Goin through it right now. Im kickin the narcs ass tho! Ive learned him in and out over our 12 year marriage. My children and I are going to be GREAT 💗 AND its so much thanks to my youtubers that have given me strength and encouragement and validation.
I know for a fact that they truly don’t love the children. They put all of their efforts into destroying the other parent and they even turn the children against you to “Win” in family court.
People my narc husband is turning my children against me. He is very well aware how much I love them and the pain it is causing is almost unbearable. My 2 older children are manipualted into believing that I have mental illness, I'm problematic person.He is buying them expensive trips and everything they ask for.They bow to him, and do everything to please him. People give me some advice please.
@@kinia4332 continue to believe in yourself even if you have to write notes to your future self Remind yourself that they are not winning as it MAY feel and seem Try to still honor your beliefs and values as hard as it is , I don’t have all the answers but I can say it’s tempting to fall in line and fight dirt w dirt, but you will then have compromised yourself , and will be no better
Knowing that you are enough and the best parent and leave the rest up to God and the kids will always come to know who truly loved and cared for them in the long run
Yes Caroline !! We good parents are definitely enough !! Best not to engage with a narcissistic ex. Narcs are SharKs Let go and let God Pray without ceasing for a hedge of protection around our children God loves our children more than we ever could !🙏🙏🙏👐❤
I looked up "co-parenting with a narcissist" this morning because... I thought I had come to the exact place you are describing. I detached. I went extremely minimal contact. I lowered my expectations etc. This worked well maybe for 6 months. And then... Over the last month and a half... He did a number of things that really took advantage of either my money or my time. I came up with a plan to enforce my boundary with money situation without it turning into a drama and that worked. Soon after however, he pulled a couple of rather outrageous maneuvers in a row. Before I even knew what was happening, my calm detachment was blown, and I was right back in it with him. It is so frustrating to feel like you had this solved only to find yourself right back in the game after a period of many monhs. It is ho so hard not to respond to their insinuations, subtle/ not subtle provocations, lack of timely communication and responsibility etc. It's been really demoralizing to be back in this place again. Feel like I really just let myself (and my son) down. .
You didn't. You're only human. And you're seeing this, and feeling, and trying to make it better. It's not your fault that you are being victimized. This is another opportunity for you to prove to yourself how strong you really are.
My 17-year-old son is in the custody of his paternal grandmother. I turned over custody when I was sick with cancer in 2011. I live a mile down the road and what I should have done was change the parenting plan when I went into remission but I didn't. Since she has had him he's grown up with no responsibilities no boundaries no nothing. When he was 14 she bought him his first car he snuck out and crashed it. A few months later she bought him a second car which it crashed that too. She brought him a third car and he blew the engine because he goes out and he does drifting a counselor told her that if she bought him another car it would be like handing him a loaded gun. I've tried to reason with her and ask her to put something in the car to monitor his driving she refused then she bought him another car. He's crashed that one. Now he's using her car he ruins her first car she bought another one and now that car is in the shop. He's never had to work for anything she lets him run the household she don't have a man cave out of the old garage and back of the house there are several runaway teenagers living there drinking and smoking pot all day. One of those kids stole money off of credit card from one of his friend's Dad's. I told her about this and she has not even kicked him out but continues to let him live their rent free. He stresses my son out because he is a strong personality and bosses my son around. But it's like everything I ask or tell her which is logical parenting she does the opposite. She had the audacity to tell me that I abandoned him by taking him to preschool at the college I was attending while I was in class. His father took off to Florida in 2008 in 2009 he died of a drug overdose, yet she tells me all the time I was the bad parent who abandoned my son. I've been in his life every day. I have tried to reason with her ask that we get along because it's best for Philip but she refuses. Every time I make a phone call to tell her something about what he's doing she runs and tells him he gets mad and then he won't talk to me for months. The other day he was yelling at me in the car and I turned the car around and he had a fit he's not used to being told no. I told him that he will not treat me like he treats his grandmother I will not be disrespected. He has dropped out of school and 7th grade, the laws in Washington are so stupid they have what's called the Becca bill which is really the b******* Bill. He's had two court dates all they do is tell him go to school. But there's no consequences just like everything else in his life. She won't make him do anything and she rewards bad behavior over and over and over. I told her insanity is repeating the same thing expecting different results. She is almost 80 years old but she is a mean nasty and stingy old woman. She has a credit card that she gave him and he spends lots of money every month and she always says she's going to take the card and she'll take it for maybe 2 weeks but she always gives it back. When he's in between cars she lets him drive her car. I have never known such a person to raise a child in such a manner. I truly hate this woman, I've told her that she doesn't love him she hates me more than she loves him. I don't know what to do I try to talk to my son and explain to him that he's going down the wrong path I tell him I love him and that he's a good kid I never put him down I just try to encourage but it always ends up backfiring and I become the bad guy. I've gone to the schools I've called the CPS and nothing ever happens she never gets in trouble for any of the things she does. She has a house full of kids she doesn't know any of their parents they're drinking and smoking everyday. You'd think that the authorities would do something but nothing happens
I can completely relate to your situation the same thing is happening to me right now. It feels awful like I am being crushed by stress and fear of this person. It’s so hard to articulate to people who haven’t gone through this how they can control and manipulate you through no fault of your own.
@@alicemartin3819 God bless ..how horrible 😵💔 please read BYRON KATIE "LOVING WHAT IS"..& do the work.. might eliviate your suffering..no need for you to suffer..it doesnt help your son, heal your thought, stop the suffering. & maybe that could affect him..nothing else is working..nothing to lose ..try it
Actually this statement is a reflection of the narcs innner spiritual, emotional and mental state. They don't feel important enough unless they harm somebody in someone in a sick and twisted F*ed up way.
This is hands down the best co parenting with a narc advice. Im just here for a refresher because Although you’ve done your healing journey.. sometimes it’s good to come back for reassurance. It’s the best
My mother is a narcissist and my father has been alienated. I find this video powerful and relieving too! I finally moved out from my mother's place. I'll keep healing✊ Thank you so much, Melanie!❤
YAAAASSSSS♥️♥️🙌🏼🙌🏼. I AM CAPABLE OF GENERATING LOVE, TRUTH, POWER, SUCCESS AND PEACE FOR MY CHILDREN AND MYSELF REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANYONE ELSE IS OR ISN’T DOING!!! Xoxo
My mother is a covert narc and she alienated my father up until I was four years old when he passed away. I never got the opportunity to know him. She didn't even allow me the chance to go to his funeral
@@araliyaflowers3681 hey could you please elaborate on how you found out your mother had alienated your father? I'm a father of a young child and I am going through this now and it's getting worse- court orders dont change anything because all of the behaviour is passive aggressive
I am capable of generating love, peace, happiness, success, truth, health, power for myself and my son regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing! So it is! 💗💗💗
Your description of narcissistic supply is the very best!!! I have watched hundreds of videos on this topic but never have I really understood it. It’s as if narcissistic people are entertainers who believe that any publicity (positive or negative) is good publicity. Getting a rise out of you to validate themselves. I haven’t heard it explained so simply and easy to understand. Thanks 😊
Wow this was powerful and just the message I was needing to hear. You broke down the narcissistic traits in a way I haven’t heard yet and I appreciate it. I am capable of generating love, truth, power and success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing!
I have been seeing this more clearly over the past two years since I decided to fight back against the narcissist in my life. She instigates arguments which lead to my child crying, after which she blames me and tries to paint me as the villain in my child's eyes. I have decided to ignore her when she starts to go down that road and I think it has been helping. I can see her taking this further when I make my eventual exit. You mention 'divide and conquer' - my SO's equally narcissistic mother has been doing that since we were dating!
