3 things stood out to me 1. She speaks of her partner like he’s a perfect person 2. She constantly speaks down about herself 3. The request for that segment to be cut speaks volume because it’s evident that even during the interview, some of the questions she was asked really forced her to dig deeper, even though sometimes she seemed to just go back to stuff she has probably been told by the partner
I’m a bit concerned for her. She has so much confidence work to do so she’s going to continue picking the wrong guy until she’s knows she’s worthy. May she learn easefully ✨
Raven is really self critical and her partner is on a high pedestal. I hope he is good to her even after she gets to a place where she feels secure and confident in her maturity.
Not knowing her partner from a can of paint, I am wondering if he has a savior complex (based on Raven’s account of events in their relationship), or if he’s just really that dude. I pray the latter for her heart and sanity. 🙏🏽
40 minutes in: I think it's great that Shan keeps pointing out that words like naive and immature are not words people usually use to describe themselves. And she's right - it gives me the sense that her man says these things to Raven and she accepts it as truth because she puts him on a pedestal clearly and doesn't feel good enough for him. Saying simplified words like naive/immature rarely comes from a place of honest self-reflection because once you know why you act in certain ways and have compassion for yourself, you use more distinguished words or detailed descriptions. These are words you adopt from someone else who only has an outside perspective on you and has no compassion for why you act the way you do... Calling someone else naive and mature is easy (I'm speculating here), but it seems she doesn't have the self-worth to deflect it. I wish her the best and that she can see her worth and work it out with herself and her man. 🌹
"Because once you know why you act in certain ways and have compassion for yourself, you use more distinguished words or detailed descriptions." FACTS!!!!
Such a good response/perspective ….i also felt like (even tho obviously they’re a sponsor) Shan made the point to bring up the better help app right before they fully dove into this because she recognized the red flags
Wait a damn minute...Raven said she posted something about needing a man being obsessed with her then days later that ninja appears and recites what she posted word for word and then Raven said: OMG how did he know?? I - Raven, Girl....
Is it just me or does it sound like shes dating a Narc ? She wrote something online and he said the same exact thing. He said hes obsessed with her! He charmed the family and friends. He seems to good to be true. Hes getting to know her weakness' by being so "supportive" even though she doesnt feel like she treats him well. If youre reading this please tAKE more time to heal because it could save you a lot of pain in the future.
I feel this too. That relationship dos not feel safe. It doesn't feel expansive it seems to be sucking life out of her but I hope we're wrong. The 'intense closeness' isn't the best. And she keeps negating her cautiousness. Its OK to be cautious after a bad situation.
Moving too fast, oversharing (in an effort to get you to do the same), feeling too good to be true, intense feelings suddenly, grand gestures, intense romantic feelings without actually knowing one another, all signs of a possible narc/codependent relationship or at least someone worth slowing down with.
Also pay attention to your body’s reaction when you meet someone, the body knows best… I hope raven continues to listen to her body and doesn’t ignore/ rationalize questionable behavior
Although this is not MY relationship.... I am so uncomfortable with how Raven feels about herself...like how can you take all that insecurity into a new relationship and expect a positive outcome?. There were So so many red flags in this interview!! I can appreciate Shan trying to point those out in the most professional way and not make her feel even more insecure.I do pray that Raven finds happiness with herself FIRST as everyone who is forced to be on this planet deserves at least that! Xoxo Nikki 💋
yeah i was confused because he obviously saw her story, unless the dm was time stamped before she posted that story, i tell women never make public what youre looking for, because everyone will fake like they have those qualities
I’m also thinking that the typical attractive person that the world thinks she should be with is within that statement. Remember on LIB when Barista came by & assumed that bc he & Raven are stereotypically attractive, active/athletic, the too good looking potential power couple (which barista is not attractive imo) that they should be together tackily off of that alone. And she shut him down. I made me think of that & what she may find attractive might not be stereotypically in accordance w/ how she looks, if that makes sense?
@@kun_kue Same. Sounds like manipulation. I've been there. he's trying to control her internal dialogue/narrative, and already has started to. Because they already professed "love" there is an eagerness to maintain that so it gets harder for her to navigate how she is truly feeling because she doesn't want to lose what felt too good to be true. He love bombed her then started taking away the love through conditions. He has low self esteem and she deserves better. It's clear. I really like her and want her to remember her value. Also, If holding onto some aspects of love is blind for her career are helping her make money. More power to her. He has no right to call her or what she does with her time immature. She was a whole person when he found her and she will be if/when he's gone.
We’re all rooting for our girl Raven! I hope he’s a good man. He sounds a little insecure and controlling and he zeroes in on her insecurities. Could just be me projecting but some things said just don’t sound right. Butttt I hope I’m wrong and she’s happy and loved❤
Yeah even the amount of self blame she was doing feels like she's been repeatedly told there's something 'wrong' with her. I also know that since he saw how the last man pulled stunts he might just be taking advantage of that knowledge
@@kun_kue yess sounds like he’s taking advantage of her self-proclaimed naivety. Some ppl like to use your shortcomings (or what you think your shortcomings are) against you.
@@tanyam6811 exactly. That’s her career and she didn’t say or do anything offensive. She’s classy and well respected. No need to change her content for a new boyfriend
Yea there’s a deepness in it that just doesn’t resonate the way I think she thinks it is. It’s haunting in a way. Idk I’m trying to look at her eyes as she does it & it’s just a little bit of emptiness behind them.
I mean she was talking about the time they had sex (something the boyfriend probably isn’t comfortable with). Raven is a public figure but he’s not so I can understand why she was anxious
Her current boo sounds like my ex. Boundaries are for yourself, not for others. A lot of the stories she shares about hims sounds very similar to our relationship. I'm very wary of someone who proposes boundaries for their partner that they do not have for themselves.
Omg Shan is such a good interviewer! Her follow up questions were intentional, purposeful and enriching which led to answers from Raven with those same qualities. 👏🏾 Shan is a great listener
They’ve been talking less than six months and he’s already controlling her. She’s literally repeating the things he’s saying to her, like immature, naive.
Seems like the words Shan kept noticing (naive & immature) could be that she was honing in on Raven’s hypercritical inner voice that can unnecessarily lower our self-esteem. Manipulators/Users/Narcs/Sociopaths prey on this bc it makes it easier to move from the love bombing phase to the Devaluation Phase. The cry could be rooted in Raven’s intuition recognizing actions that don’t align with her core beliefs. You deserve God’s best. Raven please keep a good inner circle of trusted counselors/ mentors and godly girlfriends. Wisdom can combat naivety and counter the blindness that comes with falling in love. Yes Raven be obsessed with Raven that is what you really need. Self-love matters💕 Put God first and follow him. Raven we are rooting for you #TeamRaven
This! I hope he’s not a narc but at the very least, it sounds like he doesn’t make her feel too good about herself. It’s ok to be fragile after a dramatic breakup. I hope she finds peace and love
@@larabraver I deeply appreciate your feedback. Praying my note reaches Raven📝 You inspire me to keep bravely & lovingly speaking words of wisdom to other women 👸🏽
My psychology informed thoughts 19mins40seconds in: she is recreating what she experienced in Love is Blind. I’ve seen a summary of her story on the show, and it’s STILL a red flag 🚩 when someone you’ve spoken to intimately and I’m sure VULNERABLY via FaceTime for two weeks straight weeks, invites himself to a city he’s never been to. He meets your whole tribe, they also OVERSHARE around a table on NYE? From watching, this is a good example of how your environment affects/conditions your behaviour and give you blind spots. Getting out of these cycles is tough and real WORK. Often, people aren’t aware of their emotions, thoughts or behaviour being maladaptive. Most often people choose not to change.
