I am about to give up! I did actually reflect very hard about a week and realised so much. I talked to a avoidant friend to understand distancing behaviour and fear of vulnerability. I realised what I could change and did already a lot. But if I get stonewalled as I already give a lot of space, I ask myself now why am I not moving on. I guess I already did. Next step would be just date again. But there is one more meeting with them. I have zero expectation.
I think you should talk to them during that meeting, listen to what they say, speak their language (meaning no emotions and clear head). I lost my DA during NC, I did what the coaches said and did NC, only then I realized they were gone.
@@almakudabayeva3264 Yes, I was planning on doing that and mirroring their behavior and communication as much as possible, listening and reassuring them in what they think is an emotional exchange but rather is an surface level talk based on what happened in the past and telling them what I learned and they never told me. This will be only meta communication and nothing more than that. I learned very early that if you do nc and not communicating in any way and ignoring an avoidant. You will loose them because they will think you were never serious about the emotions. They need some chase and suffering to be confirmed about your emotions. That just my opinion. When I just mentioned after break up not talking to them anymore indirectly they were reacting like i would abandon them forever. Because some avoidants were dumped pretty hardly in the past from other avoidants as well and are scared of that.
last time i saw him 23. sep at his home while i returned some of his things and he told me he is going for 3 weeks on holidays will be back on 16 oct., since then we were in silence, i reconnect with him with a hand written letter last week (what i threw in his letter box hope he got it) i apologized for giving him the feeling of one-sided dynamik (unintentionally) which he felt in the relationship but on the other side of paper i write down expressed what my desires are for what i like to feel and do in being with a man in relationship (kind of feels a list to me now) but without any self desire demand for own wants and satisfaction, but this is tricky because i feel the other person can understand this as self-absorbed act rather than seeing him and together this problem feeling with him and understand him, its been one week and there is no response hmm
I think, it is always a different situation, if the ex is 1., Alone / single . 2., In a new relationship 3., In a rebound relationship 4., With a pathological narcissist 5., With the 2-4 points, together...
And I did, he started to open up, I was listening, I was not pushing, just showing that I am here and I am not mad at him, he started to tell me more and more to just disappear right after again 🤷 with no reason, he asked question I answered, nothing emotional and he didnt reply.
I did everything from your video. Not working. The problem is we are friend now, so he has no pressure, he is free, he starts to open up, so our talks are better so I am less anxious. And it happend before, we had times when we were in a relationship and times when we were just friends. The result is always the same. Friends- he is cool, opening up, talkative, flirty, I have what I need. Im more secure now. Relationship means problems, pressure, deactivation, "I am not good enough" and disappearing. And it is in his head, I dont want more when we are in relationship, he is imagining I want more 😢
I am about to give up! I did actually reflect very hard about a week and realised so much. I talked to a avoidant friend to understand distancing behaviour and fear of vulnerability. I realised what I could change and did already a lot. But if I get stonewalled as I already give a lot of space, I ask myself now why am I not moving on. I guess I already did. Next step would be just date again. But there is one more meeting with them. I have zero expectation.
I think you should talk to them during that meeting, listen to what they say, speak their language (meaning no emotions and clear head). I lost my DA during NC, I did what the coaches said and did NC, only then I realized they were gone.
@@almakudabayeva3264 Yes, I was planning on doing that and mirroring their behavior and communication as much as possible, listening and reassuring them in what they think is an emotional exchange but rather is an surface level talk based on what happened in the past and telling them what I learned and they never told me. This will be only meta communication and nothing more than that. I learned very early that if you do nc and not communicating in any way and ignoring an avoidant. You will loose them because they will think you were never serious about the emotions. They need some chase and suffering to be confirmed about your emotions. That just my opinion. When I just mentioned after break up not talking to them anymore indirectly they were reacting like i would abandon them forever. Because some avoidants were dumped pretty hardly in the past from other avoidants as well and are scared of that.
Where is the quiz?
last time i saw him 23. sep at his home while i returned some of his things and he told me he is going for 3 weeks on holidays will be back on 16 oct., since then we were in silence, i reconnect with him with a hand written letter last week (what i threw in his letter box hope he got it) i apologized for giving him the feeling of one-sided dynamik (unintentionally) which he felt in the relationship but on the other side of paper i write down expressed what my desires are for what i like to feel and do in being with a man in relationship (kind of feels a list to me now) but without any self desire demand for own wants and satisfaction, but this is tricky because i feel the other person can understand this as self-absorbed act rather than seeing him and together this problem feeling with him and understand him, its been one week and there is no response hmm
I think, it is always a different situation, if the ex is 1., Alone / single . 2., In a new relationship 3., In a rebound relationship 4., With a pathological narcissist 5., With the 2-4 points, together...
Coach Alexis, will this method work after a bad breakup if they are in a serious relationship (it seems) with someone else?
its worth a try without showing any expectations or romantic feelings. If you just mirror them.
@@sinisterblister9981I am blocked everywhere and he is with someone else..
And I did, he started to open up, I was listening, I was not pushing, just showing that I am here and I am not mad at him, he started to tell me more and more to just disappear right after again 🤷 with no reason, he asked question I answered, nothing emotional and he didnt reply.
I did everything from your video. Not working. The problem is we are friend now, so he has no pressure, he is free, he starts to open up, so our talks are better so I am less anxious. And it happend before, we had times when we were in a relationship and times when we were just friends. The result is always the same. Friends- he is cool, opening up, talkative, flirty, I have what I need. Im more secure now. Relationship means problems, pressure, deactivation, "I am not good enough" and disappearing. And it is in his head, I dont want more when we are in relationship, he is imagining I want more 😢