Thank you Melanie for your incredible video. I felt your love and was encouraged to do the right thing. You saved my life and my children's. Love you~♡
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is doing or isn't doing!!!! Thank you so much for this video Melanie, you have given me strength and courage !!
I am Capable of generating love truth , Power and success and peace for myself and my children regardless of whether someone is doing or not Doing. Thank You Melanie 🙏. These words ate Powerful and Healing. You are Blessed 🙏🙏🙏💞💕💕
Hi Grace, my heart goes out to you sweetheart. I know how difficult this situation is. Hun please Google my name and 'court battles' for my resources on this topic to help you navigate this in your power. Using inner transformational healing tools such as my healing program NARP can make a huge difference. I'd love for you to join me in my free healing webinar where you can experience this level of healing for yourself if you wish to. melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Love and blessings xoxox
Thank you for this video. I think it's going to be a major turning point for me. I don't have the funds to pay for anything right now, but I'll check out NARC. I am thankful for the fee waiver program from Our Family Wizard. That's how I found you.
Thank you for making this video, Melanie!!!! I needed to see this!! I'm going through a horrible situation with my ex- husband who is a narcissist. He is doing everything in his power to turn my two children against. My daughter had become so disrespectful and mean towards me. Her father is constantly bad mouthing me. It brings my heart because I feel her gravitating to the idea of hating me and looking at me like I don't matter. Is there anything I could tell my children, to make the situation better? My daughter is 15 and my son is 17. I have been divorced for 4 years
Sweetheart, I would love you to come on into my free 16 Day course as the solution to this is purely energetic. We can try all the "best practices" in the world- but if the narcissist is getting an energetic hit from our negative attention, they simply will not stop. They will do anything to keep the supply spigot open. This is why it is up to us to turn within to ourselves first and heal any fears and anger in ourselves. Then we will show up powerfully and be able to navigate the situation effectively. I hope you do join me sweetheart: melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxo
I wish I knew these tools 10 years ago when I was trying to co-parent with a narcissist. I did what you said was the worst thing to do....I kept fighting with the Narc, feeding his supply. He bad mouthed me to my kids and that has resulted in no relationship with my daughter and a strained one with my son. I want to show them this video but I know it won’t help matters. I’ve tried everything! I so need help with this.....
Pam, the help you are asking for truly can be found by detaching from the narcissist and even the kids and just come on inside to heal. My free 16 Day course is a great place to start. Once you approach this from the quantum perspective, I promise you things will change. melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxox
Me too- (she sings -‘I’ve done all the dumb things!’)- gee if I learned this 10yrs ago, I could’ve saved my eldest 2 children & myself many dramas along the way. I have 2 younger children also now, & feel working with NARP has changed our life so much for the better, it is amazing!👌🏼
I think both parties who are looking for a long-term relationship and marriage need to present mutual brain MRI scans that detect narcissism, psychopathy and sociopathy, so we don't have to breed with these monsters in the first place. It should be a thing covered by very, very affordable insurance. Having a child with a narc is a life sentence, and they know it 100%. Anyone who gets uber defensive at future "brain credentials", or doesn't want them being given out by credible sources, just may have something to hide. However, by that point, you may have caught on that the person is off anyways. Sure, these are the same people who kidnap, enslave, and chain people up in their basements, or trafficking systems all the time, because people are getting smarter about these void human leech's existence, and how to detect them early. They are avoiding them, escaping to whole other countries, getting away from them, or recording them, and their actions (though they and their apologists will deny, back up and justify said recorded evidence with the whole "not knowing the whole story", bit), or just outright putting them down, ala mercy shot when they go too far, and do an attack/home invasion. But it will at least give the rest of us a fighting chance. Also, these brain defects are thought to be hereditary. Do your part, know these people for what they are from day ONE, and you won't have to put up with them, and you won't be putting other potential narcs out in the world. There is nature and nurture there, but sometimes the nature trumps the nurture. The mentals can breed with the other mentals if no one will have them, and lord knows that many mentally ill kill their children, neglect them to death for their own selfish needs, or shake their babies, or hurt their kids in a blind rage, because of the obvious, so in a way, mental parents have been known to cull their own future mental children. There's not 1-2 million abused kids who got away with deep scars from these monsters in the CPS system (per country), each year for nothing, you know. Probably more of these mental cases have had children who have been beaten to death, raped, drugged to death or outright killed by a narc in a narc rage.
YES 👏 brain scan & Nagalase level for total viral load! These people are physically and emotional sick. And the infections they have are communicable. No wonder we feel so much better in every way when we can finally move on.
Thank you for this... You are right. When I was earning more and handling most of the financial responsibilities my parent partner was not as controlling. Lost my job and he got back on his feet again... Then the controlling is just too much now.
Right now I am back to further my studies and trying to start my business. When he doesn't show up on his part of financial responsibilities, I just make any means to cover it up with the little that I have.
I will take this with me.... "I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isn't doing"
I am capable of generating love, peace, happiness, success, truth, health, power for myself and my son regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing!
Hi Melanie. I have been no contact for 3.5 years now and only communicate through OFW. Your NARP program has helped me immensely through this journey and through my custody court battle, so thank you 🙏🏼. My question now is how to effectively deal with the threats to involve the courts or children services when they get upset at my children for being their authentic selves and expressing their feelings to their narc father. I’m always being accused of alienation. They see him every other weekend and come home upset every time. Any advice and tips on dealing with this will help. Thank you.
Hi Vanessa, I'm so pleased that you have been doing so well! For the next stage of challenges ... the answer is always to shift within is what being triggered - then you "know" what to do, and / or the way appears. Also I would highly suggest coming in to the NARP Member's Forum for support with this www.melanietoniaevans.com/member I hope that this helps xoxox
Thank you so much .my daughter with her grandmother not even her biological one n its crazyness ..thank you for all your videos I will be watching all them now I found out y the last 36 yr of my life have been messed .🌻
I was told today from a pischologist that all the things mi ex is doing, like 14 years without paying child support, and being the fun parent because he refuses to work. then he has free time for them, is my fault for not taking him to court years ago, I knew that doing that was going to be more punishing from him to me and the kids, just my income is not enough, I´m trying so hard not to lose what is left of my mental health, thank you so much for this video.
I can tell you that not only were you right about not taking him to court if you felt it would have left you unprotected and vulnerable, therefore the children in worse circumstances, I can say my no one mistake , several times, was taking advice “by the book” or “by the system” designed for the average circumstances, when I expressed fear of retaliation, I was told I’d be protected ,and my head wanted my heart to fall in line - however , my gut was tied into all the info that let me know I was on track to be concerned
Your so right I am in a massive court case with my baby's ex he was the most evil man now he's put in for shared custody and he has turned everybody in the legal system against me I now seem to be fighting everyone.
Went through something similar, I was accused of horrendous things by my ex. My advice to you would be stand your ground and for what you know is in the best interest of your child. Ignore what he has to say about you unless he has proof, the truth will come out and judges deal with these kind of people all the time they can read them. Stay strong!
Do you have any tools for how to generate that peace and strength for the child? How do you help them with their pain of disappointment and confusion that is generated by the narc parent? How do you explain the idea of not being a victim when in fact they have been a victim of something?
