The conversation here has taken a fascinating turn (fascinating for us at least): we see a lot of comments that want to suggest that emotional intelligence does not exist/has been made up/is not a thing. We assume that what people mean by this is that science, especially neuroscience, cannot clearly identify a separate part of the mind that can be referred to as Emotional Intelligence. This is perhaps very true. But it somewhat bypasses our point. We're not looking for scientific validation, we're simply pointing out certain emotional faculties which can be more or less developed in people - and can be fostered by a good surrounding culture. We're surprised too at the line of argument that suggests that the idea of Emotional Intelligence was invented by 'stupid' people to make themselves feel better about not having achieved anything. This seems unnecessarily harsh - because achievement comes in many forms and the ability to understand human nature is as valid a pursuit as the ability to (for example) play basketball or cook well.
The School of Life no it's not that neuroscience can't identify a part of the brain that's associated with this in fact we can identify the part of the brain the Nero endocrine system that is associated with it and we can measure it it's just not in intelligence quotient it's extraversion and agreeableness which are well documented traits with no connection to intelligence. In fact if you're careful in your psychometrics you can define concepts that don't exist and then test to see if they do exist emotional intelligence fails this test when it is defined and then compared versus other existing traits basically it's a kludge and a phantasm. Emotional intelligence was made up by people who are uncomfortable with the concept of intelligence which we have discovered is a unitary phenomenon there are no subsets of intelligence there is one G defines everything and anything that we would conventionally consider intelligence there are things that you can be good with that aren't intelligence but I'm sorry just because somebody likes being around people and is personable doesn't mean they're smart. If you allow this definition you might as well say my ability to lift weights is because of my muscle intelligence. EQ is a fad FYI the rest of the traits associated with EQ are basically emotional stability a trait thats measurable and noticable in children as young as 1 day old and obviously is mostly genetic.
Thanks a lot for the explanation! I wanted to add an example: I studied at a well known conservatory in Germany and there we had professors who were extremely successful in their fields. World famous violin players, pianists, opera singers etc. etc. But despite all their great achievements, there were many who seemed to have very little emotional intelligence. I was very lucky to have wonderful teachers and I am very grateful for that. But I have heard horrible stories from many friends, who had been regularly humiliated and discouraged by their professors. And here is the most interesting part: Those professors have made their amazing careers by " expressing emotions" through music. And since they were so great at bringing those feelings across , you would assume that they would KNOW how to deal with them and how to recognize them in themselves and in others. But it wasn't the case! So I don't understand the point of friends who claim that " emotional intelligence" doesn't exists. You may call it differently. But you can't deny the fact that we need a name for that thing, that many people who seem to have it all ( status, power, fame, money) still do not possess.
Bennett Williamson The problem is that the development of your muscle's strength has more to do with physical exercises rather than quality of your mind. Emotional intelligence is an umbrella concept for those traits you mentioned just as linguistic intelligence is an umbrella concept for writing, speech and reading comprehension skills. There are indeed various kinds of intelligence, as it's possible that a brilliant lawyer doesn't understand anything about logarithms just as a brilliant doctor may not have a clue of what Tolstoy was trying to say with Ana Karenina. By these standards, it can be said that your analogy is somewhat flawed.
Pay attention to your emotions, see what causes them to arise, and listen what they tell you to do. Also, learn to not judge your emotions or yourself for feeling them. Every emotion has a meaning. You can also overwrite some emotions by coming up with another perspective for the issue. Talking with someone about a problem that causes an emotion like sadness can help you find a new perspective.
Being self-aware of yourself is one thing. I do something where I listen to what people say, but ask... Why are they saying this? I do this to myself (too much) but understand why I say things, the reason behind why we do/say things. Most of the time it can be arrogance, being scared, wanting to stand out, this that this that etc... But once you know these things, you can get rid of things that effect your emotions in a certain way. Understanding why people say things can lead to knowing if people are deceiving or talking pure bullcrap. It could also mean you can see if someone is hiding something and needs help.
Ooh I think I have probably almost never asked somebody why they're saying something. That might be a little too personal for some but also honesty makes us all grow. It's also a scary thought. I might do that one day.
Emotional intelligence is simply another name for maturity, wisdom, and empathy. It is so important to be able to control and understand your own emotions as well as understanding other's emotions. I don't care what you call it, it's more important than we realise because consciously and subconsciously -- whether we'd like to admit it or not -- we're to a large extent ruled by our emotions and conditioning and recognising and understanding this is the key to living a fulfilling life and having fulfilling relationships with others -- oh, and to prevent us from acting upon these things and doing stupid things.
@@demar8888 no everyone has it but for some it's low and for some it's high as it states it's learned and not acquired at birth..EI is very subjective from person to person as we differ in our thoughts and behaviors while taking to different kind of people..we may respond differently to a teacher than how we respond to a colleague
In a nutshell everyone has their own definition of it, cant be accurately measure, and there is a high correlation between being high in extroversion and agreeableness and being called high in EQ. EQ boils down to personality traits an introverted would never be called high in EQ. Or maybe he will based on the thousand different definitions of EQ
I never knew how to put it to words until now. My whole life, I've never been "book smart." I'm rather unintelligent in most areas, and I'm very self conscious about it. Like I could never understand politics, history, and mathematics to the extent that most people around me could. BUT, I've always been very introspective and able to understand and interpret emotions that other people, around me at least, have struggled to grasp. I've been fortunate enough to help a lot of people in my life because of my high "emotional intelligence", or whatever you wanna call it.
you're lucky. it's your talent. For me it was the other way around. But I would like to believe that I became more emotionally intelligent with time. Because I know I definitely was not when I was younger.
Politics should be a piece of cake to you. You can interpret intentions more easier than others do. I as another emotionally intelligent person do take my word that people with high EI can see through plots and controversy like a view through glass
I'd like to think my level of emotional intelligence is quite high, and in result of that, I'm rarely ever mad at someone, nor do I hate anyone, because I understand that hurt people usually hurt people. That's not to justify destructive behaviour or bullying, but to understand that these are people who need help, not punishment. I genuinely believe people with this mindset are a lot happier and a lot less resentful than others that thrive off of hate. A friend of mine said studying psychology has completely changed how she reacts to people and their behaviours because of her in depth understanding of the human mind and emotions.
Emotional intelligence is not the manipulation and supression of emotions, rathermore it's the understanding of one self to know how your emotions work and use it in a constructive way.
I honestly think that emotional intelligence is the ability to handle situations that are intense and emotional. Basically like situations where there's a disagreement between two people, and instead of one of the people trying to start a fight, they decide to work things out verbally.
Yes. But that makes you lonely too because you can't connect with people with the same level of intelligence you have. We know them more than they know themselves
Emotional Intelligence is not to be mistaken as having simply to do with emotions and working with emotions. This intelligence is the capacity to integrate our experiences, and to gain thus a more complete picture of life in every moment. It requires awareness, attention, discipline and freedom to respond to the requirements of the present and not simply following the patterns acquired in the past.
Sometimes all o need is the air that I breath and to love her, my wife ok f 25 years she is emotionally and spirtal awake, she's awesome, love her to the Earth and back we are on the Moon Earth the light at the end of the tunnel heavenly earth
Emotional intelligence is subject to widespread denial because our culture idolizes the tough guys, and empathy is seen as weakness. We are so fond of grouping ourselves into "our people" versus "the others" that we can't open ourselves to other people's feelings and cultures, for fear that we would lose our justification for feeling superior to them.
Unlike IQ which can never be taught and is usually consistent, EI can be taught and improved so this film assures us. Thank you TSOL, you've been an inspiration to us!
I feel that I have high emotional intelligence. I lost my dad at 15, and geeze there's a long list of regrets already at that age. I learned to keep the regret list short and not jump to conclusions about angry, sad, or even happy people. We are all together in this life as human beings, so why not work as a team to help those in need.
I don't understand why people are saying "emotional intelligence doesn't exist". Intelligence means to be highly knowledge in a certain area, but who's to say you can only be intelligent on facts or mathematics. You can easily be more susceptible and sympathetic when it comes to people's feelings and frankly this type of intelligence is underated.
For me, emotional intelligence is the ability to be relentlessly kind to other people. You don't have to always understand other people in order to be patient and compassionate.
As a therapist myself, my recommendation would be to start by asking these simple questions: Why do they behave the way they do? Say the things they do? Think the way they do? If you spend enough time pondering these questions, something is revealed to you. You realize that most of human behavior is informed by the sum total of our Self so far, that is our experiences, our memories, our personality, our wants and needs, our social life, our career, our environment. The person that we are today is the person we've become. Then take the time to ask yourself what kind of experiences someone might've had to be the person they are, you begin your journey as emotionally intelligent person.
