous partners love their SOs but if you asked me, I don't like it. I'd want a relationship where we both understand that we have worlds outside of each other and while I'll truly love him, I also will have my career and friends, and family and colleagues. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you surrender your whole world and other guys/girls in your life because your partner is so insecure. I'm not saying you should cheat, but trust is key in a relationship. Getting over possessive and jealous only means they don't trust you. Saying it's to protect you is bullshit. They're just insecure asf and need to grow tf up.
Hi! I remembered a scene from a kdrama and decided to share it, it can be used in some future video. The name of k-drama is "Beating Again" or "Falling for Innocence". It is in the first episodes. The protagonist, who by the way is rich and arrogant, very arrogant, has an outbreak and yells at the protagonist, breaking glasses on the wall, being very aggressive. It has other characteristics as well, such as abuse of power (in my view, at least). This is part of the premise of the drama, its evolution, I admit that I like this drama, when I watched the story captivated me too much! But I don't know if it were today, I would be able to continue watching after that scene, now that I am more aware of these issues.
I remember that one but they were not couple from first episode onwards. It was more like rivalry/anger or something like that (if my memory serves correct).
I'm a 17 year old teen girl who has never been in a relationship and i'm so glad I saw this video. While watching some of these K dramas, I noticed how some of them are very problematic. It's nice to see someone pointing these behaviors in K dramas.
To be honest, In true beauty suho is shown as a “messed up” kid who went thru stuff and that’s why ppl just forget the fact that his possessiveness isn’t “caring” it’s literally toxic. Just cause he had a bad past doesn’t give him the right to be toxic.
THIS! like literally seojun has always been caring towards jugyeong. the misunderstanding between him and suho could have been talked out if suho had just opened up a bit and told him the truth as well.
Children nowadays can't understand what is toxic coz they normally watch these kind of characters as leads. They think it's normal to be controlling, jealous, fighting etc. I was also like that. But now I'm changing
True beauty, boys over flowers, extraordinary you disappointment me with their toxic love which most kdrama lovers normalize. 😒well different people have various opinions so I respect that
Extraordinary you didn't normalize the toxic relationship. The character who mistreats Dan Oh was not his love interest in the drama. In fact, it was very clear how badly he treated her and how she didn't like him. Haru, the male lead, was very kind and cute. And about True beauty, I think Suho was wrong at one point in the drama, but he wasn't a toxic person. He did wrong and realized his mistake. Then he matured. And he was a great boyfriend, he always loved Im Ju Kyung as she was. (I'm just saying my opinion 😊)
@@Juju-sv2jv oh girl you need to see how some fan girls defend SML of extraordinary you. Like the message was clear yet alot of people still go ahead and say “well he was just toxic on stage"
@@marcellelima8216 ikr I was finally happy for not getting second male lead syndrome. But some fans just want it so badly they ready to accept asshole like him
The amount of respect I have for you is immaculate!! There aren't many ppl out there who take their time in order to spare awareness ab these "signs " , thanks again bestie, love u;)
Being possessive and abusive towards a woman isn't my idea of a male character in a romantic setting. These types are destructive to society. Thanks for bringing this up. Women who accept this behavior need to look in the mirror.
I clicked this and watch this thinking this won't trigger me since I've watch almost every kdrama here I am aware of this issues in these kdrama but when they were collected in one compilation never would have I thought I would be triggered like this Thank you for bringing this issues up
That is why i love Word of honor so much, cause they were all mentally strong women . Like Gu Axiang : she is free and she know what she wants , she is not putting herself of a victim , she is not scared to show her feelings and show vulnerability , she is confident , she know herself and she is not feeling guilty for anything. I love her 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Just wanna say this was a great video, thank you for bringing this to light. More people need to know about it also i wonder why did they made suho so toxic in the kdrama? in the webtoon he wasn't like this, its disappointed.
Taking these out of the shiny context they're in (well not really, but you know what I mean) and putting them like this is genius. The context and the romanticism of a drama is part of the reason people cannot see a lot of these behaviors as toxic, especially the ones that don't involve straight up yelling, raising hands, manhandling, etc. The more "subtle" ones are really dragged into the light here. Well done.
There is a clear difference between being jealous and being possessive, being a little jealous is normal but possessiveness cannot be something we accept in any form of relationship
It's weird how I've watched all of these dramas and thought the same thing... Why should you take so much shit just in the name of love ? And then there's this toxic masculinity...
Thank you for your effort in making this clip. The media plays an important role in people's lives. Watching these movies is heartbreaking but instructive. Given that K Drama is growing around the world and has gained more international audiences, making such films not only raises the awareness of the Korean people, especially the younger generation, but is also a useful lesson for international audiences like me.
I didn’t watch it, and the reason to that is the toxicity of it. My friend watched it, but when I told her abt the abuse it contains she said “it’s not abuse he just cares abt her” i was so mad.
Many of Thailand dramas also have abusive lead characters which are really disturbing. The abused and the abusers also most often end up together. I hope you can make a compilation about those too. It is really weird because a lot of the audiences of those dramas find it hot and romantic when in fact, those are actually hella scary.
Also, I remember there were many r@pe scenes in these Thai dramas. The one scene that I would be fine with is the one where the male lead felt guilty and apologized to the female lead the next morning because he was drunk and took advantage of her. By the way, this was in a 2013 Thai drama and I feel like this is probably the only Thai drama that shows the male lead feeling guilty of his own action in that type of scene.
Never thought that a drama like “what’s wrong with secretary kim” would be viewed as toxic/abusive. But now i see that limiting somebody’s expressions is not cute but plain possessive
I'm so happy that all of these factors which are completely overlooked in those dramas (they aren't treated at all and normalised as a part of being involved anything close to romance or love) are talked about. because of the wide spread popularity, it stands as a milestone sort of, that you have to be jealous , forcibly hold wrist and kiss without asking even once. also, if not, then you are guilt tripped into believing that you don't love or ain't good enough. to the creator, you are doing a great job! more power to you.
Your videos are amazing they really teach "us" young girls that we shouldn't romanticize the toxic or abusive relationship, before these I would usually romanticize these fictional toxicity, M glad I got to find this isn't what love looks like
wow this was such an eye opener! So many drama scenes in there which I thought were "cute" at the time coz they had funny tuning or because the ml was not actually being abusive but watching this and reading your comment really made me think deeply about the matter. Korean society often rejects dramas which show actual violence even though they would be an eye opener for people out there but are happy to spread the dramas where these things are subtle, thus slowly spreading and ruining the image of a "perfect" relationship in people's minds including me. Thank you for such a wonderful eye opening video!
Love in sadness.. is one of the most heartbreaking kdramas I've ever seen. No other kdramas have made me feel as emotional as it Especially when she's shivering and her hands are over her ears when she hears him. Goes to show how far PTSD can go.. And when that song comes on.. omg noooo.. it gives me chills
Its a really good thing that you're making these compilations. Some of these are very clearly abuse because it is shown that way (RL love story, penthouse, AOY, and I think even ExtraYou was also pretty clear even though I doubt the writers wanted to portray it as such) but the others are so normalised that the fan audience doesn't realise it and all it gets is 'lol ML is jealous so cute'.
I am glad to see that you also used some scenes that were meant to be funny.. Because it's still not okay to control someone like this, even though it might seem like it's not a big deal...
The fact that i never realize such a thing is actually toxic and not normal. I learn a lot from your "toxic relationship" videos. It's really educate me and easy to understand because you show example from kdramas. Thank you for making these videos 🙏
Yupppp it pissed me off how majority of people are rooting for sun oh like wtf. They are disgusting. I get it the actor is handsome and had chemistry with the girl but i dont get the point why the girl need to choose him
EXACTLY!!! Im so fking pissed when i went to the comment section and the majority was pissed that kim jojo didn’t choose sun oh- like maam please she made the best choice and she’s in a healthy relationship now
@@uhhhyes2016 EXACTLY! she even said herself being with sunoh was suffocating and everything he did made her feel small. hye young gave her everything she needed to work on her self and her trauma which he knew he couldn’t solve but was willing to be there 100% of the way. jojo and hye young’s relationship was all about understanding, being truthful and listening to each other that’s exactly what a healthy relationship is.
tysm for making these videos! A lot of people think that these behaviours are normal just because the kdrama portrays them in a way that makes it look like it’s not serious, but they actually are.
this is exactly why i love cha young and vincenzo. they dont have any jealousy or controlling or abusive behaviour, no feelings of ownership or superiority over the other, just mutual respect, trust and love.