I feel like him telling her whenever someone is coming on to her is his way of letting her know that even tho they’re together HES still desirable… I would HATE if my boyfriend did that… on occasions sure if it’s like a funny or awkward situation but not every time a message or dm is sent liiiike that’s excessive And I would be bothered too! Rightfully so!
Obvi I don’t know for sure, but based off what Raven shared it sounds like her new partner can read her insecurities and play on them. But it could just be the way she was describing it…Also, the coming to NYC for a first date & saying he thinks he’s falling for her sounds like textbook Love Bombing. He charmed everyone at the table. Her body knew the situation felt off before the date started. But interested to see how this plays out. Also sounds like he has watched all of the interviews and content that she’s ever done and is overcompensating to make it seem like he is the opposite type of person. Telling her about the girl in his leasing office? Preventative or planting a seed for her to now have a thought “my partner is very attractive and women everywhere want him.” Making him seem very high value and encouraging her to be anxious about him being desired by others. I would love for her to see what happens or changes in the relationship dynamic if she stops repeating the narrative that she is naive.
I agree, he should stop reporting every woman that hits on him back to Raven. Because listening to the interview, she already struggles with insecurities and is even saying she can’t measure up to these women. It isn’t going to help her be more confident.
@@chanaef.8189he does it on purpose. I’ve been w an emotionally abusive person (not saying he is) and one of the subtle things he did was inform me every time a girl hit on him whether in public or in dms. It definitely played on my mental health and made me subconsciously think every girl was an ‘enemy’/ competition.
yea disclosing people who hit on you can become toxic. for example now hes telling her all the women who hit on him so she does the same. then he’ll stop telling her but will require her to continue to tell him
This!!!!! He definitely preyed on her!! He basically studied her to find out how to reel her in & now she’s stuck bc now he’s got hold of her by every angle. This is one danger I find creepy as hell that is a potential result when being on a public dating show. It’s like ppl that come around after a public situation as such could just be playing a part of an imaginary role, & I hate to say it but they almost need to be vetted for their true intentions as well.
That's my impression. And why no to the therapist review? I won’t create a conspiracy theory, but I came to the comments to confirm something feels off and lo and behold, behold and lo, it’s basically unanimous.
Discernment is important in any and all relationships and she seems to be lacking that...I appreciate Shan's honesty and the disclaimer at the end...I wish Raven nothing but the best
One thing about Raven though is that she is so open and honest even sometimes to her own detriment as an oversharer...she's such an amazing person though...great interview...very intimate and personable
I love raven and this episode was so insightful. I will say I saw some red flags with what she explained about her current boo. That first inclination of them both sounded almost like love bombing to me. Then him kind of telling her what she can and cannot do career-wise also took me aback. If he was truly supportive he wouldn’t find all of that necessary. Also a Man that is secure in himself wouldn’t care so much about a silly TikTok especially if you are only in the beginning stages of your relationship. That’s just my opinion from experience but I am wishing Raven the best in all of her endeavors and relationships ❤❤❤
I didn't take it ask him telling her what she can and can't do, he just said certain things she said made him uncomfortable. Generally speaking, allowing everything to slide under the guise of "confidence" isn't healthy. It's okay to have feelings about various issues like your girlfriend or boyfriend's ex being a constant presence in your life even after you have moved on and being uncomfortable. What you deem as supportive is completely arbitrary and relevant to you and your relationships because that's specific to you! Support and comfort look different to different people. :) Remember that saying, if you stand for everything, you stand for nothing.
Ah, Raven. This hurts. How can you be this beautiful and with such a growth mindset and allow someone break you down like this? So hurtful to see. I think when he sees this interview and especially the comments, she’s going to pay for it. She deserves the world and I’m not convinced that this guy is it. Like, what are her therapists doing? The reason she’s self-deprecating is really because she IS all the things that she thinks she is only moderately: beautiful (more like stunning), intelligent and really smart, driven. And women are taught early to dim their lights. The more you are these things, the harder you work to dampen them so you’re more attractive to insecure men who cannot stand to be challenged. My heart hurts. If I had half her looks, I’d never wear a bra ever again. For starters 😅 Notice a blindspot. When she was recounting her partner’s openness and accountability regarding women, he only told her about women’s attentions towards him. He does not seem to indicate if/when he finds them attractive. Like, he is a guy. Or rather, a person. It’s always women chasing him - and this is so fucking obvious my head hurts. He is using “honesty” or “full disclosure” as a tool to project to her that he is the prize and all these women are after him. Ah, dear Raven, you are the prize. You! And yes, you need to be obsessed with yourself. Much love and peace to you.
New boo is giving me the ick. Raven is too quick out of the LIB experience. She needs solo time to process all that. Not someone in her ear all the time telling her who she is. Also that clip she filmed rating people. She didn’t clarify if that was filmed while they were together? Had Raven had any time on her own to process LIB and how she was portrayed on the show and to reconcile if there’s any truth to that?
Raven is that gorgeous girl that doesn’t realize how much of a bombshell she is!!! It makes her so humble and down to earth, I’ve been a surprise fan since her season of love is blind- the guy that she paired with on the show is a goddamn FOOL for treating her bad!! 🤡🤡
1. The guy saying he obsessed with you isn’t weird, you said that’s what you wanted and he’s a good listener 😊 2. We’re quick to call ourselves naive, which may be true, but really it’s quite natural to forget when you’re a good person that there are some very sinister and selfish people that will seek you out for all the wrong reasons. I wish you to find the person that is just as good as you, quality humble human ❤
She is right, she truly is naive, but also so pure with a child-like innocence, despite being so self reflective and intelligent. She deserves a good man 🤍
I agree - I think everyone is being too harsh with her - life teaches us MANY lessons and we are all viewing each other’s “different places” and shouldn’t be judgmental but have faith that time teaches all
CODE RED I think Raven is dating my narcissistic, insecure ex who projected his insecurities onto myself by telling me that very normal things I did and who I was friends with made “me” the immature one. Ladies, when you living your normal life and minding your own business somehow “hurts” him this badly this soon, it’s not you, it’s him trying to manipulate and control you. Raven can make goofy TikTok’s referencing her NEWLY gained fame which is the BASE for her new career…. She is in the entertainment industry and if he can’t understand a JOKE for goodness sake- he’s trying to control you. It seems to me that Raven’s self-esteem is now actually WORSE but she is under the guise that the only reason she realizes all of these awful new things about herself (her immaturity, her “habit” of constantly hurting him) is because HE IS THE SAVIOR saving her from HERSELF. And without him, she is nothing. Classic narcissist/manipulator. I hope she breaks up with my ex soon.
It’s giving traits of a narcissist…. Learns your whole family, finds out exactly what you want to hear and recites it word for word, confesses love right away (love bombing). I hope it isn’t that.
Very self aware but not cognizant of the awareness. Almost as if she lets it blow through one ear & out the other bc it’s definitely like she knowssssss but probably just too emotionally abused atp to be able to muster up the courage to put it to a stop.
Ahhhh. I dunno man. The way she talks about her partner isn’t giving the feels at all. Rooting for you Raven but it’s really sad to see how much she talks herself down, and in the same breath, bigs him up. I really, really want her to see herself how God sees her, because she has so much to offer, but it’s as if good things happening to her are still such a shock that she seems to be feel indebted to this current partner. Raven sis, you are the prize and I hope you come to know that. I also hope you find a love that lifts you up, without putting you down. It’s what you deserve.
Self love is so important and it will shift and change as you experience life. The best thing she did is realize that how she sees herself needs to be adjusted; being kinder and more nurturing to herself first. Love to see the growth. This life stuff is not easy!
Raven's dude sounds controlling. Unless that guy is covering all her bills and providing an allowance, then she needs to keep riding that reality TV wave.