Seasonal Living, please know that I truly believe that through our own healing and breakthroughs we can empower our children and lead by example, where we go they follow. So by doing the innerwork in our own bodies we can heal along our own timelines and our children's. If you Google my name and 'parallel parenting' and 'our children' you can access all my material on this topic. This category link is a great starting point. blog.melanietoniaevans.com/category/supporting-our-children/ I hope this helps you. Love and blessings xoxox
I have a 9 month old with my ex narc and I'm seriously considering walking away for good its only 6 weeks in of weekend custody and there isn't a day goes by she doesn't contact me about the "baby" it's seriously effecting my mental health. I think I have to walk away for quite a while at least.
💯💖 absolutely agree with all of this. I'm just still concerned about leaving a toddler with someone who wouldn't pick her up when she falls, or who somehow always manages to hurt her so she's crying as soon as I leave the room. Going to dig into these resources more. Thanks a mil, Melanie Tonia Evans! I know you're absolutely right about detaching, and that "as within so without". As soon as I get resources for NARP, I'm in. 🎊
@@fionam3735 I'm so sorry to hear that. He's discarding and simultaneously love-bombing, right now, so she never knows when she'll see him. She's just under 3, and she is the same when he ignores her, or when he's mean to her, or withholds affection. How old is your little one?
Crystal-Marie Sealy I’ve been going through this for a couple of years and my little one is five. As a mother it’s natural to want to protect your young vulnerable children after all they didn’t chose this. Her mental health is my concern as I want her to grow up on the scale of normal. Thank you for reaching out we are stronger united as narcissists only know how to divide and conquer
I find myself being the same as I was with myself when I was with him and now its my son. How could a human being use loving our child as a tool for hurting us 😣
I did exactly this and now he is on a parental alienation campaign, it's all he had left to hurt me and he is using it to his full advantage. I wish I had never done this...
I’m struggling with my ex from Australia and her partner from Europe. They take advantage from Japanese family law, moreover I’m living Thai. They are sick person, they don’t care the agreement by saying you don’t have any custody. Her partner said me “ I will ask her to file you to Australian family court to rob your custody right in Australia so that you will not demand us anything to us” He is not lawful father and even they don’t marriage officially. I messaged them once “ you are so manipulative and you cannot survive without control someone “ They know my daughter misses me a lots, but they never allowed her to see me. I’ve not seen her for more than a month
Oh, such as heading away on holiday with the kids and arbitrarily changing the return date without a moment’s contemplation that this might affect the other parent’s plans?
Do I use a Lawyer Or a mediator? I’m at the beginning stages of divorce w/a Narc of 23 years. I desire the least amount of damage for my kids.... Please help!
I was doing so well… put up so many boundaries, refused child support and centrlink benefits to not give him any Avenue to get to me…. What I hadn’t counted on was his unrelenting determination to destroy me by using the legal system… it was a hard pill to swallow realising that the law is very definitely not on the side of the innocent and on the side of the person who can work it in their favour…. Guessing there is more inner work to be done, which I’m doing (NARP modules etc) but I seem to be falling further and further away from where I want to be…. He is still finding ways to destroy my life, and my daughters…. Every time I manage to build a wall (boundary) between us, it makes him more determined to knock it down…. Every time I manage to gain some inner peace and regain the ability to step aside from the drama and move forward with my life, I get kicked I side ball that takes me down with its viciousness and ferocity. Gone is my optimism and hope… gone is the attitude oozing “don’t need this man, he can’t touch us on the inside”…. He can. He’s keeping me engaged in ridiculous court cases and Centrelink hearings I’m forced to attend not to end up in prison or owing lots of money I don’t know if I can do another 7 years of this (until our child turns 18)
Dear Melanie, I thought I wouldn’t have to come for your advice again but here I am. It’s sad that the narcissist (my ex) is present in our lives again after 10 months of peace (and 4 months where he LEFT to another country and I thought I was free for good). But no, came back out of the blue like a bad yeast infection haha. The silver lining is that I get to be “in your presence” again and listen to your wonderful wise words. Back then when I was the most desperate and lost YOUR WORDS here in TH-cam were what saved me and showed me there was another way. From a mum to another I will forever be thankful for having found you, in a way that words cannot explain. Also: I guess some of my hooks and triggers still needed working on. That’s why this dark character made his way in again. But I am stronger and I am wiser and this time I am going to claim our mental, emotional and spiritual freedom fully and without hesitation. Much sincere love and admiration to you!
Because I am trying this exact thing, the narc is taking me back to court because I "can not co parent" my "refusal to respond" is his next play, threats of court and demanding a special masters. What am I missing?
View it as a business transaction. Only use one mode of communication i.e. email and respond to only things that are about the children. He most likely won't win in court if he is unable to prove the accusations. You are not required to be friends with him... Keep maticulous records of all interactions through a parenting journal
Jessica, my heart reaches out to you, I so appreciate how challenging this must be for you. Hun, if we have buried emotional trauma and limiting beliefs it can feel almost impossible to breakthrough no matter how hard we try. Please join me in my free healing webinar so I can show you how to heal the traumas and belief systems that can block you from manifesting the 'right' resources and 'solution' in the field. melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Consciously choosing to do the work in our bodies is so often the link we are 'missing'. This article explains more. blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-1-trick-for-bringing-a-narcissist-to-justice/ Love and blessings xoxox
@@laramarshall3902 I am so so sorry Lara! Oh my goodness my heart hurts for you. It is so sad to see this happening more often than not! I'm sending love and light your way.
Dear Melanie, and anyone else, I got a question,.. How do you handle, when he (the ExN im my Case) just won't have a secure surrounding for his child?? He promised, he would build a fence for our son at his house. Of course he didn't. I don't know how to step away and heal when my son is in possible danger (Street around the house, house is built on quite a hill). I told him our son wouldn't visit him as long as he has no fence,... Of course he (my ExN) is now mad at me. I feel somehow guilty for not letting our son to his dad, on the other hand, he would NEVER build that fence otherwise. So what to do, did I do too much? omg,....
Hi Eva, yes hun it is tricky in that we can't control the outside so it's so great that are healing. Tending to your emotional states as the priority is paramount so you can stand solid regarding your boundaries and this case a literal boundary! So standing firm in your values and truths on this matter even if the other person doesn't agree. He has 'promised'. So stand firm because this is about your boundaries and the safety of your child. Google my name and 'boundaries' and 'C.R.A.P' for resources! I hope this can help you. Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Oh thank you soooo much, sometimes I feel like I am the Narc now for being so hard.. Seems I am not used to stand that strong to my opinion, but for my son I have to... Maybe a Video about the topic "am I becoming the narcissist?" would be nice? I don't know if there are any other people out there feeling the same... THANKS for your Answer!! Greetings from Austria!
@@evabrandstotter6373 i feel the same too all the time!!! maybe we can connect? i really don’t have anyone else who knows what i go through too and i too would be concerned about the fence.
I don't know if my child's father is a narcissist but it sure sounds like it. he has made excuses for 6 years on why he can't help me. but he's always helping friends and other females who have kids. holidays, birthdays are the same every year but he acts like it's always a brand new thing. he is very dismissive with my daughter. when he calls to speak with her it's always after her bedtime and I tell him a time to call her thats decent because she has school the next day. when he does talk to her he will keep trying to get her to give me the phone or he'll hang up to talk to his friends. it's so annoying. so I don't make her talk to him. I give her the option. because it's not fair to her. it's like everything is more important. and when I talk to him about it he sarcastically says "I don't help you" "So you're saying I'm a bad father" it's just so annoying
Hello im just wondering if anyone may be able to give me some advice. I'm having a tricky time trying to parent with a narc ex husband. Basically the most recent thing that has happened is, I told my son the other day not to call people fat as he kept saying it to people, he is only 3, and i tried to tell him it was rude. He has gone to his dads and he's obviously told his dad about the situation and his dad has told him that 'it is OK to say the word fat' obviously he doesnt know the context of which it was being said. And now my 3 year old is very confused. He's saying. Mummy, my daddy said I'm allowed to say fat... and this is not the message I was trying to get across. I was trying to say not to call people fat. I understand 3 is a young age to acknowledge other people's feelings etc. But I thought it was the right thing to try and explain why its rude and not very nice to call someone fat. Now he's getting mixed messages. Its like a constant battle. I dont even talk to ex husband as all the contact is now through a family member due to his manipulating nature. Any advice?