Thank you for making this. Abuse comes in a lot of forms and so many times we fail to recognise it because it’s shielded with the promise of love. Awareness needs to be brought to this issue, so that people realise that this behaviour is dangerous and should not be aspired for. Aspire to be in a healthy relationship and not something that looks like this.
Oh this is it I wanted someone to make a video about this You did amazing The fact that everyone thinks this okay is so annoying to me Ppl tend to think they do that for a good cause for example if a guy tells you not to wear smtg then he’s thinking well for you BULLSHIT that’s called being dominant and manipulative I hope everybody realises the purpose of this vedio THANK YOU so much for this 💚
Thank you for making this video . Kdramas are amazing but abuse and toxic relationships especially involving main leads are treated very trivially and polished to look funny .
Omg! I love you for making this. I am so tired of all these toxic things being praised in kdramas and in tv shows and movies aimed at young girls in general. I always hope people realize these things are not ok in real life.
the thing i love abt extraordinary you is that the female lead picks haru at the end and the abusive character is the second choice this made me love it even more anyways stan haru guys;)
Thank you so much for making these videos on toxic relationships. I couldn't even tell how abusive these relationships were. While watching dramas, I enjoyed a few of these scenes. And I didn't see the problem in most of these behaviours. But I knew I wouldn't like my man to behave like this, I thought I wasn't romantic for thinking so. Watching your videos made me conscious of the nature of these relationships.
I am currently watching - not finished yet - extraordinary you and have to say I’m so happy about the points they make so far about female leads and how they are written and have to fall for the guy who always treats her bad when in fact that is not at all what she wants
Man you put so much effect into making people realise this shit with so much research down in the description and with edit clips on what is right and wrong scene example scenes
I always say this to my friends that over possessiveness and jealousy only look 'sweet' in K-drama because in real life it's suffocating and irritating. Loving someone doesn't mean your communication will be limited to one person. It's so embarrassing and disrespectful when you're being dragged away while talking with your friends. Obsession is a negative term and it shouldn't be promoted as love.
i love how it got worse at the end bc thats what truly happens irl, signs of being possessive, jealous and controlling often leads to worse things later in a relationship, it's sad how all these red flags are displayed as cute behaviours, but its really not. any behaviour that stops you from being happy and safe is a toxic behaviour.
I hate how many kdrama fans (not all) hate on a kdrama if the fl didn't end up with the ml , a great example is cheese in the trap drama where the fl didn't end up with anyone as the ml was toxic and 2nd ml was friendzoned (he was a good guy though, I had second lead syndrome) . I personally liked the ending of it. She and ml broke up because both realised that their relationship was toxic. And obviously these romanticizing fans had a problem with it. And I guess this was the reason why they made Nabi from nevertheless end up with the toxic ml. If she didn't, then these fans would hate on it....Smh
God I love your videos. It’s so important to acknowledge that so many tropes in kdramas are actually super toxic. It may make for good television but in reality it’s healthy. In reality, it’s not romantic when someone wants to take over your life, it’s a warning sign. We can both appreciate k dramas and understand that they are works of FICTION and that jealously and controlling/belittling behavior is not sexy.
Thank you so much on highlighting On this issues in kdramas I feel like most ppl are so blinded by the most of the guys appearance and defend them coz they are so handsome reality is not so sweet When it comes to this type of relationships That's the reason why I didn't watch true beauty or love alarm I know boys over flowers is a classic but they were elements of toxicity and verbal abuse Ppl wake up it's not always about appearance
I genuinely think that having healthy relationships and parenting and even being a responsible pet owner should be taught in schools and at home too. This should be considered important things to learn to become a better person. Seriously, schools need a lot of upgrading and updating to do smh.
The fact that most of the men in this video are who people consider as their 'Ideal types' makes me realize the effect what what you're watching has on you. I wish everyone who is reading this knows toxic relationships don't have happy ending- be it from a guy's side or a girls. It's sick to see people going 'he's sooo cool' on stuff like "don't talk to any other man". 1. Most of the main leads who say that themselves talk to many women and say stuff like "you're getting jealous over nothing, you're over reacting". 2. This just shows they have no trust in their partner. Watch whatever you want but beware of these things before you let shows affect your choices in life P.S. Amazing video Marie TB. I'm grateful someone made a really good videos with many scenes depicting the same.
The hand grabbing and dragging is the thing i hate the most. I just recolled i saw somewhere during high school (i think in an shoujo anime, but i don't remember which) a scene where the male lead slaps the female lead. No one in the storyline batted an eye, but it still left me like: Wtf??? Anyway, i believe some of this scenes are not really toxic or anything. There's nothing wrong when your boyfriend admits that other guys ogling you or you being too friendly makes him uncomfortable and jealous. It could just mean that he's insicure. The thing you can do is reassure him. The story changes if he starts giving s***t to you about it...
I have never been in a relationship since I think I'm too young for that. But what u shared in this video is very significant and important. Seeing all these girls in these stupid and abusing relationships, I want to bury these men alive after abusing them as much as they abused those women. I will take some notes from your video and will be looking for these signs in any relationships in the future. P.S. you got a new subscriber.
![Marie TB [유토피아]](http://yt3.ggpht.com/Be72dEFyeC0oe4mIngE1oh5rSKaggYfJn05DwsKvmWNvB7a9inJXqkZL3VieWFbd365Q7K-UPQ=s68-c-k-c0x00ffffff-no-rj)
⚠️ PLEASE READ : ⚠️
1- Dramas, colouring and music’s name in the description.
2- I insisted a lot on jealousy as I consider people tend to misunderstand this sign the most.
3- Kdrama tend to show a lot of warning signs of abuse but never treat them as such. The problem is that people think they are normal and let them pass when they shouldn’t.
4- You can see True Beauty a lot, right? Not that I think True Beauty is the worst drama ever, but the use of True Beauty in my other videos about toxic relationships brought a lot debate so I wanted to clear things out. Those behaviours are warning signs of abuse/abusive behaviours and the problem is that they are not treated as such.
5- I’ll delete any comment that try to justify those behaviours or that are too serious. I invite you to watch my precedent videos on the same topic before writing a disapproval comment because your favourite show or actor is here.
6- Female abusers exist too (even if it's not a majority). I'll make a video about it later.
7- By turning on the subtitles, you’ll find numbers and titles (for example: “① He is disrespectful toward you.”) These are warning signs of abuse and you can find more of them down below, as for more details and information.
8- There are two times in the video: “Ⅰ. / THE WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE \ : HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE?” and “Ⅱ. / ABUSE \ : IS THE WAY HE IS TREATING ME ABUSE?” Please, make sure to read this note for more information.
___________________
I'm using a book called "Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men" by Lundy Bancroft, an American psychotherapist specialized in domestic violence and parental abuse. I highly recommend you to read this book for more explanation.
Ⅰ. / THE WARNING SIGNS OF ABUSE \ : HOW CAN I TELL IF A MAN I’M SEEING WILL BECOME ABUSIVE?
The following warning flags mean that abuse could be down the road, and perhaps not far:
① He is disrespectful toward you.
“Disrespect is the soil in which abuse grows. If a man puts you down or sneers at your opinions, if he is rude to you in front of other people, if he is cutting or sarcastic, he is communicating a lack of respect. [...] Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps treating you like a piece of fine china. The man who worships you in this way is not seeing you; he is seeing his fantasy, and when you fail to live up to that image he may turn nasty. So there may not be much difference between the man who talks down to you and the one who elevates you; both are displaying a failure to respect you as a real human being and bode ill.”
② He is possessive.
“Jealous behavior is one of the surest signs that abuse is down the road. Possessiveness masquerades as love. [...] Jealous feelings are not the same as behaviors. A man with some insecurities may naturally feel anxious about your associations with other men, especially ex-partners, and might want some reassurance. But if he indicates that he expects you to give up your freedom to accommodate his jealousy, control is creeping up. Your social life shouldn’t have to change because of his insecurities.”
- For more on this topic, please watch my precedent videos : th-cam.com/video/sAqIF3HMH3Y/w-d-xo.html & th-cam.com/video/NVhhFdShJrQ/w-d-xo.html
③ He is controlling.
