As hard as your experiences are, Tim, I bet that sharing them like this is harder. I hope you keep doing it, no matter how hard it seems. Every person sharing their struggles has a chance to help someone else on a day that they really need it. All the best in finding the right medication!
+Runeslinger It is a little hard to share things at first, but I tend to be a person that can "overshare" so perhaps I've trained myself to be able to do it over the years. People always did tend to tell me things at parties, get-togethers, etc. and we would have little therapy sessions, hehe. My therapist just told me that I would actually be a good therapist, even though I'm as messed up as I am. LOL. Maybe it makes sense though, that someone has to be there first to be able to help someone else in the same situation. Yeah, I'm hoping one of these meds does the trick. We shall see. I just hope I can find one with side-effects that I can hack.
"Assembly line in a Pink Floyd video." 😂-PERFECT description, unfortunately. You'll love having a nurse prac. I'm proud of you for being so forthcoming. You are not only helping yourself with the videos, but it helps us, the viewers, feel less alone in the struggle. As others have commented, keep trying different methods. You know yourself and what centers you-nature, yes. This spring weather will help...I often tell people that depression is like that crappy plastic toy maze - if you knock the little ball in just right, you're golden. Until then, getting centered takes different methods.
+pjperkinz It is cool to see you pop up in the non-RPG videos. :) Thanks for that. I think I'll do better with a person that has a better personality, hehe. I really should spend time out in nature. I'm sure the kids will appreciate that too. I think I just need to find the right med in the short term who's side-effects I can deal with. Making these types of videos helps me too.
Remember, what you consume dictates your appetite. Gorge yourself with positivity. Bathe in it. You have the seeds of greatness within you. You just got the water the soil, tend to them, and they will grow!
+David Přibyl Thanks. At this point it would be nice to just not have these feelings almost all of the time. I can and will manage, but I wish I didn't have to. I really hope that I can get myself sorted out for my kids and for my wife. I don't want to be a negative influence on them.
Dude, I just had one of the worst experiences of my life. So, I had an anxiety attack recently and the blow-back had me so depressed that I planned my suicide, even scouted locations to do it. I was so ready to leave this existence. Then Easter happened and I went to the family get-together and I slowly found the strength to keep going. I hope you feel better, bro. Depression sucks. Depression is like an abusive partner who never hits you but couldn't make you feel worse if they did.
+Jonathan Henry I'm sorry to hear that Jonathan. That sounds awful. I've never had an anxiety attack, but after being on the Wellbutrin I know what it feels like to have heightened anxiety for most of the day. Actually, it helped me understand some of my loved ones with anxiety issues a bit more (trying to gain some wisdom from the experience). I used to think about killing myself a lot, and those thoughts do creep back in now and then. The most recent bunch of thoughts like that was when I got put on an anti-depressant. I knew that was one of the possible side-effects so I just rode it out and those thoughts did fade. As I said, that is why I went up to the mountains that day. There is something about that icy cold mountain water that just empties me of negativity and fills me with some sort of natural elemental joy (well, maybe not joy, but peace or something like it). I really should spend more time out in nature if it helps me out. It's strange that I know something helps and I don't do it more. hehe. Family normally drags my mood down, and I have limited my time with those that do nothing but drain me dry like psychic vampires. It's all one-way with them, and my well is only so deep. Feel free to check in from time to time, especially if you are having a day like you describe. I doubt I'll be able to say the "right thing" but sometimes it isn't what a person says, but rather that they are just there; there to listen. Good luck. That last line you wrote is very true...
***** I feel like too many people have lost touch with nature and are suffering more because we don't remember how to return to her (I think of most things as feminine for some reason lol) for comfort. So I can definitely see why going to that place would make you feel better. Make that time for yourself, man, as often as you can manage. Most of my family is useless, but there are a handful of people who don't make me feel worse about things. They are my lifeline, I guess, even if they don't realize it haha. Thanks. Same to you, bro.
I head up there whenever I can. It is a bit of a drive though. Even just hanging out in my backyard though probably has some benefit and I need to do it more. Maybe those old people hanging out on porches know a secret us younger people have forgotten. :) Friends were my support network growing up, and though I've drifted away from many of them due to marriage, kids, work, etc. they still are there for me still. Funny enough, a lot of the fellow TH-camrs and my subscribers are in a sense more of a support network for me now. I was surprised how much these random talking heads online keep me sane. hehe.
i have experience with the after the anti-depressants crash. at the time i was not gelling with my psychiratrist, i felt the comuncation was one way. i talked, i got not feedback and received pills. but doctors are like people. not every person gets along with everyone. there are other doctors. second opinions, other people. i know its hard, with what i went through myself to change doctors while being depressed. but i was better for it. If there is no trust, treatment is very difficult
+GeektoStudios I should be seeing that new person that can proscribe me medications and she comes highly recommended as someone that will work with me, listen to me, etc. I'm excited about it actually, though I'm still apprehensive about medication side-effects. I know though that I've tried to "fix" myself for so long, and if I could do it alone, I would be better by now. I'm not sure if I will always need to be on them, but I'm prepared for that. Hopefully in a few years, with therapy, and a good anti-depressant that works for me, I'll get to a point where I don't need them anymore. Thanks for the comment.