Hi sweetheart, I so appreciate how challenging and actually impossible it is to try to co-parent with the narcissist. Please google my name and 'our children' and 'parallel parenting' to access my resources to anchor you and guide you. It's complicated however with healing I know it is totally possible to heal to become impervious to the narc games so you can be empowered and lead the way for your son no matter what the Narcissist is or isn't doing. I'd love to invite you to join me in my upcoming free Masterclass so I can explain more and how you break into your empowerment and heal for real. event.webinarjam.com/register/6/6v905t8 Love and blessings xoxox
Annie, I would love you to check out NARP www.melanietoniaevans.com and google my name plus parallel parenting - the most successful parents we have in our community use this combination and some have won full custody. I hop ethat this can help you xoxox
What if the couple wasn't ever married so the breakup didn't require a divorce & there has never been a legal custody arrangement? The one parent, to avoid conflict, never files & must constantly respond to the narcs need to "discuss" whatever (the schedule, potty-training, holidays, money, etc). The person trying to detach cannot effectively do so because the narc refuses to use text to communicate & only wants in-person or phone conversation 🙄 (for obvious supply reasons) those end up immediately going toxic and into wear-you-down cycles of manipulation and endlessly rehashing whatever the narcs intended agenda is, until the other parent can't take it anymore & breaks down. If the narc won't agree to text, won't actually maturely discuss an issue, and threatens taking child if a custody case is filed....how can a person detach from that?? I mean, conversations MUST be had regarding the child - but how? Nothing will be agreed to. My advice is file anyway, BUT isn't that a TRUE risk? As courts often don't understand narcissistic behavior & blame both sides if "co-parenting" is failing. Plus, he who has the most $$ for a lawyer often wins regardless of the truth. Any thoughts on detaching from the constant toxic conversations in this situation??
I could’ve wrote that exactly. My girls are slightly older now 6/4.yo But yuuup he literally REFUSES to ever text. It’s weird. Like he has to get me on the phone and it’s usually to talk about himself and drags on our some pity party or some fake story. Start recording conversations or anything that might be dirt. So if he does file for custody you’ll have something. Mine is threatening lately because the girls are out of the “hard baby” stages. But I have significant amounts of dirt on him anyhow. Good luck to you.
NPD requires a clinical diagnosis. Someone who is angry at you will never co-operate, narcissist or not. This is why parallel parenting exists. The first thing you do is stop interfering in the other parent's time with the kids. If you can't do that, the problem might be you needing to be in control. Once you choose to not be someone's spouse you also give up dictating rules for them. You have chosen to not be a team, both parents now have different goals and resources. This is selfish and sucks for kids. Unless there is physical violence the NPD parent is usually the one that left the relationship. A lot of parents feel that when kids get explained the truth about how family courts and child support work is manipulation, but it's not, it is their new reality. 50/50 parenting should be the norm, neither parent has more intrinsic value to a child. If you are working against this, you are likely the problem and feel you have more rights or have an inflated sense of self. When you say: "How dare you tell other people how they (narcissists) behave" to me indicates that you are deliberately trying to damage their reputation, talk about vindication. Quantum understanding? Spiritual battle? Those are terms i'd expect from someone who is in fact the problem.
K so my ex is a full blown narcissist but now it gets worse his girlfriend is one to but get this a better one then he is shes clever and im trying my best not to get triggered but I fall in it all the time I need help please I can send txt messages I'm in it right now as im typing Wednesday 20th July 2022.
This "narcissistic" word is used far too often..... the likelihood of someone being a narcissist is highly unlikely..... let's face it, we live in a time where we all have traits that can appear to be or look like a narcissist. My wife uses our kids against me, it's she a narcissist? I don't believe so.... she has kicked me out of our home leaving me to live with my family members. What I believe is she currently doesn't have enough education on how to have a healthy relationship. We all have fallen short in one way or another... I don't even know if we are together or not.... and it sucks so bad. 😕 it's crazy how we hurt each other, I've noticed we tend to hurt the ones we love the most. As a content creator, you should be a little more wise before you use terms and labels such as this... everyone in this chat needs to take a step back and ask who this woman really is and what makes her qualified???? She's smart enough to pick up a phone and record a video, but is she qualified to diagnose someone in this way??? No, she isnt in any way shape or form qualified to make a video on this subject... this is toxic in itself 💔
The narcissist only cares about their own interests and needs, regardless of how it affects you or the child.
All those that don’t have children with a narcissist can count themselves as blessed.
You're right!!!!
They only care about their evaluation from other. My daughter said me “ my mom and her partner only play with me to post on Instagram and Facebook,”
Goin through it right now. Im kickin the narcs ass tho! Ive learned him in and out over our 12 year marriage. My children and I are going to be GREAT 💗 AND its so much thanks to my youtubers that have given me strength and encouragement and validation.
I know for a fact that they truly don’t love the children. They put all of their efforts into destroying the other parent and they even turn the children against you to “Win” in family court.
Which is why I did not go down that route. Lucky enough for me my barrister presented me with a second option. I don't normally believe in luck.
My ex just tried this
People my narc husband is turning my children against me. He is very well aware how much I love them and the pain it is causing is almost unbearable. My 2 older children are manipualted into believing that I have mental illness, I'm problematic person.He is buying them expensive trips and everything they ask for.They bow to him, and do everything to please him. People give me some advice please.
@@kinia4332 continue to believe in yourself even if you have to write notes to your future self
Remind yourself that they are not winning as it MAY feel and seem
Try to still honor your beliefs and values as hard as it is , I don’t have all the answers but I can say it’s tempting to fall in line and fight dirt w dirt, but you will then have compromised yourself , and will be no better
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success, & peace for MYSELF & my CHILDREN regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing!!! ❤❤❤❤
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing.
I am so with you on what you commented.
Your physically attractive too.
Knowing that you are enough and the best parent and leave the rest up to God and the kids will always come to know who truly loved and cared for them in the long run
Yes Caroline !!
We good parents are definitely enough !!
Best not to engage with a narcissistic ex. Narcs are SharKs
Let go and let God
Pray without ceasing for a hedge of protection around our children
God loves our children more than we ever could !🙏🙏🙏👐❤
@I am storm
Word💯
I love this💗
@Jamie Murphy
Thankyou
Just want to send love and strength to everyone watching this video, we really are warriors
I looked up "co-parenting with a narcissist" this morning because... I thought I had come to the exact place you are describing. I detached. I went extremely minimal contact. I lowered my expectations etc. This worked well maybe for 6 months.
And then... Over the last month and a half... He did a number of things that really took advantage of either my money or my time. I came up with a plan to enforce my boundary with money situation without it turning into a drama and that worked. Soon after however, he pulled a couple of rather outrageous maneuvers in a row. Before I even knew what was happening, my calm detachment was blown, and I was right back in it with him.
It is so frustrating to feel like you had this solved only to find yourself right back in the game after a period of many monhs.