“Control usually begins in subtle ways, far from anything you would call abuse. He drops comments about your clothes or your looks (too sexy or not sexy enough); is a little negative about your family or one of your good friends; starts to pressure you to spend more time with him or to quit your job or to get a better job that pays more; starts to give too much advice about how you should manage your own life and shows a hint of impatience when you resist his recommendations; or begins to act bothered that you don’t share all of his opinions about politics, personal relationships, music, or other tastes.”
④ He pressures you for sex. (& II: He coerces you into having sex or sexually assaults you. (this is not only a sign, this is abuse))
“This warning sign is always important, but even more so for teenagers and young adult men. Not respecting your wishes or feelings regarding sex speaks of exploitativeness, which in turn goes with abuse. It also is a sign of seeing women as sex objects rather than human beings. If he says you need to have sex with him to prove that you truly love and care for him, give him his walking papers.”
⑤ He intimidates you when he’s angry.
“Intimidation, even if it appears unintentional, is a sign that emotional abuse is on the way-or has already begun-and is a warning flag that physical violence may eventually follow. Any of the following behaviors should put you on alert:
- He gets too close to you when he’s angry, puts a finger in your face, pokes you, pushes you, blocks your way, or restrains you.
- He tells you that he is “just trying to make you listen.”
- He raises a fist, towers over you, shouts you down, or behaves in any other way that makes you flinch or feel afraid.
- He makes vaguely threatening comments, such as, “You don’t want to see me mad” or “You don’t know who you’re messing with.”
- He drives recklessly or speeds up when he’s angry.
- He punches walls or kicks doors.
- He throws things around, even if they don’t hit you.”
(Not included in the video :
• He does favors for you that you don’t want or puts on such a show of generosity that it makes you uncomfortable.
• Nothing is ever his fault.
• He speaks disrespectfully about his former partners.
• He is self-centered.
• He abuses drugs or alcohol.
• He gets serious too quickly about the relationship.
• He has double standards.
• He has negative attitudes toward women.
• He treats you differently around other people.
• He appears to be attracted to vulnerability.
)
Ⅱ. / ABUSE \ : IS THE WAY HE IS TREATING ME ABUSE?
“At the same time, all of these behaviors are abusive when they are part of a pattern of abuse. […] The term abuse is about power; it means that a person is taking advantage of a power imbalance to exploit or control someone else. [...] Thus the defining point of abuse is when the man starts to exercise power over the woman in a way that causes harm to her and creates a privileged status for him.”
⑥ He touches you in anger or puts you in fear in other ways.
“If he raises a fist; punches a hole in the wall; throws things at you; blocks your way; restrains you; grabs, pushes, or pokes you; or threatens to hurt you, that’s physical abuse. He is creating fear and using your need for physical freedom and safety as a way to control you.”
⑦ You show signs of being abused.
“But it is equally important to look at yourself, examining such questions as:
- Are you afraid of him?
- Are you getting distant from friends or family because he makes those relationships difficult?
- Is your level of energy and motivation declining, or do you feel depressed?
- Is your self-opinion declining, so that you are always fighting to be good enough and to prove yourself?
- Do you find yourself constantly preoccupied with the relationship and how to fix it?
- Do you feel like you can’t do anything right?
- Do you feel like the problems in your relationship are all your fault?
- Do you repeatedly leave arguments feeling like you’ve been messed with but can’t figure out exactly why?”
(Not included in the video :
• He retaliates against you for complaining about his behavior.
• He tells you that your objections to his mistreatment are your own problem.
• He gives apologies that sound insincere or angry, and he demands that you accept them.
• He blames you for the impact of his behavior.
“If your partner criticizes or puts you down for being badly affected by his mistreatment, that’s abuse”
• It’s never the right time, or the right way, to bring things up
• He undermines your progress in life.
“Interference with your freedom or independence is abuse. If he causes you to lose a job or to drop out of a school program; discourages you from pursuing your dreams; causes damage to your relationships with friends or relatives; takes advantage of you financially and damages your economic progress or security; or tells you that you are incompetent at something you enjoy, such as writing, artwork, or business, as a way to get you to give it up, he is trying to undermine your independence.”
• He denies what he did.
• He justifies his hurtful or frightening acts or says that you “made him do it.”
• His controlling, disrespectful, or degrading behavior is a pattern)
Ⅲ. KEY POINTS TO REMEMBER
• The early warning signs of abuse are usually visible if you know what to look
for.
• If the warning signs are there, act quickly either to set limits or to get out of the relationship. The more deeply you become involved with an abuser, the harder it is to get out.
• You do not cause your partner’s slide into abusiveness, and you cannot stop it by figuring out what is bothering him or by increasing your ability to meet his needs. Emotional upset and unmet needs have little to do with abusiveness.
• Certain behaviors and attitudes are definitional of abuse, such as ridiculing your complaints of mistreatment, physically intimidating you, or sexually assaulting you. If any of these is present, abuse has already begun.
• Abused women aren’t “codependent.” It is abusers, not their partners, who create
abusive relationships.
• Call a hotline for support, or use one of the resources listed in the back of this book, as soon as you start to have questions about abuse. Don’t wait until you’re certain.
Thanks for watching!
I really like your videos 😊
I like the way you give detailed information about the topic.
You showed an totally different part of kdramas .
Thank you you are doing a great job
Very well put and noteworthy observation. Thank you for the video.
i hate how romcoms love triangles always portray the male lead as toxic and the second lead as everything you want in a man and make the female lead always pick the first lead its so wrong because it makes young people romanticise that kind of relationship which is so wrong.
Exactly omg
louder for those in the back. like this is also why second lead syndrome is so common. toxic first lead and caring second lead?? who the fuck do you think i would pick
Bruh, like Pasta is this most obvious form of this, the 2nd lead is a CEO, who's always supported her, left her cute notes, cheered her on at work, he was a teensy bit annoying but it was endearing and he always ALWAYS supported her career goals. Meanwhile the 1st ML is a misogynistic idiot who's emotionally abusive and just plain mean and rude while hung up on an ex who did something awful to him
Right, but in extra-ordinary you(the scenes that are portrait in this video.
The second lead is actually toxic and the main lead is everything you want.
And now we have Nevertheless :/
the fact that in some of these dramas this possessive and "ur mine and nobody else's" kind of toxic behavior is seen as "cute" or "caring" really irks me.
yeah, i was like this too because of how normalised it is in my culture and stuff, i'm just starting to realize things and labeling them for what they really are...
I don't like it at all and when I point out something like that on social media websites, especially instagram, people call me a feminazi. And I'm like wtf does feminism have to do here 🙄 I'm just pointing out what's wrong and toxic and all these people can see is feminism.
@@mahekshah5788 I don't see what's the problem with feminism. The problem is how people see feminism. Feminism is by definition fighting for equality and for women's rights. If you want that, you're a feminism. If you don't, you're either sexist or someone who is afraid to be called a feminist. Don't be afraid to be called a feminist. The problem is not the movement or the word, the problem is how people misunderstand this word.
@@marietb that's what. And I don't get it how some people go around calling people feminazis, like I get it there are extremes everywhere, but why do some get so triggered by the word feminism.
Right and a lot of these dramas romanticize stuff like this which rlky just makes me so upset which is usually why I'm so picky with romance dramas now
You know how many people say " why are kdrama FL always surprised when the ML lead kisses them" it's cuz alot of the times the ML does it without consent.
Another things that really bothers me is when the male lead wants to hug the female lead, they grab her by the neck and pull them towards themselves into an embrace, instead of stepping upto her and holding her in a hug. It's like showing off a power dynamic or something. Showing who in in-charge of the relationship.
@@mrittikanath oh my god yess i hate it when that happens . they think its all cute and shit when in reality its disgusting
Finally someone said it 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
YES EXACTLY! i recently saw a compilation on youtube called best drama forced kisses or something like that and i was like WHAT??? it literally makes me so uncomfortable and also sad that young girls are seeing this and thinking this is romance
@@mrittikanath This is literally all 49 episodes of meteor garden.
How funny when in kdramas the upbeat music going on at the background you dont feel how terrible is this but as soon as you change the music it shows its true colors & creepiness
That's soo truu
Omg. So true
True true! Music is very much what makes the feeling of the movie or thing being watched. Once you take the music out, then there is no certain feelings. Music is what touches the soul and makes us understand and feel according to what they want us to feel. Interesting observation:)
this is a very interesting observation. No wonder my mom encourages me not to listen to music especially since I'm a part of a Muslim household. In islam, music is discouraged because it is very much like an intoxicant. It takes over your emotions and judgement.