Damn...controlling, emotional hijacking, condescension, jealousy, focusing on his 'current' appearance ....sounds like a wonderful relationship. Why do women feel the need to have a man in order to be complete, content, and love themselves? I'll stay HAPPILY single, thanks. My heart breaks for her. She was SERIOUSLY love-bombed by a narcissist.
How does he create his boundaries on you? Huh? I seems ages repeating words he’s used to describe her and making that her identity. Insecure, naive, childish. I wish she gave herself Grace, and more kindness.
I don’t understand this negative comments. Can we just appreciate that she was honest and brave. She broke down her feelings for millions to watch and judge. We can at least be kind.
It’s more concern for her than negativity for no reason, but I do get where you’re coming from. It’s brave of her to share, but it would be cowardly of us to hear such things and not speak up.
I loved the episode! I mean i love all the episodes and Shan. I was just telling my boyfriend that I love this podcast and wish that Shan was my irl friend because she always comes off as no non-judgemental and her episodes inspire so much vulnerability and insight not just from the guest but from viewers. Nobody is perfect and listening to different human experiences makes us understand each other more as people because we all are always learning. I would have wished raven and her team would have given the last segment the green light but she is probably like all of us have been, scared of what will actually be said by someone else analyzing her love story. It’s okay totally understandable.
The analogous at the end… perfect! A lesson I’m learning about love and my own habits when not being as cautious when I fall. I fall fast and hard… and end up hurt most times. But I’m learning how to pace myself while still allowing myself to feel the “thrill of the hill”. Thank you for this podcast! Also really enjoyed Raven and observing her growth and journey of self love. It’s inspiring ❤️🫶🏾🙏🏾✨
If you’re nervous (esp before a first date) that’s your intuition communicating with you that something’s off.. what is for you will feel peaceful and still
Watching this and the fact that they stopped you from doing the last part tells me everything I need to know. Raven I’m going to check your page because I’m trying to transition to softer workout routines. But that other side of you no thank you . Too draining energetically.
I really enjoyed this conversation! So much vulnerability. I love the self awareness Raven has and is excited about growing herself and experiencing something new for her. Everyone has things to work on that come up with new relationships and it’s easy to judge instead of remembering what it is we ourselves had/have to overcome or when we self sabotaged
With what Raven has accomplished and how many people tell her she's beautiful, I'm surprised she has negative self talk. I wouldn't be surprised if guys she dates are jealous of her. She seems like a nice person, hope things work out for her
This is what I was thinking!!! They are jealous of her and trying to bring her down to their level to make themselves feel better about how they lack confidence so they want her to feel what they feel. Anddddd they are also probably going for women out of their league! There is nothing like a male who goes for a woman he doesn’t feel good enough for, unlike the dudes typically deemed “unattractive/ugly” who have confidence and end up going for women they aren’t in the same league with BUT their ego & confidence isn’t lacking so they make strides anyway. The problem comes with the dudes who lack stable ego’s.
I haven’t watched love is blind yet, but watching this video “wonderful video btw” made me realize that you won’t actually know if you’re ready to fully love healthily or receive healthy love until you’re actually in a relationship, which is so scary!
Absolutely loved this episode Shan! Always so brilliant and insightful. Slightly disappointed that we didn't get to unpack with the therapist. I love getting to unpack with a professional. But i still loved that you included your own advice ❤❤❤ Raven is so open and honest. I really love that about her
Also stop getting lost in what you want this person to be for you. Really step back and think about if this person is putting in an act in REAL time. Don’t ignore your intuition, even if the other person’s feeling might get hurt.
Raven needs to be careful, a lot of the things she talked about are pretty concerning...! The love bombing, controlling and guilt- tripping stuff? No, not good. There is nothing wrong with that Tik Tok video and what she usually posts is harmless. I truly appreciate how Shan gave illuminating advice about self - love, healing after a failed relationship before entering a new one, and above all learning to love yourself first! The job interview analogy was great!
I hope this does not offend anyone, but I honestly think Raven is neurodivergent. She comes off cold & stubborn, but is a really sensitive and a person that favors stability & comfort. Neurodivergent ppl are often considered immature and insecure by others but they are really playful/young in spirit or unsure of how to properly interact or move in soceity- which manifests as insecurity. Studies have also shown that majority of neurodivergent women end up in toxic relationships or w/ narcissistic men. I don't know for sure, but it's how I perceive it. She could also be dealing w/ ALOT of trauma. Either way, she needs therapy & Jesus. Her life's safety depends on it.
Yes, I'm recently diagnosed as autistic. I'm sensitive and have attracted narcissistic behaviour in men. Raven does have a certain naivety to her and men will take advantage of that.
Why doesn’t he let her ride the love is blind wave? He sounds super controlling. As a partner I think he should be supportive not like that. The wave will die down very quickly and she should take advantage of it while it lasts smh.
I see similarities between you two. I was like, YESSSS, I was a bit confused at times... I'm looking forward to the show I had to share first! I really enjoy your podcast. Emotionally,educationally, and entertainment 🎉
She needs to be careful. I believe her when she says “I’m naive”. Sometimes people especially women, we can give a guy too much access too quickly. Receiving a message saying “I’m obsessed with you” isn’t cute or charming, damn near scary. We have to learn to let people earn our trust. Her laughing throughout this interview was very cringe. As she tells her story it tells me that shes too thirsty for a relationship. I could be wrong but that’s what I’m getting from this. Where is the decrement?
I truly wish the sister the best. As someone who gone through some stuff. The sister needs sometime to herself and heal. Through therapy for myself it sounds like codependency, people pleasing traits and the dude sounds like love bombing traits and he knows she has important issues that she has to address. Also being on reality TV is one of the byproducts of a toxic narcissistic capitalist world. For me this interview was so triggering for me because I'm healing from those traits of codependency, people pleasing, low self esteem and confidence in myself. I moved so fast in every relationship that I failed in every relationship because I was trying to heal that inner wounded child who led a toxic self love life my entire adult life. I'm scared for her but she can make it if she accepts and takes on the challenge of growth and healing and it may mean leaving everything behind that she and us have been socialized under this sick society. 😊
SHE HAS NO VOICE. SHE DOESNT EVEN STRADDLE THE FENCE BETWEEN WHAT SHE KNOWS SHE WANTS AND WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS FROM COZ SHE SILENCE HER OWN VOICE FROM SPEAKING TO HER. SHE JUST SEEM AGREEABLE TO EVERYTHING!!!
This was one of my fav interviews you have done, granted i love Raven. She's beautiful, smart, sexy and her laugh is beautiful. Raven I am so happy that you have found the kind of love God wants for you and are growing into a better women. Love you ladies thanks again! Xo
Great Work @Shan. love how you changed the angle of this. I was worried it was going to everything we had already seen. You always do what we are all thinking but never comfortable to talk about.Fear of societal pressures. love this podcast.
As CleoTrapa would say “the red flags are on fuckking fired! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥”. Raven you did soo much growth since your time on LIB.. And now it’s like you’re accepting Degradation from a partner who is only deflecting on you to make themselves feel better about themselves. We need Pool Raven back. She’s in there somewhere. 💙 EDIT: I’m sorry but this new laugh she’s doing is like a cry for help she’s never laughed like that. And I don’t mean the way she does it but moreso the deepness. It’s kind of haunting.
After having dated a narcissist..... Raven's experience sounds really familiar, especially the narrative of "I'm hurting him....". Just a lot of things she shared about this person would be red flags for me now. I pray this aint it, and if it is....RUN
I will never understand why men like him seek to destroy women like a raven, but it’s not for me to understand. Raven, I hope you listen to the world justice ones. Leave that man focus on building your self-esteem so you can get the love that you deserve.