It is ho so hard not to respond to their insinuations, subtle/ not subtle provocations, lack of timely communication and responsibility etc. It's been really demoralizing to be back in this place again. Feel like I really just let myself (and my son) down.
.
You didn't. You're only human. And you're seeing this, and feeling, and trying to make it better. It's not your fault that you are being victimized. This is another opportunity for you to prove to yourself how strong you really are.
My 17-year-old son is in the custody of his paternal grandmother. I turned over custody when I was sick with cancer in 2011. I live a mile down the road and what I should have done was change the parenting plan when I went into remission but I didn't. Since she has had him he's grown up with no responsibilities no boundaries no nothing. When he was 14 she bought him his first car he snuck out and crashed it. A few months later she bought him a second car which it crashed that too. She brought him a third car and he blew the engine because he goes out and he does drifting a counselor told her that if she bought him another car it would be like handing him a loaded gun. I've tried to reason with her and ask her to put something in the car to monitor his driving she refused then she bought him another car. He's crashed that one. Now he's using her car he ruins her first car she bought another one and now that car is in the shop. He's never had to work for anything she lets him run the household she don't have a man cave out of the old garage and back of the house there are several runaway teenagers living there drinking and smoking pot all day. One of those kids stole money off of credit card from one of his friend's Dad's. I told her about this and she has not even kicked him out but continues to let him live their rent free. He stresses my son out because he is a strong personality and bosses my son around. But it's like everything I ask or tell her which is logical parenting she does the opposite. She had the audacity to tell me that I abandoned him by taking him to preschool at the college I was attending while I was in class. His father took off to Florida in 2008 in 2009 he died of a drug overdose, yet she tells me all the time I was the bad parent who abandoned my son. I've been in his life every day. I have tried to reason with her ask that we get along because it's best for Philip but she refuses. Every time I make a phone call to tell her something about what he's doing she runs and tells him he gets mad and then he won't talk to me for months. The other day he was yelling at me in the car and I turned the car around and he had a fit he's not used to being told no. I told him that he will not treat me like he treats his grandmother I will not be disrespected. He has dropped out of school and 7th grade, the laws in Washington are so stupid they have what's called the Becca bill which is really the b******* Bill. He's had two court dates all they do is tell him go to school. But there's no consequences just like everything else in his life. She won't make him do anything and she rewards bad behavior over and over and over. I told her insanity is repeating the same thing expecting different results. She is almost 80 years old but she is a mean nasty and stingy old woman. She has a credit card that she gave him and he spends lots of money every month and she always says she's going to take the card and she'll take it for maybe 2 weeks but she always gives it back. When he's in between cars she lets him drive her car. I have never known such a person to raise a child in such a manner. I truly hate this woman, I've told her that she doesn't love him she hates me more than she loves him. I don't know what to do I try to talk to my son and explain to him that he's going down the wrong path I tell him I love him and that he's a good kid I never put him down I just try to encourage but it always ends up backfiring and I become the bad guy. I've gone to the schools I've called the CPS and nothing ever happens she never gets in trouble for any of the things she does. She has a house full of kids she doesn't know any of their parents they're drinking and smoking everyday. You'd think that the authorities would do something but nothing happens
I can completely relate to your situation the same thing is happening to me right now. It feels awful like I am being crushed by stress and fear of this person. It’s so hard to articulate to people who haven’t gone through this how they can control and manipulate you through no fault of your own.
@@alicemartin3819 God bless ..how horrible 😵💔 please read BYRON KATIE "LOVING WHAT IS"..& do the work.. might eliviate your suffering..no need for you to suffer..it doesnt help your son, heal your thought, stop the suffering. & maybe that could affect him..nothing else is working..nothing to lose ..try it
You're right......."I'M SIGNIFICANT ENOUGH TO AFFECT YOU".....is enough motivation to cause you grief.
Actually this statement is a reflection of the narcs innner spiritual, emotional and mental state. They don't feel important enough unless they harm somebody in someone in a sick and twisted F*ed up way.
This is hands down the best co parenting with a narc advice. Im just here for a refresher because Although you’ve done your healing journey.. sometimes it’s good to come back for reassurance. It’s the best
My mother is a narcissist and my father has been alienated. I find this video powerful and relieving too! I finally moved out from my mother's place. I'll keep healing✊ Thank you so much, Melanie!❤
YAAAASSSSS♥️♥️🙌🏼🙌🏼.
I AM CAPABLE OF GENERATING LOVE, TRUTH, POWER, SUCCESS AND PEACE FOR MY CHILDREN AND MYSELF REGARDLESS OF WHAT ANYONE ELSE IS OR ISN’T DOING!!! Xoxo
You are so welcome Rongrong Hu xoxo
My mother is a covert narc and she alienated my father up until I was four years old when he passed away. I never got the opportunity to know him. She didn't even allow me the chance to go to his funeral
@@araliyaflowers3681 hey could you please elaborate on how you found out your mother had alienated your father?
I'm a father of a young child and I am going through this now and it's getting worse- court orders dont change anything because all of the behaviour is passive aggressive
I am capable of generating love, peace, and harmony for me and my children regardless of what anyoneelse is doing. And so it is!
I am capable of generating love, peace, happiness, success, truth, health, power for myself and my son regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing! So it is! 💗💗💗
Your description of narcissistic supply is the very best!!! I have watched hundreds of videos on this topic but never have I really understood it. It’s as if narcissistic people are entertainers who believe that any publicity (positive or negative) is good publicity. Getting a rise out of you to validate themselves. I haven’t heard it explained so simply and easy to understand. Thanks 😊
Wow this was powerful and just the message I was needing to hear. You broke down the narcissistic traits in a way I haven’t heard yet and I appreciate it.
I am capable of generating love, truth, power and success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing!
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success, and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing. ✨📣
This was my biggest concern when leaving. How to co-parent. This really cleared the confusion up for me. Thank you! ❤️
Glad it was helpful for you Lotty! xoxox
I have been seeing this more clearly over the past two years since I decided to fight back against the narcissist in my life. She instigates arguments which lead to my child crying, after which she blames me and tries to paint me as the villain in my child's eyes. I have decided to ignore her when she starts to go down that road and I think it has been helping. I can see her taking this further when I make my eventual exit. You mention 'divide and conquer' - my SO's equally narcissistic mother has been doing that since we were dating!
Thank you so much! I have been working on self love since leaving him 5 yrs ago. You gave me to the tools to take the next steps. Thank you
Thank you Melanie have a beautiful day.. this is powerful ❤
Thank you Melanie for your incredible video.
I felt your love and was encouraged to do the right thing.
You saved my life and my children's.
Love you~♡
You are so welcome Jiae and much love to you and your child xoxox
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is doing or isn't doing!!!! Thank you so much for this video Melanie, you have given me strength and courage !!
I am capable of generate love, truth, power, success, and peace- for myself and my children- regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing!!!
I am Capable of generating love truth , Power and success and peace for myself and my children regardless of whether someone is doing or not Doing.
Thank You Melanie 🙏.
These words ate Powerful and Healing.
You are Blessed 🙏🙏🙏💞💕💕
I am capable of generating love truth, success, power for myself and children regardless of what someone is not Doing.🌹🌹🌹
Thanks Melanie 🙏🙏🙏💕💕💕
I am capable of generating love, truth, power success and peace for myself and those I love; Regardless of what everybody else is or isn't doing.
I am capable on generating love truth power success peace for myself and my children regardless of what anyone else is doing. Thank you, bless you.