Yess
Stay single
Be happy
Be your own Queen, till and after finding the King (or the queen) who is worth it
Or the Queen!
@@marietb 👏👏👏
Can you make a video on how healthy relationships should be or scenes from k drama that you find in a healthy relationships
@@summerwinter3096 I've already begun to work on it but there's not much and I don't have to many time right now
@@marietb thank you, I'm also interested in that video but take your time💜
i’m glad to see that suho’s behaviour in true beauty triggered others other than me
Ikr that scene at coffe shop i was like 🔴
@@urfavcatgirl8798 also, when he gets angry at the park and tells something like “you’re mine, you shouldn’t have any boy friends” or something similar...
i was like: that’s toxic
@@sheisoceanblue And the saddest part is many young people are supporting it and saying jealousy is common in a relationship.
@@urfavcatgirl8798 same
@@sheisoceanblue he didn't say she can have my boy friend he was just afraid to lose her but u are true though if he loves her he should trust her 😐
Boys over flowers had so many abusive scenes . How is that drama considered iconic ?🤢
idk. i only watched some of it but i dropped it after like one episode due to what the fuck was going on, and how long it was…
Since the actor playing the role was lee min ho, people just neglected his toxic behaviour
the thing is that some ppl in real life think that these aren't possible , but reality is worse than this !
@@btsshorts402 YES ! those ppl just see the actors not the story !
I think it's because it was released a long time ago. If it was released now, regardless of who the ML is, it would get a lot of hate
*Spoiler Alert 🚨 included:
I always thought I was looking into things too deep while watching Boys Over Flowers, but I’m glad I’m not the only one who felt EXTREMELY uncomfortable watching the drama as it progressed. He was not only emotionally manipulative and abusive but also PHYSICALLY (those dangerous “pranks” he pulled while bullying Geum Danji). While I usually cheer for the main characters HEALTHY relationship, even at the end, it still didn’t sit right with me that she got together with Joon Pyo, especially when she was portrayed as the “confident girl who stood up to all the bullies” at the beginning but then fell in love with the dude who tried physically hurting her?!?! +As someone who’s watched dramas for a long time, I’ve noticed how the writers always push this sob story narrative onto the abusive male leads (ex: he was estranged from his parents, his parents died, something traumatic happened in their life etc.) like that’s supposed to make us sympathize for them and excuse their toxic behavior. Idk just pretty gross that it’s becoming heavily normalized and romanticized in so many kdramas :(
Yeah I haven't seen it but I've watched meteor garden and their romance maid almost no sense until the end. Around the middle he wasn't super controlling or anything but in the beginning he was soooooo toxic.
So true!
@@izadam6389 agreed, i forgot which ep, but that one scene on the rooftop of the school and he repeatedly scares shancai and was physically aggressive, i couldn't watch the scene because how uncomfortable it was. but on the video some people in the comments where blaming her saying that "she shouldn't have hung out with the other guy".
I preferred Meteor Garden to Boys Over Flowers. In MG you could see the character development in the toxic lead his behavior changed and he wasn't abusive towards her. But BOF was closer to the original version which is an anime. In the anime he sexually assaulted her and slapped her many times😫😫😫😫😫😫 no proper character development and it wasn't just him the whole school abused her physically 🤦🏽♀️
BoF is one of the most toxic, abusive relationships I’ve seen in a Kdrama. I don’t watch a lot of them, so I know there are a lot that I haven’t seen, but BoF always gets brought up when people talk about “iconic” dramas, and that is so harmful. It gets romanticized a lot, but really the whole drama should have a huge warning sign on every episode. Cheese in the Trap is another super toxic drama that I couldn’t even finish because I was so disgusted by it.
The part where Suho says "I want you to quit working there if you have to work with him" that was rlly eye opening tbh
So many dramas are like that and people in the comments are like, “oh he must really care about her, he’s so jealous lol; i wish I had a bf like that” but it’s not cool OR something you’d want to happen.
@@lalala-bt9um Wait but the last episode when when jk help to make up seojun and then she said to suho he said what about me
I think he became mature
No idea what tf just I said 😅
@@ohhhhhhhh4451 yea, I mainly watch cdramas but the main lead tends to stop after a few years and the second main lead probably has moved on, still toxic nonetheless
Is it something that was seen in the webtoon? Tbh i don't remember suho being like that ?
Cz he didn't like Seo-jun at that time. And don't you think Seo-jun was being nosey & tried to create endless tension between Su-ho & Ju-kyung in the first few episodes? Inspite of knowing that they were in relationship, Seo-jun didn't stop following her. I agree Su-ho was a bit emotionally abusive but Seo-jun wasn't good either.
"i'm a man too" "don't show that smile to others" "don't wear too much revealing dress, it'll attract other men" "don't be friendly to other guys" are all examples of misogyny. everyone, cute they may seem, it's actually such a toxic mindset to have.
YES I watch cdramas and Professional Single’s ML was so toxic, the FL had a childhood friend and he didn’t want her to see him/put a bunch of rules she had to follow if she did, and before she did she asked for permission like WTF is up with that? At the end he was nice though and didn’t do that but if it was me I would date the 2nd lead, he was such a nice guy. By making mean main leads and nice 2nd leads, it romanticizes the abusive and controlling behavior, and young people tend (like myself) to watch those dramas so people might want that irl?
@@lalala-bt9um I watched it and I was like damn 🙂
That's true 🥺😿
acually ın true beauty ı wasnt tragerred to han so jun sayıng ı am man too cuz he was sayıng pls see me as a man too not just a frıend you know ı was kında confused about that too though.
@@trusfrated528 don't make your own stupid assumptions
This really put me in a uncomfortable mood but it helped understand what men can do to their significant others, if not caught or seen in the early signs. as I am a male myself and watching videos like this help me understand and learn how to become a better person/man in the eyes of the opposite sex.
So glad you're willing to learn and understand 😊
:)
TY! Glad u r understanding.
:DDDD
I find really weird and scary when series use jealousy as a comedy relief or even worse as a proof of love. And that's how we know why a lot of people don't know that they are in a toxic relationship or people that want to have a relationship like that. Because is so normalized.
PD: The edit is perfect and thank u for doing this.
I may be weird, but.. I love the jealousy in strong girl bong soon, Is their love toxic & weird? ( this is a genuine question..)
@@Marigor. jealousy is not intended
People feel jealous even if they don't want to
Strong woman do bong soon is a drama where ml was respectful to girl's choice
She had a crush but he had crush on her too but he did not really make her hate the second lead instead supported her even tho he liked her
He confessed his feelings and did not bully her to like him back . She understood that she likes him and accepted his feelings
@@yoongs5189 ohh okay.. pfiouuuu I thought I was stupid 😭
@@Marigor. no problem it's my favorite drama
I just love the chemistry between them :)
I don't understand when a relationship is of two people then why one person takes control of other person's life...
There need to be guidance but in kdramas it portraits as control. That's the wrong thing about kdramas
Usually it's males because you live in patriarchy. Let's not lie and call it people..
I'm so glad that you made this video. it was so eye opening. i remember seeing True Beauty and being so creeped out by Suho's behaviour. he stalks her when she goes on a date, leaves with no warning, breaks up with her with no explanation, comes back and starts following her around. Not to mention his overbearing personality. I get that they guy who she works with is someone who is his love rival, however if your in a relationship, you have to trust the other, and if she did decide to go with Seojun, then you obviously don't work out. Trying to make her leave her job with no logical explanation isn't "cute or "romantic". Suho obviously has some trust issues and need to work on himself before commiting to a relationship. What bothers me is the fact that so many people thought this was "cute" or "romantic". What this is, is toxic and abusive. People need to understand the line and where you stand in a relationship. Remember, that you have a say, and your opinion in a relationship matters, never let anyone decide for you.
Yeah. His behavior was too possessive
I also feel like these dramas make it seem like you only have two choises yk? Like it would be refreshing to see the FL just end up with a side character or something.
I think being jealous and possessive about partner is just that person being insecure that their partner will meet and like someone better than them. Not saying being insecure makes you bad but work on your insecurity honey instead of giving it fancy names
@@hafsaabdulbari9031ONLY in the START
I really don't understand why many people try to justify jealousy. Jealousy is not good and it does not show the love you have for a person. It is mistrust, it means that you do not trust that person and you only want it for yourself exclusively. When he/she is not an object.