I feel so sad for Raven after watching this honestly. The fact that she doesn’t see how gorgeous and deserving she is. I just feel like she talked down on herself so much and I wish she would love herself more. As for this new guy, I really hope he treats her well. I wish they didn’t cut the therapist part at the end.
Her current partner seems determined to make sure she feels grateful to be with him. Transparency is one thing, but he could just shut things down quick without having to tell her about every woman that smiles at him. Weirdo.
The oversharing about women contacting him/being interested seems like triangulation. Her negative self-talk and the way she's viewing this guy as her healer. Very concerning.
This episode was absolutely everything. So much food for thought - my mind was literally eating and drinking everything up! 😂❤ such great conversation and it gave me so much room for introspection - I’m definitely looking into the love stories. Mind blown that there is actually context to the stories we create in our head and what motivates how we love 🤯 also LOVE raven as I’ve been following her more recently and I think she is so relatable with where I am in my life right now 🫶🏽 this was just ✨CHEF’S KISS✨😘
Maybe it’s the way she’s describing it but this relationship is giving so many 🚩🚩🚩 the telling her about all the people who DM him and the leasing agent at his apartment complex “for the sake of honesty” was the last straw for me. It’s giving, trying to make her know he’s wanted too, and “keep her on her toes” so that she knows she is replaceable. My abusive ex (made a video about it) used to do the same thing to me. Little did I know he would do things to make these women think he was interested so that I was always on the back foot with him. Always worried I couldn’t do better. It’s a control tactic for insecure man. This is exactly what all these red pill podcast men do. Destroy your self esteem so that you come down to their level. What she admitted to, some of them seemed dumb and cringey, like all content creators.. but nowhere near as heartbreaking as he seemed to make it seem. The ending message from Shan seems like she came to a similar conclusion. Saying I love you upon first meeting is crazy and I have had several LDR. Idk.
I had that feeling of talking to a guy who made me feel so comfortable, where I acted differently than I would in previous dating, and it was such a good feeling bc I felt like I wasn’t judged and accepted and he made sure of that… then I (stupidly) gave him money for an incident and he scammed me and blocked me. Basically I was talking to a scary narc who knows how to make women fall for him quickly to get what he wants I had a lot of healing thru therapy to build trust within myself and I hope Raven does the same.. it’s taken me a year to feel comfortable dating again, but definitely I’m going to be cautious on men who are predatory
Listening to your story about how you cried about how close and selfish you felt, it’s a love that I want to experience and your story just made me feel confident that my story could be like that too. Thank you so much for sharing ❤
Oh lord…the next episode is another episode of black women screaming from the rooftop about how they want to pay bills. Shan please please tell me you got multiple perspectives about this issue. I beg of you. Black women are the only demographic made to feel guilty about being a stay at home mom or wife and its honestly sickening. I pray you got multiple perspectives on this issue 🙏🏼 literally pleading that you get a black woman who is a stay at home mom or wife and explains that “contributing to the household is far more than just working”
uhhh?????? idk how i feel about this!! we obviously don't know her personally but this dialogue doesn't feel right. who is this mystery man??? idk if he's right for her rn....idk that she even needs to be entertaining other people. idk but I think Raven is gorgeous and seems very sweet and I would hate to see another trash dude take advantage of her. take care of yourself girl and listen to your gut! wishing you all the love ❤️
Loved this episode! I appreciated Ravens vulnerability so much and could relate to a lot that she said. I would have loved to have heard the third segment with the therapist. It would have definitely been helpful to help me apply what we learned in the conversation to myself. But totally understand why it wasn’t included.
This is the most aesthetically pleasing podcast ever! I gotta know, what camera, what lighting and what sound equipment are going into this? Please give us a behind the scenes!
I feel like he knit picks everything she does and then says it’s cause she insecure. For example him not wanting her to post love is bling content and saying she only does it cause she’s insecure that not one will like other content. He really put it into her mind that she’s insecure and immature. Yeah she might of been a little before the relationship which is normal but he has her thinking she really is. I don’t know her personally though. He seems really controlling and manipulative . Also why does he have a problem with her posting love is bling content when that’s what she was doing before she started dating him. Don’t try to change someone after getting into a relationship with them when you knew they were doing that before dating them.
I agree. Not knowing him from a can of paint, I am wondering if he has a savior complex (based on Raven’s account of events in their relationship) or if he’s just really that dude. I pray the ladder for her heart and sanity. 🙏🏽
Amazing episode! ngl im annoyed that her team didnt allow you to include the therapist segment. Idk if they understand that its never used to drag or bash the guest but to just provide more insight for the listener. but w.e.
I think my self love journey is just that a journey. Like Raven, I thought self love was being hard on myself and now I am learning to be gentle with myself. I cry during sex because sex is a stress reliever for me. My guy at the time, used to freak out, but I had to tell him that it was ok, keep doing whatever he was doing. Lol And Raven what do you mean you are not pretty enough??!! Guuurrrllll you are gorgeous & That bone structure will keep you looking fine all the way to 70! Love from T&T!
3 things stood out to me
1. She speaks of her partner like he’s a perfect person
2. She constantly speaks down about herself
3. The request for that segment to be cut speaks volume because it’s evident that even during the interview, some of the questions she was asked really forced her to dig deeper, even though sometimes she seemed to just go back to stuff she has probably been told by the partner
Feels like someone is telling her she is very immature (her boyfriend)
@@MsDaylin that part
I’m a bit concerned for her. She has so much confidence work to do so she’s going to continue picking the wrong guy until she’s knows she’s worthy. May she learn easefully ✨
I love this comment. Learn ease fully because it is not easy! Sigh!
Beautiful words
Raven is really self critical and her partner is on a high pedestal. I hope he is good to her even after she gets to a place where she feels secure and confident in her maturity.
yea, as she was talking I feel like it doesn't sound that healthy of a connection.
Not knowing her partner from a can of paint, I am wondering if he has a savior complex (based on Raven’s account of events in their relationship), or if he’s just really that dude. I pray the latter for her heart and sanity. 🙏🏽
40 minutes in: I think it's great that Shan keeps pointing out that words like naive and immature are not words people usually use to describe themselves. And she's right - it gives me the sense that her man says these things to Raven and she accepts it as truth because she puts him on a pedestal clearly and doesn't feel good enough for him. Saying simplified words like naive/immature rarely comes from a place of honest self-reflection because once you know why you act in certain ways and have compassion for yourself, you use more distinguished words or detailed descriptions. These are words you adopt from someone else who only has an outside perspective on you and has no compassion for why you act the way you do... Calling someone else naive and mature is easy (I'm speculating here), but it seems she doesn't have the self-worth to deflect it.
I wish her the best and that she can see her worth and work it out with herself and her man. 🌹
A very discerning perspective! I totally agree actually
Same
This this this! Exactly how I feel
"Because once you know why you act in certain ways and have compassion for yourself, you use more distinguished words or detailed descriptions." FACTS!!!!
Such a good response/perspective ….i also felt like (even tho obviously they’re a sponsor) Shan made the point to bring up the better help app right before they fully dove into this because she recognized the red flags
Her description of this new relationship is scary ..sound toxic with red flags hanging everywhere
Wish her well
Wish I could like this 100 times…you said it much nicer than I would have
Wait a damn minute...Raven said she posted something about needing a man being obsessed with her then days later that ninja appears and recites what she posted word for word and then Raven said: OMG how did he know?? I -
Raven, Girl....
She said her friend posted it
Is it just me or does it sound like shes dating a Narc ? She wrote something online and he said the same exact thing. He said hes obsessed with her! He charmed the family and friends. He seems to good to be true. Hes getting to know her weakness' by being so "supportive" even though she doesnt feel like she treats him well.