Hi Melanie I am in contempt of court with a narcissist! Not looking forward to this 😬
Hi Grace, my heart goes out to you sweetheart. I know how difficult this situation is. Hun please Google my name and 'court battles' for my resources on this topic to help you navigate this in your power. Using inner transformational healing tools such as my healing program NARP can make a huge difference. I'd love for you to join me in my free healing webinar where you can experience this level of healing for yourself if you wish to. melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Love and blessings xoxox
This is the best video in the world. I have learnt so much. Thank you so much.
Volkan you are SO welcome! I'm so pleased that this could reach into you and resonate with you dear One. Love and blessings xoxox
Its so true...if you are going through this with kids, they will gravitate to you when you are calm.
Thank you for this video. I think it's going to be a major turning point for me. I don't have the funds to pay for anything right now, but I'll check out NARC. I am thankful for the fee waiver program from Our Family Wizard. That's how I found you.
Thank you for making this video, Melanie!!!! I needed to see this!! I'm going through a horrible situation with my ex- husband who is a narcissist. He is doing everything in his power to turn my two children against. My daughter had become so disrespectful and mean towards me. Her father is constantly bad mouthing me. It brings my heart because I feel her gravitating to the idea of hating me and looking at me like I don't matter. Is there anything I could tell my children, to make the situation better? My daughter is 15 and my son is 17. I have been divorced for 4 years
Sweetheart, I would love you to come on into my free 16 Day course as the solution to this is purely energetic. We can try all the "best practices" in the world- but if the narcissist is getting an energetic hit from our negative attention, they simply will not stop. They will do anything to keep the supply spigot open. This is why it is up to us to turn within to ourselves first and heal any fears and anger in ourselves. Then we will show up powerfully and be able to navigate the situation effectively. I hope you do join me sweetheart: melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxo
THIS is just EVERYTHING
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success, and peace for myself and my children a regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing!
I wish I knew these tools 10 years ago when I was trying to co-parent with a narcissist. I did what you said was the worst thing to do....I kept fighting with the Narc, feeding his supply. He bad mouthed me to my kids and that has resulted in no relationship with my daughter and a strained one with my son. I want to show them this video but I know it won’t help matters. I’ve tried everything! I so need help with this.....
Pam, the help you are asking for truly can be found by detaching from the narcissist and even the kids and just come on inside to heal. My free 16 Day course is a great place to start. Once you approach this from the quantum perspective, I promise you things will change. melanietoniaevans.com/freecourse Love and blessings xoxox
Me too- (she sings -‘I’ve done all the dumb things!’)- gee if I learned this 10yrs ago, I could’ve saved my eldest 2 children & myself many dramas along the way.
I have 2 younger children also now, & feel working with NARP has changed our life so much for the better, it is amazing!👌🏼
I am so grateful to of moved away before my ex found out about me moving 😍
I think both parties who are looking for a long-term relationship and marriage need to present mutual brain MRI scans that detect narcissism, psychopathy and sociopathy, so we don't have to breed with these monsters in the first place. It should be a thing covered by very, very affordable insurance. Having a child with a narc is a life sentence, and they know it 100%. Anyone who gets uber defensive at future "brain credentials", or doesn't want them being given out by credible sources, just may have something to hide. However, by that point, you may have caught on that the person is off anyways.
Sure, these are the same people who kidnap, enslave, and chain people up in their basements, or trafficking systems all the time, because people are getting smarter about these void human leech's existence, and how to detect them early. They are avoiding them, escaping to whole other countries, getting away from them, or recording them, and their actions (though they and their apologists will deny, back up and justify said recorded evidence with the whole "not knowing the whole story", bit), or just outright putting them down, ala mercy shot when they go too far, and do an attack/home invasion. But it will at least give the rest of us a fighting chance. Also, these brain defects are thought to be hereditary. Do your part, know these people for what they are from day ONE, and you won't have to put up with them, and you won't be putting other potential narcs out in the world. There is nature and nurture there, but sometimes the nature trumps the nurture. The mentals can breed with the other mentals if no one will have them, and lord knows that many mentally ill kill their children, neglect them to death for their own selfish needs, or shake their babies, or hurt their kids in a blind rage, because of the obvious, so in a way, mental parents have been known to cull their own future mental children. There's not 1-2 million abused kids who got away with deep scars from these monsters in the CPS system (per country), each year for nothing, you know. Probably more of these mental cases have had children who have been beaten to death, raped, drugged to death or outright killed by a narc in a narc rage.
YES 👏 brain scan & Nagalase level for total viral load! These people are physically and emotional sick. And the infections they have are communicable.
No wonder we feel so much better in every way when we can finally move on.
Thank you for this... You are right. When I was earning more and handling most of the financial responsibilities my parent partner was not as controlling. Lost my job and he got back on his feet again... Then the controlling is just too much now.
Right now I am back to further my studies and trying to start my business. When he doesn't show up on his part of financial responsibilities, I just make any means to cover it up with the little that I have.
I will take this with me.... "I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isn't doing"
Detach, Heal and Be Self sufficient. ❤️
I am capable of generating love truth power success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anyone else is or isn’t doing
OMG Thank you sooooo much for this Video!
yup that what I going through with my three children.
This video is honestly amazing thank you
Thank you for this! ❤
Our Family Wizard saved my life. Seriously. It facilitated a real detachment. It was funny to her at first, but it made her GO AWAY
From the bottom of my heart....thank you!
I am capable of generating love, peace, happiness, success, truth, health, power for myself and my son regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing!
Omg yes!!!!! They are so unbelievably sick and evil. Yup. You got them pegged for sure.
Love this! Thank you so much! I really needed to hear this today!
I am capable of generating love,truth,power,success and peace regardless of what anybody else is or isn't doing...
Hi Melanie. I have been no contact for 3.5 years now and only communicate through OFW. Your NARP program has helped me immensely through this journey and through my custody court battle, so thank you 🙏🏼. My question now is how to effectively deal with the threats to involve the courts or children services when they get upset at my children for being their authentic selves and expressing their feelings to their narc father. I’m always being accused of alienation. They see him every other weekend and come home upset every time. Any advice and tips on dealing with this will help. Thank you.
Hi Vanessa, I'm so pleased that you have been doing so well! For the next stage of challenges ... the answer is always to shift within is what being triggered - then you "know" what to do, and / or the way appears. Also I would highly suggest coming in to the NARP Member's Forum for support with this www.melanietoniaevans.com/member I hope that this helps xoxox
I wish I could like this video a 1000 times👍🏾🔥💥🎉❤️🖤🙏🏾💜
Thank you so much .my daughter with her grandmother not even her biological one n its crazyness ..thank you for all your videos I will be watching all them now I found out y the last 36 yr of my life have been messed .🌻
Ashs haunts, sweetheart you are so welcome! Love and blessings xoxox
I was told today from a pischologist that all the things mi ex is doing, like 14 years without paying child support, and being the fun parent because he refuses to work. then he has free time for them, is my fault for not taking him to court years ago, I knew that doing that was going to be more punishing from him to me and the kids, just my income is not enough, I´m trying so hard not to lose what is left of my mental health, thank you so much for this video.
I can tell you that not only were you right about not taking him to court if you felt it would have left you unprotected and vulnerable, therefore the children in worse circumstances, I can say my no one mistake , several times, was taking advice “by the book” or “by the system” designed for the average circumstances, when I expressed fear of retaliation, I was told I’d be protected ,and my head wanted my heart to fall in line - however , my gut was tied into all the info that let me know I was on track to be concerned
Your best video, thanks. "Soul Graduation", what a purpose 👌🏼💪🏼
Your so right I am in a massive court case with my baby's ex he was the most evil man now he's put in for shared custody and he has turned everybody in the legal system against me I now seem to be fighting everyone.