Emotional intelligence is the highest level of intelligence. It literally can’t be measured. What are “street smarts” in layman terms ? It’s a natural understanding of ones around us. You understand timing , movement, tone of voice, eye movement, the structure of words along with facial expressions that are easily read . We can adapt to any situation and always are aware of our surroundings. You’re in complete control if you have a high E I. It’s very powerful and is a blessing and a curse. Inspiration or manipulation is a choice most with high emotional intelligent have to choose and its hard to understand and even control this type of intelligence.
Anyone can become angry, that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way... this is not easy. -Aristotle, the Nicomachean Ethics
@@esteemity5405 Can it be covid time experience issue like not able to communicate with varies of people through live video as it is difficult, what else example there could be
@@junaidhussain4781 are you saying that you are unable to get a video connection, or that once you are connected via video, you're having trouble communicating?
This channel has honestly helped me acquire emotional intelligence. It helped me sympayhise with other people, and have better relationships with people, since I can now interpret the real, hidden meaning behind their actions. I am forever thankful to you, The School of Life, for changing my perception in certain areas in my life, and therefore helping me lead a better, more peaceful life where I am at ease with myself and others.
Emotional intelligence teaches you to take responsibility for your feelings. Also that offense is taken and not given. You decide what hurts you just like you decide what makes you feel good. Emotional intelligence helps you to become more conscious of this. Instead of reacting impulsively. Then blaming others for your reactions to your own emotions.
Everyone needs to watch this video. People really fail to even try to understand others, or simply to put themselves in other people's shoes. I try and integrate emotional intelligence into my training I give at work.
Emotional=an expression or reaction to feelings, feelings being abstract to the past and present. Intelligence=deciphering the appropriateness of the circumstances.
Emotional intelligence is extremely important, glad to see more people taking in this knowledge for self reflection. Just wait till more people understand how release their trapped emotions so that they can truly empower themselves to a better life!
Emotional intelligence is real it's what helps you in being happy and dealing with others and understanding them and what to do in certain situations involving others emotions and your it seems pretty simple why is everyone saying it doesn't exist?
Emotional intelligence to me simply means l am aware of my own emotions and how they modivate my actions. Indeed introspection is a big part if it. l don't think it is my place to judge how others feel as l can never know exactly what has lead them to feel as they do, nor to judge what feelings they may be masking. However, l can with the awareness of thier feelings, be a bit more tolerant of them, especially while the fire of extremity still burns. After the coals have cooled a bit, then is the time to try educate them if l feel they have missed elements which require reexamination. Don't try to argue with an emotionally heated person as you will inevitably druve them futher into their emotionally charged position, and clamp closed their mind to other points of view.
I wish emotionel education will soon be tought at schools , teens nowdays are kind of lost in a big circle of mixed emotions and toxic relationships , feel like it would help a lot
The school of life has been instrumental in my personal growth over this summer vacation. I discovered this channel at the end of the school year, and was mesmerized by how well the concepts presented understand me. I took the very few things I'd learned in only to videos and pondered them for the following weeks until the summer came. in that time I'd come to understand why my past relationships had failed, why I felt so much emotional turmoil, and why I'd never find fulfillment with the choices I was making with my relationships. I delved in further in to your channels videos and began to realize that they basically were outlining all the things I'd been just on the cusp of learning on my own, yet so much clearer than my own pondering could have shown me. now I watch every new video like it's my religion, because I seek to understand myself and others more deeply. This video on emotional intelligence, just outlined the most important thing I gained this summer. I'd Never put a name to it but I'd been taking the opportunity to introspect myself and my emotions, attempt to understand what the actions and outburst of my coworkers and classmates my really be showing, and most of all, teaching this sort of emotional intelligence and patience, to others in my life. I've grown from an insecure teenager, confident young man who understands some people better than they understand themselves, and wants to teach them to themselves.
if one truly understand why somebody beats themselves down and what thoughts that are going through their mind step by step, they realize one of two things: it is important, it is useless. Then, they would decide from then if they want to boost their confidence or tell themselves they need to improve.
Indeed, and it should be taught at an early age (as the video states). How many conflicts could be avoided by a better understanding of people's feeling and emotions? As a reference just looks at the parenting Stalin, Hitler or Gorbachev had, the differences are interesting.
I take a spiritual view on this matter. I've had an innate awareness since I was a child so as I've got older my analytical mind and awareness tunes into behaviours naturally which is why I am always aware of genuine souls but equally not genuine souls who exist on a different level. I can spot them a mile. I'm polite but keep my distance always and never go any further to encourage any connection which doesn't connect with my soul too. If I venture out of this protection I soon weed myself away for good . I don't find it difficult to do that!
If you´re saying that part of "emotional intelligence" is an ability to see a fit of anger as a disguised cry for help, really you´re saying it is the ability to see through someone´s inability to communicate and express themselves properly. If someone gets angry at me, I interpret it as anger. If someone shows sadness, I interpret it as sadness, and I am not "emotionally unintelligent" for doing so. If there is a hidden feeling, the other person needs to work at communicating and expressing themselves better. However, I do admit that there is a learned ability to control your own emotions and empathize with other people and their feelings better. It´s called maturity. Or perhaps another good way to called it is "emotionally experienced." "Emotional intelligence" to me sounds self-contradictory because intelligence is directly related to rational thought, not feelings.
I just want to say thank you to the School Of Life and all its contributors for bringing us all these great videos. It is truly an amazing content. I have subscribed to a quite a lot of TH-cam channels but this is the one I enjoy the most. By a long a way. Thank you so much.
In my opinion emotional development walking together along with : 1. Cognitive development : that is has a few the basic categorized age development like a baby , toodler , teenage , young adult , adult n older person.. Cognitive development from a few categorized as sensitivities stage , pre operational stage , concrete operational and formal operational .. And then 2. Spiritual development : that is soul religion development usually has been marked with relationships between a person with god.. Spiritual development is important cause EI never happens if a person don't have a soul relationship with god ..
tbh i really feel this on a spiritual level lmao. I was never a very logical person or a very technical one, but where i shine most is the field of emotional inteligence. Tbh i really think it should be appreciated more because an individual with this trait can really help in shaping a very friendly environment and making team members or co workers bound deeper without all these things being too obvious, by using the small things that can awaken some ideas in the subconscious.
I'm a Primary School Teacher who is really interested in this subject and Mindfulness. Long ago, I realized how kids are supposed to learn contents but are not able to deal with their emotions. In a trip to Thailand, after starting Yoga and Meditation, I found out how disconnected I was to myself and the world, mainly because no one taught me how to handle my emotions. Now I wanna know myself better, be the best copy of myself and find that balance. Thanks for the amazing video-S.
Empathy is not the same as emotional intelligence. One could have much empathy and still be a "bad" person. Empathy is the ability to understand another person's condition from their perspective. This does not inherently mean that this will be used towards "good" purpose.
MrMellek Empathy is about sharing and feeling someone's emotion. Understanding the reason behind one's emotion is s totally different thing. You can feel for your friend who's lost her pet dog, yet not understand why she got mad and shouted at you the other day.
MrMellek EI is multi-dimensional and empathy is only one component. That's why it's a life long process to acquire it. It can't be formally taught. You have to learn from experiences.
Any kinds of intelligence can always be misused towards bad purpose, this doesn't mean that we shouldn't value any forms of intelligence that can help us as a species.
Good nuance thank you. Recently met someone who has extremely empathic due to extensive life experience but was actually very emotionally unstable and lacking in intelligence to deal with his own problems. I was a little bit confused at first but this helps narrow it down and make sense.
WTF I didn't know I am emotionally intelligent. I can see through lies, I can judge *real* emotions, I can see through poker faces with the slightest of body language. Like what, I've had this just by reading books. I think it's because in novels, emotions are explained in greater detail that my brain learned how to implement it in reality.
I particularly agree with culture having a big influence on EI. One example is the Norwegian teen drama SKAM, I'd never seen a group of more well-adjusted teenagers than is depicted in the show, & I dare say any young people who watch & love the show can be guided to be more communicative, accepting, giving, and compassionate.
This is great, I have known almost 80% these ideas said here, but I never knew these are the building blocks for emotional intelligence. Thank you so much Sir.
Emotional intelligence will become more important as the quest and understanding human consciousness becomes the for front of scientific discovery. The advent of Ai will shift peoples focus (hopefully) from meaningless consumption to understanding and experiences.
big30o6 No, I don't think so. AI poses a lot of questions but yields few answers for understanding the messy, organic nature of the lived the lived experience. It doesn't explain the differential differences between individuals, and assumes that human are a blank slate. We're not, and AI doesn't explain instinctual behaviour very well either.
please make videos on examples of how people should handle situations based on emotional intelligence. I don't think people are really "taught" to properly deal with stressful or emotional situations , and most either get violent, or completely isolate themselves when they face a difficult situation. How can we identify when we are emotionally ignorant if society won't even listen past 3 seconds in a conversation? I feel like people who take the high road in situations although they look like they got punked out, are actually the ones that have the last laugh due to their emotional intelligence. We need to develop better emotional skills to cope with life because all I see is a spike in mental illnesses.