If youre reading this please tAKE more time to heal because it could save you a lot of pain in the future.
I feel this too. That relationship dos not feel safe. It doesn't feel expansive it seems to be sucking life out of her but I hope we're wrong. The 'intense closeness' isn't the best. And she keeps negating her cautiousness. Its OK to be cautious after a bad situation.
@@kun_kue do you have a timestamp for what you heard that feels unsafe from her perspective?
Moving too fast, oversharing (in an effort to get you to do the same), feeling too good to be true, intense feelings suddenly, grand gestures, intense romantic feelings without actually knowing one another, all signs of a possible narc/codependent relationship or at least someone worth slowing down with.
RAVEN you are NOT immature. You're silly, yeah, sure, but you are NOT IMMATURE. & your silliness is so lovable!
Also pay attention to your body’s reaction when you meet someone, the body knows best… I hope raven continues to listen to her body and doesn’t ignore/ rationalize questionable behavior
!!!!! Intuition, that feeling in your gut is always right!!!
Although this is not MY relationship.... I am so uncomfortable with how Raven feels about herself...like how can you take all that insecurity into a new relationship and expect a positive outcome?. There were So so many red flags in this interview!! I can appreciate Shan trying to point those out in the most professional way and not make her feel even more insecure.I do pray that Raven finds happiness with herself FIRST as everyone who is forced to be on this planet deserves at least that! Xoxo Nikki 💋
my only thought is: she didn’t realize that he saw her story about wanting someone obsessed with her and that’s why he wrote that in a DM? lol
I like being obsessed about smh 😂
@@NadiaPink a bird call for love bombers and narcissistic men. good luck to her
I also wanted to comment that 🤣😅
yeah i was confused because he obviously saw her story, unless the dm was time stamped before she posted that story, i tell women never make public what youre looking for, because everyone will fake like they have those qualities
@@newworldlord643 nope, he saw the story. she said he asked “how did he know i just posted that” ma’am? bc he saw it? she’s def naive lol
wait a minute. raven said she’s never dated an attractive person before and the petty in me is loving this shade towards sk 🤣🤣🤣
I’m also thinking that the typical attractive person that the world thinks she should be with is within that statement. Remember on LIB when Barista came by & assumed that bc he & Raven are stereotypically attractive, active/athletic, the too good looking potential power couple (which barista is not attractive imo) that they should be together tackily off of that alone. And she shut him down. I made me think of that & what she may find attractive might not be stereotypically in accordance w/ how she looks, if that makes sense?
I feel nervous for her , but she is on her path and will grow regardless like we all do through what we experience.
the relationship description scared me
Same, I genuinely want the best for her. The dialog was concerning.
@@kun_kue Same. Sounds like manipulation. I've been there. he's trying to control her internal dialogue/narrative, and already has started to. Because they already professed "love" there is an eagerness to maintain that so it gets harder for her to navigate how she is truly feeling because she doesn't want to lose what felt too good to be true. He love bombed her then started taking away the love through conditions. He has low self esteem and she deserves better. It's clear. I really like her and want her to remember her value. Also, If holding onto some aspects of love is blind for her career are helping her make money. More power to her. He has no right to call her or what she does with her time immature. She was a whole person when he found her and she will be if/when he's gone.
@@karinasharif7094couldn't have said it any better. you nailed it.
Sooo apt
We’re all rooting for our girl Raven! I hope he’s a good man. He sounds a little insecure and controlling and he zeroes in on her insecurities. Could just be me projecting but some things said just don’t sound right. Butttt I hope I’m wrong and she’s happy and loved❤
Yeah even the amount of self blame she was doing feels like she's been repeatedly told there's something 'wrong' with her. I also know that since he saw how the last man pulled stunts he might just be taking advantage of that knowledge
@@kun_kue yess sounds like he’s taking advantage of her self-proclaimed naivety. Some ppl like to use your shortcomings (or what you think your shortcomings are) against you.
@@tanyam6811 exactly. That’s her career and she didn’t say or do anything offensive. She’s classy and well respected. No need to change her content for a new boyfriend
@@brwnsknbabydoll I think that's such a huge reach
Notice that when Raven laughs, Shan doesn't laugh... cause it's not funny. Also being scared of her boyfriend's reaction to this interview
Yea there’s a deepness in it that just doesn’t resonate the way I think she thinks it is. It’s haunting in a way. Idk I’m trying to look at her eyes as she does it & it’s just a little bit of emptiness behind them.
I mean she was talking about the time they had sex (something the boyfriend probably isn’t comfortable with). Raven is a public figure but he’s not so I can understand why she was anxious
Her current boo sounds like my ex. Boundaries are for yourself, not for others. A lot of the stories she shares about hims sounds very similar to our relationship. I'm very wary of someone who proposes boundaries for their partner that they do not have for themselves.
Omg Shan is such a good interviewer! Her follow up questions were intentional, purposeful and enriching which led to answers from Raven with those same qualities. 👏🏾 Shan is a great listener
Exactly
They’ve been talking less than six months and he’s already controlling her. She’s literally repeating the things he’s saying to her, like immature, naive.
Also I think he's emotionally manipulating her cause the whole I hurt him stuff is just icky.
@@themysticwarriorgal9465yea my face turned up harddd at that exact moment when she said SHE HURT HIM. I was confused…😔 ahhhh why why why.
Either that or she’s trying to be self aware
Seems like the words Shan kept noticing (naive & immature) could be that she was honing in on Raven’s hypercritical inner voice that can unnecessarily lower our self-esteem. Manipulators/Users/Narcs/Sociopaths prey on this bc it makes it easier to move from the love bombing phase to the Devaluation Phase. The cry could be rooted in Raven’s intuition recognizing actions that don’t align with her core beliefs. You deserve God’s best.
Raven please keep a good inner circle of trusted counselors/ mentors and godly girlfriends. Wisdom can combat naivety and counter the blindness that comes with falling in love.
Yes Raven be obsessed with Raven that is what you really need. Self-love matters💕 Put God first and follow him.
Raven we are rooting for you
#TeamRaven
Love this comment ❤
This! I hope he’s not a narc but at the very least, it sounds like he doesn’t make her feel too good about herself. It’s ok to be fragile after a dramatic breakup. I hope she finds peace and love
What a wise, sweet note you’ve penned; I hope she reads it ❤
@@larabraver I deeply appreciate your feedback. Praying my note reaches Raven📝 You inspire me to keep bravely & lovingly speaking words of wisdom to other women 👸🏽
We all need people like you in our lives...this comment was so so good!!! XoXo 💋
My psychology informed thoughts 19mins40seconds in: she is recreating what she experienced in Love is Blind. I’ve seen a summary of her story on the show, and it’s STILL a red flag 🚩 when someone you’ve spoken to intimately and I’m sure VULNERABLY via FaceTime for two weeks straight weeks, invites himself to a city he’s never been to. He meets your whole tribe, they also OVERSHARE around a table on NYE?
From watching, this is a good example of how your environment affects/conditions your behaviour and give you blind spots.
Getting out of these cycles is tough and real WORK. Often, people aren’t aware of their emotions, thoughts or behaviour being maladaptive. Most often people choose not to change.
She got the rose colored glasses crazy glued to her head with this one.
I feel like him telling her whenever someone is coming on to her is his way of letting her know that even tho they’re together HES still desirable… I would HATE if my boyfriend did that… on occasions sure if it’s like a funny or awkward situation but not every time a message or dm is sent liiiike that’s excessive And I would be bothered too! Rightfully so!