that is very good to hear. I have read of one case where they couldwean themselves off of their meds, with the heakp of their doctor. I dont know if i will ever have that day. but i am surrounded by peoepl that are successfully helping me with my own probelms. so there's that
I don't know if I'll ever have that day, but being positive I know can help, so I'll try to be positive. It is cool that you are surrounded by people that can help and want to. I don't have a lot of family like that, but I have a lot of friends that reply on videos like this that do help me immensely (like your comment). Good luck with your stuff, and hopefully I have good luck as well. :)
Thanks for commenting. I just saw that you have videos on your new channel. Subscribed. I see a video response to me too. :) Yeah, I'm going to see someone new who can proscribe me meds but I like my therapist so I'll stick with her. I'd like to get on something that helps me with side-effects I don't mind. Ha, maybe I can get one that has weight loss too. :) It was seriously cool to hear from you again Rob. Take care of yourself. The same goes for you, feel free to drop me a line. The TH-cam messages don't work as well as they used to (as I get no notification of them) but over on Google+ works pretty well for that. I added you there. I'm glad to hear someone helped get you to feel more "normal."
I figure if I can turn this crap into something positive for someone else I might as well talk about it. Plus, I think it helps me deal with stuff. I felt better after the video. I didn't really understand anxiety disorder until I had the side-effects from the Wellbutrin. I understand my wife better now who has some issues with that and panic attacks. Skype or a Google+ Hangout would be cool (so the video could go on my channel). I let a few people know that you have a new channel. :) There was MUCH rejoicing. Hurrah!
As hard as your experiences are, Tim, I bet that sharing them like this is harder. I hope you keep doing it, no matter how hard it seems. Every person sharing their struggles has a chance to help someone else on a day that they really need it. All the best in finding the right medication!
+Runeslinger It is a little hard to share things at first, but I tend to be a person that can "overshare" so perhaps I've trained myself to be able to do it over the years. People always did tend to tell me things at parties, get-togethers, etc. and we would have little therapy sessions, hehe. My therapist just told me that I would actually be a good therapist, even though I'm as messed up as I am. LOL. Maybe it makes sense though, that someone has to be there first to be able to help someone else in the same situation. Yeah, I'm hoping one of these meds does the trick. We shall see. I just hope I can find one with side-effects that I can hack.
"Assembly line in a Pink Floyd video." 😂-PERFECT description, unfortunately. You'll love having a nurse prac. I'm proud of you for being so forthcoming. You are not only helping yourself with the videos, but it helps us, the viewers, feel less alone in the struggle. As others have commented, keep trying different methods. You know yourself and what centers you-nature, yes. This spring weather will help...I often tell people that depression is like that crappy plastic toy maze - if you knock the little ball in just right, you're golden. Until then, getting centered takes different methods.
+pjperkinz It is cool to see you pop up in the non-RPG videos. :) Thanks for that. I think I'll do better with a person that has a better personality, hehe. I really should spend time out in nature. I'm sure the kids will appreciate that too. I think I just need to find the right med in the short term who's side-effects I can deal with. Making these types of videos helps me too.
I love you brother! There is light at the end of your tunnel. You are stronger than you know.
+Hamenopi :) Thanks for all of the positivity man. It helps.
Remember, what you consume dictates your appetite. Gorge yourself with positivity. Bathe in it. You have the seeds of greatness within you. You just got the water the soil, tend to them, and they will grow!
I got seeds in my head, good to know. :)
Go water the good ones. =P
Hope you get to feel better soon. I wish you and your family a happy and bright future.
+markcrew162 I was thinking of your depression videos when I filmed this one. I hope things are better for you these days.
+Samwise Seven RPG It is taking time, but I am slowly getting there.
Slowly making progress is still progress. :)
Very true.
I hope that you get well soon, man.
+David Přibyl Thanks. At this point it would be nice to just not have these feelings almost all of the time. I can and will manage, but I wish I didn't have to. I really hope that I can get myself sorted out for my kids and for my wife. I don't want to be a negative influence on them.
Dude, I just had one of the worst experiences of my life. So, I had an anxiety attack recently and the blow-back had me so depressed that I planned my suicide, even scouted locations to do it. I was so ready to leave this existence. Then Easter happened and I went to the family get-together and I slowly found the strength to keep going.
I hope you feel better, bro. Depression sucks.
Depression is like an abusive partner who never hits you but couldn't make you feel worse if they did.