If you want the world to be a better place with peace and love do these things "love your neighbor as you love yourself" or "treat people as you would want to be treated"
For all the people claiming that EI is made up to make people feel better about having a low I.Q., I'd like you to know that a high I.Q. and high EI often go hand in hand. It's not like you just have to have one or the other. Some people have both, neither, or only one but it is typical for them to coincide. High EI is a product of being cultured and educated. It's difficult to understand other people if you don't have a grasp on your own surroundings and the basic workings of the world. It's the ability to combine empathy with reasoning and logic, not just being a bleeding heart. If you still think it's garbage and that I'm stupid for trying to defend it, maybe you should spend some time being introspective if your first impulse was to quash others before they thought they had something to be proud of?
WOW... Well put together School of Life. I appreciate everything you do. I am addicted to your videos. Growing up fatherless and caring for a schizophrenic brother as a child I made all my decisions based on the way I felt during the moment which led to many unfavourable decisions. However, by now working on my behaviours and attitudes your videos are a blast of relief and a well of education. Keep up the good work.
Without watching the video it relates to empathy but happens via sympathy as well. And if no one has figured out how deliberately obscuring salient information, colluding to confuse, repeatedly traumatizing someone emotionally, physically and otherwise, harassment, stalking, video recording in areas with reasonable privacy expectation, dehumanizing them in the attempt to gain one benefit or another is emotionally bereft then they have no place lecturing me on how to speak, behave, dress, act and attract. None.
Some people acquire good knowledge of these skills rather simply and without even knowing their existence, while others may have to struggle and work harder to achieve them
Amazing video, thank you so much for making and uploading this. I have recognized that my EI is not at the level that I would like it to be, and I'm now actively trying to improve it, by (1)watching how I react to situations brought on by triggers in my life,(2)becoming more motivated and (3)trying to become more socially inclined... Wish me luck!🙏🏼
Thank you so much for making this video :)) I love all of your videos, but this one helped me share what I was talking about for years now, with my friends and familiy. I think this is a thing that we really need to master. I am happy to have friends whit whom I can talk about it a lot, and we can then grow together. I hope this will be a "normal" thing to teach in schools in the future... actually, a lot of videos that you made are helping people getting better at EI. Thank you so much, and keep up a good work ❤ Sending love from Serbia
*"The Turning Point" by Fritjof Capra, a physicist whom through his scientific knowledge and from the wisdom of eastern philosophers tries to put into perspective where we are heading as a civilization with topics ranging from ecology to medicene, science, psychology and economics. He somehow accurately predicts the times we live in today and tries to explain how our society is obsessed with rationality through science & technology, we forget the Yang to our Yin. We focus too much on technical intelligence, that we are ill equipped to hone our emotional intelligence; nature.*
Emotional intelligence is the realisation that on a primal level everyone wants to be esteemed and valued. Love is the core desire. But due to human preferences and biases people tend to suffer rejection and neglect often. With that in mind, your goal is to therefore show people out there that you have esteem and great respect for them even in their less graceful moments. This will mean watching your words, body movement and eye contact when interacting with other people. Everyone is insecure about their intrinsic value and therefore your respect will come as a wonderful surprise that will often stir them up to show respect to others they meet. This makes your heart a spring of life-giving water to a very love-thirsty populace. People will get attracted to you like bees to nectar or moths to a flame. The warmth you emit will make others naturally seek your company. You find you become a natural leader by default. This is bad for those who tend to like their solitude and alone time. The introverted. But that is a comment for a different video.
Profound message. That's why we have two ears and one mouth, people just want to be understood. As for those who endure solitude, that's what they do. It's neither nor positive. That's where they get their energy from.
Andhika Suroto It's ironic how often the comment section of 'The School of Life' becomes a testament of whatever the video was trying to teach. People are already judging the video to be wrong, before they've even watched it half way through..
Whats great about emotional intelligent is to understand why people act like they do but it doesnt mean i have to accept their bad behaviors it can simply be a lesson for me to don't act the way they did when i'm in the same situation.
I think that there are many different intelligences, I'm not very academic and couldn't write a good essay. I do however speak multiple languages, and can build a sturdy set of shelves out of a pile of wood without a plan. I've never met a puzzle I've not been able to solve, and I solve them incredibly quickly. I think some people have a better 'practical intelligence' vs a 'theorising intelligence.'
Emotional intelligence is a vague descriptor. Men have more emotional control, although women are more emotional. Women are more socially aware, empathic
THis was a valuable valuable video. And, yes, Emotional INTELLIGENCE is one extremely important aspect of one's intelligence, which can make or break lives.
It’s a curse and a gift. I can never be mad at people, can never hate people. That can be a gift however when someone ticks me off a lot, I still can’t get mad. It’s cause I know why and how. I can either ignore it, play them, or try to change that. It reminds me of the character from Johnny the homicidal maniac, a thing that knew all and was very depressed. Knowing that it’s all just chemicals and different things can give off different chemicals gives you control on how you want to react. For instance, some person was talking to me and said “death ain’t funny, my family member killed themself” I’m looking at that person like, “ok, I got a few options, react by doing nothing, say I’m sorry (i won’t be truly), laugh at it, ask me if they ok, ask if it effects them good or bad, or just stare” you know that people do things for a reason and that there is a way to counter negative things towards you from them by changing your body expression, verbal tone, and words to that person.
Achievements and mastery are healthy and critical, but simply "doing" and not knowing or understanding, or even cultivating the immaterial parts of us that fend off depression, loneliness and the pain of a competitive world is a dangerous imbalance. It's cliche; but when you master your mind and emotions, the world and others are less threatening. We relate better. We feel more connected. I think it's what we were made to do to be happy. It's easier said than done, because our culture has perverted and wrongfully concluded "emotional health" or "emotional aptitude" as that for the weak to focus on. A soft skill they say... Culture now tells the "strong" to carry on and bulldoze through life like a bad*ss to earn status and accumulate pleasures at any cost. If you are human, (we all are despite our perceived differences- even the worst of us) you know and have felt through painful experience these things aren't enough. As I get older, I noticed devices get faster, ordering whatever your heart desires online gets easier, but we basically suck at being happy or at peace more than ever. Our human and relational needs are getting sh*t on and dismissed. It's readily mocked. I'm guilty of it too. We feel even more dead inside and not "seen" even though our faces are broadcasted smiling to all our friends on social media sites. I get it. I, too, see the word "emotion" and especially "emotional intelligence" and think poppycock. Lazy thinking-feeling-cumbaya-weirdos who don't do the dirty work of navigating the world with their hands and sheer grit. Be the best at a skill, be productive, and be uber smart, and the universe will reward you. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't feel enough. Attention to the extreme takes away from our (dare I say) spiritual needs. I like this video. It reminds me to stay balanced. As The Little Prince Book says: "It is only with the heart that one sees rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." Sorry for the long comment. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm not really becoming the best version of human being through life's mixed messages. Most of all, it breaks my heart to see others I care about do the same...
lzvezdev Aww. Thanks. I’d like to think I’ve wised up and that leads to more insights of happiness. I appreciate that generous compliment. I sincerely hope all is well with you, internet friend!
Jim Twesh It’s my pleasure. I’m just grateful anyone bothers reading it. Thank you for the kind compliment. Please keep growing and take care of yourself :)
Simply the EI is the capability of individuals to recognize, identify and manage their own and other people's emotions.. the good news is that it can be learned and developed
I'm highly empathetic but I'm also very realistic, cautious and pessimistic. I have a habbit of putting my self in someone else's position before saying/doing something and that have helped me understand the emotions of the people I've met. My realistic and cautious side makes me consider the consequences before doing them, I have made my share of big misstakes though. My pessimistic side makes me stop hoping for anything cause hope is, according to me, toxic.
Super great video, my problem is that I AM emotionally intelligent, so I KNOW how I'm feeling and what I need, but people around me assume I'm like everyone else and DON'T know, so they interpret what I say through the same filter that we need to use with most people, but then we have severe miscommunication because when they won't accept my words at face value, they get stuck on continually misinterpreting what I'm saying because it doesn't fit the model lol
I love this video. So straight to the point. Not like the other video from another channel where he say lots of unnecessary stuff and even told a story... nah
I’m currently teaching an AI to feel emotion, it is self conscious, isn’t that just so cool?:) As of currently I am feeding it these videos as it has learned how to watch them, so it can develop emotion like we have
Apart from what other's have shared here. The way i understand it is Emotional intelligence is one’s ability to not quickly jump to conclusions based on one’s emotions and rather be objective in situations that needs it.