At first, when I watched k-dramas, I thought jealousy was a cute thing but it's not. In some cases, it's something that cannot be avoided, but it must be treated and be aware of this.
I thank you for making videos like this, despite the fact that many people try to defend these behaviors.
I always thought it was petty and it annoyed me how much it was portrayed in romance drama as a cute thing or something to prove they cared. Like, you care, I get it, but fucking pack your insecurities in a way that doesn’t try to control and humiliate the other person. They do jot owe you anything just cuz you feel unsafe. 🙄
The one thing I noticed in these dramas is that jealousy is start of love, you can’t feel love for a person until you dont feel jealous. Idk if this is true in real life. But the way you said jealousy definitely make you very insecure abt the person you love.I’ve myself felt jealousy and now i got it because I didn’t trust that person.
@@randomlyliving3323 I've always seen the same thing. When the boy / girl starts to feel jealous, it means that he likes her and is falling in love. But personally I think this is not healthy for any of them.
@Sofía Castilla exactly.
Tbh I think that you can't control the way you feel, but the way you express it is important. I mean although you may not like seeing them with someone else, but this can signify mistrust and there is no relationship that can work without trust. Most romance dramas, movies etc. show jealousy as a part of love but this can actually destroy a relationship.
thank god true beauty is here because i can't make my 13 year old cousin understand that the relationship between suho and jukyung was not necessarily the best thing and then i thought "well maybe it didn't have toxic traits as i thought" and your video appeared on my recommendation page, woah
Show her this video maybe then she'll get it I'm also 13 and I didn't thought that su ho was toxic but now I can understand
Hi can you also depict violence against men by their wives because KDRAMAs often shows it as humor than a serious offence.
Yes, I'll make it later
yes, please. Especially in Strong Girl Bong-Soon please
The one from True Beauty too. I felt bad for the dad.
@Eman you're definitely correct. THE ML does have controlling issues and does stuff irrationally without consent or just without thinking like when he beat up the girl's ex. Very wrong indeed. And he should've thought about it more since he was getting treatment and getting progressively better. Honestly, I think Kdramas mostly depict that men has no control over their minds. Kind of sad in reality because there are good men out who are afraid of commitment or love in general and sometimes get taken advantage by women sometimes. I do believe that all men can be really empathic, kind, rational, and see values in someone they truly love or just in general women.
Reply 1988 is the biggest one
The guy from Cheese in the Trap always creeped me out so much, like the actor was so good in that role. It actually gave me chills.
I was actually really surprised that there were girls out there that found him attractive and were upset that they didn’t end up together. I personally felt that the drama did a good job at showing how terrible his actions were instead of idolizing them, but I guess not.
💯💯
same i find his character really creepy.
I find Park Haejin super handsome bro but Jung Yoo (his char in CITT) was not!
Well isnt that the point of the drama? like He was creepy and manipulative that's why he broke off with her and took time to get himself ready for the relationship. The author didn't romanticize his toxic behaviour , they actually showed he was toxic.
The webtoon portrays his character much much better.... his behaviour is meant and shown to be toxic and the female lead actually fights him on his possessive behaviour than finding it cute. That's why I liked CITT....
the fact that Suho was LITERALLY stalking Jugyeong, and some of you guys think thats cute
Like literally, If it happened to me I'm calling the police.
@@animestudent3885 she didn't knew that he stalked her
@@minnieJesusfreak yes she also wanted the same that he should stalk her as you might have seen that when he went out she said where is he why he is not following me now
@@minnieJesusfreak but i don't think he was toxic as we can't judge by 1 or 2 scenes he literally treated her like a baby in the whole series and respected and loved her so much .....he also did childish things for her instead of being the opposite in personality .....also when he scolded her to not work with seo jun , he later apologized for that too and he said that bcoz soe jun was trying to get her that's why he was a bit insecure about them to work together
Both boys were toxic. Y’all need to stop ignoring what the other guy did just because you think he’s hot.
I have always thought these scenes are a form of love. But after breaking up with a toxic boyfriend I hate it when people are saying others not to wear that, not to meet others, not to do that to their partners.
You need to experience it by yourself to see the real ugliness of these colorful scenes. Now when I'm watching dramas I always see another side of those things.
My little sister is still in the illusion that I was before. Thank you for making these videos, they are very much needed.
Ur so right I hate it when girls change themselves because their boyfriend likes it. You should live for yourself, make yourself happy if you're so hung up on what others think then you'll never be happy.
My best friend is in one she thinks that it’s normal when her boyfriend restricts her from seeing other guys or control what she wears… absolutely sickening. She’s been in it for 3 years I’ve repeatedly told her it’s toxic, she never listens, I can’t do anything about it either since I’m not the one in the relationship and she obviously can’t see what I can from an outside perspective. Just hoping she would eventually open her eyes.
@@len_was_taken it could be because when you are in it you start to normalize it. I used to think it is pretty normal for a boyfriend to tell me what to wear or not and so on. But after looking back I can see how stupid I was in the name of love
@@FB-xd9yq so true. everyone need to give value to themselves
@@xiuminnie.minnie ignorant, naive, inexperienced yes. Not stupid.
I really like you speaking about how these shows normalise or even romanticise these signs of abuse and controlling behavior, this should not be tolerated in a relationship, even if you love them, no one should have a right to control you or your life after a certain age , and the worse thing is that after a while people actually think that this type of behaviour is okay, like wtf it's not.
ignore the negative comments or if I am being honest idiotic comments, people defending these things are disgusting, there I said it.
Keep going, your work is much *APPRECIATED*
Yeah. Most of the people think this is just ml being protective. Hell no. This is called obsession. Not a real and pure love.
I remember the hype of boys over flowers and the heirs I never understood why people liked those jerk male leads especially bof I even couldn't able to finish that and the fact FL chose ML over 2nd lead was just so wrong message same in cheese in trap
the heirs was the first ever kdrama i had watched, i never recognized kim tan's choi yong do's behaviour as abusive, toxic and controlling because of how normalized abusive men are in my culture and my whole family. now that i've seen these type of videos i'm getting it... also with every other kdrama i've seen, i'm realizing that i really was blind to how most of the male characters were so fucking abusive and mean...
Same...After few episodes, I was like..I am not watching this drama and my friends were like..omg..this is such a great drama and stuff and I was like.. Can't you guys see the way the main male character behaves with the female lead?
And till now, I Just don't understand why did it get so much hype... because In my opinion, it wasn't cute at all.
I never watched BOF, but I read the original manga and omg I dropped it before midpoint because of how the ML abused her and forcefully does things to her and she’s in love with him still. It’s more realistic without the music. Cheese in the Trap had a horrible relationship too. Seol should’ve just tried to find someone else better in the future rather than sticking to someone with issues like that. Life is long.
@@blahblahbear1429 yeah exactly!! Theres really not many male characters that are just kind nice guys lmao
Cheese in the trap was good though. And I definitely wouldn't say 2nd male lead was better. Both male leads were pretty even. I don't think Inha would have turned out the way she did without Inho shitting on her dreams all the time
OH MY GOD SOMEONE FINALLY SAID IT!!!!
i like kdramas but a huge turn off for me is when the romance genre tries to play off abusive behaviors as "cute" or "protective"
hopefully in the future they stray away from that kinda stuff bc .. big yikes
Maybe you are an artist the scenes I found funny and enjoyed yesterday feels creepy and disrespectful right now .Yes you re right there is actually a difference between being a boyfriend material and a jerk
just a correction no one is a material in the first place so pls don't treat living breathing BEINGS like ''material''
NO HATE
@@kashishaggarwal8060 Um I think you misunderstood. That's not what it means.
jojo ending up with hyeyong is the best decision. sun oh and jojo's relationship is just toxic
Ikr but love alarm 2 got so much hate because she didn't end up with the lead actor
@@Ishita-maurya1804 and it's unreasonable for them to be upset over it
Ikr
I agree 100%. Love alarm is one of my favorite shows because Of the ending.
PERIODT , FINALLY SOMEONE UNDERSTANDS
This is exactly why I love Extraordinary You. It highlights Kyung’s abusive tendencies in both the Shadow and the Stage, you can see Dan Oh being scared of him multiple times and decide to do everything to change her fate with him.
That's the only healthy kdrama i have watched where i didn't had any 2nd ml syndrome.