Obvi I don’t know for sure, but based off what Raven shared it sounds like her new partner can read her insecurities and play on them. But it could just be the way she was describing it…Also, the coming to NYC for a first date & saying he thinks he’s falling for her sounds like textbook Love Bombing. He charmed everyone at the table. Her body knew the situation felt off before the date started. But interested to see how this plays out. Also sounds like he has watched all of the interviews and content that she’s ever done and is overcompensating to make it seem like he is the opposite type of person. Telling her about the girl in his leasing office? Preventative or planting a seed for her to now have a thought “my partner is very attractive and women everywhere want him.” Making him seem very high value and encouraging her to be anxious about him being desired by others. I would love for her to see what happens or changes in the relationship dynamic if she stops repeating the narrative that she is naive.
I agree, he should stop reporting every woman that hits on him back to Raven. Because listening to the interview, she already struggles with insecurities and is even saying she can’t measure up to these women. It isn’t going to help her be more confident.
@@chanaef.8189he does it on purpose. I’ve been w an emotionally abusive person (not saying he is) and one of the subtle things he did was inform me every time a girl hit on him whether in public or in dms. It definitely played on my mental health and made me subconsciously think every girl was an ‘enemy’/ competition.
yea disclosing people who hit on you can become toxic. for example now hes telling her all the women who hit on him so she does the same. then he’ll stop telling her but will require her to continue to tell him
This!!!!! He definitely preyed on her!! He basically studied her to find out how to reel her in & now she’s stuck bc now he’s got hold of her by every angle. This is one danger I find creepy as hell that is a potential result when being on a public dating show. It’s like ppl that come around after a public situation as such could just be playing a part of an imaginary role, & I hate to say it but they almost need to be vetted for their true intentions as well.
YES our bodies know before we realize the situation. Hope she figures things out with someone who truly cherishes her.
I’m not sure how I feel about this. Does she actually think she is immature, naive? Or did he say she is and those are his words, she is repeating?
That's my impression. And why no to the therapist review? I won’t create a conspiracy theory, but I came to the comments to confirm something feels off and lo and behold, behold and lo, it’s basically unanimous.
That's how I feel! It sounds like he put those negative label on her. He might be Narcissist. I hope not, but something feels off.
It's very interesting too that Shan said " that's not a label people usually give themselves" twice.
@@BlackNella I think it’s VERY telling there was no therapist review for this episode.
Well actually Raven said their first argument was about her immaturity so I feel like he called her immature and probably the word naive came up.
Discernment is important in any and all relationships and she seems to be lacking that...I appreciate Shan's honesty and the disclaimer at the end...I wish Raven nothing but the best
One thing about Raven though is that she is so open and honest even sometimes to her own detriment as an oversharer...she's such an amazing person though...great interview...very intimate and personable
The BEST pilates instructor you will ever find. Im addicted at this point, thanks to Miss Raven's videos. Enjoyed this interview ❤
What a kind comment
She speaks so poorly of herself and very highly of her partner. Like I feel sorry for him that he has to deal with someone like me.
I love raven and this episode was so insightful. I will say I saw some red flags with what she explained about her current boo. That first inclination of them both sounded almost like love bombing to me. Then him kind of telling her what she can and cannot do career-wise also took me aback. If he was truly supportive he wouldn’t find all of that necessary. Also a Man that is secure in himself wouldn’t care so much about a silly TikTok especially if you are only in the beginning stages of your relationship. That’s just my opinion from experience but I am wishing Raven the best in all of her endeavors and relationships ❤❤❤
I didn't take it ask him telling her what she can and can't do, he just said certain things she said made him uncomfortable. Generally speaking, allowing everything to slide under the guise of "confidence" isn't healthy. It's okay to have feelings about various issues like your girlfriend or boyfriend's ex being a constant presence in your life even after you have moved on and being uncomfortable. What you deem as supportive is completely arbitrary and relevant to you and your relationships because that's specific to you! Support and comfort look different to different people. :) Remember that saying, if you stand for everything, you stand for nothing.
Ah, Raven. This hurts. How can you be this beautiful and with such a growth mindset and allow someone break you down like this? So hurtful to see. I think when he sees this interview and especially the comments, she’s going to pay for it. She deserves the world and I’m not convinced that this guy is it. Like, what are her therapists doing? The reason she’s self-deprecating is really because she IS all the things that she thinks she is only moderately: beautiful (more like stunning), intelligent and really smart, driven. And women are taught early to dim their lights. The more you are these things, the harder you work to dampen them so you’re more attractive to insecure men who cannot stand to be challenged. My heart hurts. If I had half her looks, I’d never wear a bra ever again. For starters 😅
Notice a blindspot. When she was recounting her partner’s openness and accountability regarding women, he only told her about women’s attentions towards him. He does not seem to indicate if/when he finds them attractive. Like, he is a guy. Or rather, a person. It’s always women chasing him - and this is so fucking obvious my head hurts. He is using “honesty” or “full disclosure” as a tool to project to her that he is the prize and all these women are after him. Ah, dear Raven, you are the prize. You! And yes, you need to be obsessed with yourself. Much love and peace to you.
New boo is giving me the ick. Raven is too quick out of the LIB experience. She needs solo time to process all that. Not someone in her ear all the time telling her who she is.
Also that clip she filmed rating people. She didn’t clarify if that was filmed while they were together? Had Raven had any time on her own to process LIB and how she was portrayed on the show and to reconcile if there’s any truth to that?
Raven is that gorgeous girl that doesn’t realize how much of a bombshell she is!!! It makes her so humble and down to earth, I’ve been a surprise fan since her season of love is blind- the guy that she paired with on the show is a goddamn FOOL for treating her bad!! 🤡🤡
1. The guy saying he obsessed with you isn’t weird, you said that’s what you wanted and he’s a good listener 😊
2. We’re quick to call ourselves naive, which may be true, but really it’s quite natural to forget when you’re a good person that there are some very sinister and selfish people that will seek you out for all the wrong reasons. I wish you to find the person that is just as good as you, quality humble human ❤
She is right, she truly is naive, but also so pure with a child-like innocence, despite being so self reflective and intelligent. She deserves a good man 🤍
But she’ll attract an abusive one.
I agree - I think everyone is being too harsh with her - life teaches us MANY lessons and we are all viewing each other’s “different places” and shouldn’t be judgmental but have faith that time teaches all
CODE RED I think Raven is dating my narcissistic, insecure ex who projected his insecurities onto myself by telling me that very normal things I did and who I was friends with made “me” the immature one. Ladies, when you living your normal life and minding your own business somehow “hurts” him this badly this soon, it’s not you, it’s him trying to manipulate and control you. Raven can make goofy TikTok’s referencing her NEWLY gained fame which is the BASE for her new career…. She is in the entertainment industry and if he can’t understand a JOKE for goodness sake- he’s trying to control you. It seems to me that Raven’s self-esteem is now actually WORSE but she is under the guise that the only reason she realizes all of these awful new things about herself (her immaturity, her “habit” of constantly hurting him) is because HE IS THE SAVIOR saving her from HERSELF. And without him, she is nothing. Classic narcissist/manipulator. I hope she breaks up with my ex soon.
It’s giving traits of a narcissist…. Learns your whole family, finds out exactly what you want to hear and recites it word for word, confesses love right away (love bombing). I hope it isn’t that.
So sad how people feel about being naïve, when it's the other people who have failed them! Shame on those!
I would be careful of people who say "I love you" so fast. I think Raven has a lot of growing to do, but she's very self aware.
Very self aware but not cognizant of the awareness. Almost as if she lets it blow through one ear & out the other bc it’s definitely like she knowssssss but probably just too emotionally abused atp to be able to muster up the courage to put it to a stop.
@@TheCRYSTALLURE I agree!