Emotional Intelligence does exist. There's been extensive information about it, ranging from books to videos like this on TH-cam. EI is about understanding the initial emotional afflictions that affect you during a given situation. How you handle that situation from your reactions determines your EI.
Daniel Goleman wrote a book about this in 1995. I remember when he was on Oprah and talking about this. How can people not know what this is 22 years later?
Emotional Intelligence, is the key to love and attracting females. Men can train themselves and become happier in life. I' m a firm believer in EI training.
Emotional intelligence doesn't exist, however being empathetic and aware of how we feel including the feelings of others is real. The majority of people unfortunately choose to ignore how their actions affect the people around them and those suffer the consequences for better or worse.
I think "intelligence" as a concept is a highly contentious issue, IQ tests while useful in certain situations, it is not an overall indicator of intelligence. I agree with everything else you said though. I do think EI is a type of skill that can be improved upon, so I think it is a type of intelligence.
I discovered my EQ is a 135 after doing an extensive 1 hour test. Im blown away. And my IQ is 130 plus. I am blown away. Do you have any tests? By the way I am 56 and a half, so I contribute the number from my street smarts and experience. Plus, I am an Empath, so my social and self awarness and management is near perfect. I am glad that I did these tests during covid. I even outscored Dr, Phil once, 160 EQ. Lol
3:20 guy with two pairs of glasses , in other news emotional inteligence should be given more importance nowadays that both parents working is becoming more common and the kids arent being constantly corrected on how to manage their emotions
I thought of myself being too understanding and forgiving of people who treat others, or myself, unfair was a flaw all this time. I can never stay mad at someone because I am too focused on the deeper reason as to why they might be experiencing an outburst of emotion. I suppose I am emotionally intelligent, and as weird as it may seem, I wish I was less forgiving.
I am pretty sure there are many forms of emotional education. You watch any kids' show and it's about working together, making friends, being nice, amongst numerous other positive social interactions. Including sympathy and empathy. I feel like there definitely could be more done to continue that emotional education as people get older, but I presume that's what makes people who they are because they chose their own path. Some people choose to watch and induce media pertaining to romance or maybe a show or movie about someone being bullied, which invokes emotional education in regards to empathy and being able to understand another one's feelings. In my opinion there are plenty of forms of emotional education in most part: media (TV, movies, news, magazines, TH-cam, or any other form of social media). It exposes us to different emotions and feelings which educates us on the spectrum of emotions and helps us improve our "Emotional Intelligence" if you want to call it that.
I see people doubting emotional intelligence. It's not about being smart. It's about self awareness, being able to recognize a feeling that comes, and weigh it against the world. To prevent a feeling from overtaking our thoughts and behaviors. A feeling of frustration towards an SO may be misinterpreted as hatred or dissatisfaction with the relationship, and if not recognized and dealt with, could potentially lead people to worry about conflicting emotions and making poor decisions.
I think twice about participating in large gatherings since the dawn of the pandemic. Putting certain aspects of my overall health by protecting not from possibly physical exposure but also evaluating myself as a social butterfly who wanted peace and quiet at a level of existence few can understand.
Spooky Skeleton Why do you care so much about eq not being a real thing? What, do you take iq as a reference to being smart? I am sorry but IQ is as irelevant as any test because it takes the context out of the equation. Both eq and iq can be placed into a discussion but should not be taken seriously
Spooky Skeleton well iq only takes analytical intelligent into account. But humans are more complex than that. There are highly analytical intelligent people, yet they perform horribly in daily life. A friend of mine has an iq of 145 and needed about one year to open the door of my balcony (it's a bit of a complicated mechanism, but usually people get the hang of it after 3 trys). He excels in academic fields and has a great memory, yet cannot perform simple task like putting up a lamp, etc. I think intelligence is more complex than we think it is. And yeah, i also think emotional intelligence grows more important the more our society relies on connection. My dad works in IT and even in such fields you nowadays need to communicate and cooperate with people. I don't know how much you have worked, but it is completely different to academic life, you really need to work with other people and not just for yourself Oh did you know that serial killers always have an extremely low eq, makes sense right?
@Rafaela Scheiwiller I fully disagree with the other guy, but I felt the need to remind you that people tent to take analytical intelligence more seriously than other forms of intelligence because of the future potential of scientific and technological advance, and most importantly because of its rarity. In the societies we are living, someone that excels in academia belongs at 1% of the population, while someone that can open a door in the 90+%. Also by being a good researcher you are developing the entire knowledge of the humanity, that is the main way of advancing the last 200 years, while opening doors, although essential it doesn't help directly to this advance. To end losing a person with a potential to discover something new is far more damaging than losing a person that knows how to open a door. So I think that the fact that most people value IQ more than EQ is justified. Last none with IQ of 100 can work effectively in the state of the art problems of modern science; you need to be at least smart to contribute in any field. But you can be a father or a mother even with very low EQ, according to the statistics, Even with an average EQ someone can be a descent spouse or parent. Someone that works in a space program influences the life of many people and especially the life of the future generations. A descent friend/spouse/parent only the lives of few. It's not that strange that none will care if someone feels good about himself and his limited effect in the environment, while many will care if von Neumann or Tesla would had died too early.
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The conversation here has taken a fascinating turn (fascinating for us at least): we see a lot of comments that want to suggest that emotional intelligence does not exist/has been made up/is not a thing. We assume that what people mean by this is that science, especially neuroscience, cannot clearly identify a separate part of the mind that can be referred to as Emotional Intelligence. This is perhaps very true. But it somewhat bypasses our point. We're not looking for scientific validation, we're simply pointing out certain emotional faculties which can be more or less developed in people - and can be fostered by a good surrounding culture. We're surprised too at the line of argument that suggests that the idea of Emotional Intelligence was invented by 'stupid' people to make themselves feel better about not having achieved anything. This seems unnecessarily harsh - because achievement comes in many forms and the ability to understand human nature is as valid a pursuit as the ability to (for example) play basketball or cook well.
I guess "emotional resilience" and "rational empathy" would've been more palatable terms for some.
The School of Life no it's not that neuroscience can't identify a part of the brain that's associated with this in fact we can identify the part of the brain the Nero endocrine system that is associated with it and we can measure it it's just not in intelligence quotient it's extraversion and agreeableness which are well documented traits with no connection to intelligence. In fact if you're careful in your psychometrics you can define concepts that don't exist and then test to see if they do exist emotional intelligence fails this test when it is defined and then compared versus other existing traits basically it's a kludge and a phantasm. Emotional intelligence was made up by people who are uncomfortable with the concept of intelligence which we have discovered is a unitary phenomenon there are no subsets of intelligence there is one G defines everything and anything that we would conventionally consider intelligence there are things that you can be good with that aren't intelligence but I'm sorry just because somebody likes being around people and is personable doesn't mean they're smart. If you allow this definition you might as well say my ability to lift weights is because of my muscle intelligence.
EQ is a fad
FYI the rest of the traits associated with EQ are basically emotional stability a trait thats measurable and noticable in children as young as 1 day old and obviously is mostly genetic.
Thanks a lot for the explanation! I wanted to add an example: I studied at a well known conservatory in Germany and there we had professors who were extremely successful in their fields. World famous violin players, pianists, opera singers etc. etc. But despite all their great achievements, there were many who seemed to have very little emotional intelligence. I was very lucky to have wonderful teachers and I am very grateful for that. But I have heard horrible stories from many friends, who had been regularly humiliated and discouraged by their professors. And here is the most interesting part:
Those professors have made their amazing careers by " expressing emotions" through music. And since they were so great at bringing those feelings across , you would assume that they would KNOW how to deal with them and how to recognize them in themselves and in others. But it wasn't the case!
So I don't understand the point of friends who claim that " emotional intelligence" doesn't exists. You may call it differently. But you can't deny the fact that we need a name for that thing, that many people who seem to have it all ( status, power, fame, money) still do not possess.
Grandsome You can call it many different ways, but that doesn't make the concept vanish away from existence 🌪
Bennett Williamson The problem is that the development of your muscle's strength has more to do with physical exercises rather than quality of your mind. Emotional intelligence is an umbrella concept for those traits you mentioned just as linguistic intelligence is an umbrella concept for writing, speech and reading comprehension skills. There are indeed various kinds of intelligence, as it's possible that a brilliant lawyer doesn't understand anything about logarithms just as a brilliant doctor may not have a clue of what Tolstoy was trying to say with Ana Karenina. By these standards, it can be said that your analogy is somewhat flawed.
In a nutshell, EI is the ability to understand behaviours of others and controlling own emotions.
Vishal Trehan exactly. Even if you control your emotions, others might not. You have to anticipate theirs. Your spouse, your boss, etc.