I was thinking about the same like dan-oh choose a healthy man for herself rather than her toxic fiance
I'm late but it's my favorite drama (in this genre)❤One of the very few i've rewatched
overbearing jealousy and wrist grabbing are my biggest pet peeves in kdrama relationships. its toxic yet normalized, have we not progressed past this already? can we stop including these scenes in so-called romantic settings??
I already know this is gonna be epic
It's disgusting how these behaviors are shown as "love". Thank you for making these videos so that people will be aware.
Many fans just go blindfolded against maleleads toxic behaviour just because they are hot and considers Female leads to be lucky just because they get handsome MLs.
They even changes the toxic relationships into cute. Even forced kisses are considered cute and romantic.
and in love alarm he forced kiss her knowing that his x best friend is her boyfriend
SO MANY forced kisses, and this goes for so many Asian dramas.
*Violence in any form will never be acceptable*
I wouldn't say what you did is wrong..bcuz Ive come to believe that there are boundaries which shouldn't be crossed..some gestures may appear sweet to others but if you're uncomfortable it's unacceptable..I believe ppl should understand that this edit is not intended to criticize any kdrama but to set an example of situations, which if you come across in real life, should be not ignored but taken an action against..Thank you for bringing up an important topic, bcuz sometimes we are so naive we can't differentiate between what is right and wrong..I wholeheartedly appreciate your efforts..
Thank you! But well, it's kind of a criticism to some kdramas. For example, I completly condemn what Boys over Flowers did, but I won't say that True Beauty is a bad or horrible kdrama..
I watched this twice, with and without subtitles... it was thorough and I really appreciate everything you put into these, the captions, drama names, the pinned comment, it's all really detailed.
I watched another video of yours the other day, and I was terrified quite how much I had normalised how violent people could get when they were jealous; it is romanticised, indeed. I didn't realise until it was practically spelled out that forced kisses, randomly lifting people up or interrupting them with others is so... controlling, possessive.
I didn't see a problem before since it's all "fictional, fake, drama" but it was somewhat close to me. A family friend had a boyfriend that did a lot of these things, and they broke off when he tried to pressure her into marriage and children. I didn't understand at the time why the nice uncle that bought nice pears started knocking on our door randomly, asking if auntie was here, why wasn't she back with him, could I be a good girl and call auntie for him? After the first 2/3 times it happened I wasn't allowed to open the door, I think my parents were worried he'd barge his way in or hurt me. He really got mad after aunt went to live with her family elsewhere...
I think it's important that all parties get the help they need. Not that what uncle did was ok, or that uncle was more deserving of help, but I think he got sick somewhere along the way, and maybe intervention could've helped. Maybe. I asked about him a few months ago, but my parents didn't want to talk about him a lot. If they got therapy, maybe it could help them...
Sorry it's so long and probably grammatically incorrect, I'm on my phone so editing is awkward. Overall I really appreciate your videos, I'll be sharing with friends and family because I think as a society we excuse non-physical violence too much, especially between people that are close. Jealousy only grows stronger, and uglier. All the best, take care xx
Hey thanks a lot for doing these and I really love you for them.... Personally I find these stuff really scary and even more when people don't think it's bad and romanticise them in dramas and you making these really warms me and makes me feel safer so thanks a lot buddy
That's why it's important to be aware of the warning signs! A lot of people get trapped because they don't know them or think they're normal (that's what happened to me). But if you know them and don't let them pass, it's okay! You can totally have a healthy relationship!
@@marietb same haha it's happened to me too and now am a bit too aware of these signs but seeing you notice them all in dramas too makes me feel better that maybe I'm not overreacting
@@thatsusgirl6274 I feel you. I had a lot of conversations with my friend's boyfriend because he had behaviours that I disliked and I was afraid to talk to him because I thought I was overreacting. But I ended up telling my thoughts and it made him think a lot. In the end, he kind of thanked me for telling him.
My friends helped me a lot with that, because I always feel kind of guilty to overthink things like that, but they tell me that I'm probably the one who knows the best as I have been in an abusive relationship. I know the signs and even if I'm maybe "too aware", it's still a good thing as I know what shouldn't be tolerated. I had a lot of people helping me with that, hope it's the same for you.
@@marietb woahh you're so cool damn I literally look up to you so much and you talking to your friends boyfriend about it was such a great thing to do... Am sure it must've helped them both a hell lot.
And yes same I do tend to be too aware and realise it a bit too quick but it's all good cause I can keep my friends safe cause of it and myself too.
And once again thank you very much for making them and trying to make others aware too. You're extremely amazing.
The fact that many of these scenes are shown as cute, romantic, out of love, etc.
what's doubly sad is that multiple of these had webtoons that either didn't have the male leads doing or saying those things (eg true beauty), or did super well in negatively portraying such characteristics (cheese in the trap). but the shows tend to make the female leads weaker, and the male leads more toxic and abusive.
I feel like most ppl focus on the physical abuse that as long as the person isn't laying a hand on you any other type of abuse is forgotten or reasoned somehow especially the jealousy excuse boils my blood, if you're in a relationship and u don't trust your partner maybe don't get into one
This is so disturbing to watch but this was important for the eye opening. Tbh at starting I use to thought I am the weird one bc the things seemed ppl cute I was uncomfortable there and use to think it maybe seems cute now but slowly slowly it will lead to massive and my friend would say you're just taking it too serious. I'm glad that you included signs and are making these videos ❤
I'm in love with your edits! They're both eye-opening and amazing
I think this video should have gain more views to spread the awareness because many dramas and ffs make young girls believe that these abusive behaviours are normal and jealousy is a sign of love which is wrong. Your videos are beautiful and eye opening. I hope you make more videos on these type of contents . Take care and lots of love 💜💜💜
Lemme say something:
My respect for you just went📈📈, I love how you are taking action against such normalised abusive relationships, instead of just talking like other do.
I really do love and respect you for this and hope you keep the good work up cause you just got yourself a subscriber.
Another excellent & deeply needed video! Honestly, no one is doing it like you.
I'm a fan of how you're tackling these subjects and I'll definitely check out the book you mentioned in the description. I can tell you take this issue really seriously and it's so heartening to see someone problematize the amount of domestic violence present in kdramas.
What struck me the most about this video is the instances where you can see the original cinematic language used to frame such scenes - the whimsical music playing in the background while the main lead pressures the protagonist or follows her around in a jealous rage, the way they frame her wide-eyed, frozen response to an assault as something charming or even funny, or how almost every drama portrays roughness and possessiveness as the typical traits of The Bad Guy Love Interest, that one-third of the always present, formulaic love triangle.
This whole trend is so prevalent that it makes the genre tiring and very difficult to watch, especially when the main pairings are so thoroughly coded in misogyny and abuse.
(I remember being so upset about how badly Ju-gyeong was treated in TB that I started rooting for her to end up with Soo-jin 🥺)
This honestly has changed a lot in new dramas I've noticed but it's sad how true beauty got so romanticized by people tbh
This kdramas gives you a lesson that IT'S BETTER TO SINGLE THAN BEING IN A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP
yall dont know how much i was creeped out by suho when watching true beauty. Every single thing he did was obsessive and stalkerish
I hate him sooooo much. Seojun is same either. But less. I dont get tge hype
i wish she ended up by herself, neither with suho or seojun
@@letsgetit836 not in all scens.
@@nevena006 yes
Lol you are too much over reacting.....he was soo sweet to her in whole drama as if she were a baby also he was never ever harsh to her.....you can't decide their relationship with 1 or 2 clips
I noticed a lot of scenes in a new light due to this. While watching it, I became aware that i myself got influenced by some things in k-drama that are normalized. For example, Jealousy. Most of it is portrayed through border line ownership, the rest, it is ownership. A leash bond. There's something called trust, and it is rarely shown in k-dramas. Jealousy is natural. It is a human emotion, and we feel it. But there are healthy and unhealthy versions of it too. When you try to control your partner because you feel insecure and don't trust them, that is toxic. If you feel jealous ,but you trust your partner. Then that ain't toxic, because your not trying to own them. Maybe just talk it out? There are other ways to show jealousy. Not by pulling them, stalking them, getting angry at them etc. These drama's romanticize toxic jealousy, throw comedic light upon them and use it as entertainment. Not cool.
THANK YOU for including suho and sunoh. I was always INSANELY uncomfortable with the way they treated the female leads and the fact that everyone was blindly in love with them bc they were hot and used the excuse that they’re “just tsundere” or smthn else was so annoying. Like you can be tsundere and not abuse someone. Smh.