Ahhhh. I dunno man. The way she talks about her partner isn’t giving the feels at all. Rooting for you Raven but it’s really sad to see how much she talks herself down, and in the same breath, bigs him up. I really, really want her to see herself how God sees her, because she has so much to offer, but it’s as if good things happening to her are still such a shock that she seems to be feel indebted to this current partner. Raven sis, you are the prize and I hope you come to know that. I also hope you find a love that lifts you up, without putting you down. It’s what you deserve.
" I really, really want her to see herself how God sees her." YES, may we all find that within
Self love is so important and it will shift and change as you experience life. The best thing she did is realize that how she sees herself needs to be adjusted; being kinder and more nurturing to herself first. Love to see the growth. This life stuff is not easy!
Raven's dude sounds controlling. Unless that guy is covering all her bills and providing an allowance, then she needs to keep riding that reality TV wave.
Damn...controlling, emotional hijacking, condescension, jealousy, focusing on his 'current' appearance ....sounds like a wonderful relationship. Why do women feel the need to have a man in order to be complete, content, and love themselves? I'll stay HAPPILY single, thanks. My heart breaks for her. She was SERIOUSLY love-bombed by a narcissist.
How does he create his boundaries on you? Huh? I seems ages repeating words he’s used to describe her and making that her identity. Insecure, naive, childish. I wish she gave herself Grace, and more kindness.
I don’t understand this negative comments. Can we just appreciate that she was honest and brave. She broke down her feelings for millions to watch and judge. We can at least be kind.
It’s more concern for her than negativity for no reason, but I do get where you’re coming from. It’s brave of her to share, but it would be cowardly of us to hear such things and not speak up.
I loved the episode! I mean i love all the episodes and Shan. I was just telling my boyfriend that I love this podcast and wish that Shan was my irl friend because she always comes off as no non-judgemental and her episodes inspire so much vulnerability and insight not just from the guest but from viewers. Nobody is perfect and listening to different human experiences makes us understand each other more as people because we all are always learning.
I would have wished raven and her team would have given the last segment the green light but she is probably like all of us have been, scared of what will actually be said by someone else analyzing her love story. It’s okay totally understandable.
The analogous at the end… perfect! A lesson I’m learning about love and my own habits when not being as cautious when I fall. I fall fast and hard… and end up hurt most times. But I’m learning how to pace myself while still allowing myself to feel the “thrill of the hill”. Thank you for this podcast! Also really enjoyed Raven and observing her growth and journey of self love. It’s inspiring ❤️🫶🏾🙏🏾✨
*analogy
If you’re nervous (esp before a first date) that’s your intuition communicating with you that something’s off.. what is for you will feel peaceful and still
Wow, I think a lot of people are nervous before a first date.
Watching this and the fact that they stopped you from doing the last part tells me everything I need to know.
Raven I’m going to check your page because I’m trying to transition to softer workout routines. But that other side of you no thank you . Too draining energetically.
Loved the episode! Raven is being raw about all she is working on while finding a new relationship which is not easy
I really enjoyed this, her energy is so soothing to me for some reason 🥹🥹🌸♥️💫
RAVEN THINKING SHE'S NOT PRETTY??? She's literally a supermodel!
I don’t know much about Raven Ross, but she was really refreshing to watch. She just came off as vulnerable and real. And Shan, love your show.
I really enjoyed this conversation! So much vulnerability. I love the self awareness Raven has and is excited about growing herself and experiencing something new for her. Everyone has things to work on that come up with new relationships and it’s easy to judge instead of remembering what it is we ourselves had/have to overcome or when we self sabotaged
With what Raven has accomplished and how many people tell her she's beautiful, I'm surprised she has negative self talk. I wouldn't be surprised if guys she dates are jealous of her. She seems like a nice person, hope things work out for her
This is what I was thinking!!! They are jealous of her and trying to bring her down to their level to make themselves feel better about how they lack confidence so they want her to feel what they feel. Anddddd they are also probably going for women out of their league! There is nothing like a male who goes for a woman he doesn’t feel good enough for, unlike the dudes typically deemed “unattractive/ugly” who have confidence and end up going for women they aren’t in the same league with BUT their ego & confidence isn’t lacking so they make strides anyway. The problem comes with the dudes who lack stable ego’s.
Raven, we love you girl!! Her vulnerableness is so admirable
I haven’t watched love is blind yet, but watching this video “wonderful video btw” made me realize that you won’t actually know if you’re ready to fully love healthily or receive healthy love until you’re actually in a relationship, which is so scary!
Therapy!!!!!! Girl, don’t let this guy use you!!!!
Absolutely loved this episode Shan! Always so brilliant and insightful. Slightly disappointed that we didn't get to unpack with the therapist. I love getting to unpack with a professional. But i still loved that you included your own advice ❤❤❤ Raven is so open and honest. I really love that about her
Also stop getting lost in what you want this person to be for you. Really step back and think about if this person is putting in an act in REAL time. Don’t ignore your intuition, even if the other person’s feeling might get hurt.
Raven needs to be careful, a lot of the things she talked about are pretty concerning...!
The love bombing, controlling and guilt- tripping stuff? No, not good. There is nothing wrong with that Tik Tok video and what she usually posts is harmless.
I truly appreciate how Shan gave illuminating advice about self - love, healing after a failed relationship before entering a new one, and above all learning to love yourself first! The job interview analogy was great!
I hope this does not offend anyone, but I honestly think Raven is neurodivergent. She comes off cold & stubborn, but is a really sensitive and a person that favors stability & comfort. Neurodivergent ppl are often considered immature and insecure by others but they are really playful/young in spirit or unsure of how to properly interact or move in soceity- which manifests as insecurity. Studies have also shown that majority of neurodivergent women end up in toxic relationships or w/ narcissistic men. I don't know for sure, but it's how I perceive it. She could also be dealing w/ ALOT of trauma. Either way, she needs therapy & Jesus. Her life's safety depends on it.
Yes, I'm recently diagnosed as autistic. I'm sensitive and have attracted narcissistic behaviour in men. Raven does have a certain naivety to her and men will take advantage of that.
New boo sounds like a red flag .
Why doesn’t he let her ride the love is blind wave? He sounds super controlling. As a partner I think he should be supportive not like that. The wave will die down very quickly and she should take advantage of it while it lasts smh.
I see similarities between you two.
I was like, YESSSS, I was a bit confused at times... I'm looking forward to the show I had to share first!
I really enjoy your podcast. Emotionally,educationally, and entertainment 🎉
She needs to be careful. I believe her when she says “I’m naive”. Sometimes people especially women, we can give a guy too much access too quickly. Receiving a message saying “I’m obsessed with you” isn’t cute or charming, damn near scary. We have to learn to let people earn our trust. Her laughing throughout this interview was very cringe. As she tells her story it tells me that shes too thirsty for a relationship. I could be wrong but that’s what I’m getting from this. Where is the decrement?
I truly wish the sister the best. As someone who gone through some stuff. The sister needs sometime to herself and heal. Through therapy for myself it sounds like codependency, people pleasing traits and the dude sounds like love bombing traits and he knows she has important issues that she has to address. Also being on reality TV is one of the byproducts of a toxic narcissistic capitalist world. For me this interview was so triggering for me because I'm healing from those traits of codependency, people pleasing, low self esteem and confidence in myself. I moved so fast in every relationship that I failed in every relationship because I was trying to heal that inner wounded child who led a toxic self love life my entire adult life. I'm scared for her but she can make it if she accepts and takes on the challenge of growth and healing and it may mean leaving everything behind that she and us have been socialized under this sick society. 😊
Notice you're initial natural reaction to someone then pray for it to be revealed.
SHE HAS NO VOICE. SHE DOESNT EVEN STRADDLE THE FENCE BETWEEN WHAT SHE KNOWS SHE WANTS AND WHAT SOMEONE ELSE WANTS FROM COZ SHE SILENCE HER OWN VOICE FROM SPEAKING TO HER. SHE JUST SEEM AGREEABLE TO EVERYTHING!!!