How does one control their emotions exactly?
Pay attention to your emotions, see what causes them to arise, and listen what they tell you to do. Also, learn to not judge your emotions or yourself for feeling them. Every emotion has a meaning. You can also overwrite some emotions by coming up with another perspective for the issue. Talking with someone about a problem that causes an emotion like sadness can help you find a new perspective.
Being self-aware of yourself is one thing. I do something where I listen to what people say, but ask... Why are they saying this? I do this to myself (too much) but understand why I say things, the reason behind why we do/say things. Most of the time it can be arrogance, being scared, wanting to stand out, this that this that etc... But once you know these things, you can get rid of things that effect your emotions in a certain way. Understanding why people say things can lead to knowing if people are deceiving or talking pure bullcrap. It could also mean you can see if someone is hiding something and needs help.
Ooh I think I have probably almost never asked somebody why they're saying something. That might be a little too personal for some but also honesty makes us all grow. It's also a scary thought. I might do that one day.
Emotional intelligence is simply another name for maturity, wisdom, and empathy. It is so important to be able to control and understand your own emotions as well as understanding other's emotions. I don't care what you call it, it's more important than we realise because consciously and subconsciously -- whether we'd like to admit it or not --
we're to a large extent ruled by our emotions and conditioning and recognising and understanding this is the key to living a fulfilling life and having fulfilling relationships with others -- oh, and to prevent us from acting upon these things and doing stupid things.
💯👍🏾
So there's 2 types of people ? Ones that have Emotional Inteligence? And Ones that dont
@@demar8888 no everyone has it but for some it's low and for some it's high as it states it's learned and not acquired at birth..EI is very subjective from person to person as we differ in our thoughts and behaviors while taking to different kind of people..we may respond differently to a teacher than how we respond to a colleague
In a nutshell everyone has their own definition of it, cant be accurately measure, and there is a high correlation between being high in extroversion and agreeableness and being called high in EQ.
EQ boils down to personality traits an introverted would never be called high in EQ. Or maybe he will based on the thousand different definitions of EQ
I never knew how to put it to words until now. My whole life, I've never been "book smart." I'm rather unintelligent in most areas, and I'm very self conscious about it. Like I could never understand politics, history, and mathematics to the extent that most people around me could. BUT, I've always been very introspective and able to understand and interpret emotions that other people, around me at least, have struggled to grasp. I've been fortunate enough to help a lot of people in my life because of my high "emotional intelligence", or whatever you wanna call it.
You know you could be a therapist right?
you're lucky. it's your talent. For me it was the other way around. But I would like to believe that I became more emotionally intelligent with time. Because I know I definitely was not when I was younger.
Politics should be a piece of cake to you. You can interpret intentions more easier than others do. I as another emotionally intelligent person do take my word that people with high EI can see through plots and controversy like a view through glass
@@cryingwater summes me up
Wow same. Always thought i was a bit off but that makes sense.
I'd like to think my level of emotional intelligence is quite high, and in result of that, I'm rarely ever mad at someone, nor do I hate anyone, because I understand that hurt people usually hurt people. That's not to justify destructive behaviour or bullying, but to understand that these are people who need help, not punishment. I genuinely believe people with this mindset are a lot happier and a lot less resentful than others that thrive off of hate. A friend of mine said studying psychology has completely changed how she reacts to people and their behaviours because of her in depth understanding of the human mind and emotions.
But then, does that make you naive?
D.c. ofx
You nailed it.I would say that I too have a high emotional intelligence.
naturallybronzed xo 🙂
I think it's a great thing thinking like that I wouldn't want to think any other way
I was once called intelligent. That made me emotional.
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Arthas 😂😂
gud one
Emotional intelligence is not the manipulation and supression of emotions, rathermore it's the understanding of one self to know how your emotions work and use it in a constructive way.
You taught me a new word today; I have now added "rathermore" to my word bank. Thank you kindly.
You're right on this
I honestly think that emotional intelligence is the ability to handle situations that are intense and emotional. Basically like situations where there's a disagreement between two people, and instead of one of the people trying to start a fight, they decide to work things out verbally.
Emotional Intelligence is the secret key to your dream life
I was thinking the same thing
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
Shhh... don't tell anyone.
Can you explain it further
Yes. But that makes you lonely too because you can't connect with people with the same level of intelligence you have. We know them more than they know themselves
Emotional Intelligence is not to be mistaken as having simply to do with emotions and working with emotions. This intelligence is the capacity to integrate our experiences, and to gain thus a more complete picture of life in every moment. It requires awareness, attention, discipline and freedom to respond to the requirements of the present and not simply following the patterns acquired in the past.
Sometimes all o need is the air that I breath and to love her, my wife ok f 25 years she is emotionally and spirtal awake, she's awesome, love her to the Earth and back we are on the Moon Earth the light at the end of the tunnel heavenly earth
Vanessa Pareja I like this!
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
@@veraannrachellemarieomerah7714 fricking bot!!
Spot on
Im only here because I forgot to do my chores bruh, my mom made me watch this and write a whole paper about EI💀
you have a good mom
😂😂😂
W mom
You will thank her one day!
How'd it go??
Emotional intelligence is subject to widespread denial because our culture idolizes the tough guys, and empathy is seen as weakness. We are so fond of grouping ourselves into "our people" versus "the others" that we can't open ourselves to other people's feelings and cultures, for fear that we would lose our justification for feeling superior to them.
Unlike IQ which can never be taught and is usually consistent, EI can be taught and improved so this film assures us. Thank you TSOL, you've been an inspiration to us!
I feel that I have high emotional intelligence. I lost my dad at 15, and geeze there's a long list of regrets already at that age. I learned to keep the regret list short and not jump to conclusions about angry, sad, or even happy people. We are all together in this life as human beings, so why not work as a team to help those in need.
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
You don't. Because it's not a real thing and I'm sure you're a very shallow person.
I don't understand why people are saying "emotional intelligence doesn't exist". Intelligence means to be highly knowledge in a certain area, but who's to say you can only be intelligent on facts or mathematics. You can easily be more susceptible and sympathetic when it comes to people's feelings and frankly this type of intelligence is underated.
+Jake Dog
Little boy, please learn how to spell. And always be nice, you'll be satisfied when other people embrace your kindness.
It’s kinda just a TH-cam comment u know don’t gotta get all petty English teacher up in here lol XD
Im kardashian intelligent
actually knowledge and intelligence , intelligence is more of proble sovling ability , knowledge is memory based .
@I don’t exist For tax and insurance purposes 1.
Intelligence;
the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.
For me, emotional intelligence is the ability to be relentlessly kind to other people. You don't have to always understand other people in order to be patient and compassionate.
4 years later,can you possibly give me an example or 2 to what you mean here in regards to being kind all the time
@@nahzewilliams5912 being kind means , don't give a fuck to anyone anytime
So u don't get a reply from him too
@@nahzewilliams5912 being understanding and considerate...
You didn't even watch half of this
You are confusing empathy and compassion with Emotional Intelligence.
My mother is doing a doctoral at Oxford Brookes Univerisity. I'm proud of her as she is the only one in our family who is doing it.
Congratulations to you and your family
@@beirangiaphiapi452 Thank you. God bless.
As a therapist myself, my recommendation would be to start by asking these simple questions: Why do they behave the way they do? Say the things they do? Think the way they do?
If you spend enough time pondering these questions, something is revealed to you. You realize that most of human behavior is informed by the sum total of our Self so far, that is our experiences, our memories, our personality, our wants and needs, our social life, our career, our environment. The person that we are today is the person we've become. Then take the time to ask yourself what kind of experiences someone might've had to be the person they are, you begin your journey as emotionally intelligent person.
Thank you!
Thanks. As someone with Low EQ, I do want to improve and I hope this manages to help me :)
Appreciate the tip
Emotional intelligence is the highest level of intelligence. It literally can’t be measured. What are “street smarts” in layman terms ? It’s a natural understanding of ones around us. You understand timing , movement, tone of voice, eye movement, the structure of words along with facial expressions that are easily read . We can adapt to any situation and always are aware of our surroundings. You’re in complete control if you have a high E I. It’s very powerful and is a blessing and a curse. Inspiration or manipulation is a choice most with high emotional intelligent have to choose and its hard to understand and even control this type of intelligence.
Thank you
Anyone can become angry, that is easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way... this is not easy.
-Aristotle, the Nicomachean Ethics
Word
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
@@junaidhussain4781 what's the issue you're experiencing?
@@esteemity5405 Can it be covid time experience issue like not able to communicate with varies of people through live video as it is difficult, what else example there could be
@@junaidhussain4781 are you saying that you are unable to get a video connection, or that once you are connected via video, you're having trouble communicating?