Went through something similar, I was accused of horrendous things by my ex. My advice to you would be stand your ground and for what you know is in the best interest of your child. Ignore what he has to say about you unless he has proof, the truth will come out and judges deal with these kind of people all the time they can read them. Stay strong!
How is shared custody evil? Maybe he loves his kids so much he's willing to fight for them. The trick is not fighting, but sharing instead.
What a Great video!!!!
Glad you liked it Kelly! xoxo
Thank you Melanie
I am capable of generating love .truth.power.sucess and peace for my self and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isnt doing .!!!
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success, and peace for myself and my children. Irregardless of what anybody else is or isn't doing.
What do you do when they aren't following the court agreement? I've heard don't take them to court and do take them to court.
Do you have any tools for how to generate that peace and strength for the child? How do you help them with their pain of disappointment and confusion that is generated by the narc parent? How do you explain the idea of not being a victim when in fact they have been a victim of something?
Seasonal Living, please know that I truly believe that through our own healing and breakthroughs we can empower our children and lead by example, where we go they follow. So by doing the innerwork in our own bodies we can heal along our own timelines and our children's. If you Google my name and 'parallel parenting' and 'our children' you can access all my material on this topic. This category link is a great starting point. blog.melanietoniaevans.com/category/supporting-our-children/ I hope this helps you. Love and blessings xoxox
I have a 9 month old with my ex narc and I'm seriously considering walking away for good its only 6 weeks in of weekend custody and there isn't a day goes by she doesn't contact me about the "baby" it's seriously effecting my mental health.
I think I have to walk away for quite a while at least.
💯💖 absolutely agree with all of this. I'm just still concerned about leaving a toddler with someone who wouldn't pick her up when she falls, or who somehow always manages to hurt her so she's crying as soon as I leave the room. Going to dig into these resources more. Thanks a mil, Melanie Tonia Evans! I know you're absolutely right about detaching, and that "as within so without". As soon as I get resources for NARP, I'm in. 🎊
Going through this it’s painful. My young daughter comes home crying and upset after every visit. Sometimes she is withdrawn and angry
@@fionam3735 I'm so sorry to hear that. He's discarding and simultaneously love-bombing, right now, so she never knows when she'll see him. She's just under 3, and she is the same when he ignores her, or when he's mean to her, or withholds affection. How old is your little one?
Crystal-Marie Sealy I’ve been going through this for a couple of years and my little one is five. As a mother it’s natural to want to protect your young vulnerable children after all they didn’t chose this. Her mental health is my concern as I want her to grow up on the scale of normal. Thank you for reaching out we are stronger united as narcissists only know how to divide and conquer
@@fionam3735 okay, okay. I'm new to it. And same, her mental well-being. Same concerns. Thank you too! We are stronger together. 💖
I find myself being the same as I was with myself when I was with him and now its my son. How could a human being use loving our child as a tool for hurting us 😣
I did exactly this and now he is on a parental alienation campaign, it's all he had left to hurt me and he is using it to his full advantage. I wish I had never done this...
Never done what?
@@shimmskoopelian1218 "taken back my power", cut off contact, make it known that he does not affect me. Take this advice
Great video i really needed this
Thank you so much
I’m struggling with my ex from Australia and her partner from Europe. They take advantage from Japanese family law, moreover I’m living Thai.
They are sick person, they don’t care the agreement by saying you don’t have any custody. Her partner said me “ I will ask her to file you to Australian family court to rob your custody right in Australia so that you will not demand us anything to us” He is not lawful father and even they don’t marriage officially. I messaged them once “ you are so manipulative and you cannot survive without control someone “ They know my daughter misses me a lots, but they never allowed her to see me. I’ve not seen her for more than a month
Oh, such as heading away on holiday with the kids and arbitrarily changing the return date without a moment’s contemplation that this might affect the other parent’s plans?
Yes!!
So much damage !! Broken
Souls Graduation 👨🏼🎓 Love ur take on this Melanie 🌀🌈👶🏽
How do we get a court order?
Thank you 🙏🏻
Do I use a Lawyer Or a mediator?
I’m at the beginning stages of divorce w/a Narc of 23 years.
I desire the least amount of damage for my kids....
Please help!
Lawyer.
I was doing so well… put up so many boundaries, refused child support and centrlink benefits to not give him any Avenue to get to me…. What I hadn’t counted on was his unrelenting determination to destroy me by using the legal system… it was a hard pill to swallow realising that the law is very definitely not on the side of the innocent and on the side of the person who can work it in their favour…. Guessing there is more inner work to be done, which I’m doing (NARP modules etc) but I seem to be falling further and further away from where I want to be…. He is still finding ways to destroy my life, and my daughters….
Every time I manage to build a wall (boundary) between us, it makes him more determined to knock it down…. Every time I manage to gain some inner peace and regain the ability to step aside from the drama and move forward with my life, I get kicked I side ball that takes me down with its viciousness and ferocity.
Gone is my optimism and hope… gone is the attitude oozing “don’t need this man, he can’t touch us on the inside”…. He can. He’s keeping me engaged in ridiculous court cases and Centrelink hearings I’m forced to attend not to end up in prison or owing lots of money
I don’t know if I can do another 7 years of this (until our child turns 18)
This is the hardest part for me.
Thank you
Dear Melanie, I thought I wouldn’t have to come for your advice again but here I am. It’s sad that the narcissist (my ex) is present in our lives again after 10 months of peace (and 4 months where he LEFT to another country and I thought I was free for good). But no, came back out of the blue like a bad yeast infection haha. The silver lining is that I get to be “in your presence” again and listen to your wonderful wise words. Back then when I was the most desperate and lost YOUR WORDS here in TH-cam were what saved me and showed me there was another way. From a mum to another I will forever be thankful for having found you, in a way that words cannot explain.
Also: I guess some of my hooks and triggers still needed working on. That’s why this dark character made his way in again. But I am stronger and I am wiser and this time I am going to claim our mental, emotional and spiritual freedom fully and without hesitation.
Much sincere love and admiration to you!
Because I am trying this exact thing, the narc is taking me back to court because I "can not co parent" my "refusal to respond" is his next play, threats of court and demanding a special masters. What am I missing?
View it as a business transaction. Only use one mode of communication i.e. email and respond to only things that are about the children. He most likely won't win in court if he is unable to prove the accusations. You are not required to be friends with him... Keep maticulous records of all interactions through a parenting journal
Jessica, my heart reaches out to you, I so appreciate how challenging this must be for you. Hun, if we have buried emotional trauma and limiting beliefs it can feel almost impossible to breakthrough no matter how hard we try. Please join me in my free healing webinar so I can show you how to heal the traumas and belief systems that can block you from manifesting the 'right' resources and 'solution' in the field. melanietoniaevans.com/freewebinar Consciously choosing to do the work in our bodies is so often the link we are 'missing'. This article explains more. blog.melanietoniaevans.com/the-1-trick-for-bringing-a-narcissist-to-justice/ Love and blessings xoxox
@@laramarshall3902 I am so so sorry Lara! Oh my goodness my heart hurts for you. It is so sad to see this happening more often than not! I'm sending love and light your way.
Dear Melanie, and anyone else, I got a question,..
How do you handle, when he (the ExN im my Case) just won't have a secure surrounding for his child??
He promised, he would build a fence for our son at his house. Of course he didn't. I don't know how to step away and heal when my son is in possible danger (Street around the house, house is built on quite a hill).