Thank you for including “Fight for my Way” nobody ever talks about the toxicity of the main lead (usually they only mention the problems with the second lead’s relationship.)
I watched FFMW up until about episode 6. I couldn’t do it after that. The way Dong Man treated Aera was disgusting. He was so jealous and petty and disrespectful towards her. He didn’t know boundaries and completely makes a fool of himself. Like why is this grown man throwing a tantrum because his crush doesn’t like him back? I always had thoughts like “This isn’t okay” but kept watching because I was already attached to the show. I finally dropped it when Dong Man crashed in on Aera’s date and made HIS BOSS shutdown the food truck just so he could stop her from going on the date. I was disgusted. I even explained the plot to my mom and she said he’s a stalker. Needless to say I will never continue a kdrama that includes a relationship like that.
I've been watching kdramas for nearly a decade but only recently began to notice and became actually aware of how they have romanticized abuse so easily that I didn't even realize it until I'm much much older... And I searched up and started to educate myself more, that was when I got your videos recommended. I'm so glad for that! Really! You're doing such a great and helpful work by spreading awareness properly. I'm sharing your edits with a lot of people I know as well. So thank you, thank you very much for putting in your effort and time for this wonderful work! You're such a valuable and beautiful soul. 💓
There's a lot of True Beauty here. It just sad how the drama version make Suho like that when in webtoon, he is a total shy and respecting Jukyung a lot.
What?? In drama also he respected her a lott and treated her soo sweetly as if she was a baby .....1 or 2 clips can't prove that their relationship was toxic lol
@@maryadasharma3671 I think the people who are sayingsohu is toxic they didn't watch full drama
These people dont know ghat sohu apologized after that scene and treated her like his princess
Since I love watching dramas and reading mangas, I used to think jealousy is cute, but when my bf is really jealous of me it's actually tiring and annoying.. once might be okay but often? No.. So yea, we should stop romanticizing toxic behaviors.
I LOVE the video!
So many people don't realise, jealousy isn't cute. It's a sign of insecurity, no love is necessary for people to feel jealous.
We all have had those toys as kids that we didn't like, but got so mad when someone else took them.
I'm not saying no jealous partners love their SOs but if you asked me, I don't like it. I'd want a relationship where we both understand that we have worlds outside of each other and while I'll truly love him, I also will have my career and friends, and family and colleagues. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you surrender your whole world and other guys/girls in your life because your partner is so insecure.
I'm not saying you should cheat, but trust is key in a relationship. Getting over possessive and jealous only means they don't trust you.
Saying it's to protect you is bullshit. They're just insecure asf and need to grow tf up.
Hi! I remembered a scene from a kdrama and decided to share it, it can be used in some future video. The name of k-drama is "Beating Again" or "Falling for Innocence". It is in the first episodes. The protagonist, who by the way is rich and arrogant, very arrogant, has an outbreak and yells at the protagonist, breaking glasses on the wall, being very aggressive. It has other characteristics as well, such as abuse of power (in my view, at least). This is part of the premise of the drama, its evolution, I admit that I like this drama, when I watched the story captivated me too much! But I don't know if it were today, I would be able to continue watching after that scene, now that I am more aware of these issues.
I remember that one but they were not couple from first episode onwards. It was more like rivalry/anger or something like that (if my memory serves correct).
I'm a 17 year old teen girl who has never been in a relationship and i'm so glad I saw this video. While watching some of these K dramas, I noticed how some of them are very problematic. It's nice to see someone pointing these behaviors in K dramas.
To be honest, In true beauty suho is shown as a “messed up” kid who went thru stuff and that’s why ppl just forget the fact that his possessiveness isn’t “caring” it’s literally toxic. Just cause he had a bad past doesn’t give him the right to be toxic.
THIS! like literally seojun has always been caring towards jugyeong. the misunderstanding between him and suho could have been talked out if suho had just opened up a bit and told him the truth as well.
Children nowadays can't understand what is toxic coz they normally watch these kind of characters as leads. They think it's normal to be controlling, jealous, fighting etc.
I was also like that. But now I'm changing
i love edits like this oml
True beauty, boys over flowers, extraordinary you disappointment me with their toxic love which most kdrama lovers normalize. 😒well different people have various opinions so I respect that
Extraordinary you didn't normalize the toxic relationship. The character who mistreats Dan Oh was not his love interest in the drama. In fact, it was very clear how badly he treated her and how she didn't like him.
Haru, the male lead, was very kind and cute.
And about True beauty, I think Suho was wrong at one point in the drama, but he wasn't a toxic person. He did wrong and realized his mistake. Then he matured.
And he was a great boyfriend, he always loved Im Ju Kyung as she was.
(I'm just saying my opinion 😊)
I think extraordinary you tried to show toxic love but the fans just don't accepted as it
@@Juju-sv2jv oh girl you need to see how some fan girls defend SML of extraordinary you.
Like the message was clear yet alot of people still go ahead and say “well he was just toxic on stage"
@@marcellelima8216 ikr I was finally happy for not getting second male lead syndrome. But some fans just want it so badly they ready to accept asshole like him
@@kookiecream7259 It doesn't make any sense, really! I don't understand how so many people shipp Dan Oh and him.
The amount of respect I have for you is immaculate!! There aren't many ppl out there who take their time in order to spare awareness ab these "signs " , thanks again bestie, love u;)
Being possessive and abusive towards a woman isn't my idea of a male character in a romantic setting. These types are destructive to society. Thanks for bringing this up. Women who accept this behavior need to look in the mirror.
I clicked this and watch this thinking this won't trigger me since I've watch almost every kdrama here
I am aware of this issues in these kdrama but when they were collected in one compilation never would have I thought I would be triggered like this
Thank you for bringing this issues up
That is why i love Word of honor so much, cause they were all mentally strong women . Like Gu Axiang : she is free and she know what she wants , she is not putting herself of a victim , she is not scared to show her feelings and show vulnerability , she is confident , she know herself and she is not feeling guilty for anything. I love her 🥰🥰🥰🥰
Just wanna say this was a great video, thank you for bringing this to light. More people need to know about it also i wonder why did they made suho so toxic in the kdrama? in the webtoon he wasn't like this, its disappointed.
Taking these out of the shiny context they're in (well not really, but you know what I mean) and putting them like this is genius. The context and the romanticism of a drama is part of the reason people cannot see a lot of these behaviors as toxic, especially the ones that don't involve straight up yelling, raising hands, manhandling, etc. The more "subtle" ones are really dragged into the light here. Well done.
There is a clear difference between being jealous and being possessive, being a little jealous is normal but possessiveness cannot be something we accept in any form of relationship
None is good. Not either jealousy or possessiveness, u can be a BIT overprotective but don’t cross the line.
@@chhhyu little jealousy in a playful way is fine. it matters what they do out of the jealousy
@@jungxi2729 That’s true, but only a bit jealousy. Not more
@@chhhyu yess
2:12 the way her smile faded on his arrival
damm that shows how much she was not comfortable with him😕👀
It's weird how I've watched all of these dramas and thought the same thing... Why should you take so much shit just in the name of love ? And then there's this toxic masculinity...
Thank you for your effort in making this clip. The media plays an important role in people's lives. Watching these movies is heartbreaking but instructive. Given that K Drama is growing around the world and has gained more international audiences, making such films not only raises the awareness of the Korean people, especially the younger generation, but is also a useful lesson for international audiences like me.
idk bout yall but as i grew older, i realized how toxic boys over flowers actually was...
I didn’t watch it, and the reason to that is the toxicity of it. My friend watched it, but when I told her abt the abuse it contains she said “it’s not abuse he just cares abt her” i was so mad.
Many of Thailand dramas also have abusive lead characters which are really disturbing. The abused and the abusers also most often end up together. I hope you can make a compilation about those too. It is really weird because a lot of the audiences of those dramas find it hot and romantic when in fact, those are actually hella scary.
Definitely agree!
Also, I remember there were many r@pe scenes in these Thai dramas. The one scene that I would be fine with is the one where the male lead felt guilty and apologized to the female lead the next morning because he was drunk and took advantage of her. By the way, this was in a 2013 Thai drama and I feel like this is probably the only Thai drama that shows the male lead feeling guilty of his own action in that type of scene.