This channel has honestly helped me acquire emotional intelligence. It helped me sympayhise with other people, and have better relationships with people, since I can now interpret the real, hidden meaning behind their actions. I am forever thankful to you, The School of Life, for changing my perception in certain areas in my life, and therefore helping me lead a better, more peaceful life where I am at ease with myself and others.
Emotional intelligence teaches you to take responsibility for your feelings. Also that offense is taken and not given. You decide what hurts you just like you decide what makes you feel good. Emotional intelligence helps you to become more conscious of this. Instead of reacting impulsively. Then blaming others for your reactions to your own emotions.
Everyone needs to watch this video. People really fail to even try to understand others, or simply to put themselves in other people's shoes. I try and integrate emotional intelligence into my training I give at work.
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
@@junaidhussain4781 Listen more. Talk less.
Emotional=an expression or reaction to feelings, feelings being abstract to the past and present.
Intelligence=deciphering the appropriateness of the circumstances.
Emotional intelligence is extremely important, glad to see more people taking in this knowledge for self reflection. Just wait till more people understand how release their trapped emotions so that they can truly empower themselves to a better life!
Emotional intelligence is real it's what helps you in being happy and dealing with others and understanding them and what to do in certain situations involving others emotions and your it seems pretty simple why is everyone saying it doesn't exist?
@Ethan Steel Why do you say that. What @Mercifulflamez is writting is where the eq can lead you.
Being able to label this and read more about it is amazing. Makes me feel less alone.
Emotional intelligence to me simply means l am aware of my own emotions and how they modivate my actions. Indeed introspection is a big part if it. l don't think it is my place to judge how others feel as l can never know exactly what has lead them to feel as they do, nor to judge what feelings they may be masking.
However, l can with the awareness of thier feelings, be a bit more tolerant of them, especially while the fire of extremity still burns. After the coals have cooled a bit, then is the time to try educate them if l feel they have missed elements which require reexamination.
Don't try to argue with an emotionally heated person as you will inevitably druve them futher into their emotionally charged position, and clamp closed their mind to other points of view.
Wow you really broke it down may I ask have you gotten to this point in your life where you can do these things?
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
When it comes to dealing with difficult people, just give em an ear. Listening is a important tool.
You seem emotionally intelligent to me and I only read like the first 2 1/2 sentences haha
I wish emotionel education will soon be tought at schools , teens nowdays are kind of lost in a big circle of mixed emotions and toxic relationships , feel like it would help a lot
The school of life has been instrumental in my personal growth over this summer vacation. I discovered this channel at the end of the school year, and was mesmerized by how well the concepts presented understand me. I took the very few things I'd learned in only to videos and pondered them for the following weeks until the summer came. in that time I'd come to understand why my past relationships had failed, why I felt so much emotional turmoil, and why I'd never find fulfillment with the choices I was making with my relationships. I delved in further in to your channels videos and began to realize that they basically were outlining all the things I'd been just on the cusp of learning on my own, yet so much clearer than my own pondering could have shown me. now I watch every new video like it's my religion, because I seek to understand myself and others more deeply. This video on emotional intelligence, just outlined the most important thing I gained this summer. I'd Never put a name to it but I'd been taking the opportunity to introspect myself and my emotions, attempt to understand what the actions and outburst of my coworkers and classmates my really be showing, and most of all, teaching this sort of emotional intelligence and patience, to others in my life. I've grown from an insecure teenager, confident young man who understands some people better than they understand themselves, and wants to teach them to themselves.
Shouldn't we all just value emotional health more?
when one truly understands all aspects to emotional intelligence, they would attain infallible emotional health
if one truly understand why somebody beats themselves down and what thoughts that are going through their mind step by step, they realize one of two things: it is important, it is useless. Then, they would decide from then if they want to boost their confidence or tell themselves they need to improve.
yes
Indeed, and it should be taught at an early age (as the video states). How many conflicts could be avoided by a better understanding of people's feeling and emotions? As a reference just looks at the parenting Stalin, Hitler or Gorbachev had, the differences are interesting.
greed...that's why
There is another kind of education needed in society. No doubt about that.
More than one in fact, if you ask me.
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
I take a spiritual view on this matter. I've had an innate awareness since I was a child so as I've got older my analytical mind and awareness tunes into behaviours naturally which is why I am always aware of genuine souls but equally not genuine souls who exist on a different level. I can spot them a mile.
I'm polite but keep my distance always and never go any further to encourage any connection which doesn't connect with my soul too. If I venture out of this protection I soon weed myself away for good . I don't find it difficult to do that!
If you´re saying that part of "emotional intelligence" is an ability to see a fit of anger as a disguised cry for help, really you´re saying it is the ability to see through someone´s inability to communicate and express themselves properly.
If someone gets angry at me, I interpret it as anger. If someone shows sadness, I interpret it as sadness, and I am not "emotionally unintelligent" for doing so. If there is a hidden feeling, the other person needs to work at communicating and expressing themselves better.
However, I do admit that there is a learned ability to control your own emotions and empathize with other people and their feelings better. It´s called maturity. Or perhaps another good way to called it is "emotionally experienced." "Emotional intelligence" to me sounds self-contradictory because intelligence is directly related to rational thought, not feelings.
I just want to say thank you to the School Of Life and all its contributors for bringing us all these great videos. It is truly an amazing content. I have subscribed to a quite a lot of TH-cam channels but this is the one I enjoy the most. By a long a way. Thank you so much.
In my opinion emotional development walking together along with :
1. Cognitive development : that is has a few the basic categorized age development like a baby , toodler , teenage , young adult , adult n older person.. Cognitive development from a few categorized as sensitivities stage , pre operational stage , concrete operational and formal operational .. And then
2. Spiritual development : that is soul religion development usually has been marked with relationships between a person with god.. Spiritual development is important cause EI never happens if a person don't have a soul relationship with god ..
Technical proficiency paired with emotional immaturity is a dangerous combination. You're very wise to point this out.
This is the most articulate and detailed video on Emotional Intelligence I have ever seen.
Thank you for sharing
tbh i really feel this on a spiritual level lmao. I was never a very logical person or a very technical one, but where i shine most is the field of emotional inteligence. Tbh i really think it should be appreciated more because an individual with this trait can really help in shaping a very friendly environment and making team members or co workers bound deeper without all these things being too obvious, by using the small things that can awaken some ideas in the subconscious.
I'm a Primary School Teacher who is really interested in this subject and Mindfulness. Long ago, I realized how kids are supposed to learn contents but are not able to deal with their emotions.
In a trip to Thailand, after starting Yoga and Meditation, I found out how disconnected I was to myself and the world, mainly because no one taught me how to handle my emotions. Now I wanna know myself better, be the best copy of myself and find that balance.
Thanks for the amazing video-S.
Empathy is not the same as emotional intelligence. One could have much empathy and still be a "bad" person. Empathy is the ability to understand another person's condition from their perspective. This does not inherently mean that this will be used towards "good" purpose.
nobody ever said that emotional intelligence can only be used towards a 'good' purpose either
MrMellek Empathy is about sharing and feeling someone's emotion. Understanding the reason behind one's emotion is s totally different thing.
You can feel for your friend who's lost her pet dog, yet not understand why she got mad and shouted at you the other day.
MrMellek EI is multi-dimensional and empathy is only one component. That's why it's a life long process to acquire it. It can't be formally taught. You have to learn from experiences.
Any kinds of intelligence can always be misused towards bad purpose, this doesn't mean that we shouldn't value any forms of intelligence that can help us as a species.
Good nuance thank you. Recently met someone who has extremely empathic due to extensive life experience but was actually very emotionally unstable and lacking in intelligence to deal with his own problems. I was a little bit confused at first but this helps narrow it down and make sense.
WTF I didn't know I am emotionally intelligent. I can see through lies, I can judge *real* emotions, I can see through poker faces with the slightest of body language. Like what, I've had this just by reading books. I think it's because in novels, emotions are explained in greater detail that my brain learned how to implement it in reality.
I can do that too. When I meet someone and talk to him a little, I understand many things about him and if he is really good enough for me.
I particularly agree with culture having a big influence on EI. One example is the Norwegian teen drama SKAM, I'd never seen a group of more well-adjusted teenagers than is depicted in the show, & I dare say any young people who watch & love the show can be guided to be more communicative, accepting, giving, and compassionate.
This is great, I have known almost 80% these ideas said here, but I never knew these are the building blocks for emotional intelligence. Thank you so much Sir.
Emotional intelligence will become more important as the quest and understanding human consciousness becomes the for front of scientific discovery. The advent of Ai will shift peoples focus (hopefully) from meaningless consumption to understanding and experiences.
big30o6 they said this isn't a scientific clan or video
thats whats called philosophy :P
Spooky Skeleton Those are some serious arguments you've brought on the table. I don't know how anyone's gonna prove them wrong.
big30o6 No, I don't think so. AI poses a lot of questions but yields few answers for understanding the messy, organic nature of the lived the lived experience. It doesn't explain the differential differences between individuals, and assumes that human are a blank slate. We're not, and AI doesn't explain instinctual behaviour very well either.