This was one of my fav interviews you have done, granted i love Raven. She's beautiful, smart, sexy and her laugh is beautiful. Raven I am so happy that you have found the kind of love God wants for you and are growing into a better women. Love you ladies thanks again! Xo
🫠🫠🫠🫠🫠 you think this was positive love…whew
That bike analogy was really helpful.🚴🏾♀️
Great Work @Shan. love how you changed the angle of this. I was worried it was going to everything we had already seen. You always do what we are all thinking but never comfortable to talk about.Fear of societal pressures. love this podcast.
Some of the words and phrases she keeps repeating sounds like it is coming from him….
Idk if a new Romantic relationship is what she needs rn
As CleoTrapa would say “the red flags are on fuckking fired! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥”. Raven you did soo much growth since your time on LIB.. And now it’s like you’re accepting Degradation from a partner who is only deflecting on you to make themselves feel better about themselves. We need Pool Raven back. She’s in there somewhere. 💙
EDIT: I’m sorry but this new laugh she’s doing is like a cry for help she’s never laughed like that. And I don’t mean the way she does it but moreso the deepness. It’s kind of haunting.
You’re an outstanding interviewer. Empathetic, kind, a great and active listener
After having dated a narcissist..... Raven's experience sounds really familiar, especially the narrative of "I'm hurting him....". Just a lot of things she shared about this person would be red flags for me now. I pray this aint it, and if it is....RUN
I will never understand why men like him seek to destroy women like a raven, but it’s not for me to understand. Raven, I hope you listen to the world justice ones. Leave that man focus on building your self-esteem so you can get the love that you deserve.
You will never understand.......but I think you do, if your user name is anything to go by.
I feel so sad for Raven after watching this honestly. The fact that she doesn’t see how gorgeous and deserving she is. I just feel like she talked down on herself so much and I wish she would love herself more. As for this new guy, I really hope he treats her well. I wish they didn’t cut the therapist part at the end.
Her current partner seems determined to make sure she feels grateful to be with him. Transparency is one thing, but he could just shut things down quick without having to tell her about every woman that smiles at him. Weirdo.
This sounds like love bombing.
The oversharing about women contacting him/being interested seems like triangulation. Her negative self-talk and the way she's viewing this guy as her healer. Very concerning.
This episode was absolutely everything. So much food for thought - my mind was literally eating and drinking everything up! 😂❤ such great conversation and it gave me so much room for introspection - I’m definitely looking into the love stories. Mind blown that there is actually context to the stories we create in our head and what motivates how we love 🤯 also LOVE raven as I’ve been following her more recently and I think she is so relatable with where I am in my life right now 🫶🏽 this was just ✨CHEF’S KISS✨😘
Maybe it’s the way she’s describing it but this relationship is giving so many 🚩🚩🚩 the telling her about all the people who DM him and the leasing agent at his apartment complex “for the sake of honesty” was the last straw for me. It’s giving, trying to make her know he’s wanted too, and “keep her on her toes” so that she knows she is replaceable. My abusive ex (made a video about it) used to do the same thing to me. Little did I know he would do things to make these women think he was interested so that I was always on the back foot with him. Always worried I couldn’t do better. It’s a control tactic for insecure man. This is exactly what all these red pill podcast men do. Destroy your self esteem so that you come down to their level. What she admitted to, some of them seemed dumb and cringey, like all content creators.. but nowhere near as heartbreaking as he seemed to make it seem. The ending message from Shan seems like she came to a similar conclusion. Saying I love you upon first meeting is crazy and I have had several LDR. Idk.
I had that feeling of talking to a guy who made me feel so comfortable, where I acted differently than I would in previous dating, and it was such a good feeling bc I felt like I wasn’t judged and accepted and he made sure of that… then I (stupidly) gave him money for an incident and he scammed me and blocked me.
Basically I was talking to a scary narc who knows how to make women fall for him quickly to get what he wants
I had a lot of healing thru therapy to build trust within myself and I hope Raven does the same.. it’s taken me a year to feel comfortable dating again, but definitely I’m going to be cautious on men who are predatory
Listening to your story about how you cried about how close and selfish you felt, it’s a love that I want to experience and your story just made me feel confident that my story could be like that too. Thank you so much for sharing ❤
Iris!! This video spoke to me so hard. I’m so grateful. Glad to have you back, can you believe I first started watching you 8 years ago??
Falling too fast...red flag. Stay with you Raven.
Take care of yourself, because you deserve it Raven!
Oh lord…the next episode is another episode of black women screaming from the rooftop about how they want to pay bills. Shan please please tell me you got multiple perspectives about this issue. I beg of you. Black women are the only demographic made to feel guilty about being a stay at home mom or wife and its honestly sickening. I pray you got multiple perspectives on this issue 🙏🏼 literally pleading that you get a black woman who is a stay at home mom or wife and explains that “contributing to the household is far more than just working”
uhhh?????? idk how i feel about this!!
we obviously don't know her personally but this dialogue doesn't feel right. who is this mystery man??? idk if he's right for her rn....idk that she even needs to be entertaining other people. idk but I think Raven is gorgeous and seems very sweet and I would hate to see another trash dude take advantage of her. take care of yourself girl and listen to your gut!
wishing you all the love ❤️
Jeezus all she talked about was how bad she is and how brilliant he is. I don't like that at ALL
Baby heal.
Loved this episode! I appreciated Ravens vulnerability so much and could relate to a lot that she said. I would have loved to have heard the third segment with the therapist. It would have definitely been helpful to help me apply what we learned in the conversation to myself. But totally understand why it wasn’t included.
This is the most aesthetically pleasing podcast ever! I gotta know, what camera, what lighting and what sound equipment are going into this? Please give us a behind the scenes!
It is. The quality and clarity are dope.
She's so likable, hope she finds happiness ❤
Shan is so vulnerable I appreciate that so much!
I feel like he knit picks everything she does and then says it’s cause she insecure. For example him not wanting her to post love is bling content and saying she only does it cause she’s insecure that not one will like other content. He really put it into her mind that she’s insecure and immature. Yeah she might of been a little before the relationship which is normal but he has her thinking she really is. I don’t know her personally though. He seems really controlling and manipulative . Also why does he have a problem with her posting love is bling content when that’s what she was doing before she started dating him. Don’t try to change someone after getting into a relationship with them when you knew they were doing that before dating them.
Tell that to Jonah Hill and his ex. It's quite a common thing for men to do, esp for women with a strong social media presence.
I agree. Not knowing him from a can of paint, I am wondering if he has a savior complex (based on Raven’s account of events in their relationship) or if he’s just really that dude. I pray the ladder for her heart and sanity. 🙏🏽
I’m crying watching this because she is me.
Amazing episode! ngl im annoyed that her team didnt allow you to include the therapist segment. Idk if they understand that its never used to drag or bash the guest but to just provide more insight for the listener. but w.e.
I love this. Raw, honest and vulnerable.
I think my self love journey is just that a journey. Like Raven, I thought self love was being hard on myself and now I am learning to be gentle with myself. I cry during sex because sex is a stress reliever for me. My guy at the time, used to freak out, but I had to tell him that it was ok, keep doing whatever he was doing. Lol And Raven what do you mean you are not pretty enough??!! Guuurrrllll you are gorgeous & That bone structure will keep you looking fine all the way to 70! Love from T&T!
This made me nervous, triggered some memories for me. I wish her the best, I hope this guy is everything she believes him to be.
Thanks for your work and efforts Shan💕. Love you!
Raven my dear,
I’m afraid to say you may be dating a narcissist