+Jonathan Henry I'm sorry to hear that Jonathan. That sounds awful. I've never had an anxiety attack, but after being on the Wellbutrin I know what it feels like to have heightened anxiety for most of the day. Actually, it helped me understand some of my loved ones with anxiety issues a bit more (trying to gain some wisdom from the experience). I used to think about killing myself a lot, and those thoughts do creep back in now and then. The most recent bunch of thoughts like that was when I got put on an anti-depressant. I knew that was one of the possible side-effects so I just rode it out and those thoughts did fade. As I said, that is why I went up to the mountains that day. There is something about that icy cold mountain water that just empties me of negativity and fills me with some sort of natural elemental joy (well, maybe not joy, but peace or something like it). I really should spend more time out in nature if it helps me out. It's strange that I know something helps and I don't do it more. hehe.
Family normally drags my mood down, and I have limited my time with those that do nothing but drain me dry like psychic vampires. It's all one-way with them, and my well is only so deep. Feel free to check in from time to time, especially if you are having a day like you describe. I doubt I'll be able to say the "right thing" but sometimes it isn't what a person says, but rather that they are just there; there to listen. Good luck. That last line you wrote is very true...
***** I feel like too many people have lost touch with nature and are suffering more because we don't remember how to return to her (I think of most things as feminine for some reason lol) for comfort. So I can definitely see why going to that place would make you feel better. Make that time for yourself, man, as often as you can manage.
Most of my family is useless, but there are a handful of people who don't make me feel worse about things. They are my lifeline, I guess, even if they don't realize it haha.
Thanks. Same to you, bro.
I head up there whenever I can. It is a bit of a drive though. Even just hanging out in my backyard though probably has some benefit and I need to do it more. Maybe those old people hanging out on porches know a secret us younger people have forgotten. :)
Friends were my support network growing up, and though I've drifted away from many of them due to marriage, kids, work, etc. they still are there for me still. Funny enough, a lot of the fellow TH-camrs and my subscribers are in a sense more of a support network for me now. I was surprised how much these random talking heads online keep me sane. hehe.
i have experience with the after the anti-depressants crash.
at the time i was not gelling with my psychiratrist, i felt the comuncation was one way. i talked, i got not feedback and received pills.
but doctors are like people. not every person gets along with everyone. there are other doctors. second opinions, other people. i know its hard, with what i went through myself to change doctors while being depressed. but i was better for it.
If there is no trust, treatment is very difficult
+GeektoStudios I should be seeing that new person that can proscribe me medications and she comes highly recommended as someone that will work with me, listen to me, etc. I'm excited about it actually, though I'm still apprehensive about medication side-effects. I know though that I've tried to "fix" myself for so long, and if I could do it alone, I would be better by now. I'm not sure if I will always need to be on them, but I'm prepared for that. Hopefully in a few years, with therapy, and a good anti-depressant that works for me, I'll get to a point where I don't need them anymore. Thanks for the comment.
that is very good to hear.
I have read of one case where they couldwean themselves off of their meds, with the heakp of their doctor. I dont know if i will ever have that day.
but i am surrounded by peoepl that are successfully helping me with my own probelms. so there's that
I don't know if I'll ever have that day, but being positive I know can help, so I'll try to be positive. It is cool that you are surrounded by people that can help and want to. I don't have a lot of family like that, but I have a lot of friends that reply on videos like this that do help me immensely (like your comment). Good luck with your stuff, and hopefully I have good luck as well. :)
Good for you bro.
+Akira Zash Thanks. I hope eventually I can find something that helps without so many awful side-effects.
+RPGRelicHunter Thanks. Hopefully we can get that chat in. I need to block off some time and watch a few of your videos.
+Samwise Seven RPG CAUSE THEY ARE GOOD!!!
Not sure if we can squeeze in that chat now.
Gloy made a video response. th-cam.com/video/3ssxaNGsBRc/w-d-xo.html
Thanks for commenting. I just saw that you have videos on your new channel. Subscribed. I see a video response to me too. :)
Yeah, I'm going to see someone new who can proscribe me meds but I like my therapist so I'll stick with her.
I'd like to get on something that helps me with side-effects I don't mind. Ha, maybe I can get one that has weight loss too. :)
It was seriously cool to hear from you again Rob. Take care of yourself. The same goes for you, feel free to drop me a line. The TH-cam messages don't work as well as they used to (as I get no notification of them) but over on Google+ works pretty well for that. I added you there.
I'm glad to hear someone helped get you to feel more "normal."
I figure if I can turn this crap into something positive for someone else I might as well talk about it. Plus, I think it helps me deal with stuff. I felt better after the video.
I didn't really understand anxiety disorder until I had the side-effects from the Wellbutrin. I understand my wife better now who has some issues with that and panic attacks.
Skype or a Google+ Hangout would be cool (so the video could go on my channel). I let a few people know that you have a new channel. :) There was MUCH rejoicing. Hurrah!
No problem, we need more Irish weirdos hitting record. :) I'm only 25% Irish so I don't count. haha.
+House of Grimgram Hey, you are a fellow mutt! :)