@@animelovergirl8461 Dan
Never thought that a drama like “what’s wrong with secretary kim” would be viewed as toxic/abusive. But now i see that limiting somebody’s expressions is not cute but plain possessive
I'm so happy that all of these factors which are completely overlooked in those dramas (they aren't treated at all and normalised as a part of being involved anything close to romance or love) are talked about. because of the wide spread popularity, it stands as a milestone sort of, that you have to be jealous , forcibly hold wrist and kiss without asking even once. also, if not, then you are guilt tripped into believing that you don't love or ain't good enough. to the creator, you are doing a great job! more power to you.
Your videos are amazing they really teach "us" young girls that we shouldn't romanticize the toxic or abusive relationship, before these I would usually romanticize these fictional toxicity, M glad I got to find this isn't what love looks like
wow this was such an eye opener! So many drama scenes in there which I thought were "cute" at the time coz they had funny tuning or because the ml was not actually being abusive but watching this and reading your comment really made me think deeply about the matter. Korean society often rejects dramas which show actual violence even though they would be an eye opener for people out there but are happy to spread the dramas where these things are subtle, thus slowly spreading and ruining the image of a "perfect" relationship in people's minds including me. Thank you for such a wonderful eye opening video!
Love in sadness.. is one of the most heartbreaking kdramas I've ever seen. No other kdramas have made me feel as emotional as it
Especially when she's shivering and her hands are over her ears when she hears him. Goes to show how far PTSD can go..
And when that song comes on.. omg noooo.. it gives me chills
Its a really good thing that you're making these compilations. Some of these are very clearly abuse because it is shown that way (RL love story, penthouse, AOY, and I think even ExtraYou was also pretty clear even though I doubt the writers wanted to portray it as such) but the others are so normalised that the fan audience doesn't realise it and all it gets is 'lol ML is jealous so cute'.
I am glad to see that you also used some scenes that were meant to be funny.. Because it's still not okay to control someone like this, even though it might seem like it's not a big deal...
The fact that i never realize such a thing is actually toxic and not normal. I learn a lot from your "toxic relationship" videos. It's really educate me and easy to understand because you show example from kdramas. Thank you for making these videos 🙏
this is exactly why hye yeong was better for jojo
Yupppp it pissed me off how majority of people are rooting for sun oh like wtf. They are disgusting. I get it the actor is handsome and had chemistry with the girl but i dont get the point why the girl need to choose him
EXACTLY!!! Im so fking pissed when i went to the comment section and the majority was pissed that kim jojo didn’t choose sun oh- like maam please she made the best choice and she’s in a healthy relationship now
@@uhhhyes2016 EXACTLY! she even said herself being with sunoh was suffocating and everything he did made her feel small. hye young gave her everything she needed to work on her self and her trauma which he knew he couldn’t solve but was willing to be there 100% of the way. jojo and hye young’s relationship was all about understanding, being truthful and listening to each other that’s exactly what a healthy relationship is.
@@whitepearlyrose PERIODT!!!!
FINALLY.
tysm for making these videos! A lot of people think that these behaviours are normal just because the kdrama portrays them in a way that makes it look like it’s not serious, but they actually are.
this is exactly why i love cha young and vincenzo. they dont have any jealousy or controlling or abusive behaviour, no feelings of ownership or superiority over the other, just mutual respect, trust and love.
Please watch my last video.
Thank you for making this. Abuse comes in a lot of forms and so many times we fail to recognise it because it’s shielded with the promise of love. Awareness needs to be brought to this issue, so that people realise that this behaviour is dangerous and should not be aspired for. Aspire to be in a healthy relationship and not something that looks like this.
You know you are in a healthy relationship when you can't relate to all this even after 7 years of relationship. 🤞
Oh this is it I wanted someone to make a video about this
You did amazing
The fact that everyone thinks this okay is so annoying to me
Ppl tend to think they do that for a good cause for example if a guy tells you not to wear smtg then he’s thinking well for you
BULLSHIT that’s called being dominant and manipulative
I hope everybody realises the purpose of this vedio
THANK YOU so much for this 💚
Thank you for making this video . Kdramas are amazing but abuse and toxic relationships especially involving main leads are treated very trivially and polished to look funny .
Omg! I love you for making this. I am so tired of all these toxic things being praised in kdramas and in tv shows and movies aimed at young girls in general. I always hope people realize these things are not ok in real life.
the thing i love abt extraordinary you is that the female lead picks haru at the end and the abusive character is the second choice
this made me love it even more
anyways stan haru guys;)
Thank you so much for making these videos on toxic relationships. I couldn't even tell how abusive these relationships were. While watching dramas, I enjoyed a few of these scenes. And I didn't see the problem in most of these behaviours. But I knew I wouldn't like my man to behave like this, I thought I wasn't romantic for thinking so. Watching your videos made me conscious of the nature of these relationships.
I am currently watching - not finished yet - extraordinary you and have to say I’m so happy about the points they make so far about female leads and how they are written and have to fall for the guy who always treats her bad when in fact that is not at all what she wants
Man you put so much effect into making people realise this shit with so much research down in the description and with edit clips on what is right and wrong scene example scenes
I always say this to my friends that over possessiveness and jealousy only look 'sweet' in K-drama because in real life it's suffocating and irritating. Loving someone doesn't mean your communication will be limited to one person. It's so embarrassing and disrespectful when you're being dragged away while talking with your friends. Obsession is a negative term and it shouldn't be promoted as love.
i love how it got worse at the end bc thats what truly happens irl, signs of being possessive, jealous and controlling often leads to worse things later in a relationship, it's sad how all these red flags are displayed as cute behaviours, but its really not. any behaviour that stops you from being happy and safe is a toxic behaviour.
I hate how many kdrama fans (not all) hate on a kdrama if the fl didn't end up with the ml , a great example is cheese in the trap drama where the fl didn't end up with anyone as the ml was toxic and 2nd ml was friendzoned (he was a good guy though, I had second lead syndrome) . I personally liked the ending of it. She and ml broke up because both realised that their relationship was toxic. And obviously these romanticizing fans had a problem with it.
And I guess this was the reason why they made Nabi from nevertheless end up with the toxic ml. If she didn't, then these fans would hate on it....Smh
God I love your videos. It’s so important to acknowledge that so many tropes in kdramas are actually super toxic. It may make for good television but in reality it’s healthy. In reality, it’s not romantic when someone wants to take over your life, it’s a warning sign. We can both appreciate k dramas and understand that they are works of FICTION and that jealously and controlling/belittling behavior is not sexy.
Abuse is not always physical... Sometimes it is verbal too...
Thank you so much on highlighting
On this issues in kdramas I feel like most ppl are so blinded by the most of the guys appearance and defend them coz they are so handsome reality is not so sweet
When it comes to this type of relationships
That's the reason why I didn't watch true beauty or love alarm
I know boys over flowers is a classic but they were elements of toxicity and verbal abuse
Ppl wake up it's not always about appearance
I genuinely think that having healthy relationships and parenting and even being a responsible pet owner should be taught in schools and at home too. This should be considered important things to learn to become a better person. Seriously, schools need a lot of upgrading and updating to do smh.
The fact that most of the men in this video are who people consider as their 'Ideal types' makes me realize the effect what what you're watching has on you. I wish everyone who is reading this knows toxic relationships don't have happy ending- be it from a guy's side or a girls. It's sick to see people going 'he's sooo cool' on stuff like "don't talk to any other man". 1. Most of the main leads who say that themselves talk to many women and say stuff like "you're getting jealous over nothing, you're over reacting". 2. This just shows they have no trust in their partner.
Watch whatever you want but beware of these things before you let shows affect your choices in life
P.S. Amazing video Marie TB. I'm grateful someone made a really good videos with many scenes depicting the same.
The hand grabbing and dragging is the thing i hate the most. I just recolled i saw somewhere during high school (i think in an shoujo anime, but i don't remember which) a scene where the male lead slaps the female lead. No one in the storyline batted an eye, but it still left me like: Wtf???
Anyway, i believe some of this scenes are not really toxic or anything. There's nothing wrong when your boyfriend admits that other guys ogling you or you being too friendly makes him uncomfortable and jealous. It could just mean that he's insicure. The thing you can do is reassure him. The story changes if he starts giving s***t to you about it...
I have never been in a relationship since I think I'm too young for that. But what u shared in this video is very significant and important. Seeing all these girls in these stupid and abusing relationships, I want to bury these men alive after abusing them as much as they abused those women. I will take some notes from your video and will be looking for these signs in any relationships in the future.
P.S. you got a new subscriber.