I told him our son wouldn't visit him as long as he has no fence,... Of course he (my ExN) is now mad at me. I feel somehow guilty for not letting our son to his dad, on the other hand, he would NEVER build that fence otherwise.
So what to do, did I do too much?
omg,....
Hi Eva, yes hun it is tricky in that we can't control the outside so it's so great that are healing. Tending to your emotional states as the priority is paramount so you can stand solid regarding your boundaries and this case a literal boundary! So standing firm in your values and truths on this matter even if the other person doesn't agree. He has 'promised'. So stand firm because this is about your boundaries and the safety of your child. Google my name and 'boundaries' and 'C.R.A.P' for resources! I hope this can help you. Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans Oh thank you soooo much, sometimes I feel like I am the Narc now for being so hard.. Seems I am not used to stand that strong to my opinion, but for my son I have to...
Maybe a Video about the topic "am I becoming the narcissist?" would be nice? I don't know if there are any other people out there feeling the same...
THANKS for your Answer!!
Greetings from Austria!
@@evabrandstotter6373 i feel the same too all the time!!! maybe we can connect? i really don’t have anyone else who knows what i go through too and i too would be concerned about the fence.
I don't know if my child's father is a narcissist but it sure sounds like it. he has made excuses for 6 years on why he can't help me. but he's always helping friends and other females who have kids. holidays, birthdays are the same every year but he acts like it's always a brand new thing. he is very dismissive with my daughter. when he calls to speak with her it's always after her bedtime and I tell him a time to call her thats decent because she has school the next day. when he does talk to her he will keep trying to get her to give me the phone or he'll hang up to talk to his friends. it's so annoying. so I don't make her talk to him. I give her the option. because it's not fair to her. it's like everything is more important. and when I talk to him about it he sarcastically says "I don't help you" "So you're saying I'm a bad father" it's just so annoying
BUT HOW TO DO IT? HOW TO GET THERE? How to leave my trigers?
Hello im just wondering if anyone may be able to give me some advice. I'm having a tricky time trying to parent with a narc ex husband. Basically the most recent thing that has happened is, I told my son the other day not to call people fat as he kept saying it to people, he is only 3, and i tried to tell him it was rude. He has gone to his dads and he's obviously told his dad about the situation and his dad has told him that 'it is OK to say the word fat' obviously he doesnt know the context of which it was being said. And now my 3 year old is very confused. He's saying. Mummy, my daddy said I'm allowed to say fat... and this is not the message I was trying to get across. I was trying to say not to call people fat. I understand 3 is a young age to acknowledge other people's feelings etc. But I thought it was the right thing to try and explain why its rude and not very nice to call someone fat. Now he's getting mixed messages. Its like a constant battle. I dont even talk to ex husband as all the contact is now through a family member due to his manipulating nature. Any advice?
Hi sweetheart, I so appreciate how challenging and actually impossible it is to try to co-parent with the narcissist. Please google my name and 'our children' and 'parallel parenting' to access my resources to anchor you and guide you. It's complicated however with healing I know it is totally possible to heal to become impervious to the narc games so you can be empowered and lead the way for your son no matter what the Narcissist is or isn't doing. I'd love to invite you to join me in my upcoming free Masterclass so I can explain more and how you break into your empowerment and heal for real.
event.webinarjam.com/register/6/6v905t8 Love and blessings xoxox
@@MelanieToniaEvans thankyou so much for this, xxx
Story of my life
How do you explain this to your children?
How can you successfully get child custody?
Annie, I would love you to check out NARP www.melanietoniaevans.com and google my name plus parallel parenting - the most successful parents we have in our community use this combination and some have won full custody. I hop ethat this can help you xoxox
Yes 10000000%
What if the couple wasn't ever married so the breakup didn't require a divorce & there has never been a legal custody arrangement? The one parent, to avoid conflict, never files & must constantly respond to the narcs need to "discuss" whatever (the schedule, potty-training, holidays, money, etc). The person trying to detach cannot effectively do so because the narc refuses to use text to communicate & only wants in-person or phone conversation 🙄 (for obvious supply reasons) those end up immediately going toxic and into wear-you-down cycles of manipulation and endlessly rehashing whatever the narcs intended agenda is, until the other parent can't take it anymore & breaks down. If the narc won't agree to text, won't actually maturely discuss an issue, and threatens taking child if a custody case is filed....how can a person detach from that?? I mean, conversations MUST be had regarding the child - but how?
Nothing will be agreed to.
My advice is file anyway, BUT isn't that a TRUE risk? As courts often don't understand narcissistic behavior & blame both sides if "co-parenting" is failing. Plus, he who has the most $$ for a lawyer often wins regardless of the truth.
Any thoughts on detaching from the constant toxic conversations in this situation??
I could’ve wrote that exactly. My girls are slightly older now 6/4.yo But yuuup he literally REFUSES to ever text. It’s weird. Like he has to get me on the phone and it’s usually to talk about himself and drags on our some pity party or some fake story. Start recording conversations or anything that might be dirt. So if he does file for custody you’ll have something. Mine is threatening lately because the girls are out of the “hard baby” stages. But I have significant amounts of dirt on him anyhow. Good luck to you.
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isn't doing.
❤
NPD requires a clinical diagnosis. Someone who is angry at you will never co-operate, narcissist or not. This is why parallel parenting exists. The first thing you do is stop interfering in the other parent's time with the kids. If you can't do that, the problem might be you needing to be in control. Once you choose to not be someone's spouse you also give up dictating rules for them. You have chosen to not be a team, both parents now have different goals and resources. This is selfish and sucks for kids. Unless there is physical violence the NPD parent is usually the one that left the relationship. A lot of parents feel that when kids get explained the truth about how family courts and child support work is manipulation, but it's not, it is their new reality. 50/50 parenting should be the norm, neither parent has more intrinsic value to a child. If you are working against this, you are likely the problem and feel you have more rights or have an inflated sense of self.
When you say: "How dare you tell other people how they (narcissists) behave" to me indicates that you are deliberately trying to damage their reputation, talk about vindication. Quantum understanding? Spiritual battle? Those are terms i'd expect from someone who is in fact the problem.
Birth control would be a good tool.
Its so hard
K so my ex is a full blown narcissist but now it gets worse his girlfriend is one to but get this a better one then he is shes clever and im trying my best not to get triggered but I fall in it all the time I need help please I can send txt messages I'm in it right now as im typing Wednesday 20th July 2022.
A lot of this was resonating until you got to the quantum part. It's a bizarre angle that seems kind of far-fetched
This "narcissistic" word is used far too often..... the likelihood of someone being a narcissist is highly unlikely..... let's face it, we live in a time where we all have traits that can appear to be or look like a narcissist. My wife uses our kids against me, it's she a narcissist? I don't believe so.... she has kicked me out of our home leaving me to live with my family members. What I believe is she currently doesn't have enough education on how to have a healthy relationship. We all have fallen short in one way or another... I don't even know if we are together or not.... and it sucks so bad. 😕 it's crazy how we hurt each other, I've noticed we tend to hurt the ones we love the most. As a content creator, you should be a little more wise before you use terms and labels such as this... everyone in this chat needs to take a step back and ask who this woman really is and what makes her qualified???? She's smart enough to pick up a phone and record a video, but is she qualified to diagnose someone in this way??? No, she isnt in any way shape or form qualified to make a video on this subject... this is toxic in itself 💔
You are mistaken my majesty!!! It is under ground abuse to mislead people with false information in order to make money
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing. ❤❤❤❤
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing.
Thank you!
I am capable of generating love, truth, power, success and peace for myself and my children regardless of what anybody else is or isn’t doing.