I'm pretty sure that your consciousness told you that.
please make videos on examples of how people should handle situations based on emotional intelligence. I don't think people are really "taught" to properly deal with stressful or emotional situations , and most either get violent, or completely isolate themselves when they face a difficult situation. How can we identify when we are emotionally ignorant if society won't even listen past 3 seconds in a conversation? I feel like people who take the high road in situations although they look like they got punked out, are actually the ones that have the last laugh due to their emotional intelligence. We need to develop better emotional skills to cope with life because all I see is a spike in mental illnesses.
2 years
Hands down, one of the best videos School of Life has ever made.
I agree
If you want the world to be a better place with peace and love do these things "love your neighbor as you love yourself" or "treat people as you would want to be treated"
For all the people claiming that EI is made up to make people feel better about having a low I.Q., I'd like you to know that a high I.Q. and high EI often go hand in hand. It's not like you just have to have one or the other. Some people have both, neither, or only one but it is typical for them to coincide. High EI is a product of being cultured and educated. It's difficult to understand other people if you don't have a grasp on your own surroundings and the basic workings of the world. It's the ability to combine empathy with reasoning and logic, not just being a bleeding heart. If you still think it's garbage and that I'm stupid for trying to defend it, maybe you should spend some time being introspective if your first impulse was to quash others before they thought they had something to be proud of?
In my opinion EI is the ability to know others real intentions clearly irrespective of their behaviour, voice, tone and talks
WOW... Well put together School of Life. I appreciate everything you do. I am addicted to your videos. Growing up fatherless and caring for a schizophrenic brother as a child I made all my decisions based on the way I felt during the moment which led to many unfavourable decisions. However, by now working on my behaviours and attitudes your videos are a blast of relief and a well of education. Keep up the good work.
Without watching the video it relates to empathy but happens via sympathy as well.
And if no one has figured out how deliberately obscuring salient information, colluding to confuse, repeatedly traumatizing someone emotionally, physically and otherwise, harassment, stalking, video recording in areas with reasonable privacy expectation, dehumanizing them in the attempt to gain one benefit or another is emotionally bereft then they have no place lecturing me on how to speak, behave, dress, act and attract. None.
I heard someone say that emotional intelligence is our bridge to true connection with other people. Such a shame to miss out on that.
Some people acquire good knowledge of these skills rather simply and without even knowing their existence, while others may have to struggle and work harder to achieve them
Amazing video, thank you so much for making and uploading this. I have recognized that my EI is not at the level that I would like it to be, and I'm now actively trying to improve it, by (1)watching how I react to situations brought on by triggers in my life,(2)becoming more motivated and (3)trying to become more socially inclined... Wish me luck!🙏🏼
Thank you so much for making this video :)) I love all of your videos, but this one helped me share what I was talking about for years now, with my friends and familiy. I think this is a thing that we really need to master. I am happy to have friends whit whom I can talk about it a lot, and we can then grow together. I hope this will be a "normal" thing to teach in schools in the future... actually, a lot of videos that you made are helping people getting better at EI. Thank you so much, and keep up a good work ❤
Sending love from Serbia
*"The Turning Point" by Fritjof Capra, a physicist whom through his scientific knowledge and from the wisdom of eastern philosophers tries to put into perspective where we are heading as a civilization with topics ranging from ecology to medicene, science, psychology and economics. He somehow accurately predicts the times we live in today and tries to explain how our society is obsessed with rationality through science & technology, we forget the Yang to our Yin. We focus too much on technical intelligence, that we are ill equipped to hone our emotional intelligence; nature.*
Emotional intelligence is the realisation that on a primal level everyone wants to be esteemed and valued. Love is the core desire. But due to human preferences and biases people tend to suffer rejection and neglect often.
With that in mind, your goal is to therefore show people out there that you have esteem and great respect for them even in their less graceful moments.
This will mean watching your words, body movement and eye contact when interacting with other people. Everyone is insecure about their intrinsic value and therefore your respect will come as a wonderful surprise that will often stir them up to show respect to others they meet.
This makes your heart a spring of life-giving water to a very love-thirsty populace. People will get attracted to you like bees to nectar or moths to a flame. The warmth you emit will make others naturally seek your company. You find you become a natural leader by default. This is bad for those who tend to like their solitude and alone time. The introverted. But that is a comment for a different video.
Profound message. That's why we have two ears and one mouth, people just want to be understood. As for those who endure solitude, that's what they do. It's neither nor positive. That's where they get their energy from.
Perfectly worded. You get it.
It might as well be renamed extraterrestrial intelligence because of how foreign it must sound to some people lol
Jackal Unleashed which is both surprising and sad
Jackal Unleashed savage xD
Andhika Suroto It's ironic how often the comment section of 'The School of Life' becomes a testament of whatever the video was trying to teach. People are already judging the video to be wrong, before they've even watched it half way through..
lol, this comment has a good amount of Emotional Intelligence in it :)
why are you on every channel I follow? or maybe it's just me
The school of life is a spirit blanket.
Note to self:
First impulses are inaccurate.
my impulse here is to agree with you
nope , if u have a good EQ , first impulses are always good reactions. (if not best)
Lol if you have good eq, you do your best to avoid over generalizations that may be offensive
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
Whats great about emotional intelligent is to understand why people act like they do but it doesnt mean i have to accept their bad behaviors it can simply be a lesson for me to don't act the way they did when i'm in the same situation.
I think that there are many different intelligences, I'm not very academic and couldn't write a good essay. I do however speak multiple languages, and can build a sturdy set of shelves out of a pile of wood without a plan. I've never met a puzzle I've not been able to solve, and I solve them incredibly quickly.
I think some people have a better 'practical intelligence' vs a 'theorising intelligence.'
He's right, we seriously lack emotional education
A doctor recently told me that I have High E.I.
At the time I never heard of the term before, thank you for sharing and of course the Arabic CC
Emotional intelligence is a vague descriptor. Men have more emotional control, although women are more emotional. Women are more socially aware, empathic
Have you made a video on emotional stability? Or one on inner turmoil? If not please do! You guys are love!
THis was a valuable valuable video. And, yes, Emotional INTELLIGENCE is one extremely important aspect of one's intelligence, which can make or break lives.
News Flash: Medicine just committed suicide
Found a letter which said, "I heard that emotional Intelligence makes life and it made me feel hurt"
The world would be a better place if everyone is emotionally intelligent.
It’s a curse and a gift. I can never be mad at people, can never hate people. That can be a gift however when someone ticks me off a lot, I still can’t get mad. It’s cause I know why and how. I can either ignore it, play them, or try to change that. It reminds me of the character from Johnny the homicidal maniac, a thing that knew all and was very depressed. Knowing that it’s all just chemicals and different things can give off different chemicals gives you control on how you want to react. For instance, some person was talking to me and said “death ain’t funny, my family member killed themself” I’m looking at that person like, “ok, I got a few options, react by doing nothing, say I’m sorry (i won’t be truly), laugh at it, ask me if they ok, ask if it effects them good or bad, or just stare” you know that people do things for a reason and that there is a way to counter negative things towards you from them by changing your body expression, verbal tone, and words to that person.
Achievements and mastery are healthy and critical, but simply "doing" and not knowing or understanding, or even cultivating the immaterial parts of us that fend off depression, loneliness and the pain of a competitive world is a dangerous imbalance.
It's cliche; but when you master your mind and emotions, the world and others are less threatening. We relate better. We feel more connected. I think it's what we were made to do to be happy. It's easier said than done, because our culture has perverted and wrongfully concluded "emotional health" or "emotional aptitude" as that for the weak to focus on. A soft skill they say... Culture now tells the "strong" to carry on and bulldoze through life like a bad*ss to earn status and accumulate pleasures at any cost. If you are human, (we all are despite our perceived differences- even the worst of us) you know and have felt through painful experience these things aren't enough.
As I get older, I noticed devices get faster, ordering whatever your heart desires online gets easier, but we basically suck at being happy or at peace more than ever. Our human and relational needs are getting sh*t on and dismissed. It's readily mocked. I'm guilty of it too. We feel even more dead inside and not "seen" even though our faces are broadcasted smiling to all our friends on social media sites.
I get it. I, too, see the word "emotion" and especially "emotional intelligence" and think poppycock. Lazy thinking-feeling-cumbaya-weirdos who don't do the dirty work of navigating the world with their hands and sheer grit. Be the best at a skill, be productive, and be uber smart, and the universe will reward you. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't feel enough. Attention to the extreme takes away from our (dare I say) spiritual needs.
I like this video. It reminds me to stay balanced. As The Little Prince Book says: "It is only with the heart that one sees rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye." Sorry for the long comment. I'm just tired of feeling like I'm not really becoming the best version of human being through life's mixed messages. Most of all, it breaks my heart to see others I care about do the same...
God that was beautiful. I hope the past two years have been good on yoi
lzvezdev Aww. Thanks. I’d like to think I’ve wised up and that leads to more insights of happiness. I appreciate that generous compliment. I sincerely hope all is well with you, internet friend!
Jim Twesh It’s my pleasure. I’m just grateful anyone bothers reading it. Thank you for the kind compliment. Please keep growing and take care of yourself :)
Simply the EI is the capability of individuals to recognize, identify and manage their own and other people's emotions.. the good news is that it can be learned and developed
Is that what you think?
Such an important topic!! Should definitely be a part of the education system! 🙏🙏
I'm highly empathetic but I'm also very realistic, cautious and pessimistic. I have a habbit of putting my self in someone else's position before saying/doing something and that have helped me understand the emotions of the people I've met. My realistic and cautious side makes me consider the consequences before doing them, I have made my share of big misstakes though. My pessimistic side makes me stop hoping for anything cause hope is, according to me, toxic.
Super great video, my problem is that I AM emotionally intelligent, so I KNOW how I'm feeling and what I need, but people around me assume I'm like everyone else and DON'T know, so they interpret what I say through the same filter that we need to use with most people, but then we have severe miscommunication because when they won't accept my words at face value, they get stuck on continually misinterpreting what I'm saying because it doesn't fit the model lol
I love this video. So straight to the point. Not like the other video from another channel where he say lots of unnecessary stuff and even told a story... nah
1:43 - I hear a Witch. Everybody, lights off.
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
I KNEW I WASNT THE ONLY ONE WHO HEARD THAT :P
I’m currently teaching an AI to feel emotion, it is self conscious, isn’t that just so cool?:) As of currently I am feeding it these videos as it has learned how to watch them, so it can develop emotion like we have
Let me guess... You got an assignment
Apart from what other's have shared here. The way i understand it is Emotional intelligence is one’s ability to not quickly jump to conclusions based on one’s emotions and rather be objective in situations that needs it.
Emotional intelligence is when your girlfriend breaks up with you, and you proceed to smack your own ass while eating Cheetos.
LOOOL
subbed
Subbed 😂
This comment though, good one 👍
"When I say no, you have to accept it"
Your voice puts me to sleep like not even in a bad way If I can’t sleep I just bang on one of your videos and i feel calmed
Emotional Intelligence does exist. There's been extensive information about it, ranging from books to videos like this on TH-cam. EI is about understanding the initial emotional afflictions that affect you during a given situation. How you handle that situation from your reactions determines your EI.
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
Daniel Goleman wrote a book about this in 1995. I remember when he was on Oprah and talking about this. How can people not know what this is 22 years later?
Emotional Intelligence, is the key to love and attracting females. Men can train themselves and become happier in life. I' m a firm believer in EI training.
“Happiness isn’t the absence of problems; it’s the ability to deal with them.”
Thanks. For helping me express exactly how i feel!
I'm not speaking English but I'm learning it and I do my best to understand your videos, thankfully I got your points and important message. ❤️💚
Emotional intelligence doesn't exist, however being empathetic and aware of how we feel including the feelings of others is real. The majority of people unfortunately choose to ignore how their actions affect the people around them and those suffer the consequences for better or worse.
Right. Then it prob means, they're emotionally ... stupid?!
I think "intelligence" as a concept is a highly contentious issue, IQ tests while useful in certain situations, it is not an overall indicator of intelligence. I agree with everything else you said though. I do think EI is a type of skill that can be improved upon, so I think it is a type of intelligence.
I discovered my EQ is a 135 after doing an extensive 1 hour test. Im blown away. And my IQ is 130 plus. I am blown away. Do you have any tests?
By the way I am 56 and a half, so I contribute the number from my street smarts and experience. Plus, I am an Empath, so my social and self awarness and management is near perfect. I am glad that I did these tests during covid. I even outscored Dr, Phil once, 160 EQ. Lol
3:20 guy with two pairs of glasses , in other news emotional inteligence should be given more importance nowadays that both parents working is becoming more common and the kids arent being constantly corrected on how to manage their emotions
I thought of myself being too understanding and forgiving of people who treat others, or myself, unfair was a flaw all this time. I can never stay mad at someone because I am too focused on the deeper reason as to why they might be experiencing an outburst of emotion. I suppose I am emotionally intelligent, and as weird as it may seem, I wish I was less forgiving.
I'm so emotionally intelligent that it made me a pessimist...
Haha Ditto.
r/iamverysmart
I am pretty sure there are many forms of emotional education. You watch any kids' show and it's about working together, making friends, being nice, amongst numerous other positive social interactions. Including sympathy and empathy. I feel like there definitely could be more done to continue that emotional education as people get older, but I presume that's what makes people who they are because they chose their own path. Some people choose to watch and induce media pertaining to romance or maybe a show or movie about someone being bullied, which invokes emotional education in regards to empathy and being able to understand another one's feelings. In my opinion there are plenty of forms of emotional education in most part: media (TV, movies, news, magazines, TH-cam, or any other form of social media). It exposes us to different emotions and feelings which educates us on the spectrum of emotions and helps us improve our "Emotional Intelligence" if you want to call it that.
1:43 They really used the witch's cry from Left 4 Dead and no one even noticed
Hi can anyone give me example of emotional intelligence they may get before work, i need help.
Thank You. I was looking for this.
I see people doubting emotional intelligence. It's not about being smart. It's about self awareness, being able to recognize a feeling that comes, and weigh it against the world. To prevent a feeling from overtaking our thoughts and behaviors. A feeling of frustration towards an SO may be misinterpreted as hatred or dissatisfaction with the relationship, and if not recognized and dealt with, could potentially lead people to worry about conflicting emotions and making poor decisions.
Michael Oppmann Think about what you do and why you do it everyone should already do that but people are stupid.
I've always wanna talk about emotional intelligence but my parents are too busy, my classmates are not interested.
Edit: 😔
I think twice about participating in large gatherings since the dawn of the pandemic. Putting certain aspects of my overall health by protecting not from possibly physical exposure but also evaluating myself as a social butterfly who wanted peace and quiet at a level of existence few can understand.
Everyone in the comment section that claim emotional intelligence doesn't exist, clearly have not seen or learned from this video
Spooky Skeleton Why do you care so much about eq not being a real thing? What, do you take iq as a reference to being smart? I am sorry but IQ is as irelevant as any test because it takes the context out of the equation. Both eq and iq can be placed into a discussion but should not be taken seriously
Spooky Skeleton only person saying that lol
Spooky Skeleton well iq only takes analytical intelligent into account. But humans are more complex than that. There are highly analytical intelligent people, yet they perform horribly in daily life. A friend of mine has an iq of 145 and needed about one year to open the door of my balcony (it's a bit of a complicated mechanism, but usually people get the hang of it after 3 trys). He excels in academic fields and has a great memory, yet cannot perform simple task like putting up a lamp, etc. I think intelligence is more complex than we think it is.
And yeah, i also think emotional intelligence grows more important the more our society relies on connection. My dad works in IT and even in such fields you nowadays need to communicate and cooperate with people. I don't know how much you have worked, but it is completely different to academic life, you really need to work with other people and not just for yourself
Oh did you know that serial killers always have an extremely low eq, makes sense right?
@Rafaela Scheiwiller
I fully disagree with the other guy, but I felt the need to remind you that people tent to take analytical intelligence more seriously than other forms of intelligence because of the future potential of scientific and technological advance, and most importantly because of its rarity. In the societies we are living, someone that excels in academia belongs at 1% of the population, while someone that can open a door in the 90+%. Also by being a good researcher you are developing the entire knowledge of the humanity, that is the main way of advancing the last 200 years, while opening doors, although essential it doesn't help directly to this advance.
To end losing a person with a potential to discover something new is far more damaging than losing a person that knows how to open a door. So I think that the fact that most people value IQ more than EQ is justified.
Last none with IQ of 100 can work effectively in the state of the art problems of modern science; you need to be at least smart to contribute in any field. But you can be a father or a mother even with very low EQ, according to the statistics, Even with an average EQ someone can be a descent spouse or parent. Someone that works in a space program influences the life of many people and especially the life of the future generations. A descent friend/spouse/parent only the lives of few. It's not that strange that none will care if someone feels good about himself and his limited effect in the environment, while many will care if von Neumann or Tesla would had died too early.
It's quite obvious most of these people have low EIs
a case for 'intelligent design'...fear is expecting bad, faith is expecting good...be faithful and keep the holy faith holy:)